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Author's Chapter Notes:
READ ME: Please and thank you. I know the beginning may be a little confusing as I don't explain how they meet exactly, but I promise there will be flashbacks to explain. Also, this isn't my first story, but it is the first I've subjected to public eye.

Read and I hope you enjoy. =)
As was the norm of the previous weeks, she thought of nothing but him. His smile, his laugh, and the way she felt in his arms, the way she felt about him and how she wished so much that she could tell him and know that everything would be okay; that things between them wouldn’t change. But she knew, given the circumstances, telling him how she felt would be a mistake. He was taken, in a relationship, he belonged to someone else whom he loved, and who was she to complicate their friendship? She wasn’t entirely happy just being friends with him, but she supposed it was something one learned to live with. And thinking about it further it was… bizarre, the way she felt. It wasn’t something she was used to or something she’d felt before. She didn’t even know how to accurately describe what she was feeling. He was all she thought about, all she dreamt about, and that was starting to irritate her because she couldn’t recall any of the dreams so far. Her daydreams consisted of what his lips would feel like on hers, how his hand felt in hers and on her… She didn’t know what to do with herself. She felt like she was going absolutely, out-of-her-mind, up-the-wall bonkers and she didn’t know what to do or how to do it. Then again, that wasn’t completely true because there wasn’t really anything she could do. She kept reminding herself that he had a girlfriend, so what could she do? Nothing, she couldn’t do anything because it would go against everything she believed in and stood by, and one of the last things she wanted to do was look like a hypocrite.

In light of all of this was the reason she had decided to try to make some changes about her behavior. She had decided – with the help of her mother – that she would use the self-control that she prided herself in having to alter her behavior ever so slightly that he wouldn’t notice any difference and come to her with suspicions. So, she’d chanted her promise to herself all day long, “I will distance myself from him, I will distance myself from him,” but somehow when she saw him, she couldn’t even remember what she’d been thinking about. It was like every thing, thought or person in the world faded away when she was talking with him and when she thought about this later, it scared her. It scared her that he had so much power over her; her thoughts, her feelings, her actions… The worst part about it all seemed to be that with all of the power he had over her, he wasn’t aware of it in any way. She shuddered at the thought of what he would be like if he were, and realized that she really needed to stick to her mantra. “I will distance myself from him, I will distance myself from him,” she thought over and over and over… And then suddenly it was time to go.

She climbed into the passenger side of Tara's car and they chatted and laughed about little things, things that didn’t weigh very much on a scale of importance, on their way to rehearsal. They were a few minutes late, but so was everyone else, so it didn’t bother their director, Ethan, too much. They entered the dressing room and started to undress, as it was the first dress rehearsal, while talking with the other girls; sarcastically complimenting each other on their “oh-so-sexy” costumes that just flattered them all so well. Hers was a bright blue dress that fell two or three inches below her knees and was dotted with tiny white flowers and red apples. Her apron was a different story; it was a cream color and stopped an inch above the hem of her dress, but it was too big and she had to have Willow tie it for her. Even then, she thought grudgingly, it still didn’t sit right; it kept falling down. After removing her mismatched socks and retrieving her supper from her bag, she exited the dressing room and walked to the risers where the audience would be seated for the actual show. She frowned as she tried to find a comfortable way to sit while eating her supper without flashing her panties to the entire cast. She finally decided to sit with her knees to the side; it was uncomfortable, but better than the other positions she had given a try.

Without looking, she knew the exact moment he arrived on stage and tried her hardest not to turn and look at him. Unfortunately her hardest wasn’t enough, she felt compelled to look at him, she had to and so she did.

Lord, was he something to look at…

He stood two, maybe three, inches taller than her with broad shoulders and blonde hair that she just knew had to be bleached as his eyebrows were a dark brown. His eyes were a blue that appeared to see right through her whenever she looked into them; like he could peek right into her head and read her thoughts. She didn’t like that all too much, so she avoided long-term eye contact with him when she could. She’d had physical spats with him that she hadn’t come anywhere near winning, nothing serious of course, just the two of them playing around. She’d also been in his embrace and knew firsthand just how strong he was. He was built nicely as well; with arms that were well sculpted and an abdomen to match, what she’d seen of it was worthy melting over and she almost had.

She finished what she could of her supper, she found herself not to be as hungry as she’d been before, and returned the rest to her bag in the dressing room. She walked out to the stage where she found Willow and the others, including Tara, who Willow had been dating for the past two years, and Spike, off-stage in front of the auditorium seats. Joining them, she saw that Spike had their shared prop or “genital” as Ethan referred to them. She smiled to herself at that. “Props are like genitals,” he’d said. “You only touch your own.” She and Spike shared a cane, which only fed the innuendos and made the time off- and backstage very entertaining for them and everyone else.

As soon as she had the chance, she “stole” his top hat and put it on herself, leaving him with the cane when they all began their diction exercises. At first she and a few others stood confused as the rest of the cast chanted the diction exercises she didn’t know. They finally came to one she knew, so she chanted along with them.

“Moses supposes his toes’ are roses,” she said loudly, taking care to enunciate. “But Moses supposes erroneously…”

She looked around the room at her friends, smiling at the ones who still didn’t know what they were supposed to be saying. When they finished she laughed, as did everyone else.

“The only reason I know that one is because I’ve watched Singin’ in the Rain a million times,” she said and Tara laughed.

“I didn’t know any of those,” Tara said. “I feel so lost…”

“Don’t feel bad,” Willow said as she approached them and took her girlfriends hand. “I do, too.”

The three of them laughed and Buffy couldn’t help it when her eyes wandered, looking for Spike even though she knew she shouldn’t. She found him leaning against the stage talking and laughing with Anya. She brought her attention back to the conversation she should have been participating in between Willow and Tara. She forced a little laugh and blamed her lack of participation on a brief zoning stint. She felt a light tap on her backside and knew immediately where it had come from. She turned around to face Spike and felt her insides turn to mush. He smiled at her mock innocently while she tried and failed to glare at him. She was smiling, like she always did around him, and knew it took all of the seriousness of her glare away.

“Why?” she asked him.

“Why what?” he replied while sliding the cane up her calf, raising her dress ever so slightly. She stepped away, and then quickly stepped back towards him, latching onto the cane with both hands. He stared at her incredulously, mockingly, and she smiled as she tried to wrestle the cane away from him. Realizing her intention, he began to wrestle back all the while carrying on a conversation with Willow, who smirked at them both. He tried to twist it out of her hands, but she just re-positioned them. He tried to pull it from her, but she had the curved end, giving her an advantage he was without. They ceased for a moment, looking each other in the eyes and smiling, with the cane in their hands and resting in between them. She began to lift it, as if to wrench it away from him at the last second, but he caught her off guard by pulling it up more quickly than she was prepared for and they ended up flush against one another; her back to his front. She tried to turn away with the cane in her hands, resulting in an even more pressing situation, quite literally. Shit, she thought. She remembered now – what she’d known she would forget – the promise she’d made to herself, though it didn’t do her much good there. She was standing in front of him, no, that wasn’t right. If she was honest with herself she was nearly on top of him and would be had they been lying down. The cane was being held in front of her; her back pressed so closely to his front a single sheet of paper couldn’t have fit between them. She savored the feeling of being this close to him for a moment and sighed internally when her head told her how wrong it was to stay like that; that she had to get out of there now.

She waited until she knew he was distracted – that he wouldn’t fight her – to quietly slip away from him, taking the cane with her and feeling a little victory at having gotten away with it. She went backstage to the dressing room to retrieve her Viagra mug filled with flavored water, journal and pen. She heard Ethan announce that they would be starting in Act Three, as they hadn’t finished it in the previous rehearsal, so she wouldn’t be needed for a while. She could hear the opening lines of the act and headed to “her spot” backstage, only to find Spike walking in her direction. They joked quietly about her having the cane, “touching his genitals” and vice versa when he looked curiously at the door beside them. She had many good memories in that room as that had been the place to sit and chill out in between scenes during the last play she’d been in. He opened the door quietly, looking back at her and smiling before going inside. Every bell, alarm, whistle, and voice was screaming at her not to follow him into the dark, secluded room, but something else, something smaller and more insistent, pushed her into the room behind him. She shut the door softly and hooked the cane over the door handle.

“Holy crap, it’s dark in here,” she said and almost slapped her forehead with the palm of her hand at how stupid she sounded for stating the obvious.
She squinted in an effort to somehow see him in the pitch black of the small room as she began to babble. She couldn’t see him very well, if at all, but oddly enough she could feel him. She continued to ramble, he mumbled “Yeah’s” and “Mm-hmm’s” when appropriate and she could feel him moving closer to her. She stopped talking and swallowed, suddenly feeling very nervous. She wanted him to kiss her very badly at that moment, and she got the impression he was going to as she could now feel his breath on her lips.

And then it happened.


Chapter End Notes:
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