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Summary: Takes place season 5 after Riley's departure. Mostly A/U, lots of Spuffy lovin'!
With Buffy still in shambles after Riley's rash decision of going back to the initutive, she is not at peace, even in her dreams she wakes up crying. Willow brings it upon herself to cast a spell giving her total happiness in her dreams, because as we know, reality is an imperfect place. What Willow didn't count on is Buffy's subconcious not wanting to wake up, leaving the slayer in a slumber of sheer bliss. What will happen when the scoobies try to right Willow's wrong? How will Buffy react to having to depart with the man she loves? Again.


Disclaimer: I do not own anything of Buffy the Vampire Slayer or it's characters...Although I would take Spike :-D So big scary companies: Please do not sue me, for I have no money.

A/N: Okay everyone, bear with me, this is my first fic! I'm also looking for a Beta, someone to help me out and whatnot. So if you're interested, please email me at pinkpunkrock56@yahoo.com
I love reviews!
Also, I can't do italics, so thoughts will be put in brackets such as:
< blah blah blah >

I will also be adding in background music, the lyrics will be stated with this
//theres a chair in my head....//
At the end of the chapter I will tell you what the song is and who it's by!

One more thing, the Previously on Buffy the Vampire Slayer moments WILL be shorter, just a recap of the last chapter, couple of sentances. I'm just adding this in so people who aren't like me and pretty much memorize all the episodes know exactly where we are and whatnot.

BORROWED TEXT AND IDEAS FROM BUFFY THE VAMPIRE SLAYER EPISODE 89 "TRIANGLE"
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In My Dreams


By Erica Hayden










Previously on Buffy the Vampire Slayer:

Buffy crouched next to the dying monk, waves of sympathy washed over her. She furrowed her brows, trying with all her might to understand his cryptic words.
"We had to hide the key" He spoke with a raspy voice. "... made it human and sent it to you."
Buffy's eyes grew wide with the realization. "Dawn." She said softly. The monk nodded. Buffy watched as the monk's chest rose up slightly, growing with his last wavery breath, she didn't hear him exhale, but saw as his body decended down. She moved her hand over his eyelids and closed them. She asked herself.*

Riley grunted as the female vampires teeth sunk into the skin on his wrist.*

"Buffy's like nobody else in the world. But she doesn't love me." Riley stated with a wavery smile.*

Spike kissing Buffy.
"Buffy, I love you." Spike moaned out in need, hunger and despiration.
Spike suddenly jumped up in his bed horrified.
"Oh God, no."*

Joyce in the CAT scan machine.*
"Your mother has ... a brain tumor." The doctor stated with no emotion in his voice.
Buffy's eyes began to burn with the tears hiding behind them.*

Buffy and Joyce hugged tightly in Joyces hospital room. "Mommy." She cried.*
Dawn and Buffy stood back, waving goodbye to their mother, who was sitting in a wheelchair, being taken into surgery. Joyce had a strong smile plastered on her face. When she was out of sight, Dawn threw her head into Buffy's stomach, her tears matted Buffy's shirt against her skin. "Shh Dawnie. Moms going to be alright." She whispered, petting her sister's head, all the while she never took her eyes off the door her mother exited.*
Buffy stood as the doctor strolled out. "Okay, your mom's in recovery." He threw a smile.
Buffy nodded. "Is she all right?" She asked nervously.
The doctor nodded. "I think your mother's gonna be fine." He said, patting her on the back.
Buffy and the scoobs smiled and hugged one another.*

Spike held his hand around the small of the slayer's back. "I wanna show you something." Buffy was reluctant to enter the dark room, fear for what he might do, or show her. It was until she heard Riley's deep voice did she enter.
"Harder." He said gruffly
Riley was sitting on a bed with a vampire latched onto his arm, his head was thrown back in a strange kind of extacy. Buffy walked in alone, Spike stayed back out of respect for Buffy. Spike thought to himself. Buffy stared at Riley, her once suspicious expression now masked with one of horror. She gasped.
Riley's head jerked up, his face fell, shame filled his entire body. "Buffy." He whispered as she ran out of the room.*

Buffy paced her dorm, tears staining her cheeks. Even with the mascara smearing, Riley still looked at her and saw the most beautiful person in the world. She was his future. Riley exaggerated the word in his head, sighing inwardly. His eyes fell towards the ground, suddenly interested in his shoes. He couldn't look at his beauty, not with all his shame.
Buffy pressed the palm of her hand to her forehead. She sniffed back a few tears and her hand returned to her side. "I've given you everything that I have, my heart, my body and soul!" Her words choked him, Rileys tears were nearly catching up to him.
He opened his mouth then shut it. After a moment, he spoke the truth. "I just don't feel it." Buffy looked at Riley with disgust. She was feeling almost the same as she did with Parker. But deep in Buffy's soul she knew they would get through this. "They want me back, Buffy. The military." All of Buffy's hopes shattered.
"I'm leaving tonight."*


Riley looked down as Sunnydale was getting smaller and smaller. Buffy didn't come. He didn't blame her. He didn't notice the small blonde looking up, screaming at him.

Buffy was too late, she watched as the helicopter was in mid air, tears streaming down her face. "RILEY!" She screamed. But he was gone*
Xander walked towards Anya, who was shining beautifully in a simple night gown. His heart beat rapidly as he stood over her, staring at her for a moment, lingering at his ex demon who was sitting on her bed, looking up nervously.
"I've gotta say something... 'Cause ... I don't think I've made it clear. I'm in love with you. Powerfully, painfully in love. The things you do ... the way you think ... the way you move ... I get excited every time I'm about to see you."

Xander grabbed her hands and pulled her up so he could stare into her eyes. Anya was fighting back tears of joy. "You make me feel like I've never felt before in my life. Like a man." Xander paused for a moment, shruging uneasily, completely unaware of what she was thinking, what she was going to say, how she was going to react. "I just thought you might wanna know." Anya threw back a watery smile and kissed him gently. Xander understood, she loved him back.*
Buffy descended up the Summers' stairs, unable to make it all the way. Unable to hold back the tears. The slayer sat and sobbed. *
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Ch1- Worthless
The sun shone brightly as birds chirped. The Slayer looked up at the beautiful apple trees and closed her eyes, inhaling the sweet scent of roses and honeysuckle that surrounded her. Buffy looked up, hearing a noise, her lips curved up into a smile as her dad walked towards her, followed by Giles. It was strange to see the two together, her two fathers. She had so much love for the both of them. She felt strong arms wrap around her shoulders, peering up and giggling Angels face stood centimeters away as he gave her an eskimo kiss, rubbing their noses delicately together. Buffy bit her bottom lip when Riley stepped up.
"Don't hog our girl Angel." He smiled. Buffy ran up and jumped into his arms. The ex soldier swung her around and carried her to a swing set covered in daisies. Another giggle passed through her body. Pure happiness. As she swung higher and higher she saw a tall man walking forward. It was Spike. The bright blue shirt he wore only matched the brilliance in his eyes. To her, it didn't seem strange at all to have all these men surround her, adoring her. Even Spike. Buffy leaned back in the swing, letting the breeze flow through her hair.

A flash brightened the already blinding sky. The birds chirpped even louder and flew around the girl. Suddenly, this was too much for the Slayer. A robin flew by, it's form blurred by it's speed. The robin was aimed directly for Buffy's head. Rain began to pour down as the bird smacked her square in the forhead. Buffy fell for what felt like an eternity. She layed down on the muddy grass, curled into a ball, covering her ears from all the noise that was around her. Looking up, she saw her men looking down at her, smiling. As soon as the noise had errupted, there was silence. Buffy stood, her once white dress clung to her body, pressed down with mud. Her hair was ratty and had dirt and grass stuck deep within the golden ringlets. Hank and Giles nodded to eachother and snuck behind Angel and Spike, out of their coat jackets, they each pulled out a long wooden stake. "NO!" She screamed, trying to run towards the vampires, but she tripped and instantly was stuck in the mud, having to watch. Buffy cringed as the smiles turned to shock, and then to dust. Roars came from within Spike and his grandsires chests.
Riley lunged at Hank first, jumping on the older man, and without delay, snapped his neck with ease. There was only Giles and Riley left, while Buffy was paralyzed in the glue like substance. Forced to do nothing but watch the scene unfold. Giles took a swing at Riley, which the soldier expertley blocked. Riley jumped behind the Watcher, wrapping his arm tightly around the latters neck, squeasing with all his might. Giles locked eyes with Buffy, sadness washed over her. She couldn't bring herself to cry. Riley knew when Giles had taken his last gasp for air, the struggling had lessened then all together stopped abruptly.
Riley sauntered over to Buffy, slinging her over his shoulder. Buffy clawed and screamed at his back, but to no avail. She was helpless. Riley walked through the tall rose bushes, leaving Buffy to be cut by the thorns. It was then she saw the cliff. It was then she felt herself falling.

Buffy landed with a hard THUNK! She was surrounded by water. The slayer thrashed her arms about like a mad woman, trying to reach the top of her watery grave. When Buffy reached the surface, she hit her head on the top. She thought. She looked up and saw her friends standing above her...watching. Buffy drew in a panicked breath, as the water entered her lungs, she slowly drifted towards the bottom. All she could see was darkness.
She felt the scene change again, Buffy inhaled deeply, catching dirt in her mouth. She looked around but saw nothing. The slayer tried to reach her hands up but they were stopped by a heavy piece of wood. She clawed and screamed and pounded until the wood finally decided to give in. Her legs worked rapidly as she kicked in the bottom part of the casket as well. Dirt invaded the grave and filled in her lungs. She had to keep moving, keep climbing, keep scratching. She felt the stickey wetness as her blood was seeping from the cuts in her knuckles. She heard Hanks voice: "You're nothing Buffy."
It was followed by Angel's "Nothing." Buffy shuddered and tears dripped down her cheeks, but she continued to climb, letting nothing keep her from making it to the top. "You're nothing to me." She heard Riley in the back of her mind. Buffy let out a gut wrenching scream as she punched her hand up through the dirt, feeling the air sting her skin. Ice washed over her hand as she felt pressure, another hand squeasing hers? Her thoughts were confirmed as she rose up out of her grave. As soon as the slayer's eyes adjusted, she realized she was face to face with Spike. "I"m here for you pet." He murmured.
**********
Buffy jumped up, her heart pounding, she was drenched in a cold sweat. She lowered herself back onto her pillow and sobbed.
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--Anya's Apartment--

Xander's eyes slowly fluddered open, he felt the pinpricks in his arm, He thought wearily. He exhaled heavily to somewhat wake himself up. When his eyes fully opened, it was to his surprise that Anya was already staring into them. Xander smiled. "Mornin'" He said drowsily. Xander slowly inched his arm out from under his girlfriend and sat up, rubbing his tired eyes. He let out a long yawn. Xander's eyes slowly moved down to Anya's, who was looking at him quizzically. "What?" He asked.

"Nothing, just thinking." The ex demon said with a sideways smile, trying to hide her worry.

"Bout what?" Xander leaned his back against the headboard, banging his head lightly.

"Buffy." She said in an uncalled for perky tone. Xander's eyes grew dark with rememberance of the Slayer and how her lover had broken her heart. "I mean. How can she do it? Her life in a matter of saying--sucks." Xander's mind translated the words into something a bit less harsh: After being with Anya for a long while, he had learned to take what she said with a grain of salt, and feel what she meant.
"It's like this: Dad ditches. Learn your a slayer, watcher dies. Burn down school. Move to Sunnydale. Friends die. Slay. Meet Angel and fall in love. Whoops! He's a vampire, no sex for slayer! She dies, drowning in a puddle no less. Highly embarassing. Brought back to hell on earth." Anya paused, feeling a hint of slight remorse as she saw Xander's eyes close for a moment. "Buffy forgets no sex rule, she slips, turning Angel into the big bad. He tortures her father substitute, he kills father substitutes one true love. Kill Angel. Slay. Riley comes and she's happy for a while at least. Riley runs for the hills at the sight of her being so superior. I mean it's surprising to me that I didn't get called to her when I was a vengence demon!"
Xander ran his thick fingers through Anya's soft blonde hair. "She'll get through it, she's strong." He said, sure of himself, sure of his best friend.
"I've seen it a lot." Anya's brows furrowed together in worry. "It's not all happily ever after and kisses. And her case is worse then most I've witnessed." She paused for a moment, looking away. "I couldn't do it." Her eyes started to water at the thought of losing Xander. She bit her bottom lip to keep from quivering. Xander gently grabbed Anya by the chin and tilted her head towards him. He gave her a soft kiss, hoping to wash her fears away. He moved his head so he was cheek to cheek with his girlfriend. "I love you." He whispered into her ear.

Anya smiled and kissed his cheek. She pulled back slowly and grabbed Xander's hand, playing with his fingers. "If you ever decide to go, I want a warning." She paused for a moment, thinking. "You know, big flashing red lights, and-and-and one of those clocks that counts down like a bomb in a movie? And there's a whole bunch of, of colored wires, and I'm not sure which is the right one to cut, but I guess the green one, and then at the last second "No! The red one!" and then click, it stops with three-tenths of a second left...but then you don't leave." Anya searched his eyes. "Like that, okay?"
Xander couldn't help but smile at his beauty. She was so worried about him leaving when she didn't even realize that without her, there is no other life. "Check. Big bomb clock." Anya smiled and nestled her head into his shoulder.
"I think, subconciously, Buffy meant to screw up her relationships." Xander looked down at Anya, confused.

"Why would someone want that much pain?" He asked her.
"It's not that she wants the pain. But she's not happy. She doesn't feel anything. Yeah she laughs and smiles, and sometimes is all with the giggles. But the Slayer's road is one to be traveled alone in her mind." Xander leaned back, letting her words seep in. "She wants passion, fire, someone that can keep up with her. Maybe she already found that someone. Maybe her heart is tired of being tossed back and forth. She wants something that she isn't supposed to have, to go against the rules. She doesn't want a safe haven." Anya leaned back and smiled. "Maybe she wants someone immortal."
Xander rolled his eyes, at first she was making sense, which really gave him the wiggins. "Angel was immortal."

"Yeah but he had the cursed thing goin for him. Which equaled no sex. You can't have a relationship without mounds and mounds of plentiful orgasms." Anya stated mater of factly. Xander just leaned back and chuckled, washing away his worries for his best friend. Focusing on his companion.

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--The Magic Box; Training Room--

Buffy swung at the red mittens that slightly padded her Watcher's hand. He let out a slight 'oof!' and Buffy swung again. Buffy's dream invaded her mind. She swung a right punch into the mitten, the impact stung her fist. Giles let out a sharp hiss. Buffy had once again forgot her slayer strength. Buffy's eyes burned with threatening tears. She swung a backhand at Giles' left mitten. As she cocked her fist back, readying herself for another blow, Giles squeased his eyes shut tightly. Spike's words echoed through her head and the slayer missed her target, landing a solid punch to Giles' shoulder. Giles let out a yelp from the back of his throat.
"Ow!" Giles cried out.
"Sorry! Sorry." She held her hands up, eyes wide as if she were a child who broke her mothers favorite vase. They stood for a moment in silence, as Giles massaged his injured shoulder.

"So, Glory's all you're gonna talk to them about, right?" Buffy's voice broke the lapse, reffering to the meeting with the council.
Giles nodded and turned. "Let's, let's take a break." He said quietly, taking off his mitts.
"Answer me." Buffy demanded.
Giles wandered over to the desk and grabbed an aquafina, then sat on the wooden bench next to it, he looked up at Buffy. It was amazing how much she had grown up in so little time. It pained him at the same time all she had to deal with. Giles wish he could take the pain off of her shoulders. He mentally noted. "I, I'm not gonna mention Dawn's name. I wouldn't do that," He looked down at his slayer in adoration. So worried. So burdened. "I promise."
Buffy paced the ground a few times before standing and looking down. "But you're gonna tell them about the key? That Glory's looking for something called the key?"
Giles nodded slowly. "Well, knowing her goal is, is crucial. I mean, i-i-if anything helps them uncover her origins, her, her plans... "
Buffy sighed and massaged her temples before sitting down next to her Wathcer. "I know. It's just I trust these Watchers about as far as ... you could throw them." Smiling slighly at her joke.
Giles pretended to be hurt. "Thank you very much".
Buffy sighed and grunted. Soon she once again stood.
"I'm just freaked about the idea of giving them any information that could possibly lead them to Dawn." Buffy wandered over to the punching bag and gave it a back kick and a series of punches, jabs and more kicks.
Giles spoke slowly, trying to chose the right words.
"Truly, Buffy, if I saw an alternative ... if, if the Initiative were still around..." Buffy stopped punching and held the bag still.
"I'd consider using them," Giles continued. "but... they're gone, and then Riley was, was, uh, the last linkwe had to the government."
Buffy scratched her head and turned her back towards Giles so she could swallow down her tears. The slayer sauntered towards the bench and sat down once more.
"Sorry, I didn't mean to...." Giles started.
Buffy gave a half smile. "It's okay. You can say his name. I'm doing all right." The young blonde said pensivly.
"These things happen. People break up and they move on ... for a while it feels like the end of the world, you know, but ... big picture... " She looked off into the wall, as if seeing through it.
Giles smiled and nodded in understanding. "Not so huge."
Buffy looked at her watcher in mock disbelief.
"Not so huge? I just said it feels like the end of the world, don't you listen? "

Giles flashed a look of dismay. Buffy leaned into him.
"I'm teasing." She whispered.
Giles gave a relieved smile. "Oh."
Buffy shrugged. "Well, sort of. I'll be okay."
Giles looked up at his slayer, his daughter as though it seemed. "Well, I do hate to go if you're feeling badly."
Buffy gave him an 'Oh please' look before rolling her eyes and smiling. "look, if it help you find out something about Glory, I'm thrilled to have you gone." She said, patting him on the back. Giles jerked as he was reminded of the blaring pain in his shoulder.
He turned towards Buffy. "Buffy, you can confide in me, I hope you know this."

All the blonde did was nod. "And it is okay to cry."

This time, she shook her head. "Can't. I have to be strong. For Dawn, for mom, for myself. I can't let anyone down."

Giles squinted his eyes. "A simple show of emotions isn't so rash as to let us down." He raised his hand to her shoulders, letting her lean in. To Buffy, Giles smelled of peppermints and old dusty books. And also to Buffy, it smelled like home. "Its just that...I don't know how I'm going to do this. I can't be alone forever." She looked into her watchers eyes, mist surrounded her emerald green. Just as the first tear dropped, Giles was there, sweeping it off of her golden skin. "And all of a sudden it's: Oh god, Dawn isn't my sister. But I have all these memories. I don't want her to find out Giles, She can't find out."
Giles nodded and held his daughter as she wept.

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--The Magic Box--

After Giles relayed the news to the Scoobies that he would be gone for precisely one week, until he had further information on Glory and The Key, the Box had a pulse of energy, and chatter filled the air. Most of the chatter came from Anya, who was planning her first move.
"Okay, count the money, greet the customers, castrate the shoplifters..." Anya rambled on.

Tara looked up, beaming. "I'm envious, Mr. Giles. A trip to England sounds so exciting and exotic." The witch paused for a moment. "Un...less you're English." Giles flashed her a grin and Willow squeased her partners hand.
"Look, don't worry about the shop. We'll take care of it. We can open and close, and, and we'll deal with everyone." Buffy said.

Anya's head shot up. "We?" She shouted. "I'm the one who works here. ME. You guys just steal stuff for your magic. And-and...read our books!"

Everyone held back there chuckles as Giles swept his glasses off of his face, cleaning them with his shirt. "Anya, you are a very loyal employee, and I trust you completely with the financial aspect of running the store...As for the customers, it seems you lack a certain finess for difficult situations."

Anya's eyes grew wide. "I have finess! I have finess out the as-" Xander's hand quickly covered her mouth without even looking up from his comic book. The ex demon shot him a dirty look.
"As it is, I would like to leave Willow in charge of customers and you in charge of the money." Giles said, putting his foot down.

Willow beamed a bright smile. "Don't worry, Giles. I'll help her take care of everything. It'll be ship-shape. Better, it'll be shop-shape." The red head said in a perky tone.
Anya scoffed and looked towards Xander for back up. "Xander, she's talking to Giles like I'm not here. Make her stop." She whined.
Buffy looked up at Giles. "So are we about done? I'd like to go home and check on Mom and Dawn." Giles looked at her and nodded. Buffy got up, gave him a short hug, minding his shoulder. "See you when you get back." She said sadly, forcing herself to rip away from her Watcher. And with that, Buffy said her goodbyes and walked out of the store, hearing the echos of Anya's complaints trailing her out the door.
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--Buffy's room--

Buffy sighed, staring at the celing. Emptiness filled her. She rolled onto her side and spotted the picture of her and Riley, outside of the school. She was sitting on his lap with his muscular arms wrapped around her. They were both smiling brightly. Buffy got up and took the picture out, ripping it up and throwing it in her trash can. She spun around to her vanity and spotted more pictures on her mirror. Reminding her of better days, of happiness, of love. Buffy walked over and ripped the pictures just as she had done the first, properly discarding them. It was only then she could feel some sort of rest.
She heard a slight tapping on her door. "Who is it?" Buffy called out. She had just checked on Joyce who was laying in bed, sleeping soundly. She had thought.
"It's me." Dawns voice came from the other side of the door. Buffy's heart melted at the sound of her sisters voice. Even though Dawn wasn't in fact her sister, she still felt the immense love for the pre teen. Her sister was alone too. The only one of her kind on this earth, and the sad fact was, Dawn didn't even know it.
"Whatcha doin?" The younger Summers asked brightly.
Buffy rolled her eyes and smiled a little. "Playing soccer."
A moment passed before she heard the voice again.
"Can I come in?" She waited for the go ahead before gaining entry.
Dawn looked around the room quietly. "You took down his pictures." She noted.
"Yeah." Buffy said, head nodding towards the trashcan. Dawn jumped on her bed and grew excited.
" I ... I think I would've done that sooner. Like, boom! "Don't wanna see that face again." "
Buffy let out a small chuckle. "It wasn't like that. I was never angry with him." She sighed and rolled her eyes. "Okay, that's a lie.But it's not like I don't want to see his face."
Dawn nodded. " I was just starting to kinda like the guy, and then ... gone. So fast." Dawn didn't know how to react, she just seemed bewhildered. Why would Riley do it?
Buffy put her hand on her sisters leg. "It wasn't really so fast. Him leaving. According to everyone who isn't me, it was kind of gradual."
"Oh. Does that make it any better?"

Buffy sighed. "No. Almost worse, if thats possible."
Dawn raised her eyebrows. "Because you should have noticed earlier?" She questioned.
Buffy tossed a throw pillow at her sister. "Stop being insightful. It's creepy." She said, trying to lighten the mood. But deep down she knew that Dawn wanted answers. She wanted to know how her sister felt. " It hurts. In all kinds of horrible ways. In the way where I'm furious at him ... in the way where I blame myself ... and all the little ways I imagine ... how I could have fixed things." Once again, she swallowed tears. Her voice felt rough, like there was glass lodged in the back of it.
"It'll get better." Dawn said, almost as a question. She frowned slightly, hating to see her sister in this much pain. "Won't it?"
"I don't know." Was all that Buffy said before looking out of her window. The sun was now down and Buffy felt the urge to fight. "I gotta go. You know, the slay thing." She kissed her sister gingerly on the cheek and walked out.
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--Summers' House--

Willow knocked once before peeping in the door. "Dawnie?" She called out. A stack of papers were in her hands, she fumbled to keep them from falling. Dawn ran down the stairs. "Hey Willow." She said.
"Hey Dawn, just thought I'd drop off some of Buffy's homework. It's impressive how hard you have to press to get college teachers to let you make up homework. For any reason." She smiled and walked into the kitchen and set the papers down while Dawn followed. "Is Buffy here?"

Dawn shook her head. "Doing the slay thing." Willow smiled and started towards the door.
"Is she going to be alright?" Dawn called out, linking her fingers together. "Buffy, I mean. Will she be okay."

Willow walked back over to the girl and hugged her tightly. "Yeah Dawnie, in time."
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