“I thought we were having fun.” Buffy pouted. Why did he have to be like this? Isn’t this what he wanted? Buffy shifted impatiently as Spike paused, staring into space. She crawled off the bed to stand in front of him but it wasn’t like he could see her. To make her presence known, she let her hands wander across his chest feeling the coolness of his skin prickle against her warm fingertips. This usually did the trick to put him in the mood but Spike was having none of it.
Buffy felt him grab her shoulders clumsily as he looked deep into her… mouth-- the downsides of invisibility. Stop trying to see me, she reprimanded, but she wished he could see her now. She knew it was her fault. Pushing him away and closing off her heart. What did she fear? Judgment? A broken heart? If she had a penny for every time someone criticized her choices, she would be a rich woman now. Considering her plumbing bill, God knows it would help. And she was no stranger to heartbreak either. But Buffy was the common thread in her failed relationships. Her heart caught in the crossfire of being Buffy.
Sure, it didn’t get any easier being the slayer. But she could deal with that. The demonic and supernatural baddies she could handle, but it was the living day to day that frightened her the most. The moments of every day wrapped in numbness like rotting candy. But this invisibility thing? Well, a girl could get used to this. Practically all she needed was a mai tai and she could officially call it a vacation. But what the hell was Spike’s problem anyway? Out of all people she thought he would understand. Was it so wrong to feel like she deserved to be free from responsibilities? Inside, deep down perhaps it scared her how little effort it would take to slip away and give up on this life. Death had been her gift, but it was also her reward. She never knew there could be such peace. Maybe Spike was right. To be free of rules and report, to be free of life, was just as good as wishing to be dead.
That ache of surviving another day, of living life while hiding the pain beneath the façade of normalcy—even she was not strong enough to uphold that lie. So easy to give up. But he won’t let me. He refuses because he loves me. It was laughable. A vampire in love with a slayer. And Spike of all people! Mortal enemies, hello? Buffy gulped. She looked into his worrying blue eyes, searching for a reason. Why me? Why do you love me? She examined his face as he held her at arms length. The prominent scar above his eyebrow, the boyish pucker of his lower lip, the way his forehead would furrow when he got agitated—which these days was pretty often. There was strength in his grip and the hands that held her up on her toes. It almost funny how the longer she denied her feelings for him, the stronger they wanted to surface. As she turned that thought in her head, it dawned on her that this was only the beginning.
“Sooner or later your chums are gonna work out a way to bring you back to living color.” He let go of her. “You need to go. Get dressed if you can find your clothes, and push off.”
You talk too much, Buffy thought, and you’re not getting rid of me that easily. As he preoccupied himself with throwing her out properly, Buffy slowly got down on her knees.
“Cause if I can’t have all of you. I’d rather—“ He stopped talking and looked down at her with widening eyes.
I think you have more of me than you know. And that’s scary.
*****
“What do you look like right now, Buffy?” Spike inquired. He looked up from between her thighs, with an eyebrow raised.
“Huh? I don’t know.” She didn’t realize he was talking to her. “I’m invisible to me too. Besides, I’m just enjoying the view. You should see the way you look,” she laughed. “It’s pretty silly,” She giggled watching him on his knees and hunched over her. Spike grunted and tossed her legs over his shoulders.
“Mmm, it’s not nice to tease, slayer.” He tightened his grip on her hips, not hard enough to leave any bruises but strong enough to still her writhing thighs. His fingers gently massaged the skin, communicating that his intent was not to hurt her as he buried his face in her heated flesh. She watched as his tongue darted out to taste her, roughly grazing her clit back and forth as Buffy gasped with approval. He found her sweetest spots with little difficulty. Always was the case.
She had to admit it. “That feels… pretty good.”
“Not so silly now, huh?” He winked.
Buffy shook her head forgetting that he couldn’t see her. “How do you know….I mean, you can’t see me. So how do you know where to… you know… put your mouth…” Her throat was dry, and face warming with embarrassment.
Spike carefully caressed the skin below her belly and planted a few sly kisses along her inner thigh. Buffy shivered at his touch. He spread her legs ceremoniously and lowered his gaze. “I’ve memorized your movements…” He blinked and ran a cool hand down the length of her right leg, pausing to massage her calf before placing it beside him. “I know the way you feel. I sense you is all.”
Maybe this is too much honesty for one night. Buffy blushed at this and was grateful he couldn’t see her. Luckily she didn’t need to respond as Spike resumed his position. Buffy threw her head back and closed her eyes as she felt him return his talented mouth to her sex. He offered a few slow licks around her now neglected clit, light as a feather and Buffy tensed up aching for more.
“Something the matter, love?” He paused. It seemed even without sight, he was privy to the sensitivities of her body. Must be that whole sensing thing.
“No…” she whined. “It’s not nice to tease, remember?”
There was that smile again. “You’ve got it all wrong. I’m not teasing. Just tasting.” He moved his mouth back her wetness, this time the strokes of his tongue were firmer, harder, twisting her clit between his lips now drenched with her moisture. He nudged her thighs further apart, searching for her entrance and finding it easily.
Buffy could do nothing but melt beneath him, her hands moving up her own body, pausing briefly over her pebbling nipples. Spike chose that moment to fully address her need, stiffening that long tongue of his. She was burning up. He must be swallowing fire. Oh hell. There was little she could do except bury her hands in her face. She licked her lips and tossed her head back, “Spike... yes, please…right there, baby.” Hearing her cries of approval, she felt him curl his tongue and then her cries escalated till her voice cracked.
“….yes…yes…yes…”
He let her ride it out, coming at her own pace before unhinging from her body and resting his head on her belly.
She wanted to sleep. So tired. They remained still for a few minutes and Buffy enjoyed the weight of him, watching his head move with each breath she took. A comfortable silence fell between them. She let herself have this moment, and wondered whether he was curious why there was no saucy remark followed by a punch in the face. On any other day she would be scrambling for her clothes and rushing out the door, eagerly expressing her denial that what they have—whatever this is-- is a mistake. Yes, Buffy thought. That was any other day. But not today.
“Buffy?” He asked, propping up.
“Yes?” She reached down and stroked his hair, running her fingers through those blonde locks.
“I wish I could see you.”
She caressed his cheek with the back of her hand, and gently tracing his scared eyebrow as if this one gesture was meant to heal old wounds.
“You do, Spike. You always see me.”
Not all wounds leave a scar.
Author's Chapter Notes:
A/N: This is a birthday gift for my beta, peroxidelove. You are an absolute doll. Happy Birthday! As always, characters belong to Joss! I just have fun with them.
Chapter End Notes:
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