1 My Immortal
Buffy walked out onto the balcony and looked down on the sleeping city. She had always loved Rome at night... for months she had sat on the balcony every night, waiting for him to come back to her. At some point, she wasn’t sure when, she had finally realized that he wasn’t coming. He was gone, forever. Now this was her place, this was where she could be alone with her memories, where no-one would disturb her... She still came out here every night, after everyone else went to sleep. Sometimes she sat there for fifteen minutes, sometimes for hours... tonight would be one of the later...
She sat down in the armchair she had put out there after going through days of back ache from sitting on the plastic garden chair she used before. On the table next to the chair was a CD-player, an ash tray and a pack of cigarettes... his cigarettes... well, not exactly. But it was the brand that he used to smoke. She had stumbled on them in a tiny Italian tobacco store almost two years ago, and remembered the smell... his smell...
Buffy sighed to herself as she pulled the lighter out of her pocket. His lighter... she stroked the cold metal with her thumb before lighting a cigarette. She didn’t smoke it, just placed it in the ash tray and inhaled the smell. Then she reached out and pressed the play button on the CD-player. When the music started she closed her eyes and let the music and the memories wash over her. The first line hit her, as it always did, and the tears started rolling down her cheeks...
I'm so tired of being here
Suppressed by all my childish fears
The first time she had heard the song had been in the motel in LA. They had gone there after the battle to get everyone patched up before moving on. Buffy had decided to stay until she knew all of the girls were OK. She, Dawn, Giles, Willow, Kennedy, Xander and Andrew had checked into a motel off the highway. Buffy had been looking through a magazine when Dawn had turned the radio on. When the song floated through the room, it had finally hit Buffy that he was gone.
And if you have to leave
I wish that you would just leave
Cause your presence still lingers here
And it won't leave me alone
The basement. The last night before... the last night – period. That was the way it felt. Even now, after three long years, it felt like her life had ended right there, with him. Only it didn’t. She had to go on with her life, without him. Something she hadn’t even thought about before. He was a vampire, supposed to be immortal. Right?
These wounds won't seem to heal
This pain is just too real
There's just too much that time cannot erase
She walked down the stairs. She could feel his eyes upon her, but didn’t look up. Not until she reached the bottom of the stairs. His eyes caught hers and they were locked together for what felt like an eternity, when it was in fact only a second or two. That second changed everything, that was when she knew.
When you cried I'd wipe away all of your tears
When you'd scream I'd fight away all of your fears
I held your hand through all of these years
But you still have
All of me
He asked her what she was doing there.
“What, I need a reason to be here now?” She got defensive.
“No, it’s just... big fight coming up, thought you’d be giving the wannaslays one of your pep talks, y’know, preparing them.” He had the amulet in his hand, letting in turn on its chain, reflecting the dim light of the basement.
“I think we’ve done everything we can. Either they’re ready or they’re not. We’ll know tomorrow.” She sat down on the bed next to him.
“You think it’s gonna work?”
“God, I hope so. Giles seems to think it will. Willow’s... well, you know how she can get... she doesn’t think she can do it.” Buffy looked at the amulet.
“Can she?”
“She’s our best hope, Spike.” Buffy sighed. “If she can’t do it, then everything will be lost.”
“Maybe not. We’ve still got my pretty little necklace.”
“We still don’t know exactly what it does. I’m not even sure I’m comfortable with you wearing it.”
“Why? You don’t think I can cut it? That I don’t have what it takes to be a champion?” She could hear the anger in his voice, the disappointment.
“That’s not what I mean. I’m just so scared of loosing you.”
You used to captivate me
By your resonating light
Now I'm bound by the life you left behind
Your face it haunts
My once pleasant dreams
Your voice it chased away
All the sanity in me
He looked at her, maybe trying to figure out what she meant, and then she kissed him.
Whatever he had expected, it wasn’t that. She could tell she caught him off guard, and that just excited her more. The kiss deepened and she turned around, placing herself in his lap, keeping him pressed against the wall.
“No.”
These wounds won't seem to heal
This pain is just too real
There's just too much that time cannot erase
He tried to push her away.
“What?” She stared at him.
“I said no.”
“No as in eventually?” she was teasing him, repeating his own words.
“No, just no. Not after what I...” he turned from her, couldn’t face her.
“It’s OK.” She put one hand on his cheek and made him face her, then she kissed him again. “Everything’s different now.” She wrapped her arms around his neck and pressed herself against him. “You’re different...” she kissed him once more “...and I’m different. And you should know I don’t usually stop before I get what I want. And right now, I want you.”
When you cried I'd wipe away all of your tears
When you'd scream I'd fight away all of your fears
I held your hand through all of these years
But you still have
All of me
She pulled back and looked him in the eyes. She could see doubt there, still. She wasn’t sure what else to do. But then something changed, and he turned her around, laying her down on the small bed, then covering her body with his own.
I've tried so hard to tell myself that you're gone
But though you're still with me
I've been alone all along
Afterwords, they laid still, not wanting to move out of fear that it was just a dream. It had been different from anything they had ever done before, so full of tenderness and... love. She wished now that she had known, somehow sensed what had happened. Wished she could have told him... he had deserved to know. Maybe then he could have believed her...
When you cried I'd wipe away all of your tears
When you'd scream I'd fight away all of your fears
I held your hand through all of these years
But you still have
“I love you”
“No, you don’t. But thanks for saying it”
All of me
Buffy woke from her daydream by cries from the apartment. She dried her eyes, turned the music off and went inside.
AN: The song in this chapter is “My Immortal” by Evanescence. It’s a great song.
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Author's Chapter Notes:
This is a story I feel very strongly about, I just hope you like it too. Let me know if I should keep updating!
I don't own anything.
Thanks to Nichole.
I don't own anything.
Thanks to Nichole.