dreams of you part1 chapter 1 dreaming
Flash back:
“No, Spike.” Buffy said without letting him speak. Spike smirked at her and
raised his scared eyebrow, “No, What kind of answer is that, you haven't even
heard the question yet.” Buffy rolled her eyes, “I don't have to. We both know
what you're thinking.” His smirk turned into a grin and then a sexy leer, “And
we both know ... that I'm not the only one thinking it.” He said as he inhaled
smelling the heavy musk of her arousal mixing with the vanilla sent that always
seemed to linger long after she left him.
“No! Not here.” She said feeling annoyed. She was irritated
the he was the only one to make her feel. Mad at herself for needing him to
make her feel and mad at him for being more than happy to do it. He was her
enemy. He was a Master Vampire. He shouldn’t be making bedroom eyes at the Slayer
and the fact that he thought he loved her was just wrong.
Spike looked a bit upset at her dismissal of him but he really should be
used to it by now. It just wasn’t in him to give up. “Why not?” he asked while
reaching out to touch her. Buffy lifted the bag she was holding as if to point
to the house, “Dawn. She's inside waiting for dinner, she's counting on me.
I'm not letting her down by letting you in.”
Spike smirked at her again, “So it's the fear of getting caught, then,
is it.” Buffy rolled her eyes again and for the umpteenth time wondered why
she was having this discussion and not pushing Spike out of the way and going
inside. “Reason number one on a very long list. “ she replied, her exhausted
state showing in her voice. Spikes voice was making her wetter than she wanted
to admit.
“Needn't be an obstacle.” He said no casually as if he was talking about
the weather. “Spike, I mean it. Come on.” She shrugged from his hand that had
been stroking her arm. She was tired, and annoyed, and getting horny as hell
and couldn’t do anything about it. Spike knew he was winning. “I hear you're
serious. So am I. I want you ... you want me... ...I can't go inside, so ...
maybe the time is right ... for you to come outside.” He reached for her again
pulling her around behind a tree and she lets him. The dinner she brought home
for Dawn was forgotten as it dropped from her hand the moment his lips touched
her. When he touched her the whole world melted away.************************************************
Buffy woke up with a gasp. After a moment she realized it was a dream.
She was remembering what had happened so long ago and it was haunting her dreams.
She got up and ready for her day and went to make breakfast for Dawn.
***********************************************
Flash back:
Buffy came bursting into his crypt like always. Never knock. Just opened
the door like she owned the place. If anyone were to ask the Vampire who called
the crypt home he would say she did. She owned him and all he had. He would
never let her know just how true that was, but it was true. Never in his existence
had anyone made him feel what Buffy made him feel. Love, hate, anger, passion.
He took on Slayers in the past for the challenge but now he knew he had met
his match in the little blond standing in his home.
Her hands were on her hips and her expression let him know she was not
a happy slayer. “I need to find a guy. Dealer. Calls himself The Doctor.”
She demanded. Spike sighed, yet again she comes looking for information she
just knows he’ll have or can get. “Human?” he asked simply.
“His traffic isn't.” she replied, her voice was clipped with anger
making her sound bitchy. “Clock ticking?” he asked as he tried to
figure out if he knew anything or who he could beat the information out of.
Buffy softened a bit, “Whatever he's doing, he's doing it soon.?”
Spike looked up at her his eyes full of hope and desire, “Soon but not
now?” he asked as he smelt her strong arousal. “Tell me you love me.” She said
quietly as she allowed him to wrap her in his arms. They had played this game
before and he was more than willing to play it again. “I love you. You know
I do.” He replied truthfully. He thought for a moment she was accepting the
fact that he loved her. Her next words cause all thought to fly out the window.
“Tell me you want me.” She instructed. “I always want you. In point of fact”
he said giving her a lustful look. “Shut up.” She said as she began un buttoning
his shirt. Bossy little chit was his last thoughts before she was kissing him
and practically tearing his cloths off.************************************************
Buffy woke up crying. How could she be so weak,
***********************************************Flash back:
“So she's back. Thought you'd be off snogging with soldier-boy.” Spike
said, his jealousy showing in every word and move he made. “He's gone.” Buffy
said sadly. Spike smirked but his expressive eyes showed his anger clearly,
“So, you come for a bit of cold comfort, The bed's a bit blown up, but then,
that was never our” Spike started sarcastically.
Buffy’s green eyes meet his blue ones. Her pain and confusion was there
for him to see. “I'm not here to- And I'm not here to bust your chops about
your stupid scheme, either. That's just you. I should have remembered.” She
said. She seemed resigned to that fact that he was who he was and it would never
work between them.
Spike was hurt and angry but refused to believe what his heart was telling
him was about to happen, “So this is worse then, is it, this is you telling
me” He looked up at her again. “It's over.” She said sadly. “I've
memorized this tune, luv. Think I have the sheet music. Doesn't change what
you want.” Spike replied.
He was still hoping she wouldn’t end it. He knew she deserved better but
damn it he wanted to be selfish and keep her with him even though he knew it
was wrong. “I know that. I do want you. Being with you ... makes things ...
simpler. For a little while.” She admitted.
Spike smirked as he tried to lighten the mood a bit, “I don't call five
hours straight a little while.” Buffy sighed in frustration and resignation.
She hated what this was doing to him, she hated what it was doing to her. She
hated that he let her hurt him and she hated herself for hurting him. “I'm using
you. I can't love you. I'm just ... being weak, and selfish...” She said.
Spike only shrugged, “Really not complaining here.” Buffy looked up with
an almost dead expression that frightened him, “...and it's killing me. I have
to be strong about this. I'm sorry ... William.” She turned and left the stunned
vampire standing staring after her rapidly retreating form.
************************************************
Buffy awoke from the current nightmare crying so hard she felt as if
she could not breath. How could she have been so cruel and cold.
***********************************************Flash Back:
Spike looked up at Buffy, “Hello, Buffy.” A quiet “Hey” was her response.
They stared at each other for a moment not sure what to say. Spike finally broke
the silence, “It's a happy occasion. You meet my friend.” He asked as he indicated
the girl he had brought with him.
Buffy tried to smile, “No. Not yet. But she seems like a very nice attempt
at making me jealous.” Spike smiled back, “Is it working,?” he asked hopefully.
Buffy sighed, “A little. It doesn't change anything ... but if you're wildly
curious, yeah, it hurts. “ She admitted. Spike did not feel as good as he thought
he would hearing her say that. “I'm sorry.” He said softly then remembered he
was a master vampire not some wet behind the ears fledge. “Or, Good!”
Buffy smiles a little more at this, the Spike she knew was trying to make an
appearance.
“You want us to go.” He offered. “No. No, I ... you have every right to
be here. I pretty much deserve” she started, but Spike cut her off, “That's
not true, you...” he sighs, looks at the ceiling “God, this is hard.” “Yeah.”
Buffy agreed. Spike sighs again, “I think we'll go.” He said and started to
locate his date. “Go where, To your place?” Buffy asked. She hated the feeling
of jealousy that came up at the thought of another woman in is crypt. “Yeah,
I suppose. That was the idea.” Spike said as he cocked his head to the side
and looked at her. She had surprised him and given him another crumb.
“Yeah.” She said sounding like a hurt lost lamb. Spike shrugged, “Evil.”
He said as an explanation. Buffy politely agreeing “Of course.” Spike was frustrated.
All these years he had been around and he could still be reduced to acting like
a awkward teenager with a crush. “But I won't. Or I...” he started before cursing
himself mentally for being a git, “I'll just go. Give 'em my best or whatever.
The happy couple.” Buffy almost smiled, “I will.”
Spike paused for a moment looking at her. His face held that look of awe
and wonderment as he sincerely told her, “It's nice to watch you be happy. For
them, even. I don't see it a lot. You, uh... you glow.” Buffy blushed a bit
as she smiled and replied, “That's because the dress is radioactive.” They laugh
together and Buffy nervously shuffled saying, “I should...” Spike had sad eyes
and said a simple, “Yeah.” As Buffy starts to go, he asks softly, “But it hurts,”
Buffy smiled a sad smile, “Yeah.” Spike liked that she was hurting to but he
could not be proud of it. He hung his head for a moment and muttered a sincere
“Thanks.” Before walking off. Buffy watched him leave and whispered, “You're
welcome.” To herself.
************************************************
Buffy look at her diary and what she had wrote that day. She had known
even then but she let her friends and her duty get in the way and never told
anyone. Again she cried.
***********************************************Flashback:
"You all right” Spike asked. Love and concern clear in his voice.
Buffy wasn’t angry with him but he was the closest thing she could pour it out
on. “You need to leave me alone. You're not a part of my life.” She said cruelly.
This as usual just put the vampire in the same nasty state, “ Fine, then.” He
starts to go, turns back, “But I hope you don't think this antidote” He starts
and gets zinged by ray of sunlight, starts again, “I hope you don't think this
antidote's gonna rid you of that nasty martyrdom. See I figured it out, luv.
You can't help yourself. You're not drawn to the dark like I thought. You're
addicted to the misery. That's why you won't tell your pals about us. Might
actually have to be happy if you did. They'd either understand and help you,
God forbid, or drive you out where you could finally be at peace, in the dark,
with me. Either way, you'd be better off for it, but you're too twisted for
that. Let yourself live, already. And stop with the bloody hero trip for a second,
we'd all be the better for it.” He paused “You either tell your friends about
us, or I will” He stalks away.
************************************************
He was right. She should have told them. He was wrong about belonging
in the dark with him. He belonged in the light. She was already in the dark.
It was her life, her curse, her duty, her gift……Death was her gift and in the
end she gave it to him. She wondered if the crying would ever stop.
***********************************************Flashback:
Spike watches Buffy fighting “How you doin',” he asked as if he was asking
her about the weather. Buffy struggles with the vamp she is fighting and rolls
her eyes relying, “Oh, fine. You know... Same old same old.” Spike had caught
another vampire and was holding him back. “Here, I could take care of this guy
if you want. “ he offered. “Whatever. Your call.” She answered. “I mean, sure
he don't look like much... but I'd wager he could give you a bit o'nasty. I'll
save you the staking. All you gotta do is” Spike said as he gave he a pointed
stare. The vamp he was holding didn’t know what to do. A Master Vampire had
him and was dangling him in front of the Slayer like a couple of cats playing
with a mouse.
Buffy was getting more and more annoyed. “ I am *not* telling my friends
about us.” She said forcefully as she hit the vamp she was fighting. Spike shrugged,
“Right. I'll just be dropping him down to you then.” She finally stakes the
one she is fighting and tells him, “ You wanna tell 'em so badly, Go ahead.
Know why, I tried to kill my friends, my sister, last week and guess how much
they hate me, Zero. Zero much. So I'm thinking, sleeping with you... They'll
deal.” The vampire she had started fighting was surprised. The Slayer
was sleeping with a master vampire? Were its last thoughts. Buffy staked it
while Spike said, “In that case, why won't you sleep with me again?” He hated
that she could do this to him. She always seemed to bring William to the surface.
“Because I don't love you.” Buffy said before leaving him standing there. Spike
watches her leave before saying “ Like Hell.” To himself.
************************************************
She did know why she said it when she knew it was not true. The Powers
That Be are a twisted bunch of gits. She smiled at herself using Spike’s word.
She was not crying as much today. She might even go outside, maybe even spend
sometime with the others.***********************************************
Flashback:
“Why do you keep lying to yourself?” Spike asked. For some reason he could
always see straight through even the lies she told herself. “How many times...I,
I have feelings for you. I do. But it's not love. I could never *trust* you
enough for it to be love.” Buffy gave the preprogrammed response sounding more
like the bot than the real thing.
Spike scoffed “Trust is for old marrieds, Buffy! Great love is wild and
passionate and dangerous. It burns and consumes.” He explained as his eyes met
hers she felt herself being pulled in by the necked desire she was there. “Until
there's nothing left. Love like that doesn't last.” Buffy said sadly. “I know
you feel like I do. You don't have to hide it anymore.” Spike said confidently.
************************************************
She didn’t have to hide. Unfortunately now that she could admit how
she felt he was not there to tell, but every night she dreamed about him. Some
how a piece of him lived in her. If she never forgot then he would always live
with her, at least in her dreams.***********************************************
Flashback:
Spike was in a cave and yelling out, “Well that was a bloody doddle and
a piece o'piss... Got any more ruddy tests for me, you ponce, I'll take anything
you can throw at me. If it'll get me what I need to take care of the Slayer.
Give her what's coming to her. You just bring it on. Bring on the whole” He
already looked beated and broken but it was not in him to quit once he started
something. Under his breath he muttered a “Bloody hell.” As beetles start crawling
all over him.
Later a voice called out to Spike. “You have endured the required trials.”
It said. Spike weakly but a cocky as ever responded, “Bloody right I have. So,
you give me what I want. Make me what I was... so Buffy can get what she deserves.”
Spike should have know to be careful what he wished for. He had known vengeance
demons for Christ sake. The Demon leaned out from the shadows a bit and with
what could only be called a smirk it said, “Very well. We will return your soul.”
It touched Spikes chest and he began to scream in agony
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Author's Chapter Notes:
Disclaimers: I obviously do not own or claim to own any of the people, places or events written for BTVS or Angel. I do own all original people, places, and events in my stories. If I borrow from another writer I claim no ownership they own what I borrow and will have credit for it. I think that covers it.