Arms crossed over her chest, Buffy glared at the three men seated before her. They all wore lost-little-boy expressions, though two had a slight mutinous edge to them. She had been gone for less than a week, thinking she could trust them not to get into trouble. Buffy had been wrong, so very wrong.
"Tell me again, one at a time," Buffy sighed in frustration. "How did this happen?
"I don't see why we should," Dean muttered under his breath. "We didn't do anything wrong."
"Shhh! I don't care! I just want answers. Sam?"
Hearing nothing, but unintelligible mumbling, Buffy came to stand before the youngest Winchester.
"What did you say Sam?"
"It was just a night out!" Sam protested. "How the hell were we supposed to know what would happen?"
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
"It's true!" Spike's words were slightly slurred. He was waving his arms around widely, and it was only Sam's head against the table that saved their pitcher of beer from falling to the floor.
"See?" Dean slurred. "That is impossible. People do not just turn into demons."
Seeing the incredulous look he was getting from Spike, Dean said, "Dude, you know what I mean."
"I didn't say he just turned into a demon," Spike continued. "I said Giles was mojoed into a Fyarl. It actually happened when I was still evil so I shouldn't find it funny anymore. Oh who am I kidding? Hearing old Rupert saying 'serviceable' in Fyarl was bloody hilarious!"
"I thought we'd finished this topic hours ago?" Sam asked, lifting his head slightly from the table's smooth surface.
"We'll have finished this bloody topic when Deano here admits I'm telling the truth."
"You have yet to admit my story about the sexed up E.T is better than any of yours."
Closing his mouth, Spike tilted his head to the side, a thoughtful look settling across his face.
"Alright, mate," Spike said. "I'll admit it was a bloody hilarious story, but nothing beats seeing the Poof as a puppet. I even have pictures."
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
"You told them about that?" Buffy shrieked, interrupting Spike's story telling.
"Well, yeah." Spike shrugged, then defensively, "But Peaches was a puppet! I had to tell 'em."
"Spike," Buffy said, her voice stern. "Do you really have pictures?"
Getting ready to deny their existence, Spike paused when he noticed the mischievous glint in his girl's eyes.
"Yeah, luv." Spike grinned. "How do you think I keep getting Angel to do stuff for me?"
Shaking her head, Buffy got the conversation back on track.
"That still doesn't explain how the building got burned down."
"Sam did it." Spike and Dean said in unison. Sam shot the pair a dirty look and slouched down in his seat, refusing to speak.
"There was a demon inside," Dean sighed. He couldn't let Sam get into trouble over something that couldn't be avoided. "A very big demon."
"We killed it," Spike added with a firm nod. Taking an unnecessary breath, Spike continued the story.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
"Really?" Dean asked, all mischief and bouncing in his seat like a kid on Christmas morning. "Hey, Sammy. Do you still have that link for the demon website we found? You know, the one we put the video of Finn on."
Seeing the matching grins on their faces, Sam began to shake his head in denial long before words spilled from his lips.
"No Dean," Sam said firmly, his words only slightly slurred.
"Ah come on mate," Spike wheedled. "Its Angel!"
"No."
"Hey Spike," Dean said, shoving Spike's shoulder. "We could always get Ash to do it."
"No you couldn't" came Ellen's firm answer as she cleared away the glasses and pitcher. "It's closing time and you three have had more than enough. Now get lost so I can close up."
Dragging themselves to their feet the trio left the bar. Sam being slightly less drunk than his brother and Spike, took the keys. After shoving Dean into the passenger side and Spike into the back, Sam climbed in. The Impala's engine turned over with a low rumbling purr, and soon they were headed back towards their hotel. Unfortunately, for Sam, Spike and Dean started bickering over whose stories were more outrageous, again.
"Dude, killer clown."
"Phhft!" Spike dismissed with a wave of his hand. "It wasn't a real clown. Just some bloody stupid demon pretending."
"It was enough to scare Sammy." Dean grinned, leaning sideways, back against the car's door.
"I know," Sam said as he shot a glare his brother's way. "How about I tell Spike about the time we exorcized that demon on the plane."
"Plane's crash!"
"And clowns kill!"
"Bitch."
"Jerk."
"Bed wetter," Dean coughed under his breath, trying to hide his laughter. He could hear Spike choking on his laughter behind him.
"Dean!" Sam yelled. "I did not wet the bed."
"That's not how I remember it."
"Yeah, well you're old."
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
"I do not sound like that!" Sam growled as he aimed a swipe at Dean's head. "And I can't believe you told her I used to wet the bed."
"Dude! What are you doing hitting me for?" Dean asked as he batted his brother's hand away. "I wasn't the one making fun of you or spilling your secrets."
"One, you're closer," Sam said. "And two you were laughing."
"Ugh," Buffy said, interrupting the brother's bickering. "You two are worse than Spike and Angel. Just skip ahead would you? I don't have all night."
"Fine," Dean sighed. Turning to Spike, "Go to the part where Sammy thought it would be a good idea to go play laser tag."
"I did not…you two where the ones arguing over who was the better hunter!"
"That was no argument, mate." Spike grinned. "I was simply stating some facts for that ignorant brother of yours."
"Bleach boy, you better not have not just call me ignorant!" Dean yelled as he turned to look at Spike.
"Spike," Buffy said, interrupting before Dean and Spike could start bickering, again.
"All right Slayer," Spike said with a sigh.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
The next evening, Dean pulled the Impala up to a large laser tag center. There were several cars parked in the lot and a big neon sign flashed above the door.
"Nice place," Spike drawled as he took in a few customers heading towards the doors. "How'd you find it."
"Sammy used his psychic powers to find it," Dean said with a grin.
"Dude shut up," Sam grumbled. "We've played here before. Dad thought it was a suitable training exercise."
Sensing the lighthearted mood slipping, Spike nodded his head. "Right, lets do this then."
Once inside, Spike let his gaze wonder over the room. There was an area set off to the side where people paid and equipment was handed out. Spike noted that an emergency exit was on the other side of the equipment cage and a set of bathrooms next to it. There was also another emergency exit on the other side of maze. The maze itself, Spike noted was lit with black lights.
"All right Sammy, go pay," Dean said as he pushed his brother forward. Glaring at Dean, Sam went to pay while Spike and Dean got their equipment.
"So how does this work again?" Spike asked, sounding amused as he watched as a group of ten year olds and one harried parent shoved past Sam in order to reach the bathrooms.
"Wear the pack, go into the dark maze, use the 'gun' to shoot your opponent, and when the sensor on the pack lights up, you've been killed," Dean said.
"Also after you've been 'killed' you have to wait a bit before you can shoot anybody again," Sam said as he came to stand beside him brother.
"Right," Spike drawled as he put on his vest and held his gun in his left hand. "So, one on one?"
"Yep," Dean said. "Sammy had them set it up so that we could 'shoot' whoever we want."
Stepping aside, Spike waited for the attendant to tell them when it was their turn. There was a thirty minute wait between when groups were allowed into the maze and each group was only allowed in for an hour at a time, leaving only two groups of five in the maze at all times. What Spike really liked was that the people he "killed" didn't have to be in his group. On this turn, if they were in the maze they were fair game.
When the attendant gave the signal, Spike, Sam and Dean slipped into the maze silently, each going in different directions.
For the next thirty minutes the three killed each other a number of times, teamed up to take one another out, and generally let loose and had fun. Sam coming across a puddle of blood near the back of the maze killed the mood.
"Damn it, damn it, damn it," Dean swore as he kicked the wall.
"Is it…" Sam trailed off, looking at Spike for confirmation.
"Yeah, it's human," Spike grumbled. "Bloody hell."
"Demon?"
"Yeah."
"Dean, there are kids here."
"That's not from a kid," Spike said. "Still got to clear the place out somehow, but that blood didn't come from a kid."
"You can tell?" Dean asked an odd look on his face.
"Vampire, mate," Spike answered with a shrug. "Of course I can tell."
"Cool," Dean said with a nod. "Spike, you need to come hunting with us more often. That nose of yours would save us a lot of time."
"As nice a thought as that is," Sam said as he gestured towards the blood. "What are we going to do about this?"
"Right," Dean said. "Sammy, ditch the packs. Spike slip around and see if you can find the fire alarm and pull it. Sam when everyone is heading out, you slip back into the maze got it?"
"What weapons do you two have on hand?" Spike asked as he pulled his pack off and handed it to Sam. "I've already got mine."
"Show off," Dean grumbled as he watched Spike change into game face. Handing Sam his pack and Dean reached down to pull out the knife he had strapped to his leg.
"You're both idiots," Sam said as he reached into his pocket and pulled out a bottle of holy water. Handing it to Dean, Sam left to drop off the packs while Spike faded into the shadows. Looking around, Dean found his own hiding place and waited for the alarm to sound.
When it did, the lights came on and people rushed for the exits. Sam and Spike quietly crept through the crowd and found Dean and the three of them waited for the warehouse to empty.
"We clear?" Dean asked once the warehouse was quiet.
Head tilted to one side, Spike nodded. "Yeah."
"All right we've got maybe ten to twenty minutes before the fire brigade shows up," Dean said.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
"Wait a minute!" Buffy said interrupting the story telling once more. "Are you three telling me that you actually came up with a valid plan to search for this demon instead of just torching the place?"
"Hey!" Dean yelled as he jumped up from his seat. No body insulted his hunting skills, not even the slayer. "We've been doing this since we were kids, unlike you who were trying to figure out which pretty pink dress to wear back then."
"You didn't just imply that you're better at this than me did you?" Buffy asked, her voice flat. Spike could see the matching anger in her and Dean's eyes and in turn rolled his own.
"I didn't imply I was better," Dean growled. "Just more experienced, Barbie."
"Why you…"
"And that's enough!" Spike said as he moved in between the two. Taking Buffy in his arms, he marched her back across the room and as far away from Dean as possible. Luckily, Sam was standing in front of Dean, preventing him from following them. "I swear you two can't go five minutes without arguing over who has the biggest pair of wrinklies."
"Eww…Spike!" Buffy cried out as she slapped his chest.
"Stop it Slayer," Spike growled. "You know exactly what I'm talking about."
"But Spike," Buffy said her voice not nearly as low as it should have been. "He just insulted me!"
"Right after you insulted him, Slayer," Spike said, eyes narrowed. He would not be taken in by her pout, no matter how cute she looked.
"Now apologize."
"But…"
"Now Slayer," Spike said, and then with an evil glint in his eyes, "Or I'll go off on a month long hunting trip with Dean and Sammy, leaving you to deal with Andrew by yourself."
"Spike! That's just cruel," Buffy grumbled, her pout intensifying. Spike merely raised his eyebrow and waited.
"Fine," Buffy said with a huff. "I'm…sorry. I was out of line."
"Dean, no," Sam ordered as Dean started to say something snarky in reply.
"But dude, she…"
"Dean."
"Fine. Jerk."
"I thought jerk was my line?" Sam said as he eased his brother back into his chair.
"Yeah well…"
"Dean," Sam said as he stared his brother down. He knew exactly what his brother was about to say and it would only start the argument up again.
"Fine. Sorry about calling you Barbie."
"Now, can you three just tell me how you ended up burning down that warehouse so that I can get the paper work sorted out properly?" Buffy said with a sigh. She hated dealing with all three of them at the same time.
Childishly, Buffy longed for the days before Spike had gotten friends of his own. Sure, she'd had to play referee between Spike and pretty much all of her friends, but at least her friends were usually on her side. Dean always sided with Spike, and unless he'd done something really stupid, Sam usually did as well.
"Fine, Buffy," Spike said as he settled into his seat once more. "But one more interruption and story time is over."
Nodding Buffy settled against the opposite wall and waited for Spike to continue.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Once darkness had settled the next day, Spike, Dean, and Sam broke into the laser tag center. The place had been closed for two hours and all of the employees had finally left. After taking care of the security cameras, they each took up a weapon.
"All right," Dean said as he started towards the maze. "Let's find this ugly son of a bitch and kill it. There's this cute little red head in town I'd like to get to know better."
"You mean the same cute little red head with the big burly boyfriend?" Sam asked as he walked past his brother.
"Sam, shut up." Dean could hear Spike snickering behind him. "Yeah, yeah. Laugh it up vamp boy."
Falling silent, the three moved around the complex, looking for any signs of the demon. They had done a bit of research while ironing out the details on how they would take the demon out. From the few details they had found it was a toss up between a troll and a flesh-eating demon whose name they couldn't pronounce.
Dean was hoping for a troll. The flesh-eating demon had wings and eight legs that would make a spider proud.
"Think I've got something." Dean heard Spike call from his left. Catching Sam's attention the brothers made their way over to where Spike stood. The closed door said 'maintenance' and had a foul odor permeating the area around it.
Looking at Sam and Dean, Spike tapped the side of his nose and mouthed 'troll'. Dean's shoulders sagged in relief.
Motioning Sam to his right, Spike stepped back as the brothers pulled out their guns. Taking aim, Spike let his Doc Martin's connect with flimsy particleboard door. It crashed off its hinges and landed in a heap at the end of the maintenance closet.
The stench of rotting corpses wafted over the trio making Sam and Dean gag. When Spike simply stopped breathing, Dean flipped him off.
Grinning, Spike headed into the closet first, Sam right behind him with Dean taking the rear.
The closet was only big enough to hold two sets of floor to ceiling shelves that ran along opposite walls, leaving a narrow walkway down the center. Stashed between the shelves and the far wall were two bodies, both male and in their late teens. Above Spike's head was the access panel to the attic.
Hearing a slight shuffling noise behind them, they turned and found the troll standing a few feet from the ruined doorway. In Spike's estimation, it was close to eight feet tall and almost just as wide. Its face looked smooshed and it had two long yellow tusks that curved up over its top lip. Long muscled arms like a gorillas hung at its side. It's skin was a mottled yellow green.
Letting out a bone-rattling roar, the troll charged.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
"So you guys fought a troll," Buffy asked. They could all hear the skepticism in her voice and all three straighten, matching scowls settling on Dean and Sam's faces. Spike just rolled his eyes, again.
"No, Slayer," Spike drawled, sarcasm dripping from his words. "We're just saying we killed a murderous troll to cover up the fact that even though I'm a bit more flammable than you lot, I've suddenly decided to take up your arson hobby."
"Spike…"
"We killed it with iron buckshot," Dean grumbled. "Then we salted and burned the bodies."
"Bodies?"
"Yeah. It was storing them up for later," Spike said. The look of disgust on his face speaking volumes.
"Oh…eeww," Buffy said as she wrinkled her nose in disgust. Then with a sigh she muttered, "What am I going to do with you three?"
"Don't know about the other two, but I know what you can do with me," Spike said as he stood up.
"Spike…"
"Come on Slayer," Spike drawled, wrapping his arms around her waist. "Let's go back to my room and I'll tell you exactly what I had in mind."
"I need to file the paperwork," Buffy said weakly. Spike was already pulling her towards the door.
"Later," Spike said as he nuzzled her neck. "It's been almost a week since we last shagged."
Shoving Spike out the door, Buffy ignored the catcalls coming from Dean. She had a vampire to punish.
Author's Chapter Notes:
Many thanks to A.J Hofacre for the advice. All mistakes left are mine.