Chapter one: Who would sell their sole for love?


"You don't ... have a soul! There is nothing good or clean in you. You are dead inside! You can't feel anything real! I could never ... be your girl!"

"You always hurt ... the one you love, pet."


She tried really hard not to feel guilty about that night. She really tried, but it didn’t work. When she heard the police officer say her name, and she realized what had really happened, she was too embarrassed to go back and apologize. She couldn’t swallow her pride. Heck, she didn’t even go back to see if he was all right. She had beaten him up pretty bad and he hadn’t done a thing about it, even though he could have stopped her. He didn’t because he loved her too much, he didn’t want to see her suffer.


"Come on, that's it, put it on me. Put it all on me. That's my girl."

"I am not your girl!"


She pulled the covers tighter around her and willed away the tears. She would not cry about him. She just wouldn’t.

Two weeks had passed since then and she hadn’t seen a lot of him. Dawn had gone over to him the day after and had come home furious at her sister.


"Dawnie, what’s wrong? Where were you?"

"How could you? How could you do that to him, after every thing he has done for us?"

"Dawnie, I…"

"Don’t ‘Dawnie’ me… You didn’t even go back, make sure he was ok! You just left him there. You know he barely made it back to his crypt. His neck is all red and burned from the sun. Two more minutes and he’d have been dust. You would have loved that, wouldn’t you…?"

"No, of course not! I thought he’d be ok…"

Her voice was barely a whisper. She didn’t know it had been that bad.

"Well, you thought wrong. Don’t come near him EVER again. I won’t have you kill my only friend!"

And with that, she stomped off, leaving her sister standing there at the brink of tears.

"I didn’t know… I didn’t…"


"I didn’t know, I couldn’t have know. I mean, hello, vampire healing. I really thought he’d make it out of there ok." She wiped away that stubborn tear that wouldn’t go away.

Two weeks, two whole weeks! He probably hated her now, that’s why she barely ever saw him. She had gone to his place four days before, intending on asking him to patrol with her, but he had just ditched her off, claiming he was too tired. Buffy had beaten the crap out off every vampire that crossed her way that night. After she was through with them, they didn’t even have the strength to raise an arm before she plunged her stake in their heart.

She had gone home after patrolling for at least 2 hours, still all worked up and needing release, but the only one who could give her that, most likely hated her guts. No way was she going over there.

But that night, as she was lying in her bed, covered under her warm sheets in the pale light from the moon, shining through the window, she had realized something.

She missed him…

It didn’t feel right, lying there, knowing that out there, he was lying alone, like her, in his cold, damp crypt under the red satin sheets that probably still smelled like them, together. She wanted to go over there, wrap her arms around him and hold him all through the night, to feel him in her arms, warm and safe. To cover his face in warm, soft kisses and stroke his hair, his golden, soft, curly hair. She wanted to wake up with him lying next to her.


She had never held him after their *marathons*, or allowed him to hold her. She had just rolled away and either gone to sleep or completely ignored him. Sometimes they had talked, but not often. And in the morning, she’d be gone. And he’d be left alone, feeling hated and used.

Another stubborn tear rolled down her cheek and she quickly wiped it away. She remembered that night well. She hadn’t slept at all, ‘cause after she’d been lying there for nearly three hours, she finally realized something. Something she didn’t think would happen ever again.

She realized she was in love with him…

She was in love with Spike…

"Oh, my god… I love him…"

**************

He really missed her. He missed her so much it was driving him insane. Yeah, she had hurt him pretty bad, but it wasn’t like he hadn’t deserved it.

He had crawled back to his place that night, burning his neck as the first glimpse of the sun came over the horizon just before he slipped inside. He couldn’t remember what had happened after that. He just remembered, waking up to find a terrified Dawn shaking him.


"Spike, wake up! Spike, please, wake up…"

"Niblet… what are you doing here, pet?"

"What happened to you? Who did this?"

"Doesn’t matter platelet, just got into a fight s’all…"


Dawn was silent for awhile as she thought about his answer. *Got into fight? Then where are the marks on his knuckles? Shouldn’t he at least show some sign of having fought back… unless…*

"…Buffy!"

It was more of a statement than a question. Spike just stared at her.

"Buffy did this to you… last night… when she said she had to leave. Why?"

"It’s complicated, bit."

"Oh my god, your neck. It’s all red… wha?"

"Came home early, a little too early! S’fine…"

"She didn’t even bring you back here…? After what she did?"

Anger was shining through her eyes!

"Look, bit. Don’t worry about it. Your sis and I just had a little quarrel, s’all."

"God, I am gonna… She is so gonna pay for this!"

"Lil’bit, no! Don’t, she’s… she’s just had a rough time, ok. Don’t make it harder on her, please Dawn."

"I’m not gonna say nothing! She can’t do this to you, Spike. Not after everything you’ve done!"

"Spending the last hundred years killing people? I think I got what I deserved, a piece of it anyway!"

"No, that’s not true. You’re good now… All the things you did this summer, and this is how she thanks you… No!"

"Dawn, please! Just drop it, Ok. For me!"


"…Ok!"

"Promise?"

"Yeah, I promise not to yell at Buffy…" *much*

"Thanks, bit. But I think I’m gonna try and get some sleep now… a bit knackered still…"

"Ok! Good night Spike."

"Night, bit…"


Spike closed his eyes, trying to get rid of the haunting images from that night out of his head. He wanted her back, if not for more than just to hold her, touch her, smell her! He missed her so much, it was killing him.

He buried his face in his pillow, the pillow that still smelled like her… like them… together.

"I love you, Buffy. Why can’t you see that…"