Author's Chapter Notes:
This is going to be re-written within the next month or so, providing I have time between NaNoWriMo and life in general. Song lyrics are ©The Offspring. Fic has been edited slightly November 1, 2006.
"ALL ALONG"

Deep inside secret's burning
Should have known all the while what's true


Feeling bad for himself, and drowning his sorrows in Jack Daniels, Spike was sitting at the end of the bar counter at the Alibi, keeping to his self and keeping his mouth shut, for once. His mind wasn't on the mocks that came his way -"You've turned soft, Spike" or, "He's like Angel, helping the Slayer"- they didn't bother him. It didn't matter what they said or thought. Nothing mattered. Buffy had ended their well, whatever they had, telling him she'd been using him. He knew it, deep down. But he tricked his self in to thinking that she had loved him.

I went along, to fool myself
Can't go on, I can't escape it


The booze wasn't helping at all. Slamming his glass down on the counter and after paying for what he'd drank in the past hour, he left the bar and started walking towards Buffy's place. He knew what he had to do. It wasn't the alcohol giving him his not-so-brilliant plan, he hadn't drank enough, but hell, it gave him enough courage to try to do what he was gonna do, to a Slayer. Stuffing his hands in his pockets, he quickened his pace. He knew she'd be home alone tonight, so all would go well.

Hopefully.

All along
I think I really knew
it was there in the words unspoken


He crossed through downtown Sunnydale, re-thinking his plan over a dozen times to make sure it was fool-proof. He was so blinded by pain and hurt and rage that he didn't even feel the slightest bit guilty about what he was about to do. He was gunna make her love him. Make her want him.

And he'd go to any extreme.

All along
Still believe in you
Now I stand here betrayed and broken


He was standing in front of her house. No lights were on, except one in her bedroom. Good, no one is home, which will make this alot easier, he thought to his self as he silently entered her house through the unlocked front door. He heard her walk in to the bathroom, then, and turn on the water. Even more silent still, he crept up the stairs and stood in the upstairs hallway a few moments, hidden in shadows, getting his bearings. He closed his eyes, summoning the courage to do what he was about to do.

Close my eyes from the burning
All along all the while it's true


Spike entered the bathroom, grabbing her roughly. Caught off guard she screamed.
Damn it, attract attention why don't you? he thought angrily. He kissed her roughly, and as was expected, she pushed him away from her. He slammed in to the bathroom door, and it pissed him off. She was trapped now. He blocked the only exit. She knew he had the upper hand. Something in his eyes scared her, because all the Slayer that was in her took a vacation and all that was left was a very frightened, very vulnerable girl.

Take it on, or turn your back

Feeling no remorse, he carried out his plan. Of course, the after-effects were alot different that he had planned.

Either way, you can't escape it


† ° †


***NOTE: As I said previously, I am against rape. I didn't include much detail because I just couldn't bring myself to write it. I honestly feel filthy and horrible writing this, but something compelled me to write it. I might put this on the internet, I don't know yet, but I want the readers to know that this wasn't some sick idea or mine. I heard the song on my CD and the idea just nagged at me. And, it wouldn't of come to me had I not seen the episode that Joss wrote. So pin the blame on him. Ha, I sound like I'm twelve. *Spooky





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