Chapter One

William Madden walked up the steps to his old mate's house with trepidation. Hank Summers had approached him that afternoon with a favor and while normally Hank asking him favors was fine, this one was making him uneasy.

************************************************************
"I need a favor, Will," Hank said as he sat across from Will on the leather chair in his friend's office.

Will raised a brow, "All right. This is pretty serious if you're tearing yourself away from your office upstairs and not just calling me for it."

Hank nodded, "Yeah, it is serious. Buffy's coming home."

Will blinked. "Okay, and that means?"

"I want you to give her a job."

Will blinked again. "What?"

"She's coming home to attend Boston College. She hated it over in
California and wanted to come back home. She's second year in pre-law."

Will nodded slowly, "I see."

"I'd give her a job with me, but you know how it is with favoritism and
such."

"Like it wouldn't be favoritism that I'm giving my mate's daughter a job?"

"Not as much as if I gave it to my daughter. You can be objective about
things; I wouldn't be able to be objective with her."

Will smiled, "Are you saying I'd be hard on her?"

Hank chuckled, "Maybe. But, she needs to learn what's it's like to work in
the field and I want to give her a hands on experience."

"I don't know Hank, I'm not sure if there's a position available to give to
her—"

"Look, I'm not telling you to give her a full time, forty hour position here.
I'm asking for a few days out of the week and give her something small if
you want at first to see how she does. Have her work with your assistant—"

"With Dru?" Will shook his head, "No. Buffy's a nice girl and Dru is a
barracuda."

Hank grinned.

Will glared at him, "We're not talking about Dru."

"Well, have you?"

"NO. Nor do I care to. She's just my assistant and I do not mix business with pleasure. This is a reputable law firm and my partners would have my head. You know what that's like having one of your own."

Hank cleared his throat. "Of course. So, will you?"

Will sighed heavily. "All right. I'll give her a job."

"Great. Come over tonight so you can tell her yourself. If I tell her, she'll think I'm interfering."

"She's not stupid, she's going to know."

"Yes, but she won't say no to you," Hank winked and got up. "Thanks buddy."

"Sure thing. You owe me one."

"I think you'll be pleasantly surprised. She's not the same flaky teenager she used to be. She's grown up quite a bit."

**************************************************************

William and Hank had been friends for five years. Together, they worked in a twenty story building in downtown Boston. Hank had been part of McDonald, Morgan and Summers, P.C., which resided on the eighth floor of the building for seventeen years, and William had been part of Pryce, O'Connor & Madden, P.C.—on the seventh floor--for the past four years, having worked in other firms before. It was during his first case that he'd met Hank and the two had become fast friends. Hank was older by seven years to Will's thirty-five. Hank was more than just a friend to him, he was also a mentor of sorts, the older man having given William all the advice he'd needed to make partner in a short amount of time—two years—and had thrown him a congratulatory party when he'd made it.

William met Buffy, Hank's only child, when she had turned sixteen. He
remembered meeting the audacious and . . . bouncy girl and thinking that it
was probably a good thing she was beautiful because she hadn't seemed to
have too much going on upstairs.

He was wrong.

Buffy had graduated with honors and had been accepted to a prestigious
school in California, having decided she wanted to join in the footsteps of
her father and become a lawyer. Her grades had to have been good to be
accepted to BC for the upcoming fall semester, and Will was curious to see
just how much Buffy had grown, hoping that she had matured enough to
work with him at the firm. This dinner Joyce, Hank's wife, was having for
them would make or break Buffy and he sincerely did not want to be the
one to tell Hank his daughter would not fit in at his firm.

Knocking on the door, Will took a deep breath and closed his eyes to relax
himself just before the door flung open and there stood the most beautiful
girl he'd ever seen. She'd grown. She seemed taller somehow, though it
could have been the shoes. Her hair was no longer in school girl pony tails
that had been the fashion, but long and flowing down around her shoulders
in waves. It was darker, golden, instead of platinum and instead of pounds
of makeup; she wore her make up light and natural. She smiled at him, her
green eyes sparkling.

"Buffy?" he nearly squeaked out.

"Hello, William." Even her voice had changed. She didn't talk like an air
head; she spoke in a deeper, mature tone. Course, it was only two words,
but still. She stood aside and his eyes made the path down her slender
body. He tore his eyes away from her and met her eyes.

"Buffy, you've grown up so much," he finally said.

"Thanks. Why don't you come in? Dinner is almost ready. Would you like
anything to drink?"

"I – uh—do you have any beer?"

"I believe we do. Would you like me to take your coat?"

He blinked, "My God, you've grown up."

She chuckled, "You said that already."


"William! How good to see you," Joyce said, coming into the room, and
giving him a peck on the cheek. "Haven't seen you in quite a while, how are
you?"

William followed Buffy out of the corner of his eye, feeling quite unable to
tear his gaze away from her as he greeted Joyce. "I'm fine, thanks. Been
busy. You know what that's like."

Joyce frowned momentarily, "Don't I ever." Then she smiled again, leaving
William to wonder what the momentary lapse had been about. "Have you
been seeing anyone?"

William chuckled and then coughed nervously when Buffy came back in the
room, glowing and beautiful and handing him a beer. "No, no, I'm not.
Thank you, Buffy."

"Welcome."

"Buffy, dear, would you mind entertaining William while I finish dinner?
Your father should be home soon."

"I made it before Hank?" William said, surprised.

"Hmm," was Buffy's tight lipped reaction while Joyce simply nodded,
smiled, and walked away.

William followed Buffy to the living room, all the while forcing himself not
to ogle her. His British upbringing should have taught him to have some
manners. Suddenly, all he'd learned seemed to be forgotten.

Settling down on the couch, somewhat tense, William watched Buffy sit
down in the rocking chair across from him. She leaned forward, putting her
elbow on her knee and resting her chin in her hand. "So, I hear my Dad
asked you to give me a position in your firm."

William gulped, feeling like a bloody git. He was thirty-five years old and
this mere slip of a girl, all of twenty, was making him sweat. "Well, now
Buffy, I had a position open so he was only looking to help me out."

Buffy smirked and sat back, looking as regal as Queen as she rocked gently
in the chair. She raised her brows at him. "You didn't have a position open.
He asked you to do it as a favor."

She was challenging him. The bloody chit was challenging him and she
knew it.

God, it was a turn on.

He sat back, relaxed, sipped his beer and smirked back. "Where's your
proof?"

"My mother told me."

William's smirk fell. "Oh. Buffy, he's just looking out for you."

She started to laugh, a light hearted laugh that sounded like a choir of
angel's. What the hell was wrong with him?

"I lied William. She didn't tell me anything. I guessed when Dad called to
tell me you were coming over for dinner tonight with an offer for me."

William stared at her for a minute before breaking out in a broad grin.
"Buffy, my dear, you're going to make a fantastic lawyer."

Chapter Two

Buffy couldn't get over how incredibly—well, HOT, William was. She'd always known he was good looking, but back when she'd been an annoying teenager, he was just William. Like an uncle to her. And, in her opinion back then, kind of a nerd. She remembered him wearing glasses and now he didn't, so she surmised he'd gotten contacts. Good thing too. Those incredible blue eyes did not need to be hidden. They deserved to be showcased along with those chiseled, razor sharp cheekbones and lush mouth. She bit her lip and looked up at him from where he sat across from her at the dinner table.

His eyes met hers and he smiled warmly.

She smiled back and looked back down at her plate. He was her father's best friend and he was going to be her employer for Christ's Sake. It would do no good crushing on the guy. It was pointless and besides—he was fifteen years older! She looked back up at him; he only really looked about six years older, not fifteen. All right so maybe that was stretching it a bit but –

"So Buffy, were you very homesick?" William asked her.

She looked back up at him again and forced back the response that was on the tip of her tongue to that question, and instead smiled graciously, "A bit, yes."

He smiled, "I know your dad's happy to have you home. He raves about you every chance he gets."

"I'm sure he does," she said sweetly, thinking she wanted to spit. Her father had been less than thrilled when she'd told him she was coming home. He'd calmed a bit when she told him she was going to BC, but only a bit.

"Buffy was quite the popular girl over there in California. Part of every club, excellent grades and it seemed she was always out," Joyce gushed, taking a sip of her wine. Her eyes looked slightly glassy. Buffy frowned. Great, just how much had she had?

"So you must have left a trail of broken hearts back there," William said, staring at her.

The look he was giving her made her feel hot and uncomfortable. She shifted in her seat and took a sip of her water. "Not really," she said evasively, thinking of her good friend Riley, who'd apparently been harboring feelings for her because he'd begged her to stay when she'd told him she was leaving.

"Not really? Sounds like there might be," William said, grinning good-naturedly and darting glances from Hank to Joyce. He almost looked nervous.

She shook her head, evading the question, feeling her face turn hot. One thing Buffy Summers was not good at was dealing with the opposite sex; especially if she was attracted to them. Her anger at her father for getting her a job, even though he wouldn't admit to it, had spurned her on to grill William earlier, but now, under his scrutiny, she was fighting the urge to flee.

The memory of her mother's earlier question to him sparked in her mind and she smiled slyly. Well, turnabout was fair play.

"What about you? With as busy as you are, there must be a trail of broken hearts for you as well."

Hank chuckled, "If you consider a trail his –"

"Hank," William cut him off abruptly, an edge to his voice.

Buffy raised her eyebrows. Interesting.

He looked back to Buffy and then at Joyce apologetically. "You know how it is with large offices. People talk."

"But you work downstairs from my dad," Buffy pointed out.

William narrowed his eyes, "The firms are close."

She nodded and said innocently, "I see. I'll be sure not to be part of all that crazy gossip."

He gazed at her warily and she fought the urge to laugh. Throwing him off
balance was just too much fun. She knew from stories she'd heard from her father and from around town that he was an excellent lawyer, not easily shaken. She wondered how she was able to have that power.

And she hoped she'd continue to have it.

***************************************************************************

William was wondering what had happened to the flaky girl of the past who seemed at best unobservant to anything beyond hair and make up. He almost longed for her back.

If only because this Buffy was dangerous to him. Dangerous because every challenge she posed, he wanted more. He could already see her in a courtroom, like a lion, all glorious and radiant. He bit the inside of his cheek hard, disciplining himself from thinking about her in such a lustful manner. He'd laid eyes on her for the first time in two years and in less than an hour and a half, had managed to turn him into a poncy school boy all over again instead of the powerful attorney he was. How in the bloody hell had that happened?

He fought the urge to bury his head in his hands and moan in agony. This girl was going to be working for him. She was fifteen years younger than he was, she was the daughter of his best friend and she was his employee now.
Oh yes, she also made his blood rush to certain parts of his anatomy that she'd probably be disgusted to learn he even had. He was probably just an ‘old guy' to her. For crying out loud, he could have changed her diapers at one point.

Get a grip, he told himself.

Wait—Hank had told him he didn't have to coddle her. Well, he'd said it in so many words when he'd told him he was objective. That meant he didn't have to pussy foot around this arrangement. No way. No mixing business with pleasure—not that he would, EVER, but that just meant that in the work place, she was Buffy Summers, his employee and outside she was Buffy Summers his mate's daughter. So he could be as hard on her as he was on any new person that started. Buffy had to prove her salt just like the rest. He could multi task in this: Mold her into a ruthless attorney and maybe, in the process, drive her away from his firm so he would no longer have to deal with the dirty thoughts he was currently entertaining about her.

**************************************************************
Sneaking away for a smoke before dessert, William puffed on that cigarette as if it were the last one he'd ever had. He felt as if he'd been given one last request and this was it. A cigarette. An image of Buffy infiltrated his mind and he no longer wanted the cigarette, he wanted Buffy's body under his, hot and yielding to him. Then perhaps he'd ask for the cigarette.

"Will?"

He spun, to see Buffy coming out to join him.

"Uh, hi Buffy."

"I wanted to talk with you about the job."

He nodded, "Okay, what do you want to know?"

"What exactly is the nature of my job? I mean, I know I'm going to be
working at the firm, but am I actually working with you or with one of your
partners? Am I going to be responsible for putting paper in the copier, or
something more? I just want to know what I'm walking into."

"Well, you may be starting out with filling the copier with paper at first.
Just to get your hands wet and then from there, we'll see what comes up."

She nodded, "Makes sense. I should let you know that I know how to do
simple things like put together a letter. I can take dictation and all that."

"Were you working in California?"

"I was, at a law office."

"Oh, I didn't know—your dad never told me."

"Yeah, well-"she stopped and shook her head, appearing slightly
aggravated and he wondered what was going on. "He probably forgot," she
looked up at him. "I was a receptionist. They were starting to train me on
other things so I've taken dictation and put together letters and such. I just
figured I'd give you a base as to what I've done."

"Thank you," he said nodding, "That helps."

"So, if you don't want me working directly with you due to a conflict of
interest or whatever, that's fine. As long as your partners will have me. Or,
I could be an assistant to your assistant."

William smiled at her, "We'll work it out Buffy. I'm not too worried."

"Maybe you should call me Elizabeth at work."

"What?"

"Well, I'm just thinking that Buffy sounds so . . . immature. I want to be
taken seriously."

William smiled, "Buffy, with your attitude, I don't think you have to worry
about that."

She gave him a funny look, "My attitude?"

"Not that it's bad, just saying you're already pretty uh, forceful."


She smiled, "I like that."

"How about in the presence of others I call you Elizabeth? When it's just
you and I, I can call you Buffy?"

She smiled, "Sure. So, what are my hours?"

"What can you do?"

"I can be there at two every day."

"How about we ease you—"

"Will, you're open to what time?"

"Five."

"I can handle three hours a day every day."

"See? There you are, being forceful."

"Sorry," she said and blushed.

"Don't apologize," he looked at her sheepishly, "I like it."

She shifted and looked back at the door, appearing to be done with the
conversation. "Okay, well, I'll see you tomorrow at two then?"

He nodded. "Perfect."

She stuck out her hand and he pondered pretending he didn't see the
gesture. But then his hand was reaching out as if it had a mind of its own
and needed to know just how soft her hands were. Their hands slipped into
each other and he felt a jolt of energy go up his arm. He didn't want to let her hand go, but when she forcibly yanked her hand out of his grasp, he scolded himself.

Yep. He was in big trouble.

Chapter Three

Buffy's palms started to sweat as she ran into the vast building and charged for the elevator. She was running late on her first day. It had been a bitch of a day. It'd started that morning when she found her mother had single handedly polished off a bottle of wine on her own and had had a massive hangover that morning. When she'd asked her father if he knew anything about it, he'd snapped at her and told her to mind her own business and that her mother was an adult and could do what she wanted. She'd retorted that maybe if he spent more time at home she wouldn't have to find her solace in a bottle. He'd stormed off without giving her an answer.
Then she'd gotten to school late and found out her books for one class had to be ordered and wouldn't arrive for a week. The one good thing was that she'd made a friend with the girl in said class and she'd offered to share her book with her. Buffy just felt off and her whole day felt skewed because of it. So, arriving late almost seemed par for the course, but she was also nervous so being late only upped the ante to terrified.

When the elevator door's opened, she was greeted by the receptionist, Harmony, who looked at her as if she had seven heads. Buffy looked down at herself to make sure she wasn't dressed inappropriately or had food on her. Nope, she seemed free and clear. She wore black, boot legged pants with a pink cami and a black velvet jacket.

"I'm Elizabeth. I'm here for—"

"Bu—Elizabeth, there you are."

Buffy turned to see William coming toward her and she tried not to gulp
and stare at the sight of William in a suit. It was simple, black with a dark
blue shirt, but my God, he was gorgeous. Great, now her palms were
sweating and her mouth had gone dry. In what universe did that happen
in?

"Hi, uh, Mr. Madden, I'm sorry I'm late—"

"Elizabeth, you can call me William," he smiled down at her. "You look a
little flushed, you all right?"

"Yeah, I just ran here."

"Busy first day of school?"

"You could say that. I'm sorry I'm late."

"It's all right. Only ten minutes."

"Still."

He grinned. "You have a great work ethic, I see." He looked over at
Harmony, "Some could learn from that," he said pointedly.

Harmony just smiled and shrugged.

William took her arm, leading her down a wide hallway. The offices on the
floor had been there for a long time, and yet they looked brand new still. All
wood and brass with dark carpeting, it was at once aesthetically pleasing
and intimidating.

"I want to introduce you to the partners and to my assistant," William told
her.

"Okay," she nodded.

"Are you nervous?"

She looked up at him, his eyes dancing with humor. "Terrified," she
admitted.

"Don't be, Buffy. You're going to do great."

He knocked on a heavy wooden door and a voice chirped, "Come in!"
Entering the room, they found a man sitting against a huge window
overlooking the city and drumming a pen on his desk blotter. He stood and
smiled. "This must be Elizabeth," he said warmly and came around the
desk. He was slightly shorter than William, lean, with blue eyes, glasses and
a thin smile. His hair was coiffed perfectly and his suit appeared impeccable
and expensive.

"Wesley Wyndham Pyrce," he said and stuck out his hand.

"Hi, Elizabeth Summers," she said and gave him a firm shake. "Nice to
meet you."

"Same here. Your father is a nice man."

If you say so, Buffy thought. "Thanks."

"Angel here, Wesley?" Spike asked.

"I believe he's in the conference room with a client."

"Well, you can meet him later then. Let me show you around and introduce
you to my assistant."

Buffy nodded mutely and followed William out Wesley's door and down the
hall.

"Wesley comes off as if he's uptight and extremely proper," William told
her as they rounded the corner of the hallway, "and he is—"

Buffy giggled.

William chuckled, "But he's a good guy and he'd give you the shirt off his
back."

"And Angel?"

William smiled, "Angel O' Connor is a good guy. He's tough, but kind. Really
just a marshmallow underneath it all. He's the one that gave me the job."

"And your assistant?" Buffy asked slyly.

William looked down at her. "What has your father told you?"

"She's got the hots for you."

William rolled his eyes. "She's made it known a few times that she's
interested, however—"

Buffy started to giggle. "Gotcha again. He didn't tell me anything. I guessed."

"Buffy, you've got to stop doing that," he said, but he was smiling.

"Why stop when it's so much fun?"

"I don't believe she's interested any longer. At least she's stopped making a
passes at me. I made it clear to her that I valued her as my assistant yet
that was as far as it could and would go."

"Very diplomatic of you, Mr. Madden," Buffy teased.

"Why thank you Miss Summers," he said graciously, grinning down at her
and making her blush.

"Hello, William. This must be Elizabeth."

The pair looked up to see a dark haired woman with haunting eyes and
ruby red lips watching them intently.

"Ah, here she is. This is Drusilla, my assistant. She will teach you
everything you need to know Buffy," William said kindly, smiling gently at
Drusilla.

Drusilla smiled, but it was forced. "So, you're Hank Summer's daughter.
How nice." And yet, she sounded as if it were anything but.

Buffy nodded and stuck out her hand. "Nice to meet you Drusilla."

Dru took her hand daintily and drew back. She looked up at William. "I've
received copies of the Smith deposition."

"Excellent," William nodded. "I'm just showing Elizabeth around. Do you
happen to know if Angel is out of his meeting yet?"

"Yes, he's just gotten out. He's in his office."

"Thank you, Dru."

"Would you like me to make copies of the deposition and send them off to
Attorney Jackson?"

"Yes, please. Thank you, Dru."

"You're welcome, William."

William took hold of Buffy's elbow and led her down the hall. She looked up
at him once they were out of earshot. "Will?"

"Yeah?"

"Are you sure she's gotten the hint?"

He looked down at her, "What do you mean?"

"She seemed kind of intense."

"It's just the way she is. She takes her job very seriously."

"Whatever you say, Will," she muttered.

"What is that supposed to mean?" he asked, stopping in the hall and facing
her. He didn't look angry though, just inquisitive.

She shrugged, "I just think that maybe you have a lot to learn about
women."

"Oh?"

"I think she's lying if she said she was okay with just being your assistant."

"Really," he said, interested and leaned against the wall, waiting for her to
continue.

Buffy was starting to fidget and she found she couldn't look at him. "Just
women's intuition," she mumbled.

"Do you think it could possibly be you thought that only because you knew
she had feelings for me at one time?"

She looked up at him and said firmly, "No. I could tell by the way she
wouldn't shake my hand and the way she was staring at us. She was
probably watching us for a while before she made herself known."

"She's always been like that. I really think it's just her."

"Do you have a rabbit, William?"

He grinned at her. "You're saying I've got Glenn Close a la Fatal Attraction
working for me?"

"You said it, I didn't."

He gazed at her, his expression turning tender as he beheld her. "You've
changed so much Buffy."

Her body was getting hot. "Thanks. Um, Angel?"

He shook his head as if to clear it. "Yes, of course," and he turned a corner
and came to another door.

Just as he about to rap on it, the door swung open. A tall man with dark
hair styled so that it spiked up at the top, broad shoulders and a full face
greeted them with a warm smile.

"Hi," he said and stuck out his hand to Buffy. "You must be Elizabeth."

Buffy looked up at William. "Is there anyone who doesn't know who I am?"

Angel chuckled, "Probably not. Nice to meet you. I'm –"

"Angel," Buffy supplied for him, grinning.

He chuckled. "Yes, that's me. I'm sorry I don't have a lot of time to chat
but I'm headed to the hospital."

Buffy looked alarmed and William placed a hand on her arm, "It's all right,
luv—"

Love? Buffy thought.

"Angel's wife has her first ultrasound today. He promised he'd be there."

"Yes, and if I don't get going, she's going to have my head," Angel said and
grabbed his briefcase and jacket off the loveseat in his office. He swished
past them at the door. "Nice to meet you Elizabeth. Don't let William scare
you."

"Oh he won't," Buffy chirped and waved to him.

Suddenly she was very aware of William's presence behind her, his body
heat warming her as he whispered huskily in her ear, "Sure about that?"

Buffy gulped.

Chapter Four


"Buffy, do you have that letter of Intent I dictated to you done yet?" William asked; coming into the spare office they'd cleaned up just enough on short notice to give to Buffy.

She bit her lip, "Sort of."

He frowned, "What do you mean sort of?" he came around her desk where she was perched on the edge of her seat, staring at the screen in which it appeared a thousand windows were open. "What are you doing?"

"Trying to figure out how to do it."

"What do you mean? You said you'd done letters before."

"I have, but when I did it and asked Dru to look it over, she said it was wrong. So I asked her to show me the correct way to do it and she talked in circles and told me to check all these different places for the format and then I got so confused, I didn't know what I was doing anymore." She sounded positively forlorn and all William wanted to do was take her in his arms and soothe her. It didn't help that her warm patchouli scent was settling over him, surrounding him and it was a scent his senses had already filed away as purely Buffy.

"Do you have the original letter you did?"

Buffy shook her head.

"Why not?"

"She shredded it."

William's eyes widened. "Where the bloody hell is she?"

"She said she had to go. She had an appointment—"

"Dammit, that's right. She told me she had to leave early today. Balls. You don't have it saved anywhere on the computer?"

Buffy nodded, "I do," and she clicked on one of the minimized windows, bringing it up.

William looked it over. "You just need a comma right there," he pointed at the screen and she punched in a comma. And then you just need to put what drive the letter came from and what it's called and you're done. The letter is fine Buffy."

Buffy looked up at him, "I told you she hated me."

William stared at her, hating how lost she looked. Gone was the confident woman he'd given the tour to just two hours before. "I'll talk to her," he promised.
"No!" Buffy said forcefully, shaking her head. "How will that look? Not only did Daddy get me a job, but then his best friend has to go and defend me like I'm a child and can't take care of myself?"

"Buffy—"

"I will take care of Dru," Buffy said resolutely and looked up at William.

"Buffy, I don't have to let on that I know what she was did or was trying to do."

"That might be true, but she'll know just the same. I'm an adult, somewhat; I don't want you or my father having to fight my battles for me."

"It's part of my job to make sure the work environment is harmonious," he told her, her stubbornness grating on him. He just wanted to help, why couldn't she just let him help?

"I can take care of it William," Buffy said stubbornly, grabbing the letter from the printer and stuffing it into an envelope.

"God, when did you become so damn stubborn?" he grumbled.

She stood and smiled, "I've always been stubborn William, you just didn't know me well enough back then."

"I didn't know you at all," he murmured as he watched her pink tongue dart out and lick the envelope. The act was positively mesmerizing and if he knew what she was doing to him, she probably would never lick another envelope in his presence again.
"No big deal," she said and shrugged. "I was a dumb teenager."

"Not dumb, not to be where you are now."

"I played at being dumb then. Thought it would get me friends; and it did. I learned they were not the friends I really wanted though."

"Growing and evolving is all part of growing up," he said, perching himself on the edge of her desk.

"Not just part of growing up; part of life."

"What are you doing now?"

She blinked. "Going home?"

"How about you let me take you out for dinner?" the words were out of his mouth before he could stop them. It was, after all, what he wanted. He hadn't planned on actually asking her though. He feared it was crossing a boundary, he feared spending time with her outside of the office would make him want more, and possible generate office gossip that he didn't need nor want. He feared he'd do something stupid with her.

He feared she'd say no.

"Uh, well—"

And again, before he could stop himself, "Please, I insist."

She narrowed her eyes at him, "Is this part of the deal with my Dad? Get Buffy out of the house?"

He furrowed his brow in confusion, "No, why would that be part of the deal?"

She shook her head, "Nothing, never mind." She pointed at him, her eyes dancing with mischief. "Don't think you can convince me to let you talk to Dru either."

He grinned, "Wouldn't think of it. I just want to –" Get to know you better, spend more time with you, not let you of my sight – all sounded good and all sounded dangerous. "Think of it as a first day perk."

She grinned saucily at him and tilted her head to the side. "No wonder Dru got the wrong idea."

"I never took Dru out, there was no ‘idea' to get."

The words, more the possible implication of those words, hung between them and William wanted to kick himself. Down boy, he told himself. And when he saw her start to fidget nervously and then turn away from him, it was time to recover the situation. However, he wasn't sure just how to do that. He was aware that anything said at that point would be seen as him trying to recover the situation. Buffy had already proven her ability to get to the bottom of a situation and see through bullshit.

"Buffy, I'm sorry, I was just teasing you. You don't have to join me for dinner—"

She surprised him by spinning around and smiling, albeit nervously, "It's okay William. You're practically part of the family, right? So it's no big deal. Kind of like an uncle to me, right?"

He nodded dumbly; feeling very much not like an uncle at all, but a dirty old man.

"Great. Do you mind if we stop by and see my dad first?"

Trying to further salvage the situation, William added, "Maybe he could come with us."

"Maybe," she chirped and headed for the door. She turned to him. "Coming?"

William swallowed, "Coming." I wish, he thought.

**************************************************************************************************

"Do you mind if I call home?" Buffy asked as she and William made their way out of Hank's offices. Hank had already gone home it appeared.

"Not at all," William said.

She whipped out her cell and pushed a couple buttons as they rode the elevator to the first floor. She clicked it shut a minute later and frowned, slipping the phone in her purse. "No answer."

"Maybe they went out for dinner, "William offered.

"Maybe," she said distractedly.

He studied her; she looked perplexed. "What's going on, Buffy?" he asked.

Her head jerked to him, "What do you mean?"

"Why are you so concerned about what's going on at home? Something's up. You want to tell me about it?"

"No."

"Fair enough, but since I've been around for the past couple years, maybe I know something you don't."
"Maybe," she said evasively. "But I doubt it."

"How would you know?" he asked, slightly exasperated.

"Because I know my father." The elevator door dinged open and she stepped out. "So, where are we going?"

"How do you feel about Italian?" He decided to let the comment about Hank go and file it away for later. She'd talk when she was ready and he wasn't going to cross-examine her; he was learning that that would make her clam up more. He wanted her to tell him things willingly.

"As it so happens, I like Italian," she said and smiled brightly at him.


"So, tell me about the string of broken hearts you've left behind," William said over dessert. They'd had a great dinner and William found himself becoming more and more enraptured by her. She was inquisitive, smart, and funny. Her laugh and smile touched something deep inside him. He always wanted to make her laugh and smile.

She rolled her eyes, "There wasn't a string."

"Come on," he goaded her lightly.

"Well, there was this one guy," she admitted slowly and took a bite of her Toll House cheese cake.

He watched her, thinking dirty thoughts and finding himself jealous of a bloody fork.

"And?" William urged her.

"His name was Riley. I thought we were just friends but when I told him I was leaving he begged me to stay. There was an awkward kiss that followed."

William chuckled thinking ‘What a ponce', and said "Are you planning to keep in touch with him?"

"Not bloody likely," she said cheekily and he grinned. "What about you? You know what they say William, ‘All work and no play makes Jack a dull boy.'"

"Then I guess I'm dull. I work too much and then I don't feel like doing much but getting home and watching crap TV."

"Do you visit my parents often?"

"Not often, no," he admitted sheepishly.

She gave him a look that said she caught his bluff, but continued on, "How long has Dru been working for you?"

"Couple years now."

"And how many times has she come on to you?"

Will sat back, "I had an idea that she had a crush on me when she first started, but I figured if I ignored it, she'd get the hint and it'd go away."

"Didn't work that way though, did it?" Buffy said, grinning.

"No, it didn't. She just came out one day and said ‘I like you Will and I think we should date.' She went on to tell me how great we'd be together and that she was a wild cat in bed—" He stopped when Buffy coughed on her cheesecake. "All right?"

"Didn't expect that. So, the wild cat thing didn't get you?"

"No. Her being my assistant and me being professional, I declined." Though being professional, he thought, seemed to have flown out the bloody window since you came round.

"How noble of you," Buffy quipped.

He smiled, "I try."

"She's testing me, I know that. Probably doesn't like how I just floated in like I have and thinks I'm an airhead. She wants you all to herself."

"And how do you plan to remedy that, Buffy?" he asked huskily, leaning forward, entranced by the light in her eyes.

She shook her head at him, eyes twinkling with humor. "Now, now William. Can't give you all my secrets. Don't worry. I'll only take her out if I absolutely have to."

William laughed. "Buffy, I have a feeling things are going to be lightening up at that office with you around."

Chapter Five

William walked Buffy to the door, apologizing for keeping her out so late on a school night.

"Would you stop saying that?" she scolded him. "It makes me feel as if I'm
in high school and you're my sugar daddy. I am an adult now, William, it's
okay."

He stepped back from her and nodded, looking guilty about something she
wasn't quite sure what. Then he looked back up at her. "Thanks for keeping
me company tonight, Buffy."

I'll keep you company every night William if you want me to, she thought
but instead she nodded. "Thank you for dinner."

"Sure you don't want me to talk to Dru?" he teased.

She smiled, "I'm sure."

He stared at her for a long moment before bidding her goodnight and
leaving her there on her doorstep feeling things she probably had no right
feeling about William. Lust to name but one. Waving to him as he drove
away, she sighed heavily and unlocked the door, entering her dark and
quiet house.

She held her breath and flicked on the lights, glancing up at the clock on
the wall that was in her line of vision in the dining room. Eleven. Her
parents were in bed by now. And my God, she'd been out with William
since they left at five-thirty? How was that possible? Oh yes, she smiled at
the memory. After dinner they'd gone to a nearby book store, Buffy
determined to find the book she needed for her class before it came in on
order. She just felt unprepared despite her classmate's kindness and the
bookstore assuring her it would be in soon.

The both of them had gotten caught up chatting and browsing the large
bookstore, having earned their share of glares from fellow browsers.

"Why does it feel like a library when you come to one of these bookstores?"
William whispered to her as he followed her through the New Age section.
She'd stopped abruptly and burst into a fit of giggles when he collided with
her back. She reached for a book on signs, and turned to him. He was
smiling down at her, his eyes sparkling with amusement and something
tender that made her warm all over.

"Sit with me," he said then, descending to the floor and making himself
comfortable, his long legs stretched out. He patted the spot next to him and
she plunked herself down with a shrug and they'd perused through the
book on signs, dissecting themselves and the people they knew. They'd
laughed and poked fun at each other and others and Buffy knew by the end
of the evening what was happening to her.

She was crushing big time on William.

And why not? He was smart, funny, gorgeous, direct, sweet, chivalrous,
kind and –oh God, she had it bad. She wanted more adjectives to add to
that list. She wanted to know what he wore when he sat alone in his living
room watching crap TV. She wanted to know what it would feel like
receiving a hug from him; she wanted to know what his apartment looked
like.

She wanted to know everything.

There had been definite moments when she thought he might want to
know the same about her, but then she dismissed it. He was her father's
best friend and he was doing her a favor – really her father a favor—by
giving her a job. He was just looking out for her. That was all it was.

That was all it could be.

Dru popped in her mind then. Dru wanting him; Dru laughing with him the
way she had; Dru seducing him. Nope, she couldn't see it. William was fun,
Dru –from the short time she'd known the woman—was too serious.
William loved to laugh, he needed a woman that could make him laugh and
that he could make laugh in return.

But it couldn't be her. No, it couldn't be. And she was loathe to make a fool
out of herself the way Dru had. Not that she could anyway. She was not
exactly the great seducer of men. Intimacy tended to make her nervous
only because she was grossly inexperienced and never knew what to DO.

And William definitely knew what to do which was why he wouldn't want to
waste his time on her.

Not that he could.

She shook her head. Talking herself in circles had just tuckered her out and
Buffy tried to firmly shove William out of her mind as she made her way up
the stairs to bed. Instead, she pondered what her parents had done that
night and hoped that instead of spending the night apart, they'd spent the
night together and at least had half the fun she'd had.

******************************************************************


The next afternoon, Buffy found herself having a better day. However, she was slightly nervous about facing Dru. She was hoping that William had kept his promise and hadn't said anything to her. She was also wondering if anything had changed between her and William. Did he regret spending so much time with her the night before? Did he feel that maybe he'd been leading her on and maybe he was afraid now that she'd developed a wildly inappropriate crush on him?

Or, she was just paranoid.

So, she entered the office with her head held high. She did learn from her
father that if you at least appeared confident, then the world saw you as
confident. Even if you were trembling inside.

"Hi, Harmony," Buffy said to the flaky receptionist who again stared at
disapprovingly. Making her way down the hall to her office, she kept a
lookout for William and saw neither hide nor hair of him.

Entering her office she found Dru placing some files on her desk. She
looked up at Buffy, expressionless. "William asked me to put some files on
your desk. He has some notes inside of what he wishes you to do with
them."

"Thank you, Drusilla," Buffy said.

"Were you able to get the letter done in time yesterday?" Dru asked as she
started on her way out the door.

"Yes, I was. I know what you were trying to do, Dru."

Dru stopped and turned to her, "And just what was I trying to do?"

"I'm not stupid Drusilla so don't treat me like I am. I'm not here to step on
your toes all right? I'm here to do my job and in actuality, I end up helping
you out more than I do William. I'd really like it if we could get along. I
know that my father had a hand in getting me this job, but I am going to
school; studying to be an attorney so it's not like I'm just playing a game
here. Do you think we could possibly try to get along and work together
instead of against each other?"

Dru pursed her lips together, "Very well then." And with that, she was
gone.

Buffy stared at the open door Dru had just retreated from. That was it?
That was all she had to say? Buffy shook her head and opened the files left
on her desk. Well fine, she thought. "Maybe she expected me to yell at
her," Buffy muttered to herself. "I think I handled that quite professionally.
Dad would have been proud. Maybe she wanted a catfight—"

"Do you usually talk to yourself?"

Buffy's head jerked up and felt her face turning twenty shades of red.
William was leaning against the doorjamb looking out of this world gorgeous
–again with the sexy suit!—and smiling at her.

She smiled shyly, "Yeah, I do it all the time."

"Do you answer yourself too?"

"Of course."

He chuckled. "I do it too." He came into the room fully and shut the door
behind him. "I just saw Dru leave. You talk to her?"

Buffy nodded, "I did. I told her basically that I wanted us to work together
instead of against each other. I tried to point out that I was helping her out
in the long run and that I wasn't trying to take her job."

"Well done, Buffy."

"I also told her that I would never get in her way of trying to have hot
monkey sex with you."

William burst out laughing. "No you didn't."

She smiled, "No, I didn't."

He came closer, walking around her desk and perching next to her. He
tapped the files on her desk. "I see she gave them to you."

Buffy nodded, her mouth again going dry with his proximity. It didn't help
that his eyes were boring into hers and she was having a damn hard time
turning away.

"Let me make sure she didn't fudge with anything here," William
murmured and grabbed them, perusing through them. He placed them
back down on her desk. "Pretty straight-forward stuff. A couple letters, a
couple faxes. Let me know if you need help all right?"

She nodded.

"Was your day better today?"

She nodded again.

He grinned, "Don't have anything to say to me? Am I not as good a
conversationalist as you are with yourself?"

She laughed quietly, "Sorry."

"Come see me before you leave," and he got up, walking toward the door.

"Sure thing," she said lightly. Sure thing? She thought to herself. Who says
that?

*****************************************************************

A light rap on her door jarred Buffy from her task and she looked over to
see Angel standing in the doorway grinning at her. "Hey, got a minute?"

"Yes, yes I do. What's up?" she asked, swiveling her chair towards him.

"Just wanted to see how you were doing. How are you doing?"

She giggled, "I'm doing well, thanks."

"William not scaring you?"

"No, but with all this talk about how scary he is, I might get nervous."

Angel shook his head, "Nah, he's not all that scary. Well, he can be, but only
when necessary. He's really just a teddy bear inside. You've known him a
while huh?"

"Sort of. He and my Dad are friends, but I never really knew him much. He
was just …"

"Your dad's weird friend?" Angel joked, sitting down on the chair across
from her desk.

She laughed, "Exactly. How's your wife?"

Angel's smile grew tender, his eyes softening even more. "She's doing
great. We're having a boy."

"Awww, congratulations."

"Thanks. She took the pictures to work today –she's an elementary school
teacher –I'm bringing them in tomorrow."

"I'd love to see them."

"How is Dru treating you?" Angel asked, his voice dropping to an almost
whisper.

"She's uh –okay, "Buffy said slowly.

"Don't let her get to you. She's intense."

"No kidding, really?"

Angel laughed.

"Don't you have some work to do O'Connor?" William said, coming in the
door.

Angel looked over his shoulder. "Actually heading on my way out. Just
wanted to say hello to Elizabeth." He jumped up and shot Buffy a grin. "See
ya. I'll bring the pictures round tomorrow."

"Can't wait. Bye Angel."

William raised a brow, "Pictures?"

"She wanted to see me in my Speedo," Angel said seriously. He shrugged,
"Too cold to wear that alone, but I have pictures."

William glared at him and Angel broke up laughing as he walked out the
door.

William drew his gaze to hers.

"Pictures from the ultrasound," Buffy clarified.

William nodded. "How's it going?"

"Good. Just have to fax this," she whipped out a paper from the printer,
"And I'm done."

"So you got my email?"

"Yep, got your email and ordered the files you need for tomorrow."

"Have dinner with me again."

The sudden shift and the demand in which that request was made caused
Buffy to become slightly disoriented. "What?"

"Sorry, I meant that to come out as a question. Will you have dinner with
me again?"

I should say no . . . "Yes, William. I'll have dinner with you again."

Chapter Six

William was thinking he really needed to think before he spoke. It was as if he didn't have any lease on his brain anymore. He just didn't want to part from her company, from her very presence. He'd thought about her all night, tossing and turning, dreaming of her. He felt like a schoolboy again, unable to wait to see his object of affection the next day.

Why don't you just have Angel pass her a note in the hall you bloody
wanker, he scolded himself.

And then, THEN he didn't even ASK her like a normal person, instead
it'd come out as this demand laced with desperation and fear of rejection.

Simply pathetic.

Now they sat across from each other and he was fighting the urge to
reach across the table and take her hand in his.

It'd be easy to dismiss if he could chalk it up to not having had sex in a
long time and just finding her attractive in a purely physical sense. If he
could chalk it up to just wanting to get laid, he'd be able to control himself so
much better. Especially since she was Hank's daughter and if Hank found
out, he'd have his head on a platter.

Not that he'd blame him.

Yet, it was not just purely physical with Buffy. It had started out that
way, yes, but now it was turning into something more. He enjoyed being in
her company. It was as if the world melted away when he was with her and
all he cared about was learning more about her, talking to her, getting her
thoughts and opinions on things. She was bright, vibrant, passionate, witty
and sweet. She had a dark side too, from what he could tell, and he wanted
to learn more. He wanted to crawl inside her head and learn every part of
her. And, of course, he wanted to know her body just as well. He wanted to
know if her lips were as soft as they looked and how they would feel under
his lips. He wanted to know if her body was firm or soft, he wanted to bury
his nose in her hair and smell her shampoo. When had he ever wanted to do
that with a woman?

Never, as far as he could remember.

He loved the way her nose wrinkled in disgust at something or the way her
eyes twinkled when she teased him. He loved watching her shift from
playful banter to serious conversation.

He felt free. Simply free. And it was all because of her.

Now he watched her as she gazed out at the dance floor, a wistful look on
beautiful face while she watched couple sway to the soft, melodious music.

"Would you like to dance, Buffy?" he asked huskily.

She jerked her head to him, blushing prettily and he felt hope take bloom.
Was she shy about dancing with him?

"I have two left feet," she told him.

He shook his head, dismissing the idea. "I doubt that. Come on," he stood
and held out his hand.

She looked fearful and doubtful and frowned slightly as she looked at his
hand.

"Please?" he asked.

"I could cripple you. I'm not much of a ‘slow dancer," she warned him and
slid her soft, warm hand in his. He wanted to close his eyes and savor just
that.

Straighten up, mate! He barked at himself. Then she smiled and all was
lost.

His heart was hammering in his chest at the thought of having her body
pressed against his filled him with bittersweet anticipation.

Hi, Buffy, maybe you didn't know, but I'm really seventeen bloody years
old, he chastised himself. And then he gathered her close and his mind
processed: soft, warm, Buffy.

Apparently, he was also turning caveman.

He cleared his throat nervously and when she placed her hand on his
shoulder and looked up at him, he smiled and relaxed. "Hi."

She smiled back, "Hi."

One arm around her waist and her hand in his, William felt bold enough to
lean in and sniff her shampoo. Fragrant and light and Buffy.

She stepped on his foot and he chuckled. She looked up at him, red-faced.
"I'm sorry. I warned you that might happen. Do you want to stop?" and she
started to pull away.

He held on tighter, "No, I don't want to stop, Buffy."

Their eyes locked and William was lost. "Buffy—"

"Did you see my father today at all?" she blurted out.

William blinked, switching gears in his mind, going from wanting to be
honest about his attraction to her to Hank. That was like cold water.

A cold reminder of the dangerous ground he was treading.

"I—No, I didn't."

She bit her lip and nodded.

"Buffy, can you tell me yet what's going on?"

Looking up at him, she studied him for a long moment before speaking.
"Can I trust you?"

He nodded, "Buffy, your secrets are safe with me. We're friends now,
yeah?"

She nodded and looked down, blushing again.

"Then you can tell me anything."

She looked back up at him, "I think my father is cheating on my mother."

He stared at her, disbelief being his first reaction. "What?"

She stopped and stepped away from him then. "Sorry, I just—I just don't
feel like dancing anymore."

"Ok, then we won't dance," he said gallantly and took her hand back in his.
"Instead, we'll go and talk," and he started for their table.

"Will—" she started and tugged on his hand.

"I want to help, Buffy, please let me," he said stopping and turning to her.

"Look, you don't have to get involved in this."

"Buffy, all I want to do is talk to you."

Sighing heavily, she nodded her consent.


******************************************************************
"So, tell me why you think your father is cheating on your mother," William implored after he'd shuttled them into what Buffy was beginning to think of as ‘their bookstore'. Which was funny considering this was only the second time they'd been there. It was funny how she was starting to latch on to each and every little thing they did. She supposed that's what happened when you had a crush—little things meant everything; words, gentle touches, romantic dances . . .

It also made you do stupid things when your feelings became intense and nerves took reign over reason. For example: Telling your father's best friend you believe he's having an affair.

Smooth move, Ex-lax, Buffy thought as she sipped her mocha iced latte.

William was waiting patiently, watching her and she felt as if she were being
examined under a microscope. She decided to resort to being a child. "Do I
hafta?" she asked on a slight whine. "Can we forget I said anything?"

He shook his head, "Fraid not. Cat's out of the bag, Buffy. It explains a lot
actually."

She looked at him warily, "Pray tell."

"The tight, fake smile you get whenever your father is mentioned, the tone
you take when talking about him, the worry you had over his whereabouts
last night and your watching your mother like a hawk the night I came over
for dinner. Not to mention the comments you made yesterday."

She stared at him, aghast. "You picked up on all that?"

He chuckled, "It wasn't that hard, Buffy."

God, if he could read her that well, then what else could he see? Her cheeks
flamed red. Blush number two hundred for the evening. All time record
folks. Briefly she wondered if The Guiness Book of World Records held a
spot for blushing profusely.

"It's awkward, William."

He titled his head to the side, studying her. He was waiting, a silent nudge.

"I just want to let you know that you suck," she told him resignedly.

He chuckled, "I know."

"The reason why I think my father is having an affair," she began as if
beginning a dissertation, "The clichéd reasons: Home late, no
communication going on between them—"

"You were away at school, Buffy. How can you know if there is no
communication going on?"

"Because my mother talks when she's drunk. Which was another reason.
She's been drinking more than usual lately. She polished off that whole
bottle of wine when you came over for dinner Will. My mother is not much
of a drinker. Well, she never used to be anyway. I noticed towards the end
of the semester that she'd been drinking a lot. And the story was always
the same: Dad was coming home late; Dad was out with a client." She took a
deep breath. "I came home to investigate, maybe put the kibosh on my
mother's drinking and to my father's possible extramarital activities." And
fat lot of help I've been to my poor mother. You say ‘jump' and I say ‘how
high William?'

"Does Hank know?"

"I think he suspects I suspect him. I think that's why he was less than
thrilled about me coming back home."

"Buffy, your father loves you—"

"Spare me. He loved the old Buffy that was his little puppet and did what
she was told and didn't ask questions. He loved that I had chosen to go into
the legal field."

"Don't you like the legal field?"

"I do, actually. But I think he avoids me now because he's afraid I'll start
cross-examining him."

"Do you know where they were last night?"

Buffy shook her head and fiddled with the napkin on the table. "They were
in bed by the time I got home and I was gone before my mom woke up and
my dad had already left for the office."

"I've been keeping you from doing your daughterly duties," Will observed,
sounding slightly—just slightly—guilty.

"Well, last night they were clearly not there," she said to assuage him.
Tonight though, she thought, who knows? I am powerless to resist you
William Madden.

"I wish I could be of more help, Buffy. If your father is having an affair, I
can honestly say I know nothing about it. I'm afraid I haven't been coming
around much lately, being busy on my own with work—"

"And watching crap TV?" she teased.

He grinned, "Exactly."

"It's not like you would think to do that, Will. You and my father are
friends, it's not like you'd think something like that about him."

William sighed. "I know. Do you want me to talk to him?"

"No!" Buffy said forcefully and then looked around, wondering just how
loud that was. People staring at her gave her the answer. "Don't talk to him
about it, please Will," she very nearly begged. "Just let me handle it okay?'

William frowned and nodded, "All right. I'll butt out. For now."

"No, for good."

"Buffy, if he is then it's part of my job as the best mate to tell him he's being
a colossal asshole—"

"By all means, let him know when he's told you or you've caught him. NOT
because I told you."

He sighed, "Fine."

"Thank you."

Silence for a beat, then, "Buffy, can I tell you something?"

"Sure."

"I'm glad you came home, no matter what the reason is."

Her pulse raced, her heart fluttered. "Thank you William."

Chapter Seven

Over the next couple days, William had stopped asking her out to dinner. Buffy was kicking herself for telling William her suspicions about Hank for a whole new reason now.
However, it did give her the opportunity to come home and
see what the what was around the house. Besides, how
many dinners could the man buy? Even if he was a
successful attorney; and even when she had offered to pay
her way, he had flatly refused.

One night, Hank came home late and Buffy had taken Joyce out to a movie. The next night, Hank came home at a reasonable hour and the three had dinner together, a tense dinner, but dinner nonetheless. Then he’d taken Joyce out for
ice cream. Buffy guessed he was covering. When she asked
him if he was feeling guilty about anything he’d ignored her.

Buffy was feeling antsy concerning William. She was
hoping he would have asked what she was doing over the
weekend, maybe ask her out again. She supposed she could
have asked him out, though the idea nearly sent her
hyperventilating.

Her new friend at school, Willow Rosenberg, a red
headed pixie, had asked her if she wanted to come out on
Saturday and attend a club by the name of ‘Envy’. Buffy
agreed, figuring a night out with some new people would
keep her occupied and keep her thoughts off William.

By the time Saturday evening rolled around, Buffy
was more than ready to go out. She’d dutifully spent sometime at home and now she needed to get out. She wanted to be going out with William. The thought struck her that perhaps he’d figured out her feelings for him and had decided it was best he distance himself. The thought cut her deeply.

She dolled herself up for the night. Not dressing for the crisp, cool weather Buffy wore black boot cut pants and a top held together by three ties on the back: One up on her neck, another across her shoulder blades and the other across her lower back. She fluffed out her hair and darkened her makeup for a dramatic effect. She smiled at herself in the mirror and practically ran out of the house when Willow honked for her, making note that Hank was holed up in his study and Joyce was blankly watching TV.

The girls chattered on excitedly and Willow told her all about her boyfriend Oz they’d be meeting up with along with Xander and Anya who would be joining them after their movie. Buffy grumbled that she’d the loser without a date and Willow assured her it wouldn’t matter.

Donning her stamp that clearly stated she could not drink at the fine establishment called ‘Envy,’ Willow led Buffy through the crowd. There was a live band there that night and Buffy wanted to cut loose and dance her little heart out. She felt a pang of sadness when she recalled her dance with William and how she wished he was there with her now.

Gyrating to the music, Buffy let herself go all the while imagining that William was there with her, behind her, his hands on her hips as she moved to the music, whispering how much he wanted her in her ear.

It was a fantasy, nothing she ever expected to happen, or, would be able to handle if it DID happen. She’d be much too nervous to actually have him there with her in such an intimate fashion. But God, how her body yearned for it. Her eyes scanning the crowd, she perused without much thought until—

Her eyes widened and she stopped dancing.

“Buffy?” Willow asked.

“Oh, uh, hold on. I think I see someone I know.”
Without another word, she made her way through the crowd
wanting to get to --

“William,” she said, tapping his shoulder as he leaned
over the bar. He turned to her and his eyes widened.

“Buffy!”

She smiled, “Hi, what are you doing here?”

“I didn’t know that you would be here,” he said,
looking distracted. “Buffy—“

“Hey Will, did you get my drink?”

Buffy turned her head as if in slow motion, having
already recognized the voice as female. She turned to see a
buxom blond with full pouty lips and big blue eyes smiling at
William and sending her the ‘get the hell away from him’ signal
with her eyes.

Buffy now knew what a punch to the stomach felt
like. Scratch that, she’d rather the punch than the all
encompassing . . . PAIN. She wanted to scratch the bimbo’s
eyes out, kick William between his legs and she wanted to
run. All at once. Suddenly there didn’t seem to be enough air
in the club. It was if all the air had gotten sucked out and
Buffy was having a hard time breathing. Could she have an
onset of claustrophobia?

“I’m sorry, I interrupted your date—“

“Buffy—“ William started.

“I’m just going to go back to my friend. I’ll see you later
William.” And she practically ran to Willow, fighting tears. So
much for crap TV, she thought, now I know why he didn’t
ask what I was doing this weekend and thank GOD I never
asked him!

“Buffy, are you all right?” Willow asked when Buffy
approached their table.

“Yeah, I think something didn’t quite—Hi, you must be
Oz!” It was the fake chirpiness that probably accounted for
the odd look Oz was giving her. He was cute. Red hair,
short, green penetrating eyes. Penetrating eyes. . . William.

“Hi, Buffy. How are you?”

“Great. Fantastic.”

He looked over at Willow who jumped at Buffy, “Want
something to drink?”

“No, not at all. Not ever again do I want to go near that
bar.”

“Buffy, what happened?” Willow asked,
concerned. “Who did you see?”

Suddenly, Buffy just didn’t want to be there anymore.
She wanted to be away. Far, far away from William and his
DATE and just . . . gone.

“I’m not feeling too well, Wills, I think I’m gonna go.”

Willow grabbed her arm, “No, don’t go. We’ll dance;
you were having fun when we were dancing.”

“No, I just . . . I gotta go—“

“How are you going to get home?”

“Cab. I’ll call a cab.”

“Buffy—“

“I do it all the time, I’ve got my phone. I’ll be all right.”

Snatching her purse and excusing herself again,
Buffy weaved her way through the crowd. Her heart was
racing with anticipation of possibly seeing William and his
date. The thought filled her with dread, so she kept her head
down on the way out.

Once outside, the cool night air hit her and she
relaxed a bit. Just a bit. She was at least able to breathe.
God, who was she? How did he meet her and when? She
knew it was ridiculous to feel betrayed, and it wasn’t that
she felt that really, she had no claim on him – only in her
fantasy world she did. She was a kid to him, that’s all. A kid
that he was probably –Oh God!! Hank WAS having an affair
and he’d told William to occupy her. He was just playing a
part for her father.

That bastard.

“Buffy, God, there you are.”

Buffy whirled around to see William standing there,
red-faced and breathing slightly heavy.

She glared at him, “What do you want?”

He seemed taken back by the coldness in her tone. “I
wanted to talk to you Buffy and tell you about my . . . that. . .
my. . . “

“Date?” Buffy supplied.

“Buffy—“

“Just admit it.”

“What?”

“Forget it, you don’t owe me—I’m going home William.
I’ll see you on Monday,” and she turned to walk away.

He grabbed her arm. “You’re not walking home.”

“No shit I’m not walking home, I’m calling a cab. Now
let me go.”

“No.”

“Goddammit William, let me go!”

“Buffy, stop and listen to me—“

“No, I hate you right now!”

“No, you don’t, Buffy,” he said deeply.

“Don’t start treating me like a child and don’t put me on
the stand!”

“I’m not –“

“Don’t you have a date to get back to?”

“She left.”

Buffy took pause, “Why?”

“It wasn’t working out.”

“So she just left? You let her leave in a cab, but you won’t let
me?”

“She called a friend.”

“Oh.” She was beginning to feel her ire leave, the fight was
fleeing. She felt ridiculous. She’d made a fool of herself. If he
didn’t know before how she felt, then he surely knew now.
Her jealous rage hadn’t left much question. “You can let me
go now Will.”



“Will you listen to me?”

“You don’t have to explain anything to me William. I’m really
feeling rather embarrassed right now and I think I just want to
make like an ostrich—“

“You have nothing to feel embarrassed about. You don’t
even know how –God, Buffy, do you have any idea what
you do to me?” He tugged her closer to him, so that her body
was flush against his and with a free hand he cupped the
side of her face.

Buffy’s heart was going to pound clear out of her
chest. “Will?”

“I went out with that woman because I was trying to get you
out of my system. I met her at some cafe and she asked me
out. I didn’t want to . . . Buffy . . . “ The intensity of his gaze
was spreading heat through her entire system. “Look at me.”

She did and his lips crashed to hers in whole passionate,
carnal, desire fueled, intense and explosive kiss that had
Buffy grabbing at him so that she wouldn’t crumble to the
ground. Her senses were filled with him. Her body was on
fire for him. His masculine scent with just a spot of cologne
surrounded her, his body hard and hot against hers made her
desire pool between her legs.

She throbbed for him.

“Buffy, Buffy, Buffy,” he chanted when he broke for them to
breathe and set about peppering her face with kisses. “I
want you.”

“I –I want you too,” she told him nervously.

His eyes glittered with desire as he gazed at her. “Come
home with me.”

Feeling inadequate in the intimacy department and yet feeling
that she’d combust if she didn’t have him, the answer was
simple.

“Yes.”

Silence fell between the pair as William nearly sped to his apartment, which, Buffy soon found out, was really a penthouse. She wondered what he was thinking about, but was too afraid to ask.

She was thinking she didn't want to think at all. She was also thinking his hands needed to be on her soon to prevent her from thinking or she was going to be beside herself with nerves and doubts.

Gliding up the elevator—which was large enough to be an apartment, Buffy looked over at
him and watched in fascination as his jaw clenched and unclenched.

She placed a hand on him arm. "William?"

That seemed to be all it took. Immediately he grabbed for her and smothered in her a kiss,
plundering his tongue inside her mouth as if he planned to learn every nook and cranny
inside her mouth. "Do you have any idea how much I want you?" he rasped.

"Since you came over to my parents for dinner?" she said hopefully.

His eyes widened, "You too?"

She let out a sigh of relief, "Thank God."

He smiled, "Did you doubt it?"

"Will, I'm not - - I mean I've had sex—"

He growled and kissed her hard. "I don't want to hear about some bloody git touching you.
They weren't fit to lick your boots."

She shivered at his possessiveness. "He, actually. Just one. He."

"You're practically a virgin," he whispered reverently and ran his fingers through her hair,
gazing at her with unmasked adoration.

"It doesn't bother you?" she asked hesitantly.

"No, baby, it doesn't bother me. Why would it?"

"Because I'm not good at it."

His eyes narrowed, "Who said that? Did he?" he spit ‘he' out as if it were sour.

"No, I never. . . that is I never uh, ARRIVED."

He laughed, holding her close and burying his face in her neck. He nuzzled her, "Oh you'll
arrive, sweetheart. I'll make sure of it. I'm a gentleman. I believe in ladies first." He bit at her
earlobe; "I can't wait to see you cum for me. See the expression on your face, taste it on
my lips. I'm going to drink you, my Buffy. Make you see stars." He looked at her hotly, "And
to know that's it me that did it," he closed his eyes as if savoring the thought. He opened
his eyes and kissed her again just as the elevator door pinged open.

He led her out, taking her by the hand and leading her down a slate blue hallway with
various cushioned benches along the wall. They came to the end of the hallway and he
quickly unlocked his door and flicked on the lights.

Stepping inside, she gulped. It was huge. And gorgeous. And clean for a bachelor.

"Mind the steps sweetheart," he told her as he pulled her inside. The foyer consisted of a
small landing, a closet to the side, a mahogany desk with a plan and some papers on it.
Climbing up the steps, the penthouse then spread out.

"Wow," Buffy breathed. "I can't imagine you watching crap TV in here."

He chuckled, "Make yourself at home. I'm going to get a drink. You want anything?"

She smiled at him teasingly, "Are you trying to corrupt a minor, William?"

His face immediately paled and she wanted to kick herself for saying that. "William, I'm old
enough to be here."

"I know, but –"

"I'll have a Coke if you've got it," she said firmly. She didn't want to hear about
their age difference or about her father or any number of the reasons why she shouldn't be
here. She already knew them all, she just didn't want to care at that moment. Not to say
that she didn't care and that they weren't lingering in her mind, trying to invade her reason
and propriety, but she didn't want to acknowledge them.

She simply wanted William. Period. She'd deal with it tomorrow. After all, as her heroine
Scarlet O' Hara once said ‘Tomorrow is another day'

He seemed to understand and with a nod, he set off to what she assumed was the kitchen.
She kicked off her shoes and walked around the vast room he called a living room. A long
navy couch sat in the center of the room, with a long coffee table in the middle and
matching blue lazy boys on either side. The gargantuan TV sat against the wall across from
it in a huge entertainment system. Everything was just BIG. Including the window that
overlooked the city on the other side of the couch. Then, in the same room, to the right was
another desk with a laptop, papers, a calculator and various other office supplies with an
ornate chair pushed in. A plant sat in the corner. Beyond that was a room with a long table
and more windows overlooking the city and more elegant chairs with maroon and gold
cushioning. Obviously, the dining room. The drapes were a heavy navy blue and pushed to
the sides to get the full effect of the city view. The carpet was navy with maroon woven
through, adding a rich, warm flavor to the rooms. She supposed beyond that was the
kitchen and on the other side, to her left had to be his bedroom. On the far left side of the
living room, she noticed a pile of what appeared to be paintings stacked up against the wall
in ornate, thick frames.

She walked over and started to reach for them.

"Ah, you've found my paintings," William said and she snapped her hand away.

"May I?" she asked and pointed to them.

"Of course."

She didn't know much about artwork, but she knew enough to know that these were good.
They were flowing with rich colors and vibrant scenes of people and places. Whomever did
them was extremely talented and Buffy could just imagine how much they cost.

"Like them?" William asked, handing her, her soda.

"They must have cost a fortune," Buffy said. "They're gorgeous."

"They were free, actually."

"Friend?"

"I did them, Buffy."

Her eyes widened. "YOU did them?"

"I have many talents, Buffy," he said, curling his tongue behind his front teeth and leering at
her. He set his glass down on a nearby stand and then took her glass, of which she hadn't
even sipped yet and set it down. He pulled her into his arms. "You're my canvas tonight."

She felt the blush immediately and he growled at her, kissing her. "I love it when you blush.
Now I know why you blush, Buffy. All this time. . . it's because you wanted me too, right?"

She nodded, licking her lips. "And because I'm nervous."

"Don't be," he said huskily. Taking her hand he kissed the top of it and gazed up at her. "I
won't ever hurt you Buffy. I only want to see to you. My girl."

She nodded and gulped.

"I think I should warn you—"

"Here it comes."

He chuckled, "Nothing bad."

She grinned sheepishly, "Okay."

"This isn't just a one night thing for me Buffy. This is just one of the many ways I want
you."She gulped again. "And—j-just how many ways do you want me?"

"I want everything, Buffy."

"What's everything exactly?"

"You'll see," he whispered. "Come with me."

He led her down a hall, around a corner and into a dark room. The lights came on and then
dimmed. She could not take her eyes away from the bed in the room that seemed to take
up the entire room. And what struck her most about it was that it was ensconced in all
black. The pillowcases were black, the duvet was black, and she was betting the sheets
were black too. The drapes were black and the single, kind of still looking chair in the room
was red. It was a stark contrast to all that black. She looked down. The carpet was white.

Okay, sure, that fit.

She looked up at him and found him staring at her hungrily. She felt herself take a step
back, feeling that look could knock her over. He didn't let her go very far. He instead brought
her into the circle of his arms and kissed her senseless, letting his lips blaze a path from
her mouth to her jawline, up to her ears, across her forehead and back down to her neck
where he bit her gently and then licked the spot he'd bitten. She shivered in his arms, trying
to kiss what parts of him she could and wanting to kiss his lips again. When he made it
back, she kissed him ravenously, this time sliding her tongue inside his mouth and
caressing his. He tasted like beer and peppermints.

She giggled and he drew back. "Not exactly what I was hoping to hear," he said.

"Did you use an Altoid?"

He grinned at her, "I did, minx."

She leaned up and kissed him sweetly. "I like it."

Growling, he swept her up in his arms and she felt like a princess, as if she were someone
to be cherished and the way he was looking at her, she felt that maybe she really was in his
eyes.

Settling her down on the bed, he stared down at her as she propped herself up on her
elbows and gazed up at him. He nearly tore off the blue button down he was wearing and
then whipped the black T-shirt underneath off, carelessly throwing them to the floor. Unable
to resist how gorgeous his torso was, Buffy reached up and touched him, a bit hesitantly.
He closed his eyes in bliss and she felt bolder. Splaying her hands on his washboard abs,
she ran her palms up to his nipples and he moaned. She smiled and feeling safe because
his eyes were still closed, she knelt on the bed and leaned forward, licking one nipple.

"Bloody hell," she heard him say softly. She looked up to see him, his eyes dark with lust.
Encouraged, she flicked her tongue across it and then kissed her way to the other one and
did the same.

Suddenly he gripped her arms forcefully and she looked up at him. He wasted no time in
kissing her senseless. Somehow, she ended up on her back and he settled himself
between her legs. Her legs wound round him and he ground himself against her center. She

moaned and nuzzled his neck.

"Let's see. . . " he whispered and tugged on the tie on her top at the top of her neck. It
slipped easily through its knots and she felt the fabric pull. "God, I wanted to do that the
minute I saw you in this," he told her, undulating his hips against her.

"You did?" she asked, all wide eyed and innocent.

He smiled sexily, "Oh yes, I did." And he set about the task of reaching behind her. She
lifted a bit and helped him and soon he had strewn the top across the room with his own
clothes. She felt, well, naked and exposed and sought to press herself against him to cover
herself.

"No, I want to look at you. My beautiful girl," he whispered and reared back. Gazing at her
pert breasts he leaned in and suckled one his mouth, swirling his tongue over the hard peek
and eliciting a moan of pleasure from her. Leaving hot, open mouth kisses across her skin;
he made a trail to the other one and gave it the same attention. He surged up and kissed
her as he cupped her breasts in his hands. She ground herself against him, needing sweet
release desperately. She felt as if she were a live wire, waiting to go off from his touch. He
looked at her, searching her face. "There's no turning back after tonight, Buffy. After this,
you're my girl. I won't be able to let you go, do you understand?"

She nodded, wanting to tell him, but not being able to find the words, that she was his
completely and utterly. She wanted to beg him not to break her heart for he was taking it
chunk by chunk and she feared she'd never get it back. Nor was she sure she wanted to. If
this was what it felt like to give herself to him, then she wanted to burrow in him forever. He
made her feel safe, loved and cherished. As if he was worshipping her everytime he simply
grazed a hand across her body.

His eyes, she noticed, were filled with something she couldn't quite define, having not that
much experience in matters of sex or the heart. She saw desire, she saw passion, but there
was something behind it, giving those baser emotions the impetus they needed to be where
they were. It shook her to the core, but like a moth to a flame, she was powerless to stop it.


"My sweet Buffy," he murmured and sat back on his haunches watching her as he tugged
on her pants and slid them down, taking her panties with them. Tossing them over his
shoulder he gazed at her with such reverence she wanted to weep. Here, she couldn't
believe she was here with him and he was looking at her as if he couldn't believe he was
there with her. He stood and she whimpered.

"I won't leave you," he promised softly. "Not ever going to leave my beautiful golden girl. Do
you have any idea how crazy you drive me? How much you make me ache for wanting
you?"

She shook her head and he chuckled before sliding his hands up her calves and thighs.
"Scoot back, Buffy. I want your sweet pussy."

She obeyed him, feeling quite nervous and yet unable to tell him no. "How do you know it's
sweet?" she couldn't stop herself from asking.

He smiled, "Because everything about you is sweet," he told her and started dotting kisses
up one shin and grazing his hand up the other. He kissed every part, up her thighs and
curled his other hand under her buttocks. His other hand shortly followed and he raised her
hips just a bit. He bent in and kissed her and just the simple touch made her jerk. She
leaned up on her elbows and looked down, wanting to see him.

"Such a studious Buffy," he murmured, looking up at her. "Watch me make you cum,
Buffy."

She gulped and held her breath when his tongue darted out and licked up her slit. One
hand slid around and spread her. "Heaven," he murmured and licked her again. "Honey and
sugar. . . " He attacked her clit, feeling as if he were drawing patterns on it that were making
her breaths come out in short gasps. When a finger slid inside her, she started cumming
immediately.

"Oh God, William!" she gasped, flopping back on the bed. He suckled, nibbled and tasted;
it was as if he couldn't get enough and soon she was coming apart again. "What are you
doing to me?" she whispered.

"Making love to you," he answered her, resting his head on her thigh and stroking her sliding
his hands up her thigh and stomach. "How do you feel? Still with me?"

"Yes," she said and her voice sounded hoarse.

"Good because I plan to make love to you all night long, Buffy."

"But—"

"You can call home later. Tell them you're staying at your friends. I want you with me in my
bed, Buffy."

"Yes."

He got up from the bed, smiling down at her as he got rid of his pants. She watched in
fascination as his cock sprang free. She'd never studied one before and she found she
wanted to study William's. Crawling to her knees, she made her way to him and boldly took
it in her hand, gliding her hand up and down it, watching as a bead of pre-cum glistened like
a pearl at the head. Wanting to taste him the way he'd tasted her, she leaned in and
suckled the head into her mouth.

"Fuck, Buffy," he gasped and his hips jerked forward, sending more of him into her mouth.

She slid him out of her mouth and stroked him with her hand and looked at him. He reached
for her and kissed her hungrily. She could taste herself and she found it highly erotic. "Tell
me how to please you."

"You always please me," he told her, his voice rough.

"Tell me."

"Put me back in your mouth."

She replaced her hand with her mouth.

"It's like a lollipop, Buffy. Suck me, but don't bite."

She giggled, unaware of what that would do until she felt his hands in her hair, gripping
lightly. "Fuck, that felt good," he muttered.

Like a lollipop, she thought. I can do this. I wonder how many licks it takes to get to the
center of this tootsie pop? She went at him with gusto.

"Suck the head, Buffy, please," he moaned; begging.

She did so and his grip tightened. "Touch my balls, Buffy."

She reached out and rolled them in her fingers as she sucked hard on the head of his cock.

In a flash she was on her back, looking up at him as he loomed over her, staring at her with
burning hot intensity.

"Did I do something wrong?"

He shook his head, "You did everything right. Now I want to be inside you. Be part of you."

"Yes, yes, please, William."

He moaned and crashed his lips to hers. "Say it again, Buffy. Beg me."

"Please, William. Please make love to me." He got up slightly and reached over to his
nightstand, pulling out a condom. He tore into it with his teeth and quickly sheathed himself.
In a flash was over her again.

She spread her legs wider and he bent them slightly to her chest. "Comfortable, my luv?"

She nodded, biting her lip.

"Gonna make you feel so good, Buffy," he said hoarsely and she felt him at her entrance.
She held her breath as his cock head split her lips open and he slid inside with ease. She
shut her eyes, feeling full of him. God, he was everywhere, all around her, over her, in her. . .
it was the best feeling in the world. Her eyes fluttered open and she watched in fascination
as his eyes rolled in the back of his head. He dropped his head to her shoulder. "God,
Buffy, you're so tight, so wet . . . so hot."

She kissed his shoulder and nuzzled his neck, ruffling her hands through his hair. She
turned his head and kissed him deeply and he started to move.

"Move with me, Buffy," he said roughly.

She complied and soon felt the slow burn begin to build.

"I'm not going to last long, Buffy, I'm sorry. I just want you so much and you feel so good,"
he whispered and thrust harder, his thrusts starting to build in speed. He lifted her legs just
a bit more and it caused him to slide even deeper within her.

"Oh God!" she gasped, the slow grind of him against her clit sending sparks of pleasure
shooting through her. Any minute now . . . "Will, I'm going to—"

"Do it, Buffy," he urged deeply and slid a hand on her clit, rubbing it in circles.

Her eyes rolled in the back of her head and she went off like a rocket. She didn't just see
stars; she saw the Milky Way. She felt her walls pulse around him and with a few quick
thrusts; he exploded, roaring her name. He stilled and collapsed on her, burying his face in
her neck. He rolled them to the side and drew her close to him. "How do you feel Buffy?" he
asked softly.

"Perfect," she whispered.

"Oh Baby, that is how you felt," he murmured and popped his head up to look at her. "I'm
never letting you go," he said urgently and claimed her lips fervently.

I don't want to let you go either, she thought.

William awoke before Buffy and he had the pleasure of watching her wake up. He smiled in amusement as she fought wakefulness. First, she stretched and rolled over away from him. Then, she rubbed her feet together, a motion he’d noted she’d done last night after he was sure she’d ‘arrived’ many times. When that didn’t work, she rearranged her pillow and then finally, she opened her eyes.

He chuckled softly and her head whipped to the side so that
he could only see the side of her beautiful face. “Are you
laughing at me?”

He reached out and pulled her close, the distance between
them too great for his liking. Wrapping his arms around her,
he nuzzled her neck, dotting kissing to her shoulder. “Yes, I
am.”

“Why?”

“I was watching you try to go back to sleep. It was comical.”

He knew she was blushing, he could almost feel it. He
clutched her tighter. “How do you feel?” he asked huskily.

She squirmed a bit in his arms, which signaled her
embarrassment.

“What is it?” he asked.

She froze, “Nothing, why?”

“You’re lying.”

“William!” she exclaimed, frustrated.

“What?” he bit back a smile.

“I’m just feeling . . . you know . . . “

“Shy?”

She buried her face in the pillow. “You suck.”

“Not as well as you do,” he said, wanting to make her blush
more.

She laughed and turned her head, “Well, I don’t know about
that.”

He leaned in and softly bit the shell of her ear and then
whispered, “I do.”

She turned in his arms then so that she was facing him,
which he liked so much better. He drew a breath at how
beautiful she was even in the light of early morning. Her face
was scrubbed clean, her hair tousled from sex and sleep,
her lips plump, her green eyes bright – she was a vision. He
knew he’d be drawing her very soon.

A fist clenched around his heart as he beheld her, looking up
at him with trust and affection in her eyes; her body soft and
warm against him.

He wanted her again. He wanted her always. Closing his
eyes, he kissed her. A moan tore from his throat as she
unknowingly pressed herself against him even more. Her
breasts pressed into his chest and he slid his hand to her
hair, cupping the back of her head as he deepened the kiss
and rolled her to her back. He was rock hard and ready for
her. He parted and gazed down at her while she caught her
breath. His heart swelled and it was on the tip of his tongue
to tell her what he felt, but instead he buried his face in her
neck and shut his eyes tightly.

It truly overwhelmed him what he felt for this woman. This
GIRL. How she did it so quickly; burrowed inside his heart
and took up camp, he didn’t know. But he didn’t want it to
end.

Ever.

The passion and possessiveness he felt for her threatened
to overwhelm him, but he couldn’t stop it. “Buffy, Buffy,
Buffy,” he chanted and slid one hand down her side and
between them. She opened for him instinctively, her back
arching slightly to accept him. He smiled against her neck.
She was definitely his now. He slid a finger inside her and
she moaned. He groaned at how wet she was already for
him.

“Buffy—“ he said.

“Yes,” she breathed.

He smiled and popped his head up, his breath catching at
how lustful she looked; her eyes darkening with passion. He
smothered her in a kiss and took her with him as he rolled to
grab a condom from the nightstand. Rolling them back, she
giggled and he laughed in return. She surprised him by
helping him sheath himself in the latex. Then she wrapped
herself around him as he drove himself home in her hot
depths.

God, there was nothing like being inside her. He wanted to
stay inside her forever. He started with long, deep strokes,
watching the pleasure play across her face, reveling that it
was him that caused it. She clawed at his back, raking her
nails down it and he started going harder; faster. He could
feel his balls start to tighten, but was determined that she
would cum first.

“Please,” she whimpered, and he could see she was
straining toward completion. Faster he went, pounding into
her.

“Buffy,” he said tensely, “Am I hurting you –?“

“Oh—I’m going to–William!” her eyes rolled and she tightened
around him which was all he needed to spill himself. He
came, her name bursting from his lips and he jerked once,
twice, three times and collapsed against her. She held him
close and his heart hammered in his chest. He didn’t want to
crush her but he was loathe to sever the connection of being
inside her. She seemed to feel the same way –at least he
hoped—because she curled herself around him, keeping him
inside her.



*****************************************************************



Watching her as she padded around his apartment,
clad in his black t-shirt and her panties poking out from
underneath if she moved a certain way, brought a smile to
his face. She seemed out of place in it though, on that end,
he felt out of place in it as well. Buffy was spirited and
brought sunshine to his life. She made the sun come out and
all that other sodding crap the poets talk about. His penthouse was cold, dark and lonely. He used to like it that way, but it’d been starting to depress him. Watching her now he was gripped with the thought that he wanted to make it homier for her. He wanted to see her in a place that reflected her light and warmth.

Slow down, he told himself.

She looked over at him as he sat in front of his
computer from her spot in front of his entertainment center.
He was supposed to be checking emails, but was far more
interested in following her every move.

“You’re into punk rock?” she asked him.

“Mmmm,” he nodded.

“Will?”

“Yes, my love?”

“I’m hungry now,” she said with a pout that
made him want to take her bottom lip in his mouth and suck on
it. Oh, what she did to him without even being aware of it.
God, he’d never felt this way before. He’d never felt so
consumed by another human being before, and every
moment with her intensified the feeling.

The few days they’d spent apart had only
intensified the feeling that he’d been trying to squelch. It was
the whole reason he’d gone out with Darla. And, it was the
whole reason his date had failed. Buffy was whom he
wanted; the only one he wanted and to try and fight it was
only serving to drive him round the bend. He thought of her
going out with other men and jealousy overcame him. He
might be a bad man for wanting her, but he’d take care of
her. He’d treat her like the Goddess she was.

“What would you like?” he asked, getting up
from his chair and making his way to her. He drew her into
his arms and smiled when she wrapped her arms around him
immediately.

“Pancakes, eggs, bacon—maybe sausage. Do
you want to go out?”

He chuckled, “You’ve got an appetite.”

She buried her face in his bare chest, “Yes.”

“I like it. Come on, Princess, let’s go see what
we can do up.”



****************************************************************

“Will?” Buffy asked later as they strolled down
the street together, window shopping hand in hand.

“Mmm?” he murmured and brushed a kiss
across her temple.

“What are we going to do?”

He tensed, “What do you mean?”

“With my father, me working for you. . . this.”

“We’ll take it one day at a time, I suppose.”

“Do you think it’s a good idea that I continue to
work for you?”

He stopped walking, pulling her to the side
away from the people around them. “Nothing has to change
at work, Buffy. You’re doing a fantastic job for me—“

“Will, what if people find out? How would that
look? Especially for me?”

“No one will find out,” he promised.

“Will . . .” she shook her head. “What is it you
want to happen?”

He cupped her face in his hands, “I want you,
Buffy. I just want you. I don’t care that I’m older or that I’m
your boss. I care about YOU. For once in my pathetic life, I
just want to keep feeling what I’m feeling and damn the
consequences. I’m scared too, but I can’t stop now. I told you
last night once we did this I’d want everything and I do.”

“My father—“

“I’ll deal with Hank. For now, let it just be us,
yeah? We’ll take it one day at a time.”

“All that sneaking around, Will. . . I’ve never
done it before.”

“It’ll add some excitement,” he shrugged. “Stop
thinking so much.”

She looked at him warily. “Maybe you should be
thinking MORE.”

He shook his head and smiled, “Don’t want to.
Not now on this beautiful day with my girl with me. Let’s
suspend reality for now and we’ll deal with it tomorrow.”

She sighed heavily, “Okay. For now.”

“Stop worrying so much,” he leaned in and
kissed her. “We’re on the start of something new here. Let’s
enjoy it and bugger all else.”

“For now anyway,” she muttered. “’All else’ has
a way of catching up with you.”

Chapter Ten

"Wow," Buffy said nearly breathless as they lay in the middle of William's living room on the floor, naked.

"I'll say," he chuckled and rolled from his back to his side to gather her up
in his arms. He kissed her forehead tenderly. "All right, sweetheart?"

"I definitely don't need to go to the gym," she quipped and he laughed. The
pair had spent the day out in the city, just walking and talking, laughing and
not having a care in the world. Well, PRETENDING not to have a care in
the world—at least for Buffy who was constantly looking discreetly over her
shoulder to make sure no one they knew saw them. It hurt some part of
her to feel the need to do that. Will, on the other hand, seemed blissfully
unaware of her concern and showered her with affection that she was sure
made others around them blush on occasion.

They'd gone to have a late lunch at a small little restaurant on the corner
near William's apartment and while Buffy was thoroughly enjoying her
yogurt parfait, William had been watching her hungrily as if he wanted to
consume her. Needless to say, he'd gotten them out of there quickly after
that, practically running to his penthouse and barely making it through the
door before he was on her.

Buffy couldn't argue. It was hot. With a capital H, capital O and capital T.
She was finding that his fervent lovemaking made her lose all sensibility
and then when it was over, she was left breathless and not quite sure what
had just happened. But before she could gather her thoughts, he was there,
holding her, cooing to her. His attention was at once addictive and
overwhelming.

She felt as if she were on a whirlwind roller coaster that didn't stop to pick
up other passengers such as Retrospect or Insight. It just kept going with
Desire, Passion and pint sized Recklessness. It'd only been a day and she
was already wondering when it would crash itself off the tracks and how hurt she was going to be and whether or not she'd be able to walk away or if William would be dragging her onto another ride. She was aware that her feelings for William were moving beyond the adolescent crush she'd been feeling – or thought she was feeling—and into something deeper and more profound. And, with every passing moment, she was sure that it was going to knock her on her ass wondering what the hell just happened only to find William standing there, smiling, and holding the rug he'd just pulled from under her.

She was also aware that her sudden need to run had little to do with the commencement of falling in love, but rather with her inability to process any of it due to William's ardent affection.

She considered herself an intuitive and insightful kind of person, but with
William, she found from the moment they'd re-met, those things took a
backseat to her driving desire to be with him.

It truly was a double-edged sword and she hoped that their affair didn't
leave them in shreds. And she hated the word ‘affair'. It reminded her of
what her father was doing –possibly doing—to her mother. However, that
was how it felt with William wanting to keep it secret. She didn't much feel
the excitement, rather, the dread. He was thinking of the short term
ramifications of them being together while working together, while she was
thinking of the long term ramifications of what would happen if someone
found out.

Especially Dru.

And what would it do for her reputation?

"What are you thinking about, love?" William asked huskily, gliding his
hand down her back and nuzzling her neck. "Hmmm?"

"I—uh—I should get home soon, Will."

He pulled back just smidge and pouted. "Soon, but not yet?"

She smiled, unable to resist that pout. "Soon, but not yet," she agreed,
nodding.

"Good. I'll make us dinner before you go. Until then," he rolled on top of
her, "I think we should work up an appetite, don't you?"


**************************************************************


"Will?"

"Yes?"

Buffy paused, taking a bite of the pasta William had made for them for dinner. They'd spent the rest of the afternoon working up that appetite William had mentioned and watching TV. In fact, Buffy had put on one of his shirts and a pair of his boxers—that he had so far not worn—and made a parody out of pretending she was him watching his crap TV. She even stuck her hand in the boxers on her stomach and propped her feet up on the coffee table with the flicker on her lap. He broke up laughing when he saw her and then joined her. Now that they were both dressed and eating, she figured now would be the time for some insight.

"When was your last relationship?"

His eyes rolled up, thinking. "Couple years ago."

"What happened?"

"I worked too much, she was too needy and then wanted to get married,
even though she didn't like that I worked a lot."

"Did you love her?"

"No."

"How long were you with her?"

"About a year and a half. Maybe two."

Her eyes widened, "And you never loved her?"

He sighed heavily, "It was. . . convenient. She was there to take care of me
and I could appease her from bitching at me by buying her things. There
was companionship—it kept me from being completely lonely."

Buffy looked down at her plate. "Oh." She wasn't sure what to make of
that. For some reason, she had a hard time picturing William staying in any
relationship that he wasn't happy in. He was a passionate and affectionate creature; she couldn't see him spending his time pacifying a woman to stop her from bitching just for the companionship. It made her wonder about their . . . fling? Relationship? What was it exactly? He'd said that he wasn't going to be able to let her go now and that hinted at something serious and her feelings for him were more than just a passing fling and really, she wouldn't risk all she was risking for something casual. She so did not want to do the ‘where is this relationship going' talk with him. It was still too new and she was still trying to get her ‘sea legs' in it herself.

"Buffy," he said and startled her by taking her free hand in his and kissing her palm. "That's not how this is going to be."

"I know," she nodded. "If anything, I'll be the uber busy one and I'll be
pacifying you with gifts," she joked out of nervousness.

He chuckled, "At least we'll get to see each other at work every day
though, right? And you can always come here to study—"

She was suddenly hit with the exhaustion of it all. "One day at a time,
right?" she said lightly.

He nodded, "One day at a time."

Buffy found herself quite nervous about going into work the next day. She wasn't sure why considering she had spent the entire day with William the day before. She felt very much the way she had when she'd woken in his arms—embarrassed and unsure of herself. Almost a full day had gone by since she last saw him and that gave time for doubts and insecurities to take root. This was their first day in the ‘real world' together. What would it hold for them? Would he be cool and distant to keep rumors at bay or would he be the same as he always was. Surely he wouldn't be all over her the way he had been over the weekend. She frowned as the doors dinged open. Would he?

Stepping out, her heart fluttered with nerves and she clutched her purse tighter in her hand. "Hi Harmony," she greeted the girl who seemed determined to ignore her no matter what.

"Mr. Madden wants to see you immediately Miss Summers," Harmony said, a slight
smirk on her face. "What'd you do?"

Buffy blinked, "I didn't do anything."

"Yeah, right. He's been a bear all morning and now he wants to see you? I'll bet you've
done something."

Oh great, Buffy thought. What could possibly have happened? Did Dru mess something
up for her? Had her father somehow found out? It was impossible. Oh God, had he decided he
didn't want any part of her? Was he dropping her like a hot potato? Was he from now on going
to be a complete ass until she quit? No. That wasn't right. That wasn't like him. But it did bring
up an important fact: She had more to learn about William Madden.

Walking down the hall to William's office, Buffy took a deep breath before knocking on
the closed door.

"Come in," he barked.

I don't want to, Buffy thought as she pushed the door open, bracing herself.

He was hunched over, peering at his computer with his glasses on. Buffy stared at him.
Yee gads, did he look scrumptious in glasses. Immediately, her desire for him swelled,
tempered only by what he wanted with her.

"Will?"

His head popped up and all seriousness left his face. He broke out in a brilliant smile.
"Close the door Miss Summers."

She did as she was told and turned back to him. He sat there in his leather chair, leaning
back with his hands stacked behind his head, grinning. "Hello gorgeous," he greeted her.

"I hear you've been a bear all day," she said smiling, but fidgeting a bit under his close
scrutiny.

"Come here," he purred.

"Will—"

"You wouldn't deny me would you Buffy? That's insubordination."

She raised her brow at him. "You wouldn't be seducing me would you Mr. Madden?
That's sexual harassment."

He laughed and held out his hand. "Please, Buffy, come here."

She walked slowly to him, placing her purse on his desk. When she was within arms
reach of him, he took hold her hand and yanked her to him, placing her on his lap and nuzzling
her neck as he wound his arms about her. "I missed you," he murmured. "All I could think
about today was you. All I wanted today was you." He licked her neck and she shuddered.
"I'm drowning in you."

"Should I send out a life jacket?" she quipped nervously, her nerves tingling from his
ministrations.

He brought her face down to his and his eyes burned into hers. "No, I just want you,"
and he smothered her in a passionate kiss that felt more like a years worth of longing rather
than a day's.

When he broke away to let them breathe, he brought her forehead down so it was
resting against his. His eyes were still closed and he was slightly panting. "What have you done
to me?" he whispered.

Buffy didn't have an answer to that. "Will, I should get to work."

He nodded, "Yes, yes, I know. Don't want anyone to know."

"Right. So what is the work you have for me?"

"All on your desk, my love. I'll come see you in a bit hmmm? You have plans this
evening? I want to take my girl out."

"I can have dinner with you but I have to get back early so I can study. I fell a little
behind on my reading from this weekend." She promptly blushed at the mention of their
weekend together. Similarly, his eyes darkened further with lust at the mention and he kissed
her again.

"Dinner and an early night. No problem," and he smiled.

Sliding off his lap, she felt his eager response to their impromptu make out session. She
smirked at him. "Better hide that Mr. Madden."

He leered at her, "Want to take care of it for me?"

"William!" she exclaimed and smacked him playfully on the arm. "Behave. Go back to
work ya slave driver."

"You just wait, Missy," he told her and she laughed, grabbed her purse and left his
office—and ran right into Drusilla.

"Hi Dru," she said trying to sound at once normal and cheery, but not too
cheery—suddenly she felt the urge to bang her head against the wall.

Dru just looked at her as if she'd already done something horribly wrong. "What were
you doing in there?"

Buffy started, "What?"

"What were you doing in there for so long with the doors closed?"

"Oh, uh, William was just giving me some pointers, that's all. He noticed some errors to
the Answers to Interrogatories I plugged in for him on Friday."

"You really should pay more careful attention, Elizabeth. Mr. Madden cannot afford to
have any mistakes. He's an important man and does not need anyone bringing him down."

Buffy stood there, stunned. "Are you saying that I'm bringing him down?"

"I said ‘anyone', not you specifically."

Buffy's fists clenched at her side and she had the urge to pummel the woman in front of
her. Not very professional to do, Buffy.

"It was a mistake, Drusilla. Everyone makes them. I'm sure even you make them."

"I check and recheck my work all the time, Elizabeth. I leave nothing to chance."

"Do you want a medal?"

"Everything all right out here?"

Both women turned to see a curious William.

"Everything's fine, Mr. Madden. Elizabeth was just asking for my help on something,"
Dru smiled at him and it made Buffy want to gag. Well, isn't that convenient. Making herself
look ever so important and knowledgeable. Bitch, Buffy thought.

"Yes, thank you Dru," Buffy said shortly and stalked off to her office. She resisted the
urge to slam her door and instead quietly shut it and proceeded to bury herself in her work
while she fumed.





By the time her work was done, it was just about time for her to leave. She'd talked
herself down from being so angry and ended up just blaming herself for it. She'd set herself up
for the fall by Dru by telling the woman she'd made a mistake. Dru, who was just waiting for
her to fail for some bizarre reason, would of course latch on to the admittance of a mistake.
She'd hang her for it if she could, Buffy had no doubt.

Being angry certainly took a lot out of a person and after Buffy shut down her computer,
she bent over the desk, resting her head on the desk. She was so lost in her musings, she didn't
hear the door open and William come in until he placed a kiss at the nape of her neck.

"Are you all right?" he asked, placing his hands on her shoulders.

She started to lift her head, and he placed pressure on her shoulders to keep her still.
"Let me give you a massage."

"Will, the others—"

"Have gone home. It's just us. "

"You sure? I'm sure Dru's probably waiting out in the lobby for you so she can spit
shine your shoes before you go home. Got any dry cleaning for her to pick up? Strap a collar on
her and she'll be your own personal lap dog, I'm sure."

He started kneading her shoulders and she let out a moan. "Are you jealous?" he asked,
amusement evident in his voice.

She thought about that for a minute. "No, actually, I'm not jealous. She's just a fucking
bitch."

"Buffy, such language!" he mock admonished her.

"She's out to get me."

"I'll talk to her."

"No. I'll handle her."

"Why won't you let me help you?"

"Because I'm a big girl and I can do it myself. You can't come to my rescue every time
something happens."

He stopped kneading and spun the chair so that she was facing him. He dropped to his
knees and took her hands in his. "I'd like to."

She smiled, "Thanks."

"Did I help you relax?"

"Little bit. My ranting in between wasn't probably conducive to helping you help me to
relax."

He released her hands and skimmed the hem of her skirt with his fingers. "What else
can I do to help then?" he asked.

Her breath caught, "Will, everyone—"

He now glided his hands up her calves and to just inside her skirt. "I told you.
Everyone's gone."

"Will—"

"Ssshhh… Let me take care of you."

He slipped off her shoes and placed them to the side. She bit her lip and placed her
hands on the handles of her chair, watching him.

He grinned up at her and slid his hands inside her skirt. "Lift up a bit, baby," he urged
and she lifted so that he could slide her skirt so that it bunched at her waist. He spread her legs
wider, and lifted them so that her thighs were resting on his shoulders and her feet dangled
near his waist. He leaned in and closed his eyes, breathing deep as he neared her panty clad
pussy.

"Oh baby, I can smell you. You're already wet for me, aren't you, luv?"

She'd been wet since she saw him with his glasses on and she nodded. He outlined her
pussy lips with his finger and then snuck a finger on the inside. With one tug, he ripped her
panty clear away. She gasped.

He grinned at her before peppering kisses along her thighs and the kissing all around
her pussy lips and then outlining them with his tongue. She jutted her hips forward, wanting
him on her clit, needing to feel his expert tongue on her. The anticipation was killing her. She
moaned and he spread her with his fingers and licked her clit quickly.

"Yes," she hissed and placed her hands in his hair. "Will. . . "

"What is it baby, what do you need?"

"I need . . . "

"Tell me, tell me and I'll do it."

"Make me cum, please. . . lick me."

With his tongue stiff and pointed, he circled around her clit and she strained toward
him, tugging on his hair. "Please. . . " she whimpered.

He then made quick circles around her clit and then flicked it.

"Please, please, please," she babbled, her head thrashing, her fingers tightening in her
hair. She was so close . . .

Then he sucked her into his mouth and she released her just before she came.

"Will, please!"

He teased, he nibbled and then took pity on her by sucking her clit hard into his mouth
and she went off. She came hard, hips involuntarily gyrating, her fingers gripping the soft
brown curls on his head.

She felt boneless after she'd cum again from his ministrations of licking her clean. He
tore his face away and leaned over grabbing tissues from her desk and wiped his face and then
her.

"Relaxed now, kitten?" he mused.

She nodded wearily. "I need to clean up," she said, mindlessly.

He stood and helped her up, kissing her deeply. "Go on now luv. The quicker you clean
up and get dinner, the quicker I can make love to you."

She nodded and trotted off to the bathroom.

Studying had definitely taken a backseat to being with William. After dinner, he'd kept true to his word on making love to her. Twice. He'd then told her she could stay the night with him, but she declined. She didn't have a change of clothes and didn't really feel like going home early or doing the ‘Walk of Shame' the next day. He drove her home, following the same drill as the night before and Buffy nearly passed out by the time she made it up the stairs to her room. She forced herself to do some work only to fall asleep with her face in her book.

So, needless to say, she was, as she told Willow ‘dragging ass'. She loved being with William, but she also needed to do her work. She was going to have to be firm and tell him that there was no way she could see him tonight. She had to be strong.

No matter how adorable he was or how he made her heart race and her panties wet. No matter how she loved to hear his laugh and make him smile.

Strong Buffy, strong.
**********************************************************************
"Buffy, why didn't you come to see me when you came in?" William asked, coming into her office.

She looked up at him, "Drusilla told me all that I needed to do was on
my desk. Plus, Wesley flagged me and asked me if I could do a couple
things for him since his secretary was out today."

"Are you upset with me?"

She stared at him, "What?"

"Are you upset with me," he repeated.

"Will, no, I'm not—can you shut the door?"

He shut the door and stood before her, arms folded. "Buffy—"

"Will, we can't make like a . . . whatever we are here."

His eyebrows shot off his head and the look he gave her could only be
described as disbelief mixed with hurt. "Whatever we are? What the hell is
that supposed to mean?"

"Will—"

He stalked over to her, "You're my girl, Buffy."

"Yeah, except I don't know what that means exactly."

"What are you on about?"

She sighed heavily, "Will, I don't want to talk about this right now. I
have work to do, remember? Work FOR you."

His eyes darkened and his jaw clenched. "Fine. I expect it done in an
hour and before Wesley's stack."

"Will, Wesley asked me to put a rush on—"

"I don't care. You want me to be your boss here? I'm being your boss."

She wanted to scream at him and it was on the tip of her tongue to call
him an asshole, but she held herself back. She had to be the bigger person
here. She wanted to be able to separate work and her relationship with him
and he was the one that was making it difficult for her to do that. He was
blurring the lines he'd told her he hadn't been willing to do with Dru—even
if he had truly not been interested in dating her. She would not give in by
yelling at him. Instead she simply nodded and turned away from him. He
stalked to the door and she braced herself, waiting for him to slam it shut
after he'd walked out, but he didn't.

Good to know he had some boundaries. Resisting the urge to cry in part
because she was overtired and her emotions felt out of whack, and mainly
because she really hated seeing such a dark side to Will. That wasn't the
William she'd known thus far. Though, she had to expect it would come out
sooner or later. She'd heard the stories and hadn't Harmony said he'd been
a bear the day before? Just three days and they'd had their first row. It
seemed the ‘all else' he'd wanted to put off was creeping in and Buffy had a
feeling there was still more hurdles to come.

**********************************************************************************************

William regretted the way he'd acted as soon as he entered his office. He
took pause, trying to decide whether he should go back and apologize or let
it be for now. He decided that perhaps what they both needed was some
time to cool off.

Why did he have to be such a bloody git to her? Because, he thought, the
relationship is still new and what I feel for her is already so intense. It's
probably not normal to feel this strongly over someone he barely knew, but
then, he'd always been an intense sort of man. He was also insecure when it
came to relationships and when you couple that with dating a twenty year
old --- Well; it wasn't fair for Buffy to bear the brunt of his insecurities.

"William?"

William looked up to see Drusilla standing before him all in her customary
black and watching him with unconcealed concern.

"Yes?"

"Are you all right?"

He nodded, "I'm fine, Dru. Just a little under the weather today."

"If I might be so bold, Will . . . "

He sighed inwardly, knowing he was not going to like what was going to
come out of her mouth.

"Yes, Dru?" he prompted.

"I think you should fire Miss Summers."

He sat back, "And why is that?" he asked casually.

"Because she is not good for you."

William narrowed his eyes at her, that comment could go either way and
William was beginning to wonder just what Dru knew; and meant exactly.

"How so?"

"She's fresh, she barely knows what she's doing and –"

"Stop right there," William said, holding up his hand. This was perfect
actually. He could defend Buffy now and stop Dru's harassing her in one fell
swoop. He'd promised Buffy he would keep out of it, but now he was in the
perfect position to put a stop to Dru and her meddling.

"Dru, Buffy is bright, diligent, willing to learn and efficient. She comes to
work on time, she does what she's supposed to do and she does it in the
time frame allotted to her and most often with time to spare. I have not
once witnessed her being ‘fresh'." Even when she should have been, he
thought remorsefully.

Dru openly glared at him. "Just because she is Hank's daughter—"

"It's NOT just because she is Hank's daughter, Drusilla. You should know I
would not keep anyone on if they were not a good asset to this firm just
because I happen to be friends with someone they know or are related to."

Dru jutted out her chin and raised her head defiantly. "Fine," and she
started to leave.

"And Dru?"

Dru turned, "Yes?"

"Don't be giving Elizabeth a hard time, she's a hard worker and if you give
her a chance, I think you'll find she'll be beneficial to your own work load."

"I do not mind my work load, William. I rather enjoy it."

"Surely there have to be other things in your life that you'd like to get to.
Miss Summers can take some of that work load and enable you to do those
things. Would you like to be able to go home early some days?"

She looked truly appalled by the idea and William was starting to get
nervous. He couldn't fire her for having a crush on him or revolving her life
around her work, but he wished he could. She was starting to scare him
with her devotion. He was going to have to keep an eye on her with Buffy.

"I would not like that at all. May I return to work now, William?"

"Yes, Dru," he said wearily. All he wanted to do was right the wrong he'd
made with Buffy.

***************************************************************************************

William looked up from his computer screen and found Buffy standing
there, looking tired and yet ready for battle. He hated that.

"You said to come see you, I'm seeing you," she said tersely. "Everyone's
left already and I'm heading out."

"Why don't you have a seat?"

"I'd rather stand. If this is about my job performance, then just tell me
and get it over with. If not, I'd rather just go now, please."

He shook his head, "Buffy, I hate that you're upset with me."

She looked at him incredulously, "What did you expect?"

"I know, I was well, an ass—"

"Huge ass."

"I know and I'm sorry."

"Will, I come here to do my work, not to – and don't take this the wrong
way—see you."

He nodded, though it did hurt to hear her say that. " I know."

"And you're not making it easy on me. I don't like keeping this a secret,
and at the same time, I don't want to tell anyone because of what it could
do for my reputation and then there's Dru who is constantly hovering and
afraid I'm hording in on her territory, which since I'm sleeping with you, I
am."

He winced at that; it sounded so callous, so inconsequential, when it was
anything but.

"What would you like to do then?" he asked quietly.

"I don't think I should work in this office anymore."

"Buffy—"

"Don't talk me out of it. It's not FAIR William. If anyone finds out about us
sleeping together—"

"Would you stop saying that? It's more than just sex, Buffy and you know
it."

"That's all anyone will see it as Will! I'll be this giant cliché of the young
secretary making time with the Attorney. I'm a smart person Will—"

"I never said you weren't, Buffy. I think you're very intelligent—"

"Thank you, but that's not my point. I'm smart. If anyone caught us or
even if we were open about it it'd look bad for me. It'd look as if I was
sleeping my way through the big attorney's office to become successful."

"Buffy, you're going to school to become an attorney. I have nothing to do
with you making it on the bar. That is all you."

"That's not how anyone will see it. They'll just see me as the office whore.
I'm not going to be that. And if you cared about me as much as you say you
do, you wouldn't want that for me either."

That got his attention. His eyes widened, "Buffy, I'm sorry, I didn't realize
I was making you feel that way. I just . . . I'm impulsive when it comes to
my personal life. I don't think things through all the time—I get caught up
and—God, Buffy. I'm sorry."

"Then if you feel sorry enough, I want you to write me a letter of
recommendation."

He nodded. "Yes, I can do that for you."

"Thank you. Consider this my two weeks notice."

He sighed and got up, making his way to her. He cupped her face in his
hands. "I'm a bad, rude man."

"You're not bad, Will, although I will go with rude after earlier. Yet another
reason why to leave. I can't work for you and be in," she gestured between
them, "THIS. You blurred the lines today William. You lashed out on me
and became a colossal asshole because you were upset with me for not
coming to see you right away."

"Stop calling it ‘this'," he said and released her, running a hand through his
hair. "You cheapen it."

She gave him a pointed look.

"I got the point, Buffy. I understand and I said I was sorry."

She looked down, "Look, I'm sorry. I'm tired and cranky and I just need to
get some rest—"

"Let me take you out. I'll feed you and then I'll take you home and you can
study—"

"No, Will. Going out with you only leads to other things after. I can't do
that tonight."

"Buffy, I just want to feed you. You don't have to sleep with – Is that what
you think?"

She sighed and shook her head. "I don't know what I think, Will. I'm just
confused."

He reached for her, grabbing her arm and pulling her to him. "Tell me,
baby. Tell me what it is you're confused about and I'll make it better."

"Not now Will. I can't do this right now. I'm exhausted and I've got
studying to do. I've got to make up for last night plus do tonight's---"

"I'm sorry."

"It's not your fault. It's just as much mine."

"You told me you had homework—"

"And I still wanted to be with you. I'm not blaming you for that, I'm just . .
. I need to focus tonight and I can't focus when you're wanting answers that
I'm not sure I even have the questions to right now. Can we do this another
time?"

The feeling he'd had earlier, the feeling of her slipping through his fingers
already, of the hand squeezing his heart took over and he fought every
instinct he had to demand it out of her what she was confused about. He
jammed his hands in his pockets balled them into fists and nodded, trying
to appear calm.

She leaned over and kissed him chastely. "Good night, Will."

After her talk with William, Buffy felt drained. She wasn't sure how she was going to be able to stay awake for studying, but she had no choice.

She'd wanted to fall in his arms, and at the same time, she'd wanted to
leave whatever they needed to hash out for another day.

When the elevator doors opened, she saw her father leaving and called
out to him. He turned and smiled, "Hi pumpkin. Heading home?"

She blinked. Pumpkin? Oh yes, they were in front of others. Though, that
wasn't completely fair. It was a nickname her father had called her many
times in the past. Just not recently.

"I am, you?"

"I am. Hey, want to have dinner with your old man?"

"Who are you and what have you done to my father?" she couldn't stop
herself from asking.

His smile dropped and his features darkened. "That's not fair, Buffy."

"Oh come on. You've barely been able to stand me."

"Buffy . . . you're my daughter and I love you."

"You been practicing that?"

"You know I love you, Buffy. I know I gave you a hard time when you
wanted to come home and I'm sorry for that."

Buffy sighed, just not up to having a confrontation with her father at the
moment, no matter how many questions she had for him.

"You want to call in dinner and take it home to your mom? How's that
sound?"

He was just full of surprises wasn't he? She stared at him.

"I'm trying Buffy, please." And the thing was, he sounded so sincere and
looked so earnest, she knew he meant it.

"Sure, Dad. I'll call mom and find out what she's in the mood for."


*************************************************************


Buffy opted not to get into anything too deep with her father. Whatever
was happening, she would broach at a later time. Coming on with a barrage
of accusations and questions would do nothing to help the bridge he was
trying to repair. The important thing was that he was trying as he'd said.
Whether he meant with her and their strained relationship or with her
mother—or both—she wasn't sure. She wondered if it had anything to do with her arrival home, but decided not to dwell on that too much either. And as she listened to him as he gave her some tips on her homework, she wondered when the rift between them had happened. Once upon a time she'd been Daddy's little girl.

Thinking back on it, they'd started to butt heads when she'd been planning her future. He had been too demanding and overbearing and she'd completely shut him out for it. He hadn't taken kindly to that. So, in actuality, she was just as much to blame. Instead of trying to work it out with him, she'd just slammed the door on him and in retaliation; he'd pounded on the door until he couldn't pound anymore. Thus, the Great Divide. When she'd started to suspect infidelity that had added to the rift. Maybe if he was acknowledging his mistakes, she could acknowledge her own and they could both work on it. On that same end, maybe her parents had a chance to work on things between them as well.
Of course, these thoughts led to William and her ‘relationship' with him. That was an issue right there. What exactly were they? He'd said she was his girl. But what did being his girl entail? Aside from sounding as if she was property. Or cattle.

"How are things at work?" Hank asked, breaking her out of her
straying thoughts.

Oh great. She hadn't thought of what she was going to tell her dad about
her leaving the firm. Well, it wasn't like she had another job yet anyway, so
until then, she'd downplay it.

"Good, it's going well over there."

"You and William getting along?"

She felt the blush start to creep up and fought it, but to no avail. "Yeah,
we're uh," sleeping together, "Getting along quite well."

"Good," and he ruffled her hair as if she were a child again. "Come see me if
you need any help pumpkin."

"Thanks, Dad," and she watched him go with a slight smile playing on her lips.

Once her parents were in bed and she was snuggled under the covers, Buffy toyed with her cell phone. She flipped it over and over in her hands pondering. Should she call Will or should she not call Will? She didn't want to get into anything with him, she just wanted to call to wish him goodnight. She knew he hadn't been exactly pleased with how they'd left things, and she wanted to call to let him know – just by the simple act of telling him good night—that she wasn't upset with him.

Taking a deep breath, she punched in his number and held her breath until
she heard him answer.

"Hello?"

"Hi," she said, letting out her breath in a rush.

"Buffy?"

"You expecting someone else?" she teased, thinking that he BETTER not
be expecting someone else.

"No, no, of course not. I'm just surprised to hear from you. How did
studying go?"

"Got it all done. My dad even helped out a bit."

"So, how are things with that?"

"Surprising. When I was leaving I met up with him in the foyer and he
asked me if I wanted to go with him and pick dinner up for us and my
mom."

"You did say yes, right?"

"Of course I did."

"So, do you think that he's still cheating on your mum?"

"I don't know. And if he was, he feels guilty about it and is trying to make
amends now. He said he was ‘trying'."

"What did that mean exactly?"

"I think because I gave him a hard time when I saw him and he called me
‘pumpkin', which he hasn't done in a very long time. He said he was trying."

"I think he means it, kitten."

She smiled at his endearment. "I think so too. I'm a pessimist though so
the jury's out until then."

He chuckled and Buffy warmed at the sound. "Sometimes people might
stray from what's right, but I like to think that as long as it's not a
recurring theme and they realize that what they did was wrong and they
feel genuine remorse and not selfish remorse, I think they deserve a second
chance. There's hope in that."

"Selfish remorse?"

"The kind of remorse that happens when they feel bad just enough to get
sympathy or when they want to get back in the good graces of the one they screwed over because the thing they were after didn't turn
out to be so great after all; Then there's the Scarlet O' Hara remorse."

She giggled. "Pray tell."

"You saw the movie right?"

"Who didn't?"

"Okay. So after her second husband dies and Rhett comes to see her and
she says she fears she's going to go to hell for all the wrongs she's done. He
says she's like the thief that isn't the least bit sorry he stole, but terribly
sorry he got caught."

Buffy laughed quietly. "I remember that. Great movie, by the way."

"It appeals to men and women. It's got war, history and romance."

"And I know you're a sucker for romance Will. Don't lie."

He chuckled and she yawned.

"Princess, I think you should get some sleep now."

"I think you're right."

"I'm glad you called. Did you call for anything special?"

"No, just to tell you good night."

"I'm glad you did, luv. I was just thinking of you."

"Good thoughts I hope?"

"Always."

She smiled at that. "Good night William."

"Good night, kitten. See you tomorrow."

Clicking the phone shut, Buffy placed it on her nightstand and smiled.
Closing her eyes, she fell into a deep sleep and dreamt that she was Scarlet
O' Hara and William was Rhett, taking her in his arms and up the stairs to
make passionate love to her.

Chapter Fourteen


Buffy decided to forego even trying to be nice to Harmony considering all the girl ever did was look at her distastefully. Like she was the one that practically had SLUT emblazoned across her shirt. Harmony’s
plunging neckline nearly plunged to her knees.

“Hi Elizabeth,” Harmony said indignantly when
Buffy was almost past her desk.

Taking pause, Buffy turned slightly and
said “Hello.” To which Harmony looked her up and
down with a look that told her she was a fashion
disaster and turned back to her computer. Shaking her
head, Buffy continued to her office thinking the woman
was a menace.

“Elizabeth.”

Buffy snapped out of her musing to find Wesley
standing before her looking somewhat grim.

“Hi Wesley, what’s up?” Buffy greeted him
lightly. She was learning with Wesley that despite his
tendency to look as if the world were ending, it was not
often the case. In fact, he was quite funny; it was just
that his humor was so dry and delivered with such a
straight face; it took a minute for the joke to be realized
as a joke. She’d also learned that when his jokes
were understood and appreciated, he even smiled.
Buffy had decided it was a goal of hers to make the
man smile at least once in her presence.

“I wanted to speak with you about something.
Can you come in?” he asked gesturing to his office.

“Of course,” she answered and felt her heart
rate kick up. Oh God, what if he’d found out about her
and William? What if he was going to fire her before
she could find another job and properly give her two
weeks?

“Please have a seat,” Wesley said, gesturing to
the swivel chair in front of his desk. He strode over to
the gigantic window behind his desk and looked
outside, apparently deep in thought.

“Wesley?” Buffy said nervously, “Did I do
something wrong?”

“Elizabeth, I found out something rather
disturbing today. Apparently it’s gone on a while now
and I just found out,” and he turned and looked at her
sternly.

Her throat closed and her hands trembled. “Wh-
what?” she stammered.

“I didn’t even realize how dire it was, but
Harmony informed me that everyone knows and it is in
fact a big deal.”

She couldn’t even speak; she just sat
there with her heart hammering in her chest. This was
officially the end of her career.

He looked at her sadly now, “Jennifer
Aniston and Brad Pitt have split.”

She gasped, placing her hand over her heart
and then broke out into nervous giggles to which
Wesley grinned.

“Wesley, you scared me!” she scolded, the
relief flooding her, “I thought I’d done something
wrong.”

“You have done something wrong.” And
like that, he was back to business.

She raised a brow, “And that is?”

“I hear you’re leaving us.”

Buffy looked down, “Yes, that’s true. I’m
looking, but I haven’t found anything yet.”

Wesley sat down across from her, placing his hands
on his desk as he peered at her, “Why do you wish to
leave?” he asked, cocking his head to the side
thoughtfully.

“It’s not that I—I really WISH to leave. It’s that I
think I should,” she said wondering how in the hell
she was going to talk her way out of this one. It wasn’t
as if she could tell him the truth. And what had Will
said?

“It’s William. He’s too hard on you,” Wesley
said, nodding knowingly. He frowned, “Or it’s Drusilla
making work hard for you.”

“No, well, yes. I mean, it is William, but it’s not
that he’s hard on me—“

“I knew it. Too easy on you!” he smiled happily
as if he’d just won a case. Though Buffy wondered if
he really did smile on that occasion. He sat back and
rested his palms together in front of his face. “We can
fix that.”

“W-we can? Wesley, I really think I should just
go—“

“Nonsense. I want you to work for me instead. “

She blinked, “What?”

“You heard me. I want you to work for me
instead. Will you?”

“You’ve no idea what I can do. If I’d be
good for you.”

“You down play your abilities. Why is that?”

She didn’t know what to say to that.
Wesley’s eyes narrowed. “It’s your father, isn’t it? You
compare yourself to him.”

“How do you know that?” she asked,
feeling slightly dazed.

“Because I’ve done the same thing with
my own father. Not a healthy thing to do.”

Buffy picked at invisible lint on her dark
brown suede tailored jacket and nodded, “I didn’t
realize I was doing that until recently. Comparing
myself to him, that is. My father and I used to be really
close and as of late we’ve had more of a love- hate
relationship. I pushed when he pulled and then we
found ourselves at a standstill. I wanted to be
successful like him, but I didn’t want to be compared
to him. So far, aside from Drusilla, I’m the only one
that does the comparing.”

“It’s normal and natural, Elizabeth. The
important part is to find your own niche. Once you do,
everything else falls into place. Every attorney has a
different approach, a different method if you will. I am
willing to bet that your father’s way and your way will be
quite different.”

“Because I’m a woman?” Buffy asked,
trying to tamp down the sarcasm.

“No, not at all. I have found your father to
be cut and dry in his dealings. You do not strike me as
the same.”

She shook her head, “No, you’re right, I’m
not.”

“I have seen that in the short time you’ve
been with us. In the questions you ask, in the way you
approach your work. You seek knowledge and that’s a
wonderful thing.”

It stunned her and warmed her to be so
complimented by someone like Wesley. She’d been
so wrapped up in her drama with William; she’d never
thought that anyone had taken notice of her. William
had praised her, yes, but she’d chalked it up to his
affection for her. Wesley though, Wesley had noticed
and coming from him it meant a lot.

“Thank you, Wesley,” she said, touched.

He smiled, “You are quite welcome. So,
does that mean you will work for me instead?”

“Yes,” she agreed readily. How could she
not?

“Excellent. I will tell William if you wish.”

“Can I?” Buffy asked, jumping on that one.

“Of course. Would you like to start with me
tomorrow?”

“Yes,” she nodded.

“Excellent,” he stood and held out his
hand. Quickly, Buffy stood and took it. He shook it
quickly. “Glad you will be working with me Elizabeth.
Come see when you arrive tomorrow.”

She nodded, “Thank you again, Wesley.”

“Don’t mention it.”



************************************************************
Excited over Wesley’s offer and his praise, and nervous about telling William, Buffy decided to tell him straight away. She made her way down to his office with an extra spring in her step and upon rounding the corner, nearly slammed into him.

He caught her just before they made contact. “Easy
there, luv. I was just coming to find you.”

She grinned up at him. “Hi. I’ve got to talk
to you,” she rushed out.

He quirked a brow. “Oh? What’s this about
then?”

“Can we uh, go into your office?”

He grinned saucily, “Of course.”

He turned and started for his office,
opening the door and gesturing for her to enter. He
closed the door and as she sat down on the chair
reserved for clients and his paralegals, he perched on
the desk before her. “What’s going on?”

“I was just with Wesley and—“

“All this time?” he frowned, glancing at his
watch. “You’ve been in there for nearly a half an hour.”

She knit her brows together. “So?”

He shook his head, “Nothing, never mind.”

Just as she opened her mouth to speak,
he jumped up and took hold of her hands, tugging her
to her feet and into his arms. He smiled tenderly and
leaned in, kissing her sweetly. “I missed you, Buffy.
After we talked last night, I wanted nothing more than
to have you in my arms. I wanted to be there talking
with you while you fell asleep with me holding you. I’m
so glad you called me last night, kitten.” And he kissed
her again, leaving her breathless. He smiled and
tucked some of her hair behind her ear. “What did you
need to speak with me about?”

“Wesley offered me a job with him and I
took it,” she blurted out.

He blinked at her, his hold on her
loosening. “Oh?”

She rushed to tell him all they had talked
about, not wanting to make him feel out of the loop
and wanting him to not be upset. She couldn’t really
gather why she felt he would be though—

“Did I make you feel as if you weren’t doing
a good job?” he asked, his tone slightly hurt as he
pulled away from her.

She shook her head and reached for him,
taking hold of his hand, “No, Will, not at all. It’s just . . .
like when your parents tell you that you’re good looking
or smart or whatever – you feel that they tell you that
because they love you and they’re supposed to say
that, not because they actually SEE it—“

“You think I just said all that because we’re
together?”

She let out a frustrated sigh and let go of
his hand, “How is this not coming out right?”

He shook his head, “I’m sorry, Buffy. I
just . . . I guess I just hate the thought of you feeling
that I don’t think all those same things as Wesley
does.”

“I’m sorry—“

“Don’t be sorry. I know what you mean,” he
put his hand under her chin and tilted her head to look
up at him, “I understand,” he said deeply, his eyes
conveying the truth of his words.

“Thank you,” she said, smiling softly.

He dropped his hand, “I never knew you
felt that way about your dad though,” he said quietly.

“I try not to dwell on it too much. Wesley
said he went through the same thing with his father so
he understood.”

“So you and Wesley have something in
common then,” William said turning away from her,
his tone slightly bitter.

She watched him retreat to his chair, eyes
narrowed. “Are you jealous?”

He guffawed. “No.”

She pointed at him, “You are. You’re
jealous of Wesley. Just because we had a chat—“

“He knows things I don’t, Buffy,” he said
forcefully, his eyes glittering.

“You know about how I think my Dad is
having an affair. Wesley doesn’t know that—and you
know what? I shouldn’t have to defend myself to you. I
have a right to talk to other people, William. And this is
exactly why I am no longer working for you.” With that
she spun on heel to leave. Before she made it to the
door however, William was on her, grabbing her about
her waist and hauling her against him. He wrapped
his arms around her, nuzzling her neck from
behind. “I’m sorry, I’m sorry. My stupid jealousy and
insecurities . . . Don’t go, Buffy. I’m sorry.”

She went lax against him, all the fight
leaving her at his desperate words. “Will, Wesley is going to be my boss, there’s nothing for you to be jealous about.”

“I know, because you’re my girl, right?” he
said huskily and bit lightly on her ear, causing a shiver
to course through her.

“Yes,” she whispered, and he dotted
kisses down her neck, biting softly on the skin there
and then kissing it. She let out and soft moan and he
spun her in his arms, plundering her mouth hungrily
with kisses and nibbles. Sliding his hands under her
bum, he lifted her and instinctively, she wrapped her
legs around his waist.

“William—“ she breathed, between heated
kisses.“We can’t.”

“We can. Business meeting—sshhh...Just
have to be quiet luv, can you do that?”

“Will—“

“Let me take care of you, Buffy,” he
whispered and placed her on the desk. He tugged off
her jacket and immediately lifted her camisole off her,
tugging her bra off her shoulder and down so that it
rested on her rib cage, releasing her breasts to his
gaze and touch. He kissed her as he kneaded them in
both of his hands, brushing his thumbs across the
peaks, making them hard to which he then attacked
with his mouth, laving them and biting gently.

The sensations were going straight to her
pussy and Buffy found herself forgetting about the
others in the office as she ground her mound against
his leg that was in between her legs. Soon, he was tugging her out of her pants, her panties following shortly behind. She reached for his buckle and undid
it, moaning as he kissed her and slid a finger inside
her slowly, rubbing her clit in circles with his thumb.

“Sshhh...have to be quiet, kitten,” he purred
and helped her undo his pants. His cock sprang free
and he grabbed her, sliding her close to him. He
teased her with the tip of his cock, taking his finger out
and gliding his tip up and down her slit, teasing her clit
until she shook with need. He plunged inside her, and
she gasped with the feel of him inside her. She
wrapped her arms around him, using him as her
anchor.

“God, you feel so good,” he groaned softly
and started thrusting madly.

“Yes, yes, yes,” she whispered, her nails
digging into his shoulders as she clamped down her
inner muscles around him.

“Fuck,” he ground out, “Do that again.”

She did so and he started pounding
harder inside her.

“Gonna burn me. . . God, Buffy, love being
inside you . . . Need you . . . “

When she felt him pinch her clit, she bit
down on his shoulder and closed her eyes tightly,
coming apart. Dragging her face to his, he kissed her
hard. Holding her hips with bruising force, he came.

Breaking away to breathe, he rested his
forehead against hers. “Bloody amazing you are,” he
whispered.

“Oh God, I don’t think I can walk.”

He grinned.

She buried her face in his still covered
chest. “What are we going to tell everyone now?”

“We were having a meeting, that’s all.” He
reached over and grabbed some tissues from the
tissue box on his desk and as he slipped out of her
with a mutual whimper, he cleaned her up and then
himself. Quickly they righting themselves, Buffy having
jelly legs as she slid to the floor.

William chuckled and when they were sure
all traces of sex had been cleared, including Buffy
opening a window to clear the air, she swung the door
open with an armload of files. Wesley was just coming
to the door when she opened it.

“Everything all right?” he asked.

She smiled, fighting down a
blush. “Perfect. He took it well.”

Wesley smiled, “Wonderful.”

“You were in there for a long time,” Drusilla
nearly barked as Buffy passed her in the hall.

Buffy stopped and glared at her. “Well, you
no longer have to worry about me Dru. I’ll be working
for Wesley now. I was just telling William.”

Dru stared at her expressionless. “So
you’re not leaving.”

Buffy rolled her eyes and continued
on. “Nope!” she called over her shoulder and
practically slammed her door shut.

She leaned against the door and heaved a
tremendous sigh. That was exactly the sort of thing
she’d wanted to avoid doing at work. She couldn’t help
the euphoric grin that escaped however.

God, that was hot.

Chapter Fifteen

It didn't hit Buffy until later while she was writing up her timeslips with her mind wandering to her coupling with William in his office, that they hadn't used protection. She froze, pen in hand, poised over her papers, eyes widening. Her whole life flashed before her eyes and, considering she was only twenty, it was quick.

Then William walked in. "Hey pet, come to see if you wanted—what's wrong?"

"We uh, we uh—can you shut the door?"

"There's no one here luv, it's just us. What's wrong, Buffy. You're white as a sheet." He came over to her and knelt before her, "What's gotten you spooked?"

"We didn't use protection, and I'm not on the pill."

It was his turn to feel as if his heart was going to drop to the ground. He stilled instantly. Then he sighed, and relaxed. He reached out and tucked some hair behind her ears. "It's okay."

She pulled her hand from his and rolled her chair back. "What do you mean it's okay? What exactly is okay about that?"

"We'll deal with it, Buffy. Whatever comes, we'll deal with it. Getting worked up about it isn't going to solve anything. It's been my experience that you worrying about something that you can't control doesn't help any and things end up working out the way that they're supposed to in the end anyway. Putting energy into something only makes it come to fruition. "

"So you're saying if I basically mind fuck myself and say that I'm not pregnant, then I'm not going to be pregnant?"

"Yes," he stood then and took her by the hand again, this time pulling her into his arms. "It's all right, kitten. Whatever happens we'll find a solution."

"I don't believe in abortion."

"Me neither." And he sounded relieved.

She pushed out of his arms and stepped away from him, gathering her papers. "I don't want to talk about this anymore."

Out of the corner of her eye she saw him nod his acquiescence. When she looked at him fully, she saw some hurt lurking behind his eyes. She peered at him curiously. "What?"

He blinked, "What?"

"Are you all right?"
He nodded and then shook his head, "Do you want to get dinner? Or do you have homework to do--?"

"A class got cancelled today so I had a couple hours to do my work. I'm free." She had wanted to surprise him with that. She'd had this whole plan of them falling in each other's arms and spending some time together free of responsibility. Funny how responsibility found a way in anyway. A responsibility that she was not ready to deal with.

It wasn't that she didn't want kids; she did. One day. One day not being nine months from that moment. And the thought of having a baby when she was not yet done school, when no one even knew of their relationship and when she still barely knew William—it made her head spin to think of it. Here was this man that she had all these feelings for, that was fifteen years older than her, and she could possibly have his child? It seemed . . . surreal. As if it wasn't happening to her, but rather to someone else and she was watching it from the outside looking in. It was crazy that one moment in time could possibly alter her whole life. She'd figured getting pregnancy test results was life altering, the whole planning a family thing; but no, right this second realizing her folly in not using birth control –scratch that their folly in not using birth control was doing it's job on altering her life. By sheer imagination only. She was having flashes of being round with William's belly and not being able to attend class. Of not finishing school, of not becoming an attorney.

"Buffy, stop it right now," William bit out harshly.

She snapped to attention. "What?"

"I can see the wheels turning in your head. Stop it. "

"I can't help it."

"It wouldn't be the end of the world would it? Having my baby?"

She looked at him as if he'd grown three heads. "William, I haven't finished school yet. I'm not an attorney yet. Having a baby would really put a definite crimp in those plans."

"We'd work around it; we'd find a way."

"Easy for you to say, you're the man," she retorted. "We played Russian roulette and
guess who gets to carry the bullet around for nine months?"

"That's nice, refer to our baby as a bullet," he snapped.

"I'm. Not. Pregnant, remember?" she said angrily.

He took a step back and held up his hands. He looked down and took a deep breath.
"Look, we're both overreacting. Let's just calm down. You're right, you're not pregnant." He
looked up at her, suddenly looking like a pleading little boy. "Buffy, can we just forget the past
ten minutes and move on from this?"

Studying him, her mind racing, she realized he was right. There was no point in getting
worked up about something she had no control over at the moment. She had to calm down.

Then it hit her. Fumbling in her bag, she reached for her day planner. Really, why
hadn't she thought of it sooner?

"What are you doing?" Will asked.

"Looking at the calendar to see when I had my period last. I'm not always regular so I

never keep track, which I will so be doing from now on, along with getting on the pill a.s.a.p.
Okay, now when did I have my period last? It had to be before we uh, got together . . . I'm. . .
yeah, I'm due in about . . . four days. I am going to mark that down so I can keep track of this.
No more slip ups for Buffy!" She took a deep breath of relief and sat down in her chair. "We're
clear. At least, the outlook looks much better anyway." She looked up at him, smiling. Her
smile immediately fell. He did not look happy. "Now what?"

He shook his head, "Nothing. Listen, why don't I walk you out and we'll have dinner
another night."

"You're upset with me."

"No, Buffy I'm not. I'm just—"

"Don't lie to me William. You're upset with me because I don't want to be pregnant. It's
not you William. It's not that I'm rejecting you; I'm not ready to have kids yet Will. I'm
not ready to get married and settle down and –" she studied him. "You are, aren't you?"


He shook his head, "I'm not, I'm really not. We just –we're still new."

"And we don't know a lot still about each other," she pointed out.

"And this was just a – a—"

"Fluke. A bump in the road," she supplied helpfully.

"All couples have them, and we've moved on from it," he shrugged.

She fell silent and then asked tentatively, "Have we?"

He reached out for her and gathered her in his arms, kissing the top of her head. "Yes,
we have."

"A minute ago—"

"That was a minute ago. It's over, it's done. No worries, right?"

She looked up at him, "Sure?"

He leaned in and kissed her softly. "Positive."

"Do you . . . do you want to go out?"

He nodded and smiled, "I do."

"I'll just grab my stuff and we can go," she told him. And try to squelch down this
sudden feeling I have that everything is about to blow up in our faces, she thought, trying not
to push down the rising fear she had inside her that this was just the beginning of many more
‘flukes'.

Buffy opted not to tell William about her trip to the doctor the following morning and receiving the morning after pill whilst putting herself on birth control. The whole experience had given Buffy food for thought. Especially when she'd seen someone her age, maybe even younger, pregnant. The concept sent her head reeling with the possibilities of what could have happened.

They didn't talk about it at all in the days to come. Buffy felt at times she wanted to bring it up; wanted to clear the air because while things appeared normal, she knew they weren't. There was a strain between them and if William felt it, he didn't say it. There was an elephant in the room with them, and neither wanted to draw attention to it.

Buffy hadn't had much experience with relationships, but she knew that the not talking couldn't be healthy; and she wanted to know things. Like what he foresaw for them; what he wanted. She wanted to know exactly
what it meant to be his girl. She wanted to know about the others before her. She wanted to know if he'd ever been in love and who she was and what had happened.

She got her chance the following weekend after the pregnancy scare—scare for her anyway. He'd asked her to spend the day with him and after spending the day out and about the city, they'd rented a movie to watch for after dinner. As they sat in what she suspected was a hardly ever occupied dining area, she pondered how to bring up the subject.

"Will?"

"Yes, my love?" he asked as he sipped his wine.

"Can I ask you a question?"

He set his glass down and frowned slightly, "Buffy, you can ask me anything."

She took a deep breath. "I want to know about your past relationships, William. The one's before the one you bought off."

He stared at her for a long time before nodding, "Okay."

"All right. Most of my relationships over the years have been inconsequential except for one."

"When was it? How old were you?" she pressed.

He gave her a funny look before continuing. "I was a college student, same age as you. It was an older woman; Buffy," he took a deep breath, "And she
was married. Though I didn't know it until later on. By then I was already in love— Buffy?"

Buffy stiffened, having not expected that. And not sure how to take it either. Especially in lieu of what her suspicions had been of her father, and the fact that William knew about those suspicions. Open mind, Buffy, she told herself.

"Buffy, it was a long time ago, I was barely more than a child—"

"Much like me, some might say."

He looked at her pointedly. "I don't care about your
age, Buffy—"

"You could start to," she said lightly.

"Are you starting to care about my age?"

She sighed, "Just tell me about her, Will. I'm not going to pretend that it doesn't hit close to home about having an affair with a married woman—"

"Buffy—"

"But it was a long time ago and I can't pass judgment on something like that, can I?"

"It was wrong of me to continue the affair even after I knew Buffy."

"How long?"

"How long what?"

"How long were you with her?"

"Six months."

"How long after you found out were you with her?"

"Four."

She took a deep breath. "Okay. What happened?"

"Buffy, I couldn't bear it if you hated me for that what with what you think is going on with Hank—"

"I don't hate you William. I think I'm incapable of hating you, which makes me want to hate you . . . I don't hate you. I just. . . I don't agree is all. But I
can't change the past and neither can you."

He looked her in the eye, "I would never do that again, Buffy."

She nodded quickly. "So, what happened? Must have been a thoroughly tragic affair."

He nodded, "It was. She was in her thirties and he was older by about twenty odd years. I met her one day while I was out and about. She was walking her dogs—"

"Name, please?"

"Isabel."

"Thank you."

"She was walking her dogs and one of them escaped, I helped her get it back and it started from there. It was. . . intoxicating. I'd never been in love
before and she was my first. I'd had sex before, but had never been had sex with love. She was the first one – Are you all right?"

Buffy was squirming in her chair a bit with a pinched expression on her face. She nodded quickly. "Yeah, I'm fine."

He cocked his head to the side. "Jealous, pet?"

"No," she said emphatically, but it gave her away.

"It's okay if you are. Makes me feel good, plus, now you know how I felt when I heard about the wanker that you had sex with for the first time. Not to mention the wanker that kissed you before you
came home."

"You were jealous of that?" she asked, surprised.

"Very."

"Oh. Well, continue."

"We dated like any couple would and stupid me didn't give much thought to why she always insisted on meeting me somewhere or why the apartment she'd just moved into was completely bare. I found out later that she'd rented it to be with me and to have a ‘holiday' from her husband. Apparently, he was rich and very busy—"

"Let me guess. He was too busy working and never paid any attention to her?"

He smiled, "Yes."

"Continue."

"We were together all the time and I loved her, Buffy. I loved her completely. It was passionate and heady and . . . " he shook his head, "And she was never quite therewith me."

"What do you mean?"

"After I found out about her husband—"

"How did you find out about him?"

"I saw them out together and I confronted her later about it when we were alone and she told me the truth. She cried and told me how sorry she
was and how she didn't want to lose me and how she'd wanted to tell me, but couldn't bring herself to . . . "

"Did she have plans to leave her husband?"

"No, she didn't. She did love him."

"And you?"

"She said she cared about me a great deal, she wanted to be with me—but she never said she loved me. I thought she might, I believed that she did, and when I asked her to leave her husband, she said no. She flat out refused. She loved him and had no desire to leave him. She said when he was attentive; she was the happiest girl alive. She came to me to ease her loneliness and when I was . . . when I was inside her, she was mine. She was all mine. So many times I thought she loved me back when we were making love."

"How did it end?" Buffy asked quietly.

"Her husband found out about it and gave her a
choice. Him or me. She chose him."

Buffy stared blankly at her plate of pasta, contemplating the information.

She wasn't exactly sure what to make of it.

"Buffy?"

His voice jarred her out of her thoughts. "Hmmm?"

"What are you thinking, luv?"

"I'm not sure, I'm processing."

"You don't—you don't think less of me for having an affair with a married woman do you?" he looked so fearful that Buffy rushed to assure him.

"No, Will, I don't. I—that was your past. It's in the past."

"It is. And you," he said deeply, rising from his chair and stalking over to her. He grabbed her hand and pulled her to her feet, wrapping his arms
possessively around her. "You are my future, Buffy."

Images of the pregnant girl at the doctor's office flashed in her mind and Buffy swallowed hard.

"I'm falling . . . No, Buffy. I pretty much know, but in order to not frighten you, let's just say I'm falling in love with you, Buffy. I'm falling hard and I'm falling fast."

He pulled back slightly, cradling her face in his hands. "Can you say the same Buffy? Do you feel the same?"

She nodded, "Y-yes," she stammered and buried her face in his chest.

That's what terrifies me, she thought, for the question is: Will love be enough?

Later they lay facing each other in bed, with only the moonlight shining in as their light. Buffy had told her parents she was going out with friends and would not be home that night . . . and it'd probably extend to the following night if William had any say. Currently they were clothed in their pj's. Course, William's pj's consisted of being shirtless, but that was fine as far as Buffy was concerned. Her boyfriend was pretty to look at.

Their heads on resting on their respective pillows, one arm curled under their pillows and their hands linked in the center, they just lay there, talking.

"Did you always want to be an attorney?" Buffy asked.

He smiled, "Yes. Mostly because I liked the idea of having power."

She giggled and rolled her eyes, "Why does that not surprise me? What did your parents do?"

"Well, my mum died when I was thirteen."

She squeezed his hand, "I'm sorry William."

He smiled, "Thanks."

"What was she like?"

"She was very kind and very patient…which she had to be dealing with my father."

"So he's difficult? Do you see him often?"

"When I take trips to England."

"Do you do that often?"

He chuckled, "You're just full of questions tonight."

She blushed slightly. "I want to know things about you Will."

"I'm teasing. I don't mind. I told you, you can ask me anything."

"So tell me about your Dad."

"He's an artist. What they would call a ‘starving' artist when my parents first got together and for a long time until after my mother passed away. They were living on the Dole, which isn't all that much until his art work took off."

"Oohh, an artist. Is that what made you take it up?"

"Yes and no. I fought against it for a long time. I saw how he struggled and how my mother took odd jobs to make ends meet. He was your typical temperamental artist."

"How long were your parents together before you were born?"

He grinned, "My mum was four months pregnant with me when they married. Before that, they'd been together for six months."

"Wow!" Buffy's eyes widened.

William smiled gently, "When you know, you know," he told her softly.

She averted her eyes to their joined hands and continued. "So, what sorts of jobs did she take up?"

"Mostly she took care of the kids in the neighborhood. She became a second mother of sorts to them."

"Did that make you jealous?"

"Little bit, I won't lie. She was a loved woman. She kept us upstanding citizens. My father was kind of a loner so he was barely seen out and about. He was always tucked away making his masterpieces."

"How did she die, Will?" Buffy asked softly.

"Aneurysm. My father and I had gone to an art gallery to see if they'd take his work and when we got home, she was on the floor in the kitchen…" his voice trailed off and Buffy squeezed his hand and kissed the top of it.

"I'm sorry, William. I won't ask you anymore if you don't want me to."

"It's okay, Buffy. It was a long time ago. It's just hard to relive it," he assured her.

"Had the gallery taken your fathers work?"

"No, and for a long time I blamed him for her death, thinking if we'd been there it wouldn't have happened."

"Did you ever tell him that?"

"Yes. I became quite the rebel in my teenage days."

"Oh?"

"We'll save that for another time," he chuckled.

Buffy pouted slightly and then when she saw he wasn't going to relent, she plowed ahead.

"So then what happened?"

William sighed, "Well, after that, he decided it was time to leave altogether and so we took up what little we had and moved here. It seemed the move was just what he needed for he was nabbed almost immediately here by a gallery. His prints are sold in a catalogue they put out, the originals now being in the London branch of the gallery he started out at here. When I started college, he moved back, setting me up financially from the money my mother had and the money he had earned from his work."

"Did he encourage you to be an attorney?"

"He did. He didn't want the same struggles for me that he had."

"When did you start painting?"

"While I was in law school."

She smiled, "You waited a long time huh?"

He chuckled, "I did. And when I started, I found it to be a release."

"Has your father seen your work?"

"He has seen a few the few times he's come up."

"What does he say about them?"

"He likes them. He tries to tell me that I could make it just like he did, but I but I guess I'm too chicken to try it. Plus, it's not important to me to be successful in my art. I do it for the release and the fun of it."

"So you really like being an attorney then?"

"I like it better than I did in the beginning," he said thoughtfully. "It took a lot of hard work to get where I am now. I'm in a good place now."

"So tell me about this rebel phase."

He grinned, "You won't let that go will you?"

"I'm like a dog with a bone, Will," she said and grinned cheekily.

He sat up and flicked on the bedside lamp. "I'll do better than tell you. I have some photos." And he got up from the bed and went to his closet. Buffy sat up against the head board excitedly, pulling the covers up to her waist and waiting patiently for William to return.

When he returned with a thick black plain photo album, she grabbed for it immediately.


He swatted at her hands playfully, "Just hold on Grabby."

She giggled, "I'm excited. I want to see what you were like!"

He laughed and scooted in next to her, placing the album between their close knit bodies so that it rested on both their laps. He opened it and pointed to a photo of a bunch of teenagers wearing all black. Some had safety pins adorned on them somewhere, all of them wore black eyeliner and most wore leather as part of their black attire.

She stared at the picture, taking it in, thinking that she would probably run the other way if she saw a group of them in a dark alley. She quickly berated herself for being so close-minded, but basing it on looks alone, they did look menacing. In that particular picture they were poised outside on a park bench. Some poised on the bench seat, others on the back and a couple on the ground. None smiled.

"Where are you ---" then she stopped, having finally found him. She wouldn't have guessed his hair would be a slicked back shocking platinum blond. She gaped at him and brought the album closer, studying him. Black leather pants, black t-shirt, black duster and a silver necklace with black eyeliner.

"Will?"

"Yeah?" he sounded almost nervous. She looked up at him and was surprised to find him actually really nervous about her reaction. She grinned. "You're freaking hot, Will."

"Back then it was Spike."

"Spike?"

"It was a nickname I got."

"How?"

"Not sure exactly. Could have been my affinity for sharp objects."

She laughed, "Not at all scary. Do you still have that affinity?"

He shook his head, "No. After I got this," he pointed to the scar on his eyebrow, "I gave up playing with knives."

"Did you get in a knife fight?"

"Yeah, got in a fight with a friend who was at the time, drunk off his ass. I tried to take his keys and he swiped my own knife from me. He was a violent drunk. I tried to take it from him, we toppled to the ground and," he pointed to the scar again. "I decided after that I didn't need to carry one with me anymore."

"I don't know. . . you ever walk through Southie at night?"

William laughed, "All the time when I was in my rebel phase."

She smiled up at him, "So what can I do to get you to do your hair like that again?"

"You like that?" he balked.

"Yep, I do. Not that I don't love the way it is now though. . . Spike."

He grinned saucily. "Have to maintain appearances, luv. Not a punk anymore. I'm an upscale attorney now."

Buffy pouted, knowing it made him melt.

"Don't you start, little girl," he reprimanded her lightly, pointing at her. Then,

"How about I dress up for you some night instead and we go out? I still have the duster and still own mostly black."

She grinned, "Could you? I'll even dress up too. You can take me to your old haunts."

"I'd like that," he said softly, beaming at her.

"Now tell me about your friends. Have you kept in touch with any of them?"

"I haven't."

"Tell me about them and the kinds of things you did."

William launched into story telling of his past and Buffy listened intently, sucking up everything he told her. She'd learned from listening to his stories that he was quite a loyal friend. There was a sense of longing in his voice as he talked of his old friends and Buffy found herself encouraging him to look them up and reconnect. When the album had been gone through and put to the side of the bed, they snuggled back under the covers. Buffy's eyelids were heavy as William cradled her close in his arms, running a hand up and down her back.

"I like it when you tell me things," Buffy murmured sleepily, her eyes shutting.

"I'll tell you anything you want to know, Princess."

She smiled weakly, "Good. I want to know everything."

"I want to know everything about you too, Buffy."

"You already know everything."

"Not all of it. I want more."

"Okay. Not now. Sleep now."

"Good night, Buffy."

"Good night, Spike."

She heard him chuckle as she started to fade out fast, and she could have sworn she heard him whisper ‘I love you' just as she completely lost consciousness, but she wasn't sure.

Buffy woke up slowly, feeling very much that she should not be awake yet. For one, it wasn’t quite light yet; it had to be dawn for the orangey light that was peaking through William’s drapes. For another, she felt groggy and out of it.

Plus, the alarm clock on the nightstand that was placed on her side of the bed said it was five a.m.

Buffy rolled over, having the distinct feeling that she was alone and was looking for confirmation. She blinked in the semi darkness. Yep, William was not there.

She strained to hear if he was in the bathroom. Silence.

“Will?” she said, her voice thick with sleep. Curiosity and worry guiding her, Buffy threw the covers off her and got up. Padding down the hall, she made her way down the hall. Stepping into the living room, she found William sitting on the sofa with a huge pad of paper on his lap. He was holding what appeared to be a kohl pencil and his hand was moving furiously over the paper.

“Will?”

“Hi,” he said absently, his hand still moving, his eyes glued to the pad. “I didn’t want to wake you.”

“I woke up and you weren’t there . . . I wanted to come find you.”

He smiled, “That’s something then. I find I don’t sleep quite as well as I do when you’re with me. Funny how quickly that happened isn’t it?”

Buffy stepped forward slowly, “What are you doing?”

“Drawing you,” he said simply.

She stared at him in surprise. “What? Drawing me?”

He nodded, “Yep, you.”

“How? I mean, I’m not in here with you. Don’t I need to -- well, I guess not. That was a stupid question.”

“Not stupid. I’m drawing you from memory.”

“Which memory?”

He chuckled at that, “I have a lot of you, Princess, but this one in particular is when I woke up to use the bathroom. I looked back at you and you had taken all the covers, which accounted for why I woke up cold.”

She giggled.

“You were on your side and you were burrowed under them, your head nestled in the pillow and clutching the top of a blanket in your fist, holding it to your mouth.” He looked up at her, his eyes tender and bright. So much emotion was packed into that look that Buffy felt her knees weaken and her breath hitch. “You looked so peaceful, so adorable, I just had to draw you. Keep you with me, even when you’re not here.”

“Oh God,” Buffy whispered on a slight whimper. She hurled herself forward then and nearly lunged on top of him. He tossed the pencil and pad away, catching her in his arms and held her close as she straddled him and hugged him tightly.

“Kitten?”

“That’s the sweetest thing anyone has ever said to me,” she whispered.

“Well, you’re only twenty. But, if I have my way, I’ll be the only one saying it to you for . . . for a very long, long time. Would you like that kitten?”

She nodded and squeezed him. Pulling away slightly to look at him, she kissed him softly, almost chastely. Almost. She smiled and ran her fingers through his hair as he gazed up at her adoringly.

“Can I watch you?” she asked, “I want to see you at work.”

He nodded and smiled, “Sure. You can watch me.”

She slid to the side and positioned herself so that she sat next to him, her head on his shoulder. He picked up his pad and pencil and she gasped when she saw herself. “William, you’re so talented,you really and truly are.”

He blushed slightly, “Thank you. Now hush. Let me do this.”

She kissed his shoulder, “I’m watching.”

******************************************************************************


Buffy sat at her desk, thinking back on that day last week the following Friday afternoon. She had been working diligently and memories of being awoken by William carrying her back to bed had brought a smile to her face. She hadn’t meant to fall asleep on him; she really did find it amazing to watch him. It
was just so mesmerizing to watch and she’d been so tired. . . He hadn’t minded at all.
He’d merely placed her in bed and crawled in with her, wrapped his arms around her they’d fallen asleep together. Later, they’d gone to the Boston Aquarium and spent the day getting to know each other whilst watching the sea animals.

“Daydreaming is not productive,” Dru said, coming into Buffy’s office. She had her hair pinned back in
a tight bun, accentuating her high cheekbones and, to Buffy, her disapproving stares. Her dark eyes were currently boring into Buffy, and Buffy thought if she had a ruler in her hand, the look of uptightness
would be complete. Especially when coupled with the long pencil straight skirt and conservative blouse.

“Here we go,” Buffy muttered. “What is it you want Dru?”

Dru scowled at her, “I was looking for a file that Wesley and William have been working on, do you have it? It’s the Capello file.”

“I have it. It’s right there,” Buffy said pointing to the file at the corner of her desk. She smiled brightly, “Have a great day Dru.”

Dru narrowed her eyes and placed both her hands on the desk and leaned forward. “Don’t think I don’t know what you’re up to.”

“And that would be?”

“You know.”

“Pretend I’m dumb. Spell it out for me.”

“Pretend?” Dru let out a hysterical laugh that sent shivers up Buffy’s spine.

“What’s going on in here?” William was there, suddenly, in the doorway. He was looking from Buffy to Dru and back again, eyes narrowed suspiciously.

“Buffy just had a question,” Dru said lightly, standing up straight and beaming at William.

“Yes, I was. I was just asking Dru what it is I’m doing,” Buffy said, glaring at Drusilla.

Dru’s smile faltered and she looked at Buffy. “Whatever do you mean?”

Buffy sat back, “You said you knew what I was doing. I’m curious. What am I doing? Or rather, what is it you think I’m doing?” She knew she was probably in the wrong by airing it out in front of William—very unprofessional—but she just couldn’t take it anymore. The woman was a menace, hell bent on making her work like hell; and Buffy had a sneaking suspicion it was because Dru knew she and William were chummy. Just how chummy they were, she didn’t need to know.

William stood there, arms folded, watching Drusilla expectantly, an eyebrow raised.

“I’ll be going back to work now,” Dru mumbled.

“Yeah, you do that,” Buffy called after her. Dru nearly slammed the door shut on her way out.

“God, I can’t stand her,” Buffy said, jumping up from her chair.

“Will you let me talk to her?”

Buffy sighed heavily, “I don’t know. I think that might have scared her off. I hope anyway.” She pointed at him, “She’s going to pull one of those ‘if I can’t have you, no one can’ moves. Just wait.”

William chuckled.

“I’m serious! She’s crazy.”

William sauntered over and pulled her into his arms. “We all set for tonight, my love?”

Buffy nodded, letting her anger go slowly. “Yep.”

“I’m very curious to see this outfit, luv. You’ve been very secretive about it.”

She smiled up at him; “I think I’ll make you proud. I’m going to look like an original punk princess.”

He grinned and leaned in, kissing her chastely. “Then after you’ll come home with me?” he asked hopefully.

“Like you have to ask,” Buffy said, swatting him playfully.

He pecked her nose, “I can’t wait.”

She grinned, “Me neither.”

**Just found out this story has been nominated at the Breathless Awards! Thank you!!!***

He was a man lost he decided. Just the simple act of her arriving at his apartment to get ready for their night out, with her cheeks flushed from the cool air outside and even with the black winter hat on her head; and her smile, God her smile . . . She called to him, beckoned him. The primal male in him said "Mine."

And all she did was enter his apartment.

He knew he had to be really under it when simple things made his heart swell.

"I'll take the bathroom," she told him and started on her way. He grabbed her and pulled her to him before she could get too far. He kissed her hard and thoroughly, assuaging the primal male in him that wanted to stake its claim on her.

He left her breathless with his passion and he couldn't help the surge of male pride. "I missed you," he said softly.

"You just saw me a few hours ago."

He shrugged, "Can't seem to get enough of you kitten. If I had my way, you'd never leave."

She ignored that comment and he kicked himself for coming on too strong; and he had if the sudden distant look in her eye said anything. He swatted her bum and grinned rakishly, "Go ahead. I'm gonna get ready too."

She nodded, grinned, and went on her merry way.

He sighed heavily and headed to his room. He felt . . . tense. He felt as if something inside him was desperately trying to claw its way out of him and everytime he shoved it down, it just howled and clawed all the more.

It was his love for her. His desperate, growing by the day, unyielding, all-encompassing, possessive love for her. He'd told her was falling only because he didn't want to frighten her. He'd gone way beyond falling. He'd fallen already. Hard. He was on his ass gazing up at her, reaching for her and she was standing a few feet from him with a hand out. There, but not quite . . . there. And it was that not quite . . . thereness? That frightened him.

The whole pregnancy scare had keyed him into how not ready she was to realize the full extent of his devotion. He'd gotten a glimpse of a future with Buffy that day; a future in which they had a little girl that was a mixture of them. But mostly Buffy. A little Buffy running around, tugging on his pants, calling him 'Daddy' and then he'd seen Buffy, pregnant with his child, and a house, a house with a yard and a swing set. He'd seen it all and ached to reach out and grab it. But she'd taken the idea and shoved it away forcefully with both hands.

From her perspective he could understand. She was young and she was still in school. She had goals and wanted to meet them. She saw it as a kind of death for her to have children at this point in her life. She didn't see that there were ways to work it out and that she wouldn't be alone in it. She'd have him with her every step of the way to support her in school--hell he'd hire a damn tutor if that helped. He'd have done anything to make it as easy and as comfortable for her.

In him, she had a willing slave. And she didn't have a clue about it.

He felt a distance between them at times, felt as if she were pulling away and it scared him. Made him feel desperate. He did not like that feeling at all. It didn't sit well with him. He could honestly say that it was all her that brought it out in him. Not even his first love, Isabel, had made him feel the same kind of desperation he felt with Buffy. It made him hold on to her tighter and, he feared, that would drive her from him if he wasn't careful. So he tempered it as best he could. Tried to let her guide them until she was sure of him, of herself, of them.

Tonight served to do just that. It was a testament to him that Buffy indeed want to be sure of them. She was eager to enter his world and let him be the guide. Her insatiable quest for knowledge turned him on. And, the fact that her quest included him turned him on even more. He knew what kind of girl Buffy was. She was a knowledge seeker, a truth seeker. It would make her a damn good attorney. Wanting to be part of his world brought her closer to understanding him, and that's what Buffy ultimately was seeking to do. It thrilled him to no end to see her want to embrace him in such a manner. It meant that she was on her way to being sure that what they had could last and, if he had his way, it would last until they were old and gray.

Whistling to himself, William changed himself into Spike. Tight black jeans, a tight black Ramone’s t-shirt from back in the day, black combat boots, and his duster. Ah, the black duster. It had been at one time his second skin. It was like meeting an old friend when he slid into it. Memories of his teenage persona came slamming back to him and he grinned to himself. Yeah, he'd definitely been a shit. He'd had fun though. Slicking his hair back, he whistled to himself and reached for the black liner he'd gotten after work that day. Lightly, he lined his eyes with it and grinned. He was ready.

Stepping into the living room and not seeing Buffy, he called out to her.

"I'm coming! Just got to finish up," she called out.

He couldn't wait to see his Golden Girl. He drew a breath when he heard the bathroom door open. Soon, she came into vision and his jaw dropped. She was bloody gorgeous, and oh God, sexy as hell. Her hair was pin straight so that it almost looked like jagged eges at the ends. And it had bright red streaks in it that somehow made her gorgeous green eyes pop out even more. Her make up was dark for her, black liner and mossy green shadow. And her outfit, oh boy her outfit. She wore a red and black plaid, pleated mini with zippers on the sides and large safety pins randomly adorning it all around, and a skintight fishnet shirt that didn’t leave much to the imagination for he could see her black bra underneath and the swell of her milky white breasts calling him. She wore black thigh highs and chunky black boots.

"Do I look all right?" she asked and looked him up and down, licking her lips.

He was on her instantly before his mind knew what he was doing, his body was moving forward and grabbing her to him and kissing her amorously. "Fuck, Buffy," he breathed when he'd released her. "You look bloody gorgeous. A wet dream come to life."

"William!" she admonished him.

He leered at her, "It's Spike now baby."

She giggled and kissed him. "So I pass?"

"You more than pass, baby," he purred. He let his hands wander down her sides and to her ass, which he cupped in both his hands, and brought her closer so she could feel the erection he was now sporting.

She gasped and he watched in pleasure as her eyes glazed over with lust. He leaned in and kissed her voraciously. "I want you," he told her huskily. "I want to bend you over the couch, lift up this pretty little skirt and take you from behind. Can I Buffy? Can I take you like that?"

He was sure he had her, was sure she would say yes from the dazed look on her face. She surprised him by pushing at him and holding up her hand, moving her pointer finger back and forth and tsking him. "Naughty boy, wanting to make me all . . . dirty."

He growled, loving the vixen coming out in her. He moved forward to take her back in his arms when she stepped back, "Now, now," she scolded him. "Take me out and show me a good time and I might just let you take me from behind."

His eyes fluttered shut, hearing it from her lips drove him clear round the bend. "Buffy," he groaned, "What are you doing to me?"

"Giving you an incentive. Come now . . . Spike."

"I would like to come--"

She laughed and started for the door and, he was sure, wiggling her ass for him as she went.

"You are going to be the death of me," he muttered and followed her. Bloody slave all right, he thought to himself.

***********************************************************************************

Buffy felt stupid. Stupid because her first instinct upon walking into the underground club Wi--Spike had chosen was to cower in fear. It was ridiculous, they were people just like her, some of them just happened to look a little. . . different. Different as in scary. You're a snob, Summers, she told herself. It was just a different world than what she was used to. She was used to dance clubs that played Britney Spears and Destiny's Child. Poppy stuff; stuff Spike probably hated and rebelled against. She was used to seeing the occupants of those 'poppy' clubs dressed from preppy to slutty. The people here however, donned dog collars and heavy makeup, some it quite theatrical too, they wore bright colors and the standard black, and wild colored hair. Actually, she was liking the pink wig she saw across the room... However, the over all affect screamed seedy to Buffy. It was dark and almost dirty looking, but Buffy wondered if that was done for affect, or if it truly was dirty. There wasn’t much in the way of decoration aside from posters of bands – including the band of the t-shirt William was sporting. There was a bar in the back and that was pretty much it.

The occupants appeared tough and street wise to her; unwelcoming to a girl like her. She felt as if they'd take one look at her and know she was a fake. She studied the people around her inquisitively.

"What's goin' on in that head of yours?" Spike asked, nudging her with his arm.

"I'm studying."

He chuckled, "Studying?"

"Punk looks to me a little like goth."

He made a face, looking offended, but trying to cover it up. “Goth is for pansies,” he retorted. “Nothing like punk.”

That made her defensive. “Like I’m supposed to know. The closest I’ve come to punk is Green Day.”

Now he looked horrified, “Green Day is not punk.”

She felt even dumber than before. Here she was trying to experience William’s world and she was falling flat on her face. She was an embarrassment. She should have studied up on this; should have never suggested they do this. Or was it him that had suggested it? It didn’t matter, she just wanted out now.

“Buffy,” he was saying her name now, softly.

She was fighting back tears and refused to look at him.

“Buffy,” he said again and closed his fingers around her arm. She jerked back from him and looked away.

“Pet, look at me, please.”

She remained looking away. Then, he was standing in front of her, looking regretful. “Pet, talk to me. What is it?”

“I don’t fit in here. I stick out like a sore thumb and you think I’m stupid.”

“Buffy, no, baby, I could never think you were stupid,” he said lovingly and reached out, stroking her cheek. “Look at me, baby.”

She shook her head.

“Why won’t you look at me?”

“Because I want to cry and if I look at you, I will!”

“Pet, don’t be upset. Please. I’m sorry if I snapped at you. I know you don’t know anything about punk and that’s why we’re here. To learn.”

“I should have done research—“

He started to chuckle and her eyes snapped to him, the tears gone and replaced by ire. “Now you’re laughing at me.”

“Not at you, baby. I’m laughing at how adorable you are. You’re the only one I know that would do research on punk.” He stared at her imploringly, suddenly serious. “You’d do all that for me?”

She bit her lip and nodded and then looked up at him, “Not that it matters. I’m ridiculous. I stick out—“

He pulled her into his arms successfully, “No you don’t. And if anyone is looking at you, it’s because you’re bloody gorgeous, pet. Listen,” he said, pushing some hair away from her face and playing with it idly between his fingers, “We are here to give a taste and to see what I was like then. I’m not exactly the same then as I am now.”

“Part of you is; the part that isn’t a big shot attorney in a gorgeous penthouse. You’re still a rebel, Will.”

He grinned, “I am at that. But you don’t have to ‘fit in’ to this scene, Buffy. That’s not what this is about. You already ‘fit in’ with me.”

“I know, I’m just . . . a perfectionist. I don’t like to half ass things and I was trying to tamp down the intense feeling of dread upon walking in here—“

“Dread?”

“Some of them look a little scary to me Will. Remember who I was in college? Popular cheerleader that went to pop clubs to dance and listened to friggen Britney Spears. Hell, I’d still do that. But this? This is . . . out of my realm.”

“That’s not a bad thing baby to experience things out of your realm.”

“I know. I just insulted you and you got upset with me and it’s not like I’m supposed to know all of the differences between goth and punk—“

“Buffy, stop. It’s okay, sweet. I’m sorry if I snapped at you.”

She sighed, “I know.”

“Let’s grab a table and I’ll get you a coke and we’ll talk okay? The band is still setting up, so I’ll give you the overview of punk okay? I can tell you right now that there are a bunch of bloody posers in here that are playing at something they’re not.”

“So am I,” she said defensively.

“No, luv. You’re learning. Not claiming to be something you’re not.”

She nodded, “Yeah, ok.”

Leading her through the crowd, he brought her to a table in the corner of the room. He assured her he’d be right back before disappearing into the throng. Buffy sat back and tried to relax. She watched the band set up and let her eyes drift over the crowd, taking them in.

“Here you are, pet,” William said and slid in next to her, placing her plastic cup of Coke before her.

She sipped it, “So, I’m less intimidated.”

He grinned, “Oh?”

“Well, I saw a group laughing over there and that helped.”

He laughed then and pulled her snug against his side, draping an arm across her shoulders. “A lot of them look about ready to wet themselves when up against the real punks.”

“All right. Teach me,” she said and rested her head on his shoulder.

He spoke low, giving her the basics of punk rock music; what it was, what it meant and the history of it. She listened with interest, jumping in to ask questions here and there and finally, through his eyes, she was starting to see what he meant by the ‘posers’ as he called them. She readily identified the ‘hard core’ punks from the ‘wannabe’s’. She found that it wasn't what she thought at all. She thought 'punk' meant just a style of music that was close to rock, and a style of clothing to rebel and make a statement. According to William though, it was more than that. It was, and could be considered a way of life. It was rebelling--but rebelling against the things society imposed on people -- as in being the perfect 'cookie cutter' image. It was taking a stand and being brave enough to be yourself. It was raw and political and said something. It fit him. Even with the straight - laced day job. It said something about the core of him and, proved to her even more just how complex William really was.
When the band started, Buffy looked to William to gauge his reaction as some of the ‘wannabe’s’ flocked to the front of the stage. Will did not look impressed.

“What’s their name?” he asked distastefully.

Buffy narrowed her eyes to see the stage and the poster next to the band. “The . . . Safety Pins.” She started to giggle as William looked downright disgusted.

“This is bloody awful.”

“Well, what do you expect from Safety Pins?” she laughed.

“I’m done with this place. You ready to go pet? A bloody mockery is what it is. A travesty! I oughta shut this shit hole down on principle alone. They call themselves a punk rock band? They sound like bloody Blink 182—“

“Hey,hey!” Buffy said and poked him. “I like them.” She paused, "I though they were just rocky pop."

William chuckled, "They are at that. You ready kitten? Let’s go home. I’ll teach you about punk.”

She grinned, “Oh, I’m sure you will.”
********************************************

She didn’t seem to put out that they had left so early; she seemed almost relieved actually. He chuckled to himself. His girl was not punk. Though she looked bloody hot in that outfit and he fully intended on taking her the way he’d described before they’d left.

But, to make doubly sure their night was not wasted, he took her to the diner down at the corner from the club and they filled up on greasy cheeseburgers and fries until they felt as if their stomachs would burst. He rushed her back into the car, as she hadn’t wanted to look like a ‘dork’ with a jacket on, to keep her warm and then up to the apartment. Immediately she’d gone for his CD’s and demanded to see his photo album again so she could ‘envision it all.’ They’d kicked off their shoes, and he his jacket and just before she started taking off her thigh highs, he begged her to keep them on. She blushed and agreed.

His girl was still not quite impressed, but she did admit to liking a few songs. He smothered her in kisses and toppled her into the couch. He was done talking now. He needed to touch her, feel her, make love to her until she begged for a reprieve.

Nibbling at her ears and down her neck he took untold delight in the moans and murmurs she elicited at his touch. Her nimble and questing fingers caressed him where they could reach and her simple touch had him beyond aroused.

Sliding his hands under her fishnet shirt, he lifted it up and over her head, discarding it over the couch and then pulling her bra down to suckle at her breasts, moaning at how responsive she was and how sweet she tasted.

“Will,” she moaned, clawing at his shirt. He grinned saucily, and lifted up, pulling his own shirt up and off, and then unbuttoning his jeans and unzipping them.

She bit her lip and reached for him, bringing him down into the warm softness of her arms and body. Sliding his hands under her skirt, he found her thong, which he took great pleasure in tearing right off her. “Will!” she gasped and her eyes widened.

“Spike,” he told her huskily, “Call me Spike.”

Her gaze darkened in lust even more and God, she had no idea what it did to him.

“Spike, please,” she whimpered and he nearly came at the sound. Thrusting a finger inside her, she nearly sobbed her pleasure with her head thrashing from side to side.

“Christ, you’re so wet,” he breathed. “For me, right? Just for me.”

She nodded, “For you.”

“Only me because you’re my girl, right?”

“Yes, Spike, yours.”

He growled and kissed her hard, “Up, Buffy,” he said backing away, withdrawing his finger that was coated with her juices. He helped her up whilst sucking his finger; his eyes rolling up at the taste.

She stood on wobbly legs. “Spike?” she said certainly.

“Bend over the armrest Buffy,” he directed her, watching her blush profusely and bend over the armrest, resting her elbows on it and looking up at him.

“Fuck, you’re gorgeous,” he swore, taking in the rosy hue to her skin, her eyes uncertain but still trusting, her breasts hanging over her bra, the peaks hard. And her bottom, her round, perfect bottom. He shucked off his jeans, licking his lips in anticipation and got behind her, caressing her bottom tenderly. She moaned and he lazily drew a finger across her back, and over her rump before finally settling in the crack of her ass and going down further. She jumped and tensed until he reached her pussy and he slid his finger in and then rubbed her clit.

“Condom,” she gasped out. “The pill hasn’t . . . you need to get a condom.”

He groaned, his body protesting the whole way to the bathroom. Quickly, he tore the package open and sheathed himself. Coming back in the room, and seeing her bent over still, he knew he had to be inside her and soon.

“Baby, I can’t wait,” he warned her, “I need to be inside you.”

She nodded, “Please, Spike.”

Grabbing his cock, he lined it up with her slit and lunged forward, burying himself in her heat. She gasped.

“Did I hurt you?” he asked worriedly.

“No, just surprised me,” she breathed.

He started a slow, rocking motion as he leaned over her and palmed her breasts in his hand, pinching her nipples. She moaned low in her throat and her head dropped to the armrest. “Spike, more, please.”

He started thrusting harder, his body demanding more along with hers. It was like this, inside her, that he knew she was his completely; that she belonged to him wholly. He wanted more; wanted more than just coupling to make it real.


He wanted all of her.

He pushed faster, harder, and together they climbed to their peak. Reaching around, he slid his thumb over her bundle of nerves and she let a groan and swore.

He dotted kisses over her back, wanting to cum, but not wanting the sweet tormenting pleasure to end.

“Buffy, you feel so good, my sweet girl,” he murmured. “Feel so good. Like heaven.” His balls were tightening and he knew he was going to pop soon and he wanted her with her. He rubbed faster and pounded harder and the minute her walls fluttered and clenched around him, she let out a shout and called his name. He came with a vengeance, shouting her name. He dazedly collapsed against her back, nuzzling it with his face. “Love you, Buffy. Love you so much my sweet girl. Be with me forever, Buffy. Be with me forever.”

“Spike,” she said softly after a few moments.

“I’m crushing you,” he said and stood, easing himself out her tight passage. They both groaned at the sensation of slipping from each other and he helped her up, spinning her around and into his arms. Her cheeks were flushed; her hair in disarray and her lips were plump from his kisses. He kissed her languidly, savoring her like a fine wine. “What do you say about a bath?” he asked.

She looked at him with such tenderness in her eyes; he knew it had to be love. One couldn’t fake a look like that or make it up. His heart swelled and bloomed in hope. She smiled shyly at him, “That sounds nice,” and she buried her face in his chest.

“What’s this then?” he asked, sweeping her hair from her shoulders and smoothing a hand down her back.

“Just feel self-conscious all of a sudden . . . Baring my rump like that.”

He laughed, “Oh kitten, it’s a beautiful rump. Poets could write sonnets about that rump.”

She giggled.

“Come on, I’ll wash away that self – consciousness. I have much more in store for you, sweetheart.”

“I’m sure you do, Spike. I’m sure you do.”

Sunday morning, Buffy woke before William and lay there, watching him sleep, thinking him to look like a little boy when he slept. Definite contrast to the man he very much was. She wanted to reach out and trace his face with her finger, feel how soft she knew his skin was and smile as he woke up under her touch. She found joy in the simple act of reaching out touching him; the smile it would elicit could light up a Yule log. Her favorite was touching his face and the way he would nuzzle into her palm, his eyes closing and a soft smile playing across his gorgeous face.

Was that love? she wondered. Is that what she felt for him? He’d said it after he came, but . . .could that be something she could take as truth or something in the heat of the moment?

He had said that he was falling at one time...though he’d also said that he’d only claimed to be ‘falling’ in order to not frighten her. But, how did he know? How did he know it was love and not just lust he felt for her?

Well Buffy, she thought, he’s had enough experience. He is thirty-five and has been around. So, is it from him you’re looking for clarification or for yourself?
The phrase ‘young piece of ass’ kept flashing in her head and she tamped it down. William would be appalled to hear her think that.

She gazed at him, propping an arm up and resting her head on her hand. Like this, he was peaceful and not at all overwhelming. Scratch that. He was still overwhelming, but not the same kind of overwhelming. When he was awake, his focus was so intently on her his outbursts of emotion and possessiveness left her breathless and feeling as if the Earth were moving right from under her feet. When he was like this, sleeping, he warmed her heart, made her want to wrap herself around him and never let go. Sounds like love, the voice in her head said.

She watched him start to wake, a smile slowly curving her lips. He stretched and yawned and reached for her immediately. Giggling to herself she glided out of reach and covered her mouth to stifle a laugh when his eyebrows furrowed and he growled, his eyes snapping open. She laughed airily and he grabbed her, hauling her to him.

“What are you up to?” he asked, his voice still thick with sleep.

“Just watching you,” she said, nestling against him, and pressing a kiss to his bare chest. Wrapped up together like this she felt safe and warm; and loved.

“Oh?”

“You’re always awake before me,” she told him. “Now it was my turn.”

“Did you sleep well?”

“Mmmm.”

“I could get used to this, you know,” he murmured, gliding a hand down her back.

“Used to--?”

“”Waking up with you here. I feel like the whole week is just a build up to when I can have you here with me,” he explained, ghosting a kiss across her forehead. “I think I already am used to this.”

She wasn’t sure how to respond to that. “I –I, uh, have to go home early today.”

He pulled back, studying her and frowning, “Why?”

“I have to study, Will.”

“Why don’t you ever bring your homework here, luv? You can study here as well as at home you know.”

She smirked, “Yeah, I’m sure I’d get lots of studying done here.”

He feigned indignation. “What are you trying to say?”

“That you’re very distracting, William.”

He grinned rakishly and leaned in, catching her bottom lip in his mouth and nibbling on it before engaging her in a kiss. He toppled her so that she was on her back with his erection cradled between her thighs. A gasp escaped her and she thought; lust.

He rubbed himself against her as he kissed her languidly and she felt that certain wetness begin to escape her labia. It was amazing to her that he could so effortlessly evoke that response to her. Lust for wanting him, but . . . love for it only being him? She wondered.

Swiftly, he reached over and grabbed a condom, tearing open the package and sat back to sheath himself. She watched him hungrily and reached out, helping him encase himself, stroking his shaft. He moaned, “Fuck, Buffy.” He lunged back on her and then rolled so that she was on top this time. Her eyes widened as she looked down at him. “Will?” she said uncertainly.

“I want you to ride me, Buffy,” he told her huskily, cupping her bottom.

“I don’t—“

He lifted her then and she braced herself on his chest. She felt the tip of him at her entrance and her eyes closed and she lowered herself on him with his help. A groan escaped them both when she was fully seated on him.

“Oh fuck, yes, baby,” he breathed. “Look at me, Buffy.”

Her eyes shot open and met his, his eyes dark with passion and a tenderness she was beginning to see more and more of – and not just when they were like this.

“Lift up . . . “he instructed her and she did, then slammed back down. When she did, her clit rubbed against his shaft causing shocks of pleasure to course through her. He grinned, “You liked that.”

She nodded and adjusted herself so that she wasn’t resting her weight on his chest and instead sat up on him and used her legs to guide and maneuver herself over him. It took a minute, but soon a rhythm was established and Buffy was able to make it so that each stroke in caused him to rub her clit. And then soon, she was moving faster and faster as she raced to her completion, William following behind.

“Buffy, God, yes, you feel so good . . . love being inside you . . . oh fuck, Buffy. Fuck me . . . fuck me hard. . . that’s it baby . . . “ he babbled and reared up so that he could suckle on her breasts. She grasped him to her as she rode him, getting closer . . . closer. . .

“I love you, Buffy, I love you so much . . . “ he murmured. “Can’t . . .get . . . enough of you. . .”

His words skimmed by her, noting them, but not processing them. Her body was reaching for its release and all else seemed to slide by.

“William!” she called and sobbed her release, feeling she was going to black out from the intense pleasure coursing through her.

“Fuck!” he roared and she knew he was coming. Holding on to him tightly, she let him take control from then on. He moved them so she lay, boneless, on top of him.

“God, I think you’re going to kill me,” she murmured against his slightly slick chest.

“I think it’s the other way around, baby,” he countered, rubbing soothing circles on her back. “Need a nap now, sweetheart?”

She nodded, her eyes fluttering shut. He rolled them to their sides and slid out of her. “I’ll be right back.”

“Come back,” she protested, missing his warmth and touch.

“I’ll always be here,” he whispered.


The following day at work Buffy was in especially good spirits. She’d gotten an exam back that day that she’d been especially nervous about and aced it. She couldn’t wait to tell William. Entering the office, she smiled at Harmony and was caught off guard when Harmony smiled back and asked, “How was your weekend, Buffy?”

It was in the way she said it that gave Buffy pause. As if she knew something and wasn’t just making idle conversation—something Harmony never did to begin with anyway.

“Fine,” Buffy said slowly, “Why do you ask?”

Harmony shrugged, smiling knowingly and was literally saved by the bell as the phone rang. Making her way down the hall she pondered what Harmony was up to when she ran into William who was looking grim.

“I tried calling you,” William said.

“I left my cell at home,” Buffy said, “What’s going on?”

“Your father has requested our presence.”

Buffy’s eyes widened, “What?”

“He called me this afternoon and snarled at me that when you got here, we were to go see him.”

“I don’t want to,” Buffy said, shaking her head.

“Buffy, we have to. He knows, somehow and we have to face it.”

She shook her head, “I don’t want to face it. The whole reason we agreed to keep it secret was so we didn’t have to face it. He’s going to have my head.”

“More like mine,” William muttered. “I tried to go talk to him, he refused to see me. Not wanting to make a scene, I let it go.”

“This is it. This is the end.”

Grabbing her arm and dragging her into the men’s bathroom, William shut the door and practically shook her. “You listen to me. This is not over. This is not the end. Your father cannot break us up. You’re an adult now Buffy and you can see whomever you want. He’s not angry with you, he’s angry at me. You’re his little girl after all. Just let me talk to him.”

“Will—“

“Please?”

She sighed, “Fine.”

She very nearly felt as if she were walking to the guillotine as her and William made their way down to Hank’s office on the floor below. William held her and kissed her on the elevator ride down, murmuring that it would be all right. Buffy didn’t feel it would be all right at all. She knew her father’s volatile temper. Especially when it came to her and her future.

The receptionist announced them and William held her hand as they walked down to Hank’s office and Darth Vadar’s theme song started playing in Buffy’s mind with every step.

The door opened as they approached it and Hank stood aside, his face red with anger. He shut the door, nearly slamming it behind them once they were safely ensconced inside. Buffy jumped at the sound and let go of William’s hand just after he gave it a squeeze.

“So, you’re skirt chasing my daughter,” Hank blurted out. Apparently, he’d been waiting all day for this and was chomping at the bit with it. He was tremblingwith anger and Buffy started at the knowledge.

“Hank—“ William started.

”Shut up,” Hank snapped and went to his desk where he extracted a manila envelope that’d been torn open at the top. He pulled out what appeared to be photo’s and slapped them onto his desk.

Coming closer, Buffy gasped when she saw that they were photo’s of her and Will. They were pictures of them out around the city, shopping, talking, laughing, and having lunch. They were even some of them from that very weekend at the club William had taken her to.

“How did --?” she whispered, feeling dazed.

“I got them in the mail this morning,” Hank explained. “With no return address.”

“I don’t understand—“ Buffy murmured, rifling through them. “Who could have done this? Why?”

“You’re not working there anymore,” Hank said finally.

Buffy’s head snapped up, “What?”

“You’re not working there anymore, Buffy,” he repeated. “And you’re not to see William anymore, you understand me?”

“Dad—“

“You get me?”

“Dad—“

“Hank, be reasonable. I know you’re upset, but it’s not Buffy you’re upset with, it’s me,” William tried calmly.

“You know what I think of you and your opinions at this moment William? They’re complete shit! My best friend after all these years has been taking up with my little girl – she’s fifteen fucking years younger than you! What the hell are you thinking?” Hank was shouting, red-faced, and the vein in his forehead looked about ready to pop. “You’re skirt chasing my little girl!”

“I am notskirt chasing your little girl! I love her.”

Hank laughed bitterly,” Of course you do. Any man at your age would fancy himself in love with a twenty year old. Especially when he’s getting a piece.”

“You shut your gob,” William snapped angrily. “Don’t talk about your daughter like that.”

“Buffy, you’re coming to work for me,” Hank said, ignoring him.

“I don’t even work for William anymore Dad, I work for Wesley,” Buffy said calmly.

“You’re not staying there Elizabeth, now get your things!” Hank yelled.

“Dad, please, calm down, you’re not looking too good right now—“

“Do you want Wesley and that whole damn office to know about what you’ve been carrying on and doing there?” Hank continued, ignoring her, and then turned to William. “Do you want everyone to know? You think they’d take kindly to know their partner is carrying on with the secretary? That he’s thinking with his dick rather than using the brain God gave him?”

“Hank, I mean it, shut the fuck up,” William said through clenched teeth.

“And don’t think at this point I’d take pleasure at dragging you through the mud because I’m so spitting angry, I would do it! Buffy, get your things and come down here, now!” Hank shouted, turning to Buffy.

“Daddy, I’ll do it, just calm down, you’re scaring me.” Something was not right about him. She’d seen him angry before, quite angry, but something was off about him. He looked like a time bomb ready to go off.

“You only ‘daddy’ me when you want something,” Hank snarled.

“Hank, stop it!” William exclaimed, “Just calm down—“

“Don’t tell me to – “ he broke off, clutching his heart and gasping for air.

“Daddy!” Buffy shouted and rushed to him.

“Hank!” William went to him just as Hank fell to the floor, clutching at his heart. “I’m calling 9-1-1.”

Hank lay there, unconscious in Buffy’s arms and she cried over him, begging him wake up and tell her that he was okay.

She was too far away from him, but it was a distance she’d imposed on him, on herself. She didn’t want the comfort of his arms and he needed the comfort of hers just as much, he was betting, as she really did need his.

William kept replaying the vision of Hank falling to the ground, of Buffy cradling him in her arms and sobbing for him to wake up. He remembered calling 9-1-1 and then feeling that that was where his usefulness ended.

Helpless, that’s how he felt. He simply didn’t know what to do amidst the confusion and hysteria of the crowd that had gathered in Hank’s office.

He should have gone to medical school, he had thought as he watched Hank being lifted on a stretcher and into the ambulance, Buffy following in behind him, her face wet with tears. He’d wanted to go with her, but she was the only one allowed.

So, William followed closely behind, tearing like a bat out of hell to get there, thinking he would end up beside his best friend if he wasn’t careful.

The only thing he wanted to do while Buffy called Joyce and signed papers was hold her, but she wouldn’t let him. She wouldn’t even talk to him. She spoke to the nurses, being as cooperative as possible to get her father help he needed.

Her tears had seemed to stop somewhere en route to the hospital and William wanted them back. This Buffy, this stoic Buffy he was seeing, frightened him. It was as if a light had gone off inside her and she was just a dried up, emotionless shell. He would have known better how to help her if she cried and allowed herself to be held by him.

Maybe he wouldn’t feel so helpless.

Then Joyce was there, and it seemed she was the one he was allowed to comfort. She sat by him, holding his hand and drying her eyes with a tissue every so often while Buffy paced, her arms wrapped tightly around herself. She was deep in thought and whatever she was thinking, it contained questions that she knew the answers to, because every so often her lips would move and he knew she was talking to herself.

His lips quirked slightly at the sight, remembering when he’d first witnessed her talking to herself. She’d blushed deeply and told him to go away. He did nothing of the sort of course, and instead kissed her breathless telling her how cute it was to see her doing that.

Now all he wanted was to make her tell him what she was saying to herself. He needed to dosomething.

“I don’t blame you,” Joyce whispered to him, looking straight ahead.

That disoriented him for a minute; he wasn’t even sure what she was referring to for a minute. The revelation jarred him. He hadn’t been thinking in terms of ‘Hank had a heart attack because I’m with Buffy’, he’d merely been thinking in terms of ‘Hank had a heart attack, what can I do?’

“She’s blaming herself,” Joyce murmured, nodding towards Buffy. “Her and her father have the oddest relationship, you know.”

“Do they?” he said, speaking for what felt like the first time, his voice rough with disuse.

“They only want to care for each other, but they bicker so much, they drive themselves apart. They can’t just agree to disagree, nor can they see that half the time they’re arguing about why they agree. Buffy would never admit it, but she’s always wanted her father’s approval. And he wants hers. He wasn’t there much when she was younger and then he tried to forge a relationship with her at a time when she wanted to be awayfrom her parents. They play tug of war, but they love each other and at some level, understand each other.”

“I . . . I don’t know what to do for her,” William said, watching his Buffy continue to pace.

“You really love her,” Joyce stated.

“I do.”

“I knew.”

William started, “You did?”

“A mother knows when her daughter is in love.”

William stared at Buffy, “She’s not in love with me.”

Joyce looked up at him then, “She’s not?”

William shook his head, “She’s never said it.”

Joyce patted his arm. “She will. She’s young William, you have to be patient.”

“I know, I’m afraid I . . . I scare her.”

“Her feelings scare her. Being uncertain scares her. Always has with Buffy. She hates to be unsure of anything. She hates surprises. She just likes to know. She shares that with her father.”

“How did you know it was me?”

Joyce smiled, “She talked about you an awful lot in the beginning. And I knew that something had happened when she suddenly stopped.”

“You’re something, Joyce,” William said, chuckling lightly and shaking his head.

The doctor came through the double doors at the end of the hall and Buffy lurched forward towards him. William and Joyce followed close behind. Joyce held onto his hand for support and William longed to take Buffy’s to offer her support but she did not even look his way.

“He’s fine. He’s resting for now. We ran an EKG and it did indeed show he had a heart attack. The cardiologists will be taking him up to the Cath lab and performing a cardiac catherization in about fifteen minutes to determine the extent of the damage and any blockage, so if you’d like to see him now, it’s a good time to do so. Could I ask a few questions Miss Summers?” The doctor with the dark hair and kind eyes asked.

“Of course,” Joyce nodded.

“I’m gonna go see him,” Buffy said.

“You go on ahead,” Joyce told her, “I’m going to talk with the doctor first okay?” Joyce said.

Buffy nodded and started on her way.

“Buffy, wait,” William started after her.

She stopped and turned to him, looking at him as if she’d just noticed he was there. “No, I don’t think that’s a good idea William. I should see him alone okay?”

He nodded and stepped forward, reaching for her, “Sweetheart—“

She stepped away from him and started back down the hall. “Not now, William,” she said over her shoulder.

There he was, feeling helpless again.

************************************************************************

“Daddy?” Buffy asked tentatively, walking in the room in which he was hooked up to so many machines. The brightness of the room hurt her eyes and she started to cry again as she looked at him. Her dad, whom she once thought was invincible, was lying there, helpless. Much like she felt at the moment.

“Buffy,” he said holding out his arms, “It’s okay, honey.”

She let the tears fall, and leaned in, hugging him lightly, not wanting to disrupt the tubes and wires attached to him.

“I’m okay, honey,” he assured her.

“Had you been feeling sick all day?” she asked and sat back on the bed, watching him.

“No pumpkin, I didn’t feel sick all day.”

“You’re taking care of yourself, you understand me,” she scolded him. “No more working late, no more fatty foods. We’re gonna go walking every morning before I have class and before you go to work.”

Hank chuckled, “Knew you’d be worse than your mother.”

“I love you Dad.”

“I know, pumpkin, and I love you too.”

Her mom came in then and her tears started upon seeing him as Buffy’s had.

“Hank,” Joyce murmured as she held onto him.

“I’m okay, honey,” Hank assured her.

Discreetly, Buffy got up and left them alone. She’d wait in the hall for her mom. Coming out in the hall, she saw William standing there, looking lost and sad. She came up to him, placing a hand over her heart. He stared at her hopefully as she approached.

“How is he?” he asked.

“He’s good, he says he’s fine,” Buffy told him.

“Can I – can I see him?”

“He’s with my mom right now . . . I gave them some alone time. Did you happen to hear what they might have to do for him?”

“After the cardiac cath, they’ll be able to determine more.”

“I told him we’re going to go for walks every morning before work.”

He chuckled lightly, but it sounded forced. He looked up at her, solemn expression in place. “What do you need? What can I do for you?”

“Nothing, I’m fine.”

“Buffy . . . please. Talk to me sweetheart.”

“Will, I’m just . . . I can’t process much of anything right now. I don’t know what I need aside from my dad being okay.”

“He will be Buffy. The doctors said so himself.”

“I know, I’m just. . . I’ve never had to deal with something like that, ya know? You . . . you have with your mom.”

William nodded, “I have. Doesn’t mean it’s easier to deal when something like this happens. It’s just. . . .different.”

She nodded, “I think I’m just gonna stay here and see what my mom needs and what he needs.”

“Then I’ll stay too.”

“You don’t –“

“Don’t tell me that,” he said, his tone slightly harsh. “Dammit, Buffy, I love you. I’m not just walking away and leaving you.”

She nodded, “Thanks.”

“Don’t . . . don’t bloody thank me.”

“What do you want me to do then?”

“Just let me be here for you without treating me like I’m the enemy or some stranger—“

“Honey, Daddy’s going in for the cardiac cath soon,” Joyce’s voice carried over to them and the couple turned towards them. “You don’t have to stay here if you don’t want to. It’s going to be a long procedure.”

“No, mom, I want to stay.”

“Honey, you should go home and get some rest. You’ve had a really rough afternoon. Why don’t you let William take you home hmmm?” Joyce said and brushed some hair from Buffy’s face.

“I’m okay, Mom,” Buffy assured her and promptly her stomach growled, causing Buffy to grimace.

“How bout something to eat then, Princess?” William said. “I’ll get you something to eat, come on.”

“William, really, I’m—“

“That would be wonderful, William!” Joyce gushed, “I could go for some tea myself. Soothes my nerves. Why don’t you go with William, honey?”

“Mom—“

Joyce looked at her sternly. “Go.”

Buffy nodded, knowing better than to fight her mother. William tried to take her hand, but Buffy dodged him, “I think the cafeteria is down this way,” she said and started down the hall.

She’d never felt so jumbled emotionally in all her life and she was frustrated that no one seemed to get that all she wanted was to be left alone.

Buffy made sure she was far ahead of William as they made their way to the cafeteria. What he didn’t know, and what she didn’t want to let on to was that she was crying, silently.

That was the thing about worrying and being scared; sometimes it didn’t allow you to see what was happening around you. It created tunnel vision and left you trapped in your own world. And she realized that was for some, not all. Unfortunately, she was one of those. She’d never been one to let people in when she was hurting. Rather, she shut people out and tried to overcome what hurt her on her own. Not to mention the way she sometimes dealt with that hurt was by lashing out.

It was a trait she’d inherited from her father. He’d never much been one for showing if he was hurt. He was the stoic man who bore it all and never said anything. He only got angry. It’d always frustrated her that he did that instead of letting Joyce in and working through whatever worried or bothered him, but dammit if she wasn’t the same way.

And it wasn’t as if she could eradicate twenty years of conditioning in the blink of an eye. No, Buffy hated to cry and more than that she hated for others to see her cry. She thought of it as a sign of weakness. Strong people didn’t cry; they wore a brave face. If they hurt, they didn’t let it show; couldn’t let it show. It just gave others the ability to know your weaknesses and prey on them.

Her mother knew this about her and often yelled at her; telling her that if she’d just talk things out, she’d feel so much better.

It just wasn’t something Buffy had practice at. She felt the urge rather to hide; to be alone and deal with things on her own until she could be around people and face things. She found when she wasn’t given that time she became increasingly frustrated and angry.

Like now.

She was mad at her mother for forcing her to be with someone and she was mad at William for not understanding what she needed right now. She was worried about her father being alone in the hospital that night, she was worried about what would happen when he got home –who would watch him? What if he had another heart attack and no one was there? What if they had to perform surgery and died on the table – didn’t stuff like that happen? What if she hadn’t been there that afternoon? God, he’d worked himself up all day just waiting for them to arrive. And who had sent those pictures? Did they realize what they’d done? She should have told him; she should have told him sooner, she shouldn’t have kept it from him. If they had just gone to him and told him—

“Buffy.”

“What?” she nearly barked; startled out of her thoughts.

“You passed the cafeteria; it’s right here.”

Wiping profusely at the tears that tracked her face, she turned and headed for the open double doors that led to a brightly lit hospital cafeteria, avoiding William’s gaze.

“Buffy,” he stopped her, grabbing her arm. “Buffy, look at me.”

“No.”

“Please, Buffy, look at me.”

“William, I said no!” and she jerked her arm from his grasp.

He didn’t let go and instead hauled her to him, grabbing her other arm and making her face him. “God dammit Buffy!” he shouted and then halted. “You’re crying.”

“Yeah, I’m crying. You happy now?”

“Buffy—“

She was fighting a losing battle as the tears she was trying to keep down started to fall. “Don’t okay? Don’t. I’m trying here, okay? I don’t want to lose it.”

“Buffy, you can lose it. It’s okay. I’m here –“

“No, I hate to cry. I hate it. It hurts and . . . and it hurts,” and she failed horribly at stifling a sob. “And I’m so worried about him and I feel like I’m going to have a heart attack because I keep seeing him fall in my head. I keep seeing him fall and clutching his chest and I’m so worried and my heart it feels like it’s just clenching inside my chest so hard and I can’t . . . breathe.” She fell apart then; crumbled into tears. She barely registered William lifting her effortlessly in his arms and walking her into a room. He slid to the floor with her cradled in his arms and held onto her tightly on his lap.

He rubbed her back and murmured words of comfort that she didn’t really hear, but his voice, his deep calming voice soothed her. She buried her face in his neck and sobbed her heart out, balling his shirt into her fists.

“I’m scared,” she sobbed.

“I know, baby, I know you are. It’s normal to be scared.”

“What if he has another heart attack and no one is there?”

“The doctors are going to make sure he’s taken care of, Buffy. They’re going to do everything they can to prevent that from happening.”

“What if they can’t?”

“Buffy, no one is going to let anything happen to him. Your dad is a fighter. You think this is going to get him down? No way. He’s the strongest man I know. He’s going to be fine.”

“I keep seeing him fall. I don’t think I’ve ever felt so scared and helpless. I didn’t know what to do.” The tears didn’t seem to want to stop.

“I know, baby.”

“I love my Dad, William. I do.”

“I know, Buffy, I know you do and he knows you do too.”

“No, I’ve been so mean to him since I got back home. . . . I told him in the ambulance and he couldn’t hear me and I wanted him to hear me, Will. I wanted him to know that I loved him and I wanted him to know that I was s—s—sorry for being so mean to him and pushing him away and he couldn’t hear me and I kept thinking that if he died he wouldn’t hear me and I wanted to hear me.”

He held her tighter, “He knows, baby, he knows,” he said, his voice cracking with emotion.

She pulled back to look at him, hiccupping. He was crying too. “You’re crying.”

“I am,” he admitted, unabashedly at that. That was amazing to her.

“You didn’t see him yet,” she realized suddenly.

He shook his head, “I didn’t.”

“Will?”

“What, baby?”

“Are you scared too?” she whispered.

“I am, but I know he’s going to be okay. I feel it in my gut.”

“Do you promise?” she asked imploringly.

Brushing some hair from her face he nodded, “I promise.”

“Are you mad at me?”

His eyes widened, “No – Buffy, why do you think that?”

“I haven’t exactly been . . . kind. You seemed upset with me earlier.”

“I just . . . “he shook his head. “I want to help you and I wanted to --- no I needed to hold you and you wouldn’t let me.”

“Because you’re scared too?”

He nodded, “Yes. He is my best friend.”

“I’m not . . . good at this, Will. I hate to cry and I don’t deal well with being scared and worried. It’s not anything against you; it’s me. I keep things in and I don’t share what I feel very often. Especially when I feel like this. I like to hide and be away from people and just work it out in my head first.”

“I’ve smothered you—“ he said, sounding regretful.

“No, you –“ she broke off, frustrated. “You didn’t know. I didn’t want to make you feel bad. I” she stopped, suddenly aware of their surroundings. “Where are we?” she said, looking around.

“The bathroom,” he said sheepishly. “The men’s bathroom. It was the only place I could think of that was quiet and away – are you laughing?”

Buffy placed her hand over her mouth and was giggling through the stray tears falling. She nodded, “I am. We’re in a bathroom. On the floor. Having a heart – to – heart.”

He started to laugh, “Well, when you put it that way.”

“It’s okay, some of my best thoughts happen in a bathroom,” she said and laughed.

“At least you’re laughing now. That’s a good sign,” he said fondly and smiled at her.

She sighed, “Yeah, I guess. We better get that tea and get back to my mom.”

“After you, Princess.”

Leaning in she kissed him quickly; chastely and climbed off his lap. She held out her hand and helped him up. Leaving the bathroom, an elderly man raised his brow when he saw them; Buffy blushed profusely and William laughed.

“They’re going to do what?” Buffy asked her mother when they’d returned with her tea and a sandwich for Buffy.

“Putting a stint in one of his heart vessels to open it up and let the blood flow again,” Joyce explained, rather calmly.

Buffy took a deep breath, “That doesn’t sound scary at all,” her tone saying the opposite.

“It’s quite common, they tell me,” Joyce said, taking a shuddering breath.
William took her hand, “It’ll be all right, Joyce.”

Buffy hugged her mother quickly and kissed her cheek. She sat down with her mother, holding her hand, until the walls started close in on her, making her anxious. She felt the need to break free, gather herself and then be there again for her mother and Will.

She looked over at William. “Will, I um-- can you stay with her for a minute?”

He nodded, “Where are you going?”

“I just . . . I just need some air.”

He nodded, “Okay Buffy.” He didn’t look as if he wanted to let her go, but he did and that was what mattered at that moment.

Walking briskly down the hall, her eyes welled up for what felt like the millionth time that day and she shook her hands – a nervous tick – to try and gain control of herself. Bursting through the exit, she inhaled deeply the cool night air. Pressing her bum against the brick wall, she bent at the waist and took another deep breath as she stared at the ground.

Straightening, she looked up at the night sky and on the first star she saw she recited “Starlight, star bright, first star I see tonight, I wish I may, I wish I might have this wish I wish tonight.” She paused and closed her eyes. “I wish for my Dad to be okay. Please, please, please let my Dad be okay.”

*******************************************************
“Buffy, he’s in his room and he’s fine. I am telling you to go home. I am going to stay here with him for the night okay?” Joyce said softly and yet sternly to a nerve-wracked Buffy.

“He’s really okay?” Buffy asked.

“He’s really okay,” Joyce said. “Now go. Come by in the morning after you’ve gotten some rest, all right?”

Buffy nodded numbly.

William, who’d watched the exchange, silently thanked Joyce. Buffy looked about ready to drop. Her eyes were puffy and red with dark circles forming under them. She was pale and withdrawn and it was time for her to get away from the hospital. He was almost tempted to ask the doctor for a sedative for her. Anything to help her sleep –and hell, him too.

Now that Hank was out of surgery, he felt much better. Relieved. He knew the old man would pull out of it fine. He knew Buffy would still worry, for worry over a parent when something happened to them never did truly go away.

Note to self, he thought, call your father tomorrow.

“I’ll take her home, Joyce,” William assured her and gave her a hug.

“Thank you, William,” Joyce said. She looked to Buffy, sternly, “I mean it. Get some sleep. If you have to take a sleeping pill, do it. I do not want you up all night. You won’t be any help to your father like that.”

Buffy nodded wearily.

William took Buffy’s hand and gave it a tug. “Come on Princess. Let’s go.”

Buffy followed him wordlessly. At this point he wasn’t sure if she was working it out in her mind that everything was fine or if she was too tired to even think anymore. It’d been hard to watch her leave to get some air. He’d been torn between being there for Joyce and going after Buffy. Joyce at least showed her emotions. But, seeing as Buffy had opened up to him earlier in the bathroom and had given him some insight into how she worked things out, he let her go.

And he’d watched the clock tick by. He’d prayed for Hank and comforted Joyce and willed Buffy to come back so that he could see for himself that she hadn’t completely lost it. When she’d come back twenty minutes later, she’d sat down next to her mother and held her hand in silence.

Waiting was the worst and it had never been William’s strong suit. Nor Buffy’s apparently because after some time she’d gotten up to pace.

Leading her to his car, he figured it was best to be patient and let her guide the situation on if she wanted to talk or not. She kept silent and looking back at her; he knew she was fading fast. Probably the best thing for her too.

Once she’d settled in his car, she propped her elbow up on the door and rested her head on her hand. “I’m tired,” she said softly.

“I can see that,” he said as he started the car. “Must feel better about things though, right?”

She nodded and yawned. “Do you?”

“Much,” he said as he pulled out of the parking lot, heading towards the road.

“You did promise,” she said on a sigh and smiled lightly at him.

“I did at that,” he grinned.

“Will you take me to my house? I want to go home to my house.”

“Of course. Do you . . . do you want me to stay with you?” and he braced himself for her answer.

“Yeah, I don’t think I can be in the house alone without . . . “

“Anything you need, Buffy.”

She yawned again and her eyes drifted shut.

“I love you, Buffy,” he said softly.

“Mmmm . . . love you too, Will,” she murmured.

He nearly drove off the road, so startled by that comment he was. “Buffy?” he said urgently, needing clarification.

She was out like a light.

He swore under his breath, wondering if she was even aware of what she’d said. Was it something he could bring up later or was it something she’d just said as she’d fallen asleep and therefore possibly – only possibly meant nothing?

But didn’t confessions while falling asleep mean something? He shook his head. Probably not. Just wishful thinking on his part.

Maybe. He’d hold out for a maybe.

************************************************************

Buffy’s eyes shot open as memories from the day before rushed in her mind. She sat up straight, her heart hammering in her chest. She placed her hand over it and then scrambled out of bed in search of her clothes. What time was it and who was –?

“William,” she said when her green eyes met blue.

“Buffy, what are you doing?” he asked sleepily as he looked over at her from the bed. He was all rumpled from sleep still and looked like he could use a few more hours.

“My Dad. I want to get to the hospital. It’s . . .” she peered over at her alarm clock, “Nine. I need to shower and get over there.”

“Wait for me, I’ll drive you.”

“Are you – are you not going into work?”

He gave her a look.

“Right, stupid question,” she agreed, nodding and gathered some clothes.

“Mind if I use the guest bathroom?” he called out after her.

“No, help yourself!” she called back and rushed to the bathroom to get ready.

***********************************************************

Being able to finally see Hank was a relief for William. He’d entered the room with Buffy in trepidation. He sensed that Buffy felt the same way from the way she’d tensed before they walked in and had let go of his hand.

He couldn’t blame her at all for that considering the last time Hank had seen them together he’d crumpled to the ground from a heart attack. It would take a while to get that image out of his mind, along with the feeling that it could happen again.

Hank had seemed sore and tired, but other than that, in good spirits. He showed no ill will towards William and Will wondered if maybe that meant Hank would give his consent. He of course didn’t want to ask; when Hank was ready, Hank would talk. Until then William kept things light.

The man had shaken Will’s hand heartily and Will helped himself to a hug.

“Thanks for being here with them,” Hank whispered to him.

“Of course,” William said and it was left at that.

When his friend started to get sleepy, they decided it was best to go. Hank insisted that Joyce go home and get some rest; he was going to, so she might as well in the comfort of her own bed. Joyce had hesitated until Buffy spoke up and told her it was a good idea and that she’d take her home.

William figured he’d take the same advice and get some sleep as well. He’d slept restlessly the night before and his body was screaming at him to get some sleep. He told Buffy he’d stop by later and pick her up if she wanted to visit her father again and she’d readily agreed, even giving him a quick kiss as they parted ways.

Things were looking up.

***********************************************************

Buffy had seen to making sure her mother was in bed and sleeping peacefully before she decided to head out to school and speak with her professor’s over the classes she’d missed and gather her homework.

She was on her way back from the school, pondering the changes her father would have to make in his lifestyle and what she could do to make the transition easier for him when a memory slammed into her. It was simple, something that had passed through the transits of her mind the day before, but had not had enough time to dwell on considering her primary focus had been her father’s well being. But now . . . now the thought – the memory – began to take life and grow.

It was of Harmony, asking her how her weekend had been, and of Hank, with pictures of her and William.

Her blood began to boil as she considered the one person who would have been twisted enough to have them followed and have pictures taken of them, and the one person who had been sick enough to send them to her father, knowing, possibly, how he’d react to them.

Not knowing however, that he’d work himself up in such a tizzy, he’d land himself in the hospital.

For that, Drusilla was going pay.

Taking a left, when she should have taken a right to head back home, Buffy headed on her way to the office.

She was going to pay Drusilla little visit and considering how angry she was at the moment – and growing considerably by the second – Drusilla was going to be lucky if she made it out alive.

Storming into the office building, Buffy punched the elevator key so hard, she thought maybe she’d break it. And, if the elevator went 50 m.p.h., she was sure that wouldn’t have been fast enough to get to Pryce, O’Connor & Madden, P.C.

She was so angry, she was shaking with it. So angry, she nearly had tears in her eyes from wanting to throttle something – or rather someone.

When the elevator doors finally pinged open and Buffy had resisted the urge to pry them open quicker, she stormed out and zeroed in on Harmony who was filing her nails at her desk.

“What do you know?” Buffy barked at her.

Harmony jumped a mile and in the process, knocked over a can of Coke that had been resting on the desk next to her. “Jesus Buffy!” she yelped, “You scared the crap out of me.”

“I’m going to beatthe crap out of you if you don’t tell me what you know,” Buffy said, standing menacingly over Harmony.

Harmony looked at her strangely – oh if she only knew just how beyond pissed she was at the moment – she wouldn’t be acting like. . . Well, herself.

“What are you –oh, you mean your dad. I’m so sorry about that Bu—“

“Not that Harmony!” Buffy yelled.

“What are you—“

“Buffy? Do you think you should be here?” Drusilla.

Buffy’s eyes traveled to Drusilla’s. “You. Stupid. Fucking. Bitch.”

Despite the intensity and rage she felt coursing through her, and the way she felt she couldn’t have gotten there fast enough, Buffy approached Drusilla slowly; calmly even. Only her hands balled in fists with her fingernails digging into her palms leaving crescent marks and the fact that she was red faced and literally shaking from head to toe would have given away the fact that Buffy was about ready to knock Drusilla into next week.

“What did you do? Why did you have us followed?”

Drusilla had the audacity to look surprised. “What are you talking about?”

“Don’t you fucking play innocent with me, you stupid fucking bitch. You tell me right now that you did this, that you sent my father photos of me and William – that you were sick enough to have us followed – tell me!”

Harmony gasped.

“I don’t know what you’re talking about, Buffy. I know you’re upset dear, and you’re looking for something – or someone to blame—“

“Don’t lie to me!” Buffy screamed at her. “You put my father in the hospital!” Buffy started to lunge at her when she felt strong arms grab her and pull her back from behind.

“Buffy, stop!” William.

“Let go of me!” she shouted, “I’m going to rip her arms off and beat her with them! She did it, William, she did it!”

“Drusilla go home,” William told the dark haired woman angrily as he struggled to keep Buffy in his arms and stop her from attacking.

“But, William I—“

“Go home!”

Dru’s eyes widened and she sprinted to the elevator.

“Harmony, go with her.”

Harmony, not needing to be told twice, jumped up and followed, looking shocked and frightened and muttering to herself about ‘crazies’.

“Let goof me!” Buffy shouted at William, still struggling to get free. He held her about the waist and she was clawing at the air in front of her, reaching for the already departed Dru, her legs flailing, but somehow still missing William’s shins.

“Not until you calm down!” William shouted back.

“Elizabeth, stop, please.”

Buffy looked to see Wesley standing before her now, his expression sympathetic and worried. Angel stood behind him, looking the same.

Buffy burst into frustrated tears and her body went limp in William’s arms. “She did it,” she said weakly, “She did it. I know she did it.”

“Buffy, baby, please, calm down,” William said, gently.

“I know she did it Will. She did it,” Buffy pleaded with him to understand. Twisting her around, he gathered her in his arms and stroked her hair. “Buffy, ssshhh.”

Pushing at him with a growl, she moved back away from him. “You can’t keep her here,” she told him strongly.

“Buffy, I’m going to talk with her—“

“No! You don’t talktalk to her, you fire her!” She pointed to the closed elevator doors, “He had a heart attack because of her William. You can’t possibly be defending her now after that!”

“Elizabeth, he’s not,” Wesley said, placing a hand on her arm. “He’s not defending her. He can’t do anything without proof.”

“She’s hated my guts since I walked inhere. She somehow found out that we’re together and had us followed. She sent those pictures to my father, what more proof does he need? Did he need to die for him to see what she’s done?”

“Buffy!” William yelled at her and grabbed her arms, making her face him. He was red-faced and angry. A side to him she’d never seen, but she didn’t much care at that moment in time. All she could see was that Dru had nearly killed her father and she was stillthere and William was doing nothingabout it. To her, it was plain as day that Dru had done it. She didn’t need so-called ‘proof’; she could feel it in her very bones.

“I suspect Drusilla just as much as you and I’m certain she did it, just as much as you. But I want a confession out of her first. I want her telling me to my face that she did it,” his voice was surprisingly calm despite how angry he looked.

“I want to sue her,” Buffy blurted out. “I don’t want her to think she can get away with this. She messed with lives here.”

“We figured as much,” Wesley said behind her.

William released her and Wesley placed a hand on her arm comfortingly. Buffy looked up at him, suddenly feeling very tired. “Honey, how about we work something out with her instead okay? Such as, she pays for the hospital bills? That way we don’t have to put your father through a court procedure which would just put undue stress on him. As long as Drusilla admits to what she did, we can settle out of court. I’m sure she’s well aware – if she in fact did it – that she is facing a law suit from you. This way, there are no court fees as well. Though, we’d do it pro bono anyway for you and your father. But instead of going through a long drawn out procedure, we can do this right quick and be done with it.”

Buffy looked at William curiously, looking him up and down and noticing that he hadn’t changed and appeared no different than when she’d left him earlier. “Have you been home?”

He shook his head, “No. I was on my way home and I was thinking about Hank and how he was going to be all right and of course that made me think of yesterday and the pictures. I came here to speak with Wesley and Angel about my suspicions.”

“You thought it was her too?” she asked in a small voice.

William nodded and took a deep breath. “Yes, Buffy, I did. She’s the only one I can think of that would care enough to do such damage.”

Buffy rubbed her forehead, tiredly. “I just completely went postal didn’t I?”

“You had reason to, Elizabeth,” Angel chimed in. “You’ve been under a lot of stress in the past twenty four hours. It’s understandable under the circumstances. I don’t think anyone in their right mind wouldn’t be understanding of going ‘postal’ on someone who’s hurt someone you love.”

Buffy nodded, “Thanks. It seems all I’ve done is cry and freak out.” She looked over at William. “I’m sorry.”

He shook his head, “It’s okay.”

“No it’s not.”

“Buffy, it is. You’re upset—“

“Upset doesn’t seem to cover it. I feel crazy,” her eyes roamed over the men staring at her, “and on display,” she finished on a murmur. “I’m uh, going to go home now. See my mom.”

“Buffy, did you get any rest when you went home?” William asked, taking hold her now, gently.

“No, I went to school to get my homework. I couldn’t relax.”

“Nervous energy,” Wesley said, nodding.

Buffy smiled gently, “Quite.”

William’s hand slid to her hand where he curled his fingers around hers. “I was heading out when you came in. Come on.”

Feeling like a colossal moron for her display, Buffy waved shyly at Angel and Wesley and allowed William to pull her to the elevator.

Once inside, she slunk to the ground and buried her face in her hands. “I’m a mess.”

“No, you’re human. And even if you were a mess, you’re mymess,” William said with a smile in his voice.

She looked up at him. “I saw red.”

“Trust me, I understand. I made a beeline for Wesley’s office. I’d never hit a woman Buffy, but trust me, if I saw her; I doubt I would have been able to restrain myself.”

“Then why did you stop me? I could have hit her for you too.”

“Because she’d probably turn around and sue you instead,” William pointed out.

“Good point.”

“Buffy, do you want to come home with me for a while? We could take a bath and go to bed for a bit then swing by and get the car and Joyce and see Hank.”

She shook her head and climbed to her feet. “No, I want to go home and check on her. She didn’t look well this morning.”

“She was probably up all night worrying.”

“I left her a note telling her where I was so I should get home. Maybe I could make us dinner before we see my Dad.”

William gathered her in his arms. “Will you at least call me before you go over there? I’ll meet you there.”

She nodded, “Will do.”

He leaned in and kissed her gently. She could sense a need in him to deepen it, but he held himself back and she was grateful for it. She needed his comfort, not his overwhelming passion. “I love you, Buffy,” he told her softly, meeting her eyes and stroking her hair with his hand.

She didn’t know what the correct response to that was so she kissed him quickly, thankful when the elevator dinged open. “I’ll call you later,” she told him and hurried to the car to get home.

“You did what?” Joyce asked, hands on her hips and looking at Buffy in disbelief.

Buffy flinched. “I nearly attacked—“

Joyce waved her hand, “I heard you the first time. What the hell were you thinking?”

“I wasn’t?”

“Obviously not. Do you know the trouble you could have gotten into if you’d hit her? Do you realize the sceneyou made?”

Buffy’s bottom lip quivered and her eyes welled up in tears. “I’m sorry! I know it wasn’t the brightest of moves, but Daddy . . . “ she broke off, crying her heart out.

Joyce gathered her in her arms in the next instant. “Honey, it’s okay. We’re all under stress. Did you get any sleep at all?”

Buffy pulled back, wiping at her eyes. “You mean last night?”

Joyce nodded.

“Some, not really.”

“Even with William here?”

Buffy started at that, her eyes widening. “Mom, I – we—didn’t – “

“Buffy,” Joyce said calmly, placing a gentle hand on her daughter’s arm. “It’s okay. I’ve known for a while so finding out was not a big surprise for me.”

“How did you--?” Buffy asked curiously, cocking her head to the side.

Joyce shrugged and grinned secretively, “A mother knows these things.”

“Did Dad call you and tell you anything yesterday? God, it was just yesterday? I feel like I’ve lived a week in twenty four hours.”

“No, honey, he didn’t. He probably knew I’d support your relationship with William and didn’t want to hear it from me. In fact, I’d mentioned it in passing once, as a joke really, and he’d balked at the idea.”

“Mom, why does he hate the idea so much?”

Joyce sighed and perched herself on the arm of the couch. “You’re his little girl. He hates the idea of you growing up so fast. Hates the idea that anything could get in the way of you becoming the powerful attorney he wants you to be and well, the age difference I know must irk him. I admit it irked me a bit at first. But I know William well enough to know he’s a good man that wouldn’t hurt you for anything. I can see it in him, Buffy. He adores you.”

Buffy bit her lip and looked down at the ground, fidgeting slightly, “Yeah, well.”

“Don’t let what happened to your father stop you from being with William, Buffy. It wasn’t your fault.”

“I should have told him,” Buffy said in a small voice. “I should have told him. Eased him into it somehow. He shouldn’t have had to find out the way he did.”

“And you believe it was this Drusilla woman that sent him the pictures?”

Buffy nodded adamantly. “Yes. She has more than just the crush Dad thinks she has. She’s obsessed with him. She tries to make me look bad at every turn, she’s hated me from day one. She would spit shine William’s shoes if he wanted. She’s . . . pathetic. Then there’s Harmony. Yesterday when I arrived at the office she asked how my weekend was.”

Joyce gave her a funny look. “And that’s odd?”

“Yes, coming from Harmony it’s odd. She only pays enough attention to me to look at me as if I’m a walking disease and it was the way she asked. She had this knowing smile as if she knew something. I immediately thought something was up and that she knew about William and I. That maybe she’d seen us or knew we were together. And she’s the only one besides William that Drusilla will talk to. Nicely.”

“Then how do you know it wasn’t Harmony?”

Buffy shook her head, “She has nothing to gain from it. Drusilla has my reputation to ruin and Dad laying down the law on us seeing each other to gain from it. She has getting William all to herself to gain from sending Dad those pictures.”

“Honey, how do you think William is going to get Drusilla to admit what she did? I mean, if what you say is true and Dru is in fact obsessed with William, wouldn’t she do anything to hold on to him?”

“Yes, but, Drusilla is so thoroughly against upsetting William in any way. She’d rather jump out a building than do wrong by William. Her jealousy over my involvement with William drove her to have us followed, but I’m counting on her obsessive need to please William to make her admit what she did.”

“That’s counting on a lot, Buffy. Perhaps we should count our blessings that your father is out of the woods and focus on keeping him there instead of starting war. I do think William should by all means fire her, but a settlement and a lawsuit, I just don’t know,” Joyce shook her head. “There’s enough to worry about with your father’s health.”

Buffy shook her head. “No. She set out to ruin lives and Dad got caught in it—“

“Buffy, a heart attack could have happened at any time.”

“I don’t care,” Buffy said firmly.

Joyce sighed. “You’re as stubborn as your father, you know that?”

Buffy smiled then, a real genuine smile. It’d felt so long since she’d done that. “Thank you.”

Joyce laughed, “I should have known you’d take that as a compliment.”

Buffy smiled and shrugged. “So much of me is just like him. No wonder he and I can argue so well.”

Joyce nodded, “And you still will too. The important thing is to make sure from here on out you still let each other know that you love each other now and again.”

Buffy’s eyes welled up in tears again and the thought passed through her mind that she was an emotional wreck. “When I was in the ambulance with him, I kept telling him I loved him. I was so afraid he would . . . and not know.”

“He knows, honey. He does. But it goes to show you how important it is to let your loved ones know you love them, isn’t it?”

Buffy nodded, “Absolutely right. And speaking of loved ones, shouldn’t we go see Dad now?”

Joyce watched her for a minute and Buffy said “Mom?”

Joyce nodded, “Yes, you’re right. Didn’t William mention he wanted to come?”

Buffy nodded as she went to grab her jacket, “Yeah, we can call him from the car.”

******************************************************

“You ever just feel like you’ve been hit by a bus?” Buffy asked William as they walked together to the cafeteria, leaving Joyce and Hank to some time alone.

William reached out and grabbed her hands, entwining his fingers with hers and kissing the back of her hand. “I think I’m familiar with that emotion.”

“You had a nap though, didn’t you?”

He grinned, “I did.”

“I might not be going to class again tomorrow,” she sighed and pulled her hand out of his grasp as they entered the cafeteria. Heading for the refreshments, she spoke to him over her shoulder. “So, um, I wanted to ask . . . “

“If you can come home with me?” he said hopefully, yet in a teasing manner. “And sleep in my bed?”

She laughed airily, “Angel and Wesley . . . they’re not um, upset with you for . . . us?”

William shook his head and grabbed a plastic creamer and handed it to Buffy. “Not upset. Angel was actually quite oblivious, but Wesley said he knew the whole time. ”

“So did my mother apparently.” She blushed as she poured in the cream and grabbed two Splenda’s, tearing them open and pouring them in. “We should have been more careful. Though I guess after today if he hadn’t known, my outburst would have clued him in.”

“No, if he didn’t know, then Hank’s heart attack would have tipped him off.”

Buffy flinched at that and nodded. “Yeah, everyone knows now huh?”

“Do you care?” he asked huskily and leaned in, nibbling lightly on her ear. “The important players know now.”

“I guess I only care at this point if it’s hurt your career in any way.”

His eyes lit up in awe and kissed her hard and quick. “No, it hasn’t, but thanks for caring.”

“What can I say? I’m a giver,” and she giggled.

“So will you come home with me tonight?”

“Will, I’m really tired—“

“Buffy,” he said sternly, “I just want to hold you. I don’t want anything from you than just to have you next to me in my bed.” His tone softened, “You comfort me, you help me sleep.”

She laughed lightly, “You have serious problems if you think I’m comforting. I’m a train wreck,” and she moved around him, heading back to her father.

William watched her go, wondering if he was imagining it or if she was slowly slipping through his fingers.

“Buffy, you could have gone with William, you didn’t have to come home with me if you didn’t want to,” Joyce said as she drove them home after visiting Hank.

“Mom!” Buffy exclaimed horrified. “Jesus, I don’t . . . you’re creeping me out.”

Joyce chuckled, “Sorry. Too much to have your mother actually advocating for you to stay with your older boyfriend?’

“Yes. It’s embarrassing enough you know that we . . . that we’ve. . . “ Buffy said gesturing to get the words out.

“Had sex?” Joyce asked with a twinkle in her eye. She laughed when Buffy hid her face in her hands. “I realize that you’re an adult now Buffy—“

Buffy let out a snort in disagreement.

“Well, by legal means you are. Which means that there isn’t much I can do at this point. Not saying that I’m about to let you and William engage in sexual intercourse under my roof while I’m there—“

Buffy burst out laughing, “Sexual intercourse. So technical mom.”

Joyce grinned, and slightly blushed, “You’ve been with him for a long time so it’s not like I don’t know that you’ve been . . . active.”

“I didn’t feel like going over,” Buffy said indifferently. “I feel the need to be in my own bed.”

“I understand.”

Buffy fell silent, staring out the window and watching the scenes pass her by, not really taking anything in and not really processing much of anything. Thoughts just came and bounced around, but she was too tired to dwell on any of them.

“Buffy, do you love William?” Joyce’s voice broke through her random thoughts.

Buffy knit her brows together in thought. “I don’t . . . know.”

“You don’t know? Has he told you--?”

“That he loves me? Yes.” A beat. “Seems like he tells me all the time,” and she sounded almost resentful of that.

“You must feel something for him.”

“I feel a great deal of things. None of which I can make sense out of. Mostly, I feel overwhelmed.”

“Overwhelmed? By his affection, you mean?”

“Yeah.”

“Do you not feel worthy or uncertain of his affections? I can tell you that William –“

“Is a great guy and would never hurt me, I know.”

Joyce frowned at the near snapping of Buffy’s comment and let silence settle for a minute.

“Buffy, who pursued whom?”

“Umm, it was kind of both of us. We both kind of . . . fell into it.”

“So there was no pressuring—“

“No, mom, why are you asking this?”

“A mother can’t be curious and want to know what’s happening in her daughter’s life? Especially when it comes to love.”

Buffy let out a sigh and shifted in her seat. She was radiating restlessness. “Can we not talk about this anymore?”

Odd, Joyce thought. “Okay, honey.”

Silence fell once again. This time, for the rest of the way home. Joyce wondered what was going through her daughter’s mind, but didn’t want to press her. She had a feeling that there was going to be some rough terrain ahead.

*******************************************

Buffy slept like a log and well into the afternoon. And even when she’d woken up, she still had no energy to move. She lay there, staring up at the ceiling, letting her mind go blissfully blank as she stared at the fake plastic stars on her ceiling. Her eyes followed the pattern of the Big Dipper and she yawned.

Rolling over she shut her eyes and she began to mull over what she had to do that day. Her dad was going to be coming home that day as soon as he got the okay from the doctor. Her mom was taking the day off to get everything ready for him and Buffy offered to help her last night before they’d gone to bed. She’d offered to go into the office that day and pick up messages from clients and such. She wasn’t keen on her dad jumping into the foray to start working right away, but she supposed since he was planning to work from home for a while, it couldn’t hurt too much.

She also had some homework to do to catch up on what she’d missed, but that could wait until later.

Her cell phone going off on her nightstand startled her and she stared at it, pondering if she really wanted to answer it. Sighing heavily, she gave in and answered.

“Hello.”

“Buffy, hey, it’s Willow.”

“Hey Wills.”

“I heard from Dr. Richards that your father had a heart attack. Are you okay? Is he okay?”

“Did he just decide to tell the class?” Buffy asked, sitting up against her headboard.

“No, no, of course not. He pulled me aside and asked me if I’d let you know not to rush back and to take your time. I guess you’d gone to see him yesterday?”

Buffy sighed, wanting to blot out the whole day – or rather, the part where she’d flipped a nutty in William’s office. “Yeah, I did. I wanted to get what work I’d missed and all that.”

“Well, he felt really bad that he hadn’t told you not to hurry back.”

“That was nice of him.”

“So is your Dad okay?”

“Yeah, Wills, he’s okay.”

“What about you, are you okay?”

Buffy honestly didn’t know how to answer that. She didn’t know howshe felt. Was that possible to not know how you felt? Was she okay? Or was the absence of feeling cause for alarm?

“I’m okay.”

“When is your Dad coming home?”

“Sometime today as long as the doctor’s okay it.”

“You must be relieved.”

“I am.”

“Where was he when it happened?”

Buffy worried her bottom lip with her teeth for a second. “At the office. I was with him . . . he uh, he collapsed in my arms.”

Willow gasped. “Oh my God, Buffy, you must have been so scared.”

“I was, yes.”

“Is there anything I can do?”

“I don’t think so . . . “

“Do you want me to come over later? Or maybe we could meet at the library and I could give you my notes for class?”

“Actually Willow that would be great.” Buffy heaved a sigh of relief. “How about I call you later after my Dad is home?”

“Sure, that sounds fine, take your time.”

“Thanks Wills.”

“Take it easy and I’ll talk to you later.”

*******************************
Later that day when she’d finally found the energy to get up and go, Buffy arrived at her father’s office to collect what he needed. She chatted with the very kind receptionist who told her that Mr. Madden was already in his office doing the very same thing she’d come to do.

Shuffling down the hall, she poked her head in Hank’s office and found William rifling through some files and making a pile in a box on the desk.

“Hey,” she greeted him, coming into the room.

He turned and smiled broadly at her. “Hey, you. What are you up to?”

“Same thing you are. Getting my Dad’s things?”

“Yeah, I figured it was the least I could do,” William said, gazing at the stack of files. “I’m wondering if some of this work can be pawned off onto the others.”

“Party in Hank’s office?”

Both turned to see a shaggy haired brunette with medium build, blue eyes and a smile that contained dimples, standing in the doorway. Buffy recognized him immediately as Lindsey McDonald, one of her father’s partners.

Lindsey focused in on her. “Hey Buffy. How’s your dad?”

“He’s good,” Buffy said, nodding, “He’s coming home in a couple hours.”

Lindsey grinned, “You must be relieved.”

Buffy smiled, “Very. Uh, Lindsey, can I ask you a question?”

“Shoot.”

“Is it possible that some of my Dad’s work can be taken over? I really don’t want him to jump in full throttle and –“

Lindsey held up his hand, “Say no more. I’ve actually spoken to a few of his clients and done some work for them. Lilah too. I’d be happy to take a look at some of the files and see what I can do. I know there are some clients your father just won’t want to give up, but we can sort through them.”

Buffy heaved a sigh of relief. “Thank you so much.”

“No problem. Your Dad is a good man and we want him healthy, don’t we?” Lindsey said, smiling.

“Definitely,” Buffy agreed. “So, um, when would you like me to start?”

Lindsey blinked, “Start?”

“Buffy, you don’t have to –“ William started.

Buffy ignored him, “My father said he wanted me to start working here. Is there an opening?”

Lindsey frowned, “Not really with Lilah or I . . . Maybe he meant with him? Though he has his own secretary. Maybe you could help her? I wish I could be of more help, but I didn’t know anything about it.”

“Is she here today?”

“Buffy—“ William started again.

“She’s not, actually. She’s been ill, well, since your father had his . . . “ Lindsey trailed off. She realized it was hard to say the words ‘heart attack.’ It was as if by the words being spoken it would happen suddenly again.

“I see. Well, I’ll just talk with my Dad and see what he wants me to do.”

“Sounds good. Why don’t you leave the files for now? Lilah and I will wade through them and see what we can take on and you can come by tomorrow and pick up the remainders.”

“Thank you so much, Lindsey,” Buffy said gratefully.

“No problem. And if he needs to speak with any of us, just tell him to call okay?”

“Will do, thanks again.”

Lindsey nodded and smiled and retreated. Buffy turned back to William, feeling relieved, feeling that she’d finally done somethingright. Though, when she looked at William, she got the distinct impression she’d done something wrong by the sour look on his face. “What?”

“Wesley wanted you to stay,” he said, sounding slightly annoyed.

“Yeah, and my father distinctly said that he didn’t want me to,” she retorted.

“He’s fine with us now, Buffy,” William said reasonably.

“Honestly Will, I’d feel more comfortable being here with everything that’s happened. And especially after yesterday.”

“Buffy, I told you, no one blames you for what happened. Under the circumstances-“

“Yeah, well I still feel like an idiot and I think it’d be best if I just started fresh here. I made an ass out of myself Will.”

“So you’re going to run with your tail between your legs and let Drusilla win?”

“No,” she snapped, “I’m not. Besides, I’d like to be here to keep an eye on my father for when he does decide to come back to work.”

William sighed heavily and ran a hand through his hair. “All right.”

“So glad you approve,” she said sarcastically.

He looked up at her, “Hey, I’m on your side here.”

Buffy shook her head, “Just forget it. How is the Bride of Frankenstein? She confess yet?”

“She called out.”

Buffy’s eyes widened. “She called out? Wow. She must be scared as hell you’re going to cut her loose. Either that or she’s afraid I’ll run into her and beat the tar out of her with no one there to hold me back.”

William smiled slightly. “You want to take bets?”

Buffy giggled, “No, I’m all set with that.”

He cocked his head to the side, studying her. “You feel better today?”

She shrugged, “I guess.”

“You guess?”

“Yeah, listen, I should get going. I told my Mom I’d go with her to the hospital to get him.”

“Can I come?”

“If you want to,” she shrugged non-committally.

His expression darkened slightly, “Of course I want to.”

“Then, sure. You can meet us there if you want.”

William nodded, “Of course. Right. Maybe when he’s settled in, I could take you out for dinner?”

“Can’t. Meeting Willow to get notes from one of my classes. Need to catch up on my studies.”

He sighed, “Okay. Maybe tomorrow?”

“Maybe.” She glanced down at her watch. “I’m gonna get going. I’ll call you before we leave and you can meet us there.” She turned and started to go.

”Buffy?” William called after her.

She stopped and turned, “Yeah?”

“Do I get a kiss?” he asked, hopefully, looking almost forlorn.

“Oh, sorry,” she said, slightly discombobulated. Rushing to him, she kissed him quickly before he could draw her in further—he didn’t even get the chance to take her in his arms before she was across the room once again. “See you later.”

William stared at the door where she’d retreated from, wondering what was going on in her head and if there was any way to possibly reach her before he lost her completely.

“Buffy? You there?” Willow said as her hand passed in front of Buffy’s face.

Buffy blinked and snapped back to reality, shaking her head. “Sorry, I was zoning.”

Willow studied her, “Is there anything about your Dad you’re not telling me?”

Buffy stared at her friend, the friend she’d used to cover her time with William, and she realized that Willow knew nothing of that. She’d never hung out with Willow outside of school since the night her and William had met up at the club and she’d gone home with him. She’d been asked to go out, but had declined.

She’d always been with William.

“No, he’s fine,” Buffy said absently. Looking down at her book she thought of how happy Hank looked to be finally arriving home. On her way home, Buffy had stopped and purchased a “WELCOME HOME” banner from a party store and hung it up for him. He’d given her a big hug and thanked her for it.

William had joined them as he said he would and Hank had been pleased to see him. They’d all had dinner together and before it got late, Buffy had called and arranged to meet with Willow at the campus library to go over her studies. She could tell William had been put out by it, but also knew that her studies were important to her so he didn’t pout too much.

“Willow, can I ask you a question?”

Willow looked up from her notes, “Of course.”

“Have you ever felt that you were heading towards something and it was something big? And you were kind of really afraid of what it was you were heading towards, and at times overwhelmed—but you knew at the same time, it was where you were meant to be?”

Willow stared at Buffy, and Buffy could tell she was trying to make sense of what she was saying before she finally answered, “Yes.”

“Did you ever feel . . . crowded by it?”

“Yes. Law school. There are days when I feel confident in it, and then there are days when I feel lost in it. The professors can be so tough and the work demanding and sometimes I think it’d be easier if I just majored in literature instead of this . . . but I know I’m where I’m supposed to be in the long run.”

Buffy nodded and her eyes traveled back to her book.

“Buffy, you want to tell me what’s going on?”

Buffy’s head popped up, “When you fell in love with Oz, how did you know?”

Willow sat back and sighed almost dreamily, “Well, he was someone I wanted to know everything and anything about. We could literally talk for hours and it still wasn’t enough. I wanted more. I wanted to crawl inside his head and know everything about how he felt, thought . . . he was the single most fascinating person I knew. And he in turn made me feel as if I were fascinating and special. I love who I am with him. Together we . . . fit. Like puzzle pieces – clichéd, yes, I know, but true.
I got butterflies in my stomach when I was with him – still do at times – I get giddy and happy and excited. My skin tingled, my heart raced . . . I felt at peace with him and yet on the edge of something grand. I wanted to be there for everything, and I still do. I want to celebrate his successes and bitch with him about his set backs. The world just falls away when we’re together.”

Buffy nodded, mulling it over.

“Are you in love with someone, Buffy?”

“From what you’ve described, it seems I am.”

Willow’s brows knit, “You don’t sound sure.”

“I’m . . . feeling . . . Is it possible to be in love but not be sure if it’s what you want at the moment or maybe it’s not what you necessarily need at the moment?”

“I imagine a lot of people feel that way,” Willow chuckled lightly, “Especially men. The commitment-phobes, you know?”

“Maybe I’m a commitment phobe too.”

“Who is it Buffy?”

Buffy sighed heavily, “Before I tell you, I want to apologize in advance.”

“For?”

”For using you as my cover for so long.”

“This should be good,” Willow said dryly with a smile tugging at the corners of her mouth.

Buffy laughed, “Yeah, it’s good.”

Starting at the beginning when she had ‘re-met’ William, Buffy told Willow everything up to that point about her and William and their relationship. Willow listened, switching between awe and thoughtfulness.

“And now,” Buffy said finishing up, “I just . . . I feel crowded. It’s like my mother knows and supports it and is pushing me toward it and I’m not even sure what it is I want from William—“

“His love maybe?”

“I have that and I’m not sure what to do with it,” Buffy grumbled and ran a hand through her hair, feeling frustrated.

“From what you’ve told me Buffy, it sounds like your relationship with William is pretty intense. It sounds like you’ve been feeling pretty overwhelmed by him from the start and not just recently.”

“Yes, that’s true,” Buffy agreed. “But I was hoping, or thought that it would work itself out. That there’d be a day when I didn’t feel that way anymore. When I would just know, ya know?”

“Buffy, when I first met you, I thought ‘this girl has got it together’. You’re driven, determined and smart. You knew where you were going and what you wanted –“

“So then what happened?”

“Love, Buffy. It has a way of shaking foundations.”

“I don’t want it to shake my foundation!” Buffy exclaimed, frustrated. Her eyes darted around the room and she found she’d drawn attention. She rolled her eyes. “I really need to work on keeping my mouth shut.”

“Listen, you were headed towards something with William and it was scary and it made you feel out of control and overwhelmed. Being older and having experience, he knew what it was and how to deal with it. You, being younger and never having felt anything like it, didn’t. There is no shame in that, Buffy. It’s normal. It’s human. Then something tragic happened that totally completely uprooted your foundation. It was like a car wreck and it threw you clean from the crash. You’re like a . . . a car wreck victim. Disoriented, in shock, numb. You can’t just climb back in the car and drive off again as if nothing happened. It facilitated a chain of events that has made you start to question things. Not to mention what happened just before the wreck…some of how you’re feeling has to be guilt. Even though it’s not your fault, Buffy. You have to keep reminding yourself of that.”

“I thought car wrecks – heart attacks— and near losing someone you love – was supposed to make you value more what you have and hold on to them tighter?” Buffy said in frustration, fighting back tears.

“Buffy, not everyone is the same. Things like that make you question things too – some people end up in that place of holding on to what they have tighter and have a sense of liberation from it. But not everybody is the same. You’re questioning it, what you have, what you want—“

“And it’s making me act like a lunatic and feel crazy. I just feel like I need to get my head together. I feel so out of whack here,” Buffy said, staring off into space glumly.

“Then give yourself time to get your head together. Talk to William about it.”

“I don’t want to hurt him. He’ll be hurt if he knew that part of this – a lot of it—has to do with him.”

”Wouldn’t he be more hurt if you pushed him away without telling him why?”

“How did you get so wise?” Buffy asked, smiling slightly.

Willow grinned. “I was a psych major before I decided I wanted to do law. With that I felt as if I wasn’t headed anywhere.”

Buffy studied her thoughtfully. “So then there’s hope for me. Because at least I knew I was headed somewhere before . . . so maybe with some time I can redefine that path?”

“Exactly. In the meantime, what do you say to going out and blowing off some much needed steam? No boys, just us. We can hit that club again and I can introduce you to Anya once again. Maybe a night out with the girls is just what you need.”

Buffy grinned and sat back, crossing her arms, but feeling much more relaxed. “I think that might be just what the doctor ordered.”

Do I stress you out?
My sweater is on backwards and inside out
And you say how appropriate
I don't want to dissect everything today
I don't mean to pick you apart you see
But I can't help it
There I go jumping before the gunshot has gone off
Slap me with a splintered ruler
And it would knock me to the floor if I wasn't there already
If only I could hunt the hunter

Buffy knocked on William’s door after having driven around for an hour after her meeting with Willow. She drove around, singing along to the radio and trying to clear her head.

And all I really want is some patience
A way to calm the angry voice
And all I really want is deliverance
Do I wear you out
You must wonder why I'm so relentless and all strung out
I'm consumed by the chill of solitary
I'm like Estella
I like to reel it in and then spit it out
I'm frustrated by your apathy
And I am frightened by the corrupted ways of this land
If only I could meet the Maker

She had considered putting off a chat with William about what was going on in her head, but Willow had made a valid point about keeping it from him. Not to mention, she knew William well enough to know he’d be upset if she didn’t talk to him. Hell, she knew he was already wondering what was going on in her head and why she’d been pulling away. She honestly hadn’t meant to, she just wasn’t clear on what was happening with her and hadn’t wanted to unload on him while she’d tried to figure it out.

She was the Queen of Denial and Avoidance. Of that, she knew.

And I am fascinated by the spiritual man
I am humbled by his humble nature
What I wouldn't give to find a soulmate
Someone else to catch this drift
And what I wouldn't give to meet a kindred
Enough about me, let's talk about you for a minute
Enough about you, let's talk about life for a while
The conflicts, the craziness and the sound of pretenses
Falling all around...all around
Why are you so petrified of silence--

It was strange to her how she could be on this path, sure of what she was doing and where she was going and then all of a sudden, she felt like a little girl lost in a storm. On the one hand, she was an adult able to make adult decisions and have an adult relationship and on the other hand, she felt vulnerable and unprepared. And if she were honest with herself, she knew this was a long time coming, and not just since her father’s heart attack. That had just been the catalyst. She was feeling very rushed into something she wasn’t sure she was ready for.

Her heart was in her throat when William answered the door.

Here can you handle this?

“Buffy, what are you—are you okay?”

She was wringing her hands, a nervous habit, and she stopped, “Yeah, I just, I wanted to see you.”

He pulled her in, closing the door, and pulled her completely in his arms. “I’m glad you came.”

“Can we talk?”

“Of course.”

Did you think about your bills, your ex, your deadlines
Or when you think you're gonna die
Or did you long for the next distraction
And all I need know is intellectual intercourse
A soul to dig the hole much deeper
And I have no concept of time other than it is flying
If only I could kill the killer

Following him into his living room, she took her jacket off and they sat together on the couch.

“Buffy, you’re scaring me. What’s going on?”

She worried her bottom lip with her teeth and turned toward him. “I’ve been . . . going through some stuff.”

“We all have.”

That caught her attention. She looked up at him. “I’ve been awful to you haven’t I?”

He shook his head and took her hand in his. “No, Buffy, not awful. Distant.”

“I’m sorry, I don’t mean to be. I wasn’t trying to be . . . I was hoping it’d pass.”

“Hoping exactly what would pass?”

“My confusion.”

“Over?”

“Oh . . . everything.”

“Us?”

She nodded.

“What are you confused about?”

“How I feel.”

He paused and sighed, sitting back and raking a hand through his hair. “Okay. First things first . . . Buffy, do you . . . care for me?”

“I do. I do a great deal.”

“But not love.”

She looked down. “I don’t know.”

“You said it once.”

Her head jerked to him, “I did? When?”

“In the car on the way home from the hospital the day Hank had his heart attack.”

She furrowed her brow. “I said it?”

“Yes, you said it. You were falling asleep and I told you I loved you and you said it back to me,” he said softly, fidgeting slightly.

“Will, I’m sorry, I didn’t know—“

“I didn’t think you did.” He stood and strode across the room, agitated. “Buffy, I realize you’re young, but your age doesn’t matter to me. I love you.”

She studied him. “I know. I’m also inexperienced in this sort of thing. I’ve never been in love before William. I don’t know all that it entails.”

“Feeling. Emotion. It involves your heart and not so much your head.”

“I’m gathering that,” she muttered. “Will, I just feel overwhelmed, honestly. I just feel that I’m . . . going slightly mad right now. I feel like I’ve got a few screws loose and need to tighten them up before I can move forward.”

He froze. “Are you telling me we’re over, Buffy? Are you breaking up with me?”

She paused, hesitating. “I’m not really sure—“

He snapped into action and strode across the room, grabbing her and hauling her to her feet. “No,” he shook his head. “I won’t lose you Buffy. I won’t let you run from me—“

“Will, I’m not running, I’m just trying to talk—“

“You said you weren’t sure. Buffy, I told you. I told you when we started this that if you were with me, I wasn’t letting you go. I knew then and I’m telling you now: I love you, Buffy. I love you and I’m not letting you throw this away—“

She shoved him. “I didn’t say I was breaking up with you. And that,” she gestured between them, right there is why I’m so confused. And overwhelmed. Christ, am I overwhelmed! You’re this calm, rational person one minute then this . . . this caveman the next.”

He looked wounded, “You think I’m a caveman?”

She let out an exasperated sigh and threw her hands up. “See? I suck at this. This is exactly why I never tell anyone how I feel. I always fuck it up!”

He took a deep cleansing breath and looked at her. His shoulders were relaxed, though his blue eyes betrayed his outward appearance of calm. A storm was brewing in those eyes.

“Let’s start again, shall we? What am I doing to make you upset, Princess?

“You’re not . . . You’re intense. Too intense for me when I’m trying to figure out what I feel and what we’re doing—“

“I’m too intense?” he nearly balked at that, “If you only knew how much I’ve kept under wraps, you’d be thanking me for it—“

“Great, thanks. Sorry, I didn’t realize I was making you have to hold back,” she said sarcastically.

“Buffy, you don’t . . . You don’t know what you do to me, Princess,” he said on a whispery sigh. “You . . . I love you so much, baby,” he reached for her and brought her into the circle of his arm, nuzzling her neck. “I love you as I’ve never loved anyone. You drive me bloody crazy with loving and wanting you. I need you, Buffy.”

She sagged against him, feeling that pull to him she always felt in his passionate displays and words. But that is the problem, remember? the voice in her head reminded her.

She stiffened.

“Buffy?” he asked, worriedly, looking at her, caressing the side of her face. “Talk to me, baby.”

All I really want is some peace man
a place to find a common ground

“This, William. This overwhelms me. When you get so intense, I feel like I’m drowning in you – which isn’t necessarily a bad thing, but then I feel like I don’t know what end is up after . . . “

He released her and stepped away from her, almost as if he’d been burned. “I’m driving you away.”

“No, Will, you’re . . . “ she stopped abruptly and then nodded, “Okay, partly yes. It’s me too . . . it’s. . “

“Us,” he said softly.

“What is it you see for us Will? What is it you see in the future?”

“I see forever for us, Buffy. I want you with me forever,” he said deeply, his blue eyes pained.

“I’m not ready for forever yet. I’m not even done with school. I have things I want to accomplish first before I –“

“And I’ll wait. I’ll wait until you’re ready. I’m not normally a patient man, but I can be. Especially when it comes to you, Buffy,” he told her fervently. “Don’t end this, Buffy. Stay with me.”

“I’m not leaving you William. I’m . . . I’m asking for a break. Just some time. Can I have that? Can you give that to me?”

His eyes narrowed, “Does a break include dating other men?”

“No. I can’t conceive of dating anyone else, Will. It just means that we cool it for a while, that’s all. Just some time to get my head on straight.”

“Can I still see you?”

“Yes. But . . . I - I don’t think we should sleep together. I think most of that is where my confusion comes in. All that passion it makes me . . . dazed.”

He smirked, “I don’t see where that’s necessarily a bad thing, pet.”

She smiled softly at him.

And all I really want is a wavelength
All I really want is some comfort
A way to get my hands untied

“Yeah, well, it’s not conducive to getting my head on straight.”

“Buffy, I want you to come to me, to talk to me about things. I don’t want you to feel you can’t.”

She nodded, “I know. It’s why I’m here. I won’t lie and tell you I was all gung ho about coming over and talking with you about this, but I’m trying. I’m just not always going to be good at it.”

“Buffy, you’ve been feeling this way for a while though, haven’t you?”

She looked down, “Yeah, I have.”

“Listen to me. Pet, look at me.”

She looked up at him.

“Please, Buffy, come to me. Come to me and talk to me. About anything. Please. I won’t judge you, I won’t push you for anything. Just talk to me.”

She nodded, “Okay.”

“So, does this mean I can take you out to dinner tomorrow?”

She smiled, “Sure. Well, let me make sure I get my work done first.”

“Will you stop by the office tomorrow? I think Wesley would like to speak with you.”

“Yeah,” she sighed, “Another mess to fix. God, I’m a mess.”

“No, you’re not a mess,” he took her hand and pulled her back into his arms. “You’ve just got a lot going on. You’re still so young . . . sometimes I forget how young you are.”

“I never forget,” she murmured burying her face in his chest. “Times like this remind me that I’ve still got a lot of growing up to do. You sure you don’t want someone closer to your age?” As soon as the words were spoken, she felt nauseous. That didn’t sit well with her at all, nor did the idea of her being with someone else. It’d hurt William and frankly, she didn’t want anyone else.

Sounds a lot like love, the voice told her.

“No, I just want you,” he told her hoarsely. He looked at her, cupping her face in his hands. “Just you.”

She smiled.

“Promise me one thing?”

“What?”

“That there won’t be someone else.”

“For me? No, Will, there isn’t. There won’t be.”

He leaned in and she felt her lips tingle with anticipation of his kisses. He stopped abruptly, “Can I still kiss you?”

“Yes, please,” she whispered and his lips covered hers in a passionate kiss.

He held onto her tight, just holding her for a while after her, telling her how afraid he’d been that he was losing her.

When she left, he kissed her again, slowly and sweetly.

“I’ll be by tomorrow. Do you think Dru will be in?” she asked as she slid her coat on.

He frowned, “Who knows.”

“I’ll be in to see her,” and she smiled devilishly.

And all I really want is some justice

William sat staring out his office window the next morning, mulling over his conversation with Buffy the night before.

He felt like a bloody git for having scared her off the way he did. He shook his head, and here he thought he'd tamed his 'intensity'. Ha! Well, he justified, he'd always been an intense sort of man. Though, he understood where she was coming from. He remembered the first time he'd fallen in love. It was fast and knocked him clear on his ass. He remembered being scared - mostly of losing Isabel -but he'd charged ahead. The way he did with everything.

He also knew that what he felt for Buffy far surpassed when he'd felt for Isabel, his first love. Buffy was the One. He'd been drawn to her like no other and he knew it was by her side he was meant to be.

He just had to make sure she got that; felt the same way about him. But he couldn't make her feel that way. He had to do what he promised to do last night. Give her time.

Even if he was more afraid than ever to lose her. He just had to keep on his promise not to smother her. To give her time. After all good things come to those who wait and he had waited a long time for Buffy to come in his life and now he just had to wait for her to stay there. He'd meant it when he said he wanted her forever. Forever and beyond.

He knew loving someone so young was dangerous. Most women her age didn't have the maturity or presence of mind to handle a very adult relationship of the caliber he planned to engage in with Buffy. His girl was rare, however. She had maturity that most her age didn't and she had presence of mind - even if she currently felt she was lacking in it. So he'd give her the time she needed, for if that was what she needed to make sure that he was it for the rest of her life, then so be it.

"May I speak with you?"

He spun in his chair and was surprised to see Drusilla standing there, dressed all in black, her hair pulled tight in a bun and looking as demure as anything. She looked . . . pinched tight, it was the only way to describe how prim and proper she appeared. She was staring at the floor.

"You called out," William said in way of greeting and sat in his chair, unmoving and expressionless.

"I did," she said, still looking down.

"And yet here you are."

She looked up at him, "May I close the door and speak with you in private William?"

She was devoid of makeup and looking extremely pale. He nodded and sat back, wondering what she was up to.

As soon as the door was open, she was across the room and kneeling before him, balling her eyes out and placing her head in his lap. He was too stunned to move and simply stared down at her whilst trying to close his legs.

"Forgive me, please, forgive me," she begged on a sob. She looked up at him, "I never meant to hurt you William."

He stared at her, stunned. "I - "

"She's not good for you William. She's poison. She'll break your heart and leave you cold and alone-"

"Drusilla-"

"I wouldn't leave you William. I'd make you happy. I'd do anything to keep you happy and successful. I adore you William, I do-" She reached up to him, trying to bring his face down to hers to kiss him.

Gripping her arms, he stopped her. "Get a hold of yourself, girl," he commanded her. He stood up quickly, nearly knocking her to the ground with his abrupt movements and she stared up at him, her hair falling out of her bun, her long black skirt up around her thighs and her shirt askew. Apparently she'd worn mascara because it was smudged and running as tears coursed down her cheeks.

"I love you, William. I've loved you for years. . . for so long I've waited for you. And her. . . that vile girl stole you from me! Don't you see? She's put a spell on you. She's turned you against me. Weren't we happy, William?"

He stared down at her, "What? What are you talking about? Happy? We were never together Dru."

"But we were happy here . . . weren't we? I kept waiting and waiting for you. I knew you'd come around eventually. I knew one day you'd see we were meant to be and then-" she took on a look of disgust, "-that girl came between us."

William shook his head, "There was never going to be an us, Drusilla." He actually felt sorry for her. She was always so together, so perfectly coiffed and her work so meticulously done. She never missed a step and William knew he had struck gold when he'd hired her as his secretary, but he had no idea what lie underneath that together exterior.

She was nuts!

"Get up off the floor, Dru," William told her abruptly.

Wide-eyed, Dru did as she was told.

"Tell me, I want to hear it. What did you do exactly?"

Drusilla gulped as tears ran down her cheeks unchecked. "I want you to know that I'm only sorry because I know what Mr. Summers means to you and I am not sorry for her."

William's jaw clenched and his hands balled into fists. Her apparent hatred for Buffy and her inability to understand and have compassion for the man Buffy called Dad was unforgivable. The desire to lash out at her was tempting, but he knew he could not.

"I had you followed. I knew you were with her. I heard you and," she wrinkled her nose, "I could smell you on her. And her on you. It was disgusting." Her eyes narrowed at him. "All that sickening display of affection between you two. The way you smiled at her. You should have been smiling at me that way. I sent the pictures to Mr. Summers betting on the idea that he didn't know what his precious little girl was doing," she said on a sneer at the end.

"So that, what? He'd make her-an adult - stop seeing me?"

Dru looked at him petulantly. "Yes. And ruin her reputation, make Wesley fire her."

"Make us fight?"

She met his eyes and said seriously, "Yes."

"It didn't work." And, he thought, you don't need to know that we're on a break. Buffy's still my girl and I'm still her man.

Dru's bravado sagged, "I know. You defended her."

William's eyes bore into her. "And I always will. I love her Drusilla."

Her eyes shut from the pain of that statement and a salty tear escaped. A sob sounded that William could tell she'd tried to contain, but to no avail. She shook her head, "She's got you under a spell."

"She wants to sue you, Drusilla."

"Let her try, she won't get anything out of me."

"You think so? Her father had a heart attack soon after those pictures were in his possession. Some might point fingers and blame you."

"Ha! More like her for lying to her father."

"Maybe we could work something out, keep it from getting nasty. I'm sure a lot would side with Buffy and myself - and especially the heart attack victim-"

Her eyes narrowed, "Do you really think she has a case?"

"You always thought I was a brilliant attorney Dru, what do you think?" he asked with a smirk.

"You'd betray the woman that has been beside you through everything for just a snotty brat that will warm your bed for a little while until she gets bored and moves on? You'd do that?"

He met her eyes and said firmly, "Yes."

She shook her head, "You're lost to me."

"You never had me to lose Drusilla," Will said on sigh.

"I would have had she not come around."

"No, Dru. What I feel for you-" he stopped at the now hopeful look in her eyes. "Is professional. I am grateful for the work you've done for me, but it ends there Drusilla. I don't know how else to tell you that I do not love you, nor will I ever love you." His voice deepened as he told her, almost sternly, "And if you love me, you will stop this vendetta you have against Buffy. You will leave her alone, you will leave me alone, and you will leave her family alone. Do you understand me?"

Her eyes welled up in tears again, but she raised her head high even as her bottom lip quivered, "Yes."

"Thank you."

"But I won't allow her to sue me-or you William. I will fight back. Do you understand me?"

William understood all too well. She was, after all, a woman scorned now. She would fight back and honestly, he would only have done it if Buffy had been adamant about pursuing a lawsuit against her. And, Buffy might have won, but the time and the stress wouldn't have been worth it in the long run. It would have just been Dru, Dru, and more Dru and at that point all William wanted was for the woman to be out of their lives once and for all. Having her around, no matter what the capacity, would only be problematic for them all. Best to have her leave with her tail between her legs with the promise to let them be. Dru knew now she'd never penetrate through to him, never get him to leave Buffy and never have him for herself. He always thought himself good at reading people and he could read it in her eyes now, the finality in them. The defeat. She would go and it would be done.

The offer of a Settlement was more for retribution for Buffy and Hank than anything else. He'd take the time to explain to Buffy that she would have fought back with all she had and it wouldn't have been pretty for either side and the last thing any of them needed right now was more stress.

"Yes. Collect your things and go. You have a half an hour. Don't come back again. Don't come near me, Buffy or her family again."

"I heard you the first time," and she stalked off to her office. Just for good measure, William called up security to make sure she left within the half. Settling down in his chair after, feeling completely drained, he rubbed his face with his hands and ached to hold Buffy in his arms. He needed to hold onto his Golden Girl and just bask in her radiance. She was a drug and he was in need of his fix.
**********************************************************
William's head jerked up at the sound of a soft knock on his door. Relief flooded him at the sight of Buffy standing there, smiling faintly at him.

"Hey," she greeted him and cocked her head to the side, "You okay?"

"I'm . . . worn out today," he admitted.

She worried her bottom lip with her teeth, "Me?"

"No, Princess, you're the best thing in any day. Can you come in and close the door?"

She nodded and shut the door, stepping fully in the room. He couldn't help himself, he had to have her in his arms and in the few strides it took to cross the room, she was.

"What happened today, William?" she asked softly, running her hands down his back in a comforting gesture.

"Drusilla."

She froze in his arms. "What did she do?"

"She's crazy, did you know that?"

Buffy laughed and he pulled back to see that brilliant smile of hers light up the room. "Yeah, I'm aware," she told him. "What happened?"

"Sit with me," he told her huskily and pulled her with him to his chair, settling down on it and pulling her on his lap.

Her eyebrows knit. "Should I be worried?"

"No," he shook his head, "She'll be leaving us be."

"And the Settlement?"

"I'm sorry, Princess. I can't make that happen."

"No, you can make it happen, you just don't want to," she said stiffly.

"You're right, I don't. I don't because she'll fight back and we all want to move on from this, don't we? The last thing we need is more stress, Buffy. Think of your Dad here."

She pursed her lips together, "All right. Tell me what happened."

He told her everything from when she came in to when she was screaming at the security guards that escorted her out. Buffy sat and listened - her eyes would widen at some areas and she'd make like a guppy at others.

"Wow," she breathed when he'd finished.

"So you see? It's best to keep her crazy self away from us."

Buffy nodded slowly, "I see that, but I just . . . "

"Wanted retribution?"

"Yes. Does that make me a bad person?"

"No, luv. Makes you human."

She nodded again, thoughtfully.

"What did Wesley have to say?"

"That he doesn't want me to leave."

"Does that mean?"

"I'm going to talk with my Dad first," she said firmly. "I kind of really want to stay and work with Wesley. I've learned a lot from him."

"I want you to stay too," William murmured and nuzzled her neck.

She giggled, "You're tickling me."

He chuckled. "Sorry."

"He's an observant one that Wesley, isn't he?" Buffy said suddenly. "To have us figured out."

William grinned, "He seems so obtuse sometimes, doesn't he?"

"They're always the ones!"

William laughed, "Yes, they are. How's school?"

Buffy wrinkled her nose, "Almost caught up. Just have a paper due at the end of this week I forgot about. I'm going to the library tonight to have Willow help me with it."

William sighed, "So no dinner then huh?"

She looked at him, "I'm sorry Will."

He shook his head, "Don't be. Your studies come first."

She leaned in and kissed him softly, and much too quickly for his liking. "Thank you." She slid off his lap and he let out a moan of protest. "Sorry. I've gots to go. I'm meeting Willow in twenty. I'll see you later, okay?"

"When?"

She gave him a look, "I don't know. I'll call you."

He sighed, "Okay. I'll wait."

"Thank you Will."

*********************************************************

Buffy didn’t like whiskey. She wasn’t sure how in the hell William could drink it like water. It burned a trail to her stomach and sat there. It did warm her belly though, which was nice considering how cold she was as she, Willow, Anya, and Anya’s cousin Faith Evans trooped through Boston finding places to hang out at for a bit before moving on again.

Faith took the nip from Buffy and grinned. “Not your thing B?”

Buffy shook her head, “How about the Peppermint Schnapps? I liked that.”

Faith reached in her jean jacket pocket and handed the flask she carried there to her.

“Thanks!” Buffy chirped and took two sips. She didn’t feel the chill in the air so much as a particular prickly wind grazed through them. “Liquid sweater,” she muttered to the flask and when Faith looked back at her and smiled, Buffy beamed.

She had to admit, she was having fun on her Friday night. And she hadn’t thought she would at the start of it. For one thing, she’d been a little nervous to meet Anya again. . For no particular reason other than she was always a little shy at first, and from the way she’d bailed on them that fateful night she’d met up with William at Envy. And that’s where they’d started the evening; at Envy. Anya had brought her cousin, Faith, to join them and at first Buffy hadn’t been sure she was going to like the wild, fly- by- the- seat- of- her- pants girl. Buffy was used to a certain level of decorum and . . . containment. Faith was all about letting it all hang out.

It was what, Buffy decided; she liked most about the brunette with the ruby red lips and dark eyes. Looking at her attire – the tight jeans and tight black shirt with black men’s shoes—Faith looked the type of girl that was not only the complete antithesis of Buffy, but also someone William would have gone after. She was a free spirit and also loud, outgoing and boisterous. She could also swear like a trooper.

Unbeknownst to the group, Faith had brought refreshments. Since none of them were twenty-one yet and could not drink, Faith had felt – according to her—it was her civil duty to bring beverages. Just to add a little kick, she had said.

Willow was hesitant, but took a sip of the Schnapps and then politely declined. Anya had gotten pleasantly tipsy and stopped. Buffy and Faith however, they kept going. Buffy knew she was well beyond ‘tipsy’. She was drunk off her ass. She was pleasantly numb and felt uncharacteristically carefree. She felt weightless. It was why it didn’t bother her that Faith seemed to be a regular at places that didn’t serve underage individuals such as them. All she cared about was that she got slipped rum in her Coke and Faith was able to fill up her little flask full of Schnapps. It paid to know people, Buffy learned.

“I like you,” she slurred to Faith and slung an arm across her shoulders as they walked.

Faith giggled, “I like you too, B.”

“Thanks . . . F.”

Faith laughed loudly. “And here I thought you were going to be an uptight bitch when I saw you tonight.”

”Gee, thanks.”

“Okay, here’s Larry’s,” Faith said, stopping abruptly in front of a in the middle of nowhere bar. It looked kind of, well, seedy.

“Here?” Buffy said.

“Yeah, here,” Faith replied.

Willow and Anya looked nervous. They looked like Buffy would look if she were sober. Thankfully though, she wasn’t. She barged into the bar, nearly slamming it open and smiling sloppily and brightly at the attendants who turned and stared at them.

“Hello!” Buffy greeted them and then giggled when Faith snagged her by the arm and brought her to a table, practically shoving her in the booth.

“Sssshhh!” Faith ordered her as Anya and Willow slid primly across from them. “Larry lets me come in here, but you gotta be quiet. Don’t make a lot of noise and keep your nose out of trouble. That way he’ll give us drinks and no one has to know anything. Got it B?”

Buffy nodded solemnly and then grinned. “Rum and Coke.”

“I think you need to slow down, B. How bout a beer?”

Buffy wrinkled her nose, “What are you the drinking police?” she laughed at her joke though no one else did.

“Just saying B, you’ve had a lot to drink tonight. Keep mixing your drinks and you’re going to get sick.”

“You have anymore cigarettes?” Buffy asked suddenly.

Faith smiled, and reached into her pocket – she had magical pockets it seemed – and pulled out her pack of ‘butts’. She took out two and handed one to Buffy along with her lighter. Then, she placed her cigarette in the ash try, still lit, and bounded up and went to the bar to get them drinks. Willow called out that she simply wanted a Coke.

Buffy didn’t cough the way she did with the first two she had. She puffed like a pro this time and watched the whirling smoke curl around her fingers and up to the ceiling.

“So, uh, Buffy, what was William doing tonight?” Willow asked hesitantly when Faith returned with drinks.

Buffy took a drag and leaned back, imitating Faith’s uber relaxed pose, “He said he was staying in.”

“Who’s William?” Faith asked and took a drag off her cigarette.

“My boyfriend. I think.” Buffy furrowed her brow.

“You think? You don’t know?”

“Well, we’re on a break.”

Faith snorted. “Let me guess, he put you guys on the break.”

“No, I did.”

“Impressive B. Why?”

Buffy shook her head, “I don’t really want to talk about that right now.” In fact, she knew she didn’t. She didn’t want to think about William too much because honestly, she missed him a great deal. But this was girl’s night, and thought of William were banned.

“Tell me. You know I’ll just drag it out of Willow if you don’t share. She caves like nothing. Come on.”

Buffy sighed heavily. “Okay. He . . . he overwhelms me.”

Faith blinked, “How so?”

“He loves me.”

Faith laughed. “Love?” she balked. “That crap don’t exist. How long he have to say it before you believed it enough to sleep with him?”

Buffy shook her head, which she decided was not good as it made her head spin. “It’s not like that. William –“

“Pansy ass name,” Faith scoffed.

Buffy gave her a look, “It is not a pansy ass name!”

Faith chuckled, “Relax, B. So, it’s ‘not like that’ huh? So he didn’t try to nail you right away?”

“We nailed each other.”

”How’d you meet him?”

“Work.”

”Impressive again. Where you work?”

“A law firm.”

Faith’s eyes bugged, “Is he an attorney?”

Buffy nodded glumly, afraid of how Faith was going to run with this.

“You’ve been fucking an attorney ? You do know they get paid to basically lie right?”

“He must give fantastic orgasms,” Anya commented approvingly.

Buffy was starting to get annoyed and her tone reflected it when she retorted, “William is not like that. He is damn good attorney. He’s smart and funny and—“

“Oh Jesus,” Faith held up her hand. “Stop right there before I throw up.”

“You’re feeling sick?” Buffy asked worriedly, fearing Faith would throw up all over her.

“From hearing you describe your less than perfect sort of boyfriend, yes.”

“He’s not less than perfect. He’s . . . perfect,” Buffy said, her eyebrows knitting in thought. “Well, I mean, no one is perfect. But people are perfect for each other, and he’s perfect for me.”

“And you’re on a break then because--?”

“I told you. He overwhelms me. He wants so much from me—“

”Like?”

“Forever.”

Faith laughed again. “He told you that? Damn. How old is he?”

“Thirty-five.”

“He’s old.”

“He most certainly is not old,” Buffy said, adamantly. “He’s mature and complex and sweet –“

“And you’re making me sick again.”

Buffy stared at her for a long time, studying her.

“Take a picture, B, it’ll last longer.”

“Were you hurt badly?” Buffy asked finally.

Faith stared at her. “What?”

“To think love doesn’t exist. Were you hurt badly? What was it like then? To be in love I mean.”

Faith glared at her. “Love doesn’t exist.”

“It must or you wouldn’t be so negative about it. You were hurt, weren’t you?”

“Shut the fuck up B.”

“Did it hurt the whole time?”

Faith leaned forward, “I said shut up” she said menacingly.

Buffy held up her hands in surrender and sat back, pondering that interesting turn of events. Love had left Faith Evans jaded. It was the only thing the girl had shown emotion about all night. Unless it counted when Buffy had accidentally spilt her drink and Faith had shouted, “That’s alcohol abuse!” and snatched the drink from her. But Buffy didn’t think that counted.

A few sips into her beer, Buffy started feeling funny. Nauseous funny. Room spinning funny. She managed to lunge to her feet and rush outside before puking what felt like her insides out.

”Whoa,” Anya said. “That was gross.”

“Jesus B, you don’t know how to handle your man or your liquor huh?”

And that’s when Buffy started to cry for no apparent reason. Well, no good reason that she could think of anyway except she hated to throw up and hated the way Faith picked on her and William.

“I think the night is now officially over on that extremely gross note,” Willow murmured. “Let’s take the T back to my car,” she said eagerly, seeming very happy that the night was done.

Buffy shook her head and wiped at her face, “I’m calling William.”

“What the hell B? You can’t handle things so you call your geezer boyfriend to make it all better? What happened to self preservation?” Faith mocked her.

Buffy looked at her, angry now. “You don’t know anything about us!”

“Honestly, Faith, why don’t you learn to shut your mouth?” Anya snapped at her cousin.

“She’s hopeless,” Faith said, gesturing at Buffy. “She’s a mess.”

“Shut up!” Buffy screamed at her. “Just because your boyfriend was a fuck up doesn’t mean William is!”

Faith hauled off then and smacked Buffy across the face, scratching her across her cheek with her extremely long nails in the process.

That did it. Buffy snapped and smacked her back. Faith lunged and Anya got in the middle of them while Willow took Buffy’s arm, leading her away.

“Call William,” Willow urged. “I have to take them home. You call William, okay?”

Buffy nodded, feeling close to tears again and fumbled for her phone in her purse and dialed William quickly.

“Hello?”

“W-Will?”

“Buffy?”

“Yeah, it’s me,” she said, her voice wobbly.

“Buffy, what’s wrong? What’s going on? Are you all right?”

“Do you know where Larry’s is?”

The bar?”

“Yeah. . . “

”What the bleeding hell—“ she heard him take a sharp intake of breath. “I’m on my way. Are you alone?”

“No, I’m with Willow, Anya and Faith.”

“What the fuck is going on?”

“William, please just come and get me.”

“I’m on my way. Don’t move and don’t you dare go in that bar, you hear me?”

“Too late for that.”

”Buffy—I’m coming.”

“Okay,” she said weakly and looked over at Willow. “He’s gonna kill me.”


He made it within ten minutes. Willow noted that fact. She seemed impressed.

He jerked the car onto the side of the road and bounded out of his car, heading straight to Buffy who was sitting against the wall Indian style with her head in her hands.

”Buffy, baby, look at me.”

She looked up and saw her William, her savior and started to bawl. He brought her in the circle of his arms and ran his fingers through her hair. “Ssshhhh. It’s okay. What happened baby?”

“I got sick!” she wailed.

“Damn B, he’s hot.”

“And I hate Faith now,” Buffy whimpered.

Getting to his feet, William pulled Buffy up with him. “Look at me, pet.”

Buffy looked up at him, with makeup smudged and mascara running down her face.

“Buffy, what happened to your face?” he asked, tracing the scratch across her cheek delicately.

“Faith hit me,” she told him.

William turned and looked at her friends sternly. “Which one is Willow?”

Willow tentatively raised her hand. “I am. Hi.”

“Are you all drunk?”

Willow shook her head, eyes wide with fear. “No, sir—I mean, William. We’re not. Well, I’m not and Anya—“ Willow pointed at Anya who gulped. “Isn’t. Her cousin Faith is.”

William’s eyes fell on Faith and his eyes were steel. “You hit Buffy?”

“Bitch had it coming,” Faith told him, puffing up her chest and holding her head high.

William’s jaw was clenching and unclenching and Buffy reached out to touch it. His head snapped to her and she jumped. Slowly he looked to Willow. “Do you need a ride to your car?”

“No, sir. The T is right down this street.”

”Willow, you don’t have to call him sir. He’s just William,” Buffy told her as if she were telling Willow she was silly.

“I’m going to go ahead and give you all a ride since it’s late, okay?” William said, his tone rough.

Willow and Anya nodded.

“Dude I can walk,” Faith scoffed.

“Get in the damn car,” William nearly barked at her.

Faith rolled her eyes and followed the girls into the car. William tugged on Buffy’s arm and helped her in, making sure she was buckled.

The car ride was silent and Buffy used the time to concentrate on not puking. Not an easy feat since William seemed keen on going as fast as possible and taking sharp turns. Willow gave him directions and when they arrived at the parking lot, the three girls practically fell out of the car to get out.

“Th-thank you William,” Willow stuttered.

“You’re welcome Willow,” he said and nodded briskly.

He waited until they were safely in the car and it had turned on before pulling out and heading home.

“Are you mad at me?” Buffy asked weakly, rolling her head to the side on the head rest to look at him.

He looked at her briefly. “No, just . . . You had me worried kitten. You didn’t sound like you and I thought something bad had happened or could happen.”

“I’m okay,” Buffy assured him and closed her eyes.

“Do you feel like you’re going to throw up again?”

“Not yet. I’ll let you know.”

They arrived quickly at his penthouse and he helped her out of the car into the elevator. She sagged in his arms on the ride up, just wanting to hold onto him to keep the world from spinning. Funny, that, she thought, but then the thought escaped her.

Once inside his penthouse, he stripped them down and put them in the shower where he proceeded to wash her – very business like – and then dried her off. She was tired, exhausted really. She let him move her anyway he needed to and didn’t once complain. While she brushed her teeth with a spare tooth brush, he got her a large glass of water and aspirin and made her drink it all down. She did so, dutifully and he slipped one of his black t shirts on her and carried her to bed.

Once in bed, she snuggled up to him. “Thank you,” she murmured her eyelids dropping closed.

“We’ll talk tomorrow,” he told her, a promise in his voice.

“I know.”

“I love you Buffy.”

“I know,” she told him. “I know you do William.”

Buffy didn’t know what time it was; only that it was dark. In fact, she was sure she was still a little drunk. And thirty. Oh so thirsty. Stumbling out of bed, and trying not to wake William, she managed to make it to the hall. The room was tilting a bit due to her slight drunkenness and exhaustion. She just needed about oh, a gallon of water and she’d be good.

“Buffy? What are you doing?”

She stopped and turned to see William standing in the hall, shirtless, with his hair spiked from sleep. He was rubbing his eyes.

“You’re so cute, William,” she told him.

He stopped rubbing his eyes and dropped his hands. “You still drunk?”

“I think so, why?”

He shook his head. “What are you doing?”

“I need water.”

“Thirsty huh?”

“I feel like I’ve been chewing on sawdust.”

“That’s what happens when you drink an entire bar.”

She giggled at that, “Most of the bar was in Faith’s jacket.”

“Dare I ask?”

“You can. Over water,” and she started back down the hall. William followed close behind.

“I’ll get you some ice water,” he told her once they entered the kitchen. “How’s the head?”

“Okay,” she mumbled and yawned and jumped up on the counter, perching next to the sink and watching William move about.

“Will?”

“Yeah?”

“Are you really not mad at me or were you just humoring me because I was drunk?”

He looked at her as he plopped ice cubes in her tall glass of water, frowning slightly, “You’re still a little drunk. Do you really want to have this conversation now?”

She shrugged, “Just tell me. Are you?”

“I’m . . . concerned.”

“Why?” she asked, cocking her head to the side.

“Are you kidding? Buffy, you called me from outside a bar – bar that you are not old enough to be in, but had been in and you were crying and drunk . . . How was I not supposed to be worried? Not to mention you had a scratch mark – which you still have—across your face from that bitch Faith and it appeared that you’d been walking all over Boston going into other bars you weren’t supposed to be going into and you got sick.”

“And I smoked,” she added.

He handed her the glass and looked at her sternly, “And you smoked.”

She shrugged,” You smoke,” she pointed out. She guzzled the cool liquid down quickly. And wanted more. William took the glass and filled it back up, handing it back to her.

“If this is what you consider a break from me, then I have to tell you, I’m not liking it.”

After that glass was done, she set it down and considered him. “I did have fun until the end there.”

His eyes bugged, “You had fun? You were doing something very illegal and dangerous Buffy.”

“Yeah, but . . . I felt free. For once, I didn’t worry about the rules and the proper way to conduct myself—“

“Because you were drunk!” he exclaimed. “Of course all your inhibitions were gone!”

“Will, the point was to go out and have a girl’s night. I didn’t know when it started that’d it end the way it did. I probably won’t do it again like that—“

“You better not!”

She scowled at him, “You’re not my father.”

“No, but I’m your boyfriend still, right?”

She averted her eyes and nodded.

“And as your boyfriend, I want to keep you safe and here with me. God, Buffy, don’t you know the kind of trouble you could have gotten into if some fuck head decided he wanted to mess with you?” He stood before her, spreading her knees so he could stand between her legs. Reaching out, he pushed her hair back and gazed at her, a pained expression on his beautiful face. “I don’t want anything to happen to you, kitten.” He traced the scratch mark with his finger, “What if you got more than that?”

“I didn’t.”

“You could have.”

“But I didn’t. I just said I’m not going to do that again, but . . . isn’t that all part of the journey here Will? You told me about all the stupid things you did when you were my age—and younger. I’ve never done stupid things. Unless you count cheerleading. I’m twenty years old, you think this is bad? Wait until I turn twenty one!”

“You want to drink? Fine, then at least do it in a safe environment. With me.”

Buffy rolled her eyes, “I’m not going to do that again. Not to say I won’t go to a party or get shit faced again–“

“Were you trying to make me feel better?” he asked sarcastically.

“No, I’m not. I’m telling you how it is Spike. I’m telling you that going out tonight was fun up until Larry’s. I’m telling you that yeah, I realize it was stupid and I probably wouldn’t have done that had I been sober, but I did it nonetheless and here I am. Alive and safe. And you did stupid things when you were my age and you can look back on them now and say ‘Wow, that was dumb and maybe a little dangerous’, but at least you did them. I want to live a little, act my age for Christ’s sake. I don’t want to be locked up in some ivory tower because you’re worried.”

His jaw was clenching and unclenching again and Buffy knew that wasn’t a good sign. Just like that all the fight left her and she felt completely drained. She slid from the counter and took his hand in hers. “Will, I don’t want to argue anymore. Doesn’t it mean something that I came to you?”

He snorted, “You just didn’t want to have to call Mommy and Daddy to come get you.”

”I didn’t even think of them Will. I puked and wanted you.”

“I’m not really sure how to take that . . . “

She wrinkled her nose, “That did sound funny. I do know that when Faith was ragging on you and our relationship I defended you. I defended us.”

“Is there an us, Buffy?” he asked softly.

“Yes, there is.”

“How much? Just enough to give you your freedom and let you come in and out of my life?”

“No, that’s not how it is—“

”Because I love you Buffy, so much. And I don’t want just pieces of you when you decide you want me or need me.”

”You have more than pieces,” she said softly, “I think you have more than you realize. More than I realize if that makes any sense.”

He sighed and raked a hand through his hair. “What was Faith saying about us? About me?”

Buffy wrinkled her nose at the memory. “She called you old. She said you were just saying you loved me to get me in bed.”

He scowled, “I really don’t like her.”

“I didn’t listen though. I told her she didn’t know anything about us and that you were a wonderful man.”

“But you don’t love me.”

“Will—“

He held up a hand. “Don’t say it. Don’t give me the song and dance, I’ve heard it all before.”

“You were okay with this the other night,” she said quietly, looking down. “I don’t know what to do. Do you want to break up?”

“No,” he said roughly and pulled her into his arms. “No, I don’t . . . Buffy, I couldn’t . . . “

“I don’t want to hurt you, William. And I am and –“

He shut her up by kissing her fervently. He rested his forehead against hers, panting slightly. “It’d hurt more to leave you, Buffy. I can’t do that. It’s not something I’m capable of.”

“Then what do we do? How do we make this work?”

“We’ll find a way. I promise we will. Look, it’s early and we’re both tired, you’re still a little drunk—“

”I think I sobered up somewhere in there.”

He smiled, “Nonetheless. We’ll go to bed, get some rest and sleep on it okay?”

She nodded, “Okay.”

Leading her back to bed, they lay together in the dark, and he wrapped his arms around her and held her, stroking her back.

“Will?” she whispered, starting to nod off again.

“Yes, baby?”

“I do need you.”

“That’s something then isn’t it?”

“Yes, I do believe it is.”

Buffy woke slowly, feeling incredibly thirsty again if that were possible. Her eyes snapped open and she spied a large glass of ice water right next to her. She smiled, thoughtful William. Sitting up she grabbed the glass and proceeded to guzzle it when she inhaled the scent of bacon and sausage. Her stomach growled in response and she set the glass down to climb out of bed. Taking the glass with her, she drank it as she padded down the hall and to the kitchen. She had just finished the glass when she entered the kitchen and found William in front of the stove, making scrambled eggs, bacon and sausage. The toast popped out of the toaster. And toast, he was also making toast.

“Morning luv,” he said, not turning around.

She smiled at his back, “Morning.”

“Did I wake you?”

“Nope. Thank you for the water.”

“Figured you’d be thirsty again.”

“It’s amazing; I never thought I’d want water so much. It smells good in here.”

“Thanks. Also figured you’d be hungry. I always want a big breakfast after drinking a lot the night before.”

“Mmm. . . me too. Can I do anything?”

He tossed her a look over his shoulder, “You’ve been drunk before?”

She rolled her eyes, “Well, of course I have been. College parties. . . high school.”

“Bloody hell, Buffy, I didn’t know that.”

She shrugged and went to the toaster and took out the warm toast and placing them on the counter. Opening up a cabinet she found the butter and grabbed a knife in the drawer and started to slather the toast. “You want jelly?” she asked absently and looked over at him. He was smiling at her in an odd sort of way. “What?” she asked.

“You, just helping me make breakfast, knowing where everything is.”

She felt the heat rush to her cheeks, “Well, I have been here a time or two. You learn things.”

He nodded, but said nothing and she had that distinct feeling that he wanted to say something, but was holding back. Again.

“What is it?” she asked.

“What?” he asked, staring down at the frying pan.

“You were thinking something just then, weren’t you?”

He shook his head, “Nope.”

“Liar.”

He chuckled. “Well, yeah. Got me there.”

“Was it one of those thoughts that would overwhelm me?”

“Yes, exactly that.”

She nodded slowly and stuck her finger in her mouth to suck off the butter. “Okay,” she said simply.

“And yes, I’d like jelly. Grape, please.”

”Coming right up,” she murmured and went to the fridge to grab it off the door. As she slathered the jelly on the toast and put two more slices of bread in she said, “I’m sorry that you have to hold back.”

He looked up at her, “It’s okay.”

”But it’s really not though, is it? You hate it.”

“I hate scaring you more.”

“I hate that you have to hold yourself back because I’m chicken shit.”

“Is it that you’re chicken shit or that you just don’t want to feel guilty by not being able to say it back?”

That gave her food for thought. “I didn’t think of it that way,” she told him honestly.

He shrugged, “Just giving another perspective.”

“You know I do –“

“Care for me? Yeah, I know. The question is how much? Am I the neutered boyfriend who gets to see you when the mood strikes and you have need of me—like last night—“

“Last night was . . . last night was me not needing you because the mood struck or because I needed you to bail me out, William. Last night was about me needing you because I trust you and I wanted to see you. After all that shit that Faith was saying about us, about you, I just . . . I just got so upset with her for saying those things—“

”Did they strike a cord, Buffy? Do you think of me as an old geezer? Do you think I tell you I love you to keep you in my bed?”

“If I thought that, then you’d have bailed by now wouldn’t you have? I mean I did say we weren’t going to have sex for a while –“

”Ah yes. Another rule made. By you,” he said as he scooped the eggs onto their plates.

“You want to make some?”

“Will you let me?”

“I don’t know. I don’t know what your rules consist of.”

“So you have the power to veto but I don’t?”

“This is turning out to be a fantastic morning, I’m so glad I called you last night. Remind to not do that again,” she said sarcastically, angrily grabbing the toast out of the toaster and stabbing the butter with the knife aggressively.

After scooping out the sausage and bacon, William slammed the pan in the sink with a loud clatter that echoed in the room. Buffy jumped and looked up at him, knife in hand.

“I’m trying to be understanding here Buffy, but goddammit, I just feel like some puppet on a string here. You get to tell me when I can see you, you get to tell me when I can make love to you, you get to tell me when you feel comfortable enough to let me love you – do you know how frustrating this is for me? All I want to do is love you—“

“And I want you to love me, I’m just not ready for what it all means! God, William, you know . . . this is hard for me too. I feel things for you, so many things –“

”Then why can’t you fucking tell me any of them?” he exclaimed. “You’re leaving me here in limbo. I woke up this morning with you in my arms Buffy but I knew that you weren’t really . . . there.”

“Last night you said we’d figure out a way to make this work. What happened?”

He raked a hand through his hair in frustration. “I don’t know . . . it’s just so bloody hard. You’re right in front of me and I can’t touch you. And I’m not talking about sex here, Buffy so don’t start thinking that Faith is right. She’s bloody not. You’re right there,” he gestured to her, “in front of me and I feel like I can’t touch you. Like there’s this wall between us that I can’t penetrate. This wall that you put there. I’m watching what I say and what I do when all I really want to do is take you in my arms and be allowed to love you. But I hold back. So I don’t frighten you, but I don’t know what is too much or too little anymore. What I think is little is big for you, what I think is too much, is just right. I’m walking on egg shells here, Buffy and I woke up with the thought in my head this morning that as soon as you could, you’d scamper off to put more distance between us because of this little break you’ve got us on!”

She stared at him, open mouthed. “Wow.”

He shook his head. “I didn’t plan to unload like this,” he said quietly. “I’m sorry.”

“No, I’m glad you did. You needed to get it off your chest apparently,” she said, swallowing hard. “Do you feel better?”

“You’d think I would,” he said with a humorless chuckle. He looked at her helplessly, “I just don’t know what to do Buffy.”

She went to him and flung her arms around him, holding onto him tight. “I’m sorry, William. I am so sorry. I wish I could just say . . . everything. I’m frustrated too because I want to, but I want to be absolutely sure. I don’t want to lie to you or lead you on in any way and I feel like I have—“

“No, you haven’t led me on, Buffy. You’ve been honest with me. I’ve known for a while that you’ve felt uncertain. I was just hoping it’d go away.”

“So was I,” she murmured.

He pulled away and gazed at her imploringly. “What have been your best times with me, Buffy?”

She blinked, “What do you mean?”

“What sorts of things have you enjoyed the most?”

“Talking with you,” she said honestly. “Not that I haven’t enjoyed – uh, certain other activities,” she said, blushing, “But I love talking with you William. Learning about you. I love going to a bookstore with you and sitting in the aisle with a book and picking it apart. I love when you tell me stories about the things you’ve done—“

”Yeah,” he said dryly, “I don’t know if I like that so much. You get ideas from my stories.”

She gave him a look.

He took a deep breath and stood straighter. “Then that’s what we’ll do.”

She looked at him in question.

“We’ll talk. We’ll go out and do things and talk.”

”Essentially, we’ll date.”

”Right. With no sex. That means no coming back here because honestly Buffy, having you here is just too much temptation. We’ll go out and do those things. You love learning about me, and I love learning about you, so that’s what we’ll do. And we’ll do it right. I’ll ask you in advance and not just assume you’ll clear your schedule for me and vice versa.”

She raised a brow, “No other women right?”

Now he gave her a look. “Are you serious?”

“Just checking. Cause no other men for me.”

“Better bloody not be any other men,” he growled.

She shook her head, “Nope.”

”So, Buffy, can I take you out on Friday night for a movie?”

She smiled at him, at how cute he was and how relieved she felt that this, this felt right. “Yes. You may.”

”Are you sure you don’t have other plans?”

She rolled her eyes, “I don’t. I think you might have frightened Willow off from ever asking me out again.”

William laughed, “I didn’t mind Willow. Or Anya for that matter. It was the Faith bird I could have done without.”

”Don’t worry; I can do without her too.”

“So, a date? No nights spent here, no making love. Just dates.”

She nodded enthusiastically. “Yes. I think it sounds perfect William. Don’t you?”

He smiled weakly, “It’s a start.”

Buffy entered her house, feeling both relieved that her and William had come to an agreement regarding their relationship and yet, forlorn.

Forlorn, she realized, because she missed him. Which was ridiculous considering she'd just been with him, but . . . but she missed spending the weekend with him. Missed lounging in his apartment or walking around Boston holding hands and talking and eating out . . . Yeah, but this was good for her. For them. Wasn't it?

"She returns."

Buffy peered in the living room to see her father sitting in 'his' chair, which was a raggedy old gray EZ-boy, with his feet up. He was smiling at her, "How was girls night out?"

She inwardly grimaced, "Fine," she said brightly.

"Have you seen William at all?" he asked easily.

Entering the living room she cocked her head to the side as she regarded him. "Why?"

He shrugged and picked up the remote, flicking stations, "Just wondering."

"And if I have?"

He smiled up at her, "I'm not going to - how would you put it? - 'flip out' on you for seeing him. I'm past that."

"You are? I mean, really."

He nodded, "I am. Really."

She sat down on the couch, hoping he'd elaborate. He put the TV on mute and looked at her, somewhat sheepishly. "You want me to elaborate on that?"

She grinned, "Yup."

He took a deep breath and turned his body slightly toward her.

"Wait, where's Mom?" Buffy asked suddenly.

"Groceries."

"Gotcha."

"Okay, so you and William . . . Look, Buffy, I know the way I reacted to it was not the best. It was well; it was kind of ridiculous to get as angry as I did. It's just that . . . Buffy, you're my little girl. You always have been and you always will be, there's just no getting around that.
I love you and if I push you sometimes it's only because I want the best for you. My parents pushed me and I push you the way they pushed me. It was how I learned to go after what I wanted, how I became successful. I've seen it more and more over the past few years how much you're like me. And part of being your father is wanting even more for your child. I want you to be better than me. At everything.
I think William is a wonderful man. God knows he's been a good friend to me over the years. It's just one thing for your best friend to be dating your daughter whom you love more than anything in the world. The age difference, the fact that you're still in school . . . I got worried. I know William is at the point in his life where he wants to settle down and have a family; I just don't want him to put that pressure on you. I don't want you to have to sacrifice your dreams and goals for someone else's dreams and goals that are different from yours at the present moment.
On the same end, I know that William is a good man and that he wouldn’t purposely push you into anything you weren’t comfortable with. And if he did, well, he’d have me to contend with.”

Buffy smiled.

"I accept your relationship with William, Buffy. I can see how much he truly loves you.”

Buffy nodded, looking down thoughtfully, "Yeah, I know."

"Do you love him?" Hank asked lightly, almost cautiously.

"I don't know, Dad."

"You don't know? Does William know you don't know?"

"Yes."

"And?"

"And we're taking a break."

"I see. Honey, I'm not going to push you into anything. You're hard headed like me, so it's not like you're going to listen to what I have to say. But I say if you need to take some time, then take it. Don't rush into things too fast. I'm not going to sit here and tell you to grab hold of your relationship and don't let go because it might not be there tomorrow. I'm telling you grab onto life and don't let go. Do you understand?"

Buffy nodded, smiling in understanding. "All too well, Dad, all too well. I think that's where I'm at right now. Things with William happened so fast and it was like I didn't have a chance to catch my breath from it all. It never sunk in, you know? So now I'm feeling like the dust is settling, but I'm not settled. Not like I thought I would be."

Her father grinned at her. "You remind me of your mother too, you know. Your free spirit is just like hers."

"Good to know I get something from her," Buffy joked. Then turning serious, "Dad, about work-"

"Go back to Wesley. I was angry that day, I wasn't thinking. He's a good attorney and he'll teach you a lot."

"But Dad, if you need me-"


"If I need you, I know where you are."

She nodded, "Gotcha. So, how -"

He smiled, "Am I feeling? Fine. Just tired. I'm thinking I'll be able to go back within a week though. I've looked at some files and done some work-and thank you again for having Linsdey and Lilah take on some things. I'm lucky to have you as my daughter, you know that?"


Buffy beamed at him. "You are lucky. Damn lucky."

Hank chuckled and looked over her head towards the window, "Your mother is home-"

"I'm on it!" Buffy said and jumped up, rushing to help her mom carry the groceries in.



"Have you seen William lately?" Joyce asked conversationally as Buffy helped her make dinner. Pasta; something easy Buffy could handle. Currently she was making the garlic bread.

"I have," Buffy said non- committaly.

"And? How are you two?"

"Fine." She knew it was driving her mother crazy that she wasn't divulging, but Buffy didn't care. She was enjoying being evasive for that reason alone. That's what she gets for prying, Buffy thought.

"Everything is well then?"

"Yup."

"All right, listen brat, I know you're doing this on purpose, so just tell me what's going on already."

Buffy burst out laughing, "That didn't take too long."

Joyce looked over at her sternly, though her eyes were twinkling in laughter.

Buffy shrugged and turned back to the bread, sprinkling the garlic over it lightly. "We're on a break," she mumbled.

"What?"

"We're on a break," Buffy said louder this time.

"What on earth for?" she sounded upset.

Buffy looked over at her, giving her a 'are you being serious?' look. "Because I don't know how I feel about him," she mumbled again.

"What?"

Buffy let out a sigh in annoyance, "Because I don't know how I feel about him!"

"You don't need to shout."

"Well, you're not hearing me."

"Because your mumbling."

Buffy rolled her eyes. "Anything else you want to know?"

"How are you unsure?"

Buffy stopped and turned to her, "How many levels on unsureness are there? I'm not certain that I feel the same way for him as he feels for me."

"He loves you," Joyce stated.

"Yes."

"And you don't know if you love him?"

"Right," Buffy said, nodding.

"Oh Buffy. What are you thinking? You do love him, honey, I can see it.”

That annoyed Buffy. If there was one thing she couldn’t stand aside from being told ‘No’ it was being told how she felt, or what she was thinking. How did they know?

“Gee, Mom, I’m so glad I talked to you about this because otherwise I would never have guessed how I felt. I feel as though a light has dawned! Let me call William right away and tell him that thanks to my mother telling me how I feel, I now have see the light!” Buffy bit out sarcastically.

Joyce narrowed her eyes at her, “All right, I get your point.”

“Do you really?”

“I want to see you happy, Buffy. Is that a crime?”

”No, it’s not. It’s a crime when I feel like William is being shoved down my throat and you’re not listening to me and understanding how I feel here. You don’t have to agree with how I feel or what I’m doing, but you can at least try to understand it from my perspective.”

Joyce sighed and leaned back against the counter, giving Buffy her full attention. “Tell me, let me help.”

“I don’t think it’s something you can necessarily help me with. I think it’s something I’ve got to figure out on my own.”

“And how does William feel about this?”

Thinking back to his outburst, Buffy sighed, “He’s frustrated. And I don’t blame him, I really don’t. I’m frustrated too.”

“What have you told him?”

“That I need time to figure things out.”

Joyce nodded slowly, thoughtfully. “Like how you feel.”

“Right.”

“What do you feel for him?”

Buffy sighed heavily and paused, thinking. “I feel happy when I’m with him and lonely when I’m not. But, when I’m with him, I also feel overwhelmed and it’s that overwhelming feeling that frightens me.”

“Why?”

“Because it’s . . . . it’s scary.”

“Do you think that’s because it’s new? Different? Falling in love doesn’t feel safe Buffy. It feels wild and fun, and out of control at times. It’s heady and exciting and hopefully you’re with a man that you know you can be safe with. Do you feel safe with William?”

Thinking of how he was the person she wanted when she felt sick the night before, she nodded.

“Do you think it’s the finality of finding your soulmate that has you frightened Buffy?”

The word “final” caused Buffy to start. Perhaps that was it? Perhaps that was the root of her discomfort – and besides hadn’t she just told him the night before that she wanted to be able to do the stupid things he got to do at her age? And her father had told her to essentially live.

He makes you feel alive, a voice in Buffy’s head told her, and you can’t ignore that.

Joyce stared at her. “Buffy, you keep him away for too long and you’ll lose him. He loves you and if you’re not careful, you’re going to push him clear out of your life.”

“I’m done with the bread,” Buffy mumbled, feeling the stab of her mother’s words in her heart. “I’m gonna go to the library for a while.”

If possible, she was more confused than ever. And frightened. Her father told her to live her life and enjoy it while she could and her mother was basically telling her she was stupid for ‘taking a break’ from William and trying to figure her life out.

Now what?

William felt that at least part of his world was right with Buffy being back to work with him. And, since Dru was now gone and he was on the search for a new full time paralegal, Buffy was able to take on some of his work. He felt at peace being able to see her everyday. He felt that by seeing him, he’d stay in her mind and possibly in her heart. He knew he was there, in some capacity at least. He just wanted to stay there. He wanted to be in her system the same way she was in his.

The few days leading up to their date had been quiet. Which he felt they both needed. She’d spent the time getting back into the routine of school, work and homework. No more playing catch up, just settling back into her routine. Buffy was a creature of comfort and when she felt out of the realm of her comfort zone she felt, as she put it, ‘wonky’.

He certainly did too. He felt as if he’d been on a roller coaster ride since Hank’s heart attack. And now, he felt as if his heart was under attack. Though, there was nothing he could do but be patient. Which, considering he was not a patient man, was laughable. But, he had to learn now, didn’t he? And while it was killing him to not know his place with Buffy, he also felt grateful that instead of shoving him completely away, she’d worked something out with him instead. It was a step in the right direction as far as he was concerned. Perhaps she didn’t know it, but it was a sign of maturity as well.

He kept to his guns – she loved him, she just needed to figure it out for herself. When she did, oh, when she did, they’d never be apart again. Buffy wasn’t a short term fling kind of girl. She was the long haul girl and William felt it so strongly in his bones that she was the One that it was what kept his head above water, it was what kept him strong in giving Buffy this time to figure out her head and her heart.

Now, sitting with her in the movie, he reveled in the fact that it was her who sought his touch by slinging her arm through his. He had given himself a firm talking to before coming to pick her up. He would not push for anything, he would not initiate contact. He would leave it in her hands.

If she felt out of control, then he’d give her control. And really, could he blame her at all if that was how she felt? It was hard to feel in control when things happened that were out of your control. Part of being overwhelmed was feeling out of control wasn’t it? He could understand to a point how she could feel that way. Looking back on his actions and his passionate declarations to her, he had been a bit . . . maybe smothering was too strong a word, but close to that. He’d fallen and seen forever; he assumed she was right there with him. It was a mistake he often made; projecting his feelings onto others. Besides, he’d been in love before, she hadn’t. She was like a newborn when it came to love and adult relationships. Buffy needed to get her sea legs, feel her own power in the relationship because she felt he’d taken control over it completely, not leaving her with any choice.

God, if she only knew how much power she did have. She pretty much has it all, he thought bemusedly. She just doesn’t realize it. Though perhaps she did after he had that outburst the previous weekend. Maybe that power frightened her too. It was such a precarious situation.

Then there was Joyce and Hank. That night when he’d picked her up; he’d been ushered in by Joyce who told him with some urgency not to let her go and then told by Hank when Buffy had disappeared to get her jacket, to be patient with her. That pretty much summed up all his inner turmoil. On the one hand he was all about feeling urgent and wanting to hold on and not let her go, while on the other hand, he kept telling himself to be patient.

At dinner, before the movie, he brought the subject up.

“Buffy,” he started with trepidation.

She slid the forkful of prime rib out of her mouth and looked at him, “Mmm?”

“Have you spoken with your parents about us?”

She frowned slightly, “Unfortunately, yes.”

He couldn’t help the chuckle that escape, “Unfortunately, how?”

She chewed thoughtfully and after swallowing, she regarded him thoughtfully. “Well, I’m glad that my father approves of us.”

“Yes, that is a good thing,” he agreed.

“I guess my dad is actually better about it than my mother. My mother . . . she’s a pushy woman, did you know that?”

“I’ve had a few experiences with that, yes.”


“It’s annoying. I’ve decided to block them out. Especially considering if it’s true that my father was having an affair, well, it’s not like their relationship is exactly healthy you know? There are things to be learned from both sides—“

“Spoken like an attorney,” William beamed at her.

She smiled, “—But, figuring stuff out in my life can only be done by me.”


“Yes, but it doesn’t help to talk things out once in a while, get other perspectives. Just as long as you listen to yourself.”

Buffy nodded, “’To thine own self be true’. Right?”

He smiled. ”Right.”

Settling her fork down, she set her elbows on the table and rested her chin in her hands. “Tell me a story, William.”

“What kind of story?” he asked, eyes twinkling.

“About you when you were a kid. What was your favorite toy? What was your favorite game? Did you have an imaginary friend?”


He grinned, “Of course I had an imaginary friend. Didn’t you?”

Buffy giggled, “I did. His name was Ralph.”


William laughed, “Ralph? Did you know someone named Ralph?”

She shook her head, “I think I got the name from The Honeymooners. My mom used to watch the reruns in the afternoon. I think I even told ‘Ralph’ I was going to send him to the moon a few times,” she giggled again and he found it infectious.

“Well, I think my imaginary friend’s name was Barry—“

Buffy burst out laughing, “Barry? And you made fun of Ralph?”

“Well, I think he was pretty nameless until my Da asked me whatever possessed me to paint polka dots on the cat one day and I had to think fast. Barry was what I came up with.”

Buffy laughed, “You painted polka dots on the cat?”

“I did,” he said, grinning.

The rest of the dinner was filled with story telling and laughter. To William, it was a revelation. This was her favorite part of spending time with him; the talking. Well, if she didn’t love him, she wouldn’t care to know so much about him, would she? And she had used the word love when it came to expressing how much she enjoyed talking with him. She’d said she loved it. He couldn’t very many women who wanted to know the little things about him such as his imaginary friend. But Buffy, his girl, she wanted to know. Because she cared.

No, because she loved him.

And now, her arm was through his as they watched the movie and William felt peace settle over him; felt that everything was going to be all right.

**************************

“Oh Jesus, what are you doing here?” Buffy asked, not bothering to contain the bitterness in her voice as Faith plopped herself down across from her and Willow the following night back once again at ‘Envy’.

“Free country, B. I’m allowed to be in the same place as your highness.”

Buffy rolled her eyes. “Whatever.”

“Look, I just thought I’d come over and make nice.”

Buffy raised a brow suspiciously, “Oh really?”

Faith shrugged, “You’re not that bad once you’re done being so uptight,” She sat back, stacking her hands behind her head and puffing her ample bosom out from underneath her purple halter. “I flipped out on you for asking an innocent question. And, as part of trying to grow as a person,” with that she rolled her eyes, “I figure I’d apologize and tell you since you seemed so curious to know what happened.”

Buffy stared at her. “You want to tell me?”

Faith nodded, “Yeah.” She darted a look at Willow.

Willow got up, “I’m gonna go get a drink. You want, Buffy?”

Faith grinned, “Yeah, Buffy, you want?”

Buffy gave Faith a stern look and then looked up at Willow and smiled, “I’ll just have a Coke.” She looked back at Faith, “Just a Coke.”

Faith shrugged her indifference.

When Willow had gone, Buffy turned back to Faith. “So this is out of the kindness of your heart?”

“Something like that. I guess you could say I see how you and I are a little alike.”

Buffy could see it in a way. But in a small way. Faith was a side of her that Buffy wished she could bring out but her feelings of having to be responsible got in the way.

Her curiosity was getting the better of her though. She did want to know what happened to Faith to make her so anti love. “All right,” Buffy said and waited for Faith to start.

“See, I was involved with this guy, Robin Wood, back in Everett. He’s the principal at the high school.”

Buffy’s eyes widened, “Wow, how much older is he than you?”

“Throwing stones, B? William is how old?”

“I didn’t mean it like that, F.” She took pause, “Well, maybe a little. I always pictured principals as old, old.”

“He was about the same age as your man when I started dating him.”

“Oh. Okay.”

”And I was a senior in high school.”

Buffy’s jaw dropped and her eyes widened. “Okay, I didn’t expect that.”

Faith grinned, “No one does.”

“Did anyone find out?”

Faith shook her head, “No, but when it ended, I threatened to tell. I never did. Couldn’t bring myself to do it no matter how much I fucking hated him.”

Buffy narrowed her eyes inquisitively, “Hated, or still loved?”

Faith snorted, “That’s what I love about you B. Everything is romance and flowers. You should have seen the look on your face when I suggested that Willy was just using you for sex.”

Buffy’s temper flared again at that comment, which she supposed was Faith’s plan. She kept her mouth shut, not wanting to let the girl know she just aggravated her all over again.

“I loved him,” Faith said softly, leaning forward. “He was my world.”

Buffy had a hard time believing this tough girl had made anyone her world.

“I was eighteen when we got together before your panties get in a twist over there about it being improper.”

Buffy held up a hand in surrender. “Not saying a word.”

“Good thing. So, we started out just having really good sex, which was fine by me for a while, but then things changed.”

“You fell in love with him.”

“Yes. And things were good, ya know? I was happy, he was happy. My parents were thrilled, well, to a point anyway. My Dad was the mayor at the time and he and Robin knew each other well and liked each other. So, my Dad was thinking that Robin was giving me direction and that I’d finally settle and stop being such a wild child.”

“What happened?”

“He dumped me.”

“Why?”

“He found a woman closer to his age. Someone that he could ‘settle down with’. I was too young for him all of a sudden. He gave me this crap about me needing to live my life and find my own way and that he’d just hold me back. In actuality, I was holding him back. He convinced himself somewhere in there that it was improper. I was with him while I was still in school, and yet suddenly when I was free and out, then it was improper.”

“What happened then?”

“I begged him not to leave.”

Buffy was stunned once again. Faith was not the begging kind.

“He wouldn’t, obviously. I asked him if when I was done ‘living’, could I come back to him. He said no. I tried to tell him that I was truly living with him, not without him.” She sat back, a sad expression on her painted face. “Last I heard he got married to someone his own age and his wife was expecting twins.”

“I’m sorry that happened—“ Buffy started.

Faith waved her off. “It’s over.”

“But it’s not. You’re hurting still.”

Faith’s eyes flashed, “I’ll get over it.” She looked to the dance floor. “Starting now.” Looking back at Buffy, she grinned, “Wanna dance?”

“Willow—“

“Will find us and can join us. Come on. Let’s go live.”

Time goes by so slowly
Time goes by so slowly
Time goes by so slowly

Just in time, Willow came up and set their drinks down. “Where ya goin’?”

“Dance, come on,” Buffy said and took Willow’s arm before she could protest and dragged her out to the floor, following behind Faith.

***********************************
Every little thing that you say or do
I'm hung up
I'm hung up on you
Waiting for your call
Baby night and day
I'm fed up
I'm tired of waiting on you

William told himself he wasn’t coming to the club to check up on Buffy. No, he was going to have a drink, play some pool, that’s it. That was all. He wouldn’t even look to the floor to see what his girl was up to.

Yeah, right.

His eyes traveled to the floor, his feet having beaten the path to the edge of the dance floor, not even bothering to get that drink first.

She was there, on the dance floor, glorious and radiant. She was dancing as if she hadn’t a care in the world.

Time goes by so slowly for those who wait
No time to hesitate
Those who run seem to have all the fun
I'm caught up
I don't know what to do

Time goes by so slowly
Time goes by so slowly
Time goes by so slowly
I don't know what to do

William’s smile of adoration quickly fell when he recognized Faith with her. What the hell—

And now boys. Leering boys swarming around his girl. Faith said something to her and laughed and Buffy turned and smiled shyly at one of those leering boys.

William left and Spike came out full throttle.

Every little thing that you say or do
I'm hung up
I'm hung up on you
Waiting for your call
Baby night and day
I'm fed up
I'm tired of waiting on you

Every little thing that you say or do
I'm hung up
I'm hung up on you

Waiting for your call
Baby night and day
I'm fed up
I'm tired of waiting on you

All his goodwill from the night before, the very night before left. He’d thought she was so close, and she’d promised there would be no other men. And here she was, flirting!

************************************
“B, I know you see them and pretending not to,” Faith said to Buffy and laughed as Buffy turned red.

Yeah, Buffy saw the boys getting closer, she just didn’t want them closer. She wanted them gone. She wasn’t dancing for their benefit; she was dancing for hers. She looked over at them, not really seeing them. She thought of William and how he loved to see her dance. She smiled at the thought of what her dancing often led to.

Ring ring ring goes the telephone
The lights are on but there's no-one home
Tick tick tock it's a quarter to two
And I'm done
I'm hanging up on you

She was letting the beat take her over. Not a care in the world, feeling free –

**********************
”What the bloody hell are you doing?” Spike demanded, grabbing Buffy’s arm and spinning her to him.

Buffy looked at him in surprise. “Will, what are you doing here?”

“Watching my girl flirt with other men.”

“I’m not—“

He wasn’t listening, “We’re gonna talk. Now”

“Hey, she’s just having some fun. She’s not even flirting with those guys,“ Faith interrupted. “Back off, Willy.”

Spike glared at her and stalked off with Buffy. He brought them outside. “This is what you plan to do on your break? Flirt with other men and get into some more trouble with Faith?”
Buffy shook her head, “No, I wasn’t flirting William. I was just dancing for Christ’s Sake. It’s not like I invited them out onto the floor. Faith and I had a talk and—“

“So you’re best buds now?” he asked sarcastically.

“What is your deal?” she asked, annoyed.

I can't keep on waiting for you
I know that you're still hesitating
Don't cry for me
'cause I'll find my way
you'll wake up one day
but it'll be too late

“Were you checking up on me?” she asked him, eyes narrowing.

“No,” he bit out.

“You’re lying.”

He ran a hand through his hair. “I can’t do this Buffy. I thought I could, but I can’t. If this,” he gestured to the closed door of Envy, “is what you do when you’re ‘free’, I can’t do it. I can’t.”

“I’m not doing anything. I was dancing, that’s it. I’m not allowed to dance?”

“You’re allowed to – it’s not about that Buffy!”

“Then what is it about?” she shouted back at him.

“It’s,” he gestured between them, “this. It’s hard and I thought I had no reason to worry, but now I do—“

“William, I told you there would be no other men. There isn’t. I don’t want other men.”

He shook his head, “I can’t do it Buffy. I can’t sit by and wait for you and worry that I’ll lose you.”

“You haven’t lost me. It’s your own damn insecurities that make you think you have. Maybe if you had some faith in me—“

“Like you have in me?” he asked pointedly.

She glared at him, “I do have faith in you.”

“To bail you out. Was that the plan for later? Call me when you can’t get home?”

“No, actually, it wasn’t. I’m not even drinking. I told Faith no.”

Every little thing that you say or do
I'm hung up
I'm hung up on you
Waiting for your call
Baby night and day
I'm fed up
I'm tired of waiting on you

“I didn’t want to do this before and I still don’t, but I think it’s for the best –“

“You want to break up,” she said softly.

“No, I don’t want to. I have to. You wanted to be free, I’m setting you free.”

“I don’t want to be set free, I want to . . . I want to . . . “ she broke off frustrated that she couldn’t articulate what it was she really wanted.

“To be with me and be free to do what you please with whom you please.”

“There are no other men.”

“That didn’t look it in there—“

“God what is with you? Why can’t you trust me? Do you honestly think I would do that?”

“Buffy, I want you. I want you with me and this separation is killing me!”

“We had fun last night, didn’t we? I thought we had fun—“

He nodded, “We did. But I can’t stop myself from seeking you out and wanting to see you and –“

“Checking up on me.”

He didn’t say anything.

“Then it seems there’s a problem of trust too. You don’t trust me and it’s my fault of course because of the break. Would the trust issue have come out later, if there had been no break I wonder?”

”Buffy—“

“No. You want me ‘free’, then fucking fine. I’m free. And now so are you.” With that, she stalked off, leaving him standing there. With tears coursing down her cheeks, she made her way back to Faith and Willow.

Every little thing that you say or do
I'm hung up
I'm hung up on you
Waiting for your call
Baby night and day
I'm fed up
I'm tired of waiting on you


**Sony called "Hung Up" by Madonna**

William regretted it all as soon as he’d entered his penthouse. That’s when it hit him. She was gone.



And what really stuck in his craw was that it hadn’t been Buffy that had pushed them to it, it had been him. All this time he’d been worried that she’d break it off, that she was slipping through his fingers – and he’d been the one to push her to leave. In fact, it was him that said he couldn’t do it anymore.



Hadn’t the break been about them still being together in some capacity – enough for her to figure her head and heart out to ultimately stay with him?



And he’d been the one to push her to leave.



All his stupid jealousy – he’d really gone too far that time and could he really blame her? Deep down he knew, he knew, Buffy would never cheat on him. Would never lie to him. It wasn’t in her nature to do so. It was one of the things he loved most about her.



Now . . . he shuddered. Now she had free reign to go out with any bloody git that crossed her path. No, Buffy was not like that. She wouldn’t do that. She wouldn’t.



Would she?



The image of Buffy smiling at those boys popped in his mind and his fists clenched automatically. No, no knew his girl. Buffy wasn’t like that. She was an innocent – well, until he’d come along anyway. She wouldn’t commit herself to anyone unless she was sure of them.



Did she realize it now? Did she see it? Did she regret it all as much as he did? Did she want him back? Or was she too angry with him?



He started for the door, ready to go out and find her, ready to talk it out and be rational about it.



No, he thought, his hand on the door. No. Stop and think. Stop and be cool about this. You go after her and you’ll drive her away. She was overwhelmed before by your intensity and you’d just unleashed the green monster on her; going after now and making her talk to you will only drive her further away.



Best to let things cool down.



William pushed himself to move away from the door. He sat on the couch, keys still in hand, jacket on, and he sat in the silence and waited. Waited. For what, he wasn’t sure anymore.



And that’s when the tears came.


****************************************************


“What did I just do?” Buffy cried to Willow and Faith.



“Seemed to me he was askin’ for it,” Faith said easily.



Buffy turned tear filled eyes to Faith, “What?”



“Well, wasn’t he the one that said he couldn’t do it anymore? Sounds pretty straight forward to me, B.”



Tears spilt and Buffy’s bottom lip quivered, “I didn’t want to break up with him!”



“You both need some time to cool off. He just went caveman on you Buffy. He was being completely irrational. You weren’t doing anything wrong, you were just dancing,” Willow told her calmly, handing her some napkins.



Buffy wiped at her eyes. “He did overreact,” she reasoned.



“Ya think?” Faith jumped in. “Imagine this for a sec—“



“This should be good,” Willow said dryly.



Faith shot her a look and then focused on Buffy, “Picture this: You’re together with William and you go out and say some dude talks to you – something stupid like ‘Hey you spilled your drink’. But William sees it from afar as you’re walking back to him from the bar. You think he’s going to be as calm about it then as he was tonight? I think not, B. That’s crap, man. You don’t need that overly possessive crap. He was outta line.”



“I think Faith has a point, Buffy,” Willow said gently. “He was out of line with his jealousy. You weren’t doing anything wrong. I can see if you were letting one of those guys touch you and you were grinding to the music with them but all you did was smile--and it wasn’t even an inviting smile, it was just a smile.”



“I think it’s been building,” Buffy said softly, and then sniffled. “I think he reached his breaking point.” A fresh batch of tears started, “I drove him to it. Me and my stupidity. Me and my confusion—“



“Whoa, whoa, whoa,” Faith said, leaning in to Buffy. “Just because he’s been around for a few years longer and he knows what he wants and has decided that it’s you, does not mean that it’s your fault for not being sure.”



“But if I love him, it shouldn’t be this hard—“ Buffy protested.



“Buffy, life is hard. Why should love be any different? Hell, love is harder. If the intensity you were overwhelmed with before is anything like I just saw tonight, then I think you have every damn right to need a break.”



“Maybe William and I just aren’t meant to be together,” Buffy said mournfully.



“Just let things cool down a bit, Buffy,” Willow said, handing her more napkins. “Things have a way of working themselves out.”



I drove him to it, Buffy thought sadly.


*************************************************


The next day wasn’t any better for Buffy. Well, not by much anyway. She flip flopped between complete and utter misery – feeling as if she’d lost an appendage – to being angry.



It just so happened that William came by at the moment when she was in the middle of being angry with him.



She opened the door to find him standing there, looking bedraggled and tired. Good, hope he had a crappy night’s sleep like I did, she thought.



“What?” she said.



“Your mother invited me over for dinner,” he told her softly.



“Of course she did, why wouldn’t she?” Buffy said, annoyed. Stepping aside she gestured for him to enter. “Come on in.”



“William! There you are,” Joyce gushed, coming from the kitchen, wiping her hands on a dish cloth. “Come on in. Surprise, Buffy, I called William over.” She looked proud of herself.


Buffy wanted to wring her neck. And then William’s for accepting the invitation.



“Why don’t you settle William into the living room and I’ll get him a drink. What would you like, William?”



“I have an idea. Why don’t you settle him in and I’ll get the drink? As a bonus, I’ll even get Dad. Beer, William?”



He nodded forlornly and Buffy took off, muttering evil things directed at her mother under her breath all the way to the kitchen.



“Buffy? What’s going on?”



Buffy looked over from the fridge to see her Dad coming in. “I heard voices,” he continued. “We have company?”



“Did you fall asleep, Daddy?”



Hank nodded sheepishly. “I did. I managed to get some work done first though.”



Buffy smiled at her father. “Mom’s playing matchmaker. William’s here for dinner.”



Hank stared at her. “Are you all right, pumpkin?”



Her eyes welled up in tears, “Why’d you have to go and ask me that?”



“What happened?”



Buffy shook her head, “Nothing, I’m just . . . overtired. I don’t want to get into it right now.”



“Is it William?”



“Dad,” she said on a pleading whine.



“Okay, okay, I won’t push.”



“Thank you.”



“Here, let me take the beer in to him, okay?”



“Promise not to say anything to him?” Buffy implored her father.



He sighed, “I promise.”



“He’s your friend, not just the guy I’m,” not “dating.”



Hank nodded, “Yes dear.”



She laughed, “Don’t ‘yes dear’ me like you do mom!”



Hank laughed. “What do you want to do right now, Buffy?”



The tears came back with a vengeance, “I want to leave.”



“Then go. I’ll cover for you.”



Rushing to him, she kissed his cheek, “Thank you.”



“We’ll talk later?”



She knew he wasn’t just asking, he meant it as an order.


”Yeah, we’ll talk later.”



“Go on then. Wait, where are you going to go?”



“I don’t know, Willow’s, the park, the library. Somewhere.”



“Okay, be careful.”



“I will.”


**************************************************


Buffy braced herself entering the house. Thankfully, Hank was the one that greeted her when she strolled in.



“Where’s Mom?” Buffy whispered to him.



“Taking a bath,” he whispered back. “Come on, we’ll go to my study.”



That was a privilege not easily bestowed, Buffy noted. This was going to be one serious talk!



Entering the office, he flicked on the light in the small burgundy room with the one desk a few chairs, a computer, a filing cabinet, one window down at the far end, and a few Monet’s hanging on the walls.



Buffy sat down on the swivel chair and her Dad took a seat behind the desk, facing her. She grinned at the move. She supposed that was where he felt most comfortable.



“How was dinner?” Buffy asked.



“Quiet. A tad strained. What happened with you two?”



“We broke up.”



“Why?”



“He saw me last night dancing and there were guys around me, but I wasn’t dancing with any of them and he saw me smile of all things and he went into this jealous rage.”



Hank started, “Did he hurt you?”



She gave him an ‘are you kidding?’ look. “Dad, of course not. William wouldn’t do that.”



Hank sighed, “I know, but when you use a word like ‘rage’ . . . “



Buffy giggled. “Thank you.”



“For?” Hank asked, smiling slightly.



“For making me laugh.”



“Aw, pumpkin. What happened after the ‘rage’?”



“He said it was too hard, the break we’re on, and basically he doesn’t trust me.” She stared past her father at the wall.



“You’re trying not to cry,” Hank told her.



Her eyes snapped to him, “Yeah.”



“So you weren’t dancing with those guys?”



“No. I was dancing with Willow and Faith.”



“And the boys were, uh, crowding around you?”



She nodded, “I wasn’t even paying attention to them. I wanted them to go away. That attention makes me uncomfortable.”



“But he saw you smile at them?”



Buffy rolled her eyes, “Yeah, God forbid I smile. I wasn’t even smiling at them. I was thinking of William actually.”



“Did you tell him that?”



“No, I didn’t. He wasn’t listening to me when I told him for the thousandth time that there wasn’t any other men and that I didn’t want any other man.”



Hank nodded, “He has a jealousy problem.”



“No shit,” Buffy muttered.



Hank shot her stern look.



Buffy sat up straighter. “Sorry.”



“He is hurting, that much I can tell,” Hank told her. “Don’t you think you should talk to him?”



“Yes, I do think I should. I just couldn’t do it today Dad. Not with Mom shoving him down my throat and feeling so angry and upset and . . . I couldn’t deal with it. I couldn’t sit there and pretend that everything was okay when I wanted to scream and cry at the same time and Mom would just get upset with me . . . “



“I know, Buffy.”



She rubbed her eyes with the palm of her hands. “I never should have come home.”



“You mean—?”



“From California.”



“Ah, I see.”



“You know why I came back, don’t you Dad?”



He studied her, sitting back in his chair. “I think so.”



“So? Were you?”



“Was I what?”



“Having an affair.”



He sighed heavily and looked down. “Buffy . . . “



“Dad, if you want me to act like an adult, then talk to me like one. Just be straight with me, please”



He looked up at her, “Yes, Buffy I was.”



She looked away from him, feeling anger toward him. “How could you?”



“You don’t know the whole story, Buffy,” he said strictly.



“Then tell me the whole story.”



The door burst open and Joyce stood there in her bathrobe, glaring down at Buffy. “Well, her highness is home.”



Buffy rolled her eyes, “Here we go.”



“Don’t start young lady. You were very rude to have walked out like that on William—“



“Joyce, leave her alone,” Hank jumped in. “You don’t know the whole story.”



Joyce shot her glare to him, “And I suppose you do now?”



Hank said nothing.



Joyce looked to Buffy, “You can’t share with me?”



“I can, but . . . I don’t want to.”



Joyce’s hurt was visible. “Buffy, I want to help.”



“No, you want me to be with William no matter what. I don’t need that right now, Mom.”



Joyce sunk into a chair next to Buffy, “Honey, I’m sorry. I’m sorry if I made it hard for you to come to me.”



Buffy nodded slowly. “Okay.”



“So, Buffy was just asking me about what was happening while she was away. Did you know she returned because she suspected something was going on?” Hank said, looking pointedly at Joyce.



Joyce froze. “Oh?”



Hank nodded.



“And? What have you told her?”



“She asked if I had an affair. I told her I had.”



Joyce fell silent, looking down at her hands.



“Am I missing something?” Buffy asked cautiously.



“I didn’t tell her anymore,” Hank continued. “Didn’t feel it was my place. Figured I only had to own up to my sins.”



Joyce looked up at him, her eyes filled with tears.



“What’s going on?” Buffy asked, fear rising within her.



Joyce looked at her, “You came home because you thought your dad was --?”



“I was worried,” Buffy explained, “You were drinking and Dad was always gone – I’m missing something here, aren’t I?”



Joyce nodded, “I had the affair first, Buffy.”



Buffy felt her body grow cold. “What?” she managed to whisper.



“I had the affair first.”



Buffy made like a guppy, but no sound came out.



“I found out about your mother’s affair and didn’t know what to do with myself. I turned to my secretary for comfort.”



“You mean revenge,” Buffy supplied.



“No, for comfort. She’s been with me for years; she saw that I was upset. Hurt. Angry. All of it, I was running the gamut of emotions and I couldn’t even look at your mother. I didn’t go to William because, well, I just couldn’t. I needed to talk to someone completely outside of your mother and I. She, my secretary, she gave me support. It was . . . it was emotional, Buffy. I never slept with her.”



“An emotional affair?” Buffy asked, her voice sounding weak.



“Yes,” Hank nodded.



“And I had ended the affair when your father found out,” Joyce explained, “I was wracked with guilt and I too was all those things—angry and hurt and . . . I couldn’t blame your father for being with her. We didn’t talk for a long time, we avoided each other. And yes, I did drink a lot. Not a shining moment for me.” She reached for Buffy’s hand and Buffy drew away. Joyce looked at her sadly. “We were like strangers living in the same house, both of us hurting, and not doing anything to fix it. When you came home, Buffy, we decided to give it a try. Not just for you, but for us.”



Buffy sat there, in a state of shock. “Oh my God,” she murmured.



“We started going to counseling a couple times during the week while you’re in school,” Hank said gently. “We didn’t want to tell you because we didn’t think it was important for you to know. Pumpkin, I suspected you knew something was up, and I knew you were angry with me when you arrived back home, but we didn’t want to burden you with our problems.”



“And you let me just be nasty to you, Dad. You covered for Mom,” Buffy said, in disbelief.



Hank smiled, “I do love your mother very much Buffy. I never stopped. We just needed to reaffirm it.”



“Why? Why did you do that?” Buffy asked, directing the question to Joyce.



“I wasn’t happy,” Joyce said truthfully. “Your father was working all the time and I was lonesome.”



“So you take up a hobby, you don’t cheat on your husband!” Buffy exclaimed.



“Honey, the reasons why aren’t important,” Joyce told her quietly. "Suffice it to say, we were both unhappy and not communicating. It wasn’t just me; it was both of us not working at our marriage. What I did . . . it was wrong, you are absolutely right. I have regretted it every day since.”



Buffy sat there, shaking her head slowly, “I don’t even know what to say.”



“Nothing to say, pumpkin,” Hank said, “Your mother and I are working on it. Together this time. It’s not always easy, but it’s worth it when you love someone.”



“God, when it rains it pours in this family!” Buffy exclaimed and was surprised when Hank and Joyce burst out laughing.