Summary: Spoof of I Know What You Last Summer, The gang spend their last night as seniors in Sunnydale when tragedy strikes.
Categories: General Fics Characters: None
Genres: Romance, Parody
Warnings: Adult Language
Challenges: Series: None
Chapters: 1
Completed: Yes
Word count: 2523
Read: 1968
Published: 08/22/2009
Updated: 08/22/2009
Bunnies, it must be bunnies by Jake
I Know What You Quite Possibly Did About 12 Summers Ago…
26 May 1997
“C’mon Spike, you know that totally did not happen!” Buffy Summers swatted her boyfriend, William ‘Spike’ Elliot, on the shoulder before turning back to the small group that had collected on the rocks by the beach. “It totally happened like this, so Cordy was walking down the hall and Harmony was like ‘nu-uh, you like didn’t wear Gucci cause you like totally know that Gucci is my label’ and then Cordy is like ‘well you dumb bitch, get another label cause like I’m wearing Gucci today’…”
“No, no, no you missed the part where Cordelia grabbed her hair and slammed her face first into the lockers…”
“Xander, that never happened.” Willow swatted the brunette boy on the arm before turning her attention back towards the blonde girl.
“Right mate and then they started mud wrestling…naked….OW! Bloody hell pet! I bruise easily.” Spike tried to evade her swatting hands as he tucked her in closer to his body, warding off the slight chill in the night air.
“This summer is going to be like so fun you guys. I mean Spike and I are going to get married and move out of this hell hole and Willow, you’re going to Harvard and Xander…what exactly are you doing?” Buffy quirked a perfectly manicured eyebrow at the brunette boy digging holes in the sand.
“I’m staying to become the town’s most prestigious Ice Cream man…or work at Hotdog on a stick, whoever calls me back first.” Xander shrugged before going back to digging an impressive looking hole in the ground.
“You have that audition next week, don’t you Buffy?” The usually shy redhead finally broke the deadening silence after Xander had spoken.
“Yeah with that T.V show and then the week after I’m going to be Mrs. Buffy Anne Summers- Elliot. I mean that’s assuming that Spike gets picked up for that soccer team in Los Angeles. What’s it called again? Astros, Mars bars…”
“Galaxy luv. After I get signed on then we’ll be set for fame and fortune pet.” He snuggled closer to his girl silently praying that he would still get picked up after a lackluster game the previous week. Probably shouldn’t have tried to play with a slight hangover. “Looks like everyone else has headed home, what’s say we do the same thing?”
“I don’t want to go home yet baby, can we go to your place instead?” Buffy pouted up at him, noting that Willow was already dragging Xander back to the car.
“Da’s out of town so yeah baby. Where’s the Jack?” Spike glanced around him until he found the half-empty bottle of whiskey tucked under her discarded jacket.
“C’mon honey, don’t drink tonight. You told me that you were going to quit anyway.”
“’m not an alcoholic luv. Jus’ paid a lot to get this bottle from Willy ‘n don’t want to leave it here. I promise I won’t drink anymore tonight baby.” Tugging her upwards into a standing position, he swooped down to drag her into a passionate kiss, dragging the hand not holding the whiskey bottle through her hair. “Gimme my keys kitten.”
With reluctance she fished the car keys out of her jacket pocket and handed them to him, barely having time to right herself before he tugged her behind him towards the car.
“Dude, how much did you drink tonight?” Xander eyed the bleached blonde teen warily as he stumbled towards the car.
“Not nearly enough mate.” His words coming out slightly slurred as he fought to find his equilibrium. It had been so much easier when he’d been sitting to cover the fact that once again he had drank too much.
“Spike, give me the keys…please baby, let Xander drive tonight. I promise to make it up to you later.” Her breath tickled his ear as he dropped the keys to the ground and slammed her against the black Desoto, growling possessively as he laved kisses down her exposed throat.
“As much as I’d like to see Buffy’s naughty bits, I don’t want to see yours dude. Get in the car!” Xander held the door open for the teens to stumble into the spacious backseat before climbing in himself and grinning at Willow. “Twenty bucks say he’s passed out by the time we get home.”
“’eard that whelp. Jus’ shut up ‘n drive.” Spike’s head popped up over the seatback for a moment before the hand that wasn’t currently exploring under his girlfriend’s shirt popped over and grabbed the leftover bottle of whiskey.
“Whatever dude but seriously don’t get that in the car. I’m not helping you clean it out next time.” Xander shuddered at the memory of picking used condoms out of the back of his friend’s car and sanitizing the whiskey stains from the seats. Stepping on the gas lightly the Desoto roared to life and they began the trip back into town.
The front passengers tried their hardest to ignore the moans and grunts from the backseat as they coasted along the winding roads. Only when the bottle of whiskey toppled onto the front seat, drenching them, did they finally react.
“Damn it! Spike, what the hell did you do that for?” The car swerved as Xander tried to wipe the excess liquor from his pants.
THUD!
“What the fuck was that?” Buffy’s head popped up over the backseat as the car slowed. “Did we hit someone?”
“Dunno but we should probably check.”
“Actually, I think we should just keep going. It was probably just a rabbit or something. Xander, just keep driving. I’m sure it wasn’t anything serious.” Willow came to the logical conclusion that no one in their right mind would be walking around in the near pitch-black so it way probably just an animal of some sort.
“I’m going to check anyway. Just stay in the car until I get back, ok?” Xander stepped out of the car and returned seconds later. “Just a little rabbit. Guess we ran over its head cause it’s all squished. I’ll help you scrub off the blood dude.” He nodded back to Spike who was already working his way back into his girlfriend’s pants without a care in the world.
26 May 2009, Los Angeles, California
Buffy groaned as she walked into the penthouse apartment she owned with Spike, well until the divorce was finalized and then he would probably still be living there without donating a dime to upkeep. In the twelve years since they’d left Sunnydale she had auditioned and gotten a lead role on a hit television show that she was still playing on, her character having just celebrated her 18th birthday. Spike had been an all-star forward on Los Angeles’ soccer team, the Galaxy, until he was suspended six months ago for attacking a fan and failing numerous drug tests.
Plain and simple, this was not the life they had dreamed of when they were together back in Sunnydale. Now instead of coming home and just enjoying being together, she came home from work and wiped the vomit from his mouth and set him up with another beer while she went to their bedroom and locked him out of it. His suspension from the league had been the last straw and she was determined to get on with her life and hopefully convince her agent that she wasn’t cut out to play the valley girl cheerleader anymore.
She entered the dimly lit apartment surprised to see Spike awake and watching her from the shadows. The floor was miraculously uncluttered from the numerous beer bottles he often left there and he had nothing in his hands.
“Buffy luv?” His unnaturally quiet voice shocked her. Normally, he would have been bellowing for another beer or a blanket but this time his voice was barely above a whisper when he addressed her.
“Did you run out of beer while I was actually working or did your dick finally stop appreciating your left hand?” Her snide comments were harsh but she couldn’t seem to care anymore.
“I missed you pet ‘n we got some mail that ‘m thinking you might want to take a look at.” He moved slowly towards her with a single sheet of paper in his hand. As he handed it to her their fingers grazed for a moment and Buffy let herself feel some of that old fire that had once burned so passionately awaken inside her before she glanced at the sheet.
In simple, elegant scrawl was written a single sentence:
I know what you quite possibly did twelve summers ago.
“What the hell is this?”
“Don’t rightly know pet but Willow called and she got one jus’ like it. She thinks we should all go back to Sunnydale and talk it out. She said it might have something to do with that night…” His fingers itched to reach out and graze the bare flesh of her back but he stopped himself when he realized that he had fucked up one too many times to think that she would just forget about it.
“The night that we hit the rabbit? Why would someone send a letter about that? What did we offend PETA because we didn’t hold a funeral?” She rolled her eyes at the thought and walked around him towards the bedroom, noting that he had already packed a suitcase and left it by the front door. “Give me twenty minutes to pack and we can drive back to Sunnyhell.”
26 May 2009, Sunnydale, California
“I can’t believe I’m seeing you guys again. It’s just like our senior year with the entire gang, well except you two weren’t getting divorced then, I wasn’t struggling on my dissertation and Xander, actually nothing’s really changed with you Xand, no offense.” Willow rambled.
“No offense taken. Are you guys sure this isn’t some prank? I mean you two are really famous and Wills…ok I see the flaw there. Why contact me and Willow if they just wanted you guys but we only hit a rabbit, right?”
“Don’t know about that mate. I wasn’t exactly in my right mind that night ‘n I can vouch that Buffy didn’t see much but you said it was just a bitty rabbit that we hit. Wasn’t much blood on the Desoto either.” Spike shrugged and glanced towards Buffy, giving her a little grin.
“So what do we do now?”
“First things first, we’re checking into a hotel and I guess we can meet up tomorrow. After all it is Richard Wilkins day and they have the county fair. Might as well have some fun while we’re here.” Buffy adjusted her sunglasses and headed back to the waiting car, uncaring if Spike followed behind or not.
27 May 2009
“Oh My God! Spike, wake up! Someone switched my bottle of conditioner with a dual product! It’s shampoo and conditioner in one bottle!” Buffy ran out of the bathroom wearing not but a scowl as she waved the cheap product in his face. “They must have done it when we were talking to Willow and Xander yesterday. That’s the only time our suitcases were left alone.”
He could do nothing but gather her into his arms and holding her shaking body, stifling a laugh as he pet her hair in a loving fashion.
“’S alright luv, it’ll all be ok. Spike’s here now.”
Later that same day at the county fair…
Spike led his discontented wife through the crowds that had gathered and tried to ignore her scowl. Personally, he thought her hair looked fine but she insisted on wearing the baseball cap and sunglasses just in case anyone recognized her and said anything about the lackluster shine.
“Would you like to buy a bunny sir?” An attractive blonde woman stepped out in front of them holding a hefty brown lop.
“Sorry miss but we’re really jus’ trying to find some friends of ours.” He tried to sidestep her, dragging Buffy closer to him, but she evaded and thrust the rabbit towards him.
“You think you can really get away with what you did, you sick freak? You deserve hell for what you did that night! But I’ll be nice and sell you a bunny anyway. I’ve got more back at the tent if Olaf isn’t quite right for you. Just ask for Anya.” The woman beamed up at him.
“Spike! Buffy! Over here!” Xander yelled and waved from across the pavilion.
“Sorry whelp would’ve been here sooner but I think we know who sent those sodding letters. Crazy bint over there wants us to buy a blasted rabbit as retribution for what we did that night.” He noticed that Buffy had plastered herself against him and wrapped his arm tighter around her waist.
“So that’s it? Some crazy chick saw that we hit a rabbit and wants us to buy one now? Well, that was easier than a masked killer with a fish hook.”
“You killed a priceless bunny rabbit that night. My truck had a flat and old Mr. Bugglesworth scurried out into the road before I could grab him. Next thing I know this red Jeep came barreling down the road and squashed him…”
“Wait a second! We weren’t driving a red Jeep that night. We had a black Desoto, we didn’t hit your rabbit but I do know who owned a red Jeep at the time. Bloke you’re looking for is Angel O’Connor.”
26 May 2011 Sunnydale, California
“Look daddy, Miss Anya said I could pet the bunny as long as I was nice to him!” Dawn Summers- Elliot beamed at her parents from inside the small tent housing the rabbits as she pet Mr. Bugglesworth III.
“Good job nibblet!” Spike beamed at his little girl before smiling down at his wife and laying a hand on her swollen belly. “Love you Buffy.”
“Love you too but we really need to sit down somewhere. William Jr. is doing a number on my ribs.” Buffy groaned and placed a hand to her side where their son had been kicking anxiously. “Hey Anya, how is Liam doing with the rabbits?”
Liam O’Connor, bunny killer, was currently spending his sentence working for Anya Jenkins in Jenkins Rabbit Emporium until he learned the importance of caring for God’s simple creatures.
Willow had finally finished her dissertation and had broadened her horizons into rabbit care, choosing to work with Anya on promoting sales while Xander still worked at Hotdog on a Stick as a full-time manager.
Disclaimer: All publicly recognizable characters and settings are the property of their respective owners. The original characters and plot are the property of the author. No money is being made from this work. No copyright infringement is intended.