You know theres times when we feel so comfortable in are skin but there is other times when we feel so uncomfortable
in our skin.But theres always someone out there that makes us feel beautiful and wanted. But what happens when that
person that means so much to us leaves for a purpose.


I Woke up in the morning
Put on my face the one thats gonna get me

Through another day
Dosen't really matter
How i feel inside
This life is like a game sometimes


And it kills you cause you dont feel comfortable anymore
you feel like your other half is missing but you know his there.
Just like I know Spike will always be there.I feel him every where I go

In the trees

In the wind


And sometimes when I go to the beach and i look out far enough I feel I can see him and his only a touch away.


Then you came around me
The walls just dissapeared
Nothing to surround me
Keep me from my fears


Spike changed he changed for the greater good.
But what I dont understand is why his so STUPID
I told him to get away from the light. But no he had to go all Indiana jones on me and save the world. I know Im being selfish but I dont give a damn its not fair.



Im unprotected see how I've
Opened up youv'e made me trust
I've never felt like this before
Naked around you


His the only one who noticed.His the only one who cared
my heart is so brusied and you do this to me. I can't ask the
Question why it seems I'll never understand.


Dose it show
You see it right through me
and I cant hide im naked
Around you and it feels so right


Things happen for a reason I get that now but I only wish he could know that I know that I understand why he did it. Buffy finishes the only peace and quiet shes gonna have for along time. she wipes at the wet tears at her face smiles and says,

"Dont worry spike i'll come back for you"


And she slips her way back into the peaceful night not even hearing the velvety whispers beneath her ears


"I'll be waiting my love"The whisper replies.







A/N: I hope it wasn't to bad i kinda feel very negative about this story.

As buffy walks back to the house filled with girls, she thinks over the last year and all that has happend.

Williow and Kennedy are thinking about adopting a baby.

Xander is dateing again. It's not that she's upset about it or even mad about it .She's jealous and she's not afraid to admit it

everybudy got what they wanted except her.

But maybe there is a reason for that.
The only thing she wanted was the only thing she couldn't have beacause It's gone.

Buffy steps up the stairs to Xander's new apartment and bangs loudly on the door.

"Xander,hurry up and open the door!"She yells.

inside Xander rolls his eyes.He lets go of his new girlfriend Kate and says,
"Hold your horses,I'm a comin."

Xander unlocks the dead bolt and looks at Buffy, horrified to see mascara streaks down her cheeks from the flood of tears.
He grabs her by the upper arms and pulls her close to his chest.By this time Kate has heard the commotion and follows to find out if theyr'e okay.

"Xander?"Kate ask worriedly, watching as he hugs Buffy.

Xander turns his head lightly from Buffy and mouths to Kate,
"Spike"

Understanding, Kate nods lightly and joins them.Xander puts Buffy in Kate's arms and walks over to the phone.He picks it up with shaky hands and dials Williow and Kennedy's number.

It rings once,twice,and a third time,
and finally,the answering machine picks up.

"Hey you have reached Williow and Kennedy,
were kinda busy at the moment! but if you leave you name and number well get back to you...thanks!"

The beep sounded and Xander began talking his voice choked,

"Williow it's me xan..it;s Buffy again I think she went to go see Spike and she got a little carried away....so when you get this message call me back."

Buffy's wails grew louder, as Kate rocked her back and fourth.

"Buffy sweetheart,tell me what happend?"
Xander asked.

Buffy lifts her head and says, "He was there Xander I felt him."


"Buffy hunny, I'll be right back. you wait here, okay?"Kate said gently running her hand down Buffy's arm soothingly.
Buffy nods her head still sniffling a little.

Kate gets up grabs Xander's hand, and pulling him through the door to their room.


"Xander I dont think she's getting any better."
Kate says with concern.

"I know, i know.....I just dont understand. she dosen't need him"Xander says, a little harshly.

Kate looks at Xander and rolls her eyes,
and tells him just as angerily,

"Xander when you love someone you can't just snap your fingers and get over it"

"Dont you think i know that?Remember .... I lost anya?"

With a sign, Kate gets off the bed walks over to Xander grabs both his hands and looks deep into his eyes.

"Sweetheart,I didn't mean it like that...Buffy and Spike had a diffrent kind of love."Kate tells him gently,laceing her fingers through his.

"I know hun, maybe I am being a little difficult about it"Xander admits,nodding his head in understanding.

"Ya think?"Kate jokes,smileing up at him.

"Dont start."Xander laughs and pulls Kate close to him,kissing her forehead."Ready to go back out there?"

Kate nods.

As Xander and kate head back out there they notice Buffy is gone and they find a note on the coffee table.Kate walks over picks up the note and reads aloud.


"Xander and kate,
I'm so sorry for takeing so much of your time up.
I know you guys just wanted to be alone and i inturrupted, But i just want to thank you guys for being there for me.
It means so much to me. I dont know what I'd do without either of you but right now I just want to sleep.call me tommorow and meet me for lunch I'll explain everything.
Love you both,
Buffy."

"You okay?"Dawn ask with a sad smile.

Buffy slightly smiles, and says, Reassuringly,

"It's hard but im getting there."

Dawn pulls her sister in for a hug wishing she could comfort her enough with just her arms.But no matter how muchtime passed or what she did to try and cheer Buffy, nothing really changed.Dawn pulls back and ask,

"Do you need anything?"

"Sleep"Buffy says with a yawn.

"Of course your probly tired but if you need to talk....I'm here."Dawn reassures her.

Buffy nods and says, knowing how hard her sister tries

"Thanks Dawnie."

As Buffy walks to her room,Dawn yells after her and says,

"Ohh yeah Buff, I have a class all day tommorow so I won't see you till tommorow night."

Buffy yawns loudly and yells back, "Okay I'll see you then."

As buffy opens her door she smells that fresh smell of butterscotch and vanilla.It's soothing as she walks over to her dresser and pulls out a short velvet nightie . She steps out of her clothes ,
and slips into the velvet garment and walks over to her bed and slips beneath the covers,
sleep over comes her and everything is black and peacful.

"Buffy,love,find me....He pleads again and again" find me please"....

She bolts upright panting from her dream,
his words echoing.




A/N: I hope it wasn't to bad. and please leave a review and tell me what you think!!!!!

It was eight-thirty when Buffy woke up,
she relized she need to hurry up and get dressed so she could call Williow and Kennedy.

Ring...ring...ring


"Hello?"Williow said.

"Will,it's me."Buffy replied

Williow smiled then switched the phone to the other ear.

"Ohh hey Buff,I got Xander's call last night...but me and Kennedy didn't get home till around midnight."

Buffy smiled at the thought of Xander.He had helped her alot in the past year.She always went to him beacuase she figured he would understand with loseing Anya.
But then six months after the hellmouth,Xander meet Kate.She'd thought it would change things but Buffy was so comfortable in talking to him she figured she could keep
on doing so.Kate didn't mind at all,in fact,she and Buffy got along great.

"Hey Buffy?you still there?"Williow asked,concern creeping into her tone.

Why was it that everyone around her left her feeling empty?despite Xander's affection,
or Kate's support, or Williow's friendship,
she never felt better.

Of course she knew what she needed.She just didn't know how to find him.

Buffy shook her head and frowned.

"Yeah wills...I'm still here...just zoneing out I guess."

Williow put her head down and started messing with a piece of tissue. She took a deep breath and asked, a little afraid to approach the topic,"Still thinking about Spike?"

The mention of his name stung her. Buffy whimperd a little and whisperd "Look wills,I gotta go.I'll see ya tonight at the scooby meeting."

"Buffy, Im--"

But it was to late.Buffy already hung up the phone.Tonight she planned on getting Spike back if it was the last thing she did.And if anybudy didn't like it, then they could hit the door.

It was time to stop playing games and get down to work.

After a quick shower,Buffy hopped out and put on some light faded blue jeans a baby blue tube top with a jean jaket over it. she went over to her mirror, admireing her reflection as she sprayed some vanillia fragrance on her. with a flip of her hair,she grabed her purse and headed out the door.

She walked into IHOP and noticed Kate and Xander over in a booth and smiled and walked over to them.

"Buffy,sweetie how are you feeling?"Kate asked with a smile.

"Better."Buffy repiled with a small nod and a smile.
Buffy scooted into the seat right next to Kate and waited for the waitress.

"Hey my name's lucy, and I'll be your waitress today.What can I get you?"

"Four coffees please."Xander replied.

"And a muffin?"Kate smiled up at the waitress and thanked her.

"So Buff,you think Spike is alive?"Xander asked.

Buffy glared at Xander and said,

"No,I know he's alive...I felt him why dont you belive me?"

Xander frowned and explained tersely,

"Buffy I'm not saying I don't belive you. But let's look at the facts...Spike did go all dusty in the hellmouth."

Kate looked over at Buffy and saw glossy tears in her green eyes, and quickly suggested,"Okay,Xan,I think we sould give Buffy a Chance."

Xander nodded for Buffy to continue,But she couldn't find words his lack of faith stung her,and sitting across from him, she felt like she couldn't breath.

He was meant to care.He was meant to listen and understand and know that right now, she needed his compassion more the anything but it was as though she were some stupid child,caught up in some fantasy.

She wasn't Spike was alive.He was alive,
and she head to find him.

Unable to look at him, Buffy stared down at the table and muttered,

"Look Xander,I don't have time for this.I'll see you at Williow's and Kennedy's tonight."

Buffy gave Kate a quick hug and got the hell out of there.


As Buffy got home to her apartment,She found andrew fixed on some star wars movie
she went back to the bathroom and shut the door.Inside the bathroom, Buffy was looking at herself in the mirror.She watched as black tear streaks poured one by one down her cheeks.

She looked at herself and felt discusted.This wasn't her...she wasn't weak that's what Spike loved most about her how,she was so strong. So determined to be this way again,
she balled up her fist and and threw it into the mirror. As tiny pieces of glass went everywhere,Buffy felt light headed and the next thing she knew was blackness,

FLASHBACK

"It's so sudden...I dont know what to say."Buffy tells him

Spike smiles at her, and says loveingly,

"Just say yes,and make me the happiest man on earth"

Buffy has tears in her eyes and jumps up,pulling Spike with her crying excitedly,

"Ohhh,Spike! of copurse it's yes."

END FLASHBACK


Just as he decides to dial emergancy,Buffy jumps up with a gasp.

"Dont do that! you scared the crap out of me."Andrew says, alittle scared.
"What happend,are you okay?I heard glass... and then I came in here and find you were all unconcious,Eep."

Buffy just looks at him with no emotion on her face and simply says,

"I'll be back back....Don't wait up."

And she is gone again, out the door...













A/N: Hey people sorry if they are any grammer mistakes
in here.So plz leave a review