Disclaimer: Not mine
Spoilers: Btvs S7 and Ats S5 (but not much)
A/N: Forget what happened in S5 so far, this is going AU. Angel never got the amulet back so Spike is still presumably dusted.


CHAPTER 1


Los Angeles, October 2005


“Hey sister! Rise and shine!”

A groan coming from under the duvet was Dawn’s only response.

“Come on Buffy! It’s 8.30 already.”

Buffy tossed off the cover and glared at Dawn. “Yes, and it’s also my day off, remember?”

“Oops. Sorry. I forgot. I’ll let you sleep then. I just had a favour to ask you.

Buffy lied back on her pillow, sighing. “What?”

Dawn gave her her most charming and repentant smile. “Would you have the time to go to the library for me? I need these books,” she said, shaking a sheet in the air, “But my last class finishes rather late and I need them for this week-end.”

“Isn’t the library open during the week-end?”

This time Dawn looked sheepish. “Yes, but Cristina had that sort-of-a-date tomorrow, and she wanted me to go with her…don’t ask,” she said when Buffy raised an eyebrow. “I know she’s bizarro girl sometimes, but she’s a good friend.”

“She’s nice,” Buffy conceded, “But she sometimes has a weird taste in guys.”

Dawn laughed. “Right, look who’s ta…never mind. So, can you do that for me?”

Buffy smiled. “Leave the list on the kitchen table.”

“Thank you! I’ll see you tonight,” the younger girl said before disappearing.

Buffy decided to stay a little bit longer in bed. It was her day off after all. No need to get up and go train all the little chosen ones.

She frowned upon Dawn’s words. She didn’t have a weird taste in guys. They just had the bad habit to either take off or die on her. She shook her head, chasing away sad memories. But she couldn’t help it. She thought about him most of the time. That last moment they had shared replayed again and again in her head.

It was what he had said that hurt the most. If at least he had died believing he was loved and cared for, but no, she hadn’t succeeded in convincing him. The damages she and the others had done were too deeply rooted. And so, the first and only time she had been truly honest with him and opened her heart, he hadn’t believed her.

That was eating her up. “I miss you,” she whispered in the dark.


§§§§§§§§§§§§§§§

Wandering between the bookshelves, Dawns’ list in hand, Buffy finally admitted she needed help. She went to the reception desk and smiled at the young woman behind it.

“Hi. Can someone help me with these books? I guess I’m too blond to find them,” she joked.

The woman – whose nametag indicated ‘Meg’ – quickly scanned the list. “English literature and archaeology? That’s William’s speciality.” She turned to a young man reorganizing medical books on another shelf. “Jake? Is William around?”

Jake shook his head. “He’s on his break. He should be back in about ten minutes. Do you want me to go get him?”
“If he’s on his break, I don’t want to bother him,” Buffy said hastily.

Meg smiled. “I’ll help you then. Let’s go find those books.”

§§§§§§§§§§§§§§§

William came down from his break, polishing his glasses. “Did I miss something?” he asked Jake.

His colleague smiled. “A hot little blond needing your skills.”

“My…a what?”

With a nod, Jake indicated the young blond woman at the reception desk. William creased his blue eyes and watched her retreating form.

“Do you know her?” Jake asked, seeing the look of concentration on William’s face.

The young man shook his head. “I don’t think so. Then again, how can I know? Maybe I do.”

“Ask Meg for her name. Maybe it’ll ring a bell.”

“Yeah, well, it’s been two years and not a bloody name rings any bleedin’ bell, so don’t see why this one would make a difference, no matter how cute she is.”

“A-ha. You noticed she was cute.”

William smiled. “I may not know who I am, but I remember what a pretty woman looks like, thank you very much.”

Later that evening, while eating in the kitchen with Anna, the image of the blond figure wouldn’t fade from his mind, and not only because she had seemed pretty. He hadn’t even seen her face very well. But the way she moved, the way her long blonde locks were dancing against her back, had stirred something vaguely familiar in him. Unfortunately, too vague to awaken any real remembrance, and enough to create a frustrating feeling, the kind he knew too well since he had lost his memories.

“Something on your mind, dear?” Anna asked with a maternal smile.
He smiled back reassuringly. “No, I’m good. Right as rain. It’s just…there was a young woman at the library today. I didn’t see her very well, but…” He shrugged. “She took some books, which means she’ll bring them back. Maybe I’ll talk to her then.”

Anna stood up and came to hug him. “You’ll get your memories back eventually. Don’t give up. Remember what the doctor said. One person, one word could bring back everything.”

He hugged her back. “I know. And I’ve nothing to complain about, really. You and Jim take such good care of me.”

“That’s not a difficult task, believe me. And I can’t help but wonder if there’s a woman out there worrying about her son.”

A cloud covered William’s face. “Unless my family – if I have one – died in that earthquake. There was nothing left. Nobody left to tell me at least what’s my real name.”

“Well, William suits you just fine. You picked well. And stop worrying. Don’t stay up too late, ok?”

“I promise. Go to bed, I’ll clean the rest,” he offered.

He cleaned up rapidly before preparing himself a cup of coffee that he took back to his small apartment above the garage.

One year ago, Jim and Anna, an old couple, had found him near the giant crater that used to be the town of Sunnydale. They were getting back from visiting friends, and had decided to stop and have a look at it. They had heard about the entire town collapsing on TV; News anchors had said that a massive earthquake had swallowed Sunnydale.

That’s where they had found William, naked, and barely conscious. And without a clue as to who he was, or what he was doing there.

Everyday, William blessed the old couple that had taken care of him and welcomed him into their house like a son. But like Anna, he wondered if somewhere out there family and friends were mourning him, or if he had lost everything and everyone in that earthquake. He was struggling to try to remember something, a name, a face, anything. But his mind was like a blank page, at least concerning his past and identity. He kept hoping he would get everything back someday. The faintest thing that provoked any kind of reaction within his brain was a step forward.

He really hoped the blond woman would be back soon.

§§§§§§§§§§§§§§§


Dawn and Cristina were sitting on a bench in the mall, where Cristina was supposed to meet her sort-of-a-date.

“He’s late,” Dawn said. “We’re gonna miss the trailers. That’s my favourite part.”

Cristina sighed. “If they’re not here in five minutes, we’ll just buy our tickets and go.”

Dawn raised an eyebrow. “ ‘They’?”

Cristina gave her an innocent smile. “I didn’t tell you? I told him to bring a friend. So it would be less awkward for you. You won’t feel like the third wheel if something happens. Which I definitely hope, by the way.”

“Great,” Dawn groaned. “With my luck, the friend will be short with greasy hair and…”

She stopped as Cristina stood up to welcome two young men walking towards them.

“…and incredibly handsome,” Dawn finished between her teeth, offering a bright smile to the newcomers, and especially the good-looking brunette now standing in front of her. Brown hair, hazel eyes, and casual smile. * Very * nice, Dawn thought.

Cristina hugged her date, named Jay, who made the introductions. “Cris, Dawn, this is my friend Connor. We’re roommates. Connor, this is Cristina, and Dawn.”

The young man greeted them, throwing an appreciative glance at Dawn.

“So, what do you girls wanna do?” asked Jay.

“We were thinking a movie. Pirates of the Caribbean II just got released.

“Good for me,” Connor said. He had a nice and deep voice. Very, *very * nice, Dawn thought again. Today is definitely my lucky day.

They started to walk to the cinema, Dawn throwing not so much discreet looks at Connor. She didn’t see the man coming her way before she bumped into him.

“Oh, I’m sorry!” she said, trying to regain her balance. “I wasn’t looking.”

“No, it was me. Sorry,” the man said before leaving, obviously in a rush. She just had the time to notice sandy blond hair and blue eyes behind a pair of glasses. Then she registered what he had said – or rather, his voice – and turned around suddenly.

“Hey, wait!”

But he was already gone.

Connor put his hand on her shoulder. “Are you ok? You look like you’ve seen a ghost or something.”

“I…no. I just thought…never mind.” She finished. How many times would she have to repeat to herself that he was gone forever? She smiled to Connor. “It’s nothing, really. Let’s go see Johnny and Orlando,” she joked.

To her great pleasure, Connor’s hand stayed on her shoulder.

§§§§§§§§§§§§§§§

William stopped dead in his tracks. That fragrance…the one that girl was wearing. When he had smelled it the first time, his body had reacted to it rather strongly, and at the same time he had felt like crying like a stupid ponce. He had smelled it several times, trying again to create an image in his mind. With no result, as usual.

Maybe ... I'm not evil. But I don't think I can be good.

Spike gasped. Woah, where did that came from? It was the first time a voice echoed like this in his head in the middle of the day. So far, all he had had were dreams with confusing sounds and blurred faces. But now he had heard a complete sentence, loud and clear. And the voice sounded suspiciously like…

He turned around, went back to where he had bumped into the girl, but she was nowhere in sight.

“Dammit,” he muttered.

Yet a feeling of excitement was growing inside him, as well as the usual frustration, because the thick curtains draped on his mind had opened a few inches before closing again. The sentence didn’t make sense, but none of this really did.

Considering the weird dreams that had plagued him, he sometimes wondered if it would be a good thing to remember who he was.

§§§§§§§§§§§§§§§

Dawn found Buffy in the kitchen, waiting for the water to boil.

“Hey. You had a nice evening?”

Dawn nodded. “Interesting. I met this cute guy, Connor. Nice. He took my phone number.”

Buffy smiled. “Great. At least one of us is getting a bit of romance in her life. Better you than me, considering my history.”

“Not sure mine is much better,” Dawn joked.

“Want some tea?”

“No, thanks. I’ll go to bed; I have homework to do tomorrow, and since I didn’t do anything today, I’d better get an early start.”

“Ok. Have a good night.”

Dawn hesitated. She knew it was a painful subject, but since last year Buffy and her had built a quite open relationship, and they discussed just about everything. Especially the thing that – still – hurt.

“Buffy…Don’t you have this feeling of…of seeing Spike, sometimes, like in the street or in a shop, even if you know it’s impossible?”

Buffy smiled sadly. “Happens to me all the time. It can be a glimpse of white hair, a black leather coat…and my heart gets all jumpy. Then it breaks all over again when I realize it can’t be.”

“There was this guy, at the mall…I bumped into him. I didn’t see his face clearly, but it was his voice…” she sighed. “Whatever. Each time it reminds me how I wish I had made peace with him before…you know.”

“Believe me, I know,” Buffy said, pouring the now hot water into a mug. Dawn came to her and gave her a comforting hug before heading to her room.

They were living in a two-bedroom apartment, courtesy of Wolfram & Hart – or rather, Angel. When they had arrived in LA, Buffy had sought out Angel for help, at least to find a place to settle down. Angel had provided them an apartment as well as one for Giles. Xander had decided to follow Faith, Robin and Andrew to Cleveland, and he was travelling back and forth between the two cities most of the time. Willow had stayed with Buffy and Dawn for a while, before finally becoming Fred’s roommate. Those two were as thick as thieves, although apparently in a purely platonic way. Willow and Kennedy had broken up a few weeks after arriving in LA, and Kennedy had then decided to follow the others to Cleveland.

Buffy had been kind of reluctant when Angel had helped them financially, but at the same time she didn’t have much choice. And Angel seemed to have enough money to last several lifetimes. Which could be handy in his case. And like he had said, it was only fair that a supposedly ex-evil law firm would help the former Chosen one to build a new life for herself and her family. Buffy wasn’t so sure about the ex-evil part, though, but it was Angel’s business, not hers. Not anymore. She had soon discovered that her cookie was baked, and that he had absolutely nothing to do with it. She hadn’t told him that way, of course – no way was she going to use that stupid metaphor out loud ever again – but she had made him understand that even if she would always love him and that he held a special place in her heart, they didn’t belong together. Surprisingly, Angel had taken it rather well. They were staying friends, as friends as they could ever be. And they didn’t see each other very often. Most of the time, he or Wesley were more in contact with Giles or Willow concerning business stuff.

Giles had finally gotten access to the council funds, and had rebuilt it, as well as a slayer training school. That’s where Buffy was working. Dawn had found a job on the side of her studies, and between the two of them, they had become pretty much financially independent.

And Buffy was happy about it. After leaving Sunnydale, she had wanted a clean slate. She was barely patrolling now, and didn’t deal much with anything evil anymore. There were enough chosen ones out there now to do it for her.

Now all she wanted was a quiet, normal life, which seemed to be the case so far. She had an interesting job, and her best friends and surrogate dad were Dawn and her family. Maybe she could even find a nice guy. Not the man of her dreams, though.

As she had realized too late, that one had died 28 months ago.



TBC...





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