Heartbeats


Spike felt the pain as he slowly came back to consciousness. His entire body was hurting, and he felt the taste of his own blood. He opened one eye, then the other. He was in the alley behind the Hyperion and the sun was shining down on him.

“Bloody hell!” He jumped into a shady part of the alley before realizing that he must have been in the sun for quite some time. He looked himself over. No visual burns, only cuts and other injuries from the battle.

“What the...” That was when he noticed the thumping. It was inside him and surrounding him at the same time. It took a while before he realized what it was. He hadn’t herd the sound in over a century. His own heart.

Spike slumped down against the wall of the Hyperion and looked around him, trying to figure out what was happening. The battle started to come back to him, and he winced at the memories. Gunn had only lasted about ten minutes, just like Illyria had said. But he had taken a lot of the enemies with him. Illyria had followed him a while later, he wasn’t sure how long. He remembered her body had turned back to Fred after she died. The last thing he remembered was Angel turning to dust as the fire of the already-dead dragon hit him. After that, it went black.

Spike got up and started wading through the demon bodies that were filling the alley. He found Illyria first, and carried her body into the lobby of the hotel before going back out. After another ten minutes or so, he put Gunn down next to Illyria. He knew that the only thing left of Angel would be dust, and decided it was time to leave this place that reeked of death and decay.

*****

As the sun set, Spike was standing outside Lorne’s apartment, knocking on the door. He had walked around LA the whole day, trying to figure out what had happened and, more importantly, what he was going to do. He remembered the Shanshu, that was supposed to restore humanity to a vampire with a soul. It had meant him after all, and not Angel, like everyone had thought. He was starting to get used to the sound of his own heartbeat, and had managed to get a glimpse of himself in a mirror. After that, he had gone to the Hyperion where he had gotten himself cleaned up. He had called the police and told them where they could find the bodies of his two friends before he left the hotel again to enjoy the feeling of sunlight on his skin.

Spike pushed the thoughts of the dead aside as the door in front of him opened to reveal Lorne. A look of surprise and relief was on the green demon’s face.

“Spike, oh my God, what happened? Where’s Angel, and the others?”

Spike pulled out of the tight embrace and Lorne stepped aside to let him in.

“Oh, sorry, I invite you in.” Lorne made a gesture to let him pass.

“So?” Lorne walked ahead of Spike into the living room and sat down on the couch. Spike followed his example.

“They didn’t make it.” He could see the impact his statement had on Lorne.

“They... but... you’re the only one left?” Spike nodded.

“There were thousands, maybe ten thousands of them. And I’m not talking tiny demons, I’m talking twenty foot dragons and the like. Don’t even know how I survived. One moment, I’m watching Angel catching fire from the dragon and get dusted, the next I’m lying in the alley, and I’ve got this heartbeat thing going.”

“You have a heartbeat? You mean... you’re alive, as in human?” Lorne looked shocked.

“Seems like. Haven’t had a chance to look into it, but got the heartbeat, the not-burning-up-in-sunlight, the reflection, oxygen being an issue...”

“So... what are you going to do now?” Lorne asked.

“I was hoping you could help me.” Spike gave his green friend a smile. “Need to see a certain girl.”



Reunion


Buffy woke from her own scream. She had been having one of her re-occurring nightmares. They had started to come more often again, almost as often as in the beginning. Right after the battle... She assumed it was because it would be a year ago next week that they fought for Sunnydale and the world. That she lost him...

Buffy sighed and got out of bed, knowing she wouldn’t be able to sleep anytime soon. She pulled her robe around herself and went out onto the balcony. The night was warm, and she sat down looking at the lights of Rome, letting her thoughts wander. She had the apartment to herself for another couple of days. Dawn was in the States with Giles, looking into different college options and Andrew was on a mission in England for the Council. Willow had sent her an e-mail a couple of days earlier, saying she would be in Italy till the next Monday, and Xander’s plane was arriving on Friday. They had decided to meet up for the ‘anniversary’ of Sunnydale to remember and try to heal each other.

Buffy knew that she was the main reason. Unlike the rest of the Scoobies, she hadn’t moved on and they knew it. She knew it, and she didn’t care. She was in a place where it felt like she would never be able to put the past behind her. She knew, deep down, that someday she would, but now was not that time. The others just needed to accept that. She was glad that she wasn’t going to be alone on the day in question, but she hoped they wouldn’t try to push her.

A person walking up the street caught her eyes. Bleached, blonde hair and black clothes. Her breath caught in her throat as he looked up at her and she realized that it wasn’t just somebody that looked like him. It was really him. He kept her eyes locked in his until he entered the front door of the building. The moment he disappeared from view, her body started functioning again and she ran inside to meet him.

*****

Spike walked up the street, her street. He had arrived in Rome only a couple of hours ago. Lorne had lent him money for the ticket, and enough to get back home. Not that he was planning to... He looked at the number on the house on his left. He was close now. He looked up, and he froze as his eyes found her on a balcony a couple of stories up in one of the buildings. He saw that it took her a moment to realize it was him, and why wouldn’t it? She thought he was dead, that he had given his life, or unlife, to save her and the world in that cave in Sunnydale. And he had. Just hadn’t planned on coming back. His legs started working again, and he kept eye contact with her until he opened the door to her building.

He took the steps two at a time, and soon he was standing outside her door. He stayed there a moment, preparing for the inevitable yelling and questions. Before he could bring up the courage to knock, she had flung the door open and thrown herself into his arms. He held her close, reveling in the feel of her, the smell, the warmth. After a couple of minutes, he noticed she was crying, so he pulled back a little to dry her tears. Their eyes met and before any of the knew what had happened, they were kissing passionately and tugging at eachother’s clothes. Without a word, Spike picked her up and carried her to the room he knew to be her bedroom. For the first time in almost a year, they both felt like they had come home.

*****

Spike laid in the bed, head held up by one elbow, and watched her sleep. She seemed so peaceful, so innocent. He placed a kiss on her forehead and she snuggled a little closer. Spike smiled at himself. How could he have waited this long to come to her? As he leaned in to give her another kiss, the phone rang in the living room. Not wanting Buffy to wake up, he rushed out to answer, but was beaten to it by the answering machine.

“Ciao, bella. Just called to say I’m back from Paris. Was wondering if I could steel you away for dinner tomorrow? Let me know.” Spike stood immobile as the message sounded through the apartment. The Immortal. How could he have forgotten? Of course she was still with him, why wouldn’t she be? Angry at himself, Spike went back to the bedroom where Buffy was still asleep. He pulled his jeans back on and looked around for the shirt before remembering it was out in the hallway. With one last look at Buffy’s sleeping form, he left the room, found his shirt and left her apartment, and her life.

*****

Buffy stirred in the bed, slowly going from sleep to awareness. She reached out for Spike beside her, like she always did. And, as always, she was shocked to find he was not there. But only for a moment. Because at the next moment, reality came back to her. He wasn’t there. He was dead. Gone. It had just been a dream. ‘But it was so real’ the little voice inside her whined. ‘So?’ the other voice, reason, contered, ‘Aren’t they always?’. Buffy sighed and pulled the covers tighter around her. She even thought she could smell him, that special smell that was only him. She pushed the tought aside and got out of bed. Of course it wasn’t there. He hadn’t been there. He would never be there.

Revelations


Three months later


Buffy opened one eye as the sun woke her from sleep. She closed it again and let herself just lie for a moment, not thinking of anything. Finally, she slipped her feet onto the floor and sat up. She was immediately overcome by the nausea she had become so familiar with and laid back down. Maybe she could force it away? But no. She pulled her robe around her and rushed for the bathroom.

After the nausea had succumbed, Buffy leaned her head against the bathroom wall. This had been going on for almost two months now, and she was really tired of it. The nausea, the sudden cases of dizziness, the missed periods... If she didn’t know any better, she would have thought... Buffy laughed out loud from her line of thoughts. You couldn’t get pregnant from dreaming about sleeping with someone. Especially if that someone was a vampire who was very much dead. Dead in the gone way. She sighed as she pushed herself off the floor and washed her face off before looking at herself in the mirror. She looked tired, she knew. Dawn had been badgering her to go to a doctor, but she didn’t want to. As long as she didn’t know, as long as no-one told her what was wrong, she could still hope, even on some extremely low level, that maybe, just maybe, the Powers had given her something back... a small part of him that could help her to keep going... But the moment she found out that that was not, nor would it ever, going to happen, that small sliver of hope would be gone. And she needed that hope.

She reached for her toothbrush and the toothpaste. She started brushing her teeth, and jumped as a hard knock was heard.

“Buffy? You OK in there?” She heard Dawn through the door.

“Yeah, Dawnie, I’m fine.” Buffy responded.

“We need to go in a couple of minutes. You know how Giles hates it if we’re late.” She could hear Dawn walking into the kitchen.

“I’ll be right out.” Damn. She had forgotten about the meeting. About two weeks ago, Giles had left Rome, no explanation. Last night he came back. At two in the morning, they were woken by the doorbell. He had wanted to get them all together and have a meeting right then, but Willow had managed to convince him that everyone would be better off if they waited till morning. Buffy finished the toothbrushing and left the bathroom. Dawn was waiting outside, a worried look on her face.

“Sure you’re OK? You look tired.” She handed Buffy a paper cup of coffee.

“I’m fine. Still got that flu or whatever it is.” Buffy took a sip of the hot beverage, welcoming the soothing effect it had on her body.

“I still say you need to see a doctor. Did you eatbreakfast?” Dawn led the way out of the apartment.

“You know I can’t eat in the mornings, but I will see a doctor, OK. Happy now?” She smiled at her sister while waving a cab.

“Very.” Dawn got in the cab after Buffy, and told the driver the address of Giles’s apartment.

*****

Buffy and Dawn were the last to arrive. Giles was sitting at the head of the table in his study/conference room, a book and a folder on the table in front of him. On one side of the table, Willow and Xander were sitting, on the other, Andrew. Buffy joined Willow and Xander while Dawn sat down next to Andrew. Giles put on his glasses and looked around the table.

“Now that we’re all here, I’ll get started. As you all noticed, I left Rome rather suddenly two weeks ago. This...” He picked up the book. “...is the reason.”

“What is it?” Willow reached for the book, but Giles pulled it out of her reach.

“I trust you all remember Wesley Wyndham-Pryce. This is his diary, starting about fifteen months ago and ending in May of this year. For the past two weeks, I have been investigating certain... statements he made.” He looked around the room again, his eyes lingering a bit longer on Buffy than the others. “I am going to read a few parts that I think you might find interesting.” He took off his glasses and cleaned them before opening the book to a selected page.

“ ‘June 11th, 2003. I thought I had seen everything. There is not much that surprises me these days. But this, I dare say, is one of them. As we arrived at the office this morning, the mail was waiting, as usual. In the mail was a plain envelope, addressed to Angel. No return address, no name, nothing. As Angel opened the envelope, a medallion fell out. I recognized it as the one that Angel had given to Buffy a couple of weeks ago. As it fell on the desk, smoke whirled out and took the form of a person. After a few moments of surprise, I recognized the person as the vampire I have gotten to know as William the Bloody, or Spike.’ ”

Giles looked up at the last word. Buffy started to say something, but a look from him stopped her.

“ ‘I still don’t know what happened, the only possibility I have been able to come up with is that somehow the medallion captured his spirit or soul or something, and sent him here, in incorporeal form. Yes, Spike is a ghost, or something very similar to it. To say that Angel, and myself for that matter, were surprised would be an understatement. We believed him to have died in the Hellmouth.’
’November 30th, 2003. We finally were rid of the rouge Slayer. A boy, Andrew showed up a couple of days ago. His reaction when he saw Spike was... entertaining.’ ” Giles, along with Buffy, Willow, Xander and Dawn, looked at Andrew. Buffy was the first to speek.

“He’s alive? And... you knew, and you didn’t tell me?” Andrew quivered under their gazes.

“He asked me not to tell you. I’m sorry.” He kept avoiding eye contact.

“Since when do you keep secrets?” Dawn hit him over the head. “You couldn’t even keep your mouth shut about my boyfriend, and you’ve been holding on this how long?”

“I’m really sorry.” Andrew looked at Buffy for forgiveness but she wouldn’t meet his eyes. “I didn’t feel that it was my place to tell you. I know he would want to tell you himself.”

“Then why didn’t he?” Buffy’s voice was little more than a whisper. Willow reached out and pulled her into a hug. Giles cleared his throat which made everyone look up.

“There’s more, I’m afraid.” He turned to a new page in the book. “ ‘May 14th, 2004. Tomorrow is the big day. The day we have been waiting for for months. The day we attack Wolfram and Hart. Everything is prepared, and everyone is ready... or as ready as you ever get for something like this. Angel was very clear about the fact that he does not expect any of us to survive the battle, and told everyone to take the day off and do whatever we want. Tomorrow we fight.’ ” Giles once again cleaned his glasses. “That is the last entry.”

“That’s it?” Xander asked in disbelief.

“But... what happened? Did they win?” Willow took the book from Giles and tried to find something he’d missed, but there was nothing there.

“I’m afraid that is it. As you understand, this is what I have been investigating over the past two weeks. I have been to Los Angeles, and talked to everyone I thought might be able to help. One of my sources told me that there had been something ruled off as a ‘gang fight’ in the middle of May, but didn’t know anything more. I searched hospitals and morgues. I was able to find Wesley’s body as well as the bodies of two people that I, from Wesley’s descriptions, believe are Charles Gunn and Winifred Burkle, or Illyria, who have been inhabiting the body of Miss Burkle for the past few weeks. There are no traces of Angel... or Spike.” He looked at Buffy. “I fear that neither of them made it.”

“No! No, that’s not... I don’t believe it.” Buffy got up and rushed out of the room, Willow following close behind.

Buffy stopped in the middle of Giles’s living room. Willow stopped a few feet away from her, not wanting to crowd her.

“Buffy? Are you OK?” She could tell that Buffy was breathing too fast, and she was looking around as if she didn’t know where she was. All of a sudden, she fell to the floor. Willow hurried to her side, shaking her but not getting any response.

“Giles! Xander!” She called into the other room.

Giles and Xander rushed into the room, Dawn and Andrew close behind them. As she saw what was going on, Dawn stopped dead in her tracks in the doorway.

“Dear Lord.” Giles fell to his knees next to Buffy, checking for pulse and breathing. “What happened?”

“I... I don’t know. She just... fell down, I think she fainted or something. Is she OK?” Willow looked at Giles, fear evident in her eyes.

“I’m sure she’ll be fine. Andrew, make yourself useful and call an ambulance. Xander, get a blanket, you’ll find some in my bedroom.” As the other two men left the room, Giles picked Buffy up and put her down on the couch. Dawn was still standing in the doorway. “Dawn, has there been something going on lately?” Dawn finally snapped out of her trance.

“I don’t know. She’s been sick, I think... nausea, and dizziness and stuff. And she hasn’t been eating a lot, said she didn’t have an appetite. She said it was just the flu! She’ll be fine, right?” Dawn was getting hysterical.

“I think so. She seems dehydrated, which would be consistent with not eating...” Xander came back with a blanket and Giles put it over Buffy, trying to keep her warm, before turning to Dawn. “How long has this been going on?”

“About two months, I think. I tried to get her to go to a doctor, but she didn’t want to. I’m sorry!” Dawn started crying, and Xander hurried to comfort her.

“Hey, hey. This is not your fault, OK? Buffy is a grown woman, and you couldn’t force her to a doctor, right? Don’t blame yourself.” Xander put an arm around Dawn’s shoulders.

Andrew came back into the room, the cordless phone in his hand.

“They said the ambulance will be here in a couple of minutes.” At the same moment, they heard sirens, and only a couple of seconds later there was a knocking on the front door. Giles let them in and they put Buffy on the stretcher before rolling it into the ambulance. Willow went in the ambulance while the others took Giles’ car to the hospital.

*****

Willow and Dawn were sitting in a couch in the waiting room at the hospital. Andrew sat on a chair opposite them, Xander was pacing the room and Giles had left a minute earlier to get something to drink. It had been almost an hour since Buffy was brought in, and they hadn’t heard anything yet.

Giles came back with a couple of sodas and sat down next to Dawn.

“Any word yet?” He asked, handing Dawn one of the cans. Everyone shook their heads, but stopped as a doctor entered the room.

“Are you the family or Miss Summers?” The doctor looked at his papers. Giles stood up.

“We’re her friends, and this is her sister.” Giles indicated Dawn. “ What happened?”

“Miss Summers was seriously dehydrated when she was brought in, that was the reason for her loosing consciousness. Has she been eating like she should?” He directed the question to Giles, who answered.

“I asked Dawn the same question before the ambulance arrived, and she said that Buffy hasn’t been eating enough, she blamed her lack of appetite on having the flu.”

“That explains it then. Miss Summers has been given fluids and is on IV now, and she should recover fine.” The doctor gave the group an encouraging smile.

“When can we take her home?” Xander asked.

“Normally, I would say as soon as she regains consciousness, but considering her condition, I would like to keep her over night for monitoring.”

“What... condition would that be?” Willow gave the doctor a confused look.

“Well, her pregnancy, of course.” The room was quiet for a minute or two before Willow spoke.

“Buffy’s... pregnant?”

“You didn’t know this?” The doctor asked.

“No... why wouldn’t she tell us?” Willow looked at Xander.

“She would tell us, you know that too. Maybe she didn’t know herself?” Xander thought out loud.

“Well, that is possible, although not very probable. She is about three months along, and I would think she has suspected something.” The doctor said.

“She said it was the flu.” Dawn looked bewildered. “She’s been getting dizzy, and she’s been sick in the morning and stuff... why didn’t I notice?” Giles put an arm around her shoulders.

“Can we see her?” He asked the doctor.

“She’s still unconscious, but you can see her. She’s in room 206, right down this hallway and on your right.” The doctor indicated the way.

Mindwalking


They all entered the room and found Buffy in a hospital bed, seemingly asleep. Willow sat down on the bed next to her and took her hand. Buffy opened her eyes.

“Buffy?” Willow squeezed her hand. “Buffy?” Buffy didn’t react. Giles stepped closer.

“Buffy, can you hear me?” She still didn’t react. Giles waved a hand in front of her. Still no reaction. “Oh, no.”

“What?” Xander looked confused.

“I believe she has gone catatonic again, like when Glory took Dawn. Maybe what I revealed was too much for her in her current state.” Giles looked at Willow. “Do you think you can do the mind walking again?”

“Sure.” Willow sat down in the chair next to the bed, keeping eyecontact with Buffy. The others took a couple of steps back, not wanting to disturb her.



Willow was standing on the balcony of Buffy and Dawn’s apartment. Buffy was sitting in one of the chairs, looking over the city. Willow approached her.

“Buffy?”

“Shhh.” Buffy looked at Willow, smiling. “He’s coming soon.” Willow looked around, seeing no-one.

“Who? Who’s coming?”

“William. He’s coming back.” Buffy turned her attention back to the street below, and Willow spotted someone walking towards them. The person looked up, and Willow gasped. It was Spike. Buffy smiled at her again.

“See? I told you he’d come back.”

*****

Willow was now in Buffy’s bedroom, it was morning and Buffy was asleep. Willow watched as she stirred, reached for the empty spot next to her in the bed as if someone was supposed to be there, and woke up. She looked at Willow, a sad smile on her face.

“It didn’t feel like a dream. But it never does, and it always is.” Willow sat down on the bed.

“Buffy, I know you’re hurting. But I need you to come back with me, OK?” Buffy shook her head.

“I can’t. I can’t keep living like this. Every night is like heaven, and then I wake up, and he’s gone. I can’t do it anymore. I’m sorry. Tell Dawn and the others that I love them.” Willow watched as the image of Buffy’s bedroom faded away.



Willow was in the hospital room again. The others were standing around her. When they saw she was back, they turned to the bed, but Buffy was still unresponsive.

“What happened?” Giles looked at Willow, a concerned look on his face. Willow met his gaze.

“She wouldn’t come back with me. But I have an idea.”

*****

Willow, Xander and Giles were standing in the hallway outside Buffy’s hospital room. Dawn and Andrew were in the room with Buffy.

“OK, Wil. What’s the plan?” Xander asked.

“I didn’t say plan. Did I say plan?” Willow answered defensively.

“Sorry, sorry. Idea, then.” Xander raised his hands in the air, surrendering.

“Yes. Well, I only saw two different events. First, Buffy was on her balcony and Spike was walking up the street. She told me she knew he’d come back. Then I was in her bedroom in the morning, when she woke up. She reached out, as to see if he was there, and then she told me that it was always a dream, but it didn’t feel like a dream.”

“OK... I’m not sure I get this, I’m still hung up on this whole pregnancy thing. I mean, how... well not how, I know how, but... still, how? And, more importantly, who?” Xander started pacing the hallway.

“That’s part of my idea. See, what I thought was, what if Spike didn’t die in the battle? What if he came here, they... you know. Then he left before she woke up, and she thought it was a dream.” Willow awaited the others reactions.

“Good idea, Wil. There’s only one teeeeny fault.” Xander stopped.

“What?” Willow looked at him.

“Vampire, pregnancy... not exactly two words that go together. Unless you know something I don’t. Do you?” Xander frowned.

“Oh, but I’ve got that figured too. Remember that prophecy about the vampire with a soul everyone thought Angel would get? Where he would be turned human? What if Angel died in the battle, and Spike got the prophecy instead?” Willow seemed pleased with her idea.

“OK, I can buy that. He became human, came here and they got with the smoochies. Only...” Willow interrupted him.

“Why did he leave?” Xander nodded at her. “That I don’t know... but it all adds up... Giles, Wesley’s last entry was on May 14th, right? So the battle would have been on May 15th, right? And the doctor said Buffy was three months pregnant, right? What day was it three months ago?” She turned to Xander who was counting backwards.

“Around May 18th... right?” He said hesitantly.

“Exactly. Maybe Spike isn’t as dead as we think.” Willow looked at the others. “And I think the only way we’re gonna get Buffy back, is to get him here.”

Giles, who had been silent through the entire reasoning spoke for the first time.

“I’ll get in touch with some of my sources. If he’s still around, we’ll find him.” He left Willow and Xander in the hallway, heading for a phone.

*****

Willow was sitting in Buffy’s hospital room as Xander walked in. She looked up.

“Any changes?” He sat down in one of the other chairs.

“No. The doctors don’t know what to do. Even if they did know something, I don’t think it would work. She won’t come back unless she wants to. Have Giles heard anything yet?” Xander shook his head.

“He said he was gonna call a guy in the States who said he had a lead a couple of days ago, but I don’t know. It’s been over a week.” Willow could hear the doubt in his voice.

“We’ll find him. He’s out there, I know he is. And we will get her back, OK? Promise.” Willow smiled weakly. “How did the school tour go?” Dawn had decided to go to college in Rome, and earlier that morning Xander had taken her over to the school to look around, since she wuld be starting classes two weeks later.

“It went fine. I think she’ll like it. I dropped her off downtown so she and Andrew could get some of the stuff she needs.”

“Good. She needs to get her mind off things.” Willow turned back to Buffy in the hospital bed.

“I know. I’m glad we didn’t tell her about Spike. It would’ve been too much for her if we didn’t find him.” They both looked up as Giles entered the room.

“I’ve found him.”

*****

“He’s in New York.” Giles stated.

“Are you sure?” Xander looked a little skeptical. Giles handed him a couple of photos. “OK.” Xander handed the photos to Willow, who looked through them.

“And according to my source, he is, like you said, Willow, very much alive.” Giles continued.

“OK,I’m going.” Willow got up and headed for the door. Xander held her back.

“Maybe I should go instead.”

“What? Why?” Willow gave him a look.

“I think this might be more of a... guy thing.” Xander turned to Giles, looking for support.

“I must agree with Xander on this one. I think he will have the best chance at getting through to him.” Giles handed Xander the folder he had brought. “This had his address and some other information that might be useful.”

“Fine. But if you mess this up!” Willow gave Xander her resolve face.

“I know, I know, you’ll have to kill me.” Xander headed for the door.

“Very painfully.” Willow almost shouted after him.

Persuasion



Spike unlocked the door to his apartment. He had been working a double shift at the bar and after he’d cleaned the place and locked up it had been after five in the morning. He was exhausted. He closed the door behind him and dropped the keys onto the table in the hallway. As he entered the small living room he froze. Someone was in the apartment, he could feel it. Cautiously, he looked around the room, but it was empty. He went into the kitchen, and stopped at the sight.

“What the bloody hell are you doing here?” He asked the intruder.

“Is that the way you greet an old friend?” Xander tossed him one of the beers he had just taken out of the fridge.

“As far as I remember, you an’ me weren’t exactly friends.” Spike opened the beer and sat down at the table. “How’d you get in?”

“Told your landlord a sad little story about how I was your younger brother who hadn’t seen you in a long, long time and now I was dying and just wanted to see my big brother one last time before I kicked the bucket. I think she was actually crying when I finished. You really should talk to her about not letting just anybody in here.” Xander joined Spike at the table.

“And you’re here because... what?” Spike asked.

“It’s not because I want to, if that’s what you think. If it were up to me, I’d let you stay here, halfway across the world and far, far away from the people I love. But, like always, I don’t have a say in this, and Willow seems to think you’re the only one who could help.” Xander took a drink from his beer.

“Help who?” Spike did the same.

“Buffy.” Spike looked up at Xander’s word.

“And why would I want to do that?”

“Oh, come one, bleach boy. I know you love her, don’t even try to deny it.” Xander snorted.

“I’m not. Doesn’t mean I’m at her beck and call. Got my own life here, and I’m happy with it.” Spike hoped Xander would be convinced by this, even if he himself wasn’t.

“Under any normal circumstances I would say fine. Live your pathetic life, I don’t care. But it is very possible that you’re the only one who could get her back, and I will not lose her just because you’re stubborn.” Xander leaned over the table in what he hoped was a threatening pose.

“Get her back? From where?” Spike started to get worried, and he knew Xander could tell.

“Oh, I forgot to mention that? Well, after we heard about your little return from the dead, and the battle in LA which no-one supposedly survived, Buffy went catatonic again. Remember that? When Glory took Dawn?” Xander could see Spike twitch at the memory.

“How did you guys find out about that?” Spike wondered.

“Wesley sent Giles a diary before the battle. Giles did some research, found the bodies of Wesley and some other people...”

“Gunn and Illyria.” Spike interrupted.

“Right. And he came to the conclusion that both you and Angel died as well. Then Willow did the whole mind walking thing she saw the day you came to Rome, and she figured the rest out. Did you know Buffy thought it was a dream? Still does, as a matter of fact.” Xander leaned back in the chair.

“Let her think that. Better for all of us.” Spike took another sip of his beer.

“See, that’s where you’re wrong.” Spike was surprised at the harshness in Xander’s voice.

“Better for me anyways. And I’m sick and tired of being her toy that she can play with whenever she likes. I’m done with that.” Spike was trying to convince himself just as much as Xander.

“Fine. Then don’t stay. Just come back with me and get her back. Or at least try.” Xander was trying anything he could think of, getting desperate.

“Maybe she’s happier where she is now, ever think of that? Like when you guys brought her back from heaven.” Spike saw the pain in Xander’s eyes, and felt a little bad.

“She’s not. And even if she thinks she is, she won’t when she knows you’re really back.”

“Why would she? She doesn’t care. Moved on, didn’t she?” Spike got up and went over to the fridge to get another beer.

“Who the hell are you talking about? Because it sure as hell isn’t the Buffy I know, the one who’s been mourning for almost a year and a half. She hasn’t moved on, or let go. God knows we’ve tried to get her to, but she hasn’t.” Xander was getting mad again, and Spike could hear it.

“What about the Immortal? Angel and I saw her with him, and Andrew told us that they were together.” Spike came back tot he table and handed Xander another beer.

“That? It was just a scam he pulled.”Xander accepted the beer. “Told Buffy he had some old friends coming to town and asked her to play girlfriend for the night. There was never anything between them.”

“But he called her, I was there, he left a message that they were going out for dinner.” Spike could still feel the pain from that day.

“Is that why you left that day? We couldn’t figure out why you would come to Rome and then just leave after... well, you know. I get it. I would probably have done the same. But trust me, there’s nothing between them. He’s been trying to get her to go out with him for months, but she refuses.”

“There’s nothing between them?” Xander shook his head. “Damn!”

“You can say that. Now, come on. I have two tickets for Rome with a flight that leaves at ten. We need to get back as soon as possible, the doctors are worried about Buffy and the baby, says there might be permanent damage if she doesn’t wake up soon.” Xander headed for the door, Spike following.

“Buffy and the... what?” Spike stopped dead in his tracks.

“Oh, I forgot to mention that? Buffy’s pregnant.” At the look on Spike’s face, he added. “Guess you didn’t think of birthcontrol, did you? Well, if you haven’t had a reason to worry about it for, oh say a century, it might be hard to remember.”

“She’s... you’re sure?” Spike sounded insecure.

“The doctor was pretty positive. And Dawnie said there has been signs, but Buffy must have thought it was nothing since she thought that it hadn’t really happened.”

“And... it’s mine?” Xander could see the doubt in the other man’s eyes.

“There’s no-one else, so I’d say yeah.”

“Let’s go.”

Coming back


Xander and Spike walked out of the elevator on the second floor of the hospital. Xander led the way down the corridors to Buffy’s room, where they were met by Giles and Andrew who were sitting in the hallway.

“Spike!” Andrew jumped to his feet and tried to give Spike a hug, but he managed to slip away. Giles stood up also.

“Spike.”

“Rupert.” Spike looked the Watcher over suspiciously, and was caught completely off guard when the older man pulled him into a hug.

“I’m glad you’re here.” He pulled back and nodded for the door. “Get her back.”

“I will.” Spike opened the door and entered the room. Willow and Dawn were sitting in chairs next to the bed where Buffy was lying, eyes wide open but unseeing. When the door closed with a small thud, Dawn looked up.

“Spike?” He could see the tears forming in her eyes and walked across the room and pulled her into a tight embrace.

“Everything’s gonna be OK, don’t worry.” He let her cry until she pulled away by herself, then he turned to Willow.

“’lo, Red.” She smiled and hugged him as well. When she released him he let his attention focus on Buffy. “Hello, love. Missed you.” He took her hand in his and squeezed it. She didn’t react.

“Did Xander tell you everything?” Willow came up beside him.

“I think so. You’re gonna do some magic thing to get me into her head and I have to convince her to come back, that about right?” Spike looked at Willow.

“Yeah. You can’t force her. She has to want to come back herself. But you can do anything to get her to want that. Tell her what’s going on, about the baby and everything, OK? She might not accept that you’re really alive at first, but just keep talking to her. I think she’ll come around eventually.” Willow gave him an encouraging smile.

“OK. Let’s do this.” Spike sat down in the chair Willow had left.

“Keep eyecontact with her.” Willow took one of his hands in her left and one of Buffy’s in her right and closed her eyes.


Spike was in Buffy’s apartment in Rome. She was sitting on the couch, remote control in her hand and her eyes focused on the TV. He could hear his own voice. She was watching the tape Andrew had made those last couple of months before the battle. Slowly he approached her and sat down on the couch next to her. She turned to him.

“Why did you have to go?” She had tears in her eyes.

“I’m sorry, love. But I’m back now, OK?” He reached out to touch her cheek, but she pulled back before he could.

“No, you’re not real. It’s the First, he’s playing with me, trying to make me think...” She put her hands over her eyes, trying to shut him out.

“No, listen to me. After the battle in LA I was turned human. I came to see you, you remember that? Xander says that you thought it was a dream, but it wasn’t, it was real.” He pulled her hands into his own, holding them tight.

“No. I won’t let you do this, you can’t make me believe and then leave again. I can’t.” She pulled away and left the room.

*****

They were in the Hellmouth now. He was watching them by the stairs to the high school. He couldn’t hear what they were saying, but remembered every single word.

“You didn’t believe me.” Buffy was standing beside him.

“I did. I just wanted you to be safe, to get out of there. I’m sorry I said that.” He reached out for her hand, and she let him take it in his. “I need you to come back with me, love. There are people who need you. Dawn, me... the baby...” At the last word she pulled her hand out of his grasp.

“There is no baby. Everything was a dream, it wasn’t real, you’re gone.”

*****

He was in her bedroom now. Somehow he knew that it was the morning after he came to Rome. He saw Buffy reach for him next to her in bed and wake up when the spot was empty. She looked up at him.

“I thought you were gone. That it was just a dream again.” He sat down on the bed and pulled her into his arms.

“It wasnt a dream. It’s me, really.” He held her, trying to comfort her the best he could.

“You left! Just like the others did. You were supposed to always be there, and you left!”

“I’m sorry, love. I didn’t have a choice, you know. But I’m back now, and I’m never leaving any of you ever again, OK? I just need you to come back with me, can you do that?” He felt her nod against his chest as the image of the room began to fade away.


Spike pulled out of the trance with a sharp gasp for air. In the bed, Buffy did the same. He jumped out of the chair and was by the bed in two steps, holding her to him as tight as he could. She started crying, and he let her.

“I thought it was all a dream, that you wouldn’t be here when I came back.”

“Shhh... it’s OK, everything’s gonna be fine. I’m here.” He stroked her hair and she held him tight by his shirt. None of them noticed Willow and Dawn leaving the room, giving them some privacy.


Epilogue

Spike heard the screams from the garden and went out on the back porch to see what was going on.

“Daddy! Daddy! Wiwum hit me!” Spike sighed and took a step out in the sun of the back yard.

“William Giles Summers! What have I told you about hitting your little sisters?” The five-year-old peaked out behind a tree.

“But they were breaking my castle. I had a tower and everything.” The boy frowned.

“That still doesn’t give you the right to hit, OK?” Spike went over to the sandbox in the back of the garden. “Let’s see if I can help you with that.” He heard two small giggles from behind the playhouse and smiled. “Anya and Tara, come out here.” The two identical two-and-a-half year olds ran out from behind the house and almost knocked him over, attacking his legs. He sat down on the bench next to the sandbox and pulled them both into his lap. “What were you two doing?” He got two innocent looks back.

“Nothing dada.”

“Did you destroy Williams castle?” He got two headshakes as a response. “Are you sure about that?” Anya continued to shake her head, but Tara gave them away.

“Maybe a wittle?” She smiled guiltily.

“What have I said? Don’t destroy your brothers things.” Spike sighed.

“We just wanna play with him.” Anya gave him the puppy dog eyes she had already perfected.

“Why don’t you help him rebuild the castle then?” Both girls nodded and jumped down, joining their brother in the sandbox.

“What was all the commotion about?” Spike looked behind him to find Buffy with ten-month-old Alex in her arms. He smiled at her.

“Just a sandcastle issue. All sorted.” She sat down on the bench and Spike took the sleeping baby from her.

“Mommy mommy!” Tara had spotted Buffy and took a firm grip with her little arms around her leg. Buffy loosened her arms and pulled her into her lap.

“Hey baby. Guess what? Uncle Xander and Auntie Tracy are coming tomorrow, isn’t that fun?” The little girl nodded.

“Is baby Jesse coming too?” Xander had met Tracy three years earlier. She was a Slayer and he was her Watcher. They had gotten married a year ago and their son, Jesse was now two months old.

“Of course he is. And then we’re all going to go visit auntie Dawn and auntie Willow and uncle Andrew and grandpa Giles in England, remember?” Buffy put a stray strand of her daughter’s blonde hair behind her ear. Giles was running the new Council, and Willow was working with him, training Slayers and Watchers. Dawn and Andrew were training to be Watchers.

“Yay.” Buffy laughed at her daughters reaction.

“Go play with your brother and sister now, OK.” She put Tara down on the ground and she ran back over to the sandbox. “She’s really excited.”

“They all are. Of course, the way old Rupert spoils them, it’s no wonder.” Buffy playfully slapped Spike on the arm.

“Hey! He’s the grandfather, it’s his job.”

“I’m not complaining. If he lived here, we probably wouldn’t have to buy a single thing for them.” Spike smiled at the memory of the last time Giles had visited them, showing up on the doorstep barely visible behind all the bags and packages.

“About that...” He could hear Buffy’s voice turning from playful to serious.

“The moving thing?” He looked at her.

“Yeah.” She nodded.

“You know it’s your decision. Giles said I have a job at the Council any time, and if you want to move to England, that’s fine.” Spike gave her a smile.

“Really? Because I think I want to.” She gave him a cautious look.

“OK. Then we move. Probably a good thing to do it before Will starts school, anyway.”

“I was thinking about that too. And, when I talked to Xander earlier, he said that he’s been offered the executive VP job at a construction company... in London.” Buffy had a hard time hiding her excitement.

“That’s great. Just like old times, the whole gang together again. Plus some new additions.”

“You don’t mind?” She looked at him. “Seriously.”

“Why would I mind? I love the mothercountry, and if you want to go, I know you won’t be happy until we do, and I just want you to be happy. You know I’d do anything for you.” He gave her a kiss on the forehead.

“You already have.” Buffy leaned her head on Spike’s shoulder and looked at their three kids playing in the sun.