"Okay thats the last box" Dawn said happily as she placed a book on the bookshelf amongst the others
Buffy smiled as she picked the empty box off the floor and threw it over to the pile with the others.
"Well done" Buffy said, admiring the now un-packed and clean apartment
"Finally" said Dawn "It only took us what...Three weeks?"
"Oh it wasnt that long" replied Buffy
"Well you know what I mean" said Dawn "But now we're officially moved in"
"Totally" agreed buffy
"We should have a party" Dawn said exictedly "We could have everyone come over and visit"
"I dont know Dawnie. They all kind of have others things going on" Buffy replied
"Please?" begged Dawn
"I'll think about it" Buffy said before she yawned
Dawn turned around with a worried look on her face.
"You didnt get any sleep last night did you?" she asked
"I got some" Buffy defended
Dawn shook her head "Buffy you cant keep doing this. Your going to have to move past..."
"...I know. I know" Buffy interrupted her sister "Its just going to take some time. Nights the time when it really hits me"
"Hits me too" said Dawn
"Yeah. Leaving Sunnydale. Moving to Rome. Hardly seeing the others. Its going to take some getting used to"
"Well Im going to take in a few of the sites" said Dawn "Wanna come?"
"Ah no thanks. But you go and have fun" answered Buffy
"Okay" said Dawn as she walked towards the front door of the apartment "I'll see you later. And please think about the party" she added before she left.
Buffy sighed and walked into the kitchen. Having nothing else to do, and not being in the mood for anything else, she started to wash the dishes.
"I go away for a couple of days, and you're doing the dishes" Said a voice from behind her "You know theres this new thing called a dishwasher"
She spun around and smiled.
"Spike" she sighed "Where have you been?" she asked as she hugged him. "I've missed you"
Spike hugged her back and held her tightly. When they pulled apart he said sarcastically
"If only you loved me this much when I was alive"
Buffy's face fell. "Spike..." she began about to tell him she was sorry
"I'm kidding. I'm kidding" Spike said quickly
He brushed a stran of hair behind her ear and kissed her forehead.
"Well dont" she said "Its not funny"
"Sorry" he apolagized "Wanna go for a walk?"
"Thought you'd never ask" She grinned and grabbed her keys.
Then Buffy and Spike walked out of the apartment and into the Sunny streets of Rome.
As they walked Buffy told Spike about her conversation with Dawn before he had shown up.
"...So she wants this big party" said Buffy
"And your not up for that?" Spike asked
"Not yet" she replied "I'm still getting used to everything. Not being the only slayer. You"
"Ow, that stings a little bit" he said pretending to be hurt and offended "I come second against the slaying gig"
Buffy rolled her eyes "You know what I mean"
They continued walking until they came to a small stone bridge across a stream. Buffy sat down on the side and took her shoes off. She dangled her toes in the water and waited for Spike to join her. He did.
"Is it really that bad for you Luv?" Spike asked in a serious tone "That you cant stand to be with your friends?"
"Its not that I cant stand them" she replied "Its just that, I dont know. Its like I'm going through these stages and I'm not over the worst of them just yet"
Spike nodded "Whats the worst thing?" he asked as he slid closer to her
"The silence" she replied looking down at her feet
"Silence?" Spike repeated "What silence?"
"I dream about you Spike. Everynight." She explained "Your still here and we're together and happy" she turned and smiled at him "And in love..." Her smile fadded and she added saddly "...But then I wake up from the dream and remember that you're not here. All there is is silence"
"Sorry I cant come to you in those moments" said Spike
Buffy rested her head against his shoulder. His arm wrapped around her and pulled her tighter against him.
"I wish you could. I miss you so much" said Buffy
"Yeah?" He asked
For some reason he was always suprised that she actually missed him.
"Uh huh" she replied "Some days I get so lonely that I can barely even breathe"
"Thats no way to live Pet" Spike said frowning
"I'm getting better at those days" she told him proudly
"Hows that?" he asked with a grin
"Something always reminds me that you're still right here" she said as she placed her palm over her heart, with a smile "With me"
"That I am Buffy" he agreed "Always"
Buffy pulled her feet out of the water and spun around so that she was sitting with her legs up on the wall. Spike put his arm around her chest and pulled her against his own. He turned slightly to make her more comfatable.
"I just wish you were here" Buffy said saddly after a few minutes
"Me too Pet"
"But you know I finally figured it out"
"Figured what out?" he asked
"The whole "Buffy love thing"" she replied "And why it never goes well for me"
"What are you talking about?"
"I'm cursed" Buffy huffed and pouted
"Buffy you are not cursed" Spike tried to reasure her
"I am" Buffy said back quickly "I am this cursed person"
"You are not"
Buffy twisted around a little so that she could face him.
"Oh yeah" she began "Look what happened to you. You were killed just as I was accepting what I felt"
"Thats one..." he said
Buffy quickly cut him off "And there was Angel my first formal boyfriend. He tried to kill me and end the world so I killed him. Then he came back and I drove him to another city"
"Luv, Angels a twot for letting you go. But I'm sure he did what he thought was..."
Again Buffy cut him off "And then theres Riley. I pushed him straight out the door because I couldnt let go off my pride. He went to the jungle because of me"
"And met his wife" Spike remined her
"Yes well still. I'm cursed"
"Listen to me. You are not cursed. Your just a bit...closed off"
"I dont want to be closed off"
"No one ever does. But you will get passed it. Find someone and live out your days with them"
"I already found someone for that" she wispered as she looked deep into his eyes.
Spike bent down and captured her lips with his own for a soft, sweet kiss. They sat in eachothers arms and watched the sun begin to set over the horrizon.
"This is weird" Buffy comented
Spike looked down at her "Whats weird?"
"Sitting here. With you in the sun and you not going all ashey"
Spike grined "Guess this is your perfect version of me then"
"Guess so"
They sat there as the sun disapeared and was replaced by the full moon.
Buffy stood up, followed by Spike and the two of them began to walk. Hand in hand. Through the now lit up streets. Buffy knowing that she would have to return to Dawn soon.
"You know what I miss the most about you?" she asked
"My rugged handsomness?" he guessed
Buffy giggled then shook her head "No. I miss hearing you say that you love me"
"I love you" he said before kissing her
Pulling away Buffy smiled "Thats not all"
"Oh theres more?" he grinned
"Sure" she grinned back "I miss your laughter"
Spike chuckled at that.
"You have such an amazing laugh and sometimes when I'm down I long to hear it 'cause I know it would pick me up"
"Didnt used to" He remined her "Infact didnt you say my laugh was creepy or annoying or something?" he asked
Buffy turned a bit red "Well I was an idiot back then"
"Can I have that in writing Pet" he joked
Buffy hit his arm playfully, but couldnt help but smile at him.
"Anything else?" he asked
"Mmm hhmm" She nodded and stepped infront of him. Placeing both hands on his face and looking deep into his crystal blue eyes she said "I miss your eyes. I miss looking into them"
Spike smiled softly down at her. He turned his face to the side and kissed one of her palms.
"I miss everything about you" Spike murmered against her hand.
Buffy moved her hands to the back of Spike's neck and held him close. His arms wrapped around her small waist.
"Spike what would you say the highlight of our relationship was?" she asked as she leaned back into his arms.
Spike thought for a moment. "Have to say that night when you got kicked out of your house" he replied "Said then it was the best moment in my life and un-life"
"That'd be mine too. And just after I came back from heaven. Those were good days. I used to miss the way we used to talk until the sun would rise" she confessed
"Never seemed like it" said Spike
"Again I say idiot" she joked.
"I love you" said Spike as he held her closer
"I love you too" she wispered back "I'm sorry you never believed me"
"I'm sorry too. But maybe it was for the best"
"Dont see how" said Buffy "Its just my crappy timing. Its something that I'll never get over"
"Buffy" He began and looked into her eyes "You need to forgive yourself. You didnt know what was going to happen down in that cave"
"I cant forgive myself. I feel so horrible"
"Well I forgive you" he told her "And seeing as I'm really just apart of you, you just forgave yourself"
Buffy kissed him again. Buffy never really thought about what she must look like to people passing by. Although they never saw her movements with Spike. Those seemed to be only in her mind. But sometimes her conversations with him would come out of her mouth. If anyone ever heard her, she would pretend that she was on her way to tell someone something and was practicing her speech. Seemed to work too.
Spike walked Buffy back to her apartment building. Their light and happy mood turning to gloom. Both knowing that he was about to leave her once more.
"Guess this is where I say goodbye" Spike sighed saddly
"Why?" Buffy complained "Its not fare"
"I know but at least we get a few hours together"
"Not this" Buffy said a bit frustrated. Not at him but at the situation "Its not fare that you had to die to save the world"
"S'what you did" he replied
"I know. I just get so angry that you were taken away from me. It was far to soon" she said, tears welling up in her eyes
"Shh Luv. Its okay. I'm here"
She smiled "I know. I know you're right beside me. Whatever I do. You're the thing that carrys me through"
"Damn straight" he nodded proudly "I'll always be with you. Giving you the strength you need"
"You do" she agreed "Whenever things get to much, I just close my eyes and I swear that I can feel you. And whenever I need you I can hear you whispering into my ear"
"Good" he said "Because the last thing I ever wanted was for you to live a life of pain"
"Arnt you sweet" she comented
"Buffy I know that this may sound hard. But you will eventually move on from me. And I want you to. I want you to be happy. To love. Start a family and have a whole lot of mini Buffys running around. Start by having a party with the people you love and who love you"
Buffy smiled at him.
"What?" he asked
"You know what you are Spike?" she asked
"No?" he replied
"Your like my lighthouse" she told him
He looked confused "How in the bloody hell am I a lighthouse?" he asked
"Because your the light thats leading me home" she said with a smile "Your whats guiding me through all the hard times. Every storm. You're the sun that shines on my face. You are the warming embrace that I feel when I'm alone but not really alone. Your what brings light into my days. The thing that lets me be strong and brave for my sister. So you see. You're the lighthouse"
"Then a lighthouse I shall be" he agreed, like it was the best thing in the world.
They shared one last kiss.
"God How I love you" spike murmered against her lips just before they parted
"Love you too" she said back "Thank you"
"Your welcome Buffy. Now go. And live" he told her gesturing to the buildings front door.
Buffy nodded and slowly walked away from him. She turned around to him just as he was about to leave.
"Spike" She called out
"Yes?" he replied
Buffy looked deep into his eyes and said "If I ever have a son. I'm gonna name him william"
Spike was overwhealmed and could only manage to give her his sweetest smile, which she returned fully. Buffy then turned around and entered the apartment building.
Spike smiled as he slowly faded away.
Buffy walked into her apartment, with a smile on her face.
"Dawn!" she called out to her sister, who was in her bedroom "Lets get this party ready!"
THE END
Author's Chapter Notes:
Based on the song "The Lighthouse" by Amity Dry. Also inspired by an episode of Roswell when Isabell talks to her dead friend Alex.