“I just don’t think I can do it” Buffy’s tearful voice almost broke his heart, in an instant he forgot that he was angry with her, forgot that she had humiliated and belittled him in front of everybody.
“Course you can pet” he reassured her gently, “I’m not sayin’ it’ll be easy, but if anyone can do it, it’s you” he placed a tentative hand on her knee offering comfort and support. She brought her eyes to meet his, deep blue and soulful, it was a ridiculous notion, of course, but she could swear his eyes where a different shade since he came back from Africa, a deep cerulean warmth replacing the glinting shards of pale ice.
She leant her head on his shoulder with a sigh, “I’m sorry” she murmured “about earlier, I just…” she trailed off, unable to find the words to express how scared she was, how lost and desperate she felt, how alone.
“’T’s okay pet” he whispered, barely resisting the urge to kiss the top of her head, “I guess most of us deserved it”
Another shuddering sigh and they both settled into silence, together on the back porch like so many times before, looking out into the deceptively peaceful night.
…………….
“We’re getting nowhere” Willow grumbled in frustration, “seriously nowhere, not even round in circles on back the way we came, just nowhere.”
Xander and Dawn looked up from their dusty tomes, to see the redhead push her laptop away with a disgusted snort. “We know nothing.” She stated almost angrily, turning to face the others, “Buffy is relying on us and we have nothing”
“Calm down Wills” Xander tried to placate her, his hands coming up in a calming gesture. “We’ll find something.” He paused giving her a half smile, “we always do”
“I know” the redhead conceded wearily, “its just after what Buffy said yesterday.” She ran a hand over her face, “she’s right you know, she can’t carry us, we have to help”
“We are helping” Dawn stated petulantly, “we’re doing our best, she doesn’t have to be such a bit…”
“Dawn” Willow admonished the teenager.
“Well she doesn’t” with that the teenager was flouncing out of the room.
…………………
“Giles” Dawn greeted excitedly as she opened the door, “Buffy” she screeched as she gestured for him to come in, “Giles is back”
“Giles” Buffy gave her watcher a tired smile as she met them in the hall, “got anything?” straight to business, no time for niceties, she had to know if her watcher had managed to salvage anything from the once encyclopaedic archives of the council.
“Not a great deal I’m afraid,” he told her regretfully, placing a large, heavy looking bag on the floor at his feet, “most of the library was destroyed, I only managed to find a handful of books on The First.” He gestured vaguely at the bag, “maybe they will be of some help, I haven’t had a chance to study them as yet.”
“Well then, lets get on it” Buffy picked up the bag effortlessly and deposited it on the dining room table. “Dawn, find Willow and Kennedy, Xander too, we need to get started on this right away”
Dawn narrowed her eyes at her sister’s harsh authoritative tone, but didn’t comment, just turned and walked up the stairs tossing her hair over her shoulder as she went.
“Spike and I’ll patrol with some of the girls,” Buffy said turning back to her watcher, “We have a fairly strong group now”
“Ah” Giles looked thoughtful for a moment, maybe even a little nervous, when he spoke Buffy realised why, their favourite topic; Spike, to trust or not to trust. “Do you think it’s wise that Spike patrol with the girls?” he asked her, eyes serious and questioning.
“Giles” she replied, exasperation colouring her voice, “we have had this conversation, Spike is part of the team, a very important part of the team. We need him”
“The First still has power over him Buffy” Giles began, moving over well-trodden earth, “in spite of himself, he cannot be trusted around the girls” he paused concern etched on his suddenly tired looking face “or around you”
“Let me worry about Spike okay?” Buffy stepped away from her watcher, putting space between them, “you just worry about getting some info on The First” she turned her back striding towards the basement door, ending the conversation. After a few steps she turned and offered him a wan conciliatory smile, “It’s good to have you back” she told him sincerely before disappearing into the basement.
………………………..
Even between the two of them the Turok-Han had taken a lot of killing. Buffy looked at Spike, he was panting, his breath coming in short unnecessary gasps, one hand stifling the bleeding in his shoulder, the other hanging limply at his side.
“You okay?” he asked, eyes travelling over her body, distant, almost professional, looking for damage. Inexplicably she found herself almost missing the times when his challenging gaze would have raked suggestively over her body. He would have offered to check her over with a lascivious leer and smirked when she got angry, or horny, or both.
“I’m fine,” she told him, more concerned about his badly wounded shoulder than her own minor bumps and bruises. “Let’s get back” she turned to the watching potentials, whom she had order to stay back while she and Spike dealt with the Neanderthal vampire. “Come on” she barked, moving to Spike’s side, he brushed off her attempts to help him, swaggering away from the group, his stride long and swinging, despite his obvious pain.
She sighed; she regretted what she said to him, she really did. Regretted that her own fears had made her lash out at him. Just like old time’s she thought ruefully. Although she was sure she had rarely done as much damage with her fists as she had with her tongue last night. The old Spike could take it, all the beatings, all the abuse, he could take it, but souled Spike? She sighed again as she followed him out of the graveyard, the potentials on her heels talking excitedly about the fight. Spike stumbled ahead of her and she rushed to his side, he pushed her away roughly and quickened his pace.
“Spike” she pleaded trotting to catch up with him, “you’re hurt, let me help you.”
“I’m fine slayer,” he told her in a poor imitation of his soulless persona’s disdainful drawl, “don’t worry your pretty little head about me”
She frowned at his retreating back for a moment before plodding after him. It wasn’t a bad act, she had to admit that, anyone other than her would probably be fooled. Fooled by the cocky swagger and sardonic comments, fooled by the long black coat and feigned relish of the fight with the Turok-Han. But it was her, and it was Spike and she wasn’t fooled at all. She knew why he did it of course, put on his carefully crafted act, because she had asked, no demanded it. Demanded that he embrace the demon he had crossed hell and earth to repress for her sake. Demanded he pick up the sword and fight in her bloody war when his gentle poet’s soul craved only peace.
With a quick shake of her head she banished her maudlin thoughts. There was nothing she could do. She had no choice but conscript the darker side of her ex-lover she had a war to fight, and precious few soldiers to fight it with
…………………….
It had been Xander’s idea, sweet reliable Xander, to take the girls to the water park for the day. Leaving the core of the Scooby gang back at Revello drive with their books and some much-needed peace and quiet. He had left early, leading the excited girls down to the bus station. Buffy had listened to their happy chatter as they got ready to go, and had thought perhaps the excursion would do their morale some good. Not that morale was any kind of weapon against the army of Turok-Han the shadow men had showed her, but still it couldn’t hurt.
Willow placed a cup of steaming coffee next to her and she smiled her appreciation at the witch. She looked around, Giles hadn’t had many books, just one each for her, Spike, Anya, Dawn and himself to trawl through, while Willow fruitlessly searched the internet on her laptop.
“Ooh” Anya cheerful voice grated on her nerves but she looked up anyway, perhaps the ex-vengeance demon had something this time. “I think I have something”
“Yeah” Spikes drawled sarcastically, “like last time when you where so certain The First could be defeated with celery”
Buffy felt her lips twitch in response, and glanced at the vampire where he lounged in his chair, on leg thrown carelessly over the arm, a large book open against it. She caught his eye and he looked away, just like he always did these days. She frowned and turned her attention back to a grumbling Anya. “Well?” she prompted.
“That was just a mistranslation” she told the vampire haughtily before giving Buffy a reproachful look “It’s called ‘The Scythe’” she told them, turning her book on the table so that Giles could study the open page. “It seems to be all tangled up with Slayer lore and power. I just thought maybe it could help” she gave Spike a nasty glare “But obviously I was wrong”
“No Anya” Giles broke in peaceably “I think you may have something, Willow see if you can find anything on the ‘Temple of Areathan’”
Willow nodded and turned to her computer while Giles read aloud from the text “’It is not for you, it is for her alone to wield’ it seems to be an ancient weapon of the Slayer, lost for many centuries.” He pauses, lifting his glasses and squinting at the aged writing “Housed now in the ‘Temple of Areathan’”
“I have it” Willow exclaimed excitedly, eyes riveted to her computer screen, “Oh, oh dear”
..........
A/N
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