Feels Like I’ve Already Been There



Buffy and the scoobies sat around their usual table at the Bronze which was packed with hormone driven teenagers. It was Buffy’s twentieth birthday and she was determined to have fun. With the Dingoes playing and Oz visiting, it would be like having the whole gang back together. Except without Angel and Cordelia and with Tara and Anya. Which was all good with her.

Things were getting off to a good start, Giles was politely sipping his soda, making a face each time Xander said a potty joke or Anya got on the topic of their sex life. Oz was on stage, rocking out on his guitar while both Tara and Willow acted like his groupies, dancing in abandon on the stage. Dawn sat next to Xander, staring dreamily at him as he told another one of his jokes. And Buffy smiled, thinking how peaceful it was for once in her life. She also knew no one was going to ruin it for her.


He took a deep breath, holding his guitar in a death grip as he waited for Oz and his band to get off the stage. They had let him do one part of their set since his song was dedicated to the birthday girl. He smiled, chuckling softly as he knew no one knew the content of the song he was going to sing. But she would. He loved the thought of making her hurt, like she had done so many times to him. He shook his head sighing. “No need to go there mate. You’re almost up,” he said to himself as he awaited the Dingoes to finish their song.


“OK. Well, this is a special day for one of my closest friends. Today is Buffy Summer’s twentieth birthday and we have something special for her. Not by us unfortunately, but from another um- handsome man. Please welcome William!” Buffy’s head shot up at the use of Spike’s real name. The crowd began to cheer happily and girls swarmed towards the stage as Spike walked out, strutting across with a wicked smile across his face.
“Hey? What’s the undead doing on stage?” Xander asked in confusion. Buffy shrugged, her eyes locked on his. She had no clue as to what he was doing but she knew it was going to be bad.

“Hi all. I wrote this song for a bird I know… knew. Anyways this is for you luv. Happy Birthday,” Spike said into the mike as he sat on a stool, his fender strat in his lap. He looked down at his guitar, poised his fingers on the string and began to play. He looked up, his pick stroking each string up and down as he moved his mouth to the mike. “This letter explains everything. The content it is the truth. Each word could cut like daggers if I decide to finally give it to you.” His voice flowed through the crowd as girls began to sway to the beat as the Dingoes began to play along with him, knowing the tune. “I've rewrote and rechecked a thousand times. Licked it shut and said my goodbyes. Could I have so perfectly written something? Why open this conclusion?”


Buffy stared at him in horror. It was about them. He was going to announce their almost relationship to everyone and it scared her. She jumped up from her seat, walking toward the stage. He was doing this to her purposely. She knew it. Knew he would take pleasure in her pain, her embarrassment. “And it feels like I've already been there, sounds like I’m preaching to the choir. If it looks like it won’t work out. I'm the one, one full of doubt.”


His eyes locked with hers as he began to strum harder. She was walking towards the stage at dangerous speed, rage in her fiery eyes. He smiled, closing his eyes and fully getting into it. “I know that time won’t change a thing. If we're wrong, moving in slow motion. It's hard to catch up when the world is weighing you down.” He stood up, the stool falling back in his haste. The guitar hung loosely on his shoulders as his hands grabbed the mike, pulling it closer to him. Girls screamed and yelled throwing their hands in the air. The Dingoes also got into it, Oz jumping around his with guitar in the air as they took over playing the song. “And it feels like I've already been there, sounds like I’m preaching to the choir. If it looks like it won’t work out, I'm the one. It feels like I've already been there, sounds like I’m preaching to the choir. If it looks like it won’t work out, I'm the one, one full of doubt.”


Xander began to chuckle lightly at the spectacle Spike was making of himself. With girls swarming him as he stood on stage and yelled into the mike with fierce rage. Buffy was looking as if she would finally stab a stake through his dead heart. His chuckle grew into laughter and both Dawn and Anya glared at him. “Shut up Xander! Why are you laughing?”
“Why am I laughing? The evil undead is finally gonna get what’s coming to him! Buffy’s gonna kill him after this.”
“Aren’t you listening to what he’s saying?” asked Dawn, a little peeved that Xander would be so clueless as to what was going on. Xander choked back a laugh, shaking his head as tears began to brim at the rim of his eyes for laughing so hard. “Is he always this clueless?” Anya nodded, turning her attention to the blonde vamp on stage pouring his heart and soul out into the song.
“Man! I finally get to here Spikey sing a song!” Xander cracked, pointing and laughing at the vampire.


Spike could hear the nancy boy laughing his ass of and he smiled. He stared directly at him, giving him one of his death glares before returning his eyes to the crowd. To her. Did she understand what he was trying to say? He doubted it. She was looking at him in that way. He knew he was on his final straw but he didn’t care. It would be a perfect ending to his long life. “I'm confused; don’t know what I should do now. You, you confuse everything close to you. Tell me how does this feel when it feels like I've already been there. Sounds like I’m preaching to the choir. If it looks like it won’t work out. I'm the one... yea.” As he took another look at her, his heart shattered into pieces. What he thought was going to be revenge turned into something else. Her eyes were brimming with tears and her body began to shake. His voice began to fade, along with his confidence and hope. “It feels like I've already been there, sounds like I’m preaching to the choir. If it looks like it won’t work out. I'm the one, the one full of doubt.” As the final cords were played, he felt like dying right then and there. As the crowd cheered for him, he walked off the stage, disappearing back into the darkness where a monster like him belonged.


Buffy stared at him as he walked off the stage. She wasn’t going to lie. Everything he had said was true and she deserved it. Deserved everything he served her for how she used him. She had said that he was a monster when it was really her. She had tried to believe that she had come back wrong but now she knew it wasn’t true. She came back perfectly normal only she then became what she loathed. Wiping her tears she looked up to the balcony. There he stood, looking down on the crowed, his blue eyes gleaming with tears. Wiping her own away from her face, she pushed through the crowd, running up the stairs to him.


If he had a heart, he knew it would be slamming in his chest as he heard her footsteps. He sighed, ready to face his reality. He turned, not to see a stake poised in her hands or rage burning in her eyes, but something else. His brows knitted in confusion as he took a hesitant step towards her.

I tried to save us
But little did I know
You are a speeding train off track
With little time to go


She stepped towards him, wondering if he would read her mind as he had done so many times he had before. Wondering if he would be able to tell how sorry she was without her having to speak the actual words.

I tried everything
Tried so hard to let you know
But now I'm on my last thread
Pulling away to no avail


“William,” she whispered, tears beginning to protrude from her eyes. Spike nodded, taking another step closer to her so they were only two feet away from each other. “I’m sorry I hurt you.” She bowed her head, not wanting him to see her so weak and vulnerable.
“Oh baby. No, no don’t be sorry for anything,” he whispered, pulling her into his welcoming embrace. She sobbed, burring her face into his shirt clad chest. “I’m sorry I did this. It was a stupid thing to do.”

Yeah
Now it's our time
Yeah
Now it's our time
And I'll see you on the other side


He ran his hand through her short hair, smiling as he remembered why she had cut her hair. He rested his cheek on top of her head, rubbing the small of her back to calm her. Buffy smiled as she rested her head against his chest. His grip tightened on her and she could feel him tense. She looked up, wondering what was happening.

Beneath all your skin
There's another side to you
You built up city walls
So I never get through
You built up city walls
So I never get through


He began to shake, as his body began to glow. He gasped, trying to take in air to his suffocating lungs. His hands grabbed at Buffy, trying desperately not to let her go as lightning shot through his body. “Buffy,” he gasped as his feel began to lift off the floor. His voice was horse and his eyes wild with fear.

Yeah
Now it's our time
Yeah
Now it's our time
And I'll see you on the other side


More tears began to spill as she held tightly onto his hands, not with hurt but with fear of losing him. It struck her so hard, the thought of losing him. She watched in horror and awe as he was lifted from the ground and a bright glow began to erupt from him. Soon, the light shot out from his chest and he howled in pain. The Bronze turned silent and she could feel all eyes on them as Spike cried in pain. “William, hold on! Please!” Buffy sobbed as his body began to shake violently.

Why would I take it too far
with not thinking about the end at all
If a fortune could say what the future will bring


He could feel himself burning from inside out and it reminded him so much of when he had been turned. The pain had been so horrible as his body began to change so he could function. His demon began to rage inside of him as he could feel it emerging. His teeth began to grow and his face began to change. The pain was too much to bear and he knew he wouldn’t be able to deal with it.

Then I'm not convinced
It's ending in tragedy
And most of all
It's in my control
To end it all


Buffy watched has his features changed. His fingers were slipping from his grasp as he body took the true demons form. His nails grew long and his mouth grew into a snout as his eyes glowed red. He jerked in the air, his voice a high pained screech that changed into a loud roar of the demon. His hand scratched at hers and he landed back down onto the balcony on all fours.

His head shot up and he drooled with hunger for the blood her could hear pumping through his veins. His form still changed, his clothes ripped away as his build began to stretch and muscles began to protrude. He howled in pain, scratching his face as the human inside him began to fight. His head jerked from side to side, his demon beginning to retreat back into him by force. He could only get one word out. “Run,” he gasped before his demon returned at full force, snarling at her.

Buffy shook her head. Grabbing a steak from her coat pocket, knowing it wouldn’t be enough to stop him. The vampire stood, tall at straight, towering over her. It carried his build, walked around in his body, wore his face but she couldn’t see him. His eyes were too red, to filled with lust and hunger. He reached for her, but she ducked, kicking him in the knees. It did nothing but stagger him. “Funny. Nice try slayer but not good enough.”
“What have you done with him?”
“With William? Nothing. This is a test. To see if he’s worthy.”
“Test? What do you mean test? I don’t understand. To see if he’s worthy of what?”
“Worthy to become human. The Powers That Be have sent me to test him. I am full vampire. I am the oldest of our kind but I don’t kill. Only when told by the powers that be. Now, I must continue.” He launched at her, only to be pulled back by himself. His body began to writhe and jerk as William fought for control. He hadn’t heard a word of the demon was saying but was thankful that Buffy had distracted him.

Yeah
Now it's our time
Yeah
Now it's our time
And I'll see you on the other side


Again, a shot of pain ran through him and he could feel his blood began to boil. The demon was raging within. William fought desperately, trying to win back his unlife.
Buffy watched as he jerked and his body began to life back up. A smile began to grace her face as he began to take back his original form. She grasped for his hand, holding it tightly to let him know she was there, giving her strength to him.
William felt his body churn and his blood begin run through his veins instead of sitting there like it had done for so many years. His hearing began to fade and his sight lost its usual vibrant colors. Then, he could feel a thumping in his chest. He opened his mouth, choking on nothing as he tried to breathe in air. As soon as he was up, he fell down, gasping for air. He soon felt himself rolling onto his back and he opened his eyes.

Yeah
Now it's our time
Yeah
Now it's our time
And I'll see you on the other side


Buffy smiled down at him, running her fingertips along his narrow cheek bones. “Hey there,” she whispered, her eyes loving and warm.
“Hey,” he whispered back, his voice horse and his old refined English accent back. His vision blurred and he knitted his eyebrows in confusion. “I need glasses again,” he pouted only causing Buffy to giggle with joy. He tried to lift himself up but found himself sore and weak and strangely enough without clothes, grabbing his leather duster, he covered himself as Buffy helped him sit up. He rested his head against her chest, wrapping his arms around her waist. He purred, nuzzling his head against the valley of her breasts. Buffy giggled, running her hands through his soft golden brown curls. He looked up, smiled at her happily. He could finally give her what she always wanted.
“I love you William,” she whispered, holding him to her tightly. He smiled, pulling her head down to kiss her softly.
“And I you.”


~LA – Three Years Later~
“Angel! I got a message for you!” Cordelia said, waving the piece of mail in the air as she walked through the old hotel. “Angel! You have mail!” she said, as she walked into his makeshift office.
“Open it for me Cord. I don’t have time to be dealing with mail unless it’s not a bill or from Wolfram & Heart. Got it?”
“Yea boss. I got it,” she said smiling, opening the letter. Her eyes widened as she read the letter. “Angel, you might want to read this.”
“Cordy, I told you! I don’t have –“ he stopped as his eyes came across a picture. Buffy, Spike, and a child that looked about two smiling faces greeted him, wishing him a Merry Christmas. “’Dear Angel, Hope everything is going well in LA. I happy to tell you that I am happily married and have a son – Alexander, who’s two years old, turning three this June. We thought we might tell you that the prophecy concerning the souled vampire turning human has been fulfilled. Spike wishes you a merry Christmas along with the gang! Love, Buffy.’”
“Well boss, I think that qualified as a letter you’d want to see,” she stated smiling. She took the picture from his hand, thinking of how cute the family looked together. “I’m going to show this picture to Fred. Don’t you think Alexander looks so cute?” she asked, before she ran off.
Angel sat down in a chair, running a shaky hand through his gelled hair. He cringed as some got on his hand and sighed, looking up at the sky. “God Dammit!”


The End!!!





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