Car Trouble 7 – Viva Las Vegas! By the Kings of Mercia – NC17

Everybody is ‘Vegas bound, for Xander and Anya’s wedding – IF they can all stop arguing long enough to get there that is………………

This is dedicated to: Shippy, Hotliped Jen, Patty, txjmfan, willowmouse, Sarah G, Lola, Mariana, BuffyandSpikeForever Allison, Cordykitten and Seraiza – and all the other lovely ladies who send us nice feedback, we thankyou and this is for all of you (sorry to any we missed out!)


Chapter 1

“But you are, I SWEAR!” Buffy said, with her fingers crossed behind her back so the fib didn’t count.

“You expect me to believe, that the whelp wants me for a best man?”

“Um, uh huh!” Buffy nodded her head.

“What planet are you on – or rather, what planet do you think I’m on? I DON’T BELIEVE YOU!” Spike resumed watching the football on TV.

“Look, I’ll bring it and SHOW you, your name is the TOP of the page” Buffy said. Which was true, well, sort of.

Spike’s name was indeed at the top of the page for Xander’s best man, just not top of page one. Or two. Or even three, four or five for that matter.

They all had the names of various guys Xander knew, or knew OF, scrubbed out in different pens when asked and had refused the role of being his best man.

By page five Xander had got to being totally desperate, it read;

Guy at gas station, (one who always wipes my windows)

Paper delivery boy, (don’t know if he’s old enough.)

Avon ladies brother, (but he has v. bad speech impediment and couldn’t do a speech)

Guy who delivers propane gas to building site (check he’s not an illegal immigrant, and speaks English)

Guy at the 7-11 (check he’s not gay, he’s always smiling at me, and I think he’s checked out my ass coz he always walks behind me)

Next-door neighbour’s pool cleaners, brother’s friend (if he hasn’t been sentenced yet)

Page 6
Spike.

The doorbell went and Buffy went to answer it.

“Oh hi Will, come on in – what’s up”

Willow came in, with a worried frown on her face.

“Well, do you remember the picture I showed you of the possible bridesmaid dresses Anya wanted for us”

“Oh god, do I, therapy here I come!”

“Well, she might change her mind!”

“Oh thank god! – come on that’s good…isn’t it?” Buffy’s grin faded on the last two words of the sentence.

“The words ‘themed wedding’ cropped up…something about ‘Grease’ – she wants us in those-

Spike’s ears pricked up and her turned and said with a lascivious grin,

“Cor, those tight pants like what Olivia Neutron Bomb wore – whey hey!” He rubbed his hands delightedly.

Both girls just looked at him.

“What – it’ll be good – REALLY good!” Spike couldn’t understand the girl’s reluctance…..

“No, not those, she wants us to wear those sticky-out skirts, and little ankle socks and knitted cardigans…”

“You mean, the ‘look at me, I’m Sandra Dee’ sort of…” Buffy trailed off, as Willow nodded vigorously.

“Shit!” Spike turned and watched the game again, until Buffy poked him in the shoulder.

“So that means YOU’LL have to look like an Elvis reject – ha-ha! – Instead of a Billy Idol reje – Spike, no, sit down, I, oh hell – I, ooooohhhhh - get off me – Spike, put me DOWN!”

Spike swiftly picked her up and ran into the kitchen with her and threatened to dump her in the sink.

“Say you’re sorry!”

“Your sorry!”

“Oh ha-bloody-ha, I mean it, say you’re sorry or else you’ll go arse first into the sink and I’ll turn on the cold tap”

“Try it buster and I’ll – Spike – aaaaahhhhh you DARE!” Spike went a little further into edging her into the sink.

“Say it!”

“It!” Spike nudged his shoulder forward and she slipped further towards the drenching…

“Last chance!”

“Alright, alright – I’m sorry, okay – put me down now!”

He gave both cheeks of her rounded bottom a sound slap and she slid down his body

“You wait, I’ll...Hhhhmmmmmmmmmm” Spike gave her a searing, toe-curling kiss.

“Now, don’t be cheeky again, or else. And you can tell the whelp, I wear my duster, or I won’t be his best man”

Willow came into the kitchen, pulled a stool by the counter and plonked herself down.

“That’s not all. Anya said we’ve got to organise her hen night, she wanted to know where we could get the big guys with unfeasibly large muscles to strip and that”

“What – NO WAY – I FORBID IT!”

“Shut up Spike, you have NO say in this, do go on Will!”

“And of course, if you’re his best man, you have to organise his bachelor party, but Anya said absolutely NO strippers, lap dancers or hookers…”

“What – now steady on, fair’s fair and all that! How come it’s okay for you to - ”

“Shut up Spike!”

“Never mind shut up Spike! If I WAS going to organise something for a bachelor party, it would involve every stripper, lap dancer and - I mean, IF I WAS going to, not that I am.

Which I’m not, coz I don’t want to.

Don’t even want to be best man. Now if you two would kindly keep your cake-holes shut and stop yakking, I MIGHT get to watch the last half of the match in peace!”

Buffy gave him a cold look and Willow just sighed.

When Spike had gone back in the lounge Buffy said,

“Does she realise just how much this is going to cost – I don’t think any of us can afford it!”

Willow shrugged and replied

“I don’t think so – I’ve already spent a month’s allowance on their present, I can’t afford an outfit, train fare and accommodation, plus general expenses of a hen night too! – I’m saving for uni!”

Buffy looked pained. She was broke too.

“It’s no good Will, we’ll just have to talk her out of it…say…say it’s passé”

“What is?”

“Themed weddings, SO last year…let’s tell her…oh hell, what can we tell her?”

Spike came back into the kitchen, opened the fridge and got himself a beer.

“Tell her the truth, none of us can afford it – but we’ll go the night before, have a nice dinner somewhere, have the reception in one of the casino’s – they’ll lay on a bit of a spread I’m sure, good for publicity, then we can all hit one of the night spots for a boogie on down – that way, we can all enjoy it” Spike opened his beer, swigged, burped and went back into the lounge.

Willow looked at Buffy and they both said together,

“Not a bad idea, that!” and they giggled.

**********

“Buffy! You shouldn’t have said anything to him – I’d got it covered.”

“Really?”

“Well almost” Xander looked at his feet.

“Truthfully” Buffy dropped her head to try and look in Xander’s eyes.

“Well, there WAS someone…he was almost certain that his hearing in court would be put back while they waited for psychiatric reports…”

“XANDER! – we’re talking about the happiest day of your life here – you don’t want to be with a psychotic killer!”

“Exactly – that’s why Spike was my very, and I mean VERY last resort!”

“Oh come on, he’s a pussy-cat now – but um, don’t you know, tell him I said that…and you’d better not tell him he was the last resort either”

“Why not, it’s true!”

“He’s got to give a speech about you, don’t forget!”

“Oh no he hasn’t! - All he’s got to do is to hold the ring – I bet he’ll cock that up – oh gods, why on earth did I agree to all this!”

Chapter 2


Sitting in the window of The Espresso Pump Café, Anya toyed with the froth on her cappuccino with a spoon, while she waited for her friend Halfrek.

“Come on Hallie…I haven’t got all day!” Anya muttered, looking at her watch, for the fifth time. She was ten minutes late and counting.

“Here I am, darling!” With a theatrical sweep of the arms, Hallie appeared, dressed as a belly dancer, complete with yashmak covering her mouth and nose, and tinkling bells on the edges of her many scarves tied around her waist.

“Whoops!” She disappeared again, only to reappear a second later wearing normal jeans and a sweater.

“Sorry about that sweetie, D’Hoffran has got his Ali-Baba freak on again!”

The guy sitting in the corner stared round eyed, he could have SWORN that the girl just appeared out of thin air dressed like a belly dancer…he looked into his skinny latte, and wondered just what the hell was in it…

She ordered a chocolate malt milkshake and sat next to her friend.

“So, how are things going?”

Anya sighed and said,

“Still complicated…but at least we don’t have seating arrangements to sort…I was thinking of a theme for my wedding, but (shrug) I can’t make my mind up”

“Oh, theme eh…how about…the slaughter of the Innocents? – Or um, erm…the St Valentine’s Day massacre?”

“Hallie – wedding, huh – happy time!”

“They WERE happy times!”

Anya sighed again and said

“I’ve got to wear something old”

“When?”

“For the wedding.”

“Something…old? Who says?” Halfrek looked puzzled

“Buffy! She says it’s for good luck. Something old, and something new” Anya explained. Halfrek frowned

“Something old, and something new? – I don’t-“

“And borrowed, and um…blue, yeah, that’s it, blue” Still looking puzzled Hallie said,

“Well, what colour is your dress?”

“Ivory”

“Underwear?”

“Same”

“Buffy says it’s traditional”

“I see. You haven’t gone with our traditions then. No blood lava and burlap”
Anya shook her head. Halfrek smiled and then she asked,

“What does Xander think about the naked self-flagellation and the goat sacrifice on the burning altar?”

“Um…about that” Anya began, but she wouldn’t meet Halfrek’s gaze, instead she nervously twisted her engagement ring around her finger, while she bit her bottom lip.

“Well?” Halfrek drained her chocolate malt with a slurpy straw noise, whilst looking at her friend expectantly.

Anya looked pained, and then she quietly said,

“We um… we can’t do it”

“What – But why not?” Halfrek looked incredulous

“Buffy says we can’t” Anya explained

“Anya! First no blood lava and burlap, now no burning altar sacrifice why not – it’s not too much to ask to have some of YOUR traditions!”

“Xander just wants us to go there, pick a chapel, get married and that’s it”

“That’s it? What do you mean that’s it – what about the 100 day party afterwards, the jesters, the tumbling acrobats, the dwarf throwing, the naked troll mud wrestling…”

Anya shook her head and said,

“I’d have to have a hen night though.” Anya said

“Who said?”

“Buffy”

“Hen night? – Ooh, Sacrifice?” Hallie’s eyes lit up.

“No. Nothing to do with slaughtering chickens, but it does involve us drinking large amounts of alcohol, and watching men with unfeasibly large muscles taking off their clothes while we shout at them”

“I see. Doesn’t sound much fun to me just shouting at them…aren’t we allowed to-”

“No!”

“But just a little debauchery wouldn’t hurt!”

“No. Coz then Xander would want the same”

“With male strippers?” Hallie looked horrified at this thought, and Anya frowned

“No silly, with female ones!”

“And you wouldn’t let-“

“No way José!”

“Who has he got for his Best Man?”

“Spike”

“Oh William! God he’s SO gorgeous! Well he is now…now he’s got rid of the glasses and sideburns and curly hair!”

“Huh?”

“Oh…nothing…we go W-A-Y back is all – so! I thought your Xander didn’t like him”

“He doesn’t. Well, he says he doesn’t, but secretly I know he admires him”

“So lets just recap…no vengeance demon traditions, only really stupid sounding human ones”

“That’s about it!”

“Well, count me out sweetie, I’ll probably be causing chaos at hell-gate 5 anyway!”

“Razor’s lot of Hellions?”

With a huge grin Halfrek said,

“You got it! – Should be tons of fun, his lot have been spoiling for a couple of centuries against the Maharmos demons

“I know, I know, don’t rub it in!”

“You could join us!”

“Hallie! I’m getting married, and well, I’m human now!”

“Well be boring then, by-se-bye sweetie – and TRY and have fun!” She swept up her arms and left.

The guy opposite nearly fell off his seat and again wondered just what the hell they put in their coffee here…

Anya sighed and picked up her purse and left the café.


**********

“Oh god, we’ve got to say something and quick!” Willow was pacing up and down in Buffy’s lounge.

“We could draw straws to tell her!”

“Or, we could put it to Xander, and HE could tell her!” Buffy said and they both brightened at the prospect, then their shoulder’s sagged again

“That’s not really fair, is it?”

“No, I suppose not – look, why don’t we tell her what Spike said yesterday?”

“What, about not being able to afford it – well its true…oh god, that could be her now!”

“Buffy – Willow – Hi!”

“C-come in Anya…so, did you see your friend?”

“Hallie? – Yeah, she’s not coming, too boring for her”

Buffy and Willow exchanged looks, and Buffy took her courage and was just about to say how they couldn’t afford the outfits when Anya piped up,

“It’s going to be boring – the happiest day of my life, and it’s going to be a washout!”

Spike came in through the back door and walked into the lounge.

“Blimey, who’s died?”

“What?” Buffy asked frowning

“Why all the glum faces?”

“Hallie won’t come to the wedding, it’s going to be-“

“Great!”

“What?”

“Look, I’ve been on the Internet, we can go down the night before, go to Billy and Johnny’s all you can eat Bar-be-cue shack, then the ‘Lucky Strike Casino’ will provide a wedding cake, and a few chicken drumsticks on production of a wedding certificate – and they throw in a bottle of champagne too – so that’s the reception sorted, then we can go to one of the nightclubs and boogie the night away – and as for a hen and stag night, we can go Bronzing tonight!”

Buffy and Willow looked hopefully at Anya.

“Really? – But what about outfits?”

“We can hire them – anything from Star Trek to Elvis!” Xander said grinning entering the lounge.

“Steady on whelp, they do ordinary stuff too, even wedding dresses – if you want to look like a meringue that is!”

All eyes were on Anya.

“No”

“No? – What do you mean, no – tell me one god-damn thing wrong with it?” Spike groused, and looking at Spike, Xander nodded

“Um, yeah…what?”

“The dress – I want my own – you lot can wear what you like, but I want my own dress”

“Oh is that all – I thought you meant no to all of it!” Spike said

“No, I think the rest of it’s a great idea!”

Everybody grinned

“Can you just imagine me, dressed in the full regalia of a Klingon warrior!” Xander tried to stand with a macho stance.

Spike arched a brow.

Anya frowned and said,

“Xander Harris, what is it with you and bloody Star Trek, huh? I mean when you make me put on Spock’s ears and say ‘Beam me up Scotty’ when we play dress up sex is bad enough!”

Willow had her deer-caught-in-the-headlights look, Buffy was round eyed and Spike had to go into the kitchen to try and not collapse in a fit of giggles, but he didn’t succeed, and lay all over the counter helplessly laughing.

“Anya! Over-sharing, what have I told you!”

Diplomatically Buffy and Willow dashed into the kitchen, both trying to squash through the door at the same time to see Spike, his shoulder’s shaking with mirth and him slowly and quietly banging his head on the breakfast counter.

Buffy snorted and giggle and Willow clamped her hand over her mouth

“Oh god, oh god…that’s so pervy!” Spike whispered between giggles.

“Buffy, Buffy – we’re going now” Xander called

“Right- okay…see you!” Buffy TRIED to sound normal…

“What time tonight?” Anya asked

“Nine” Buffy squeaked

“Okay, by then!”

“Honestly, Anya, what were you think-“ The front door shut and Buffy Spike and Willow collapsed laughing.

“Oh gods, can you just imagine it?”

“I SO don’t want to go there!” Buffy said, her face red from laughing.

“I don’t know though…the Star Trek theme mightn’t be all bad…remember that episode with Spock’s mother, didn’t she have to be completely naked? – OW!”

Buffy popped him one on the arm.

“What was that for?” Spike frowned and rubbed his arm.

“What do you think? – Come on, let’s go sort what I’m wearing tonight!”

Chapter 3


8.15pm that evening, Buffy’s bedroom

“OUT!”

“But-“

“No, no buts, I said out!”

Spike petulantly folded his arms and pouted, sitting down on her bed.

“Shan’t! I was only going to help you choose an outfit-“

“YOU were going through my knicker-draw!”

“And?” he tried to look innocent

“And – that’s hardly help – look, Spike go downstairs, please?”

“Okay, but give me a kiss first, then I’ll go”

“Oh no, you’re not tricking me like that – I know you matey-boy, one will lead to – well I know what you’re like!”

“Again I say, and?!” Spike said with a smirk.

Buffy stood over him, and Spike caught her behind the knee and she tumbled forward, sprawling all over him. And of course, Spike took advantage and kissed her.

“Ahh, oh – ooooohhhhh, Hmmmm –“

“Buffy, could I borrow your- whoops – SORRY!” Willow quickly ducked back out of the room.

Buffy struggled to get up and called

“No, Willow – sorry I um…what do you want?”

Standing in the hall shielding her eyes Willow said,

“Um, sorry to interrupt…your hairdryer, mine’s packed up”

“Sure come in and help yourself, it’s on the side”

Willow tried to edge into the room, still carefully shielding her eyes.

“What are you doing?” Buffy asked puzzled

“Well I didn’t know if, um, well sorry I interrupted you before and-“

“Willow, that was Spike’s fault!”

“Spike? – But you were lying on top of him, and-“

“She can’t resist me Red…she finds me totally irresistible-“

“Bloody ANNOYING now GO DOWN STAIRS!”

Spike walked passed Willow and whispered,


“Always at me, never leaves me alone!”

He left with a big grin and Buffy glared at him, mashing her lips together so she wouldn’t smile back!


**********

“………And don’t you DARE get drunk, coz we have to drive to Vegas tomorrow remember” Buffy said sternly

“How could I possibly forget?” Spike said disinterestedly

“Oh look, there they are – Anya, Xander, coo-ee, over here!”

Anya saw Buffy waving and calling and they went over.

“Now Spike, don’t get my Xander drunk, will you”

“What – what makes you say that – I’ve no bloody intention of anything of the sort!”

“I know it’s his bachelor party and all that, but that’s no excuse for excessive drinking”

“Bachelor – but”

“Go on, you go over there, you can’t sit with us – we’ve got to talk about girl stuff. And I’ve got to tell embarrassing story’s about how Xander’s penis is-“

“OI – do you mind – I will not have you discussing my…my manly bits in public!” Xander looked indignant

Anya mouthed,

‘Mr Banana’ I call it, on account of how it bends slightly-what?”

Spike grinned, Xander wanted to die a million deaths, and Buffy and Willow sort of blinked round eyed at each other………

“Think I’d rather sit with you lot, pet!” Spike said with a smirk

“Um, yeah, lets sit together!” Buffy said, coz she SO didn’t want to hear any more from an over-sharing Anya, and nothing loosened Anya’s tongue more than alcohol…………

***************

Two hours later…………

Spike practically pounced on Buffy as she came out of the restroom.

“Dance now, coz I swear if I hear just one more story of Xander and his happy band of co-workers, I’ll – well – it’ll be swift, painful an bloody!”

“Okay – Anya keeps talking sex, it’s embarrassing!”

They reached the dance floor and Buffy slipped her arms around his neck, Spike circled her waist and pulled her close.

“Do you think it’ll last?” Buffy asked suddenly

“No pet, this is the last verse”

“Not the song, twit! Them, Xander and Anya – do you think they’ll go the distance?”

“I doubt it!” Buffy leaned out of his embrace and frowned

“Where’s the romance in you? – Oh don’t tell me, you left it in the car!”

“Very funny. No, you asked me a question, and I answered truthfully. A couple or three years maybe, then knowing him, he’ll do or say something even more stupid than usual, and she’ll revert to type, they always do!”

Buffy stopped swaying to the music and looked up at him

“Revert to…oh my god, do you think?”

Spike pulled her close again and said quietly,

“Sure as eggs are eggs, pet, they always do, mark my words!”

“But this is terrible – don’t you think…well, shouldn’t we warn him or something?”

“About what – oh by the way Xander, just make sure once you’re married not to say or do anything stupid, else your Mrs will fly off the deep-end and revert to being a vengeance demon? Do you think he’d listen – and even if he did, more to the point, do you think Anya would thank you for it………bloody hell!”

“Wha-what – where, what?”

“Who’s that smooching with Red?” Buffy looked around, but couldn’t see her redheaded friend.

“Where?”

“There, look, she’s got her back to us, hold on…………(they did an about turn dancing so Buffy could see) there, can you see now, peasant skirt, white top”

“Oh god, she’s a………she’s a…………she’s a she!”

“Yes…she is – look at Xander’s face!” Spike said

“Look at Anya’s – oh god, Anya’s going over… - hey where are we-“

“Got to get close enough to hear this pet, I just gotta!”

***************

“Well THAT ended well!”

“What did you expect pet – Anya did ask if she could watch what they did in bed! – And I noticed there was a distinct lack of protestation from the whelp!”

“Hmm…I don’t know, she must have a total embarrassment by pass that girl…I swear whenever she starts a sentence ‘My Xander’, I have this over-riding urge to stick my fingers in my ears and go la-la-la, I’m not listening!”

“Oh no pet, that’s when you hear the good bits!!”

***************

Willow sat in Buffy’s kitchen looking a little glum.

Spike was watching Men and Motors on cable, and Buffy got bored watching, so she went into the kitchen with Willow.

“Why so blue?”

“I’m worried”

“What about?”

“Anya and Xander…you know, I really think he’s making a mistake”

“Do you? Hmm………well for what it’s worth, so does Spike”

Willow turned a pair of sad eyes onto Buffy

“Really?” Buffy nodded as she filled the kettle.

“Tea?”

“Please, why, what did he say?”

“Well, we were dancing, and I asked him if he thought they’d go the distance, and he said no. At first I thought that he was just being his usual cynical self………but then…oh it doesn’t matter…do you want ordinary tea or herbal?”

“Herbal, no go on, please tell me”

Buffy went onto re-iterate what Spike had said about Anya reverting to type.

“Oh my god…do you think she would?”

Buffy shrugged and said

“But we can’t say anything Will, he’s old enough to make his own mistakes, besides which Anya wouldn’t thankyou and if she DID revert back…”

“She could come after us…yes. I feel sorry for him though, I wish she’d shut up about their sex life!”

“I know…here you go, honey’s in the cupboard – I’m going up to bed. What time are we leaving tomorrow?”

“’Bout lunchtime?”

“Kay, night!”

Willow sat at the breakfast counter in the kitchen, elbow on the counter, head propped on her hand.

Spike wandered in and threw his two empty beer cans away.

“Night Red”

“Night Spike. Oh, Spike”

“Huh?”

“Have you written an speech?”

“No, it’s all up here!” Spike tapped his forehead

“Don’t be too hard on him, will you?”

Spike smiled

“Nothing he doesn’t deserve, pet”

“Spike please…he…well I’m worried for him. He is my best friend”

“Yeah, I know pet, but well, he’s all grown up, just like you are, and if we make some lifestyle choices, it’s nobody else’s business, is it?”

Willow knew he was making a veiled comment about her being a lesbian.

“Suppose…night Spike”

“Night Red”

Willow went back to the elbow propping. She’d made a decision. She would cast a spell. Just a little one mind, to ‘help’ things along…she wasn’t going to tell anybody though. She drank her tea and went up to her room, she’d got everything she needed in there………

Chapter 4


Nearly 5am the following morning…

Buffy sleepily groped for the phone…

“’Lo?”

“BUFFY!”

“Ow…steady, Xander, is that you - wha-what is it, what’s so urgent at this time of the morning, huh?”

“I can’t go through with it!”

“WHAT!” She sat up in bed shocked; her shifting quickly shook Spike awake, that and the fact that she switched on the lamp.

“Whu-what – whassat – who is it – tell ‘em to bog off, middle of the bleedin’ night…wanna get some sleep!”

“Look, Xander, listen to me, its just pre-wedding nerves that’s all – once you get there, you’ll feel fine!”

“But Buffy, I haven’t slept all night, things just keep going round and round my head, what if we’re not suited, what if she misses her old life, what if I can’t satisfy her sexually, what if she-“

“Xander, XANDER, look – I promise you EVERYBODY has these negative thoughts right before the big day – in fact, Anya might be having them herself”

“She isn’t, I asked her. She said I was an unfeeling ungrateful pig, and I should realise just what’s she’s give up for me, and if I didn’t marry her today then she was going to become a vengeance demon again and do unspeakable things to me”

“Tell the whelp, I’LL do unspeakable things to him if he doesn’t put the fuckin’ phone down and-“

“Spike! Shush! Xander’s having a crisis!” Buffy hissed

Spike ducked his head under the covers muttering. There was a soft knock on their bedroom door.

“Hold on Xander, Willow’s knocking…Come in Willow…here, it’s Xander, tell him everything will be okay” Buffy handed the redhead the phone, mouthing ‘pre-wedding-nerves’. Willow smiled and nodded, took the receiver

“Hey!”

“Willow – what am I going to do? Please tell me”

“You’re going to rest until 9.30, go have a shower, get your wedding stuff ready, and we’re all going to drive to as Vegas, and as soon as you see your blushing bride and look into her eyes, I promise you EVERY single doubt you ever had will vanish, and you’ll realise that you’re so in love, and want to be together forever” Buffy smiled at Willow

“Um, really?” Xander asked, coz the way he felt at the moment…

“I PROMISE you, now go. Rest and we’ll see you lunchtime. And remember, we’ll all be here for you”

“Thanks Will, what would I do without you?”

“Later, bye” She put the receiver down and smiled at Buffy.

“Do you really think that Anya would, you know…” Buffy asked. She had her chin on her knees, arms wrapped around her legs.

“No. They’ll be fine” Willow said, resolve face firmly fixed

“You seem certain”

“I am! I-I just well, I know Xander! – He wouldn’t have asked her if he um, – he well, you know wasn’t s-sure, um, I better let you get back to sleep – see you later!”

Willow shot out of the door like a scalded cat, she realised if she stayed there much longer, she’d let slip about the spell, and how they’d all try and talk her out of it…

Under the covers, Buffy felt cool fingers creeping up her thigh.

She lifted the covers and peered at Spike

“Thought you said you wanted to go back to sleep!”

“Awake now…and um, so is…” Spike (with a smirk) raised the covers even further to reveal a very impressive hard on.

Buffy grinned, arched her brow and slid her legs flat

“Can’t let all that go to waste, can we?”

Spike softly bit her neck, near to where Dracula and Angel had bitten her, this always got her going, and she groaned and writhed so erotically, it made him throb with desire.

Her nipples were rock hard, and as his kisses got lower on her neck, she guided his head to them, where he gently drew wet circles around the areola, before drawing the hard nub between his lips and sucking.

Buffy held his head to her, arched her back, gasping and begging him to make love to her.

He let his fingers glide through her soft curls, and found she was more than ready for him, but he couldn’t resist rubbing over her distended clit with a moist finger.

Buffy rammed her heels into the mattress,

“Oh please, please baby, I’m begging you, ooohh!”

Sliding between her soft golden thighs, he lined himself up, and slid home.

They both let out a groan of pure pleasure. Spike waited a second or two for her to adjust to his size, before withdrawing and sliding home again.

“Ooohh, babe, you feel so good, ooooohhhhh”

He picked up the pace, Buffy began to cry out that she couldn’t last, and the sweet tight clenching of her slick walls had him coming too. They cried out their mutual orgasms, forgetting that there was somebody in the room opposite!

“Oh god Spike, do you think she heard us?”

Spike looked down into Buffy’s face and said with a grin,

“What if she did? – Hold on, hear that – sounds like she’s cleaning her teeth, can you hear that buzzing little whiny noise?”

Buffy raised her head off the pillow, and then she went round-eyed with surprise.

“Um, Spike, she’s NOT cleaning her teeth!” Buffy said grinning. Spike carefully moved off her and said innocently,

“Sounds like it, what is she doing th-oh – OH! Bloody hell – not little mouse Willow – well I never!” they started to giggle, and couldn’t get back to sleep, so Spike made all manner of naughty suggestions that Buffy was only too willing to participate in, only AFTER Spike went and closed the bedroom door
first though!


****************

9.50am, Buffy’s kitchen

Toast popped up and Buffy snagged up the two slices and put them on her plate. Spike poured them both coffee.

Willow came down dressed, wet haired and poured herself juice.

“Morning!”

“Hi Will”

“Red!” It was all Spike could do to try and stop grinning.

“Do you want some toast Will?2

“Please, (the phone began to ring) Oh, I’ll get it…hello…Xander, how are you this morn - what won’t start? Not at all? – Oh, um, well can you call the breakdown people…not to outside your house, okay, well, can you push it to the end of the road, they’d have to come out then………you’ve just had a bath and don’t want to get all dirty and sweaty again, I see, well won’t Anya…she said if she breaks a nail she’ll break your neck, okay hold on…Buffy, Xander’s car won’t start”

“Oh god…erm, tell him…tell him Spike will go and pick them up”

“Tell him bleedin’ nothing of the sort!” Spike put down his coffee mug with a thump so some slopped out.

“Tell him Spike will pick them up, and we can all go in my car”

“Buffy!”

“Shut up Spike!”

Spike scowled at her

“Xander, Spike will come and pick you two up, and we can all go in Buffy’s convertible………okay, um Spike, what time will you fetch them?”

“Bloody well – OW!” Spike jumped when she kicked his shin

“Tell Xander Spike will be there in ten minutes!”

“Ten minutes Xander, have everything ready, okay, bye!”

“Buffy! Will you stop volunteerin’ me for stuff I don’t wanna do!”

“Spike, you’re the best man, you should do these things, besides which, you heard what he said this morning, if this wedding doesn’t come off, then she IS going to do what you said she’d do, and revert to type, and if she does unspeakable things to him, no doubt anything that stood in the way of the wedding will be liable to be included in her wrath, and by you not helping, will include you, SO, if you value your bits, get going buster!”

Spike threw down his napkin muttering about how he’d be glad when this bloody fiasco was over…

On his way to Xander’s Spike stopped at the 7-11 and bought a bottle of vodka, he’d got a feeling by the end of the day, at least somebody was going to need it, even if it was just himself! He carefully filled his hipflask and stashed the bottle in the inside pocket of his duster. One thing about vodka, you couldn’t smell it when somebody had been drinking it………

At 11.30

“It’s going to be a bit of a squeeze!” Xander said

“Don’t be silly, Willow in the front, you and Anya in the back, Spike in the trunk!”

“Oh yeah, I forgot, daylight yeah…but where are we going to put all of Anya’s cases?”

“Cases?”

“They’ll have to go in the trunk with Spike”

“Now just a bloody minute! – I shall drive there in my Desoto, thankyou very much!”

“You will – oh good, I can follow you then, coz I don’t know where to go” Buffy said cheerily.

“Actually Buffy, I’ve always wanted to drive your car! – Let me and you can go with Spike!”

“Great idea, that’s settled then, come on kiddies, let’s get going!” Spike said before Buffy could object.

Xander grinned, so did Willow, Anya stood nervously twisting her engagement ring by her four suitcases on the sidewalk, Buffy didn’t scowl although she wanted to, she just said

“Fine, lets just get going shall we, or we’ll never get there!” and stomped towards Spike’s car.

Suitcases were loaded, cheeks were kissed and Willow felt in her pocket for the special little vial of ‘love philtre’ she’d concocted the previous evening. She was at a loss as to how to administer it yet, hoping she could perhaps drop some in the champagne the happy couple were going to have at the casino. But she’d sort that when she got there.


They arrived (eventually) at dusk, hot, tired and hungry.

Chapter 5


After stuffing themselves stupid with ribs, chicken, burgers and steaks at the all-you-can-eat barbecue shack, they all retired to the ‘Golden Mile’ Motel for the rest of the night.

Spike was too tired to object when the girls all stayed in one room, and he was forced to roomie with Xander, as tradition had it that it was supposed to be bad luck for the bride to spend the evening before her wedding with the groom.

The following morning, the plan was for Xander and Anya to go out, find a place where they wanted to marry that evening, and get it arranged.

By dusk that evening they both came back, Anya really excited, Xander still looked like a condemned man!

“It’s perfect, it’s called ‘House of Aphrodite’ AND –listen to this, there’s a chance we might be their millionth couple if we get married there tonight, they know that they are very close to that number of couples having been married there since they opened in 1984! The prize they are giving away is fantastic!” Anya enthused

“Go on!” Buffy said grinning

“Well, if you’re the millionth couple, you get, after the ceremony of course, a champagne and smoked salmon wedding reception, then a stretch limo to take you to the casino, where you get a voucher for $1000 dollars to play on what you like – anything you win, you get to keep, tax free! THEN after that, the limo takes you to the airport, where they’ll fly you first class to Club Tropicana, it’s an exclusive resort in Hawaii, the ‘Pineapple Grove Hotel’ it’s beach front, you get the honeymoon suite - it’s got five star luxury, private beach, every whim catered for – midnight beach barbecues and dancing, pool, proper masseurs, beauticians, sunken hot-tub in the room, food 24 hrs a day, you can jet-ski, it would be brilliant – 10 nights – it’s worth $15,000!”

“Wow, that would be fantastic!” Willow said

Spike looked at Xander………and he knew things weren’t right.

They all got ready, Spike even put on proper black pants and a blue shirt for the occasion, after Buffy had promised him some special treats if he did………

When Spike walked into the wedding house after parking the car, he saw Xander nervously fingering his wing-collared shirt.

“Stop it! You’ll get it all dirty, now relax!” Buffy said, lightly smacking his fingers away.

“But it’s strangling me!”

“I’ll strangle you in a minute if you don’t stop messing with it! Ah, Spike, good, look after him will you, and don’t let him take the bow-tie off…I’m going to find Will and Anya!”

Buffy went off and Spike felt a little pity for the whelp. Not much mind, but enough to say,

“Come on mate…here, have a swig of this for fuck’s sake, looks like you need it!”

Xander eyed the hipflask suspiciously

“What is it?”

“Dutch courage!”

“I gathered that, no what I meant was, she’ll smell it and-“

“Vodka, okay, don’t go on”

Xander took the flask swigged deep, coughed and his eyes watered.

“Didn’t you (cough) mix (choke) any-thing (cough, cough) with it! Oh god!”

“Don’t be such a wuss…now, have you got the ring?”

“Yeah – no! Oh god! Where did I………” Xander frantically patted his pockets, then he remembered it was in his inside pocket.

“Give it here, it’s ME that’s supposed to pretend to loose it!”

Spike pocketed the little box.

************

“What do you mean, ‘gone for a walk’?” Buffy asked frowning

“Just that, I helped her on with her dress, and she said she wanted some fresh air” Willow said

Buffy looked at her watch

“Well she better be back in five…”

“Is Xander okay, he was moaning about that tie strangling him!”

“He’ll be okay, I practically told him I’D strangle him if he didn’t stop touching it! I’ve left Spike with him”

“I like your lipstick, could I borrow it?”

**************

There were people milling about, staff of the House of Aphrodite, it was VERY close for the millionth couple to be announced.

“Spike, can we go and sit down, I feel a bit faint” Xander said meekly.

Spike took in his greenish tinge with a frown and said.

“Bleedin’ ‘ell whelp, where’s yer backbone gone huh?” Spike turned, grabbed Xander by the arm and opened a door. It was a room with just some chairs and a table. Just then a woman entered and put a punchbowl full of red liquid on the table.

“What’s that pet?”

“Fruit punch, for after the ceremony”

The woman left, and Spike went over, poured the contents of his hipflask into it and dipped in a cup, took it over to Xander and he said,

“Here, drink this, sit there and DON’T MOVE, coz I don’t wanna have to go look for you, okay”

Xander nodded weakly and said,

“I’m not going anywhere!” he began to sip at the ‘spiked’ fruit cup.

“Good, see as you don’t, now I won’t be long, I’m just gonna look for Buffy, okay?” Xander finished the drink, and was now leaning forward, his forearms along his thighs, hands clasped as in silent prayer, head bowed. Spike rolled his eyes and closed the door.

Buffy turned the corner and saw Spike coming towards her.

“Where’s Xander?”

“In there, he’s gone a really funny colour, so he’s sitting down, what time’s kick-off?”

“You tell me - Anya’s gone walk-about”

“What – oh fuck, I thought it would be him to do a bunk!” Spike jerked his thumb towards the room where Xander was sitting.

Willow came round the corner full pelt and nearly crashed into a registrar.

“Buffy – oof – sorry, ow – um, Buffy - BUFFY!”

“What, what is it – have you found her?”

“Where’s Xander?”

“In there, sitting, why?”

“Anya’s only talking to Sharkman outside, I just saw her through the window!”

Both Buffy and Spike went round-eyed and said,

“WHAT?”

“I know, what is she thinking, she’s acting all coy and giggling…I thought if you could go get her Spike, I’ll look after Xander!”

“Me, why me?”

“Coz remember when were in LA a few months ago, all that trouble for Angel, and we went up to Sharkman’s room, and we found her there, Sharkman was scared to death of you, he couldn’t leave the room quick enough!”

“But what if she…oh bleeding hell!” Spike ran a hand through his hair.

“Spike, you go get her, we’ll bring Xander okay?”

Spike gave an un-necessary sigh, he didn’t have much choice, did he?”

Willow and Buffy went into the room where Xander was, he’d just helped himself to another glass of fruit cup.

“Xander, are you alright?”

“Fine…this stuff is really rather good…are we nearly ready?”

“Um, yeah…what’s that?” Willow asked

“Fruit cup – wanna try some, it’s very nice”

“Um, yeah, okay…you sit with Buffy, I’ll get it!”

Willow immediately saw her chance to administer the ‘love philtre’ she’d made, but first she got them three glasses of the punch, then without them seeing she poured the contents of the little vial into the punchbowl.

She began to chant quietly:

“Hecate, Hecate, hear my plea,
My quest is for peace and harmony,
Grant the lovers a happy life,
Away from trouble and from strife
To live their lives wild and free,
Hecate, Hecate, so mote it be”

It bubbled wildly like it was boiling and then a little cloud rose and dispersed. She took the cups over to her two friends and they sipped. Happy now that Anya and Xander would drink the stuff with the philtre in it after the ceremony.

“Wow, this is lovely!”

Spike was just going to go outside, when he saw Anya lift her skirts to come up the steps, she was alone.

“Anya! There you are pet, I was just coming to fetch you!”

“Spike! Oh Spike…I just saw…well, an old boyfriend!”

Spike pretended he didn’t know who

“Oh, and?” Anya hooked her arm through Spike’s and said

“Do you think I’m doing the right thing marrying Xander?”

“Do I wha-well pet, only you can decide that…”

As they slowly walked, Anya spied the posters advertising the Hawaiian honeymoon, and decided that yes, she was doing the right thing.

“Right, you go down to your ceremony room, I’ll get the others”

Anya nodded and carried on down

Spike opened the door and announced

“Okay Red, you get lover-boy down there, Buffy and I’ll follow, okay?”

Willow smiled and helped Xander to stand, and gave Buffy Anya’s bouquet and the ring for Xander to hold

“Here, you take these, I’ll take Xander…come on then, lets get this show on the road!”

Xander felt slightly tipsy…

When Willow and Xander left, Spike grabbed Buffy’s glass and went over to the fruit cup, thinking it was only fruit cup + the vodka he’d added, not knowing anything about the ‘love philtre’ Willow had added.

He gulped down half the contents.

“Hey, save me a drop!” Buffy slunk over and finished the other half of the glass.

“Hmm, it’s lovely, hardly any left, we might as well finish it, and they can make some more…!” so they drained the bowl between them. Spike looked into Buffy’s eyes, and there was a sort of mini explosion in his head and he grinned

“Just like you then pet…gods you look gorgeous!”

Buffy also experienced the mini explosion, smiled coyly and then kissed him with great fervour!

“Wow, steady on babe!”

“Sorry, but you look so…!”

They opened the door and went to follow Willow and Xander, they held hands coz it felt right!

“What room are they in?” Spike asked

“I can’t remember if it’s six, or seven”

Spike opened the door of number six, but it was empty.

“Must be this – “

All of a sudden, it seemed like all hell had been let loose!

There was a fanfare of trumpets, golden confetti showered down on them there was flash photography. They saw several people coming towards them smiling holding their arms out to them…

“Here they are, right we can start, okay Ladies and Gentlemen, please be seated!”

“What’s this?” Spike whispered, he felt slightly light headed

“Don’t know…let’s just listen, we’ll find out” Buffy suggested, and Spike nodded and they stood where they were led to.

“Right, you stand…there, and you stand there, facing him, have you got the rings?”

“Oh yes, here you are” Spike took the box out of his pocket, and Buffy handed over the one Willow had given her.

Buffy looked round for Anya, Willow and Xander, but decided this must be their bit of the run-through.

“Right, your name is?”

“Spike”

“Spike?”

“Uh huh”

“Okay, and you are?”

“I’m Buffy” Buffy felt dreamy…and when she looked into the bluest of blue eyes of Spike! Her heart gave a little flitter-flutter!

“Buffy, right – and you are from”

“Sunnydale”

“I see, you got that?” a woman smiled and nodded and left

“Okay then folks, we can begin”

Spike felt mesmerised by the beauty in front of him, he wanted to just stand and look at her forever, it was like they were the only two people in the room…

They were both vaguely aware of somebody droning on………

“Ahem, I said do you?”

“Do I what?”

“Take this woman to be your lawfully wedded wife?”

“Um, yeah”

A man coughed discreetly beside Spike and whispered,

“You mean, I do”

“What- oh, I do…isn’t she just beautiful!”

“And do you, Buffy take this man to be your lawfully wedded husband?”

“Hmm? Oh er, yes of course – I mean, who wouldn’t, he’s a hottie!”

The registrar leant forward and said,

“You say, I do”

“Oh I do – I do, I do, I do, I do, I do!”

“One will be sufficient!”

“Now where are the rings, here you go, this is the smaller one so this you put on her third finger, left hand… I believe you have written your own words”

“Hmm, no…” Spike said

“Well what do you want to say then?”

“I love you Buffy, you are the most precious thing in the world to me, and I’ll always love you!” Spike then put the ring on her finger.

Buffy was nearly overcome with emotion

“Now Buffy, say your words while you put this on his finger…”

“What – oh right…um, Spike, Spike! My little widdle Spikey…I love you – so much – and only you!”

“Oh say it again, sexy minx!” Spike asked her, giving her a sexy smirk

“I love, love, love you!” Buffy repeated dreamily

The registrar gave them a slightly exasperated look thought he best get on with it and said,

By the powers vested in me I now pronounce you man and wife you may…oh, you already are……………

“Right, when you’ve finished…I said, when you’ve finished…………AHEM! WHEN you’ve – good, right now, if you’d like to come this way, you have to sign the register for your wedding certificate, and then it’s the photos before the limo comes”

Buffy and Spike eventually broke the kiss and just grinned at each other.

Buffy suddenly looked at the registrar.

“Limo?”

“Yes, limo, you’ve won the prize, you’re our millionth couple!”

“Oh – hear that babe, we’re the millionth couple!”

“That’s nice…god I love you!” Spike went to kiss her again but they were swept away in a sea of staff to the outside terrace.


****************

“Where are they – they only had to follow us down the corridor!”

Willow opened the door and looked left and right down the corridor, to no avail
“We need to start this ceremony!” the registrar said. Another five minutes went by and he said,

“I’m sorry madam, sir, but we’ll just have to start without them, all the staff are needed for a photo-call – the millionth couple have just been wed here!”

“We can’t without the best man and the other bridesmaid, besides which, they have the rings and her bouquet!”

“What the holiday is gone? – Oh bollocks – the weddings off!” Anya stamped her foot, and gathering up her skirts, she stomped off towards the door.

Willow had her deer-caught-in-the-headlights look and Xander felt relief, twice over. Once when Anya walked away, and the second time when he took off the bowtie and popped the top button of his shirt.

“Xander…are you alright?” Willow asked gently

“Me – in a word, relieved!”

“Sure?”

Xander blew out his cheeks and nodded his head.


************

“Over here, over here please, sir, look over – that’s it, lovely, and again, that’s it…now look into each other’s eyes, beautiful, um, could we have one with you sitting and you standing behind………lovely………now, hold hands………and again, now turn round and look over your shoulder………”

The photographer clicked away, and Buffy and Spike complied with his commands. Just then a huge shriek rent the air and everybody looked up.

Anya stormed over to the couple ranting and waving her arms about.

“JUST WHAT THE HELL DO YOU THINK YOU’RE DOING!”

“I know it seems ridiculous, but well, Spike and I just got married!” Buffy said, grinning up at her ‘groom’. Spike gave her a squeeze and cuddled her up from behind, then kissed her.

“It sort of just happened – but we both know it’s what we wanted, isn’t it babe?” Buffy nodded vigorously

“Oh yes, DEFINITLEY!”

“Well you can just make it un-happen! Those are MY flowers, and that’s MY ring – now give it back!” Anya grabbed Buffy’s hand and tried to prise the ring from her finger.

“Oh dear – somebody fetch security…security!” One of the registrars called. Soon two guards came over and one picked up Anya around the waist from behind, where she kicked and was screaming that ‘They stole my wedding – that honeymoon is mine’!”

Willow and Xander wandered out into the floodlit grounds to see what all the fuss was about, what they mercifully didn’t see however, was Anya being carried away and then unceremoniously put into the back of a security van.

“What’s going…on?”

“Where?”

“Down there, look.”

“Where, I can’t see?”

“That…look down there, on the terrace…that’s Buffy and Spike having their photographs taken, isn’t it?”

Xander shrugged and said,

“Why not, I paid for two dozen 12x9 glossy photos – they might as well use…Will – Willow!”

“Hmm?”

“Is that Anya banging her fists on the back of that security van window – quick, look before it leaves the parking lot.”

Willow didn’t get to see because of the huge stretch limo pulling up…and curiouser and curiouser, Buffy and Spike getting into it…Willow suddenly had a feeling of dread come over her…

“Um, I won’t be long!”

Willow dashed to the room that Xander had been sitting in originally, and flung open the door, just in time to see a woman picking up the empty fruit cup bowl and tutting how it had all gone.

Closing the door, Willow saw a group of smiling registrars coming towards her.

“Um, ex-excuse me”

“Yes?”

“The couple that won the um, thingy…the honeymoon”

“What about them?”

“Can you tell me their names?”

“Betty and what was it?”

Willow paled and said,

“Was it Buffy, Buffy and Spike, and um…did they get married?”

“That’s it, yes…did the ceremony myself - very much in love, doubt if they’ll use all the hotels facilities on offer!”

Willow knew it was her spell to blame, and wondered whether to ‘fess up’… on her way back to Xander, she decided just to tell him that Buffy and Spike had just got married…

*****************

“Hmm – oh the bubbles have gone up m nose!” Spike rubbed noses with Buffy in the limo as they sped along to the casino

“It’s all been so sudden, but – no regrets, eh kitten?”

“Oh none whatsoever…………I can’t wait to get to the honeymoon suite!”

“Oh I second that pet, I second that!”

********************

Meanwhile, in a tall office block in LA, bearing the name Wolfram and Hart, Cordelia was briefing her co-workers, Charles Gunn and Wesley Wyndham-Price.

“Now look, he’s in a very good mood, he’s got his favourite coffee, and the newspapers, the profits are up, clientele is moving to more up-market types, and we have an excellent clear-up rate. I’ve given the ditz the day off so she won’t do anything klutzy and spoil his mood”

“Ditz?” Gunn asked

“Harmony”

“Gotcha, right”

“Nothing must spoil this good mood Angel’s in, and we get to pitch for the two places WE want for the Annual General Meetings, okay?”

Gunn and Wes both nodded

Right – Gunn, you’re pitching for Florida, yes?”

“Yes-sir-ee!”

“And Wes, shopping New York here we come”

“You got it!”

Right, it’s only another half hour before we put our idea’s into operation – I’ll hold back with any calls I think might upset him, and I don’t see what can possibly go wrong!” Cordelia grinned.

She spoke too soon, for on seeing the front cover of the Las Vegas News, Angel couldn’t believe his eyes, there standing in front of the ‘House of Aphrodite’ wedding venue, were Spike and Buffy, the headline read:

‘Sunnydale Couple Win Honeymoon of a Lifetime’

Angel’s coffee went everywhere as he spit-sprayed it and he roared out,

“CORD-EL-IA! GET YOURSELF IN HERE, NOW!!!”

“Shit – it’ll be the upstairs conference room again I suppose, what the hell upset him!”

They knew something had just blown it for them. Three pairs of shoulder’s dropped and the smiles went from their faces. Angel tore open his office door

“Forget where you want the AGM’s – Get us on the next flight to Hawaii - TODAY!”

Three pairs of eyebrows rose and the smiles filtered back

“Hawaii huh…SCORE!”





The End (For now!)