If It Wasn't For Your Love by Suzee
Summary: AU. Set eighteen years after "Chosen" Buffy has a new life and realizes it's all becuase of what Spike wanted for her all those years ago, just a short little piece that I hope you'll like. Oh, and one very important note Season Five of Angel NEVER happened.
Categories: General Fics Characters: None
Genres: None
Warnings: None
Series: None
Chapters: 2 Completed: Yes Word count: 2969 Read: 4261 Published: 05/09/2005 Updated: 05/12/2005

1. If It Wasn't For Your Love by Suzee

2. Part Two by Suzee

If It Wasn't For Your Love by Suzee
Author's Notes:
I haven't been able to get the next part of Learning Curve done the way I want just yet, so I'm posting this to make up for it. And I'm going to use this story to beg for reviews to make me feel better, I've been kind of sick.

The next part should be posted in a few days.
If It Wasn’t For Your Love

Would I be standing here
After all these years
Among the stars above
Maybe not if it wasn’t for your love

He’d been the one who finally gave her the strength to give up slaying, to believe that she could be someone without being defined as the slayer. And that the other girls were capable of doing it, that the world wouldn’t collapse into hell and every death from that point on wouldn’t be her fault. He’d told her once that she could be “just Buffy” but she’d never be “just” Buffy, he’d always love her. And no matter what she would always be special, not because she was the Slayer, but because she was her…unique.

He’d died that day on the Hellmouth and she was sure that all of her friends thought that here new found sense of self would die along with him and she’d go back to being their same old Buffy. The Buffy who slayed vampires and killed demons because she was supposed to, who never questioned whether she could do something more or be something more. The one who was certain she would die before she was 30 and expected it to be before she was 25. The Buffy whom they knew, the one who would give them what they expected.

But he’d died that day on the Hellmouth

And it was because of him and his love that she was here today. And it was because of his love for her that she was different, no longer the slayer, she was just a girl. But still, somehow, never ‘just’ a girl.

Smiling faces all around
Like when the king has just been crowned
A battle has been won
That I’d of lost
If it wasn’t for your love

Buffy looked at her daughter, her beautiful 16-year-old daughter, celebrating with her friends and knew that without Spike none of this would be possible.

Sure she would have lost that final battle with the First if he hadn’t saved them all—given up his life for them, but that wasn’t the only battle he’d won for her. He’d saved her numerous times without even being there, with only a thought of him, Buffy was able to be strong again. He had saved her so many times, especially in that first year after. Giles had asked her to come and work at the “new and improved” council with him. And she’d be lying if she said she hadn’t thought taking him up on his offer. She’d thought about it until she remembered the conversation she’d had with Spike the night before he’d died. He’d told her that he knew either they were both going to make it through this or she alone was going to. He promised her he wasn’t going to fail her again, wasn’t going to let her die while he lived, knowing all the while of his failure. It wasn’t going to happen.

She could remember that conversation better than she could remember what happened last week; it was always in the forefront of her mind and influenced nearly every decision she’d made.

After he’d told her his plan, she turned over and looked him in the eye. She’d told him not to think like that; thinking like that would only lead to his death. She’d told him that if he lived and she didn’t then so be it, she, at least, would be able to die knowing that someone would take care of Dawn and that was all that mattered.

She hadn’t seen him as angry as he was then since before he’d been chipped. Maybe not even then. He’d gotten up off that poor excuse for a bed, and stormed across the room. He turned back swiftly and looked at her with the look she knew meant he thought she was the dumbest woman alive—something between anger, disappointment, and a range of other undecipherable emotions. He’d raged at her, calling her things that she couldn’t really catch. But she could make out the words she was used to: bleedin’, stupid, soddin’ and bint flooded out of his mouth at different intervals along with a few other words she didn’t even think she knew, before he started pacing.

“Is there something in that Slayer part of you that just says ‘Vampire! Must not listen!’ because no matter what I try to tell you, you just won’t soddin’ hear me.

You know I love it when you argue with me, but this one’s not up for debate.” He started speaking more slowly as if trying to make it easier for her to hear and understand what he was saying, “If you die tomorrow then so do I, I’m not going to fail you again You hear me? Dawn doesn’t need me, hell she doesn’t even like me all that much anymore!—not that it’s not for good reason-“ he stopped himself again before sighing, “But that’s not the point, the point is you’re her family and that’s what the bit needs…‘family’ and I’m not going to take that away from her.

You, luv, are going to live to be a very old lady and die in your nice, big house with your husband and children next to you.” Apparently this wasn’t going the way he planned because he paused again, “No, you’re not going to die like that, you’re still going to have the kids and the husband and the house, but you’re going to die peacefully in your sleep when you’re somewhere around a hundred. Yeah, that’s it.”

Buffy had laughed a little bit then, but knew that he’d never been more serious about anything in his entire existence, except for loving her.

“Alright, Spike, I’ll die a nice old lady, but you’re going to be there, so I’m not so sure about the husband and the kids.” Buffy replied with the same emotion he had said his piece with. She didn’t care how hard he tried; Buffy wasn’t ready to accept that this could be her last night with him.

“Fine, pet, believe whatever you want, but just humor me and listen to what I have to say?”

When she didn’t object he sat down next to her on he cot, facing her, before continuing, “You’re going to live through tomorrow, I’ll see to it, and if for some reason you don’t, well then I’ll be dead too so I won’t know. But you are going to make it Buffy, you’re going to make it through that fight, and it’s going to be your last. You’re going to tell them all that you’re done being the slayer. Now, don’t argue with me.” He could tell that Buffy had been about to interrupt him, “We both know you’re better than any slayer that ever has been or ever will be and you’ve gone so far above what they expected of you that not even that Council of Wankers can measure how much you’ve done.

So, you’re going to win tomorrow, you’re going to stop being the Slayer, you’re going to make them pay you for saving the world all those times, not so that you profit off of it or anything, just enough so that you and Dawn are okay. Then you’re going to find yourself a nice, safe place to live. You’re going to meet a great guy—who won’t be good enough for you because no one ever will be—you two are going to get married, you’re going to have beautiful kids and raise them to be good people. You’re even going to get yourself a dog or two. You understand? That’s the only way I’m going to be able to do what I need to tomorrow, if I know that you’ll have the life you want afterwards.”

She hadn’t let him know that she didn’t think she wanted all of that, at least not if it meant he had to die for her to have it. She wanted him.

That’s what she wanted to tell him, what she’d wished for the entire year afterwards that she had, but she didn’t. Instead she just nodded and pulled him towards her for a kiss, if he was so convinced that this was going to be their last night, she was damn well going to make it a memorable one. And it had been, to this day, nearly 18 years later; it was one of the best nights of her life.

TBC in part two.....

Thanks to Beth for betaing this and please, please review--I've had a crappy few weeks and really need some.
Part Two by Suzee
Author's Notes:
I was going to wait until tomorrow to post this, but I changed my mind. There's also a small note at the end of the story.
Thanks to BuffyandSpikeForever, Spufette, and Lindsay for reviewing and to everyone who read, but didn't review.
If you could go look at my lj icontest comm: HERE
A fairytale unfolds
More true than stories I’ve been told
At last my chance to shine
And all in perfect time
A life I’d once dreamed of
Who’d have thought
If it wasn’t for your love

He’d been the only one to know all of her, the good, the bad, and the ugly—and boy had it been ugly there for awhile. He knew all of that and he still loved her; knew more about her than anyone else before or since and he still believed in her; believed in her more than she’d ever be able to believe in herself.

It was because of him that she’d finally begun to believe that she could have the suburban life with the husband, the 2.4 kids, and the dog. Not a white picket fence though, she hadn’t ever really wanted one of those. And she had all of that now, she’d been married for almost seventeen years, had Elizabeth, or Eliza, whose party was today, Joyce, her 6-year-old daughter, and the little baby boy that she was currently pregnant with. And they had two dogs, a German Shepherd and a Great Dane, something her husband had said about wanting to have big, scary dogs around for his wife and kids when he couldn’t be there.

Her marriage certainly wasn’t like all of those Disney movies she’s watched with Dawn and then again with her daughters, but it was true. And it was real, and that made it better than any story.

And oh the wonderful surprise
to have a light so bright It blinds my eyes

She thought she’d finally gone crazy when he’d shown up on her front porch that day. It had been a year and she’d bought—using the money from the council—this beautiful, big house in this beautiful, safe neighborhood. And she’d even dated a few times, but she’d just about given up hope that she’d ever get married. She’d already found her perfect guy, she’d found him and she’d lost him and there was never going to be another like him so what was the point. But she was doing everything else he’d said to do, she was going to get a puppy tomorrow, she’d seen an advert in the paper for German Shepherd puppies that morning and had made an appointment for the next afternoon. At least she was on the right track.

But obviously between that phone call and now, she’d either gone insane or died and gone to Heaven. There was no way this was real…Because standing not five feet in front of her was Spike.

In broad daylight.

And he wasn’t on fire.

She felt something catch her seconds before her head would have hit the porch, ‘Good job, Buffy,’ she’d thought in those few seconds, ‘hallucinate and faint.’

But finally I see how it feels to live a dream

Except she hadn’t been hallucinating.

Spike really was there. Or more accurately, William was there. Apparently the Senior Partners of Wolfram and Hart had planned on Angel using the amulet that day, but the Powers That Be, had known all along it would be Spike who would save the world.

But the Senior Partners were more powerful than anyone thought, they’d set the amulet up to send Angel’s soul to Hell, but since Spike had used it, his soul had been sent to Hell. And there had been some powerful forces holding it there, it had taken the Powers That Be nearly the entire year to free him.

But they had and five days ago he’d woken up in the same alley where Drusilla had killed him, remembering everything from that day more than 100 years ago on, including his time in Hell. And he soon discovered why they had sent him here. Some sort of poetic justice, The place where he’d experienced his last moment of humanity was also the place where he experienced his first moment of humanity this time around. Spike was human again.

And he was going to find his girl.

So, five days later after using the plane ticket to Chicago in his coat, obviously a gift from the PTB, and making a few phone calls, here he was. In front of Buffy. His girl.

And for once he was hoping she’d been her stubborn self and hadn’t listened to what he said that last night. But apparently she had because she had the house, the good neighborhood, and this wasn’t a Hellmouth so she wasn’t the Slayer anymore.

‘Good job, Spike, tell her to move on then screw everything up when she does.’

He was about to leave when he noticed her falling. ‘Great make the girl pass out why don’t you? Bloody pillock!’ Not wasting any time he rushed up the stairs catching her just before she hit the ground. ‘Please don’t be married,’ he silently begged as he carried her into the house, ‘because this would be hell to explain to the jealous husband.’

Spike laid her on the sofa, overjoyed when there didn’t seem to be a man in the house and when he didn’t see any pictures of one either. Well he just couldn’t be happier. Just as he was about to try to find her kitchen to get her a glass of water, Buffy started to wake up, shaking her head is if trying to blink away her confusion and the fog that was clouding her mind. He was about to say something when she leaned up and kissed him. ‘So much for her being married’ he thought before surrendering himself to the feel of the love of his life kissing him as all thoughts were wiped away. Something he hadn’t thought would ever happen again.

A minute later when he pulled back drawing in deep breaths, she looked at him before putting her fingers against his throat and staring at him in astonishment.

“Where’ve you been?” “Marry me?” they said at the same time.

‘Okay, so she’s obviously gotten the whole you’ve been gone a year bit, mate.’ Spike thought. “I’ll explain first.” Spike started before explaining what he’d been through the last year.

“So, you’re human now?” Buffy stared at him, not quite believing her eyes. She knew that other parts of his story should be more important and receiving all of her concern, but they weren’t.

“Yeah, luv, I’m human now, so what do you say, marry me? I was going to make it into a nice elaborate event, get down on one knee and all that…still might, but I seem to not have the best experiences with waiting to do things.” He knew he should probably ask her out on a date first or see if she was seeing anyone or a million other more politically correct things, but he couldn’t wait.

Buffy still wasn’t sure all this was real, but she knew real or not her answer was the same, “Yes, I’ll marry you Spike.”

But would I have touched the sky
Ever flown so high
No, not I

So here they were, Mr. and Mrs. William Dickens (She wasn’t sure if he’d decided on that name because of his rather transparent sexually fuelled sense of humour or whether it was because the William part of him liked the literary association. It seemed, however to be more likely that it was a combination of the two) living his dream for her and, unknowingly, for himself as well. Because it was quite clear, to her at least, that any perfect life for her included him.

If it wasn’t for your love


(Lyrics: Chris Ballard/Andrew Murray/Gordon Chambers; performed by Heather Headley)

And I was thinking about expanding/continuing this story so it would help to know if anyone's interested.) I'm going to say that this story is complete and any continuation will be posted as a sequel.)

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