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Author's Chapter Notes:
Faith is forced to face her problems and Buffy makes a life changing choice.

A huge thanks to my lovely beta All4spike for getting this chapter back to me so fast! Also a huge thanks to Edgehead (Mel) so the awesome banner, i love it so much sweetie!!!!!!
Chapter 15

Crushing realizations

Buffy had been wandering around for what felt like hours, although she knew it probably hadn’t been that long. She had been going to head straight home after watching Dawn but after her run in with Faith she desperately needed something to kill.

A part of Buffy was screaming at her to track down Spike and demand to know whether or not it was true but the other part of her knew it would only cause her heartache as she knew already that it was. Even with Faith’s cruel and jealous tone, her eyes screamed the truth that they had slept together.

Buffy had been roaming the local cemeteries for hours looking in vain for anything to beat up while her mind kept going over and over her conversation with Faith.

She was aware that she and Spike were not together when it happened. She was also aware that at the time he owed her nothing, but he had lied to her. The morning she had gone to see him worried that something had happened when he had failed to show up at her place, he had told her he spent the night fighting demons.

Thinking back, she remembered that he explained the scratch marks on him by saying I got into it a bit. The realisation that the marks where not from any demon but had in fact been made by Faith, made Buffy’s stomach churn.

How could he do this to her? He had slept with Buffy, told her he loved her, but just a month before he had slept with Faith. He had lied to her. Why couldn’t he have just been honest with her from the beginning? Maybe then she wouldn’t be so hurt.

Truth was, the second she heard about Faith and Spike’s time together she had forgiven him instantly and that was what scared her the most. She was so in love with him that she could forgive his lies and betrayal instantly. She feared she was leaving herself wide open for a lifetime of pain. Sighing, Buffy decided to call it a night and turned and headed home.

Spike had been home for about an hour. Patrol had been quiet and aside from a few newly risen vampires it had mostly been uneventful. He knew he was meeting Buffy tomorrow evening to patrol with her but he couldn’t wait, he wanted to see her. Grabbing his duster and keys, he was shocked to open his front door and see Faith. After all, she had mostly been avoiding him.

“Can I come in?” she asked, her voice sounding strange, almost husky.

“Sure,” he sighed, moving aside to let her in and shutting the door behind her. He looked at her outfit, noticing it wasn’t her usual pants, singlet and jacket. Instead she wore a short black skirt and a blood red low cut top with knee high boots. To be honest he thought at that moment she looked like a street walker.

“What are you doing here Faith?” he asked, confused by her arrival.

“A girl can’t drop by and say hi?” she whispered, walking to him and running her finger down his shirt covered chest. When she moved to undo his buttons, he quickly grasped her hands to stop her.

“What do you want Faith?” he asked, his tone serious.

“You know what I want Spike.” She leaned up, attempting to kiss him, but he quickly stepped back and out of her reach.

“Not gonna happen,” he informed her. He saw her face twist with rage and prepared himself for the blow.

“Why?” she hissed. “Because you’re with Slutty the vampire layer now?”

“Faith, stop,” he warned.

“Or what, you’ll lick me to death?” Suddenly the rage in her face was gone, replaced with a seductive smile. “Actually that wouldn’t be a bad way to go. What do you say Spikey, wanna give it a go?” she whispered, moving up to lick his ear lobe. She was stunned when he forcefully pushed her away causing her back to hit a near by wall winding her slightly.

“The chip?” she gasped. “You had it removed.”

“No I didn’t. Chip works just fine,” he sighed, looking down. It was clear that Giles and Tara hadn’t yet told Faith what they had found out about Willow’s spell.

“But how?”

“You should talk to your watcher and Tara pet,” he offered.

“No I’m talking to you. What is going on Spike?” she demanded to know.

Sighing, he caved. “They were looking into the spell Red did and it turns out you may have come back a little different,” he explained.

“I came back wrong?” she whispered, almost sounding relieved.

“Not wrong pet, just different... As Tara explained it, shifting you out of ... f-f-from where you were ... funnelling your essence back into your body, it altered you on a basic molecular level. Probably just enough to confuse the sensors or whatever in my blasted chip. But it's all just surfacey physical stuff. It wouldn't have any more effect than ... a bad sunburn, that’s how she put it anyway,” he tried his best to explain.

“So I didn’t come back wrong?”

She sounded so scared, he saw tears mirror her eyes and wanted to reach out and comfort her but thought it best the hold back. “No, you didn’t.... Why do you sound upset about that?” Her head shot up at this, tears falling down her cheeks. “You used to be able to talk to me about almost anything, you still can Faith.” He moved closer placing a supportive hand on her shoulder.

She jerked away from him and headed for the door.

“They must have missed something,” she said, reaching for the door but Spike grasped her arm and turned her to face him.

“They didn’t miss anything pet. I promise, there’s nothing wrong with you,” he tried to reassure her.

“There has to be!” she all but yelled. “This can’t be me, this isn’t me.” Her voice came out as a whisper as she started to cry again.

“Why do I feel like this? Why do I keep hurting the people who care about me?” she asked no one in particular. “It’s consuming me Spike, deep inside of me, rage, anger. Just when I think I have it under control it boils to the surface,” she tried to explain.

“Faith, you went through something huge and being where you were, only to have that taken from you, it’s bound to mess you up a bit.”

“I keep hurting people. I don’t know how to stop,” she cried.

He moved in then, hugging her close. “Giles told me about the retreat in England he is taking Willow to, to try and help her with her magic problems. Maybe... maybe you should go too? They could help,” he suggested, pulling back to look at her.

She nodded at him. “Maybe you’re right. Giles suggested it too but I kind of bit his head off.”

“I’m sure he understands.”

“But what about Dawn? I can’t just pull her out of school for a few months and leave the hellmouth unprotected.”

“We can handle Dawn duty. She goes on holidays soon anyway and Buffy is here to handle patrol.”

“Oh god, Buffy,” Faith gasped, stepping out of his embrace as guilt flooded through her. “How am I ever going to make this right with her? She tried to be my friend, went out of her way to help me when she had no reason to. The things I said to her...”

“What things?”

“Oh god. I’m so sorry, Spike. I overheard Buffy and Dawn talking about you two and I just lost it... I told her about what happened between us... I told her everything,” she confessed.

He could see her guilt, her regret, and knew he couldn’t be mad at her, Spike knew he should have told Buffy himself. “It’s okay, it’s going to be okay,” he reassured her, hugging her again and hoping he was right, hoping Buffy would forgive him.

Buffy had returned home to find a message on her machine from a friend of Giles who needed the help of a slayer for a week. She knew she had to go, but whether she decided to return to Sunnydale or not would depend of her talk with Spike.

Heading out into the night, she made her way to Spike’s but when she arrived she was confronted with Faith exiting his apartment. She watched them embrace, hugging each other tightly and she knew then her choice was made.

It was time for her to leave Sunnydale, for good.


Chapter End Notes:
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