It was all ruined. His lower level. Some damned demon eggs he didn't even put there and a grenade fucked it up. He knew she was there before she even spoke.
"Spike."
Games. That was all she played with him and he was tired of it. Earlier he thought he could bring her into the darkness. But then he realized. You can't drag someone where they already were. Sure, he loved her. But she was just using him. And no amount of closeness was worth being used-at all.
He turned to face her. "Slayer." He got a weird inward pleasure when she winced at his use of her title.
"Spike, this has to stop. This...whatever...between you and me." Buffy said. Underneath the sympathy she somehow found in all her numbness, she was congratulating herself for being self-righteous and mature.
"You're right." He bet she didn't expect him to say those two words of all things. He was right, she didn't.
"I'm-what?" Buffy looked at him in astonishment.
"You're right, Slayer. I'm tired. I'm tired of your games. The ones you play with me. Yeah, I'm a demon. But I have a heart and you're stomping all over it, an'...I'm tired. Never bothered me 'till today how we were: you, using me and then running in the end. Well, it has to stop, now. I love you, and I'll be there for you and Sweet bit, but I can't let you continue to use me, whether you think so or not, Slayer.
"Truth is, you're killing me, love. Slayer, I'm dying. Not in a physical sense, course. But where it matters most. In my heart. I changed so much for you, but all I am is a bloody sex toy when you need to forget and run away. No amount of closeness is worth this."
"Spike-" the Slayer attempted to say.
"Let me finish. I loved you. And you used it. You used it so that I'd protect Niblet. You used it so that I would be your cold comfort. You used it so that I could be your willing punching bag. Well, I'm not. Not anymore. I have to be the strong one in all of this. I can't continue like this, Buffy. It's killing me. I'm sorry. Bye."
He turned back to the mess and tried to see what he'd have to steal.
"But, Spike-"
"Don't let the door hit you on your way out, Slayer."
He heard her leave. He felt her leave. And he smiled to himself. He didn't need anyone in the darkness with him. He was just fine by himself.
She was out in the light. She and him were over. She initially tried to end it, but he got it first. He got it all out. And she was in the light.
'I'm tired of your games. The ones you play with me.'
Did she always play games? She thought as she started to walk through the cemetery, the sun shining down on her.
'All you do is play games!'
His speech unnerved her to no end. Was she really as bad as he made her sound?
'I could never be your girl!'
So, she really was as bad as she sounded. Some of the things he said, she already knew.
'But I've got a heart and you're stomping all over it an'...I'm tired.'
'You, using me, and then running in the end.'
Some were true and hurtful and things she felt really bad about now that she heard it from his mouth.
'Truth is, you're killing me, love. Slayer, I'm dying.'
'But where it matters most. In my heart.'
'But all I am is a bloody sex toy for you when you need to forget and run away.'
She'd never really thought about how he felt. She just used him until all she had was that shell of him.
'I loved you. And you used it...so that I'd protect Niblet...so that I could be your cold comfort...so that I could be your willing punching bag...'
What hurt the most was in the end. She still didn't want it to stop. She was hurt that he did. He told her it was killing him in a metaphorical sense. What they were doing was actually killing him. And in turn, killing her.
'No amount of closeness is worth this.'
She was back in the light with her friends and family. Enjoying the warmth of the sun. But the one she...liked? Wanted? Might love? He was in the darkness. He opened the door and pushed her into the light.
She hugged her arms to her chest.
She'd never felt so alone in the light.
So, with her head held high and a smile on her face, she stopped in front of the cemetery gates, turned around and walked back to his crypt.