Repaired or Removed
He was just lying there on the table, not moving. He was always so full of life that it was hard to see him so dead. She could almost feel the horrible amount of pain that he was in. She had been close to it last year after the demon attack left her believing in an altered state of reality.
Buffy didn’t notice the general behind her until he spoke, then she turned around to face him.
“Med. team tells me they took a look at the chip, ma'am. You were right, it's degraded. Leave it as it is much longer, it'll be fatal to him.”
“Okay. How long until –”
“Now, ma’am”
“Right. Of course. What do we do next?
“Agent Finn said it was your call, ma'am.”
“My . . . what was my call?”
“All decisions regarding Hostile Seventeen are to be left in your hands.”
Buffy stunned, just stared at the man, almost too afraid to comprehend what he was saying.
When she didn’t answer, the general decided to clarify himself more.
“His chip. We can either repair it . . . or we can remove it.”
The situation then hit Buffy like a ton of bricks as the realization that Spike’s fate lay in her hands. It only took her a moment to decide what to do as memories overwhelmed her, memories of their time together and how to he had changed from the moment they met. The chip had help to change him to a man which had led him to regain his soul. Now she was going to give him the chance to be the man he had been trying so desperately to become.
“Remove it, but can I have a few minutes with him before you begin.” Buffy knew that she wouldn’t be able to let him go through this without clarifying some things first.
“Yes, but be quick, another surge would be fatal.” The general turned and walked away. Hoping that this young lady knew what she was doing, he had his doubts. It was not his decision, he was just supposed to follow orders, those of the girl and those of agent Finn’s.
Buffy slowly walked to Spike’s side scared for one of the few times in her life. She put a smile on her face and tried to shake away any doubt from her eyes. Spike needed to go into this strong and confident, he would have a better chance for survival.
“Hey.” Buffy sat in the folded chair at this side and took his hand in hers.
“Well how bad is it luv. Are they going to be able to fix me?” Weakly he smiled at her pain radiating throughout his eyes. Blood was trickling out of his nose again. Buffy picked up a corner of the sheet and dabbed at the blood.
“They gave me a choice. I can either have the chip repaired or removed.” Buffy continued to dab at the blood until she’d removed it. Trying not to think of his pain.
“So how long it is going to take to repair this thing.” Spike knew without a doubt that Buffy would have the chip repaired and he was okay with it, he’d lived with it for this long and if it was her choice he would continue to. He pushed a lock of her hair away from her face and behind her ear. It strengthened him to see her smile even though it didn’t quite reach her eyes.
Buffy looked at him gently and cupped his cheek in her hand, rubbing his cheekbone with her finger. Staring into his cerulean eyes, she knew at that moment that she needed him at her side. That she wouldn’t be able to do this without him, he was her partner, her equal. She didn’t know if what she felt for Spike was love or even what it was, but she knew that she couldn’t lose him.
“It takes a few hours for them to remove the chip and depending on how fast you heal we should be home by evening. They have everything set up and ready to go.” Her hand was still on his face only now still.
“Removed are you sure that’s what you want luv?” Spike stared at her, the shock evident on his face. He didn’t know what to think, but he didn’t want Buffy to make a choice that she might later regret. There was no way that he wanted to cause her any more pain.
“I’m sure. They should have never chipped you in the first place and it’s cruel to leash something just because you don’t like the way it plays. What they did to you was wrong, I want to make it right. I trust you. The man who have become, on your own amazes me. This is the least that I can do for you after all you have done for me.”
Buffy looked up as the general and a few other soldiers walked in. Standing up she took Spike’s hand and walked with them as they wheeled him into an operating room. Everything now depended on the skilled surgeon and how strong her vampire was.
“Be strong for me. I’ll be here waiting for you.” Buffy kissed him on his cheek then brought his hand to her lips and kissed his knuckles before laying it down beside him. The drugs they had given him before were taking effect and she could see him sliding into unconsciousness. Turning around she followed a guard out the door and into an office where she was to wait.
She began pacing the confines of the room, wishing for something to do. Besides the desk and its chair the room was pretty much bare with not a magazine or a book in sight. A clock on the wall ticked the minutes by excruciatingly slow. After a while she began wishing that she could see what was going on, no one had come or gone since she had gotten here and two hours had gone by.
During this time Buffy tried hard not to think about what was going on. She couldn’t risk thinking that something could happen to him. In her mind she planned battle tactics and meditated, blocking her mind from all thought like Willow had taught her. After a while she was too tired to think any way.
On the third hour they brought a carafe of coffee and a cup to her, but did nothing to ease the exhaustion that was starting to set in. She had now been up for twenty-four hours and even her Slayer body needed rest at some point. Buffy sat in the desk chair and laid her head on the desk, much like she used to do in high school and promptly fell asleep.
When she awoke, it was to the door opening and the general walking in. The clock shown that it was ten a.m. She had slept for just over three hours. Nervously she stood up and walked over to the general, weight that felt like lead was not only in her throat but her heart and stomach as well.
“How is he?”
“He just went into recovery, we should know how things went once he starts coming around. There is a chance that the damage will be irreversible. What would you like for us to do if that is the case.”
“Nothing. Nothing is to be done until we know for sure. If something is wrong then I will see to it. He would want it that way.”
The general nodded at Buffy amazed that this woman could feel anything for a monster was beyond him, but it was not his job to think about that. He was here to follow orders.
“Can I see him?” Buffy wanted to make sure that everything was going okay. If they had done something to Spike to hurt him, she would personally take every one of them out and damn the consequences.
“I’ll take you to him, but let him wake up on his own.” He opened the door for Buffy and she walked through then followed him to a sterile room down the hall. The only things in the room were Spike and a chair. She guessed the government didn’t believe in any creature comforts at least for vampires.
On the bed Spike looked paler than usual, the veins in his body showing bright blue against his snow white skin. No machines were hooked up to him except for an I.V. that she supposed dripped whatever chemical that could keep a vampire out for any length of time.
Buffy took Spike’s hand in hers relishing in the feeling of his cool skin and the way that her hand fit perfectly in his. Why couldn’t things be different and under other circumstances? She was glad for the times that she had spent with him through everything that they had been through together. Still tired, Buffy pulled the chair closer to the bed and laid her head on Spike’s chest and was lulled to sleep by the echoing of her own heart through her vampire’s body.
Once again it was to the door opening that awoke Buffy. This time a doctor in his traditional white coat entered and walked to the back of Spike, checking the back of Spike’s head. Buffy turned her face away not wanting to see what the doctor had done in the operating room. She became concerned as she heard the doctor frantically writing something down and pressing a button on the wall.
“How is he doing?” She asked fear evident in her voice.
The doctor didn’t look at her, just turned and quickly started for the door. Buffy tired and scared had enough and pounced, pinning the doctor to the wall, her forearm at his throat.
“You’re going to tell me right now, how he is doing or you won’t get out of this room without going through me.” Easing off the doctor so that he could breathe Buffy actually relished the look of fear in his eyes.
“He’s not going to make it, there is too much damage without some serious human blood and that is not something we’re willing to do for him. I’ve done all I can for him. It’s better to put him down, if he wakes up at all he won’t be right.” The doctor pushed a frightened Buffy away, and quickly made for the door slamming it shut behind him.
Buffy turned and looked at her friend and former lover. She couldn’t let him die, not like this, not because of what they had done to him. Without much hesitation she took a dagger from the inside of her boot. If it was human blood that he needed then he would get the best kind around, hers.
Laying the dagger on the bed she quickly took off her jacket and scarf then pulled up the sleeve of her shirt. Slicing into her forearm hurt and she pursed her lips to keep from crying out. The blood wasn’t flowing as much as she would like but it was better than nothing. Holding her arm to Spike’s mouth hoping the smell and taste would start to work. The blood was definitely going down his throat, but as to its working she didn’t know.
As the blood flow ebbed due to her Slayer healing Spike still showed no signs of waking up. Buffy was starting to get really concerned until Spike’s face vamped out and he slowly opened his eyes.
“Buffy?” Spike’s mind was a hazy mass and his speech came out slurred. His head hurt worse than it ever had, but he could sense that something was wrong, his demon was frantic and he could sense its fear which meant that something was wrong.
“I’m here, I didn’t go anywhere.” Buffy looked at her vampire and pain wretched in her heart as Spike blankly stared at her not seeing her.
“What’s wrong? I feel odd.” Spike’s vising was blurred to the point that he couldn’t see anything but gray masses. Forcing his hand to work, he stretched out his hand.
Looking at him, Buffy knew what needed to be done and like before showed no hesitation. Taking Spike’s hand in hers she gently pulled him into a sitting position. She refused to lose him now and just like with Angel she had the one thing that could heal him.
“You need blood Spike to heal, and you’re going to get mine, but I need your help.” Buffy ran her fingers over the bumps on his forehead, glad that he wouldn’t have to vamp since already had some of her blood in him. Parts of Buffy were glad and told her that she was ready to wear his mark and even wanted to.
“I can’t, just let me go, Buffy.” Spike’s fuddled brain instinctively knew what she was doing as his demon caught the smell of her neck and heard her jugular vein pumping away. His soul was telling him that it was better to die than to take a drop of her blood.
“No, I won’t. I need you here with me. I can’t lose you now. Take it, you need it and I’m offering.” Buffy placed his face at her neck, her arms wrapped around him, gently rocking back and forth.
Spike’s soul clung to her, trying to find the words to tell her goodbye and how much he loved her. His demon was becoming so frantic that when pain wracked through his head like a hot poker it pushed the soul aside and gained control. With a cry of pain Spike slid his razor sharp fangs into Buffy’s neck and started drinking deep.
Buffy stifled the brief moment of pain before falling under the rhythm of Spike’s suckling. The more he pulled the dizzier she got, her heart thumping in her ears along with the rumble of Spike’s chest. Instinctively she knew that if he didn’t stop soon he would kill her. Nevertheless, Buffy trusted this vampire more than she trusted anyone in her life and knew he would stop in time.
Her blood was like ambrosia to both his demon and his soul. He could feel the damage to his body repairing itself and the pain in his head was subsiding until it became nothing more than a dull throb. It was his demon that pulled away from her sweet neck and intoxicating blood because it could bear the consequences of losing her that it would be nothing without her.
Realization dawned on Spike as he held Buffy in his arms, his strength renewing. Without meaning to he had claimed her as his mate, something he had never done with anyone. Holding her both his demon and soul cried in emotional pain as both parts knew they would never be able to tell her, that the mating would never be reciprocated. Listening to her heartbeat regaining tempo Spike clung to Buffy knowing that it would carry the memory with him for as long as his soul existed.
Buffy was woozy with blood loss, but not nearly as much as she had been after Angel. Spike had pulled away in plenty of time. Their arms were still wrapped around each other, her head on his shoulder and she felt the tingle of his bite still clear. The bite mark pulsated with a life of its own, but it wasn’t unpleasant. The throbbing soothed her and she instinctively knew that she would never be able to let him go. He was hers, no matter what happened to any of them. Buffy knew that when this battle was over she would tell him that. They would put the past behind them and work toward whatever kind of future they could have with each other. For right now in secret he was hers and she wasn’t letting him go.
“Are you ready to blow this popsicle stand yet luv? This place still gives me the creeps.” Spike gently pulled her away his heart aching to lay its claim and looked at her.
“Yeah, lets go home.” Buffy looked into his incredibly blue eyes and smiled. Her love for him lighting up her heart as her face only showed relief. She would tell him soon, and she planned not only to keep that promise to herself, but also to him. He deserved it after all this time.
Helping Spike to his still somewhat weakened feet they made their way back into the Initiative complex. Which had mysteriously become just as deserted as it had appeared before they had come and made their way back home to the chaos of Revello drive. Both keeping a secret closely guarded to their hearts and from one another.
