+^~ This is a post-Chosen fic, set in Buffy’s point of view, as she looks down into the pit that was Sunnydale, she reflects her life with Spike and what she would do differently if she had the chance to go back and change it all. The characters are not owned by me unfortunately. The song lyrics are by Collective Soul - “The World I Know“ (Told you I‘d make a fic with those lyrics Stepheth, so i'll say this one's for you). ~^+

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----The End----

~¤ So I walk up on high
and I step to the edge
to see my world below
and I laugh at myself
while the tears roll down
‘cause it’s the world I know
oh it’s the world I know ¤~

Wow...it’s so large, it could almost be the Grand Canyon. I’ll admit that I will miss that place that I have called my home for the last seven years, it’s going to be rough to find a new place as ‘fun‘ as Sunnydale. This isn’t even the point though. I lost people today. Some Slayers in Training, lost my mother’s grave to the crumbling Earth, and I lost Spike.

Life for me has been anything but easy, of course to the average person I seem to be quite alright, but, I am not. I’m a worn and battered body that’s been through a living hell.

It would have been a lot easier had I let him in, had I loved him in return. Part of me did, don’t get me wrong, but it was a part of me that wouldn’t let me tell him. So I just kept playing it as if I only went to him out of lust, sure at times that was in fact the case, but more often than not, I did truly need him for a lover and for a friend.

Spike was no doubt a soulless vampire, but he was also a lot more than I mistook him for. He wasn’t a thing, he was a person, and as much as I hate to say, had just as many feelings as the next guy. He wasn’t a monster, he was a man. He had a heart, given it didn’t beat, but it was there still, and it could feel.

Naturally I was too blind to see any of that past his demon countenance. If only I knew then what I knew now, that his love and want for me wasn’t just a hopeless obsession and that it was real, I probably can honestly say I’d have done things very different.

For starters I wouldn’t have said such hurtful things to him and certainly wouldn’t have beat him up so much that he didn’t even look like himself anymore when I was through with him. For the biggy, I definitely would not use him. That, I believe was my biggest problem.

I wish I hadn’t realized it though. Maybe I’d still have been with him. Then again, he probably wouldn’t have gotten his soul back had I not broken up with him. Funny how I say “Broken up with him” yet I always said we were never really together. I must have put him through hell with all of the mixed signals I put out there all the time.

It’s now a little too late to tell him any of my true feelings. It’s too late to have anything real with him. We had a few moments though before the big Hell Mouth implosion, those were times I will never and could never forget as long as I live. All I can do is smile beneath my fallen tears as I picture him rising above all else from that pit of Sunnydale remains...

If it weren’t for Spike holding me all night, I probably wouldn’t have had the strength to go through with what we all did today. If it weren’t for him I too would probably be dead, along with everyone else that escaped today. Today, he was the one, the chosen one.

I made a bunch of mistakes in my life, Spike certainly was not one of them. The most recent of which mistakes would be kissing Angel. If I could take that all back right now, there would be no hesitation, sure I missed Angel, but there wasn’t really a need for kissing him. I should have kissed Spike before he walked out the door that night, but again I let a perfect opportunity slip right past me...lost forever.

But is it really lost forever? In reality maybe, but in my dreams, there he’ll always be. I’ll be in his arms and we won’t ever move. If it’s a fact that dreams do come true, maybe someday I’ll see him again, in that place called heaven, we can float about the galaxies without another worry.

Silently my tears begin to fall again as I see the pictures of my thoughts. Then that familiar flashback returns, the one where I finally tell him that I do in fact love him. He doesn’t believe me. I wasn’t angry at him for not believing, I was angry at myself. If I hadn’t given him so many reasons to not believe me he would have ran out of there with me. It’s my fault he died.

I tell myself then that I can’t think that way. He wanted to see how it ended, see the last bit of evil banished from this corner of the Earth.

He is a true champion and forever will be. I’ll even write a book about him, a best seller. There is no way I’ll let him be forgotten for being the true savior that he is, the man that he’ll always be and the confidant that he was to me.

Well there are things that need to be done, people to take care of, more evil that needs to be fought, thankfully not by Faith or myself. Not yet anyway, until we’re needed again.

As I lift my head slightly to look at the bright blue sky, I see few clouds, but the ones that I do see possess features of the man that I love. He has descended above the rubble and he will forever be the soul of Sunnydale. He conquered it, like he always wanted. Ones like him never fail, never abandon their mission and never truly die.

With one more quick smile flashed his way, I turn to my friends and whisper:
“This is the end.”

*Feedback is always appreciated*
-by Jaimie aka Jaimeth- (DarkSlaya)





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