Buffy walked up to her room, dragging her feet from the hellish day that she had had. She reached her door, just staring at the wood. She didn't want to go into her room, too many memories there. She sighed heavily, turned the knob and entered the spacious room.
Looking around, she noticed that she had yet to remove the photos of him. Walking to her vanity, she glanced around the pictures of her and him. Spike. She missed him. But she had let him go. Somewhere inside of her, she was silently hoping for him to change her mind, to come back to her, like he always did.
However, today she found out that he wouldn't be coming back. She had seen him. With her. She didn't know how he could move on so fast from her, but she was devastated from his progress in getting over her. She hadn't thought of wanting anyone else, but he had already found someone to easily replace her.
She reached under her shirt, to uncover the locket that he had bought her. She turned it over to read the inscription on the back. 'My Love. My Life. My Forever.' A silent tear fell from her eyes as she headed towards the door and closed it.
She realized that she hadn't made her bed since the last time that they were in it together. A month ago. She really missed him. Sitting on the bottom edge of the bed, she clutched the bed cover tightly in her fists, desperately trying to keep the tears at bay.
Buffy softly began to sing to herself,
"Crossing paths, I saw the past, realized how good it was
The smell of your scent, feel of your touch
Memory had me gone.
But you're with her and not with me now
And I wonder if you think of me how
I think of you when I'm lying in bed
And the image of you loving her plays in my head."
Buffy looked up to meet her own eyes in the full length mirror that was placed in front of her. Letting the tears fall freely now, never noticing the man that stood at the now open door, staring at her. She continued singing to herself,
"You messed up and you lost a real good thing,
And now you're asking, 'Why?'
You messed up and now you're asking, 'Why?'
You messed up and you lost a real good thing,
And now you're asking, 'Why?'
Why did you do this to me?"
She hated herself for losing him, and she never wanted that to happen. But she just kept pushing him away, and now he was with someone else. Loving her like he used to love her.And she was all alone, because she screwed up everything. She grabbed at her engraved necklace, reading the engraving, once more, 'My Love. My Life. My Forever.' Slowly picking up where she left off,
"You messed up and you lost a real good thing, baby,
And now you're asking, 'Why?'
You messed up and you lost a real good thing,
And now you're asking, 'Why?'"
She crawled up the length of the bed, curling herself into a small ball as she cried to herself. She realized that she wasn't alone when she felt a pair of familiar strong arms wrap around her protectively, just like they had done, time and time again.
She felt herself being turned over to face the person that held her so safely. Buffy wouldn't open her eyes, for fear of what she might find in the ones looking back at her. When she felt a soft hand under her chin, however, she slowly opened her tear filled eyes, looking into the blue ones of the man she loved.
She thought he would start to yell at her for regretting what she did, or that he would at least try to talk about it, but he didn't. He pulled her to him, and kissed both of her eye lids, making the tears almost disappear. After almost an hour of him holding her and her crying, she finally slowed down, letting the tremors that were coursing throughout her body run through her as they slowly disappeared.
Buffy felt him take a deep breath, hearing his voice come out in a husky tone, "She doesn't mean anything to me. She was just there, nothing happened. She helped me when I needed to talk to someone. She wasn't anyone."
She felt her heart break again as she said her next words, "It doesn't matter. It was my fault, I deserve everything that I feel now."
Spike kissed her forehead, "No, you don't. Like you sang, you messed up. We all do. It's going to be okay." He wished that he could just erase the past for her. He knew that she had issues with men, and he knew that he wanted to love her for the rest of her life. He put a finger under her chin, to get her to look at him.
At first, she wouldn't look at him, afraid of what she would find in his eyes. When she finally met his eyes again, "How can you say that? How can you possibly believe that everything is going to be okay between us after what I did? How I didn't trust you?" She didn't want to know the answer to that. She desperately wanted things to go back to the way things used to be, before she had her trust issues.
She missed Spike. She wanted him to be hers again, not the other woman's. But she couldn't honestly believe that he would want to be with her again. Now, she sat, and she waited. For rejection. She waited for him to yell at her that he couldn't possibly be with her now after everything that had happened. That he didn't want to be with her.
Instead, he gave her the smile that she only got to see, that melted her heart every time that she saw it. Simply saying, "Because you're my love. My life. My forever."
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A/N: This is the site that I found the necklace on: http://www.heartsmith.com/media/b_darla_engraved.jpg
The song is called "Flashback (Interlude) by Danity Kane. It's on their second CD called "Welcome To The Dollhouse".
Hope you enjoyed this short fic. Let me know what you think.
=)
Author's Chapter Notes:
I do not own any of the Buffy characters. There is a Spike/other relationship implied, but there is NOTHING that is graphic. I couldn't handle that. I don't own the song in this story either. The song is called "Flashback (Interlude)" by Danity Kane. I hope you like it, let me know! Thanks to everyone that reads! =)