Updated: June 18, 2004

*******
Buffy was left standing alone looking down at the big crater that was once Sunnydale. Faith took care of Wood while the others were tending to the new slayers.

The slayer couldn’t help thinking of her last moments with Spike.

“Buffy!” Spike called out to her and she races over to him.

“Spike!”

She dove out of the way, when a ray of pure soulful sunlight blasted from the amulet Spikes’ wearing. It dusted the vampires within an instant, at the same time as the cavern begins to crumble around them. Faith was yelling at everyone to leave, but Buffy isn’t listening to the brunette slayer. Buffy’s eyes are only focused upon Spike when she rushed to his aid.

“I can feel it, Buffy.”

Spike was pinned into place as the energy from the amulet blasted out of it.

“What?” She queried, concern covering her face.

Looking into his eyes the tears began to well up in her own. Buffy was scared for him and was speechless.

The cavern began falling down around them and it didn’t matter, all she wanted was to be with him.

“My soul... It’s really there, kinda stings,”

Damn, does that sting! I can't believe it, my soul is really there. I kinda wish I had this thing all along.’

Spike wanted her to leave, but his beautiful blonde slayer wasn’t going anywhere. To stubborn for her own good. “Go on, then.”

“You've done enough, you can still...” Please Spike, come with me. I don't want you to die. I don't want to leave this place without you! Please!! Her eyes plead with him.”

He looked at her lovingly, knowing that it isn't possible for him to leave. He has to stay, and do what he must.

“NO! You beat ‘em back, it’s for me to do the clean up.”

Faith ran back down the steps calling for Buffy to leave; Buffy finally heard her but she’s not willing to leave with out Spike.

”BUFFY! COME ON!” Faith yelled out.

Faith didn’t stick around to find out if B is coming or not. Buffy remained at Spike’s side, she can’t leave, she won’t leave, not until he’s with her.

“Gotta move, lamb. I think it’s fair to say schools out for bloody summer.”

The cavern around them began to collapse from the top and the bottom, but was Buffy still at his side. The school fell on the vamps and they dust.

“Spike!” She pleads with him.

“I mean it. I gotta do this!”

Spike held up his hand, and it remained frozen in place and Buffy joined hers to his. For a moment, their hands burst into flames and she could feel his soul, a powerful soul! One that’s meant to do good, to save the world! They look to one another, neither wanting to leave, a moment of pure love passed between them.

“I love you!” There I finally said it!!

He smiled at her kindly, “No, you don't. But thanks for saying it,”

Why say it now, after all this time. You don't really mean it Buffy. It doesn't help me with what I need to do.

As he spoke, a boulder fell within two feet of them and Spike pushed her away, closer to the exit.

“It’s your world up there. Now GO!”

Looking up at him, the tears spilled over. Buffy knew it was the worst possible moment to say it, but she needed him to know. There were dozens of times she could have said it, but it scared her. All the men she’d ever loved in her life have left her. Now it was happening again. Her heart was breaking into pieces. How was she ever going to live with knowing it happened yet again?

Spike gestured with his head, so she would leave. She pleaded silently with him one more time, but he wasn’t going anywhere, and she knew it. There was nothing more she could do, and she gave up, bolting, leaving Spike behind.

As Buffy was running up the steps, and through the school, she turned back several times, hoping that Spike flowered her, unfortunately, he hadn’t.

The shouts of the others brought her back to reality and her thoughts of Spike and the cavern faded into the distance. She so desperately wanted him to believe she loved him, but he couldn't come to terms with it. He had other things that he needed to do, like saving the world.

A tear sprang to her eyes, closing them she shook her head, “Spike I do love you, I know I’ll always love you.” “You’re in my heart and I’ll never forget what you did.” “You’re a champion, you’re my champion….I hope you know it.”

She took a few minutes to compose herself, and then wiped the tears away, smiled weakly and took a deep breath. She knew everything would be ok.

“Goodbye... My love!”

She began walking towards the bus; then suddenly she felt weak, sick to her stomach.

“Whoa,” She placed her right hand on her head, and passed out. Something had passed through her that very moment. It felt cold yet familiar, but she couldn't figure it out.

****

Back at the bus, Giles Kennedy, Faith, Dawn and Willow had been making sure that everyone was settled in. Xander and Andrew carried Wood to the rear of the bus, so he was more comfortable.

“Everyone settled in?” Giles finally said, pushing up his sleeves. “We'll be leaving shortly.”

Dawn spoke up, “Buffy’s’ still outside, I guess…I guess she’s saying goodbye.”

“Faith, will you see about getting Buffy?” “We’re ready to go,” Giles’ voice piped up over the sounds of confusion.

“Sure thing,” she said, heading out the bus. Stepping down she found Buffy lying on the ground

“Oh no,” Faith said, running over to Buffy, “Buffy!” Turning around, she called out, “Willow, Giles, Xander, come quick!”

Hearing Faith’s cry they looked out the windows and saw Buffy lying on the ground.

”What... What’s wrong with her?” Dawn asked, frantically.

“Stay here Dawnie,” Willow said, “We'll check it out!”

”I'll stay with you, Dawn,” Kennedy sat next to Dawn as Dawn kept looking out the back window.

Giles, Willow, and Xander headed out of the bus, and ran over to Buffy. Faith was already at her side, trying to wake her up.

“Buffy! Come on wake up!” Buffy didn’t move, Faith slapped her hard trying to bring her too.

Giles had already taken his glasses off and polished them several times.

”What the hell was that for?” Buffy asked.

“Sorry B, had to wake you up some how,” Faith replied, jokingly.

Bending down next to Buffy, Willow asked, “Are you OK?”

“Yeah, I think so.” As Buffy got up, she felt dizzy for moment. “Whoa, that was weird!”

“What the heck happened?” Xander asked in a worried tone.

“I don't know. I turned to go back to the bus, and all of a sudden it felt cold, and I couldn't breathe, I think that’s when I fainted.”

“Hmm, well, maybe everything just hit you at once,” Giles suggested.

“Nah, I don't think it was that. It was something different, but it felt familiar. I can't explain it.”

“Different how?” Willow asked, intrigued.

Buffy turned to look at the crater and then back at her friends.

“I've never felt that before. I can't explain it.”

“There’s no way we can look it up now,” Giles began gesturing at the crater, “We need to do research and we don't have the books to do it with.”

“Don't worry about it, I'll be fine.” Buffy smiled for Giles’ benefit, she shrugged it off for now. “Come on, let’s get going. We have to take care of these girls. Find us to a place to stay, and rest for a while.”

“Ah, yes, let’s get going then,” Giles said as they walked to the bus.

*****

Dawn was getting antsy waiting for Buffy to return to the bus. When she finally stepped inside Dawn hugged her big sister tightly.

“It’s nice to see you to, Dawn.”

”I was worried about you.”

“I'm fine. Sit down, we're leaving.” Buffy told her.

Dawn finally let go and sat down next to Andrew who was seated by Giles in the front of the bus.

Willow and Kennedy sat with arms around each other in the seat behind them. Buffy found a seat in the back; in a section where there weren’t any new slayers, and Faith and Wood were in the last long seat at the rear.

“Everyone ready? Ok then!” Giles started the bus. “We head to Angel’s?” He looked at Buffy from the mirror.

“Best place I can think of right now,” Buffy replied, half asleep. “We'll have to let them know everything is ok.”

Buffy leaned her head against the window as Giles drove off. Soon she was asleep, dreaming of the first time she met Spike.

The first time they had sex, the first time she realized she had feelings for him. Then suddenly the dream changed. She was in a dark room, with moonlight pouring through a window, overlooking a city. She was wearing a long black slinky slip dress and her hair was curly. Spike came in from a balcony dressed in a dark suit, silk shirt and a silk tie.

“Oooh, I love the way you look,” Buffy said with a smile.

“You look beautiful in the moonlight, love.”

Taking her hand, the couple began to dance, closely and slowly. Spike sniffed her hair. It smells of roses and strangely enough, vanilla. He then begins to nuzzle her neck. Buffy feels warm and safe in his arms. She doesn’t want this feeling to end…ever.

“Spike,” She stepped back, holding his arms. “What I said earlier, I really meant it.”

“I know that now.” He crushed his lips against hers, her knees felt weak and she didn’t want to leave his embrace.

He broke the kiss suddenly, stepped back, and disappeared.

“SPIKE!” Buffy cried out. “SPIKE!”

He was gone, gone from her life again. She began to cry, “Spike, don't leave me! Spike!”

The bus stopped abruptly and she woke up, looking around, realizing where she was.

Faith was smiling at her.

“So B, have a nice dream?” Faith asked, raising an eyebrow.

“What are you talking about?”

She noticed that she was crying, and quickly wiped the tears away.

Robin sat up, “She means you were calling out for Spike!”

“Oh...I did?” Buffy cheeks burned hot with embarrassment. She then looked around, it was night and they were in front of The Hyperion Hotel. She didn’t realize she’d slept that long.

She looked surprised when everyone in the front of the bus began exiting. Faith was helping Robin to his feet, when Buffy finally got up. She allowed them to pass by her, and she followed closely behind.

~~~


Inside the hotel, Angel had been pacing back and forth, getting frustrated. They hadn't heard anything from the slayers in hours. If she didn’t call, he was seriously going to head out alone and help.

Lorne tried to calm Angel down but it was no use, Angel was ready for a fight.

“Buffy!”

“Angel!” Buffy breathed.

He walked over to her, seeing the sadness in her eyes, “What happened?”

“Spike destroyed the vampires.” Buffy replied, sadly. “The hellmouth is closed for business... for ever” She was so tired, tired of being the slayer. She wanted to be normal for a change, but with many loose ends to tie up, it was never ending.

“That’s good to know,” Lorne added. “You must be really tired, cupcake. Why don't we get some rooms set up for all of you, and have a good nights rest?”

Lorne, Gunn, Wesley and Fred did just that.

Faith helped Robin to a chair. He was badly hurt, but still alive, barely.

“You're going!” Faith ordered.

“I'm not going anywhere.” Robin protested. He needed to go to the hospital, but he wasn't interested in going. He was tough, and figured that he'd come through this all right.

Minutes later, Gunn, Fred, and Wesley returned, and helped the girls to the rooms. Lorne came back down a few seconds later.

“Come with me, sugar bun,” He told Buffy. “I've got the prettiest room set up just for you.”

He gently pulled her up the stairs, and she followed without protesting. He opened the door to a brightly colored room. It had a balcony and…”Oh my God,” she realized that it was almost like the room in her dreams. Hmm, weird she thought.

Lorne’s smile faded as he noticed the expression on her face. She must not like it, he thought. “Is there something wrong? You don't like this room?”

“Oh, no, no. It’s lovely. It’s just...” She trailed off thinking about her dream.

“It’s not home… It'll be ok.” “I left my home, and I made a new home.” He smiled.
“Home is where your heart is...”

Funny you should say that, my heart is with Spike and now he’s gone.

“...Even if it is in your left butt cheek,” Lorne continued, lightheartedly.

Buffy began to cry and Lorne wrapped her up in a big hug. “Oh sweetie, it’s ok. It'll be ok.” They stood there in the same place for a long time, until she stepped back, whipping the tears away.

“I'm so sorry.”

“Don't be.”

She smiled, “I think I'd like to be alone now.”

“Oh, sure, sure! Just call if you need anything.

“I will thank you.”

Lorne headed out the door, closing it behind him. Buffy lay on the bed, and began crying uncontrollably, until she finally fell asleep.

She woke up a few hours later, came down the stairs, and heard all the girls in the dining room eating and chatting up a storm. She wanted to be alone, and headed out to the garden.

As she sat down on a bench, a cold breeze suddenly blew up; it felt like it went right through her. She gasped for air, but that familiar feeling came over her again. Something was different. A familiar aroma filled the air. She realized it was Spike’s cologne.

“Spike?” She sat up. Again, she felt the cold chill. “Spike!”

“Buffy?” She turned around thinking it was Spike.

“Spike?” Then she realized it was Angel. “Oh, it’s you.”

Angel scoffed, “Sorry I'm not Spike, where is he anyway?” Of all the people in the world, or in Sunnydale, she wanted Spike. Why can't she return to me? He thought. We were in love once weren't we?

“He’s gone.” A sadness rose in her voice.

“He left you?” “That idiot, I knew he would do something like this to you, I just knew it!”

”Shut up! He didn't leave me. He’s gone. Ya know, dead.” She said, aggravated. Spike wouldn't leave me. He loved me. “He died to protect me, the new slayers, and the whole freakin world. He did a good and honorable thing.”

Angel was shocked. He didn't know quite what to say! “I'm, I'm sorry. I didn't realize he meant that much to you.”

“I told you he did the night before.”

“I guess...I guess I didn't believe it. I'm sorry. Why don't you sit down, and tell me what happened!”

Buffy complied and explained everything that happened. Angel was very stunned. He didn’t really believe that Spike had it in him. He was even more surprised about all the slayers running around the world, but he was glad that everything turned out fine...well most of it anyway.

“I’m really sorry about Spike.”

“Thank you, that means a lot to me.” She started to soften around Angel. She did love Angel, but he was her past, and she wanted to remain friends now. Buffy knew she could confide in Angel anytime, but he wasn’t Spike. She still felt Spike’s presence around and that comforted her.

Almost as if he was watching her from where ever he was.

Buffy didn’t understand it. She wanted more than anything to be in his arms, to make love to him not angry sex like before when they were together. She wanted it more than anything, but it would never be.

She blamed herself for waiting to long. If she’d just told him the night they held one another, maybe things would have turned out differently. She stood up, and started to cry. Angel felt a ping in his heart. The woman he loved was in pain, and the only thing he could do is be a friend. Lend her his shoulder to cry on, listen, and give her advice when she needs it most.

He squeezed her hand gently, letting her know he was there for her. She turned and smiled at him. “I think I’m going to go back to my room.”

“Oh ok, anything you need, just let me know.”

She bent down and kissed Angel on his forehead. This was a thank you to him for listening to her, helping her and being a good friend. She then turned and went back inside the hotel. Dawn came running out of the dining room.

“There you are; you’re missing this great food that Lorne ordered us from some fancy restaurant. There’s some chicken stuff, salad, beef, you name it; it’s all there.”

“I’m not really hungry. I’m gonna go back up to my room.”

Dawn saw how sad her sister was, and wanted to do what she could for her. Just listening and offering her shoulder to cry on was all she could do for her right now.

“Buffy, wait! Sit.”

As they sat down together on a nearby sofa, Dawn gave Buffy a big hug. Buffy responded and held her tightly, as if it was the first time they’d seen each other in a long, long, time. It felt good to have her sister there; she missed the bond they had, even though Dawn could be a pain in the ass.

“Thank you, Dawn, I really needed that.”

“That’s what sisters are for.”

”What is it, that you need?”

“I just wanted to sit and hang with you for while”. “Well, what I really wanted to do is make sure you were doing ok”. “I know you’re hurting because Spike...” Dawn trailed off, knowing that was a touchy subject for her sister. “I just wanted you to know that I am here and any time you needed a shoulder to cry on, I’m there”. “You’re my sister, Buffy and I love you, and I want you to be happy.” “I just don’t want you do to this alone, you’ve got us... Even Angel!”

“I know”. “I know and I really appreciate it, but I would really like to be alone right now.” Buffy hugged Dawn again, she held her for a few moments, and then went back up to her room. Dawn just watched until Buffy was gone.

“Spike, I wish you were here”, Dawn said, aloud. “I hate to see her like this, it just breaks my heart.” She began to cry. A few moments later, she composed herself and went back into the dining room with everyone else.

Spike was there. He had been with them every step of the way, ever since Buffy passed out in the middle of the road, where Sunnydale used to be.

“Aww nibblet, I’m here, I just wish I could be there instead of in my spirit form or what ever form I’m in”. “Bloody ‘ell, there’s the poofter, Angel.”

Angel had walked back into the hotel. He stopped abruptly, looked around, sensing something else in the room. “Spike? “Nah, it couldn’t be”.

”Nah, there’s no one there.”

“What are you talking about?” Wesley asked, coming from the office.

“I don’t know, I get this strange feeling someone’s here, watching, I sense it.”

“That’s odd.” Wes said, thinking. “Maybe it’s a ghost of someone who died here in the hotel”?

“No, this is different; I’ve never felt this before”. “It’s like I know this and I can’t explain it.”

Spike had a good laugh at Angel’s expense. “Boy if he could see me now, the poofter would be scared out of his gourd”.

“Maybe Willow can whip up a revealing spell.” Wes suggested.

“It’s probably nothing; I’m probably making more of it, than it really is.”

“If you think it’s something, it must be something.”

“Don’t worry about it, I’m not going to.”

“All right.” Wesley said, unconvinced before heading back to the office.

Angel walked away, but Wes started to think about it and realized that something like this happened before, so he went right to his books and began looking through them. Willow came in shortly thereafter.

“What’cha doing?”

“Something Angel said got me curious.”

“Oh really?” “What did he say?” Willow inquired.

“Angel said there was a strange, but yet familiar presence here.”

“I haven’t heard of that before.”

“Here,” He handed a book to her. “See what you can find about spirits.”

“Oooh, research, I love research.” Willow said, excitedly and Wesley gave her a perplexed look, she felt a bit embarrassed. “I guess...I guess we should...Yeah, we should really get to work.” She took the book and began looking through it.

About an hour later, they hadn’t come up with much. Just some stuff about spirits who roam the earth, because they have some unfinished business to do.

Wesley closed the book hastily, frustrated he said, “I know that there’s something about this...this situation, but, ahhh, that is frustrating”. “I can’t figure this out, I don’t have the proper research tools available... here,” “Maybe I saw this at
Wolfram and Hart.”

“I can whip up a revealing spell in a jiffy.”

Wesley didn’t object; he was the one that suggested it to Angel in the first place.

“All right, do you need anything?”

“Nope.” “I’ve got it covered.”

Meanwhile, Faith was still upstairs with Robin, tending to his wounds, as he was still refusing to go to the hospital.

“This is going to hurt me more than it’s going to hurt you!”

“Oh yeah?” He said as she punched him in the face, knocking him out cold. She hurled him over her shoulder and trudged down the stairs. She placed him on chair and hurried into the dining hall. Moving over to Gunn, she said,

“Hey Gunn, can you help me with Robin. He needs to go the hospital, and I need someone to take us.”

“Sure no problem. I’ll just grab the keys to Angel’s car; I don’t think he’ll mind.” He ran to into the lobby and behind the front desk was a set of Angel’s keys, grabbed them and helped Faith take Robin to the car. They headed off to the hospital.

****
Buffy shut her door and leaned against it. She was sure that she felt Spike’s presence down in the garden. Now she was sure that she felt it back in Sunnydale as well.

How was that possible? He died. No! No! Stop thinking that way.

She crossed to the balcony, opening the doors, and stepping out, inhaling the fresh air.

Looking up, Buffy noticed the moon; it was full like in her dream. She closed her eyes, and felt arms wrap around her. It was a familiar touch to her, and leaned against him; she wanted to feel his touch one more time.

“I’m here, baby,” he whispered in her ear.

She suddenly turned around, but there was no one there. “How is this possible?”

How was it she could feel and hear him?

“No, this not is impossible, you’re not here.” She backed away, looking around. “This is all in my head.”

“Buffy, it’s really me, it’s me, love.”

“No, it can’t be, Spike died.” He touched her again, and she shuddered at his touch. Her body began to tingle, tingle like it had always done when he touched her. No one could ever do that to her. Not even Angel. She then realized it was really Spike.

“Spike?” Tears sprang from her eyes hoping that she’d see him. “How are you...here?”

“All I know is that I heard every word you said, while you were saying goodbye to me, and I just had to touch you one last time.” “Some how I ended up, I don’t know, I ended up within you, I wasn’t able to leave until the garden.”

“I didn’t see anything, but I... I felt you... your presence.”

“I didn’t want to scare you and that Nancy boy comes out and I didn’t have a chance.”

“I’m just glad that you’re here now... maybe... maybe Willow can bring you back?”

“I don’t know that I can.” He caressed her cheek. “I want to; I want to be with you...Always!”

“Always!” Though she could not see him, she felt him caress her cheek. It made her weak in the knees. “Spike, I wish I could see you!” “I want to be able to look into your eyes.”

***
Downstairs, Willow moved out into the lobby to begin her spell. Wesley leaned in the doorway and just watched Willow as the slayers, Dawn, Giles, Kennedy, Lorne, and Xander came out about the same time.

Willow began to chant in some language only Giles and Wesley understood. When the spell was complete, she turned around, noticed she had a small audience, some of whom had no clue what she was doing. “Just a revelation spell.”

“What kind revelation?” Giles asked, curiously.

Wes turned to Giles; “We may have some type of spirit on our hands.

“Ah,” Giles shook his head, understanding. He couldn’t believe how much Wes had changed in such a small amount of time.

I think I like this Wesley better that the stuffy one that first came to Sunnydale.

“Oh, I had a lady come into Caritas one day, when I still had it, thought she was being haunted by her dead lover.” “As it turned out, he got caught up in some magical doohickey thingy.” “I took her to this powerful witch and she did some spell and viola he was alive once again.” “It’s some tricky thing; I don’t even understand it myself.” Lorne chimed in.

“Let’s hope it works,” Kennedy added, walking over to Willow and slipped an arm round her lover’s waist.

Angel walked in, looked at everyone in surprise, “What’s going on?”

“Angel, well, Willow preformed a revelation spell,” Wes replied.

“Oh.” Angel was not pleased. He didn’t know what sort of spirits would show up, that they’d need to take care of. He wasn’t ready to face off with Spike, even if it turned out to be him.

“Before I forget, Gunn called, he and Faith took Robin to the hospital.” “It seems that they’ll be there all night.”

When Spike suddenly stepped back, Buffy began to get worried when she didn’t feel him; she couldn’t see what was going on either, which was making her even more nervous. He began screaming.

“Spike!” Buffy said, alarmed. “What’s wrong?”

The pain was more than he could stand. “AHHHHH! This is worse than that bloody chip in my head.” He ground his teeth as the pain rushed over him repeatedly. “Ah, bloody hell; this is just ahhhh, hurts like fucking hell.”

Spike started to slowly appear before Buffy. “How?” “How is this happening?” Buffy wondered. “Of course! It’s Willow!”

“Red?” “Well, how the bloody hell did she find out?”

“I don’t know. It doesn’t matter now, you’re back.” You’re back, you’re back!!!

“Well,” Spike looked down and smiled, “Not all of me.” He grabbed his head, “Damn, this
fucking hurts. AHHHHH” He screamed in agony once again.

***
Everyone downstairs turned when they heard the cries come from upstairs. Angel took off upstairs, leaving everyone wondering what was going on.

“Spike? Spike?” There was silence. Buffy was starting to worry. She didn’t feel Spike’s essence anywhere. She began to feel frantic and lonely. She called out to him again, but there was no one else in the room. She was alone, once again.

A knock came at the door, startling Buffy. She turned towards it.

“Yes?”

“Buffy? Are you ok?”

She crossed the room to the door and opened it.

“Buffy, are you ok?” Angel asked, once again.

She looked him and began crying. He wrapped his arms around her.

“I’m here, its ok.”

He walked her over to the sofa nearby and they both sat down.

“What happened up here?” Wiping her tears away.

“Spike.” “He was here!” “He started to form in front of me, and then he was…gone.”

“Willow’s spell must have backfired, maybe had some consequences.”

She pushed him back and between sobs said, “Not helping.”

“I’m sorry.” Angel apologized.

Willow arrived before Angel could say any more. “Buffy, is...are you...ok?”

Rising up, Buffy went to Willow. She could tell that Willow was feeling a little guilty, Willow didn’t know Buffy knew. It was a simple restoration spell. Something else happened, but what, she had no clue. Willow thought that Buffy was going to be upset with her, so she braced herself. “I’m sorry. I mean, I didn’t, I wasn’t trying to...”

Buffy interrupted Willow by putting her hand up, “Will, its ok. I’m not mad. I just wish it had worked.

“Can you tell me what happened?”

“He started to form, and it was really painful for him, and then he just...Vanished.”

Hmm, that spell should have worked, it should have, Willow told herself. “Buffy that should have worked.” “I...I don’t understand why it didn’t.”

Angel got up and went to Buffy and Willow. “Maybe it wasn’t your spell.” “Maybe there’s something higher at work here.”

“You really think that?” Willow asked for the reassurance.

“I don’t know, not much to go on.” Angel shrugged.

Buffy looked to Angel and then to Willow, “We’re not gonna sit here and wait for him to return, we’re gonna bring him back.”

“What...what if we can’t?” Willow stammered.

“She’s right Buffy, what if we can’t?” Angel reiterated Willow’s question.

Buffy stormed out, calling back to them, “I’m not gonna let that happen.”

To be continued...





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