Feel This by Spikelissa
Feel This by Spikelissa
Author's Notes:
I wanted to point out this is a short song Ficlet which, may include more at some point. I want to stress that my characters are usually very much out of character. If this is a problem then please do not read! THANK you so much Charlie!!!! You are absolutely amazing!!!!! I love reviews and will do my hardest to respond...hmm something to do at work!!! Enjoy! :) P.S. Just to let you know - the bold italic wording is the lyrics!!!!
Feel This





It's gotta be this one
You don't have to fake it




“I don’t know what you want me to say, Slayer.” Spike sighed heavily.



You know I can take it
What if I told you




The tears in her eyes threatened to fall. Her head had a thousand thoughts floating inside her head, and yet, one stood out in the front of her mind.



Spike didn’t love her anymore. She had to stay strong.



Your tears
Haven't been ignored




Buffy lowered her head in defeat. Then her head shot up when she heard a cough. She looked over the shoulder of the man, who held her heart, to look at her former lover. She saw red. She just knew he was behind this.



You did this.” Buffy seethed.



“Did what, Buffy? I don’t have the slightest idea what you are talking about.” Angel remained calm even as the fuming tiny blond lifted him up, and slammed him against the wall.



And everything
That was taken




“Slay…” Spike started to speak.



“Stay out of this Spike,” Angel ordered.



“Shut up Angel. I can speak for myself,” Buffy slyly added, as she gripped Angel harder causing him to choke a bit.



“Now, isn’t that better? All quiet so I can speak,” Buffy calmly spoke. Still gripping Angel, she turned back towards Spike.



Can be restored



“Spike did you know that I called when you first showed up at Wolfram & Hart?” Buffy dejectedly conveyed to him, knowing with all her heart what she was revealing would pain the vampire even more.



Spike looked crossly at Angel, then at Buffy in confusion. “No, I didn’t know.”



Feel this
Can you feel this?




Buffy squeezed Angel's vocal cords hard, and then whispered a freezing spell, so he wouldn't move. She smirked when she saw the look of astonishment on Angel's face when he heard the whispered spell. Willow and the Coven had prepared all of them with the basics, and she was thrilled how this spell came in handy. Slowly, she turned around. Her breasts were heaving, as she looked upon the vampire – the man who could ultimately break her. He had at one time come to kill her. It was ironic how now he would be the one to send her to her final death. Because…



Without him, she couldn’t live.



My heart beating
Out of my chest




Oh she tried to live like he had wanted her to, but then the burning ache happened. It was like a part of her burst alive two weeks after he had closed the Hellmouth and her town sunk into the bottom of a crater. She knew he was alive or undead, but she didn't know where to look for him until it struck her. She contacted Angel hoping he would know something. He hadn't told her anything.



Then a few weeks later the ‘feeling' she had when she knew Spike had come back had suddenly been ripped from her, she began to mourn once again. She didn't know how Angel had anything to do with it, but she swore on the very soul of her mother that she would find out.



And she did find out. She found out everything. Willow helped find out that many spells were blocking Spike’s existence from them. She learned that there were traces of Angel and Wolfram & Hart all over them. She had learned a bit too much about her former lover. What she learned for certain was she wouldn’t trust Angel ever again.



Coming back to the present, she looked at Spike. Really looked at him. He was so very confused. He looked like he wanted to run. She knew what she had to do for him to remember, but she didn’t want to scare him either.



“Spike, do you remember anything at all about us?” Buffy asked timidly.



Feel this
Can you feel this?




Spike studied her, thinking in his mind that her question was coming off a bit odd. He decided to test her, “Bloody ridiculous question if you ask me, pet.”



Buffy nibbled on her lip and pouted. Discreetly she watched him react to her protruding and pouty lips, and inwardly smirked. He may have lost some memories about them, but his body knew hers. She didn't doubt this at all.



Salvation under my breath



“Spike, just humor me.”



“I know I fought by your side, and I tried bloody hard to do good by you. We…we had a pretty bad relationship. I went to get the soul and went to my fiery death in that bloody cave. Found myself here all ghostly like.” Spike ran a hand through his hair in frustration when he saw her green eyes shine with tears again.



“It wasn’t that simple Spike.” Buffy swiped a lone tear as it tracked down her cheek to her trembling lips.



It's gotta be just right
Soul and spirit




“I thought it was. You couldn’t love me. I died to let you live. Just leave me be, Slayer.” Spike replied tiredly before turning to walk out of Angel’s office.



Buffy stood momentarily stunned. She turned to see Angel smirking, and then he looked at her with his sad puppy-eyed look.



She punched him in the nose, effectively knocking Angel out, and took off.



Chord and lyric
What if I told you?




She couldn't find Spike anywhere. She knew he left the building. She would not cry. She spotted a park surrounded with trees and grass. Sadly, she walked over to it and sat down on a patch of grass. She didn't want to give up. She wouldn't quit. She was done trying to let others dictate what she should or shouldn't do. Her friends, and Giles now knew to back off now. Angel just wouldn't learn, but he soon would.



Centering herself, she let all her thoughts fade and relaxed. She let a calm settle over her as she focused on Spike. Her memories of him were not good, except for their last days in Sunnydale. She treasured those memories deep within her very being. She knew that she deserved nothing from Spike, but she had to try. If what she saw when she brought home the Scythe was anything to go by, she would put everything on that emotion that he had written on his face as being hope. She held tightly to this and felt her palm flare again. He was still nearby and quite tense that she was around.



Opening her eyes, she couldn’t help but feel that something was off. Somehow he was brought back to corporeal form. She knew that he had some tryst with Harmony. Buffy sighed thinking she really couldn’t fault him for that. Some First-like evil forces were at work here. The forces of Wolfram & Hart, along with Angel, played with Spike’s memories. Plus whomever it was that sent Spike the package making him corporeal again just added themselves to the growing list of those messing with Spike and his memories. She was so going to kick their evil butts for playing with her and Spike. No one messed with those she loved, and got away with it!



That innocence is yours



What was she going to do? She hoped that he would give her a chance, so she could help him remember. Plucking the grass she laughed inwardly that he seriously thought she had no idea where to find him, when, in fact, she did know where to find him. Oh, he probably thought she would get the information from Angel, but all she had to do was feel for him, and she knew where he was. Exhaling deeply, she would have to handle this delicately.



And the beauty you have now



Standing up she took off in the direction to Spike's place. Smirking evilly, she paused staring at the Wolfram & Hart building. When Angel woke up, no one but her could unfreeze him. She would have to thank Willow and the coven for teaching her this.



Slowing down she found his door. She thought about kicking it down but thought better of it. Some old habits would just have to take the back burner. Spike needed her. For all the times, he was there for her; it was now her turn to show him just how much he meant to her.



She knew there was only one entrance to the place, so she knocked lightly. She glared at the door knowing full well he was ignoring her. He knew she was there. This was really starting to piss her off. If he wanted to play it this way, then she would just sit by his door all day and night until he came out.



Is brighter than before
Before




The hours ticked by as she sat by the door with tears streaming down her cheeks. Resting her hand on her stomach she crumbled against the door. He would never know what the Powers blessed her with. He was too pig-headed and stubborn to let her open up to him. He was so damn infuriating! She burst into heart wrenching sobs.



Feel this
Can you feel this?
My heart beating
Out of my chest




Spike sighed heavily, and opened the door rubbing a hand over his face when he found her crumbled on the floor crying her heart out. Picking her up, he set her on the sofa. What did she want with his un-life? Didn't she screw it up enough by playing kick the Spike? She told him enough times that she couldn't love him. So what the bloody fuck was she doing here? How in the bloody hell did she find out where he lived?



Grabbing a wad of napkins from the kitchen he handed them to her as she quieted from her sniveling. “Gonna tell me what's this about, pet?”



Feel this
Can you feel this?
Salvation under my breath




Buffy eyed him hoping he would listen and took a deep breath. “Do you remember the cave?”



Taken aback from the question he responded slowly, “Uh, yeah. Told you to get. Went up as bright as the sun. No more bloody Spike.”



ah ah ah ah ah ah ah ah ah ah ah ah ah ah
ah ah ah ah ah ah ah ah ah ah ah ah ah ah ah ah




Buffy sat up abruptly in desperation, “No, do you remember what I said? What happened between us?”



Let go, let go and believe
(ah ah ah ah ah ah)




Spike eyed her and heard the desperation in her voice. He was confused. He couldn’t remember a bloody thing, except telling her to leave. “No, sorry, pet. I don’t”



Let go, let go and believe
(ah ah ah ah ah ah)




“If, if I asked you to do something for me, would you?” Buffy hesitated hoping she didn’t scare him away. She also hoped he didn’t hear her voice tinged with so much desperation that it was almost like she was begging, and begging, she didn’t do.



“Depends on what you need me to do, luv,” Spike leered.



This was so typical of Spike, but he did call her luv. He hadn’t called her that until now. Buffy rolled her eyes, “You would say something like that. No, that’s not what I’m asking for.” Inwardly, she was screaming not yet with a flirtatious giggle.



“Right. Well?” Spike cocked an eyebrow as he tilted his head.



Let go, let go and believe
Let goooo




She wanted to cry looking at him look at her that way, but she held strong. “Can you grasp my left hand with your right?”



Spike eyes narrowed suspiciously until he shrugged and moved forward lifting his hand with his palms open and waited.



Buffy watched him carefully and hoped with all her heart Willow was right about this. Taking his hand in hers, their hands grasped tightly, they lit up like a flame and the room shone as bright as the sun.



Feel this
Can you feel this?




“Buffy it’s too bright! I’m going to dust!” Spike frantically tried to pull away… until he felt it.



He felt his Soul.



He felt Buffy.



He gasped and took a breath that he knew he didn’t need to do as a vampire. He was still a vampire, but he felt like he was more. He felt alive. He held on tighter to Buffy as he saw the tears shine in her eyes. Her face was so beautiful in that moment that he was trying hard to remember if he ever saw her this way. Her face was effulgent. Her eyes glowed, but her expression bordered on dreamy and blissfully happy. God, he had forgotten how much he loved her. How could he let Angel do this to him? The bastard would pay. With a shit-eating grin, he pulled Buffy to him.



My heart beating
Out of my chest




“Luv, did you know you have a lil nipper all tucked up inside you?” Spike whispered praying she hadn't been with anyone else.



“She's our little girl,” Buffy said simply, as she pulled him in and kissed him with everything she had.



“How?” Spike said in shock.



“You gave me a bit of yourself at the end. Oh! And a Power's representative came to me when I was with Willow and told me about our little girl. No, she doesn't have some destiny. She's simply ours. Our gift.” Buffy babbled happily and placed a finger to Spike's lips when he started to talk.



“Your gift, baby, is we get to live our lives. You are now a living vampire. We can mate or you can choose to have them give you the gift of being a human male Slayer so you can grow old with me. Which do you prefer?” Buffy informed him while playing with the lapels of his duster.



“Do you want to outlive any kids we have, Buffy?” Spike marveled at the question but asked with sincerity.



Feel this
Can you feel this?




“Spike. Feel this.” Buffy laid his palm to her chest as her heart beat. “My heart beats for you. I know you fear being human, but you will be like me. We wouldn’t have to watch those we care for die while we continue to live. I would love forever with you, but without those around us, it would be so lonely. Don’t you think?” Buffy pondered nervously.



“Luv, there is always a familiar claim.” Spike paused, “But I do understand what you are saying. We would have to constantly keep moving because we would never age. That is no life for kids. I know what I want, luv. I want you. I love you, Buffy.” Spike lifted her in his arms and whispered his answer.




Salvation under my breath




Giggling Buffy grabbed him close and kissed his face all over, “You won’t regret it. I love you, Spike.”




As the sun set that evening, Buffy laid in Spike’s arms as a light surrounding them shone brightly gifting them once more. William the Bloody chose life, as the first male Slayer, to stand by the side of the most powerful Slayer ever, Buffy Anne Summers.





Feel this
Can you feel this?
My heart beating
Out of my chest
Feel this
Can you feel this?
Salvation under my breath


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