The Man She Deserves
By Ashley
The moment he let go of her, Spike fell to the ground, panting hard as he clutched his side in pain. Dawn Summers knelt next to her savior and tried to move his hands away.
“Let me see,” she urged.
“S’alright, pet,” he assured her. “It’s just a flesh wound.” His obvious attempt at humor didn’t go over, however, because the moment he’d said it, searing pain tore through him, making him gasp and clutch himself harder.
“Buffy!” Dawn called for her sister. The sounds of fighting were still echoing, though she wasn’t sure if the fight was over, or if her ears were playing tricks on her in all of the excitement. “Hold on! I’ll find her!”
“No! You stay here. I promised her I’d look after you. Just…stay put.” He groaned again and lurched forward. “Bloody hell!” Dawn moved toward him again, fear rising in her eyes.
“Spike!”
“I just…gotta rest for a minute.” Spike slumped over on the ground, his head hitting it with a definitive thwack. His eyelids fluttered shut, and the last thing he remembered seeing before he closed his eyes was a flash of blonde hair and two frightened, green eyes staring down at him.
***
When he awoke, he found himself surrounded by something he wasn’t accustomed to. Something soft. Fluffy, even. But before he could open his eyes, he felt the ache in his side. He groaned and tried to sit up. Unfortunately, the pain was worse than he’d realized, because the moment his muscles began to move for him to sit, he felt as if he was being torn apart by very sharp, very angry little fingers.
He moaned again, and then he heard it. The softest of pattering across the floor. It wasn’t the sound of leaves scraping against the cold concrete of his crypt, something he’d grown used to a long time ago. No, this was the sound of bare feet against carpet. He knew that sound. Only one person could make so little noise.
“Buffy?” He felt a warm palm against his forehead, and his eyes shot open. He squinted when the pain hit him again.
“Hey.” Her eyes were wide and full of worry. Worry? For him? He had to be dreaming. Or dead. Did vampires have afterlives? He wondered if maybe this was his hell. At any moment, she’d pull out a stake and drive it through his heart, and this would be the first of many instant replays for the rest of his damnation.
“Buffy?”
“You ok?”
“Where…”
“You’re in my room. Don’t get used to it. I’m kicking you out as soon as you’re not so pitiful-looking.” Spike started to say something, but only a weak grunt came out. “You’re healing fast, but I’m sure it still hurts like hell. Dawn told me what happened.”
“Doc,” he said quietly. “Limey bastard tried to throw me off the tower. Guess ‘ole Spike had a little strength left in him, even with a knife sticking in him.”
“Yeah,” Buffy said with a half-smile.
“Where is she? Where’s the Nibblet?”
“She’s sleeping. It’s almost five in the morning,” Buffy admitted. Spike scrunched his eyebrows together and took a look around the room. The blinds were closed and the curtains were shut tightly. On Buffy’s bedside table was a tray with a bowl of water, pinkened by his blood, and several bits of cloth. She was taking care of him.
“What…Glory?”
“Seems Glory went into hiding when the going got rough. Ben…well, Ben’s dead.”
“What?” Buffy looked away.
“Giles…he…well, he took care of it. He knew that if we let Ben live, Glory would find a way to come back.” Spike brought his hand to his forehead and then rubbed at his temple. “Word of advice? Don’t bring it up to him for a while.”
“Got it,” Spike muttered. “Are you…”
“I’m fine. A little bruisy. You got the worst of it.” She moved around the bed and sat on the other side. “Turn over a little. I need to check your wound.” Spike said nothing. He was still trying to figure out why Buffy was taking care of him. More than that, he couldn’t get over the fact that they’d made it out of the whole Glory thing without anyone of them getting seriously dead. “It should be ok in a few days. Good thing vampires heal fast, too.”
“Good thing?” Spike echoed.
“Well, in this case, anyway,” she said softly. Spike rolled over onto his back again. Buffy furrowed her brows and leaned in toward his face. Spike felt his entire body grow rigid. What was she doing? Why were her lips so close to his? Why was he thinking about it and not acting on it? But he was frozen. He couldn’t do a damned thing. “Swelling’s going down.”
“Huh?”
“You got a little bit…hit.”
“I did? Don’t remember that.” Buffy chewed on her lower lip.
“Ok, Xander kind of dropped you when we were bringing you back here.”
“Remind me to thank the ponce later.”
“Hey, he was helping. He didn’t mean to drop you.” Spike just shook his head. The two stayed in silence for a few moments, before Buffy’s gaze lowered to Spike’s bare chest. Despite the fact that he’d wanted more than anything for Buffy to look at his chest, maybe with a little desire in his eyes, he couldn’t help but see how exhausted she was.
“You ok?”
“Me? I’m not the one recovering from a knife wound.”
“Yeah, but you’re the one that’s had to go on pretending that her little sister wasn’t some magic key thing. You’re the one that had to fight some bitch goddess from another dimension. It’s over now, right? So…” Buffy shrugged her shoulders.
“So, that just means something else is gonna happen. I mean, I get one thing figured out and then more crap just piles in. After Adam, I thought maybe I’d have a nice, relaxing year. And then I find out my sister isn’t really my sister, and some crazy god tries to kill her. And then my mom…” She ran her fingers through her hair. “I’m just…so…tired.”
He couldn’t help himself. He reached out and placed his hand on hers. She pulled back, and he felt his heart fall. She got up and began to pace around the room, shaking her hands a little.
“Why don’t you rest then?” he wondered.
“I want to. I’ve tried. But every time I close my eyes, I hear something, or…or I wonder if it’s really over.”
“It is over, pet. Glory’s dead. If she wasn’t, I’m sure you’d have heard from her by now. Besides, the ritual was stopped. Dawn’s not the key anymore.” Buffy looked over at him.
“Thanks to you.”
“Just did what you asked.”
“Exactly.” She paused and moved back toward the bed, sitting back down where she’d been before. “You did what I asked. My sister’s safe. We’re all safe.” Her eyes met his. “Because of you.”
“At what point was I helping, exactly? When I got stabbed, or when I passed out from the pain?” Buffy sighed and gave him a little eye roll.
“You risked so much to save her. I can’t tell you how much that means to me.” Spike didn’t take his eyes off of hers. “It was a lot to ask to…”
“It wasn’t anything, Buffy. I’d have done it whether you asked me to or not. I love you.” He saw her tremble a little at his words. Hell, he felt like he’d been run over by a semi. He figured he might as well say these things while he was vulnerable. At least she’d be less willing to shove a stake through his heart when he was so, how did she say it? Oh yeah, pitiful-looking.
“Spike…”
“No, it’s ok,” Spike said quietly. “I said it before. I know you’ll never love me. But you gotta understand something here, luv. That’s not gonna change how I feel about you. Maybe I’m not the kind of man you need, but I’m not a monster.”
“I know you’re not,” she whispered. Spike cocked his head to the side. “You’re more of a man than I’ve given you credit for, Spike. These past few months…well, you don’t know how much it’s meant to me that you’ve been here. You protected Dawn’s secret from Glory. She could’ve killed you, you know?”
“But she didn’t. And I’m here. The Bit’s safe, and Glory’s dead.” Buffy nodded. “We made it through, Slayer.”
“Yeah, I guess so.” His mind was reeling. Why the bloody hell couldn’t he just ask her the things he wanted to. He knew she’d never want him. She’d never need him the way he needed her. But maybe…just maybe he could get a little closer. Did he deserve that? “I guess…I guess the question is…now what?” Spike felt his eyebrow twitch upward in surprise.
“I…look, I…I don’t expect anything from you. I didn’t do this in some grand effort to make you fall in love with me. I’m not completely out of my sodding mind.”
“Spike.”
“No. I don’t…I want you. You know it. But…don’t feel like you owe me anything, pet. You don’t. I’d have died up there tonight if it meant keeping you safe.” Buffy flinched, but she didn’t move from the bed. “Don’t ask me why I feel like this, Buffy. I’ve racked my brain for months trying to understand. But I can’t. I can’t make myself stop feeling this way.”
The way she was looking at him….God, he’d never seen anything like it before. He couldn’t figure her out just now. What was she thinking? What was she feeling? He reached out for her, but she pulled away again.
“You’re probably getting hungry. I’ll go heat you up something to…”
“Buffy?”
“I’ll be right back.” And then she was gone. Spike groaned, partly in frustration, partly in pain, and he leaned back against her pillow, inhaling the scent of her, trying to accept that this was probably as close as he was ever going to get to her.
***
Buffy sat at the counter in the kitchen, head in her hands, staring at the empty mug in front of her. She probably should have heated up Spike’s blood about ten minutes ago, but the pounding in her chest and the fluttering in her stomach had stopped her from going back upstairs.
What the Hell was wrong with her?
As she got up and made her way to the fridge to start preparing Spike’s blood, she thought about the conversation they had had earlier that evening, right before they’d gone after Glory.
“I know you'll never love me. I know that I'm a monster. But you treat me like a man. And that's...” After a moment’s pause, he changed the subject. “Get your stuff, I'll be here.”
The look in his eyes when he’d said it…she couldn’t get it out of her head. All this time she’d spent self-protecting, keeping him at a distance, and he was the one in the end that had stepped up and saved their lives. If it hadn’t been for him, the world would probably be in a state of chaos right now, if it would even have existed more than a few measly moments after the walls between dimensions had crumbled. If it hadn’t been for Spike, Dawn would be dead. She would be dead. A vampire without a soul had saved her life. And all she could think about was how it wasn’t Spike the soulless vampire. It was Spike the man. For an evil being, he had displayed more nobility and bravery than she’d ever seen in her time as a Slayer. He had planned to die for her if it came right down to it.
The microwave beeped, and she removed the packet and poured the contents into Spike’s favorite novelty mug. She frowned, wondering when that mug had made its way from Giles’ cupboard to hers. Things like that, things she hadn’t really thought of before were now creeping into her mind.
She’d shut him out of her house, but she’d kept his stupid mug around? Her stomach flip-flopped at the thought of how she’d treated him. She’d shut him out of her home, made sure that he couldn’t come back in. It wasn’t until well after he’d been beaten to a pulp by Glory that she’d re-invited him back into her home. Suddenly she felt guilty.
Buffy couldn’t help but realize that for the first time, she felt as if she owed him an apology. She’d treated him like dirt. Why? Because he was in love with her? Well, sure, he did work with Dru to render her unconscious long enough to chain her up. But besides the badness that came with it, the fact that he loved her and would do anything for her seemed to weigh a little heavier than everything else. He’d proven that tonight.
Maybe it was the happiness she felt that the Glory thing was over, or maybe it was the fact that she’d truly seen Spike’s goodness tonight, but she felt tears prickle beneath her eyelids. Was she getting teary eyed over a vampire? Well, she was exhausted. She was happy to be alive and to have her friends and her sister alive. And, yeah, she was happy that Spike was alive too. Because as much as she never would have admitted it in the past, life without Spike would be pretty damned boring.
With a sigh, she took Spike’s mug in her hands and headed up the stairs again, being careful not to make too much noise for Dawn’s sake.
When she arrived at her bedroom door, she noticed Spike standing now, looking out the window. She nearly dropped the mug of blood all over her light-colored carpet.
“What are you doing?!” she hissed, placing the mug down on her bedside table and rushing over to gently yank him over to the bed. “You shouldn’t be up. You might heal fast, but that’s gonna start bleeding again, and you’ve already ruined one of my sheets.”
“Sorry, luv,” he murmured, lowering himself back down onto the bed. “Just wanted to make sure the world was still really out there.”
“It is. Trust me,” Buffy whispered. “Drink your blood.” She even put a little straw in there just for him. Spike raised an eyebrow and sat up a little, drinking down every last drop before placing the mug back down on the table.
“Why are you doing this?”
“What?”
“Being so…hospitable.”
“Because you saved my sister’s life tonight. Well, you saved my life. All of my friends…”
“Right, but...”
“I’m not gonna fight with you. I’m also not going to tell you that I’ve become your number one fan, because you know I’d never admit that.” She gave him a little smile, and his un-beating heart swelled a little. “Just…you know…don’t ask questions.”
“Right then. I’ve learned my lesson.” He winced as he rolled onto his back again. He watched her as she sat anxiously in the chair by the bed. “What’s on your mind, pet? Besides narrowly escaping the apocalypse, that is.”
“Nothing.” Too fast. Big mistake.
“C’mon. I’m in too much pain to sleep. Talk to me, luv.”
“I don’t…” She looked up at him and immediately she knew that was a mistake.
“Promise, I’ll hold any snappy comebacks ‘til the end if it’ll make you feel any better.” Buffy couldn’t help but crack a little smile at that. “Ah! See, you smiled. Now, you have to tell me.”
“Who says?”
“Humor me, pet.” Buffy sighed and shook her head.
“I don’t know what I’m thinking. I guess…” She looked at his mug. “Do you remember how this got here?” Spike furrowed his brows.
“What?”
“It used to be at Giles’. Then I figured you took it to the crypt with you. So…” Spike thought for a moment.
“No idea, pet. Truth be told, I might’ve brought it with me when I was nicking your things.” Buffy made a face at him. “Vampire.”
“Right,” she said with a nervous chuckle. “I don’t get it.”
“Don’t get what?”
“How you could go from hating me to…to being…obsessed with…”
“In love with,” he corrected.
“Yeah, well, it kinda borderlines obsession when you’re hiding in my basement and stealing my pictures…and my underwear. By the way, I think you still have some of those.” It was Spike’s turn to make a face.
“Uh. Sorry. I’ll get those back to you.”
“Thanks,” Buffy whispered. She cleared her throat. “You know…you’re the first person I talked to when I found out my mom’s not-so-serious headaches might actually be pretty serious.” Spike glanced up at her.
“Yeah?”
“Yeah. That night…after I fought with you…after…well, you came to my house, and…”
“And you were on the back porch.” He shook his head. “Y’know, I wanted to do something really stupid that night. Didn’t…didn’t want to, but…I thought maybe it would help.”
“Yeah. Well, I figured as much judging by the shotgun in your hand. Still, you were nice to me. You…you put your issues with me aside, and you just…you were there. And I didn’t thank you for that.” She looked up at him. “So thanks.” Spike gave her a little nod.
“Careful, Slayer. All this niceness might make our back and forth a little less fun.”
“Oh, that’s always fun.” Spike raised an eyebrow. “I just said that out loud, didn’t I?”
“Yeah, well,” he chuckled, “glad to know I’m not the only one that enjoys it.” Buffy smiled again, and she found herself leaning in a little toward the bed. Finding herself suddenly staring at his lips and the way they quivered just a little made her realize that she was about to start thinking about Spike in ways that she’d only allowed herself during those lonely nights when the only thing she could think about to really get her off was that simple, soft kiss they’d shared in his crypt not long ago.
She snapped out of her thoughts when he spoke again.
“You should get some rest, luv.”
“I’m fine.”
“No need to worry over me, luv. Don’t see anything wooden and pointy lying around. No sunlight. Don’t think I’m gonna bleed to death. I can sleep somewhere else if…”
“No. You’re staying there. You’re hurt.” Spike shook his head, still in disbelief. “What?”
“Just surprised is all. Never thought I’d get close to your bed, let alone sleep in it.” With a roll of her eyes, Buffy grinned.
“Yeah, well, don’t get too comfy.”
“Sure you want me here, pet?”
“Yes. For the hundredth time, Spike. You can stay here. I…I trust you.” Those last words were uttered tentatively. Barely there. But still, they were spoken.
“You do?”
“Don’t let it go to your head, ok?” She stood up, trying to be nonchalant, but there was nothing nonchalant about the way her heart was thrumming frantically against her breastbone. He could hear her breath quicken. He could even smell the sweat that had already formed on the palms of her hands. As she was moving past the bed, he reached out for her, taking her hand in his. She froze. “Spike…”
“What is this?” he murmured. “One minute you’re smiling at me. The next you can’t look at me.”
“Spike, please…”
“If you don’t want me here…”
“Oh my God,” Buffy muttered. “I want you here, ok? I…I’d feel better if you stayed.” Spike’s eyebrows peaked in curiosity. “Happy now?” She slumped down on the edge of the bed.
“Not sure, luv. Kind’ve confused.”
“Yeah, well, join the club! You know, it was so much easier when you wanted to kill me. Now…now…”
“Now what?”
“I don’t know!” She paused, realizing that if her voice rose much higher, she’d probably wake up Dawn. “I don’t know. I just…you saved us, you know? You were there. You fought with me. You…you’ve been there for me, and I don’t know…I guess I don’t know how to be around you right now.” Spike sighed and started to get out of bed.
“I can make that easier on you.”
“No! Shut up and lay down,” Buffy ordered, pushing him back gently onto the bed. The feeling of her hand against his bare chest made every nerve in his body stand on end. He sucked in a sharp breath, and Buffy drew her hand back as if she’d been shocked. She looked away.
“Hey.”
“You know, I think I’m finally ready to sleep. I’ll just go downstairs, and…”
“Buffy.”
“Spike…”
“Talk to me. Look, I’ll be quiet, and…”
“Shyeah,” she smirked.
“Promise! I won’t say a word. Just talk to me, pet.”
“Ok. But…but you have to promise not to make any faces. Or say anything. Because when I start rambling, it’s hard to stop me, and anything I have to say I can’t be held accountable for, because…because it’s late, and I just saved the world from a hell god. Ok?” Spike held up a hand and nodded. “Right. So. I guess the problem is that…you’ve always been Spike. Spike, the guy I once daydreamed about staking. The guy I…I started to like having around, just so I’d have something to bitch about. But then you…you fell…in…in love with me, and Dawn was…well, you know crazy little Dawnie…well, she apparently thought it was the cutest thing ever.” Spike fought hard not to smile at the woman he loved. She was always so cute when she got flustered. Her cheeks were already starting to pinken.
She wondered what was going through his head, but she looked away, trying not to catch any indication in his gaze.
“I freaked out, you know? The only experience I’ve ever had with vampire love was with Angel, and well, we all know how that turned out. I got too close, and I got burned. I gave myself to him, and he turned evil and tried to kill me and my friends. So, naturally, the thought of a non-souled vampire having a thing for me kind of irked me, you know? And then…then you started to help with Dawn, and I wondered what the hell kind of angle you were playing at.” She frowned and looked at him. “It wasn’t until I came to you…after…after Glory hurt you. That’s when I knew you weren’t playing at anything. You really wanted to help. And tonight…well, tonight just proved that even more.” Spike’s lower lip twitched. “Was that a face?”
“What?”
“I told you not to…”
“Sorry, pet. Can’t exactly control my muscles.”
“Oh.”
“So what are you saying?”
“Haven’t you been listening? I don’t know what I’m trying to say.” She ran her fingers through her hair. “I keep…I keep playing what you said over and over in my head. You said...you said ‘I know you’ll never love me.’”
“Yeah?”
“And…I’m…oh God, I’m not saying it.” Spike sat up a little.
“Please, go on,” he said with a confident grin.
“Oh, shut up. I’m…I don’t…I mean, not yet.”
“Not yet?”
“I mean! Oh God. Spike!”
“Sorry, pet. Not another word.” He nodded at her to go on.
“You aren’t the man I thought you were. You’re not a monster. I don’t look at you and think about driving sharp sticks through your heart. Actually, whenever the thought crosses my mind, I think about how it would suck if you weren’t around, because you’ve really come through when I’ve needed you.” She took a deep, shaky breath and leaned in closer to him. “I suck at relationships. I do. I mean, being the Slayer, I have to put my work first. You…well, you’re actually kind’ve already my work. But you…you get it, you know? You know that there might not be a tomorrow. I don’t have to lie. I don’t have to work to figure out who you are, because here you are. I…I think I’m starting to…to get you.”
“Oh, pet, you’ve got a lot to learn,” he chuckled. She could practically see the glee in his face.
“What you said…you were wrong. I…after tonight, I just…I guess loving you…it might not be as impossible as you think. I’m not saying that’s what I feel. I don’t know what I feel. I just know that I don’t…I don’t hate you. I’m not afraid of you. I just…” Tears of embarrassment prickled in her eyes. “I just know that the idea…the idea of you doesn’t…it’s not as scary as I thought.” Spike couldn’t take it anymore. The words this woman was saying to him had him leaning in closer with each word. He was hanging on her every syllable. And before she could get another word out, he was pulling her to him, kissing her lips softly but intently, letting her know just how much he really needed her to feel how much he cared.
She gasped, pulling back, hand over her mouth, and her eyelids fluttered quickly, as if she was trying to process what had just happened. He leaned away from her, trying not to meet her gaze, which wasn’t too difficult, considering he felt like a complete and utter ponce.
“Sorry. I just…I’m sorry.”
“Wait,” she said softly, leaning in closer to him, licking her lower lip. “Just…wait.”
“Buffy?”
“Do that again.” Spike, sitting up, ignoring the ache in his body from his wound, brushed her hair out of her face, lacing his fingers into her golden locks. He looked deep into her eyes, seeing the rush of emotions playing there. Smiling ever so slightly, he leaned in and brushed his lips against hers once more.
When he pulled away, the look in her eyes told him, for the first time since he’d known her, that this might actually be his chance to be the kind of man she deserved.
“Stay with me tonight,” he whispered, knowing he was pushing it, but at this point, not caring. Buffy chewed on her lower lip before nodding just the tiniest bit. Spike slowly scooted over in Buffy’s bed, making room for her, and she hesitantly climbed in beside him. “S’alright, pet. Doesn’t hurt so much when you’re around.” Closing her eyes, Buffy rested her head on his chest, curling up against his uninjured side. Her heart pounded so fast in her chest that she thought she might die, but the moment Spike’s arm wrapped around her shoulder, she felt as if she belonged there. For the first time, this thing with Spike, whatever it was, felt really, really right.
***
“This doesn’t scare you?” he asked her a few days later, holding onto her hips as she straddled his lap in his newly scavenged arm chair in the center of his crypt.
“What?” she asked, as her lips grazed along his neck.
“Well, you currently have your lips attached to the neck of a very dangerous, very evil creature, pet.”
“Oh,” she whispered, her fingers running through his curls. “You’re not so scary.”
“M’not?”
“Nope,” she muttered, brushing her lips against his. “You’re pretty much the exact opposite of scary. Evil, on the other hand? Just a little bit.” She motioned toward his hand, which was rubbing seductive circles against her ass. She pressed her hand against the bulge in his pants, and he groaned, leaning his head back, biting his lip. “But I can be evil too.” She dipped down, her hair caressing his bare chest as her lips teased his. He brushed his tongue along her lower lip, and she moaned into his mouth.
His hand grew braver and trailed down the back of her thigh. His other moved up her shirt to cup a breast through the fabric of her bra. She leaned into his touch, and within moments, she was writhing against his straining erection, making him quiver.
It amazed her, really. A few days ago, Spike was merely an…an office buddy of sorts, except their work had nothing to do with filing or faxing or even going to an office. Now there was touching and moaning and…oh…yes, lots and lots of kissing.
“Oh fuck,” he murmured, as Buffy rubbed him in just the right way. She pulled back.
“You ok?”
“Yeah, but if you keep doing that, this is gonna be over a lot sooner than I’d hoped, luv.”
“Oh,” she giggled, kissing him again. So they hadn’t had sex yet. That was kind of where this was leading, she was sure. And with Spike’s assurances, she was almost positive. She wanted it. Oh, she’d definitely started wanting it about the moment she woke up in Spike’s arms after several pleasant hours of sleep, only to see him staring at her, stroking her hair, his blue eyes sparkling and pretty much sending through her a shock of desire like nothing she’d felt before.
Nights of harmless holding had blossomed into a little more kissing and exploring, and right now, they were tiptoeing past the line of innocent but fun into naughty and even more fun.
Just as her moans were beginning to grow a little louder, and Spike was actually panting with need, Buffy felt his hands on her arms, pulling her back. Staring down at him, her lips swollen from his kisses, eyes wide with confusion, she wondered what she’d done wrong. But judging from the heightened desire in his eyes and against her groin, she knew she was obviously doing something pretty right.
“We don’t have to do this,” he said quietly, never taking his eyes off of her.
“You’re not hurting?”
“No.”
“Not bleeding anywhere?”
“No.”
“And I don’t see any swelling. I think you’re healthy.”
“But…”
“We’re doing this, Spike.” Spike’s eyebrows shot up. “Don’t look so surprised.” She leaned in to kiss him again.
He was completely bowled over. This was a far cry from the Buffy he’d held in his arms a few nights ago. She was uncertain but willing to let him in. Now, well, she wanted to let him all the way in. There really was no going back from there. Of course, he wanted nothing more than this, but what the Hell would it mean later?
When Buffy grinded against him once again, all reservations and wonderings flew out of his head, and he pulled her down against him, clinging to her as if she were his last thread of existence.
“You know, you keep doing that, and I’m not gonna be able to stop,” he grunted out, as she nibbled on his ear. She pulled back a little and cocked her head to the side.
“I know,” she smiled.
“What’s changed?”
“Are you really gonna ask, or are we gonna do this?”
“Not complaining, luv. Just curious, you know?” Buffy shrugged her shoulders and leaned in to kiss him again. But he held her back. It took everything in him not to take her then and there. “What is this?”
“What’s what?”
“This?” Buffy sighed and slid off of him. She paced in front of him, but as she did so, she pulled her shirt over her head and threw it aside, revealing her pink, lacy bra. Spike gazed in appreciation.
“I don’t know,” she admitted.
“It’s not love. We both know that.”
“No, but it’s not hate either. You’ve been…you’ve been good to me. And I feel safe with you.” She turned to face him and worked with the top button on her jeans. Her eyes didn’t leave his as she began to slide them slowly down her hips. He, however, broke the stare and followed the movements of her hands as they removed her jeans. “And I think about you.”
“Yeah?”
“Yeah. A lot…lately.” She kicked her jeans aside and placed her hands on her hips. “I’m not gonna say I’m in love with you. I’m not gonna say that this is ever gonna be anything more than what it is right now. But I will say that you’re a good man, and I’m starting to care about you…a lot more than I ever thought I could. And I wanna show you how much it means to me that you’ve been here.” She moved closer to him, straddling his knees before lowering herself back down into his lap.
“Think I can live with that,” he whispered. “So long as you don’t push me away next time…”
“We’ll see how this time goes,” she kidded, her eyes sparkling as she let out a soft giggle. Spike grinned back at her, pushing her hair aside.
“Is it ok if I tell you?” he whispered against her neck. She closed her eyes.
“Wouldn’t be the worst thing,” she admitted.
“Good.” He let out a little growl and slid with her onto the floor, pushing her down onto her back. He held her head between his hands and looked deep into her eyes. “Because I love you, Buffy Summers. I’m not going away. Not after this.” Buffy smiled a little, tracing his lip with her thumb.
“Think I can live with that,” she whispered before linking her fingers behind his neck and pulling him down onto her for a hungry kiss.
Author's Chapter Notes:
Didn't think the way this turned out warranted a NC-17 warning, after all. Thanks to callmekitten for reading and helping me out before I posted. :)
Chapter End Notes:
Yeah, I know...evil ending. Hope you enjoyed it! Let me know what you thought! Might write a sequel eventually. I was going to write the smut, but then I wrote that last line, and it felt kinda complete. :)