Title: See You Later, Slayer
Word count – 1322
Rating – PG-13 (language)
Disclaimer – Joss is God, I just play with his creations
Distribution – Just tell me where you’re taking it, please
Feedback – please, please!
Summary – Buffy finds breaking up is hard to do.
See You Later, Slayer
by Patti
“Looking for somebody, Slayer?” the blond vampire tried to keep the hopefulness out of his voice as he walked toward her carrying his bag of groceries.
She shook her head and turned to go, “No, Spike. I was just patrolling. It’s what I do you know.” She kept her head turned away to avoid seeing the look on his face.
(Damn, damn! I thought I’d be done here before he got home!)
“Oh,” he said flatly. “Well, don’t think there’s much here. I keep my backyard pretty clean, you know.”
“Yeah, I know you do. But it’s still my job......”
“Bollocks! You knew there’d be nothing to slay here. Why are you here, Buffy? Come to remind me how unworthy I am?”
She visibly flinched, than said softly, “I deserve that, I guess. I’m....I’m sorry, Spike. I’ll go now.” As she said it, she finally looked up at him and the expression on his face made her close her eyes quickly.
(Oh my god. How did we get to this place? I just wanted to forget my life for a while – not ruin his.)
To her surprise, she felt tears squeezing through her closed eyelids and sliding down her face. She blinked quickly in an effort to stop them before he noticed, but he was already gliding up to her and asking, “ Slayer? Buffy? What’s wrong, love?” He reached his hand toward her cheek and started to brush a tear away with his thumb. The violence with which she recoiled from his touch shocked them both.
“Right, then. No touching at all. No problem. Forgot for a minute there how much I repulse you.” The anguished expression on his face put the lie to his words as he turned away from her. He felt like his heart was being pulled from his chest with red hot pinchers. He looked down at himself, almost expecting to see it hanging out of his chest.
“No!” A strangled syllable was all she could get out when he turned away.
He turned back to glare at her. “Yeah, ‘no’. I think I got it, Slayer.”
“No,” she said in a ragged voice. “I meant, no, you misunderstood me.”
He just raised one eyebrow and looked at her. “Oh, I think you were pretty clear.”
“No,” she said softly. “No, I wasn’t. Not if you think that’s why I didn’t want you touching me.”
He still had the stoney expression on his face as he turned back, tilting his head and asking, “What then?”
Buffy looked around frantically for some sort of distraction, then gave up and took a deep shuddering breath. A voice inside her was insisting, “He deserves this. Give it to him”.
“I don’t want you touching me because it’s...it’s too hard.”
He just stood perfectly still, as only someone who is dead can, staring at her for so long she started to shift her feet uncomfortably. Finally she couldn’t stand the silence any longer.
“Spike? Did you hear me?”
“I heard you, Slayer. I just don’t get it. What’s hard?”
“Y...you. Being close to me, touching me. It....” she looked down at the ground wishing she could just crawl back into it and forget her life. Suddenly she raised her eyes back to his and finished, “It makes me want what I can’t have, Spike. I’m trying to be strong and.... and you touching me....” Her voice trailed off and she flinched as he grabbed both her arms and shook her.
“Don’t do this to me, Slayer.” he growled, eyes flashing yellow. “Don’t fuck with me, like this. I would die for you. You know that. But I really don’t want to do it a little piece at a time. Either you want me or you don’t. Make up your bloody mind!”
She shook his hands off and snapped back at him, “I do want you! What have I just been saying? But I can’t be with you. It’s wrong and, and.....” she paused and looked him in the eye, “And I don’t love you. I can’t love you. I never will.”
He rolled his eyes to the sky and threw up his hands. “Let me be sure I’ve got this straight. You want me. It hurts you to see me with somebody else – even some skank that I grabbed at the last minute so I wouldn’t be alone at the not-a-wedding. Hurting me makes you cry,” he shot her a look that dared her to deny it, “and my touch is irresistible. But you don’t love me? We’re not talkin’ ‘don’t’ here, Buffy, we’re talkin’ ‘won’t’. Aren’t we?”
“Does it matter?” she asked dully, looking down at the ground again.
His first reaction was to explode at her that of course it mattered, then he realized it probably didn’t. “I guess it doesn’t, does it?” he said so softly he might have been talking to himself. “Same result either way. We’re both sleeping alone.” He spoke in a soft defeated tone. He shook himself, took a deep breath and continued, “Ok, love, here’s the deal.”
She peered up at him through her hair and almost cried again at the resigned look on his face.
“If you’re determined to make us both miserable, let’s do it right. You stay out of my graveyard – I’ll keep it swept clean every night, I promise. And I’ll stay away from you and yours. Except maybe the Bit – I’d like to see her once in a while, if that’s OK with you?” for just a second his voice took on a pleading tone.
“Of – of course. She’d never forgive me if she couldn’t see you once in while.”
“Right, then. Ok, that’s it. We’ll stay away from each other as much as possible and if we do happen to be in the same place at the same time, one of us will leave. How’s that? If it’s Willie’s – you’ll leave. If it’s the Bronze, I’ll go.”
Buffy couldn’t speak at first. Was he really saying he didn’t want her around at all? She flashed back to his song during the spell several months ago. “Let me rest in peace” he’d sung. If he couldn’t have her, he didn’t want her coming around. Well he’d had his “sweet release”, hadn’t he? And look how well that worked out....s
“Okay....”she said slowly. “That sounds like a plan. We’ll just stay away from each other and.....” Fighting the cramping feeling in her stomach at the thought of not seeing him any more, she steadied her voice and finished, “maybe we’ll both be able to move on.”
He stared at her speculatively for a second, then before she could react, he grabbed her arms again and pulled her against him, capturing her mouth with his as he did so. Her body was rigid, but she didn’t push him away and within a few seconds she was kissing him back as tears poured down both their faces. It was without a doubt the most honest kiss they had ever shared. Spike put everything he had and felt into it – the desire, the unconditional love, his agony at the thought of losing her. He could feel her need for him, the desire she felt and the love she was denying. He put everything he was feeling from both of them into the lips and tongue that were joined with hers.
When she finally had to break the kiss for air, he rested his forehead against hers and whispered, “Don’t think moving on is in my future, pet. If you get tired of making yourself miserable to keep your watcher and friends happy, you’ll know where to find me.”
He released her as quickly as he’d grabbed her and bent over to pick up his grocery bag. Without looking back at her, he walked toward his crypt saying, “Good-bye, Slayer.”
With tears pouring unheeded down her face, Buffy watched him go into his home and close the door firmly. “Good bye, William.” she said softly as she turned to go home. “I’ll miss you.”
The End
