Prologue

On the last day of the first week of freshman year, four of the new outcasts found each other in the halls of Sunnydale High School. Nobody would have believed that these four people would become so close friends. You see, even if they were all part of the ‘unpopular’ crowd, they belonged to different sub categories.

There was the nerd – also known as Willow Rosenberg. She qualified into this category due to her excitement about subjects such as science and computer studies as well as her clothes, which her mother picked out for her. The final nail in the coffin, however, was when she joined the SHSMA, short for Sunnydale High School Math Athletes. Need I say more?

You had your geek – who listened to the name of Buffy Summers. The main reason that she ended up in this group was her glasses, braces and her hairstyle; she wore her dark blonde hair in two braids that reached about an inch below her waist. Now, she was not your typical geek. Nobody made fun of her, or stole her glasses, or did any of the other things that most of Sunnydale High geeks experienced on a daily basis. The reason to this, if you haven’t already guessed it, was money. Lots and lots of money. Buffy’s father was one of the wealthiest men in Los Angeles, and even here, in lil’ ol’ Sunnydale, his name carried a lot of weight.

Then there was, of course, the general loser – Xander Harris. He could have been just another one of the ‘nobodies’ (translation: not an ‘unpopular’ but not a ‘popular’) at the school, enjoying the four years with an occasional insult here and a tripping there, had it not been for his family. Xander had earned his loser status in junior high, which wasn’t unusual. However, what was unusual was the fact that it stayed with him in high school. The normal procedure was that all freshmen were evaluated by the ‘popular’ seniors, sometimes juniors were let in as well. This meant, at least in theory, that you could, if you changed completely during the summer between junior high and high school, achieve a whole new status by the time high school started. This was, as you might have understood by now, not the case with Xander Harris. Why, you ask? His father was an alcoholich and Xander lived in the trailer park on the ‘bad’ side of Sunnydale. The ‘bad’ side of Sunnydale was actually just the trailor park. This ought to give you an idea of the size of the town.

Last, but not least, oh no, you had William Giles who belonged to all of the above mentioned groups. William was a nerd, because of his interest in poetry, history and reading, you could always find him with his nose in a book. He was a geek because of his glasses, his hair that was an undefined brown color and always messy, and his tendency to dress in tweed suits. There were two reasons that he was a loser. One; he was British, which in itself would have been enough. Two; his father was the school librarian.

As mentioned, the four friends met during their first week at Sunnydale High. During the four years of high school, they all developed and grew as persons.

Willow stayed a nerd – and darn proud of it. She often substituted for their computer teacher, got the highest GPA Sunnydale High had seen in 47 years and was the valedictorian of their class. She got scholarships to every major college in America, and a couple in Europe, but despite all this, she decided to stay in Sunnydale and attend UCS. During the orientation week, she met Tara, a shy psychology student, and the two had been inseparable ever since.

Buffy blossomed during the summer between sophomore and junior year. She traded her glasses in for contacts, her braces for perfect, white teeth, and her long braids for a shoulderlenght, light blonde hairstyle. She caught a lot of eyes, and a couple of boyfriends during her last two years at SH. Her first serious relationship was with Angel, Spike’s older brother, but that ended when he left for New York and college, announcing that there wasn’t enough ‘feeling’ between them. Buffy knew what ‘feeling’ he was talking about. Then there was Riley, who chose their prom as the perfect time to cheat on her, using the excuse that he had ‘needs’. She wasn’t anywhere near Willow in her school work, but due to a shockingly high score on her SAT:s she got a scholarship to study English at UCS.

Xander got a foot into the ‘popular’ crowd when he started dating Cordelia, head cheerleader, homecoming queen and self proclaimed head of the ‘popular’ crowd – as well as a Super Bitch. After she cheated on him in the beginning of their senior year, he met his current girlfriend, Anya, a blunt economy major at UCS. The day he turned eighteen, he moved out of his parents house, and decided to study law in college, but deep down he wanted to join the police after graduation.

William was the change that happened most sudden. Sorry, Spike! That’s what he goes by these days. One day in their junior year he came to school in black jeans, a black T-shirt, black boots, a black leather duster and bleached, almost white hair. He had also lost his glasses and gotten a motorcycle. He got a lot of offers from a lot of girls, and wasn’t one to pass. He made his way through the junior and senior girls, and some of the sophomores, too, but nothing lasted. The main reason was a certain blonde in their little gang. Then, during the summer before their senior year, he went to London to visit family and came back with – Drusilla. She was the female version of Spike, Willow, Buffy and Xander doubted she even owned a piece of clothing that wasn’t black. They also thought that she was a little, not to be rude, insane. She would talk to little pixies that only she could see, and one night when they were watching a movie at Willow’s house, she claimed that she could see the stars and was naming them, ceiling or no ceiling.

With all the changes that were going on in their lives, you would think that the four friends would grow apart. But instead they grew closer, and stronger. A couple of weeks after Christmas in their senior year, Buffy’s Mom passed away as a consequence of a brain tumor. Buffy, of course, was devastated. To add to the pain, her Dad, who had been living in Spain with his secretary for the past two years, decided that it would be best if Buffy and her little sister Dawn came to live with him. Buffy refused, and after a little – OK, a lot, considering Buffy was still a minor, her 18th birthday wouldn’t be until December – of persuasion from Spike’s Dad Giles, Willow’s parents, and even Xander’s Mom, she was allowed to stay in Sunnydale. On the condition that her friends moved into the Summer’s mansion with her, which they of course didn’t mind. Xander had already lived by himself for almost a month, and the others jumped at the opportunity. They would be going to college a couple of months later, anyway.

Buffy got money from her Dad every month to cover the necessities – food, electricity, phone, heat, clothes, shoes, purses… you get the picture. Of course this money wasn’t enough for the four of them, so they all got part time jobs. Willow had already been tutoring before, Buffy got a waitress job at The Espresso Pump, a coffee place, Xander helped his older brother fix cars at his garage, and Spike got a job at a record store. All was going great.

When they all ended up going to UCS, they decided to keep living together at the mansion, since none of them had a particularly big desire to trade the spacious, six bedroom, eight baths, pool, hot tub, guest house, gym, sauna house for a nine-by-nine dorm room with a room mate. Lately, though, Buffy had felt a little lonely. Xander was pledging to Phi Kappa Omega, and spent most of his free time with either his fraternity brothers-to-be or Anya. Willow and Tara were together whenever they could. At first they used to hang out at Tara’s dorm room, but Willow, who somehow sensed that Buffy was feeling left out, decided to spend more time at the house. They hardly ever saw Spike, he only came home to sleep, and sometime not even that. Buffy hated to think of where he was. Or, more accurately, who he was with…

Chapter One

It was the last of Xander’s pledge parties at Phi Kappa Omega, and Buffy really didn’t want to go. Since they started their freshman year at UCS four weeks earlier, there had been a party every Friday and Saturday. OK, there had been a party every day of the week, but Buffy had only been forced to attend the ones on the weekends. Maybe ‘forced’ was a too strong word? ‘No’ she thought. Sure, at first, she’d had fun, but after the fifth party, at least she thought it was the fifth, they were all the same, she got… bored.

The parties were all filled with, surprise, frat-guys and sorority girls. She just couldn’t feel comfortable around those people, they made her feel… inferior. Plus, they drank a lot, which wasn’t unusual for frat parties. Normally, she had no problem with people who drank, even if she didn’t. But the guys at the parties seemed to believe it was their life mission to get her to drink. That, she didn’t like. If it hadn’t been for Xander pledging, she would have never gone to these parties. She was just showing her support.

Buffy sighed as she looked herself over in the full body mirror on her closet door. She hadn’t felt like dressing up too much, instead she’d chosen a knee length jeans skirt and a simple, black top. She thought it looked OK. She wouldn’t catch any looks, but tonight, she didn’t mind. She grabbed a sweater and her purse and headed out the door. She hoped Willow would be there, she had left a message on her friends cell phone asking her to meet her there, but hadn’t heard back. Willow had spent the past couple of nights at Tara’s. Buffy always missed her when she stayed there. Sure, she wasn’t alone in the house, but it was different with just the guys around. Not that they were around that much either... Buffy pushed the thoughts away when she closed the front door to the house. They just lived there. Sure, they were friends, but that didn’t mean that they had to spend every waking moment together. She was just feeling lonely right now.

The walk to the Phi Kappa Omega house on campus only took about five minutes. Buffy entered the already full fraternity house and immediately looked around for her friends. When she couldn’t see them anywhere she went to the kitchen to get a drink. She found the fridge and grabbed a coke before she headed into the living room where the party seemed to be. She searched the room for a familiar face, but didn’t find any, so she decided to look in the other rooms. When she got to what she thought was a library, she spotted Spike sitting in a leather arm-chair, bottle of beer in hand. When their eyes met for a second, her heart skipped a beat, as always. He smiled at her, but the smile didn’t reach his eyes. ‘Now what happened’ she thought as she made her way through the room and sat down in the chair next to his.

”Hey, there Summers.” He took another sip of beer. “Whatcha doin’?”

“Nothing... just got here, was looking for you guys.” She looked him over. “You been here a while?” He nodded.

“Couple o’ hours, Xen... Xander’s upstairs.” Buffy frowned.

“You’re drunk.” He always had problem saying Xander’s name when he was drunk.

“What of it?” He met her evaluating gaze. “’s perfectly legal... OK, maybe not exactly legal, but... oh, just let me be.” He turned his attention back to the beer.

“Did something happen?” Buffy didn’t give up. “And where’s Dru, doesn’t she usually keep you away from this stuff?” She knew the instant she saw his look that that had been the wrong thing to say.

“She left, din’t she?” He drank down the rest of his beer and dropped the bottle to the floor.

“She left? You mean left left?” Spike gave her a weird look.

“No, she left to take a walk, that’s why I’m here drinking my sorrows away.”

“Sorry, I didn’t mean it like that... how much have you had to drink anyway?” Buffy counted the beer bottles on the floor next to the arm chair. Fourteen.

“Not nearly enough.” Spike reached for another bottle of beer from the table. Buffy grabbed it from his hand. “Hey! ‘s mine!”

“Oh, no mister, you’ve had enough. I’m gonna take you home before you do something you’ll regret in the morning.” Buffy pulled Spike to his feet and started dragging him to the door. He complained all the way back to the house, a walk which took closer to half an hour than the usual five minutes.

Nobody was home when Buffy was finally able to unlock the front door. She pulled Spike up from the bench on the porch that she’d put him on after several attempts to open the door with him hanging on her to stop him from falling down. Somehow she managed to get him up the stairs and into his bedroom. She sat him down on the edge of his bed and started to pull his leather duster off. In response, he tipped over and fell to the floor. Buffy tried to get him onto the bed again.

“Stop... like it here... nice bed...” Buffy sighed and took a better grip.

“You’re not on the bed, that’s the floor, and if you sleep there you’ll have a hell of a back ache in the morning. Is that what you want?”

“Don’t care.” He rolled over on the floor, trying to get away from her.

“Well, you will tomorrow.” She was finally able to get him onto the bed again, only to have him fall onto his back. “Fine, sleep in that thing, what do I care?” Buffy muttered under her breath as she reached down to at least take his boots off. She threw the shoes to the side, grabbed the blanket that was on the arm chair in the corner and put it over Spikes now sleeping form on the bed. She pulled the blanket up over his shoulders and stopped for a second to look at him before she turned to leave the room. Only to feel a hand grab her by the arm. She turned and met his eyes.

“Don’t go... please? Stay here.” He moved over, making room for her on the bed. Buffy’s heart started to race, but she quickly told it to calm down. ‘He’s just drunk and lonely’ she told herself. It doesn’t mean anything. She sat down on the bed next to him and removed her own shoes before lying down on her side, not facing him in an attempt to keep him from seeing the look she knew she had in her eyes.

They laid there, none of the saying anything, but both knowing the other was awake. After a while, Buffy felt Spike’s arm coming around her waist to turn her around. She obliged and found their faces only inches apart. She saw something in his eyes, something she’d never seen before and couldn’t quite place. He brought his hand up and ran his fingers through her hair. Buffy’s breath caught in her throat.

“Do you know how much I love you?” He asked as his hand made small movements down her spine.

“I know that, you’re one of my best friends.” Buffy gasped as his hand made it’s way up her back, this time under the fabric of her top. Spike looked her in the eyes.

“I didn’t mean it like that.” His hand now rested under her hair on her neck. He pulled her closer and for a second, their lips met, before Buffy pulled away.

“No! No, this isn’t... it’s not real... you’re drunk, and... and Dru just left and you’re...” She was interrupted by his lips in hers once again. This time she didn’t pull back right away and he let his tongue slide over her lips. Involuntarily, she opened her mouth and allowed him in. He carefully let his tongue explore her mouth before his lips left hers and began down the side of her throat.

“It’s not like that... promise... it’s you... always been you... ever since that first day...” Buffy let the words wash over her and chose to believe them. After all, she had waited for Spike to notice her for over four years now, maybe he finally had. Of course, deep down she knew that he was drunk and heart broken, but hey, there were relationships that had worse starts than that.

She let the thoughts fly out the window as Spike pulled the top over her head, unhooked the clasp on her bra and continued his way down her chest to her stomach. He pulled down the zipper in her skirt and pulled it off along with her panties. Buffy moved uncomfortably on the bed, trying to cover up her now naked body. Spike stopped her movements as he slid back up her body, pulling his duster off on the way. His lips found hers once again and Buffy let go of all of her previous embarrassments. She started tugging on his T-shirt and he pulled back a little, letting her pull it over his head. His mouth quickly found hers again and he began unzipping his jeans and pulling them off along with his underwear. When he reached over to the bed side table to get a condom, Buffy froze. He gave her a wondering look.

“What’s wrong?” He kissed her face while his hands wandered down her upper body. “We don’t have to...” But Buffy stopped him by pulling his lips back to hers.

“No. I want to, it’s just... I’ve never...” He gave her the most tender kiss.

“It’s OK, everything will be OK, I promise.” And she believed him.

Chapter Two


Buffy sighed, almost asleep, as she felt Spike’s arms encircle her from behind. He had been asleep for a couple of hours now, but she hadn’t been able to fall asleep, her mind too full of everything that had happened. Sure, it had hurt at first, but not as bad as she had thought it would. And Spike had been so sweet, whispering little things to her, trying to make her forget the pain, which hadn’t lasted long, anyway. Buffy was about to turn around in his arms, when she heard Spike whisper something, and she froze. Had he just called her... no, she must have misheard him. But there it was again, and there was no mistaking this time.

“Dru...” Buffy slipped out of the bed, not wanting to wake him, quietly gathered her clothes and went to her own room. She managed to keep the tears inside until she closed her bedroom door. He had called her Dru. God, how could she have been so stupid. Of course he didn’t love her, of course he didn’t want her. He was drunk and she was a poor substitute to his recently exed girlfriend. She got into her bed, hugged her stuffed pig, Mr. Gordo, to her chest and fell asleep crying.

*****

It was past noon when Buffy finally woke up. After only a moment, the events of last night caught up with her, and she winced inside. How was she supposed to act around him now? How would he act? Should they talk about it or was it better to pretend it never happened? She got up and took a shower, deciding that she would let him decide. She got dressed and walked down to the kitchen, intent on getting some breakfast.

Apparently, Spike had had the same idea. He was standing in the kitchen, dressed only in jeans, which wasn’t really unusual, making pancakes. Her heart stopped for a moment when she saw him. He looked up and smiled at her.

“Morning, pet. Want some pancakes?” He put a couple on a plate for her.

“Sure.” She took the plate, got a glass out of the cupboard and poured orange juice into it. He wanted to pretend last night didn’t happen? She could do that.

She sat down at the table and started eating. Spike joined her and they ate in silence for a couple of minutes.

“So, how’s your head?” Buffy finally asked.

“Had a pretty bad hangover, but a couple of aspirins cleared most of it up.” He looked at her suspiciously. “Why?”

“Well, you were pretty drunk last night.”

”How’d you know that?”

”Hello? I was at the party, remember?” She gave him a suspicious look.

“Actually, no. The last thing I remember from last night is my, oh let me see, eleventh beer and Xander telling me to go home. Forgive me?” He looked at her with puppy eyes.

“Sure, no big.” Did he really not remember, or did he just want her to think he didn’t? She sighed and tried to suppress a yawn, failing.

“Tired?” She nodded at his question.

“Didn’t get a lot of sleep.” She answered as she suppressed another yawn.

“How come?” He gave her a concerned look.

“Just... thoughts, I guess. You know how I can get.”

“Maybe you should try to get some more sleep.”

“Yes, we should let you go back to bed, shouldn’t we, William?”

Buffy looked up at the newcomer. Dru.

“What are you doing here? I thought...”

“I decided that I had made a terrible mistake leaving my William all by himself, so I came back.” Dru smiled at Buffy, but it wasn’t a kind smile. It was a smile that said ‘I know what you did and don’t think I’ll let you get away with it’.

“Yeah... I think I’ll go back to bed for a while. See you guys later. ” Buffy got up and left the kitchen, headed upstairs.

She hadn’t made it to the bottom of the stairs before Dru grabbed her arm.

“Don’t think I don’t know what you’re up to, Sunshine. You leave my William alone, or I’ll make sure you do.” In an instant she was gone and Buffy was alone again.

*****

“No... no, no, no... this isn’t happening.” Buffy stared at the white, plastic stick in her hand. Two very obvious pink lines stared back at her. This wasn’t real. It couldn’t be, they had used protection. Buffy put her head in her hands and let out the emotions that had been building up inside her for the past couple of weeks.

Deep down she knew it was true, and she had known for a while now, just didn’t want to admit it to herself.

She was pregnant.

“Buffy, you OK?” She heard Willow’s voice through the bathroom door. “You’ve been in there almost an hour.”

Buffy opened the door and went past Willow to her bed where she sat down. Willow followed, sitting next to her.

“You OK, sweetie? You’ve seemed kinda down lately.”

“I’m late.” Buffy answered, staring into space.

“Late? Late for what?” Buffy looked at her. “Oh, you mean late late... well, that doesn’t have to mean anything, it could just be stress, or something. How late are we talking?”

“Seven weeks.”

“Oh... well, it could still be nothing. You should do a test, you can get them at any drug store and...” Willow had started rambling, and Buffy cut her off.

“I did.” She gave the test and the box to Willow.

“Oh... well, one test doesn’t have to mean...”

“I did four.”

“Oh... well, they’re only...” Willow turned the box to read on the back. “Oh... 99.5 percent accurate... but you should still go to a doctor, OK?” Buffy nodded. “You want me to call Student Health?” She nodded again. “OK. You want me to go with you?” Another nod. Willow put her arm around Buffy, pulling her head onto her shoulder. “Everything’s gonna be fine, you’ll see.” They sat in silence for a while.

“How did this happen? I mean, not, you know, details, cause I know how it works and all, but... I thought you were, you know...”

“Well, not anymore, obviously.” Buffy tried to avoid Willow’s questioning look.

“Who was it? It’s OK if you don’t wanna talk about it, I just... you always said you were waiting for someone special...”

“I did. And, no, I don’t wanna talk about it. And you can’t tell anybody, please!” Willow could hear the desperation in Buffy’s voice.

“I won’t. But, sooner or later they’re gonna notice. Unless you’re...”

“No! I couldn’t do that. It’s just... I have to get it into my head first, before I have to answer questions and stuff, you know.”

“Sure. I won’t say a word.” Willow gave Buffy a hug before getting off the bed. “I’m gonna go call Student Health, OK? Why don’t you lay down for a while, you look tired.” Buffy nodded and crawled under the covers and hugged herself.

*****

Buffy was sitting on her bed, legs pulled up to her chest, her chin resting on her knees. Student Health had called half an hour earlier, only confirming her suspicions. She sighed to herself. How had she let herself get into this situation?

“Something wrong, love?” She looked up to see Spike standing in her doorway. Excellent timing, she thought. Oh, well. Might as well tell him now, before I chicken out.

“Can I talk to you for a sec?” She motioned for him to come into the room.

“Sure.” He walked over and sat down at the end of the bed.

“You know the night of that party?” He laughed.

“That party? You’re gonna have to narrow it down for me a little. There have been a couple of parties in the last few months.”

“The night Dru left and you were drinking at Xander’s frat house.”

“Yeah... can’t say as I remember a whole lot, though.”

“You don’t? I thought you were just saying that.”

“Why would I say that?” He shot her a confused look. “Did something happen that I should know about?”

‘God, he really doesn’t remember’ she thought.

“No, I just thought you were embarrassed that I had to help you get home, and you would rather pretend like you didn’t remember.”

“You helped me get home? I thought that was Xander.”

“No, it was me.”

“I’m sorry if you thought that, it wasn’t my inteniton. I was serious when I said the last thing I remember is Xander telling me to go home.” He looked at her. “We cool?”

“Yeah, we’re cool.”

“Great. Maybe you should rest a little, you look tired.” He got up and left the room, leaving her alone with her thoughts.

Chapter three


Buffy walked into the dark house, not bothering to turn on the lights in the hallway. She continued through the kitchen, where she dropped the mail on the counter, to the living room. She was just about to sit down on the couch and turn the TV on when she heard a weird sound. She quickly turned around.

“SURPRISE!” Buffy almost had a heart attack as her friends jumped up from behind the couch.

“Happy 18th birthday, Buff!” Xander came up and gave her a hug, followed by Spike.

“Happy birthday, love.” He gave her a hug and a kiss on the cheek. Behind him, Willow was jumping up and down with excitement next to Tara.

“Happy happy happy birthday!!” Willow practically knocked Buffy over when she attacked her with a hug.

“OK, exactly how much caffeine have you guys let her have?” Buffy gave Xander and Spike accusing looks. They both raised their hands in the air, trying to look innocent.

“She’s only had one glass of Diet Coke, but she was already pretty excited.” Buffy smiled at Tara who came over to give her a hug as well. “Happy birthday, sweetie.”

“Thank you. I’m glad you could be here.”

“Happy birthday, Buffy.” Anya, the last of the group, gave Buffy one of her breath taking, bone breaking hugs.

“OK... breathing becoming a problem...” Buffy said in a force voiced.

“Sorry.” Anya let go of her and went over to Xander.

“What do you wanna do first, presents or cake?” Willow sat down on the couch and Buffy followed her lead, smiling.

“There’s presents? And cake?” Buffy couldn’t hide her excitement anymore. She loved birthday parties.

“Sure, pet.” Spike sat down on the other side of her. Tara took her seat on the arm rest next to Willow, and Anya sat in Xander lap in one of the armchairs.

“Yeah, Buff, it is your 18th birthday. That only comes along once.” Willow reached behind the couch and pulled out five colorful presents. “This one’s from me and Tara, the small one’s from Spike, that one’s from Xander and Anya, the blue one’s from my parents, and the book-shaped one’s from Giles.”

Buffy started opening the presents. Willow and Tara had gotten her a beautiful sweater that she had been looking at. From Xander and Anya she got the new CD with one of her favorite bands and a DVD movie. Willow’s parents gave her a portable CD-player, she had been complaining to Willow how her old one broke a couple of weeks ago. Giles book-shaped present was, in fact, a book, but not just any book. It was a first edition of Buffy’s favorite book, Wuthering Heights. She saved Spike’s present for last. When she opened the little box, she gasped.

“It’s beautiful. I can’t... this is too much...” She felt tears spring to her eyes as she picked up the thin gold chain with its dolphin-shaped pendant. She had been pretty emotional lately. She felt Spike put his arm around her shoulder.

“Don’t be ridiculous, you deserve it.” She put her arms around him and gave him a big hug.

“Thank you so much, I love it.” She pulled back and smiled at him.

“Here, let me put it on.” She lifted her hair and he put the necklace on. “See. Perfect.”

“OK, time for cake!” Willow jumped off the couch and practically ran into the kitchen, returning a couple of seconds later with a big cake decorated with Buffy’s name and 18 candles. She put the cake on the table.

“Make a wish, love.” Buffy closed her eyes for a moment, wishing for what she knew she would never get before blowing out all the candles at once.

“What you wish for?” Anya questioned.

“An, honey, she’s not supposed to tell us that.” Xander gave his girlfriend an affectionate look.

“I know that, I was only joking. So, let’s eat cake!”

“Birthday girl first.” Willow handed a knife to Buffy. She cut herself a big piece, she loved chocolate. She waited until the others had gotten their pieces as well before starting to eat. After only one mouthful, she felt her stomach turn. She put her hand over her mouth.

“I think I’m gonna be...” She ran out of the room and shut the door to the bathroom behind her.

*****

Willow looked after her, the others looking at her, confused looks on their faces.

“I’ll go check on her.” She followed Buffy to the bathroom and knocked softly on the door. “Buffy?”

“Yeah.” Came a muffled answer from the bathroom.

“You OK? Can I come in?” Buffy replied by unlocking the door. Willow opened the door and went into the small room. Buffy was sitting on the floor next to the toilet.

“Feel better?” Willow handed Buffy a paper towel.

“A little. I don’t know why they call it morning sickness. It doesn’t matter what time of the day it is.” She leaned her head against the tile wall. “I guess everybody’s wondering what the hell’s going on?”

“They didn’t say anything, but, yeah, pretty much.” Willow looked at Buffy for a second. “I think it’s time you told them.”

“I know. I just... I don’t know.” She took Willow’s outreached hand and stood up. “I guess you’re right. I need to tell them.” They left the bathroom together. Willow took Buffy’s hand as they re-entered the living room. The gang were sitting where they had left them, all looking up at them. Someone had taken the cake into the kitchen.

“Buffy, are you OK?” Tara looked at her, concern on her face.

“Yeah, I’m fine.” Buffy tried to smile reassuringly, but didn’t succeed completely.

“You don’t look fine, Buff. Maybe you got the flu or something.” Xander contributed.

“Or something.” Buffy sat back down in her old seat. “I guess I need to talk to all of you before this goes any further.”

“Love, you’re kinda scaring us here. Is something wrong?” Spike asked.

“No... or, kinda, I guess.” She answered.

“Buffy, I don’t think you’re making it any better. Just tell them.” Willow squeezed Buffy’s hand, trying to give her support.

“OK.” Buffy took a deep breath. “I’m... pregnant.”

Her friends looked at her, not able to hide their surprised looks. Tara was the first to speak.

“A... are you sure?” Buffy had used up all her courage and could only nod.

“I was with her at the doctor.” Willow gave the rest of the group a look, trying to tell them to not be too curious.

Xander finally shut his mouth, which had dropped open at Buffy’s words.

“Who’s the guy?”

“Xander, please, I really don’t...” Buffy was suddenly feeling extremely tired and week.

“Love, we just wanna talk to the bloke, we won’t hurt him...” Spike and Xander’s exchanged looks. “... much.”

“Please, I really don’t need you to... just let me handle it, OK?”

“They’re just trying to help, sweetie.” Tara squeezed in between Spike and Buffy, and put a comforting arm around her shoulders. “We’ll do whatever you want us to, OK? We just wanna help you.”

“I know. Thank you, all of you. I don’t think I can do this without you.” Buffy tried to smile at her friends. “Right now I just want to have a normal birthday... or as normal as it will get. OK?”

“Whatever you say, Buff.” Xander got up and put a bag on the table. “We’ve got a whole nighter planned. Of course, if you’re tired and would rather...” Buffy cut him short.

“No. I would love a movie night with my friends. What ya got?” She looked in the bag.

“We decided to go the comedy way, but we’ve got a couple of girlie movies too. You pick. I’m gonna get the popcorn, drinks and chips.” Xander gave the bag to Buffy and headed out into the kitchen.

*****

Buffy picked ’How to lose a guy in 10 days’ to start with. They then moved on through ‘In-Laws’ and ‘Pretty Woman’ to ‘Just Married’. By the end of the fourth movie, Buffy was asleep on Spike’s shoulder.

“You guys start the next one, I’m gonna get Sleeping Beauty upstairs.” He turned and picked her up, careful not to wake her, and then walked up the stairs.

“So, Wil you gonna tell us who it is?” Xander shot Willow a demanding look.

“Even if I wanted to, which I don’t, I couldn’t. Buffy hasn’t told me anymore than she told you. Really.” Willow gave her friends her most innocent look.

“I’m sure she’ll tell us when she’s ready.” Tara moved from the floor to the couch next to Willow. “She just needs some time.”

“I think it’s Spike.” Everyone looked at Anya, her words surprising them.

“An, honey, we’re trying to be serious here.” Xander said, patting Anya on the hand.

“I am. I mean, haven’t you guys noticed all the sexual tension between them?”

“I really don’t think so. Buffy would tell me.” Willow shook her head. Xander agreed.

“Yeah. And Spike would tell me.” Xander stated. “Besides, he looked just as surprised as the rest of us.”

“Maybe he didn’t know. Maybe they slept together but she hadn’t told him yet.” Anya let her theory sink in.

“Who slept with who?” Spike came back into the livingroom and sat back down on the couch.

“Anya, why don’t you tell him your theory?” Xander smiled at his girlfriend. “I’m sure he would love to hear it.”

“I was only saying that it was possible, that’s all.” Anya said, looking at the floor.

“She thinks you and Buffy slept together.” Xander smiled at Spike’s reaction.

“What? Where did that come from?” Spike sat back down on the couch.

“From, and I quote, ‘all the sexual tension between them’ end quote.” Xander made airquotes.

“There’s no sexual tension. We’re friends, that’s all. I mean, I love her, of course, but... would you just stop it? And don’t say a word to Buffy about this, she’s upset enough as it is now.”

“Sorry... I was only saying...” Anya got up and put the next movie in the DVD.

“So, Red. What’s the deal?” Spike grabbed a handful of popcorn.

“What deal?” Willow looked at him, confused.

“Come on, who is it? You can tell us, we won’t say a word to Buffy. Me and Xander just wanna... talk to the guy.”

“We all know how well that would go.” Willow muttered under her breath. “Seriously, Spike, I just told the others that I don’t know who it is. Buffy didn’t want to talk about it, so I didn’t push.”

“But who could it be? I haven’t seen her with a guy since... Riley.” Xander looked terrified. “God, I hope it’s not him.”

“No, she would never forgive him for what he did.” Willow took a sip of her drink. “Besides, she said it was someone special.”

“Is she really sure? I mean, doctors can be wrong.” Tara moved around a little to get more comfortable, resting her head on Willow’s shoulder.

“Yeah, the doctor did a regular test, and when they got the results, they did an ultra sound and some other tests. It’s really real.”

“Well, what did the doctor say?” Anya leaned forward and grabbed a coke from the table.

“She said that it was about eight weeks, but that was two weeks ago, so I guess it would be ten by now. It’s due sometime in the beginning of July, and so far it’s healthy. They can’t really tell a lot this early.”

“How’s she handling it? I mean really. She seemed kinda... out of it, like she wasn’t really here before.” Xander took a sip of Anya’s soda.

“She’s dealing. I think she feels lonely, though. We should all try to help her as much as we can, just be here, you know. She’s gonna need that.” Willow looked around at her friends, giving each of them her resolve face. “She’s gonna need us.”

Chapter four

Buffy sighed and rubbed her back as she dropped her books on her desk. This backpain was killing her, and she still had two endless months left. She sat down at the desk and opened one of the books, trying to focus on studying for her first final. After only five minutes, the phone rang.

“Hello?”

“Buffy, sweetie?”

“Hi Dad.” Buffy groaned inside. She still hadn’t told her father about the baby, knowing that he wouldn’t just drop by for a visit, since, Spain and all. Deep down she had, of course, known that she would have to tell him eventually, but kept trying to put it off anyway.

“So, I just wanted to check with you that June fifth is OK for your flight.” Right, she was supposed to go to Spain and visit him and Dawn over the summer. Well, that was not gonna happen.

“Listen, Dad... there’s something I have to tell you.”

“What is it, sweetie? Is something wrong?”

“Well... that depends on how you look at it. Before I say anything, I just want you to remember that I’m happy, and that this was my decision. OK?”

“Buffy, now you’re starting to scare me. Just tell me what’s going on, I won’t be angry.” ‘Don’t be so sure about that’ she thought before gathering her strength.

“I’m pregnant.” It was quiet for at least three minutes. “Daddy? You there?”

“I’m sorry, I thought you said that you were... pregnant.”

“I did. I’m sorry, Daddy, I know that this is a shock...”

“A shock? A shock? Finding out that my oldest daughter is pregnant is a SHOCK?” He was quiet for a moment again. “What are you planning to do?”

“Well, the college has a daycare center that is open for all students, so that’s not a problem. I’m gonna stay in school, if you’re worried about that. Besides, I have the guys to help me.”

“And what about the father? What does he have to say? And who is it? Do I know him?”

“Daddy, please...”

“You don’t want to tell me? Do you really expect me to keep supporting you when you treat me with this much disrespect? I don’t think so. From now on you’re on your own.” He hung up on her and for a moment she just sat there with the phone in her hand.

She came to when she heard the front door close.

“Buffy? Are you home?” She heard Willow calling from the bottom floor.

“Up here.” She tried to keep her voice steady, but Willow could hear something was wrong.

“Sweetie, what’s wrong? Is everything OK, did something happen?” Willow saw the distressed look on Buffy’s face as she entered the room.

“My Dad called.”

“Oh... did you tell him?” Willow dropped her bag by Buffy’s desk and came over to the bed.

“Yeah...”

“What did he say?” Willow put a supporting arm around Buffy’s shoulder.

“He said that... that he... he... he didn’t want anything to do with me anymore.”

“Oh, sweetie, I’m sure he didn’t really mean it, he’s just upset right now. He’ll come around, you’ll see.” Willow gave her best friend a hug, trying to calm her down.

“I don’t know what to do, Wil. I was counting on him to help me, you know, financially, and now he isn’t even going to let me keep my allowance.” Buffy let the tears flow freely now.

“Oh, this one I know! I’ve been looking into some funds and stuff, and there’s a whole bunch of ‘em.” Willow pulled some papers from her bag and handed them to Buffy. “See? The college has a fund that all single mothers get money from, you would get at least 500 dollars a month. And the city has funds too, but those you have to apply for. I got you the applications, they’re right there. And, you know, Tara and I were talking about moving in together, and she would pay rent, and we’ll all help you.”

“Thank you.” Buffy gave Willow a tight hug. “I don’t know what I would do without you guys.”

“So...” Willow looked around the room, spotting the newest addition, a white wooden crib that was positioned next to the bed. “This is beautiful! Where did you find it?”

“Actually, Xander made it for me. I was complaining how I couldn’t find one that I liked, and then today he was waiting for me when I got home and told me that he had a surprise for me.” Buffy ran her hand over the smooth wood. “You didn’t know?”

“No. He’s been all secretive these past couple of weeks.” She put the papers on Buffy’s desk for her to look at later. “So, you have a doctors appointment later today?”

“Yeah, at 5.30. Just a checkup.”

“Are you gonna find out if it’s a boy or a girl?”

“Willow, I’ve told you that I don’t want to know, not until the baby’s born.”

“Fine. Have it your way.” Willow got up and headed for the door. “You want me to go with you?”

“No, that’s OK. Xander said he was gonna take me.”

“OK. I’ve got some homework, but I’ll see you later, OK?”

“OK.”

*****

“Buffy?” Buffy tore her eyes away from her daughter and looked up at Willow who was entering the hospital room. “Hey. How you doing?”

“I’m fine. Just feel a little tired.” Buffy smiled at Willow.

“Well, no wonder. Did you get any sleep after I left last night?” Willow came around the bed and sat down in the chair.

“Yeah, a couple of hours. She’s been so good, hardly crying at all.”

“Apparently that’s normal for the first days, I talked to one of the nurses.” Willow reached out and gently stroked the baby’s soft head. “She’s so beautiful. Have you decided on a name yet?”

“I think so. I’m down to two options.”

“You wanna see our name list?” Willow pulled a paper from her back pocket.

“Your what?” Buffy looked at the folded up paper.

“Well, a couple of months ago, me, Xander, Spike, Tara and Anya were discussing names and decided to write down the ones we liked the most. Since you wouldn’t find out if it was a boy or a girl, we made two lists, one of boys names and one of girls names. I have the girl one, if you wanna look.”

“You guys really did that? That’s so sweet. Of course I wanna see it.” Since she had her hands full with the baby, Willow held up the paper so she could read from it.

“Caitlin... who put that on there? That’s the option I’m leaning towards right now.” Willow looked at the list for a while.

“I think it was Spike. By the way, I called him in London last night and he said congratulations and that he was sorry he couldn’t be here. He really wanted to.”

“I know. It’s not his fault. Dru needed him to go with her, she is his girlfriend after all.” Buffy pushed the pain that hit her aside. It had been her own choice not to tell him, she had to live with the consequences.

“I’m not sure that she will be much longer. He was really mad when she practically threatened to break up with him if he stayed here for the summer, just because he said that he wanted to be here when the baby was born.”

Buffy winced at Willow’s words. She hadn’t exchanged any words with Dru since that morning, but she knew that the other woman knew her secret. She had been giving her looks of hatred ever since she found out about the baby. And why wouldn’t she, after all? It was her boyfriend that was the father, even if he didn’t know it himself. Buffy was just relieved that Dru hadn’t told Spike. Willow’s voice drew her back to reality.

“So, is Caitlin it then?”

“I think so. I’ve had it in mind from the beginning, you know, if it would be a girl, so... yeah.” Buffy smiled at the sleeping baby. “You like that, Caitlin?”

“That’s great. I’ve gotta go, I’m meeting Tara in five minutes. We’ll drop by in about an hour or so, we have some... things to do first. Xander said that he and Anya would be coming over as soon as she got off from work, which is...” She looked at her watch. “... in half an hour.” She got up from the chair and gave Caitlin a kiss on her head before saying goodbye to Buffy and leaving the room.

*****

Buffy had just finished feeding Caitlin when she heard a soft knock on the door. Willow, Tara, Xander and Anya had just left and Giles had been by earlier that day, so she had no idea who it might be.

“Come in.” The door opened and revealed her sister, Dawn. “Dawnie, is that you?” Dawn walked up to the bed.

“Yeah, it’s me.”

“Oh my God, what are you doing here?” Buffy gave her a hug with one arm. “I thought Dad would keep you as far away from here as he possibly could.” Dawn hugged her back and sat down in the chair.

“He didn’t really have a choice. He’s in Tokyo on business for almost a month, and all of my usual baby sitters were out of the country, so when I said I wanted to go visit Janice and her family, he couldn’t say no. And he’s coming to California in a couple of weeks anyway, we’re spending the rest of the summer with uncle Jack and aunt Denise in LA.” She looked down on Caitlin. “She’s so cute. What’s her name?”

“Caitlin Joyce Summers. You like it?”

“Yeah. Why Summers? Shouldn’t she have her Dad’s name?” Dawn played with one of Caitlin’s tiny hands, letting the baby hold onto one of her fingers.

“He’s not really... involved like that.” Buffy avoided her sisters eyes.

“Why not?”

“Dawnie, could we please not... I really don’t...”

“Sorry, I’m being to nosy. Dad says I do that a lot.” They sat in silence for a while. “Her eyes are so blue...” Buffy had noticed that too, but knew that it might change, which she was hoping for, to avoid a too close resemblance...

“They’ll probably change, all babies have blue eyes when they’re born.”

“I’m sorry I haven’t called you. Dad told me I wasn’t allowed to, and I was afraid that he would ground me or something.” Dawn gave Buffy a regretful look.

“It’s OK, Dawnie, it’s not your fault.” Buffy squeezed her sisters hand.

“He was so angry... I heard him all the way into the garden. At first he wouldn’t tell me what was going on, but then I overheard him talking to one of his friends... Will you ever be able to come visit us?”

“I don’t know Dawnie, I really don’t. Not right now, OK? Maybe he’ll come around. I hope so.”

“I brought my camera.” Dawn smiled and rummaged through her backpack until she found it. “I want to at least have pictures of my niece.” She took the camera out of its case and took some pictures before putting it back into her bag. “Can I hold her?”

“Sure. But give me the camera first.” Dawn gave Buffy the camera and then lifted Caitlin carefully from her arms. When Dawn had sat back down into the chair with Caitlin in her arms, Buffy took a couple of pictures of them.

There was another knock on the door, and a woman peeked in.

“Hello, Buffy. I haven’t seen you in a long while.”

“Hi Mrs. Bennett. Thank you for letting Dawnie come and visit.” Buffy smiled at Janice’s mom.

“Of course. It’s all she’s been talking about for the past two days.” She walked up to the bed. “Isn’t she just adorable?” She smiled at Buffy. “I’m sorry to hear about your fathers reaction. Do you have everything you need?”

“I’ve had a lot of help from my friends, but thank you for your offer. I really appreciate you taking care of Dawn while our Dad’s away.”

“We wouldn’t have it any other way, Dawnie’s like family to us. Which reminds, me. Dawn, we have to go now, or we’ll be late for dinner with Grandma Bennett.”

Dawn stood up and reluctantly placed Caitlin back in Buffy’s arms.

“I’ll come back tomorrow, OK. And maybe I could come live with you for a little while, you know, after you go home.” Dawn gave Buffy a hopeful look.

“I’d love that. If it’s OK with Mrs. Bennett, you and Janice can come stay at the house for a week or so.” Buffy looked at Mrs. Bennett.

“I think that’s a great idea. And I won’t say a word to your father.” Mrs. Bennett winked at Dawn before she said goodbye to Buffy and left the room to give the sisters a couple of minutes alone to say goodbye.

“I’m so glad you came, Dawnie. I’ve missed you so much.”

“I’ve missed you too. I wish things could be like when Mom was alive.”

“I know. We’ll just have to make the best of the time we have, OK? Now go, I’ll see you tomorrow.”

Chapter five

Buffy put the bassinet with a sleeping Caitlin on the porch before curling up in the porch swing. She had been home from the hospital for almost four weeks now, and everything was going great. Caitlin was an easy child that slept a lot, which Buffy knew she would be very grateful of when school started back up in six weeks. She had dropped Dawn off at the bus station the day before, she had gone by bus to LA. She and Janice had stayed at the house for almost a week. Buffy sighed and opened the book she was reading, Jane Austen’s ‘Emma’, but before she could start reading, she was interrupted by the back door opening. She turned to see who it was, and froze.

“Dad?”

“Hi, sweetie.” Hank was standing just outside the door. He was looking at Caitlin. “She’s beautiful.”

“What are you doing here?” He came a little closer.

“I know I’m not welcome, but I just had to... I don’t know, try to apologize I guess. I’m really sorry about the way I behaved that day, I know I overreacted. I just want to make everything OK again. I want you and Caitlin to be a part of our life, mine and Dawn’s and Kelly’s. I want us to be a family again. Do you think you can forgive me?” Buffy got up and gave her father a hug.

“Of course. I love you, and I’ve missed you so much.” They sat down in the swing and Hank picked up the now awake Caitlin from her bassinet. She looked up at him, eyes wide. He smiled and turned to Buffy.

“I also came by to tell you that we’re moving back to the States.” Hank didn’t take his eyes of the child in his arms.

“Really? Dawn didn’t mention that.”

“She doesn’t know yet. I just got a great job offer that I accepted yesterday, after seeing these.” He picked up some of the photos Dawn had taken the first time she came to visit Buffy in the hospital. “How could I stay away from this? I’m going back to Spain next week to finish up some business, and then I‘m having everything shipped to LA. I was thinking that Dawn could stay here while I’m away, if that’s OK. I now she misses both of you. I was also thinking that we’d come up here, all three of us, this Friday and we’ll all have dinner. I want you to meet Kelly, and I know she’s really looking forward to meeting you. What do you say?”

“I’d love that. I’m so glad you’re moving back, it’s been so hard to have you all the way across the globe.” Buffy gave her father another hug.

“I’ve missed you too, sweetie. I’ve missed you too.”

*****

Buffy was in the living room when she heard the front door open and close.

“Hello? Anybody here? We’re back.” Spike. He had been in London all summer with Dru. Now it was August 29th, and school would start in only three days.

“In here.” Buffy put the magazine she had been reading down on the table as Spike and Dru came into the living room. Spike dropped the suitcase he’d been carrying on the floor and gave her a hug.

“Where is everybody? I thought they...” Buffy interrupted him by hushing him and pointing at the bassinet beside the couch.

“Don’t wake her, she just went to sleep.” Spike went over to the bassinet.

“Too late.” He picked up Caitlin and watched in amusement as she waved her little hands around, looking at him.

“She’s beautiful, love. Sorry we couldn’t be here.”

“It’s fine, you had to. Don’t worry.” Caitlin started crying and Spike turned his attention back to her.

“What’s wrong, Catie? You hungry?”

“I just fed her, she probably needs a diaper change. Here, I’ll go change her.” Buffy reached out to take the baby from him, but Spike didn’t let her go.

“I’ll do it. Gotta learn anyway, right?”

“OK. The diapers and stuff are in my bathroom.” He headed up the stairs. “Call if you need help.” Buffy was now alone in the room with Dru, who did not seem happy. She tried to start a conversation. “So... how was London?”

“Wonderful. I’ve always loved London in the summer. We had so much fun.”

“I’m glad.” Buffy tried to think of something else to say, but didn’t know what. Dru wasn’t too keen on keeping the conversation going either, and both stayed silent until Spike came back down with Caitlin, who had fallen asleep in his arms.

“See? All better.” He put Caitlin down in the bassinet and went to pick up his suitcase. “I’m just gonna put this away, be right back.”

When Spike had left the room, Dru went up to the bassinet. She looked down at Caitlin, who was now sleeping soundly.

“She looks an awful lot like her Daddy, don’t you think, Sunshine?” Dru gave Buffy an evil smile. “I know your secret. But don’t worry, I’ll keep it. For now...”

*****

Buffy tried to repress a yawn as she closed her heavy Shakespeare book. She loved her classes, but hadn’t gotten a lot of sleep lately. Caitlin, who was now almost five months, had started waking up at night, sometimes four or five times, keeping Buffy up almost all night. Buffy put the book on her desk and checked on Caitlin who was asleep in her crib, before laying down on her bed to get a little sleep before dinner.

An hour later she woke up from a knock on her door.

“Buffy, love? Time to eat.” Spike peaked in through the half open door and was hit by how innocent and sweet she looked sleeping. He pushed the thoughts away. He had done that a lot when it came to Buffy lately. Just let it go, man, he thought to himself. She’s your friend, she doesn’t think of you that way. And, besides, forgot about Dru? She’s still your girlfriend. Even if things hadn’t been going great lately and she was back in England for a couple of weeks.

Buffy didn’t seem to have heard him, so he knocked on the door.

“Buffy? You awake?” She stirred on the bed and opened her eyes.

“Mmm... I’m up. Did you say something about food?” Spike went into the room, stopping at the crib where Caitlin was lying, now awake.

“Yep, dinner’s ready.” He picked Caitlin up and sat down on the bed next to Buffy. “Tired?”

“Yeah. Haven’t gotten a lot of sleep lately.” Buffy tried to rub the sleep out of her eyes.

“She been keeping you up?” Spike gave her a concerned look.

“Mm-hm. But it’s fine, I’m OK.”

“When is your first class tomorrow?”

“8.30. Why?”

“I don’t have class until 2 p.m. How about I’ll take her tonight, so you can get some sleep?” Buffy took Caitlin from him and headed out the door. Spike followed.

“I can’t ask you to do that.”

“You didn’t. I offered. Buffy, come on. You can’t keep going like this. You need sleep. “

“Fine.” Buffy gave in with a sigh. “But just this once, OK?”

“Of course.”

*****

Just this once turned into every Monday and Thursday night, since Tuesday and Friday were the days Spike only had afternoon classes. Three weeks later, Dru returned from England, and Spike decided it was time to pull the plug.

“Dru, we need to talk.” They had been sitting in the living room at the Summers house, watching TV.

“What about, sweet William?” Dru turned on the couch to look at him.

“I don’t think this is working.”

“What isn’t working?”

“This, you and me. It hasn’t for a while now and I don’t think it’s fair to keep it up. Not to either of us.” Dru smiled.

“This is about her, isn’t it?”

“Who? I don’t know what you’re talking about.”

“Don’t play me for a fool, William. I’ve seen the way you look at her. She’s all around you.”

“Dru, please. I didn’t want it to end like this.” Dru looked at him for a long time before saying anything.

“How sweet. You’re in love with her. I wonder if it will survive the truth?”

“What do you mean?”

“She still hasn’t told you, has she?” At that moment, Buffy entered the living room. Dru turned to her. “You still haven’t told him?” Buffy froze in a step and Dru turned back to Spike. “I really thought you would have figured it out by now. Actually, I thought everyone would have figured it out by now, but I guess you’re all more stupid than I thought.”

“Figured what out?” Spike tried to catch Buffy’s eyes, but she was busy looking down on the floor.

“The father who no one has seen. The excuses. But of course, you were counting on this, weren’t you, Sunshine?” Buffy looked up at Dru.

“Please, Dru, don’t do this.”

“Don’t do what? Tell him the truth? Don’t you think he deserves to know?” She looked from Buffy to Spike. “I would have personally thought that the eyes would give it away. So blue...”

“Buffy, what is she talking about?” Buffy refused to meet his eyes.

“You still haven’t figured it out? I’m talking about your precious Catie. Your daughter.” Spike looked like he’d been hit.

“What? No, that’s not... Buffy, tell her it’s not true.” Buffy was still avoiding his eyes. “Buffy? It’s not true, it can’t be... tell her.”

“I’m sorry. I didn’t want it to happen like this.” Buffy’s voice was little more than a whisper, but as the words hit Spike, realization did too, and he did the only thing he could. He ran.

Chapter Six

Buffy stared after Spike, she wanted to follow but couldn’t. All she could do was drop onto the couch and bury her face in her hands.

“Oh, I’m sorry, Sunshine. Did I let our little secret slip?” Dru acted surprised.

“What’s going on here? I met Spike in the door, he practically ignored me.” Willow came into the room. “Buffy what’s wrong?” She looked at Dru. “What did you do?”

“Me? Nothing... I just let a little secret out of its bag.” She looked at Buffy. “Well, Sunshine. I can’t sit around here all day. I’m sure William will be on his way back to me before the day is over. I’ll be sure to give him your best.” With that she left the house.

Willow sat down next to Buffy on the couch and put an arm around her.

“What happened? What was she talking about?” Buffy put her head on Willow’s shoulder.

“She told him.”

“Told who what?” Willow gave Buffy a confused look.

“Spike. She told him about Catie.”

“What about Catie?”

“That he... he’s her... that he’s her father.” Buffy avoided her friends eyes as the last word left her lips.

“He’s what? But... when? Why? How? OK, I don’t need the how, but the rest.”

“I don’t know, really. It was that night that Dru broke up with him, you remember that?” Willow nodded. “I went to Xander’s frat party, and couldn’t find you or Xander, but Spike was there. He was really drunk, so I thought I should get him home. I got him into his room and was about to leave when he grabbed my hand and asked me to stay. I did, and then he... and we... well, you know. Then, the next morning, he acted like nothing happened, and I thought he was pretending to make it easier on me. And then...”

“Why didn’t you say anything? To any of us?”

“I was going to. The day I got the result from the pregnancy test, I talked to him, but when I realized he really didn’t remember what had happened, I just couldn’t. I’m sorry I didn’t tell you, I just...”

“Hey, is this a private party, or can anyone join in?” Xander and Anya stood in the doorway. Anya noticed that Buffy was crying.

“Buffy, sweetie, are you OK?”

“Is something wrong?” They both sat down, Xander on Buffy’s other side on the couch and Anya on the coffee table in front of her. Willow patted Buffy on the back.

“Do you want me to tell them?” Buffy nodded against her shoulder.

“Tell us what?” Xander looked from Buffy to Willow and back again.

“Well, I know this will be a surprise, but Catie’s dad... is Spike.”

“Spike who?” Xander looked confused.

“Spike Spike. Our Spike. Also known as William.”

“No. You’re joking right?” He looked at Buffy to get reassurance. “You’re not joking.”

“I could have told you that.” Everyone looked at Anya. “What? It’s not like it hasn’t been obvious. Anyone outside your little foursome could have guessed it.” Willow chose to disregard Anya’s little statement.

“Anyway, apparently Dru knew and decided it was her duty to tell him.” Willow voice hardened at the other woman’s name.

“That can’t be good.” Xander looked around the room. “Where is he?”

“I don’t know. I met him in the door when I came home. Buffy, you know where he went?” Buffy shook her head at Willow’s question.

“He... he looked so hurt... and then he just left... I don’t know what to do.”

“He’ll be back.” Anya patted Buffy’s knee. “He’s too in love with you to stay away too long.” The others looked at her in surprise. “What? None of you noticed that either? And you’re supposed to be friends.”

“Spike’s not in love with me.”

“Oh no? We’ll see. Why did Dru tell him now, anyway. She must have known all along.”

“I don’t know.” Buffy shook her head. “I came down because I heard raised voices, and they were here...”

“Raised voices? Maybe he was breaking up with her?” Xander looked pleased at the possibility.

“Maybe... she did say something about him coming back to her... but why would he break up with her?” Willow pondered.

“How many times to I have to say it? Because he’s in love with Buffy!” Anya declared once more.

“Even if he was, and I’m not saying I believe you, he’ll never forgive me.” Buffy felt tears on her cheeks again. What if he never forgave her?

“Oh, of course he will. He loves you, and he loves Catie. We’ve all seen him with her, he adores that child. He’ll be mad for a while, but he’ll get over it.” Anya said knowingly.

*****

Spike kept running until he couldn’t run anymore, and then he walked. Without knowing it, he ended up at his Dad’s place. He knocked on the door before opening it.

“Dad? You here?”

“Will? What are you doing here?” Rupert came into the hallway. “You look like hell. What happened?”

Spike started pacing around the hallway.

“She didn’t tell me. She knew all along and she didn’t tell me. How could she not tell me?”

“Son, I don’t understand a word you’re saying. Let’s sit down.” He lead Spike to the kitchen and pushed him down on a chair. “Now, let’s start from the beginning. What happened?”

“Dru, she said that... and Buffy didn’t deny it, she just...”

“OK, you’re rambling again. Dru told you what?”

“She said that I was Catie’s father.”

“Oh.” Giles took off his glasses and started cleaning them.

“You don’t seem surprised.”

“I’m not. I’ve been suspecting this for a while, actually.”

“What?” Spike stood up so fast that he tipped the chair over. “And you didn’t tell me?”

“I didn’t feel it was my place. And it most certainly was not Dru’s place, but she seemed to have made it hers.” The anger was obvious in his voice. Giles had never liked Dru.

“But I had a right to know, didn’t I?”

“Of course. But have you asked yourself why Buffy didn’t tell you?”

“I don’t know...”

“And you didn’t suspect anything?”

“Of course not, how could I? We’ve never...” He cut himself off. “But I guess we must have, since...”

“But you don’t remember being... um... intimate with her?”

“No. I would remember... oh, no.” He buried his face in his hands.

“What?”

“She was crying in her room one day, a couple of weeks before she told us about the baby. I asked what was wrong and she said that she wanted to talk to me... and then she asked about the night that Dru and I broke up and I went to Xander’s party and got drunk... I told her I didn’t remember anything, and she asked if I really didn’t or if I was just saying that, and I asked if there was something I should remember... damn, that must be it. It fits with the timing, too.”

“Let me get this straight. You told her that you didn’t remember anything?”

“Well, I didn’t. I still don’t. And she wasn’t there the next morning, I know that, because Dru came over in the middle of the night.”

“How do you think it made her feel that you didn’t remember?”

“She must’ve felt awful.” Spike winced at the thought of how much he must have hurt her. “But she still should have told me.”

“True, she should have. But are you going to let that get between the two of you?”

“There is no two of us. She’s not... she doesn’t care about me like that.”

“Are you sure about that?”

“Damn! I’m not sure of anything anymore. Except that I love her, and I love Catie.”

“Then, what’s the problem?” Spike looked at his Dad.

“You know what? Nothing. I have a beautiful daughter who I love. The rest... I’ll just have to work for it.”

*****

Buffy was lying on her bed, hugging Mr. Gordo. Willow and Tara had taken Caitlin out for a little while and Xander and Anya had gone over to her place to give her some time alone. She heard footsteps in the stairs, but chose to ignore them thinking it was Willow or Tara.

Spike stood outside the open door to her room for a while, looking at her. He could see that she had been crying. ‘It’s my fault’ he thought ‘I don’t ever want to be the reason she cries’. He took a step inside the room.

“Buffy?” She sat up on the bed, looking at him, confused.

“You’re back...”

He walked further into the room and sat down at the bottom of the bed.

“Yeah. I’m sorry I took off like that, I just needed some time to think...”

“I understand that. And I understand if you never want to talk to me again, too.” She looked down on the bed, avoiding his eyes.

“What? Why would I not want to talk to you?”

“I lied to you. Or I didn’t tell you the truth, which is just as bad.”

“I know. And I’m still mad, don’t think I’m not. But I understand why you did it. At least, I think so.” She cautiously looked up at him.

“You do?” He nodded.

“That day... when you asked me about the night when Dru broke up with me...”

“I had just gotten the result back from Student Health. I was going to tell you, but...”

“I told you I didn’t remember. Which is true. I still don’t.” She winced at his words and he moved closer, pulling her to him. “I’m sorry I don’t remember. I’ve tried, I really have.” He let go of her and pulled back a little. “Do you want to tell me what happened?”

“OK... I came to the party at about eleven, I think. I looked around for you and Willow and Xander. I found you in a room, drinking beer. We started talking, and I realized you were drunk, so I asked where Dru was, since she usually kept you away from drinking. You said that she had left. I decided to get you home. I managed to get you into your room and onto the bed, and when I was leaving you asked me to stay, so I did. And then... well, you can figure out what happened.”

“OK... but why weren’t you there when Dru came over?”

“You were sleeping, but I couldn’t sleep, so I was just lying there. After a while, you mumbled something in your sleep. I didn’t hear what you said at first, but then I did.”

“What?”

“Dru.” Spike saw the pain in her eyes. “I just had to get out of there. And then the next morning, Dru was there and you where acting like nothing happened. I thought you were pretending to make it easier on me. So I decided to let it go. I didn’t know then... I’m so sorry that I didn’t tell you, I know I should have, I just felt so... and I know that I don’t have the right to feel like this, but I felt betrayed. You said that you loved me and that everything would be OK, but it wasn’t and I was so scared that I would lose you completely if I...” She started crying again, and he pulled her onto his lap, holding her close.

“Shhh. It’s OK. You don’t have to be afraid, you could never lose me. Never. I love you. And I love Catie. And I’m glad that she’s mine, even if it didn’t seem like it before. I just need a little time to get used to everything, OK?” She nodded, her head resting on his shoulder. “I love you. I think I’ve loved you from the moment I saw you, I just didn’t want to admit it to myself, because then I would risk losing you as a friend, and I didn’t want that. Does that make sense?” She nodded again, and lifted her head up to meet his eyes.

“I love you too. So much.” She could see the desire in his eyes before his lips met hers. She twisted in his lap so that she was straddling him. They tugged at eachother, trying to get closer by ripping the others clothes off. When they both were completely naked, Spike lifted her off the bed to remove the cover before putting her down on the sheets and joining her, pulling the cover over them both.

“Care to try to make me remember?”


Epilogue

“I can’t believe we’re graduating tomorrow.” Buffy was leaning back against Spike, who was sitting against a tree in their back yard. Caitlin was running around, trying to catch butterflies. “And I can’t believe she’ll be three next week.” Spike laughed.

“I know. Time just flies by, doesn’t it?”

“And I can’t believe we’ll be working together next year.” Buffy had gotten a job at Sunnydale High teaching English, and Spike was going to be helping the kids by being a guidance counselor.

“Yeah. It’s too bad Willow got that job in LA, though, or they could have stayed here.” Willow and Tara were moving to LA the following week, Tara studying at UCLA and Willow working at a software company. Xander and Anya were also moving, but not for another two months.

“I know. The house will be so empty.” Buffy looked at the big house, overflown by memories.

“Well... we could always do something about that...”

“In your dreams, mister!” Buffy laughed. It was a standing joke that Spike wanted the house full of kids. Secretly, Buffy wouldn’t mind, but had decided to let him sweat a little while longer. She watched Caitlin, who had gone from chasing butterflies to blowing bubbles. Yes, she wouldn’t mind a couple of more kids. Someday.

“Well, I hope you don’t have anything against this.” Spike held up a small, velvet box in front of her.

“What’s this?” Buffy turned to look at him.

“Why don’t you open it to find out?” She did. And found the most beautiful ring she had ever seen.

“Oh... my... God... You’re not...” Spike got up and kneeled in front of her.

“Yes. I love you. I always have, and I always will. And I don’t ever want to lose you. So, Buffy Anne Summers. Will you marry me?”

“Are you kidding? Of course I will!” She threw her arms around his neck.

“Mommy?” Buffy turned around in Spike’s arms and pulled her daughter into her lap.

“Yes, sweetie?”

“Are you sad?” Caitlin looked confused.

“No, sweetie, why?”

“You crying.”

“They’re happy tears, honey. Happy tears.”