“It’s always darkest before the light.”, the robot girlfriend Warren had built had told her that once before shutting down. She couldn’t disagree more. Now, in this moment because of the light, things were at their darkest. She held his hand and begged him to believe the words she’d just whispered. “No you don’t but thanks for saying it” he replied with just a trace of his trademark smirk. Her eyes that had been holding back their tears for so long broke and a river of pain ran freely down her face. Their hands still joined burst into flame and he was about to tell her something but he didn’t have a chance before she rushed at him, pressing her lips to his. She took a step back, taking him in. She wuld not waste those words on him again, the next time she told him, and their would be a next time, he would believe her. “You’re a champion Spike. A hero. A good man. Wherever it is you’re going, I’ll get you back.” And with that she ran off to live, for him, so one of them was living. Spike let out a happy laugh and said to no one but himself “I wanna see how this ends”. And seconds later he was gone, nothing but dust on a floor that was about to collapse and suck Sunnydale into the hole it would create.
She ran as fast as she could. She ran to save not only her life but his as well. Aren’t they one in the same she thought as she jumped from the roof onto the speeding bus? She was lost in her grief and barely acknowledged that the bus had slowed to a stop just on the outskirts of town. She and her friends, the ones that had survived at least, walked the edge of the gaping hole that had once been their battlefield. Someone asked who had saved them and with haunted eyes she looked at the horizon and softly answered “Spike”. As she looked at the empty space she couldn’t bring herself to miss this place, this town, this hell that she’d known as home. She knew that home was where the heart was and with a smile she thought of Spike, and knew that she would find her way home no matter what the cost.
She tore the amulet off him before he was dust and together they ran outside into the light. He was there, with her, safe and alive. They laughed as they ran into the sun away from the school, away from their lives, away from the darkness. All of a sudden he stops and screams in pain as a brilliant light rips through him. “Buffy don’t leave me!!” he cries out. But she can’t stop herself from running. She turns around and tells him she’ll find a way to save him but he just looks at her answers quietly “No you won’t but thanks for saying it.” And then he’s gone.
She woke up in a cold sweat and crying for the 3rd time that week. It had been 87 days since Spike had died saving their lives and the grief had not allowed her a moments peace. She closed her eyes and remembered when Spike had told her exactly how long she’d been dead. At the time thinking him pathetic to know the exact amount of days. But she understood now. Sometimes she thought he was there. She could almost here him whisper “You’re the one Buffy.” to her every time she closed her eyes. She got out of bed determined to admit she needed help. She’d been researching every possible way to bring him back but this was something she needed her friends to be a part of.
Willow, Andrew, Kennedy, Xander and herself were currently living in England with Giles while Dawn had gone to live with her father in Los Angeles. Walking downstairs into the kitchen she was glad to see everyone there. She had never told any of them about her feelings for Spike and she didn’t want to have to do this twice.
“Hey guys, you’re up early today” she stated as she poured herself a bowl of Wheaties, breakfast of champions she thought, but it made her think of Spike and she grew teary eyed. “Well the one-eyed early bird catches the worm” Xander replied and laughed at the grimaces the girls had all given him. He seems better Buffy thought to herself, he’s made peace with the fact that Anya’s gone and has started to move on so why can’t I? “Because were soul mates you and me luv”, Spikes voice echoed in her head. “I know” she whispered and could have sworn she felt his lips brush against hers hers for an instant and then it was gone. “What do you know? Willow asked with a look of curiosity on her face. Buffy took a deep breath, this was going to freak them out but she needed everyone on board for her plan.
(Later that night)
She had just gotten out of the shower and was getting ready for bed. Today went a lot better then I ever could have imagined she mused. Instead of freaking out like she thought they would have, especially Xander, they had understood and even known. Turns out it was Xander that had gone to Willow not a week after Spike had died looking for a way to bring him back and Willow had started researching it the very next day. Buffy had looked at Xander, her eyes holding the question “Why?”. “Because you looked like me after I lost Anya .” he said. After a few seconds he continued “As much as I hated him it was clear to everybody except you that you loved him Buffy. He brought out the life that none of us could in you after we brought you back and I’ll be dammed if I’m gonna look into your eyes and see so much sadness there if I don’t have too.” he’d said all of this with his goofy grin but she knew that underneath it was an understanding between two people who had loved so much just to lose it all.
Closing her eyes she tried to sleep, tomorrow was going to be a big day. After researching for the rest of the afternoon the gang had come up with a plan and it was going to take a lot out of her, she needed her strength. She was on the verge of sleep when the familiar smell of cigarettes and leather came softly into her room. She didn’t dare open her eyes and inhaled deeply, enjoying the familiarity of the scents. “Nervous about tomorrow pet?” his soft voice asked, lulling her slowly into sleep. Mmm hmm she mumbled, the blackness creeping closer. It must have been her imagination playing games with her but as she sank into her dreams she could have sworn that he was there stroking her hair and singing…
“Early one morning…”
“Spike” she cried and ran to him, but with every step closer he was another step away.
“In the valley below.”
“Spike please come back to me!” she sobbed.
“I heard a maiden singing.”
The scene changed suddenly and there she was, watching herself with Spike in the alleyway outside of the bronze, everyone else was still inside finishing the “big group sing”.
She was watching herself sing the words “ This isn’t real, but I just want to feel” over and over again to him, when he turned around and looked at her, not the her singing but the her watching, with tears in his eyes and said “See, I know you don’t, but thanks for saying it.”
And with that she woke up unable to sleep for the rest of the night.
She was scared. They were almost there now and she hadn’t said a single word since getting in the car. “She looks almost catatonic” Willow thought as she reached out to hold Buffy’s hand, snapping her out of her thoughts. “It’s gonna be fine Buffy, we’ll get him back to you!” she said with a reassuring smile, well most of him she thought to herself.
A few minutes later Willow turned down a dirt path and stopped in front of a clearing. “It’s beautiful” Buffy whispered. “It’s where I came to be alone after Tara died and after what I did.” Willow explained. They walked further into the clearing and Buffy sat down as Willow went about making a circle around her with candles. She lit each one and instructed Buffy to close her eyes as she began to chant,
“What once was here and now is gone,
Let the earth correct it’s wrong,
Bring him back and bring him whole…”
Buffy gasped as she felt the essence of the slayer seep through her as if being sucked up by the earth. Willows voice got louder,
“A demon warrior blessed with soul,
I will it so, my will be done!” This last part was screamed and a brilliant white light flowed from Willow into Buffy and from her into the ground following the essence that was being drained from the slayer. And then there was darkness.
Both girls woke up hours afterwards. Buffy jumped up her eyes scanning the field for Spike but never finding him. She went to Willow and helped her up. “It didn’t work’ she sobbed and held her friend tightly to her as she thought, it’s been 88 days now and it will go until forever. On the way back home Willow said nothing but Buffy was too enveloped by her grief to see the slight smile playing on the redheads lips. At least I have him in those quiet moments before I sleep Buffy thought.
She went straight to her bedroom and collapsed on her bed, weakened by the days events she just wanted to dream of the love she would never see again. She closed her eyes and willed herself to hear and feel him but to no avail. She passed out then into a dreamless sleep and when she woke she cried for hours terrified that she’d lost him in her dreams as well. Not ready to face the world she kept her eyes closed when she felt him. “Are you gonna keep your eyes closed forever pet?” he whispered into her ear. At least in my heart he’s still here she thought thankfully. Maybe I will she replied. “Well that wouldn’t do anyone any good would it slayer?” he murmured his voice getting farther away. “Did it ever occur to you that I’m in heaven Buffy?” She gasped at the thought. Not once had she considered the consequences of what she was trying to do. How could she do that to the man she loved after it had ripped her apart when the ones she’d loved had pulled her out. No she cried, choking on her sobs. “Well I am…” he said softly and she was bathed in a blinding light, it was so bright she couldn’t see. “But only because you pulled me out of hell.” As her eyes adjusted to the shocking light she saw that her curtains had been pulled to the side. In the time it had taken her to see again clearly he was already beside her, holding her, kissing her. She felt the change in him, part human, part demon. He could have a life with her now. Willow did this she thought and smiled.
“I love you with all my heart Spike”
“I know, I love you too slayer!”
“Thanks for saying it!” she laughed as they lost each other in their kiss until it was only “them”. Not Spike, not Buffy, but them.
The end
