Chapter 1

“William, I try to do one simple thing. I try to have one night, just one night off to spend with my boyfriend and his family during the holidays, and we’re not even pouring the first glass of eggnog before you screw it up.”

“Oh, eggnog? Why didn’t you bring us a pint? Was it spiked? Eggnog’s only good if you add in a splash of rum or maybe even whiskey--.”

“Am I really here to discuss eggnog? Seriously?”

“Well, of course not!” William laughed, sounding a bit on edge. “Please! Like I’d do such a thing! Bring you here for a chat—besides, you brought it up and,” he looked up from his desk, clearing his throat after seeing Buffy’s scowl, “eh, I have a perfectly good reason to why I called you in.”

“Oh, you’d better, or, do you see my shoes?”

“Yes, they’re quite nice…”

“If you’re scheming to keep me away from Riley, I will take off one of these stilettos and beat you with it.”

“Is that right? Well, bring it on then,” William chuckled, looking Buffy up and down. She was gorgeous, head to toe in black. The dress was form fitting with a plunging neckline. A faux fur coat, tiny purse and strappy heels finished off the perfectly sexy outfit.

“In fact,” he continued softly, “come and get me. Though something tells me I may find pleasure in the pain.”

Buffy stiffened, not taking his words lightly. “Just tell me why I’m here and why I’m not spending Christmas with the people that I like.”

“Well, we’ve got a lead.”

“A lead? Why didn’t you say something sooner?”

“Don’t know; maybe because you were too busy bitching about eggnog and threatening to do me bodily harm with your shoes. What do you think?”

“What did you find out, wise-ass?”

“Two of Angel’s goons are holed up in a warehouse downtown. If we hurry--.”

“Give me five minutes to change my clothes. Seven max.”

“We haven’t got five minutes, you know that. Remember how fast they’ve moved in the past?”

“Shit…shit. You’re right.”

“Am I? God, it really must be the time for miracles, the bloody Christmas spirit and all that drivel. I can’t even count on one hand--.”

“Go to hell, William. Now, if I stay in this dress we’re going to have to set up some ground rules.”

“If?”

“If I stay in this dress,” she repeated through clenched teeth, “keep your eyes, lips, hands and all other—just keep everything to yourself, alright?”

“Do those rules apply to me too?”

“Why would I want to touch you?”

“I don’t know, why did you? I recall you coming at me first.”

The color drained from Buffy’s face and she propped her hands on her hips. “I am not going to answer that.”

“Well…fine. Suit yourself,” William said, standing to put on his coat. “Are there any more rules and regulations, milady, or can we get out there and nab us some bad guys?”
***

“So, are you and the beefcake still leaving tomorrow?” William asked, once they were settled in the car. After a brief argument over who would drive, he sat behind the wheel, watching as Buffy sulked in the passenger seat.

“That’s the plan; we’re Sunnydale bound—unless you mess that up too like tonight’s dinner party.”

“Let me get this straight. You were meeting Riley’s parents, for the first time, dressed like that?”

“You have a problem with my dress?”

“Uh, no, not me personally.”

Buffy narrowed her eyes, not saying a word until they parked a block from the warehouse. “It looks quiet. You sure this is the place?”

“Positive.”

“We storming in now, or later?”

“Um, later sounds like the best bet to me. Let’s watch them a bit. Who knows how many could be in there.”

“You said only two.”

“Yes, I did, but we don’t know for sure. It’s better to be safe than sorry, yeah?”

“I guess,” she answered, crossing her arms.

“Until then…” William leaned over to reach into the glove box. The simple gesture caused Buffy to hiss and jerk her body back. “God, pet, settle down. You want a drink?”

“Ew.” Her nose wrinkled once he opened the flask, took a swig, and offered her the bottle.

“Come on, it’s bourbon.”

“Again, ew. We shouldn’t drink on the job.”

“Brilliant. You would say that. It’s because of last time, isn’t it?”

“Shut up. We agreed not to talk about that,” she snapped, taking a long sip of the bourbon. “Put this away. Now.”

William nodded, reaching across her again to return the flask to the glove box. “It’s too bad we couldn’t talk about it.”

“There’s nothing to say. We kissed. It was wrong. We were drunk. Moving on.”

“Oh, but we weren’t that drunk, and we did a hell of a lot more than just kiss. You shouldn’t cheapen what happened. It was quite an important moment to me. A bloody revelation.”

“Shhh!”

“Now, Buffy--.”

“God, will you just shut up? Look!” she whispered, pointing out two figures as they walked out of the warehouse.

William’s eyes could barely register on the men before Buffy jumped out of the car.

“Freeze! Police!”
***

“Buffy! Wait up!”

Even in high heels, William was no match for Buffy’s speed. By the time he caught her in the warehouse, she was calmly searching one of the rooms.

“Hey,” he panted, “Where’d they go?”

“Probably that way,” Buffy said with an uninterested wave of her hand.

“You don’t know?”

“They were just kids. God, will you look at this place? They were watching movies…making popcorn.”

“Well, bad guys watch movies too, you know. And sometimes they even get the munchies—oh, bloody—hey!”

Buffy whirled around, grabbing William and shoving him into the nearest wall. “I can’t believe you did this!”

“What? What did I do?!”

“The boys had nothing to do with Angel! Absolutely nothing! You took me away from Riley on purpose and for no good reason!”

“No--.”

“Yes! The late-night stakeout, the bogus suspects, the stupid flask? What is this, your sick and twisted version of a hot date?”

“A d—please! A date? You’re completely off your bird! I mean,” he paused, his voice lowering, “would you like it to be a date?”

“No!” she answered, grunting in frustration and disgust. “God, how could you do this?”

Once she released him, William bit his lip, watching as she paced the small area. “Guess you can say if I did anything tonight it’s, uh, it’s because I love you, Buffy.”

“Oh…oh no. Are you out of your mind?!”

“It’s not so unusual. Two people…in the workplace…feelings develop.”

“It’s because we kissed, isn’t it? I allowed you to feel me up once, and now you only think that you love me.”

“No, no, my feelings are very real. There is something between us. Even you can’t deny that--.”

“You’re my partner, my work partner, but other than that, there is nothing between us.”

“Oh, sod that. There’s passion, heat, desire. I know you can feel it. Come on, just give us a chance.”

“I have a boyfriend,” Buffy said, saying each word slowly before turning to stomp out of the warehouse.

“But if he were out of the picture--.”

“Riley will never be out of the picture! Never!”

“But…I-I can’t stop thinking about you.”

“You’ll get over it.”

“No.”

“Yes, now stop following me!”

“I love you,” he insisted, holding her arm, keeping her still. “You’re all I bloody think about. Dream about. You’re in my gut…my throat…my—I’m drowning in you, Summers. I’m drowning in you!”

“Leave me alone!”

“Buffy! You can’t just run away! I love you!”

She sprinted towards the car, determined to ignore William’s shouts.

“Buffy!”

“What?” Something in his voice made her turn, looking back at William just as the sound of gunfire filled the air.
***

Buffy knew she had died, but it didn’t bother her much because she was in heaven. She was floating on a cloud, warm and safe, her naked skin covered with soft sheets and the body of the man who was curled along her backside.

I wonder who he is? she thought, keeping her eyes closed. What he looks like…

The faces of handsome celebrities came to mind as she stroked the long, slender fingers that possessively held her stomach.

“Mmmm,” he hummed, purring in her ear, causing Buffy’s toes to curl.

“I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to wake you.” Snuggling closer, she sighed in pleasure as the mystery man kissed the tops of her shoulders.

Damn, whoever this guy is, I’m keeping him.

As the kisses continued, Buffy held her breath when the hand on her stomach slipped between her thighs. His touch ranged from feathery to firm, and in no time he had her panting, in awe of his talented fingers. She couldn’t believe that he knew exactly where and how she wanted to be touched.

“You’re amazing,” she croaked, twisting blindly to kiss his mouth. The joining of their lips and the mingling of their tongues was brief, but it didn’t put a damper on the shot of recognition that shocked her body.

I’ve kissed this guy before!

Still amused with guessing the man’s identity, Buffy was lost in thought, ruling out crushes, flings, and former boyfriends when he moved her onto her back. He sheltered her under his weight and positioned his erection at her opening.

“Mmmm…my God, pet.”

Pet? Only one person has called me that…

Forfeiting her game, Buffy’s eyes fluttered open. She saw white-blonde hair, pale flawless skin and the body of her lean-muscled partner as she took him inside.

“Wondered if you were going to open your eyes.” William smiled and brushed his lips against her nose. “Good morning, baby.”

Frozen in shock, Buffy tried to remember the night before as they made love.

We were at the warehouse. He made me upset. I ran. He yelled. I was shot.

“William?”

“Yeah?” he chuckled. “Why do you sound as if you were expecting someone else?”

“I-I…can’t. This can’t be happening.”

“Are you alright?”

“Stop. You need to stop.”

“Buffy? What’s wrong?” he asked, pulling away, but staying close.

“I…God, get away from me!”

“A-are you sick? Hurt? What--.”

Not able to sort her thoughts with William staring at her, his eyes big with worry, she hastily shoved him off the bed. The blankets soon joined him on the floor as Buffy frantically searched her stomach.

“Oh my God,” she whispered, realizing that where William had held her so tenderly was a healed wound the size of a bullet hole. “I-I didn’t die.”

“What the hell are you talking about? Of course you didn’t die! You just might though, when I get my hands on you. I can’t believe you pushed me off the bloody bed!”

Moving quickly, Buffy covered her body with a pillow, shielding it from William’s gaze as he pulled himself off the floor.

“What is going on here? Where am I? What did you do, William?!”

“If this is some kind of joke—if you’re trying to be funny--.”

“There has to be some explanation. There has to be some reason. I wouldn’t have done this out of my own free will. I wouldn’t.” Words flooded from Buffy’s mouth as she thought out loud. “I wouldn’t just do this. I—oh my God, what was in that bourbon?!”

“What bourbon?!”

“You drugged me! What was it a date rape drug? A roofie?!” Reaching for the other bed pillow, she hurled it at William’s head. “You are unbelievable!”

“No, you’re fucking insane!”

Buffy’s chest heaved as she looked for something else to throw. “I’m insane?! I’m insane?! Where are my clothes?!”

“Where do you think?!”

She scanned the floor and found it free of discarded clothing. “William, I need to get out of here! I need to go home! Where are my clothes?!”

“You need to go home?” William repeated, voice quieter, but still angry. “What’s that supposed to mean?”

“Do I have to spell it out for you? I want to get away from you. I want to go home, where I’ll plead with my boyfriend not to leave me, and then he and I will go to the station together to get your ass thrown behind bars!”

William opened his mouth and closed it. All his rage was replaced by a look of genuine sadness. “Your boyfriend? Oh, Buffy, you can’t be serious.”

“Did something happen? Did I do something?” he whispered, extending his hand to touch her knee. When she hissed, he slowly drew the hand back. “Can’t we talk about this? Can’t we sort this out?”

“Why do you always want to talk?” Buffy demanded. “I just want my clothes!”

“You, you should keep it down,” William said, biting his lower lip. “Your clothes are in the closet, the dresser… Stay put and I’ll get you something to wear.”

Buffy’s thoughts were racing as he walked around the room with a blanket secured around his waist.

Why would I have clothes here? If I was shot last night, why is my wound already a scar?

“I don’t want you to leave me.”

She raised her head, finding William looking down at her, his jaw set.

“I don’t have a fucking clue what I did, but I take it back. I love you and--.”

“I love you. You’re all I bloody think about. Dream about. You’re in my gut…my throat…my—I’m drowning in you, Summers. I’m drowning in you!”

“Leave me alone!”

Buffy jumped, burned by flashes of their argument. “Well, I don’t love you! I’m not leaving you, b-because I was never here! Not by choice! I don’t know what you did, but you’ll pay for this! I will never, never love you!”

“I don’t understand. I thought we were happy. I thought,” he paused, looking away as his eyes filled with tears. “You loved me yesterday. You told me so.”

“I told you to stay away from me yesterday. I told you that I had Riley.”

“Riley? What does that tosser have to do with—oh, you’ve got to be kidding me!”

“God, he’s probably worried sick. I need to see him! I need to go home!”

“Buffy--.”

William stopped, the sound of light knocking on the door grabbing his attention. “Now you’ve done it,” he whispered. “I got your bloody clothes, go in the bathroom and get them on. When you come out, I don’t want to hear any more yelling from you, alright? You’ll scare them to death.”

“Them?”

“Get in the bathroom.”

“You can’t order me--.”

“Yes, I bloody well can! You’re under my roof; I won’t have you terrifying our children!”

“Our what?”

“Fuck you, Summers,” he snapped with a venom she’d never heard him direct towards her. “You can continue with this game. You can tell me whatever you want. You don’t love me anymore? Fine! You want to cheat on me with Finn of all people? Fine again! But don’t drag our kids into your shit!”

Nostrils flaring in anger, he yanked the blanket from his hips and tossed it at Buffy before quickly pulling on a pair of drawstring pants.

“Just give us a minute!” he yelled through the walls.

Confused beyond all comprehension, Buffy modestly wrapped her body and waited, anxious to see what could be waiting behind the door.

Kids? We have kids? William and I have children?

As he opened the door, she glanced at her left hand and groaned at the sight of two bands: a diamond engagement ring and simple golden ring.

“Oh, my, God,” she breathed.

“Mommy!”

“Mom! Mom! Mom!”

“Good morning, Mrs. Giles.”

Buffy looked at the two toddlers, to William, to the stranger that was holding another baby in her arms, and then back to William.

“Three? Not just one, but three?”

“Last night we were working on our fourth.”

“Oh,” Buffy muttered before fainting.
***

Chapter 2

She woke for a second time to fingers on her face. The fingers were tiny, clammy and they smelled of chocolate and another sweet smell that Buffy couldn’t identify.

“Mommy?” the owner of the fingers whispered as he held her cheeks between his palms. “Mommy, are you sick? Daddy, Daddy said we shouldn’t see you. What’s wrong? Does your tummy hurt?”

“My tummy feels fine,” Buffy answered. Opening her eyes, she was greeted by a messy lopsided grin. “What have you been eating?”

“Um, nothing.”

“Nothing?”

“Donuts!” the boy admitted with a loud giggle. “How’d you know? Were you spying on me?”

“Maybe,” she said, a smile tugging on her lips.

He has his father’s eyes, she couldn’t help but think. My nose…

“Jamie.”

At the sound of William’s voice, Jamie gasped and widened his eyes dramatically. “Uht-oh!”

“Uht-oh is right, young man. Didn’t I tell you that your mother wasn’t to be disturbed?”

“Yes, but--.”

“No buts. Tara has been looking all over for you. Don’t you want to go to the park with your sisters?”

“Yes! I just—I wanted to see if mommy was okay. I woke her up, daddy! You couldn’t, but I could! See!”

“I see,” William chuckled, stepping from the doorway to kiss the top of Jamie’s head of shaggy brown hair. “She’s been nice to you, hasn’t she?”

“Yeah, dad! She knew about the donuts and she didn’t get mad!”

“Well, aren’t you a lucky ducky? You should head downstairs, love. Let me speak to your mummy for a bit.”

“Okay. Bye, mom! Feel better!”

“Bye, Jamie,” Buffy swallowed, patting his small shoulders as he hugged her tightly and hid his face against her stomach.

“God, he’s adorable,” she whispered, watching as he bolted down the hallway.

“You should see his sister, but then I guess you did before you passed out. How are you feeling?”

“I’ve felt better. William,” she continued seconds later, “are they twins?”

He nodded, taking a seat on the edge of the bed, careful to keep his distance.

“What happened with the donuts?”

“He ate them all. He downed an entire box of twelve this morning.”

“Oh no.”

“Oh yes and he didn’t even get sick, imagine that. Anyway, Tara’s taking him to the park in hopes to run the sugar out of his system.”

“Tara?”

“Our nanny. You saw her before you passed out as well. She was holding Joy…Joyce, Buffy. We named her after your mother.”

Buffy took a deep breath, running her hands through her hair. “The other little girl, what’s her name?”

“Sarah. I suggested another J-name, but you wouldn’t have it. Not for the twins. Didn’t want to be repetitive, you said.”

“Did I really want another? Three wasn’t enough?”

“We wanted an even two for two.”

“I never wanted kids. I was never a kid person.”

“I remember. The guys would bring their babies to the station and you’d hide completely or force a smile from a safe distance. But I’ll have you know, it didn’t take much convincing on my part. The babies were your idea; I just came along for the ride, after I finally got you to marry me that is.”

“When-when did that happen? When were we married?”

“Four years ago.”

Buffy shifted, feeling uncomfortable. “This is so crazy.”

“Which part? That we’re married and happy, or that you can’t remember a minute of it?”

She winced, hearing a flicker of pain behind his voice. “I remember being shot, but nothing after that. I don’t even know who pulled the trigger.”

“Angel.”

“What? How? He wasn’t—was he there?”

“The boys…they were helping him and--.”

“The tip was real?”

“Yeah,” William answered softly. “It was real alright.”

“Did we get him?”

“No. I was too concerned with you. You nearly died that night. I couldn’t leave you and he got away. I beat myself up over it for quite awhile,” he mumbled. “Swore that I’d get revenge…I was in a pretty dark place until you pulled me out of it. Blamed myself for you getting hurt.”

“It wasn’t your fault.”

“That’s what you told me,” he said, a smile barely touching his lips. “But good sense will tell you that I’m still partly responsible. I upset you so much that you let your guard down. I had horrible timing, proclaiming my love on the job like a pitiful wanker. You should’ve just slapped me for being so daft.”

“What happened to Riley?”

“Oh, you don’t know?”

“Just tell me. Please.”

“Riley…well, he left you. He could sense things heating up between us and told you to choose and--.”

“And I picked you?”

“Don’t sound so shocked. I’m just as good as him. Better.”

“Did I tell you the reason why I was meeting his parents that night was because we were announcing our engagement?”

“Yes, you told me. You definitely didn’t have an about-face overnight, but when it mattered, you chose me. I bet that’s hard for you to believe, but it’s the truth. I didn’t force you and certainly didn’t drug you. I’m not that desperate, you know. I have some pride.”

“I never married Riley…”

“No,” he said plainly, studying his knuckles. “And as far as I know, you had no regrets. I mean, I would’ve been positive, but after today… As far as I know you were satisfied with your decision.”

Buffy closed her eyes briefly, not sure what to say.

“Buffy? Are you okay?”

“No. No, I’m really not. I’m scared and I’m confused and, I’m cold.”

“It is winter,” he said, draping a heavier blanket over her shoulders. “I told you to get dressed, but here you are still in that flimsy sheet.”

“William, why aren’t you rushing me to a loony bin? To an emergency room?”

“Well, I seriously thought about it, but since you didn’t hit your head and since you’re acting pretty normal other than the memory loss, I figured if I took you to a hospital that they’d keep you overnight for tests, and with it being the day before Christmas Eve… I know it’s selfish, but I want you to spend Christmas with us, your family. I don’t want the kids to have a holiday without you…but really, if you’re feeling bad, Buffy, you’ve got to tell me and I’ll take you wherever you need to go.”

“I feel fine, but I don’t see what difference it’d make. I could be here and those children wouldn’t be with their mother--.”

“Those children?” he snorted, rolling his eyes heavenward. “Those children happen to be your children. You gave birth to them, you raised them--.”

“William, I’m a stranger here. Sure you recognize me, but I can’t remember anything that’s happened to me in the past four years--.”

“Five.”

“Five? Five what?”

“It’s five years, maybe even closer to six. We’ve been together five and married for four.”

“Okay…well, that just proves my point.”

“No, it doesn’t prove anything. I saw you with Jamie. I had you in my arms this morning--.”

“Now that doesn’t mean anything.”

“It means a bloody lot! You’re their mother! You’re my wife, Buffy!”

“But I don’t remember!”

“You don’t need to remember!”

“How can you say that?” Buffy gasped. “Years are missing from my life!”

“But that doesn’t change what you are or who you are!”

“But--.”

“And we’ll get your memories back, I promise you, but it won’t be easy if you insist on being so pigheaded about this whole thing!”

“I am not being pigheaded—a-and how can you be so sure that I’ll just get my memories back? How can you make a promise like that?

“How can I—come on, Summers! I’m not sure about a damn thing right now! Can’t you see that I’m holding on by a bloody string?”

He took a number of deep breaths and Buffy finally noticed that his body was trembling.

“You think you’re scared? I’m fucking terrified! In the blink of an eye my wife disappeared! You think you’re confused? I’m-I’m…”

He trailed off, standing with his back to her. “I’m not going to make you stay. I can’t bear the thought of letting you go, but I honestly don’t know if I can handle being around you. I know that you hate me, and it’s eating me up.”

“Where would I go?” Buffy whispered, thinking out loud. “I have no money…I don’t know where my family and friends are…I can’t go home.”

“You are home, Buffy. It’s just up to you if you want to stay.”

“Where are you going?”

“Downstairs. Your family’s going to be home soon and expecting lunch.”
***

Chapter 3

Once William was out of sight, Buffy groaned softly.

“God, could I offend him any more? Could I really make him feel any worse?”

It was the last thing she wanted to do. Confronted with his trembling, she wanted to bring him close and apologize for every harsh word that she’d ever said, but, overwhelmed by an unfamiliar wave of tenderness, she couldn’t move or say that she was sorry, instead she was only able to mumble lamely about not having a home and family.

“…I honestly don’t know if I can handle being around you.”

William’s words haunted Buffy as she picked her outfit off the floor, guessing that it had slipped during their argument. As she dressed in the snug jeans and soft white sweater, she couldn’t believe how lonely and out of place she felt without William at her side.

Bet he doesn’t want to see me, but…

She bit her lip, heading out into the hallway.
***

Buffy could tell that she’d lived in the house. She had no doubt about it as she took in the home’s decorations. It was elegant—but not too girlie—and very cozy, decked out in all her favorite colors.

One quick glance in the living room was enough to take her breath away. A real Christmas tree was covered in lights and ornaments. There was a brick fireplace with five stockings hanging from its mantle. She felt the need to curl up on the couch with a blanket and good book, but she turned, seeing William’s bare back as he stood in front of the stove. Taking careful steps, she watched, mesmerized by his muscles.

Okay, so maybe the thought of me marrying him isn’t so crazy after all. I mean, I was attracted to him once—well, always…for as long as I can remember…

“So, you’re up and about. Did you get dressed?”

“Yeah,” Buffy answered, lifting her brow, not sure how William knew that she was in the kitchen.

“Hungry?”

“Yeah—yes, I’m starving actually.”

“Want some pizza? It’s the frozen junk, and it tastes like sodding cardboard, but the kids seem to gobble it up.”

“Well, if it’s for them…”

“I heated up two. It’s plain cheese. Come here, get some while it’s hot.”

Buffy blinked, accepting the heavy plastic red and green plate that he offered over his shoulder.

He won’t even look at me.

“Drinks are in the refrigerator. Help yourself.”

“Okay…what can I get you?”

“Whatever. Surprise me.”

“Uh, you want ice or just the can?”

“The can’ll do.”

Feeling strangely domestic, Buffy hugged two cold soda cans to her chest as she balanced the tiny slices of pizza with her other hand. Heading to the kitchen table where William was already sitting, she hesitated, not sure where to go.

“Sit across from me,” William mumbled, as if reading her mind. “Jamie sits next to you, Sarah’s next to me, and Joy’s always between us in her highchair.”

“I’ll have to remember that,” she said, giving him a drink before taking her assigned seat.

“Thank you.”

“Oh, you’re welcome.”

“It’s not that we’re anal about the setup or anything, it’s just that Jamie’s a complete and utter slob. He couldn’t hit his mouth even if his life depended on it; therefore, no one wants to sit in his crumby chair. And then our Sarah, she’d rather die than sit next to her brother. It’s the cooties, you know.”

“I see.”

He nodded, and they sat in silence, each eating very slowly.

“You were wrong about one thing.”

“Hmmm?”

“If you need money, you have it. I’ll give you money. Half of everything that I have is yours, Buffy.”

“Oh…but…”

“So, if you want to stay in a hotel, take your purse and don’t worry about the cost.”

“A hotel…”

“But I doubt you’ll find a room now, not with the holidays being so close and all. So,” he sighed, “you can have the bedroom and I’ll take the couch.”

“Are you sure? I mean, I don’t want to kick you out of your own bed.”

“I’ll manage. And then after the twenty-fifth, I guess you’re free to go.”

Finished with her pizza, Buffy wiped her mouth with the back of her hand and cleared her throat. “Uh, what if I don’t want to go?”

“Why would you want to stay?”

“I…well…because…”

“You can stay for as long as you want.”

“Thank you.”

“It’s no problem.”

“William?”

“Yes?” His blue eyes cautiously met hers. “What, Buffy?”

“About the things that I said…that night, this morning--.”

“Don’t. It doesn’t matter.”

“Yes, it does. I want to--.”

“Don’t waste your breath. I don’t want to hear it.”

“Don’t waste my breath? You don’t want to hear it? William, I’m trying to apologize!”

“I get that and I still don’t want to hear it, alright?”

“But—why not?”

“Because you don’t mean it.”

“I do too!”

“No.” He stacked their empty plates and went to the sink. “I know you, you don’t just change your mind. You spouted off a great deal and--.”

“And I’m sorry.”

“You’re not.”

“William—God, and you accused me of being pigheaded?!” She got to her feet and tried to get him to look at her as he rinsed the plates. “William, I am so sorry! I’m sorry about this whole thing!”

“Not as sorry as I am.”

“Okay, maybe I’m not, but I never said that I was.” Buffy bit her lower lip, contemplating her next move carefully. “Can I at least tell you that I don’t hate you? That I’ve never hated you?”

William snorted and rolled his eyes. “You have a funny way of showing it.”

“If I hated you I wouldn’t have kissed you.”

“This morning?”

“No.”

“Oh that. You’re admitting that it happened? Our first kiss?”

“Oh that? It went from a ‘bloody revelation’ to ‘oh that’?”

“I didn’t mean to offend you.”

“You-you didn’t.”

“Nothing’s meant more to me than that kiss. It was the beginning of the end for me. I remember you denying that there was something between us, and, well, you can’t do that very well now. If you can’t feel it, you can see it. It’s in our kids, our wedding rings, this house…”

He paused and turned to face her. “I got you to fall for me once, I should be able to do it again, you think?”

“It…depends. If you can barely stand to look at me, we have a problem. Maybe if we tried to be friends--.”

“We’ve never been friends,” he said sternly. “We’ll never be friends.”

“Oh—okay then.”

“I’ll always want more, Buffy. God, I always want you.”

“Uh…”

“Always,” he whispered. “I can’t help it. I’m sure that isn’t something that you want to hear, but--.”

“William…William, come here.”

He gave her a suspicious look and remained still. “That wouldn’t be a good idea.”

“Why not?”

As if on cue the front door swung open.

“There’s one reason.”

“But--.”

“Jingle bells! Sarah smells! Mommy laid an egg!”

“What?! I don’t smell! Daddy, Jamie said…”

“And that’s a good enough reason for me,” William muttered before addressing the crowd. “Jamie, haven’t I told you not to sing that blasted song? Tara, I’m going up to take a shower, but can I speak with you first?”

“Sure, I need to talk to you myself,” she answered, handing Joy to Buffy with a smile. “She’s been fussy all morning. She missed you.”

“But,” Buffy croaked, “I can’t—William!”

“Tara, wait for me upstairs, love?” When she was gone, William cupped Buffy’s elbow and pulled her aside as the twins screeched in the background. “She’ll only be gone for a minute.”

“I—I haven’t even held a baby before!”

“It shows. Come on, hold her close, she doesn’t bite—much.”

“What?”

“I’m teasing. She has six teeth; she won’t hurt you. In fact, she loves to cuddle and smile--. ”

“But…the twins?”

“Feed them. Once you put pizza in front of them, you might be surprised how quiet they can get.”

“What-what about this one?”

“Her name is Joy.”

“I remember, but what should I do? I don’t—please don’t tell me that I’m still breast feeding!”

“You’re not,” he chuckled. “That only lasted ten months. She eats baby food mostly and that’s in the pantry. I suggest avoiding the vegetables. She loves chicken and that sort of stuff. Go for the strained peas and you have a bigger chance of getting your sweater dirty.”

“Oh, I don’t think I can--.”

“You can. A clean bib is on her chair waiting for you.”

“William, please…”

“Oh, suck it up. At least we have Tara today; we won’t tomorrow or on Christmas and I can’t do everything by myself. She usually doesn’t work on weekends anyway. Here, gimme my girl for a minute.”

“Be good for your mommy, bit,” he whispered, stroking the back of Joy’s head as he gently bounced her against his chest.

“William, honestly, I don’t think I can do this.”

“Yes, you can. Can’t she, my sweet Jo-Jo?”

“But--.”

“No buts,” he said, using the same tone that he’d used with Jamie earlier in the bedroom. “Buffy, I know you can do it. You’re one hell of a good mum. It’ll come naturally to you if you don’t fight it.”

“Okay. Fine,” Buffy sighed, taking Joy back into her arms, “but if I need help…”

“Just call, I’ll save you.”
***

Chapter 4

“Mommy, I’m hungry!”

“I know, but just give me one minute. The microwave can only work so fast, Jamie.”

Buffy went to the pantry with Joy drooling and cooing happily in her arms. She picked the first jar of baby food and searched the drawers for a spoon.

“Mommy!”

“Please be patient, Jamie.” Finding the utensil that she needed, Buffy set Joy in the highchair and tied a bib around her neck.

“Beep! Beep!” Jamie yelled, mimicking the microwave as it beeped, signaling that the twins’ pizza had been re-warmed.

“Okay, now we can get you guys fed.”

Smiling proudly, Buffy served the children. Like William had predicted, Jamie stopped talking right away, more concerned with picking the cheese off his pizza. Enjoying the temporary silence, Buffy went to pour drinks for the kids. She had one glass full and was pouring into the second when Sarah started to cry, startling Buffy, causing soda to spill on the counter and onto the floor.

“Shit,” she whispered, no knowing where to look for a towel.

“Sarah! Sarah, what’s wrong?!”

“It’s hot!” she cried, mouth open. “It burned me!”

“Oh, I didn’t think it’d be so hot,” Buffy said, leaving the mess to give Sarah the little glass of soda. “Drink some, it’ll cool your mouth.” As she gulped from the cup with two hands, Buffy knelt to wipe tears from her face. “I’m so sorry about that. Do you feel better now?”

Sarah nodded, her lower lip jutting out. “That hurt, mommy.”

“I know. I shouldn’t have given it to you so soon. Forgive me?”

“Yeah,” she sniffled, wrapping her arms around Buffy’s neck. Buffy closed her eyes, hugging Sarah back until William ran into the room, still bare-chested with drawstring pants hanging low on his hips.

“What’s wrong? I heard crying—is she hurt?”

“Sarah burned her mouth. The pizza was too hot for her. I made a mess with the drinks because her crying scared me. Joy hasn’t eaten yet and Jamie, well, look at him.”

“Oh, that’s it?” he sighed in relief, getting a damp paper towel to clean Jamie’s dirty face and hands. “I nearly jumped out of my skin. Sarah doesn’t cry often, Buffy.”

“I swear it wasn’t that hot. The moment I put the pizza on the table, Jamie was up to his elbows in cheese and tomato sauce.”

“Well, just…next time can you be more careful?”

“Of course,” Buffy answered. “I don’t want to hurt them.”

“I’m sure you don’t, but still--.”

“Shut up. Just shut up, William.”

“Okay, never mind then.”

They ignored each other as they finished in the kitchen. Buffy cleaned up her mess, while William fed Joy.

“William, where’s Tara?” she asked minutes later.

“She had to go.”

“Go? Like on an errand?”

“She’s driving home early. The weather reports are predicting icy roads and she wanted to beat the storm. So, without her around, you’re going to have to watch them, okay? There’s some stuff that I’ve got to do today.”

“You aren’t a last minute shopper, are you?”

“Naw, I have to start the gift wrapping. We’ve been busy with work and all, so I need to finish it up this afternoon.”

“Work? Do we—we don’t have the same job, do we.”

“After the shooting you went to desk duty.”

“Oh, great. It isn’t in--.”

“Evidence? Yes. Don’t wrinkle your nose though, you actually chose the job yourself. The hours are better.”

“What do you do?”

“Patrolling, but every once in awhile I take care of the Angel sightings…just for nostalgia’s sake, you know?”

“So, while I’m destroying the mountains of bongs that we confiscate from this town’s teenagers, you’re having all the fun?”

“Sometimes you go with me. We make a date out of it. You know, the late-night stakeout, the bogus suspects…sometimes there happens to be a flask in the glove box…”

Buffy turned, back leaning against the sink, watching as he picked up Joy, took Sarah by the hand and followed Jamie into the living room.

”You are home, Buffy.”
***

Buffy sat in the middle on the couch with a twin on her left and right. Joy was cradled in her lap.

“This’ll keep ‘em occupied for awhile. It’s six hours of recorded Christmas movies and whatnot. They usually have a nap around three, but if they get tired, they’ll pass out even with the TV on.”

“Will you be done in six hours?”

“God, I hope so.” William slipped the tape in the VCR and pressed play. “Need anything else?”

“Where’s the remote?”

“On the little table right there.”

“Whatta ‘bout a blanket?” Jamie asked. “I’m freezing!”

“I’m cold too, mommy,” Sarah whispered, snuggling into Buffy’s side.

“Well, let’s fix that.” William turned on the fireplace and came back unfolding a large fuzzy blanket. “Let’s see, what’s the best way to do this? You, hold this end.” He gave a section of the blanket to Jamie and stretched it across Buffy to reach Sarah. “How’s that, sweet? Still cold, my baby?”

“A little.”

“You won’t be for much longer though.” William kissed Sarah’s cheek and kissed the top of Jamie’s head. “Where’s my Joy?”

He pulled back the blanket and kissed Joy’s temple as Buffy held her against her chest. Their closeness made Buffy’s heart speed up and she ignored the need to pout when he denied her a kiss.

“Daddy! Whatta ‘bout mommy?!”

“What about her, mate?”

“Aren’t you gonna kiss her?” Jamie asked, wrinkling his small nose. “You always kiss her!”

“Yeah, I usually do, and don’t you usually squeal about how gross it is?”

“Did she do something wrong? Is she in trouble?”

Buffy looked up, interested in William response.

“No, she’s not in any bloody trouble,” he grumbled.

“Are you sure? What’d she do that was bad?”

“She didn’t do anything, alright? You want me to kiss her? Will that make you happy?”

Jamie giggled and covered his face with his hands. “Do it!”

“Why you blasted little pain,” William teased, tickling his sides. “Who put you up to this?”

“Nobody!” he screeched, squirming under William’s fingers. “Nobody!”

“Was it you?” William asked, giving Buffy a wink.

“Nope.”

“You?” he asked Sarah, causing her to grin and shake her head.

“Well, that just leaves one more--.”

“It was Joy!” Jamie decided, pointing at the bump in Buffy’s arms.

“Oh, it sounds like something that she’d do. Well, pucker up, baby’s orders.”

“Hey, wait a minute,” Buffy laughed. “Did you ever think that maybe I don’t want to kiss him, Jamie?”

“Why you wouldn’t you? It’s daddy!”

“Yeah, why wouldn’t you? It’s me, pet.”

“You’re having way too much fun with this, William.”

“True,” he smirked, bending so their faces were no more than a few inches apart. First he brushed his lips against her forehead and then he moved lower to taste the corner of her mouth. He drew back and evaluated her reaction before coming back for more. The kiss was slow and shallow and Buffy could tell they were both holding back, too timid to surrender wholly to the gesture.

“Okay! You can stop now! Gees!”

Buffy closed her eyes and giggled into William’s mouth. He kissed her once more before standing up straight.

“Alright, since everyone seems to be satisfied—for now anyway—I’m going to, uh, leave you to your movie.”

“Bye, daddy!” the twins said, one chiming in after the other.

“Bye, William,” Buffy whispered, licking her lips. “Hurry back.”
***

During the second movie, Buffy nudged Sarah gently with her elbow. “Hey, psst, you asleep?”

“No.”

“Can I ask you a question?”

“Yes, mommy.”

“Okay, do you, uh—where’s Joy’s room?”

“You don’t know?” Sarah asked, rubbing her sleepy eyes.

“Well, I do, I just—we’re playing a game. I ask you questions and if you answer them correctly, I’ll sneak you some cookies. They’ll be just for you, not for your brother. He’s sleeping now, but when he wakes you can tease because you have yummy cookies and he doesn’t. How’s that sound? Fun, right?”

“I want cupcakes.”

“I think cupcakes can be arranged. Can you show me to her room?”

Sarah nodded, climbing off the sofa. “Follow me, mommy. We’ll play follow the leader.”
***

I can do this. Thousands, no millions—billions of people must do this on a daily basis.

“Mommy, she smells bad.”

“I know.”

“Change her.”

“I’m getting to it. I’m just preparing.”

“Preparing? What does that mean?”

“Uh, let’s go back to our game, Sarah. Now, where are the diapers?”
***

“Ew. Ew. Ew. Ew. Ew!” Buffy exclaimed, peeking into Joy’s diaper and causing Sarah to giggle. “Hey, it’s nasty in there! Do you want to look?”

“No! Ew!”

“Ha, that’s what I thought.”

Buffy looked down at the smiling baby and wrinkled her nose. “You know what? On second thought, your daddy should be in charge of diaper duty. Sarah, can you get him for me?”

“Where’d he go?” Sarah asked, her voice higher because of a pinched nose.

“He’s around here somewhere…wait,” Buffy said, remembering that he was wrapping Christmas presents. “You watch Little Miss Ew-y Pants and I’ll be back in two seconds.”
***

“William?”

Buffy knocked on the door twice and when he didn’t answer, she entered the master bedroom.

“Hey, William, we’ve got a baby emergency out here and it has your name written all over it.”

The bed was covered in rolls of wrapping paper, colorful bows and nametags. Stacks of wrapped and unwrapped presents were scattered on the floor.

Maybe he went downstairs…

A look towards the bathroom changed her mind. She could see him through the glass shower door as he soaped his hair. His fingers worked quickly until he turned and tilted back his head to rinse the shampoo away.

As if in a trance, Buffy froze, watching as he washed the rest of his body.

He’s beautiful…funny…smart… And why did I resist him so much? she wondered. Why did I push him away? I wanted him, but I treated him terribly. I accepted Riley’s proposal…

“Buffy, what the hell are you doing?”

“Honestly? I was…thinking.”

“Oh, is that all? You seemed to be peeping to me. Getting a good show, are you?”

“Should I, uh, turn my back?”

William just narrowed his eyes in response. He stepped out of the shower and towel dried his face and hair. He dried his legs, chest and torso as well, never leaving Buffy’s stare.

“So, you’re in here to think, eh?” he asked, hanging up the towel and stepping closer to Buffy, making her uncomfortably aware of his nakedness. “What’d you come up with? Anything groundbreaking? Share your thoughts with me.”

“You wouldn’t be interested.”

“I bet I would. Lay one on me.”

“Can you get dressed first?”

“Why? You came in here to sneak a look, you should get want you wanted…in full.”

“Joy needs her diaper changed. I don’t want to do it. Sarah’s watching her with her nose plugged and Jamie’s passed out on the couch.”

“Changing the subject?”

“Just thought you’d like to know.”

“Mm,” he said, making a noise as he slicked back his damp hair with his fingers. “She nearby?”

“In her room.”

“I’ll be back in a few,” he said, walking around her to pull on a clean pair of jeans and black shirt. “While I’m gone, you should make yourself useful. Wrap something. It’s the least you could do.”

“Okay,” she smiled. “That sounds fair.”

“What’s that smile for?”

“Nothing.”

“Still thinking?”

She nodded, picking up a boxed Barbie from one of the piles. “You’re a good father.”

“Oh?” he asked with a hint of sarcasm. “What made you decide that?”

“You’re amazing with the kids. They love you so much…you put them before yourself and it’s…it’s really great.”

“I try my best, it’s all I can do really.”

“Well, keep it up, because color me impressed.”

William hesitated and then he mumbled a modest thank you. “Guess that’s quite a compliment coming from you, right?”

“It is,” Buffy smiled again, picking out a roll of pink wrapping paper. “But, I’m not really that surprised. You’ve always had my back. You’ve always been selfless.”

“You were my partner…it was my job, my responsibility--.”

“It was more than that.”

“Yeah, it was.”

“William, can I ask you a question?”

“If you must.”

“It has to do with what I was thinking about.”

“Okay,” he said, crossing his arms. “Make it quick. If she gets diaper rash, it’s on your head.”

“Did I ever tell you why I agreed to marry Riley?”

“What do you mean?”

“Well, I can’t remember everything before the shooting. Some things are hazy, like why I accepted his proposal, or, uh, if I actually loved Riley—I mean, I remember caring for him, but—he was an okay boyfriend, alright? But he never struck me as husband-material.”

“You don’t remember?”

“Haven’t we established that my memory isn’t what it used to be?” Buffy laughed.

William’s face lost its color and he swallowed. “You really don’t remember?”

“No. What is it? Is it that bad?”

“Oh, sweetheart…”

“William, what--.”

“You were pregnant. You were going to have his child.”
***

Chapter 5

“You were pregnant. You were going to have his child.”

Buffy stumbled back, feeling as if he’d hit her. The Barbie and wrapping paper fell from her hands, and she looked down, too numb to pick them off the floor.

“You’re lying,” she said, finding it difficult to form words. “I don’t know who told you that, but it’s not true.”

“Buffy…”

“No!” she insisted, hearing sympathy in William’s voice. “I wouldn’t have let him do that to me! I wasn’t pregnant! I’m not a kid person! I-I hate kids!”

William cringed, taking a step closer. “Sit, love. Please, baby, don’t faint on me again.”

“I’m not going to faint! I’m not--.” Feeling sick, she doubled over to grab her stomach. “God, I was only two months along,” she gasped. “I didn’t want it.”

“You remember? Do you remember more?”

“I didn’t want it,” she repeated, looking up and suddenly realizing that tears were streaming from her eyes. “I didn’t want my baby.”

“Oh, honey, I know.”

“But I didn’t, I forgot. How could I forget?”

He shrugged hopelessly, carefully reaching out to touch her shoulder.

“I begged him to let me terminate the pregnancy. Was I relieved? Happy when it lost it?”

“No! No, of course not!”

Still in a daze, she tried to brush his hand away. “What am I doing? I shouldn’t ask you. You don’t know. I wouldn’t have told you how I felt--.”

“What—oh, yes you bloody well did!” His eyes narrowed, hurt and aggravated. He grabbed Buffy by the upper arms and gave her a good shake. “You cried your heart out for weeks! You still do some nights, and I know because I hold you while you grieve!”

Buffy opened her mouth, wanting to tell him to let go, but he didn’t let her say a word before giving her another shake.

“You talk to me, damn it! You tell me your thoughts and feelings, and not just because I’m your husband, but because I make you better!” He stressed the last word by pulling her against his chest.

“I make you feel safe,” he continued, tucking her head into the curve of his shoulder. “I understand you and I don’t judge. I listen and I love you and it’s enough to make you feel better.”

Buffy let out a whimper and William squeezed her tight. “I take care of you, and you do the same for me.”

“William…”

“I’m not lying! I never lie to you. Please, you’ve got to believe me.”

Hearing the desperation in his voice, she gave his neck a gentle kiss. “I do. Just tell me—I need to know, did I want the twins?”

“You were scared, we both were, but yes, you wanted them.”

“Thank God,” she breathed in relief. “I didn’t hate—I-I don’t think it’s even possible to hate my babies, William.”

“Well, you do make downright irresistible babies…and I know that would’ve been the case, even with Finn involved.”

“You…you make irresistible babies too,” she said, with a hushed sniffle. “And speaking of your babies, you should check on them. Joy’s waiting for you.”

His hold grew stronger and he mumbled that he didn’t want to leave her. Against her own desire to stay clinging to his warm and inviting body, she wormed out of his arms.

“Go,” she said softly. “I’d like to be alone. I’ll finish wrapping the presents.”

“You don’t have to.”

“I want to.”

“Alright,” he sighed, rubbing his red eyes with the ends of his palms. “Hide the gifts in the closet when you’re finished, and be down by dinnertime, I don’t want you cooped up here all night.”

“It shouldn’t take that long but…by the amount of toys…the kids are spoiled rotten, aren’t they?”

“Eh, well, it’s not my fault. I nearly clipped all your credit cards after seeing this mess.”

The ends of Buffy’s mouth curved up and she leaned forward to briefly kiss William’s lips. “Go. I’ll see you at dinner.”
***

As Buffy had expected, it didn’t take long to wrap the remaining gifts and hide them in the closet. Though she’d taken her time—finding folding paper, taping edges, and picking out the perfect colored bow calming—she was finished in less than two hours.

“I wonder,” she mumbled, thinking out loud. “I’m sure William and I exchange presents. If I bought him some things, where would I have hidden them?”

Using the fear of William waking on Christmas to nothing under the tree as her excuse, she searched the bedroom. She daringly peeking into drawers, thumbed through the closet, and looked under the bed.

“Can I help you?”

Buffy froze, hearing William’s voice. She was on all fours, head under the bed and butt up in the air. “Don’t you knock?”

“I would, but then, it’s my room.”

“Oh, you’re right.” Tucking her hair behind her ears, she turned to sit flat on the floor.

“May I ask what you were doing?”

“I was looking for presents.”

“Looking for presents?” he repeated, lifting an eyebrow. “Did one run off?”

“Yes.”

“Liar.”

“Well, what can I say? A stupid question deserves a stupid answer.”

“You’re feeling better.” His eyes narrowed, but it wasn’t an angry glare. To Buffy’s surprise, he sat beside her and leaned against the side of the bed. “Damn, today’s been a hard day. I don’t know about you, but I’m knackered. I’ve been beaten with a pillow, tossed off the bed, yelled at, cried on, chewed on—I owe Joy a big kiss for not puking on me. But then, I’m sure I’m speaking too soon, we haven’t had dinner yet.”

“Why’s your shirt wet? Wait—and when were you chewed on?”

“Funny you should ask,” he said, pulling the damp garment over his head and tossing it aside. “Once I got Joy cleaned up, Sarah wouldn’t let me leave her sight until I gave her a cupcake. Know anything about that, pet?”

“Uh…maybe.”

“I told her that she couldn’t have one ‘cause it’d spoil her dinner. She then decided to make such a racket that it woke Jamie. So, ultimately I had two kids throwing royal tantrums until I gave in and put a bloody cupcake in each of their greedy paws.”

“That still doesn’t explain how you got wet though, or the chewing.”

“I left them for not even one full minute and all hell broke lose. Frosting was everywhere. All over Sarah’s clothes, in Jamie’s ears--.”

“In his ears?”

“I don’t know what happened, he’s your son.”

“Oh, he’s a little messy so you disown him?”

“Yes, and when he’s not an idiot, he’s mine.”

Buffy snorted, even though she found his logic amusing. “What about Sarah? When is she yours?”

“Well, most of the time, but not at this very moment. Lookie here,” he sighed, sticking out his thumb. “It’s the shy ones you need to watch out for. She bit me, love.”

“Sarah bit you? What’d you do to her?”

“I gave her a bath that’s all! She had some tangles in her hair—I tried to be gentle and she bit me!”

A smile tugged on Buffy’s lips and she tried not to laugh. “I’m sure she didn’t mean to bite you--.”

“Yes she did! I don’t bathe her often and definitely don’t brush her hair on a regular basis, that’s your department. You should’ve seen me trying to braid her hair. I was all thumbs and I’m sure she has more tangles now than she ever did before. Oh, bugger,” he mumbled, closing his eyes, letting his head fall back. “I’m not at all surprised that she took a bite out of me. Hell, I wanted to bite me for hurting her!”

“Do you always do this when she’s hurt?” Not waiting for an answer, she let out a soft laugh and scooted closer. She slipped her arm around William’s and rested her head on his bare shoulder. “It’s sweet, but I’m afraid that the over-protective father role may kill you someday. What’ll happen when the twins start school?”

“I’m going to lose my mind, go bug-shagging mad, I wager.”

“Bug-shagging, eh? Well, that’s gotta be difficult, to shag a bug. Unless ‘shag’ means something else in the future, like ‘bad’ means good or how ‘sick’ means--.”

“Buffy, what the hell are you talking about?”

“Um, slang terms and their varying connotations and how those connotations change over time?” she said quickly in one breath.

With a chuckle, he took her hand in his. “Oh, is that it?”

“Maybe I should give bath time a try tomorrow. I’ve tackled one or two tangles in my time—yikes, now that was a mouthful.”

“Oh, tomorrow…I’ve been thinking about tomorrow, when you wake, I mean.”

“What about it?”

“Do you think your memory will be better or worse, Buffy? Will you be good as new or so gone that you don’t remember me at all?”

“Oh, it’ll be better. Much better, I’m-I’m sure of it.”

“Pet, that wasn’t very convincing.”

“Well, it’s never crossed my mind that I could lose more of my memories.”

“Not a pleasant thought, is it?”

“It’s really scary to be honest with you.”

“I didn’t mean to spook you.”

“No, it’s…good, I think. We should consider everything that can and can’t happen.”

“You making a full recovery, which list does that fall under?”

Buffy sat up, looking into William’s soft, hopeful eyes. “It can happen, and it will. I don’t know how, or when, but it’ll happen. You’ll get your wife back, or the closest thing that I can give you.”

“What does that mean, Buffy?”

“I’m not sure,” she admitted truthfully. “Once I figure it out, you’ll be the first to know. But until then…are you sure that we can’t be friends?”

“We’ve never…”

“Could we try?”

“Can’t you…you can’t feel the tension that’s buzzing between us?”

“Oh, I can feel something, and it’s making us fight and argue--.”

“It’s pulling us together,” he said, circling his fingers around her wrist. “Can’t you feel it?”

“There’s passion, heat, desire. I know you can feel it.”

“I feel something,” she whispered.

Fingers traveled under her sleeve and up her arm. His touch coaxed goose bumps to stand along her skin. “Well, I guess something’s better than nothing… Do you really want us to be friends, baby? Just friends?”

She nodded, unable to say yes.

“If that’s what you want…” His sore thumb outlined her bottom lip, and Buffy found herself hoping that he’d kiss her. She knew he was trying to seduce her, and she also knew she wouldn’t be strong enough to withstand his advances for much longer. “Alright, then.”

“What?”

His fingers disappeared and he moved away to get on his feet. “You win.”

“I win? What do I win?”

“A shiny new friendship. Hope you enjoy it.”

“But…”

“No buts. You made your decision.”

From the floor, she kept an eye on him as he went to the closet and pulled on another tight-fitting dark shirt. “Are you mad?”

“No.”

“Disappointed?”

“No.”

“Are you going to try to change my mind?”

“No,” he answered again, but this time with a laugh. “You know how I feel about you. If you want me, you should know by now that you can have me. It’s just a matter of you stepping off your high horse and allowing yourself to be happy.”

“I want to be happy,” Buffy mumbled, causing him to laugh again.

“Again, love, you’re not very convincing.” Still smiling, William offered her a hand and helped her off the floor.
***

Chapter 6

Of course I want to be happy. Who doesn’t want to be happy?

Buffy sat in the living room, under a blanket as the fireplace burned. She looked towards the Christmas tree, deep in thought until she heard a tiny cough.

“Mommy?”

“Yes, Jamie?”

He climbed on the sofa and wiggled his way into her lap. Like Sarah and Joy, he was dressed for bed in a set of pajamas and matching slippers. Hugged against his chest was a white oversized book.

“What do you have there, honey?” Buffy whispered, experimenting with the term of endearment. She knew William couldn’t overhear her words as he washed their dishes from dinner, but she was still nervous, wondering if it would feel natural on her tongue. “Can I see, sweetie?”

“It’s the photo album,” he answered, mimicking her soft voice.

“Do you like looking at the pictures?”

He nodded, leaning his back comfortably against Buffy’s chest. “Daddy said we should look at it together.”

“Did he?” she asked, looking over her shoulder to find William still at the sink. “Well, that sounds like a good idea.”

“Wait! Wait for me!” Sarah’s slippers pounded down the stairs and she scrambled to her favorite spot, nuzzling Buffy’s side. She slipped under the blanket and peeked over her arm. “I want to look too, mommy.”

Drops of moisture gathered in Buffy’s eyes, and she blinked them away, not sure why they had appeared. She quietly cleared her throat and opened the book.
***

Buffy hoped the kids didn’t notice her trembling fingers. She tried to keep her cool, but felt more overwhelmed with each turn of the page. The album started with their honeymoon. Buffy saw herself barefoot on a beach, smiling as she clung to her new, sun-burnt husband. Snapshots from other vacations acted as filler until she noticed images of her growing belly. The house that she was currently sitting in was nearly empty and it acted as the backdrop to the grins and frowns that she made for the camera.

“You were royally pissed off when we moved in. Apparently when you’re pregnant with twins, the last thing that you want to do is move into a new house.”

“But we didn’t have a choice,” William continued from over Buffy’s shoulder. “My apartment could barely hold the two of us.”

“I moved in with you?”

“Well, I did refuse to move in with you and Captain Cardboard. Thought it’d get a little cramped.”

“Funny,” she said, looking up to give him a glare. By the time she raised her head, he was already moving to sit on the couch.

“Mind if I take your spot, my princess?” He gave Sarah a charming wink before picking her up, sitting next to Buffy and cradling the toddler in his arms. “What you waiting for? Turn the page. These are my most favorite photos, you know.”

“When I’m as big as a beached whale?”

“Yeah,” he said, with a small smile. “Don’t get me wrong, you might’ve looked adorable with the waddle and heaving bosom, but underneath it all, you were one moody pregnant woman. You think we fought today? God, we nearly had a divorce with the twins and when you were carrying Joy I believe a call to a lawyer was made.”

“If I was that hard to live with, why were we trying again?”

“What does a lot of stupid fights equal?” He didn’t wait for Buffy to come up with an answer before whispering in her ear. “Lots and lots of make-up sex.”

“Oh, now that’s a valid reason to bring another life into the world.”

“Isn’t it?”

Buffy snorted, turning the page. The next pictures were of her exhausted form with two prune-y newborn babies. From that point, a quarter of the album was of Jamie and Sarah. Birthdays and other holidays were the most common moments captured on film.

“It’s hard to tell, but that’s Jamie taking his first step… There’s Sarah after she saw her first giraffe at the zoo.”

“She looks terrified.”

“She was. We still avoid the giraffe exhibit to this day. It’s the neck, she says. Oh, and that,” he reached across Buffy’s body to point at another photograph, “that’s when we had a road trip to the Grand Canyon. It was boring as hell; the kids can’t remember a lick of it. The best part was that it gave us our Joy.”

“It did what? Oh, God, never mind.”

William chuckled and he continued to narrate the rest of the photo album from Joy’s birth to the Thanksgiving that they celebrated a month earlier.

“And that’s the end.”

“It is,” he said.

“It’s too bad I forgot all that stuff.”

“It is. It’s a bloody shame.”

“Should we put the kids to bed? I’m not even sure when they fell asleep.”

“They’re just resting up for tomorrow, love. They won’t want to sleep tomorrow night ‘cause they’ll miss taking a peep at the man in red. Then on Christmas morning, God, I have no idea when they’ll get us up. It’s been getting earlier and earlier each year. And about tomorrow night, I may have to ask you for a favor.”

“What kind of favor?” Buffy asked, trying to hold Jamie as she extracted herself from the couch.

“Santa’s bringing them a…swing set,” he whispered. “We decided to have it put together before they wake on Christmas.”

“You’re going to put it together in dark?”

He nodded, and Buffy followed him upstairs. “You’ll need to hold the flashlight for me. It shouldn’t take long, an hour or two should do it.”

“So, you’re, ah, good at putting stuff together? Do you follow the instructions?”

“I do my best.” He lowered Sarah carefully onto her bed and tucked the sheets around her dozing body. “Goodnight, lamb,” he mumbled, kissing her temple.

“I don’t know about this, William. You shouldn’t hammer things in the dark.”

“Afraid I’ll whack my thumb?”

“Well…yes, among other things.”

“Don’t worry. I looked at the box. I’ll need a screwdriver, not a hammer.”

“But still…”

“I appreciate the concern, pet, but really, nothing’ll happen.”

“Oh, now you’ve jinxed it.”

“You really worried about me?”

Buffy’s mouth straightened to a line and she put Jamie to bed. “I just don’t think it’s a good idea.”

“It was your idea.”

“I’m sure it was,” she mumbled, rolling her eyes.

“It was.” He bent to say goodnight to Jamie and ushered Buffy out of the room with a hand on her elbow. “I can do it, but if you’re really against it…”

“No, never mind. I’m sure it’ll be fine.”

“You sure?”

She shook her head, avoiding his eyes. She couldn’t explain why the thought of him getting hurt sent a chill through her body.

“I promise to be extra careful.”

She nodded again. “So, it’s, um, eight… Is it our bedtime, too? I know you were tired, but--.”

“But what? Want to do something? We can’t leave the house… We can watch TV or play a video game—a, a board game. I hate to admit it, but all of our sources of entertainment have been kid-tested and—you want to just talk?”

“William, you wouldn’t happen to still have that flask, would you? Maybe some bourbon?”
***

Chapter 7

“Your drink, milady.”

“Thank you.”

“You’re welcome.”

William sank in the cushion next to Buffy and after a moment of silence, she took a deep breath. “So, this, it isn’t bourbon.”

“No, or at least I don’t believe so. Is it that all bourbon is whiskey, but not all whiskey is bourbon, or is it the other way around?”

“You think I know? This stuff, it’s roofie-free, right?”

“Of course it isn’t.”

“Ha, ha,” she grinned, speaking into her glass. “A stupid question deserves a stupid answer, hmmm?”

“That’s right.”

“Well, I don’t care what it is or what it has in it. All I know is a day like this requires much alcohol.”

“Couldn’t agree with you more.”

“Um, William…”

“You don’t even need to ask. I brought the bottle.”

“Oh, thanks,” she said, smiling sheepishly as he refilled her drink to the rim. “I feel like I’m hogging all the booze, aren’t you going to drink more?”

“Just one glass’ll suit me. One of us has to be the designated driver.”

“Designated driver? Are we going on a drive?”

“No,” he laughed, taking a sip from his glass and grimacing as the liquid burned its way down his throat. “We both can’t get smashed. Something might happen, and if we were both out of it…it’s just not a good idea, you know?”

Finding it difficult not to grin, she covered her mouth with her hand, hoping that he wouldn’t notice her smile. “I gotcha.”

“Buffy.”

“What?”

“You were quick, sweetheart,” he said, lightly holding her wrist, moving her hand to rest on her thigh, “but not quick enough. Tell me why you’re making that face.”

“What face?”

“Don’t play dumb. It won’t work, not with me.”

“I—you’re just such a dad.”

“Well, pet, sorry if you find that so amusing, but it is what I am.”

“You’re so different from the William that I know. It’s unbelievable, because—no offense, but he’s a jerk. He swears too much, drinks too much, and the smoking—wait, do you not smoke anymore?”

“So, I was a jerk?”

“I said no offense, and calling you a jerk is putting it lightly. You pride yourself on being a bad, rude man. You enjoy it.”

“Yeah, guess I did,” he chuckled, pillowing his head against the back of the couch. “But I do remember trying very hard not to be a jerk when you were around.”

“Did you really?”

“I should of tried harder, I’ll admit that, but then everything worked out in the end. I got the girl and a nifty family to boot.”

“Did you really stop smoking? You?”

“I was developing this cough and—do you know what secondhand smoking does to a fresh set of lungs? Because my wife certainly did and she helped me quit.”

“Good for her.”

“Yeah, you won’t hear me singing “Cigarettes and Alcohol” from the bloody rooftops anymore. I hum the theme to sodding Sesame Street. No more “I did it my way,” I do it Buffy’s way. It’s entirely your fault. You’ve turned me into the spiting image of Mister-fucking-Brady.”

“Well, with language like that… Oh, but on the bright side, at least you still have the hair.”

Smiling, he smoothed back his bleached roots. “Had to draw the line somewhere. But really, to be honest, you’ve never balked about my hair.”

“That’s because I like it,” she said, downing the rest of her drink. “I find the whole thing very sexy: the bleached-blonde hair, leather jacket, British accent, how you’re shallow, but in a totally hot way—oh, good God, I need a refill. Can I get a refill?”

“Hot and sexy?”

He flashed her a boyish grin and she glared in response. “Well, I did marry you, William.”

“So, you’re saying that I must be somewhat attractive or you wouldn’t be able to stomach waking up to my ugly mug on a daily basis?”

“That’s exactly what I’m saying,” she grumbled. “I’d like more to drink. Now please. In fact, just give me the bottle.”

“The whole bottle?”

“Yes, the whole bottle.”

“Suit yourself, but you’re going to pay for it in the morning.”

“Having a hangover is the last thing that I’m worried about when it comes to tomorrow morning.”

William nodded and they sat in another silence as Buffy took long gulps from the bottle.

“Should I go, Buffy?” he asked after minutes crawled by. “If you want to be alone, I’ll happily leave you to your bottle.”

“It’s empty,” she said putting the bottle on the floor, propped against the sofa.

“Still, if you want some privacy--.”

“Don’t go.”

“Are you feeling alright?”

“Just a little dizzy. Sorry, but I’ve never been an exciting drunk person.”

“I wouldn’t say that.”

An arm wrapped around her shoulder and Buffy melted against his side, nose buried in his shirt. “Why not? It’s true. Damn, you smell nice. It’s not like I dance on bars or sing karaoke. I don’t get overly affectionate or violent.”

“About that second to the last one, pet…”

“Okay, so maybe I get a teeny bit more friendly, but I don’t jump into bed with the first guy that I see.” William snorted, but she moved on, ignoring it. “You’ve just always been extra nice to look at through my booze-colored glasses…and to touch and to taste and to,” she trailed off, her mind suddenly blank. “God, you smell nice.”

“So, I’ve been told,” he chuckled, squeezing her tight. “Is there anything else that you’re finding nice right about now, my sweet?”

“I don’t think so, but I’ll keep you posted.”

“You do that.”

“Will, um, William?”

“Mmmm?” he hummed, lips against her forehead. “Yes, baby?”

“I’m feeling sleepy.”

“Feel free to rest your eyes. I don’t mind if you take a nap.”

“I just…I don’t want to sleep on the couch tonight.”

“You won’t, we already decided that you were getting the bed--.”

“My…my legs feel mushy.”

“Oh, is that what you’re worried about?” he laughed. “Don’t worry, I’ll help you. I wouldn’t have you tumbling down the stairs on my watch, cutie.”

“But I don’t want to…the sheets…”

“What about ‘em?” he asked, eyes narrowed into triangles. “Oh, do you mean… Well, we can change the sheets.”

“No, that wouldn’t help.”

“It wouldn’t help? Buffy, what the hell are you talking about?”

“Why are you—hey, don’t yell at me!”

“I’m not yelling at you,” he said through clenched teeth and a forced smile. “I just don’t have a sodding clue of what you’re talking about. Why are you so worried about a set of fucking sheets?”

She looked up, giving him a dirty look. “I want you to sleep with me. God, William, could I spell it out any more?”

“You want me to—what?”

“I want you,” she said slowly, pushing a finger into his chest, “to sleep with me. I’d rather sleep with you than be in your bedroom, in a bed with sheets that smell like you while you’re on this sofa. Do you get me now?”

“No, not really,” he admitted softly. “This, it doesn’t sound like a good idea, Buffy.”

“Why not?”

“Well…because!”

“Don’t yell at me,” she whined, snuggling deeper into his body. “Do you not want to sleep with me?”

“Oh, God, yes I want to, but--.”

“What is there to have buts about? I just want a good night’s sleep and you’re so warm… I don’t like it when you’re not with me. I can’t explain it—I don’t understand it, but I feel less scared with you here and--.”

William cursed, draping Buffy’s legs across his lap. “You always get your way, bloody amnesia or not.”

“What—what are you doing?”

“Taking you to bed,” he mumbled, getting ready to carry her to their bedroom.
***

Chapter 8

“You want out of those clothes, don’t you?”

Buffy groaned an answer, not caring that it didn’t resemble a clear yes or no. She was still sprawled across the bed where William had left her. She rolled onto her stomach, brushed her hair from her eyes and watched as he changed into another pair of drawstring pants.

“Do you have a closet full of the same clothes, in the same dark colors?”

“What?”

“Nothing.”

“What’d you say?” Buffy blinked, and William was in front of her. She blinked again, and found herself face-to-face with his thighs. “I couldn’t hear you, pet.”

“Either this bed is very tall, or you’re very short, or maybe…”

A strong set of hands turned her over and helped her to sit up. “Okay, I’ve got your nightgown here--.”

“Nightgown? It’s too cold for a nightgown!”

“Your pajamas are dirty,” he said patiently. “We should’ve done laundry today, but I forgot.”

“I’m going to freeze.”

“No, you won’t--.”

“Oh, yes. I hate nightgowns. I toss and turn too much and I wake up with them tangled around my neck.”

“Buffy,” he began, trying to pull her shirt over her head. “Could you try to cooperate? You’re worse than the kids--.”

“I can dress myself!” Buffy snapped, scooting away. She gathered the ball of clothes at the end of the bed and headed into the bathroom, letting the door slam behind her. She yanked her sweater off and pulled down her jeans. She looked into the clothes that she’d brought with her, and noticed that they looked very familiar.

“Um, William?” she whispered, opening the door a crack so he couldn’t see her naked body. “William? William, answer me. I know you’re out there!”

“Forget something?”

“Can you bring me the stupid nightgown?”

“That depends, you going to give me my dirties back?”

Covering the fullness of her breasts with her arm, she knelt carefully to pick up the clothes, including her own. She tossed them out and quickly hid behind the door.

“Happy?” she called. “Can I have my nightgown now?”

“If you want it, why’d you close the door?” The doorknob turned, and Buffy pushed her weight against the door.

“You can’t come in!”

“Can I hand it to you?”

“Eh…I guess so.” She opened the door a crack and was greeted by William’s blue shining eyes and warm smile. “Gimme,” she said, extending her arm.

“You know this is ridiculous. I’ve seen you naked, Summers. I’ve seen every inch of you.”

“I don’t care,” Buffy said stubbornly as her body shivered, not quite reacting to the cold alone. Flashes of the morning when he touched her came to mind and she felt her nipples harden against her arm. “Give me the nightgown and go away.”

“You do own some underwear, pet. Want me to get a pair of your lacy things?”

“How the hell do you know that I’m not wearing any underwear?”

“Well, one, by the way you’re acting, and two, reflections can tell a lot, like, for example, you’ve been blessed with the most perfect ass--.”

Buffy’s head flew around, and she squeaked at the sight of the mirror and the reflection of her bare backside. “Ahhh! You’re so—go to hell, William!”

She slammed the door closed and leaned against it, listening as he chuckled. “Oh my God, you’re such a pain!”

“You too, pet. You too.”

“Can I please have my nightgown? What do you want me to do? Haven’t I begged enough?”

“All you’ve got to do is open the door. Come and get it.”

“Fine,” she sighed, hitting the light switch in the bathroom. “Take a good look.” She boldly stepped into the bedroom and held her head high.

Across the turned down bed were her clothes: a delicate nightgown, sheer black bra and a matching pair of panties.

“William?”

When she didn’t get a response, she shook her head, realizing that the room was empty.
***

He returned minutes later and politely knocked on the doorframe. “May I?”

“Yes you may.”

He closed the door behind him and turned off the brightest set of lights.

“Do we usually close the door?”

“Would you like it kept open?”

“No,” Buffy said, after a second of hesitation.

“We keep it closed and use baby monitors,” William explained, pointing to the walkie-talkie shaped machines next to Buffy on the nightstand. “We have one in Joy’s room and one with the twins.”

“So, how are they?”

“All’s quiet.”

“I wondered where you went, but then I figured, where else would a good daddy be at this time of night?”

He smiled, looking embarrassed. “It’s just…we moved Joy out of our room only a few days ago.”

“Do the baby monitors work alright?”

With a nod, he turned off the lamp close to the bed, and before Buffy’s eyes could adjust to the darkness, he joined her under the sheets. “If you hear anything—the sound’s pretty low—but if you hear crying or whatnot, wake me up.”

“Okay.” She shifted lower, resting her head on the middle of the pillow. Her gown bunched up, and she stretched the soft material past the curve of her butt. Standing up, she’d been disappointed to see that the hem of the white, nearly see-through nightie didn’t come anywhere near her knees. However, she wasn’t taken aback by the sexy sleepwear after stumbling across a drawer full of nothing but lingerie when she’d been searching for William’s lost Christmas gifts.

Biting her lower lip, feeling awkward, Buffy forced herself not to wonder about her sex life as a young, married, mother of three.

“Never thought I’d feel like this again.” William rolled over to face her from where he’d been on resting back. “It’s strange.”

“Just how are you feeling?” she asked, eager to get her mind off of her racy thoughts.

“I’m nervous…scared.”

“What are you scared of? Me?”

“Yes and no. I’m more scared of me, I think.”

“You shouldn’t be afraid of yourself, William. That’s strange.”

“Didn’t I tell you I was feeling strange?” he asked with a laugh. He rose onto his elbow just long enough to punch and force his pillow into a tight ball. “After four years, love, you never think you’re going to feel nervous in bed with your wife. And if you do, well,” he paused, thoughtfully cupping his chin, “well, it’s because you did something to make her mad at you, or you’re about to do something to make her mad at you.”

“Do you make me mad often?”

“Sometimes.”

“Just for the sake of make-up sex?”

“Eh…sometimes.”

“That’s what I thought,” she said, rolling her eyes.

“How’d you guess?”

“I just had a hunch, a gut feeling.”

“Don’t know if I’d trust your gut right about now. It’s a bit full and overflowing, yes?”

“Oh, yes,” Buffy agreed with a yawn. “My bladder feels that way too, so I hope you don’t get annoyed when I’m up in the bathroom all night.”

“I won’t.” He rolled onto his back again and looked at her after a brief pause. “I’m not planning on it, alright? But don’t shove me off the bed. Push me away, or yell at me, or thrash me with your pillow if you must, because the last thing we need is me getting a concussion.”

“William?” she asked with a confused giggle. “What are you talking about?”

“Well, things can happen, you know when you’re half asleep and next to the delightfully curvy body that you used to have all access to. Hands might wander, and I want to let you know now, if that happens, I’m sorry and I don’t mean to do it.”

“Oh, thanks for telling me,” she said, giggling again. “I promise not to shove you off the bed as long as you promise not to have sex with me while I’m sleeping. I tend to sleep heavier after drinking and--.”

“I wouldn’t do that!” he gasped, scandalized by the thought. “You don’t have to worry about me raping you while you sleep! For the love of God—do you really think that little of me?”

“William,” she sang, still amused. “Oh, William--.”

“If I thought there was a chance—even the smallest chance of that happening there’d be no way in hell that I’d share a bed with you!”

She sighed happily, knowing that he was telling the truth, but finding perverse satisfaction in his distress. She scooted closer; leaving the tiniest gap she could manage without allowing their bodies to touch.

“I was joking,” she explained quietly. “Clearly it wasn’t my best work, but I blame the alcohol, and since you gave me the alcohol, it’s your fault.”

“My fault? Oh, naturally it wouldn’t be yours…no, no, not ever.”

With a slight bend of her knee the space between them dwindled.

“Do we have any plans for tomorrow? Are we going to…I don’t know, what do we usually do on Christmas Eve? Do we just stay around the house or—oh! Do we visit the in-laws? Ew! Do I have a mean mother-in-law? One who, who criticizes my cooking and cleaning because she doesn’t think I’m good enough for her son?”

“My mother passed away the year we were married, Buffy. We saw her once and she died a few months afterward.”

“Oh. Oh,” she said again with more emotion. “I’m so sorry.”

“She was too sick to come to the wedding, well, that and she’d never been on a plane, so we saw her a little after our honeymoon. I believe you saw the pictures… She liked you and she did approve.”

“She liked me? You’re not just saying that? Because Riley’s mom, she didn’t and—I guess I can understand, but--.”

“My mother loved you. Maybe she wasn’t as prim and fucking proper as Riley’s mum, but she accepted you on the spot and considered you as her own before we made it back to the States.”

“She sounds very kind.”

“She was.”

“This might sound lame,” she admitted, feeling shy, “but I’m really happy that she liked me.”

“That doesn’t sound lame at all. And to answer your question, we don’t have any plans for tomorrow. If there’s something in particular that you have in mind--.”

“Jamie…Sarah…the kids have no grandparents.”

“No, they don’t, but I have a few aunts who see ‘em a lot. We were invited to my Aunt Wendy’s, but we declined the offer.”

“Why?”

“No reason. We’re just a couple of homebodies,” he shrugged. “We’re not hermits or anything, we choose to spend time together as our little family.”

“We’re not hermits? Thank God, I was starting to worry.”

“Buffy,” he said, his voice a little husky, “aren’t you tired? I mean, I’d love to chat all night, but I’m worn-out.”

“Should we just get to the part where we say goodnight?”

“If you don’t mind.”

“Okay. Um…goodnight, William.”

“Goodnight.”

Buffy closed her eyes and seconds before she was pulled into sleep, lips brushed against her cheek and soft whispers were said into her ear. “I love you...”
***

Chapter 9

“Stop.”

There was another forceful tug on her hair and Buffy let out a growl. “Ow! Stop it!”

“Bah!”

“Bah?” She turned her head, hissing when the little fist never released her hair. With her eyes still closed, Buffy inhaled the clean scent of baby lotion as she opened the tiny, surprisingly powerful fingers.

“Argl!”

“Oh, I don’t think so, missy. You go argl someone else.”

“Gleb?”

“Yesterday, you didn’t say a word. Now,” Buffy opened her eyes and moved Joy’s fists to her sides, “now, you’re all full of backtalk and hair pulling.”

“Bah!”

“Sorry, I don’t speak garble-ty gook,” she said, rubbing her eyes. She sat up and groaned as her head throbbed.

“Geef argl!”

Buffy looked down and grabbed a tissue from the nightstand. “Don’t drool on the pillows. That’s gross,” she explained, dabbing Joy’s mouth. “I don’t drool on your pillows, do I? No, I didn’t think so. Okay, baby, I’ve gotta pee. Can I trust you to stay put for a minute?”

Joy giggled and Buffy took that as a yes. She ran into the bathroom, scared that her bladder might burst.

“God, no wonder he didn’t stick around.” As she looked in the mirror, she pulled at her bloodshot eyes, and tried to smooth her messy hair. “Least he wasn’t tempted to touch me…”

Saying her own whispered ‘bah,’ Buffy returned to Joy and scooped her into her arms.

“Aren’t you kinda cute today?” she said, admiring her daughter’s white wooly outfit. “You look just like a bunny—hey, you do know it’s Christmas, right? If you’re expecting a visit from the Easter Bunny tonight, you’re going to be very disappointed.”

“She’s not a bunny, she’s a lamb.”

“Bunny? Lamb? What’s the difference?”

“Lambs have smaller ears,” William answered, slipping a matching wooly cap—with ears—onto Joy’s head. “How’d you sleep?”

“Good, I think. Where’d you run off to?”

“What do you mean?”

“I woke up and you were gone. Joy was with me and you weren’t. Where’d you go?”

“I was with the twins,” he replied as if the answer were obvious. “I didn’t think you’d mind, and Joy usually stays with you when I’m with Jamie and Sarah. Want me to take Jo now?”

“No,” she mumbled stubbornly, holding the baby closer.

“Buffy—I don’t see why you’re upset.”

“I’m not upset. Did I say I was upset?”

“It doesn’t take much to figure it out. It’s the hangover, yes?”

“I have a headache.”

“Why don’t you get back to bed then? I can bring you some medicine, some coffee and a cup of ice--.”

“I don’t like coffee.”

“Yes, you do.”

“Um, no, I’ve never liked it.”

“Trust me, pet, you like it.”

“I don’t know…hey, why ice?” He seemed not to understand, giving her a blank look, so she continued. “Why would you bring me a cup of ice? If it’s for my coffee,” she snorted, “don’t bother.”

“I knew you shouldn’t have had the whole bottle.”

“You’re avoiding my question.”

“I am.”

“Why?”

“Because I shouldn’t have brought it up in the first place.”

Buffy narrowed her eyes, curious and annoyed that he was withholding answers from her. “William, when did you leave?”

“This morning?”

“Unless you left right after I fell asleep last night—you didn’t do that, did you?”

“No,” he answered slowly. “I got up around five.”

“Five? That is like in the middle of the night!”

“Not when the first showing of Sesame Street is at six.”

“God, can’t you record it?”

“We’ve tried. It’s like they’ve got a sixth sense. Big Bird’s on and they must watch.”

“You didn’t leave because I look hideous?”

“What?”

“Oh, don’t. Don’t try to spare me or anything. You won’t hurt my feelings. I didn’t shower yesterday and I drank too much. My eyes—God, they’re all red and with stupid bags under them. I’m sure that I smell bad--.”

“You don’t smell bad--.”

“Yes, I do, and I don’t blame you for being so eager to leave. I feel as disgusting as I look,” she said, not glancing at him, but keeping all her attention on Joy. She turned her against her chest and caressed her shoulders. “But some people still like me.”

“Buffy…”

“What?”

“This is why you’re mad?”

“I have a headache.”

“You think—fuck, never mind, nothing should surprise me anymore.”

“You shouldn’t swear so much. Kids can pick up the words and--.”

“Tell me about it. Jamie’s first word was ‘horseshit’.”

“Oh my God!” she cried, fighting the urge to protectively cover Joy’s ears with her hands. “That’s horrible! Please tell me that you’re kidding!”

“I am. Give me my baby before you burst her little eardrums.”

“That’s not funny. I was going to kick your ass, William!”

“What makes you think it would’ve been my fault?” he asked, his smirk never fading as he set Joy on the floor between them. She pulled herself up on wobbly legs and held on to the back of William’s knee. “You can be a regular potty mouth yourself, sunshine.”

“You’re a jerk.”

“Now that was Jamie’s second word.”

“And his first?”

“‘Daddy’ of course.”

“Oh, really? So his first word was really horseshit?”

“Oooo! Your words, they sting!”

“Yeah, that was pretty good, huh?”

“Very clever.” He chuckled, and Buffy laughed with him. She kept her eyes on his mouth, drawn to his smile. “I should wash your mouth out with soap, woman.”

“No way! You swear more than I do!”

“Who said it would have anything to do with swearing? You didn’t brush your teeth yesterday either.”

She opened her mouth to gasp and burst into giggles. “Shut up, you big brute! Don’t make me laugh, it makes my head hurt more!”

“You poor thing,” he purred. Before Buffy knew what was happening, he leaned forward to kiss her lips. Her giggles vanished, and she squeaked in surprise.

“Don’t kiss me back, and I’ll apologize. I’ll leave. I’ll lick my wounds and we’ll pretend this never happened.”

“I…I don’t want to crush my baby,” she responded lamely, nothing better to say coming to mind.

“I wouldn’t dream of crushing your baby. Come here…please?”

Buffy inched closer and felt tiny fingers dig into the sensitive skin behind her knee. “She’s, ah, got quite a grip.”

“She wants us together.”

“I can feel that. She’s not gonna rough me up if I refuse, right?”

“No. No, she won’t,”

He continued with a grin, but Buffy could tell that he was already trying to stomach his defeat. “Uh,” she said, pausing to chew her lower lip, “do you really want to kiss me?”

“I can’t imagine a time when I haven’t wanted to kiss you.”

“Oh, God,” she mumbled, heart pounding. With a weak nervous laugh, she self-consciously tugged on the hem of her nightgown. “William, you’re really good at making a girl feel special, uncomfortably special… but special.”

“Buffy--.”

“I just don’t think I can rush into this. I’ve rushed into relationships in the past and they didn’t turn out even slightly well. I know that you love me, b-but there’s more at stake here, so much more. You’re not just some guy that I want—uh, that I find attractive. We have kids. It’s bad enough to think I could hurt you, but add them into it all? God, I don’t think I can--.”

“Buffy, you won’t hurt me.”

“You can’t say that--.”

“Yes, I can. You will not hurt me.”

“William…but I don’t love you.”

His eye twitched. “So what?”

“So what?”

“Yes, that’s what I said. You don’t love me, so what? You think people only kiss those whom they love? Please! People snog bloody strangers and do a hell of a lot more than that to blokes that they only know on a first-name basis—hey, let’s take you and Finn for example. How’d you two lovebirds meet?”

“Let’s not,” she said, gathering that he knew exactly how she and Riley met—over drinks and cocktails, on a night that ended with them in bed and with Buffy certain that her new lover’s name was Roger. “Riley has nothing to do with this.”

“No, he doesn’t and that’s entirely my point. We’re talking about us here, Summers. Not Riley and not even the kids, just you and me.”

“Is this the part where you start talking about my high horse again?”

“It depends. Are you going to stand there, look me in the eye and tell me that you don’t want me?”

She blinked, shocked by his bluntness.

“Even if you did,” he continued, “I know you’d be lying. You want me and not just for my friendship.”

“Y-you don’t know that.”

“Yes, I do--.”

“Stop being so smug! God, William, right now kissing you is the last thing I want do!”

“Well, guess you’d better prove it to me, ‘cause I’m not buying it.” He kissed her lightly and brought her closer. “Don’t kiss me back,” he repeated carefully, “and I will apologize, Buffy.”

She opened her mouth and moaned, finding her lips captured for a third time. Having no desire to push him away, Buffy held on tight, and responded wholeheartedly to his hungry, demanding kiss.
***

Chapter 10

She thought about it in the shower, while she dressed, and at the kitchen table. As Jamie plucked all the marshmallows out of his cereal, Buffy rubbed her temples and tried to think of something other than William’s lips mingling with her lips.

“Jamie, love, don’t do that.”

“I’m not doing anything bad, daddy,” he answered sweetly. “Mommy—she’s not eating at all. Her cereal’s gonna get soggy.”

“You don’t need to tattle, mate. Your mummy doesn’t have to eat if she doesn’t want to.”

“You want my marshmallows, Jamie?”

“Eh, pet…”

“Oh, come on. It’s Christmas Eve.” Buffy scooted her bowl over and Jamie smiled widely. He bounced in his chair and hummed happily as he stuck his fingers into her cereal.

“Fine, healthiness be damned, but let’s at least keep up our manners. Jamie, what do you say?”

“Thanks, mom!”

“You’re welcome, honey,” she answered with a sigh.

“Your head still hurts, Buffy?”

“It’s not so bad. I just feel like I have a little sledgehammer working away on each temple.”

“You should eat. Want me to fix you something?”

She looked at William for the first time since he left her panting after the kiss. His eyes were full with concern and she couldn’t stop herself from feeling touched. “No thanks. I’m just not hungry now, but give me an hour or two…”

“What about some toast? I’ll get you some toast.”

“William--.”

“Go lay on the couch.”

“I don’t need to, I haven’t even been awake that long--.”

“Go rest, pet,” William urged, giving her a wink. He reached across the table to place his hand on hers. “I’ll tend to you in a minute.”
***

With her eyes closed, Buffy listened to the kids babble. She dozed off and woke when William sat on the edge of the couch.

“How’s your head?”

“Not good. Go away, I’m sleeping.”

“Open your mouth.”

She expected toast, but two pills were popped into her mouth. “Wait, but I just--.”

“Now take a drink.”

“Coffee?” she asked, giving the mug a suspicious look.

“Drink it.”

“I don’t like coffee.”

“Don’t make me force you, pet. I made it just how you like it. Extra cream, extra sugar.”

“Extra sugar?” She wrinkled her nose, but took a swallow.

“What do you think? It’s good, yes?”

“It’s…alright.”

“Knew you’d have a change of heart,” he said tenderly, using a little finger to tuck a few strands of hair behind her ear.

“Hey, um, where’s my toast?”

“You still want toast, love? I just fed the kids their lunch--.”

“Are you serious? You let me sleep that long? What time is it?”

“Did you have somewhere else to be?”

“Well…no. But you didn’t need me to watch Joy, o-or to do the laundry?”

“Nope, I had everything under control. In fact, I still do. The troops are upstairs and fast asleep. You’ve got to love naptime.”

“Oh,” Buffy replied, pouting into her coffee. She finished half of the mug and put it aside. “Well, it’s good to see that I wasn’t missed…”

“Oh, come on. Now, pet--.”

“W-what’s for lunch? It smells good.”

“Leftover chicken and vegetables from a few nights back,” William answered, lifting a brow, amused to see Buffy on edge. He seemed to notice that she didn’t know where to rest her hands so he took them into his own.

“So, we, uh, actually eat vegetables in this house?”

“It’s hard to believe, I know.” With a soft chuckle he kissed the top of her left hand and then the top of her right. “Usually you’re the strict one about food pyramid and all that.”

“That’s why Jamie was so shocked when I let him eat my marshmallows?”

“That’s right.”

“At least they were little marshmallows…I mean, they are teeny, tiny little things…”

“It’s fine, Buffy. A day or two off the wagon won’t hurt.”

“Do I cook for you guys? With Riley, I never…I can try to cook. I can make instant rice a-and sandwiches. I’m a pro at opening cans and I helped my mom make the meal for Thanksgiving once—if I had a good cookbook…”

“After tomorrow you can pick out as many cookbooks as you’d like.”

“After tomorrow?”

“Well, I wouldn’t send even my worst enemy out shopping on Christmas Eve. Even after Christmas is awful, but if you want to go…”

“After my visit to the doctor?”

“Well, that’ll be fully up to you.” He opened her fingers and kissed her palms. “I wouldn’t mind knowing what went wrong, and I can’t help but fret a bit. What if something else happens? What if your headache’s from more than a hangover?”

Buffy swallowed and stroked his knuckles with the pads of her thumbs as she thought of something to say. “William, please don’t think about that. I feel fine. I know it’s hard, but you can’t dwell on all that might or could happen. It’ll drive you crazy and…just don’t, okay? I feel fine, and I know a hangover when I’ve got one.”

“You’re not just saying that?”

“No.”

“Then I’ll try my best,” he said. He gave her hands one final squeeze before placing them gently in her lap. “I’ll heat up our lunch and if you like, I’ll help you fix dinner tonight.”

“Before we make the swing set?”

He nodded, and picked up her mug of coffee. “Want some more?”

“Maybe later.”

He smiled a little smile and started to lift his body from the couch, but stopped halfway and turned to give Buffy a kiss.

When they broke apart, neither said a word. William headed for the kitchen and Buffy waited a beat before following.
***

Buffy enjoyed their lunch together. She found William both funny and charming, so she didn’t hold it against him when he had trouble keeping his hands to himself. Above the kitchen table, his fingers accidentally brushed hers and under the table, their feet accidentally met more than once. She wasn’t at all surprised when his body collided with hers at the sink.

“So sorry, love,” he purred after the “unintentional” collision. “I just don’t know what’s gotten into me today, but I seem to be overly clumsy.”

She didn’t move, refusing to shy away as he boldly pushed into her backside. “I’ve been waiting for you to trip and for your lips to accidentally fall on mine for the past hour.”

“You don’t say…well, sweetheart, if that were to happen, I highly doubt it’d be an accident.”

She snorted and rolled her eyes as his arms snaked around her waist. He kissed a line along her neck, causing Buffy to lean back; happy that he was there for support when her legs became limp.

“William, um, I don’t remember giving you permission to do all this unnecessary touching.”

“Unnecessary? God, I can’t think of anything more necessary than touching my…my…eh, pet, who are you exactly?”

“Buffy. I’m just Buffy.”

“Okay, Little Miss Just Buffy, what are you to me then?”

“You think I can answer that?”

“It’s a complicated question, mmm?”

“It’s a very, very complicated question.”

“Oh, I’m sorry--.”

“Don’t…don’t be sorry.” They stood quietly, joined together, and then Buffy continued. “All I know is that I’m officially off the high horse you accused me of being on earlier. I want to be happy.”

“I’m glad to hear that.”

“And…I’d like for you to be happy too. Since your point about us not being able to be just friends was proved—and then some—I guess…well…God, this is going to sound stupid, but would you settle on being my boyfriend?”

“Your boyfriend?”

She closed her eyes briefly, hearing in his voice that he was holding back a laugh. “Do not make me sock you, William. With one jab from my elbow I could have you on the ground and--.”

“My God, I love you—to pieces, I swear—but you’re too bloody violent. Too much for your own good.”

“Well,” she said through clenched teeth, “the more you make fun of me, the more violent I get.”

“Make fun of you?” He finally released a string of deep, rich chuckles. “I’m not--.”

Before he could finish, she squirmed in his arms. “And to think I actually wondered why I didn’t want anything to do with you when we were partners! Here I try to talk to you—I give you the stupid crumb that you’ve always bugged me about and—and you laugh at me?”

“Oh, honey--.”

“Don’t you ‘oh, honey’ me!” She broke free from his grasp and twirled around. “This is not the time for nicknames! I’m trying to be serious here!”

“Just calm down, pet—eh, Buffy. Let me speak. You’re blowing this way out of proportion.”

Her face scrunched in anger, burning from embarrassment. She knew he was right and that just made her cheeks turn a deeper shade of crimson. “I don’t want you to explain.”

“You don’t—then what would you like me to do?”

“I…I don’t know! I’m being stupid, I know that. I should just go lock myself upstairs.” She started out of the kitchen, but William pulled her back. “Don’t,” she said, looking at the floor. “Don’t talk to me, don’t look at me. I’m going crazy.”

“You are not crazy. I shouldn’t have laughed, but I couldn’t help it. I wasn’t making fun of you.”

“I know.”

“No, no, I don’t think you know.” He guided her chin up and kept a hand around her wrist. “I laughed because you’re…well, you’re insanely cute, Summers,” he said, wrinkling his nose in mock-disgust. “I thought I was thrown back to high school where this unbelievably striking, insecure--.”

“Are you trying to make me feel better? Because calling me insecure is not gonna cut it--.”

“Hush. First you’re asking me to be your boyfriend like a meek little thing, then you’re back to your old self as you threaten to, what was it? Elbow me to death?”

“I could do it, you know.”

“Ah, yes, I do know, I know very well, and I hope—no, I plead that you’ll spare me from your vicious elbow.” He smiled, but it faded when Buffy failed to share his grin. “Oh, love…Buffy, you’ve got to know that I didn’t mean to make fun of you. There was no malicious intent behind my laughing. I wouldn’t deliberately hurt your feelings.”

With a sigh, he released her wrist and used the free hand to cup the other side of her face. “I love you. Did you really think I’d turn you down?”

“I…”

“Not another word. You don’t have to answer. I would be honored to be your boyfriend. Honored.”

Buffy took a deep breath, and her body seemed to deflate. As air rushed past her lips, wetness gathered in her eyes. “Damn it, William, have you always been like this?”

“I’m not sure if that that’s a compliment, but I’m afraid so.”

“Oh, it’s a compliment.”

“Aw, pet, the last thing I wanted to do was make you cry. Shall I—let me get you a tissue.”

“I’m not crying, and don’t you dare move.”

“Alright, you going to use my sleeve to wipe your tears then?” he teased once she buried her head into his shoulder.

“No,” she sniffled. “God, was I this much of a mess when we got together on the first time around?”

“Yes. Absolutely.”

“Oh, that’s…absolutely?”

“If it gives you some solace, I wasn’t much better off.”

“So, we were both unstable?”

“Pretty much, and some might say we still are, I suppose that’s why we get along so well.”

Buffy grinned at that, stepping out of his arms. She wiped her eyes with her hands and after a minute, a Kleenex was pushed into her hand. “Thanks.”

“No problem.”

“So…where do we go from here?”

“I was thinking that we’d wake the kids, because if we let them sleep all afternoon…that, and the Santa-hype, they won’t catch a wink tonight.”

“Maybe you should be taking a nap if you’re planning on screwing the night away.” She stopped, her eyes widening slightly, horrified when she realized what she’d said. “Okay, you do know that I was totally talking about the swing set, right? A-about construction?”

“Of course.”

Buffy tried to keep her face void of emotion as he smirked. “I’m…I’ll be upstairs.” She turned on her heel, but once again, William brought her back. “William…”

“It’s okay, just wait for me?” He took her hand in his and gave it a gentle squeeze. “We’ll wake ‘em together, alright?”
***

Chapter 11

“Rise and shine, princess.”

Buffy stood on the other side of Sarah's bed and watched as William slipped the thumb out of her mouth with special care.

“I know it's a bad habit, love, but she should give it up naturally by the time she turns four.”

Buffy didn't say a word, but William continued to whisper. “Jamie just stopped sucking his thumb, so we're sure she's soon to follow. That's the best thing about twins, they're a couple of bloody monkeys.”

“Monkeys?”

“You know,” he explained, giving Sarah a nudge, “monkey see, monkey do. Anyway, we were happy to see Jamie do something before Sarah. She was potty trained first. She learned to walk first and talk first. In fact, until he caught up, she acted like an interpreter. She always knew exactly what he was trying to say. She can still fill us in when he's talking with his mouth full, and he can do the same, vice versa.”

“That sounds handy.”

“It is.” He gave Sarah another nudge, and she whimpered in protest. “My, aren't you a little deadhead today? Don't you want to get up, baby? You aren't sick, are you?”

“Nooo,” Sarah replied, hiding her face in the pillow.

“Are you sure? Buffy, keep an eye on her while I fetch the thermometer--.”

“Daddy, I'm not sick.”

“Then why won't you get out of bed, kitten?

“The quicker I go to sleep, the quicker Santa'll come. You say that the quicker I go to sleep, daddy; the quicker that Santa'll come. And I want him here right now.”

“Oh…oh, I see.” He turned to flash Buffy a close-lipped smile, clearly impressed. “My girl's smart, isn't she?”

“Very,” Buffy agreed, returning his grin.

“Well, bit, you can sleep as long as you like, but you'll miss out on the fun that we've got planned for this afternoon…”

“Fun?” she asked, peeking open one eye. “What kinda--.”

“Fun?!” Jamie cried from across the room, buried under a pile of blankets. “What kinda fun?! Are we going to the zoo?! Oh, I love the zoo! I wanna see the buffaloes! I'll wake up if we see the buffaloes!

“Buffaloes?” Buffy asked, catching William's eye. “Why buffaloes?”

“I haven't the foggiest.” He left Sarah's bed to stand at Buffy's side. “I hate to say it,” he whispered, “but your son's a strange kid. He's got a whole discourse on how the bloody buffalo is the best animal on the planet.”

“Really?” she laughed. “Now that's something I can't wait to hear. William, is the zoo even open on Christmas Eve?”

“Nope, so you'd better think of something else that'll get 'em out of bed.”

“Me? I have to think of something?”

“Why not?”

“I don't know what they like to do. I'm new at this parenting thing, remember?”

“That's such a stupid excuse. What's the worst that could happen? If they don't like what you suggest, we'll just think up something else.”

“Oh, that's such a stupid excuse?” she repeated, giving him a sideways glance. “Right now the only thing that sounds even remotely fun is a family game of 'Kick the Spike.'“

“Spike…Spike?” he repeated with a laugh. “Good lord, pet, I haven't heard that blasted nickname in ages.”

“You know, I never understood why you'd call yourself something like that.”

“Ah, well,” he said, almost bashful as he chewed his lower lip, “I never did. It was just a name that I picked up at the academy. There’s no story behind it, or anything…”

“No story behind it?” she teased. “Why do I not believe you? Here, I’m your wife and you still won’t tell me why you were called Spike?”

“I told you once…”

“But you won’t tell me now?”

He looked away, and Buffy gave him a playful shove. “Fine. Be a pain in the ass, don’t tell me. Besides, I prefer William; it’s a good name. If I had to tell people that my babies were fathered by a guy named Spike…” She trailed off with a lighthearted shrug. “I’ve always liked the name William. It means valiant, or something like, um…unwavering protector?”

“How do you know that, Buffy?”

“What, I didn’t tell you?” She tried to keep smiling though her heart was pounding. “I…I just know, okay? I just know, and I remember it, because…it suits you, and… Eh,” she began, her brain working in overdrive, desperate for a reasonable explanation that she'd feel comfortable sharing. “It's not as weird as it may sound--.”

“Mommy! What are you whispering about? Are you talking about me? Are we going to the zoo?!”

They turned their heads in unison, finding Jamie standing on his bed.

“Hi, dad,” he grinned, taking one daring bounce on the mattress. “I looove you.”

“I love you too, you little devil. Get down from there. Now, Jamie.”

“So,” William continued, clearing his throat. His fingers circled lightly around Buffy's wrist, and he leaned forward to speak against her earlobe. “I'll keep my secret, and you'll keep yours?”

“That sounds fair…more than fair.”

“Alright, let's get back to business then.”
***

“When I said that we could cook dinner as a family, I assumed that we had actual food to cook.”

“We have food, pet.”

Buffy snorted. With Joy in her arms, she peered into the refrigerator. “Why do I have a feeling that a trip to the grocery store was forgotten yesterday along with the laundry? I'm no four-star chef, but what can we really do with only leftovers, and frozen TV dinners?”

“I wanna mix something!”

On matching stepstools, Jamie and Sarah stood side-by-side, eagerly waiting to help in the kitchen.

“You just hold your horses.” As Jamie rummaged through drawers that he could never reach before, William was there to take each potentially dangerous cooking utensil out of his little hands. “You want to play with something? Here,” he said, giving him a plastic spatula. “Sarah, do you want a whisk, or a…measuring spoon?”

“That one's pretty,” she answered, eyes sparkling as she pointed at the bright, cherry red whisk. She tapped it against the countertop and giggled when the rubber-covered wires bounced.

“I wanna make something with eggs!” Jamie announced.

“Why? Do you think you could crack an egg?”

He nodded, “It's easy to do, daddy.”

“Oh? How would you do it?”

“Like this!” Buffy turned just in time to see his sweet face twist in the angriest expression that he could muster. With a growl, he squeezed and smashed the imaginary egg in his fist.

“I don't know if I should laugh or be horrified,” Buffy said, walking towards William. “Can you take Joy, please? For someone who's so tiny, she can really weigh a ton after you hold her for more than fifteen minutes.”

“Sure, pet.”

“Ow—just—ow—make sure she lets go of my hair first.”

They reached for Joy's hand at the same time, and both jerked back awkwardly when their fingers made contact.

“Let me get it,” William chuckled softly. “I don't think she's used to your hair being down.”

“Do I usually put it up?”

“Yeah, and it's a pity,” he mumbled. Once her hair was free from its trap, William brushed his long fingers through it twice. “I'm pleased to see that you're more comfortable around our baby today.”

“Ah, well, she's not so bad. She doesn't cry a lot, and she—well, the twins too, they sleep a lot…more than I ever expected. I…I like the kids…a lot actually.”

“So, if they cried and didn't sleep, would you dislike them?”

“No—no, oh God, William, I'd still--.”

“Shhh, shhh. Sorry, pet, bad joke.”

“Oh,” Buffy said, forcing a grin. “Do you have any idea what we can make for dinner?”

“Mommy?” She turned and found Sarah tugging on her sleeve. “Mommy, can we have noodles?”

“Of course we can,” Buffy said automatically. Still shaken by William's joke, she gave Sarah a hug. She squeezed her tight and then looked to William sheepishly afterward. “Eh, please tell me that we have noodles.”

“We do.”

“Thank God.”

“We're having noodles? Yay! I looove noodles!”

“Jamie, love, you know what that means, right?”

“Noodle suit!”

“Noodle what?”

“Oh, you'll see. Go upstairs with him. The girls and I will get the cooking started.”

“But I thought the point of this was to cook together…”

“Go,” he urged with a wink. “I promise that you won't miss out on a thing.”

“But…noodle suit? What the hell is a noodle suit?”
***

They walked hand-in-hand through the house until they reached the stairs where Jamie wiggled his fingers free from Buffy’s grasp. Without saying a word, the usually hyper boy cautiously tackled each step with two feet as he clung to the railing with both hands.

“Are you okay, sweetie?”

“Yes.”

Regardless of his soft-spoken answer, Buffy held a hand to his back for extra support until he safely reached the second level. Once on solid ground, she laughed out loud, seeing that Jamie was back to his normal pace as he galloped to his room at high speed.

“Hey, you, wait for me!” she called, taking off after him in a light jog. When she reached the bedroom, he was already searching the lowest compartments of a chest of drawers. “Can you find it?”

“Found it!” Seconds later, and with a cheerful grin, Jamie gave Buffy the bunched up shirt. She shook it out and gathered from its color and size that the shirt had once belonged to his father.

“So, this is the infamous noodle suit… Did you paint this, sweetie? You’re quite the artist--.”

“We did it together, mom!”

“Oh.” Her fingers ran over the colorful puffy paint that covered the front and back. “We did a good job, didn’t we?

“Yes!” he sang, dancing with his arms in the air.

“Does that little dance mean that want me to help you put it on?” He nodded, and she slid the shirt over his head, letting it fall past his knees.

“Thanks, mommy!”

“Oh, you’re welcome.” She smoothed down his hair, and before he could run off, she touched his shoulder to keep him still. “How much do you weigh, Jamie?”

“I don’t know…a whole lot!”

“A whole lot? So, you don’t think I could carry you to the kitchen?”

“I don’t knooow.”

“Well, let’s find out,” she said, easily lifting him into her arms and planting a quick kiss on his cheek.
***

Chapter 12

“Stop it. Stop doing that.”

“Make me,” William mouthed, not making a sound.

“You’re such a—go put on some socks!” Buffy whispered back. “Your feet are like ice!”

As the twins chattered, William shrugged and continued sneak his toes up Buffy’s pant leg.

“I wish we could have noodles everyday.”

“Yeah,” Jamie said, agreeing with his sister. “I wish we could have noodles and donuts everyday. That’d be great.”

“Jamie, love, for your information, after the stunt you pulled yesterday, you won’t be having another donut until you turn eighteen.”

“Eighteen?!” the twins shrieked together, both wide-eyed.

Finding their reaction amusing, Buffy covered her mouth full of spaghetti with her hand before she could laugh out loud. “Can you guys even count that high?”

“Nooo!”

“What? Oh, yes you can. He can count, Buffy.”

“Hey, if he can’t, it’s no big deal--.”

“Don’t you remember your book? How many times have we read it together, mate? We read it yesterday while your mummy was sleeping, yes?”

“Um… Um…” Jamie took a break from slurping his beloved noodles to thoughtfully tap his chin. “I have no idea!”

“You have no idea? What, is this fucking amnesia contagious? Are we having an outbreak?”

“William,” Buffy scolded. “Hello, language?”

“I’m sorry, but do you have any idea how many times I’ve read him that book? Day after day for six bloody months!”

“Oh. Well, now I can see why you’re cranky, but still…”

He snorted, his face still scrunched in a frown. “Jamie, in your book—your favorite book, I’ll remind you—there’s a farmer, and he owns one horse, two cows, three pigs, and four, four sodding hamsters--.”

“Four hamsters? He must be a pretty weird farmer to have only two cows and four hamsters--.”

“No, mommy! He doesn’t have any hamsters, he has four sheeps and twenty goats!”

“Oh,” Buffy blinked, surprised by Sarah’s tone. “Uh, I, I knew that. Four sheeps…”

“Hey, young lady, that was uncalled for--.”

“William, don’t. It’s okay.”

“It’s not okay, it was rude. And completely unlike you, Sarah.”

“Daddy, why doesn’t mommy know things anymore? Why doesn’t she know about the sheeps?”

“Well…” William began, biting his lip. He trailed off and touched her back. “Kitten, it’s sheep, not sheeps.”

“I can explain…” Buffy looked from Sarah’s big curious eyes to Jamie’s orange crooked grin. “Okay, no I can’t. William, help me?”

“Ah, your mother, well…she’s still sick from yesterday--.”

“Does her tummy hurt? Does your tummy hurt, mom? I don’t like it when mine hurts.”

“God, Jamie…” She dipped the corner of a napkin in her ice water and gently wiped his face. “My tummy still feels fine.”

“It’s her head,” William explained. “It…she…”

“Are we still playing a game, mommy?” Sarah asked. “Am I winning? Can I have another cupcake?”

“I want one too! I wanna cupcake!”

“We’ll talk about dessert shortly--.”

“What’s a-amnesia?” Jamie asked, struggling to say the new word. “What’s that mean?”

“It’s when you can’t remember things, important things like about the sheep and where Joy’s room is…” Buffy explained. “Eh, have you ever seen Muppets Take Manhattan? Kermit gets amnesia in that movie--.”

“Kermit? Kermit the Frog?”

“Do you like Kermit?”

Sarah’s head bobbed as she smiled brightly. “I love Kermie, and Miss Piggy and Gonzo and--.”

“But, but you’re not a frog!”

“My, aren’t you a sharp-eyed little thing? You’re right, Jamie, your mother is not a frog.”

“But…daddy, when will she get better?!”

“Well…”

“After I go to the doctor,” Buffy said. “I’ll be better really soon, guys.”

“Okay. Mom, can we have cupcakes now?!”
***

“The Kermit thing, that was brilliant.”

“Do you really think so?”

“I know so. We’ll have to get a copy of that movie and show it to them.”

“And it’ll help them understand?”

“It definitely wouldn’t hurt. It was only a matter of time before the twins would have their questions, love.”

“I know; they’re just way too smart for their own good. We should consider fixing that,” Buffy said, laughing quietly. “I do feel better now, now that I’ve told them something.”

“I feel better too.” William turned on the faucet and plugged the bottom of the sink. “Do me a favor? Can you get the soap? It’s in the cabinet down there, on your side.”

“More dishes? Who really washes dishes after every meal?”

“We do. Want to help me dry?”

“I guess,” she said, reaching for a towel. “You know what I think is brilliant? Jamie’s noodle suit. He was all smiles during dinner. It’s like a superhero costume for him, isn’t it?”

“Oh, yes. We had plans to surprise him by adding a cape to it.”

“Aww, we need to do that.”

“We will,” he said, flashing her a brief smile. “There came a time when the little fool refused to wear a bib of any kind, so we gave him a big shirt, decorated it, and named it a neat name that he could scream from the rooftops.”

“And so the noodle suit was born… He told me that we—that he and I—painted it together.”

“You did, and it was the first and last time that he’s ever going to get his hands on fabric paints.”

“I can just imagine how much fun that must’ve been,” she snickered, reaching for a clean dish to dry. “So are finger-paints entirely out of the picture?”

“The twins don’t even know that finger-paints exist, and I trust that you won’t enlighten them.”

“What about silly putty?”

“Over my dead body.”

“Easy-Bake Ovens?”

“Of course not, they aren’t appropriate for children under the age of eight…thank the lord.”

“God, dad, what can we do for fun around here?”

“You’ve seen it: television, books, and board games.”

“It’s like the golden olden days! What about noisy toys? Do we have any of those?”

“A few.”

“Really? Do these few toys have batteries, or does daddy steal them all?”

“Would I do such a thing? Me?”

“Yes!” she chuckled, giving him a shove. “You would totally do such a thing! I’d bet anything on it!”

“Well, in my defense there are only so many times I can hear those bloody cheery songs…all those fucking obnoxious squawky noises. Either I take the batteries, or I hide the entire thing.”

“I knew it.” She grinned, and instead of grabbing another plate, she ducked under William’s arm, slipping between his body and the sink. “Don’t touch me.”

“What?”

“I’m going to kiss you; touch me with wet hands, and I’ll kick your ass.”

“Buffy--.”

She stopped him from speaking by capturing his lips. Since he couldn’t use his hands, he made a point to push a knee between her legs as he eagerly kissed her back.

“What did I do to deserve this?”

“Mmm,” she hummed between kisses. “Do I need a reason to kiss you?”

“Well, I wanted to know if it was something I said, because if it was, I plan on saying those same words again and again.”

“You’re such a flirt…God, that used to annoy the shit out of me.” Unable to resist, she dotted kisses along his chin and neck. “It was like you were always throwing it in my face…that you were so wonderful. It made me mad because, there you were…looking at me the way you do…and I was going home to Riley.”

“Must we talk about him?”

“Sorry.”

“It’s alright.”

“He was such a big part of my life.”

“The part that you remember…”

“Yes, but I remember you too. I don’t remember as much as I should, but I remember you, William.”

He kissed her again and took a step back. “We should finish these dishes.”

“You still want to clean?”

“It has to be done sometime, and we have a lot to do before Santa shows up.”

“The swing set, I remember.”

“Not just that; all those presents have to be drug downstairs.”

“Darn, guess we don’t have time to make-out then.” She sighed dramatically before returning to her spot, and picking up another plate. “I don’t know if I like this parenting thing after all. It’s not very fun. I mean, I have to cook, we can’t have silly putty and you won’t even try to get into my pants when there are dishes to do? The married life sucks.”

“Are you finished?”

“No, as a matter of fact--.” She opened her mouth, ready to tease him further, but Joy began to cry from the living room.

“Since your life sucks so much, darling, I think it’s your turn to change Jo’s diaper.”

“What? I don’t think so--.”

“And while you’re at it, I had to bathe the twins yesterday; I’m thinking it’s your turn now.”

“Oh, oh, oh--.”

“No, love, it’s: ho, ho, ho.”

“You’re such a smart ass!”

“I guess so. We all have our flaws, you know.”

“And what will you be doing as I slave away?”

“Oh, sitting on the couch, of course.”

“Of course,” she grumbled. “Well, I’m definitely not drying anymore dishes.” She balled up the towel and tossed it on the counter.

“You can sulk all you want, Summers.”

“I’m not sulking.”

“If you distract the kids, I’ll work on the swing set.” Before she could stomp out of the kitchen, Buffy’s ears perked up. “And the sooner, I finish it, the more free time we’ll have this evening.”

“Really?”

“Really.”

“To do what exactly?”

“Your choice. I’m game for anything.”
***

Chapter 13

“William, I don’t want to do this.”

When he failed to respond, Buffy turned towards the kitchen and let out a soft sigh.

“Guess you’re not going to come to my rescue this time, are you?!” she called, even though he was nowhere to be seen.

“Mommy!”

“Yes, Jamie?”

He popped up from the floor and charged forward. “Mommy, we can’t hear the TV. We can’t hear Rudolph.”

“You can’t hear Rudolph?”

“Joy’s loud,” Sarah complained. “Too loouud.”

“Are you watching a tape?” Taking a hold of Jamie’s hand, they walked together to check the VCR. “Hey, why don’t you stop the movie now, and I’ll watch it with you later, when Joy’s quiet again?”

“What will we do with no Rudolph?”

Buffy chuckled as Sarah threw up her arms. “Sweetie, I’m glad you asked. First, we’ll make Joy happy again, then we’ll all get squeaky clean--.”

“What?!” Jamie said. “I don’t wanna bath!”

“Okay, suit yourself, but I happen to know Santa doesn’t come to houses were children smell like cupcakes and tomato sauce…”

“What? Why not?”

“Well, he’s totally against it. It…it hurts his nose. He won’t come, Jamie, not if you don’t take a bath. The smell of cupcakes and tomato sauce, it’s like…it’s like bug spray for Santas.”

“Ooohh. I wanna little bath then, not a big one.”

“A little bath? Okay,” she grinned. “We’ll give you a little bath.”

“Mommy. Mommy.”

“Yeah?” Buffy whispered back once Sarah appeared, snuggled against her side.

“I, I don’t want daddy to do it. Daddy made my hair hurt.”

“Oh, but Sarah…I’ll give you a bath, but you’ve got to understand, daddy didn’t mean to pull your hair. He loves you and he was upset after hurting you.”

“Upset?” Sarah repeated, her face blank with confusion. “What does that mean?”

“He was sad--.”

“He was sad?”

“Very sad, and very, very sorry.”

“Where is daddy? Where’d he go?”

“He…he had to go to the store.”

“Oh.”

“But next time you see him, maybe you should give him a big hug? Maybe you should tell him how much you love him? I think he’d like that.”

“Okay.”

“Okay,” Buffy repeated, taking Sarah’s hand, along with Jamie’s and giving it a squeeze. “I think we’ve made Joy wait long enough, don’t you?”
***

“Uht-oh!”

“Holy—bad, bad baby!” Buffy struggled to keep Joy still on the changing table. With her free hand, she brushed the spilled baby powder off her chest. “Jamie, can you pick up the bottle for me, please? Sarah? Wipe.”

Buffy wrinkled her nose. She was flicking what she considered the hundredth and final wipe into the trash when Jamie started to giggle. “Oh, no,” she said, noticing the smell of fresh powder. “What are you doing?”

“Look what I can do! It’s neat!” he answered, squeezing the bottle again and again, releasing clouds of white into the air. “It’s like snow, mom!”

“I know it’s neat, but,” Buffy put on a fresh diaper with surprising ease, replaced Joy’s wooly outfit, let out a groan the moment she turned her head. Jamie’s clothes were covered in white and so was the carpet beneath him. “Oh, Jamie! You’re bad too!”

“I’m not--.”

“Yes you are!” While cuddling Joy, Buffy snatched the baby powder and put it aside. “Don’t leave this room, mister. Take off your clothes, and we’ll get you directly into a bath.”

“Hey, this is neat! Look, mommy, I’m making you a picture.”

“Sarah…”

“I’m making you a Christmas tree. Do you like it?”

“Oh…I do.” Buffy sighed, feeling sick to her stomach as she watched Sarah sprinkle powder directly onto the carpet. “But I think I’d like it even more if I could keep it, honey. You know that all the fun powder is going to be cleaned up, right?”

“But—am I bad too?”

“You’re as bad as Joy for kicking the bottle, and as bad as Jamie for squeezing the bottle…”

Sarah shook the bottle twice more to put the finishing touches on her tree before giving it to her mother. “Sorry,” she said softly. “I don’t wanna be bad. Santa won’t come if I’m bad. I’m sorry, mommy.”

“Oh,” Buffy blinked. “It’s okay—I mean, don’t worry. I doubt he was watching you guys anyway. Jamie was so good at making those powdery clouds that…Santa couldn’t see, I know it.”

“Are you sure?” Jamie asked, standing behind Buffy. His pants were off and he was struggling to pull his shirt over his head. “You won’t tell?”

“I promise. Come here, let me help you.” She set Joy on the floor and sat next to her. “Would I tell on you? Um, do I usually do that?”

“You tell daddy,” Sarah answered. “All the time. You tell him everything.”

“Yeah, and he gives us timeout. We can’t watch TV, and we can’t leave the corner!”

“Really? You poor little things.”

As soon as Buffy freed Jamie from his clothing, he stuck out his lower lip. “I love TV.”

“I’m sure you do. So, if you had a choice, if I told Santa or your daddy, whom would you pick? Would you rather have timeout or no new toys since you were bad?”

“Daddy,” Sarah said, causing Jamie to nod his head in agreement.

“But you said you won’t tell, mom!”

“I did, but who’s gonna help me clean this mess up? You?” she asked, poking Jamie’s stomach.

“Yes!” he giggled. “We’ll do it!”

“You’ll do it? You in your Superman undies and Sarah in her—Sarah come here.” Once Sarah came close, Buffy turned her around and patted her backside. “Did you sit in the powder, sweetie?”

“You’re sitting in it too, mommy. You need a bath.”

“Joy does too!”

Buffy followed Jamie’s pointed finger and sighed again at the sight of Joy slapping the powdery carpet. “Okay, everybody in the bathroom!”
***

“I’ve never had to multitask so much in my life.” Buffy held Joy’s hands and helped her walk back and forth from the toilet to the tub. After washing the twins, she kept Joy entertained while they played in the bath.

“Sarah, didn’t I say no splashing? Is the water cold yet?”

“No!”

“Are you pruney? Let me see your hands.”

“We’re not prunes!”

“You have five more minutes then.”

Buffy led Joy across the room and picked her up once they reached the bathroom window. “Don’t peek,” she whispered, opening the blinds with her fingers just enough to see William working in the backyard.

“Where’s his jacket? He’s out there in the freezing cold and—oh God, do I sound like a naggy wife or what?” Buffy laughed, feeling ridiculous. “You know what he told me earlier, Jo? He said, and I quote: “I’m game for anything.” He was talking about tonight and—gah, just thinking about what he could’ve had in mind makes my stomach do somersaults.”

“Because, well, he said this after I mentioned him trying to get into my pants and after I kind of jumped him at the sink… Clearly, we’ve had sex before, because…” she trailed off again and brushed a kiss against Joy’s temple.

“Okay, let’s pretend I did not just say that. You’re way too young to find out how babies are born. When you’re older I’ll tell you a story about a stork bringing newborn babies to their parents, and it’ll be a big hairy lie. I know lying is never good, but you won’t be able to handle the truth, not for a very, very long time. You see, the truth, it isn’t pretty; the interlocking parts, the exchange of bodily fluids, the horrible pain of childbirth—not that I’ve ever experienced it, not that I remember, but it sounds terrible, the pain…excruciating even.”

As she chewed her lip, William looked toward the house and her stomach flipped. “I see why the, why the story was made up, but God, Joy, even with the lack of pretty, I’d take the interlocking, the fluids, the pain—gah, the orgasm any day over a visit from a smelly old bird.”

“Even orgasms aside,” Buffy looked into Joy’s wide hazel eyes, and then tickled her until she giggled, “I think the pain would’ve been worth it.

“Sorry, baby,” she whispered, kissing her again. “I just had to talk to someone. I’m nervous, I have no idea what tonight’s going to bring.” She closed the blinds carefully and turned back to the twins. “Okay, everybody out!”
***

Chapter 14

Buffy was careful not to let the door slam once she stepped outside.

“Buffy? Is that you, love?”

“Maybe” she answered, walking across the porch to stand behind William. “I thought you’d be inside by now. Aren’t you cold?” She moved closer to touch his forearms. “Where’s your jacket?”

He turned, looked her up and down, and kissed her forehead. “You’re wearing it.”

“What? Are you serious?”

“I’ve worn that coat for years; in fact, I’m concerned that you didn’t recognize it—hey, hey now, what are you doing? You don’t have to take it off…”

“I thought it was mine. It looked so familiar,” she explained, wrapping the leather jacket around his shoulders. “No wonder it was way too big on me.”

“Buffy,” he began, resisting as she tried to guide his arms through the sleeves, “this isn’t necessary. You need it more than I do. I’ve been working and--.”

“Just put it on.”

“Why? So you can accuse me of allowing you to freeze?”

“No.”

“I don’t know about this. I don’t know what you’re up to, but if I see your teeth chatter even once, or if you bitch about the cold, I’ll have half a mind to turn you over my knee, Summers.”

“Oh, I’d like to see you try. I don’t know what you’ve talked me into over the years, but I will not let you spank me.”

“Not yet.”

“Not ever.”

“Oh, oh!” he chuckled. “Never say never, baby, you’ll just end up eating your words.”

Buffy crossed her arms, not appreciating his line of teasing. “Are you done with the swing set yet? You’ve been out here for hours. We’ve watched Rudolph’s Shiny New Year, we’ve read that farmer book, and The Night Before Christmas; I’ve found the vacuum, and I--.”

“Vacuum? Why’d you need a—what happened? What’d he do?”

“He? Why do you automatically assume it was Jamie?”

“Okay, what’d she do? What did they do?”

“Nothing.”

“Nothing?”

“Nothing.”

“You just decided to vacuum? You?”

“Yeah. I got done bathing the kids and all that, and found myself in domestic overdrive.”

“Liar.”

“Don’t call me a liar--.”

“Liar,” he repeated.

“I promised that I wouldn’t tell, okay? Can’t you just take my word? It wasn’t a big mess.”

“But it was a mess?”

“A mess that has already been cleaned up.”

“Alright. I’ll get the truth out of you later,” he said, turning his back to her. “You should go inside.”

“Are you—you’re mad at me?”

“No, I have work to do.”

“You don’t want me to stay with you? I mean, you don’t want—you don’t want me to keep you company?”

“I’m fine either way, pet.”

“Oh.”

“Buffy, you shouldn’t feel obligated to be out here in the cold.”

“I wouldn’t be cold if you were smart.”

“What’s that supposed to mean?”

“Well, think about it,” she said, stepping carefully over and around the colorful plastic pieces to stand in front of him. “I’m cold, therefore you should be a gentleman and warm me up. If you were smart you’d take the opportunity to, well, to hold me.”

“You want me to hold you?”

“Yeah,” she admitted. “I did what you wanted, I changed Joy’s diaper and put kids to bed, shouldn’t I get my prize? I think I deserve it.”

“And your prize would be…”

“I want to spend time with you! Stop trying to finish the swing set tonight! Tell the kids, tell them that Santa had to leave before his elves could put it together—Santa travels to every house in the world in one night for goodness sake!”

“Buffy--.”

“I’ve been watching you and I can guarantee it’ll be easier to put together tomorrow in the sunlight!”

“You’ve been watching me?”

“I’ve been looking out the window…checking up on you.”

“Is that so…” He scratched his brow and glanced down at his project. “It is nearly finished, pet.”

“So what? I want to be with you now.”

“Now?” he asked, a soft smile touching his lips. “When you say you want to be with me, what does that mean, love?”

“Well, it did mean I wanted to have wild and crazy sex, but the longer I have to stand here, the less desirable you become,” she teased, taking a step closer. “It’s gone down quite a few notches, from wild and crazy sex to a lengthy cuddle with some kissing. Keep it up, and you’ll get a pat on the back and a night sleeping on the couch.”

“You’re too much, pet.”

“I’m serious.”

“I know you’re being serious,” he snickered, taking her into his arms, inviting Buffy to nestle against his chest. “Please forgive me. I wasn’t thinking.”

“I forgive you.”

“So,” he paused, inhaling deeply, “why to you smell like Joy’s bottom?”

“Excuse me?”

“Did you douse yourself with her powder?”

“Not by choice—I mean, no.”

“At least it came out of the carpet, yes?”

“Um…” She nodded and brushed off his shirt as she avoided his eyes. “How’d you figure that out? They just didn’t want a timeout, William.”

“Sarah and Jamie?”

“And Joy too, she started it. She wouldn’t sit still; she kicked over the bottle, and—let’s just say we need more baby powder.”

“That was a big bottle, sweet,” he mumbled, sweeping her hair from her neck.

“Now it’s a big empty bottle.”

“Bloody hell…”

“I hated getting after them, but it wasn’t so bad. I had fun. It was like playing house, but only where everything smells, and gets dirty and—okay, it would’ve been a real drag if the kids weren’t so gosh darn cute.”

“They are charming, mmm?”

“Very charming,” she gasped, enjoying the kisses he was dotting along her neck and shoulder. “Adorable.”

“Just like their mother.”

“What about their father?”

“Oh no, the twins? Our Joy? They’re nothing like him. He was a bad, rude man you know.”

“I know,” she said, giving him a lengthy kiss to prove her point. “That’s why I liked him.”

“Knew you always had a thing for bad boys.”

Her arms snaked deeper into his jacket, searching for bare skin to explore. “I’ve always had a thing for you.”

“You just denied it for a bit.”

“I’m sorry,” she whispered.

“It’s alright.”

“Can we, can we please go inside now?”

“Sure, pet, just let me tidy this stuff up.”
***

Buffy couldn’t believe how slow time was passing. She’d left William outside for five minutes, but it felt as if hours had crawled by.

“Just settle down,” she whispered, pacing the area by the backdoor before deciding to head upstairs.

I’m sure he’ll stop by to say goodnight to the kids too, she thought, heading to the bedroom. He’s such a good dad…he’s such a good man.

Biting her lower lip, she contemplated her next move, not knowing if she should change into sexy lingerie or stay fully dressed.

“Or,” she mumbled, “I can always strip now and just pounce on him naked.”

With a happy sigh, she settled on the bed and hugged one of the pillows to her chest.

I’ve never been so nervous…or so eager…or so excited…

She closed her eyes, prepared to wait for as long as it took for William to come to her.
***

“Twenty, twenty, twenty-four hours ago-o. I wanna be sedated. Nothing to do nowhere to go-o. I wanna be--.”

“Please stop.”

“You don’t like the Ramones, pet?”

Buffy shifted, burying her body deeper in the passenger seat of their unmarked patrol car. “I don’t like your singing. And why is it impossible for you to keep up a steady beat?”

William snorted, not taking her insults to heart. He stopped tapping on the steering to pull a flask from his leather jacket. “You and chuckles have a fight?”

“No.”

“You’re acting as if it were so…what’d he do now?”

“He didn’t do anything and if he did, I wouldn’t tell you.”

“Want a drink? It’ll make the time pass by quicker. I doubt Angel’s going to show.”

Buffy eyed the flask, more than tempted to drink away her bad day.

“If you were mine, Summers…”

“What?”

He cleared his throat and twisted off the lid to the silver bottle of alcohol. “If you were mine, I wouldn’t let you leave me upset, and Riley’s a knob for doing so.”

She didn’t speak, watching his Adam’s apple bob as he took three long sips.

“The rest is yours, if you want it,” he said, giving her the flask. “If you were mine…fuck, I’d pick a fight over stupid shit, like you do with me.”

“I don’t--.”

“I know you like the banter, baby.” With a chuckle, he took off his coat and slipped it over her shoulders. “I wouldn’t fight with you for the sake of playful banter, well, not all the time. I’d do it for the makeup sex. I’d keep you in my bed until you forgot what we were scrapping about.”

“I don’t want your jacket. Take it back.”

“No.” He leaned his head back and closed his eyes as if caught up in his daydreams. “I’d treat you right. Riley, he doesn’t understand you like I do.”

“That is not true.”

“I don’t even have to look. The flask is empty, yes?”

“Shut up.”

He snickered and turned his head to give her a boyish grin. “Truth or dare?”

“Go to hell.”

“Sorry, but that’s not an option.”

“I’m not playing.”

“You afraid you’ll reveal something?”

“I’m afraid of what you’ll make me do.”

“Truth or dare?”

“Why can’t I ask you first?”

“I asked you first.”

“Why did they call you Spike in the academy?” Buffy asked, feeling smug once she noticed a change in his eyes.

“How’d you—who told you about that?”

“It isn’t your turn yet.”

“What if I wanted a dare?”

“Okay, I dare you to tell me why they called you Spike.”

“Fuck you, Summers,” he said, sounding more hurt than angry.

“What? You don’t wanna play anymore?”

He lifted the jacket from her shoulders and stepped out of the car. “I’ll be back.”

“You going to go sulk somewhere?”

“I’m going to smoke. You won’t let me do it in the car, will you?” Before she could answer, he slammed the door.

“William—William! Stop being a baby!”

“Maybe you should stop being a bitch!” he yelled back once she caught up with him.

“I have a boyfriend! How else am I supposed to act?!”

“Well, for starters, you could leave him!”

“For you?” Buffy burst out in giggles and just laughed harder as William’s face fell. “If I left him, you’d be the last on my list! I’d never date you!”

“I was wrong; you and Riley do deserve each other.”

He turned on his heel and stomped away again, but this time Buffy watched him go. Once he turned down a dark alley, she finally started to feel remorse.

“William—wait! Wait up!”

The next few minutes blurred together as she charged after him and shoved him into the side of a building.

“Buffy, what the--.”

Not letting him finish his sentence, she captured his mouth.

“Buffy?” he gasped between kisses.

“I'm sorry.”

“It-it's alright.”

“I've been having a bad day.”

“I could tell.”

“You could tell,” she agreed, kissing him lightly. “Can you… Make my day better, William. Please? Help me forget about everything…about him.”

William searched her face, bewildered, but pleased by her actions. “Sure, pet. I'd be happy to.”
***

Buffy woke the moment he kissed her.

“That was sort of neat. Just like from a fairy tale.”

“William?”

“At your service,” he purred, kissing her again. He scooted closer from where he was lying at her side to brush his lips against her brow. “I didn’t wake you from a good dream, did I?”

“Actually you did.”

“Oh, I’m sorry.”

“Don’t be. I was dreaming about you…about us.”

“I see…” he trailed off with a laugh, slipping his palm under her shirt to cup her flat stomach. “If I knew you were having one of those dreams, baby… Maybe I should’ve let you be, yes?”

“No. I like this much better.”

“Come closer, tell me more about this dream. Where were we? What were we doing?”

“We were on the job,” she answered, moving to rest her head on his chest. “It was the night of our first kiss. It started with you singing, then it went through us fighting, and I woke me up after, you know, I kinda molested you in the alley.”

“So you missed the part where you grabbed me by the ear, tossed me in the backseat of our car and had your way with me?”

“Uh, yes… Did that really happen?”

“You don’t remember—bloody hell, why do I even bother? What do you remember, love?”

“I can tell you the name of every teacher that I had from kindergarten through most of high school. High school’s kind of tricky, especially since I didn’t go to class very often. I remember what I ate for breakfast, lunch and dinner six years ago on the 22nd of December. I remember the moment we met, I knew—just by the way you looked at me—that my relationship with Riley was in danger.”

“That sod was lucky to have you as long as he did.”

“Did we really…in our car? That quickly?”

“It was a night of firsts.”

“I guess,” she grinned rolling on top of his body. “Of all the things to forget…” Buffy pushed up his shirt and drew her fingers over his muscled stomach. “You must’ve not been very good then.”

“Hold on. Now see here, Summers…”

Not paying too much attention as he defended his manhood, she kissed under his belly button, above the band of his jeans. “Too bad we don’t have the car. I’m sure a reenactment would be very, very helpful. Wait, you didn’t keep it, right? I know some people do that—oh, do we have a mini van? If we have more kids…oh, ew, maybe I shouldn’t bring that up right about now, you think?” She looked up to find William smiling at her. “What?”

“You’re babbling.”

“Sorry.” She gave his stomach another kiss while her eyes never left his face. “I’m nervous.”

“So am I.”

“You hide it well. You’re all cool and collected while I just shake and talk.”

He reached out to caress her cheek. “I want you to be comfortable with me. I want this to be a night you’ll never forget, regardless of what we do, may it be wild and crazy sex or…what’d you suggest earlier?”

“A lengthy cuddle with some kissing.”

“Yeah, let’s start with that, shall we?”
***

Chapter 15

Buffy said his name once and then again. She wanted to say more, to get out a complete sentence, but William wouldn’t allow it, pulling her back for another slow tender kiss each time a sound escaped from her lips.

“William…William, please…”

“What?”

She froze, her mind blank. She felt his chest heave against hers and suddenly she was very aware of her position: protectively pinned under his body, cradling his weight between her comfortably spread legs.

“Buffy, are you still with me?”

With a silent nod, she caressed his face as she initiated a round of quicker swallow kisses. Her hands traveled leisurely, surveying the texture of his skin and the feeling of his surprisingly soft hair slipping through her fingers.

“Bloody hell, may I—please let me take off that sweater. I can’t stand the sight of it any longer.”

“You don’t like my sweater?”

“Not when it’s keeping you from me.”

“Oh,” she whispered, gasping when he circled her wrists and secured them over her head.

“You still want to do this?”

“Why wouldn’t I?”

“I know it’s only been two days for you.” Buffy watched as he pushed the sweater up to reveal her lacy bra. “Regardless of what I’m doing here,” he paused, placing a kiss between her breasts, “we aren’t in a rush. We can hold off…if you want to.”

“I don’t,” she responded briskly. “I don’t want to hold off. Do you?”

“No.” He snaked a hand under her back and effortlessly popped open the clasp of her bra, causing the cups to hang loosely as a barrier between William and her hard nipples.

“Can I…let me touch you,” Buffy said, shifting, surprised that one of his hands could hold her wrists so tightly. “William…”

He didn’t speak. He continued to kiss her, coaxing goose bumps to rise along her skin. Buffy closed her eyes and opened them with a start the moment his lips wrapped around her nipple.

“I swear to God, if you don’t let me move I’ll--.”

“You’ll what?” he asked with a grin before taking the sensitive bud between his teeth.

“I-I don’t know, but—hey, don’t bite me!”

“That didn’t hurt.”

“No, it didn’t, but—well, it could have!”

He chuckled, moving her hands to the sides of her waist as he licked and teased her other breast. “If I let you go, do I have your word? Will you promise to be on your best behavior?”

The moment her hands were free, she tossed her sweater, bra, and his shirt onto the floor in one swift motion.

“Shall I take that as a no?”

“Can you help me take off my pants?”
***


“And then what happened?”

“You leaped into my arms and your legs tangled around me. I had to prop your back against the building or we were both going to fall over.”

“Bet that would’ve ruined the mood.”

“Oh, I doubt it, you were—that night, you probably would’ve just carried on. You didn’t give a fuck where we were, if we were sitting or standing, inside or outside.”

“Did I ask you to fuck me?” Buffy asked, unbuttoning his jeans.

“Eh, no,” William answered, clearing his throat. “You,” he paused, slightly narrowing his eyes, “you wanted me to make love to you. You asked me to.”

“That’s kind of weird. I don’t like to use those words when talking about sex.”

“I know.”

Buffy looked up at him, smiling more with her eyes than with her lips. While she was still on her back, dressed in nothing but her underwear, he was still partially clothed, hovering above her. “Tell me more,” she said, pulling him forward for a kiss. “Did we speak much? Or was I all about getting groiny?”

“We spoke off and on. Mostly about silly stuff when we reached the car. I believe you could tell that I was trembling a bit, so you lightened things up for us. That was very kind of you.”

As he filled in the details of their first night together, Buffy slipped her hand into his jeans. “Keep talking to me,” she whispered into his ear.

“Alright,” he said, causing Buffy to smile. She had barely fingered his penis and already his voice was strained.

“Who got naked first?” she asked, quickly freeing him of his jeans and then tending to his erection again. “Was it you?”

“No. My jeans never came off completely. You were naked, but wrapped in my coat.”

Buffy closed her eyes, and memories drifted to her. “I complained about smelling like cigarette smoke, but I wouldn’t take it off. It was comfortable…soft; it smelled like you. I think, it sounds corny, but I truly wanted to lose myself with you—in you, whatever. I wanted you surrounding me…inside me.”

“You started taking off your clothes, but not until after I got my filthy paws under your bra. I unzipped my own zipper.”

“You were testing me, seeing how far I’d go.”

“How far you’d let me take you.”

“If I remember correctly, you took me four times.”

“Four? It was three--.”

“It was four.”

“No.” He sat up and casually took off her underwear. “I think that would be something I’d remember. I would’ve had a bloody plaque made up or—hold on, you aren’t confusing me and you, with you and Finn, are you? If you’re doing that, Summers; first, I might puke, second--.”

She tugged on his erection twice more with shaky hands before guiding it to her opening. “You were on top. That part of the seatbelt with the button—you know what I mean—it was digging in my back. After the first time, you just stayed with me. You were moving so slowly…”

William kissed her as he began to slide in and nearly out of her body.

“I came twice,” she whispered. “One right after the other, you probably didn’t notice. Everything was so perfect.”

“Like now?”

She nodded, inhaling enough oxygen to fill her lungs completely. “Exactly like now.”

“You’ll love me again, won’t you, Buffy?”

She nodded, running her hands up and down his torso. She opened her mouth, wanting to tell him that she thought she might be falling in love with him already, but a moan replaced her words. “Oh God…not yet.”

“It’s alright,” William said, picking up the pace of their thrusts. “Come for me.”

“It’s too soon. It’s too—I don’t want this to be over too soon,” she whimpered, arching her back.

“Shhh,” he said, easing her worries with a passionate kiss. “I’ll have you coming again shortly. I promise.”
***

He never stopped touching her. Even with their bodies joined, he seemed to require more contact. He reached for her arms, massaged her thighs, and squeezed her hands. He pushed his forehead against hers and nuzzled the side of his face against her breasts.

“Oh God. Oh my God,” Buffy panted before collapsing. “What time is it?”

“You going somewhere?”

“No. Honestly don’t think I’ll be moving again for a very long time.”

“Yeah, I was thinking that too,” he laughed, brushing her hair over her shoulder. “We should crawl under the covers at some point though, at least by morning.”

“I need to cool down. I’m hot, sweaty, and,” she tried to get up, but their skin was stuck together, “I’m sticky.”

“Want to take a shower?”

“Would that involve moving?”

“I’d offer to carry you, but my legs…I can’t exactly feel them.”

“Well, it was sweet of you to offer. I appreciate it. Until I can feel my legs, I think I’ll just get comfy here.” She sprawled out flush against his body and let out a yawn. “It must be late.”

“It must,” he mumbled, still absentmindedly playing with her hair.

“Tell me what you’re thinking about. Are you…are you having regrets? Second thoughts?”

“Regrets? No. Second thoughts? Of course not.”

“Then what?”

“Just trying to make sense of things. I don’t know why I even try though, I’ve been going over our situation for the past two days and it isn’t giving me answers, it’s giving me a throbbing headache.”

“Is there something in particular that’s giving you a headache right now?”

“How’d you remember that night? Was there a trigger of some sort?”

“It just came to me.”

“I talked to you about the kids when we looked through the photo album and nothing came to you, did it?”

“No,” Buffy said softly.

“I wish you remembered the twins’ last birthday or a random day at the park with our Joy…I’d rather you remembered those things, any of those things, not just us going at it in our fucking car.”

“You’re making me feel bad.”

“Sorry,” he said, kissing her brow.

“I’m just glad I made progress.”

“We made some progress ourselves, mmm?”

“Yes. You were amazing.”

“Guess you know why you married me now, why you keep me around: I’m just Buffy’s sodding sex slave.”

“That’s funny, and here I was convinced of the opposite.”

“Bollocks. You have a place here, Buffy.”

“In your bed.”

“No--.”

“Let’s face it: I can’t really cook, I won’t clean, I suck at--.”

“Are you trying to piss me off?”

“Maybe. Maybe it’s payback for making me feel bad,” she said with lighthearted pout. “If I had control of what I can and can’t remember, I’d--.”

“Stop,” he said, covering her mouth. Once he was certain that she’d stop talking, his hand slipped away. “Would you like me to apologize again? I’m not sorry for what I thought, I’m just sorry because it made you feel bad. If you don’t want me to talk to you openly--.”

“I do! I just--.”

“I want answers, Buffy.”

“I do too! Why wouldn’t I want to know about my life?! I want to know about my children, and about my husband! I seem to have this great wonderful life, but I’m being kept from it and I don’t know why,” she cried. “It’s so frustrating!”

Silently, William nudged her off his body.

“William? Where are you going?” At the possibility that he could be leaving her, more tears gathered in her eyes and she angrily brushed them away, feeling ridiculous. “William, please…”

“Settle down,” he said, offering her a hand. “Want to hobble into the shower with me? I don’t think I could make it alone, but with you with me…” He smiled softly. “Come on, Buffy.”
***

Chapter 16

Buffy didn’t think it was the best idea, but that didn’t stop her from following William into the bathroom. Her eyes were still stinging from the tears she shed, but she forced a smile as she stepped into the shower.

She assumed that he picked up on her discomfort, because he didn’t say a word before washing her body. With gentle fingers, he moved her hair aside and ran a soapy sponge across her back.

“Before I forget, I’d like to thank you,” he mumbled. “What you said earlier, pet, that meant a lot to me.”

Buffy looked over her shoulder, unsure of what he was talking about.

“Please don’t say anymore though. I already feel like a pathetic sentimental poof. Let’s not add to that, shall we?”

I wonder what I said, Buffy thought, standing still as he knelt to clean her legs. “William?”

“Yeah?” he said, flashing her a muted grin. “Did I miss a spot?”

“I think so.”

“Where?”

She helped him to his feet and lightly kissed his lips. Standing on her tiptoes, she wrapped her arms around his neck.

“Are you feeling better?”

“A little.”

“I am sorry. I know you can’t control what you’re remembering.”

“I expect you to tell me everything.”

“About what, honey?”

“Everything,” she said simply, giving him another kiss.

“Oh, is that all? Could you be more specific?”

“I want to know about our first date, the one that didn’t involve a patrol car. I want to know how you proposed. I want to know about our wedding…about our honeymoon and,” she paused, looking into his soft blue eyes, “I want to know about them, our kids, William. I want to know it all: the good, the bad, and even the messy.”

He bit his lower lip, but Buffy still picked up on his smirk. “Alright, I’ll do it.”

“I knew you would, that’s why it wasn’t a question,” she replied, taking the sponge out of his hands. “I’m clean enough. Now, it’s my turn to wash you.”
***

“How many trips up and down the stairs did it take?” Buffy asked, stepping out of the bathroom. Her hair was dry and she was dressed in a red nightgown.

“I lost track after five, I was getting pissed off.”

“Because we spent too much money on the presents?”

“That, and all those toys are just going to clutter up the house. In six months, we’ll be tossing most of them out and buying more. It’s a vicious cycle, I tell you.”

Buffy tried not to smile too widely, inching closer to the bed where William was sitting, cross-legged with a plateful of cookies in front of him. “Aren’t you going to share?”

“You really want one? It’s not good to eat late at night, you’ve told me. Your, eh, metabolism’s too slow and--.”

“Give me a cookie and nobody will get hurt.”

“You want the milk too?”

“Yes, please,” she answered, sitting next to him. “So, this is one of the perks of parenthood: being the Santa.”

“Nice, isn’t it?”

“I can’t complain, especially since you did all the hard work.”

“It looks as if you were busy. Your hair’s all dry and you smell fantastic.”

“I found a stash of perfume and lotions. I hope I didn’t get too carried away…”

“I mean it, you smell fantastic. I also like your choice of sleepwear.”

“I thought it looked festive.”

“It’s very…Christmassy,” he said, clearing his throat.

“And only a smidge sleazy.”

“Oh, no. It’s just—is that new?”

“You think I know? William, this morning it took me half an hour to find my underarm deodorant, but of course I was still suffering from a hangover and loopy from our kiss.”

“Where’d you find it?”

“The deodorant?”

“Your nightgown, love.”

“Oh, in the closet. It might be new. It didn’t have any price tags though. Do you think I got it as a surprise for you?” Brushing her hands free of cookie crumbs, she yanked on the gown in an unsuccessful attempt to hide her cleavage. “Maybe it was part of some sexy present that I had planned.”

“I think that’s exactly it,” William chuckled, amusement glittering in his eyes.

“It’s too bad that you’re exhausted.”

“What? I’m not—clearly, you did not squeeze yourself into that outfit just to get your forty winks in style. A dress like that was made to be taken off.”

“I had nothing else to wear--.”

“Then wear nothing.”

“Unlike you, I like to wear clothing…even if this doesn’t cover much.”

“Unlike me?”

“Every time I turn around you’re either shirtless, or about to take off your pants,” Buffy explained, moving aside the empty plate of cookies and glass of milk so she could sit in front of him.

“Are you complaining about this?”

“Um, no. I think you’re a very handsome man. I like looking at you. I see it as a privilege.”

“Really?”

She nodded, reaching to turn off the lamp, before sinking into his lap. “So you aren’t sleepy anymore?”

“I’m completely worn-out. Did you see what time it is?”

“It’s late.”

“No, it’s early. Merry Christmas, baby.”

“Merry Christmas to you too. Would you like to go to bed now?”

“I’d like to take you to bed now,” he muttered, slipping one of the straps of her nightgown off her shoulder. “Oops.”

“Well, I’m here, aren’t I?”

The other strap fell and the gown tumbled to her waist. “You are,” he purred, caressing her breasts.

“This isn’t a typical night for us.”

“Not at all, so didn’t get used to it.”

“We could change that,” she suggested, lifting her arms overhead as her nightgown was discarded.

“Yeah, but you know our little angels? They wouldn’t have any supervision if we shagged all our nights away--.”

“What about that nanny?”

“That nanny already works for peanuts. We wouldn’t be able to work, there’d be no money to pay that nanny and the kid’s would have no food in their adorable bellies…it’d be a terribly bad idea.”

“We should enjoy this one reckless night then.”

“I love the way you think,” he whispered, lowering Buffy onto her back. “I love you.”

“William, I--.”

“It’s okay, you don’t have to say it. I’m not greedy. I know how you feel about me.”

Does he really know? Buffy thought as he kissed his way down her body. Did I tell him? Did it slip out on accident?

“Before I forget, I’d like to thank you. What you said earlier, pet, that meant a lot to me.”

“William—William,” she pried his head up, suddenly recalling what he said in the shower. “Can we talk for a minute?”

“You want to talk? Really, Buffy, shouldn’t you be over the babbling bit by now? It’s cute, but--.”

“I need to talk to you.”

“Okay, about what?”

She took a deep breath, her heart swelling with emotion as he looked up at her, his chin casually resting mere centimeters above her patch of curly, dark-rooted pubic hair. “Could you move first? Um, come closer? Let me see you better.”

“No,” he replied, blowing softly against her skin. “Once we’re done with the chitchat…” With a flirty wink, he scooted down even lower, “Not to be a pest, sweetheart, but could we get on with it?”

“I don’t know what I said. Now, before I start panicking, I need to know what I told you. You thanked me in the shower and I have no idea why. Did I tell you how I feel about you? Did I maybe…um, did I say that I loved you during sex? I know it’s not impossible, that’s how Riley and I spiraled out of control, because I--.”

“Buffy, what--.”

“It would kill me,” she continued, talking hastily. “Not remembering is one thing, but forgetting my current memories, the ones of you and of our children—God, if I told you that I’m falling in love with you, you must tell me! I need to know when it was said and how and--.”

“Buffy, hold on a minute! Slow down! What the hell are you talking about?”

“That’s just it, I don’t know. I’m so confused,” she whimpered, covering her face with her hands. “I’m so fucking confused!”

William froze, and then he rolled off her body. “Take your hands away. Look at me.”

“No.”

“Damn it, Buffy, you didn’t tell me anything about your feelings. You’re tormenting yourself over nothing. It was just a misunderstanding.”

“You just called me your husband, alright?” he explained with a heavy sigh. “You called me your husband for the first time since this mess began and it meant something to me. Maybe I overreacted, maybe I should’ve made myself more clear, but—you didn’t tell me anything about your feelings, so stop it.”

Buffy peeked through her fingers, unable to speak.

“You don’t have to worry about spouting off meaningless shit to me. In fact, I’m insulted that you’d think I’d be as daft as that prat.”

“But I would’ve meant it,” she whispered, sounding small. “I do mean it. My heart was breaking…if I told you, I couldn’t bear the thought of not remembering…not seeing your reaction, not being able to hear you say it back.”

“This is all my fault.”

“No, I’m stupid.”

“Buffy, please, stop covering your face.”

“I’m sorry,” she said, revealing the long, endless tear that was running down her cheek. “I don’t usually cry this much.”

“I know. Baby, come here.”

“I can really ruin a mood, can’t I?”

He didn’t say a word, lying next to her when she didn’t move.

“William?”

“I’m falling in love with you too. I love you too.”

“Oh…thank you.”

He kissed her temple and wrapped blankets around both of their bodies. “Let’s get some sleep.”

“But…”

“You’ll be here in the morning, I’ll make love to you then. And if we can’t get to it, I’ll have you during naptime…tomorrow night.”

“Oh God,” she gasped, feeling as if her heart could burst.

“Shhh…I know.” He wrapped an arm around her, silently willing her to settle down. “Sleep. It’s been a long day.”
***

Chapter 17

Buffy woke to the sound of a delighted baby.

“We really have got to stop meeting this way, sweetie.”

Joy squirmed, hitting Buffy in the forehead with her pudgy arm.

“Well, on the plus side, at least you spared my hair.”

“Ma!”

“What? What'd you say?” With a smile, Buffy scooped Joy into her arms. “Did you say my name? Can you say it again? Can you make it a mom this time? How about mommy? Heck, I’d even take a Buffy--.”

“Gleb!”

“Oh shoot, I could’ve sworn we were getting somewhere with this talking thing…”

“You might want to cut her some slack, love, she is just a baby after all.”

“You're here,” Buffy began, discovering that William had been watching them from a shadowy corner of the bedroom.

“Well, yeah, where else would I be?”

“Wherever you were yesterday when I woke up without you.”

“You're never going to let me live that down.”

“Nope,” she said, tipping her chin to meet his kiss. ”Where are the twins?”

“Downstairs. I let them open their stockings, so they'll be occupied for, well, all of the next five minutes.”

“They shouldn't be on their own for too much longer. I saw all that candy.”

“You're right,” he said, sitting on the edge of the bed. He moved Joy to a safe spot before pulling Buffy forward for a longer, more leisurely kiss. His hands slipped under the blankets, and when they broke apart Buffy let out a happy sigh.

“At times like these, gosh, having kids can be a drag.”

“I could lock them in a closet if you want.”

“Over my dead body…but thanks for the offer,” she added with a smile, kissing the soft skin under his ear. “Go and look after the twins, I'll join you in a minute.”

“Want me to take the baby?”

“No, we have some girl-talking to do. I can't wait to tell her all about our evening.”

“Are you serious?”

“I don't have anyone else to talk to--.”

“You can talk to me.”

“About you? I don't think so.”

“But what good is it going to do, talking to Joy?”

“I know she can't talk back, but—I don't know, it's better than talking to myself or to a plant or to a…a something else.”

William paused, and then his eyes narrowed. “What exactly are you going to tell her?”

“Ah…I’m not answering that.”

“Why not? Is it that bad? What'd I do?”

“I'm—it’s nothing, William. You didn't do anything--.”

“So, that's the problem? What did I not do then?”

“Nothing! I just—there's a reason why it's called girl-talk! You're not a girl, therefore I’m not talking to you!”

“But, Buffy--.”

“My lips are sealed.”

“Are they? I doubt they’ll stay that way for much longer.”

“I’m not telling you anything,” she insisted, turning her head before William could kiss her. “Shouldn’t you be heading downstairs? Go away. Shoo.”

“Go away? Shoo?”

“You heard me.”

“Well…fine. Have your sodding chat then. Talk about me as much as you want.”

“We will.”

Buffy listened to William curse under his breath and could barely stop from giggling before he disappeared into the hallway. “Oh, Joy…it’s hard not to love him, isn’t it?”
***

“Santa brought us a park!”

“A park?”

“It’s in the backyard!” Jamie cried, bouncing as he waited for Buffy and Joy to reach the bottom of the stairs. “Daddy hasta fix it! Santa was running late!”

Buffy’s lips curled into a soft grin, recognizing the story that she’d made up the night before. “You’d better show it to us; I know Joy can’t wait to see it.”

“Okay!” With his fingers clutching Buffy’s pant leg, Jamie escorted them to the backdoor. During the little trip, he talked unstop, naming off every small gift and piece of candy that he found in his stocking. “And there’s even more presents under the tree, mommy!”

“Whatever will you do with all your new toys?”

“Um…I gonna play with them!”

“Oh, I guess that was kind of a--.”

“Stupid question?”

Jamie gasped and looked up, his eyes wide. “Daadddy! Where’d you come from? You scared me!”

“Oh? I’m sorry,” William chuckled, wrapping his arms around Buffy’s waist. “Go eat your cereal, mate. The sooner you finish, and with the less mess that you make, the sooner you’ll get to open all your presents.”

“Bye, mom! I’m going to eat right now, dad!”

“Well, that got rid of him,” Buffy laughed, leaning back against William’s chest.

“Did I scare you too, sweetheart?”

“Not really, I’m getting used to you sneaking up on me. Are you still pouting?”

“I wasn’t pouting.”

“Oh really?”

“I wasn’t—alright, I’m done pouting.”

“I’m happy to hear that,” she replied, sitting Joy on the carpet once she began to wiggle in her arms. “All I could do was brag, you know. I was only disappointed with myself. You weren’t supposed find out that way. When I thought about telling you how I felt… I was hoping for something a little more romantic. I wanted the moment to be romantic and sexy, not crazy and hectic.”

“I didn’t think it was so bad.”

“You must be ridiculously easy to please then.”

“Eh, remember that bit about you calling me your husband? That proved a thing or two about that, didn’t it?”

“Now that, that wasn’t you being easy to please.” He snorted, but before he could speak, Buffy cut him off with a kiss. “That was you being pretty damn wonderful.”

“I guess we’re all entitled to our opinions, but--.”

“No, when it comes to this, your opinion is stupid.”

“Oh, now you’re really starting to act like the Buffy I married.”

“Is this a good thing, or are you telling me that I’m usually mean to you?”

“You don’t mistreat me or anything. It’s all in fun, love. I take whatever you dish out, and I toss it right back. You do the same, but we stop before any feelings can get hurt.”

“That sounds like quite a system.”

“I can’t complain. It’s gotten us this far.”

“And it’ll take us even farther,” she mumbled, suddenly feeling shy. She ran her hand along his cheek before resting her forehead against his. “I should probably get something to eat myself. I’m starving. You really wore me out.”

“Buffy.”

She pulled back to search his face. Her gaze swept from his eyes down to his full lips and then she kissed him. His hands slipped under her sweater and she whimpered softly into his mouth, enjoying the warmth of his palms against her back.

“Buffy…”

“I know…we should stop, but—God, it’s like we’re always out of time! There’s always something else do to!”

“If you want to starve to death, we could always make our way into the laundry room…”

“Shut up,” she said, playfully hitting his chest. “Don’t tease me.”

“Who said I was teasing?”

“Really? Do you think we could—oh, shut up!” Buffy laughed, pushing him away as he snickered. “You’re such a pain, William!”

“Oh, but you love me. You love me so much that you would’ve let me fuck you in the laundry room of all places. Have you seen our laundry room?”

“I would’ve let you make love to me in the laundry room.” She held back a grin, watching his expression change. “But thanks,” she said, patting his back, “you’ve totally ruined the mood and now my mind’s back to my stomach. I think I’ll go raid the fridge before the unwrapping starts.”

On her way to the kitchen, Buffy smiled from ear-to-ear.

“You’re a tease, Summers!”

“I’m just tossing it back, baby!” She sang, opening the refrigerator. “Just tossing it back!”
***

Chapter 18

“I wasn’t sure how many trash bags we’d need, so I brought one for each kid,” William said, taking a seat on the carpet. “I guess we’d better get started or we’ll be here until dinnertime.”

“I wanna open mine first!”

“No! Let me, daddy!”

“Hold on, hold on,” William chuckled, keeping the twins from diving under the Christmas tree. “We’re going to do this in one of two ways, alright? It’s either going youngest to oldest, or oldest to youngest. I won’t have you just ripping open all the packages. Let’s have some order. So, Sarah, would you like to choose, kitten? Who should open their presents first?”

“Um…me! I should!”

“Now, Sarah--.”

“Go for youngest to oldest, honey,” Buffy whispered from where she was sitting on the sofa with Joy.

“Is that better, daddy?”

“It is. Alright, so that means the baby goes first.”

As William searched for the perfect gift, Jamie peeked over his shoulder.

“Oh, I wanna open that one! It’s so big! I wanna open that one after Jo!”

“You can’t, I’m next!”

“No, I am!”

“Mommy!” Sarah cried, climbing onto the sofa and snuggling into Buffy’s side. “Mommy, tell Jamie that I’m next!”

“Ah…” Buffy looked to William and he responded with a silent nod. “Of course you’re next, honey. You’re a tiny bit younger than Jamie.”

“But, but I don’t wanna wait all day!” With a whimper, Jamie collapsed in frustration. “I want to open my presents right now!”

“Jamie…”

“No, he’s fine,” William said, handing Buffy a gift. “A good pout won’t hurt him.”

“Guess he’s learned from the best—oh, William, stop him.”

“Jamie,” William scolded, catching his hands before Jamie could eat a handful of candy from his stocking. “Will you stop this? Do you want to spend Christmas with your nose in the corner? Do you want a timeout?”

“But, but--.”

“No, buts.”

“I’m sorry, daddy!”

“Are you really?”

“Yeah,” Jamie insisted, his lower lip jutting forward. “I’m sorry.”

“Open your fists then.”

“But I want candy.”

“You just had breakfast--.”

“Daddy—please! Please, daddy? Pretty please? Can I have one little, little candy?”

William glanced at Buffy and she shrugged. “I don’t think it would hurt,” she mouthed. “It’s up to you though.”

“You can have one, but simmer down, mate. You’ll get your presents soon enough.”

“I’ll simmer!” Jamie giggled, mouth full of gooey chocolate. “I’ll be good! Wanna candy? See? I’m sharing!”

“I see that. Good for you, love.”

Buffy temporally forgot to breathe, touched as father and son exchanged identical lopsided grins.

“Buffy?” William chuckled, putting an end to her dazed state. “Are you going to help our baby? She could open the gift herself, but I’m afraid to admit that she has a pesky tendency to eat the paper and nibble on the bows.”

“Oh, God. Really? Joy eats wrapping paper—bows? Eating ribbon, that can’t be healthy--.”

“Buffy, I’m kidding,”

“Oh—oh, sorry, I just…never mind.”

“It’s alright,” William grinned, never breaking their eye contact when he kissed the top of Jamie’s head. “Whenever you’re done, Summers. We’re in no hurry.”
***

“So.”

“So…”

William moved aside a stack of new baby clothes to sit next to Buffy. “You’ve been smiling all morning.”

“Have I?”

“Yes and it’s getting on my nerves.”

“I can’t help it.”

“Now do you see why Santa is so generous, why he showers our little hellions with so many gifts?”

“Just their reactions…God, William, it’s worth it. I’d do anything to make them happy. Even Joy made the sweetest face when she saw her new teddy bear.”

“Your reactions have been priceless too, baby,” he whispered, threading their fingers together and giving her hand a squeeze. “I didn’t forget about you. Upstairs there’s a stash of presents for you too.”

“What about you? I can go without. I don’t want anything if you don’t have a gift or two to open.”

“Well, believe it or not, I found this bag hidden in the hall closet. It’s covered in permanent marker. Want to guess what was written on it?”

“Not really? I have no idea. I couldn’t even begin to guess.”

“It says, and I quote: Open this and I’ll kick your ass.”

“I wonder who would’ve written such a thing.”

“I’m guessing it was that one,” William joked, pointing to Sarah, who was showing Joy her collection of new dolls.

“I’m sure,” Buffy snickered, scooting closer once William wrapped an arm around her shoulders. “So, she’s younger than Jamie?”

“By two minutes.”

“Those must have been two very painful minutes.”

“I can only imagine.”

“That’s a funny thing to say… You weren’t there?”

“Not by choice exactly. I saw Jamie, but couldn’t see Sarah.”

“Why not?”

“Don’t look so shocked. You didn’t see either of them. You had your eyes squeezed shut the entire time.”

“That makes sense. I was in labor. I was giving birth to your children, mister. What’s your excuse?”

“I needed a breather.”

“What?”

“I needed to step outside, alright?”

“To smoke?”

“No, I did not leave to smoke. There’s this rule, it’s unspoken, but it’s a bloody important rule regardless. When you’re in the delivery room and unless you’re a doctor or nurse, you don’t look down. I did on accident and I had to go somewhere else for a minute or they were going to have to scrape me off the floor once I passed out like a sodding…husband who’s just witnessed an unspeakable horror.”

“Oh.”

“I was only gone for a few minutes and I came back once everyone was cleaned up. Your doctor approved, she said it gave you and the twins more time to bond.”

“Oh.”

“So that’s it? I’m forgiven? Did I wriggle myself out of being crowned Worst Father of the Century?”

“You’re reputation’s still standing. Sorry, I didn’t mean to--.”

“You didn’t,” he said, giving her a kiss. “I’ve never been able to stomach seeing you in pain. And to be honest, a birth is not the most pleasant thing to witness. It’s beautiful, yes, but…”

“An unspeakable horror?”

“Yes,” he chuckled, causing Buffy to grin, “and it’s incredibly gross.”

“But worth it?”

“God, Buffy. Yes, it was worth it.”

“I don’t know if I’m ready to have more, not until I can remember having the first three. Gosh, I still find it hard to believe that I have three children…” she trailed off, holding on to William tightly. “I love them. No matter how many you trick me into having, I’ll love all of them.”

“Would I trick you?”

“I wouldn’t put it past you. Um…William? I know I have terrible timing, but when can I open my presents?”

“I knew it would be just a matter of time--.”

“It’s just not very fair. I mean, the kids got to open their presents first thing this morning and I—we have to wait?”

“I love how you slipped the ‘we’ in there. I almost bought that you cared about me.”

“I care--.”

“You’re just like the kids—no, you’re worse.”

“I’m not--.”

“You are!” he laughed out loud. “There’s no way they’ll sleep now. If you can keep them busy, you can open all the presents you want.”

“Well, they have loads of new toys…we could put Joy in her crib and the twins, they could--.” Buffy stopped, interrupted by the doorbell. “Are we expecting someone?”

“I don’t believe so…”

The doorbell rang again and Jamie jumped to his feet. “I’ll get it!”

Buffy exchanged looks with William and then they both headed for the door.

“Jamie, wait--.”

“Tara! Daddy, Tara’s here!”

“Hey!” the nanny said, bending to lift Jamie into her arms. “Merry Christmas, sweetie!”
***

“Don’t think that we’re unhappy to see you, but what the hell are you doing here?” William laughed, stepping forward to give Tara a quick hug. “What about your plans to visit your family?”

“I couldn’t get there because of the weather. Even though I left early, the roads were blocked. I figured I could spend the holiday either alone in some motel as I waited out the storm, I could go back to my place and be lonely, or I could see you guys. I know I should’ve called, but--.”

“Don’t be silly you’re always welcome here. Come on, love, let’s get you out of the cold. Can I help you with your coat?”

“Thanks, Will. How’s everything? Is she better?” Buffy heard Tara whisper. “Honestly, if I’m intruding…”

“Things are really good, not one-hundred percent, but we’re really good.” With a muted grin, William reached back, searching for Buffy. She grabbed his hand and filled the place at his side.

“If you two want some time alone, I can watch the kids. Free of charge. Tis the season.”

“Oh, don’t feel like you’re obligated to work…”

“I want to, I insist. The kids can show me all their new stuff, it’ll be fun.”

“Alright. If you need us, just holler.”

Buffy followed William towards the stairs and looked back once she heard Tara call her name.

“Merry Christmas, Buffy.”

“You too, thanks.”
***

Chapter 19

“You were awfully quiet back there.”

“I was?”

“You hardly said one word,” William said, holding Buffy's hand when he closed the bedroom door behind them. “Were you feeling bashful?”

“No.”

“It's alright if you were; you have a perfectly good reason.”

“I just don't know her,” Buffy admitted. “Tara knows more about me than I do right now and it's creepy.”

“I know more than you do, and I know a hell of a lot more than Tara does as well. Is that creepy?”

“No, it's completely different. You're completely different. You're my husband.”

“She's your friend.”

“You're my best friend.”

“Am I?”

“Yeah,” she answered with a coy grin. “And please don't start telling me that we'll never be friends because we are friends. We'll never be just friends, I understand that. I know that we'll always be more. We're married; you're the father of my kids. You're supposed to know all about me.”

“So, they're your kids now?”

Buffy ignored the question, playing with and stroking his long fingers. “I remember you, not as much as I should, but…I trust you, William.”

“But you don't trust Tara ?”

“I don't know Tara . I'll trust her if you do. I know you won't leave my kids with just anyone and she does seem nice.”

“She is nice. She's a very nice person.” William placed a kiss on Buffy's forehead before guiding her to the bed. They sat close, side-by-side with their fingers still entwined. “I'd like for you to talk with her, baby. Since Tara did know you before you lost your memory, she might be able to help you recall some things.”

“How long have I known her?”

“Since before the twins were born. Willow introduced us. They were dating at the time.”

“Willow —wait, Willow and Tara were dating?”

“Yeah,” William chuckled. “Red's a lesbian nowadays.”

“Red? My Willow ? Willow, my best friend throughout high school? The one who wanted to marry Xander Harris and had a secret crush on Bill Nye, the Science Guy?”

“Bill who, the science what?”

“What—what about Oz?”

“Oh, baby, that's old news. He cheated. She cried. You let yourself get caught up in all the drama. It was a fucking mess.”

“Where is Willow? Is she nearby?”

“Well, the box of Christmas presents that she sent was posted in Paris. She travels everywhere with her job, but she makes a point to send little gifts to the kids. She's their godmother, you know.”

“No, I didn't know that.”

“Well, now you do.” He kissed her knuckles and placed the hand on her knee. “You're absolutely freaked out now, aren't you, Summers?”

“No, I mean—no, of course not.”

“It's alright. We were all a bit shocked, but people change.”

“Oh, you don't have to tell me that twice.”

“I guess you've been kind of beaten over the head with that concept, haven't you?”

“As of late? Oh, hell yeah. I've changed, you've changed, Willow's had sex with our nanny—has anyone not changed?”

William chuckled, leaning over to kiss her lips. “Would you like your presents now, baby? Would that make you feel better?”

“Yeah. Yes, please.”

“Alright. Just give me a minute.”

“Can I help?”

“I've got it,” he answered, pulling three bags out of their closet.

“Is that all for me?”

“One of them is mine. I believe it's the one measly gift in the small, pathetic-looking sack.”

“Oh shut up, I bet I got you something very nice and very thoughtful.”

“Probably so.” He emptied each bag, stacking all the gifts at the foot of the bed. The presents for Buffy were wrapped in light pastel paper while the single present for William was covered in a dark patterned design.

“Do we have to do this a certain way? By age or—hey, have you ever considered alphabetical order? Just think of how new and exciting that could be--.”

“Open yours first, pet. I don't mind.”

“Are you sure?”

“Have at it. You might want to leave the smallest packages for last though.”

“Okay.” With an excited grin she leaned over to give William a line of brief kisses. “Thank you so much, honey.”

“You haven't opened a thing yet. What if you hate it all?”

“I won't.”

“I wouldn't be so quick to--.”

“Just say 'you're welcome' and shut up.”

“Buffy…”

“Do it.”

“You're welcome, but--.”

“Shhh, damn it,” Buffy laughed, kissing him until he stopped trying to speak. “William, I'm not that picky--.”

“You are too.”

“I'll love whatever you give me.”

“I'll only believe that when all your presents have been opened.”

“Okay, okay,” she said, reaching for the biggest box. “God, this is really pretty paper; you’re so good at wrapping. And I'm sure there's no reason to tell you this, but this shade of pink happens to be my favorite color.” Buffy continued to ramble as she opened the box. She pushed aside the tissue paper and cooed. “Oooh, it's gorgeous!”

“Do you really like it? I know tastes can differ from year to year, so I was worried that you might--.”

“I love it!” She held the jacket to her nose and inhaled the black leather. “Awww, it's just like yours. How sweet.”

“Well, yesterday wasn't the first time that you've worn my coat. I'm sure it won't stop you from snagging mine in the future, but now you can have one that fits you better.”

“It's perfect. See? You had nothing to worry about.”

“That's just one down--.”

“Shut up.”

“Yes, dear. Sorry, dear.”

“That's more like it,” Buffy grinned, slipping on the new jacket. “Which should I open next? How about this one? Can I shake it? Will it break?”

“Everything can be safely rattled. I made sure of it.”

“No, you didn't—wait, did you really?”

“Just keep going.”

“Well, if you insist…”
***

“Mmmm…”

“You like that?”

“I love it,” Buffy purred, spraying more perfume on her wrists and rubbing them together. New earrings hung from her ears and two new necklaces were around her neck as she sat in William's lap. “Thank you.”

“It's my pleasure.”

Their lips met and Buffy melted. “You…God, William, you are now officially the best man on the planet.”

“Why is it official now?”

“Because you have amazing fashion sense. The clothes you picked out for me—oh my God, I love you. I don't deserve you.”

“So, all it took was a pair of jeans and some sweaters to make you say the magic words?”

“And the shoes. The shoes are fucking unbelievable.” She touched his mouth again, initiating very slow, very passionate kisses. “I love you so much.”

“I love you too.”

Buffy's jacket fell from her shoulders and her shirt was discarded seconds later. She instinctively wrapped her legs around him hard and groaned, a familiar burning sensation gathering at her core.

“I want you, Buffy.”

“I want you too, but…”

“But?”

“Can you open your present first?”

“What?”

She filled her fists with bleached blonde hair and tugged, bringing his lips away from the curve of her shoulder. “Please?”

“I can wait. It can wait.”

“I know, but I want to know what I got you. I'm dying to know.”

“It's probably a watch…maybe a wallet…”

“I wouldn't do that. That's boring. My mom used to buy my dad boring stuff like that.”

“Maybe you want to keep the tradition alive--.”

“Or maybe we're on our way to getting a divorce.”

“What?”

Buffy reached behind her back, blindly trying to refasten the clasp on her bra. “Impersonal gifts are bad. Can you help me with this?”

“No.”

“No? Why not?”

“How's a watch any different from your earrings? Are your earrings impersonal?”

“No, but--.”

“We're nothing like your parents, Buffy. You know that.”

“I know, but do I really buy you a wallet every year?” she asked with a slight pout.

“Sometimes…sometimes it's every other year. You get me a new wallet whenever I need one, you know? You say I'm too difficult to buy for. I give you ideas, but…” He groaned, rolling his eyes. “Alright, I'll open it now.”

Giving up on her bra, Buffy placed it aside and replaced her shirt before handing him the gift. She slipped out of his lap, but stayed close. “Merry Christmas, William,” she whispered, placing a kiss on his cheek. “I hope you like it, whatever it may be. And if it's a wallet, we're returning it.”

“I shouldn’t have said a word,” he chuckled, taking his time to unwrap the present. Every few seconds, he looked up and teased Buffy for using too much packing tape. “Maybe you should get the bloody scissors…”

“Do you think it’s breakable?”

“No, I think you went overboard like usual, but since you can’t remember intentionally trying to drive me mad, I’ll cut you some slack.”

“I do this kind of thing a lot?”

“Every year. You’d think I’d learn, but I never do.” Getting up, he found scissors and tore open the box. “Jesus, Buffy…”

“What is it? Is it something good? Do you like it, honey?”

A smirk crept across his face and he returned to his seat next to Buffy. “There are two things in here: a book and another small box,” he said, pulling out one item at a time. “The book,” he opened the cover and sighed.

“I wrote in it?”

He nodded, running his fingers over Buffy’s short note.

“What kind of book is it?”

“A book I used to have growing up. I lost my copy years ago and it’s out of print. I’ve looked at used book stores, but I’ve never found it.”

“But I did?”

“Yeah. I don’t know how or where, but thank you.”

“You’re welcome,” Buffy smiled when he kissed her temple. “What’s in the other box?”

“Why don’t you open it?”

“No, it’s your present.”

“I think this is for both of us,” he said, giving her the black jewelry box. “Open it.”

Buffy shivered when he whispered in her ear. She gave him a sideways glance before opening the box. “Keys? Did I get you a car?”

“It’s a 2001 black Triumph Thunderbird to be exact, but because of your blank look we’ll just call it a bike.”

“Okay…”

“It’s a motorcycle, love.”

“I got you a motorcycle?”

“Looks like it, doesn’t it? Where do you think you hid it?”

“Um, in the garage? We have one don’t we? I’ve never actually seen the front of this house.”

“We’ll have to schedule a tour.”

“So, you wanted this motorcycle?”

“I’ve been begging for a few weeks, but you acted as if you wouldn’t even consider it. Our neighbor’s selling it. It’s in mint condition, good as new.”

“Well, I’m glad I got you something that you wanted.”

“Just imagine: it’d be me and you, traveling down the highway, not in our family-mobile. You’d hold on to me tight as the wind rushed through your hair.”

“It’d be dark and calm out. We’d see lots of stars…oh, and I’d totally be wearing my new jacket.” Buffy sighed dreamily and rested her head on William’s shoulder. “William?”

“Yes?”

“Promise me we won’t turn into cheesy wannabe biker parents.”

“I promise we won’t turn into cheesy wannabe biker parents.”

They shared a laugh that turned quickly turned into a kiss.

“Buffy?”

“You don’t have to say anything. Let’s go.”

“You sure?”

She nodded, reaching for her jacket. “I want to see this nifty bike that I got you. It sounds much better than a wallet.”

“Oh, thank you. I didn’t want to--.”

“It’s okay. Let’s go find your toy, honey.”
***

Chapter 20

“Hi, mommy! Hi, daddy!”

“Hey, babies,” Buffy laughed, crouching to take both Sarah and Jamie into her arms. “Oh my goodness! What are you two so excited about?”

“I believe they're just excited to see us.” William flashed a charming wink in Buffy's direction before giving the twins his own round of hugs and kisses.

“But they're acting like we've been gone for weeks!”

“It's flattering, isn't it? Doesn't their reaction give you one of those warm, fuzzy feelings?”

Before Buffy could respond, the twins were off and running. They yelled happy goodbyes as they scampered back to their toys. “Oh God, they're just like puppies,” she mumbled, causing William to snicker.

“Hey, watch it, sweetheart. It's a bad idea to mention those things in front of this lot.”

“Do they want a dog?”

With a nod, William cupped her elbow and led her to a secluded corner of the living room. “We had to think up this bizarre story to explain why Santa couldn't bring them a dog…or cat or gerbil or a fucking pony.”

“Santa doesn't like ponies?”

“Actually he thinks they're stupid and overrated.”

“Aw, that's too bad. I've always wanted a pony.”

“You know despite popular belief, a horse will never be as cute in real life as it is on the typical Saturday morning cartoon. If you name it Raindrop, Peach Blossom or even Cream Puff, it won't speak English no matter how much you try to train it, and it might even get pissy once you tie ribbons in its hair.”

“Did you tell Sarah all this?”

“Yes, many times.”

A smile tugged on Buffy's lips, and leaned forward to wrap her arms around William's neck. “What about a goldfish? They're pretty low maintenance.”

“Oh that's the ticket! Let's get them the most boring animal on the planet, and then they'll never beg to have another pet when it's floating belly up at the top of the bowl after a week.”

“I guess you're right, goldfish can die pretty easily, but still…it'd teach them responsibility, right?”

“I'd rather give them responsibility in the form of a healthy dose of chores.”

“We're never going to have a pet? Not ever?”

“When the twins are older and once Joy's walking, we'll consider it. We don't need some puppy jumping on our baby and knocking her down all the time.”

“Aw, but a little dog wouldn't be so bad…not a little puppy named Cream Puff.” She grinned and lightly kissed his lips. “You can come up with some crazy ideas, honey.”

“You've trained me well,” he teased in reply. “Given me all your best pointers…”

Buffy laughed and brushed another kiss against his chin. “Weren't we going to go outside? “

“I just need to give Tara a heads up. When we find the bike, baby, you do realize that you and me are going to take it for a test-drive?”

“That's why I've got my coat on—oh, let me find my bra before we take off. I know it was tossed somewhere upstairs.”

“Don't bother. Who needs those silly under-wires anyway?”

“I do,” she answered, stopping his hand before it could sneak towards her chest.

“Okay then, run along if you insist, but make it quick--.”

“What about the kids?”

“What about them?”

“Should I make them a snack? I don't want them to get hungry.”

“It's early, barely ten.”

“I know, but--.”

“ Tara can fix them whatever they'd like, she'll take care of them if they get hungry.”

“Oh, okay.”

“Buffy, what's wrong?”

“Nothing, I just—aren't we going to eat as a family today? It's Christmas… William, don' t you think it'd be nice?”

“That sounds very nice.”

“I don't want to be any trouble, I just thought--.”

“It's no trouble at all. You have a say here, Buffy. You want a family meal? We'll have one; we usually do anyway. I'll just ask Tara to guard the kitchen until we come back. We shouldn't be out long. We'll just drive around the neighborhood.”

“Thank you.”

“You don't have to thank me.”

“I know, but I want to. I'm still getting a hang of this queen of castle stuff. I've got all this power…it's nice, it's different, and I hope it won't all go to my head.”

“Oh, we'll keep your ego grounded, honey. I'll see to it myself that you don't get too unruly.”

“Oh, thanks,” Buffy panted, instantly turned on by his words and soft voice. After he whispered in her ear, Buffy could still feel William's breath on her neck. “If we're going outside, we should…”

“You're right.” Instead of giving her the kiss she desperately wanted, William gave Buffy another wink and headed down the hallway. “I'll meet you on the front porch in five minutes. Don't be late.”
***

“It's just your typical yard, I guess. There's grass, some dying flower beds, a big tree, a white picket fence.”

“Um, isn't that a brown fence? And what exactly makes a picket a picket?”

“Okay, so maybe white pickets weren't on sale, but I can promise you it was made with all the appropriate homey notions in mind.”

“Did you make the fence yourself?”

“Of course I—no, I didn't make the bloody fence. We paid for someone to do it. “

“Aw. That's okay, you're still my favorite handy man.”

“And how is that a good thing exactly?”

“Uh…I pay you in sexual favors?”

“Well, if that's the case, you've been more than a little slack on my payments.”

Buffy didn't speak; she gave William a sideways glance as they traveled on the sidewalk from one corner of the yard to the other.

“What's wrong? No comeback? No witty remark?”

“I was half naked ten minutes ago.”

“Yes, and now you're not.”

“Because you want to find your present! Don't make it sound like I don't want to, because I—I wanted to have sex in the laundry room remember?!”

“Yeah, yeah,” William chuckled. After they reached the side-door to the garage, he unlocked it and stepped inside the dark room. “I'm not saying that you don't want to,” he continued, turning on a light, “I'm saying that—Buffy?”

“That's our family-mobile?” She peeked into the garage and took a few careful steps. “It's beautiful!”

“Oh, is it now?”

“It's not a minivan at all!”

“No, but--.”

“It's cute! It's black—it's so cute!”

“Yes, love, and it's also a SUV,” William added with a laugh.

Buffy tiptoed even closer and flashed him a toothy grin. “Can I go inside?”

“Sure, why not?”

“It's so nice,” Buffy whispered, slipping into the backseat. She ran her hands along the upholstery and continued to beam. “Do you actually let me drive it, William? You never let me drive our squad car.”

“That's because we'd never get anywhere in one piece. Scoot over.”

“Hey, that's not true! I'm a good driver!”

“No, Summers, you're really not.”

“And you wonder why I'm not—oh, wow, we have a CD player?!”

“Yes, dear, most cars have CD players nowadays.”

“Really? What else does the car have? God, will you look at all these cup holders!”

“Buffy,” William laughed. He lightly held her hips and pulled her back from where she was leaning into the front section of the car. “Get over here.”

“Can we take a test-drive in this too? Please?”

“If you want to,” he answered, settling Buffy in his lap and making her gasp once he kissed her. “You're so bloody—you drive me completely crazy.”

“I don't mean to drive you crazy. I guess I got a little carried away about the car, but--.”

“Hush. I was about to tell you that I love you.”

“Oh, William…I love you too.”

“You might’ve noticed that along with being both cute and black, the car’s also quite roomy…especially here in the backseat.”

“Oh, really? I haven’t noticed.”

“Buffy, I don’t want to play anymore. I also don’t want any bloody interruptions; I just want you. We’ve said that we love each other, now I want to be with you and tell you how I feel while I’m inside you.”

“Okay.”

“Okay?”

“Did you think I’d say ‘no, but thank you’?”

“No.”

“Then let’s do this,” she said, between kisses. “William—honey, do the seats fold down…?”
***

Chapter 21

Buffy’s body itched, and she knew that only the man in front of her could cure her discomfort. She struggled to keep her hands to herself, but quickly realized she had no real reason to resist her desires. Riley Finn wasn’t standing in her way anymore. Nothing was keeping her from touching, tasting, and fully enjoying her husband.

“Mmmm, husband,” she mumbled, experimenting with the word between slow, searching kisses. “My husband… My husband William.”

“Has a decent ring to it, doesn’t it?”

“Oh yes. I think I like it very much.”

Her smile grew and her kisses became more playful. Content sighs and needy whimpers escaped from the back of her throat as she sucked on William’s full lower lip and wrestled with his tongue.

“Oh my God,” she blurted out, ripping her mouth away to fill her lungs with air. “Now I know how the kids felt this morning.”

“What?” William laughed, his voice slightly hoarse. “What do you mean by that?”

“Well, Santa brought me exactly what I wanted for Christmas, and now I have no idea what to do with myself. You see, I have this new, state-of-the-art, William-shaped toy and I’m so excited. I can’t wait to play with him, and to see all that he can do. I want to do anything and everything, and all at the exact same time. It’s really an amazing feeling.”

“So I’m your toy? Should I feel objectified here?”

“Um, no,” Buffy replied causing William to snicker into her shoulder. He covered the area with kisses and made her gasp by pinching her skin with his teeth. “Hey, I meant what I said in only the most loving way possible. There’s no reason to start biting.”

“Does this toy business work both ways?” Not waiting for a response, he cupped her backside and began to slowly grind the core of her body against the zipper of his jeans. “Summers, are you my toy?”

“Oh, God…sure, sure, if you want me to be. I’ll agree to anything right now.”

“That’s an awfully dangerous thing to say.”

“I’ll take my chances.” She captured his mouth again. Her hands slipped between their bodies. William groaned softly at the first contact of fingertips to erect skin, and minutes later, she sank into his lap. Wrapping her arms snugly around his neck, she upped the pace of their oscillating hips.

“I really do love you,” she whispered, quickly overwhelmed by both pleasure and emotion. “I love you, and I love our family.”

“Buffy…God, pet, we love you too.”

She nodded, completely believing his words. “I’ve never felt this way before…”

“You’d better get used to it,” he said, pulling away from her kisses. Before Buffy could protest, he had her on her back and moaning once he was inside her again. “I made a promise. You’re going to feel like this…exactly like this, each and every day.”

“Till death do us part?”

“That,” he snickered, seeking her lips. “And then some.”
***

“William, is this really what married people do?”

“Love, I’m afraid you’ll have to be a tad more specific.”

“Do married people typically run out to their cars for a mid-morning quickie? When that car is parked in their own garage?”

“I can’t speak for the married community in its entirety; however, I doubt such behavior is completely unheard of.”

“Oh.”

They were sitting side-by-side, both enjoying the moment of post-coital bliss. Neither of them had made any attempt to leave the backseat of the car. William had his eyes closed and an arm draped around Buffy’s shoulders while she rested her head on his chest.

“But is this normal for us?”

“Is it normal for us—two married fuddy duddies to be sneaking off for a shag like a couple of horny teenagers?” He opened one eye only slightly. Buffy caught a glimpse of his mischievous smirk before he responded. “No, we aren’t like this all the time.”

“Really?”

“Were you expecting a different answer?”

“No.” She nuzzled deeper into his body, making a point to avoid his glance. “So…we’re in something like a honeymoon phase?”

“That sums it up rather nicely. Let’s wallow in it, shall we? Who knows how long it’ll last.”

“How long did it last the first time around? A year, a couple of months?”

“Oh, no more than a few days.”

“Only a few days?” She peeked up and blushed, meeting his dazzling blue eyes head-on. His mouth was curved in a soft smile. “You want to know what I think about all this? I think you’re full of shit.”

“Is that your unique way of saying you find me bloody irresistible? You can’t imagine tiring of me so quickly?”

“It’s my way of saying you’re completely full of shit.” She shared his grin, but squirmed out of his arms. “I can’t believe you were pulling my leg this entire time!”

“Get back here,” he laughed. He scooped her up with ease and settled her squarely in his lap. “You and your questions—sorry, sweetheart, I just couldn’t resist. Besides, I could’ve sworn you were catching on…”

“I was.”

“Somehow that little pout suggests otherwise.” He laughed again and sought out her lips. He kissed her once before pulling back to search her face. “You aren’t really sore about this, right?”

“I’m not sore about anything, but…”

“But? Go on.”

“My questions weren’t asked purely for your amusement. Marriage is a new concept for me. I’ve never seen a good one close up. My parents—God, they had a crummy marriage. They were great by themselves, but when they got together—and I mean just in the same room—it was anything but pretty.”

“Tell me about it. Your sorry-excuse of a father cheated on your mother. They were at each other’s throats all the time, but that wasn’t too often really, because they avoided each other whenever possible. You’ve blamed yourself for their divorce, and I’ve never agreed with your reasoning. You were a bit of an unruly child. Your father couldn’t keep up. But then he didn’t bother trying either.”

She just blinked, taken aback by his matter-of-fact tone. “Wow William, that was impressive. Can you do that again? Let’s see if you can sum up my childhood baggage in five words or less this time.”

“Buffy--.”

“You know everything there is to know about me, I get that. Hell, I’m even warming up to the idea, but--.”

“Could I be any more of a jerk? Honestly, love, what was I thinking?”

“Is that a rhetorical question or should I actually know the answer?”

“Here I am, tossing your dirty laundry in your face like a royal ass. Buffy, I’m sorry. I’m not always an insensitive knob.”

“First of all, I don’t think you’re a jerk or a knob. Don’t be so hard on yourself. I’m not upset with you. I might have snapped at you a little, but it was one of those knee-jerk reactions. I don’t usually talk about my parents, but it makes perfect sense that I’d talk to you about their divorce. You’re my husband. My baggage is now your baggage. It’s ours now. Um, mi childhood trauma es, um…su childhood trauma?”

“You’re trying to make me feel better.”

“Is it working? God, I’m new at this stuff too. Whenever someone makes me mad, I like to hold a grudge until I snap and lash out. Then there’s usually a great deal of avoiding, and…and I’m sure you know about this too. You’re an expert when it comes to all things Buffy.”

“I don’t know if I’d use the word ‘expert.’”

“Why not? I would.” She watched him take a deep breath and her body did the same, as if it was following his lead. He reached forward to caress the side of her face and Buffy melted. “I didn’t realize how tense I was until just now. It came on so quickly. I just didn’t want to fight with you. And then, when you got upset, because you thought I was upset—William, I found it all very upsetting. When things get personal I have a tendency to bite peoples’ heads off.”

“You get defensive. You’ve been hurt in the past.”

She acknowledged the truth behind his words with a single nod. “I don’t know why I keep explaining myself to you. It’s stupid and I’m sure it’s driving you crazy. I’m not telling you anything that you don’t already know.”

“That couldn’t be any farther from the truth. I know you very well, but it feels as if we’re starting over. Yes, it’s frustrating, but it’s thrilling all the same. Even when you had all your memories, you surprised me nearly everyday. You’re still a mystery to me, Buffy. I learn something new about you every time I turn around. I never know what you’ll think up next. And trust me; I never know what’ll come out of that mouth of yours.”

“Are you saying I have a big mouth?”

“I wasn’t complaining. A big mouth definitely has its perks as you demonstrated wholeheartedly last night.”

“You’re such a pig!” Buffy laughed as he wagged his eyebrows suggestively.

“Oh, sweetheart, you have no idea.”

She continued to laugh as he kissed her neck. “William, I hate to interrupt, but what time is it?”

“I was hoping you’d ask. It’s half past lunchtime.”

“Really? Oh my goodness! Why didn’t you say something sooner? We have to feed the kids. I have to figure out what the heck I can actually feed the kids. Leftover pizza isn’t going to cut it. Not on Christmas.”

“Tara might have some ideas.”

“William, what about your present? We need to find that too.”

“I can look around for the bike while you get the meal started. With Tara.”

“I can’t look with you?”

“You can’t be everywhere at once, pet. And if you’re using the bike as a reason to avoid our nanny-.”

“Why would I do something like that?” She let out a short, forced laugh. “That’s ridiculous. Why would I want to avoid her?”

“Let’s suss out some possibilities, shall we? Maybe it’s your competitive nature. Maybe you’ve decided not to like her for some reason. Maybe you’re jealous.”

“I’m not jealous.”

“Alright,” he answered with a confident edge to his voice. “Why don’t you let her handle the Christmas feast today? You can stick with me and we’ll just eat as a family. Tara can handle it. She’s a pro--.”

“And I’m not?” she asked, blurting out the question.

“Did I say that?”

“No, but—fine, if you want to get rid of me so badly, I’ll be in the house.” She wanted to leave the car abruptly but with grace. She scooted across the seats to yank on the car door. When it failed to open, she shot William a glare.

“Child-proof locks,” he answered with a charming smirk. “Sorry, guess they put a damper on your grand exit.”

“William, how the hell did we get in here if the doors were locked?”

“They open from the outside only, unless you--.”

“I’ll find my own way out,” she declared, climbing into the front seat.

“You’ve always known your way around the inside of a car. Too bad you can’t drive one properly.”

“Ha ha, you’re too funny.”

“You think so?”

She was out of the car and nearly out of the garage when she gasped. Suddenly William was behind her. An arm snaked around her waist as he spoke directly into her ear.

“Tara doesn’t know about your memory loss. You need to tell her before you hit her head-on.”

“What do you mean?”

“She’s a kind soul. She’s sweet, Buffy. She won’t survive if you come on too strong. And if you make that girl quit, I will tan that lily-white ass of yours.”

“You’re bringing up spanking again? If it’s really that important to you--.”

“Just behave yourself and think twice before you spout off.”

“Do I usually have to think twice about everything I say and do around Tara? You’re awfully protective of this nanny. Maybe I should be jealous. Maybe she’s more than just a nanny, maybe she’s--.”

“Don’t you dare say another word.” His hold around her waist tightened. His voice became more serious, but it remained far from threatening. “Why do you insist on being such a bloody menace? Tara helps us. We’d be in a world of hurt without her. You’ve been around her all of—what? Five minutes? I’m not only trying to spare her, but—Summers, just take it easy. That’s all I ask. She is your friend, even if you can’t remember.”

“I have no idea—yesh, what do you think I’ll do?”

“Amnesia or not, you’re still a cop. You might be a tiny blonde cop, but you can also be intimidating as hell, especially when you feel threatened.”

“But I’m not--.”

“I’ve seen you bring grown men—fucking burly bastards—to their knees, kitten. You knock them flat with words before fists start flying.”

“They were bad guys.” She twisted her body so she could look up at him. “Tara isn’t a bad guy, she’s a nanny.”

“That’s exactly my point.”

“Okay, I’ll make a mental note: don’t make the nanny cry. How’s that?” She had to smile before placing a kiss on his cheek. “For an expert on Buffys, you should’ve known I do have some self-control. I’ll be good. I can be friendly. I’ll even be cordial.”

“Thank you.”

“You’re welcome. I might interrogate her a little, but--.”

“Buffy--.”

“But I’ll do it in a friendly and cordial way, I promise.”

“Get out of here.” He rolled his eyes before giving her backside a playful swat. “Bloody troublemaker…”
***

Chapter 22

After slipping through the backdoor, Buffy found herself wondering if she had entered the wrong house. The kitchen she was standing in looked familiar, but it was full of food. Food was warming on stove and baking in the oven. It was in dishes that cluttered the countertops.

God, who is this Tara person? Buffy thought suspiciously as she carefully peeled back the tinfoil lid on one of the casserole dishes. It’s no wonder William didn’t want me competing with the nanny. I wouldn’t stand a chance! She’s some kinda Suzy Homemaker freak!

Using her fingers, she picked at the corner of the cheesy entree. She didn’t know the name of what she was eating; she just knew it had noodles, vegetables, and plenty of cheese. She also knew that it tasted unbelievably good.

“Um, Buffy?”

While licking sauce from her fingers, she turned to where Tara had tiptoed into the room.

She doesn’t look very threatening…

Tara was pretty, but she didn’t seem to embrace the fact. Her hair was up in a messy bun, and she wasn’t wearing makeup. Her figure was swallowed up by a bulky oversized sweater.

“Are you ready to eat? Should I get the kids around the table?”

She just shook her head before asking, “This was made from scratch, wasn’t it?

“Yes, but--.”

“Where did all this food come from? You must’ve brought it into the house, because there’s no way any of it came from my refrigerator.”

“I made everything at my house for my family. We don’t have to—if you rather we eat something else, I can put it all away. I had it in my car and I didn’t want it going to waste.”

“Oh no, we’re totally eating it. And all of it,” Buffy announced with a snort. “If everything’s as good as this noodle–stuff, we may even have a fistfight over the leftovers.”

“That…that really won’t be necessary. If you want the leftovers, they’re yours.”

“Thanks. I have to admit, you’re quite the chief, Tara.”

She smiled as a blush colored her cheeks. She waited, stuck in an awkward moment, before pointing over her shoulder with her thumb. “Um, I should…the kids are in the living room. They’re playing and working on their second movie. I gave them a snack not too long ago. I’ll check on them now.”

“Can you wait a second? I was going to think up an excuse to keep you in the kitchen, but since lunch is ready and it looks as if you’ve even set the table, I’ll just come out and say that I was hoping we could talk. Do you mind?”

“No, not at all. I was hoping we’d be able to talk today too. We’ve avoided each other long enough.”

Her comment piqued Buffy’s interest, but she decided to let it slide. She motioned for Tara to join her at the kitchen table. “How long have we known each other?”

“A long time.”

“We’ve been through a lot, haven’t we? Play dates, dirty diapers…” She trailed off and silently hoped that Tara would volunteer some information. When she didn’t, Buffy sighed. “How long has it really been? It’s feels like we met years ago.”

“It should, we did meet six years ago.”

“After the shooting? You know, I’ve been thinking about that night a lot lately.”

“It was an important event in your life,” Tara responded with an understanding shrug. “It was a turning point for all of us.”

“But still… What if it had never happened? What if Angel hadn’t pulled the trigger?” she asked, deciding to take a gamble. “Could you imagine how different my life would be? I’d probably be Mrs. Riley Finn--.”

“How can you say that?”

“Well,” she began, surprised by Tara’s question. “He was my fiancé.”

“Even if you could change the past it wouldn’t change anything between you and William. You aren’t together just because of the shooting or because of me. You would’ve found each other no matter what. You and William are meant for each other.”

“You brought us together? Uh, what am I saying? We needed you to bring us together.”

“I honestly didn’t do that much. I distracted Riley a few times. William tried to bribe the entire nursing staff. If I hadn’t let him sneak into your hospital room, he would’ve found another way to you. He was so determined. It didn’t matter how many times you threw him out, he always came back. He went through all that trouble and usually he just sat next to your bed while you slept.”

She swallowed as Tara’s words sunk in. She didn’t know what to say without exposing her memory loss. She knew William would’ve expected her to come clean at that very moment, but she couldn’t do it. The timing didn’t seem right. “He told me again and again that he loved me, but I never believed him,” she began softly. “I gave him such a hard time. Once I actually gave him a chance though…God, I’ve fallen for him so quickly. He’s such an amazing man. You’re right. Everything you said is completely true. William wouldn’t have given up on me.”

“So you shouldn’t give up on him.”

“I haven’t—wait, what do you mean?” She could no longer pretend that she knew what Tara was talking about. “Why would I give up on him? I love him. I love him so much I could,” she paused to lightly bite her lower lip before she could embarrass herself. “I love him that’s all. I have no reason to doubt him.”

“Sweetie, I’m so glad to hear you talk like this.” Tara reached across the table to give Buffy’s hand a comforting squeeze. “You had me terrified last week. Have you told him the truth?”

“No…no, I haven’t…?”

“But you will, won’t you? Thank God! He’ll be hurt when he finds out, but it will be better this way. Could you imagine what would’ve happened if he found out on accident? The betrayal would’ve killed him.”

“Tara, please,” she gasped. Her heart was racing. She had so many questions; she didn’t know where to begin. “I have no idea--.” She cut herself off abruptly when she saw William at the sliding door. He smiled at her through the glass and Buffy’s heart threatened to break.

How could I betray him?

“Hello, girls,” he said, greeting them cheerfully. “It smells fucking fantastic in here. Let’s get food on the table, shall we? I’m starving.”

“I’ll get the kids.” Tara gave Buffy’s hand one last squeeze. “Everything is ready to serve. It’s mostly kid-friendly, but you guys know the drill.”

“What’s the drill?” Buffy asked softly once Tara was out of the room.

“Bring me the kids’ plates and I’ll show you.”

She took a deep breath before joining him at the stove.

“Hold on to Jamie’s plate and I’ll take Sarah’s. Put Joy’s off to the side for now. It isn’t a complicated process. They get one spoonful of everything.”

“Even the peas?”

“Even the peas.”

“Does this apply to grown-ups? Do I have to tell you how much I hate peas?”

“We have to set a good example,” William chuckled. “If we eat a few nasty peas, the kids might follow suit.”

“Oh.”

“It doesn’t have to be a big serving, just a taste will do. You may be surprised by what they’ll nibble on if it sits in front of them long enough.” He went from dish to dish until Sarah’s plate had a little sampling of everything. “I must say, I never thought I’d catch you holding hands with our nanny. Can I take Jaime’s plate from you?”

She handed it over without saying a word.

“When I walked into the kitchen, you didn’t seem exactly thrilled to see me,” he continued. He kept his voice light and casual. “In fact, I smiled at you and I received a grimace in return.”

“I didn’t mean to grimace.”

“I was interrupting something. An intense moment, maybe?”

“Kind of.”

“Does she know? Did you tell her about your amnesia?”

“No, and—and I don’t want to tell her.”

“Did she upset you?” When Buffy failed to respond, he turned toward her. “I’ve seen you truly frightened only a handful of times, you’re spooked about something.”

“She surprised me,” she admitted quietly. “You weren’t supposed to notice.”

“What did she say?”

“I’d rather not… Can I get back to you? Is that okay?” Unable to resist, she pushed her way into his arms and hugged him tightly. “I don’t want to keep anything from you, but I have to figure some of this out on my own. Please, please tell me that you understand.”

“You can talk to me. I can help. I can—oh, sod it all.” He rolled his eyes and mumbled another curse before placing a kiss on the top of her head. “Don’t keep me in the dark for too long, alright? Next you’ll beg to keep the memory loss a secret as well?”

“You’re a very smart man.”

“You know, I could speak with her if you feel too uncomfortable--.”

“No! William, please, if you love me--.”

“That’s enough,” he interrupted. “I won’t hear another word of that. I’m not happy with your decision, and I won’t pretend to feel otherwise, but--.”

“William--.”

“But, I’ll give you twenty-four hours. By this time tomorrow, there will be no more secrets.”

“That…I guess that sounds fair.”

“Then it’s a deal. Now that that’s settled, bring me some more plates.”

“That’s it? You’re really okay with this?”

“I trust you. I trust your judgment. I might not always agree, but all I can do is give you my opinion and hope for the best.”

“Really?”

“Well, yes. I can’t force you. I could try, but who wants to fight? I said my piece. We came to a decent agreement. Now, if you don’t keep your part of the bargain, then we might have a problem.”

“I don’t want problems and I don’t want to fight,” she insisted breathlessly.

“Good. I’m glad,” he said, giving her a wink that was followed by a hard kiss. “How about getting me those plates?”

She headed back to the table just as Sarah charged into the room.

“Mommy!”

“Hey, baby,” she said, sweeping the little girl into her arms. Seconds later, Jamie collided with Buffy’s legs.

“I got you!” he declared with a wild giggle.

“I see that.”

“No, I do!”

Buffy laughed as Sarah threw her arms around her neck. “Okay, I think I’ve been thoroughly captured.”

“Come here, you.” William untangled Jamie from Buffy’s lower-half and hoisted him in the air. “Let’s save some of your precious mummy for the rest of us.”

“Nooo! She’s mine! You can’t have her!”

“That’s what you think,” William responded as he allowed Jamie to stand in his chair. “Since your noodle suit is dirty, you’ll be wrapped in an apron--.”

“Like a present?”

“Yes, mate, exactly like a present. You’d better sit still like a good little gift, or we’ll be forced to return you like a pair of bad socks.”

Buffy continued to hold Sarah against her hip and together they watched as William struggled to tie a grown-up-sized apron around Jamie’s tiny squirming body.

“What do you think of all this?” she whispered into Sarah’s ear. “Aren’t boys silly?”

“Boys are messy. My brother’s very very messy.”

Buffy laughed again before slipping Sarah into her usual seat next to William’s chair. She quickly tied a little pink bib around her neck.

“Don’t look so smug, Summers. You won’t get the easy kid next time.”

“You need some help?”

“See if you can get this blasted thing knotted while he dances about like an idiot.”

“Jamie,” Buffy began. “Please stand still.”

“I can’t, mom! I’ve got aaants in my paaants!”

“Doesn’t that explain everything? Love, he’s all yours.”

They shared amused glances until Tara hurried into the kitchen with Joy. “Sorry that took longer than expected. Did we miss anything?”

Buffy tried not to stare, but she kept an eye on Tara as she moved around the kitchen effortlessly. She knew exactly what to do and where everything was located. And she did it all with Joy gurgling in her arms.

Show off, she thought although she knew she was being ridiculous.

“Mom! When can I sit down?!”

“Hush,” Buffy said gently. “You’re done. You can sit right now.”

“Help me sit!”

“Can you say please?”

“Help me sit down now. Please!”

“That’s a little better. Legs up,” she said, holding him securely by the waist. After lowering him down, she smoothed his unruly hair. “How are the ants in your pants now, Jamie?”

“They’re hungry!”

“Then should we give them all your food?”

“Um, um—let’s give ‘em all the peas!”

“I completely agree. That’s a wonderful idea, sweetie.”

“Daddy! Mom and Jamie are doing it again! They’re skeeving the peas!”

“Skeeving? That sounds serious and, well, really gross actually.” Buffy caught William’s eye and mouthed, ‘What the hell does that mean?’ once Tara had her back turned.

“You’re absolutely right, Sarah. Mom and Jamie shouldn’t be scheming against peas. It’s rude, isn’t it?”

“Mmmm, peas are yummy. I like the peas.”

“Me too, kitten.”

“When we gonna eat?” Jamie demanded as William put his plate on the table. “Can’t we—what about dessert? Can I have dessert now?”

“Can’t I help with something?” Buffy asked. “I’m sorry; I don’t mean to just stand here.”

“Maybe you can grab the sippy cups,” William answered as he made his third trip from the table to the kitchen counters. “I’ve got everything else covered.”

“Sit, Buffy.” Tara appeared with the cups in her hands.

“What about Joy? Why is she on the other side of the table? Why’d you move her highchair?”

“I’ll take care of her during lunch.”

“Oh.”

“Don’t look so disappointed, Buffy,” Tara laughed. “You won’t be left out. You can have first dibs on the next dirty diaper. You can have dish duty if you really want to lend us a hand.”

“Yay,” Buffy responded, not appreciating Tara’s teasing.

“Would you like to say something before we dig in?”

“You mean like—should we pray?” She looked for William and silently pleaded for help. “I’d rather not…”

“It’s alright. I’ll say something.” Once William sat at the table, his feet tangled with Buffy’s. “I’ll say that I’m unbelievably grateful to be here with all of you. If you would’ve told me five-six years ago that I’d be here, celebrating Christmas with Buffy as my lovely wife, our three kids, and one of our best friends, I’d say you were completely off your rocker. But here we are. We’ve gotten this far and we’ll carry on. No matter what we come across, we’ll conquer our obstacles and we’ll cherish our good times. And I will be equally grateful next year and every year that follows. Now, well, I’m done. Eat, if you haven’t started to already.”

Tara said something in response to William’s words and the kids chattered as they continued to pick at their food, but Buffy wasn’t listening. “That was…thank you for saying all that.”

“It wasn’t too sentimental?” William asked. His voice was only a tad louder than a whisper. “Was it too Hallmark card?”

“No. It was perfect.”

“It could’ve been one hell of a sappy mess. Have I told you about my days as a poet?”

“Did this come before or after your affair with eye liner and black nail polish?”

“Of all things, you would remember that.” Buffy covered her mouth as she laughed and chewed at the same time. “Alright,” he continued. “Perhaps we should put this conversation on hold?”

“It isn’t suitable for the dinner table?”

“If you’re anything like your son, you shouldn’t be laughing while you eat. I love the kid dearly, but when he gets excited or overly tickled he can’t keep a thing in his mouth.”

“Hence the noodle suit and the apron.”

“Yes, but he spits, pet. Food flies across the table and usually it lands in some innocent person’s hair.”

“Oh my God.”

“Exactly.”

“But—that’s gross!”

“And we love and accept him, regardless of his flaws.”

Buffy looked over to the topic of their conversation and tried not to laugh again. “He never closes his mouth. William, he’s a cutie, but he talks so much! Is it,” she stopped to shield her mouth from any prying eyes, “Does he have ADD?”

“Not that I know of,” he answered with an amused smirk. “He’s a conversationalist, a chatterbox who doesn’t know when to quit, but it hasn’t been formally diagnosed.”

“Stop whispering!” Jaime chimed in as if on cue. “I can’t hear you! What are you saying?”

“Whispering at the table is kind of rude,” Tara added. “We’ve been feeling left out, haven’t we guys?”

“Yeah!” Jamie answered. Sarah nodded in agreement.

For a second time, Buffy bristled under Tara’s light teasing.

“We’ll whisper as often as we like,” William declared with a snort. “We’re married; therefore we’re entitled.”

“And how does that make sense exactly?”

“Speaking of other halves and significant others, Tara, when are we getting our annual Christmas telephone call from Red? Hopefully she’ll mind the bloody time zones this year.”

“Red?” Buffy asked. “Do you mean Willow?”

Hearing the name of Buffy’s best friend from high school, the kids squealed happily in unison.

“Can we call her?” Buffy asked. She couldn’t recall any current memories of Willow, but that didn’t bother her. She could confide in her friend. She could ask her questions. If Tara knew about Buffy’s alleged betrayal, Willow would have to know the details. “In fact, write down her number or point me in the direction of a phone book and I’ll do rest.”

“B-but Paris,” Tara began. “It’s nine hours ahead.”

“So it’ll be a little late, it’s never too late to spread some holiday cheer, right?”

“Please—you really should wait, Buffy. She’ll call when she wakes up, she always does.”

“And I’m guessing you agree with her?” Buffy asked with her eyes on William.

“I give Willow grief when she phones us at an ungodly hour. I’d never hear the end of it if we called her after midnight. She’ll call tonight, and if she doesn’t, we’ll give her a ring before bedtime. You have my word.”

Buffy took a brief pause, but found it difficult to swallow her disappointment. “I can wait. I have twenty-hours. Besides, how can I leave the table now? We haven’t had dessert.”
***

Chapter 23

“How are you? How are you feeling?”

“I’m fine, thanks. How are you?” Not waiting for an answer, Buffy gathered the remaining dirty dishes from the table.

“You don’t have to be fine, you know,” William whispered after joining Buffy at the sink. “I got rid of that pesky nanny.”

“Oh, did you?” She had to smile as she turned on the faucet. “That’s funny because I overheard you asking if Tara would take the kids outside to play and it didn’t sound as if you were getting rid of anybody.” Her grin grew once William nudged her away from the sink with his hip. “Does this mean you’ve finished putting together Jamie’s park? Now you’re here to free me from this pile of dishes?”

“First off, there wasn’t much to finish when it came to the playground. Secondly, I’m here to tell you to use the dishwasher.”

“Dishwasher?” Buffy stared at him as he rolled his shirtsleeves to his elbows. “Why have we been doing the dishes by hand after every meal if we have a dishwasher?”

“We use it once a week and on holidays.”

“My, aren’t we the thrifty little family?” she remarked with a snort. “How do we wash our clothes? With a tub and washboard?”

“Laugh if you must, but it doesn’t have much to do with pinching pennies. We do the dishes together. It’s our time to talk. We enjoy it.”

“You’ve got to be joking. You expect me to believe that we clean for a good time?”

“Well, let’s see. How shall I put this?” He paused to take a casserole dish from her hands. “Sweetheart, when a man and a woman love each other very much--.”

“Are you sure I haven’t heard this before? Mom and I had ‘the talk’ a long time ago, and lucky for you, I actually remember it.”

“Lucky for me?” he repeated with an amused chuckle before shaking his head. “Love, we’re busy people. Most of our conversations take place either in the kitchen or in the bedroom and, nine times out of ten, once we reach the bedroom, we aren’t in the mood to talk about how many times a certain someone was sent to timeout.”

“Jamie?”

“Not always.”

“We can’t find time to ourselves, even with a nanny?”

“Tara isn’t here as often as you might think.”

“Good.” When William gave her a sideways glance, she felt herself blush. “I’m glad we aren’t the kind of parents that pass our kids off to a babysitter all the time. Let’s, um, can I change the subject? Where was your motorcycle? I hope we can still take that ride we talked about.”

“I never found it.”

“What? What does that mean?”

“It means I never found it,” William repeated with a shrug. He placed the last cup inside the dishwasher and turned to face her once it started to hiss and grumble. “It wasn’t in the garage. I even spoke briefly to our neighbor before lunch and he said you came by to look at the bike, but you never made an offer.”

“Really? So now what? What should we do next?”

“I honestly have no idea. The key must go to something, right? You have a wicked sense of humor, but I doubt you’d be that much of a tease.”

“Maybe I bought you a new motorcycle? Maybe it just needs to be picked up from somewhere?”

“Maybe,” William answered. He leaned against the counter, arms crossed, and stared off thoughtfully. “God, I hope you didn’t though. Buying it used from a neighbor is one thing, but to buy it new? Our budget wouldn’t be able to handle that kind of expense.”

“I probably saved for it. If it was something you really wanted, I just found a way to make it happen.” When he didn’t respond, Buffy stepped forward. “I just wanted to surprise you, I’m sure of it. We can look for a receipt or we can call the credit card company. Don’t worry, we’ll find your present.”

“I’m more curious than worried.”

“Is it unlike me to make large purchases without speaking to you first? I know it’s a present but—I could never keep a secret very well, has that changed?”

“Can you keep a secret?”

“From other people and…from you? Do I ever not tell you things? Maybe…have you caught me, you know, withholding information?”

“What kind of information?”

“Oh God, I don’t know,” she laughed. “Any kind, I guess?”

“Like the time you withheld information regarding the whereabouts of the remote? You had the blasted thing hidden for an entire weekend because you wanted to watch some marathon on television.”

“Um, that’s a start, but can you recall something a little more serious than that?”

“It was serious that the time. Babe, what’s this about? Why this sudden interest in secrets and lies?”

“Lies?” Buffy’s eyes fluttered shut once he touched her. He brushed her hair off her shoulder and placed a soft kiss on the side of her neck. “I’m, uh, glad you brought that up. Do you catch me in lies often?” She tried to keep her breathing steady as he continued to dot her skin with kisses. “And I mean real ones…bad ones.”

“You mean the lies that would result in a messy fight if they were found out?”

She nodded twice. “I can’t imagine lying to you, but Tara…she…”

“She? Go on.” As he spoke his lips brushed against her earlobe. “What did she do? Question your morals? Call you a liar?”

Buffy opened her mouth, but she forced herself not to gasp as he pressed her against the kitchen counter. “You said I had twenty-four hours.”

“I know you don’t want my help, but may I ask why you’re so certain that Willow will be the one to come to your rescue?”

“I used to tell her everything.”

The kisses stopped, but he kept his face close to hers. “And this was when, during high school?”

“Until I left college and afterwards.”

“Are you sure? Because I know a slightly different story.”

“We’ve always been close. Isn’t she our kids’ godmother?”

“She is, but you’ve told me time and time again that you and Red have never been as tight-knit as you were in high school. She ran with a different crowd in college, especially when you were staying home from class to take care of your mother. Soon after that she started dabbling in new age hocus pocus and witchcraft.”

“Are you saying she isn’t my best friend anymore? I remember telling her all about my relationship with Riley. She was the first one I told about my pregnancy.”

“She’s still your best friend,” he admitted with a roll of his eyes. “But you shouldn’t just assume that you’d confide in her before you’d confide in me.”

“Oooh.”

“What?”

“I see I’m not the only one here with a jealous streak.”

“Jealous streak? Oh baby, you have no idea and I won’t even deny it like you did this morning.” Lowering his head, he caught her mouth in lengthy kiss. “You want to make something of it?” he asked as he continued to tease her with the occasional brush from his lips.

“No, no. I like it. It makes me feel special…loved.”

“You don’t say.” William matched the softer tone of her voice before kissing her again. “Can you expand on this? Tell me more.”

“Riley was never the jealous type and we both know you gave him so many opportunities to feel that way.”

“Sweetheart, your Riley was a complete nitwit and he probably still is a nitwit because that kind of daftness isn’t something he’s likely to grow out of.”

“Is it bad that I love it when you insult him?” Her arms snaked around his waist and she sighed blissfully with her head resting against his chest. “I stayed with him because I thought he was safe. I could never relax around you because I knew you’d completely take me over. I had no idea that that would actually be good thing. God, I can’t believe I was going to settle for him.”

“He’d make you an awful husband if you ask me.”

“I thought he’d be good for me…for the baby,” she mumbled. “I thought I needed him. We both had dangerous jobs, you were practically an alcoholic--.”

“Excuse me?” William interrupted with a laugh. “I was not an alcoholic. I drank my fair share, but an alcoholic I was not.”

“I thought that I was going to do the right thing, but I was wrong. I hope you kicked my ass just for thinking the way I did.”

“Forgive me for asking this, but what exactly are we talking about?”

“You know, that stupid scheme I thought up after I found out I was pregnant. I was scared and desperate and I had no idea who the father was after we—well, after I cheated on Riley.” She paused to peek up at him, hoping that she wouldn’t have to say more. When he remained silent, she nervously chewed on her lower lip. “William, stop pretending like you don’t know what I’m talking about.”

“Who’s pretending? Spell out this scheme for me.”

Buffy flinched, noticing a change in his voice. “Do I have to?”

“I think you’d better. Go on, finish what you’ve started.”

“I was…I was going to tell Riley that the baby was his, you know…even if it wasn’t.”

“You weren’t going to tell me if your baby was mine? You were going to keep the baby’s paternity a secret from me?”

All she could manage was a tiny nod of her head. She felt his body stiffened in her arms.

“Is this what Tara knows?”

“I don’t think so, but—William, I-I thought you’d know. Are you sure you don’t know about this?”

“Oh I’m positive, believe me. This isn’t something that I’d be able to forget.”

“Maybe I never told you because I found out the baby really was his,” she suggested with as much optimism as she could scrape together. “Or maybe—oh God, maybe I didn’t think it mattered as much since…since she died,” she finished weakly.

“She? Did you know the gender too? You told me you didn’t know, that you asked them not to tell you.”

“I just—honey, he or she, the baby’s gone.”

“But it could’ve been mine.” He closed his eyes as he muttered a quiet curse. “Of course it could’ve been mine. The math adds up. Why didn’t I figure this out before?”

She let him slip out of her grasp and she watched as he paced in front of her. “William, if I didn’t tell you, it was because I was ashamed.”

“You should be ashamed.”

She nodded as unshed tears stung her eyes. “I lost it so early, who’s to say I would’ve gone through with it? I could’ve changed my mind. I changed my mind about Riley, didn’t I? Once I woke up and realized my mistakes, I… William, I’m so sorry about this.”

“Did you really think that little of me? Even if there was a chance of me being the father, I should’ve been aware of it.”

“I completely agree with you.”

“I broke my bad habits, you know. I did it willingly and I did it for you. But I had no idea—never in my wildest dreams did it occur to me that you’d use them to justify something like this.”

“Maybe…maybe I should’ve stayed with Riley--.”

“What—why? What makes you say that?”

“You had to change because of me. You had to--.”

“What part of ‘willingly’ do you not understand?”

“I should’ve been more accepting. You changed because of me, but I’m the one who doesn’t deserve you.”

“Oh, come on. Let’s not get carried away.” His pacing stopped and suddenly they were face-to-face and standing inches apart. “That who-deserves-who rot is absolute bullshit. It’s old hat, it’s pointless and I don’t want to hear about it.”

“Okay.”

“And don’t tell me that you should be with him. You’re my wife.”

“Of course I’m your wife.” She forced a little laugh. With an unsteady hand she reached out to caress the side of his face. “I hate that I’ve hurt you.”

“Don’t worry about it.” He moved her hand and replaced it at her side. “I was a tosser back then anyway.”

“No, don’t say that--.”

“But then you were a flaky coldhearted bitch.”

Buffy’s eyes grew wide; then she saw him wink. “I understand the coldhearted bitch part, but flaky? Is that the best you’ve got?”

“I don’t know if there’s a quick fix for this, but--.”

“Oh William, I’ll give you all the time you need. I don’t expect you to--.”

“Please don’t interrupt. I was about to tell you that I forgive you. I guess I even understand where you were coming from.”

“William--.”

“More than that, you don’t think along those lines anymore. You’re a lot of things, Buffy, but you aren’t selfish. You haven’t acted selfishly in a very long time.”

“Do you mean it?” She touched his cheek again and blinked away a few more tears once he leaned into her open hand. “I just want to—I’m going to hug you now, okay? I’m going to hug you and I’m going to tell you that I love you, is that alright?”

Without waiting for an answer, she threw her arms around his neck and held on tightly. “I love you so much. The last twenty minutes have been torture. I was convinced you’d leave me.”

“Has it been twenty minutes?” Instead of responding, she only hugged him tighter. “You thought I’d leave? Pet, you do realize we’re a few steps above dating here. I get angry, but I don’t leave.”

“Because of the kids.”

“Because of the kids and because of you. You’ll have to hurt my feelings a hell of a lot more if you expect me to go anywhere.”

“That can’t happen. I can’t do this without you.”

“Then it’s good thing I’m here to stay. Buffy, you know what you have to do now, don’t you?”

“I have to talk to Tara.”

“Corner her, rattle her for information. We’ve stumbled over this hurdle. Let’s tackle the next while we’re ahead.”

“Okay.” She reluctantly untangled herself from his body. She took a deep breath and tucked her hair behind her ears. “I’ll talk to her.”

“And?”

“And I’ll be nice. I won’t see her as a threat or as my competition. She takes good care of my kids and you trust her. Sure she might have information that will ruin my marriage--.”

“Buffy.”

“I’m going outside right now.”

“Good for you.”

She headed for the glass sliding door and took another deep breath once she saw Tara and the kids playing on the new swing set. “Wish me luck.”
***

Chapter 24

“I see we all seem to be enjoying the new play-set.”

“William, they love it. They can’t get enough of the slide and the swings. Santa was very good to the kids this year.”

“Isn’t he good to them every year?” William asked before taking Tara aside. “Pet, what should we do about naptime today? I was thinking we’d skip it since their schedules are out of whack on account of our late lunch. How are they holding up?”

“They’re doing okay. Jamie’s still in good spirits, Sarah’s been yawning but she hasn’t had a meltdown yet, and Joy, she--.”

“Oh, Joy doesn’t get a choice. I’ve decided that I am definitely due for a nap and I’m taking the baby with me.”

Buffy watched as William slipped Joy out of her baby swing. While mumbling soft words, he kissed her cheek before cradling her in his arms.

“Sarah, Jamie, it’s time to head back in the house.” When the kids protested he acted as if he couldn’t hear them. “Buffy, they need to play indoors now. It’s getting colder.”

“Oh, okay. I’ll get them inside.”

“Joy and I will be upstairs for a bit.” William walked past her and into the house, leaving Buffy uncomfortably aware that he hadn’t looked in her direction since he had followed her into the backyard.

I’m sure he’s just tired. It’s been another long day. And I did tell him he could have all the time he needed…

“Buffy?”

“Yes?” Eyes focused on Tara, Buffy tried her best to return Tara’s smile. “So, how will we get the twins away from their precious park? We could watch another movie or we could play a game. Guys, we can play one of your new board games. How about the first one inside gets to choose what we play?”

Without saying a word, Jamie took off in a determined run.

“That wasn’t too hard,” Buffy began. She was about to pat herself on the back further, but she was interrupted by Sarah’s frustrated cry. “Oh my goodness,” she said, turning on her heel. “What was I thinking? She’s practically strapped into that thing! Tara, can you get Jamie back here? We’ll have to line them up and try this again.”

“Sarah, I’m sorry.” She pulled the toddler out of the t-shaped seat and sighed once a tiny pink tennis shoe fell to the ground. “I remember hating these stupid harness swings. I know they keep you safe, but they’re such a hassle.”

After scooping Sarah up, she perched her on top of the slide. “You sit still and I’ll put your shoe back on, sweetie. I’m sure you’ll have them off the second you get inside, but you’ll need both of your shoes if you want to beat your brother. And I’m sure you want to beat him, am I right?”

When Sarah’s head bobbed up and down enthusiastically, Buffy tickled her sides. “Okay, your shoes are officially tied. Go down the slide and I’ll catch you at the bottom.”

“What about me?! Catch me too!”

After lowering Sarah safely to the ground, Buffy looked up to find Jamie standing at the top of the slide. “You want to be caught? Come on, I’m ready for you.”

“Can I do that again?!”

“Tomorrow we’ll come out here and I’ll catch you as many times as you want. Does that sound good?” She expected Jamie to pout as they walked away from the slide, but instead he giggled happily in her arms.

“I want ten catches.”

“We can do that.”

“I want—give me twenty catches, mommy!”

“That might be a little harder to arrange, but I’ll see what I can do.”

“How about fifty thooousand?”

“Sorry, buster, but that just isn’t going to happen.” After releasing his fidgety body, she looked up to find Tara still smiling at her. “Did you hear him say fifty thousand? Since when did Big Bird start teaching kids to count that high?”

“Um, well since never,” Tara replied with a quiet laugh. “You know Jamie, he picks up numbers from everywhere. This morning he was trying to convince me that Santa had brought him seventy-five million presents.”

“I’ve always been a fan of exaggerations and embellishments. He gets that from me.”

“Oh, because William never exaggerates. Nope, not your husband.”

“I see what you’re saying. Jamie gets it from both of us…yikes, the poor little guy.”

“Buffy, you might want to get this race started before they get back on the swing set.”

“Good thinking. Okay guys, we’ll try this one more time! The first one on the living room couch gets to pick our game!”

“Stand next to each other first! A-and there will be no pushing! The second person on the couch gets to choose the second game we’ll play!” Tara added quickly. “Sorry,” she whispered with a lower voice that only Buffy could hear. “I didn’t want to steal your thunder, but we needed a starting line and something set up so there wouldn’t be a loser.”

“Because only having one winner is bad?”

“Yes, because then the loser gets upset and feels as if he or she has been left out.”

“Oh. Good thinking again. You’re really on a roll here.”

“And you—well, sorry Buffy, but you seem to be a little off today. You aren’t acting like yourself.”

“That…that’s an interesting and fair observation.”

“Are you feeling okay?”

“I’m alright, but we’ll talk more about me later. Let’s get the kids settled first. What should I say: ready-set-go or should I just count down from three?”
***

“This kid right here is absolutely amazing. She speeds past her brother like it's nothing, picks the game we have to play, and then falls asleep within five minutes.”

They were all sitting on the carpet in front of the Christmas tree. Tara was to Buffy’s right, Jamie was to her left, and Sarah was in curled up in her lap.

“And of all the games, she picks a memory game,” Buffy continued with a snicker. Instead of trying to reach out for the cards that were laid out in a big square, she ran her fingers over Sarah’s ponytail. “Jamie, can you turn over the corner that’s closest to you? And I also want the one that’s in the last column, three up from the bottom.”

“Turn over this one,” Tara whispered to Jamie. “And this one.”

“You got two puppies!”

“Turn over the one that’s two from the top in the second column and the one that's to the right of it.”

"Here and here," Tara whispered again helpfully.

“Woooah! Two frogs!”

“You can pick the next two for me, Jamie.”

“Um, um,” he replied while tapping his chin thoughtfully. “I like this one and this one. Oh no, it’s a bunny and cow. I go again. Tara, it’s my turn. I went for my mom and now I go for me.” He reached for one of the cards and rested his head on the carpet so he could peek at hidden picture. “It’s a blue fish! I know where the other blue fish is!”

“You might want to try the one underneath that one--.”

“Mommy! No cheating!”

“Hey, I thought I was being helpful. I would never cheat--.”

“Don’t even try it, Buffy. You’ve boasted too many times. We all know that you used to mark the cards on your memory game when you were little.”

“You actually know about that? Seriously? Gosh, just wait until the kids are old enough to play Clue. I have an entire cheating system for that game--."

"Don't—don’t cheat, mom! It’s bad and I'll tell daddy!"

"Pffft. Your daddy is the biggest cheater I know. He cheats a heck of a lot more than I do." When Jamie gasped dramatically, Buffy laughed. "Tara, it's your turn."

"Where is my dad?!"

"He's sleeping. In fact, you might want to use your inside voice so he can continue to sleep."

"My insides? What? What?!"

"He doesn't know about inside and outside voices?"

"He's just being silly,” Tara answered. “That’s a funny question for you to ask though. You were the one who told him about inside and outside voices. I was with you. We had the kids at the mall and—Buffy, don’t you remember this? It wasn’t even that long ago.”

“I can’t remember much of anything,” Buffy admitted casually. Without disturbing Sarah, she flipped over two of the closest cards. “I woke up a few days ago—on the twenty-third, if you’d like the exact date—and my mind’s been blank ever since.”

“Blank?”

“Wiped like a clean slate.” She let out a nervous laugh. “Six years just went poof overnight. I have no memory of important things. Marriages, births, birthdays, Christmases. It’s all gone.”

“Buffy, I-I don’t know what to say. Is there anything I can do?”

“Tara, play now! It’s your turn!”

“Have you talked to anyone about this?” she whispered after quickly looking at two random cards. “A doctor…anybody?”

“No, but William and I will make an appointment tomorrow. I’d appreciate it if you could watch the kids when we…when we go to that appointment.”

“Of course. I’ll be here for as long as you need me.”

“Thank you. You’ve been a big help today.”

“I haven’t done that much--.”

“Come on, don’t be modest. Not only have you been saving me from my mistakes, you completely bailed us out food-wise today. And once you fill in the gaps about what we talked about earlier, you’ll prevent me from having one hell of a panic attack.”

“Gaps?”

Buffy looked down at Sarah and she carefully lifted her out of her lap. “I hate to move her, but my legs are starting to fall asleep. She’s such a heavy sleeper, literally.”

“Jamie, how are you?” she asked as she got to her feet. “How’s your game going?”

“You’re winning, mom. I’m taking your turn and Tara’s turn and my turn and you’ve got the most matches!”

“Thank you for playing for us. Do you want to continue your game, or would you rather sit with me on the couch?”

“I wanna play my game and then I wanna play with my trucks!”

“Okay, just thought I’d offer.” Buffy took a seat and hugged a throw pillow to her chest. “He doesn’t want to sit with me. He’d rather play with his trucks.”

“That’ll happen from time to time, but he’s definitely a mama’s boy.”

“At least we can talk without interruption for a little while. Would you like to sit next to me?”

“Sure.” After sitting next to Buffy, Tara pulled at the sleeves of her sweater until they covered her hands. “So…you want me to fill in some of your gaps.”

“You told me that I was lying to William. Can you tell me more about that?”

“I can, but are you sure you want to know about this right now? You should wait until you see someone about your memory loss. You shouldn’t add to your stress level--.”

“I’ve been worrying all day. I want to know so I can tell him—Tara, if I’ve betrayed William, I need to know all the details.”

“I just overheard a phone call.”

“Okay. When was this, last week?”

“You had the day off. I thought you were gone, but I heard you arguing with someone in the laundry room.”

“Was William home? Are you sure I was alone?”

“You were on your cell phone. You were telling someone that you had to cut down on your leg work on the—on the Angel case.”

“Angel?”

“A few months ago, you and William were asked to go back undercover. You both refused, or at least that was what you were telling people.”

“I’m in the field? William said I was working the evidence window.”

“That’s what I thought too. You told whoever it was that you’d continue to work undercover until Angel was caught…even in your condition.”

“In my condition? What’s wrong with me? Do you know why I’ve lost my memory?”

“I know that you’re pregnant.”

“Excuse me?”

“William doesn’t know. After you, well, after you found me eavesdropping you weren’t exactly happy to see me. You made me promise not to say anything. You’d tell him after Angel was arrested.”

“I said that? God, I must really be close to nailing that bastard. And you think William doesn’t know about this? That seems hard to believe. Chasing Angel was never a job that could fit a nine-to-five time slot. He never came out of hiding until the sun went down. I can’t imagine--.”

“Buffy, William hates Angel, but he hates the idea of you putting yourself in danger even more. If you were working undercover--.”

“He’d be right next to me,” she mumbled. “We never worked alone. It sounds cliché, but we were a team. He was my partner. And—damn it….” She stopped to let out a sigh, “he would never agree to us going back on the Angel case. We have kids. I must’ve done it behind his back.”

“And now that you’re pregnant…”

“You’re sure about that? You’re sure that I’m pregnant?”

“That’s what I overheard and you definitely confirmed it.”

“Did you hear anything else?”

“No, that’s it.”

“And it’s…it’s his baby, right? History isn’t completely repeating itself…right? Because, Tara, before the shooting…I-I just didn’t know.”

“You knew after though. I know because I was there with you when you heard the results of the paternity test.” She scooted a little closer and squeezed Buffy’s hand. “William was the father.”

Buffy inhaled sharply as tears filled her eyes. “Why didn’t I tell him?”

“For his own good, I think. Sweetie, William blamed himself. He--.”

“I know.”

“Knowing might’ve pushed him over the edge.”

“Just wait until he hears about all this. I already dropped a bomb on him earlier. Now he’ll learn that I’ve been lying, sneaking around, that I’m pregnant--.”

“I highly doubt he’ll be upset about your pregnancy. You wanted another baby, you’ve been trying for a little while, and from what I can see, you aren’t very far along.”

“I got pretty drunk Thursday night. You were a nurse, right? Do I think I hurt my baby?”

“I think the baby will be okay. Just stay away from alcohol from now on. You might let your doctor know, but I wouldn’t worry about it.”

“That is easier said than done. Up until today I’ve only been worrying about amnesia, now everything seems so much more complicated.”

“Buffy, you should be more worried about your relationship with William than anything else. Your memories will come back.”

“How can you be so confident? This is the third day and--.”

“Just trust me. I-I know of some people, I’ll give them a call.”

“Medical people? A doctor?”

“People who can help,” Tara responded as another blush colored her cheeks.

“Okay. I’ll take all the help that I can get, but that sounds awfully mysterious.”

“Let me see what I can do.” She smiled at Buffy before giving her a quick hug. “Go tell your husband the good news. Tell him about your new baby on the way. It’ll be the best Christmas present you can give him.”
***

Chapter 25

William was lying on his back as Joy slept soundly on his chest. Just the sight of father and daughter resting together was enough to take Buffy’s breath away. She tiptoed further into the bedroom before quietly shutting the door behind her. Without hesitating, she joined them on the bed, stretching out and scooting over until her body was brushing against William’s side.

“Do you mind if I join you?” she asked softly once she noticed he was watching her. “I hate to ruin your quiet time with Joy, but I couldn’t resist.”

“Oh this? Jo and I do this all the time.”

“Does that make it any less special?” When he didn’t respond, she kissed and pressed a hidden smile into his shoulder. “Have you been sleeping?”

“No, I guess you could say that I’m too wound up. I can’t clear my head long enough to truly relax. I can’t stop thinking.”

“About me?”

“About a lot of things. But you’re right; all my thoughts seem to circle back to you.”

“Is that a good thing? Or are you being sarcastic?”

“Just telling the truth, pet.”

Their eyes locked for a moment, but it was Buffy who looked away. Taking a deep breath, she tried to snuggle even closer to his body.

“Hold on.” With one hand to Joy’s back, William lifted up just enough to invite Buffy under his other arm. “Get over here.”

“Are you sure?” she asked, although she was already moving. “I don’t want to crowd our baby.”

“She doesn’t mind. I promise you she’s used to this.”

“She looks so peaceful. I’ve missed her.” As she spoke, Buffy swept a finger over the top of Joy’s tiny fist. “William, what have you been thinking about? If we talked about it, would it help you wind down? Would it clear your head?”

“I guess it wouldn’t hurt. Airing out my feelings like a tosser might do me some good right about now,” he admitted with a laugh and a roll of his eyes.

“I feel silly asking this, but I need to know: are you mad at me?”

“I haven’t decided yet,” he admitted as he stared up at the ceiling. “I have a right to be hurt, but can I truly justify being angry? You thought up a nasty piece of work with your scheme, but you couldn’t go through with it. Angel made sure of that. But then you left Riley, and that certainly wasn’t part of your original plan. And on top of everything, you can’t remember a bloody thing. Summers, I want to be angry, but I can’t be angry with you without feeling like a complete asshole.”

“William, you aren’t an asshole.”

“I wouldn’t be so sure about that. A part of me can’t stand the thought of you getting off easily.” He placed a kiss on her temple before letting out a heavy sigh. “But then the adult half knows that you’re hurting as much as I am. Love, I know you’ve been crying.”

“You’re a very observant man.”

“Did you speak with her?”

“I did.”

“What did Big Bad Tara tell you?”

“She isn’t that bad. You were right about her actually. I saw her interact with the kids—well, with Jamie mostly. Sarah fell asleep in my lap the second she came inside.”

“And?”

“And maybe this isn’t the best time to talk about specifics?” she began weakly. “I told her everything, and Tara told me everything that she knew. She was honest and caring and—William, I have good news and I have bad news. I don’t know if I should unload all my news on you at this very minute though.”

“Alright,” he said simply. “It’ll wait then.”

Instead of staring at the ceiling again, he just closed his eyes. Buffy watched his Adam’s apple bob up and down as he swallowed.

“Okay, now you are mad at me.”

“No.”

“William, you are the only person I know who can look downright gorgeous when he’s scowling.”

“I’m not scowling.”

“The way you hold your mouth, especially when you’re unhappy with me? God, it has always killed me. You want to look like such a badass, but there’s always a hint of a pout to your lips. It’s irresistible.”

When William remained still and non-responsive, Buffy just barely touched his forehead. Without breaking contact with his skin, she drew a feathery light line to his nose, over his lips, and down to his chin. While cupping his jaw with her hand, she kissed him and she was pleased to discover she wouldn’t have to coax him into kissing her back.

“William,” she whispered. “Maybe I should take Joy downstairs.”

“She isn’t a doll, Buffy. You can’t just put her away whenever you feel like it.”

She opened her mouth and closed it. She rolled away from him, sat up and brought Joy into her lap. She kissed her chubby cheeks and was greeted with a sleepy smile. “What are we going to do with your daddy, sweetheart? Is it just me, or do you think he’s begging us for a kick in the pants?”

Taking a deep breath, she moved her head slightly to catch a glimpse of William behind her. Once she spoke, she kept her eyes on Joy, who was happily grabbing at Buffy’s fingers. “I’m not sure how you’ll react to everything I have to say. I don’t want Jo caught in the crossfire. But then, I’m not sure how she’ll react to my news either.”

“What does Joy have to do with it?”

“She won’t be the baby anymore.”

“What? What are you--.”

“Gosh, if Little Miss Grabby isn’t pulling my hair, she squeezing the crap out of my fingers and trying to bite me.”

“I doubt she’s trying to bite you. Joy doesn’t have many teeth. Buffy, now what did you mean by--.”

“I should get her chewy butterfly.” Buffy scooted off the bed with Joy propped against her hip. “I think it’s in her room.”

Buffy hurried into the nursery and placed Joy into her crib as she searched for the butterfly-shaped teething ring. She scanned the top of the dresser before dropping to the floor.

“Summers, what the hell are you doing down there?”

“Her chewy…I just found it. Here it is, but I need to wash it before Joy gets it back.”

“That’s interesting.”

“Why?” On all fours, she turned toward his voice and came face-to-face with his shins.

“I haven’t seen that thing for days.”

“Days?” She took William’s offered hand and allowed him to pull her to her feet. “I guess that explains why it’s so grody.”

“Buffy, do you remember dropping it?”

“Not exactly, but I knew where it was, didn’t I?” she asked as a smile tugged on her lips. “That means I remembered something. Sure it’s about Jo’s chewy, but God, it’s something and I’ll take it.” Her smile grew and she leaned it to give William a quick kiss. “You know, I think I remembered something earlier too, about swings. I remembered how much I hated the harness ones. Sarah’s shoe got caught, it popped off and it felt as if I’d gone through that before.”

“That’s wonderful, pet. Is this the good news you have for me?”

“Um… It’s definitely good news, but it isn’t the good news...”

“What did you mean before? About Joy no longer being a baby?”

“That isn’t what I said.” She found a different pacifier on the dresser and she slipped it into Joy’s mouth. “Maybe I didn’t word it right before, but what I meant to say was that Joy won’t be the baby of our family anymore. She’s getting a promotion. She’s…she’s gonna be a big sister.”

She waited and a minute later, he crept behind her. With her back to his chest, she could feel his heart pound.

“You’re pregnant?”

“Ah huh.” Her eyes closed briefly once his hands found their way to her stomach. “Surprise.”

“Surprise? Fuck, Buffy, this is certainly a surprise,” he laughed. “We’re going to have another baby? That’s incredible.”

“We’ll be a family of six. Six, William. Honey, that’s a lot of people to take care of.”

“It’s brilliant,” he announced, his voice thick with emotion. “Six is a fucking fantastic number.”

“You really think so?”

“Don’t you?”

He spun her around and once she saw his bright blue eyes, her knees nearly gave out. Unable to answer right away, she nodded before whispering, “I think it’s amazing.”

“Four kids will be a challenge, but we’re up for it, yeah?”

“Yeah,” she answered with a grin. “Memories or no memories, I’ll have to get my shit together, that’s for sure.”

He chuckled and gave her a comforting squeeze. “Babe, you’re happy, yes?”

She nodded again and found herself swept up in a passionate kiss that sent waves of warmth down to her toes.

“How far along are you? Do you know? Oh, of course you don’t know.” He snickered into her neck between kisses. “I bet Mary Poppins had to tell you that you were pregnant. And how the bloody hell did she know?”

“Mary Poppins? Really?” she teased. “Tara just overheard a conversation.”

“Which conversation was this? Who was speaking to whom?”

“I was speaking to someone on my cell phone. I was in the laundry room. Tara thinks it was a work-related call, and that I was talking to a work person.”

“I see.”

“What do you see?”

“You were keeping up your part of our bargain.”

“We had a bargain?”

“One minute,” William said. He pointed behind her to where Joy was hopping on wobbly legs with her fingers wrapped around the crib’s railing. “We’d better keep an eye on that one. Our girl’s daring just like her mother, and I’m afraid if we don’t free her from that cage, she’ll take matters into her own hands.”

“Don’t look so panicked,” he continued. He let Joy out, placed her on the carpet in front of a few toys and sat next to her. “Take a seat, pet.”

“We sure spend a lot of time on the floor.” Once Buffy joined him on the carpet, she held onto his right arm. “Tell me more about this bargain.”

“We had an agreement, that’s all. If we ever made it to four, we’d change a few things.”

“Such as?”

“You didn’t want to work with four little ones at home.”

“Is that really an option? Can we raise four kids on one income?”

“That’s where things get a tad hairy. You see we were offered promotions not long ago. We’d be back in the field, working nights again but with better pay. We got caught up in quite a tussle over it actually. I wouldn’t let you consider it so you resented me for being an overprotective prick. And before you ask: yes, those were your exact words. We had some sleepless nights. I had a week on the couch, but I’ll have you know, more often than not, you ended up with me under the covers.”

When Buffy snickered, he grabbed at her thigh and gave it a squeeze. “We agreed to disagree. I wouldn’t let you take the job. You insisted that I do the same. The only exception to the rule was if we had another mouth to feed. Then you wanted to stay home while I…well, while I provide for you and our family.”

“And you expect me to believe that?” she laughed.

“You have become much more reasonable with age. In fact, it isn’t farfetched to say you’ve even came to your senses—hey!” he yelped when she pinched his arm.

“I don’t think we decided on squat. You’re making up stories.”

“Maybe, but—hey, don’t poke me, not in front of the kid!”

“Oh, like Joy cares.” They continued to playfully scrap until pokes became tickles and Buffy found herself gasping for air. “Okay, okay! Stop!”

“I’m not done with you,” William said. Holding her close, he gave her a deep searching kiss. “It doesn’t have to be a story. We’re spinning our wheels where we are now. I miss fighting the good fight. Ticketing speeders and breaking up gangs at the mall—damn it, Buffy, we used to do so much more!”

“At least you do that much. I’m stuck behind a desk. Why should I stay home like June Cleaver? We can take the promotions, make twice money, and spend time with the kids too. Everybody would win.”

“No.”

“No? We can’t talk about this?”

“We’ve had this conversation before, Buffy. You may not remember it, but I don’t want to have it again. I won’t have you chasing after drug dealers and murderers. I know you’re bloody brilliant and you’re an amazing cop, but you’re my wife. I almost lost you once and I refuse to just stand by while you put yourself in a dangerous situation day after day. Can you imagine our kids growing up without their mother?”

“Can you imagine our kids growing up without you? I know I’m the one who got shot, but you’re not invincible. You expect me to just sit at home when you’re out there fighting your so-called good fight without me to cover you? Your new partner will do his job, but how am I supposed to know that he’ll truly put himself on the line for you?”

“Buffy. Come on, pet--.”

“I won’t let you patronize me.”

“Where are you going?”

“Downstairs to spend the rest of Christmas with our kids and you’re coming with me.” Buffy picked up Joy and offered to help William to his feet.

“You think I’m an overprotective prick.”

“Among other things, but I’m not any better. I might end up being something worse when all is said and done.”

“Why do you say that?”

“Because Tara told me that I’ve been tracking Angel.” She said the words quickly and avoided looking him in the eye, fully prepared for William to blow his top. “I wasn’t quitting my job, William. I’ve been working undercover. I’ve been after Angel behind your back. That’s why I didn’t tell you about the baby sooner. You’d make me quit and I’m close to making an arrest.”

She felt him try to remove Joy from her arms. “Don’t take her away. I’m sorry. I’m sure I’m doing it because you’re overprotective. I’m acting out, I guess.”

“I should wring Tara’s neck.”

“Please don’t. Don’t take it out on her.”

“Buffy, will you look at me? Tara had no idea what she was listening to when she overheard that bloody phone call. I know about Angel.”

“What?” she whispered.

“We’ve been doing it together, alright? Damn it, we hardly even get out of the sodding car most nights! It’s more of a game than anything else. We park the car, we feel each other up, and we get home before the nine o’clock news.”

“I’m not working undercover?”

“No, absolutely not. You thought I wouldn’t know if you were?”

“Well, it didn’t really make sense but…”

“I even told you about this two days ago, sweetheart. We’re working with the new detectives. We follow a few of the leads. Most of them are considered dead on arrival though.”

“So we turned it into some kinda sex game?” she asked as she blushed. She rested her warm cheek against Joy’s soft hair.

“Eh, more or less. We are closer than ever to putting him behind bars. It’s only a matter of time.”

“I feel so stupid. I thought I was some kind of superhero hell-bent on avenging our baby’s murder. I actually thought that I dashed around Sunnydale, beating up bad guys in between refilling sippy cups and naptime… I thought that I was hurting you by choice and it was killing me. But none of it was true.”

William slipped Joy from Buffy’s arms. He put his hands on the sides of Buffy’s face before kissing her.

“We’re actually happy, aren’t we?” she asked quietly.

“Happy and a little boring some might say. We work, we take care of kids, we talk, we shag—you get the picture.”

“I don’t lie to you.”

“Not very often. When you do, you confess at some time or another. I’m the same way. It’s a thing between us, see?”

“I’m a good wife.”

“And a good mother. Don’t forget it.”

“William, I’m just so relieved.”

“Me too,” he said, matching the softer tone of her voice. “I love you, Buffy.”

She leaned and while she kissed him, his hand crept under her shirt and rested on her stomach. “I love you too.”

“At least Big Bad Tara was spot-on about one thing.”

“Is the baby really a surprise or did you know about that too?”

“It was bound to happen sooner or later. We’ve been giving it our all, you know.”

“I can imagine.” He wagged an eyebrow at her and Buffy had to smile. “We seem to be pros when it comes to baby-making, especially since this should be our fifth.”

“Now that is a number not to take lightly.”

“William…”

“It’s alright. You don’t have to say a word. Call me a greedy bastard, but I’m just glad I’m the only one who’s given you children. Finn—that pathetic poof never had it in him.”

“You always say the sweetest things…thank you.”

“You’re welcome.”

“And we do make adorable children.”

“You want to see them, don’t you?”

“Yes, please.”

“Get Joy then. Let’s salvage the rest of our holiday.”
***

Chapter 26

“Did you ask Santa for this?”

Sarah shook her head before responding with a quiet, “No, mommy, but I love it.”

“I like it too. That Santa, he has pretty good taste,” Buffy remarked as she broke the seal on Sarah’s new gift. It was a plastic purse that was filled with colorful nail polish and matching lip-gloss. “What should we paint first, your fingers or your toes?”

“My toes.”

“Buffy, usually polish is only handled on the carpet, away from the furniture.”

From her spot on the couch, Buffy looked down at William. He was sitting on the floor amongst Jamie, a mountain of toys and a larger mountain of discarded plastic and cardboard toy-wrappers. After coming downstairs, they found the kids fed, bathed, and already dressed for bed. Before Buffy had a chance to thank Tara, she was walking off to take Joy through the same routine.

“What are you saying, William? Are you calling me a rule-breaker?”

“Just consider this your warning, Summers.”

Buffy acknowledged his comment with a lighthearted eye roll before giving her attention back to Sarah, who was sitting patiently with her feet in Buffy’s lap. “What color do you want today, Miss Sarah? You have just about every color in the rainbow to choose from.”

“Pink, please, mommy.”

“That’s a good choice. Pink is definitely your color.”

“It’s my favorite color.”

“I like green and red!” Jamie chimed in. Although he was concentrating on pushing his new dump truck up and down the length of the sofa, he was aware of every word that was said around him. “I—um, I mix green and red all the time! I like it ‘cause it looks like Jo’s poop!”

“Jamie.”

“What? Poop! Poop!” He repeated the word and seemed delighted every time Sarah giggled. “Poop’s a funny word, dad! Poop! Poop! Poop-pa!”

“I’m sure it is, but let’s not scream it, mate.”

“Buffaloes are the color of poop and they smell like it too!”

“That’s why you like them so much, isn’t it?”

William caught Buffy’s eye and they snickered together once Jamie responded with a proud, “Yeah!”

“Sarah, honey, let’s paint your fingers now. You probably know this, but you should avoid sticking your thumb in your mouth once it’s painted. You might chip off some of your pretty pink sparkles.”

“Only babies suck thumbs! Sarah’s a baaaby!”

Buffy watched Sarah’s face scrunch up into a deep frown. As William got after Jamie, Buffy smiled at her daughter. “It’s okay,” she said soothingly as she blew on Sarah’s wet fingernails. “Just ignore your brother.”

“He said I’m a baby! I’m not a baby!”

“Of course you’re not a baby. What color should we put on your lips? I’ve been eyeing this blue one. I bet it’ll smell like blueberries. Do you want to put it on yourself?”

Sarah’s frown vanished and she beamed as she smeared light blue lip-gloss all over her face. “Yummy!”

“Very chic,” Buffy mumbled while wiping off the excess make-up from her cheeks. “Try not to lick it all off though. The color will go away.”

“What ‘bout me?!”

“You want pretty lips too?”

“Yeah!”

“Pick a color. Any color.” Buffy showed Jamie the brightly colored tubes and brushed a purple glittering shine on his mouth. “I love the pucker, Jamie. It’s too cute.”

“This tastes like a—like a popsicle! Can I have some more?” He paused for only a second and then went back to swirling his tongue over his lips. “I want red stuff now! Gimme red lips!”

“Now you’ve done it. Now he’ll be eating that shit like it’s candy.”

“Language, William,” Buffy sang. “Jamie, you’ll have to ask your sister. It’s her make-up. I don’t know how far you’ll get since you called her a baby. You might want to think twice before you do that again.”

“Can I use more of your lippy stuff? Please, please, Sarah? I’m sorry! You’re not a baby!”

Sarah looked at Buffy for approval before smiling and letting out a loud, “No!”

“But she thanks you for asking and she does accept your apology, doesn’t she?” When Sarah nodded twice matter-of-factly, Buffy laughed and pulled her close for a hug. “Your nails are dry now. Let’s put your slippers back on.”

“You handled that with a surprising amount of grace.”

“What’s so surprising about painting some toenails and introducing our son to make-up?” Buffy watched as William stood. His hands were full of trash. He took two trips to the garage before joining her on the sofa. “I’m guessing you don’t want Jamie to follow in his father’s footsteps?”

“Bite your tongue. I was working, Buffy. Do I tease you about every time you’ve dyed your hair for the job? Do I bring up the trashy clothes you wore?”

“You could, and I wouldn’t mind. But I’m sorry, I shouldn’t tease you.”

“No, no you shouldn’t.”

“I’m sorry,” she repeated. She pouted on his behalf and leaned over to give him a kiss.

“You taste like strawberries.”

“Sarah let me try some of her lippy stuff. Shhh, don’t tell Jamie.”

Looking down, he winked at Sarah, who was still sitting snuggly in Buffy’s lap. “You ready for bed, kitten?”

“Can my new toys sleep with me?”

“The soft ones can, how’s that sound?”

“I wanna sleep with my truck!” Jamie announced. When he felt he wasn’t getting the attention he needed, he placed a little hand on each of Buffy’s knees as he wiggled and danced. “Mommy! Mommy! Are you gonna read me a story?”

“Of course I’ll read you a story. Do you have a particular one in mind? You did get some new books for Christmas, I can read you one of those.”

“Um, um, what about my farmer book?”

“What about it?” Buffy asked with a slight grimace. “Can’t the farmer book take a break today?”

“Nooo!”

“Why not?” she asked, lowering Sarah from her lap and taking a hold of her hand. She headed for the staircase and Jamie followed, pleading his case for his favorite book.

“You aren’t going to join us?” Buffy asked. She picked up Jamie once she noticed him struggling to go up the stairs and looked back at William.

“I might make an appearance a bit later,” he answered. “I was thinking about getting our dinner together.”

“Oh, alright.” She blew him a kiss and laughed when the twins did the same. “I shouldn’t be long, just half an hour or maybe forty-five minutes.”

“Take your time. Enjoy yourself. Enjoy them, Buffy.”
***

One bedtime story later (about a farmer, of course), the twins were sleeping and Buffy was checking on Joy before heading downstairs when she caught a glimpse of Tara. Down the dark hallway, Buffy just barely made out the nanny’s outline before Tara disappeared into the master bedroom.

Without making a sound, Buffy peeked through the door that was left open only a crack and watched as Tara slipped something inside a pillowcase that was on Buffy’s side of the bed.

“Hey, whatcha doing?” Buffy spoke softly, but the sound of her voice made Tara jump. “I didn’t mean to startle you. Why are you sneaking around in the dark?”

“I-I wasn’t sneaking.”

“You’re just tiptoeing with your hands hidden behind your back?” Buffy stepped further into the room and turned on the lights. “What did you do to my pillow?”

“I, uh, changed the pillowcase—no, I mean, I just cleaned it. Something was spilled on it.”

“Um, okay. No offense, but you’re really terrible at lying. What were you really up to?” Buffy asked. “What’s that in your hand?”

“Just a-a pouch.”

“A pouch? It looks like a satin teabag.” It was a fragrant white square that was small enough to fit in Tara’s palm. “Is it full of potpourri?”

“Sure, you can call it that.”

“What do you call it?”

“A collection of herbs and a few oils,” Tara answered. “Everything’s natural and nothing can hurt you or your new baby. In fact, it should open your mind a little bit. You might have a few dreams. You might have some flashes. It’ll feel like déjà vu.”

“This teabag will do…what now?” Buffy asked, making no attempt to hide her uncertainty. She frowned at the little pouch before picking it up carefully and closing her hand around it. “This actually smells pretty. If it’s so safe and natural, why were you sneaking around with it?”

“You’ve always been skeptical.”

“Skeptical of what? Alternative medicine?”

“Well, it is alternative,” Tara replied with a smile. “Just keep the pouch close to you while you sleep tonight. Once you’re remembering more, we’ll increase the dose.”

“And that’s it? I’ll get my memories back?”

“Have you remembered anything since lunchtime?”

“I have actually. I’ve remembered completely random things, like that Joy’s favorite toy fell out of her crib.”

“Good, that’s what I wanted to hear. That means it’s working.”

“But you just gave me this thing…I guess I’m not following?”

“Sweetie, I slipped some extra herbs into your food at lunch.”

Buffy took a moment to let Tara’s words sink in. “You…you tampered with my food?”

“It was a very little amount. Buffy, I was only trying to--.”

“William! Honey, I need you!”

“Buffy--.”

“William!”

“I’m coming, I’m coming! Are we trying to wake the entire house? Buffy, what the hell are you squawking about?” William walked into the room with a smile on his face but it quickly faded away. “Hey now, is there a problem here?”

“William, I need you.”

“I gathered that much. What’s wrong?”

Buffy kept an eye on Tara as she edged over to her husband’s side. “You need to tell me what to do. She messed with my food. She said she put some kinda herbal medicine into my lunch. It’s supposed to help me get my memories back, but shouldn’t she have told us first? I caught her sneaking around in our room too. William, tell me how I should react to this because it doesn’t feel right.”

“Tara, is this true? I thought we had an understanding. You gave us your word--.”

“I had to do it. She won’t remember anything without my help. She—she’s under a spell.”

“Excuse me?” Buffy blurted out. “Did you say spell?”

“She wasn’t supposed to lose her memory,” Tara continued on briskly. “She was supposed to realize that her family is more important than revenge. She was putting herself, her baby and your marriage in danger.”

William rolled his eyes while he mumbled a handful of curses. “Buffy, do you want to tell her, or should I? I know everything, Tara. I knew about everything.”

Tara’s face became a shade paler. “W-what about Angel? I thought…”

“Everything you thought you knew couldn’t be farther from the truth—damn it, pet! Why didn’t you come to me?”

“Oh my goodness,” Tara whispered. “This is my fault. I called Willow after I overheard that phone call. I was upset. I let her talk me into gathering the ingredients. She wrote the spell, but I actually performed it. I…William, I thought I was helping.”

He just looked away. His jaw was set and Buffy knew he was struggling to keep his temper. She reached for his arm and wove their fingers together. “Look at me,” she said quietly. “Tell me, what is going on? Willow’s a witch? I’m under a spell? Honey, this is crazy.”

“It is crazy, but it’s true. I thought with Red out of the picture… How could this happen again?”

“Buffy, please listen to me. Willow and I practice witchcraft in very different ways. I use it with my medical training. I-I try to heal people, where Willow, she--.”

“She manipulates,” William spat. “She gets into everyone else’s business and she fucks our lives up royally.”

“What happened before?” When William didn’t respond, Buffy looked to Tara. “What did you do?”

“I didn’t do anything. Sarah wasn’t sleeping at night--.”

“Like most babies do,” William interrupted. “But Willow just had to help. After she was done with her, our girl couldn’t wake up. We had to put her in the hospital to keep her hydrated until Willow got her shit together. She had to break the fucking spell.”

“Willow put a spell on my daughter? My best friend took my memories away? I thought…God, I actually thought something was wrong with me. My mom died because of a brain tumor, I thought…”

“We had to dread the worst,” William said, speaking to Buffy gently. “We didn’t know.”

“Buffy… William, I feel terrible about this.”

“What does she have to do? Drink a potion? Do you need to light candles and chant over her? Whatever it takes, I want her memories reinstated now. If you can’t do it, I want Willow on the next plane to the States.”

“I have everything under control. I’m monitoring her closely. Buffy will be good as new in no time.”

“Right. She’d better be,” William grumbled. “And if you or your girlfriend ever--.” He stopped and his nostrils flared slightly. “Tara, you’ve worked a full-day. I think it’s time you went home. You know the way out.”

“Should I… Can I come back tomorrow? I’ll understand if you don’t want me around the kids, but…you guys are like family to me.”

William said nothing. He avoided looking Tara in the eye.

“Let me, um, I’ll walk her to the door.”

“You don’t have to--.”

“It’s alright.” Buffy smiled at her husband and kissed his cheek. “I can handle her. If she tries to turn me into a frog or something, I’ll just tackle her and you can arrest her.”

“How about you scream, and I’ll do both the tackling and the arresting?”

Buffy looked up to find Tara staring at them and she laughed, feeling only slightly embarrassed to be overheard. “Deal.”

“I won’t turn you into a frog,” Tara said once they were walking down the stairs.

“But can you? Just how much of a witch are you?”

“I’ve never tried to turn anyone into an animal.”

“But Willow has?”

“A friend of ours became a rat once, but I don’t think now’s the best time to talk about that.”

“No, probably not.”

“Buffy, I’m so sorry.”

“I’m sorry too.” Buffy put her hands in the pockets of her jeans and pulled them back out before stepping forward to give Tara an awkward hug. “Just so you know, I’ll talk to him. I’m as upset as William is, but I will talk to him about letting you off the hook.”

“Oh, thank you,” Tara said, breathing a tiny sigh of relief.

“I’ll probably do it for selfish reasons,” Buffy admitted. “Once we have four kids in this house… You’ll have to make a lot more promises before we trust you again. And if you place any kind of spell on my family again, I will find a way to arrest you. Witchcraft may not be a crime, but I’ll find a way to keep you and Willow away from the people I love, and trust me, it will not be pretty.”

“I-I have no doubts about that.”

Forcing a smile, Buffy opened the front door and watched as Tara stepped outside. “Good, then we understand each other. I’ll see you tomorrow morning. I’ll have a full report on your magical pouch-thing and I hope, for your sake, that it works.”
***

Chapter 27

“You threatened her?”

“I continued where you left off, but I controlled myself. I used some lines from action movies, like “You’ll be sorry,” “I’ll make you pay,” and “I’ll be back.” I wanted to get my point across, but I didn’t want to make the girl pee in her pants. You already had her shaking in her tennis shoes.”

“Tara didn’t want to disappoint you,” Buffy added after a brief pause. “You care about her too.”

“Yeah, but so what? It doesn’t change anything.”

“It’ll affect how we get past this.”

“If we get past this,” William grumbled. “You and me, I know we’ll be alright. But if your memory isn’t restored to tip-fucking-top shape, the witches and I… I won’t get past it.”

Buffy and William were sitting cross-legged on their bed. After walking Tara to the door, Buffy had gone into the kitchen, found the meal William had already laid out, and gathered up as much as she could carry in her hands—which boiled down to two forks, one over-flowing plate of leftovers and two drinks. She kept her can of soda, but replaced William’s soft drink with a beer from the refrigerator. As they spoke, Buffy fed herself and with every few words, she slipped a fork-full of food past William’s lips.

“Honey, would you actually keep Tara away from the kids?”

“There can always be another nanny.”

“But can there be another Tara?”

It was a simple question, but Buffy knew she had struck a soft spot. William gulped down about half of his beer and wiped his mouth with the back of his hand.

“What bothers me is that the majority of this bullshit could’ve been avoided. I’ve got two meddlesome witches doing their best, trying to fix problems we never really had. I don’t need a sodding intervention, magical or otherwise, when it comes to my wife, thank you very much. I can fight my own battles. I can handle a bit of heartache. No one needs to go to such great lengths just to spare my feelings. It seems to be trend among you and your girlfriends: keeping me clueless, then saying it’s for my own good. Well, isn’t that just utter shit?”

“It’s shit?” Buffy asked as she fed him the last scoop of pasta. “Should we want to hurt your feelings?”

“No, but—they got trampled on anyway, alright?”

“William--.”

“Don’t. Don’t ‘oh, William’ me. You’re always trying to look after me and my precious emotions. It’s nothing new. I know you won’t change. I don’t even want you to. We balance each other out, Buffy. You come unglued when you’re protecting my Nancy-boy feelings and I do the same when I think you’re putting yourself in harm’s way.”

“So it isn’t so shitty after all?” Buffy placed their plate on the carpet before taking his empty beer can and setting it on top of the plate, between their forks. “You want another beer, baby?”

“I don’t know what I want.”

She heard his pout before turning to see it on his lips. She crawled across the bed, wrapped her arms around him and placed soft kisses on his face. “God, do you have any idea how much I love you?”

“Yes. I’m completely aware of how much.”

She snickered before whispering, “William, I have another secret for you.”

“Fuck off.”

“William!” Buffy laughed in response to his growl and laughed again once he attacked her with passionate kisses. She quickly found herself sprawled out on her back, underneath his body. Her shirt was pulled over her head. He kissed down to the edge of her lacy bra. Then he let out a frustrated groan.

“What the bloody hell is that?” he asked.

“Um, it’s Tara’s magical sachet-pouchy-thing. She said I had to keep it close.”

“So you thought it would be best to shove the thing into your cleavage? What if it gives you a rash? What if that hocus-pocus shit rubs off on me?”

“Keep your head out from in between my boobs. I’ll keep my bra on. We’ll have nothing to worry about.”

“I…love, I just don’t know about this.”

“You won’t touch me because I have some herbs in my bra?”

“Oh, I’ll touch you alright, but—wait, you caught Tara hiding that thing in your pillow, yeah? Why can’t we try that out?”

“Who says I’ll sleep on my pillow tonight? Last night I slept on you mostly. I’ll try to keep to my side of the bed, but I can tell you right now that seems pretty unlikely. Besides, don’t you think if it has actual contact with my skin it might work quicker? I mean, I have no idea how it’s supposed to work, but that makes sense to me.”

“Is it working? Your latest secret, is this something you’ve remembered? Or are you just taking the piss?”

“Taking the piss? God, that’s nasty.”

Letting out a sigh, he propped his head up on his hand while he watched her. “Are you teasing me, Buffy?”

“I knew what you meant, but that doesn’t make what you said any less gross sounding,” she answered defensively. When William continued to look at her patiently, Buffy shrugged. “I don’t know if it’s working. Since we’ve learned about this spell business, I’ve been focusing my attention on the present and our future. I was going to say something just for you though, something we can keep between us.”

Feeling a chill in the air, Buffy hugged her arms to her chest after rolling to face him. Noticing her goose bumps, William took off his shirt and draped it over her upper body.

“Always a gentleman, aren’t you, baby?” She chuckled as he snorted and pulled her closer. “Don’t repeat this to anyone, but I can’t be a hundred percent mad at ‘those bloody witches.’ First off, the magic stuff is still hard for me to swallow. I definitely don’t want them putting spells on us ever again, but… William, they’ve given us something special.”

Buffy felt him take a breath. She placed a hand to his chest and caught his lips in a quick kiss before he could speak. “I woke up that first morning and it was as if I had stepped out of a time machine. I thought that I had just been shot. I thought I had just spent two months avoiding you and treating you like crap because I couldn’t accept that I was pregnant. Everything was moving so quickly for me back then. Our first kiss suddenly became our first night together, and soon after I found out I was pregnant. And you know how overwhelmed I felt three days ago. It didn’t help that amnesia takes a heck of a toll on a girl’s confidence. William, Tara and Willow gave us both a lot of heartache, but they also gave us something amazing. Maybe we didn’t have problems before this spell, but the spell worked anyway, I think. I’ve been able to fall so hard for you all over again, and under crazy circumstances. I love you so much now—gosh, William, my heart kind of wants to explode when I think of how deeply I’ll love you once I get my memories back. And that goes for the kids too. Tara wanted me to realize how important my family is, and all I can say is: mission accomplished. I might not remember much of anything, but I’m learning and I’m enjoying every minute of it.”

“You… Summers, you’re too much.” He came at her again, burying his head, nuzzling against her while he whispered loving words into her neck and shoulder. He made another wet line to her bra, but this time, he put a hand between her breasts as he freed and kissed them one at a time.

“You give the witches and their spell too much credit, but I get what you’re saying. I do think these past few days underscore some things about us, like how close we are, and how much we depend on each other, but I want you to know, we are who we are, Buffy. This spell…we were like this before and we’ll be like this after it.” As he spoke, he stared thoughtfully at her partly exposed chest. He experimented by moving the bra lower on her ribcage. He slipped a finger under the band and cursed softly, finding it too loose to hold the pouch into place. “Bet it’d be too uncomfortable anyway, with those underwires poking into you. Stay where you are. Give me a minute and I’ll be right back.”

Buffy grinned up at the ceiling until William returned with a Band-Aid box in one hand and the tape dispenser in the other. “Honey, are my boobs really this important to you?”

“Yes,” he replied simply. He thumbed through the box and pulled out two of the largest Band-Aids. “It’ll be like the patch you had me wear when I quit smoking. Hopefully that thing will fit inside it. If not, we’ve got tape. We’ll call that our plan B.”

“Is there a plan C?”

“Come here. Let me see your arm.”

“William, really, I don’t want my arm to be taped up. It’ll feel weird.” Although she protested, she stood on her knees, tossed aside her bra, and shuffled toward him.

“Give me the magic—what were you calling it earlier? A teabag? This doesn’t look like any blasted teabag I’ve ever seen. Doesn’t smell like one either.” Handling the pouch carefully, he pushed it into the center of two square Band-Aids he had stuck together. “See? There now,” he said, rubbing the adhesive into place on Buffy’s upper arm. “Does it feel weird?”

“It’s alright,” she responded. “I never would’ve thought of this. You can be awfully crafty when you want to be.”

“With the right motivation, anything is possible.”

She leaned in just enough to enjoy the sensation of her nipples brushing against his chest. “And your motivation was, um, a strong desire to have your head in my cleavage?”

“I want you comfortable.” He paused to unbutton her jeans. He pulled down the zipper and slipped his palms into the backside of her loose pants. “You’re always my first concern, cutie.”

“And you’re mine.”

“You say that confidently, as if you might even mean it.”

“I do mean it,” she said, tipping her chin to meet his mouth. As they kissed, she reached around her to grab him by the wrists. Creeping backward, she tugged him toward her until he joined her on the bed. “William, before we get carried away, can I—wait a minute, please?”

With a sudden burst of energy, she pulled their pillows out of their shams, yanked down the bed sheets and blankets, and buried herself beneath them. She wiggled out of her jeans while still concealed. She dropped the pants to the floor and her underwear was tossed out next.

“What exactly are you doing?” William asked, clearly amused by her actions.

“Making sure we get under the covers this time. You can come and get me now.”

“Oh, can I? Shall I take off my clothes?” Not waiting for an answer, he crawled toward her on all fours. In a fluid motion, he flipped onto his back and dove next to her under the blankets.

As soon as Buffy had him resting against her, his body cradled by her open legs, she dug her fingers into his hair, gasping as he covered her breasts and stomach with kisses. He continued to travel down her body, and once he was out of reach, she grabbed handfuls of the bedclothes as he touched between her legs. At the first stroke of his tongue to her sensitive skin, Buffy’s legs shot up and she hugged his shoulders with her thighs.

“I can’t see you,” she panted, looking down to see only a large William-shaped bump under the covers. She threw the blankets aside and beckoned William to her with arms wide open.

“Hold on. Busy here.”

His left hand found its way into her right, just in time for her to squeeze it as she came. She kept her eyes closed as her heart pounded. She heard him unzip his zipper. She didn’t have to open her eyes to know that he was kicking the rest of his clothes away.

“There’s a reason why we wait until afterward to get in bed,” he said softly. “You roll around and yank the bed apart.”

She peeked her eyes open to discover William hovering over her. She smiled, charmed by his messy hair and sparkling blue eyes. She admired the sight of his aroused body for only a second before he was sinking into her.

“Oh my God.”

“I know. Buffy, I’m already about to burst.”

They stayed still, tangled together until their breathing became more controlled. Buffy rocked her hips against him and they fell into an easy rhythm. They played with the pace and intensity of their moments, trying their best to prolong their pleasure until they each reached a moment of release.

“William?”

“Mmmm? What now, pet?” he answered, his voice slightly muffled. He hadn’t pulled away. He continued to barely move within her. It was a steady pulse that made Buffy’s body tremble. Acknowledging her sensitivity, he spaced out each intimate nudge. “Haven’t we talked enough today? Can’t we rest now, Buffy?”

She squirmed underneath him until he rolled them over. Her hands rested on his as he gripped her hips. She leaned over to kiss her husband until they shared another orgasm. With a little whimper, she climbed off of him to retrieve the blankets that were sagging to the floor. She turned off the lights and checked to see if the ‘on’ switch of baby monitors were glowing. In the dark, she rushed over to the dresser and managed to locate a pair of drawstring pants and a nightgown. She tossed the clothes on carpet before meeting William under the covers. She was welcomed by an affectionate kiss and loving caresses that made Buffy laugh out loud.

“Hey, I thought you wanted to rest?”

“You checked the monitors,” he practically purred.

“Yeah, and I threw some clothes on the floor. I’m not sure why that’s such a turn on for you, but I guess I shouldn’t complain.”

“Why did you do it?”

“It seemed like the right thing to do?”

“Why?”

“Because we never know when we’ll have unexpected company?”

“Why, Buffy? There’s a reason behind it. Dig a little deeper, love. It must be skirting the surface, let’s force the memory out. You were mortified so it must’ve left a lasting impression. It wasn’t long after the twins got into their new big-kid beds. Jamie suddenly became hell bent on scaring us--.”

“He—oh my God,” she gasped. “He nearly walked in on us when we were—I was—oh my God! It was completely out of the blue. He actually snuck around the corner in the middle of the night and yelled, “Boo!” at us. I was mortified and you—you just laughed at me!”

She rolled onto her back. She stared up at the dark ceiling as memories drifted to her. Once William pillowed his head on her chest, she played with his hair until it stood alert in little bleached blond spikes. “I hid my head in your lap with the blankets over me because I would’ve died if I had to explain to our two-year old son why I had my head down there in the first place. Then you had to get him away from the door so I could run across the room to put something on. You couldn’t tuck him back into bed because you were…indisposed.”

“Yeah, by a raging case of blue balls.”

Buffy laughed before adding, “The next day we bought the baby monitors and I insisted that we always have clothes within reach from then on.” She yawned and let out a deep, happy sigh. “This is good. This is a good sign. It isn’t happening like Tara said it would, but I like it. It’s seamless. I’m not jolted by the memory. It creeps up on me, and luckily I have you to hold my hand and walk me through it.”

“Do you remember more? Can you tell me something about our girls?”

“Sarah…God, she’s an absolute doll. She’s thoughtful and strong, but sensitive. I wouldn’t be surprised if writes when she’s older; she’s so much like you. When we saw your mom, she told me about your poems. I even read a few.”

“How? I thought I had torched them all?”

“Your mom kept everything she could get her hands on. She adored her sweet William. She said you were such a good boy until that bimbo took you away.” Buffy’s nose wrinkled as the dark hair and pale skin of William’s ex-girlfriend, Drusilla, invaded her thoughts. “You changed for her. That’s why you hate it when I call you Spike. It isn’t a nickname you picked up at the academy. You gave it to yourself when you were with her. You created your entire badass persona just to impress that skank. You were too good for her.”

Buffy closed her eyes for a moment and opened to find William staring at her. Reaching forward, she stroked his face before giving him a light kiss. “You knew him,” she whispered. “You knew Angel. You told me after I woke up. That’s why you blamed yourself for the shooting. You worked for him until she dumped you, then you became a police informant. Angel was aiming for you.”

William acknowledged the truth behind her words with a single nod. “I’ve always had a way with people. Our Jamie isn’t the only chatterbox around here… I was a narc for Angel, then I…I switched teams, bad for good.”

“To get back at them. Angel took Drusilla away from you.”

“Angel has taken more away from me than I’d ever care to admit,” William muttered. “Little did he know, shooting you hurt me a hell of a lot more than if he would’ve blown my head clear off. And killing our baby…” He rested his forehead against hers and let out a small groan when Buffy kissed him again. “That stupid git. I doubt he had even the slightest clue of the damage he’d done. Makes me hate him even more.”

“I kept my dealings with him from everyone,” William continued. “I tried to tell you a few times, but I knew you’d rat me out. My Buffy’s always had this impeccable moral compass. It’s so fucking stubborn and it’s always pointing towards the greater good. Once I did gather up the balls to tell you, you convinced me to—well, when I went back to patrolling, let’s just say it wasn’t exactly by choice, but I did it because it was right and I did it for you. It marked the beginning of us. That’s how I won you over.”

“I tried to get your job back, but no one would listen to me,” Buffy added. Everything was starting to make perfect sense. It felt as if plot holes were gradually being filled in her mind. “After I came back to work, I was given another partner, but it wasn’t the same and it didn’t last. You and I were dating at the time and you were just as insistent about me not working in the field as you are now.”

“Our first year together was bumpy to say the least. We called it off so many times, but I think the longest break up lasted--.”

“Not even a week,” she blurted out with a smile. “Then you proposed. It was a very short engagement. I didn’t even have a dress before you were trying to get me down to City Hall, but we settled on Vegas a month after you proposed. We took Willow and Tara with us. And the honeymoon lasted a whole lot longer than a few days, William. Before we had the twins… As much as I love my babies, I’ll always love that time alone with you. We had a lot of fun.”

“Yes, yes we did and we still do have our fair share of fun. Every day’s a blast with our little rugrats,” he snickered. He studied her face before lowering his voice to ask, “What do you remember about Joy?”

“Jo’s unbelievably loving. She’s such a good baby. She smiles constantly and she’s hardly ever fussy.” She blinked as heavy tears filled her eyes. “I remember her. I remember you, Jamie and Sarah. I think I might even remember everything.”

“Thank God,” William said hoarsely. He let out a quiet sniffle before capturing her mouth in a lengthy salty kiss. “I have so many questions for you. I want to know when you found out you were pregnant, I want to know more about that bloody phone call that Tara overheard and—fuck me, but I’d like to know where you stashed my bike.”

“You want to know all of that now?”

“Do you have the answers? If you could answer just one of those questions… Pet, I don’t know the answers myself so I can’t prompt you this time, I can’t help you through it, and I need to know if I’ve got my wife back.”

“William, I never left you--.”

“Summers, just answer one question for me now, and I won’t bother you again, not until tomorrow morning. Please, Buffy?”

“Your motorcycle is at work.”

“You left it at work?”

“Yup.”

“But…please tell me you’re teasing. I don’t want those knobs at the station pawing at my bike.”

“It’s locked up, it’ll be fine. Nobody goes down to Evidence unless they’re forced to anyway, they hate the paperwork.”

“Where’d you get it from?”

“Sometimes working in the property recovery unit has its perks. I pulled a few strings and snatched it up before it could go to auction.”

When a little smile tugged at his mouth, she had to kiss him. Her fingers ran up and down the smooth contours of his back. She wiggled underneath him until he allowed her to nudge him over. She kissed his chest, along his stomach and down to his thigh.

“Babe…what color is it?”

“It’s red.”

“Like a cherry red? Or something deeper?”

“Honey, I don’t know,” Buffy answered with a laugh, realizing that her husband was more interested in the motorcycle than having sex. His body was responsive to the blowjob she wanted to give him, but his mind was elsewhere. She gave the tip of his erection a quick kiss before giving up. She retreated to her side of the bed.

“It’s a bright red, William. It’s also black and silver. It’s classy. I called someone to look it over for me and he said it was in perfect condition. Somebody from Santa Clara County brought it up, because no one claimed it after seven years. It isn’t new age-wise, but it looks new.”

“So it’s nice, yeah?”

“It’s very nice. It was a little more expensive than the other bike you’ve been drooling over, but it’s prettier. You’ll love it.”

“Summers, I have half a mind to… Guess it’d be too late to call Tara back here.”

“Yes, so don’t even consider it. If you want it so badly, you could drive to work, leave our car at the station and ride the bike home. Or we could load up the kids for a little drive, I doubt it’d take very long and they do love car rides at night.”

Buffy watched as William’s brows came together. She hid her smile against her pillow, both charmed and amused that he was actually considering her suggestions.

“No, it’d be too much of a hassle. To wake ‘em up, then to buckle up all those bloody car seats just for my own selfish reasons? It can wait. The bike isn’t going anywhere. I can wait.”

“You’re sure?”

“Yeah.” He let out a sigh before mumbling, “Guess you can go back to what you were doing before.”

“You think so? Maybe you’ll even pay attention this time? How am I supposed to know you’ll be with me? You’re probably only hard now because you’re thinking about engines and tires and other motorcycle shit.”

When she rolled onto her side, facing away from him, he tucked her back against his chest. He buried his face into her hair as he chuckled. “You must have your memories back. You’re feisty again…I like it.”

“You haven’t even seen feisty yet. You knocked me up, remember? You have a heck of a lot more feisty coming your way.”

“Your pregnancy does explain the crying, the ravenous appetite for my hot bod…”

“Bite me, William.”

“I’d love to,” he whispered, taking her earlobe between his teeth. “I’d gobble you up, my ripe, wicked, little--.”

“If you call me some kind of fruit—I swear, William,” she began. She rolled over and found him beaming at her. Her eyes narrowed, but she smiled as a silent joke passed between them. “You know I hate it when you call me the stupid nicknames you called her.”

“For someone who’s never met Dru, you sure have a lot of hate for my dark princess.”

“Dark princess, my ass,” Buffy snorted. “When we first worked together, you drunk dialed me nearly every weekend! Oh, my precious Drusilla! Oh, my dark wicked…kumquat! I don’t need to know her to hate her. She hurt you and I’ve heard about it for half a dozen years. I hate that bimbo’s guts.”

“Oh, now it’s official.”

“I’m baaack,” Buffy sang. They shared a laugh that she cut short with a kiss. “But seriously,” she whispered. “I never left you. William, I will never leave you. I can be shot at; I can have my memory erased by magical nanny witches… Honey, I needed you to get me through those things. I need you with me everyday. Every single day.”

“I know,” he answered simply, wrapping his arms around her.

“Goodnight, baby,” she yawned. She felt completely at ease and thoroughly loved. “I’m looking forward to seeing you in the morning.”
***

Chapter 28

“Hold on, hold on. Why are we in such a rush here?”

At the sound of William’s voice, Buffy looked up just in time to watch as Jamie and Sarah pulled their father into the kitchen.

“Hey,” she said, catching William’s eye.

“Hey, yourself.” Buffy stayed seated next to Joy’s highchair as William crept behind her. She tilted her head back to meet his kiss. “Good morning. What’s all this?” he asked quietly.

“The Christmas breakfast we didn’t have yesterday. I told them I wouldn’t put syrup on their pancakes until I had backup.”

“I see. So that explains why I was woken up so enthusiastically. Did you really give them permission to jump on my bed until I rolled out of it?”

“Maybe.”

“Just maybe?” he asked with a hint of amusement. He gave her one last kiss before yawning. “Guess I should get syrup on their plates, yeah? That’ll shut ‘em up, for all of five minutes, ‘til the sugar kicks ‘em into high gear.”

Buffy stared. She couldn’t take her eyes off her sleepy husband. His tousled hair and bare chest, the pants that were hanging low on his hips were all bad enough, but watching him yawn as he tied on bibs and cut pancakes into little kid-friendly bites made her heart speed up. He dotted the pieces with syrup like an expert, knowing exactly how much of the sticky sauce the kids could handle without the danger of a completely unavoidable mess. Buffy smiled as a familiar feeling washed over her. She knew her husband was a great father, but it still moved her, it turned her on, to see ‘William, the dad’ in action.

“Mah!”

“Oh, I haven’t forgotten about you,” Buffy whispered. She reached for one of the fists Joy had pounded on the tray of her highchair and gave it a little kiss. “I know you’re all business on Pancake Day, missy, but I can’t help it. I get sidetracked. Your daddy’s too handsome. He’s too pretty and I’m too weak.”

Joy just looked at her with wide bright eyes. She squirmed impatiently until Buffy put another tiny piece of pancake into her hand. Joy squeezed it into mush before pushing it into her mouth.

“Want me to fix you a plate, love?”

“No, I already ate, but thanks.”

“Just how long have you been up and about?” William sat across from Buffy. He spoke between bites of pancake and sips from a glass of milk. “I dimly recall you twisting out of my arms, but I haven’t a clue when it happened. I hope you didn’t wake up too early. We’re still on vacation, you know.”

“Don’t worry, I’ve been up since about seven.”

“Not that I mind getting propelled out of my beauty sleep by our little terrors, but you could’ve woken me yourself. I can think of more enjoyable ways of being jostled in our bed.”

A foot suddenly found its way into the folds of Buffy’s robe. A big toe stroked her inner thigh. “Stop that, you perv,” she laughed, pressing her thighs together for only a moment before pushing William’s foot away.

“What, mommy, what’s a peeerv?”

“Perv is short for pervert, Jamie. Perverts like to do bad things,” Buffy explained, looking at William who did nothing but shrug his shoulders. “Gross things.”

“Am I a peeerv?!” Jamie asked with an alarmed squeak. “I don’t like being bad, sometimes—um, sometimes—I don’t know what happens!” He imitated William’s shrug and he threw his hands up dramatically. “Uht-oh!” he giggled when his fork flew out of his hand and onto the floor.

“Jamie.”

“It’s okay, dad! I’ll eat like Jo!”

“You, don’t move another muscle,” William said. “Open your hands one at a time. Over your plate. Now, sit still. Let me clean those grubby hands.”

“I’m sorry, daddy,” Jamie said as William rubbed his sticky hands with a wet napkin. “Don’t take my pancakes away,” he finished softly. “Last time—you took my pancakes away last time, daddy.”

Buffy watched as father and son looked at each other. William whispered something directly into Jamie’s ear and Buffy felt a pang of jealously when she couldn’t make out the words that made Jamie smile.

“What did you tell him?” she asked once William returned to his seat.

“Nothing.”

“Just nothing?” Buffy went back to feeding Joy. She let out a muffled laugh once toes curled behind her knee. They slid down her leg before William’s foot nestled in her lap.

“Babe, what are we doing today?”

“You mean other than getting your motorcycle?”

“Yeah, other than that. I know we brought up a doctor’s appointment more than a few times. Do you still want to go, but for the baby?”

As Buffy continued to feed Joy with one hand, she used the other to hug William’s foot to her stomach. She grinned as his toes wiggled against her left breast. “I called the doctor this morning, but we can’t be seen until tomorrow.”

“Have you…do the twins know?”

“Nope, not yet.”

“Have you heard from Tara today? She’s usually here by now, if she’s coming.”

“I called her first thing and gave her a summary of the progress we made. Last night, well, Tara came home to find something very…interesting waiting for her outside of her apartment. I told her to bring it over with her this morning. They should be here any minute. We’ll have breakfast together.”

“They?”

“Honey, you won’t believe it,” Buffy began, but before she could finish her sentence, the doorbell rang. She tried to beat William to the door, but he got there first with the twins jumping behind him. He looked though the peephole and let out a curse that made Buffy cringe.

“I’m taking a shower,” he announced suddenly. He turned on his heel and stomped up the stairs.

“William, wait!” Buffy threw open the door and quickly looked over their guests. “Tara! Will!” she said, pulling each of the women into fast hugs. “I hate to run, but—I didn’t get a chance to tell William that you were coming. You surprised him, Wills. We haven’t even taken showers yet, so he just ran upstairs. I should probably follow him up there.”

Buffy looked down to see Willow take the twins into her open arms. Buffy looked back up and found Tara watching her.

“Go. We’ll be fine,” Tara said. “Where’s Joy?”

“She’s in the kitchen, along with breakfast. We already started eating, so if you could get the kids to finish their meals, that’d be great. Please don’t wait for us to eat. I’ll just jump in the shower and I’ll be back in a flash. We’ll talk. You look good, Willow.”

“Buffy,” Willow began, her face twisting with guilt. Tears sparkled in her eyes. “Buffy, I’m sorry. We didn’t mean to--.”

“I know, but…we’ll talk later, I promise. And William will talk to you too. Even if I have to pull him downstairs by his ear,” Buffy finished in a quiet mumble.

“Tell him… God, Buffy, I’m just so sorry.”

“I…” Buffy closed her mouth. She waited a brief moment before speaking again. “I really need to see William, okay? I just need to go to him. We’ll talk soon though.”

Buffy held her breath as she bounded up the stairs. After opening the closed doors to their bedroom and master bathroom, she stripped off her robe. She tapped on the glass shower door and waited patiently for William to slide it open. With a head of soapy hair, he looked at her naked body through narrowed eyes.

“What are you waiting for, Summers, a bloody invitation? Get in here. What took you so long?”

“I came as soon as I could,” she said, joining him under the spray of warm water. She wrapped her arms around his waist and pressed her cheek against his wet back. “William, I tried to warn you.”

“How? By being exceptionally vague? Love, you made it out like Tara was bringing over a stray cat or an extra newspaper that was left by her front door. You should’ve just told me Willow was coming over. Hell, I didn’t even know she was in the country.”

“Tara said Willow’s been planning this surprise visit for a few months. That’s why Tara freaked out when I wanted to call her yesterday; Willow was already on the plane.”

“That chit has some gall, showing her face around here. Both the witches do,” William grumbled. He spun and took Buffy’s face into his hands. He brushed water droplets from her nose and lips before kissing her gently.

“Buffy, I don’t want to go downstairs,” he pleaded between tender kisses. “Tara I can handle, but Willow? Bet she’s already started bawling. After what she did to our Sarah, she cried and cried, remember? Drove me insane, all that snot and sniveling. Tears can’t mend broken fences.”

“She said she’s very sorry.”

“Good,” he said simply. He swept Buffy’s wet hair off her shoulders. Humming softly, he massaged fruity smelling shampoo into her scalp.

“Willow’s better off in Paris,” he mumbled minutes later. “Though I guess it doesn’t make much of a difference anymore. Now she has the magical-mystical power to muck up our lives from overseas. I thought Tara was stronger, but she let Willow pull at her strings. Unless Red has her under a spell too…”

“You’re blaming everything on Willow now?”

“Just thinking out loud.” After rinsing her hair, William crouched down, a soapy sponge in his hand. He started at her feet and worked his way up her body. “For Tara to do whatever the hell she did, it’s unlike her. And Willow’s messed with her before.”

“That’s what broke them up,” she added, her voice slightly strained as his sponge slipped between her knees. She held onto his shoulders until the he rose to wash her upper body. “Willow tried to solve their problems by making Tara forget that they had any.”

“Making people forget is Red’s specialty. But you know that, you remember it now, don’t you?” After Buffy nodded, William nudged her directly under the showerhead. “Rinse up. While we dress you can tell me more about that phone call Tara overheard. I’m not going down there until I know everything. I’d rather not have any more surprises.”

“But…can’t I wash you?”

“You were too late.” William joined her under the showerhead to pull her close. They shared another soft kiss that made Buffy’s heart flutter. “I was on my way out when you decided to come in. Maybe next time you shouldn’t be so tardy.”

“I couldn’t just leave Tara and Willow outside. Someone had to get the door.”

“There’s another reason to get moving. I don’t want the kids left alone too long. I can see it now, our kids turned into sodding…tadpoles or something awful like that.”

“Awful tadpoles?”

Ignoring her teasing grin, William turned off the water. He reached out of the shower, grabbed two towels, and pushed them under Buffy’s nose. He stepped out of the shower grabbing a third towel, rubbing it over his hair and body before wrapping it around his waist.

Then they fell into their usual morning routine. And Buffy knew exactly what to do. They gracefully maneuvered around the single sink and limited counter space until William left the bathroom to pull on a pair of jeans. With his hair slicked back, face shaved and teeth brushed, he sprawled out on their freshly made bed. As Buffy spoke, he listened carefully and watched with interest as she primped and smoothed lotions into her skin.

“I bought two different pregnancy tests on the way home,” Buffy explained as she continued to stand in front of the sink. “I wasn’t feeling sick or anything. I was feeling…pregnant, I guess. I took them both that morning, while you were finishing up our Christmas shopping, and both were positive. I was so excited; I had to call someone. I thought about calling Willow, but didn’t because of the wonky time difference. I called Tara, because I thought she had already taken the kids to the park, but she didn’t answer.”

“You called everyone but me.”

Buffy turned her head briefly to watch William as he watched her. He didn’t seem upset, but he didn’t seem thrilled to be the last to know about her pregnancy.

“You were at the toy store,” she continued, feeling guilty. She looked back at the mirror as she pulled her recently dried hair away from her face and into a loose ponytail. “I’d never call you with that kind of news. You would’ve dropped all the kids’ toys; you would’ve rushed home and…well, you know.”

“I would’ve taken you back to bed?”

“Yeah,” she answered quietly. She smiled at her reflection and shook her head at the blush that colored her cheeks. “Not that I have a problem with that, but we had waited until the last minute to pick up some very important gifts. I knew if you left the store then, I’d never get you back in that mile-long line at the register.”

“When were you going to tell me? Did you have a grand gesture in mind?”

“Not really. I just wanted you to be in the same room with me, that’s all. I’m a pretty low-maintenance girl.” When William snorted, Buffy ignored it completely. “I wanted to see your face. I wanted to see the look in your eyes…”

“And then you told me with your back turned.”

“That’s because I was mad at you. You accused me of treating Joy like a doll, you dummy.”

“So somehow you decided it would be best to call the station?” William asked with a chuckle. “You must’ve been bloody desperate. Who the hell did you tell? The girls in admin, or maybe that busybody woman at the welcome desk?”

“I, um…I told Faith.” Buffy tried to keep the tone of her voice as normal as possible. She waited for William’s response, and when he didn’t say a word, she dropped the towel that had been tucked snuggly around her chest. Without glancing in his direction, she went to the dresser and pulled on underwear and a bra.

“You told Faith? Your replacement? The obnoxious bint who’s been pestering us to go back undercover full-time?”

Buffy cringed. She turned and forced a smile. “I know what you’re thinking, honey, but just hear me out.” Taking off in a run, Buffy quickly grabbed her robe off the bathroom floor. She hugged it around herself as she faced William and his unhappy frown.

“The night before--.”

“Is this before or after you bought the pregnancy tests?”

“After,” Buffy admitted with her eyes downcast. “I went out with some of the girls at work, which you knew about, I just failed to mention that it was just one girl and instead of seeing a movie, Faith and I went to a party at Wolfram & Hart.”

Before continuing, Buffy reached for William’s hand. When it lay still and non-responsive, she played nervously with his long fingers. “Faith talked me into it because… Baby, I knew it’d be safe. A ton of people were there, and you know Angel wouldn’t try anything in front of his employees and rich clients. I was there for all of forty minutes. I just wanted to get out of the car for once. I was tired of playing games, of waiting in the dark for damning evidence that never seemed to show up. I wanted to glare at him in a lit room and—William, he looked right at me. He smiled, he crossed the room and touched my arm, and then—well, unlike the rough and tough cop I used to be, I ran away. I ran straight home to you with my tail between my legs. I stressed about the party all night. I took the tests the next morning, and once it was confirmed, I told Faith that I’d never do something like that again. Faith and I argued about it and that’s what Tara overheard.”

“The baby was your excuse?”

She nibbled her lower lip before nodding.

“And you didn’t tell me all this before, because of what exactly? The party was the night before, you found out you were pregnant the next morning, and your memory was gone twenty-four hours later--.”

“It was less than twenty-four hours.”

“Regardless of the specifics, I came home from the store, we went out to eat, and we spent the afternoon and evening together; why didn’t you say anything?”

“I was too nervous?” she suggested with a shrug. “Maybe I wasn’t as ready to move on as I wanted to be? William, maybe I did have something grand planned for you. I was going to tell you everything at once: about the party, the baby, and that I quit.”

“You quit?” William asked, his voice quiet all of a sudden. His fingers twitched then they entwined with Buffy’s. “Sweetheart, what are you quitting?”

“I can’t be a cop anymore. Desk duty is alright, but I’m constantly reminded of what we once were. We were good—no, we were damn good at our jobs, but everyone just remembers that Angel got the best of us. And we can’t do anything about it. It’s been almost six years and he’s still out there. He bought Wolfram & Hart, the freaking law firm that keeps getting him off. He’s getting stronger while we just sit idle. So,” she paused to take a deep breath, “when I go on maternity leave, I’m thinking that I won’t come back. I’ll work again, but, William, I want to be a mom. It’s hard enough leaving the kids now, but when our newborn is here? God, I want to be here as much as possible.”

Buffy let out a relieved sigh as she was pulled into William’s lap. He opened her robe, wrapped his arms around her and pressed his face into her chest.

“And what if we finally manage to put Angel behind bars?” William asked against her skin. “Will that change your mind?”

“I’ll always want to spend time with my kids.”

“But?” he offered. He looked up at her, his eyes were sparkling. “You’ll still have a great deal of fight in you, won’t you, baby? You’ll still want to defend the good guys and kick the bad guys in the ass?”

“Well, yeah,” Buffy answered, causing William to laugh. “Honey, you’ve wanted me to quit since the day I got shot, and now, it’s like you’re trying to talk me into changing my mind. It’s rude, William. It’s confusing.”

“Sorry. I’m sorry.” His hold tightened. Grinning, he kissed her again and again until they were both left breathless. “You’re just too much. Love you so much, Summers, I can’t see straight.”

“I don’t think you can think straight either,” Buffy laughed. “I just told you that I went to Angel’s firm behind your back, with Faith of all people, and you’re happy? Who are you, and what have you done with my real husband?”

Buffy sat still for a moment before using both hands to lift William’s head out of her cleavage. “Just because I plan on quitting, that doesn’t mean I’m giving you permission to work with Faith yourself. I know money will be tight, especially since I want to keep Tara around, but I don’t want you working undercover with her.”

“You jealous?”

“I’m not even going to justify that with an answer.”

“You know I admire a brave, sexy, hard-working woman, but Faith doesn’t hold a candle to you.”

“I know,” Buffy responded confidently.

“Of course you aren’t jealous about who I’ll be working with, you’re jealous of the work itself, aren’t you, Summers?” When her lips formed an involuntary pout, William gave them a hard kiss. “As much as it would please me to keep you locked up at home as my own personal sex goddess and baby-maker—hey!” He laughed as Buffy pinched his side. “Let me finish before you get feisty. I appreciate that you’re willing to quit, I really do, but I also know you’re doing it as a self-inflicted punishment because you sought out Angel on your own. You think you wronged me.”

“William--.”

“Let me finish. If you insist on quitting, I won’t stop you. You should quit the evidence room. However I have a hard time imagining you without a badge--.”

“How can you say that? I don’t even feel like a cop in the Property Recovery Unit. You won’t let me be a detective again.”

“No, I won’t. Not with Angel out there.”

“And if he weren’t out there,” Buffy began with a bite of sarcasm, “would it really make a difference?”

“It’d make all the difference in the world actually. There’s always danger in our line of work, but Angel’s different. It’s personal.”

“You mean…but I thought you were dead-set against me… Are you saying you’d be okay with us working, maybe not undercover, but together again, if Angel’s out of the picture? William, you’ve never said this before.”

“Well, I haven’t let us really talk about it, now have I?”

“No,” Buffy responded as her heart sped up from excitement. “You shut down, I get frustrated, and then I call you names. I change the subject before we fight. William, I’d love it if we could work together again. Maybe we could find something not so dangerous. Maybe—William, why are you telling me this now? I know we’re close to nabbing Angel, but we’re really no closer than we’ve been for years.”

“I have a plan,” he declared with a mischievous grin. “The way we’ve been going after him is all wrong. We sit and wait, because we’re terrified he’ll strike back. As you said, we’ve been waiting for the right evidence to just fall into our laps and it isn’t happening. What if we continued to keep our distance, but we tried out a new form of attack?”

“That sounds great, but what are you talking about?”

“I’m thinking…pet, we have two witches downstairs at our disposal. Two guilty witches who owe us for the heartache they caused. It’d be nothing for them to whip up a spell, right?”

“Um…I don’t know if you should be so sure about that. Every time Will writes a spell, it backfires in some way.”

“But just think of the fresh start it could give us, with Angel locked up and behind us.”

Buffy took a deep breath, still tangled in her husband’s arms. She gave him a squeeze. “We could also just move or we could get new jobs.”

“True. It’s always best to have a few backup plans, yeah?”

“Yup. Just in case, you know, the spell-casting and hocus-pocus fall through.”

“Pet, you think I’m crazy.”

“I’d think you were more crazy if I hadn’t walked around in some kinda amnesia-induced daze since the day before Christmas Eve. Whatever you want to do, I’ll have your back…well, within reason of course.”

“Of course,” William chuckled before capturing her mouth in a kiss.
***

A/N: I wonder if people still do author’s notes this way? I used to like reading them at the end instead of at the beginning, but I’m pretty old school. :) Anyway, I’m not sure when you’ll get the next chapter because, a) I only have a few paragraphs at the moment, and b) two Wednesdays from now I’ll be in Disneyland during my usual posting day. So if you don’t hear from me then, don’t panic. I’ll post again asap. Thank you so much for reading.

Chapter 29

“Just what kind of spell do you have in mind?”

“Oh, something on the simple side of things. Maybe a three-pronged attack. I’m thinking first, we locate the bastard, then we give him some kind of ailment—a paralyzing bit of this and a painful dash of that—and finally, as the kicker, we make some shit reappear, like guns with his fingerprints all over them or maybe some sort of undeniable record of his dirty deeds. You and I will call in the troops and we’ll get our glory back.”

“Honey, that doesn’t sound very simple. It’s…imaginative…creative, but definitely not simple.” Although William wasn’t standing much taller on his bare feet than she was, Buffy stood on her tiptoes to kiss his forehead. After he watched her dress, she pulled him off their bed and led him toward the closet. She was dressed from head to toe, but William was still in only his jeans. “William, what if they don’t agree to it?”

“You mean the witches? Honestly, my plan doesn’t go that far.”

“Oh.”

“Yeah,” William replied with a little laugh while pushing his fingers through his hair. “But we can ease them into it no matter what…well, for the most part, I’m sure of it. And if worst comes to comes worst, I’ll pull a Willow and shed a tear.”

“Now that would totally give you the upper hand,” Buffy remarked with an amused smirk as she thumbed through William’s part of the closet. She grabbed a soft long-sleeve shirt and slipped it over his head so it hung around his neck like a lumpy scarf. “Willow will be easier to win over, but we might offend Tara. Will you be able to live with that?”

William brushed his fingers against his chin thoughtfully. “We could exclude her, but Glinda the Good Witch keeps Willow in line. We’ll need her to pick up the pieces when Red spins out of control.”

“Hey, don’t say when. It makes it sound as if we’re setting Wills up for failure. I know you think it wouldn’t be a big deal if a spell backfires on Angel, but what if he loses his memory? Wouldn’t that be terrible? Or what if someone completely innocent suffers because of us?”

William slipped his arms through the shirt. He yanked down the hem and smoothed down his hair one more time. “You always have to be the practical one, don’t you?”

“I try,” she admitted with a soft smile. “Does this mean you won’t be surprised when I tell you we should head downstairs in about two minutes from now? You won’t put up a fight?”

“Believe me, I’ll be tempted,” he muttered, pulling her close. He let out a quiet sigh when Buffy wrapped her arms around his neck. “But I won’t fight.”

“Good. Just take deep breaths. Listen to what they have to say. Keep the cussing to a minimum.”

“That might be easier said than done.”

“Don’t yell,” she said, brushing a kiss against his cheek.

“I won’t. Not with the kids in the room.”

“I’ll have your back.”

William nodded. Then he followed her out of their room and down the stairs.

Typically, Buffy thrived in tense situations. Being a police officer, she enjoyed taking someone else’s anxiety and using it to her advantage, but she was feeling just as anxious as the rest of the adults in her home. Her emotions were scattered and conflicted. She felt nervous for her friends, but she shared her husband’s anger and disappointment.

At least I won’t have to choose sides, Buffy thought. She looked back toward William, caught his eye, and smiled. “I’m on your side,” she whispered. “Just play nice, that’s all I ask.”

They entered the living room and she stepped aside as he greeted Tara and Willow. It was a brief welcome, but it was polite. Buffy was proud to see that William didn’t roll his eyes too noticeably as Willow pulled him into a hug as she fought back tears. Instead his eyes scanned the room, and the second Willow set him free, he scooped Joy into his arms. He settled into the recliner with his daughter cuddled against his chest.

He’s using our baby like a human shield, Buffy realized silently. She tried not to grin as she took a seat on the couch. Tara sat next to her and Willow sat at the end, in the seat farthest away from William.

“I can’t get over how big the kids are getting,” Willow remarked, tucked safely in the corner of the couch. She let out a light sniffle and swept a finger under one of her eyes. “They’ve changed so much since I’ve last seen them.”

“How was breakfast? Was there enough for you to eat?”

“Oh, yeah, there was plenty and it was really good, Buffy. We’ve been having a great time. Jamie’s been talking my ear off and Sarah…well, she’s just as shy as ever. Joy’s a cutie like always.”

“Sarah isn’t shy,” Buffy replied. She slipped off the couch and down to the carpet. She crawled on her knees and sat cross-legged beneath William’s chair. She opened her arms and said, “Come here, Sarah, sit with me for a minute. I see you have your new barrettes sitting next to you, are you waiting for me to put them into your hair?”

“She only likes me to fix her hair,” Buffy explained. As she spoke, Buffy combed through Sarah’s wispy fine hair with her fingers and snapped the barrettes into place. “Sometimes she lets her dad do it though. She’s just selective about a lot of things, even about the people she talks to. I don’t see a problem with that. In fact, at times I wish Jamie weren’t so friendly. Sarah’s more cautious.”

“She’s got a good head on her shoulders, don’t you, kitten?”

Sarah giggled as William’s toe poked into her side. “I have a good head, daddy?”

“I’d say it’s one of Sunnydale’s finest.”

“Daddy, don’t—daddy, stop poking me!” Although Sarah protested, she didn’t move away. She held onto to William’s squirming toes with both hands. She laughed and smiled up at her father, enjoying every second of the attention he was giving her.

“I never said there’s anything wrong with being shy,” Willow began. If she planned on continuing, Jamie wasn’t going to let her be heard.

“Mommy!” he cried, dancing over to Buffy’s side. “Wanna see what my Aunt Willow got me?! She got me more cars! A blue one, a green one, and a, a red one!”

“Very cool. Did you thank her for them?”

“Yeees! Which is your favorite, mom?”

“The red one is nice.”

“Dad?” Jamie called out cheerfully. He went from person to person, conducting an impromptu poll until he declared that the red car was the best. He dropped to the floor, lined up his cars, and rolled them one at a time along the length of the living room while making engine noises.

With Jamie distracted, Willow cleared her throat and started to speak again. “I brought a little something for the girls too. I know I just sent a box for Christmas, but I couldn’t show up empty-handed. I’m the godmother, so I must spoil my godbabies. It’s in the job description.”

“That must explain the little ball of fluff Sarah has tucked under her arm. Can I see your new present?” Buffy asked, speaking softly to Sarah. Her daughter lifted her bent elbow, but she didn’t let go of William’s toes. A stuffed white cat rolled onto the carpet. Buffy smiled, noticing the cat’s hot pink beret and spotted scarf.

“I know it’s cheesy, but I couldn’t resist. It’s so girlie and, well, Sarah’s a girlie girl, isn’t she? Joy was given a matching black cat in a purple outfit, but she had no interest in it whatsoever. She threw it off her highchair. When I gave it to her again, she threw it back at me. It bounced off my nose and Joy found that incredibly amusing.”

At the sound of William’s soft snicker, Buffy snuck her fingers up his pant leg. She gave the skin above his ankle a warning pinch. “Thank you for bringing the toys. You shouldn’t have, but thank you.”

“I have some stuff in my suitcase for the new baby too,” Willow said. Tara cleared her throat and placed a hand on Willow’s knee, but that didn’t stop Willow from continuing with a wide grin on her face. “It’s so hard to believe you’ll have four kids this time next year, Buffy. Are you hoping for a boy or girl? Jamie, sweetie, are we keeping our fingers crossed for a new baby brother or a baby sister?”

Tara said Willow’s name and looked apologetic just as Jamie jumped to his feet. His face was scrunched up in an annoyed frown. “Aunt Willow, I don’t want—no more sisters! Okay?! My mom—um, my dad won’t—no more babies!”

Buffy closed her eyes as Jamie started to cry.

“Buffy, William, I’m so sorry--.”

“Quiet, Will. Just stop talking. Please.”

“Maybe we should go?” Tara offered quietly. “We can step outside for a minute.”

“No. Stay where you are, and just…” Buffy trailed off once Sarah pulled at the corner of her shirt.

“Mommy?” Sarah whispered. “Mommy, Jamie’s crying.”

Buffy opened one eye. She watched as Sarah scooted off her lap. She reluctantly let go of William’s toes, only to wrap her arms around his leg. Her daughter’s worried expression tugged at Buffy’s heart. She took a deep breath before standing and lifting Jamie into her arms.

Tiny fingers dug into her ponytail and Jamie’s wet face buried into her neck. “No more babies, mommy,” he mumbled in a pout. “No more sisters.”

“I’m sorry, buddy, but a new baby is coming, whether you like it or not. And it might even be a girl.”

“But…why?”

“Why what?” she asked. Her eyes finally locked with William’s and she walked to him. “We’re going to have a baby because I’m pregnant. My stomach is going to get really big again. You remember how big it was before Jo came along? My tummy looked like a huge beach ball, remember?”

“You walked funny. Daddy said you walked like a duck.”

“He said I waddled. That daddy of yours, he’s…sweet, isn’t he?”

“My dad—he won’t let me have more sisters!”

“We’re having a new baby because of your dad, Jamie.” At the sound of Jamie’s surprised gasp, Buffy laughed. “He isn’t the only one to blame though. It was a joint effort, a…well, your dad and I thought you wouldn’t mind another baby in the house. And there is a pretty good chance of us having a boy. We just won’t know for a while, sweetie. You might have a new sister or you might not.”

“You’re being awfully quiet down there,” William said, leaning forward to give Sarah’s hair a little tweak. “What do you think about all this?”

Sarah batted William’s fingers away from her hair with a wave of her hand. “I like Jo, daddy.” To prove her point, Sarah stretched out to pat Joy’s back while never releasing her hold on William’s leg. “Jo’s a good baby. Let’s have another baby like Jo.”

“I’m glad we have your approval. On both accounts,” William answered. He surprised Buffy by being able to keep a straight face. “I’m sure Jo appreciates it as well.”

“I like Jo too!” Jamie said, suddenly turning in Buffy’s embrace so he could look down at his father. “Jo doesn’t want a baby either!”

“She told you that, did she?” William asked, causing Jamie to bob his head up and down enthusiastically. “Alright, but did she also tell you about how much fun you’ll have with a new sibling? Think about it, mate. There will be even more toys cluttering up our house, getting to sleep will take longer when you each pick out your own bedtime story, there will be one extra birthday party to celebrate each year and—best of all—if it is a boy, we won’t be outnumbered by the girls any longer.”

“But—but…okay.”

“Okay?” Buffy asked. She studied Jamie’s face and found it free of tears. “That’s it?”

“Don’t provoke him,” William sang under his breath. “Let’s just be thankful we dodged that bullet.”

“Where is my brother, mommy? He isn’t in your tummy. I can’t seee him!”

“Oh, he’s in there. He’s just really tiny right now. But, Jamie, we won’t know the baby’s gender for a long time--.”

“My brother’s gonna sleep in my room! Just boys, no sisters!”

“My room?!” Sarah squeaked. “Daddy! Jamie can’t--.”

“He won’t,” William said to Sarah. “No one is moving in or out of their rooms. Everyone is staying put until your mother and I say otherwise. Does everyone understand that?”

Sarah nodded, but Jamie just squirmed in Buffy’s arms. “My brother’s gonna like my toys. I’ll share with him, daddy.”

“I’m glad to hear it, but--.”

“Let me go, mom! I wanna play with my toys before my brother gets here!”

“Okay,” Buffy said, lowering her son to the ground. Letting out a heavy sigh, she leaned over to hug her arms around William’s neck. “Do you still think we avoided a bullet?” she whispered. “If this kid isn’t a boy… I had no idea he’d react this way. He was happy about Joy.”

“He was younger and he didn’t know what to expect. He didn’t really understand back then and he just barely understands now.”

“He only wants a brother…”

“He’ll get over that nonsense. We did alright, pet. It didn’t go smoothly, but—Buffy, we were backed into a corner. We did our best.”

Buffy grunted softly, still convinced that she could’ve handled the situation differently. She gave William’s head a squeeze and kissed the bottom edge of his white-blond sideburn. “I wanted to wait until after our appointment tomorrow. I wanted to know more before we told them anything.”

“I know,” William said quietly. “Don’t be hard on yourself.”

“He’s right,” Willow blurted out. She blushed under the gaze of three sets of eyes. “I eavesdropped. I know it’s awful, but we’re all in the same room. Even though you were whispering, I couldn’t help but see your lips moving. But that isn’t really the point. The point is, I have a big mouth along with my big stupid ears and I’m sorry. I just assumed that the baby was common knowledge.”

“You assumed? If I’m not mistaken, wasn’t it your false assumptions that led to you giving my wife about a week’s worth of amnesia?”

“Now there’s a good way to get the ball rolling,” Buffy muttered, standing up straight. “Honey, you just kicked the ball and it hit Willow in the teeth.”

“Guess I took my cue from our youngest.”

At the mention of Joy, Buffy lightly touched back of her head. The baby was sleeping soundly, curled up against William, completely oblivious to the awkward tension among the grown-ups in the room. “Want me to take her upstairs?”

“Don’t even think about it.”

“Okay,” Buffy answered with a smile. “Sarah, are you still okay down there? Do you need anything?”

Sarah shook her head. She was still close to William’s recliner, but she wasn’t clinging to him. She was quietly dressing her dolls in various fashionable outfits. Every once in a while she squealed when William concealed a miniature shoe or skirt under his foot.

Buffy quickly glanced at Jamie, finding him now busy with a different group of toys. With her children content, Buffy returned to the couch and shifted her attention to her friends.

“Let’s make this painless. I lost my memory because of a spell. You both thought I was keeping secrets from my husband. That was kind of true, but--.”

“But it doesn’t matter,” William interrupted. “It wasn’t your business and you shouldn’t have interfered without at least speaking to one of us first.”

“Um, yes, but.” Buffy turned to give William a look. He rolled his eyes in response and mumbled under his breath words that Buffy couldn’t quite understand. “Anyway,” she continued, looking back to Tara and Willow’s guilty faces, “you had nothing to worry about. You will have nothing to worry about when it comes to William and me. We can handle each other and our own problems. You shouldn’t have done that spell. I know it didn’t work out as you had planned, but really, you went too far. Without my memories, my kids didn’t have a normally functioning mom. William had to…you put him through hell, guys. Thank God, I had him to lean on. If I hadn’t…”

She stopped, hit by a flood of emotion. It was a mixture of good and bad feelings, along with a great deal of love for her husband. She looked over at William again and cleared her throat.

Taking the silent cue, seeing the tears glittering in Buffy’s eyes, William inhaled sharply. “We’re willing to forgive you both, damn it, but there isn’t a chance that we’ll be forgetting a moment of this. Tara can continue to be our nanny, if she wishes to stick around. Red, you can visit. But the spells and the bloody witchcraft--.”

“You won’t see it again. Not in your house,” Willow promised breathlessly. “When I travel, I hardly bring anything with me, and Tara, she’s so particular about her practice she doesn’t usually have the resources to perform spells that can backfire like this one did. William, she’s one-hundred percent white magic. She heals. She--.”

“And what color of magic are you? Something a little on the cloudy side, yes? You’re not as wholesome as our sweet Tara, are you?”

Buffy watched Willow’s face fall. She didn’t interfere though, trusting William and his approach. He wanted her friend’s help and knew how to get it, but not without putting Willow in her place.

“I’m powerful,” Willow responded. She wasn’t boasting; she just looked more guilty. “When I write spells, they work, but sometimes I don’t word them with the best terms… I’m not as focused as Tara, but I’m more powerful.”

“And this power is hard for you to control.”

“I’m working on it,” Willow grumbled. “I’m getting much better.”

“So if I wanted a spell, what kind of margin of error would we be looking at?”

Buffy watched Tara blink in reaction to William’s question. Willow’s eyes grew wide. “Um,” she began, “that depends on a lot of things, but I thought--.”

“Don’t think and don’t assume, Red. Here’s the deal: my wife and I are shopping for a spell. We didn’t know a lot about witchcraft, but we know enough about it now to think it can get a job done for us.”

“What job?” Tara asked. “What kind of job?”

“Angel,” Buffy answered.

“You want me to put a spell on the man who shot Buffy? What kind of spell are you talking about? The worse the spell, the more control I need. You don’t want to punish him, do you? I don’t think I could hurt somebody…not willingly.”

“They wouldn’t ask you to that,” Tara said, squeezing Willow’s hand. “It wouldn’t be right. Surely, they want something similar to a locator spell.” Tara looked from Buffy to William and then back to Buffy. “A locator spell won’t hurt anyone. If you want to find him, we can point you in the right direction, if he’s staying in one place.”

“We’ll need more than just his location,” Buffy explained. “He shot me and got away with it because we didn’t have solid proof. Neither of us saw Angel pull the trigger. We never have found the gun. If you can find the gun, great, but Tara, we’re open to suggestions. If there’s anything you and Willow can do, we’ll take all the help we can get. We just want to move on. We’ve been going after him our own way for years and you know it’s getting us nowhere. If magic can give me amnesia, why can’t it put a criminal in prison?”

“It would definitely make your track record a little less murky,” William added, looking at Willow. “If putting a bad man behind bars isn’t an act of pure lily-white magic, I don’t know what one is.”

“We’re in no hurry, Will. I mean, I don’t even know how long you’re in town, but think about everything,” Buffy continued. “Talk to Tara. Look at your…spell books. Just take your time. The bottom line is we want this done right, if we’re doing it at all. And if you think there’s too much of a risk, tell us. We won’t push. Will we, honey?”

“No. We’ll respect your decision,” William answered quietly. “But I hope you’ll help us. Both you and Tara. I’m fucking tired of Angel. I want him gone. If you can do that with your spells and potions… I’d be grateful. I’d owe you.”

“Of course I’ll help,” Willow announced without pause. “I’ll do anything I can to help. I’ll get my hands on some books. I’ll research some possible spells. I’ll do some shopping. And with Tara on board…” She glanced at Tara and was met with a slight nod. “It’ll be fun.”

“You can have fun, but don’t get carried away,” William warned, although Buffy could tell he was pleased. “I’d prefer it if you brewed your potions and waved your magic wands elsewhere, but I’d like to keep an eye on what you’re doing. I probably won’t know what the hell I’m watching, but I’d like to supervise regardless. Study your books and shop by day, but do the conjuring at night. You can use the kitchen here, but when Buffy and the kids are asleep.”

“Buffy and the kids?” Buffy asked. “You want me to sleep while they’re conjuring in my kitchen?”

“We’ll take as many precautions as possible,” he continued as if Buffy hadn’t said a word. “No one is getting hurt on my watch.”
***

Chapter 30

“No one will get hurt on my watch, he says. Buffy will do this. Buffy will do that. Buffy can be locked upstairs like she’s one of the kids.” Buffy’s head slightly bobbed and her eyes rolled as she mimicked her husband.

“Can you really blame him for being paranoid? I know I can’t. He’s just looking after you and the baby.”

“I know, but if I give that man an inch…” Buffy looked over her shoulder. Her narrowed eyes met William’s and they shared a playful glare. “Will, he’ll boss me around. I don’t take it well when he tells me what to do.”

“You don’t take it well?” William asked, letting out a snort. “That’s a bloody understatement. Summers, tell your friend Willow just why you don’t ‘take it well.’ Tell the truth, and let her know it’s because you can’t stomach the fact that I always know what’s best.”

“Oh, and now he’s gloating!” Buffy laughed. “I can’t believe him! Will, can you believe him?”

“I’m not sure of what else to say,” Willow began. “You really want my opinion on this?”

“Sweetie, you don’t have to say another word,” Tara chimed in, touching Willow’s shoulder. “It doesn’t matter what we say, remember? They don’t care how or even if we play along. They just bicker for their own amusement. Give it a little time; you’ll recall how easy it is to ignore them.”

“Well,” Buffy blinked, amused by Tara’s bluntness. “William, are we really that transparent?”

“Must be,” he shrugged. He rearranged Joy and noted she was ready for a diaper change. He took her out of the living room, but continued to speak from the nearby bathroom. “Makes you wonder why our sweet nanny would think you’d be capable of those nasty things, doesn’t it? Tara’s with us more than anyone. You’d think it would take a bit more convincing to believe you’d put yourself in that kind of danger. As if you’d purposely deceive me—hell, anyone with bloody eyes and a decent set of ears should know how we feel about each other.”

“William and I aren’t exactly shy when it comes to, um…displaying our affections.”

“You don’t need to remind me about that, that I totally remember. In great embarrassing detail,” Willow mumbled just as Tara said, “We know you love each other, you can’t seem to get enough of each other. I’ve been around you both since the shooting, and I--.”

“You think you’ve got us all figured out? You think you know it all?” William’s words made Tara shift uneasily, but a second later, he peeked into the room to smirk in her direction. “Well, you’re probably right.”

“I just know how Angel affects you. Both of you. No offense, but your common sense has a tendency to….well…get discarded when Angel’s in the picture.”

“That’s putting it lightly. Usually we just hurl our common sense straight out the window, don’t we, baby?”

William’s grin vanished. “Buffy, are you saying a spell isn’t the way to go now? Tara? What are your thoughts? Isn’t turning to witchcraft a prudent decision?”

“You might be setting your sights a little too high, that’s all,” Tara answered. “Willow’s very good, but some things don’t mix well with witchcraft, no matter how well it’s performed.”

“Such as?” William walked back into the room. He sat Joy in front of her toys as Buffy answered, “Ah, just about everything? Think about it. It boggles my mind, knowing I’m the victim of a spell gone wrong. And if I’m having a hard time believing it, when I lived through it? God, we’ll have to be careful, that’s for sure. We can’t do anything that’ll be too hard to explain. We’ll leave the magic out for the guys at work. Our story has to make sense, but--.”

“Now who’s getting carried away?” William chuckled. He returned to the recliner and sank into the cushions. “You hear that, girls? Listen to my wife. She’s already got the case closed.”

“I do not. I’m just thinking about--.”

“You’re fretting. It’s too early in the game for that, love. We’ll sort everything out once the time is right.”

“But that could happen sooner than you think,” Willow began, clearing her throat. “Would you mind if Tara and I slipped away to The Magic Box? As much as I hate to cut our visiting short, I’m anxious to get started. The store isn’t far from here and they should have most of the books and supplies we need. We could step out for a few hours and, if we’re lucky, we can do dinner and some conjuring later. I’ll provide the food. Maybe something kid-friendly? How about McDonald’s?”

Jamie and Sarah’s heads popped up in unison. They looked back and forth between their parents with excited expressions on their faces.

“Oh my goodness,” Willow gasped as the kids started to beg. “Did I just stick my foot in my mouth again? I thought…they can have fast-food, can’t they? Buffy, I’m so--.”

“Stop,” Buffy said, forcing back a laugh. “Just stop. They’re allowed to eat greasy burgers and fries, just not too often. And you and Tara are free to leave on one—no, on two conditions. One, you’ll take the cash I find in William’s wallet to go toward dinner and whatever supplies you’ll need, and two, you have to take him with you.”

“Him? You mean William-him?”

“Do you have a problem with that?” Out of the corner of her eye, Buffy watched William shift in the recliner, his brow furrowed. “I think we’ve moved past the worst part. He might huff and puff a little, but you have nothing to worry about. You should know by now William’s one of those guys who are all bark and not too much bite.”

“I wouldn’t be so certain of that. Have you thought about asking me for my opinion on this?”

“No,” Buffy answered William sweetly. “Since you always know what’s best, I’m sure you’re one step ahead of me. You did say you wanted to supervise their spell casting, right? Go with them, honey, and let them drop you off at work. I’ll give you my keys so you can get your precious bike. Then it’s up to you, you can either chaperone their shopping trip or you can just drive the bike home. Either way, I’m getting your wallet and jacket from our room.”

“Did you hear that?” Buffy heard him ask as she went up the stairs. “Now you’re getting a taste of who really dishes out the bossing around here.”

Snickering, she gathered up William’s leather jacket, throwing it over her shoulder as she went to the dresser and sought out his wallet. She was counting the tiny stack of dollar bills when William appeared in the doorway, hip rested against the doorjamb. “You don’t have a lot of money here,” she told him. “Not even a twenty. Babe, stop at the bank before you hit the station.”

“Is there anything else? Any other orders I should tend to?”

“Not that I can think of, not at the moment.”

“Tell me,” he began, crossing his arms over his chest, “why do I feel as if you’re sending me into the lion’s den?”

“Because you’re paranoid?”

“Possibly, but you want to get rid of me. Why?”

“I want you to get your motorcycle.”

“I’d rather take the first ride with you.”

“That’s nice,” she smiled, “but how long are you willing to wait? It could be days before we--.”

“Days?”

“Days,” she repeated. When he frowned, Buffy bit her bottom lip and forced her smile to disappear. “Honey, a lot of things will be going down while Willow’s visiting. A joyride won’t be on our list of priorities.”

“Says who?”

“Okay, it shouldn’t be on our list of priorities,” she laughed. “But we won’t rule it out completely.”

Satisfied with her answer, William uncrossed his arms. He slipped his hands into the pockets of his jeans. He leaned against the doorjamb more comfortably, but kept his eyes narrowed as he watched her. “You really want me to go?”

“If you wouldn’t mind…” Suddenly feeling self-conscious, Buffy licked her lips. She moved his jacket, draping it over her arm. “William, I’m not sending you away to be mean or anything, I just…”

“You just what?” he asked, the volume of his voice dropping. His expression softened as well and he reached forward to tuck a flyway from her ponytail behind her ear. “What’s running through your head now, Summers?”

“Nothing,” she said, and then she heard him clear his throat, letting her know a one-word answer wasn’t acceptable. “William, I… Honey.”

“Go on, I’m listening.”

“I haven’t been alone in days,” she blurted out. “I haven’t had the house or—or the kids to myself—and I mean really to myself—and I--.”

“You want to see how you’ll hold up, how you’ll handle being on your own?”

Buffy nodded, relieved that he knew her so well.

“Alright,” he said simply, turning so Buffy could help him into his jacket. She tucked his wallet into his jeans.

“Thank you for doing this.”

“Yeah, yeah.”

“Yeah, yeah?” she repeated with an arched brow. “What kind of response is that? I’m thanking you and here you’re—,” before she could say more he pulled her forward. William’s mouth collided with hers and she laughed under his hard kiss. “Okay, what is this? Are you up to something?”

“I’m distracting you. Is it working?” She nodded as a hand slipped under her shirt and gasped as the same hand wiggled under the wires of her bra. “You have nothing to prove as far as I’m concerned,” he muttered between kisses. “Your memory is back. It’s been restored.”

“So far, so good, but--.” Another disapproving noise stopped her from continuing. Caught up in a new toe-curling kiss, Buffy had no choice but to answer it by moaning happily, snaking into his jacket, and wrapping her arms around his waist.

“I’m more curious than concerned,” she managed to pant. “Really, I swear. But I still want you to go. Your kisses won’t change my mind. You can save them, along with your randy fingers—,” she paused to bring his hands out from beneath her bra, “—for later. You aren’t going to weasel out of this. You wanted control of the situation, take control of it. Oversee, supervise, then report back to me.”

“But, pet…”

She touched the tip of her tongue to his knuckles before brushing her lips against them chastely. “You’ll go; you’ll get your bike. I guess you don’t have to shop with the girls, but I do need some time.”

“Do you have big plans?”

“Not really.” She leaned in to give his mouth a soft peck. They looked at each other for a moment before Buffy grabbed on to his arm and led him down the stairs.
***

Chapter 31

“Mommy?”

Buffy’s body jerked, startled by Sarah’s voice and the light tug on her shirtsleeve. She was back in the master bedroom, in front of the closet and on the floor. Propped on her hands and knees, she turned and found Sarah kneeling beside her.

“Mommy, you gotta big mess.”

“Yeah, I guess I do.” Sitting up, Buffy wiped away the hair that refused to stay bound in her ponytail. She quickly glanced around and surveyed the damage she’d done. Shoes, clothing that had slipped from hangers, forgotten purses, and odds and ends stuffed in hot pink gift bag-quality shopping bags were scattered all around. “It looks like I’ve been digging for gold, doesn’t it, baby?”

Sarah nodded, her little face serious, troubled by the clutter.

“Shouldn’t you be taking a nap? Aren’t you sleepy? Is your brother up too?”

“No.”

“No to which question?”

“Um…one, two, three.”

“Okay,” Buffy smiled, not concerned with Sarah missing her nap. Her daughter was a notoriously good sleeper. She’d probably doze off at some point before dinner and still be able to sleep soundly throughout the night. She’d stay in good spirits as long as Jamie behaved himself.

As if that’ll happen.

Thinking of Jamie made her smile grow. He was her wild child, always excited and curious. There was no way to predict the mood he’d be in after his nap. He could be calm and sweet, or completely hyped up, bursting with a new wave of mischievous energy.

“Want to give me a hand?” Buffy asked, although she already knew what Sarah would say. Sarah was her little helper. She loved to shadow her parents, carrying whatever she could hold and eager to follow directions. “We’ll have to move fast before your brother gets up and terrorizes the house again. I’m trying to find a few things, things that I could’ve sworn that I put in the closet. So this means either I’m not as cured,” she paused to roll her eyes and throw up her hands in air-quotes, “as I thought I was, or, I’m just suffering from old age. Either way, I’m not pleased.”

“And deeply annoyed actually,” she grumbled under her breath. She looked at Sarah again and found her listening carefully, ready for her assignment. “I’m looking for some things that aren’t important, but I want to find them anyway. There’s this magazine that’s as old as you are,” Buffy continued to speak as she scanned through a random bag. “It has awesome ideas for decorating a nursery. Themes and color combinations. Do-it-yourself stuff. I also bought this adorable baby book on clearance. It has animals on it. I know how you kids love your animals. I’m sure the new baby will get a kick out of them too.”

“A baby book?”

“Yup. Just like the ones we’ve kept for you, Jamie and Jo. I’m also searching for a DVD.”

“A movie?”

“Not exactly, it’s a DVD of workouts for pre-baby and post-baby. It’s a godsend for shedding the extra baby-weight and—who am I kidding? Seriously, missy, if your dad were here now, he’d be laughing at me. I’m tearing up our room over some really stupid shit.”

“Don’t—bad words are bad, mommy.”

“I know. Sorry,” she said, kissing the top of Sarah’s head. “I’m putting you in charge of the baby book, okay? Once you find it, you and I will fill it up with stickers and stories about your new baby brother or sister.”

“Stickers? I love stickers.”

“I know,” Buffy responded, feeling a little more at ease.

So I can’t find a magazine and a shitty DVD, is that really such a big deal? At least I remember my babies. Sarah has a scrapbook of her favorite stickers. Jamie has a collection of unsharpened pencils that he keeps in a special school box. William and I get after him all the time because he pretends they are swords. The first time he broke one of the pencils—a green one with yellow spirals on it—he cried and cried. William and I ended up driving him to the store past his bedtime to pick up another ten pencils for a dollar.

“Quack!”

Taken out of her thoughts, Buffy laughed, “Come again?”

“Look, mommy, duckies! And a cow, mooo, and a—mommy, what’s this?” Her sparkling pink fingernail, pointed to another image on the hardback book. “Is it a dog?”

“No, that’s a goat. Baby, where did you find that book?” She followed her finger again to a tote bag Buffy had thrown and buried at the beginning of her search. “Seriously?” she mumbled, finding everything that she had been looking for and more pregnancy-related items that she had grouped together for safekeeping. “How’d I miss this?”

Sarah shrugged, her head still bent over the empty baby book. “It was—I moved the big pillow and there it was!”

“I should’ve called you in here sooner, you’re a little detective.”

Sarah beamed, taking Buffy’s words as a major compliment. “Mommy, why’s that pillow so big? It’s bigger than—it’s huuuge!”

“You don’t remember it? I had it with me all the time when Joy was in my tummy. She gave me some killer back pain—and the nausea? She kept moving and kicking me… You and Jamie played with it a few times. In fact, your brother thought it was a trampoline. Is this ringing any bells?”

“Bells? Jingle bells?”

“Don’t you remember?” Buffy laughed, finding it refreshing to ask the question instead of being on its receiving end. “Your brother even had the harebrained idea to jump off the couch and into the pillow. Luckily, daddy caught him in time.”

“Jamie got in trouble. Big trouble,” Sarah added with a pleased gleam in her eyes. “I didn’t. I wasn’t bad. Jamie was.”

“What’d I do?!” Jamie demanded from behind them. Buffy expected to see him with his hands planted on his hips, but instead he had his arms wrapped tightly around Joy and he was carrying her into the room.

“Jamie--.”

“Don’t worry, mommy, I was real careful! I woke up, I peeked in her room and Jo was waiting for me! She wanted me to get her! I got my ladder--.”

“Your stepstool? Oh, Jamie--.”

“I held out my arms and she climbed into my arms like a—like a little monkey!” As if she were agreeing, Joy let out a collection of happy grunts and gurgles. She pressed her wide-opened fingers to Jamie’s cheek and squealed.

“Put her on the carpet or on the bed. Gently, please.”

“I’m not gonna drop her!” Jamie proclaimed, offended by the thought. “I like holding her, she’s heavy! I’ll hold my baby brother too!”

“Let’s not start that again,” Buffy mumbled, getting to her feet and scooping Joy into her arms. “Let’s call the baby, just “the baby,” from now on. And what did we tell you about carrying Joy around?”

“Jo’s not a potato!”

“You can’t carry her around like a sack of potatoes,” Buffy corrected. “You’ve been really good about not doing it this week. If you want to hold her, you need to be sitting and with a grownup. You should’ve called me first.”

“I won’t break her! I promise, mommy!”

“That’s good, your promise means a lot, but it’s better to be safe than sorry. That’s our family’s motto around here and we all have to deal with it.”

His hands balled at his sides and he started to jump in place. ““I’m dealing, but—um, mom, can I have some juice?! Purple juice?! And some fishes?!”

“Is it snack time, already? Didn’t we just eat lunch?” Buffy looked at the clock as Joy squirmed against her chest. Her tiny fingers slipped under the neckline of her shirt and she grasped the strap of her bra. “Ma!” she demanded, giving the strap a tug. “Gee!”

“You’re hungry too? Okay, okay,” she sighed. “We’ll eat. We’ll have fish crackers and purple juice. With straws.”

“Yay!” Jamie yelled and Sarah stood with the new baby book clutched to her chest. “What about your mess, mommy?” she asked.

“We’ll come back to it. No worries. We’ll pick it all up later.”
***

“I would’ve sworn your dad would be back by now. I guess he decided to go shopping with Aunt Willow and Tara after all. That guy, he missed lunch, naptime, and our snack. For someone who said I had nothing to prove, he is sure leaving me to fend for myself.”

“Of course, that’s exactly what I asked for, but that doesn’t stop us from feeling neglected, now does it?” With a yawn, Buffy joined her children on couch. She spread the blanket from Sarah, across Jamie and had plenty of fabric to drape over her shoulders. Lying on her side, she freed her hair from its band and fanned out her ponytail. She swept her legs up, stretching them out along the length of the couch and directly in front of Jamie and Sarah.

“Oh mommy, you trapped us!” Jamie giggled in delight. “Where’s the—who’s got the TV switcher? What’d you do with Jo?”

“I’ve got them both down here,” Buffy answered, carefully maneuvering herself so she could pick up Joy and the television remote off the carpet without rolling off the couch. She put Joy in the hollow space in front of her stomach, but her daughter did not sit still. She pulled herself up, placing her hands on Buffy’s breasts for support. Buffy caught her just before her little fingers started to squeeze.

“That’s one thing I love about having kids, you have to say goodbye to modesty. When your body isn’t bloating, aching, or feeding someone, it’s being used as someone’s personal jungle gym. If some private parts are grabbed along the way—it’s no big. Besides, if you guys aren’t grabbing at me, I have your father to deal with and we all know that man can’t keep his hands to himself.”

“Is that right? Is this a complaint?”

At the sound of William’s voice, the twins shot up. They spun around, leaning against the back of the couch. Accompanied by a choir of ‘hi, dads,” William greeted the twins with kisses. “Sit. Both of you on your backsides. Now, please.”

“What took you so long?”

“Got carried away,” he answered, rounding the couch. He was in his leather jacket and a helmet was dangling from his left hand.

“You found your other present. Do you like it?”

“Yes, very much and thank you.” He bent over to kiss her on the mouth. “The goggles on the top are a nice touch.”

“I really didn’t know what I was looking at,” she confessed with an innocent grin. “I knew I had to keep your head safe—it’s very important to me—and when I found a helmet called a pudding bowl? I had to get it.”

“Cute, Summers.”

“I thought so.” Twisting onto her back, she reached up and tangled her arms around his neck. Instead of hovering above her, he sank down to his knees. “Hey, you,” he said, showing Jamie the helmet with a flip of his wrist. “Try this on for size, big boy.”

“Woah!” Jamie gasped. He clutched the helmet in both hands before putting it on. Not only did it cover his head, but it also covered his eyes and nose. “It’s a-a spaceship! Now I can go to the moon!”

“Now he can go to the moon,” Buffy sang, nuzzling the side of William’s face. She found it pleasantly cool from the outside air. “We’ve been watching, waiting for you to Evel Knievel past the window. You could’ve at least revved the engine or popped a wheelie for us. I’ve been trying to explain the wonders of the motorcycle to them. Clearly, it hasn’t worked out for me.”

“How are you? How are you feeling?” Before she could answer, the back of his hand touched her forehead and cheek. “You’re warm,” he declared, unhooking her arms from his neck and placing them at her sides.

“That’s because I’m under a blanket. I have three kid-shaped heaters on my legs.”

“You’re also pregnant.”

“Because of you.”

“Alright, I’ll agree to that, but I’m not sure what difference it makes.”

“I feel fine.”

“You’re lying down.”

“I’m a little tired, is that a crime, officer?”

“Is it morning sickness?”

“Of course not. It isn’t morning.”

“Ah.”

“I drank juice with the kids. It was too sugary.”

“Without a doubt; they wouldn’t like it any other way.”

Buffy rolled her eyes as he fussed with her hair and tested the temperature of her forehead one more time. “Where’s Willow and Tara?”

“Probably still hunched over some musty old books. Did you know that magic place has a lot more than just crystal trinkets and incense? We could shut it down in a heartbeat. The health and safety violations would blow your mind.”

“Did they have eye of newt and deadly nightshade? Fingers floating around in pickle jars?”

“Not precisely, but—hey, shouldn’t you be a tad more squeamish about these things? With Joy and the twins you couldn’t be near a cracked egg without losing your lunch and now, a finger in pickle juice doesn’t make you bat an eye?”

“The visual in my head is pretty tolerable. It’s when I imagine what it might smell like…” Buffy stopped to take a deep breath. She swallowed, her nose slightly wrinkled. “I feel fine, damn it. Just because I know I’m pregnant that doesn’t mean I’m suddenly having morning sickness twenty-four hours later. And if I might feel like I am, it isn’t real. It’s a mental thing. It happens all the time. People feel great until they’re diagnosed with something, then they have every symptom in the book.”

“How are you feeling, honestly, Buffy?”

“Just a little tired, not even exhausted.”

“Did the kids wear you out?”

“All they did was eat, sleep and play: all the usual stuff. While they napped, I poked around the house.”

“And how did that work out?”

“Well, it worked,” Buffy replied. Mounds of shoes and clothing lying on the floor in front of their closet came to mind, but she shrugged the image away. “All my memories seem to be accounted for. I’ve been making tons of progress. I don’t feel like a stranger in my own house. I knew where we keep Jo’s extra sippy cups. I found the bag of crunchy Cheetos I’ve been hiding from you since my last trip to the grocery store. I did the laundry and was able to put everything away without thinking about it too much.”

“Good, I’m glad to hear all that, but…when you say crunchy Cheetos, do you mean the bag of regular or the hot and spicy kind?”

“Why do you want to know?”

“Did you happen to look inside of these bags you hid so well?”

“I didn’t say I had more than one bag,” Buffy answered, eyes narrowed. “Don’t pretend as if you know that I have more than one bag, William. You didn’t find them. You’re just messing with me. I borrowed Jamie’s ladder--.”

“Guess I should be impressed by that, by you being so shifty and all, using whatever means necessary to hide the bags from me. But using his stepstool? The little wooden block that’s barely three inches off the ground? You could’ve got more height tottering around in your stilettos. The cabinet in the garage isn’t even that high, sweetheart.”

“His stepstool is higher than—hey, you ate my Cheetos!”

“Did I say that?” William asked, easily dodging the pillow that she hurled in his direction. Ignoring Buffy’s glares, he managed to get his helmet back from the twins. He paid no special attention to the second pillow that grazed his shoulder as he placed the helmet along with his jacket into the hall closet. “I’ve been under stress,” he said, picking up both pillows. “I crave a bit of salt when I’m stressing, you know that.”

“I’ll make you stress,” Buffy grumbled. “You don’t take food from a pregnant woman, William.”

“In my defense, I didn’t know at the time and neither did you. It was only a hunch and I chose to ignore it.” He placed the pillows on Sarah’s end of the couch and told her to hold them tight. “Keep these things away from your mother, alright, kitten?”

“I’ll give you a hunch too…right upside the head…”

“Oh, I was shaking in my boots before, now I’m completely petrified. Sit up, slayer, and scoot forward.”

Buffy thought about refusing, but his hand was already on her lower back. He helped her bend at the waist and slipped behind her. “We should look into a bigger sofa. This one fits all of us now, but I doubt we could squeeze another baby on here.”

“How about a sectional? A big leather one with built-in cup holders and a massage chair tacked on at the end?”

“Thanks but no thanks.” Yawning, Buffy rearranged her legs. William’s arms came around her, and she snuggled comfortably against his chest. “Sectionals are too bulky and ugly. The last thing you need is a big vibrating chair.”

“Would it really be so bad?” he asked, practically purring into her ear. “I’m sure we could put it to good use.”

“William, don’t be a horndog,” Buffy laughed. Although she didn’t mind him nipping at her neck, she inched away. His lips brushed against her earlobe and she shivered. Her eyes went directly to their children, but they were too engrossed in the television and their own babbling to notice William’s hand sneaking under the blanket. Even Joy was content, perfectly distracted by her older siblings and the occasional wiggle of Buffy’s toes. “Where did you say Tara was again? When is she coming home?”

“Instead of them coming to us, we’ll go to them around dinnertime. Eye of newt and pickled fingers cost a pretty penny. Even after going to bank, I didn’t have the cash to cover half of their bloody ingredients. That’s what they call that shit: ingredients, as if they’re baking a bloody cake. The witches will give us a ring, we’ll pack up, and swing by to pick up the tab. Then we’ll eat and go on from there. And, just so you know, Red’s staying with us.”

“She is? Since when?”

“Since Tara asked if we’d take her in. She was neatly discreet about it. She had a few good excuses: nothing to offer her but a couch, that sort of thing.”

“That means I have to get the guestroom ready.”

“No, you don’t,” William said, tightening his arms around her as she tried to sit up. “It can wait, and when we do get to it, I’ll take care of it. Now, we relax.”

“You’ll change the sheets? Do you even know where I keep sheets for that room? It has a smaller bed so we hardly ever use them. I moved them out of the way to make room for more Christmas decorations just last week.”

“Is that right?” he asked, placing a kiss in Buffy’s hair. “I had no idea.”

Intrigued by the sweet gesture and the subtle change in his voice, Buffy turned and found him smirking. “The room…it needs a quick dusting too.”

“Mmmm…really?”

“Yeah. I try to keep up with it, but it’s too easy to ignore since we don’t use the room often. It’s been vacuumed recently, but—William, what’s your deal? Are you teasing me?”

“What do you mean?”

“Why are you looking at me like that?”

“Like what?”

She searched his face for a minute before twisting away in a sulk. “Alright, so I’m a little excited about having my memory back. Maybe I’m babbling while I boast about random shit I couldn’t remember before—that no one even cared about before I lost my memory—but you don’t have to look at me like that.”

“I can’t help it. You are adorable, Summers. My girl knows this and that, and she’s--.”

“And she’s bloody proud of it,” Buffy finished for him. She rolled her eyes, but smiled as William whispered that he was proud of her too.
***



A/N: This wrapping up, you guys. In fact, I finished writing it over the weekend and will be updating every few days until it ends. Meanwhile, if you have a WIP of mine that you'd like to see finished more than others, now is the time to ask. Email me, use livejournal or make a suggestion through comments. Thanks again for reading.

Chapter 32

“I feel like I’m a burden, an inconvenience. Buffy, I’m a pest.”

“You are none of those things.”

“Tara wouldn’t let me stay with her. Maybe I shouldn’t even be here. I should get a hotel.”

“Did you tell Tara you wanted to stay with her? Did you come out and just ask to stay on the couch? Or maybe you don’t want to stay on her couch,” Buffy added after a pause. “How are things between you and Tara? How is the long distance thing treating you guys?”

Willow hesitated, her face wrinkled. She took a deep breath, let it out, and shrugged. “Fine.”

“And I’m supposed to believe that, after all those dramatics?” Buffy let out a little laugh. She had just finished putting fresh sheets on Willow’s bed. Willow was standing next to her with a pillow hugged to her chest. After a family outing to the Magic Box and McDonald’s, they had returned home. Instead of working on spells and potions, they made a collective decision to turn in early. Tara went home with a few books under her arm and Willow remained. She had helped Buffy entertain the kids while William divided his time between finding a home for the magical ingredients that he wouldn’t allow in the house and drooling over his motorcycle. All three of them had put the kids to bed and now Buffy was able to give undivided attention to her best friend. She sat on the edge of the bed and patted the spot next to her. “Want to talk about it?”

“There isn’t much to say.” Willow sat and instantly started to chew on her lower lip. “When I’m a million miles away we get along great. Well, we’re still getting along now, but… We seem to be more affectionate when there’s distance between us and it doesn’t make much sense. When you write about how much you want to be touchy-feely with someone, but then you do next to nothing when you’re standing face-to-face, it isn’t a good feeling, Buffy.”

“It makes you doubtful?”

“Yes! Doubt! I have a ton of that!” Willow blurted out. “I have doubt coming out of my ears and I hate it!”

“Okay, I see where you’re coming from,” Buffy laughed. “Mixed signals can be very dangerous. For William and me, in our early days after the shooting, our relationship changed drastically from one minute to the next. If we were in public, I’d still threaten to pop him in the nose. If we were away from prying eyes…and even if those prying eyes had just stepped out of the room for a minute or two…I’d be much more interested in popping, you know, other parts of his anatomy.”

“Oh God, Buffy. Tara and I aren’t—you know. We haven’t left PG-PG13 territory since--.”

“It doesn’t matter. Well, it matters, but—Will, I cared about William, I wanted him, but I held back. I was defending myself. It was self-preservation.”

“But you still had lots and lots of sex. I’m not sure you guys understand the meaning of holding back.”

“It was emotional. I had walls—I had big nasty barriers and the shooting made me so much more cautious. I let him in, but wouldn’t let him go deep. Being with him wasn’t such a big deal for a few reasons. One, I craved the contact. Whether we were fighting or humping in our patrol car, I needed him. And, I knew he wasn’t going anywhere. I could insult him, scold him and send him so many signals that would drive a-a signal-controller-man crazy, but I knew he wouldn’t get in a plane and leave. Think about your last visit; how hard was it to say goodbye? Also, think about this: let’s say you have a really really good carton of ice cream—.”

“Oh, it’s time for one of Buffy’s famous food metaphors? Yay me…not really.”

“Hush,” Buffy grinned. “This ice cream is so good, you drool a little when you think about it. You can’t wait to get your hands on it, but once you have it, you hesitate, right? It’s just one carton. If you get carried away it’ll be gone in no time. You could get more, but—God, the store’s on the other side of the freaking planet! Seriously, it’s miles and miles away, in a completely different country. So maybe you take a scoop or two off the top just to get a taste, but then you store it away. You hoard it until you know it’s safe to indulge. Because it’d be awful, to indulge, to thoroughly enjoy yourself, because it’d be gone and then you’d be left with nothing but a craving. And to crave so bad you ache day after day? It’d be awful.”

“But what if you never have it? Would you just keep it until it develops freezer burn? It could expire!”

“Exactly, and wouldn’t that be a shame? If it were me, especially at this point in my life, I wouldn’t let anything keep me from what I wanted. I’d down the whole damn carton. I’d go broke on the cost of plane tickets and from the grocery store prices.”

Willow gave her lip one more thoughtful nibble. “But think of all the frequent flyer miles you’d rack up.”

“Uh huh, and some grocery stores will even give you a break on gas if you buy a certain dollar amount of groceries. I should know, you’re talking to a thrifty-mom shopper here.”

“Thanks, Buffy.”

“If you need a ride, I know William’s just dying to take someone on his bike.”

“I think I’ll stay tonight. You went to all this trouble setting up my room.”

“Pfft. And you wonder why you’ve got freezer burn.” With a wink, Buffy stood and headed for the door. “It’s nothing to put clean sheets on a bed. If you were to go to Tara, saying you forgot your toiletry bag, and, after a lot of fruitless looking, said it was too late to drive all the way back here, you wouldn’t have to worry about no one sleeping in these clean sheets. In fact, William and I would be more than happy to dirty them up for you.”

“Buffy,” Willow began, a blush coloring her cheeks. “I couldn’t ask William to drive me.”

“No? Hold that thought.” Buffy ran down the hallway to the front door. In the dark, she tried to fish out the right set of keys from the bowl on the little table in the entryway.

“Make sure she remembers what side of the road to drive on.” Startled by his voice, Buffy stumbled backward into William’s hard body. Cupping her elbows, William kept her steady. “Off your game, baby? Or are we just too carried away playing cupid?”

“My game is just fine and as for the cupid stuff—William, what the heck are you doing sneaking around in the shadows? Are you trying to give me a heart attack?”

“I was on my way to the kitchen. Guess you could say I had a hankering for ice cream.”

“You were spying on us?” Buffy spun out of his hold, more amused than upset. “How much did you hear?”

“Dear Abby couldn’t have done it better.”

“You really think so? I didn’t want to overstep my boundaries. It was tough telling her that Tara is still hung up on her without, you know, saying: ‘Will, wake up and smell the obvious.’ She can be so clueless, but Tara shouldn’t think freezing her out is the answer to their--.”

“Sweet, I hate to cut you off, but you shouldn’t keep our houseguest waiting.”

“Oh. You’re right,” Buffy blinked. Even in the dark, she knew he was smiling at her. “It is okay that she takes the car tonight, right?”

“Tell her to have it back here tomorrow.”

“Sure you don’t want to set a curfew?”

“Tell her I expect the car by noon. That fair enough?”

“Very. Thanks, dad.” Leaning forward, she brushed a kiss onto his cheek. “Just let me give her the keys. Then, afterwards…”

“We’ll dirty up the sheets?”

“You shouldn’t eavesdrop. It’s rude.”

“Is that a ‘no’ then?”

“No way.”
***

“These sheets are so,” Buffy inhaled sharply, “not comfy. They almost make me want to put my clothes back on.” She lay with her legs spread wide, William nestled between them, throbbing, pushed deep inside; nothing short of an apocalypse could make her break apart from her husband. Putting her clothing back on would not be an option until morning. “I got ‘em because they matched the comforter so well. Pretty, however, does not make up for a low-thread count.”

“Nice take-home message.” William grunted as she pulled on his ears, bringing his head up to kissing-distance. She wrapped her legs around him tight, giving him a few hard squeezes before flipping them over. Grabbing his wrists, she swept his arms overhead. Mouth fused to his, she ground against him in a slow, steady pace.

“The headboard is nice though,” she continued breathlessly.

“Not as solid as ours. Has…potential.”

“Yes,” Buffy answered. “God, yes.” Fingers were biting into her hips. Her body was starting to quake.

“You just had to get it in white though.”

“Huh?” she gasped, seeing stars as he rolled them over again.

“The wrought iron gives you something to hold on to. But we still can’t use the cuffs. The paint’ll chip.”

“Handcuffs…best…job perk…ever.”

“You might want to hold on now, baby.”

“Mmmm…do I have to?” She was more than happy sweeping her hands along his skin, over his quivering muscles. “Holding on’s for wimps. I can take it.”

“That a challenge?”

Before she could answer, he began pump in and out of her at a pace so fast it made her scream. “Oh my God!” she said, frantically trying to keep her voice low as she lost control of the rest of her body to a violent orgasm. “William! Sorry, sorry. Sorry, honey, I,” she closed her eyes tight and babbled until William covered her mouth with a wild kiss. With grabby hands, she sought out his hair and pulled.

“It’s alright. It’s fine,” William mumbled once he collapsed, spent. He took a moment to nuzzle her shoulder before readjusting them one last time. Keeping her close and their bodies still connected, he rolled onto his back. “The babies can’t handle you crying out, perks up their little eagle ears, but I doubt they can hear us from upstairs. But then again, you were a tad more unruly than usual.”

“You really think so? Maybe we should spend the night downstairs more often.”

“Maybe, but the sheets have to go.”

“I know, right?”

“And when I say to hold on to something, why can’t you do that for me, pet? Do you really want me bald?”

“Sorry,” she laughed. “I can’t resist it. What pretty hair you have.” To prove her point, she stroked the hair above his ear. “It’s a marvel, really. You put so much goop in it, but it’s still pretty darn silky smooth.”

“Jealous?”

“Hmm, mmm,” she nodded.

“Sleepy, love?”

“Hmm, mmm.”

Barely two hours later, Buffy woke from a sound sleep with an exaggerated groan. A cell phone was ringing and it was annoying her. It caused the warm body spooned behind her to move and that annoyed her further. She agreed with every soft-spoken curse William made as he stumbled across the foreign guestroom in the dark.

“It never fails. We were lucky until now. Does ‘on vacation’ mean nothing to these people?”

She opened one eye, taking in the shadowy, but still pleasant view of William digging through their discarded clothes for the phone. “If it’s important, they’ll call the landline. Come back to bed.”

“Hello? Hello? What a fucking-vile piece of--.”

The landline rang and Buffy rolled toward the nightstand. “Hello?” she said, rubbing her eyes with her free hand. “Faith? God, this had better be good. We’ve only been asleep for—what?” As she listened, William blinded her by turning on the light. Where their room had softer lighting and dimmer switches, the guestroom had one overhead light attached to the ceiling fan and it was bright enough to make her eyes water. Hissing, she rolled into her pillow. “Keep talking. How much time do we have? Alright. He’ll be there in less than twenty. No, I can’t go with him. I can give you three reasons why. Shut up, Faith. Keep me updated.”

“What is it?” William’s pants were already on. He was tugging his shirt over his head.

“Somebody called in one of Angel’s cars and apparently we’ve hit the jackpot. Reckless driving. Speeding over a hundred. He blew over twice the legal limit. The car was allegedly involved in a hit-and-run. She’s making an arrest. She’ll put off booking him until you get there. She’ll circle the lot if she needs to.”

“You think this is because of the witches? He’s never been his stupid before.”

“I have no idea.”

“I gotta get my shoes.”

Rolling out of bed, she quickly scooped up her clothes, along with his discarded phone, and hugged them to her naked body as she followed him up the stairs. “Maybe I could come with you. I could call Tara--.”

“We have no time to wait.”

“How about a neighbor? Mister—um, the old guy from across the street?” William stopped suddenly and she crashed into his back. “There’s also um—damn it, I can’t remember her name! Little Frankie’s mom? She’s the brunette with hair past her shoulders? We saw her at the neighborhood trick-or-treat party. I might be able to--.” Buffy blinked and suddenly William’s hand was cupping her chin. She took a deep breath and met his intense stare head-on.

He held up a finger, opened his mouth and then closed it. There was a hint of a flare to his nostrils. He took a deep breath of his own.

His hands lowered and his jaw remained set. “I need my bloody shoes,” he grumbled, walking into their bedroom. “And get dressed, will you?”

Kicked in overdrive, Buffy pulled on her clothes while she dialed out on William’s cell phone. On the second ring, William informed her that he was leaving. “But-but--.”

“Don’t. Don’t pout. Don’t speak.” He yanked her forward for a hard kiss. “I’ll see you later.”

“Hold on! Um, please hold?” Buffy told Tara, cutting her off, before she could get out a full ‘hello.’ With her hand covering the receiver, she followed William to the front door and out to where the motorcycle was parked in the garage.

“We might not be able to hold him, remember that.”

She nodded. “Did you grab my cell? Baby, we should swap before you go.”

William surprised her by rolling his eyes. “Keep it. We’ll swap ‘em out at the station. I’ll see you in what—twenty minutes?”

Buffy couldn’t hold back a little excited jump as William revved the motorcycle’s engine. Running toward him, she gave him a quick but enthusiastic kiss. “I’ll be there in ten.”
***

Chapter 33

“The twins are sleeping soundly. Joy woke once I checked on her. She’s a little antsy. I’ve been walking with her, but she won’t relax.”

“She’s picking up on your anxiety, Buffy. How long have you been pacing out here?”

“Since he left. Something’s going down, I can feel it. I should be there.” Buffy brushed two kisses on Joy’s cheek before passing her to Tara. “He’ll need backup,” she continued, draping Joy’s baby blanket around Tara’s shoulders. “He hasn’t faced Angel alone since it happened.”

“Never?” Willow asked, fighting a yawn.

“Not officially, not without me, and not without a safe distance between them.”

“Take Willow with you. She has potions that might be helpful.”

Buffy nodded, already behind the wheel of the SUV. She was buckled in, her foot was on the brake and the car was set in reverse. The SUV was rolling down the driveway the moment Willow slammed the passenger door. “Potions are nice, but I doubt we can get away with any of that with his lawyer present.”

“You could always slip something into his drink.”

“Is that how Tara magically-drugged me?”

Willow shrugged, a guilty smile on her face. She grabbed onto the side of the car as Buffy turned through the neighborhood too quickly. “So, um, why hasn’t William been around Angel since the shooting?”

“Because we’d have another shooting on our hands.”

“You mean William would… How’d he avoid him if he’s been working on the case for so long?”

“Let’s call it divine intervention,” Buffy mumbled, flipping on her turning signal only a few seconds before swerving into another lane. “I’d get there first,” she added quietly. “Or Faith. She’d pop up at just the right time to keep them apart.”

“Oh, so you... It was divine Buffy intervention.”

“I was protecting him.”

“Oh,” Willow said again, with little nod. “So, the crazy overprotectiveness isn’t so one-sided after all.”

“Didn’t Tara fill you in at all about this week? I have to protect him, Willow.”

“Then why did you let him go tonight? Was it just because of the kids? You really don’t think he can handle Angel by himself?”

Buffy didn’t answer. She stepped harder on the gas.

“God, Buffy, now I remember why you became a cop.”

“To the help the helpless? To protect the innocent from scumbags?”

“So you wouldn’t get as many speeding tickets.”

Buffy just snorted and continued to drive.
***

“Where is he?” William demanded, walking into the station. “Why are you lounging out here?”

“Just waiting for you, boss. Take a chill pill.” Faith sat up from the reclined office chair and let her boots slide down from where they were propped on his desk. “His lawyer’s here.”

“Why not? Is it a Morgan? Lilah Morgan?”

“It’s a guy. Young, black, downright lickable in an Armani suit. He’s more than a little rough around the edges, but thinks he’s hot shit.”

“Where are they?”

Faith pointed down the hall. “Where do you think? I put them in the first interrogation room. I’ve got three guys watching him.”

“Get ‘em busy on something else. Why aren’t you watching him through the two-way?” William asked. Faith knew he was swiftly losing his patience, but only answered him with an arrogant shrug.

Spinning on his heel, he stomped down the hallway.

“B’s on her way,” Faith said, beside him, matching him step by step. “She’ll be here any minute. If you have, I don’t know, maybe something you want to say to Angel in confidence, I suggest you do it now. Or, you could keep your end of the bargain. Watch him through the two-way. Let me play Twenty Questions with the guy. Tell Buffy I got to him first.”

“This ends now.”

“You sure?” She reached for his hand before it could turn the knob to Angel’s holding room. “You’ve both played nicey nice for awhile now. You want to burn that bridge? The hit-and-run wasn’t too bad. Nobody died.”

“How many were sent to hospital?”

“Three. A mom and two kids.”

William’s nostrils flared and he turned the knob.

“You want to put her life on the line over a few bruises and broken limbs?”

“You took her to Wolfram & Hart,” William hissed between clenched teeth. “You broke the fucking bargain.”

“You…well, you weren’t supposed to know about that. You made B come clean? Good for you, boss! How many rolls in the hay did it take to make her squeal?”

“Faith, I ought to--.”

“Babe! Have you given him coffee yet?!”

Giving Faith one last glare, William backed away from the door. Reaching for Buffy’s elbow, he guided her into the workroom. “Coffee? Pet, you’re busting at the seams. Did you jog here?”

“She drove very, ah, very quickly. Safely,” Willow stressed, although her disheveled appearance suggested otherwise, “but very very quickly.”

“Ignore her. She’s exaggerating.”

“Sure she is,” William mumbled, eyeing his wife’s flushed features. “If anyone needs something to drink, love, it’s you.”

“Don’t worry about me, honey.” Faith watched with one eyebrow raised as Buffy pulled his head down to whisper in his ear. “We have a plan,” she heard Buffy murmur. “We can spike his drink.”

“With what?”

“With the stuff we made for Buffy,” Buffy’s redheaded friend answered quietly, pulling a little vile of her pocket.

“We’re going to the poison the guy? Alright! Okay, I’m game. Count me in.”

“Faith,” Buffy sighed. Reluctantly, she sat in the chair William had guided her to. “We aren’t going to poison him.”

“But--.” Faith cut herself off once William dismissed her by motioning the other two women into a huddle. She tiptoed close enough to hear him say, “Didn’t we discuss how bad off we’d be if he lost his bloody memory? Isn’t there something else we can give him? Didn’t you learn anything from your hours of research?”

Losing interest in eavesdropping quickly, Faith plopped in a nearby chair. She reclined it back, but couldn’t relax for long. Angel’s lawyer and another officer entered the room.

“Excuse us, but my client refuses to be kept waiting any longer. Who will be performing his interrogation?”

“That would be me,” William replied before Faith could get a word out. “We can start right away. Would you and your client care for something to drink? Hold on, I’ll have someone bring in a pot of coffee.”

“Take care of her,” Faith heard him whisper, his hand suddenly on her shoulder. “Do not let my wife near that room, you hear?”

“Aye aye, boss.”

“And put this in the coffee.” The vile made its way into her palm. “Bring it in after ten minutes, alright?”

She waited a beat before getting out of the chair. She went toward Buffy and was greeted by an impatient wave. It wasn’t welcoming her, it was waving her away. “What are you doing?” Buffy hissed. “Don’t just stand there? Get in there! Go help him!”

“But--.”

“If you don’t go in there, I will!”

Faith sighed, rolling her eyes. “If I’m not his bitch, I’m hers.”

“Faith, are you talking to someone?”

“Just to myself. No worries, B,” she said, giving Buffy and her redheaded friend a silent salute before entering Angel’s room.
***

“Spike.”

“Angelus.”

“You remember Gunn. It’s Attorney Gunn now.”

Faith looked from man to man. Angel, the typical tall good-looking lunkhead with money, was sitting surprisingly straight in his chair for someone who reeked of alcohol. Glued to his face was an overconfident smirk. He sat next to attorney Charles Gunn. He looked just as overconfident as his client did, but he seemed eager to prove something.

Maybe he wants William to believe he’s grown the brains to go along with the monkey suit, Faith wondered. But then, her eyes slid to William beside her. He’s got more to prove than all of them combined. The reformed bad guy turned good guy, the husband to the Mrs. America of goody-good cops.

“That’s alright, guys, don’t break up your glaring match to worry about who I am. I have no badass play yard nickname, I’ve just got this.” She held up a tape recorder and placed it on the table. “You big boys can duke it out all you want, but at some point I need to press this little red button.”

“You can press it now, record whatever you’d like,” Angel began, his eyes never leaving William’s. “I did nothing. It wasn’t my car. In fact, I was never pulled over, was I, Spike?” The nickname made William shift just barely in his chair. “I’m not under arrest. I’d know if I was under arrest, because then I’d be forced to order a hit on a pretty little blonde and her three little kids.”

Faith didn’t even blink as William shot up. She let him tackle Angel to the floor. She only helped by smiling sweetly at Gunn after pinning him against the wall and quickly cuffing his hands behind his back. “Stay in the chair, muscles,” she said, ignoring his yells about violated rights and broken laws.

“Please, oh please, be quiet,” she continued, bored, not trying to compete with his screams. “Okay, you give me no choice.” Enjoying herself, she stuffed his expensive tie into his mouth.

Not stupid enough to get between the two men, Faith patiently stood on the sidelines. Blood was coming from Angel’s nose and mouth. Angel, not quite sober enough to aim a decent punch, had resorted to kicking and scratching. William had three gashes across his face and many more on his arms, but that didn’t faze him. He didn’t say a word, and he hadn’t spoken throughout the brawl, apparently only interested in beating Angel to death.

“You can’t kill him, boss. You shouldn’t kill him.”

“Yeah, what would your kids do with daddy in jail? Three unprotected little brats, or is it four? I heard a rumor that you knocked her up again. Damn Spike, you’re really going hardcore at this domestic thing or—,” Angel paused to grin, ”—are you still making up for the first little brat of hers I exterminated?”

William let out a loud growl. When Angel tried to kick him, William clasped onto his foot and yanked hard, sending Angel flying backward against the wall, knocking him unconscious.

“What is going on in here?!” The door crashed open and Buffy charged in. With fire in her eyes, she scanned the room and Faith flinched once they landed on her. “You were supposed to avoid this, not stand by and watch!”

Hands on her hips, Buffy just barely acknowledged William once the other officers pulled him to his feet. With a heaving chest, she ordered him to be escorted outside. “Cuff him,” she barked, pointing at Angel. “And uncuff his attorney. I’m sorry, Mister… Sir, I’m so sorry. Faith—good God, did you gag him? You gagged his freaking attorney?!”

Buffy continued to apologize as Faith took her time checking each of her pockets for the handcuff keys. “Shit, B. I don’t know what I did with them.”

“Faith,” Buffy fumed.

“Alright, got it.” She held onto the captured man’s wrists and was about to free him when Buffy swayed on her feet. “Hey, Buff, are going to swoon on me?”

“Oh my God. I can’t…” Buffy’s eyes squeezed shut for a moment. “I can’t look at him. I know him.”

“What?”

“The way he’s looking at me… He wasn’t always bald. He wore a bandana. It was blue and,” instead of finishing, Buffy punched Gunn as hard as she could. His eyes rolled back and his head drooped.

“Way to go! Score one for Mrs. Goody-Good!”

“Ow,” Buffy whined, shaking the punch out of her hand. “He was there the night I was shot. He drove Angel away from the scene. He’s a witness.”

“William didn’t see him that night?”

“He fell apart the moment I went down. He developed tunnel vision. He could only see me. He only cared about me.”

“How sweet,” Faith huffed, not quite impressed.

“How long do you think they’ll be out?”

“The big guy was completely drunk off his ass before he got here. Baldy, here…you might have twenty minutes before he’s back from the dead.”

“But you can sit here and punch him whenever he wakes up, right?”

Faith smiled. “Now that’s a job I’d be happy to do.”
***

Buffy followed their hushed voices to the kitchen. Willow was leaning over her husband with a grimace on her face. “I think Buffy would be better at this,” she said, looking from his bloodied body down to the briefcase-sized first-aid kit. “What about one of the other officers? I’m sure they’d be better at doctoring than me.”

“Just try your best.”

“So, um, this is what six years of pent up anger and frustration leads to.” Willow’s face twisted with sympathy pains as she blotted the gashes on his face. “Buffy told me you haven’t been near him since it happened.”

“Yeah. That’s what she thinks.”

“What does that mean? Wait, maybe you shouldn’t tell me.”

“Somewhere along the line, Angel and I struck a deal.”

“I see.”

“Do you, pet?”

“No, not really, but I’m not sure I want to know more.” Willow gave him a little forced grin. She returned to the first-aid kit and quickly glanced in Buffy’s direction. “Did you make a deal that would keep your family safe?”

“Yeah, just had to stand back and watch as he slithered in and out of the system.”

“You didn’t do anything, right? I mean, you didn’t sabotage cases and hide evidence like they do on TV…right?”

“Are you asking me if I broke the law?” Buffy could only see the back of his head, but she heard the light laugh in his voice. “Angel only needed me for time. I’d stall a bit; his goons did the rest. I kept my distance, didn’t dig, didn’t give it my all; tried my best to make Buffy do the same.”

“And what do you think Buffy’ll say once she finds out?”

“I don’t know. We should probably ask her.” He attempted to face her, but hissed from the pain. “Come here, Summers. Love, my back doesn’t twist that way anymore.”

“You knew she was standing there the whole time?”

“Red, your face is like an open book.”

“It really is,” Buffy agreed quietly. She took a moment to study William. He was leaning against the cabinet, his shirt torn. Yellow bruises and bloody cuts dotted his pale skin. She swallowed and crossed her arms, forcing herself not to touch him. “Angel’s attorney, tell me about him.”

“Charles Gunn, leader of a nasty street gang. Full-time henchman, part-time attorney for Wolfram & Hart.”

“You worked with him too?”

“Why? Did he say something to you?”

“He wouldn’t stop leering at me.”

“Did he say something to you?” William asked more forcefully. “If that son of a bitch--.”

“He didn’t say a word because his tie was jammed down his throat, but that isn’t important. I recognize him. He was there, William. He looked at me and I felt sick. I remembered him and nearly passed out.” William’s eyes grew wide, but before he could speak, she held up her hand. “Can you make them tell the truth?” she asked, looking only at Willow. She crossed her arms over her chest again. “They’re both unconscious now. Can you do anything? I want their own words to bury them. I want confessions.”

“I should be able to. It’s Witchcraft 101. A truth spell’s almost as common as trying to see into the future, which is really tough by the way. I don’t care how talented you are, sometimes it’s just more effective to shake a smelly old Magic Eight Ball.”

“Will you need help?”

“I need a pen and something to write on. Don’t worry about me. I’m guessing you and your hubby have some talking to do.”

Buffy nodded once in response, not saying a word.
***