Author's Chapter Notes:
This is my first Spuffy story, so please don’t kill me if it’s horrible. Reviews would be greatly appreciated, but please don’t just say that you hated it… Please tell me why you hated it… I would be grateful for any thoughts about how I can make my writing better.
Disclaimer: Joss Whedon, Mutant Enemy, etc. own BtVS and all its characters, I do not. I am not trying to get any profit except (hopefully) people enjoying my story.

The whole time that he was singing, all Buffy could think about were his eyes, voice and lips.

His eyes- blue and penetrating. They always seemed like they could see right through her, see every thought she had. At the same time, they were always so soft when they looked at her. Even if she didn’t love him, who couldn’t love those eyes?

Then there was his voice. Sometimes, it scared her almost to the point of shivering, and yet she always found herself wanting him to talk more, just so she could hear it. Especially now, while he was singing. Buffy wasn’t really paying attention to the words, only his voice, and she never wanted him to stop.

Most of all, though, she couldn’t stop thinking about his lips. ‘Yummm and- No! Bad Buffy! Bad thoughts! He is an evil, soulless, bloodsucking thing! You don’t kiss evil, soulless, bloodsucking things!’ She thought desperately.

Buffy came out of her trance just in time to hear Spike sing the last bit of the song.

“Why won’t you let me rest in peace?”

Buffy had the quick thought of ‘Where did the music come from?’ Then she threw it out of her head to be replaced with the realization that she was laying right on top of him. ‘Well, this is nice,’ she thought, ‘NO!’ She knew it wouldn’t help, and she would keep thinking about how much she wanted to make out with him, but she could still try, right?

Buffy was so close… She was about to kiss him… Just a few inches between them… Then she noticed what his whole song was about- wanting her to go away. She had missed the part about being her “willing slave.” All she knew was that he wanted her to leave. So she did. She got up, jumped out of the grave, and ran as fast as she could. She was so lost in her thoughts that she didn’t hear him with the irony of asking, “So, you’re not staying, then?”

***

They were in the magic box. Spike had offered to come with her, but she was defensive. Buffy was still mad that he didn’t want her anymore, now that she had finally been ready to give him a shot.

So he stalked out, saying, “Fine. I hope you dance ‘til you burn. You and the Little Bit.”

Buffy knew he didn’t mean it, but it still hurt to hear him say it. She knew he might be happy if she died- again, but she also knew that he would never want anything to happen to Dawn. All he ever wanted for her was a safe, happy life… Didn’t he?

***

Buffy and her “friends” had beaten Sweet- kind of. However, they knew that she had been in Heaven. Buffy couldn’t help but feel bad for Willow- judging by the look on her face, she had been terrified. But at the same time, she figured Willow deserved it for not already knowing that.

Buffy heard her sister sing, “Where do we go from here?”

Then, Buffy and Spike repeated it, and Buffy looked up at him. Then, she remembered his earlier song, and looked down, embarrassed. Not before seeing the soft, blue eyes, though. She had the brief thought of ‘Why are we still singing? Sweet is gone,’ but she let it go, not really caring.

She listened to the next few parts, with Giles singing, “The battle’s done, and we kind of won,” with Tara joining in with “So we sound our victory cheer. Where do we go from here?”

As everyone started heading towards the center of the room, Anya and Xander sang “Why is the path unclear- when we know home is near?”

They all lined up, side by side, and joined hands as they sang, “Understand we’ll go hand in hand,” then let go and walked in different directions while they sang, “But we’ll walk alone in fear.” While Spike had been holding her hand, Buffy had felt major electricity run up and down her arm.

Buffy listened as, once again, Giles sang by himself. “Tell me!” And everyone else joined in, “Where do we go from here?” As they all turned to face the same way, they sang, “When does the end appear?”

Right in the middle, Buffy saw Spike leave out of the corner of her eye.

“When do the trumpets cheer?”

She went to follow him, and as she walked out, she heard the others, still singing, hoping they were right. “The curtains close on a kiss. God knows, we can tell the end is near.” She ignored the last, “Where do we go from here?,” knowing it was coming. Instead, she interrupted.

“Hey,” she said, trying to stop Spike. It worked.
Sounding somewhat hurt for some reason, he countered her one word with “Look, you should go back inside, finish the big group sing, get your kumbayayas out.”

Buffy was confused, still wondering why he wanted her gone so bad. “I don’t want to.”

Spike automatically took up the defensive, thinking she was going to punch him or something. “The day you suss out what you do want, there’ll probably be a parade. 76 bloody trombones.”

“Spike-”

“Look, you don’t have to say anything-”

‘Fine. If you don’t want me to talk, I’ll sing,’ Buffy thought. “I touch the fire, and it freezes me.”

Spike joined in, singing his own song at the same time. “I died so many years ago.”

‘Well, he’s singing too. That’s good right? And he’s walking towards me,’ she thought, as she started walking towards him.

He was still singing. “But you can make me feel.”

“This isn’t real, but I just want to feel.”

Spike leaned towards her. Taking it as the go ahead, she practically dived towards him, not wanting to wait any longer for her not-so-planned make out session. Even as she did, though, she knew that whenever he brought it up in the future, she would deny it, using the same excuse that she had just sung. It wasn’t real- she only wanted to feel in this world that had been so emotionless since she had been brought back to life. That was true, but would she ever tell him what it was that she wanted to feel? In reality, she wanted to feel loved, and she wanted to love back. She knew this was just the beginning, but no matter what she wanted, she knew she would probably be too scared to go for it completely and tell him that she loved him.

***

If someone had asked Buffy how long they had been kissing, she would have said she had no idea, but it had seemed like hours… Long, amazing, pleasure- filled hours. She also had no clue how her friends hadn’t managed to catch them. When she finally pulled away from Spike again to take a breath, she noticed how she was clinging to him. Her knees felt weak, but she had to get away. ‘What am I doing?,’ she thought, ‘Oh God, what would Willow and Xander and Tara and Giles think?’

Spike, noticing the look on her face, asked, “What’s wrong, pet?”

Just then, Buffy took off running.

“Bloody hell,” Spike said as he started chasing her.

“What was that, Buffy?,” he yelled, not sure whether he was talking about the kiss or her jolting off like that.

“Dawn’s at home, all alone!,” she shouted back, using an excuse that they would both come to know well. Buffy looked behind her, seeing that Spike was slowing down, and soon, he gave up completely. When she rounded the next corner, she slowed to a walk.

‘What was I doing?,’ she thought. Then, forgetting her anger at herself, she thought, ‘I was having the best time of my life! And God, he’s a good kisser!’ Remembering her so-called friends again, she let that little seed of doubt plant its self in her brain again. ‘I want to be with him… But what would they think? The look they would give me… I couldn’t stand it… I want to tell him I love him… That I have since that time after he got tortured by Glory… Okay, bad thoughts… I really do want to tell him… But what if he leaves, like Angel did?’

‘I’ll tell him someday.’

THE END





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