~prologue~
Buffy shook her head, as if to clear it, and played the message on her answering machine again. It was the fourth time she listened to it now, and she still didn’t know what to make of it. Because it didn’t make any sense, whatsoever. Not that it should come as a total surprise whenever Andrew was involved, but even for him, the words coming from his mouth were beyond confusing. And absolutely terrifying.
”It’s like a fairy tale! It’s a miracle! You gotta come to LA right away.”
A pause. Buffy’s heart was beating painfully hard in her chest, and she felt like her head was spinning.
”Oh, um, Spike’s alive. Well, technically, I guess he’s still a vampyr, but he’s back. So you better hurry, you know, before he does something that’ll get him killed again. Gotta go, or I’ll miss out on the action. See ya!”
That was it. Swallowing hard, Buffy played up the message again from the beginning. It still said the same thing. And still, her mind refused to take it in. Finally, she let out a shaky breath, grabbed the phone and dialed a number.
two days later…
“Buffy?” Spike stared at the blonde woman, standing in the doorway with an unreadable expression on her face. He had not been prepared for this. Not that he had really trusted Andrew to keep his mouth shut, but still, he hadn’t expected her to actually show up at his doorstep.
“Spike.” The Slayer watched him, closely. “So, it is true. Thought Andrew was losing it.” A beat. “Hell, thought I was losing it. You look good, with the not being dead and all. How’s that working out for you?”
He raised a scarred brow, knowing all too well that she was hiding her true feelings and emotions behind sarcasm, a behavior he was most familiar with when it came to her. It was almost a relief, how some things never seemed to change. Letting out a sigh, he took a step back. “Wanna come in?”
After a brief moment’s hesitation, she nodded, giving him a somewhat wary look. “All right.” She stepped through the door, looking around the small room. “Wow. It’s, um...”
Suddenly feeling self-conscious, he quickly looked away. “I know, s’not much. Still beats the crypt, though.” He shrugged and walked past her, over to the small fridge. “Can I get you anything? There’s beer, and...” A pause. “Well, that’s pretty much it. Known you were coming...” He shrugged again.
She smiled a little. “You’d baked a cake. Right?”
“Right.” He was surprised she remembered. After all, almost two years had passed since they'd had that particular conversation. For some reason, it felt longer, like the events back in Sunnydale had taken place in another lifetime.
He cleared his throat. “So, how’d you know where to find me?” The moment the words had left his mouth, he cursed his stupidity. “Never mind. Take it you went to see the great poof. Don’t tell me, I know this. Was just a ‘hello’, right?” He shook his head in disgust.
Buffy glared at him. “For your information, I did see Angel. But he was not the one who told me where to look for you. This other girl did. Fred?” She gave him an expectant look.
“Oh.” Was that a hint of jealousy in her voice? Probably just wishful thinking. He made his way over to the couch and sat down.
“She seemed nice. Are you two close?” Buffy crossed her arms over her chest and he held back a smirk. Maybe not just wishful thinking after all.
“Pretty close, yeah.” He decided to test the water a little. “Fred’s a nice bird. Real smart, too.”
“I see.” Buffy was quiet for a moment. Then she sighed. “Maybe this was a mistake, coming here.”
“That so?” He was starting to get pissed off. “Off you go, then. Have a nice life.” Getting up from the couch, he gestured towards the door.
She stared at him in disbelief. “What the hell’s the matter with you?! Want me to leave, is that it? Cause I will.”
Walking over to her, he stopped, his face mere inches away from hers. “Fine.”
“Fine!” Neither of them moved. For a moment, they just looked at each other. Then, before either of them had even realized what was happening, Spike's lips crashed against hers. She grabbed him by the collar of his coat, returning the kiss almost fiercely. At that moment, the rest of the world faded away.
Naturally, it all came crashing back down the moment Buffy had to pull back for air. Their eyes met, and Spike took a step back. She didn’t know whether to be relieved or disappointed. Swallowing, she let her arms drop at her sides and lowered her eyes. “Okay... That was... weird.”
“Right, sorry.” Spike looked away. “Was just a glitch, yeah? Don’t make a big deal out of it. Won’t happen again.”
“Why are you doing this?” Suddenly she felt like crying. And it infuriated her.
“Me?!” He got a doubtful expression on his face. Then he let out a defeated sigh. “Maybe you should just leave, Slayer.”
Buffy nodded. “Yeah. Maybe I should.” Despite her words, she remained where she was.
He glanced at her then. “But you won’t.”
She shook her head. “Guess not.” They were both silent for a moment.
Finally, Spike chuckled a little. “Bloody confusing, eh, pet?”
“Tell me about it.” Buffy paused as something occurred to her. “That’s the first time you’ve called me that since I got here.” He just looked at her, and she went on; “Seriously, Spike, why didn’t you call me? Didn’t you think I had the right to know you were alive? Or undead, or whatever you wanna call it?”
“Wasn’t like that.” He sighed. “Wanted to tell you, I really did, but...”
“It was Angel, wasn’t it?” Buffy bit her lip, looking down at her feet. “Fred told me he was against you coming to find me from the beginning. I just never expected you to actually listen to him.”
“Was never about Angel!” Spike got a defensive note in his voice, then his face softened a little. “Never meant to hurt you, luv. I just...” He rolled his eyes, searching for the right words. “Way I went out, the way you were looking at me back then, like I...” He hesitated, suddenly not wanting to meet her eyes. “Couldn’t bear hear you take it back.”
“Take what back? What are you...?” Buffy stopped as realization hit her. “Oh.” A pause. “Still don’t believe I meant what I said, do you?”
“Honestly?” Spike kept his eyes on the floor. “No, I don’t.” Buffy opened her mouth to object, but he wen’t on; “Maybe you did mean it. Maybe you did love me, in some way. But can you look me in the eyes now, and tell me you were in love with me?” When she didn’t answer, he looked up, giving her a sad smile. “See my point?”
“Things were insane back then.” Buffy slumped down on the couch. “In case you’ve forgotten, we were in the middle of trying to stop an apocalypse. The apocalypse, I might add. I couldn’t allow myself to stop and try to figure out my feelings about you. About us. So, no, I can’t look you in the eyes and tell you I was in love with you back then.”
“Figured.” Although he had expected as much, it still hurt like a bitch to hear.
“But,” she went on, “I can’t tell you I wasn’t, either.”
Eyes widening in surprise, he stared at her, almost afraid to ask; “What does that mean?”
“I... don’t know.” Buffy swallowed. “Does it have to mean something?”
They had already had this conversation once. Back then, he had let her off the hook. But not this time. Too much was at stake now. He nodded. “Yes.”
“Yeah, I know.” She actually pouted, and he found himself staring at her bottom lip. “Just checking.” He hesitated for a moment, before finally sitting down next to her. Buffy looked at him, then put her hand on his cheek. “I missed you.”
“Missed you, too, pet.” He didn’t know what else to say, so he stayed quiet.
“You know, when I went to see Angel...” Buffy rolled her eyes when he growled a little. “I also met this green demon with horns. He was actually kinda nice, but he kept insisting I’d sing for him.”
Spike chuckled. “Yeah, that would be Lorne. Empath demon. He can read your mind when you sing.”
“So I heard.” Buffy’s eyes fell on his wrist, and she leaned closer to get a better look. “No scar.” A beat. “Does it hurt?”
He frowned. “Is there anything Fred didn’t fill you in on?”
She smiled a little. “Actually, that was Andrew. So, back to Lorne...” He gave her a questioning look. “I heard Angel made everyone at Wolfram and Hart sing for him.”
“Yeah. So?” He failed to see where she was going with this.
Her smile grew wider. “What did you sing?”
“What are you on about?” Spike’s eyes widened in alarm. “Didn’t bloody sing!”
She gave him a patient look, but he remained silent, a stubborn look on his face, and Buffy rolled her eyes again. “Fine, have it your way. But I’ll find out, one way or the other.”
“Yeah, right...” He let out a snort. Then he glanced at her. “Nice try to distract me, by the way. You never answered my question, pet. Where does this leave us?”
“I...” Buffy sighed. “Wasn’t trying to distract you. I just don’t know what you want me to say. I did miss you, and I do care about you a lot. But you have to understand how confusing all of this is for me. I mean, you were dead, Spike. I mourned you. I didn’t think I’d ever see you again.”
“You moved on. I get it.” He was unable to keep the hurt out of his voice.
“I’m not sure I did.” He looked up, and their eyes met. Buffy went on; “I did mean what I said back in the Hellmouth. I did love you, Spike. I still do. But...”
“But you’re not in love with me,” he finished. “S’all right. Don’t have to give me the whole ‘let’s be friends’ speech.”
“I’m not.” Buffy let out a frustrated sigh. “Would you just hear me out?”
“Sorry.” He motioned for her to go on.
“Look, Spike...” She tried to choose her words carefully. “I can’t tell you what’s gonna happen, because I honestly don’t know. But what I do know is this: I’m here now, and I plan to stick around for a while. Can we just take one day at the time? See what happens?”
It wasn’t exactly a declaration of ever-lasting love, but still, it was more than the crumb he had long since stopped hoping for. He still loved her, probably always would, but he could wait. Not like he had much of a choice, anyway. Besides, Buffy wasn’t going anywhere. He would have plenty of time to win her over. And he intended to start right away.
The End