Disclamier - The song belongs to Kelly Clarkson



Seems like just yesterday
You were a part of me
I used to stand so tall, I used to be so strong
Your arms around me tight, everything it felt so right
Unbreakable like nothing could go wrong...

Buffy walked through the halls of Sunnydale High with nothing on her mind, as usual. In truth, there was stuff on her mind, just not the kind of stuff other girls would be thinking about. It was math tests rather than boys and fashion like other girls, but not Buffy. Nope, never for Buffy.


She was thinking about something, or rather somebody, but that didn't matter because Buffy would never have that person in her life for real. She would just get to see him prance around with more of his bimbos.

She walked with her books clutched to her chest protectively, her eyes downcast. Her friends yelled out to her, but she heard nothing. She didn’t want them to see her like this, all weak and lonesome. She wasn't like that- and hopefully she would never be- but for some reason, she felt that way.

Now I can't breathe
No, I can't sleep I'm barely hanging on
Here I am
Once again, I'm torn into pieces, can't deny it
Can't pretend
Just thought you were the one
Broken up deep inside
But you won't get to see the tears I cry
Behind these hazel eyes...

She turned the corner and bumped into her brother Angel, who was accompanied by the man that had been on her mind for the last two years.

"Hey, Buffy. Mom wants you home. What are you still doing here?" Angel asked as he put his arm around his girlfriend Cordy’s shoulders.

Buffy looked at Angel with pure rage in her eyes before replying, "Angel, why do you care if I'm still here or not? You've never noticed before, and now all of a sudden you wanna know why I'm not home yet? Well, guess what? It’s none of your business, so just stay the hell out of my life."


"When did your little sister become so bleeding scary?" Spike asked as he watched Buffy storm out of the school.

Angel pulled away from Cordy and said, "I don't know, but I’m gonna find out."


I told you everything
Opened up and let you in
You made me feel alright for once in my life
Now all that's left of me is what I pretend to be
So together but so broken up inside...

Buffy tried to run, but it seemed like everything was falling apart right in front of her eyes and she couldn't fight it. Angel and Spike followed her and saw Buffy running out of the parking lot, concerning them all the more.


But then, all of a sudden, she stopped and walked back to Angel sheepishly. "Can I please have a ride home?"

Angel crossed his arms over his chest, causing his leather jacket to ride up as he asked sternly, "What’s going on, Buffy Anne Summers?"


Buffy threw her hands up in frustration and released the rage she’d been holding in for too long. "I'm sick of this, Angel. I'm not two anymore. Yet, that’s how everybody treats me, especially you and Mom.” Buffy started pacing back and forth. "I mean, I get that I'm your little sister, okay? But I’m tired of it. Why can’t I just be me?”


He sighed and took her hand gently. "I understand, Buffy, really. But right now, you're acting really immature and I don't like it. If you want to be treated as Buffy Summers and not just my little sister, then be yourself. Stop acting like somebody else because that way, they’ll get the chance to see what I see everyday and they’re gonna love you."

Buffy felt a tear fall down her cheek but didn't bother to wipe it away. "How can I do that when I don't even know who I am?"

Angel didn't know what to say, so he glanced at Spike, hoping for help. Spike wasn't entirely sure what to say, either, but looked at her meaningfully and said what first came to mind. "Buffy, pet, we shouldn't have to tell you who you are. You're a smart bird, and in time, you’ll find out for yourself, alright, love?”

Buffy giggled a little bit, provoking Spike and Angel to ask in unison, "What are you laughing at?"

Buffy stopped giggling for a minute to answer them and teased, "I'm sorry, guys- it’s just who knew that you two were so smart?"

"Yeah, yeah, just don't tell anybody. If word actually got back to our teachers, we might have to do the work for once," Angel said with a grin.

Buffy laughed again as Angel draped his arm around her shoulders to lead her to the car, smirking as he said, "You know, Buffy, if you're really good, I might take you to Cordy's party tomorrow."

Buffy rolled her eyes at him as she got into the car and said dismissively, "Please, Angel, like I really wanna go to one of those lame parties anyways. All they do there is have sex and drink.”

Buckling his seatbelt, Angel looked at Buffy pointedly. "Ummm, exactly."

”Not my idea of a good time.”


"Well, you can always dance if you don't like the other stuff," Spike suggested from the backseat, smiling at her.

Buffy looked between them with wide eyes and cried, "You call that dancing?! Please, guys, that is not dancing. It’s just a way for people to have sexual outercourse because they can't have intercourse when they’re in the middle of a house with like sixty other people around."

Angel and Spike looked at her like her head was spinning.

"Huh?"

"Okay, I'll explain it once, but please, please pay attention because I'm only having this conversation once and that’s it."

Both of the guys nodded.

"Okay, well, outercourse is a sexual activity that doesn’t involve any kind of penetration." Buffy paused, blushing slightly as she felt Spike staring at her. "But it’s just as dirty– it’s basically a whole lot of grinding to get each other off. I get that you guys like that, but I think it’s just gross."

Nobody spoke for a while, but finally Angel broke the ice and said somberly, focusing on the road, "I cannot believe I just had this conversation with my sister."


Spike chuckled as he saw the look on his friend’s face. Angel heard Spike’s laughter and glared at him through the rearview mirror. "Where to, Bleach Boy?"


"Just drop me off at Harm's- we have a date. I don't wanna be late like last time and hear her bitching about how I’m never there for her," Spike replied with a groan.


"Okay. But hey, are we still on tomorrow night after the game?"


"Bloody hell, yeah! I get to beat you at a game of pool."


"Ha! You wish, Bleached Wonder."


"We’ll see, Peaches. Anyways, how are you gonna score a hundred dollars from your mum?" Spike asked with an amused _expression.

"I'll use the same excuse as last time."


Annoyed by his cockiness, Buffy whacked Angel’s head from behind. He glanced at her and asked in a hurt voice, "What was that for?"

Buffy sighed and rolled her eyes. "You're such a dick, Angel."

His eyes widened as he heard the harsh language come from her. "Buffy, what is up with you today? Have you been hanging out with that Anya chick again?"


Buffy smiled innocently and asked, "Why?"


"Well, all of a sudden you’re lecturing me and Spike about sex, outer and intercourse and all that bullshit. Now you’re calling innocent men dicks," Angel finished with a smirk as he watched crimson spread across her face.


"Okay, point taken. But no, Anya was sick today, so I haven't been hanging out with her." Stopping at yet another red light, she jumped in her seat as she thought of something. "I have been learning a thing or two from Cordy and Harm, though. I mean, Harmony has blown half the football team, right, Spikey?" Not giving him a chance to reply, she went on, still talking in the same sickeningly sweet tone, a proud smile on her face. "Let’s not forget who the captain of the football team is, my wittle Spikeykins. Oh, that’s right, it’s a Mr. Riley Finn, better known as Captain America."

Angel started to laugh as he noticed Spike practically spitting fire at Buffy. She looked over at Angel and said, "You, my precious brother, know all about Captain America, considering he was with Cordy in freshman year. Now, although that was a little over two years ago, you still have some jealousy issues with him and have that doubt in the back of your head. You know Riley was Cordy's first, and even though he cheated on her, he will always hold a special place in her heart, some place you can't even dare to reach because you know the minute you do, Cordy will reject you."

As Angel pulled up to Harmony’s, he faced Buffy and asked with a glare, "What about you, Miss High and Mighty?"


Buffy gave him a thin smile. "What about me?"


"The life of Miss Buffy Summers is black and white. She has few friends and pretends like she only cares for school." Angel smiled as Buffy flinched. "You’re still a virgin, even though we’re almost done with high school. You haven’t been to one dance, and you haven’t had one date, let alone a first kiss," Angel said proudly, not caring how much he hurt her.


Buffy was about to dash out of the car when Angel grabbed her arm and sneered, "Don't dish it out if you can't take it."


Buffy forced her way free from Angel’s grip and snapped before running away, "At least I don’t know how awful it feels to be second best all the time. You’re runner up with Mom and your girlfriend."


Stunned, Angel watched as she hurried off down the street. He wasn’t sure why he’d been so cruel, but he knew he hadn’t meant to hurt her as much as he had, even if Buffy was confusing him more and more every day.


"That was a bit harsh, mate," Spike said from the backseat, eyeing Buffy worriedly as she stormed down the street.


Angel turned in his seat to glare at Spike and said, "Why the hell do you care, Spike? Since when do you care about poor little Buffy’s feelings?"


Spike pinched the bridge of his nose and retorted angrily, "Bloody hell! I'm not saying I care or anything... but that was really nasty. The bint said some bad stuff, sure, but she’s just a girl."


The next thing Angel said confused Spike the most, his words laced with bitterness. "Then maybe you should go help her out, Spike. I mean, you might be the perfect guy to get the job done, considering she’s been obsessing over you for years. She’s probably begging for you to take her innocence away."


Spike's eyes almost bugged out of his head. "Buffy’s been waiting for me? You’ve got to be kidding. Come on, that’s not true."


He didn’t wait to hear anything else, but as he got out of the car and walked up to Harmony’s house, Spike found himself with nothing but Buffy on his mind, Angel’s words playing over in his mind. With a soft groan, he muttered to himself, "Please, please don’t let it be true."

Cause I can't breathe
No I can't sleep I'm barely hangin on
Here I am once again
I'm torn into pieces
Can't deny it
Can't pretend, just thought you were the one
Broken up deep inside
But you won't get to see the tears I cry
Behind these Hazel eyes

******************

Disclamier - The songs are by Evanescence


*******************

Catch me as I fall
Say you're here and it's all over now
Speaking to the atmosphere
No one's here and I fall into myself

The next night at the Bronze, Buffy decided to try talking to Spike for once, even though she knew it was likely she'd make a huge fool of herself. Finding that she really didn't care, she approached him as confidently as she could, smiling at him brightly as she greeted him. "Hey, Spike."

He almost dropped his drink when he saw Buffy. Trying to pretend everything was alright, he asked her casually, "Hey, Buffy. How are you?"

Buffy shrugged, edging closer to him. "I'm good... Tired, but good."

Spike laughed and sympathized, "Yeah, I know the feeling."

"So, how are you and Harm doing?" Buffy asked, chewing on her bottom lip nervously.

He didn't answer because suddenly, he was looking at her and seeing a lot more than Angel's little sister. Spike noticed how utterly beautiful Buffy was and wondered incredulously how he hadn't known it all along. But she deserved better than him - he was merely leftovers from Drusilla, Cecily, and eventually Harmony. He foolishly gave his heart and soul to all of them without foreseeing the pain they'd put him through. Cecily had walked all over him, and Drusilla had cheated. Harmony was hardly an improvement, and he was a mess. He couldn't be with Buffy for that sole reason and hated himself for even thinking about her that way. It was dangerous territory.

"Spike? Hello, Spike, are you okay?"

Spike closed his eyes tightly as he grabbed Buffy's hand, keeping his eyes shut as he asked, "Do you want to dance, love?"

"Open your eyes.” She requested, pulling him onto the dance floor with a smile.

The truth drives madness
I know I can stop the pain if I will take it all away
Don't turn away
Don't give into the pain
Don't try to hide
Though they're screaming your name
Don't close your eyes
God knows what lies behind them
Don't turn out the lights
Never sleep, never die

Spike pulled Buffy closer to him, hoping to feel what it would be like to be in her arms every night rather than Malibu Barbie Harmony. But nothing would be the same - people would blame him for doing something stupid. Spike twirled Buffy away from him, hearing her giggle, which brought a smile to his face.

I'm frightened by what I see
But somehow I know that there's much more to come
Immobilized by my fear
And soon to be blinded by tears
I can stop the pain if I will away
Don't turn away
Don't give into the pain
Don't try to hide
Though they're screaming your name
Don't close your eyes
God knows what lies behind them

Buffy laid her head on Spike's chest as he secured his arms around her waist, rocking her gently to the beat of the music.

Don't turn out the lights
Never sleep
Never die
Fallen angels at my feet
Whispered voices at my ear

Spike looked up to see Harmony and Cordelia walk in and gulped. This was not going to be pretty - he could tell by the way Harmony was looking at him that she wanted to stick her cherry-red fingernails into his throat until he could no longer breathe.

Spike let go of Buffy, who was confused until she saw Harmony walk over to them and realized Spike was ashamed to be seen with her. Tears filled her eyes and she backed up slowly, wanting to be away from him as soon as possible. Noticing her distress, he tried to grab her again and insisted, "Buffy, pet, it's not what you're thinking."

Buffy didn't wait around to hear any more of his stupid excuses and hurried from the crowded club. She opened the front door to the Bronze and stepped outside into the nice, crispy fresh air. Feeling uncomfortably warm, she took off her sweater to reveal a black silk halter top to match her black tight jeans.

Spike ran out after her, not wanting to hear what Harmony had to say or caring, for that matter. He saw Buffy and called out to her, hoping it wasn't too late. "Buffy, wait!"

Buffy quickly tried to replace her sweater, hoping it might disguise her from him.

"Don't," Spike said, eyes widening as he got a view of her nicely tanned back.

"You didn't have to come out here - I'm fine. Just a little hot," she explained hurriedly, probably trying to convince herself more than him.

In the background, a new song could faintly be heard as Spike approached her with a guilty look on his face.

You don't remember me
But I remember you
I lie awake and try so hard
Not to think of you
But who can decide what they dream?
And dream I do.......

"Buffy, I'm sorry." Spike said, truly regretting what had happened back in the club.


"Don't be - it was just a dance, right?" Buffy smiled sadly, staring down at the pavement.


Spike lifted her chin with one finger and said gently, "No, love, it wasn't just a dance."

Buffy looked at him funny, wondering what he was saying, desperately hoping that it was what she wanted to hear.

"It was more than just a dance, Buffy - it was an amazing dance," Spike said as he rubbed her cheek with his thumb. Realizing that he might be a little too close, he backed up and was suddenly at a loss as to what else to say.

I believe in you
I'll give up everything just to find you
I have to be with you to live to breath
You're taking me over
Have you forgotten all that I know
All that we had..

"So, I should probably go," Buffy said uneasily, trying to pass him but failing as he grabbed her arm. She glanced at him, but he had his eyes averted.


"Who's taking you home?"

"I'm gonna ask Willow to."

Spike released her arm and turned to look at her, eyes tender. "Okay, but if Red can't do it, I want you to come find me so I can take you home, alright?" Spike smiled at her, joking, "Don't want the poofter to have a bloody cow because I let you walk home."

Buffy smiled and walked back into the Bronze, feeling his eyes on her every step of the way.

You saw my mourning my love for you
And touched my hand
I knew you loved me then

I believe in you
I'll give up everything just to find you
I have to be with you to live to breath
Your taking over me

I look into the mirror and see your face
If I look deep enough
So many things inside that are
Just like you are taking over me

A/N - A special thanks to all who reviewed: Spike_rulez, DaniD, Jenny, Nicki, Mali, vitalis, frederique, 76_Bloody_Trombones, dee, and Klai, MarstersGirl13.

Buffy walked back into the Bronze in search of Willow, scanning the crowd and identifying Angel with Cordy at a pool table. He was trying to teach Cordy how to play but paused as he noticed Buffy, shooting a glare her way and expecting one in return. Buffy merely waved and continued through the crowds to find Willow.

She finally sighted Willow, sitting with Xander at a table in the corner, and was on her way over to them when Harmony jumped in front of her, a nasty scowl on her face.

"Look here, Bunny- I don't know what you were doing dancing with my Spikey, but you need to stay the hell away from him," Harmony sneered, almost nose-to-nose with Buffy. "Just because you're Angel's sister doesn't mean I have to like you at all."

Buffy rolled her eyes and tried to push past her, but Harmony wouldn't budge. "Oh no, we aren't done talking yet."

Buffy narrowed her eyes at Harmony and said, "Look, Harm, it's pretty sad that you're so upset over a dance. It was just that, a little dance, so if you're that jealous about Spike, then you sure as hell have a long, tough road ahead of you."

Harmony wrapped her hand around Buffy's arm and started pulling her away from the crowds, Buffy fighting the whole way. Once they were alone in a dark corner, Harmony looked at Buffy and said, "Don't think I'm dumb, Buffy. I see the way you look at him." Buffy laughed,confusing Harmony. "What?"

Buffy rolled her eyes and said, "Harmony, last year you asked me how to spell yellow, so I think that my thinking you're dumb is more like a compliment."

She went to leave, but Harmony stopped her once more and said, glaring daggers at Buffy, "You'll never be enough for him."

"I won't be enough?! Look at you, you halfwit! At least I'll have more than you'll have after high school." Buffy put her hands on her hips and smirked. "Do you really think Spike is gonna wanna be with somebody who is truly nothing?"

Harmony's eyes widened in shock, her mouth dropping open. Not knowing what else to say, she snapped, "You stupid little bitch."

Buffy rolled her eyes again, and sighed. "Look, I don't wanna fight with you, Harmony. I'm just gonna go. You stay out of my way and I'll stay out of yours."

By the time she finally got home, she was completely worn out and emotionally drained. Luckily, there was something she could use to take her mind off Spike - her lyric book. Whenever she was sad or mad or just in need of some companionship, she would write her own songs to express her feelings since she had a hard time expressing them to the people she loved.

Buffy picked up her pink pen and began to write, not knowing what she was writing but knowing she had to get it all off her chest.

Dear Diary
Today I saw a boy
And I wondered if he noticed me
He took my breath away

Dear Diary
I can't get him off my mind
And it scares me
'Cause I've never felt this way

No one in this world
Knows me better than you do
So diary I'll confide in you

Dear Diary
Today I saw a boy
As he walked by I thought he smiled at me

And I wondered
Does he know what's in my heart
I tried to smile, but I could hardly breathe


Buffy smiled at the book and was just about to continue before she heard a knock at her window. She jumped from her bed in fright, wondering who could be knocking at her window so late at night. As she made her way across the room, she noticed with a gasp that it was Spike who was waiting outside. She opened the window and hissed, "Spike, what the hell are you doing here?!"


Spike grinned and climbed through the window, admitting with a low chuckle, "Buffy, I know you must think I'm completely crazy."


Buffy nodded, feeling entirely uncomfortable as she stood before him with nothing on but pink shorts and a white tank top.


Spike ran his eyes over her, reveling in how sweet and virginal she looked, while at the same time, incredibly sexy. She was so pure and innocent - he didn't wanna be the one to destroy that, and that made him wonder - why was he standing in her bedroom?

"Look, Spike, not to be rude, but what are you doing here?" Buffy asked with an amused, yet confused _expression.


Spike walked closer to her until he was standing right in front of her and said softly, "I didn't get the chance to say goodnight."


Buffy suddenly felt very hot despite her considerable lack of clothing. Spike lifted his hand to tuck a strand of hair behind her ear, smiling as he felt Buffy lean into his touch slowly. He bent his head, and Buffy knew this was it - he was gonna kiss her, and she was nervous as hell. She'd waited for this, but now she wanted to crawl under the bed and hide. What if she messed it up completely? She had no idea what to do at all.


Spike brushed his lips against hers softly and wrapped a free arm around her waist, pulling her flush against his hard chest. His tongue darted out to taste her lips, and though Buffy wasn't sure what to do, she opened her mouth and suddenly, Spike's tongue was dancing with hers. She was starting to get the hang of it when she gently bit his bottom lip, taking it into her mouth and sucking on it gently, making Spike moan slightly.

Buffy felt pride run through her body as she heard Spike's moan. Spike let his other free arm wrap around Buffy as she locked her arms around his neck. Spike stopped and looked at her, noticing her lips, swollen from his attention, and her eyes slightly closed. Buffy opened them slowly, gazing at him in awe.


He stood there, staring at her adoringly for a minute, before gently giving her a soft, sensual kiss and whispering, "Goodnight, love."


Buffy walked him to the window and watched him crawl down before replying softly, "Goodnight, Spike."

Should I tell him how I feel
Or would that scare him away
Diary, tell me what to do
Please tell me what to say

Dear diary
One touch of his hand
Now I can't wait to see that boy again

He smiled
And I thought my heart could fly
Diary, do you think that we'll be more than friends?
I've got a feeling we'll be so much more

A/N - A special thanks to all of you who reviewed - MarstersGirl13, DaniD, 76_Bloody_Trombones, Dee, Seraiza, Smitten, and vitalis. All of you are amazing! I know all of you are confused by this chapter because one minute Spike is telling himself he can't be with her, and the next his kissing her, It will all come out very soon I have a reason for everything I do.

Disclamier - The song is by Jojo and Kc


Buffy woke the next morning, instantly recalling the night before when Spike had kissed her, and was really excited to go to school for once.

She jumped up and ran to her closet, picking out something a little different from her normal attire. This outfit was daring and sexy and just for Spike. She decided on a short denim skirt and a tight black tank top.

"Buffy, sweetheart, are you up yet?" her mother called, knocking at her bedroom door.

Buffy went over and opened the door to let her mother in and said cheerfully, "Yeah, Mom, I'm getting ready right now."

Joyce smiled and left her daughter in peace, noticing how excited and happy she was and wondering what was going on.

Buffy was finishing the final touches on her hair when her brother knocked on the door, asking in an irritated tone, "Hey, Buff, are you ready yet?"


"Coming!" Buffy yelled to him while grabbing her backpack off her bed. When she ran down the stairs, Angel's shock was obvious.

"You're not going out like that," he said, grabbing her arm to stop her from running out of the house.

Buffy turned to him and said, "Oh yes I am, Angel. Sorry, but this is my body, and I'm gonna dress how I want to. Now will you please take your hands off me?"

Angel let go of her, and she said curtly, "Thank you."

"Does Mom know you look like this?" Angel asked her as he crossed his arms over his chest, giving Buffy the so-called look.

Buffy smiled and simply said, "No, Angel, and she's not gonna find out, just like she won't find out about you gambling with her money."

"Why can't I be an only child?" Angel grumbled as he watched Buffy walk out of the house.

By the time they finally reached the school, Buffy jumped out of the car eagerly, almost racing over to meet Willow. As soon as Willow saw Buffy, her jaw dropped. "Wow, Buffy. Is that really you?"

Buffy did a little twirl to show off. "Yep, it sure is. How do I look?"

"You look great, but why the sudden change?" Willow asked.

Buffy shrugged her shoulders. "Just ready, I guess."

Willow nodded and followed her to their lockers. When Buffy reached her locker, she saw Angel and Spike talking with Riley and Lindsey and felt her heart skip a beat. She wondered what Spike would think of her transformation.

"Yo, Angel, isn't that your sister?" Lindsey asked with a whistle, admiring the view.

Angel glanced at his sister and then turned back to Lindsey. "Yeah, but don't be gettin' any ideas."

Lindsey held his hands up defensively. "I wasn't. Just saying, I wouldn't mind taking her out on a date now."

Riley laughed, attracting the attention of the other boys.


"What are you laughing at, Riley?" Spike asked, frowning at him slightly. He wasn't sure he liked where this conversation was heading.

Riley stopped laughing and said, "Think about it - Lindsey taking Angel's little sister out on a date? Yeah right. I can't see that happening, although I can see dinner in bed, if you get what I mean."

Spike glared at Riley and with a growl said, "She's got a name and doesn't deserve that kind of talk."

Riley looked over at Spike and asked, "Why so defensive?"

Spike didn't reply. He walked away, leaving all of them to wonder what the hell had happened. Spike walked past Willow and Buffy without acknowledgement, feeling Buffy's eyes on him the whole way. He didn't want Buffy to think they were anything but friends. The kiss was just a kiss, though he wasn't sure he wanted it to be. He knew she wouldn't want it to be so, and he knew he should tell her, but he couldn't see himself doing it now, in the middle of school.

Although, he had to admit that it had been an amazing kiss, and it was hard to deny Buffy now. It used to be so much easier when he thought she didn't want anything from him, but the fact that she had a crush on him and he had to reject her was breaking his heart. She really deserved better than that. He didn't want to go to school everyday and see Buffy, knowing that inside her heart was breaking and he was the one doing it to her.

Breaking up with Harmony would soften the blow, for he knew Buffy hated her and hated him being with her. He had a real excuse now - he'd kissed Buffy, though he knew he shouldn't have. Temptation had gotten the better of him.

Buffy followed Spike outside, wondering why he was ignoring her. She knew he was going to smoke, and that meant he was really upset about something.


"Hey, Spike. What's up?" Buffy said softly as she approached him.

"You shouldn't be out here, pet." Spike looked at her with sad eyes as she walked closer, the tension thick between them.

"Why not?"

She put her hand on his shoulder gently, frowning as Spike turned his head and closed his eyes before saying quietly, "Buffy, we need to talk."

I don't know what... what I'm gonna do

See, baby, I apologize for all the things that I've done…

See, I know that I've been a fool for far too long

Baby, you don't have to go and run away

Just come back to papa, please, baby, won't you stay?

If you really love me, then why are you leaving me?

I can't think about this crazy day, I lose sleep

Just to daydream about you, baby

I'm going crazy crazy crazy

Just thinking about you lately

I'm going crazy crazy crazy

Just a thinking about you, baby

I don't know what to do, ooh

I'm going crazy crazy crazy crazy

Thinking about you lately

I'm going crazy crazy crazy crazy

When I can't touch you

When I can't hold you

When I can't see you again

Said I'm going crazy

Baby baby baby baby

Said I'm going crazy


A/N - Thanks to all of you who reviewed the last chapter,
DaniD, Vitalis, Dee, Nicki, Jenny, Beverly, and 76_Bloody_Trombones, you all rock!

Disclamier - Song belongs to Michelle Branch.



Buffy's heart was pounding in her chest - she was so terribly confused. Why was Spike doing this to her? He was supposed to be taking her into his arms and telling her how much he wanted to be with her, but things didn't look to be that easy. There were steps to take, and it seemed like every time they started to take a step forward, Spike was taking one back. Didn't he want to be with her? Buffy felt sick with concern. But then again, perhaps he had something good to say. Yes, that was it. He wanted to talk to her about something good, not something bad.

"Buffy, we can't do this," Spike said as he reached for her hand, only to have Buffy pull away.

Buffy felt the hot tears come to her eyes but forced them away, not wanting to cry in front of him and display her weakness. She closed her eyes and ran a hand through her hair, asking in a small whimper that she couldn't disguise, "Why are you doing this, Spike?"

Spike took a deep breath, trying to gain an ounce of confidence. Right now, he felt more weak and pathetic than ever. He had to be strong to do what was best for Buffy, but it was proving to be very hard.

"I don't regret that kiss, love - it was incredible. You were incredible. But it shouldn't have happened. I had no right to do that to you and I did it anyway. I was reckless," Spike said, trying to stay calm and not tell her what he was really feeling.

Buffy stayed silent, letting him continue.
"You need more, Buffy, someone who can give himself to you fully. That can't be me… I'm sorry, kitten. I am, really - I'm so sorry." Spike grasped both her hands in his. "I want you to be happy, I want what's best for you."
Buffy snatched her hands from his and said, "What about what I want, Spike? I know what's good for me, and it's standing right in front of me."

Spike didn't say anything, so she continued, unable to stop the tears as she asked, "Am I not good enough? Is that why you don't wanna be with me?"

"No! God no, it's not that, sweetheart." Spike wiped her tears away. "Please just let this go, move on. Please, do it for me?"

Buffy stood her ground and said, "No, Spike, this isn't about me anymore. This is about you. You're scared of me, you're scared of what we could have, and you're scared I'll be just like Dru." Buffy saw Spike clench his jaw and look away, a furious look on his face. "I'm not her, Spike, and it's sad that you're willing to throw away everything we could have because of that stupid bitch."

"Watch it, pet," Spike said through gritted teeth.

"Are you still in love with her?" Buffy asked, afraid to know the answer, even though she was pretty sure she knew already.

Spike stared at the ground, scared to look at Buffy under her intense gaze. He saw Buffy shake her head.

"I knew it! I was nothing, huh, Spike?" Buffy's bottom lip quivered, her eyes brimming with hot tears. "Just like Harmony. A filler."

Spike shook his head and insisted, "No, that's not true, and you know it. I'm not in love with Dru - I still have love for her and will always care for her - but being in love isn't the same." Spike walked closer to her. "I would never take advantage of you - ever - and you're nothing like Harmony. But we can't be together, so just get that thought out of your head. I'm sorry for leading you on and kissing you. Like I said before, that kiss never should have happened. But I will always hold a special place for you, love."

Buffy threw her hands up in the air and yelled, "You are the most confusing person ever! You say we can't be together, but you kissed me. Make up your fucking mind! What do you want? What is it gonna take?"

"Buffy, think about it. What about all the other guys out there? I'm not half as good as most of them." Spike paused for a moment, watching the sky get dark with clouds. "You need to experience more things before you decide I'm the one you really want." As she started to back away, he said, “Buffy, wait.”

"I can't be around you right now. I don't know if I ever wanna be around you again," Buffy replied in a whisper. Spike tried to grab her, but she slipped away and was quickly gone.

"I'm only trying to keep you from getting your heart broken," Spike said as he watched her walk away, missing what she whispered back.

"You already did."

Buffy ran into the school, only to bump into Lindsey.

"Whoa there, honey, you okay?" he asked, and Buffy nodded quickly. "What were you doing outside? It looks like it's about to rain cats and dogs out there."

"I was just talking to a friend," Buffy replied quietly.

Lindsey smiled his best southern smile and said, offering her his arm, "Listen, Buffy, I was wondering if maybe you wanted to get out of here?"

She'd never ditched school before, but right now, it was awfully tempting. Buffy decided she didn't care about getting in trouble and said with a smile, ignoring the whispers from the people nearby and Harmony's nasty smirk, "I would love to, Lindsey. Where are we going?"

Of all the things I've believed in,
I just want to get it over with,
Tears form behind my eyes,
But I do not cry,
Counting the days that pass me by.

I've been searchin' deep down in my soul,
Words that I'm hearin' are starting to get old,
It feels like I'm starting all over again,
The last three years were just pretend,
And I say-

Goodbye to you,
Goodbye to everything I thought I knew,
You were the one I loved,
The one thing that I tried to hold on to.

I still get lost in your eyes,
And it seems that I can't live a day without you,
Closing my eyes,
And you chase my thoughts away,
To a place where I am blinded by the light,
But it's not right.

Goodbye to you,
Goodbye to everything I thought I knew,
You were the one I loved,
The one thing that I tried to hold on to.

And it hurts to want everything and nothing at the same time,
I want what's yours and I want what's mine,
I want you,
But I'm not giving in this time.

Goodbye to you,
Goodbye to everything I thought I knew,
You were the one I loved,
The one thing that I tried to hold on to-
Goodbye to you,
Goodbye to everything I thought I knew,
You were the one I loved,
The one thing that I tried to hold on to.

And when the stars fall I will lie awake,
You're my shooting star.

Disclamier - I don't own the songs.

By the time Lindsey's car was out of the high school parking lot, Buffy was going into serious panic mode. She knew Angel was gonna kill her for doing this, but she didn’t have much time to think on this as Lindsey asked, "So, Buffy, where do you wanna go?"

Buffy didn't care where they went just as long as they got far away from the school. She couldn't handle being near Spike right now.

*

Angel was looking every where for his sister, she was gonna be in big trouble when mom saw the grade she got on her math test. An F was almost unforgivable in their Mom's book. She expected Buffy to be the smart one, since Angel had proved a failure in that department.

Angel found Spike by his locker, and asked in an irritated tone, "Spike, have you seen my snobby little sister?"

Spike slammed his locker shut and snapped, "Nope, not since this morning when I broke her heart."

Angel didn't know what the hell Spike was talking about – how could he break Buffy’s heart? They barely knew each other. Angel leaned against the lockers, asking suspiciously, "What do you mean ‘since you broke her heart’?"

"I kissed her, alright? And don't you even start with me, if it wasn't for you I wouldn't be dealing with all this shit. Buffy was perfectly fine with just having her little girly crush."

Angel was suddenly in Spike's face, and demanded with a growl, "What the hell did you do to her?"

Spike pushed Angel away from him and replied, "The right thing,"

*


"Lindsey, I know that you want to do something, but to tell you the truth I'm really, really tired right now. If you don't mind I just wanna go home so maybe we can do this some other night," Buffy admitted with a sad smile.

Lindsey shrugged, but took her hand in his and persisted. "About, that Buffy, I was wondering if maybe you might wanna go out with me Saturday night?"

Buffy removed her hand from Lindsey's hand and replied, "Look, Lindsey, I'm not gonna lie I can't go out with you right now because I'm going through something with somebody. It’s hard to explain, but it’s just too soon."

Lindsey grabbed her chin lightly and said sweetly, "Your worth waiting for."

*


Angel and Spike were still in a heated argument when Harmony came running towards them. She wrapped her arms around Spike’s waist and squealed, "Blondie bear, I've been looking everywhere for you."


Spike rolled his eyes at Angel as he mouthed, "Blondie Bear?", in confusion.

"Oh, Angel I saw your sister, she was with Lindsey. They’re skipping school together." Harmony said, watching Angel’s eyes widen in shock.

"I'm gonna kill him!" Angel yelled as he marched out of the school, Spike in tow.

"Spikey!" Harm shouted, stomping her foot in frustration as she realized he was ignoring her.

"Why the hell are you coming? You don't give a shit about Buffy." Angel said as he jumped into his car.

"I do care about her, I always have. Just not the way she wants me to." Spike said as they took off after Buffy and Lindsey.

*

Buffy was finally at home and since her mother was away for work, she was all alone. She grabbed some snacks from the fridge and went upstairs, singing softly along with the melancholy music blasting through the house.

All of my life, all of my life
I've been searching for a love like ours
Somewhere to stay, somewhere safe in your arms
I was so sure
Are you really saying your heart's changing?
Do you really mean goodbye?

The lyrics were like a punch in the gut to Buffy and she had to sit herself down as she listened to the words. So many thoughts were going through her head. She wished things could be different, and maybe they would have been if it hadn’t happened so fast. She couldn't change the past, but she sure as hell could change the future, and it wasn't gonna be like this.

Don't leave me this way, no, no
Don't tell me it's over
We've only begun and our love is so young
You're leaving me nowhere
Don't leave me this way
Don't leave me this way

*



Spike and Angel searched everywhere for Buffy, but came out empty-handed. Finally, they went home, hoping maybe she’d be there, safe and sound, unharmed by Lindsey.

They found her in her room fast asleep, accompanied only by a melted Ben & Jerry’s carton. Angel put his bag down, and Spike placed his books down, and they both stood there watching her sleep for a while.

Spike was the first to break his eyes from her and leave, closely followed by Angel. He was unaware he’d forgotten his notebook, which was really the last thing he wanted Buffy to see.



*

When Buffy awoke, the first thing she noticed was a strange notebook sitting atop her nightstand. She reached for it and opened it, finding Spike’s name printed at the top of the first page.

"How did this get here?" She said to herself, as she skimmed through the pages stopping at the last page as it caught her eye.

Look at us baby, up all night
Tearing our love apart
Aren't we the same two people who live
through years in the dark?
Ahh...
Every time I try to walk away
Something makes me turn around and stay
And I can't tell you why.
When we get crazy,
it just ain't to right,
(try to keep you head, little girl)
Girl, I get lonely, too
You don't have to worry
Just hold on tight
(don't get caught in your little world)
'Cause I love you
Nothing's wrong as far as I can see
We make it harder than it has to be
and I can't tell you why
no, baby, I can't tell you why
I can't tell you why
No, no, baby, I can't tell you why
I can't tell you why
I can't tell you why .

When she finished reading the page she had burning tears in her eyes and was trying her best not to let them fall. Maybe there was hope, and though she knew it would take time, Buffy would settle for what little Spike threw her way.

A/N - A spuffy wet dream is next in chapter 7! Thanks to all who reviewed you all are amazing.

Disclamier - Song is by pretty ricky


When Spike realized he had left his notebook at Buffy's, he didn't even bother to go back for it. He knew it was too late and that Buffy had probably found it already. All he wanted to do was go home and sleep and forget about the last few days altogether.

He stripped his clothes off, feeling sweat dripping down his biceps. He pulled back his sheets and slowly slipped between them, falling into a fast slumber with Buffy on his mind.

Spike's dreams weren't usually about Angel's sister, but ever since he kissed her, he couldn't help but fantasize about how soft she felt against him, how sweet she tasted. She was utter perfection. Even though she didn't believe it, he sure as hell did.

*


She was slowly moving towards him like a cat, predatorily, her tongue flicking out over her lips as she reached his thighs and trailed one finger up, slightly grazing his erection. She moved up his chest and landed a kiss on his lips, one that was fierce and demanding. Spike was having a hard time controlling his hands so that Buffy could do her thing. She took her index finger and slipped it into his mouth, letting him suck on it as she settled in his lap.

Baby grind on me
Relax your mind take your time on me
Let me get deeper shorty ride on me
Now come and sex me till your body gets weak
With slow grindin'
Baby grind on me (Sloww griind)
Relax your mind take your time on me (Sloww griind)
Let me get deeper shorty ride on me (Sloww griind)
Now come and sex me till your body gets weak (Sloww griind)
With slow grindin' babe.


She leaned forward and almost touching his lips with hers, whispered, "I want you so bad."


Spike groaned as he felt Buffy start to grind herself on his throbbing erection, her lips moving over his neck in soft, wet kisses.


He couldn't take it anymore and flipped them over, having Buffy lay flat on her back as she hooked one leg around his slender hip. He went straight to her neck and nibbled lightly right around her collar bone, drawing an excited gasp from Buffy. He moved down to grab her shirt and tore it off, leaving her in a dark-red lacy bra. Pulling her into a sitting position, he let his hands roam around her almost-bare back, finding the clasp. As he looked at her, eyes questioning, Buffy smiled and nodded.

Baby grind on me (Sloww griind)
Relax your mind take your time on me (Sloww griind)
Let me get deeper shorty ride on me (Sloww griind)
Now come and sex me till your body gets weak (Sloww griind)
With slow grindin'
Baby grind on me (Sloww griind)
Relax your mind take your time on me (Sloww griind)
Let me get deeper shorty ride on me (Sloww griind)
Now come and sex me till your body gets weak (Sloww griind)
With slow grindin' babe.

He unclasped her bra and felt as if his cock couldn't get any harder. She was unbelievably gorgeous. He laid Buffy back down and took his index finger, just like she had earlier, and trailed it down her neck and over her shoulders. As he watched her nipples become hard rose-colored buds, he led his finger down closer. With just one soft touch, he had her arching off the bed and moaning.

"Stop teasing me," Buffy pleaded.

Spike looked at her with hunger in his eyes before lowering his head and lightly licking her nipple as he fondled her breasts, making Buffy throw her head against the pillow and dig her nails deep into the mattress.

Baby grind on me (Sloww griind)
Relax your mind take your time on me (Sloww griind)
Let me get deeper shorty ride on me (Sloww griind)
Now come and sex me till your body gets weak (Sloww griind)
With slow grindin'
Baby grind on me (Sloww griind)
Relax your mind take your time on me (Sloww griind)
Let me get deeper shorty ride on me (Sloww griind)
Now come and sex me till your body gets weak (Sloww griind)
With slow grindin' babe.

"Oh god, Spike, please!" Buffy said as she pressed his head closer to her breast, demanding more. He happily obliged, swirling his tongue around one rosy bud and gently nibbling on it as he pinched her right nipple with his thumb and index finger.

"Lower, Spike," Buffy said, voice heavy with lust.

Spike trailed his tongue down her burning skin until he reached her belly button and slowly dipped his tongue into the little hole, making Buffy giggle.

He dipped his fingers down lower, stifling a groan of pleasure as he felt how wet she was. Spike moved lower, and staring into Buffy's eyes, he licked at her, drawing a scream from her. He latched onto her clit with his tongue and suckled, feeling her getting hotter and wetter with each passing second, her cries becoming louder and more desperate.

Baby grind on me (Sloww griind)
Relax your mind take your time on me (Sloww griind)
Let me get deeper shorty ride on me (Sloww griind)
Now come and sex me till your body gets weak (Sloww griind)
With slow grindin'
Baby grind on me (Sloww griind)
Relax your mind take your time on me (Sloww griind)
Let me get deeper shorty ride on me (Sloww griind)
Now come and sex me till your body gets weak (Sloww griind)

He took his index finger and his middle finger and slid them into her as he sucked on her clit, adding more delicious pressure.

"Ohhh, god! Spike, I'm coming, oh god!" Buffy moaned as she felt Spike's talented fingers bringing her burning aching pleasure. She was feeling that burning pit in her stomach as Spike's fingers sped up and his tongue went faster, this time licking her clit with the tip of his tongue, his fingers delving deeper until she screamed so loud, he thought the windows were ready to shatter.

***************************************************************
Spike jumped up in bed, his mouth dry, his heart thumping hard in his chest. His entire body was slick with sweat, and beneath the sheets, his cock was aching with need. And all for Buffy - sweet, innocent Buffy.


Thanks to Smitten, Jenny, Daisy, Vitalis, Seraiza, SarahandJamesFanatic, SpikesSexKitn, Beverly, and Tay. All of you are amazing.

Disclamier - The song is by Allison Krauss



"So, is she gonna go out with you?"

Lindsey looked around the room, avoiding the girl’s eyes. They were so intense, and he didn't understand why she was so mad about Buffy wanting to be with Spike. Women could be impossible, which was why Lindsey didn't have anything long-term with them. They were useless.

"Look, I don't know if I can do this. Buffy’s a good person, and I don't wanna get on her bad side," Lindsey said, pacing back and forth nervously.

"Look, Lindsey, I didn't ask you if you wanted to do this. I told you that you have to, like it or not," replied the girl as she twirled a lock of hair around her finger.

Noticing Lindsey was silent, she approached him with a sweet, comforting smile and said, "Lindsey, there is no reason to be scared."

Lindsey pushed the girl against the wall with little force and growled, "I'm not fucking scared."

"Then what’s the problem?" she asked, not intimidated at all.

Lindsey backed off and replied, "I can tell we’re making a mistake."

"That bitch is trying to steal my boyfriend. If anybody made a mistake, it was her."

Lindsey chuckled and earned a punch in the arm from the girl. He smirked and said, "You really need to get a life."

*

"Mom, I'm going to the Bronze!" Buffy yelled to her mother as she ran out the door and into Angel's car without a word to Angel.

"Angel, please be back here by eleven-thirty. You both have school tomorrow," Joyce said to Angel as she finished up with the dishes.

"Sure, Mom."

By the time they reached the Bronze, Cordy and Willow were already there and, strangely enough, talking to each other.

"So, you think if I stop hanging out with Harmony, I'll get better grades?" Cordy asked as she looked at Willow with a knowing smirk.

Willow and Cordy giggled as Buffy came walking over, arms crossed over her chest as she asked, "Well, don't you two look comfy?"

Willow looked up, along with Cordy, and answered with a shrug, "Yeah, we were just talking."

Cordy noticed the tension between the two best friends, and not wanting to be in the middle of it, she chose to try and make an effort with Buffy.

"Buffy, can we talk?" Cordy asked, standing up.

Buffy rolled her eyes and motioned for Cordy to follow her to the bathrooms.

"What can I do for you, Cordy?" Buffy asked coldly.

Cordy walked over to the mirrors and took her makeup out of her makeup bag to do a simple touch-up while replying, "I know we don't get along, Buffy, but I'm dating your brother and I've been making an effort with Willow. I want to try with you. I know we may never be friends, but I want to be able to hope that one day it might be that way."

Buffy softened as she saw that Cordy was really struggling with what she was saying and trying to do her best. After all, it wasn't everyday that Queen Cordy asked for forgiveness.

"Okay, we can try. But I’m not promising anything," Buffy said, smiling a little.

Cordy giggled, relieved that Buffy had caved finally. "But we can still hang out sometimes, right?"

Buffy nodded and said teasingly, "Yeah, but we have to be careful. I mean, we both have our reputations."

Cordy followed Buffy out of the bathroom, laughing the whole way.

"I wonder where my brother ran off to," Buffy said curiously as she ran a hand through her long blonde locks of hair.

"Ohh, he went to pick up Spike," volunteered Willow.

Dread overwhelmed Buffy and she snapped, "Great, that’s just fan-fucking-tastic."
Willow and Cordy almost choked on their drinks upon hearing her harsh language.
"What’s wrong?" Cordy asked, staring at Buffy worriedly.

Buffy told Cordy the whole story about she and Spike, and even though she didn't know if she was making the right choice or not in telling her, she took the risk anyway. She needed to get it off her chest as best she could.

"I have an idea," Cordy said finally after a few minutes of thoughtful silence.

"What?" Willow and Buffy said at the same time.

"I have a friend of mine that does hair and makeup. You know, the whole deal." Cordy waved her hand. "Well, what if I take you there to get a makeover? You know, fix your bleached locks. Give you some light makeup and maybe a few new clothes."

"Cordy, I don't wanna change my image for a guy," Buffy said as she held a sad smile on her face.

"Well, then don't think of it like that. Think of it as you doing this for you, not for some guy." Cordy tilted her head. "You're doing this to make you feel better. Don't dwell on some guy, Buffy, if he isn't showing his feelings back."

"That’s the problem." Buffy laughed bitterly and continued through clenched teeth, "I don't know what his feelings are. One minute, he’s all with the kissing and stuff, and the next, he’s telling me how I don't know what I want."

On cue, Angel and Spike walked through the doors of the Bronze, and Spike's eyes were instantly glued to Buffy as he saw the pure rage flash in her eyes.

"Maybe this was a bad idea, Angel," Spike said as he finally let his eyes travel away from Buffy and turned to leave.

Angel grabbed Spike's arm before he could go. "No, Spike. You and Buffy will work through this, even if I have to beat both of you to death."

Spike didn't say anything more, knowing Angel was serious and not wanting to argue with him tonight.

"Hey, Bu..." Angel was cut short as Cordy slapped her hand over his mouth.

"Shhh. Please, I wanna hear this," Cordy said as she pointed to the stage.

Angel rolled his eyes but took his place next to his girlfriend as Spike sat between Willow and Buffy, feeling her tense up immediately.

"Tonight, we have a special guest singing. Ladies and gentlemen, Alison Krauss."


It's amazing how you can speak right to my heart
Without saying a word you can light up the dark
Try as I may I could never explain
What I hear when you don't say a thing

The smile on your face lets me know that you need me
There's a truth in your eyes sayin' you'll never leave me
The touch of your hand says you'll catch me if ever I fall
You say it best when you say nothing at all

Buffy rested her head on her hand. As she felt Cordy's eyes on her, she turned to look at her and smiled, telling her she was fine.


All day long I can hear people talking out loud
But when you hold me near, you drown out the crowd
Old Mr. Webster could never define
What's being said between your heart and mine.

The smile on your face lets me know that you need me
There's a truth in your eyes sayin' you'll never leave me
The touch of your hand says you'll catch me if ever I fall
You say it best when you say nothing at all.


Would things get easier? Would she realize she was better off without him? Does he want her to realize she’s better off without him?

All of these questions were running through his head, and he didn't have the answer to any of them. He knew he was tired of sulking all day, and he knew people were sick of seeing him like this. Things moved so fast - he just wanted things to go back to the way they were. All of his life, he had been wanting unconditional love from a woman, and when he was finally offered it on a silver platter, he turned it away.


The smile on your face lets me know that you need me
There's a truth in your eyes sayin' you'll never leave me
The touch of your hand says you'll catch me if ever I fall
You say it best when you say nothing at all.


Buffy needed some air, and it wasn't because of the song - it was because Spike was sitting so close to her. Spike watched her get up to leave and saw Cordy smile at him, signaling him to go after her. Spike followed her as she left the Bronze to walk outside.

"Buffy," Spike said softly, wishing she’d turn to face him.

Buffy let the tears fall but refused to turn to him to let him see her weakness.

"Please, Spike, please don't," Buffy pleaded as she wrapped her arms around herself and let out a tiny sob.

Spike felt his heart break when he heard a low sob escape her.

"Please, love, can I come closer?" Spike asked through a choked-up voice.


The smile on your face lets me know that you need me
There's a truth in your eyes sayin' you'll never leave me
The touch of your hand says you'll catch me if ever I fall
You say it best when you say nothing at all.


Buffy didn't say anything at all, so Spike moved closer to her and gently laid his hand on her shoulder.

"I don't need your pity, Spike," Buffy said with sudden venom in her voice.

Spike hung his head and replied, "You're right, you don't, but I'm not giving you that. I'm trying to help you, but you keep pushing me away."

Buffy snapped. She turned to him and yelled, "I'm pushing you away? You have got to be kidding me! I try to be there for you, and you push me away. So don't you dare try to turn this around on me. Spike, I told you how I feel, and if I didn't, then I'll say it again. I need you in my life, you are all I need. I want you to know that when you’re weak, I'm there for you to be strong, or when I'm weak, I expect you to be there for me to be strong."

They both had tears running freely down their cheeks by the time Buffy was finished.

"I wish Angel never told me," Spike whispered.

Buffy looked at him in confusion and asked, "What are you talking about?"

"Nothing, just me being a bloody git," Spike replied as he watched her look at the ground.

"I can't wait anymore, Spike. I've waited way too long for you, and if you don't have any feelings for me, then I’m gonna quit trying." Buffy closed her eyes tightly. "I just wanna know, did that kiss mean anything to you?"

Spike cupped her face in his hands, and as she opened her eyes, he whispered earnestly, "More than you'll ever know."

"Then what’s the problem?" Buffy asked as she felt Spike pull more and more away from her emotionally.

"I’ve already told you," he answered forlornly, sending her into another fit of rage.

"Oh, that’s right. Poor little naive Buffy. She doesn’t know what she wants, you don't wanna break her heart, you want what’s best for her."

Spike's was ready to lose his temper and found he couldn't hold it in any longer.

"I never said I could give you anything," he shot back.

Buffy glared at him and retorted, "Then what can I do to make you see that you’re what I need, Spike? I'm wearing my heart on my sleeve, and you seem to be having a grand old time stomping all over it. This is it, Spike - I'm not asking you again. Do you want to be with me?"

She prayed that he would say yes, but Spike turned away and said tearfully, "I'm sorry, love."

Buffy felt as though she couldn't breathe. This was it - Spike really didn't want her. She couldn’t stand there and beg him to take her as his. She’d made enough of a fool of herself. She stared at him sadly and murmured, "Goodbye, William."

Spike watched Buffy leave until she was out of sight. He wasn't going to let her walk home alone, so he went inside to find Willow to take her home. Things would be better this way. If Buffy was with him, then she would have to deal with his past, and he knew she wouldn't want that.

As he went back inside, Spike didn't notice that Lindsey was watching the whole thing from a distance and was getting ready to make his move on little miss Buffy Summers.


A/N : Thanks to, Gotkona, Daisy, Vitalis, Marstersgirl13, SarahandJamesFanatic, DaniD, Jessica, Bree, Jenny, and 76_Bloody_Trombones.