Back Where We Belong

Author: Pattyanne
Disclaimer: None of the BtVS
characters belong to me.
Feedback: Love some, thanks.
Summary: Takes place a few days
after Spike is 'recorporealized'.
Spoilers up to "Chosen", and AtS
season 5.



Part one....

She had always wanted to live by the beach.

Now that she was actually doing it, she'd found that
it wasn't everything she'd imagined it to be.

Not that it wasn't beautiful. It was. The beaches
in Northern California were very different from the ones
she was used to, the ones she'd spent her summers on
ages ago...before all hell had broken loose in her life.

The first difference she'd noticed was the ocean it-
self. She'd gotten a good look at it as they'd traveled
up the coast, and the farther north they got, the darker
the water became. By the time they hit Carmel, it was
gray and frothy, churning against the huge rocks that
lined most of the shore. This water had not a hint of
the turquoise blue shades she'd seen further south.

The beaches were not the friendly playgrounds she'd
remembered from her childhood. There were no expanses
of smooth, uncluttered sand warming in an afternoon sun,
no fire pits, or playgrounds, or volleyball nets.
The sand up north was cold and wet, and strewn with
thick ropes of kelp, twisted sculptures of driftwood, and
sea glass. Walking barefoot on it was just asking for
trouble.

Which was just as well, because it wasn't warm enough
to walk barefoot. In fact, not only did you need shoes and
thick socks, but you'd best have on a heavy sweater under
a jacket if you wanted to keep out the chill.

Buffy knew this, because she spent a great deal of time
walking the beach that was less than a mile from her
cottage.

The first day she'd gone out for a walk, the sky had
fooled her. Sun had been splashing playfully on the small
patio outside her bedroom. She'd thrown on a pair of
shorts and a t-shirt, shoved her feet into sandals, and
left the house with nothing but her keys...only to return
a half an hour later, shivering and damp.

She'd learned her lesson, though, and the next time
she'd ventured out, she had been dressed for the occasion.

Now, she hit the beach almost every day, and it
hadn't taken her long to discover one reason why this
beach was better than the ones she'd been raised near.

It was nearly empty.

She could walk for miles and never see more than one
or two other people. She left them alone, and they returned
the favor. Buffy had no interest in making friends. She
wanted to be alone, and lonely.

It was precisely what she deserved.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

They were all gone now, the people she had loved. One
by one, she'd driven them away.

Giles was back in England, trying to scrape together
a new council of watchers. He called once a week, and
they talked for a few minutes, but it wasn't the same
anymore. Too much pain and too many harsh words
had passed between them, words that could never be
taken back, deeds that could never be undone.

He had taken most of the remaining potentials with
him. Faith and Robin had gone along, too, and Buffy had
heard vague tales of a possible school being set up,
strictly for the education and the training of slayers.

She didn't care. She really didn't.

Willow and Kennedy had continued up the coast and
were living in San Francisco, the last she'd heard,
running a magic shop. Apparently, Wil had finally
been able to develop and maintain control of her powers.

Buffy wasn't interested.

And Xander. Xander had stayed for a while. Had pretended
that everything would be all right. He'd found a job in
Monterey, and a small apartment not too far from her own
house. In the evenings, he would show up and she would
make dinner. They talked a little. Sometimes watched a
movie. He would go home, and she would go to bed. On
the weekends, he would pick her up and take her on little
sightseeing tours. Fisherman's Wharf...Cannery Row...the
new aquarium.

But she never took him to her beach. Didn't want him there.
Not in 'her' place. The place she went to be alone...and
think...and wish to God in heaven that she had done things
differently.

In the end, even Xander left. After more than one argument
passed between them, with cold accusatory words being
flung about like slaps across the face, he had packed his
things and given up the lease on his apartment. Said good-
bye.

And still....she didn't care.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~


Dawn was the only one she could talk to now. The only
one who really understood. But Dawn had school, and
friends, and didn't always have the time to listen.

Or the inclination.

Which was all right. There just wasn't that much to
say anymore. Life had gone on, and Buffy was fine
with watching it from the sidelines. Someday, she'd
get back in the game.

When she felt like it. When she had a reason to.


~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~


The timer on the microwave went off at the exact
same moment the phone rang. She took the warmed
up pizza out and set it on the kitchen table, then reached
for the phone.

"Hello...Who?....Oh, yeah...How are you?...Okay...I'm
sitting...Yes...Wha...WHAT?...WHEN?...Oh, god...Yes!
I'll be on the next flight out...NO!...No, please don't...Yes.
Thank you for calling...I will..."


Buffy slammed the handset back into the phone's
cradle so hard that it let out a tinny 'ding'. Anger began
to simmer inside of her as she dug up her wallet and
pulled out a credit card.

When she had the one she wanted, she reached for
the phone and punched in the number for information. She
scribbled down a phone number, disconnected the line and
redialed.

"Yes, hi. When's your next flight to L.A.?... Okay, I need to
be on it...Buffy Summers...Just one...That's fine....Master-
card....."



TBC.....
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