She had needed to get away for a while. She couldn’t stay in the house with all those people there. They were all judging her, thinking that she couldn’t help them, couldn’t save them.
Getting out of the house without questions had been easy, but then came the decision on where to go. Her legs seemed to carry her in their own direction and took her downtown, to the Bronze.
Looking around, Buffy noticed that it was more crowded than usual, and wondered why. There was no live band tonight, and instead various pop songs was blasting out of the PA system. Feeling like she had lived a thousand years, Buffy bought herself a drink and then sat down at the bar, staring into the empty space of the wall. All the stress with the First and everything was really getting to her, and she just wanted to sleep. A good night’s sleep without nightmares. After finishing her drink, Buffy stood up, and started to walk towards the stairs that led up to the balcony. Despite all the memories she had from it, she knew that it was the best place if she wanted a bit of privacy, which she did. When she thought about that time she and Spike had sex up there however, her cheeks flustered at the memory.
Then, suddenly, she stopped. Because in front of her, looking slightly surprised, was Spike. The two blondes didn’t utter a word to each other, until a new song started to play.
She seemed dressed in all of me,
stretched across my shame.
All the torments and the pain,
leak through and covered me.
I'd do anything to have her to myself,
just to have her for myself.
Now I don't know what to do,
I don't know what to do
When she makes me sad.
Spike eyed Buffy carefully, taking in her tired appearance.
“Would you like to dance?” He asked carefully, his voice soft, afraid of getting a harsh rejection. So Buffy shocked both herself and Spike when she nodded.
“I’d love to” She said, a smile playing across her face, and she accepted Spike’s outstretched hand. The ensouled vampire led the blonde slayer out to the dance floor, and carefully placed his arm around Buffy’s waist. When she noticed that he was waiting for her to do the next move, she inched a little bit closer to him, and took his other hand in hers, placing it over his heart.
She is everything to me, the unrequited dream,
the song that no one sings, the unattainable.
She's a myth that I have to believe in,
all I need to make it real is one more reason.
I don't know what to do,
I don't know what to do
When she makes me sad.
“This song is kinda perfect for us, luv” Spike said, and Buffy looked up into his blue eyes.
“Yes, I guess it is.” She said, and then ducked her head. “This is what you think of me?” She asked in a very small voice, almost afraid on what his answer might be, and Spike lifted her chin.
“Yes it is. And I don’t mean that in a bad way, pet. Not at all” He said, and Buffy looked at him. Then she let a small smile appear on her face.
“I know” She said, and then they remained silent.
But I won't let this build up inside of me,
I won't let this build up inside of me,
I won't let this build up inside of me,
I won't let this build up inside of me.
A catch in my throat, choke,
Torn into pieces,
I won't, no,
I don't want to be this,
But I won't let this build up inside of me,
I won't let this build up inside of me,
I won't let this build up inside of me,
I won't let this build up inside of me.
The slayer and vampire swayed slowly to the music, their minds only on each other. Much to Spike’s surprise, Buffy leaned down her head on his chest, closing her eyes. She felt safe like this, wrapped in Spike’s arms. Despite what all her friends thought, Spike had proven himself worthy to her more than once.
She isn't real,
I can't make her real.
She isn't real,
I can't make her real.
The song ended, and Buffy and Spike broke apart. Feeling slightly embarrassed now that the song was over, Buffy looked up at Spike, wondering what to do.
“You wanna go home, luv?” Spike asked, and Buffy nodded.
“Yes, let’s go home”
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When they came back to the house, Buffy sighed. She was not looking forwards to this. The house felt like a prison to her, and she wanted an escape.
“Goodnight Spike” She said when they had come inside, and then walked up the stairs. Spike looked after her and then walked down to the basement.
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Spike looked up when he heard footsteps in the stairs, and stood up from his bed when he saw Buffy walk down the stairs, wearing sweatpants and a tank top.
“I couldn’t sleep” She said, her voice disturbingly flat, and Spike nodded.
“Understandable, pet” He said, and gestured for her to sit down on the bed. She sat down, and closed her eyes as she leaned back against the cool wall. Sighing, she felt the bed shift as Spike sat down next to her. Spike watched the blonde slayer for a few minutes before he lightly touched her cheek. Buffy opened her eyes and looked at Spike, a look of tenderness in her eyes.
“It’s funny. I’m dead tired, but I can’t sleep. I haven’t slept for days” She said, and Spike couldn’t help but to feel sorry for her. “I’ve got too much on my mind to sleep.”
“Haven’t slept myself in a while, luv, so I know how you feel” Spike said, and Buffy chuckled. Then she leaned her head on his shoulder, trying hard to re-create the feeling they’d had on the dance floor.
“You mind if I stay here for a while?” She yawned, and Spike wrapped his arm around Buffy’s shoulder.
“Not at all, sweetheart” He said, and Buffy snuggled closer to him.
“Sing for me?” She whispered and Spike looked down at her.
“In, I’m falling in
I didn’t want to, not so fast boy
Slow, don’t wanna hurt the girl
Give her a pretty box, you better fill it
And I get blinded when she opens the door
It’s like looking into the sun, you know
And I’m just blinking a moment, staring at my shoes
And she just looks at me and smiles
Smiles...”
By the time he had finished the song, Buffy was almost asleep.
“Night Buffy” Spike whispered, and planted a light kiss on the top of her head. He sat up straighter and Buffy groaned.
“No, let me sleep here” She said, and Spike picked her up and gently put her down on the bed again. She snuggled into the pillow, her green eyes barely open. Spike sat down next to her on the bed, and Buffy’s hand came to rest upon his.
“Stay here with me” She requested, her voice low and slurred, and Spike took of his shoes before laying down beside her. Buffy closed her eyes and turned around so that her back was against him, and snuggled closer to him. Spike wrapped his arm around Buffy’s narrow waist, and her hand clasped tightly in his. Closing his eyes, Spike breathed in Buffy’s sweet scent and let it lull him to sleep.
-------------------------------------
Buffy woke up feeling warm, and when she opened her eyes, she found herself staring into the neck of a sleeping vampire. Sometime during the night they had shifted positions, and were now laying on their sides, facing each other. Their legs were entwined, and Spike had one around Buffy’s waist while the other one rested in her hair.
She studied Spike’s face for a moment, taking in how carefree he looked when he slept. Even though he didn’t have to, his chest rose and fell with unnecessary breaths, making him, in Buffy’s opinion, more human than Angel had ever been. She touched his cheek gently and smiled when she noticed he was starting to wake up. He opened his eyes and looked right into hers, a small smile playing across his lips.
“Hey” Buffy whispered, and Spike caressed her hair.
“Hey yourself” Spike said, and Buffy yawned.
“I wish we didn’t have to get up.” She complained, making Spike chuckle in response.
“I know the feeling, luv” He replied, and Buffy gave him a small smile. She then reached up and cupped Spike’s cheek, which felt warmer than usual. Without thinking, Buffy leaned in and pressed her lips against Spike’s in a soft kiss. Then she pulled back, her eyes wide.
“Oh, my god, I’m so sorry Spike, I shouldn’t have done that” She said and quickly stood up. Luckily, Spike caught up with her before she could rush up the stairs, and turned her around to face him.
“Buffy?” Spike asked, concerned and Buffy shook her head, looking close to crying.
“I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to. I’ve just been so confused lately” She said, and then walked over to the bed, sitting down. “I’ve been thinking a lot lately, about us” She said, looking up at Spike, and he walked over to her, a confused look in his eyes.
“About us?” Buffy stood up and nodded.
“You remember when I told you that I couldn’t love you, that I was just being weak and selfish?” She said, and didn’t notice that a flash of disappointment went through Spike’s eyes.
“I remember luv, I don’t need a re-run” He snapped, and a hurt look appeared on Buffy’s face. “You should go, they’ll miss you” Spike said harshly, and then turned his back on her.
“Spike? Why are you acting like this?” Spike knew that Buffy wouldn’t give up, so he walked up the stairs quickly, hoping to lose the blonde slayer in order not to get his heart broken by her. Again. It was evening, and he walked through hordes of potentials, not stopping until he came to the hallway, Buffy tight on his heels.
“Why are you running?” Buffy exclaimed, oblivious to the fact that everyone living in the Summers’ household was listening to them.
“I don’t wanna do this, Buffy” He said, and that’s when something in Buffy cracked.
“But I want to! I have to do this, or else everything we ever were was a lie” She exclaimed, and Spike looked confused at her.
“What are you talking about?” He questioned, his voice soft, and Buffy gave him a small smile.
“I love you, you stupid vampire. I love you, Ich liebe dich, Je t’adore, do you want me to translate some more?” Spike walked up to her, a shocked and surprised look in his blue eyes.
“You love me?” He asked, still unbelieving, and Buffy nodded.
“I love you, Spike” She whispered, and their lips met in a kiss. Buffy moved to deepen the kiss, but Spike kept it light.
“We’ve got an audience” Spike whispered as they broke apart, and Buffy looked around. She blushed when she saw everyone looking at them. Willow looked shocked, Xander looked angry, Giles looked disapproving, and Dawn looked happy.
Buffy took Spike’s hand in hers and walked out the front door, into the warm Sunnydale night.
“At least we can be alone here” She said and sat down on the stairs. Spike sat down behind her and wrapped his arms around her waist, planting a light kiss to her head. That’s when Spike realized that Buffy was just like him; she loved with every fiber in her body. But unlike him, she didn’t throw herself into love like he did, without a thought of getting hurt. No, she was more careful, and waited until she knew that the person felt strongly before giving into her love.
“Do you think it’ll get worse? With the First, I mean” Buffy asked, and Spike looked down at her.
“I dunno, darling. It might do” He said, and Buffy closed her eyes. “It’ll be okay though. We’ll be okay” He said, and Buffy turned around.
“You don’t know that. You don’t know if we’ll survive this. I just found you, I can’t lose you” She said, near tears, and let her head fall down.
Spike lifted her chin, making her look at him. “Hey, don’t think like that. We’re gonna survive this. I love you Buffy” He said, and Buffy smiled.
“I love you too...William” She said and they met in a kiss that would last forever.
THE END