Chapter one: Who would sell their sole for love?


"You don't ... have a soul! There is nothing good or clean in you. You are dead inside! You can't feel anything real! I could never ... be your girl!"

"You always hurt ... the one you love, pet."


She tried really hard not to feel guilty about that night. She really tried, but it didn’t work. When she heard the police officer say her name, and she realized what had really happened, she was too embarrassed to go back and apologize. She couldn’t swallow her pride. Heck, she didn’t even go back to see if he was all right. She had beaten him up pretty bad and he hadn’t done a thing about it, even though he could have stopped her. He didn’t because he loved her too much, he didn’t want to see her suffer.


"Come on, that's it, put it on me. Put it all on me. That's my girl."

"I am not your girl!"


She pulled the covers tighter around her and willed away the tears. She would not cry about him. She just wouldn’t.

Two weeks had passed since then and she hadn’t seen a lot of him. Dawn had gone over to him the day after and had come home furious at her sister.


"Dawnie, what’s wrong? Where were you?"

"How could you? How could you do that to him, after every thing he has done for us?"

"Dawnie, I…"

"Don’t ‘Dawnie’ me… You didn’t even go back, make sure he was ok! You just left him there. You know he barely made it back to his crypt. His neck is all red and burned from the sun. Two more minutes and he’d have been dust. You would have loved that, wouldn’t you…?"

"No, of course not! I thought he’d be ok…"

Her voice was barely a whisper. She didn’t know it had been that bad.

"Well, you thought wrong. Don’t come near him EVER again. I won’t have you kill my only friend!"

And with that, she stomped off, leaving her sister standing there at the brink of tears.

"I didn’t know… I didn’t…"


"I didn’t know, I couldn’t have know. I mean, hello, vampire healing. I really thought he’d make it out of there ok." She wiped away that stubborn tear that wouldn’t go away.

Two weeks, two whole weeks! He probably hated her now, that’s why she barely ever saw him. She had gone to his place four days before, intending on asking him to patrol with her, but he had just ditched her off, claiming he was too tired. Buffy had beaten the crap out off every vampire that crossed her way that night. After she was through with them, they didn’t even have the strength to raise an arm before she plunged her stake in their heart.

She had gone home after patrolling for at least 2 hours, still all worked up and needing release, but the only one who could give her that, most likely hated her guts. No way was she going over there.

But that night, as she was lying in her bed, covered under her warm sheets in the pale light from the moon, shining through the window, she had realized something.

She missed him…

It didn’t feel right, lying there, knowing that out there, he was lying alone, like her, in his cold, damp crypt under the red satin sheets that probably still smelled like them, together. She wanted to go over there, wrap her arms around him and hold him all through the night, to feel him in her arms, warm and safe. To cover his face in warm, soft kisses and stroke his hair, his golden, soft, curly hair. She wanted to wake up with him lying next to her.


She had never held him after their *marathons*, or allowed him to hold her. She had just rolled away and either gone to sleep or completely ignored him. Sometimes they had talked, but not often. And in the morning, she’d be gone. And he’d be left alone, feeling hated and used.

Another stubborn tear rolled down her cheek and she quickly wiped it away. She remembered that night well. She hadn’t slept at all, ‘cause after she’d been lying there for nearly three hours, she finally realized something. Something she didn’t think would happen ever again.

She realized she was in love with him…

She was in love with Spike…

"Oh, my god… I love him…"

**************

He really missed her. He missed her so much it was driving him insane. Yeah, she had hurt him pretty bad, but it wasn’t like he hadn’t deserved it.

He had crawled back to his place that night, burning his neck as the first glimpse of the sun came over the horizon just before he slipped inside. He couldn’t remember what had happened after that. He just remembered, waking up to find a terrified Dawn shaking him.


"Spike, wake up! Spike, please, wake up…"

"Niblet… what are you doing here, pet?"

"What happened to you? Who did this?"

"Doesn’t matter platelet, just got into a fight s’all…"


Dawn was silent for awhile as she thought about his answer. *Got into fight? Then where are the marks on his knuckles? Shouldn’t he at least show some sign of having fought back… unless…*

"…Buffy!"

It was more of a statement than a question. Spike just stared at her.

"Buffy did this to you… last night… when she said she had to leave. Why?"

"It’s complicated, bit."

"Oh my god, your neck. It’s all red… wha?"

"Came home early, a little too early! S’fine…"

"She didn’t even bring you back here…? After what she did?"

Anger was shining through her eyes!

"Look, bit. Don’t worry about it. Your sis and I just had a little quarrel, s’all."

"God, I am gonna… She is so gonna pay for this!"

"Lil’bit, no! Don’t, she’s… she’s just had a rough time, ok. Don’t make it harder on her, please Dawn."

"I’m not gonna say nothing! She can’t do this to you, Spike. Not after everything you’ve done!"

"Spending the last hundred years killing people? I think I got what I deserved, a piece of it anyway!"

"No, that’s not true. You’re good now… All the things you did this summer, and this is how she thanks you… No!"

"Dawn, please! Just drop it, Ok. For me!"


"…Ok!"

"Promise?"

"Yeah, I promise not to yell at Buffy…" *much*

"Thanks, bit. But I think I’m gonna try and get some sleep now… a bit knackered still…"

"Ok! Good night Spike."

"Night, bit…"


Spike closed his eyes, trying to get rid of the haunting images from that night out of his head. He wanted her back, if not for more than just to hold her, touch her, smell her! He missed her so much, it was killing him.

He buried his face in his pillow, the pillow that still smelled like her… like them… together.

"I love you, Buffy. Why can’t you see that…"

Chapter two: More than innocence was lost

Two weeks later…

It was a cold night. Buffy had been patrolling now for about half an hour and even the vampires seemed to avoid the cold. A shiver went up her spine and she realized that for the first time that night, a vampire was near. She slowed her pace and tried to get a sense of her surroundings, and heard a tweak snap.

“Come out, come out, whatever you are! I promise I won’t hurt you…” Huh, like anyone would fall for that one. She turned around and peered into the night. Whatever this was, it didn’t seem keen on showing its face. She took three steps forward and raised her stake.

“I’m not in the mood for hide and seek so just make it easier on both of us and come out.” She heard footsteps coming up from behind her and spun around, stake raised high. But she quickly lowered it when she saw who it was.

“Spike?”

“Slayer,” he nodded his head to her. “Who ‘you talking to?”

“There’s someone here and it WON’T SHOW ITSELF.” She yelled out at nothing at all and Spike cocked his head and looked around. But all he sensed was the fragrant he’d smelled just outside his crypt tonight. A very familiar scent, like the perfume he’d given her in the 1950’s. But he was damned if he was gonna tell Buffy about it.

His plan was to find Dru, stop her from whatever madness she was up to now and make sure she never returned to Sunnydale. But he had to be quick before the slayer found her.

“What ‘you think it is?” He leaned against a tomb stone and lit a cigarette. She was pacing back and forward, careful to avoid eye contact with him.

“Luv, you’re gonna make a whole in the ground if you don’t stop. What’s up with you?”

“Uh, listen… I kinda needed to talk to you… about… that night in the alley.” He flinched at her words and ground out his cigarette.

“There’s nothin to talk about.” He stared at the ground and she felt the same wave of guilt she’d been feeling lately, wash all over her. *Oh, god. He hates me. I blew it, its over.*

“I just wanted to say… that I’m sorry, I shouldn’t have done that and…” but he didn’t allow her to continue.

“Just drop it slayer,” he wanted to be mad at her, he wanted to yell and scream at her and make her feel all the pain she’d put him through, but he couldn’t. Because like he had known for over a year now, he couldn’t stand to see her in pain. He’d jump off a cliff (or in his case, let a Hell god beat the crap out of him) to save her from suffering. And that only made things worse.

“But I just wanted to apologize… I really didn’t…”

“Look, just forget it, ok! All’s forgiven and all that rot. Just let it go.” He looked kinda sad when he said it, and something told Buffy, there was more to it than that!

“Ok,” she half whispered. “So, friends?” She knew it sounded lame, considering all they had gone through, but she was just glad he was at least talking to her. She knew she wouldn’t want to, if someone had treated her as badly as she had treated him.

“Yeah, ‘course luv.” He didn’t seem disappointed, if anything he looked kinda relieved. Just like she was feeling right now. She couldn’t help but smile. *Ok, the ‘friends’ part is over, now how will I convince him that I love him.* That was a puzzle. She didn’t think she had the guts to tell him that, at least not yet. First they had to get through this mess she had caused, and then she could focus on taking it a step further. She didn’t want to ruin the friendship they had.

But something totally different was going on in his head. *Friends, yeah right! If she ever finds out I’m hiding Dru from her, I’ll be dust so quick I won’t be able to say…*

“Bugger!” Buffy looked up at him and then in the direction he was looking. Her jaw almost hit the ground at what she saw. Drusilla was standing there, swaying in the moonlight, singing some doodle to herself, gazing at Spike with lust full eyes. Buffy turned to Spike, furious, and than back at Drusilla, who seemed to be laughing.

“What the hell are you doing here, Drusilla?” Buffy asked, crossing her arms over her chest. Drusilla just smiled and kept swaying to the song she was singing.

“My sweet William has been a bad boy… and bad boys need to be punished,” she singsonged and stepped closer to the two blondes. Buffy immediately raised her stake, but felt a hand on hers and looked at Spike. What she saw almost crushed her heart. He was practically begging her with his eyes, to let Drusilla go.

But as she was about to say something, his eyes widened in horror as something caught his attention behind her. She had already turned halfway around when she felt a sharp sting in her neck. She managed to turn to Drusilla to see a big, 70’s looking vampire standing next to her with a shot gun. She heard Spike call out to her and grab her around the waist to keep her steady, but everything was too blurry. She moved her hand up to her neck and pulled out some sort of syringe. *Shhe drugggedd meee…* Even her thoughts seemed to fade together. *Thaaat crrraaazyy looon drugggeeedd…*

And everything went black….

**************

She was in heaven… this had to bee heaven. No one could dream such a good dream.

She was lying in a big, soft bed, covered in white satin sheets and the softest pillows she had ever laid her head on. The bed was centered in a big, bright, white room, and long, white, see-through curtains were flowing all around in the soft breeze coming from the window. She heard singing. A woman and it sounded like she was singing a lullaby, just like the one her mother had always sung for her and Dawn when they were girls. Everything felt wonderful. Everything WAS wonderful. And one thing made all those things seem like tiny, unimportant details.

She was lying, wrapped up in strong, muscular arms. She could have recognized those arms anywhere. She smiled as she thought about all the things those hands had done to her to bring her pleasure.

Gone was the black nail polish. His hands were clean, not as rough and the scars had faded. She pulled his arms tighter around her and sighed. This was definitely heaven. She smiled and slowly turned around to look at his beautiful, angelic face… and cried out a painful scream.

His face… full of pain and torment. It was beyond words, the look of horror on his face as he stared down at her with hateful eyes. She tried to break free from his grasp, but it only tightened around her.

“Spike…” she gasped. “Please.” His strong hold on her was almost suffocating as she struggled to get loose. She closed her eyes so she wouldn’t have to look at his demonic face. But then she heard a voice...

“Buffy…” It seemed to be far away, but it was so familiar… and so beautiful.

“Buffy, luv, wake up…” She finally managed to open her eyes again, and she was surrounded by darkness. She gasped and her lungs filled with much needed air.

“Buffy… you ok?” The voice sounded worried. She frantically looked around to try to find its location. And then she saw them, the most gorgeous, blue eyes she had ever seen. And they weren’t full of hate…

Quite the opposite…

Chapter three: If it’s only tears and pain

Buffy’s head was pounding as she tried to sit up. It all came flooding back into her head, patrol, the apology to Spike, Drusilla in her usual crazy state, ugly looking vamp with a god damn shot gun… Spike! She looked up at him and saw him staring at her with a serious look of concern on his face. She realized he was talking to her, but couldn’t make out the words.

“Bhuffy…Buffhy, can yyoou heeaar mee?”

Oh, great. Those drugs really did a number on me! She tried to respond but didn’t know if anything she was saying made sense. The whole room was spinning, she felt really dizzy as she tried to focus on Spike’s face. Hey there, cutie. Thihi…oh, Christ. I’m actually giggling in my thoughts. Her eyes trailed down his face to his neck and then down to his not so leather clad chest. Wait a minute, where’s his duster? She looked down at herself. Oh, there it is.

Her eyes trailed back to his chest and she felt her head going heavy again. Think I’ll just lie down for a sec… She practically threw herself into Spike’s arms and snuggled her head under his chin. Her arms wrapped securely around his waist and her eyes drifted closed again. She felt his arms firmly around her as he rubbed soothing circles on her back. She sighed deeply and could finally make out the words he was saying. They were very simple.

“You ok, pet?” She nodded her head slightly, enough for him to understand and the next thing she knew, she was lying on his duster with his arms wrapped around her waist as she drifted back to slumber.

**************

When she came to again, the dizziness was finally gone and she only had a minor headache. She found herself lying on something soft but yet firm. She sighed and smiled as she realized what it was. She felt Spike’s kisses on the top of her head and remembered what had happened. She tried to sit up but couldn’t because of Spike’s strong grip around her waist.

“Hey there, pet. You think you’ll stay awake this time?” He placed a soft kiss on her forehead as she mumbled incoherently into his chest. “What was that, luv?” She raised her head high enough to look him in the eye and smiled, “I just said that I haven’t slept this well in… years, probably.” She plopped her head back down and sighed, “what happened? And where are we?” She asked as she took in their surrounding. It looked like some sort of a cave, dirty and wet and cold. Fortunately, all Buffy could feel was the pleasant sensation of Spike’s protective arms around her.

“It’s some sort of cell, I think were in one of the old warehouses. The doors are firmly locked. I tried to open them but I think they’re protected with a spell of some sort.”

“Any sign of your crazy ex yet?” He sighed.
“No, not yet!”
“Any idea what she’s up to?”
“No, Dru is not much of a planner. She’s more of a ‘rush into action’ kinda type and then just plays it by ear. I doubt she even knows, herself, what it is she’s doing.” When he didn't look at her, she couldn't help but ask.

“Are you ok?”

“Yeah! Why?”

“Spike... if she is planning something,” she paused. She didn’t know quite how to put this. I mean, how can you tell a guy, you might have to kill the woman who had been his lover for over a hundred years? She remembered the look he gave her when she raised her stake at Dru, she didn’t want to see it again. “If she is… then I have to do my job, Spike. I don’t think I can let her go, not even for you.” She felt his body tense up at her words, and she hated it.

"I know. I didn't expect you to!" Oh, god. He looked so sad and all Buffy wanted to do was just get out of here and forget she ever saw Drusilla. But she couldn't, they both knew that.

"If it makes things any better, I don't want to do it." She tried giving him a comforting smile, and it seemed to work, since he gave her a small smile back. But it quickly vanished and was replaced by determination. "Yes you do. You have to. Who knows what crazy stunt she's up to now. You cant risk it!"

All Buffy could do was nod, she didn't know how to respond to that. "We've got more important things to deal with know anyway. Like, how the bloody hell we're going to get out of here." Buffy looked around, trying to find anything that might help them in their escape, but she was to distracted to notice anything. She couldn't stop thinking about whether Spike would ever talk to her again if she took out Drusilla. This was getting ridiculous. She was a vampire, Buffy was the slayer. She shouldn't be worried about if she should kill a vampire or not. Vampires equel badness, slayer kills all vampires... except Spike of course... and Angel, don't forget him, Buffy.

In all the sanity going on in Buffy's brain, she didn't notice yet that the door to their cell had been opened, and there stood none other than the dark princess herself, in all her glory. She had a wicked smile on her face, clutching miss Edith to her chest. Buffy jumped up and so did Spike, but neither one attacked, as two bulky looking vampires appeared behind Dru. One with a shotgun aimed at Buffy, and the other with a crossbow aimed at Spike.

"Now now, my sweet Spike. I'm gonna bring you back to me, and we will be together forever... one big happy family. That will make miss Edith a very happy girl. Won't you my dear," she looked down at the doll in her hands and starting singsonging. Buffy spared a glance at Spike who's jaw was clenched as he stared at Dru with a look on his face Buffy didn't reckognize. She wasn't sure if she wanted to...


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