Chapter 1: Looking Back


Buffy Summers was a 21-year-old woman who was taking care of her sister. Their mother died because of brain cancer and Buffy was left with Dawn’s custody. They didn’t have a lot of money so Buffy was looking for a job. When she hadn’t found a job in 2 weeks. Which wasn’t strange because she just didn’t finished highschool because of her problems at home, she became desperate and finally settled with a job as a hooker.

Buffy was sitting at her table; surrounded by pictures of her and the people she loved more than anything. She was looking through them when something caught her eye. It was a picture with her and Spike. She looked at it and thought back to the day when Spike left.

“Xander, you can’t go. You can’t leave me alone with mom and Dawn, you’re my big brother. You can’t just leave!” Buffy, the 15-year-old girl, desperately cried to her 16-year-old brother. She was standing in the livingroom with her hands on her hips. She was just angry and sad, the emotions were just mixed into one dangerous combination. Buffy really didn't want the man, who was besides her brother also her best friend, to leave her alone with a sister who depended on her.

“Buffy, we have to go. The band just isn’t working for us anymore. Sure we’re a big hit here in Sunnydale, but we want to be famous! We can’t do that in this crappy little town. You do understand that right?” He said to his little sister. Of course he understood her; he didn’t like to leave her either. Dawn and Buffy were everything to him; it wasn’t easy for him to leave. And what about his mother? After his dad left he’d taken the job as ‘the man of the house’. What would she do without him? Xander knew she would understand, she always wanted what was best for her children, but she would cry and he couldn't take it when she cried because of him. He was a sucker for the women in his family.

“How are you gonna do that Xander? Think! Who’s gonna take care of you?” She nearly screamed. She would miss him SO much. Couldn’t he just stay? Life wasn’t fair, she just lost her father, who was probably busy fucking his secretary, and now she would lose her brother too? What did she do wrong?

“We’re gonna take care of each other. Spike, Devon and me. You don’t have to worry, I’m gonna be just…" Buffy looked like she was in a daze. "Buffy are you listening? Are you all right? …Please talk to me!” Xander asked his little sister. She just zoomed out while he was
talking. What would make her…? Uhhhh… right… Spike! His little sister was in love with his best friend for 3 years now. No wonder why she would react this way.

‘Spike is gonna go too? Isn’t losing my brother enough? Why is everyone against me, why can’t...' she stopped thinking when she heard her brother shouting her name. She looked up at him and at the expression of his face. She could tell she must have drifted off for a while. She always did that when she was thinking of Spike, she couldn’t help herself.

“Finally… as I was saying, I have to leave. Don’t you want to see me happy?”

Xander used the "don't you want me to be happy?" Routine. It didn't work as well as he wanted it to.
“Of course I do Xander, it’s not that, it’s just… I don’t want to lose you, don’t you see? You’re my big brother and when you’re all famous and surrounded by half-naked girls you won’t think of my again.” She said with a shaking voice. She was scared SO scared of losing Spike and her brother. What would she do with a sick mother and a little sister without someone telling her she would get through it?

“I sure hope I won’t think of you when I’m surrounded by half naked girls. That would just put me right out of my mood.” He said trying to lighten the mood. It didn't work.

“God Xander! Could you just be serious for one second? This isn’t time for jokes. I’m gonna lose you!” Buffy shout as loud as she could. She was gonna make him stay.

“Buffy listen to me, you’re not gonna lose me. I’m gonna write, e-mail and visit you as much as I can ok? You’ll grow tired of me, I promise.” He whispered softly. He didn’t want to leave her as much as she didn’t want to lose him.

“Promise?” She asked with an unconvinced look on her face.

“Promise. And you know I never break a promise.” Xander said while he walked out of the living room. Leaving her to think to herself about the current situation.

“I know… I just hope this won’t be the first time.” She whispered to herself. She knew Xander didn’t break any promises, but she couldn’t help wondering if he wouldn’t break this one. She just hoped she was wrong.

Buffy felt a tear slide across her cheek. It was so long ago. She remembered everything. The yelling, the crying and… the promise. The promise her brother kept… for about 3 weeks. After he became famous, she didn't hear from her brother since then. After waiting for about a week she started calling him herself, but every time he was busy, or just wasn’t there. The person who would usually answer the phone was, probably Xander’s secretary, said she would tell him that he should call her back… if she really did that, why didn’t he ever call her back? He didn’t even come to the funeral when Joyce, their mother, the person who loved him so much died. He abandoned his entire family. He did leave a message though, saying that he couldn’t come, and saying that he couldn’t handle it. Buffy didn't believe it. He was so consumed with his ego to care about his old life. The life that contained his dead mother and his frightened sisters. If he‘d come back, everything would’ve been better. She probably wouldn’t have been a hooker just to make ends meat for her and her little sister.

The job wasn’t really that bad though, she got paid enough. But every night after work the first thing she would do was wash herself till she was all red. She felt dirty, and she didn’t like it, She didn't like being others men's "toy". But she didn’t stop the job, she never even thought about stopping it. She knew that without the money she earned, they wouldn’t make it. They needed the money, so she needed the job. It seemed like the best escape from her family problems and for enough money to survive but still… she couldn’t stop hoping for a better life. A life without being a hooker. But without that, she didn’t really have anything to complain. She had a house, friends, a lovely sister and of course a…

“Mommy, what are you doing up?”


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AN: Please please leave a review! I wanna know what you guys think of it! - Spikegirl

Chapter 2: Where is my daddy?


“Mommy, what are you doing up?” Buffy looked behind her and saw her daughter standing there in her pajamas with a tired look on her face. Her eyes were half closed and she looked like she was just recovering from a hangover.

“The question isn’t what am I doing up, the question is; what are you doing up little one? Are you having stomach cramps again?” She asked her 4-year-old daughter Emma with a concerned look. Emma was having stomach problems a couple of months ago, nothing serious, but it was enough to make Buffy panic. Emma meant the world to her and she couldn’t imagine life without her. Even with the little things, like a cut, Buffy went ballistic. She was only 17 when she found out she was pregnant with her. Of course she was in shock at first, but who wouldn’t at that age? She was only 17 and now she had to take care of her sister AND a baby? It was too much, but now… she wouldn’t want it any different. She couldn’t imagine her life without Emma in it.

“I had a dream mommy. It wasn’t scary, but there was a man and he… he s...” Emma started. She wasn’t sure how she was supposed to ask her mother this, but she wanted to know so badly. She looked at her mother with her big eyes.

Buffy looked at her daughter. Emma was a special little girl, she was much smarter than most kids her age. She was very mature for her age. At times Emma would say something that made Buffy think who was the 21-year-old and who was the 4-year-old.

“What did the man say honey? Did he say something mean?” Buffy asked concerned. Emma wasn’t scared easily, but when she was scared, her screams could wake up a whole town.

“He said that he came for us. That he couldn’t wait to… to have us, to be with us again. What does it mean mommy?” Emma asked her mother with a confused look on her face. She wasn’t scared, just confused. She knew the man wouldn’t hurt her, or her mom. She didn't know how or why, but she knew something she couldn't explain told her they would be allright.

“I don’t know baby, I really don’t know. But it was just a dream; you don’t have to be scared.” She told her, hugging her little girl tighter. She stopped hugging Emma when she asked her the one question that made Buffy silent.

“Mom? Where is my daddy?”

It took a while for Buffy to respond to her daughter. It was the first time that Emma had asked her that and she didn’t know how to answer it. She took a deep breath and looked at her little girl again.

“I don’t know Emma. I really have no idea. It was a long time ago when I last saw him.” Buffy looked at her daughter. She didn’t like to lie to her, but as she thought of it she realized she wasn't exactly lying. She didn’t know EXACTLY where he was, just that he was somewhere in LA.

“When was the last time you saw ‘im?” Emma asked looking intensely at her mother. She knew her mother didn’t like talking about him, but she also knew that she did think a lot about him. She would always stare into space and sometimes she would say his name, just whispering it… Spike.

“Do you have to go to LA? He isn’t coming home! Buffy, would you just let it go, I know I did.” Dawn pleaded with her sister .Her arms were crossed to show she was serious. She knew Buffy could take care of herself, but it was a strange and new city for them.

She knew that Buffy just couldn’t get over the fact that their brother left them. She was angry too, very angry. The jerk didn’t even come to the funeral of their own mother! She wanted her brother to come back, just to show him that they could make it without him! They didn’t need him; she wanted him to need them!

“I have to Dawnie and I can’t just let it go, he’s our brother for god’s sake. I need him, you need him!” Buffy tried to tell her sister. She knew why Dawn was so scared, after all; there are a lot of weird people in a big city like Los Angeles. But she didn’t want to think of that, she didn’t want to think of the dangers, she only wanted the think about Xander. How they were going to be a family again. She was going to get him back, no matter what she had to do.

After their mother died all she thought about was if they could only get Xander back,then they’d would be a family again. She just had to tell him that she needed him, that Dawn needed him!

“I don’t need him; he wasn’t here when mom died, so I don’t need him now. The only thing I need is you… here, with me….” She sighed. But, I know you have to do this. No matter what he would do, you’ll always be there for him, which is something I could never do Buffy. I could never do that, because he hurt me so much.” Dawn told her sister. Buffy knew she was fighting to hold back her tears. Buffy was always strong, she never cried and Dawn wanted to be like her, but Buffy always said that she could let it out, and then she did. She cried again and again till she physically couldn't cry anymore.

“I’ll always be here for you Dawnie, please believe me. I could never leave you.”

“I know Buffy.” She told her sister while hugging her like her life depended on it. She didn’t want to let her go. Buffy smiled when she was stuck inside her sister’s deep embrace. She didn’t want to let her go. After a couple of minutes Dawn finally let her go. Buffy kissed the top of her head, grabbed her suitcase and disappeared out of the door.

When she was hugging Dawn all the memories of Xander leaving came back to her. When she was hugging him, she didn’t want to let go either. There was only one thing different from that night; she was coming back!

To be continued


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AN: thanks to: Tuesday, yipee, MarstersGirl13, 75_Bloody_Trombones, Peanut Butter, SarahandJamesFanatic, Chrissnicole, Stine, Spikestheman. You're really great!

And Spikestheman I got myself a beta, not one but TWO :P

Thanks SOOO much to Chelsea and Meg mejia for betaing this chapter!

Chapter 3: Getting drunk with you

After a long drive with the bus to LA she finally arrived at a little hotel called ‘Lilly’s flowers’ where she would spend the next weekend. She decided to spend her nights in this hotel because it wasn’t that expensive. She had enough money to have a proper life, but she wanted to be very careful and save as much as possible. She was scared of being broke, not being able to survive by herself. She needed to find a job. She walked in Lilly’s flowers and stopped at the reception to check in.

“Hello? I made a reservation to stay here… ehm… my name is Summers…Buffy Summers.” She told the lady that was supposed to help her. The lady had brown hair and it looked like she hadn’t putten a brush through it for years! Buffy wasn’t the type of person to judge a book by its cover, but damn! This girl needed help.

“Yes… Summers. I see… room 203. I hope you have a LOVELY stay here in Lilly’s flowers.” The lady said with a hint of sarcasm. Buffy didn’t like the way the lady said that. She was mean and looked at her like she saw a bug that needed to be squashed. Oh well… she shouldn’t be so negative… after all, she was going to see her brother… in just a couple of hours... Hopefully.

Buffy walked towards the elevator and saw the sign that said it was out of order. She sighed and ‘decided’ to take the stairs. When she finally saw her room she was completely exhausted. She had no idea it would be such a long walk to her room! She just hoped the elevator would be fixed soon, because there was no way she could go downstairs now without dropping unconscious.

4 hours later (11 p.m.)………….

After she had gotten a snack to eat she decided it was time to visit Xander. So here she was, standing in front of his house, the one he shared with Spike. She knew this because of the interviews she saw in all the popular magazines. That was the only way she could see here big brother nowaday.

She knocked on the door, but there was no answer. She knocked again, a little harder this time. After waiting a little longer she sighed and gave up. She turned around and when she gotten about 3 steps further she heard somebody call her.

“Hey! You’re Buffy right?” When she saw Buffy’s strange look she added; “Oh, I’m sorry. I’m Anya, I’m you’re brother’s girlfriend. I saw you on one of his pictures, you and a little girl… Dawn, I think her name was. You ARE Buffy right? I mean, you look different than on the pictures, but you do look like her.” Anya asked her with an unsure look. She didn’t really pay much attention to Xander’s talk about his family. Usually he was talking and she was trying to make out with him. But that didn’t mean she wasn’t listening to what he was saying! She could listen and have sex at the same time! At least that was what Anya tried to convince herself.

“Yes. Hi… I’m Buffy, but you already knew that. I’m sorry. I was actually looking for Xander. Do you know where he is?” Buffy asked the strange girl. She didn’t know Xander had a girlfriend. It wasn’t that surprising because she didn’t hear a thing from him, but she did hope she wasn’t with him because of his money. She didn’t think she was, this girl looked pretty nice.

“He’s probably at the ‘The Shadows’ it’s one of the
best clubs in town. You should really go there is you want to have some fun. The most girls go there because they know Xander and Spike are going to be there, you know Spike right?” At Buffy’s nod she continued “Anyway the fans go there and try to get close to them. Xander and Spike keep their distence though, I have nothing to be jealous about, Xander knows who is waiting for him to give him many orgasms.” She told Buffy with a confident look. Buffy watched her with an open mouth. She was open about everything even to strangers. She smiled a little, she knew she was going to like this girl, and she was just the type for her brother.

“Thanks Anya… that’s really… ehm… nice. Anyway, I think I’m gonna go to ‘The Shadows’. Can you give me the directions?” She asked Anya. After the complicated directions and a quick hug from Anya she started making her way to the club with an unsure look on her face. She hoped she wouldn't get lost, but anyway… she had a mouth to ask for directions if she did lose her way.

After a 15-minute walk she stood in front of ‘The Shadows’. She looked at the blinking letters that formed the word ‘Shadows’. To her surprise the bouncer let her in, he didn’t even ask for her id or anything.

Buffy was looking around, looking for her brother. Finally… there he was. She was so excited. She run to her brother and jumped in his arms.

“Ho there… if you want an autograph just ask, but I have a girlfriend you know. I’m not interested in… Buffy?” He asked when he saw the face of the young girl that literally jumped in his arms.

“Hi Xander. God… I missed you so much.” She said while hugging him again. In both of the Summer’s eyes were starting to form tears. Xander couldn’t believe his little sister was here, in his arms.

“Buffy. What are you doing here? Not that I’m not happy to see you… I am… It’s just…what are you doing here?” He asked with a confused look on his face. ‘Did something happen maybe. Was Dawn hurt? No, she would’ve just called me.’ He was thinking. Even if she did call he, he probably wouldn’t have called back. It wasn’t that he was neglecting her, it was just it too complicated. He knew he hurt her more than anything when he decided to go away. He simply just didn’t want to give her that pain again. He wanted to visit her so many times, but every time something came in the way.

“I came to get you back silly. You HAVE to come live with us again. You know…as a real family!” Buffy said with joy. He would finally come back… wait a minute… if he would come back… why was he looking so sad? “What’s with the sad look?” She asked her brother with a confused look. Why was he said at a moment like this?

“Buffy, I love you and Dawn more than anything in the world. But… I can’t go back. Here is my home. This is my life. I have everything here, work, a home, my friends, my…”

“…Girlfriend. Yes I know. I talked to her when I was at your apartment; she’s a nice girl. I liked her.” She said with a pained, but honest expression.

“Then you see why I can’t leave. I can’t leave her, and I can’t just take her with me. She has her job, she owns a shop and I have the band.”

“Yes I understand that she’s important. But not everything is here. Not your family, not the people who love you the most.” She looked at him with her big eyes.
Xander looked at her. “I have responsibilities to my job, Buff. I can’t just move to a different city.”

“I can’t believe you, what’s more important? Your job or your family?” Buffy practically shouted with tears falling from her eyes. She tried, she really tried to be calm, but he was just pissing her off. Didn’t he know that she needed him? She didn’t know what to do; all she knew is that she wanted her big brother back.

“Buffy please stop shouting. People are looking. Look… where are you staying? I can call you tomorrow after you cooled down…” Xander started, but when he saw her face he knew that he probably said the wrong thing.

“Cool down? Cool down! God Xander! How can you be like this! I thought you were my brother, I thought you would never leave me, never disappoint me! You know what? I don’t need you. We don’t need you! So much for keeping your promises. I guess there is a first time for everything” she said with a disgusted look on her face and with that she ran out of the club. ‘God I can’t believe him. All he cares about is his stupid job, the band this…the band that…! What about us, what about his fucking family?’ She was so lost in thoughts that she didn’t notice the man walking straight towards her.

“OEF!”

They both fell on the floor. “God! Can’t you watch were you’re going!” She yelled to the stranger while trying to stand up.

“Bloody hell! Listen pet, I wasn’t the only one that wasn’t watching were they were going!” He yelled to the girl that pissed him off. He didn’t notice her looking at him strangely till he was standing on his feet again. ‘God she’s so bleeding beautiful! Her blond her, green eyes, perfect curves… hey… why is she looking at me like that? Is she checking me out, if she is, she’s doing it really weird then.’

‘OHMYGODOHMYGODOHMYGODOHMYGOD! It’s Spike! God he didn’t change one bit. Still the bleached blond hair, blue eyes, delicious cheekbones, black clothes and last but not least; the leather coat… wait, why is he looking at me like that. Oh my god, he doesn’t remember me. I know that I’ve changed, but I didn’t know that I changed THAT much! She used to have brown hair, but she coloured it a couple of months ago when she was stared to get tired of the colour. And she lost some baby fat, but other than that she hadn’t changed a thing. ‘Maybe he just didn’t notice me when we were younger.’ She thought sadly.

She stopped thinking about it when she saw Spike; he hadn’t stopped staring at her. What should I do… what should I do? Wait… did he just say something?’

“…Hurry, pet?”

“Hé? What?” She asked with a confused look. ‘What did he just say?’

He noticed she was nervous and his lips were forming an annoying smirk that Buffy loved so much.
“I asked where you were going in such a hurry.” He said. He looked at her again. She looked… familiar. Where had he seen her before?

“Oh… I was just going to my hotel really. I was planning on getting real drunk and then go asleep.” She said with a smile on her lips. He really didn’t recognize her! Part of her was sad, why didn’t he recognize her? Was she so forgettable? But part of her was excited.

This was just perfect, think of all the possibilities. Her lips formed a smirk of her own.

“Planning on getting drunk, Luv? Well, today is your lucky day; I’m in the mood for that too. Do you might if I join you?” He asked with a sexy voice while moving a piece of stranded hair behind her ear. Buffy felt her knees going weak; this was the Spike she knew. Sexy and confident and she didn’t want it another way.
At a bar…

“… And then he said that I had to cool down! Can you believe it?” She half shouted. She had 2 glasses of some kind of beer with a weird name and was already drunk. Spike had about 4 beers as many and started to feel a little ‘tipsy’ too.

Spike couldn’t believe the nerve off this guy. He was her brother! How could he hurt he like that, especially an angel like Anne!

Buffy decided to pretend like she didn’t know him, so she told him her name was Anne, which was actually her middle name. She told him about Xander, not telling him his name and changing the details of the story a little bit so he wouldn’t find out who she really was.

“His loss pet. You deserve much more than a brother like that. He should beg on his knees to get you to take him back. And to choose his job above his family! Pffffffff… I would never do that!” He answered. He really wouldn’t do that, his job was very important to him… of course! But he would give up everything to be with his family, if he had one, one day.

“You want to go for a walk pet?” He asked her. She didn’t look so very good.

“Yeah sure.” She started to get up, but her legs wouldn’t work, so she fell on the ground. Spike was getting her up immediately. He put the money for the drinks on the counter, scooped her up and carried her outside, into the cab. Which was already there. He carried her in before he climbed in himself; he closed the door behind them.

“Where to, Luv?” He asked.

“Uhm… Lilly’s flowers.” She answered with a shy look, she didn’t want him to know that she didn’t have that much of money and when you were sleeping at Lilly’s Flowers, it usually meant that you were short on cash. Xander told her once when he was visiting LA.

‘Bloody hell! Lilly’s Flowers? She’s staying in Lilly’s Flowers? Like hell she is!’ He looked at the girl next to him, there was only one option left. He turned to the cabdriver and gave him his address and the cab drove away to its destination.

“Where are we going?” She asked. She knew she wasn’t going to Lilly’s Flowers, she heard him saying a different street.

“We are going to my private house, pet. I live with a friend but I don't think he'd appreciate me bringing a stranger home. We're going to my beach house. You’re all right with that?” He asked, hoping that she was. He liked Anne very much and wouldn’t mind to spend the night with her, if she wanted too, that is. Usually he was a perfect gentleman, he wouldn’t go with girl to bed on the first date, but something about this girl was making him all weird inside, he never felt anything like it.

“Okay, yeah it’s fine.” She answered. She was in love with Spike since she was 12, now she was 17 and he was 19 and she still felt the same way. But he could never love her; he would never see Buffy as more than just his best friend’s sister. Just because he couldn’t feel anything for Buffy, which doesn’t have to mean that he couldn’t feel anything for Anne. She wouldn’t mind, DEFINITELY wouldn’t mind to spend the night with Spike, he was everything she would ever want in a man.

When the cab stopped Spike paid him and carried Anne to the house. He put her down for a minute to unlock his door. The minute Spike closed the door behind him Buffy was on him, smashing her mouth against his. Spike was surprised but very pleased and started kissing her back with the same passion she was giving him; he was burning for this girl! Seriously!
Buffy opened her mouth and their tongues dueled in a passionate fight.

Buffy backed off for a minute to take her shirt off and resumed kissing the man she had loved for years. Buffy couldn’t get enough of him; she needed to feel his naked skin against her. So she starting tearing at his shirt, buttons were flying everywhere. When Spike’s shirt was completely off he put his hands on her waist to bring her closer and he started nibbling and kissing her neck.

Buffy started breathing heavily and when he massaged her breast through her bra, she couldn’t help the moan that slipped from the back of her throat. She pulled his head up to kiss him again. He unzipped her skirt and let it fall to the ground to reveal a black lacy thong that was identical to her bra. He moved his mouth to her cheek, neck and started fumbling with her bra. When it finally fell to the ground he took a step back to worship the beauty in front of him. He couldn’t believe that he was so lucky to have this angel in front of him. There she stood in nothing but a black thong. Her perky breasts were beautiful and her nipples were already hard. He wanted nothing more than to take them into his mouth and suck on them till she begged him to fuck her, but first… he decided that he was way to overdressed. And seeing the look on her face, he wasn’t the only one who thought that.

He took his pants and socks off untill he was dressed in nothing but a big smile.
He practically ran to kiss her again. The kiss wasn’t tender or sweet; it was hard, demanding and full of need. He moved to her breasts and started licking her, going everywhere but her nipples which left Buffy panting with need.

“Please… oh god… Spike, please I want…” she moaned, finally….

Spike started sucking on her nipples making them even harder then they already were. He sucked on them softly but when she grabbed his head and pushed him even further to her breasts he sucked on them… harder this time. She moaned, panted and gasped for air.

“You like that baby… I like it too… love sucking these tits of yours, making your sweet nipples all hard. Could suck on these sweet titties all night.” Spike said in a voice full off lust and want.

When Buffy couldn’t take it anymore she grabbed his head again so he was forced to look into her eyes. With 3 little words she told him exactly what she needed.

“I want you…”



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AN: Thanks SOOO much to Stine, Jenny, Tuesday, Frederique, **************** , SarahandJamesFanatic, MarstersGirl13, briana, Spiked_Slayer, 76_Bloody_Trombones and Becky! OHHHHHHHH these reviews make me soooo happy!!!!!!!!!!
Please keep on giving me tehse great reviews!!

And thanks to chelsea for betaing this chapters

AN: Thanks SO much to chelsea for betaing this chapter!

And yes people I did post the story on another archive and YES I'll finish this story with NEW chapters, don't worry! :) - Spikegirl

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Chapter 4: The consequences


When Buffy couldn’t take it anymore she grabbed his head again so he was forced to look into her eyes. With 3 little words she told him exactly what she needed.

“I want you…”

God this girl was making him crazy. He hadn’t wanted someone as much as he wanted her right now at this moment. He moved his hand to her panties and ripped them off her. He wanted her more than anything, but he also wanted her to come one time before he was inside of her. He wanted to make this girl feel as much pleasure as he could give her.

He looked into her eyes and smiled at her. He had all kinds of feelings he had never felt before, certainly not on a first date, it wasn’t even a date they had just drank a little bit. Well, a little bit... It was strange; he didn’t want to just fuck her… no… he wanted to make love to her. And God help him… he was gonna do just that.

He kneeled in front of her so he was looking straight at her pussy. She smelled so fucking good. Sweeter then any pussy he had ever smelled. He looked at Buffy and saw that she was nervous. Didn’t she want to go through with it? He wanted her more than anything, but he wasn’t going to force her into something that she really didn’t want to. He was about to ask her if she wanted to stop… when he saw something else in her eyes, lust. She didn’t want to stop! But if she didn’t, then why was she...no?

“Nobody went down on you before, did they?” He asked while he stood up. Bloody wankers! Who wouldn’t want to worship every single part of this goddess? He sure did!

“No” she answered with a shy smile, turning slightly red. She had sex with many guys because of her ‘career’ but nobody ever paid to get down on her. They just wanted to stick their cocks inside of her and forget about their wives or their pathetic lives. They didn’t care about her needs, Spike did. But what if she tasted bad down there? She could almost laugh at that. She had never felt nervous about what a man would think of her, but with him she worried about the strangest things.

“Don’t worry Anne. It will feel good, I promise… Let me take care of you. Let me make you feel good, baby.” He whispered. He kneeled down again and kissed her on her pussy. ‘God she tastes so good. She tastes just like honey!’

“God you taste so good!” He told her before he licked along her slit. He wanted to eat her good and proper, he couldn’t wait to taste her for real.

‘God how can this feel so good? Don’t let this stop… please don’t ever let this stop!’ Buffy begged. ‘What is he…?’

“Uhhhh!” She moaned. The feeling of his tongue inside her felt so good. If he didn’t stop she would come in less than a second.

Spike was finger-fucking her now while he sucked and nibbled on her clit. Buffy held his head and pushed her pussy against his face. She couldn’t take it anymore she had to… had to…

“Spike!…Uhhhh! Oh god…so good, Spike!” Buffy screamed. Spike felt her juices fill his mouth and licked her till she was clean. He stood up and kissed her, and forced her to taste her own juices. Buffy wanted him so much… so couldn’t wait. She hadn’t had an orgasm that fast before in her life! He sure knew how to pleasure a woman.

“I want you inside of me, please Spike.” She begged him. Spike couldn’t help but obey everything that his golden goddess told him. Spike lifted her up and moved them towards his bedroom, but when Buffy started to kiss his throat, he couldn’t hold her anymore and slammed her against the wall of the dining room.
Buffy put her hands on his cock and felt how hard and big he was. He was at least 10 inches and bigger than any guy she slept with. And there were a lot of them! She stroked him a couple of times, which made Spike groan. She smiled at the control she had over him. She guided his cock inside of her and wrapped her legs around his waist.

‘God he’s so big!’ she thought. ‘But GOD, it feels good!’ she screamed inside her head.
She had dreamt about this for years.

When he was a good 5 inches inside of her he slammed the rest inside of her. Buffy screamed of both pleasure and pain. Spike moved inside of her with slow and deep thrusts, but both knew they had to come, and fast! So when Buffy began meeting his thrusts he started to pound his cock inside of her, not holding back, which made their moans louder and more audible.

Spike reached down and pinched Buffy’s clit and she came with a scream of his name. Feeling her muscles clench around his cock made him slam inside her even harder and after a couple of thrusts he came too.

“Anne! Uhhhh!” He screamed. He had (thank god) enough strength left to carry Buffy to the bed and they cuddled up. Falling in sleep with a smile on their faces.

The next morning (4 am)…

Buffy awoke with an arm around her waist. She smiled, even with the headache that she felt, when she thought about last night, but the smile faded when she remembered that he didn’t even know who she was. For him she was just a one-night stand. For him, she was just Anne.

She couldn’t tell him the truth. She was scared he would be disgusted and freaked out. He would probably tell her to get out of his house and never come back. He would probably leave her, like Xander did. She couldn’t let that happen, couldn’t let another man leave her. Not this time…she would be the one leaving.

She carefully moved his arm to rest on the bed. She found her clothes in the living room. She looked around for her panties that he ripped off but she couldn’t find them.

‘Oh well. It’s not like I have any use at them anymore.’ She thought, thinking about last night when he had ripped the panties off, leaving them broken.

She made a move to open the door, but something made her stop. ‘I’m never gonna see him again, never gonna make love to him again.’ She thought. She couldn’t leave like this. She walked back to his bedroom and saw him still lying there on the bed. She smiled; he looked like a little baby. She walked towards him and kissed him softly on the lips, carefully not to wake him.

“I’m sorry Spike. I’ll always love you, no matter what.” She whispered in his ear. And with that she walked out of his house. Not looking back.

At the hotel she packed her stuff, got on the bus and made her way to Sunnydale… her home.

She would leave Xander and Spike behind her. They were the past…. or so she thought….

One and a half months later…

“Oh my god! I’m pregnant!” She screamed.

“So, when I found out I was gonna have you, I told Auntie Dawn and Willow and they helped me, because I couldn’t do it all alone.” She told her daughter who was listening with an interested look on her face. Of course she didn’t tell Emma the whole story, with the sex and all and the yelling, just the basics. That she loved her daddy more than anything and that they just couldn’t be together. She decided it would be better to tell her daughter the PG version.

When Emma yawned, Buffy picked her up in her arms and took her to her room. It was a typical girl’s room. The walls were painted pink and had a bed like the ones you saw in fairytales. Emma had a lot of stuffed animals that filled her room. Next to the pillow, was Mr. Gordo, Buffy’s old pig.

Emma crawled in her bed and Buffy pulled the covers up. She kissed Emma on her forehead. “Sweet dreams my little angel.” She whispered to her sleeping daughter.

Buffy walked to her room Her walls were covered with pictures of Emma and her friends. She walked to her clothes. She put on her nightgown and went to the bathroom to brush her teeth. After she was done she went back to her room and got into her bed. She soon fell asleep and dreamed about the day she told her best friend and sister she was pregnant.

“What do you mean, I’m pregnant?” Willow asked her best friend with shock written all over her face.
“What do you mean, what do I mean? I’m pregnant Will! I took a test and it’s positive!” She yelled at her best friend. What part of ‘I’m pregnant’ didn’t she understand?

“How… I mean, I know how, but… when? " Dawn asked her sister. She would’ve told her if she had a boyfriend right? They were sisters and they shared everything. Okay, the details could be left out, but the important stuff…

“OH MY GOD, a client got you pregnant. I thought you were being careful, and you don’t sleep with man for money that much anymore right? And when you do, you always use condoms, right? Did something happen at your new job? Did something happen at the strip clubs?” Willow asked Buffy. Buffy had a lot of secrets, but a keeping a new boyfriend from her, she would always tell her.

Buffy had practically stopped her profession as a hooker. Instead she stripped in a club. It made a little less money, but she felt a lot better about herself as a stripper than a hooker. She just couldn’t do it anymore after she found out that she was having Emma. She did sleep with guys for money sometimes, but only when she was in desperate need of money. But the most of her ‘hooker’ days were over.

“No! Nothing happened at the club, god Will, I would’ve told you otherwise.” Buffy said to her best friend. She really would have! She couldn't keep secrets from Willow especially when she used her resolve face.

“Okay… let’s stay calm. Take a deep breath.” When everyone in the room took a deep breath she continued; “Buffy, do you know who the dad is?” Willow asked her best friend.

“Oh god! Something happened in LA that I really need to tell you guys…” She started telling the whole story to her best friend and sister. Afterwards they looked shocked, but also happy, because they knew how much Buffy loved Spike.

“Are you gonna tell him, I mean… he deserves to knew, after all, he IS gonna be a father.” Dawn told her sister. She loved Spike too, not like her sister, but she loved him like a brother.

“No, I can’t tell him. I don’t want to. Besides, he doesn’t even know that he slept with me, just that he had a one-night stand with a drunken girl named Anne.” She told them with a sad look. Willow spoke up. "Buffy he will find out no matter what you do. It's inevitable. You can't keep secrets like these without consequences."

Buffy cried softly for her unborn child and Spike. Willow and Dawn pulled Buffy in a hug to calm down the vulnerable girl.

Buffy woke up at the feeling of something wet on her face. She looked at her alarm clock that read 7.43 a.m. When she looked at the mirror hanging next to her bed she noticed she was crying from the memories of her dream. She wiped the tears away, put on her robe and made her way to her downstairs.


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AN: I hope you all enjoyed the chapter. Thanks to : Spike_rulez, Smitten, DaniD, Nicki, Tuesday, Klai, caatje, Spuffy6, MarstersGirl13, Jenny, Nemo, becky, cordykitten, SarahandJamesFanatic, frederique, Rachael, Chrissnicole, Stine, gotkona for reviewing the last chapter!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Please continue giving me these GREAT reviews! You know it makes me SOOOOOO happy!!!!!!!!!!!!!

xxx

Spikegirl

AN: Thanks so much to Chelsea for betaing this chapter! You're the best!!

I hope you guys all enjoy this chapter!

The new chapters (for the people who've read this story on an other site) will be coming soon, I promise.

xxx

- Spikegirl

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Chapter 5: meeting Anne


When she came downstairs, her daughter was already watching TV. She heard from many parents that their kids would wake them up early in the morning, but Emma always let her mother sleep. She only woke her up when she was really hungry, or on the most excited day of her life... her birthday.

“Good morning, mommy.” Emma greeted her mother with a cheer.

“You’re in a good mood today. Sleep well?” She asked her daughter. Emma wasn’t always this cheery in the morning; she got that from her father. Actually, she looked a lot like her father. The same eyes... so blue that you could drown in them, the nose, smirk, smile, ears, so much that reminded her of Spike. Well, the smirk of her daughter was a little different from the one from Spike. When her daughter smirked she looked like a little angel, but when Spike smirked he looked more like a devil. But Buffy loved every part of it.

“I’m going to stay with auntie Willow and uncle Oz this weekend, remember mommy? We’re going to the zoo! Auntie Willow pwomised! She said we could see the elephants and the zebras!” She said with excitement. Willow asked her to come over for the weekend, so Buffy could have a weekend of peace and quiet. She had thought that Buffy deserved a couple of nights of rest. Buffy wasn’t all too happy about it though, this would be the first weekend in almost 5 years she would be without her little girl and she was scared as death. She couldn’t help it; she couldn’t be without her baby girl.

“Yeah, I remember sweetie. We had to pack your stuff a week ago!” Buffy said with a pointed look. Emma was so excited that she begged Buffy to pack all of her clothes a week ago.

“Come on, we have to eat, auntie Willow is gonna be here in less than an hour, come on, let’s go.” Buffy ordered her daughter.

When Willow came to pick Emma up, she was ready to go. Buffy kissed her daughter and watched her get in Willow’s car. She thought about Willow’s words: it’s just for 2 days. Well, for Buffy that was 2 days to many. She was nervous, but also happy that she had a whole weekend for herself. She only had to work tonight, at the strip club. She worked at the club on Monday’s, Wednesday’s, Friday’s and Saturday’s. She wasn’t short on cash or anything, so she didn’t have to work on the streets.

A picture of her and Emma cut her eye. ‘God, she looks just like Spike,’ she thought. ‘Spike. I wonder were he is.’

10:31 p.m. at a gas station between LA and Sunnydale…

“Why the hell are we going to Sunnydale again?” A man asked his friend. Their car was heading to Sunnydale, the place he thought he’d never see again. Now they were at the gas station, buying something to eat. It was a forty-five minute ride left and he definitely wasn’t in the mood to go any further.

“Mate, it’s time to see the family again.” Spike told his best friend. Xander didn’t even call his family for over 5 years; it was time for a little family reunion. Spike also thought that family was the most important thing. He himself didn’t have any family; his father left when he was only four years old and his mother died when he was sixteen. Thankfully he had his uncle in Sunnydale who he could live with. He didn’t know what he would’ve done without his uncle.

“Maybe. I don’t think it's the right time to see them! They’re better off without me anyway.” He said with a look that could kill. He never told Spike that Buffy had looked for him. He knew that Spike would put him on a bus to Sunnydale straight away if he had told him.

“You don’t know that Xan. Maybe they’re living on the streets now. You’ll never know until you see it with your own eyes, man. Besides, the reason that you haven’t visit them isn't because you think there better off without you and you know it.” Spike guessed, and he guessed right.

“You don’t know anything Spike.” He said while Spike started the car.

“Maybe, you were afraid to show them how great your life was in LA, how much money you have by just playing guitar, when they are working their butts off for the little money they probably have. Or maybe, you were just thinking to much about Anya, I mean… she loves money, maybe you didn’t want her to see that you’re family wasn’t that rich as you are, but then again, maybe…” Spike started again, but was cut off by his friend.

“What about you Spike? Why haven’t you visited your so-called family? Maybe you were thinking too much about Anne.” Xander said.

“Don’t you start about Anne, Xander.” Xander had just hit a nerve, a big nerve. Now Spike was pissed. "Don’t talk about something you know nothing about.” He told him. It was almost 5 years ago that he had met her. He was with her for not even a day, but had already fallen in love with her.

She was so beautiful, kind, caring, everything he wanted in a woman. She was just so full of emotion; it was a real sight to see. He made love to her that night, he was so happy, but when he woke up and found she was gone he was angry, very angry at her, but most off all he was hurt. Saddened that she had left him. He went to the hotel she was staying to find her and get her back, but the receptionist told him that she didn’t have anyone named ‘Anne’ staying at her hotel. When he described her she said she was already gone and wouldn’t give him her full name. Just like that he had lost the love of his life. Of course, he had had other women, but he never loved any of them like he loved Anne. He still thought about her a lot, and when he was drunk the only thing he would talk about was her, which made Xander crazy.

“I don’t know anything about it because you won’t tell me. You’ve got to admit Spike; this girl made you crazy. You haven’t really been with someone after her. Okay, so you’ve gone on a date or two, but nothing serious. What’s so special about her?” Xander asked his best friend. He never seen this girl, but he really would like to get to meet her. He’d never seen his best friend in love with a girl before. She must be very special.

“Let’s not talk about it okay? We’re in Sunnydale in about 40 minutes, so get yourself together mate; you’re about to see your sisters.” Spike told him.
Xander knew he was avoiding the question, but right now he had to focus to get himself together, he was a 22 years old man for God’s sake, he shouldn’t be scared! But he was… scared AND nervous about seeing Buffy and Dawn again. He had a pretty good idea how Buffy looked, since he had seen her about 5 years ago, she had changed a lot then. But Dawn…how would she look? The last time he saw her, she was 12. She would be around 18 now. He thought about the times they were together, as a family. Buffy and Dawn would always come to see him when he practised with his band. Those were the good old days.

Forty minutes later they saw the vandalized sign that had the 'dale' scratched out and it was replaced with ‘hell’ so it said; ‘Welcome to SunnyHell’

“Yep the good old days.” Xander said out loud when he saw the sign.

“Home, sweet home, mate!” Spike said with a laugh. It felt good to be home. He couldn’t wait to see Buffy and Dawn again. They were both just kids; okay he was only 2 years older than Buffy but still, when he last saw them. Buffy would be 21 and Dawn 18, if he wasn’t mistaken.

He wondered if they still lived at Revello Drive. Spike looked at his friend and saw that his face had turned into a shade of red. ‘He’s nervous as hell! Poor Xan-man.’ He thought. He looked at the streets and saw a sign saying: ‘The Pleasure of Doom,’ it looked and sounded like a strip club. It hadn’t been there when he still lived here in Sunnydale. He looked at the sign again with a smile. ‘That would help him relax.’ He thought. He pulled over and stopped the car.

“Why are we stopping?” Xander asked. He looked at the sign in front of him. “The Pleasure of Doom? Why are we stopping here Spike?” He said and looked at his best friend. At the smirk that formed on his face he knew the answer. “Oh no Spike, not now! What do you want? Me standing in front of my sisters with a fucking hard-on?” He asked with a scared look on his face. He couldn’t face them after going to a strip club. Besides, Anya would probably kill him.

“It will help you relax, mate. And if you’re worried about Anya, she won’t mind, she goes to strip clubs herself.” He told Xander while stepping out of the car.

“She does what? How do you know? She’s cheating on me?” He asked his best friend, his face as white as if he’d seen a ghost. Anya was cheating on him. He had sex with her every night, wasn’t she satisfied?
“She isn’t cheating on you, mate. Don’t worry. She just likes to look at other women’s bodies. Nothing wrong with that.” He answered.

“She’s looking at women? Not men? Thank god!” He said while stepping in the club. When they were inside they heard a guy announce the next group of strippers.
Meanwhile backstage…

“Lilly, Buffy, Jacky and Rosy you’re up! Are you guys ready?” A girl in her thirties asked the four girls. They were getting ready for their show. They had to dance at a song from Christina Aguilera: Get mine, Get yours

Buffy had to sing, which she always liked doing. Many people told her she had a good voice, but she didn’t really do anything with her talent. Everyone at the club was nice to one and other. Buffy’s best friend at the club was Lilly. Lilly had to take care of her baby brother when her parents died at a car accident, so she took the job as a stripper. Sometimes Timmy (her baby brother), and her would come over to have dinner at Buffy’s house. Or when Lilly had to work and she needed a babysitter she would always just bring Timmy at Buffy’s house, Buffy didn’t mind, Timmy and Emma got along just fine. They were best friends.
The four strippers all wore dresses, which ended a little above their knees. Lilly wore a yellow one, Rosy a pink one, Jacky a blue one and Buffy a red one. They all wore black heals and they had their hair up with a rose in it. Basically, they looked hot!

When they slowly heard the music begin they walked on the stage. When Buffy came up she began to sing.

Baby you pretend that things
Ain't what they seem
All this tension on titling
Just exactly what we should be
Now I don't mind us being
Some kinda casual thing
Listen all I want to do for now is
Have you come and take all of me
Can you

Put your hands on my waistline
Want your skin up against mine
Move my hips to the baseline
Let me get mine, you get yours
Hang a please don't disturb sign
Put my back into a slow grind
Running chills up and down my spine
Let me get mine, you get yours

The girls slowly moved against the poles. They were only in their thongs now. They all wore black thongs and were moving sensually to the music that Buffy was singing to.

If you see me with a man
Understand that you can't question me
The feelings that you caught, ain't my fault
Can't help your jealousy
If you can handle the fact that what we have
Has got to be commitment free (free)
Then we can keep this undercover loving, coming
Hidden underneath the sheets
Can you

Put your hands on my waistline
(Ooh, on my waistline)
Want your skin up against mine (ohh)
Move my hips to the baseline
Let me get mine, you get yours
(But don't fall in love)
Hang a please don't disturb sign
(No, no love)
Put my back into a slow grind (slow grind)
Running chills up and down my spine
Let me get mine, you get yours (ohh)

Most of the guys were screaming and throwing their money at them. It wasn’t a secret that the girls on stage were the most popular and hottest girls in the whole damn club! The other three girls were singing the background vocals of the song in a husky voice.
Buffy was so lost in the music that she didn’t notice those guys. She also didn’t notice the two guys standing near the entrance with their mouths hanging open.

‘Oh my god, it’s Anne. She’s here, after all these years I finally see her again! Wait…she’s here? Oh god, she’s dancing here, she’s bloody a stripper!’ Spike thought.

Xander was almost having the same thoughts. ‘Oh my god, it’s Buffy. She’s here, after all these years I finally see her again! She’s here? Oh god, she’s dancing here, she’s a stripper!’ He thought. He looked at his sister who wasn’t wearing anything anymore. She was standing there naked, in front of more than 20 guys! How could she do that? Why was she doing this?

So come on and freak my body
We can get nasty, naughty
All night a private party
Gotta hit that spot just right
Work me like a 9 to 5

It ain't about the kissing and hugging
'Cause this is a physical loving
Straight sweating, our bodies are rubbing
Gotta hit that spot just right
Work me like a 9 to 5

We have a physical thing (oh)
We make love, but don't fall in love (yeah)
(Let me get mine, you get yours)
We spend time, just enough
So you get yours, and I get mine
No strings attached
(Let me get mine, you get yours)
I want your body
Not your heart

Put your hands on my waistline
(Hands on my waistline)
Want your skin up against mine
(Ohh, yeah yeah yeah)
Move my hips to the baseline
Let me get mine, you get yours
(But don't fall in love)
Hang a please don't disturb sign
Put my back into a slow grind
(Down my spine...)
Running chills up and down my spine
Let me get mine, you get yours

Put your hands on my waistline
(Put your hands on my waistline)
Want your skin up against mine (ooh)
Move my hips to the baseline
Let me get mine, you get yours (oh)
(But don't fall in love)
Hang a please don't disturb sign
(Freak my body babe)
Put my back into a slow grind
(Nasty, naughty baby)
Running chills up and down my spine
(Ooh, yeah yeah yeah)
Let me get mine, you get yours

Come here
Don't be shy
I won't bite

Let me get mine, you get yours

When Buffy stopped singing the guys in the club screamed even louder for the young ladies.
They smiled at each other, bowed and left the stage, shaking their ass.

After Buffy got dressed she made a move to the exit, she didn’t have to do any lap dances today. Her boss knew that she was having a quiet weekend for herself. She stopped however when she heard two very familiar voices calling her name.

“Buffy!” Xander shouted to get the attention of his sister. He was very mad at her, how could she live like that?

“Anne!” Spike also shouted to get the attention of the love of his live. He was very pissed at her, how could she live like that?

They were both running towards her, but stopped and looked at one and other when they heard two different names.

“Buffy?” “Anne?” They said in unison

“What the hell are you talking about?” The two best friends said simultaneously again.

They looked at Buffy who was standing with her mouth open.

“Ehm... hi?” She said. This wasn’t going to be pretty. Hopefully they all came out of this alive.




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AN: Thanks to: DaniD, Spiked_Slayer, daisy, MarstersGirl13, Tuesday, jenny, SarahandJamesFanatic and lyssa, for reviewing the last chapter! Please continue giving these great reviews, they really inspire me to write faster!!

- Spikegirl

AN: I'm SOOOO sorry that you had to wait for so long. My computer just suddenly stopped working, don't you just hate that?!

Oh and to make things clear: Buffy is a stripper AND a hooker. She is a fulltime stripper, but when she's short in cash she will have sex for money. But she doesn't want to do that anymore so she usually just strips. I did explain it in the story.

But anyway, I'm really sorry and I hope you enjoy this chapter!

- Spikegirl


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Chapter 6: A complicated situation


‘Oh god! They’re both here. What the hell am I going to say?’ she asked herself silently.

She looked at the two men who were staring holes into her. An uncomfortable silence took over. After what looked like hours Xander finally made an end to it.
Buffy gave them a weak smile.
“Buffy, what the hell is going on?” Xander asked her with a pissed-of expression. Buffy had never seen her brother this mad before. He never knew that she was a stripper and she knew that he was disgusted by it. She planned on never telling him what she did, because she knew that he would never approve.

“Buffy? Spike asked her confused. Still not understanding what the hell was going on.

“Yes, Spike it’s me.” Buffy told him with a sad look. She looked at his pained expression; yep she did it. Now the two men she loved the most were mad at her. Congratulations Buffy! What a way to show you care. This was definitely not a Kodak moment.

‘So Buffy is Anne, Anne is Buffy. Of course! That’s why she looked so familiar. Oh god! I’m in love with my best friend’s sister! No…wait a minute. I’m not. I’m in love with Anne...who is Buffy. God! What the bloody hell am I going to do?’ Spike shouted inside of his head.

“How could you lie to me? Was it all just for fun? Fucking me while you knew that I didn’t recognize you!” Spike shouted at her. He was so mad. He couldn’t believe her; he fell in love with her, completely, and totally in love with her and it was all a joke. He couldn’t take it. He felt like she tore out his heart and did a step dance on it. Well, in her case a strip dance!

“No! Spike, it wasn’t...” Buffy tried to explain, but Spike had already walked out of the club. She felt tears threatening to spill, but she knew that she had to be strong. She couldn’t let her brother see how weak she really was. Speaking of… she looked at Xander. He looked at her like she was the devil himself.

“How could you Buff? How could you do that to him, to me? Don’t you care at all?” He asked her, trying to be calm but it obviously wasn’t working.

“How could I! What the hell are you talking about Xander? Yes, I owe an explanation to him, but not you. What the hell did I do to you? You‘re the one who abandoned your family! If anyone should be apologizing it‘s you for screwing up everyone’s life just for the fame.” She yelled at Xander. It didn’t make any sense, yes she hurt Spike, but Xander had nothing to do with it.

“Look around Buffy, how can you live like this? How can you live humiliating yourself for these animals? Don’t you have any pride?” He asked with hint of disgust in his voice.

“You want to know how I can live like this? I live like this because I HAVE to! I have no choice. I have to pay the bills, buy food and clothes. But most of all, I have a family to look after. I have to take care of them. In case you didn’t notice Xander, I don’t have any education. I didn’t finish college because of mom. I don’t have any experience. This was my ONLY choice!” And with that she ran out of the door, towards her home. She ran with tears in her eyes. When she was finally home, she immediately took a shower…she always did that when she felt dirty. She cried while feeling the water pour onto her. She couldn’t believe how everything turned out. She honestly didn’t believe that she would ever see her brother again, let alone Spike. She didn’t know what to do. What if they found out about Emma?

After the shower she went to bed and cried herself to sleep.

The next morning (11 a.m.)...

Buffy awoke at the sound of the phone ringing. She jumped out of bed and picked up the phone.

“Hello?” She said through the phone. She smiled…it was Emma. She could hear the excited tone in her voice.

“Hi sweetie! How was the zoo?” She asked her daughter. She was so happy hearing her daughter’s voice again; she always knew how to make things better. Sometimes she thought her daughter could tell when Buffy was sad, because somehow Emma always fixed it. Sometimes when she was sad Emma would crawl in bed with her and give her a big hug. And they would fall asleep together.

“Really? That must have been a pretty big giraffe then. Yes, I’m fine sweetie.” She said. She didn’t want Emma to worry.

“Yeah, give auntie Willow for a second ok…. I love you to honey. Bye. Kisses.” she said. After a couple of seconds she heard her best friend through the phone.

“Hi Will. Is Emma being good?” She asked her. She didn’t really have to ask that, Emma was always good, well… almost always anyway.

“Yes, I’m fine Will. No, really. Everything’s good.” She told her friend, hoping the sadness in her voice didn’t give anything away. Willow always knew when something was wrong; she could always hear it from her voice…today wasn’t an exception.

Buffy sighed. “Okay. I was at work yesterday, just dancing you know. I finished up and walk to the door...guess who I saw? Xander and Spike!” She nearly yelled through the phone. Silence. “Will, are you still there? Will!” She asked. After a couple of seconds she heard Willow’s breathing again. “Where the hell were you? I was just in the middle of something big here!” Her eyes widened when she heard her best friend tell her that she almost fainted. Willow asked her what their reaction was.

“They’re pretty mad at me. Yes, especially Spike…No, I didn’t lie to him, I just didn’t tell him everything.” She tried to convince her friend and herself, but unfortunately she didn’t buy it.

“…Yes I know Will. I don’t know what to do. What if he sees Emma? He’s really gonna freak out then. No, I’m not gonna tell him. Not now at least. I think I should let him cool off first, you know. I need some time to think about all this.” She told her.

After a couple of minutes more of girl talk and the promise that Buffy would pick Emma up at 6 p.m. they said their goodbyes and hung up their phones. Buffy went to take a shower and after an hour or so she grabbed her purse and walked out of the door, to go grocery shopping.

At a hotel in SunnyHell…

“God, I can’t believe her. All this time, she was just lying to us. Doesn’t she even care? She could’ve just called or something!” Xander shouted more to himself then Spike who was sitting on his bed. Spike sighed. Xander hadn’t stopped yelling for over an hour. He finally had enough.

“Shut up Xander!” Spike yelled at his best friend. Xander turned towards him with a confused look on his face. “Even if she did call, you probably wouldn’t have called back! You complain about her not calling when you treat them like crap! Admit it Xan, she didn’t have a choice. She had to take care of Dawn without any money. It was probably the only thing she could do! Look…” he said, his voice softening “…it’s not that I’m not mad at her, don’t get me wrong I’m pissed, but you weren’t there for her, WE weren’t there for her. Face it man, she was all alone and it‘s our fault.”

Xander sighed. He was too mad to understand. “It’s your fault you know, if we didn’t come here in the first place, none of this would’ve happened! Why did we come here anyway?” Xander asked his best friend with an angry expression.
“In about two weeks it’s Christmas Xander and when I saw the picture of you with Buffy and Dawn I remembered how it used to be. You haven’t been really happy in a while, man. I just thought it would be a good idea to visit the family for the holidays.” Spike answered him. He only wanted what was best for his friend. It was only worse, not just for Xander, but for him as well. “I didn’t know she was gonna lie to us. I screwed it up big time.”

“Yeah, she lied to you big time. Wait! Holy shit! Anne? Your Anne?” Xander asked with a scared look. ‘My best friend is in love with my sister? That will end well’ he thought to himself.

“Got that part ha? When I saw her back in LA, I knew she looked familiar, I just couldn’t put my finger on it.” He told Xander with dreamy eyes. He was very mad at her, but unfortunately his feelings didn’t change. Spike couldn’t believe it took his friend this long to figure it out. They’d only been talking about it a few hours before. Yes, his friend was really clueless sometimes.

“So, you’re in love with my sister. I’m maybe pissed at her, but if you hurt her in any way, I’ll kill you. Just so you know.” He told him with a threatening look.

Spike didn‘t buy the look but Spike decided to play along. “Don’t worry Xan, I think in a while my feelings will go away. At least I hope.” The last part he said in a whisper. Xander was to busy with his own thoughts to hear what his friend said. “Anyway, I’m gonna get some smokes.”

Xander looked at him. “They don’t sell cigarettes in this hotel, don’t know why. You should go to the grocery store.” Xander told him. “Can you get me some chips or something? They don’t sell those either, stupid hotel.” Xander said with a cranky voice. He gave Spike some extra cash and watched him disappear out of the door.

At the grocery store…

“Hi Giles! How are you doing?” She asked the cashier whom she saw as her father.

“Very good Buffy. How are you?” He asked the girl whom he saw as the daughter he never had. He came over a lot to have dinner at her house and play with Emma. Emma even called him grandpa. He really felt like he was a part of the family. He never had a daughter and Buffy never really had a father so they basically filled the positions as family.

“Could do better.” She said while giving him the groceries she wanted to buy. She noticed his curious look. “I saw Xander and Spike yesterday.” She told him with a sad look.

“Spike? You mean Emma’s father? That Spike?” He asked her. Well, of course it was Emma’s father, there weren’t really a lot of Spikes in the world. He didn’t know Spike, but he knew how much Buffy still loved him. When Emma was a couple of months old, Giles would spend the night at the Summer’s home to help Buffy with the little girl. One night he woke up at the crying of Emma and walked to her room, he made a move to open the door only to stop when he saw that Buffy was already there. He had looked at the mother and daughter with a smile.

He heard Buffy saying that she looked just like her father and started to cry. Giles came in the room and just held the crying girls in his arms.

“Yeah, he saw me stripping at the club. It was really embarrassing. I just don’t know what to do Giles. What about Emma? If he sees her, I don’t know how he will react.” She said while wiping away her tears.

“It’s gonna be okay Buffy. You’ll just have to wait and see. Maybe he just needs some time to think, he’ll call you or visit you. Spike AND your brother.” He said comforting. “Go to the restroom and powder your nose or whatever you girls do, I look after your groceries till your back okay? Oh and do you want to grab a couple of crates out of the storeroom?” He asked her with a shy smile.

“Sure, Giles. Thanks.” She said while going to the back, where the restroom was. Buffy didn’t notice the man who was just walking in.

“Hi, ehm… Marlboro please.” He said while giving the cashier the chips for Xander. “Thanks, mate.” He said when Giles gave him back his ‘groceries.’

He looked around for a while. “Do you mind if I use your restroom?” He asked the guy in his forties. He didn’t really need to go to the bathroom; it was just to damn hot. He needed to splash a little water on his face.

“Yeah sure, it’s in the back.” He said while helping the next customers. In the two minutes Buffy had left to go to the restroom it had become pretty crowded.


He had just come out of the bathroom when he heard somebody cry softly in the storeroom. He opened the room and saw a girl with 2 crates in her hands standing before him with her back turned to him. She was wearing a jean skirt with a plain white shirt on top of it. She wore white sandals that made the outfit complete.

“Ehm… miss?” he asked shyly. He couldn’t stand it when girls cried; he felt a strange need to comfort her.

When she turned around Spike’s eyes widened.

“Buffy.” He said with a shocked look.

“Spike.” She said with the same shocked look.

“Spike, I…” she started, but Spike didn’t give her any chance to continue. He just wanted to do the thing he wanted for almost 5 years now.

He ran to her, pushed her against the wall and shut her up with a hungry kiss.





-----------------------------------------------


AN: thanks to LAU, me, Nicki, daisy, DaniD, Kim, caatje, RY RY, Spiked_Slayer, Smitten, 76_Bloody_Trombones, Tuesday, jenny, gotkona, Kellie Mulder, Stine, SarahandJamesFanatic for reviewing, you guys are just so great! You guys deserve a medal or something :P - Spikegirl

AN: I just want to thank Chelsea for betaing this chapter! It means a lot to me, you're great!

And just to make things clear: Buffy's a stripper AND a prostitue, she's actually a stripper but when she's low on cash she'll have sex for money.

And cordykitten, I deleted the story at blondiebear because I was going to change a big part of the story. And chapter 7 was cowritten with another author, but I changed that chapter to. I've tried to contact the author, but it appears that the email that I got isn't valid anymore.

So, with that said: enjoy the chapter! - Spikegirl

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Chapter 7: A haunting past


Buffy kissed him back with equal passion, hunger and need and wrapped her
legs around his waist. He fondled her ass, which caused Buffy to moan. ‘God, this
feels so good.’ She thought to herself. She didn’t want to let go, she felt so good in his arms. They were made for each other. ‘ I can’t believe I’ve missed this for so long!’ She broke the kiss breathing heavily.

“Spike.” She breathed.

“God, I’ve missed you so much Buffy.” Spike told her, returning to her lips to kiss her again. He didn’t want to stop kissing her, it just felt so damn good!

“I’ve missed you to.” She told him after he moved away from her lips again, only leaving her lips because they needed to breath.

“Let’s go to your place.” He smiled at her. He couldn’t wait to be inside of his goddess again.

“Good idea.” Spike’s smile grew wider. “But not for that.” She told him and unwrapped her legs from his waist, which made Spike frown. ‘Of course not you pillock, she doesn’t want to be with you. She doesn’t feel the same why about you.’ He thought to himself, but looking into her eyes he could tell that that wasn’t right.

“Why not?” He pouted, looking at her with his deep blue eyes. Buffy had to close her eyes, because if she didn’t she knew for sure that she would do anything he asked her. And they really needed to talk.

“I’ve got an idea. Bring Xander over and I’ll make us all dinner. We’ll get a chance to finally talk, all right? We should really talk things out Spike, I feel really bad about everything,” she told him with a sad look.

“Fine,” Spike said kissing her once more. “I’ll ask Xander then.” He knew that they should stop but he couldn’t help but kiss her again.

“Damn you taste so bloody good.” He murmured.

She smiled at the comment.


Spike left a couple of kisses later and Buffy made her way back to the checkout line, paid for her items then left with a huge smile on her face. She finally had the feeling that everthing was going to be fine again.

“Hey, Xander,” Spike said when he entered the hotel room. “Uh, I ran into Buffy at the grocery store.” He almost whispered, hoping that his friends wouldn’t start yelling again.

“What! You actually talked to her after what she did to me? What she did to you?” He yelled at Spike. He couldn’t believe his best friend, after all that she did to them.

Spike rolled his eyes. “Xander get over it!” He yelled at his best friend. “She invited us over to her house for dinner tonight. Lets at least go and let her explain herself.” Xander not wanting to get in a fight, which his friend agreed.

“Fine. Whatever.” Xander answered to please his friend. He didn’t really feel like going, but he knew that they had to talk things out. They both had a lot of explaining to do. But part of him wanted to get away from all this; he didn’t want to live in a world where his sister was a stripper in some club. And he was also partly embarrassed that he went to a strip club and his little sister witnessed it.

“Great now lets go. I went for a drive after we talked so we don’t have much time left,” Spike said as Xander slid on his shoes. Xander noticed Spike was a little too anxious to go. ‘I wonder if they’re back together?’ Xander thought to himself. But he shrugged it off and left with Spike. He didn’t think Spike could do that, just forgive and forget.



“Just relax Buffy, just because the brother that abandoned you and the father of your 4-year-old child is stopping by to have dinner doesn’t mean you have to freak out.” Buffy told herself trying to convince herself it wasn't that big of a deal. Unfortunately it wasn’t really working.

KNOCK KNOCK KNOCK

‘Oh god, oh god, they’re here. Okay, take a deep breath Buffy.’ She told herself softly. After taking a deep breath, she walked towards the door and opened it with a big smile. There they stood... Xander and Spike. Spike had a huge smile oh his face, while Xander was staring at the ground.

“Come on in,” she said moving out of the way so they could enter the house. Xander and Spike sat down on the couch.

“Thank you for inviting us over,” Xander said to be polite, still looking at the ground, not wanting to make eye contact. The two friends sat on the couch. “I like what you done with the place. I’m surprised you stayed in this house.”

“Thank you,” Buffy said softly. “I wasn’t planning on staying here, but after mom died I just couldn’t leave. I grew up here and everything and besides, it doesn’t cost much after all the arrangments mom did.”

“You have a piano,” Xander stated, pointing at the big black piano in the corner of the room.

“Yeah, I play a little.”

“That’s nice.” Xander said, looking at the ground again.

There was an uncomfortable silence after the small talk.

Buffy turned to Spike. “Spike can you join me in the kitchen, please?” she asked him.

“Sure,” Spike said standing up and walking into the kitchen. Buffy had her arms crossed and a weak smile on her face. Spike was trying to look brave through the awkward situation.

“Xander really doesn’t want to be here does he?” Buffy asked.

“No, he doesn’t but at least he was willing to come. He really is trying…you know how Xander is. He’s as stubborn as you.” He answered the woman he still loved more than anything. She glared at him which made him chuckle. He looked at her. She looked very upset and he hated it. He hated it more then anything, knowing he couldn’t make her feel better.

“I guess you’re right but still, it hurts.” she told him with a hurt look.

Spike walked up to her grabbed her waist and kissed her. Buffy didn’t think she would ever get enough of kissing him.


DING DONG

“Doorbell,” Buffy said as they snapped out of their lover’s gaze. “Can you please get it for me?”

“Sure.” Spike said walking towards the door. Spike was about to open it when Buffy realized who exactly would be behind it. Emma.

‘Oh Shit.’ Buffy thought to herself. Maybe they wouldn’t notice. She hoped. Buffy’s thoughts were interrupted by a little voice.

“Mommy!” Emma yelled hugging her mother’s legs. Two very confused men followed Emma. It looked like Spike didn’t notice anything out of ordinary, except for the fact a little girl just ran up to her but other than that nothing.

Buffy knelt down and hugged Emma. “Hey Sweetie. Did you have fun with Auntie Willow?”

Her daughter nodded with a smile. “Yep. We saw the snakes and the elephants.” Her daughter said with a big smile on her face, not wanting to wait to tell her mother every little detail.

Buffy finally turned her attention to the two guys looking at her. She saw them looking with a very confused expression.

“Hey, guys. Guess what, I have a daughter.” She said with a hesitant smile, not knowing another way of breaking the news.

Buffy walked into the living to thank Willow. Willow left not wanting to get in the middle of the family drama.

Then she left someone tugging on her skirt. She knelt down to her daughter.

“What is it Honey?” she asked her daughter.

Emma pointed to Xander and Spike. “Who are they?”

“Well,” she pointed to Xander. “His name is Xander and he is your uncle.”

Then she pointed to Spike. “That is Sp.....” Buffy caught herself remember Emma knew the name Spike. She once told her that her Daddy’s name was Spike. “William.”

Spike looked at the little girl. ‘God she’s beautiful, just like her mother.’ He thought, well that and ‘Who’s the fucking father, I’m going to kill him!’

Emma ran up to them and hugged their legs, happy that she had another familymember that could give her lots and lots of presents! Spike and Xander both looked uncomfortable about the situation. Buffy went into the kitchen while Xander and Emma sat on the couch. Spike followed Buffy.

“Buffy?”

“Yes?” she said pretending everything was completely ordinary when she was screaming inside. She was avoiding eye contact.

“Why didn’t you tell us you had a daughter?” he asked her with a hurt look. He didn’t expect her to lie to him again. “You lied.”

“First. I didn’t necessarily lie and second it’s complicated.” She answered the man she loved.

“Spike!” They heard Xander yell from the living room. Spike left while Buffy continued to cook dinner, happy that she had some time before she had to explain the situation to him. Spike walked into the livingroom to see Xander on the couch and Emma standing in front of him. Xander was staring at Emma.

“Xander what are you doing? Leave the poor girl alone.” He told his friend annoyed. Sometimes he asked himself if his friend didn’t have any manners.

“You have to see this man.” He said, still looking at the girl standing in front of him.

“See what?” Spike asked confused.

He sat next to Xander, which who was still staring at Emma.

“Look,” Xander pointed to her eyes.

Spike looked. “Yeah Xander, those are eyes.” Not getting what his friend was trying to say.

”They’re blue.”

“Yes they are,” Spike said, looking at his friend like he’d grown insane.

“Very blue,” Xander said. “Who else do you know that has eyes that blue?” he asked Spike with a pointed look.

Spike thought. “Well there is that one guy that...no his eyes are green.” Spike paused. “What are you getting at?”

“Look at her cheekbones.” Spike looked intensely. He didn’t see anything out of the ordinary.

“I still don't understand what you’re getting at, mate.”

“Spike stop it.” Xander told him. ‘God, and everyone says I can’t see anything till it bites me in the ass.’ He thought to himself.

“Stop what?” He asked.

Xander decided that Spike wouldn’t get it till they had some prove so he turned to Emma. “Do you know who your father is?” he asked her curiously.

“Yep.” She simply said.

“How do you know who he is?” Spike asked confused. Buffy would’ve told him in the kitchen if they were still together.

“Mommy told me and when she’s sleeping she says his name.” Emma told the two men who were looking at her like she’d grown two heads.

Xander butted in. “What’s his name?”

“Spike.” She said calmly. Not getting why they asked so many questions.

Spike’s eyes widened then he yelled.

“Buffy!”





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Thanks so much to: Nemo, Wow, mjspuff, kristina, spufette, frederique, DaniD, marstersgirl13, Klai, Nicki, SarahandJamesFanatic, cordykitten, 76_Bloody_Trombones, *bite me* and Spiked_Slayer for reviewing the last chapter, you have NO idea how much that means to me. I wouldn't be inspired to write this story without you! - Spikegirl

AN: I just want to say thanks to my beta Chelsea, you're the best!!!!!!!!!!!

When you guys leave a review, I always say something back or answer your questions. You should check it out if you haven't seen it before, it might take me a while sometimes, but I always write something back. You guys take your time to give me a review so I should at least take the time to leave you something to!

I hope you guys like this chapte! - Spikegirl


----------------------------


Chapter 8: She said Spike!


“Yes?” She said, looking at her brother and her sort-of-boyfriend with a hesitant smile on her face. Unfortunately they weren’t smiling. She saw Spike look at her with a look of anger and disbelief. She looked at her daughter who was looking at her with her big blue eyes. “Sweetie why don’t you go to your room, dinner will be a little later than usual okay?” Emma nodded and went upstairs; she always listened to her mother.

Spike waited untill he heard Emma’s room close again. “What the hell is going on?” he yelled at her. “What the bloody hell was she saying?” He pointed to the stairs.

Buffy looked at him, she was pretty sure what Spike was talking about, but she wasn’t completely sure, she needed to know what Emma said first. “I don’t know, what did she say?”

“What did she say?” Spike yelled again with disbelief. Xander was unusually quiet. He thought it would be best if he let his friend and sister talk. He was actually shocked himself that he did it. “She said Spike! That’s what she bloody said!”

“Wow, I see. That’s really something you need to shout about, she said Spike! It isn’t her first word you know!” She knew she was being immature, but she couldn’t stand it when people yelled at her. It reminded her to much of her father who used to blame her for everything that went wrong in his live. Xander always stood up for her, but it didn’t help much. Xander was his perfect child; Buffy was just an accident that he hated. Buffy got used to it, but it still hurt when she thought about all the horrible things he used to say to her. He only said them when her mother wasn’t around so she didn’t know that something was going on. Buffy didn’t tell her mother, she was afraid that her mother wouldn’t believe her and that things would only become worse. Her mother found out one day when her father came home and didn’t know that she was home, he yelled to Buffy and told her she was a whore that made his life a living hell. Joyce ran downstairs, she was cleaning her room, and after a long fight she ordered her husband Hank to get the hell out of her house.

Spike shook his head. “You bloody well know what I’m talking about.” He tried to calm down but the thoughts in his head made it impossible. “She said I was her bleeding father!”

Buffy looked down. She didn’t say anything back. “Well, am I?” He asked, looking at her.

Buffy looked back up with tears in her eyes. She nodded. “Yes, you’re her father.”

Spike looked at her, again with disbelief in his eyes. He heard Emma saying it, but hearing Buffy said it...it was just so unreal. He was a bloody father! He sat down on the couch, he felt like he was about to faint. This wasn’t happening...was it? He was a father, he had a daughter, and he had a baby girl.

“Look, I know this is hard.” He heard Buffy say. He looked at her. Buffy gasped, he had tears in his eyes.

He shook his head. “No you don’t,” he whispered. He shook his head again. “No you don’t.” He gave her one last look before walking out of the door, leaving her alone with Xander. She started crying. ‘He’s gone. He’s really gone.’ She thought. She felt arms around her. She looked up and saw Xander looking at her. Only now did she notice that she was sitting on the floor with Xander’s arms around her.

After what felt like hours she finally stopped crying. She looked at Xander. “Thank you.” She said.

Xander gave her a small smile and nodded. He looked at the door. “I better go. Spike needs me to.”

Buffy nodded. “Yeah.” She whispered.

He gave her a kiss on her cheek. “I can’t believe I’m an uncle.” He gave her a goofy smile, which made her laugh. And with that he dissapeared out of her door.

Buffy wiped away her tears. She had to be strong. She came this far without Spike; she could make it a hell of a lot farther! She didn’t need him. But god did she want him. She wanted him to be a father to Emma and a boyfriend to her. She wanted him in her life. But she didn’t know if that was going to happen, especially not after tonight. ‘God he must be so disgusted with me.’ She heard Emma’s door open and stood up.

“What’s wrong mommy?” She saw her daughter looking at her. “Where did uncle Xander and uncle William go?”

“Nothing sweetie, mommy just had a little fight with her friend. Uncle Xander and William left.”

“Will they come back?” Emma asked her with a pout. She liked her two uncles; they were really nice to her.

Buffy hugged her daughter. “I don’t know sweetie, I really don’t know.”


Spike slammed the door of the hotelroom shut. “I can’t believe her! All this time, all this fucking time and she didn’t even tell me! Didn’t even tell me that I have a daughter. A...” He stopped yelling. “A beautiful baby girl.” He smiled at the thought of Emma. She really was something; he couldn’t believe he didn’t notice the features that she had of him and Buffy. She had his blue eyes and his cheekbones, but she defnitely had Buffy’s nose and lips. God, he even saw her give him that pout that Buffy always did when she didn’t get her way. She was just a perfect combination of him and Buffy. But he was still angry, angry and sad. He had a daughter...He didn’t even know how old she was. He thought back at the last- and first time he and Buffy had made love. ‘She must be four.’ He thought. He shook away from his thoughts when he saw his friend coming to stand beside him. ‘He must have stayed to comfort Buffy.’ He thought because it was about a half hour later since he came in.

“Are you allright man?” Xander asked him. Spike looked at him with an arched eyesbrow. “Right, stupid question.” Spike nodded.

“I just can’t believe that I’m a bleeding father. She didn’t even tell me.” He started to get angry again.

“I understand you’re angry, but she didn’t really have a choice. You weren’t there, and she couldn’t contact you. Maybe she was scared, maybe she was scared that you would leave her just like I did.” He explained.

“But I’m not like that! I don’t abbandon my family!” He yelled before realizing what he said. “I’m sorry man.” He looked at Xander.

“It’s okay, I know I made a mistake, make that a big mistake. But you need to talk to her, man. You both deserve to be happy.”

Spike nodded. “I know. I just need to cool off for a little while. I’ll go and see her tomorrow.”

“Allright, you want to go and take a bit of fresh air?”

Spike thought about it for a moment. “Yeah!”

They were walking for fifteen minutes when they suddenly saw her walking.

“Isn’t that Buffy?” Xander asked pointing at the small girl walking a couple of feet in front of them.

Spike nodded. She was walking really fast. “Where is she going?” He stopped for a moment when he noticed the direction she was going. “Like hell she is!”

“What?”

“She is walking to the strip club!”

The two men looked at each other before following her. They arrived at the club five minutes later, but they didn’t see Buffy anymore. “Maybe she’s inside?” Xander asked.

They entered the club, looking for the blonde girl when they suddenly heard a voice announcing the next ‘act’.

“There’s a slight change of plan guys!” They heard a man say into the microphone. “There are 6 girls here who are going to dance and sing for you, but their clothes will stay on!” The man yelled their disagreement. “Don’t worry, don’t worry, it’s still going to be hot, I promise. Here they are: Buffy, Lilly, Jacky, Rosy, Jody and Nancy! ”

The two friends looked at the stage when they heard the man say Buffy’s name.

“Hi guys,” Buffy said through the microphone.

“Hi Buffy!” Almost all the men said, which made Spike growl. Xander looked at his friend with a surprised look.

Buffy smiled. “I actually had a day off, but I really need to work of some frustration. So my friends and I are going to sing a song called ‘Beep’. Ryan is going to sing with us, but don’t worry, he won’t take his clothes off.” She said with a smile, looking at the guy next to her.

The men yelled and whistled.

Buffy was standing in the middle.

Ha, ha-ha, ha-ha
Ha, ha-ha, ha
Ha-ha, ha-ha, ha-ha
Ha, ha-ha, ha

Ryan started singing.

It's funny how a man only thinks about the...
You got a real big heart, but I'm looking your...
You got real big brains, but I'm looking at your...
Girl, there ain't no pain in me looking at your...

The girls turned to sing.

I don't give a...
Keep looking at my...
'Cause it don't mean a thang if you're looking at my...
I'm a do my thing while you're playing with your...
Ha, ha-ha, ha-ha, ha-ha

Without taking their clothes of they still managed to make all the men in the room horny as hell. They kept grabbing their ass and tits when they were singing the chorus.
It was Buffy’s turn to sign now.

Every boy's the same
Since I been in the seventh grade
They been trying to get with me
Trying to (Ha, ha-ha, ha, ha-ha)
They always got a plan
To be my one and only man
Want to hold me with their hands
Want to (Ha, ha-ha, ha, ha-ha)
I keep turning them down
But, they always come around
Asking me to go around
That's not the way it's going down

'Cause they only want
Only want my ha, ha-ha
Ha, ha-ha
Only want what they want
But, na, ah-ah
Na, ah-ah

Ryan was really starting to get into it and moved against the poles on the stage.

It's funny how a man only thinks about the...
You got a real big heart, but I'm looking your...
You got real big brains, but I'm looking at your...
Girl, there ain't no pain in me looking at your...

Buffy sang this part again. Spike looked at her, she was so bloody hot! And she could really sing too. He heard her sing before in the club, but he was too much in shock then.

I don't give a...
Keep looking at my...
'Cause it don't mean a thang if you're looking at my...
I'm a do my thing while you're playing with your...
Ha, ha-ha, ha-ha, ha-ha

Do you know that no
Don't mean yes, it means no
So just hold up, wait a minute
Let me put my two cents in it
One, just be patient
Don't be rushing
Like you're anxious
And two, your just too agressive
trying to get your (Ahh)

The girls were really dancing sexy, swaying their bodies and making all the men drool.

Do you know that I know?
And I don't want to go there

Only want
Only want my ha, ha-ha
Ha, ha-ha
Only want what they want
But, na, ah-ah
Na, ah-ah

It's funny how a man only thinks about the...
You got a real big heart, but I'm looking your...
You got real big brains, but I'm looking at your...
Girl, there ain't no pain in me looking at your...

A girl who was dancing next to Buffy interrupted Ryan with singing.

I don't give a...
Keep looking at my...
'Cause it don't mean a thang if you're looking at my...
I'm a do my thing while you're playing with your...
Ha, ha-ha, ha-ha, ha-ha

Boomp-boomp, Omp-omp
Boomp, boomp-boomp
Boomp-boomp, Omp-omp
Boomp, boomp-boomp

The men were really yelling now. The dancing turned so hot in during the boomp that it was almost impossible for the men to stay in their seats, they were almost beggin the guys to take them right there! Most of the men were standing and whisteling at the girls on stage.

The girls started singing again.

Ooh, you've got it bad I can tell
You want it bad, but oh well
Dude, what you got for me
Is something I
Something I don't need
Oh!

The men even started to yell for Ryan.

It's funny how a man only thinks about the...
You got a real big heart, but I'm looking your...
You got real big brains, but I'm looking at your...
Girl, there ain't no pain in me looking at your...

I don't give a...
Keep looking at my...
'Cause it don't mean a thang if you're looking at my...
I'm a do my thing while you're playing with your...
Ha, ha-ha, ha-ha, ha-ha

It's funny how a man only thinks about the...
You got a real big heart, but I'm looking your...
You got real big brains, but I'm looking at your...
Girl, there ain't no pain in me looking at your...

I don't give a...
Keep looking at my...
'Cause it don't mean a thang if you're looking at my...
I'm a do my thing while you're playing with your...
Ha, ha-ha, ha-ha, ha-ha

They stopped dancing and bowed for the crowd. “Thank you!” They all yelled.

Buffy stepped from the stage and moved to the exit. She had worked out her frustration, god it felt so good to just sing and dance and not think about all the things that had happened. She stopped when someone stepped in front of her, blocking her way.

“Spike?”

Xander had already left, knowing that the two needed to work things out.

“We need to talk.”








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AN: Thanks so much to lara, Debbie, Nemo, spuffette, cordykitten, DaniD, SarahandJamesFanatic, Lau, chrissnicole, dragontiff, SpaceLord, frederique, marstersgirl13, Nicki, *bite me*, Tuesday, daisy, jenny, 76_Bloody_Trombones, Sarah, Stine, Spiked_Slayer and Opal for reviewing the last chapter. I really love you guys!!

AN: I just want to say SORRY first for not being able to update. And also want to tell you guys that I won't be able to update for another week or so, I'm really busy with exams and everything and it's also my birthday the 21th!!!!, so I won't be able to update then either. I'll try to update as soon as possible though, I don't want you guys to have to wait that long.

Also, I realized that the beta that I have isn't fixing all my mistakes, so if anyone knows a good beta, please please let me know! I know that it must be annoying to read all those mistakes that I make... sorry :$

Anyway, I just wanted to tell and ask you that. I hope you like this chapter even though it's a small one!

- Spikegirl


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Chapter 9: Turn back time


“We need to talk.”

Buffy looked at him with surprise written on her face. “What are you doing here? How did you know I was here?” She asked with a smile. She was happy that he was there, she really wanted to make things work out.

“I followed you.”

The smile left her face. “You *followed* me?” She gave him a glare.

“It isn’t like that, Xander and I were just taking a walk and we saw you and we knew that you were going here so we followed you.”

“Because I was going here?”

“Yeah, I don’t like you working here.”

“Well, this is the only thing I can do. Besides, it’s not that bad. I actually like it; I have really great friends here, my boss isn’t bad, the guys are pretty decent and I make very good money.” She said. She knew that he didn’t agree with her job, but she didn’t have a choice. And she really did like the place, it was better than being a whore but she couldn’t say that to him. She wanted to keep that to herself for a while, they still had a lot to talk about and adding things to that list wouldn’t be a good idea. Okay, she had to admit that she was really scared of what his reaction would be; she just didn’t have the nerve to tell him.

“I know, I just don’t like all these poofters looking at you.” He said, giving her a pout of his own. He wanted to have her all to himself. “But no changing of the subject, we really need to talk, Buffy.”

“I know, let’s go for a walk.” She said, moving to the exit of the club. She walked out of the door with Spike following her.

“So...” Buffy started.

“So.”

It was pretty dark and usually Buffy didn’t feel safe when it was dark, but with Spike next to her she knew that she had nothing to fear.

“I’m sorry!” Buffy blurted out.

Spike looked at her with surprise. “About what exactely?” Spike asked her.

“Everything. I’m sorry for not telling you about Emma, I’m sorry for not calling you. I’m sorry for not telling you that it was me that time in LA, I’m...I’m just really sorry about everything.”

Spike nodded. “I understand. I mean, I’m angry, but I do understand.”

It was quiet for a moment.

“Would you change it?” Spike asked her.

“Change what?”

“Change that night we spend together. If you could turn back time, would you tell me who you really were?”

“No,” Buffy said immediately, not hesitating for a second.

Spike looked at her with a expression of disbelief. That definitely wasn’t the answer he was expecting. He thought she was sorry about not telling who she was that night. Buffy saw his look. “I *am* sorry, I really am. But if I told you who I really was then maybe things didn’t turn out this way. If I told you, then maybe I wouldn’t have Emma and I couldn’t imagine a life without her.” She explained to him.

Spike nodded. He understood that, she really seemed like an amazing girl, she must be with an amazing mother like Buffy. “I want to get to know her. You’re still not forgiven, but I understand why you didn’t tell me. I should be extremely angry, yelling at you and everything, but I realize that that’s not going to make things better. I need to be in her life and if I can forget about that if I start to yell at you and shut you out of my life.”

“I was hoping for that. And I understand.” She said with a small smile which he returned.

“I just can’t believe I’m a father! I mean I don’t know what to do. Just yesterday I was a man... well without a daughter and now suddenly there’s a beautiful little girl who’s my daughter. I missed 4 years of her life; I don’t even know what she likes. What’s her favorite color, movie, and food? What was her first word? Who’s her best friend?”

“Spike! Slow down, I’ll tell you everything you want to know, I promise.” She told him with a smile, letting him know that it was alright to ask all these questions.

“I’m sorry, I just want to know everything about her.” He really did want to know everything about her; he wanted to know his daughter, all the things that he had missed when he wasn’t there.

“Don’t be sorry for that. She’s your daughter, you deserve to know everything about her.”

Spike smiled at her before moving in to hug her. “I really want to be with you, you and Emma.” He moved back from her embrace. “Wait, if you’re here, who’s with Emma?” He asked with slight panic in his voice.

“The neighbours are looking after her, don’t worry.”

“I worry, I worry about a lot of things lately. I worry about you; I worry if I’m going to be a good father. I don’t want to be like my dad, he was a bloody poofter. Didn’t care shit about me, he was always drunk. I just don’t want to be like that for our daughter.”

Buffy could see the concern in his eyes. “Don’t worry, you’re going to be a great father. Besides, I’m here to help you okay. You don’t have to do this alone. I won’t let you get drunk and I’ll *make* you give a shit about her.” From the inside she smiled, he called Emma their daughter. And if he really wanted to be with Emma then it would mean that he wouldn’t leave. That he wouldn’t go back to Los Angeles. She really hoped that he wouldn’t leave. She couldn’t stand it; she couldn’t let another man leave her. Especially not Spike, she cared more about him then any man that had ever left her.

After two hours of walking and talking they ended at Buffy’s house. “Do you want to come over tomorrow?” Buffy asked him.

“I would love to.” He said, giving her a smile before leaning in to kiss her. Buffy smiled into the kiss, slightly nibbling on his bottom lip before taking it into her mouth. Spike moaned into the kiss, making Buffy smile again. She pushed her tongue into his mouth, slowly massaging it with his. Spike quickly moved back to see Buffy looking at him with pain in her eyes. He stroked her cheek with his finger. “I may sound completely gay right now, but I think we should take it slow, for Emma.” He explained her, not wanting her to think he didn’t want her...because GOD did he want her!

Buffy laughed. “Don’t worry, you really don’t sound gay. I completely agree with you, we need to take things slow for Emma...we can kiss though, right?” She asked him with a sly smile.

“Definitely.” Spike answered with a smirk before moving in to kiss her again.









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Thanks so much to : marstersgirl13, Debbie, DaniD, daisy, *bite me*, Briana, spufette, Nicki, neo_trinityknot, frederique, SarahandJamesFanatic, luxferi, Tuesday, cordykitten, vitalis, Nemo, 76_Bloody_Thrombones and Spiked_Slayer! And remember, I *always* write something back!


- Spikegirl

AN: I just want to say thanks to all the people who reviewed this story, you guys are just so great... there aren't any words to describe how much I appreciate them! And thanks to all the people who wished me a happy birthday ;)

Again I'm sorry that it took me so long to update, but I just had a lot of stuff to do and with my birthday and everything I just didn't have the time.

Oh and I got nominated at ' the shades of grey awards' for outstanding author and best AU for my story accidentally in love, don't forget to vote (doesn't have to be for me, but there are a lot of other authors who are dying for a vote :P )

I hope you guys like this chapter .... enjoy!

- Spikegirl



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Chapter 10: He’s my daddy



“Where are you going, man?” Xander asked him, still half asleep.

“I’m going to see my daughter.” He answered his friend with a smile on his voice. He was really excited to finally meet her, he had seen her of course, but he didn’t really have a change to really talk to her. He hoped that things would go okay, he would first drop by the shop to buy her a little something, he just had no idea what he should buy her. ‘I mean, what do you give to your daughter who you haven’t seen for four years?’ He thought to himself. He still couldn’t get over the fact that he had missed four years of her life. He missed her first word, the first time she walked. But he promised himself that he wouldn’t miss another event of her life. He didn’t want to be away from her, even if he didn’t really know her yet, but there was still a problem; his job. He didn’t know what to do, they weren’t really famous that they had paparazzi following them, but they were pretty famous in Los Angeles. And he really loved his job; he just had to figure out a way to solve all his problems.

Xander looked at the clock next to his bed. “Now?” He asked with an arched eyebrow.

“What’s wrong with now?”

“It’s 8 o’clock. Knowing Buffy she isn’t up yet, not for another 3 hours,” he explained.

“She has a kid now and kids wake up early, right?” Spike asked. He never really had any experience with kids.

“Whatever man, I’m going back to sleep,” Xander said before turning around in his bed and going back to sleep. Slightly snoring to say that he didn’t want to hear anything anymore.


Twenty minutes later Spike was standing in front of Buffy’s house. He was really nervous. He was standing there with a stuffed animal in his hand; a pig that looked too cute to resist. It reminded him of Mr. Gordo, the pig that Buffy used to have. She always slept with the pig, something that he couldn’t understand, there was nothing special of the pig but she loved the little thing. He didn’t know if she still had the bloody pig, but knowing Buffy she probably couldn’t get rid of the thing.

He sighed heavily and walked towards the door. He took a deep breath and knocked on the door....no answer. He knocked again, harder this time. Finally, he heard someone come down the stairs. The door opened and there she was...Emma, wearing pyjamas with little bears on them.

“Hi, William.” Emma said. “What are you doing here?”

“Hello Emma. Is your mother here?” He asked his daughter. He knew he was staring at her but he didn’t care, he wanted to remember every little detail of his daughter.

“Mommy’s still sleeping, she doesn’t like to wake up early,” Emma explained him.

“You don’t wake up mommy?”

Emma shook her head. “No, I can wait for mommy to wake up and make me breakfast.”

Spike smiled at her. ‘Smart girl. Probably got that from me.’

“Why don’t we make some breakfast together and give your mother breakfast on bed?” Spike asked her daughter who nodded her head enthusiastically. He smiled at her and walked inside the house, straight to the kitchen. He looked around the kitchen, looking for something to make his daughter and the woman he was in love with. He stopped searching for food when he heard Emma’s voice.

“What was that sweetie?” Spike asked her.

“Why are you holding a piggy?”

Spike looked at her with a confused look, before his eyes rested on the pig. He smiled. ‘Moron.’ He was still holding the pig; he completely forgot to give her the present.

“It’s for you,” he said, giving her the pig.

Emma gave him a big smile. “Thank you,” she said, giving him a big hug. ‘If that’s the result of giving presents, I will give her one every day.’ He smiled and went back to looking for something to make.

He saw a couple of eggs in the fridge.

“Do you like eggs, little bit?” He asked Emma who was looking at him with big eyes.

“What’s a little bit?” She asked him.

“Well, it’s just a name that I have for you. Do you like it?” He asked, really hoping that she did, he didn’t want her to hate him the first minute she knew him. But thankfully Emma nodded her head.

“But yes, I like eggs very much.”

“Alright. Let’s go and make some eggs shall we?”


A half an hour later they were slowly walking to Buffy’s room. Emma opened the door while Spike was trying not the let the tray with food fall on the floor. They slowly walked to Buffy’s bed…she was still sleeping. ‘God she looks like an angel.’ He thought, looking at her.

Emma and Spike sat on the bed. Emma looked at him and he nodded.

“Mommy,” she whispered. “Mommy, wake up.” She shook her mother a little bit.

“Ugh.” They heard. Buffy slowly opened her eyes, looking at her daughter, not noticing that a man was sitting on the other side of the bed because she was turned to her daughter. “We got you breakfast,” Emma said with a smile on her face, proud that she had made her mother breakfast.

“We?” Buffy asked, finallly noticing that Emma’s eyes weren’t directed at her. She turned her head to the other side of the bed.

“Hello cutie.”

Buffy smiled. “Hi Spike. You made me breakfast?”

Spike nodded. “Yep, for you and the little bit.” He gave a wink to Emma who giggled at him.

“That’s so sweet,” she exclaimed. “Thank you.”

After an hour of eating, talking and laughing Spike headed downstairs while Buffy washed Emma and herself. Spike was waiting downstairs, looking at the pictures of Buffy and Emma. He smiled at them. A picture on the television cut his attention; it was a picture of a pregnant Buffy with a big smile on her face. ‘God, they weren’t lying. Pregnant women really are beautiful.’

“What are you looking at?” He heard behind him, he turned around to look at a freshed looking Buffy. She was wearing jeans with a white shirt, completely clean of any make-up. She really looked beautiful.

“You.” He said with a smirk.

Buffy smiled at him. “I was seven months pregnant there, and completely cranky because of all the hormones. My friends were shocked when I finally gave them a laugh, actually so shocked that they had to make a picture to confirm that they weren’t seeing things that weren’t there.”

Spike laughed. “Nice friends you got.”

“They’re sweethearts. They’re coming over tonight for dinner, you can come too if you want.”

Spike thought about it for a second, he really wanted to come, but he couldn’t just leave Xander alone. He came to Sunnydale for Xander.

Buffy saw him thinking about it. “Xander can come to.”

Spike smiled at her. “Then it’s a date...well not really a date but you know what I mean.”

“Yeah, I know what you mean.” She said, giving him a small kiss on his lips. He wanted to grab her and give her a longer kiss, but he noticed Emma coming down the stairs. She was holding the pig tightly into her arms. “It was sweet,” Buffy said looking at the pig in her daughter’s arms. “Giving her the pig, she named her Ms. Gordo.”

“You still have Mr. Gordo?”

Buffy smiled at him. “I gave him to Emma, she loves it. She’s as crazy about him as I was. But anyway, I got you something.” She gave him a videotape. Spike looked at it with a confused look. “It’s a video of Emma.” Spike gave her a big smile, which made her heart melt.

Ten minutes later Emma and Spike were watching the tape. “Look William, here I am on the swings, mommy is pushing me, see?”

Spike nodded. “I see, nibblet.”

Emma giggled. “I like the names.” She smiled at him. Spike smiled back at her. ‘God, I love the little girl already.’

They continued watching the tape; Emma and Buffy were waving at the person who was taping everything.

“Whom are you waving to, sweetie?” He asked her, trying to control his jealousy.

“Danny,” She started. “He’s mommy’s friend.”

Spike looked at her. “Does mommy’s friend comes over a lot?” He asked her. He felt a little guilty to ask all those questions to his daughter, but he really needed to know. Emma nodded. “Danny is coming tonight.” She smiled. “He’s really nice.”

Spike nodded, trying to control the anger inside of him and continued watching the movie.

An hour later Spike left again.


Buffy was busy in the kitchen, getting dinner ready. They were eating mac ‘n cheese, Emma’s favorite food. She was just finished when she heard the doorbell. She walked to the door and opened it, revealing Willow and Oz.

“Hi Wills, Oz.” She greeted her friends with a smile.

“Hi Buffy.” Willow Rosenberg greeted her friend. Oz just nodded, he wasn’t really a man of many words. “How are you?” Buffy had called Willow last night to tell her about Spike and Xander.

“I’m fine,” Buffy told her best friend. She was about to close to door when she suddenly saw her other friends standing there. “Hi guys!”

When they all greeted each other they moved to the livingroom. “It’s to bad Jacky and Nancy couldn’t make it,” Buffy said to her friends who just came in.
They were all sitting on the couch when they heard the doorbell. Her friends looked at her with surprise on their face, they weren’t expecting more people. They had a lot of dinners, and the people who usually came where already present.

Two minutes later Buffy came back with two men in tow. “Guys, this is Spike.” She said pointing at Spike.” Immediately the room was filled with gasps. “AND...” Buffy continued. “This is Xander, my brother.” This earned another pair of gasps.

“Spike, Xander, these are my friends: Willow, Oz, Giles, Danny.” Spike could barely supress a growl when he saw the man named Danny. “Lilly, Rosy and Jody,” she said pointing to the three girls. “They dance with me at the club.”

After ten minutes of talking they were all seated at the dinnertable with food on their plates.

“Everything’s allright with the baby?” Buffy asked. Spike looked around the table; he hadn’t noticed that someone was pregnant.

The blonde female Lilly answered back.
“Yes, Danny and I went to the hospital yesterday and everything’s fine,” she said. “Danny’s so exicted.” She smiled at her boyfriend who was seated next to her. “He can’t wait to become a father.”

Spike sighed of relief. There couldn’t be something between his girl and this Danny now. He was becoming a father and obviously dating her friend. He looked beside him; Emma was sitting next to him. She was silently eating. He smiled at her.

They were talking and eating for a couple of minutes when Danny opened his mouth again.

“Are you coming to work Monday, Buffy?” Danny asked her. Spike looked at him with surpise.

“I don’t know, I don’t think so.” She said, smiling at Spike. She saw his look of confusing. “He works at the club, he’s the bartender.”

Spike nodded. ‘He knew the man from somewhere.’

“How are you dealing with it man?” Danny asked him.

“Dealing with what?” Spike asked him, not knowing what the man was talking about, he had a lot of dealing to do lately.

“With Buffy working at the club? I mean, I met Lilly at the club, but I still don’t like her working there. At least I’m there to keep the men off of her,” he joked.

“He hates it,” Buffy said. “But he knows that I don’t have another choice.”

Spike nodded. “I’ll find a solution.” He said to Danny.

Buffy looked at him with confusion. “Solution?”

“For a different job, so you don’t have to work there anymore.”

Buffy looked at him, becoming angry. “But I like it there, and I make good money. It’s not your decision.”

Her friends noticed that there was probably going to be a fight so Danny decided to change the subject.

“So, how do you know Buffy, Spike?” He asked him, hoping they would stop fighting.

Spike and Buffy stopped arguing, looking at him. Danny didn’t know about their past, only the girls and Giles knew.

The room became quiet when the little girl opened her mouth. “He’s my daddy.”

Everyone looked at the young girl with surpise on her face. Especially Buffy and Spike.

“Why do you think that sweetie?” Buffy asked her daughter, decided to play it on the safe-side.

“Because you call him Spike. You called him Spike at breakfast,” Emma explained.

Buffy and Spike looked at each other. “You *are* my daddy, right?” Emma asked Spike with tears in her eyes. He looked at Buffy who looked at her daughter with tears in her eyes.

“Yes nibblet, I’m your daddy.” He smiled when he suddenly had a arm full of his daughter.

“I knew you would come back.” She whispered into his ear.









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AN: Thanks to chrissnicole, Stine, Debbie, jeanie, Nemo, DaniD, Spiked_Slayer, marstersgirl13, Tuesday, cordykitten, SarahandJamesFanatic, frederique, jerry and SpaceLord for your wondeful reviews!


- Spikegirl

AN: God, I'm so sorry that it took me so long to update! I had a lot of stuff going on and I'm still searching for a beta. I've been sending emails to a lot of different betas but either they don't respond or they don't have the time. if anyone knows a good beta, please let me know, otherwise I won't be able to update.

Again, I'm very sorry that I took so long.

- Spikegirl

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Chapter 11: What happens now?

It had been an exciting night. Everyone wanted to know what the story was between her and Spike. Buffy had told them a little part of their history, but she kept the details between her and Spike, she needed to know for sure that everything was going to be alright when she would tell her friends. She didn’t want to give them and herself high hopes. After telling everyone the story between Buffy and Spike her friends finally left, leaving Spike, Xander and Buffy alone in the house. Buffy had already put Emma in bed.

“So, that was something,” Xander said to Buffy and Spike with a smile which they returned.

“Yep, I have some friends.” She always felt better when she had seen her friends. She was glad her friends accepted her brother and Spike into their lives. She remembered when she met a guy and she had invited him to dinner. Her friends had pretty much chased the guy away, telling Buffy that he wasn’t good enough for her and that he was a big asshole that needed a good whipping! Later, Buffy discovered that the guy was big player that fucked almost every girl in town. She was really lucky with friends like hers.

“They’re nice though,” Spike said, really liking their friends. They were interesting people. Even though he wasn’t really happy about most of them working at the club he really did like them. He needed to talk to Buffy about her job. Her friends had interrupted their disagreement, but Spike still thought that he didn’t say anything wrong. He just didn’t like her working there; she should do something else, especially since she was a mother. A mother shouldn’t work in a place like that. Okay, so it was a respectable club, but being a stripper just wasn’t right. Not for Buffy, she deserved more then that. He just wanted to make her see that. He did understand that she didn’t have many options because she didn’t finish highschool, but she could try and find another job. Besides, he would definitely be willing to help out. He had a lot of money; both inherited from his grandfather and made of his own with his job as a singer and guitarist.

“I liked them to,” Xander told Buffy. He wasn’t sure if he actually liked them, they were nice but he didn’t like them working at the club. He had a lot of time to think things through and he decided that he didn’t like Buffy’s life one bit. He wanted to be a better brother for her but he just couldn’t let her live her life like that. And Buffy’s friends were ties to the club that she didn’t need when he would convince her to stop stripping. This wasn’t the life that he wanted for his little sister. He knew that he didn’t have any say in her life, especially since he wasn’t in it for a long time, but didn’t she understand that this wasn’t the way to live her life? She had Emma to think about, she should be more responsible! He didn’t want Emma to have to tell her friends that her mother was a stripper. He needed to tell his sister that.

Buffy was really happy. They both liked her friends, but the most important thing was that Emma finally knew who her father was and that Spike wanted to be her father. She didn’t really think that he would abandon them, but she could never know for sure.

“I’m glad you like them, they’re like family to me,” She said, which was completely true. They really felt like her family, they were always there for her when she needed them. She couldn’t imagine her life without them. They were really great to Emma to, and her daughter was really looking forward to the new baby.

“Talking about family, I haven’t seen Dawn yet. I figured she was in college or something,” Xander told Buffy, he really wanted to see Dawn again. But he was also afraid, afraid what she would think of him. He knew she probably hated him; he wouldn’t be surprised of that. And knowing Dawn, she probably wouldn’t forgive him very soon.

“Yes, she’s in college. She’ll be back for a week on Wednesday,” Buffy explained.

“She’s doing okay?”

“Yes, she is doing great actually. She knows that it had been hard to get the money for her to actually go to collage so she’s really giving it all she’s got. She’s a good girl, very smart to. Her teacher once called me to tell me that I had a wonderful sister. She has a boyfriend too, well kinda.” She saw Spike’s and Xander’s confused look. “There’s a guy she likes, they’ve been going out for a couple of times but it isn’t serious yet.”

Xander nodded. He didn’t like to think about his little sister with some boy, but he knew that he didn’t have anything to say about that. He just wanted the guy to treat her right; he didn’t want her to be like Buffy. He loved Buffy, but she had made a lot of wrongs choices in her life. He didn’t want Dawn to do that; he would help her make the right decisions.

“You got the money for college from stripping?” Xander asked her.

Buffy looked at him with big eyes. ‘Was he suspecting something? No, he couldn’t be, not Xander. Her brother didn’t figure things out on his own.’

“Yeah,” She carefully said to him. “I worked extra for her, so she could go to college. I just want her to have a better life, a better job than I do. She deserves it.”

Xander looked down, feeling guilty. Buffy looked at him, she knew that they had to talk but she didn’t feel like it. She wasn’t ready to forgive him yet, not now, probably not ever. She first wanted to talk to Spike, which was her main priority because it also concerned Emma.

Spike looked at Xander before moving towards him and whispering something into his ear. Xander hesitated for a moment before nodding. “I have to go home,” he told Buffy. “I’ll see you soon, thanks for dinner.” He nodded before walking out of the door towards the hotel.

Buffy looked at Spike. “What did you say to him?”

“I just told him that I wanted to talk to you and that he needed to go.” He smiled at her, hoping that she was okay with that. He really did want to talk to her.

“Alright. What do you want to talk about?”

“Emma.”

Buffy nodded. “You start,” she said, not wanting to go first. Besides, he deserved to go first after everything she did to him, hiding the fact that he had a daughter and everything.

“I already told you I want to be a part of her life. But we need to talk about how we are going to do that exactly. I mean, I’m definitely falling in love with her and I don’t want to be away from her, but I do have a job and a life back in Los Angeles.” Buffy looked at him with tears in her eyes. She didn’t want him to leave, not like Xander did.

“Don’t worry, you and Emma are much more important to me than my friends in LA.”

Buffy smiled at him. “But I still have my job, I worked very hard for it and I can’t just quit. We’re pretty famous back there and I have the bandmembers to think about, not just Xander but the others to. We need to talk about that.” He saw that Buffy wasn’t happy about that. He just hoped she’d understand, he couldn’t give them a decent life without an income. Besides, he wanted to be a singer ever since he was 11 years old. He couldn’t just give up his dream; it meant the world to him.

“There’s nothing to talk about,” Buffy said.

Spike looked at her, starting to get angry himself. “Why the hell not?” He sighed, she always did that. “Buffy, just because you don’t like the subject doesn’t mean that we don’t have to talk about it.”

Buffy sighed. “It’s not that. I mean yes…I don’t like the subject. But it’s not my decision to make; it’s your life. *You* have to decide what’s more important, I can’t do that for you.” She tried really hard to keep the tears inside, but it wasn’t working. Tears were falling from her eyes. ‘Why did everyone leave? Wasn’t she important enough? What did it take?’

Spike clenched his teeth. He couldn’t stand it when women cried, especially not women he cared about. He wanted nothing more then take her into his arms and comfort her, but he knew he couldn’t. He didn’t know what to do. He didn’t want to leave her and Emma, but he didn’t want to give up his job either.

“Why don’t you come with me to LA?” Spike asked her, thinking he had found the perfect solution. It would be perfect, he didn’t have to lose them and he didn’t have to lose his job either.

Buffy shook her head. “I can’t.”

“Why the hell not?” He didn’t understand her. ‘What does she have here? She could give up stripping; she didn’t want to be a bloody stripper since she was 11 years old!’

“I have my life here; Emma’s school, my job, my house, my friends. Everyone and everything I love is right here in this town,” she explained.

“So what about me?”

Buffy looked at him with a confused expression; did he know that she loved him? She hadn’t said anything. Spike didn’t notice that she was confused and continued talking.

“I should just give up *my* life to be with you, but you won’t give up your life to be me? That’s really fair, Buffy!” He was yelling now. He couldn’t understand her, did she really think that his job, his life wasn’t important?

‘Oh.’ She thought. ‘He thinks it’s unfair, thank god he doesn’t know that I love him.’ She didn’t want him to know yet, she would tell him... when the time was right.

“I didn’t ASK you to give up your life for me! It’s your decision not mine and besides what the hell do you have in LA? Women who throw their panties at you? Some stupid job that you can do here in Sunnydale! You only have to think of yourself; I have my daughter and sister to think about! And LA? That isn’t exactly a city to raise a kid in.”

“You were raised in LA! You turned out just fine!”

“I’m a fucking stripper!”

They both didn’t know what to say anymore. They understood that things weren’t going to work out if they continued yelling at each other.

“So what happens now?” Buffy asked him, giving him an insecure look. She didn’t know what to do now, she wanted to be with him so mad it hurts but she knew that she couldn’t get everything that she wanted, her life was proof of that. She saw Spike looking at her with tears in his eyes.

“I don’t know.”





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AN: Thanks so much to SpaceLord, Nemo, Chrissnicole, Tuesday, Debbie, Briana, frederique, DaniD, Spiked_Slayer, marstersgirl13, SarahandJamesFanatic, jt, daisy, luxferi and cordykitten for your reviews, they put a big goofy smile on my face ;)

- Spikegirl

AN: God, I can't say how sorry I am that I haven't updated this story so long. I know that I promised you guys that it wouldn't take so long this time, but ... first let me say that I just 'HATE' my computer. I've lost EVERYTHING. I'd lost this chapter, the next... I had to start all over. But it won't happen again, because from now on, I'm sending every chapter to my email so when my pc breaks down I still have those chapters.
Again, I'm so sorry and thanks for your patience.

xxx

Spikegirl


Chapter 12: Each other

Buffy was making Emma some breakfast. Last night didn’t go well at all. She and Spike didn’t have an answer to their problem; she didn’t want to leave Sunnydale and he didn’t want to leave LA. She understood that his life was there, but she just didn’t see why a band was that important. She hated the job, she lost her brother because of it and she didn’t want to lose the father of her child and the love of her life to the job. When the two agreed that they weren’t going to find a solution that night Spike had said it was getting late and left.

“Are you going to pick me up from school today, mommy?” Her daughter asked her, shaking Buffy from her thoughts. She looked at her daughter and smiled.

“Yes sweetie, mommy’s going to pick you up from school. I promise,” she told her daughter who smiled at her. Willow would pick Emma up sometimes when Buffy had to work. Buffy didn’t only work at nights; sometimes she worked in the afternoon. She wasn’t only a stripper at the club, she was a waitress too. Buffy sighed, she had to many jobs. But if it meant that she could support Dawn and Emma she wouldn’t give any of them up. Even though she was a prostitute, stripper and waiter. Thank god she had stopped doing so much of the first job, she hated it. She hated sleeping with guys for money, they usually weren’t that bad, it wasn’t like they hurt her or anything but just the thought of them made her sick. She was happy that she hadn’t had any money problems lately, because if she did she had to go back to being a prostitute again and that was the last thing she wanted... well that and that Spike would leave her.

Forty minutes later Buffy had dropped Emma off at school and was now sitting at Willow’s table.

“Is everthing alright?” Willow asked her best friend; she could immediately see when something was up with her. They knew each other that well.

“No, it’s really not,” Buffy shook her head. “Everything’s just so messed up. The entire thing with Spike and Xander. We talked last night, Spike and me. He said that he wants to be with us but he also said that he couldn’t quit his job. You know, sometimes he’s just like Xander!” She almost yelled.

“What do you mean?”

“Well Xander left me... and for what?! Just to become famous and to have every girl throwing themselves at them. They’re both just jerks! And what about Anya, you know Xander’s girlfriend,” Buffy continued without waiting for an answer from her friend. “She seemed like such a nice woman, but I know that his job will always come first. Doesn’t she hate that? I know I would.”

“Maybe she understands that it’s what he always wanted.” Willow tried to tell her.

“And so I don’t? I don’t understand that it’s Spike’s big dream? I do know that Willow, do you think I don’t know that? I can’t ask him to give up his life for me, but he can’t ask me to let him go either. What am I going to do Will?”

“Do you really love him?”

Buffy looked at her with tears in her eyes. “Yes I do, I’ve never loved a man more then I love him.”

“Then tell him that. Tell him that you love him and think about what’s keeping you here. And then see what’s more important.”

“I already know what’s keeping me here,” Buffy told her. “My whole life is here, my friends, my jobs. And not just mine; Emma’s school is here, her friends. And besides, I’ve lived in that house for almost 12 years now. I grew up here, I just can’t leave this place.”

“Yes you can. You won’t lose us because you live in another city. And your job? You can get another job, a better job. I know you like things at the club but you also once told me that you want Emma to have a mother who has a normal job, and you want a normal job to. A job where you don’t have to take your clothes off. Do you remember that you told me that?” She saw Buffy nod. “And Emma can go to another school, sure she has friends here but remember when you left LA to go to Sunnydale, you made even better friends here. Sometimes you have to let the past go and move forward. And Spike is the future, for you and Emma.”

“But why do I have to be the one who always has to sacrifice everything?”

“I don’t know. But I know that you’re strong and I know you’ll make it.”

“Okay, so I know what to do with Spike, even though I’m still not sure if I’m going to do it... but what about Xander? I can just tell that he doesn’t like the life that I’m living.”

“Well, it’s not his business. He decided to not be a part of your life anymore, you have to decide if you want to let him back in again. It’s not his call. I think you need to call him and ask him to come over. Then just talk, let it all out.”

Buffy sighed. “I can’t, I have to pick up Emma from school.”

“Don’t worry, I’ll pick her up. What are friends for right?” Willow smiled at her best friend. She really hoped that things would be better for her friend, she went through some of the most terrible things and she just wanted it all to be over. She wanted her friend to have some peace.


It was eight o’clock when Xander rang the doorbell. Buffy had called him a couple of hours ago, asking him to come over after dinner. He had asked her if he should bring Spike, but she had refused, saying that she and him had some things to talk about and she would talk to Spike some other time. He didn’t know if he should be happy or scared. He needed to get some things off his chest to, especially about her life but he knew that she probably had some things to say first.

“I’m glad you could make it.” He heard his little sister say after she had opened the door. She motioned for him to come in, so he did and walked to the couch to take a seat.

“So,” Buffy said.

“So.”

“We really need to talk.”

Xander nodded. “I agree.”

“Do you want to start first or...?”

“No, you can start.”

“Alright. Well, I think we should just be honest with each other and just tell what’s on our minds, alright?” She waited untill her brother nodded his approval. “Okay, well... I’m hurt; I guess I should start with that. I’m hurt because you left us, me and Dawn that is. I’m hurt because I called you so many times and you never once called back. I’m hurt because you basically told me to leave LA when I came to visit you, I’m hurt because you don’t care about us, but I’m mostly hurt because you didn’t come to our mother’s funeral. And I’m also angry, angry for so many things. Not just because of the things I just mentioned. I had to deal with *so* much since mom died. I had to support Dawn and raise a child when I was only 17 years old. I needed my big brother and you weren’t there.” She was crying now, she could still feel the pain inside of her. She thought she had gotten over it but she hadn’t.

“I’m so sorry Buffy,” Xander started. “I don’t know what else to say...”

“Just tell me why. Why didn’t you come back to us?”

“I...”

“Why Xander?” Buffy begged him to tell her.

“Because for once in my life I didn’t have to care for anyone but me!” He yelled.

Buffy looked at him. “What?” She whispered.

Xander took a deep breath. “Since mom left dad I had to take care for all of you; mom, you, Dawn. I couldn’t take it anymore, I did everything: the dishes, laundry, I cooked, cleaned... I did everything. Mom had been sick for a while; I wasn’t allowed to tell you. She had stopped working at the gallery and I covered for her, I started working at the gallery as many hours as I could without it affecting my schoolwork or the band. And I wanted to be famous Buffy, god I wanted it so bad. I wanted to be free, to only have to take care of myself and I got my wish. We went to LA and we’re a big hit there Buffy. A big hit! And the only person I have to take care of was me!”

Buffy didn’t know what to say for a moment. She couldn’t believe it. “So you’re saying that you were tired of taking care of us?” She asked him with disbelief.

Xander nodded. “I was just so tired Buffy, tired of taking care of three people when I was only eighteen years old.”

Buffy nodded, trying to hold back more tears that wanted to come out. “How long was she sick?”

“What?”

“How long did you have to take care of us?”

Xander thought back. “For about a year.”

Buffy looked at him. “A year? My god Xander! I have been taking care of Emma and Dawn for almost 6 years!! And you think I’m not tired? I work 6 days a week and I also cook and clean. But I wouldn’t abbondon my family for the world! Especially not for some stupid job where I can have the time of my life with women throwing their panties at me!”

“You didn’t know what it was like!”

“No, I didn’t,” Buffy tried to remain calm but she just couldn’t. She couldn’t believe the reason why he had left them. It was just so stupid. “But you also have no idea what my life was and is still like.”

“I wanted to talk to you about that. I want you to quit your job!”

“What?”

“I don’t want you working there anymore. You know what it’s like to know that your sister is taking her clothes off for any man who has money?”

‘That’s not the only thing I do for men with money.’ She thought to herself, but fortunely she had enough control to not let it out.

Xander continued. “And to know that she enjoys it? How can you live like that Buff? How can you enjoy having all these men stare at you like your nothing but a piece of meat? Does Emma know she has a mother who’s practically a whore.”

“I like that job because I have family there. People who don’t get tired after taking care of another familymember for a year! And even if I didn’t like it, I have no choice. Without that job, I wouldn’t have an income and Emma wouldn’t be able to go to school. So where my job is concerned... shut the fuck up!”

“Buffy…?”

“No, you know what... I’m done. I’m done with you and I’m done with anyone who tries to tell me how to live my life! Even with being a stripper I know that I’m a better person than you are. I love my family and I would do *anything* to keep them safe. I work my ass off for them and I wouldn’t stop doing that even if I had to do that for over a hundred years! I won’t quit caring about them after a year and I sure as hell won’t question their way of living when I don’t know what the hell they’ve been through! When Dawn has a child I am going to be the best fucking aunt in the whole world and I won’t leave my niece or nephew for some stupid job! So if you ever, and I mean ever try to tell me how to live my life I swear I will hurt you so bad that you’ll beg me for forgiveness! Now get the hell out of my house and never come back!”

Xander looked at her with disgust in his eyes before walking out of the door. When Buffy heard the door slam she broke down in tears. Suddenly she felt two arms wrap around her and she pulled back, pushing the person away.

“It’s me,” she heard.

Buffy looked up. “Dawn? What are you doing here?”

“I came back earlier, I wanted to surprise you. But I guess I’m the one who got surprised.”

“You heard?” Buffy asked her, god she didn’t want her sister to hear the things she said.

“Everything, I wanted to go inside and tell him exactely what I thought of him but I knew that you needed it more then I do. I still hope to you see him one day to kick his ass though.” She smiled when her sister gave a short laugh. “I don’t care about him that much, so don’t worry about me. I was 12 years old when he left us, and I never really had a good relationship with him, not like you did. I stopped caring about him a long time ago. He isn’t worth having a piece of my heart,” she told her big sister.

Buffy moved to her little sister and put her arms around her. “We’re going to make it right?” Dawn asked her with a tone that made her sound like she was a little girl.

“Of course we will Dawnie, we have for almost 6 years now, we don’t need him. We have each other, don’t we?”

“We have each other.”


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AN: thanks so much to everyone who reviewed, you guys are great. I wouldn't know what to do without you.

AN: Thanks so much to Gotkona for betaing this chapter!!! You're great :P


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Chapter 13: A whore... you know, she who sleeps with men for money



“I’m surprised Emma’s still sleeping after all the yelling you did,” Dawn told her sister when they were both sitting on the couch with a cup of hot chocolate in their hands.

“She’s with Willow; she offered to watch her for me while I talked to Xander. She’s also taking her to school tomorrow; I didn’t want to pick her up that late.”

Dawn nodded. “I can’t wait to see her though, I haven’t seen her in three whole weeks. I missed her so much.”

Buffy smiled at her little sister. Emma and Dawn were really closed; they did a lot of things together. Dawn was really a great aunt and she took every chance to spoil her niece. Dawn was very supportive when Buffy had found out she was pregnant; she had helped her through tough times. She was even with her when Emma was born. Dawn also helped Buffy after Emma was born. She got a job despite Buffy’s pleading not to, and she babysat Emma when Buffy was at work. Dawn didn’t like her jobs either, but she understood why she had to do it. She was grateful for all the things Buffy did for her, but she also felt guilty. She felt like she was the reason why Buffy was a prostitute and stripper. But Buffy had told her many times that she didn’t have anything to feel guilty over and that she would sleep with thousands of men if that meant that she would know that she was taken care of.

“She missed you too,” Buffy told her. Emma cried every time Dawn went away to college. And before she would leave, Dawn had to promise her that she would come back as soon as possible.

Buffy was really lucky she had a little sister like Dawn. She was sometimes worried about her, worried that she would end up like her. She didn’t hate her life. She loved her daughter and sister and she wouldn’t want her life to be any different. She did hate the prostituting though, but she couldn’t have supported her daughter and sister without it. And she also hated the fact that her brother was such an asshole and that he left her, but if he didn’t, she wouldn’t have Emma. So at least she had one thing to thank him for.

“So... what else happened while I was away?” Dawn asked her sister. She really wanted to hear the whole story about Xander.

Buffy looked at her with an expression Dawn couldn’t figure out. “What?” She asked her big sister.

“You don’t want to know,” Buffy answered her.

Dawn shook her head. “I don’t think so Buffy, tell me.”

“Well... okay, if you really want to know... Xander isn’t the only one who came back,” she started.

Dawn looked at her with an confused look on her face. ”Who else came back?“

“Spike. Spike came back too,” Buffy said, answering her sister’s silent question.

“Holy shit!”

“Dawn, language!”

Dawn took a deep breath. “I’m sorry, it’s just... wow! Are you okay?”

“I’m fine,” Buffy answered, also nodding to confirm she really was all right. “It was just so hard. They first saw me when I was dancing at the club.”

Dawn wanted to say something, but she first wanted to hear the whole story so she remained quiet.

“I was just ready to go home when I heard Spike and Xander calling my name. Well, Xander called me Buffy and Spike called me Anne. After Spike realized who I really was they both started yelling at me, demanding answers that I couldn’t give them at that point. After that I saw Spike again at the shop. We kissed and I invited him and Xander to have dinner with me. So they came that night and because of everything that was going on, I forgot that Emma would come home. They saw her. I did tell them that she was my daughter and then Spike was really mad at me. We started talking in the kitchen. I first hoped that they wouldn’t notice who she really was, but when I heard Spike yelling my name I knew that the cat was out of the bag. I was so scared I didn’t know what to do. I decided that telling the truth would be best so I told him everything. He wasn’t exactly happy. He ran out of the house and Xander comforted me. I understand now that he only did that so I would trust him. But anyway, I went to the club to work off some frustrations and Spike was there. He told me that we needed to talk, which we did. We talked a lot and he told me that he wanted to be with both me and Emma, but that he wouldn’t give up his job.” She looked at Dawn when she finished talking about the last couple of days.

“Wow,” was the only thing that Dawn could come up with. “Wow.”

Buffy laughed. “Tell me about it.”

“So what happens now?” Dawn asked her.

“I don’t know. I talked to Willow about it and she told me that I should think about moving to Los Angeles with Spike. I told her that I couldn’t leave because I have my life here. But she told me that I wouldn’t lose her or any of my other friends and that I could get another job in LA and Emma could go to another school there.”

“But LA isn’t exactely a city where you can raise a little girl in.”

Buffy smiled. “I know, that’s what I told Spike too,” she sighed before continuing. “I just need to think about it, I can’t make my decision now. I have to be sure before I tell him.”

Dawn nodded. “I’ll move wherever you go, you know that right? You don’t have to stay here because of me.” She didn’t want to be the reason that her sister couldn’t be with the man she loved. Besides, it didn’t really matter where she lived as long as she was with her sister and her niece. She would miss the house because she lived there for so long and because it was the place where she had last seen her mother, but she knew that she had to stop living in the past. She had to think of the future, and she wanted Buffy to have a great one.

Buffy nodded. “Thanks Dawnie. I know that I need to follow my heart, but I’m not sure if he would even want me to move to Los Angeles to be with him,” she told her sister with a sad look. She didn’t even know if he would even want to look at her when he would find out.

“What are you talking about? You just told me that he wants to be with you!”

“Yes, now!” She yelled, before taking a deep breath, remembering that she wasn’t mad at her sister... just with the whole situation. She hated her life; the minute she thought things were going to be okay something would happen to make it completely screwed up again. “He doesn’t know about my other job yet,” she whispered, almost hoping that her sister wouldn’t hear her.

“Ow. He doesn’t know about the pro...” she trailed off.

“Nope, completely clueless.” Buffy nodded, yep, things were going to be completely screwed up again if he would find out.

“That’s ba... not good, definitely not good.”

“Thanks Dawnie,” Buffy said with sarcasm.

“I’m sorry, it’s just that this definitely isn’t good. What are you going to tell him? Well it’s obvious what, but how?”

“I don’t know.” She shook her head. “What about, ‘Hi honey I do want to move with you to Los Angeles oh and by the way I’m also a hooker, well *was* actually, because I only sleep with men for money when I’m short on cash! What was that? Oh how many men I’ve slept with? Oh I don’t know... a couple of hundred maybe?!’ ” She ended with a sob. He would hate her. He would hate her and he would hate Emma.

Dawn wrapped her arms around her sister again. “Don’t worry Buffy, he will accept it; it’s in the past. There’s nothing any of you can do about it. It will turn out all right, I can feel it Buffy.”

Buffy could hear her sister whispering promises into her ears, she heard them... she just didn’t believe them.

~*~ ~*~

Buffy was walking towards Spike’s hotel, and she was walking fast. It was already very dark and she really wanted, no *needed* to talk to Spike about their disagreement. She and Dawn had been talking for a long time and they both decided that it would be best if she would just tell Spike about being a prostitute. She didn’t want to lie to him and she needed to know if he would be okay with it. She wasn’t a complete fool; she knew she could expect a lot of yelling and cursing, but she hoped that he wouldn’t think less of her and that he would still want to be with her.

She just turned around the corner when she saw him standing there, outside of the hotel, smoking a cigarette. She walked towards him slowly; he didn’t see her yet.

“Hello, Buffy,” Spike said when she was close enough to hear him, not turning to look at her.

“How... how did you...?”

He looked at her. She gasped; his eyes were filled with pain and sadness.

“I always know when you’re around,” he said, answering her question.

Buffy nodded with a smile. “Right, ehm.. we need to talk.” She told him, hoping that he was ready to talk because they really needed to talk everything out and she needed to tell him that she was a prostitute now. She didn’t want to wait any longer. She was afraid that she wouldn’t have the courage to tell him another time.

“Alright,” he said, throwing the cigarette away. “Talk.”

“Okay,” she started. She took a deep breath before continuing. “I know that you can’t move to Sunnydale. I understand that you want to stay in LA because of your job; I know that you’ve wanted to be in a band for so long. And I’ve made my decision about how I want us to continue.”

Spike looked at her with a questioning look, desperately needing to know her decision. He wanted her to move with him to LA so much, but he knew that he couldn’t ask her to give up her life for him when he didn’t want to do it himself.

“But before I tell you my decision, I need you to know something about me.” She looked at him with fear in her eyes. God she was so scared that he would look at her with disgust. She wouldn’t be able to stand that. She didn’t want to tell him but she knew that she had to, it was her responsibility.

“What is it?” Spike asked her. He saw the fear in her eyes and was concerned for the reason. He needed to know something about her? He knew everything there was... didn’t he? Was she married? He looked at her hands, no... no ring. What the bleeding hell was going on?

“Can we...” She trailed off, motioning towards her right to indicate that she wanted to take a walk. When she saw Spike nod, she started walking. “When Xander left us I started looking for a job, I couldn’t find a good one since I was still in high school and didn’t have any experience, so I ended up at the Doublemeat Palace. It wasn’t exactly a good job; the people weren’t nice and the pay was awful, but it was enough to get by. My mom still worked at the gallery so we had a nice income. But then... then she died and the nice income was gone. So I started looking for a better job, a better paying one. But of course I couldn’t find one, they weren’t exactly looking for a girl who didn’t finish high school and didn’t have any experience. I didn’t have a job for two whole months, until we were completely broke. We didn’t have any food anymore, nothing to drink... we didn’t have anything. The only reason we were still living in our house was because my mom took care of it for us so we didn’t have to worry about that,” she told him. He was looking at her with pain in his eyes, pain for her. She smiled at that, it meant that he really did care for her, cared about her pain.

She continued. “I needed to have job, and fast! I was desperate so I... I started to...” She stopped, taking a minute to hold back the tears. This was it; she had to tell him, there was no going back now.

“What? Buffy, what’s wrong?” He was really concerned now. What did she have to do? What did she want to tell him?

“I was a hooker.” She whispered, looking at her shoes. She was to afraid to look at him. She wouldn’t be able to stand the look in his eyes.

“What?!” He yelled at her, hoping that he hadn’t just heard what he thought he just heard.

She looked into his eyes. “A hooker, a prostitute, a whore... you know, she who sleeps with men for money.” She didn’t know why she did it, but she immediately flew into the defensive. She made a lot of bad choices, but being a prostitute wasn’t one of them. If she hadn’t had the job, she wouldn’t have been able to support her sister or daughter. She wasn’t a stripper before, she hadn’t thought about that job, but she would do it all again if she had to.

“No! No!” he shook his head. He couldn’t believe it. He could live with the stripping, but not... not with this. Why? Why would she do something like that? Having... God he couldn’t even say it. “Why in the hell would you do something like that?!”

“I needed the money,” she whispered.

“You could’ve done something else... you could’ve asked someone for help, you could’ve gone to me!”

She looked at him with anger in her eyes. “Yes, like you were so there for me when I needed you before!” She was so angry that she hadn’t realized that they had stopped walking. Neither did she realize that they were almost standing in front of her house.

“Don’t blame this on me! I didn’t even know I had a daughter!” He yelled at her.

“I’m not talking about Emma! I’m talking about when my mother died! She thought of you like her own son and you didn’t even come to the fucking funeral!” She yelled back.

Spike was really pissed now. How could she turn the conversation around like that? It was about her being a bloody whore, not about him not coming to the funeral. Okay he was really sorry about that, but they weren’t discussing it right now!

“Don’t change the bleeding subject! We’re talking about you right now! I still want to know why!”

“Because I didn’t have a choice. I needed to support my sister and my daughter,” she tried to explain.

“You’re dau... You were fucking other men while you were pregnant with my baby?!” God, he really wanted to hit something... someone. He suddenly felt very sick. He was seeing this image; Buffy fucking other men while being pregnant with his daughter.

“No! God no, I would never do something like that.” The minute she found out she was pregnant she made the decision to stop prostituting herself, the thought of having sex with another man while Spike’s baby was inside of her made her sick. Having sex with men for money made her sick, but that was just too much.

‘Thank god!’ he thought. He knew that he shouldn’t have thought that, because deep down he know that Buffy would never do a thing like that, but he also thought that she would never prostitute herself. He was trying really hard to understand, but he knew that that probably wasn’t going to happen. And he thought that he had had some shitty jobs in the past.

“Look, I’m not even doing it anymore. I haven’t been doing it for a long time now. I’m a fulltime stripper now; I make enough money. I don’t need to do that stuff anymore. I know it’s a lot to take in, I just need to...”

He saw she was just barely holding back her tears. He was really angry at her, but he was still a sucker for seeing women cry, especially women he loved. He always hated the thought of prostitutes. He didn’t understand how anyone could go to women for sex like that. He wanted to hate Buffy for sleeping with other men, with so many men, but he couldn’t. He hated himself for being so weak.

“What?” he said with a calm voice.

“I just need to know if you still care for me.” She looked at him, tears freely falling down her cheek. She couldn’t stand the idea of him not caring about her anymore.

He cupped her cheek, wiping away her tears. “I will *always* care for you, always.” He told her. He was telling the truth, nothing would ever make him stop caring about her. Even when she was just a little girl, he cared about her.

“But?” Buffy said, knowing that that wasn’t all he wanted to say.

He sighed, clenching his jaw. “But I really need to think about all this. I’m trying very hard not to scream right now... I just really need some time to think.” And with that he turned around, walking back towards the hotel.

‘Yes,’ she thought, still crying while looking at his back as he walked away from her. ‘Everything’s screwed up again.’











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AN: Thanks so much to: daisy, jt, Stine, Gotkona, Debbie, Klai, Tuesday, Saya, SpaceLord, DaniD, Opal, SarahandJamesFanatic and Nemo for giving me such great reviews!!!!!

Spikegirl

AN: Only a couple of chapters left before this story is finished. I have an idea for a new story that I'm going to write.

I hope you guys are still with me on this story, I know I haven't been updating frequently and I'm very sorry for that... really feeling like a broken record now.

But here's chapter 14, hope you guys will enjoy it.

xxx

Spikegirl



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Chapter 14: Same ideas

It had been two weeks since Buffy and Spike had had their confrontation about her being a prostitute. Spike needed time and even though Buffy wanted nothing more than to be with him, she knew that she needed to give him the time that he needed. She wanted things to be okay between them, but it wasn’t up to her to make that decision. Spike needed to see that she had a hard time and that she needed to make some hard decisions. She really didn’t regret them, she hated having sex with those men, but it was something that she had to do to support her family. She couldn’t imagine how Emma would have lived if she hadn’t taken that job.

Even though Spike needed time from Buffy, he didn’t need time from his daughter. Spike had called Buffy a couple of times if it was all right if he picked up Emma from school. They were very brief conversations, but Buffy told him that it was okay. She was happy that he wanted to continue spending time with his daughter. So he would pick her up after school and then he would take her to the beach or to a restaurant. Emma loved it; she loved spending time with her father.

Then there was Xander, her oh-so-loveable brother. She hadn’t spoken to him either and she really didn’t want to. She wasn’t angry at him anymore, she was just tired of it. Xander didn’t have a place in her heart anymore, he wasn’t her brother anymore. He obviously didn’t care about her, Dawn, and Emma so why should she care about him?

Buffy was thinking about everything that happened the last couple of weeks while she was preparing lunch for her and Emma. Dawn had gone to the beach with some of her old friends. She was making pancakes, Emma loved pancakes and Buffy decided that it was best to give her something she really liked before she heard the news that she was going to tell her daughter.

“Emma, your pancakes are ready!” She shouted to her daughter who was watching television. Emma came running to the kitchen, practically drooling for the delicious pancakes that were placed on the kitchen table.

“Be careful sweetie, it’s still hot,” she told her daughter.

Buffy sat down on the chair across from her daughter. She was eating her second pancake (Emma was busy with her fourth) when she decided that she had to tell her the news, she couldn’t wait any longer, it wasn’t fair. But before she could tell her, Emma asked her a question.

“Mom, why aren’t you and Daddy together? When daddy and I go to the beach, you aren’t with us and when we go to the park he aren’t with us either.”

It came as a shock when Emma first called Spike her daddy, but it just felt so right.

Buffy usually corrected her, saying that it isn’t ‘aren’t’, but ‘isn’t’, but she didn’t feel like it right now. She didn’t know what to tell her little girl.

“Baby, Daddy and I… we’ve been very busy and we didn’t want you to feel alone so we took… turns.” She said, trying to sound believable, but it even sounded lame to her. She hated lying to her daughter, but telling her that she use to be a prostitute was just a little to much for her, she wanted to wait before telling her that… wait for about a hundred years.

“But I actually wanted to ask you something. First let me ask you this; do you know where Daddy lives?”

Emma nodded. “In Los Angel.”

Buffy nodded. “Yes, in Los Angeles. And we live in Sunnydale. It’s a long drive from our home to Daddy’s home…”

“So we won’t be able to see Daddy anymore?” she asked her mother with tears in her eyes. She didn’t want Daddy to leave her, she loved her daddy. She had already lived too long without him, she wasn’t going to lose him now!

“No matter what, we’ll see Daddy again. But sweetie, it would be a lot easier to see Daddy if we lived in the same city as him. If we also lived in Los Angeles then we could see him everyday if we wanted to.

Emma looked at her mother with big eyes, obviously not getting what her mother was trying to say to her.

“Would you like to live in Los Angeles, with daddy?”

“YES!!!!” Emma screamed, walking around the table to hug her mother. “I don’t want to be without Daddy.”

“Oh sweetie, you won’t. I promise you, you won’t.”

Spike and she had a lot to talk about because Buffy wanted to live in LA without actually living at Spike’s house. She didn’t want her daughter to be apart from her father anymore, and she knew in heart that Spike didn’t want that either. Even if she and Spike never got back together, her daughter would at least not be without her father.

~*~

After having dinner with Emma and Dawn she decided that she should call Spike to tell him the news. She wanted to know what he thought about it and she needed to tell him what she was planning on doing.

She picked up the phone and dialled his cell phone number. She was about to give up when she heard his voice. “Hello?”

She smiled at hearing his voice. “Hi.” She answered after a couple of seconds.

“Hi,” he said again.

“I wanted to talk to you about something. I’m not sure if I want to do it over the phone, could we meet somewhere”?”

“Ehm… yeah, alright.”

“Okay, meet me at the park in an hour?”

“Alright. I’ll see you at the park in an hour.”

“Okay. Spike…”

“Yeah?”

“I… I missed you.” She said, before quickly hanging up, not knowing that he answered her back.

~*~

He just got out of the shower when he heard his phone go off. He walked into his room, but couldn’t find his phone.

“Damn, where did I put the bloody thing?” He could hear his phone, but still didn’t have a clue where it was. Finally, he found it. He didn’t bother looking at the caller ID, he just picked it up.

“Hello?” he said.

It took a couple of seconds before he heard the most beautiful voice in the world… “Hi.” … Buffy

“Hi.” He said again. ‘Stupid wanker, you already said hello.’

“I wanted to talk to you about something. I’m not sure if I want to do it over the phone, could we meet somewhere”?”

She wanted to talk? He really needed to talk to her too. He had had enough time; it was time to be a man and talk things out. “Ehm… yeah, alright.”

“Okay, meet me at the park in an hour?”

“Alright. I’ll see you at the park in an hour.”

“Okay. Spike…”

“Yeah?” he asked.

“I… I missed you.” He heard it; it was almost enough to make him cry.

“I missed you too.” He said, but he was too late, she had already hung up the phone.


~*~

Spike had been waiting for five minutes when he saw her walking towards him. She hadn’t seen him yet, since she was looking down at the ground. He looked closely. She appeared to be talking to herself, obviously nervous about something. He smiled, at least he wasn’t alone in this.
When she looked up, she saw him watching her and he could’ve sworn he saw her blush, even though he couldn’t see it because it was already dark.

“Hi,” she said, giving him a small smile.

“Hello, luv.” This time he knew for sure, she definitely blushed this time… and then he realized it. It didn’t matter what she did in the past, she could fuck a thousand men and she would still be his angel. Okay, he would be extremely jealous and kill most of them, but she would still be his angel. He loved her and Emma more than anything and things that she did in the past weren’t any of his business. He did some things in the past that he wasn’t proud of either. And okay, it wasn’t as serious as prostitution, but he knew that she had to do that in order to support her family. And even though he hated the fact that she was a prostitute, he was proud of her.

He broke out of his thoughts and looked at his angel standing in front of him; she looked very nervous. He just wanted to take her into his arms and tell her that everything was all right, but he knew that he needed to wait. She needed to say some stuff before he did.

“You wanted to talk?” He asked, not wanting to wait any longer to hear what she had to say.

She nodded. “Yes.” She looked at him for a moment, not saying anything before telling him what she wanted to say. “I know that you need time and I’m willing to give you all the time that you need. But you’re leaving in two days. You’re going back to LA and I’ve made my decision. And last night I realized that my decision isn’t only for the two of us, but also for you and Emma. So I’ve made my decision and I’m going through with it, with or without us being together.”

She took a moment again before continuing. “I’m moving to LA. And before you say anything…” She said when she saw him wanting to respond. “I just want to explain some things. I’m not saying that I need to move in with you , I’m just saying that I’m going to live in LA, in my own house, with Emma. I’ve decided that this is the best solution to our problems concerning Emma. She doesn’t want to live without you and this way she doesn’t have to. I’ll find another job, I’ve already called someone I know who lives in LA and works in this little diner and she said she’d put in a good word for me. You can talk now,” she said, when he still hadn’t said a word.

But he didn’t want to talk, he took a step forward and kissed her. It took Buffy a couple of seconds to respond, but she did, kissing him hard, tasting what she had missed these last couple of weeks. Spike, for one, held her tight, afraid that she was going to disappear. ‘God, I love her so much,’ he thought when he pulled back, leaving both him and Buffy gasping for much needed air.

“Wow,” she said with a smile which made him chuckle.

“Okay, I have some things that I want to say.” Buffy nodded. “First of all, I don’t need any more time, I’ve had all the time that I bloody needed. Hearing you saying about being a prostitute pissed me off; I hated the fact that you slept with other men, but I hate it even more that you slept with other men for money. You’re so much better than that and I just wished that I’d been there so you wouldn’t have had to. I can’t imagine how it must have been for you, so I can’t really complain. I hope you can forgive me for being such an ass. And I love Emma, and I would love it if you two moved to LA, with me… in my house. Because Buffy Anne Summers, I love you and I want you to move in with me.”

When Spike was finished Buffy couldn’t hold the tears back anymore, she started to cry before stepping forward and hugging Spike to her. “I love you too,” she whispered into his ear. “So much.”













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AN: Thanks for all the reviews, I really appreciate them. I wouldn't be able to write without you guys.

Love you

Spikegirl

AN: Three more chapters to go! Thanks for all the reviews, they mean a lot to me. It shows me that people enjoy reading my story and well... it just makes me happy :D

Here's chapter 15, enjoy!

Spikegirl


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Chapter 15: The life

Buffy and Emma had been living with Spike for three days now. It had been hard at first, especially because Buffy had to leave all her friends behind. The strip club had thrown her a party, telling her that if she would ever need anything that she could always come back. She had gotten a lot of support from Spike, Willow and Dawn. It didn’t really matter to Dawn where they lived, she was still in college and it didn’t matter to her if she had to go to Sunnydale or LA to visit her sister and niece. Willow was also very supportive, although she had cried a lot. But Buffy promised that she would come and visit a lot and Willow knew that their friendship wouldn’t fall apart because of something as small as this.

It wasn’t very hard to leave Sunnydale for Emma; she really liked her friends because she could play with them, but her Daddy was more important than that. She couldn’t bear the idea of leaving her Daddy so it wasn’t all that hard to leave.

Buffy had to admit, it was still strange to be living in Spike’s house. It was a very big house, but also very homey. It was beautifully decorated and Buffy just couldn’t get over the fact that he had his own pool, inside of the house. She loved the pool. She went there at least twice a day. She liked the house and she even liked the neighbourhood, because there were a lot of kids Emma’s age. But she didn’t like the fact that Spike was away so much. An hour after they had arrived, he had to go to the band and every day after that he had left to go to work at 9 o’clock in the morning and came home at 12 o’clock in the night. She hadn’t said anything about it, but she didn’t like it one bit. On the other hand, she thought she might be overreacting, but even Emma told her that she missed her Daddy. She would have to talk to him about that.

Then the other thing: Xander. Spike and Xander used to live together, but Spike had just recently bought the new house. Spike had told her that sometimes there would be band meetings at his house, which would include Xander Summers. Buffy convinced herself that that didn’t mean that she had to see her so-called brother, she could go somewhere else when the band was there. Even though Spike and Xander arrived together in Sunnydale, Xander took a cab home. When he found out that Buffy was going to be living at Spike’s house, he offered to take a cab home. Probably the one good thing that he ever did for them, Buffy thought.

Besides that, the moving went just fine. The house in Sunnydale wasn’t sold yet, but Buffy didn’t have to worry about that, her friend Alexis said that she would handle all of that.

~ * ~


Spike was practicing with the band at the club ‘The Liquid.’. They always practiced there because that was the club where they almost always performed. Spike always liked practicing with the band, but now he was really tired of it; he wanted to be with his Buffy and Emma. They had only been with him for three days and the last two days he had been practicing. He looked at the rest of his band. They were all looking pretty bored.

“What do you guys say about calling it a night? It’s almost 6 o’clock and we don’t have anything important to do. And I don’t know about you guys, but I would like to go home to my girl and my daughter.”

Devon and Faith had reacted with shock when he had told him about Buffy and Emma. They didn’t know he had a girlfriend, let alone a daughter! He had told them the story, not everything, but enough so they knew what had happened. He didn’t tell them that Buffy was a stripper, he didn’t know if Buffy wanted anyone to know. And if he didn’t tell them about her being a stripper, he obviously didn’t tell them about her being a prostitute. He didn’t care about that anymore, but he knew that Buffy wouldn’t appreciate it if he told his friends. He couldn’t care less, he wouldn’t mind them knowing. He knew how Buffy really was, she wasn’t a whore. She was his girl, the most beautiful woman he had ever seen. She was the mother of his child.

“Yeah!” Devon exclaimed.

“Thank god,” Faith said.

Only Xander wasn’t that enthusiastic. He was very tired and wanted nothing more than to go home, but when he heard his best friend say that he wanted to go to his girl and his daughter he didn’t know what to think. His still was very angry at his sister. Spike had told him about her being a prostitute and he didn’t understand why he could be with someone like that. He remembered when he saw Spike storming into their hotel room, he had never seen him that angry.

What the hell is going on?” Xander asked his best friend after seeing him storming into the room like a madman.

“What the hell is going on? Your sister is a fucking prostitute, that’s what’s going on!” He yelled.

Xander stopped. ‘A prostitute.’

“I knew she would do something like that. I knew she was a fucking whore!” He yelled, angry as hell. He didn’t see the punch coming towards his face. He fell down on his ass. Blood was coming out of his nose.

“Don’t call her a whore.” Spike said, looking at his friend with anger in his eyes.

“I can call her whatever I want to, she’s MY sister.”

Spike shook his head. “You have no idea what she’s been through, you took the easy way out, she fought for her family. So think about who’s the whore,” he said before going into the bathroom and locking the door.

“I think we should practice some more,” Xander said.

Devon, Faith and Spike looked at him like he was crazy. “There’s nothing more to do man,” Devon said.

“There’s always something to do,” Xander protested.

“Come on, Xander,” Spike said.

“What?! Just because YOU want to go to your precious girlfriend, WE should suffer?”

“Suffer?! There’s nothing to do!”

“Fine, go home. This band doesn’t need you.”

“Whatever, I’m going home,” Spike said. “Bye guys,” he said to Devon and Faith who were also packing their things to go home.


~ * ~


Buffy and Emma were sitting on the couch on a Tuesday evening at 6 o’clock. Spike wasn’t home yet, so Buffy and Emma were watching a movie, Emma’s favourite movie as a matter of fact, Finding Nemo. Buffy had to admit, she was a big fan of the movie too. They were interrupted when they suddenly heard a voice.

“Honey, I’m home!!!” they both heard him yelling.

“Daddy!” Emma yelled before running towards the sound. Buffy smiled and walked after Emma. She smiled again when she saw her daughter in her father’s arms. He gave her a kiss on her forehead before walking to Buffy.

“Hello, luv,” he said before giving her a quick kiss on the lips.

“You’re home early,” she said with a smile.

“I know, I felt so guilty about working so long the last couple of days so I told the band that I was going home to spend time with my two best girls.” He said, while putting Emma down again, who went back to watch Finding Nemo.

“I’m glad you did,” Buffy said, giving him a passionate kiss which left them both panting for air.

“I’m very glad I did too,” he said before moving in again, wrapping his arms around her, pulling her closer.

“What did the band say about that?” Buffy asked when they broke apart.

“Devon and Faith were pretty understanding, Xander didn’t like it though. But Anya was there, you know his girlfriend, she kicked him so he had to agree.”

“Faith?” she asked. She knew Devon since she was 8 years old, but she didn’t know anyone named Faith.

“Yeah, she’s new. She plays guitar and she sings. She’s pretty good. She’s a nice girl, a little aggressive sometime, but she’s nice.”

“Aggressive?”

“Well, she’s really into guys and she doesn’t take no for an answer. I actually feel sorry for some guys, but they’ll live,” he said with a smirk.

“She doesn’t sound very nice,” she said, wrapping her arms around him. What if that girl made the moves on her boyfriend?

“Don’t worry, luv. I’m all yours.” He said, almost like he had read her mind before giving her a kiss on her forehead. “So, have you guys already eaten?”

“Nope.” Buffy said, shaking her head, walking with Spike towards the living room where Emma was still watching Finding Nemo.

“What do you say, pet. Want to order a pizza?” He asked Emma when he saw her sitting on the couch. “Pigeon? Emm?” He looked at Buffy with a confused expression when Emma still didn’t answer.

“There’s only one way to get through to her when she’s watching Finding Nemo,” she said, walking towards the TV and stopping in front of it so Emma couldn’t watch it anymore.

“Mom!” Emma complained with a pout.

“Your father asked you something.”

Emma looked at her father. “I’m sorry Dad, I didn’t hear you.”

Spike looked at her with an amused look. “That’s okay, little bit. Shall we order a pizza?”

His answer was a big grin on his daughter’s face.

After 45 minutes they were sitting on the couch eating dinner. Spike had found out that his girlfriend and daughter were big pizza eaters. They couldn’t get enough of it. ‘Mental note, get three pizzas next time.’ He looked at his daughter and girlfriend with a smile; they both had tomato-sauce around their mouths.

‘Yeah, this is the life,’ he thought.





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AN: did you like it? Please let me know!

Spikegirl

Chapter 16: The end of a very good relationship

Buffy loved her new job, she only worked when Emma was in school, but she felt right at home already. Her colleagues were so nice and she loved the people who came to the diner to have lunch or buy some coffee. An old couple came to the diner everyday to have breakfast and Buffy could see the love in their eyes, even after all those years they’ve been together. She wondered if Spike would look at her that way when she was old and wrinkly. Everything was fine between Buffy and Spike. He always made sure he was home on time for dinner, except when he had to perform. But Buffy could tell that there was something wrong. There was something in his eyes and she couldn’t tell what it was. She had noticed it two days ago and she hated not knowing what was on his mind. She had asked him about it, but he told her that everything was fine between them, that there was some problem with the band, but he wouldn’t tell her what it was.

The only thing he said was, “Don’t worry your pretty head about it,” which had pissed Buffy off. They were a couple so they should discuss issues together. But it was obvious that Spike didn’t want her involved.

Buffy was lost in thoughts until her colleague Mandy told her that she had a customer. She looked towards a table where a man had just sat down. ‘Great,’ she thought sarcastically.

She walked towards his table. “Can I help you?”

The man looked up. “I would like a coffee, Buffy.”

Buffy gave him a fake smile. “One coffee coming right up.”

A minute later, she came back with his coffee.

“So, you must be really sad to know that your boyfriend has to go for such a long time,” the man said to her.

Buffy looked at him with a confused look on her face. “You don’t know?” the man asked her.

“What are you talking about Xander?” She asked her brother with a hint of anger in her voice.

“I’m talking about the new tour. I’m surprised Spike hasn’t told you about it.” He said with fake concern and surprise.

“What tour?”

“The tour which involves the band, including Spike, to tour around the country for nine months,” he said with an almost sickening smile. “You should ask your boyfriend about it. He’s having a meeting with our manager right now.”

“I don’t have time for this Xander, I have customers to serve,” she said, turning to walk away.

“Serve like you served those men in Sunnydale?”

Buffy turned back around.

“Yeah, Spike told me about your services,” he said, looking disgusted.

Buffy looked at him with anger in her eyes. “That has nothing to do with you, all right. It’s not any of you business, so stay the hell away out of my life! You don’t exist for me anymore.” And with that she walked away, hopefully out of his life.

Buffy was glad Emma was spending the night at one of her friends, because she and Spike really needed to talk.

She walked towards the front door, hoping that Spike was already home. She didn’t want to wait for him; she needed to talk to him now.

“Hello, luv,” she heard when she entered the house.

She closed the door and when she turned around she saw Spike, with a look on his face that she couldn’t really describe. His eyes showed sadness, but also happiness.

He took her coat and walked with her towards the dining room. On the table was a romantic dinner for two, complete with candles and a red rose in the middle.

“Wow!” Buffy exclaimed. “What’s the occasion?”

It was silent for a moment. “There’s something that I need to say.”

Buffy looked at him. ‘Please don’t let this be the end. I don’t want him to leave for so long,’ she thought to herself. She couldn’t bear it if he left for nine months, and most of all; it wouldn’t be fair to Emma.

Spike moved the chair back, inviting her to take a seat. After they both sat down, he started talking.

“About a week ago, the band received some exciting news. There was a big chance we could become really famous. And for that to happen we would have to go on tour.”

Buffy nodded, not trusting herself to speak; afraid she was going to cry if she did.

“Everyone was pretty excited of course, including me. But then we heard that the tour lasts for nine months, nine whole months away from home, Buffy.”

Buffy nodded again, this time with tears in her eyes.

“What should we tell Emma?” she asked him, a tear falling from her eyes.

“Sshhh, baby. I’m not finished yet,” he said, his heart nearly breaking from seeing the tears on his girlfriend’s face.

“I arranged a meeting with my manger, and I had a talk about what I want. And I told him… I told him that I’m going to quit the band.”

“What?” Buffy asked. “But this is what you’ve dreamed of for so long.”

Spike nodded. “It’s what I’ve dreamed of since I was about 11 years old.” He smiled at her. “But you and Emma are what I’ve been dreamed of all my life. There’s nothing more important for me.”

Buffy was openly crying now, “Are you sure?”

Spike smiled. “I’ve never been more sure in my life.” He said before he had his arms full with a crying Buffy. He hugged her closely, kissing her on her forehead before Buffy moved her face, giving him a kiss.

“What does the band think about it?”

“I haven’t told them yet, but I’m telling them first thing in the morning.”

“Xander is going to be very mad,” Buffy said.

“I don’t care, he’s doesn’t matter to me anymore.”




~ * ~


“What?! Are you out of your mind?!” Xander yelled to his former-best-friend.

Faith and Devon looked very upset and surprised, but they both thought that Xander’s anger wasn’t just based on Spike quitting the band.

Spike clenched his jaw, wanting to beat the crap out of Xander but knowing that he shouldn’t.

“What do you guys think about it?” He asked Faith and Devon, deciding not to ask Xander since his thoughts about it were pretty clear.

“Well, I’m surprised, that’s for sure. Are you sure this is what you want to do? This is our big chance.” Devon said.

Spike smiled. “I’m sure. This band means a lot to me, but Buffy and my daughter mean a lot more. I don’t want to leave them for nine months, I can’t leave them for nine months.

Devon smiled at him, he could understand where he was coming from. Devon loved his girlfriend Lilly more than anything and he hated being apart from her for that long. Maybe if Spike quit the band, he wouldn’t have to go either. He had had enough of trying so hard to become famous, it wasn’t worth all the pain that it caused him and his girlfriend, and clearly Spike and his family too.

Spike looked at Faith, waiting for her answer. “Well, what’s going to happen now. I’m five by five with you leaving. I know how much Buffy and Emma mean to you, I’m not completely stupid like someone here in the room,” she said, looking at Xander who only glared at her. “But what’s going to happen with the band while you’re gone. You’re the lead singer, Spike.”

“I know. But you guys will find someone else, someone better.”

“Yeah right, like we could ever find someone better.”

“You’re being a selfish asshole, Spike.” Xander told him.

“No, I’m not being selfish. I’m doing the right thing for me and my family.”

“The band is falling apart because of you.”

Devon started speaking before Spike had a chance to. “First of all, the band was already falling apart because you can’t accept the fact that Spike is happy with your sister. And secondly, the band isn’t just falling apart because of him, I’m leaving too.”

“What?” Faith asked.

“I’ve had enough of this shit. We’ve been trying so hard to make it that I’ve been neglecting my own family. A couple of years ago I didn’t just leave Sunnydale, I left my family… my life. And if we’re going on tour I have to do it all over again, and I’m not going to. I’ve had enough.” He explained, happy with the fact that he could finally tell his friends what was on his mind.

“See what you did! Why can’t you just be who you used to be. Leave Buffy and Emma and join the band again!”

“Leave Buffy and Emma, are you out of your bleeding mind?! That’s my family you wanker!” Spike yelled back at Xander. “How can you be so bloody insensitive. I’m in love with your sister. Do you even *know* what love is?”

“Of course I know what love is,” Xander said.

Spike shook his head. “No, I don’t think you do. If you did, then you would have quit the band too, you wouldn’t want to leave Anya for nine months either. Do you know what love is Xander? Love is feeling your heart break when you see the one you love cry. Love is feeling complete happiness when the love of your life is in your arms or when she smiles or giggles. I feel that with Buffy. I want to spend my life with her. Don’t you get that. It would kill me to be apart from her, to be apart from my daughter.”

Xander shook his head. “I still think you’re making a mistake. And I think you need to stay the hell away from my sister, you’re no good for her and she’s no good for you.”

Spike looked angry and confused. “What’s that suppose to mean?”

Faith and Devon also looked confused; they could see how happy Buffy made Spike.

“Let’s face it Spike; you can’t be a father to Emma. That girl needs someone who can take care of her. And so does Buffy. She needs someone she can count on. Buffy’s weak, she needs a strong man in her life and you’re just not it.”

“You’re wrong. Buffy is strong, I’ve never seen someone as strong as she is. She supported her family when she was a teenager. How can you tell me that she’s weak? How dare you say something like that about your own sister?”

Xander shook his head. “That’s where you are wrong; she isn’t my sister, not anymore. She blew that out of the window when I found out it she was a stripper.”

Spike shook his head. He couldn’t believe the words that were coming out of his mouth.

“How can you be with her Spike? How can you be with someone who used to be a whore?”

Spike could hear Faith and Devon gasp.

“Because I love her. That doesn’t mean anything to me. I’ll admit, it hurts to think about it, but if she didn’t do it then I wouldn’t have met her or my daughter. Besides, she doesn’t do that anymore.”

Xander shook his head. “A whore stays a whore.”

Xander was still shaking his head when he saw Spike moving towards him. But he was too late. Xander fell down from the blow which Spike made with his fist. On the ground, Xander looked at him, blood coming from his nose.

“If you ever talk about Buffy like that again, I will hurt you so bad that even Anya won’t be able to recognise you anymore. Stay away from me and my family. Or you’ll regret it.”

He took a deep breath and turned to Faith and Devon. “I’m sorry guys, but I won’t change my mind. I’m still quitting the band.”

Devon and Faith both nodded. “We understand.” Faith said, “I better start looking for a new job then. I always wanted to be a bartender.” She said with a smile, showing him that it was okay.”

“Hey man, don’t look at me.” Devon said when Spike turned to him. “We’ve got the same ideas.” He gave Spike a manly hug.

“I guess this is the end of a great relationship,” Faith said.

“No, I thought it was great, but it was nothing.” Spike said, looking at Xander. “But I still have my two best mates,” he said, winking at Faith and Devon.

Devon smiled, “Yeah, you won’t get rid of us Faith.”

“Now if you’ll excuse me, I’m going to see my two best girls.” Spike said and he smiled at the thought of never having to leave them again.










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AN: Thanks for all the reviews! One very small chapter to go and then....... the end!

Spikegirl

AN: Well, here's the last chapter. Just a small one though.

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Chapter 17: all the way

“This is heaven,” Spike said as he looked at his two girls who were seated on each side of him on the couch.

Buffy looked at him with a smile. “I’ve seen this bloody thing over a hundred times… but yeah… this is heaven.” He said with chuckle, looking at Nemo who was swimming towards a boat.

“Daddy look, he’s touching the butt,” Emma giggled.

‘Yeah, this is definitely heaven,’ he thought, giving his daughter a kiss on her forehead.

“You’re so funny. The big bad enjoying some quality time watching Finding Nemo,” Buffy said with a smile. It was three months since Spike had quit the band. Now he worked at the Liquid, as a bartender, and he loved the job. He only had to work three days a week and he got a lot of good tips. Faith worked the rest of the days, and she could have not been happier either. She had found a nice guy and was even thinking about settling down. Neither Buffy nor Spike had heard from Xander, but Spike had heard from Faith that Anya had kicked him out of the house and that he was now living in the basement of one of his friends.

“Yeah. Peace and quiet, just watching Finding Nemo with my two girls. Things couldn’t be better.”

“While we’re talking about peace and quiet, I’ve got something to tell you,” she said, taking his hand while standing up. Spike could see she was nervous. “Emma, Mommy and Daddy are going upstairs all right? We’ll be right back.”

Emma didn’t answer back, she was watching Finding Nemo after all.

When Buffy closed the door of their bedroom she motioned Spike to sit on their bed. She sat down next to him.

“What’s wrong?” Spike asked her when he saw her take a deep breath.

“You remember when I didn’t go to work last week because I wasn’t very well?”

Spike nodded.

“Well, the truth is, I haven’t been feeling well for a while now.”

Spike looked at her with fear in his eyes, thinking the worst.

“The thing is… I mean, what I’m trying to tell you… I’m… you know… I’m….”

“Buffy, what?!”

“I’m pregnant!” She almost yelled, looking at him, not knowing what his reaction was going to be. She thought that maybe it was too soon. She couldn’t believe it herself when she saw the pregnancy test was positive. She was using the pill, so she couldn’t be pregnant. It took a couple of minutes before she remembered the day when she had to throw up because of some fish that she ate. It must have happened that night when Spike came home, he hadn’t been able to keep his hands off of her. He came home with good news, he had a job, and he of course wanted to celebrate, which they did… a lot.

“Ehm.. Spike?” She said when he hadn’t said anything for almost three minutes. “Are you all right?”

“Are you sure?” Spike whispered his question.

She nodded. “I took five tests, they were all positive.”

Buffy jumped when Spike suddenly yelled and wrapped his arms around his. “I’m going to have a baby!!!!” He said with a smile. He took her face between his hands and gave her a kiss. “I want another Emma. Can we have another Emma?”

Buffy smiled through her tears.

“I love you so much, baby. You and Emma. And I’m going to love our new baby so much. I want to be with you all the way. I want to get out of bed at four in the morning to get you something to eat. I want to take an absurd amount of pictures of you with our baby inside of you and I want to be there when the baby is born. I don’t want to miss a thing.”

After about an hour of kissing, they thought it was time to tell Emma about the good news.

“Honey.” Buffy said, while Spike switched off the T.V.

“There’s something Mommy and Daddy need to tell you.” Spike said when Emma looked at him, wondering why he turned off Finding Nemo.

They both sat down next to Emma.

“What’s wrong, Mommy?” She asked.

”Well… Mommy’s pregnant.” She said, not knowing another way to tell her about the situation.

“Pregnant? What’s pregnant?”

Buffy and Spike looked at each other. They didn’t know if Emma was pretending, she knew most big words and Buffy didn’t know that Emma didn’t know what being pregnant was.

“It means that you’re going to have a baby brother or sister.” Spike answered the question for her.

Emma’s eyes grew wide. “I’m going to have baby brother or sister?!” Emma asked.

Buffy and Spike nodded.

“Jeej! I’m going to be the best sister in the whole wide world. We can watch Finding Nemo together and play together!”

Buffy laughed. She already knew that Emma was going to be a great sister for the new baby. She looked at Spike who also had a smile on his face. He leaned into her.

“All the way.” Spike whispered against Buffy’s mouth.

“All the way.”





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AN: Well, this is it. The final chapter. The end of this story. I really enjoyed writing this story even though I had a couple of problems with my pc. This was my third story and I'm glad that so many people liked it!

There are a couple of people I would like to thank:

First of all I want to thank my beta gotkona for doing such a wonderful job, thank you!
And I want to thank all the people who kept reading this story and gave me such wonderful reviews and ideas for this story, I really appreciated them and I couldn't have written this story without the help. THANK YOU for the support!!!!

I'm busy writing a new story, so I won't be gone for long. ;)

Well, this is it! Again, thank you!

- Spikegirl