Drusilla DeVille was dead.
It was Buffy Summers’ best friend, Willow Rosenberg, who told her about the accident. At first, Buffy wasn’t sure how to react. Drusilla had been the thorn in her side for the last two years, even though they’d never even talked to each other. Buffy knew who she was, of course, everybody did. Drusilla was a couple of years older, beautiful, rich and sophisticated, and for that, a lot of people envied her, some people even hated her. Buffy did too, but for a different reason, she didn’t care about money and stuff like that. But she hated the other woman more than all the pathetic girls that just wanted to be Drusilla. They envied her for her money and beauty. Buffy envied her, not for what she had, but for who. Him. The love of her life. Spike Pratt.
The thing was, even though they had been friends for years, Spike never knew how she really felt about him. Buffy couldn’t blame him, she’d never said anything, never given him any reason to think that her feelings for him were anything but just friendly. But still, deep inside, she couldn’t help but to think that if he really did care about her, like he’d claimed, he would know. Maybe she was being unfair, thinking like that. But love wasn’t always fair, and she loved him, so much that it actually hurt.
She had been the one to ruin their friendship, not him, and she knew that she had hurt him. Buffy didn’t want to stop seeing him, but it just hurt too much to be around him, knowing that it was Drusilla he went back home to every night, Drusilla’s bed he slept in, Drusilla he made love to. It was Drusilla he was in love with, not her.
Buffy and Spike had first met back in high school, and they’d immediately hated each other. She’d thought that he was a self centric, insensitive jerk, and he thought that she was an uptight, spoiled brat. Of course, they had both been wrong, and after a couple of weeks of constantly arguing and insulting each other, they had realized that they actually had a lot in common, both having lost their mothers at an early age, for one thing. They had started to get to know each other, and soon became close friends, almost inseparable, all through the rest of high school.
After they’d graduated, Buffy went to college and Spike got a job as a bartender at the local pub, but they still got together almost every day. They had dated others over the years, of course, but nothing that had lasted longer then a few weeks. Buffy didn’t know about him, but for her, the problem was that she kept comparing every single guy she went out with to Spike, and the other guys always lost. She didn’t care too much, though, for some reason she’d always thought that one day, Spike would notice her and realize that she was the one for him. And she was willing to wait. But that day never came.
When Spike had first started dating Drusilla DeVille, Buffy hadn’t been jealous right away. She’d thought that it was just a thing, that they would date for a little while and then go their separate ways. Because that’s the way it always was with him, a couple of dates but nothing more. Only, this time it was different. She would never forget how she felt when Spike told her that he loved Drusilla. He’d been so happy, telling Buffy that he’d finally found the one, the right girl, and that his feelings were mutual. Buffy had tried to be happy for him, she really had, but her heart had broken in a million pieces that night.
After that night, things had never been quite the same between them. Spike didn’t understand why Buffy suddenly started avoiding him, and she just couldn’t tell him the truth; that her heart ached when she saw him with Drusilla, so much that it hurt just to be around him. So she’d started telling him that she was busy when he’d suggested that she’d come over to his place for a movie night, and that she’d already made other plans when he wanted them to go out for coffee. It took a while, but eventually he stopped asking. Being around him when he was with Drusilla hurt, but not being around him at all made Buffy feel like a part of herself was missing. There was a time when she missed him so much, she actually thought she was going to die.
She’d seen him around town a couple of times after that, they’d said ‘hello’, but nothing more. Now, it had been months since she’d last seen him. She’d thought about him a lot, wondering what he was doing, if he was happy. Buffy’s best friend, Willow, was dating Spike’s cousin, Tara McClay, and through Tara, Buffy had learned that Spike and Drusilla were still together. She knew she should be happy for him, if Spike had been together with Drusilla for so long, it had to mean that they were really happy together.
And now, Drusilla was dead. A car accident, that was all Willow had told her, all she knew. Buffy hadn’t said much, but when she got home that night, she’d cried. Not for Drusilla, she couldn’t mourn the other woman, she hated her too much. And that made her cry even more, feeling like a terrible person since Drusilla had never done anything to deliberately hurt her. No, she’d cried for Spike, for his loss, knowing how much he had to be hurting. She wanted to go to him, but was too afraid. Afraid that he wouldn’t want to see her, that he would tell her to go away. And she wouldn’t blame him if he did, she knew he had every right to hate her.
Buffy knew she would always love Spike, but she would settle for just getting their friendship back. But it was probably too late for that now. Because of her, because she’d been too afraid to be honest with him and telling him how she really felt. But she would never give up hope, though. She had to believe that one day, maybe, she’d get the chance to make it all right.
TBC