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CHAPTER 1: Stranger in the street


After emerging from coma, Cordelia Chase was spending most of her long recovery on the couch in the lobby of the Hyperion. This way, she felt like she was still part of the action and wasn’t missing on anything happening at Angel investigations. The immobility was killing her, but she didn’t have enough strength yet to be out and about. It had been a year since she came out of her coma, but though waking up from it was in itself short of a miracle, she was still deeply frustrated by her lack of energy.


She threw her magazine on the huge piles accumulating on the floor next to her and closed her eyes, trying to rest her mind.


Living and working with the dark brooding vampire for more than five years, she picked up some useful habit. One of them was to know when he was around even without hearing him. Angel was a master at moving around without making any noise, so being able to sense him came in pretty handy at times.


“How’s Blondie tonight?” The brunette asked without opening her eyes.


“I’m guessing pretty good, considering that I haven’t heard any door slamming, things being broken, and my ear drums are not being damaged by The Sex Pistols.” Angel rolled his eyes dramatically at his childe’s behavior.


Cordy tried to sit up but soon gave up with a sigh. “Angel, are you sure we shouldn’t give him antidepressants or something? I could be discrete about it and slip it in his food. He eats a lot and fast, he’ll never notice.”


“Slip what in my food?” Spike hopped easily over the handrail and landed gracefully in the main lobby, like a big giant cat. One thing the former vampire was grateful for was that surprisingly, he kept most of his vampiric strength and agility. Maybe a bonus coming with the shanshu thing.. some kind of gift with purchase. He didn’t stop to think too much about it, barely enjoyed it.


Cordelia crossed her arms on her chest, arching an elegant eyebrow at Spike. “Do you have to be such a show off?”


Spike ignored the remark. “Anything for me to kill boss?” One of the very few things he still enjoyed in life now a day was to taunt Angel. That, would never change. Calling Cordelia boss in front of him was one of the things that pissed off Angel royally. Therefore, he did it a lot.


“Well… “ Cordelia started reluctantly, “What I predicted would happen, happened. I think you actually killed everything there is to kill in L.A. honey. Business has been slow. But we could… rent a Steven Seagal movie if you want. He always breaks a lot of necks and arms.” She gave Spike a hopeful look, knowing that this wouldn’t cut it.


Cordelia was the only one that hadn't given up on Spike. All the others at Angel investigations had tried to help him during those first few months, but soon gave up in front of the impossible task. After the First had been defeated and the Hellmouth closed for good, Spike had burnt. But soon after, he shanshued and woke up lying down naked in the middle of what had once been Sunnydale, under the bright afternoon sun. Alone. The others had left. So he did the only thing that he could do. He walked for hours, making sure to stay away from civilization considering his state of undress. He'd found an abandoned house close to the former Sunnydale, broke in to get clothes and food, then made his way to the only place where he was sure he would find people he knew. Los Angeles.


The first week was the hardest. He'd had a hard time adapting to being human again, plus he had to deal with Angel's resentment. The dark haired vampire had thought he would be the one to shanshu. Spike now had everything that he'd ever wanted and Angel found it difficult to deal with that fact. What kept Spike on his feet during that first week was the thought that Buffy would call and find out that he was still alive. Then the Scoobies would come and get him and everything would be alright again. So the day of the phone call, he had collapsed. It hadn't been meant for him, really, since no one knew he was even alive. But he'd answered it nonetheless and when Willow recognized his voice, she froze. She hesitated, stuttered, then had taken a deep breath and said it. Buffy had forgotten everything. Everything about ever being The Slayer. The past seven years, the people who had been in her life, things she fought, apocalypses she stopped. She remembered going to high school, but nothing about Giles and his books, the redheaded witch, Spike, Angel… It wasn't simple amnesia, because she seemed to have some kind of forged memories. The same type they all had about Dawn's existence. Dawn had actually been the only thing Buffy remembered about. Willow thought it was a gift from the Powers That Be. A way for her to be able to start that normal life she always wanted, without being plagued by memories of death and horror.


Spike had smiled sadly. "I'm happy. I've never wanted anything less for her." He'd hung up the phone carefully, walked up the stairs like a man on death row, and locked himself in his room. They didn't see him for a few days and Cordelia started to worry that he might have done something stupid. She had Angel break the door down, and they got him out of there and forced him to feed and get back into the world of the living. He hadn't talked for weeks. It lasted until Angel had provoked him, trying to get a reaction out of him. It worked. They had fought until they were both exhausted. Then Spike went to his room and cried for hours. When there were no more tears left to shed for his lost love, he'd simply walked out of the room, grabbed a huge pointy axe, and asked:


"What do we kill around here for fun?"


And that had been the end of it. But he never really got back to being his old self. Never smiled or laughed or made any of his trade mark sarcastic comments unless it was to taunt Angel. The rest of the crew soon got bored of trying to cheer him up, but Cordelia still used the little strength she had left in her to take care of the former vampire.


“Why don’t you boys go out tonight? Have fun, get plastered, then enjoy the hangover in the morning.”


“Not a bad idea princess.”


Normally, Cordy would make a comment about the use of the word “princess”, he hadn’t stopped calling her that since the day she told him about her stunt in the other dimension, but she was too shocked by his agreeing to go out. She just stared at Spike with her mouth opened.


“What?” He shrugged. “I’m all out of liqueur in my room and the store is probably closed at this time. It’s Sunday. Might as well go out and get myself in some kind of trouble.”


Angel got up. “Fine. I’ll go change and…”


Cordelia interrupted him and grabbing his arm, she started pushing both men towards the door while leaning in Angel’s ear and saying in a stage whisper:


“Are you out of your mind?! You don’t change, you go NOW before Blondie changes his mind.”


“But…”


She opened the door. “Bye guys, have fun!”


And closed it behind them.


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Spike was cold, and slowly losing the little patience he had. There were a lot of positive things about being human, but also a lot of things he could definitely live without. Hunger, illness, and cold, just to name a few. And right now, standing outside that bar while arguing with Angel, he was cold. He missed his old duster more than ever. Too bad the damn thing burnt with his old vampire self. With his arms crossed tightly on his chest, he glared at Angel.


“Oh yeah, that’s right, cause you have such bloody great tastes in music anyway. Your idea of good music is limited to that God-awful song, what is it called again?.. Mandy? Maybe if you’re real nice with the DJ, he’ll play it for you just to make you go away.”


“Shut up...”


“I’m hurt. ’S that the best you can do? You’re losing your touch mate.”


The two men were standing outside their favorite bar, facing each other. Sunday was 80’s night and Angel refused to go in but Spike had other plans and he wouldn’t budge.


“You have no idea what you’re talking about you poofter, 80’s music was brilliant. What? Does it bring back memories of bad haircuts and Miami Vice pastel suits? ‘S that why you hate it so much? I can just see you as a big Don Johnson fan.”


Angel growled menacingly.


“Look, we are wasting perfectly good drinking time here. We ARE getting in because if we don’t, I’ll go back to the hotel, Cordelia will ask me why I’m back so soon, I’ll tell her, and… She. Will. Kick. Your. Ass.” Spike gave his former sire a self-satisfied smirk, looking almost like his old self for a moment, and walked towards the door.


“I hate you, you know.”


“Feeling’s mutual mate.”


Angel followed him, cursing under his breath.


They walked up to the bar and ordered a drink, then they sat in silence for what seemed like hours. Women tried to approach the blond man, but he turned them all down flatly one after the other until they finally gave up. The guy obviously wanted to be left alone. And, no woman likes to be turned down.


After a while, Angel started playing with the ice cubes in his drink; he obviously wanted to say something but was hesitant. And God knows he had good reasons to hesitate. Every time he tried to talk to his childe for the past year, it either way ended up bloody or the former vamp would lock himself up in his room for days. But Spike seemed to be in a relatively good mood tonight, there was alcohol, good music, and lots of noisy people. Perfect setting for a manly conversation.


“Spike? I was… I mean… I.. “ Damn. He cleared his throat, uncomfortable. “I was just wondering how you’re holding up… ”


“Don’t.”


“Spike, it’s been a year…”


Spike’s voice got icy. “I. Said. Don’t.”


He turned around on his stool to face the crowd dancing to some old hit from the 80’s, effectively putting an end to the conversation.


Angel shook his head. * Well, that went well… *


Both men resumed drinking in silence, Angel staring at the wall, Spike staring at the crowd. Spike’s mood was getting darker and darker by the minute. He was trying his best to stop the thoughts from submerging him, but he wasn’t doing a great job at it. The song and the girl did it.


It was a whisper of a girl, really. Barely there, just like she had been. Her back was to him so he couldn’t see her face, but her long blond hair was swaying as she danced, just like the very first time he saw his Buffy at the Bronze. So many years ago.


Won’t you come see about me?
I’ll be alone, dancing, you know it baby


Tell me your troubles and doubts
Giving me everything inside and out, and
Love’s strange so real in the dark
Think of the tender things that we were working on


He closed his eyes and tried to imagine the girl turning around and smiling at him. Buffy. It would be one of her wicked smiles. Flirty, dangerous. The kind of smile she always gave him when she wanted something. When she wanted him. A wicked smile with a touch of sadness in it… tenderness. He could never fully understand it, but he wasn’t supposed to anyway. It didn’t matter. As long as she smiled at him…


Slow change may pull us apart
I’ll get us back together at heart, baby


Don’t you forget about me
Don’t, don’t, don’t, don’t
Don’t you forget about me


She’d start dancing toward him, moving her hips in a torturing way. She’d come toward him, incredibly slowly. But he would wait. He’d wait forever for her, if that were what she wanted.


Will you stand above me?
Look my way and never love me
Rain keeps falling, rain keeps falling
Down, down, down


Would you recognize me
Call my name or walk on by
Rain keeps falling, rain keeps falling
Down, down, down


He’d wait forever just to taste her mouth one more time, to touch her. Tell her how much he misses her every second of his newly found life. He opened his eyes. Tried to shake the thoughts away.


Don’t you try and pretend
It’s my feeling we’ll win in the end
I won’t harm you or touch your defenses
Vanity, insecurity


He had to get out. Spike stood so fast that the stool he was sitting on tipped over. Angel barely had time to catch it before it would crash to the floor.


“What the… Spike?”


But Spike was already out the door. Angel swore and went after his insufferable childe, mumbling something about the mistake he made by siring insane people. *Never again *


Don’t you forget about me
I’ll be alone, dancing you know it baby
Going to take you apart
I’ll put us back together at heart, baby


Don’t you forget about me
Don’t, don’t, don’t
Don’t you forget about me


Spike took a deep calming breath and the cold night air made him feel a little better. The music was blaring through the club’s door and he could still make out the lyrics.


“What the Hell is your problem?! If you wanted to leave, couldn’t you just say so like any normal person would?”


“Had to get out.”


“Spike… You have to stop doing this to yourself. She's GONE. You have to let her go and move on or you'll never be happy...”


As you walk on by
Will you call my name
As you walk on by
Will you call my name
Or will you walk away
Will you walk away


Spike ignored him and turned around to walk away, but a tiny little hand stopped him. Then the voice finished to successfully turn him into a living statue. He could never forget that voice. Last time he heard it, the voice was saying “I love you”. Now, she was standing in front of him with a mix of curiosity and shyness. Buffy.


“I’m sorry but I… Do I… I know this sounds lame, but do I know you from somewhere? I saw you in the bar and it felt like I should know who you are for some reason.”


Or will you walk on by?
Will you walk away?
Come on, call my name
Come on, call my name
Will you call my name?…


Spike just stared at her, incapable of remembering how to speak. She misinterpreted his silence and blushed, feeling ridiculous for even asking.


“Look--I’m sorry--you just looked familiar, that’s all. I'm probably just going crazy or something…”


Will you walk on by?
Would you call my name?
As you walk on by
Would you call my name?
When you walk on by?
Oh yeah
Come on and call my name
As you walk on by
Hey baby call my name!
When you walk on by
Would you call my name…


She took a step back to leave, and that snapped Spike back into reality. She was leaving. No. Not again.


“No. Don’t… I’m sorry luv, I’m just a rude man.”


Buffy smiled at that. “So…. Do I?”


Spike looked genuinely puzzled. “Do you what pet?”


“Do I know you” She enounciated slowly as if she was explaining something to a three year old child. "Sorry, I thought for a second you weren't a real blond. My bad." She smiled teasingly.


Spike smiled at the irony. Seemed like their love for banter was a very instinctive thing after all. Even now, as almost strangers, it still came naturally.


He smiled slightly at her, while shoving his hands in his jeans pockets, feeling a little self-conscious. It was like meeting her for the first time again, and he was afraid he really wasn’t making that much of a good impression. He didn’t know what to tell the girl without sounding like a basket case or risking to make her remember, therefore, pulling her back into the huge mess that had been her life for the past seven years. She deserved the break.


“Maybe…”


She blinked several times. “Mm… THAT’S your answer? Not very satisfying as far as clarity is concerned.”


Spike tried hard, but no matter what, he couldn’t bring himself to say the words: “Sorry but I don’t know you.” It would feel like betrayal. He could never turn his back on Buffy, deny the years they spent standing side by side, or against each other. The good parts, the bad parts, it didn’t matter. It was all part of their history together and he could never say the words that would erase it. Could never pretend that it didn’t happen.


They spent a few moments just staring at each other, and for some reason, it felt comfortable. There was a connection there and they both felt it. Buffy couldn’t explain it, but Spike knew: It had always been there. It was there until their last minute together, when their joined hands burst into flames.


Spike couldn’t believe she was there in front of him after all this time. God he had so much to tell her. But he had to remind himself that to her, he was a complete stranger. That made him sadder than anything else. Realizing that he wasn’t part of her life anymore, not even a memory. Nothing. Nothing but a stranger in the street.


Seeing the expression in his eyes go from amazement to utter sadness, Buffy looked down at her shoes, feeling like she was intruding on something.


“Looks like I’m not gonna get anything out of you tonight Mr. Cryptic guy. But now that you got me all curious, you’re in serious trouble. I’ll get it out of you one way or another. I’m very stubborn.” She gave him a smug smirk. “I have to go. My friends are waiting for me. But I’m sure I’ll find you eventually… I’m very clever.”


“I’m in the neighborhood.”


She smiled and started walking away. Spike closed his eyes and took a deep breath. He murmured her name “Buffy”


She stopped dead in her tracks, turned and walked straight to him. “What did you just say?”


Spike looked like a kid caught with his hand in the cookie jar. “I.. huh…”


“You said Buffy.”


“Huh… It’s just… a name I fancy for my kids?” Tony Soprano would look more convincing if he’d said he never killed anybody in his life.


“Sure… Cause it just has that touch of classic elegance, right?”


He had been the one to say that to her once. He wondered for a second if she was starting to remember, but there was no indication that she was.


“You do know me.”


“…”


“Fine, don’t answer. Besides, I don’t want to get into this while your weird friend is staring at me like I’m some kind of alien or something. But it’s unfair that you know my name and I don’t know yours. I have that weird feeling that I do know it, but it just doesn’t make sense…”


“It’s William…”
“Is it Spike…”


They said this at the same time. They both looked uncomfortable for different reasons.


“Ok, THAT was stupid. Don’t ask me where I got that from.” She laughed uneasily.


“No pet, you got it right. Everybody calls me Spike. You used to…”


She smiled and shook her head, overwhelmed by the weirdness of it all. “Alright then. “ She took a step back then added: “You and me, Spike” she pointed back and forth between the two of them “I think we have some major unfinished business we have to take care off... See you around.”


* You have no idea pet…*


She started walking away, but then turned around one last time. “Oh yeah… And do me a favor, tell your friend that it’s rude to stare.” She rolled her eyes and grinned mischievously.


When she finally disappeared in the crowed, Spike sat down on the sidewalk, still in shock. Angel had kicked a garbage can and had walked away. The guys would probably brood until the next millenium, but Spike didn’t have the mental strength to talk to him right now. It would have to wait until he found his way through the fog in his own brain.


He had seen Buffy.


She had recognized him.


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