Sometimes she thinks she may love him. Other times she can barely stand the sight of him. Not because she isn’t attracted to him, but because of the way he knows her inside and out. He sees deep inside her soul. Which is ironic, considering that he doesn’t have one of his own.
Sometimes she envies him so much she can’t breathe. She, the slayer, envies an evil, disgusting vampire because of the way he is able to live without a soul and still feel real, genuine human emotions while she can barely force herself to smile each day. It makes her sick, but she would never tell him this.
Sometimes she hates him more than she ever thought she could hate anybody. She hates him whenever he tells her he loves her. She hates him because she can’t even love herself. And it kills her. Every night he professes his love for her while still buried deep inside her, she hates him. Because he shouldn’t love her. There’s nothing there to love.
Sometimes she pretends that the words he says do not affect her in the least bit. That would mean that she would have to admit to feeling something for him other than loathing, and she isn’t ready to face that yet. She doesn’t know if she ever will be. The others took that freedom from her when they left town. She isn’t even sure if she wants it back. She has no use for it anyway.
Sometimes she can resist going to him at night. Those are the nights when she doesn’t have to lie to her friends, or leave her little sister at home alone all night. Those are the nights that she can almost convince herself that she wasn’t torn out of heaven and believe that she is just a normal girl with her friends. But those are also the nights that she is empty inside and completely without emotion. Those are the nights that she is truly dead.
Sometimes she wishes that her friends didn’t bring her back to life. Because no one can survive without a heart, and she leaves hers in a cold, dark crypt every night when she leaves to go home to her friends. A crypt that hides a soulless vampire with a love that burns brighter than any fire.
Sometimes she thinks she may love him.
