Till Death Do us Part


Our luck is running out of time
You're not in love with me anymore
I wish that it would change, but it won't, if you don't
Our luck is running out of time
You're not in love with me anymore
I wish that it would change, but it won't
'Cause you don't love me no more


The room is dark and through it a slim figure moves silently instinctively avoiding the furniture with all the grace of someone who has done this before many times, but this time she pauses, collecting items here and there, stuffing them into a large holdall. Her fingers tremble as she carefully picks up her favorite picture taken at their wedding; she considers the photo carefully before shoving in into the holdall and walking from the room.

The wedding had been small, just her mother and Angel’s father attending, but it didn’t matter not to her and not to Angel. It had been a spur of the moment decision, the wedding was organized in less than a week, they had known each other only six months. It had been enough, they where in love and nobody looking at the two of them then could ever have guessed that this would be their fate.


You need so much but not from me
Turn your back in my hour of need
Something's wrong but you pretend you don't see
I think I interrupt your life
When you laugh it cuts me just like a knife
I'm not your friend, I'm just your little wife


The small blond slunk out of the door before closing it softly behind her. There is a haunted look in her eyes almost mirrored by the defeated slump of her body as she cradles a bundle in her arms protectively, her other hand tentatively touches the side of her face, which is dark and swollen in the orange glow of the street light. She still wonders how it came to this and why...


The bruises they will fade away
You hit so hard with the things you say
I will not stay to watch your hate as it grows
You're not in love with someone else
You don't even love yourself
Still I wish you'd ask me not to go


She knows that the incident that happened just before Katie was born effected him, she knows that whilst closes his eyes to it during the day, he has no escape in his dreams. He cries out at night, but turns away when she tries to comfort him, Angel had never turned away from her before, not ever.


He takes a drink, she goes inside
He starts to scream, the vases fly
He wishes that she wouldn't cry
He's not in love with her anymore


Buffy is confused by the change in her husband; he is constantly telling her that she is not good enough, a failure in bed and at home. Nothing she does can make him happy anymore, he hasn’t so much as held Katie since the day she was born. She wants to talk to him about it, convince him to get some help, but she doesn't know how to handle these uncharacteristic rages he comes home in…


He makes demands, she draws the line
He starts the fight, she starts the lie
But what is truth when something dies
He's not in love with her anymore


The final straw came when he was home late again, he hadn't phoned and Buffy was frantic, the baby was teething and restless, dinner was ruined and when Angel walked through the door, she forgot all about his recent moods and stared at him vehemently.

"Where the hell have you been? The baby's been screaming the house down, dinner's fucked and..." she breaks off to look at him, "and you're drunk again! What is wrong with you?"

"What is wrong with me? I go to work all day and earn enough to keep you, you lazy bitch!" he swings his fist and cracks a stunned Buffy right on the side of her head. She drops to the floor and stares at her husband with wounded but furious eyes.

"You arsehole, you better get out of my sight before I put a stake through your heart" she spat.

He looks shocked, turns and walks away. She doesn’t see his eyes brimming with tears, he doesn’t understand either…


You're not in love with someone else
You don't even love yourself
Still I wish you'd ask me not to go


As the taxi pulled up, Buffy looked back up at the house that had been her home for so long, and couldn't prevent the tears sliding down her face. Too many memories where between those walls and she hated that a few actions could change all that, their little family was splitting and she is unsure how to fix it, if that is even possible.

Sliding into the back of the taxi, she tells the driver to take her to the airport and pulls out her mobile phone. She needs somewhere to stay and since her mother’s death last year, there really only was one person she could impose on to that extent.

“Hi Giles, sorry to call so late, but I kinda need a place to stay for a while, can I crash with you?”

“Buffy?” Giles’s voice was clogged with sleep as he looked at his watch, “Have you and Angel had a fight? Maybe you should discuss it in the morning”

Her voice begins to waver, she’s sure she can’t do this, not without help. “I’ve left him, Giles but I don’t have anywhere else to go, please, I’m on my way to the airport now, Katie’s with me”

Shocked at the tears he could hear in his daughter in law’s voice, Giles quickly agrees to allowing Buffy to stay with him and tells her to call when she knows what time her flight will land.

After hanging up the phone, she looks down at the bundle in her arms the little girl looks back at her, her big brown eyes full of the trust only an infant knows. Buffy whispers her daughter "Don't worry baby, we'll see daddy again when he's better.” And she knows it’s true…


She's had enough, she says the end
But she'll come back, she knows it then
A chance to start it all again
Till death do us part

Giles almost missed Buffy at Sunnydale airport, looking for the bouncy vivacious blonde he remembered his daughter-in-law to be, he walked right passed the small self-conscious woman holding a baby.

Buffy touched his arm as he passed “Giles? I’m here” her voice was low and horse as a result of the almost constant crying she had done on the plane. That’s it! She thought, I need to be strong for Katie, no more crying or moaning, I need to make the best of this.

“Buffy! I’m sorry I didn’t see...” his words trailed off as he got a good look at the state of her face, the bruising ran from her black eye, all the way to her split lip and was tinged with yellow at the edges. “What happened? Who did this?” his voice was furious, and he was looking around as if he would find the culprit in the small arrivals lounge.

She smiled sadly at him as she waited for the other shoe to drop, “That bastard!” he exclaimed, “I’ll kill him, I know he’s my son but I swear, I’m going to rip his head off and…”

“Giles, please don’t” she broke in close to tears, “I just can’t discuss this now, I need some sleep. I will talk to you about it….I promise, please?” He looked into her eyes, seeing her pain, he quickly apologised and led her to his car.

***************************************************************************

Two hours later, once they where in the two story home that Angel had grown up in, Giles insisted on calling a neighbour to borrow a travel cot and had set it up in the living room so Katie would have a place to sleep. He asked Buffy if there was anything special Katie would need and promptly set off to the local shops to buy the items she had listed and quite a few besides that where simply to spoil his only granddaughter. Buffy settled Katie into the travel cot, and sank down on to the sofa to watch her daughter, who had promptly fallen asleep, much too young to be seriously affected by the change in her location.

Am I doing the right thing? Should I have stayed? Will this just make things worse? The questions went round and round in her head, making her dizzy. No she thought, watching her daughter, it was the right decision; God only knows what Angel would have done next. But if it’s the right decision, why do I feel like my heart has been ripped out? Why do I feel so bad? Somewhere between one though and the next, her exhausted body overruled her churning mind and she fell into a fitful sleep.

***************************************************************************

“Da, I’m home” an English accented voice called out. When he didn’t get a response, Spike assumed his father had stayed late at work, he went straight into the kitchen and made himself a sandwich, which he munched as he wandered into the living room to see if there was anything on the television.

He stopped dead when he saw the most beautiful sight in world, sleeping on his father’s sofa. My God, he thought, running his eyes over the petite but very sexy body and the shoulder length blonde hair. A golden goddess, but what was she doing in his house? He walked over, intending to wake her, when he was distracted by a small cry, looking around he saw the travel cot and the little girl who was the spitting image of her mother. He changed his direction, heading instead for the baby, whom he picked up.

“Hush now nibblet, your mum’s trying to get some sleep” He cradled the miniature beauty carefully and she began to coo, Spike felt his heart melt as he looked into Katie’s eyes, “Lets, go into the kitchen little one, I’ll show you the garden, let your mummy sleep a little longer. Wish you where old enough to talk, then I could find out who you are”. The blond wandered off with the baby securely in his arms.

***************************************************************************

Buffy woke slowly, sure that the past twenty-four hours had been a dream, albeit a rather unpleasant one, she knew Angel was having problems, but he would never hurt…She opened her eyes, seeing the unfamiliar room reality hit her like a punch in the gut, her pain was as much physical as emotional.

Her eyes travelled instinctively to the travel cot, where her daughter was sleeping and her heart stopped when she saw it was empty. Swinging to her feet, she called out, “Katie? Giles?” moving into the hallway she shouted again, this time louder, “Katie? Where are you?” Starting to panic, she ran into the kitchen and almost collided with a man coming through the back door.

“Katie!” She exclaimed, snatching the precious bundle from the stranger, “what are you doing with my baby?” she snarled.

Spike backed up warily eyeing the small blond fireball in front of him, “I think I liked you better when you where asleep!” he remarked, secretly delighting in the sight of this beauty in protective mother mode, but was shocked by the deep bruising that had been hidden by the pillow whilst she had been sleeping, she looks like she’s gone twelve rounds with Mike Tyson, he thought. Who did it? He wondered, if I ever meet him I’m gonna rip off his head and…

“Are you going to answer my question? Or just continue to be a rude asshole?”

“I was showing her the garden” he answered, “I didn’t want her to wake you, you seemed like you needed the rest. Anyway, what are you doing in my da’s house?” He started to get defensive; he didn’t hurt the little bit! Never would, what kind of monster did she think he was?

“Your what?” She questioned, fussing with her daughter, as if Spike had done some invisible damage.

“My da, you know my father?”

“Your father?” Buffy questioned again. “Giles is your dad? Are you sure?”

Spike began to laugh, “So my mother told me! Not sure he was too happy about it when I was a teen, but yes, I’m Spike Giles. And you are?”

“Buffy Giles” she said vaguely, shaking her head “Oh!” she exclaimed, “That’s right, you’re the one married to the loon… um… well, woman in England. Yes Angel told me about you!”

Spike stopped laughing abruptly, “Drusilla, yes I’m divorced now, been living with da for the last 6 months. You’re the bird Angel married? Guess you can’t fault his taste! What happened to your face?” This last question was asked in a soft caring tone, he hadn’t meant to ask, but dammit, who would want to hurt this delightful creature?

“Angel happened” She answered softly, “Giles said I could stay here for a while, until we work it out”

“What! Spike exclaimed, “Angel did this to you? That wanker! I always knew he was a bit of a tosser, but I didn’t think he would stoop this low! I’ll kill him, wait, he didn’t touch the little bit?”

“No!” Buffy answered, “look, he’s just having some problems and me being there is just making things worse, please leave it” Spike took pity on her, dropping the subject but resolved that this would not be the last of it and God help Angel if he came looking for her, he thought with some satisfaction. The ponce wouldn’t live long enough to apologise if he got his way!

***************************************************************************

When Giles returned from shopping, he was relieved to find Buffy and Spike sitting at the kitchen island chatting like life long friends. In his concern over settling Buffy and Katie in, he had completely forgotten to warn Buffy that Spike was living with him again. He thought it very unlikely that Buffy had heard much about Spike; given that his two sons hadn’t spoken a word too each other since Angel had left home for college at eighteen and Spike had moved to England a year later. Neither one had ever told him why nor he had ever had the relationship with either of them that would allow these things to be discussed. I wish you where here Jenny, he prayed now as he had prayed then, you would know exactly what to do.

Buffy asked Spike to take Katie and play with her whilst she spoke to Giles, Spike wasn’t too happy at being left out, but dutifully took the little nibblet and the bag of toys Giles had bought into the living room. He was sure that once Buffy got to know him better, she would confide in him, in fact he was hoping she would learn to trust him, but at least she trusted him with her daughter, a fact that pleased him a little too much, but he refused to look at that feeling too closely, he didn’t want to know where it would take him...

Angel woke late, his head was pounding and his mouth felt as if something had crawled in there and died, he sat up slowly, trying to focus his bleary eyes on the clock on the bedside cabinet. His mind was foggy as it always was when he was hung over and the memories took their time to come back to him. Suddenly he rolled out of bed and lurched towards the bathroom, only just making it before throwing up violently into the toilet. Once the retches had settled, he knelt resting his dark head on the cool surface of the bath, his heart breaking in his chest.

Buffy had left him; it hurt so much that he could hardly take a breath. Not that he blamed her really; he just didn’t know how he could have fucked up so badly. He had hit her, hit the woman he loved more than anyone, ever. She was his everything and the evil inside of him had pushed her away, he was evil, of that he was sure, how else could he have...

He began to cry, deep racking sobs that seemed to come from his very soul, he had lost her, he wasn’t worthy of having someone so special in his life, especially after watching the children… Oh God, the children. He closed his eyes against their faces, but the images became clearer, the little blonde twins, looking up at him so trustingly. But he had betrayed that trust and he had watched as the trust turned first to fear and then to horror and then finally wide and unseeing. Dead.

Every time he had looked at his little Katie, a beautiful blonde little baby, all he could see where those dead eyes, he knew that he had neglected his daughter, but the pictures that haunted him made it so that it was torture to even look at her.

He was throwing his life away, he could see that, but he needed to atone for what he had done, needed to be punished. Needed to suffer.

************************************************************************

He must have fallen asleep on the cold tiled floor of the bathroom, he woke stiff and cold, but at least the men with their pickaxes had stopped chipping away at his skull. The sat up slowly, loath to start them off again, when the ringing of the phone jolted him upright. His only thought was that it might be Buffy, his sweet Buffy, and he rushed to answer the phone ignoring the aches and pains that slowed his movements.

“Buffy, sweetheart…”

“It’s not Buffy” Angel recognised his father’s voice, “She’s here, but she’s not ready to speak to you yet. To be honest neither am I, but I thought I’d let you know that she’s here” Giles voice was tightly controlled, but he couldn’t help the anger that leaked out in his words.

“Dad. Thank God! Is she alright?” Angel was relieved to know where his wife and child where.

“After you used her as a punching bag? What do you think?” Giles’s words where like a punch to his stomach. “Angel, I raised you better than that! What the hell has gotten into you?”

“I fucked up dad; I don’t know what’s wrong with me. I didn’t want to… I …” Angel’s voice trailed off, really there was nothing he could say, no way for him to verbalise that which he didn’t understand in his own mind.

“I know what happened, Angel, Buffy told me” Giles spoke softly, “and I think you need to get some help. But for now, I don’t think it’s a good idea for Buffy and Katie to go back, so we’ll need to see about getting some of their stuff sent here”.

Angel felt a stab through his heart at that, but agreed with his father, he wouldn’t put Buffy or his daughter in a position where he could hurt them. Not again.

He agreed to box up the necessary items and send them to Sunnydale that day. He did need help he knew it, now the only way for him to get his wife back was to sort his head out. Become worthy again somehow.

************************************************************************

Boxing up Buffy’s things was a massive ordeal for Angel, everything he picked up brought a flood of memories, happy memories, back when he was normal and Buffy was at his side. When they where a family and their only arguments where over who had the remote control and who’s turn it was to wash up after dinner.

He took solace however in the fact that her favourite wedding picture was missing, he was sure she had taken it and it gave him some hope that she wasn’t leaving him forever. If she had taken that picture then she wanted to remember when they had been happy and he desperately wanted to give that to her again.

He remembered how beautiful she looked in the simple white dress she wore for the ceremony, how her eyes glowed and her face was framed by blonde ringlets. He remembered feeling as if he where the luckiest man in the world and she looked at him as if there was nobody else on Earth as important to her as he was. Angel sighed and returned to packing the boxes.

Sometime during the seemingly endless and painful task, Angel makes some firm decisions and once the boxes are on their way to Sunnydale, he picks up the phone and dials a well memorised number.

“Gunn, hi, it’s Angel. Yeah, umm… Do you still have the number of that therapist you saw a few years back?” He crossed his fingers waiting for the response. “You do? Yeah, I’ve got something to write on” he grabbed a pen and jotted the number down as it was recited to him.

“It’s time Gunn. I’ve got to work through this shit and you said she was good”

“Well” Gunn replies, “She sorted me out and if you remember, I was a mess. As long as you’re ready for this, give her a call”

“I have to be ready. I can’t do this by myself. I want Buffy back”

“Good luck man” Angel puts down the phone, thinking that he’s going to need all the luck he can get. Sadly, it’s been in short supply recently.

************************************************************************

He knows that this is not going to be a short journey and at this stage he’s not even sure if it’s going to be worth it, but he’s willing to take the first step, willing to do anything for his Buffy and that thought gives him the strength to make the call and his first appointment.

Having made the appointment, Angel feels as if a weight has been lifted, as if maybe life can be okay again, can be right. For the first time since the incident, Angel falls asleep without needing to be drunk, visions of a beautiful fiery blonde dancing in his head.

Buffy and Katie had been living with Giles and Spike for a week when the boxes from Angel arrived. Buffy had settled into the house with very little trouble and Spike and Giles were getting used to being woken by Katie at odd times of the night, life was beginning to form a comfortable routine.

Both Giles and Spike worked at the local high school and Buffy explored the local neighbourhood with Katie whilst they were at work. It was on one such outing to a local park, which strangely sat next door to the local cemetery, when Buffy first met Willow. She sat next to the red head on a bench with a sigh, her arms where killing her, she couldn’t wait for Katie’s pram to arrive.

The two of them started talking when Willow suddenly exclaimed “what a beautiful baby! How old is she? What’s her name? If it is a girl… I mean I don’t suppose you are one of those people who would dress their baby boy in pink, are you? Not that if you did I would blame you, I mean pink’s a nice colour and and…”

Buffy started to laugh, genuinely delighted by the senseless chatter.

“And I’m blabbering aren’t I?” She asked beginning to laugh too, “I’m sorry, I can’t seem to stop. Shutting up now”

“Yes, she’s a girl” Buffy answered between giggles, “Her name’s Katie”

The two of them chatted for a while; until Willow had to return to work and the two of them exchanged numbers, already firm friends.

This was why, the week after the boxes had arrived and Buffy was sick of rummaging through them every morning, Willow was the one to help her sort thorough and find homes for the items and subsequently was the one to find the letter.

“Buffy? There is a letter here. It’s got your name on it” Willow said gently, “It’s got to be from Angel, right?”

“Yeah” Buffy muttered, taking the envelope and placing it in the back of her jeans, “I’ll read it later” and turned back to the pile of Katie’s clothes she was sorting.

“I know that something awful happened between you two and I know you don’t want to talk about it, but I am here, if ever, you know, you do want to. Talk that is.”

Buffy turned to Willow; her eyes shinning with unshed tears. “Thanks, that means a lot to me, I just can’t at the moment Will, things are too raw”

Willow engulfed Buffy in a hug, both of the oblivious to the blonde standing outside the door, smiling softly to himself, it was good, he decided, that Buffy had someone there for her, someone who clearly cared.

He interrupted them after a couple of minutes, telling Buffy that Giles was working late

“Categorizing, or some such rot” he stated, smiling as the two women giggled and the tension eased, “Just wondered if you wanted to go out and get something to eat, I know a nice little place, where children are welcome” He held is breath waiting for her answer, not knowing if he had come on too strong, careful he told himself, she’s a married woman.

“Sure, I’m getting a little tired of my own cooking and honestly, how did you and Giles survive before I got here?”

“Takeaways” Spike responded with a straight face.

Willow stepped back from the situation and watched the interaction of the two blondes as they bantered back and forth, with a secretive smile on her face; it’s so sweet, she thought. She then pulled herself up short, that’s her brother in law, she told herself sharply; stop seeing things that aren’t there! But still, she thought, it’s always possible she married the wrong brother.

Before she left, Willow extended an invitation to Buffy for her to join her and her friends at the Bronze the following night.

“I don’t know” Buffy responded quickly, “I’d have to leave Katie here and that’s not fair”

“Come on luv, go out with Red here, I’ll look after the little bit for a night” Spike believed that Buffy needed a night out, to forget all the shit at least for a little while.

“Yeah, come on Buffy, Xander thinks you’re my imaginary friend, please come and show him that I’m not crazy!”

Buffy bit her lip, “I’m still not sure… Oh all right then” she decided quickly, “as long as it’s okay with you” she said looking at Spike.

“It’s fine pet, have a night out. I enjoy having the nibblet, she’s not old enough to talk back yet!”

**************************************************************************

Later that evening, Spike offered to bath Katie so that Buffy would have time to herself for a while and she used the time to pamper herself in Giles en-suite bathroom, first taking a leisurely bath and then using her favourite cream to moisturise her slim body. She looked at her skin critically, the years of living in Washington had left her skin looking pale and she desperately needed to spend some time in the sun.

Moving towards her bedroom, dressed in a short silk robe, Buffy heard splashing and giggling and a more masculine laugh that obviously did not belong to her little one. Unable to resist, Buffy poked her head in the door and saw a drenched Spike floating Katie in a shallow bath of water, Katie was obviously having the time of her life and kicking her little chubby legs in the water, covering Spike in more and more water.

She couldn’t help it, a giggle slipped, causing Spike to peer round at her, “Your little one is a menace!” he exclaimed, “I’m soaked!”

“If you can’t cope with her now” Buffy started trying to stop laughing, “just wait until she gets bigger and has more water to cover you in!”

“Bloody bint! Try to do a good deed and all I get is laughed at!” His eyes danced with amusement though, until he got a good look at how little Buffy was wearing. Good God, he thought, his throat going dry, her legs go on forever. He swallowed trying to control the reactions of his body and turned back to Katie, busying his self with removing her from the bath and wrapping her in a soft white towel.

Buffy noticed his sudden change of mood and felt an irrational jolt of rejection, she drew her robe tightly round her, unaware of how it caused her nipples to press up against the pale silk. Spike bit back a groan and firmly pointed his eyes at the cooing little bundle in his arms that was clearly unaware of the tension in the room.

“I’m going to get dressed”, Buffy announced, turning and walking to her room. As she closed the door behind her and went in search of clothes, she pushed away the feeling of hurt she had experienced, unwilling to give the feelings any reality. I’m just tired, she thought, it’s been a really long week.

Back in the bathroom, Spike groaned softly and spoke to Katie, “Your mum’s gonna be the death of me, nibblet. God only knows where this is going!”

Katie just waved her little arms at Spike smiling softly; she obviously doesn’t share his concern.

Spike led Buffy into the restaurant later that night, with a proprietary arm at her waist as she held on to Katie. Buffy, grateful for the support didn’t think too deeply about the reason it was there and just enjoyed the feeling.

They didn’t have to wait long before a bubbly waitress bounced over to seat them. “Spike!” she squealed, “It’s good to see you again” Buffy frowned at the brunette as she leaned in to give Spike a hug. Who the hell was this woman!

“Hi Barb” he responded, hugging the young woman back “How’s that monster of a husband of yours?”

“Oh you know, the same, screaming at the waiting staff, making them quit! I don’t know why I bother anymore!” Her tone was stern but Buffy could see the genuine affection when she spoke of her husband. “And who is this little one?” Barb asked getting a good look at Katie “Don’t you look so much like your mom?” she cooed.

Buffy was utterly charmed, like any mother; she loved the attention doled out on her child. “This is Katie” she responded smiling, “And I’m Buffy”.

“Have you been holding out on me Spike?” Barb teased

“She’s Angel’s wife pet. Here for a visit with Da” Spike told the woman, somewhat subdued, I should have known better than to bring her here he thought suddenly.

“Oh.” Barb was also subdued at the mention of Angel, “Well lets get you a table and a high chair for little Katie” She said grabbing a couple of menus and leading the way into the cosy restaurant.

Once they where seated and Barb had bustled away Buffy asked Spike why the woman had shut down at the sound of Angel’s name.

“Had a bit of a row in high school, all of us did. Most of us have made up now, but Angel’s never come back. Where all great friends back then, all of us, but it didn’t really end well” He didn’t seem to want to elaborate and so Buffy didn’t push him, but she wondered why Angel had never told her about it. Though when she thought about it, Angel had never mentioned much about his life before college, strange she thought and turned her attention to Katie who was busy banging her teething ring on the tray of the high chair.

Buffy spent the meal alternately trying to get to know Spike and trying to stop her daughter from breaking anything, or anyone, given that she had just learn the fun game of “throw everything on the floor and let the adults pick it up”.

She questioned Spike on his college choice, staying far away from the at home with Angel part of his life, knowing that it would only create more problems, for both him and her, for her part, she wasn’t ready to discuss her husband.

“Well, it was partly Dru and partly the fact that I got accepted to Oxford, not something you turn down lightly” He answered her with a smile on his face, “Dru wanted to see England, and she managed to get herself a placement with an old English pottery designer. She was an artist, she used to paint the most bizarre pictures and this old bloke, he was in love with them, made a whole crockery range based on her designs” He sighed and continued, “when I finished my degree, she was doing so well, we decided to stay and then we got married. Kinda like the next step in life you know? Didn’t turn out so good though”

Buffy stared at him as he was speaking and for the first time really looked at him. My God she though, he’s beautiful, she mused, his eyes, even the eighties reject bleach job on his hair is attractive. Her eyes dropped down to his lips and she subconsciously licked her own, thinking of what it would be like if he leaned over right now and…NO! She thought, shaking her head, remember Angel she scolded herself with a flash of guilt. You have a husband and a baby and God! Even to think these things! What are you doing! He’s your brother in law for God’s sake! Yeah and Angel’s been so good to you, her inner voice piped up sarcastically. She stifled that thought quickly and turned her attention back to the table where Spike was looking at her quizzically.

“What?” she asked, quickly.

“Just asked if you have had enough, or if you could fit a dessert in?” Spike said, “Where were you just now? Coz there’s no chance you were here.”

“I was just thinking about how things turn out” Buffy answered quickly “I mean you spent years with Dru and yet in the end it wasn’t enough. How do you live with it?” She finished with a sigh. “And no, there is no chance in Hell I’d ever be able to eat a dessert after all that I’ve eaten!”

“I’ll ask for the bill then” Spike responded with a smile, “and as for the other thing, I’ve had a while to get used to it now, it gets easier. Is it over between you and Angel then?” he asked, hope flaring in his chest.

“I don’t know” she responded, causing his hope to deflate a little. “I just don’t know how it’s ever going to be the same again. I love him, I know that and I know that it’s not ever going to go away, but forgiving and forgetting, even after I know what he’s been through” She paused choked by tears, “I’m not sure I can be that forgiving”.

Spike paid and they left the restaurant shortly after and went home, Buffy was shocked at how easily she had come to think of the Giles’s house as home. She pleaded tiredness once they entered the front door and made her way up the stairs.

“Buffy” Spike called out to her and she turned to look at him “You can’t ever go back pet. The past is in the past and you can’t change what’s happened. You need to move on.” And he added with a smirk, “Maybe the future will be better.”

“Maybe” Buffy responded with a sad smile, “Maybe you’re right” before turning and making her way to her room, Katie asleep in her arms.

Buffy used her pillow to muffle her screams of anger, screwing the paper in her hand, she threw it as hard as she could and watched it with a scowl as it bounced under Katie's cot. Well that was not at all satisfying she thought angrily. She balled her fists and dug her nails into her palms. Breath she said to herself softly, don't wake Katie or you will never get out tonight. She desperately need a night out, especially now.

The letter from Angel had been... There were no words for it, "I'm sorry Buffy, but I can't be distracted from getting better"

Can't be distracted, Can't be distracted! I'll kill him! I'll kill the wanker! She paused, Wanker? Where did that come from? As if she needed to ask, Spike! For some reason, that man was everywhere and now he was influencing her vocabulary. Irritating it was and overbearing, the way her looked out for her, made sure she had everything she needed, sweet. No not sweet! No men are sweet, they just act that way until they revert to the bastards they always were! Hot though, God he is hot she admitted to herself, with that sexy body and the bad boy hair and nails. Mummm...NO! bad mind, stop thinking! Thinking is bad!

I need to get drunk, she thought to herself, not even my thoughts are making sense anymore! I need to get drunk and I need sex, just not with my brother in law, no matter how hot he is! Angel is a bastard and I haven't had sex since before Katie was born. I deserve some sex. Unfortunately, that is so not going to happen.

She glanced at the clock, shit! I've only got 15 minutes! She flew to her wardrobe to find something to wear. Why didn't I do this earlier? She asked herself, pulling out some black trousers and a sparkly top that tied up at the back, she pulled the clothes on making a note to go shopping, she hadn't bought any new clothes since Katie was born. Thanking God that she had put makeup on earlier, she made a few repairs and ran a brush through her hair.

As she was deciding if earrings would be a good idea she heard the doorbell go, she grabbed a pair of hoops, kissed her sleeping daughter and left the room quietly. As she walked down the stairs, she heard a very hyperactive Willow taking to Giles.

"I just loved the library when I was at the high school, all dark and full of quiet nooks and crannies, I suppose it's all different now? What with the accident and all"

"Well yes" Giles replied, removing his glasses and cleaning them, "It's lighter now, lots of windows, but not really like a library anymore"

"Hey Willow, I'll just be a minute" Buffy smiled, turning to Giles, "Where is my babysitter? Gotta give him some last minute instructions"

"He is in the basement, attempting to do some laundry, I'm not holding out any hopes that he will have anymore luck with the washing machine than he did last week. But he's trying!" Giles cringed at the thought of the flooding that had occurred the previous week "Think you could talk him out of it?!"

"I'll try" Buffy giggled as she turned and walked down into the basement.

As Spike came into view, Buffy saw that he had removed his shirt and was bent over the washing machine. Jesus, did the guy have a nice body, she thought, feeling her body flush and tighten and her heart rate soar. God I need to get laid, she thought desperately, pictures of her sitting on the washing machine, the focus of all of his attention, her hand moving to the front of his jeans, popping the buttons slowly, as his hands ran up her arms, to her shoulders, pulling her towards him gently...

"Buffy!" Spike clicked his fingers in her face as she slowly broke out of her reverie. "Did you want me for something?" he asked.

Oh yes she thought her face flushing; I want you for something alright! She avoided his eyes as she answered, "Yep, one of the rules of babysitting, is that you don't try to flood the house and drown the baby!"

"I'm not going to flood the house!" he defended himself, "I just really need my red shirt for tomorrow night, I've got me a hot date"

"You've got a date?" Buffy asked, her heart sinking and a strange feeling welling up in her chest. Good, this is good, she thought trying to convince herself.

"Yeah, some girl I work with, blonde, pretty, Clem convinced me to get back on the horse" and she looks a lot like you he thought to himself, only dumber.

"Well, that's good" Buffy's voice sounded false, even to her "If you promise to leave the washing machine alone for my daughter's sake, I'll do the washing for you tomorrow"

"On that happy note, I will vacate the basement and plant myself down in front of the footie for the night!"

Buffy & Spike wandered into the living room, interrupting Giles and Willow, who appeared to be having a debate about tarot cards verses crystal balls. After a quick goodbye and a reminder about Katie's feed at 11pm, in case she wasn't back, Buffy and Willow left for the Bronze.

***************************************************************************

Arriving at the club, Willow pulled Buffy over to a table, surrounded by people and began introducing people to her,

"This is Xander, he's a little strange, but he will grow on you" Willow said, gesturing to the dark haired man in the bright coloured shirt.

"Oy!" Xander protested, but his eyes twinkled with laughter "You'll have to excuse Willow, she's been around Anya for too long, they're both loopy!" He flinched as the blond beside him punched him in the arm. "Nice to meet you though" Buffy laughed, enchanted.

The blond broke in before Willow could continue "I'm Anya," she said smiling, "and Xander's mine" Her face and tone where pleasant, but the hands off warning was clear. Buffy smiled and flashed her wedding ring at the happy couple. "No need to worry about me" she said, "I'm already taken". Or not, she thought bitterly, there has been no taking of me for quite some time!

Anya didn't look convinced, "you're married?" she questioned suspiciously, "Yeah, why?" Buffy answered warily.

"Well, it's just that you've got that "it's been so long since I've had sex I can't remember what it feels like", look about you"

"ANYA!" Came from everyone around the table as Buffy's mouth dropped open in shock.

Xander rolled his eyes, and said in a exasperated voice "Anya, do you remember that conversation we had about you opening your mouth before engaging your brain?"

"Oh yes, where you told me not to say what we are all thinking! I didn't like that conversation." She responded with a frown.

"You will find that Anya tends to speak her mind, no matter how strange or twisted" Willow said, her face red with embarrassment.

"It's okay Wills," Buffy replied, still a little shocked by the blunt speaking.

Willow breathed a sigh of relief and turned to a short man with spiky purple hair, "this is Oz" she advised, "he doesn't talk much, but when he does... Well you'll find out"

Oz nodded his head with a quick "Hi" and returned to surveying the dance floor.

A girl with dirty blond hair and beautiful eyes looked up from her drink and smiled sweetly as Willow introduced her, "and last but not least, this is Tara." Buffy couldn't help but smile back at the young women as she greeted her.

Xander went to get some drinks and the group sat chatting and getting to know each other, Buffy found out that Tara owned a magic shop with Anya. "It's making lots of lovely money!" Anya cackled gleefully, "I like the exchange of goods and services for money"

"Don't mind her," Tara said shyly, "she's really not that materialistic"

"Are you sure?" Oz asked with a raised eyebrow

"Honestly, I think she is," said Xander jokingly “and I live with her!" He flinched as Anya elbowed him in the side. “Oww!”

“Oh shut up you big baby!”

Buffy laughed, along with the group, enjoying being part of a large group again and finished her second drink, or was that her third? It didn't seem sensible to get too drunk around people she had only just met and so n lieu of another drink she pulled Willow up to dance with her.

*********************************************************************************

Despite her best intentions, by the time Buffy got to the front door she couldn't get the lock to stay still long enough for her to fit her key in it. "Stay still will you!" she muttered, before dropping her keys into the foliage at the side of the door. "Oh shit!" she dropped to her knees, trying to feel for her keys in the dark bush.

Whilst she was struggling, half inside the bush, Spike opened the door and watched with amusement the sight of a delightful rear end wiggling in front of him. Suppressing a groan he decided to make his presence known, before he did something unforgivable.

"Are you planning on spending the night in there luv, or did you wanna come in?" Buffy pulled herself out of the bush, looking puzzled, leaves and twigs tangled in her hair "Did I open the door?"

Spike began to laugh, "You're pissed, get up off the floor and get inside, you dozy bint"

"I'm not "Pissed"" Buffy insisted screwing up her nose as she shakily stood, "I'm really quite calm, but I won't stay that way if you keep calling me names!"

Spike was visibly struggling to keep his laughter under control as he explained "Pissed luv, it means drunk" He took her arm and helped her into the house.

"Oh!" and after she had thought about it for a bit, "How's my baby?"

"Little bit was fine, has had her last bottle, shouldn't get you up for a good five hours! You going up to bed now?" Please go to bed he thought, your drunk and beautiful and I just wanna run my hands over your body....

"Spike!" Buffy flushed as their eyes met and she was reminded of an earlier conversation with Willow, when the women's toilets where strangely empty.

"So what's the situation between you and Spike then?" Willow had asked her, finally backing the blonde woman into a corner. Buffy had flushed and stammered that there was nothing there but Willow hadn't been convinced.

"You are living with an unarguably HOT man and you're telling me that you haven't noticed?" She questioned, "I don’t believe it anyway, no normal straight woman could live with that man and not notice and anyway, I've seen you two together, you exude chemistry"

"Willow, I'm a married woman, married by the way, to the brother of the hot guy I'm living with!"

"Ah hah!" Willow announced happily "You think he's hot!"

Buffy shook her head as she left the toilets, "I'm married Wills, not dead!"

Looking into Spike's eyes now she was reminded very strongly of the fact that she wasn't dead, in fact her body was clearly reacting to his closeness, her breathing became deeper and her eyes wandered along his chiseled cheekbones, being drawn closer and closer to those kissable lips.

She had an obstinate look on her face, Spike realized as she was staring at him, God knows he had seen it more than once before, she managed to look sulk and obstinate all at the same time and she was adorable. He didn’t know what she wanted, but…

“Damn it” he growled, pulling her to him and clamping his mouth over hers. Buffy, her mind clouded with alcohol and desire clung to him meeting his passion with her own, she was aware of nothing but his mouth and hands, nothing else existed. She wanted nothing in her life as much as to feel this man inside her. His hands moved and lifted her, her legs wrapped around his waist and they stumbled back against the wall.

The resulting crash of the coat stand hitting the floor and the wail from upstairs indicating that Katie was awake broke them apart. Both gasping for breath, they eyed each other warily, before Buffy stammered that she had to get to Katie and ran up the stairs.

After watching Buffy race away, Spike groaned “Well you’ve done it now you stupid ponce! You acted like an eighteen year old on a first date” Well aware that he wouldn’t sleep, he wandered into the kitchen to find himself a beer.

Cordy sat curled up in her large armchair a file open on her lap, and an unhappy expression on her face. She'd done her homework when Angel had first called her, getting a copy of the FBI's official file and copies of the newspaper reports, she had thought she was ready for the first session, being one of the top psychologists in the county and being on the FBI's books had meant that she had treated a number of agent who where repressing awful events, but as soon as Angel Giles had told her what had happened, she knew that very little could prepare her for helping him.

She sighs and settles deeper into the chair as she focuses on the newspaper report, in which very little information is provided, Elizabeth and Harry Walker, three year old twins, had been kidnapped from their home in the middle of the night two weeks earlier. The FBI had found their mutilated bodies in an abandoned warehouse along with one of their agents, who had been missing for the past two days.

Two days, she thought with a sigh, Angel had been trapped with a mad man and two babies, for two days. The report from the FBI was very much the same, they had taken a brief statement from Angel about the description of the kidnapper, but because the case was still open there were no details. All she really knew was that the Kidnapper had called Angel direct after finding out that he was dealing with the case and had invited him to meet him. As per procedure Angel had been fitted with a tracking device, but it had malfunctioned and because he hadn't made it to the planned meeting place, the FBI hadn't known where to look. Not until they received a call from an unknown informant, giving them the location of Angel and the two bodies. The children had been killed at least eight hours before the agents arrived at the scene, Angel had sat with the bodies, tied and unable to move, for hours until released.

The report was so mechanical, nothing like Angel's description of the incident, she could still see his eyes, burning with unshed tears, tears she knew he would have to let go before he could begin to heal.

Her mind flashed back to their last session, her heart hurt, she wanted to cry for him, the pain he felt as he spoke to her.

"He asked me questions" Angel stopped as if the effort to speak was more than he could manage "picked body parts, an ear or a... Or a thumb! He asked me to choose, told me if I didn't, then he would...he would slit their throats, Oh God..." He broke off staring out the window.

Cordy sat quietly, she knew it would come in it's own time, she needed to give him space.

"What should I have done?" he cried out, anguished, "I thought my tracker was working, I thought THEY would be there soon, that he would be caught...I wanted them to live, what's the loss of a thumb? Of an ear? I kept rationalizing, trying to get him to talk, not to hurt them, I was waiting for THEM! THEY came too late!" He was always emphasizing his words when he spoke about his backup, she had seen this before, once an agent was let down by the other members of his team, there was a serious lack of trust.

"You trusted that your backup would be there," she reiterated to him "you trusted that the system you had put in place would work."

"Yes! But it didn't, it malfunctioned, they lost me after the first mile, they didn't know where I was going. I chose, God I chose pieces....pieces of their bodies for him, I watched as he made them scream. I mutilated them! And then they died. I couldn't save them. I Killed them! I killed them and he walked out with... pieces of their bodies, pieces that should be buried with them. It's my fault!"

Cordy surprised herself by wiping the tears from her face, she's glad that she had managed to stay professional in the session, but still isn't sure why she's so upset by this case. In her training she had studied child abuse cases and interviewed the victims, she shouldn't be so upset, she's seen these things before, worse even, but there was something about Angel, something that she couldn’t quite put her finger on.

She needed to make a decision about this and how she's going to proceed with Angel's therapy, normally she's very harsh, she's well known for it and it came in hand when dealing with thick headed police and FBI agents, but she was having trouble using this tactic. He just seemed too lost, too broken and she couldn’t do it to him. It was going to take something more than normal to convince this man that he was the victim in this, that it wasn’t his fault.

***************************************************************************************************************

Angel wondered about the letter he had sent Buffy, it wasn’t that he didn’t want to see her, God, he would give anything to hold her again, but the thought of Katie, his own daughter, made him physically sick. All he could see when he looked at her was the bloody bodies of the blonde twins, he had tried, but his stomach would roll and he would become irrational, he was worried that he would hurt her and that would be unforgivable. He had already hit Buffy.

But how do you explain to your wife that you can’t stand the sight of your daughter? It wasn’t possible, his only hope was to get better and go to them, show them that he had changed, give his daughter a cuddle and hope that it wouldn’t be too late.

He had written the letter to convince Buffy not to come home, to wait for him. But was that too much to ask for, he questioned himself, if she told me that she couldn’t see me because she had some issues to work out, would I be okay with that? Would I accept it?

Sadly, he wasn’t sure that he would, he would be angry, bitter that she wouldn’t let him help, he wondered how long it would take for Buffy to get angry. Knowing her, he thought with a wry chuckle, not long at all. All he could do was hope that it wasn’t too late…

Buffy hadn’t had slept very well at all, Katie had kept her up another hour, having woken up she wanted to play and Buffy, who was feeling guilty about what had happened downstairs, had played and sang to the little blonde until Katie was too tired to keep her eyes open. She was going to start to talk soon Buffy thought looking at her daughter; Angel’s going to miss it. How long is he going to be gone, what else is he going to miss, her first steps, her first birthday, her first day at school? How long is this going to go on? It’s not fair, Katie needs her father.

But did she? She asked herself as she got ready for bed, she was living with her grandfather and uncle, both of whom already spoiled her rotten, treated her like a little princess. Would Katie even want her father when he came back? Or would Spike have stolen that position? He’d seemed pretty intent on stealing her from Angel when they where downstairs, but then, some of that was her fault. It was strange, he was loud, cocky and everything that had always irritated her about the men she had dated, but she genuinely liked Spike and it didn’t help that he was so much like Angel, not physically, and it wasn’t anything she would be able to explain, but they had the same sense of purpose and sadness about them.

Buffy was sure she was being punished when Katie woke her up an hour before normal for her feed. The throbbing in her head and her stomach seemed to be in time with each other and Buffy a hand to her mouth, flew out of her room, into the bathroom and vomited bile into the toilet.

Giles, met her once she was finished, Katie in his arms, “Are you okay?” he asked, looking concerned.

“I’m fine, Giles, too much to drink last night. Don’t know my limits anymore, I haven’t drank since this little one was born.” She answered poking Katie gently in her belly. “Did we wake you? I’m sorry, I’ll go feed her” She reached out to take her daughter, but Giles stopped her.

“I’ll feed her,” he said, “you go clean yourself up and I’ll meet you downstairs”

“You are the best” Buffy responded gratefully, “I don’t know what I’d do without you”

“I’m sure you’d manage” Giles muttered to her departing figure, he wondered if she knew what she was doing, all he knew was that one of his sons was going to get hurt. He just didn’t know which one, they where old enough now to make their own choices, but they always had, had the same taste in women, he supposed he really shouldn’t be surprised…

******************************************************************************

After Buffy had showered and brushed her teeth, she felt a little better, until she remembered what had happened last night and then she was nearly sick again. As she leaned over the basin, splashing cool water on her suddenly hot face, she took a deep breath and knew she had to get out of the house by the time he was up. Why was she so stupid? God, she told herself, you are a married woman, with a child. Think of Katie. She needed time though, time to think and to deal with her feelings, she needed to get out of here.

With that in mind, she dressed and told Giles, that she was going to take Katie to visit Anya and Tara and the magic shop that day, as they had expressed a desire to meet the little one.

Given that it was six in the morning, Buffy couldn’t leave for a while and she was so antsy that by nine o’clock, she had done all the washing, and any the other quiet jobs she think to do. She was paranoid about waking Spike, there was no way she could deal with that this morning, she bundled Katie into her push chair and after saying a quick goodbye to Giles she walked out the house.

******************************************************************************

Spike had a terrible night’s sleep, after his encounter with Buffy he ran the scenario over and over in his mind throughout the night, not really coming up with any answers. It would have been alright, he convinced himself if the demented female hadn’t started kissing him back! But she had. Why had she? Why did he kiss her? Well, she had been standing there all adorable with her bottom lip pouting and he lost all control, he tried to defend himself. But no, much as she’s one beautiful woman and a darling, she was married, I shouldn’t have kissed her, and she was lashed, he had taken advantage of her. But then why did she kiss him back?

She needed to decide what she wanted first. He didn’t think that it was a problem that she was Angel’s wife, he hadn’t seen his brother in so long and there wasn’t really a relationship to damage. Don’t quite think da’ll see it that way, though he thought with a chuckle, he really didn’t want to upset Giles, they had only just started to get to know each other properly and he didn’t want to ruin that relationship. Right then, he thought, forget her, go out, get laid and you’ll feel better tomorrow.

It did occur to Spike that Buffy may not remember last night, given her drunken state, he wavered between hoping that she had forgotten and his male pride that was insisting that the kiss had been unforgettable.

It was an hour later that a still tired Spike wandered into the kitchen in search of coffee and found a mug steaming and waiting for him along with his father.

“Sit down, Spike.” Giles said, his tone firm, “We need to talk”

Spike, gratefully grasped the warm cup, feeling nervous, Giles’ tone brought back memories of lectures from his teenage years. He sat.

“I hope you know what you’re doing” Giles started, “She’s been hurt, but there is every chance that she will go back to him. You know that don’t you?”

“Da, what are you..”

“Don’t play dumb with me, I’m your father remember. What I want to know is why you don’t care that she’s your brother’s wife” Giles snapped, “it’s not done Spike, you know better than this!”

“I know! God don’t you think I know that!” Spike exploded, “I’m not doing it on purpose, this isn’t about Angel at all. And yes, I’m sure she will get back with the wanker, but…” he stopped, not knowing what else to say, “It’s just that she’s so.. I’ve got a date tonight, I haven’t had a proper date since the divorce. I don’t know, I just..”

“Okay” Giles responded, eyeing his son carefully, “Be careful and I’ll stay out of it, just be ready because Angel will be coming home. He needs to and you need to be ready to let her go.”

******************************************************************************

Buffy wandered a little before going to the Magic Shop, spending some of Angel’s money, well, he had told her to take what she needed and she really needed new shoes, especially when she was feeling so up in the air. She would have to start earning her own money if she decided she wasn’t going back to Angel, that was another thing she worried about, she had always been independent, but now she had Katie, she would need to find a job that paid enough for her to get childcare and earn enough to live and that was going to be a problem. But, she thought eyeing a third pair of shoes, that was a problem for another day. Today’s problem was, how the hell she was going to be able to face Spike again, but that said, she wanted to. She was sick, she decided, crazy, she was embarrassed to see him again, but when she thought about never seeing him again, her heart hurt.

When she finally made it to the Magic Shop, it was nearly lunchtime and Katie was hungry.

“Please tell me you have a microwave” Buffy said to Anya as she approached the till, “I need to warm her bottle and she can get very noisy if she’s not fed!”

Anya smiled, “Out back, go through Tara’s out there doing paperwork, don’t let the little terror drive off any potential customers!” She waved towards a door hidden by a purple curtain and Buffy laughing pushed, Katie through.

Buffy made small talk with Tara, who had taken hold of Katie, whilst she heated the bottle and got a bib out. Buffy sat Katie on her lap and started to feed her, “Thanks for this, you wouldn’t believe how hard it is to get some places to heat a bottle without exploding it!”

Tara laughed, but her voice was serious when she said, “Buffy, you haven’t known me long and so if I’m out of line please tell me, but you aren’t happy. It helps to talk about it, if you’re ready…”

Hearing the obvious concern in Tara’s voice, Buffy started to cry, tears she couldn’t control slid silently down her face as she spoke, “I left Angel, my husband. He… he hit me.” She stopped, busying herself with winding her baby, Tara sat quietly waiting. “I swore that I wouldn’t take that, wouldn’t accept it, no matter the circumstances, but… Angel, he… I’m just so angry with him.

Buffy talked until she was hoarse, explaining to Tara exactly what she knew about Angel’s ordeal, her marriage, how she had felt so alone and how she had wanted to kill Angel for hitting her. About Angel’s letter, what he had said, how angry she was he was pushing her out. She had cried all the tears she had and took the glass of water Tara handed her gratefully,

“I’m really sorry, I just unloaded all my emotional shit right on top of you” Buffy said, taking a sip of the water.

“It’s okay,” Tara replied, “It’s what I’m here for, do you feel better? Sometimes you need to unload on someone who won’t judge you”

“I do feel better about Angel, I can’t solve that problem right now and I have some decisions to make, but he’s asked me to give him time, not contact him. What am I supposed to do?”

“What do you want to do?”

“I want to say fuck it and fuck him and if it wasn’t for Katie, I probably already would have, but…”

“So that’s it then, there’s no going back for you, you can’t forgive him? Do you still love him?”

“I don’t think I’ll ever stop loving him, but he’s not the same man that I married, that I feel in love with, but it’s not his fault! How can I punish him? After what he’s been through?” Buffy turned and placed her sleeping daughter into the push chair her face anguished.

“Should you punish yourself then?” Tara asked, “isn’t that what you would be doing if you went back feeling the way you do?”

“I deserve to be punished!” Buffy exclaimed, “I’m confused and that’s okay, I left him and that’s okay, but I kissed Spike!” She slapped a hand over her mouth in shock.

“Well now” Tara said with a concerned look on her face, “That is a whole new problem”

“Yes, one I really shouldn’t be bothering you with, I’m sorry this visit really wasn’t what I planned” Buffy was appalled at the information she had given the young woman, she trusted Tara, she didn’t know why, but she did. But she had already imposed too much.

“Please,” Tara said, looking upset, “I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to push, please stay a while”

“It’s not your fault, you didn’t ask me to dump on you… Well actually, I think you did, but that’s not the point. I shouldn’t have taken up so much of your time, I…I’ll see you soon, okay, Bye”

Buffy rushed out of the shop, throwing a very brief goodbye to Anya as she ran for the exit.

“That girl has serious issues” Anya said to Tara as she walked from the backroom.

“You have no idea” Tara responded, with a sad smile. She had a feeling that this was going to take a very long time.

Buffy wasn’t home by the time Spike left for his date and he was disappointed, he wanted to see if she would have any reaction about his going out, especially after their kiss last night. Dammit, he wanted to make her jealous and the least she could do was be here so he could!

He shook his head, obviously she didn’t have a problem with his going out, and she had washed and dried his favourite red shirt just for the occasion. She didn’t care and the thought pained him, this was getting far too complicated. She was married, to his brother, but…

Enough! He thought suddenly, you have a date tonight with a beautiful blonde, the wrong beautiful blond, but you can go out, have fun, have yourself some sex and forget about Buffy.

Which was why two hours later after the longest, most ridiculous meal ever Spike was slowly drinking himself into a stupor. He was trying to ignore the words coming out of Harmony’s mouth and focusing instead on the dress she was wearing, or not wearing he thought with a chuckle.

“It’s not funny Spikey!” Harmony whinged in reaction to his laugh, “That bitch sat at the photocopier for three hours just to spite me!” She finished with a huff.

“There now pet,” Spike spoke slurring his words slightly “I’m sure it wasn’t about you, she probably needed to do a lot of copying” What am I saying, he thought suddenly, why am I encouraging her? God I must be a glutton for punishment.

“Wanna get out of here?” he asked with a smirk, his eyes firmly on her breasts.

Harmony flushed slightly and puffed out her chest a little more, “Sure, lets go” She responded excitedly.

Back at harmony’s apartment, she jumped on him the second he walked through the door, “What no offer of coffee?” He joked running his hands down her back.

“I’ve got something much better for you than coffee.” A seductive look on her face as she pulls him over to the sofa, he sat and kissed her, going through the motions making her moan, but for him the spark just wasn’t there, she just didn’t taste right, or move right, his mind flashed back to kissing Buffy and his body started to respond to the memory. He moved his mouth to her neck, nibbling at it and making her moan, all he could see was his blonde angel.

“Oh God, Spikey!” Harmony moaned, jolting him from his fantasy, making him realise that he wasn’t here with Buffy. He shrugged the feeling off and went back to kissing the blonde in his arms, but he’d lost his passion.

He stood up in disgust.

“Spikey.” Harmony whined, her voice a little breathless, “What are you doing?”

“I’m sorry Harm, I just… I can’t do this”

“What? Why?” Harmony looked shocked; she had never EVER been turned down like this before. “What’s wrong with you?”

“Look, I really am sorry, I shouldn’t be here. I… I guess I’m not ready for this yet” He lied; he was ready alright, just not with this girl. “It’s not been long since my divorce, and… Well...”

“Oh Spikey,” Harmony stood and wrapped her arms around him “That’s so sweet, but I can’t wait forever you know” She said with a frown “I mean I know you’ve fallen for me, is it going to hurt you if I move on?”

Holding back a chuckle Spike responded with a chaste kiss to her lips, “I don’t expect you to wait” God the chit was undeniably the most deluded person on the planet, oh Hell, he thought if it makes her happy, and gets me out of here in one piece, I can live with her thinking that.

He left then, resigned to walking across town, back home.

He hadn’t got far when he realised what had happened and he was furious, stupid bint, walks into my life, makes it complicated and now she’s messing with my ability to get laid. That bitch, why is she here? Why do I feel this way about her? And why couldn’t I take the great sex that was practically offered to me on a platter?

The thoughts went round and round in his head, making him dizzy. His drunken mind had managed to blame Buffy for every disaster since the fall of man, especially the fall of this man, he though bitterly. If only I could sleep with her, cool myself in her beautiful body, then this would go away. Some voice deep inside him told him that it would just make things worse, he would never get enough of her and if he gave in, he would follow her around like a little lost puppy, he firmly ignored the voice and walked up the path to the front door.

******************************************************************************

Buffy was jealous, she was a sensible girl most of the time and she faced facts, she couldn’t bear the idea of him going out with anyone, couldn’t bear the though of him sleeping with anyone. She should just go to bed, she old herself, he’s not coming home tonight. But still she sat up, wide awake tormenting herself with visions of him kissing another woman and more.

She was sick, she decided suddenly, sick and twisted. He heart hurt at the thought of him leaving, of having to meet this other woman who had Spike. Stop it, you are a married woman, you have no right to feel this way, she scolded herself. But still into the night she stayed awake, waiting for him to come home.

When Spike staggers through the front door, he finds Buffy sitting on the sofa, glaring at him.

“So what, you had your fun and left her alone huh?” She bit out, furious with him, she couldn’t believe that he had even gone on the date, not after that kiss, not that she wanted to take it any further, but her feelings had been seriously hurt.

“Pet, what are you talking about?” He asked “Oh,” he said a minute after seeing the glare she’d thrown his way, “You’re jealous!” His heart lifted, she was jealous and he was elated at the thought.

“I’m not jealous!” Buffy snapped, “I’m just concerned for the poor girl you fucked and left, I thought you knew better than that!”

“Luv, if you’re not jealous, why are sitting up waiting for me to come home?” He sidled over to her and dropped down on the sofa next to her.

“I was reading.” She answered as his hand moved over her leg, making her suppress a shiver.

“Really” He responded, massaging her thigh, “And what where you reading?” His voice was husky, making her close her eyes to keep from moaning, her mind had gone blank, all she could do was feel what he was doing to her.

Spike moved his free hand to Buffy’s face, turning her head so she was looking at him and he was staring deeply into her hazel eyes. What he saw in her eyes, obviously urged him to continue and he moved forward to kiss her tenderly. Buffy gasped when his lips met hers, deepening the kiss, she brought her hands up and under his shirt, making him moan when her hands touched his bare flesh.

They had shifted so that Spike was laying on top of her, kissing his way down her neck and removing her top, leaving her lacy bra. He sat back looking at her. “God, you are beautiful” He groaned, before moving to the lacy scrap that covered her breasts, he cupped one, his fingers brushing her nipple. He delighted in the gasp that came from her urging him on, he moved his head down to her other breast, giving it some attention with his tongue, making her writher beneath him, her low moans making him harder for her.

His mouth moved back up to claim her mouth as his hand moved down to the part of her that was aching for his touch, he cupped her sex through her jeans, she grabbed his head.

“Oh God” She bit out desperately moving her body closer to his hand, wanting more wanting…

She stopped suddenly. Pulling away from him, she sat up.

“What? What’s wrong?” Spike asked, desperately trying to regain his composure.

“Is once a night not enough for you now?” She spat at him, fighting tears. How had this happened, she feels like such a slut.

“Buffy, luv… What are you talking about?” His eyes were wounded and Buffy could see her own pain reflected there.

“You bastard, I can’t believe you!” She was fighting the urge to give in to him again as her moved closer to him; her body was still reacting to his nearness.

“Oh God!” He exclaimed “Buffy, I didn’t sleep with her tonight…I couldn’t.” He took a deep ragged breath, “All I could see was you, and all I wanted was you.”

His voice rang with the sincerity that was reflected on his face, the words made her melt and without a sound, she kissed him. This time Buffy ended up sprawled on top of Spike, kissing his face, neck moving down to his chest, when she bit his nipple, he lost control and tried to grind himself against her, moaning incoherently.

Oh god, Buffy thought her gaze hitting one of Katie’s toys, what am I doing? Without a word to Spike, she jumped off him and ran up the stairs, leaving a very confused and horny man lying on the sofa.

A sinister shadow watches the house, watches the little blonde, the one that is Angels wife, watches as she sits in the room, her back straight. She is tense, watching through the window it is clear to see that she has problems. This was going to be fun.

Observing Angel’s wife like this was very enjoyable, watching and waiting for the right time to make the next move.

Getting excited at the thought of the next step, the figure tenses, watching more intently, taking pleasure from her obvious discomfort.

Despite having been stood at the window for hours now, there was no pain, no discomfort. Watching the older man with Angel’s wife before he had retired for the night had not been as much fun, the two clearly took great pleasure in spending time together. She was like a little girl looking for a father figure, sadly the old one seemed happy to provide. It was a shame, but you can’t have everything.

Still watching. Waiting.

Every now and then she tries to leaf through a magazine, pausing to read, but quickly throws it back on the coffee table in exasperation. She rolls her neck, trying to relax, even once turning the television on, flicking through the channels, before shaking her head, blonde hair flying. The shoulders of the dark figure shake, as if suppressing laughter, whilst watching the beauty as she fidgets, there is pleasure here watching her discomfort.

Safe from discovery.

Hearing footsteps, the figure moves deeper into the shadows, watching the man walking up the path to the house, he looks determined, focused on getting inside, far too drunk to notice the figure lurking by the bushes, as he walks into the door, the shadow returns to the window, excited at the thought of the possible show to come.

Watching the fun.

Through the window, the menacing observer can see the couple having heated words and they are clearly a couple, they have such chemistry together. The shoulders shake again; the man is not Angel, the pleasure of knowing that Angel is suffering bringing on more laughter. It’s a shame the window is not open, then the heated words could be heard, there is disappointment, but not a great deal. Just watching is enough for now.

Watching the fireworks.

The blonde man is smirking now, moving to share the sofa with Angel’s wife, this could get interesting. It does, the dark form watches their clinch but when the view becomes obstructed by the back of the sofa it moves to the side of the house, to another window, one that has been used many times in the last week since the pretty one had been found.

Searching for the pretty one had taken time, but now, now the fun could really begin.

Still watching intently.

Watching as Angel’s wife wraps herself around the blonde man, her top gone, his hands on her pussy, her grinding against him, there is no sexual pleasure, only satisfaction knowing this would cause Angel pain. Disappointment too, what a joy a camera would be right now. Sending photos of this to Angel would be such fun. But no, best to let the game play out to its conclusion. Doesn’t want Angel coming to take the pretty one home yet, there is still too much fun to be had.

But they have stopped, she is sitting up, more heated words are thrown at the man, she is clearly still unhappy, there is a little curiosity and more disappointment that the words cannot be heard. But wait, she’s kissing him again, this time she is taking charge, she must have liked what he said.

There is a thrill in watching, one that has never faded, no matter how often it is done, there is always something new to see. The soap-operas are closer to the truth than they know, even without the sound effects; this little show was enlightening and enchanting.

Watching the pain.

Even though the little act didn’t come to fruition, the look for pain on the women’s face was like a fine wine and the silent observer drank it in, revelling in the emotions.

When she fled the room, the watcher stayed a while, contemplating the blonde man, deciding that there was a need to find out more about him. Once it was clear that the man had passed out, the ominous figure moves further around the house, slowly and silently.

Finding the tree, the one that had been used for this exact purpose many times before, the figure expertly and silently climbed until he reached her window. Angel’s wife was quietly sobbing on the bed, the window was open a crack and the most delightfully pain filled sounds where heard.

Watching with pleasure.

Oh yes, this one will last, I will wait, thought the dark clad figure enjoying the pain and suffering. There is a lot more of this to be had and I shouldn’t waste it, don’t know when I’ll have it this good again.

After the woman had fallen into an exhausted sleep, he turns his attention to the cot and the pretty little one he could see through the bars. Oh we’ll have such fun you and I, he says silently to the sleeping baby. Just you wait.

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A/N: Well this chapter gives you a much better idea of where the plot is going I realise that it’s not been too clear up to now, but I really wanted the relationships of Buffy, Spike and Angel to be clearer before I started to let you know what’s coming next.

You know what they say, things always get worse, before they can get better! Lots more angst coming up.

Thank you for all the wonderful reviews, you guys are great! I’m glad that you are enjoying the story; it’s really quite hard to write parts of it. In my original plan I was going to give you Angel’s entire first therapy session, but I couldn’t do it, so you got Cordy’s side of it instead.

Hope you like the rest of the story as much and please let me know what you think.

Nikki

It had been a week since their clinch on the sofa and Buffy didn’t know whether to be relieved or hurt that Spike hasn’t mentioned it. She couldn’t bear to bring up the subject herself, she just wants to forget all about it. Unfortunately, when you are living in the same house as the man you are lusting after, forgetting is not something you can do.

Spike seemed to be doing a good job at it though, she thought with a scowl, he wasn’t avoiding her; he talked to her all the time even hugged her once and kissed her on the cheek. He wouldn’t be able to do that if he was feeling the same way as her. Every time he got close to her, touched her, her body would begin to hum, he didn’t even need to touch her to turn her on, when he looked at her with his bright eyes, she would melt.

He can’t possibly want me, she decided, the first time I was drunk and practically threw myself at him and the last time he was drunk and hadn’t gotten any yet. Oh God, she thought, suddenly, he’s probably relieved it’s all over.

As she sat there with her face in her hands, Spike wandered into the living room with Katie in his arms, seeing that Buffy was upset, his stomach clenched. She had been like this a lot the last week; he knew she regretted what had almost happened and that upset him more than he could explain.

“You alright luv?” he asked, sitting down beside her, Katie in his lap.

She looked up at him in shock, she hadn’t heard him come in, reaching out to cuddle her daughter, she replied “I’m fine, just thinking.”

“’Bout what?” Spike asked; hope flaring in his chest, maybe now she would talk to him.

Buffy searched around for something to give him, something that wasn’t the truth. There was no way she was going to tell him that she was thinking about how he didn’t want her.

“Angel” She blurted out; “I was thinking about Angel” She was so pleased to have come up with a believable excuse that she completely missed the look of hurt on Spike’s face.

He quickly rearranged his features and decided to change the subject, there was no way that he was going to set himself up for more pain by discussing her husband with her.

“I figured you’d wanna put the little nibblet to bed before you went out, you look nice by the way” He spoke with a slight smile, looking at her.

Buffy looked down at herself when she heard the complement. She was only wearing a pair of old jeans and a tank top, nothing special and she said as much to Spike, taking Katie out of his arms, ready to take her to bed.

“You always look amazing to me luv.” Spike blurted out without thinking, his eyes burning with restrained passion.

Buffy looked at him like a rabbit caught in headlights, before turning and making her way up the stairs as fast as she could.

Spike groaned, this time he was the one with his head in his hands. You stupid pratt, what did you say that for. He thought, “Fuck!” He said aloud as he grabbed his coat and walked out to the back porch to have a cigarette.

Before he had a chance to take more than a puff he heard the back door open,

“I’m sorry luv,” Spike said without turning round, “I shouldn’t have said that.”

“Said what?” Came Giles’s voice from behind him. Bugger.

“Da, its you, thought it might be Buffy.” Spike said, hoping his father would leave it there. Fat chance.

“So what did you say to upset her? You really should try to be nicer to the poor girl, she’s been through a lot” Giles sounded concerned.

“I just, it doesn’t matter, I just opened my big gob without thinking again!” Spike replied. “So what are you doing out here?” He asked, stubbing out the cigarette butt.

“I was wondering if you were staying in tonight.” Giles looked nervous, Spike was intrigued.

“Well, was going to meet the guys for a few drinks and a couple rounds of pool, but if it’s a problem I could stay in. Why?”

“Well,” Giles coughed, clearly unsure of himself, “I told Buffy I would baby-sit Katie, but now I have a date.”

Spike grinned, “Good job Rupes!” he said slapping him on the back. “So who’s the lucky girl?”

Giles ignored the question, “I take it you’ll look after Katie then?”

“Sure, I’m happy to stay in. Can I meet her?”

“No!”

Spike stayed a minute longer on the back porch, sulking about his father’s secrecy, before grinning and turning back to the house.

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Despite her feelings about Spike personally, Buffy had no problem with leaving Katie with her uncle, he was great with kids. She couldn’t help comparing Spike’s behaviour with that of Angel, who had never so much as picked up his daughter since the day she was born. She shook her head, no point dwelling on that which you can’t change she thought as she wandered to the apartment shared by Willow and Tara.

She wondered about Willow and Tara, there was something more than friendship between them, she just wasn’t sure that they knew it yet.

Tara opened the door to Buffy, giving her a hug.

“That smells wonderful Tara,” Buffy said returning the hug.

“Thanks” she responded, “How are you getting on?”

“I…”

Willow chose that moment to walk into the room, grinning as she saw Buffy.

“Hey Buff, come sit down, did you want some wine?” She asked waving the bottle in her hand.

It was three hours and three bottles of wine later when the three women where sitting on the sofa, talking to each other.

“So Buffy,” Willow started with a sly smile, “How’s it going with Spike?”

Shocked, Buffy looked immediately at Tara, who simply shook her head, she hadn’t said a word.

Noticing the exchange Willow’s face got serious, “Hey guy’s what am I missing?”

Buffy was feeling guilty for not telling her friend about the whole her, Angel and Spike thing, and she was more than a little drunk, so that lowered her inhibitions anyway. She told Willow the whole story.

Willow and Tara had sat quietly as Buffy told them her tale and her problems it was only when she got to the part where she had almost had sex with Spike on the sofa that Tara spoke.

“Wow, you never told me that.”

Willow turned to her room mate hurt in her eyes, “You knew?”

Tara looked upset, so Buffy stepped in. “Will, it was last Saturday, I went to the Magic shop and I was so upset and Tara was there being so understanding. I asked her not to say anything. Please don’t be angry with her.”

Willow closed her eyes, “I’m not angry, I was just surprised.” She opened her eyes, looked at Tara and smiled.

Tara returned the smile and then spoke to Buffy. “So you haven’t spoken to him about it? What are you going to do?”

“I don’t know yet” Buffy replied carefully, her heart was screaming at her to give Spike a chance, but she knew she never could, it just wouldn’t be right and anyway, he didn’t want her. But then he had said she always looked amazing to him. She groaned putting her head in her hands.

Willow and Tara both moved over to hug the little blonde, concerned for their friend.

“I’m just so confused” She muttered into her hands “also I’m drunk and drunk Buffy equals badness when Spike is around!”

Tara decided to change the subject, “So Buffy, did you fancy a job?”

“What?” Buffy asked, looking up from her hands suddenly, “I can’t get a job, I need to look after Katie.”

“I was just thinking about a few nights a week doing the paperwork for the Magic shop, I just don’t have a head for numbers and Anya says it gets in the way of her many opportunities for orgasms”

The three women laughed and Buffy’s mood picked up a little. “I’ll have to have a word with Giles, see if he’s okay to look after Katie for me. But I’d love to have something to do. Thank you”

“Well just let me know” Tara responded.

Talk then turned to girly things and before they knew it, the clock was saying it was midnight. Tara and Willow offered Buffy a place to stay for the night, but she wanted to be there for Katie in the morning, so she refused.

The apartment was only a five minute walk from the house and Buffy spent the whole time obsessing over finding Spike awake, waiting for her. What would she do? How would she stop anything from happening?

It turned out that she didn’t have anything to worry about, the house was dark and silent, it was clear everyone was asleep.

Buffy got ready for bed, feeling disappointed that Spike hadn’t stayed up for her. Why didn’t he want her?

Over the following months, life for the unusual family of four had settled into a definite routine, Buffy agreed to take the job at the Magic Shop three evenings a week and either Spike or Giles would look after Katie for her. Giles now regularly went out with his mystery woman, whom he would not let Buffy or Spike meet, despite their pleas.

Buffy was content, not happy but not unhappy either and most of the time she felt that that was the best she could hope for. Katie was growing up to be a menace who could wrap her grandfather and uncle around her little finger with just a glace from her big brown eyes. Her babbling was beginning to sound suspiciously like words and Buffy was feeling guilty that Angel was missing his child growing up.

Her and Spike had also settled into a routine, Buffy hesitated to call it a relationship, he would still do things that were designed to turn her on and she would ignore him, like the fact that he would come in and use the shower when she was brushing her teeth or he would stand close behind her and share the sink with her in a strangely intimate way.

She didn’t object though, she knew that this was all she would ever get from him and the thought of stopping him made her heart hurt in a way she didn’t want to investigate. She often used Giles as a buffer, seeking him out when Spike was getting too intense, either that or if her daughter was wake she would latch hold of her, it wasn’t that she didn’t like what Spike was doing it was that she simply didn’t trust herself not to jump on him.

This was why she was so upset when Giles told her he was going away for two weeks.

“You’re what?” she exclaimed, whilst attempting to remove Katie from behind the television, that kid could crawl faster than the speed of light.

“I’m going away, on a holiday.” Giles was aware of the reason for her discomfort he had seen the looks between her and his son, but he hadn’t been on holiday for many years now and well his new girlfriend wanted some alone time…

“Giles… GILES!” Buffy snapped her fingers in front of his face.

He shook his head and instantly removed his glasses, beginning to clean them a slight blush on his face.

“Eww! Giles! Please promise to never EVER let me know where your mind went just then” Buffy exclaimed shocked at her father in law.

“Yes, well… As I said, I’m sure you and Spike will do fine for a couple of weeks. You’re both far too old to need adult supervision.”

If only you knew, Buffy thought sighing “So, when are you leaving?” At least I’ll have some time to prepare she thought, maybe move to Willow and Tara’s for a couple of weeks.

“This afternoon.”

“What? You’re joking right? Why didn’t you say something sooner?” Buffy burst out, Oh God what was she going to do?

“It was one of those last minute deal things, we only arranged it this morning, I’m afraid I’ll be leaving before Spike gets home can I rely on you to let him know.”

“Yeah, sure. Well go on then, go pack.” Buffy said, removing her roaming daughter from under the coffee table. “Have a nice time.”

“Thank you dear” Giles replied walking upstairs to pack.

“Well little one, it’s you and me against the Big Bad Wolf, think we’ll stay safe?” Buffy asked her wriggling daughter, who simply babbled back at her smiling.

“Don’t know what I’m asking you for; you’ve been in love with him since the beginning. You little traitor!” She said, turning Katie on to her back and blowing raspberries on her belly, making her shriek with laughter.

******************************************************************************

Spike came home that evening to find Buffy and Katie in the kitchen, Katie restrained in her highchair and Buffy working at the stove.

“Hello nibblet” He muttered to the little girl, kissing her softly “Miss me?”

Katie babbled, clapping her hands, Buffy turned towards them laughing with her eyes sparkling, “I think that’s a yes!”

She looks so beautiful when she laughs he thought suddenly, makes me wanna kiss her senseless, make her mine. He pushed away the feeling “So love, where’s da?” He asked, noticing for the first time that his father wasn’t in the room.

“Um… He’s in the Caribbean.” Buffy blurted out unsure of Spikes reaction.

“Pardon?” Spike looked at her in shock.

Turning back to the cooker Buffy elaborated, “He got a last minute deal this morning; his flight was early this afternoon. He’ll be back in a couple of weeks.”

Two weeks alone with Buffy? Oh the possibilities, Spike thought, shifting uncomfortably as the evidence of those thoughts made its self known. He moved to the breakfast bar and sat down, idly playing with Katie, who had discovered the joys of dropping her toys, for the sole reason of getting the adults in her life to pick them up.

“Spike I was wondering…” Buffy started

“Yes pet?”

“Are you okay to look after Katie while I work? I mean I know that Giles does most of it and I really don’t want to put you out. I could talk to Tara… Explain I’m sure she’d be okay…”

“Buffy luv, don’t worry about it. It’s not a problem, like spending time with the little bit anyway, she’s more intelligent than most of my mates!”

“Thanks, I appreciate it”

Buffy was nervous when later that night after she had settled Katie down for the night Spike suggested that they watch a movie. She agreed though, thinking that if things got too heated for her she’d just plead tiredness and go to bed, without Spike. Just the thought of Spike and beds was enough to make her uncomfortable.

They settled on an old kung-foo movie and Spike was surprised to find out the Buffy liked these as much as him. Sitting together on the sofa, it didn’t take long for Buffy to curl up close to Spike, her head on his chest watching the movie intently. Spike, feeling like the luckiest bloke in the world, slipped his arm around Buffy and spent the rest of the movie smelling her hair.

******************************************************************************

The following evening Buffy was getting ready to go to work and Spike was chasing Katie around the living room, removing her from the areas that she most wanted to be. He shook his head at her many attempts to get into the alcohol cabinet, which was firmly locked.

“We’re raising a little alcoholic!” He muttered to himself with a smile.

Katie turned suddenly and looked him in the eye. “Da-da”

Spike was shocked as hell, what was he supposed to say to that? “No nibblet, Spike”

“Da-da”

“Sp-ike” Shaking his head, he heard a gasp and found a distraught Buffy standing in the doorway, her mouth open in shock.

Buffy ran over to grab her daughter pulling her away from Spike; she didn’t miss the look of hurt that flashed across his face before he controlled it.

“What are you doing with her?” She accused her expression angry. She hadn’t expected this to happen, why did this have to happen? What would she tell Angel? This just wasn’t right!

Spike could read the thoughts as her expression changed from anger to worry and back to anger again. “I didn’t do anything. She just said it and I was trying to get her to say Spike. Didn’t you hear me?” He pleaded with her to be reasonable. He had really been trying to get her to see that they could have something between them, but now?

“Spike, I can’t believe you. Angel is her father!” Buffy continued as if she hadn’t heard a word Spike had said.

He started to get angry, “Don’t you think I know that? Some father he’s being huh! You’ve both been here months and he hasn’t even tried to contact you.” He ran his hands through his hair, “God, I always knew he was a wanker, but this? And you!” He stared at Buffy intently, “You seem to think that you owe him something? Why? What reason do you have to be loyal to the tosser?”

“Don’t try to change the subject Spike. You are trying to take both of us away from him! Why do you hate him so much?” She knew she was being irrational but she couldn’t stop. This really wasn’t good and her instinctive reaction was to lash out and blame the one person she could.

“I don’t hate him. He hates me!” Shit, thought Spike shouldn’t have said that. This can’t end well.

“I’m sorry?” Buff was confused; Angel had never really spoken about Spike except to tell her that he wouldn’t want to attend family events.

“It doesn’t matter; it’s his story to tell not mine. Buffy, luv…”

“Don’t call me that! Don’t you dare, not now!” Her voice was load and the tension in the room caused Katie to start crying.

“Shush now honey” She cuddled her daughter closer to her, looking at Spike “I don’t want to leave her with you again.”

Spike was pole axed “Buffy I didn’t do anything.”

“I don’t care! I’ll call Tara and arrange some holiday”

“Fine!” Spike was hurt and when he was hurting he often lashed out, “I hope you’re happy with your wanker of a husband. You and the little bit!” The door slammed as he stormed out the house and down the road.

Buffy stood looking at the closed door tears in her eyes she was trying to convince Katie that everything was okay; the only problem was everything had just walked out.

******************************************************************************

Spike was fuming as he walked down the street, can’t believe she thinks it was my fault! How the hell is it my fault? I didn’t tell Peaches to knock her about and I certainly didn’t ask for them to be living with me da!

He’d give her a couple of hours and then he’d go back and see if they could sort it all out, we can’t keep avoiding these things, we need to have a talk.

His musings were interrupted by the ringing of his mobile phone,

“What?”

“You’re in a good mood” a cheery voice rang down the line chilling him to the bone, not again.

“My day is now complete! What’s the matter pet, having trouble sending me my pension?” Spike made no bones about the fact that he didn’t want to talk to Susan.

She laughed “The boss wants to talk to you. Go ahead sir” She said before Spike had a chance to protest.

“Spike my boy!” A rich British voice spoke, “I have a job for you.”

“No you don’t. I don’t work for you sods anymore remember?”

“You can’t get away from us as simply as that. You know better.” The voice was firm and brooked no argument.

“Quentin, I’m sorry if you don’t like it, but I’m not ready for this and I quit. I moved back to America for Christ’s sake! What more do you want from me?”

“One last job.”

“I’ve heard that before! What choice do I have?”

“I’m glad that you have seen it my way my boy.”

By the time Spike had reached Doyle and Barb’s restaurant his mood had gone from bad to worse, he sat down at their bar resting his head on the hard surface.

He knew that Doyle would always be there for him, Doyle had been his informant on the IRA back when he was working for Quentin, things had got a little sour for him back home and Spike had helped him relocate to Sunnydale and had introduced him to Barb. The pair had been married six months after that and Spike had been the best man at their wedding.

“JD?” Doyle asked looking at his friend with a concern.

“Thanks mate.” Spike looked up at Doyle with a forced smile.

“That bad?” The glass of amber liquid was placed in front of Spike along with the bottle.

Spike downed the shot before answering “You know that saying, bad things come in threes? I’m just waiting for the third!”

Doyle smiled, “What’s happened so far?”

“Well little Katie called me dad.”

“Oh! I think that’s something you’d need to speak to Barb about. Not going to be much help there.” He looked at Spike curiously, “she’s Angel’s daughter right?”

“Yeah. Beautiful little thing she is, nothing like the ponce” the pair laughed.

“So is he coming home?” Doyle had always wondered why Angel refused to come home. He always figured that it had to do with Darla, but Spike had never explained it to him, not even when he had gotten him really drunk. Doyle knew that he’d go home like a shot if he didn’t know he’d be killed on sight.

“Don’t really know. I would never have allowed Buffy out of my sight, but you know tall, dark and broody nobody can make sense of him.”

“Maybe it’s time to bury the hatchet. It was a long time ago.”

Spike looked up at Doyle, already on his fourth drink, “Doyle, I never had a problem with him, you know we were best friends. It’s always been his decision.”

Doyle decided to change the subject. “So what’s problem number two?”

“Quentin called me.” He quickly downed another drink.

“Travers? Why? Thought you quit.” Doyle was now more than concerned, “You don’t need anymore of that shit.”

“I know, but once in never out. One last job he says!” Spike looked into his shot glass as if it might hold the answers he so desperately needed.

“You gonna do it?”

“Don’t know, might as well go to the brief. Might be important.”

“You mean they might let you take out Dru.” Doyle smirked smugly. “Can’t say I’d blame you, I’d like to ice the bitch too.”

“No.” Spike spoke too quickly, he hadn’t made a habit of killing over the years, he could normally keep his missions murder free but for his insane ex wife he would make an exception. The woman was evil, not that many people knew that they just thought she was a little unbalanced. “Not that I’d turn it down, just that I think she’s still too useful for them to kill. Also, she’d know why I was there, not the best way to stay undercover!”

“Fair enough” Doyle replied, slowly pulling the bottle back from Spike’s reach. “Think you’ve had enough mate. I’ll get Barb, maybe she can help you with the Buffy and Katie situation, I’ve gotta start the prep anyway.”

“Thanks.”

“No problem, take care of yourself.”

******************************************************************************

Buffy was hurt when over an hour had passed and Spike hadn’t come home. She recalled her conversation with Tara and the later one with Willow, both of them had been shocked by the news that Katie was talking, but neither of them seemed surprised that she had called Spike da-da.

“It’s just that she probably can’t remember Angel” Willow said reasonably, “She’s living with a man who takes care of her and plays with her, is it any wonder she thinks he’s her dad?”

Buffy had admitted to herself that she had over reacted, but she just couldn’t work out how she was supposed to apologise to Spike for accusing him of trying to steal Katie from Angel.

Something she hadn’t admitted to anyone was that secretly she wished Spike was Katie’s father, wished that she hadn’t married Angel and most of all she wished that life was simple. But unfortunately, she thought sadly life is never simple and there are some things you just can’t have.

Angel sat in the comfortable office looking at Cordy expectantly. He wanted her to tell him that he was cured, that he was better, he trying. Why didn’t he feel better about his daughter?

She sighed, "Angel I don't know what to tell you. You're not going to get better overnight"

"I've been making progress." Angel stated and he had, he had begun to accept that there had been nothing he could have done to protect the children and that as much as he might hate it he couldn't save everyone.

Cordy smiled at him "Yes you have, but there is something holding you back." She knew what it was but he needed to realize it by himself, she could make this easy for him but in the end it wouldn’t help and would make things harder.

"Buffy" He stated.

"And?" she pushed expectantly.

"And Katie, but I can't! I can still barely look at her photo how can I do this?" His internal anguish was reflected in his eyes and Cordy had to stop herself from looking away she had never empathized so much with a client before and it was making her a little uneasy.

"Everything should be done when you are ready. Too much too soon may cause more problems in the long run." She paused "However, if you are running from a meeting you don't want to face you will gain nothing and things will only escalate." She didn't know why but she felt unhappy at the idea of Angel reuniting with his wife, she knew that it was the only reason he was here.

"Fear faced is better than the alternative. Right?" Angel gazed out the window and Cordy waited silently. "I don't know if I can do it. The flashbacks, they make me crazy. I don't want to hurt either of them."

Staying silent she could see the emotions flashing across his face, thoughts going through his head that he didn't want to let out. He had been through so much and come so far, she didn't want to see him throw it all away, he invoked feelings in her that she refused to acknowledge, and if she sorted through them she would have to ask Angel to see a different therapist and that wouldn't do him any good at all.

"I need to talk to Buffy." Angel said finally an expression discomfort on his face, "I need to tell her what's been happening to me and I need to explain. Will she understand? God what if she hates me!"

"What else are you going to do? Ignore her for the rest of your life? She's your wife and Katie is your daughter and you will have to face this eventually. Are you ready?"

"I don't think I can wait much longer. It's been months and every day makes it that much worse."

Cordy smiled this is what he needs to do, needs to face there wasn't much else she could do for him until he worked through his issues with Buffy. Normally she would have suggested a joint session with both partners but with Buffy in California it wasn't a viable option.

"Yes. So when are you going to do it?" She asked, agreeing with him in principle.

"As soon as I can. Can't do it by phone, God I've told her I need her to leave me alone! She'd put the phone down on me! I'd put the phone down on me!" Thinking about it a little more, "I'll go to Sunnydale I haven't been back home since I left for College. Maybe it’s time to go home.”

“You haven’t been back since? That must have been hard, all those friends you left behind. Do you still see any of them?” Cordy was interested, they had only worked on his issues relating to his work and he had never mentioned that he had problems at home. This appeared to be a whole new issue.

Angel again turned his gaze out the window remembering his last summer at home and the brother he didn’t speak to. He realized that he still blamed Spike for the accident, for the loss of Darla.

“No, I feel out with my brother the summer before I went to college, never went back, never wanted to see him or that town ever again!”

“Your brother?” Another thing he hadn’t mentioned

“Yeah, Spike.”

“Spike? Don’t take this the wrong way but were your parent’s high when they named you both?”

Angel laughed suddenly “My mom was a bit of a hippy, believed that they should name us the first thing that came to mind when she first saw us. Dad always said I got the better end of the deal, but Spike…” His tone softened remembering happier times “Spike always said that Angel was a poofter name!”

Cordy laughed along with him, “Will he be there?”

“Don’t think so. He went to England with Dru for college and only ever came back for holidays. Dad’s British so we got dual passports. No last I heard from Dad he was his nut case of a wife”

“Well, at least you won’t have to face him as well when you get there. I want you to take twenty four hours to think about this, make sure that you are happy with this course of action. Make sure you are ready.” She couldn’t help but feel a little jealous that Buffy had someone that loved her so much. But she also worried.

Trauma was a big part of a person’s life and when something like what happened to Angel happens it changes the person, they are never the same again and lesser things have precipitated break ups. She was concerned that Buffy would have moved on, wouldn’t be able to accept this new version of Angel.

“I’ve made my decision. I haven’t been fair to Buffy, shutting her out of my life like I have. We are married and it’s about time I acted like it.” He meant exactly what he said, he loved his wife and he knew he had been unreasonable, he just hoped that he wasn’t too late, hasn’t done too much to damage the relationship irrevocability.

“Okay. If that is the way you feel then I agree you need to go.” She looks at him with concern in her eyes, “But please remember Angel, it’s been a long time, you have both been though a lot and none of it together. You’re not the same person you were before and it’s possible that she isn’t either.”

Angel looked at her thoughtfully. “It’s worth a shot though right? Even if she can’t forgive me, it’s worth trying?”

“Angel, it’s worth trying anything once. Just please don’t pin all your hopes on Buffy forgiving you right away, I don’t want to see you more hurt.”

“Thank you. I can explain how much you have helped me!”

“I’m just doing my job.”

“Have dinner with me?” Were did that come from? “Just to celebrate. I’m going to see my wife” He added quickly.

Before she could even think about it Cordy uttered “Okay.” What? Did I just say yes? Where the hell did that come from?

Spike walked home feeling concerned that he had lashed out at Buffy. At the back of his mind, he still felt the guilty pleasure that the little bit had called him dad. He knew it wasn’t real and he was more than happy to just be a part of her life. He didn’t want to upset Buffy or Katie and he knew that things were just getting more and more complicated. Maybe it was a good thing that he needed to go back to England in a couple of weeks, he needed some time away from Buffy, time to think.

But not yet, right now he needed to talk to Buffy. He needed to apologize for shouting at her, for being a twat. Barb had told him she would need time, that it would be a shock to her.

“She’s left her husband sweetie. She feels guilty because she has taken their daughter with her and Katie is in this exciting stage of her life, learning to walk and talk which are things her father should be there to witness. She’s feeling guilty and scared. Please give her a little time to work it out in her own head.”

So after bullying him and pumping gallons of coffee into him to sober him up she sent him home to make up with Buffy.

So here he was, going back home to the two girls he loved, loved? Sure he loved little Katie, she was adorable, but her mother? What was he feeling for Buffy? Was it love? He didn’t know. He was too close, he was with her so much it was hard to think about her not being there. Living without Buffy, that was a painful thought, but she would be going back. Sure she’s made some friends, got a job, but if Angel called she would go to him. She would have to; he was her husband, a fact that made Spike angry, unreasonably angry. He would need to get that under control, before he spoke to Buffy, it wouldn’t go well if he lost his temper again.

******************************************************************************

Buffy was putting Katie to bed in her cot when she heard the front door close. Thank God, she thought breathing easily again, he came back. She kissed her sleeping daughter softly on the forehead before straightening and facing the door.

She stopped suddenly, she really needed to apologize to Spike and apologizing was something that she really didn’t do well. In fact, she sucked at it and she couldn’t remember the last time it had gone well for her. But she needed to do it, she owed him that much. She had said the worst things to him and she hadn’t meant them at all. But how could she excuse herself without telling him the truth; how was she going to do this?

Maybe she should tell him the truth. Maybe he would understand and give her the time and space that she needed. She chuckled quietly, she was becoming an optimist, when did that happen?

She walked slowly out of the room and to the top of the stairs but lost her nerve. She sat on the top step, her arms wrapped around her knees. I can’t do this, she thought rocking slightly. I really can’t do this. I can’t be strong this time.

That was exactly where Spike found her half an hour later. He had waited for her to come back down, waited but she hadn’t come down and he wasn’t the most patient of men, it wasn’t in his nature so he had gone looking for her.

She looked so unhappy sitting there it tore him apart to see her like that and it was his fault.

“Buffy luv, I’m sorry,” he said walking up the stairs, approaching her slowly.

She looked up at him confused, “Why are you sorry? You didn’t do anything wrong.”

“Luv, please come downstairs.” He took her hands and pulled her to her feet, “Please.”

She complied and he led her into the living room a little concerned about her attitude. Where had his fiery girl gone? What was wrong with her? It was like she had all the life sucked out of her.

They both sank down onto the sofa, Buffy clinging to Spike’s hand, refusing to let go. She looked at him, “You didn’t answer the question Spike. What are you sorry for?”

He sighed, “I’m sorry for yelling at you. I’m sorry for walking out and most of all I’m sorry for putting that look on your face.”

“Spike, I was a bitch!”

“You…” He tried to interrupt her.

“No, let me finish.” He nodded indicating that she should continue, “I said a lot of things that I didn’t mean and I’m frightened. I’m frightened that Angel will be angry when he realizes that his daughter is growing up without him and I’m frightened that Katie will grow up to hate me when she realizes that I’ve taken her away from her father. This is not easy for me Spike. I love Angel.”

He winced, feeling like someone had just punched him, but waited for her to finish.

“I love Angel, but I’m filing for divorce.” The pain in her eyes quickly squashed the flare of hope in his chest. “I can’t forgive him; I don’t have it in me. I wish I could, I wish that none of this ever happened. But then…” She looked him dead in the eye.

“I wouldn’t have met you and I care about you a lot but nothing can happen between us. I owe Angel that much at least. I can’t hurt him running into the arms of his brother.”

“Buffy he hit you.” Spike started, “I know I don’t know the whole story but I don’t think you owe him a damn thing.” He needed to calm down, he was getting angry again, but when he thought of anyone hitting his Buffy he just wanted to tear them apart, brother or no brother.

“You’re right you don’t know the whole story and because of that you can’t pass judgement. I’m sorry, Spike. This is the way it has to be.”

She got up, letting go of his hand and planning to leave the room. “Buffy…” She turned, looking at him. She had never heard anyone say her name like that, like it was something precious.

“Buffy I love you.”

She walked out.

He watched her leave, his heart breaking in his chest. Why had he said that? The thought of never having her, never being with her had shocked him so much, it had just come out. It wasn’t planned and he couldn’t have said anything worse. He was a real ponce! He was pushing her too far and far too fast.

He really needed another drink.

******************************************************************************

So she had walked out. What else should she have done? God what a mess, how had this gotten so bad? She hadn’t gone far; she was back at the top of the stairs.

He loved her? How could he love her? This wasn’t right, this couldn’t be happening.

She made a decision sitting there, running and hiding wasn’t going to help. He needed to know everything and she really didn’t know why she hadn’t said anything before.

She walked back into the room, watching as Spike downed a glass of amber liquid and poured himself another one.

“Spike…”

He looked up in shock. “Pet, I’m really not in the mood for anymore of this right now.” He told her in a tired voice saluting her with his glass before taking another drink.

“What is it with you two?” she snapped suddenly. “Were you taught that alcohol is the solution to everything in the cradle?”

“S’not a solution pet, it’s a distraction. Are no solutions.”

“You and Angel! Both of you far too happy to reach for the bottle! God!”

He continued drinking, “Did you want something else? Or did you just come back to berate me for my drinking habits?”

Buffy shook her head angrily tempted to leave. “Yes, I came back to tell you what happened to Angel. Spike please stop drinking.”

“Fair enough,” he said dropping the glass to the table in front of him.

Buffy walked over and sat next to the glass on the wooden table, her knees touching Spike’s, ignoring the thrill that went through her she began.

“Angel was working a case, a difficult one because it was two weeks and there had been no ransom demand. Two beautiful little twins stolen from their home.”

Spike looked at her confused, where was this going? But he stayed silent, waiting for her to finish.

“Anyway, Angel got called and he went to meet a man who claimed to be the kidnapper. I don’t know what happened, but he was missing for days and I was frantic. I found out later from Gunn, that’s Angel’s partner, that he had been knocked out and when he woke he found himself tied up with the children and a madman. The children were slaughtered, Spike, and Angel was forced to watch as he mutilated them before he killed them.” She stopped, tears sliding down her face.

Spike was speechless. What could he say to that? Good God, he couldn't believe that Angel had been through something so terrible.

Seeing the look on his face she carried on, “Spike, that’s why I feel like shit. I know what he has been through and he wouldn’t let me help him. He stayed away drinking, he lashed out at me, and nothing was good enough nothing I did was right. I can’t forgive him, I would have forgiven him but he turned his back on our marriage, on Katie and on me.”

Spike looked at her, feeling her pain. He needed to think about this, needed time to digest. This time he walked out, not knowing what to say, what to do.

Buffy turned and sank into the sofa grabbing the glass and bottle of Jack Daniels and pouring herself a drink. Yes distraction was exactly what she needed right now.

All she could see when she closed her eyes was the look in his eye as he told her he loved her. She wondered how much she would need to drink for the memory to go away, for the pain to go away.

He was watching them still, all of them and he was unable to contain his glee at the pain suffered by the blonde couple and Angel… Yes this would cause Angel great pain. It was wonderful. He hoped he would be able to stick around and watch the show after…

But that came later, he had yet to make any moves other than watching but his time was growing short. He had changed his appearance a little, but he didn’t want to be caught. Being caught would mean that he couldn’t have fun anymore and he planned to have a great deal of fun. Oh yes, he dreamed of blood and pain and he wanted to make this a reality again and again.

It had been hard for him to stay silent when he heard the couple’s argument. The pretty one, she had called the blonde man daddy. He had wanted to laugh out loud and he was hard pressed to stay still with this feeling of elation bouncing around inside of him. Angel was going to suffer and oh would that be good.

Watching the argument continuing and the blonde man walking out, he was tempted to follow him. He would be a great source of pain; he could even speak to him. Find out exactly want was making him suffer. But no. The pretty one was crying and he so loved the cries of the children, they soothed his heart and soul. He felt so much better when they were sobbing and leaving now was not an option.

The hours passed and the pretty one got over her tears; that was part of what he loved about children. They forgot about the pain so easily once it was gone and they were so surprised when it started again. They were trusting and the look in their eyes when they realized that he was the one hurting them, well it was the only thing better than their sobs.

The windows were open and he could hear the conversations going on, he could understand better where the pain was coming from. Angel’s wife on the phone to a friend, her guilt and fear making him smile. He loved it and it was a shame that it would have to end soon; he hadn’t had such a feast of pain since, well since Miami and that family.

He began to reminisce. He had kept them prisoners in their own home for weeks, played with the mother, who would do anything to keep her three children safe and the children… It was so much fun to play with them especially when he tied the mother to a chair and made her watch while he did.

Even she hadn’t been as much fun as Angel though. It had been an inspiration that made him decide to talk to him, make him chose. If he had realized the fun in that earlier, he would have had so much more fun with his other adventures. It had been Angel that had inspired him, made him that much better at causing pain.

That was why he left Angel alive. Angel had helped him fulfil his full potential and he had told him that after slitting the little twin’s throats. Angel had looked at him with his hard eyes and told him that if he left him alive he would hunt him down and kill him. He knew it was true, he knew that Angel would have no qualms about killing him but he felt a connection to Angel; there was a bond there.

He was pulled out of his musings by the return of the blonde man, the one with the bond with Angel’s wife. He resolved to pay attention, wouldn’t do to miss any of the fun.

He watched as the man entered the house and paced the living room. He was frustrated and upset, running his hands through his hair, muttering to himself. This went on for quite some time and still Angel’s wife didn’t come into the room. The sharp “Fuck it!” was clearly audible to him and he smiled as the blonde left the room.

It wasn’t long before both of them entered the room, clinging to each other, afraid of the words they were going to say to each other. He listened intently….

They both sank down onto the sofa, “You didn’t answer the question Spike. What are you sorry for?” he heard her say.

“I’m sorry for yelling at you. I’m sorry for walking out and most of all I’m sorry for putting that look on your face.”

“Spike, I was a bitch!”

“You…” he tried to interrupt her.

“No, let me finish.” He nodded indicating that she should continue. “I said a lot of things that I didn’t mean and I’m frightened. I’m frightened that Angel will be angry when he realizes that his daughter is growing up without him and I’m frightened that Katie will grow up to hate me when she realizes that I’ve taken her away from her father. This is not easy for me Spike. I love Angel.”

Oh he was enjoying this, the look on the man’s face when she had told him she still loved her husband, this was such fun. He continued to listen.

“I love Angel, but I’m filing for divorce.”

Now she was suffering and he was drinking it up, and anticipating Angel’s pain. Oh yes this was better than he could have imagined.

“I can’t forgive him; I don’t have it in me. I wish I could, I wish that none of this ever happened. But then…”

“I wouldn’t have met you and I care about you a lot but nothing can happen between us. I owe Angel that much at least. I can’t hurt him running into the arms of his brother.”

Angel’s brother? Well, that made sense; he wonders why he never caught that before.

“Buffy he hit you. I know I don’t know the whole story but I don’t think you owe him a damn thing.”

Oh Angel hit his precious wife, the one he was praying for that day in the warehouse. This was priceless, more than he could ever have imagined so he listened.

“You’re right you don’t know the whole story and because of that you can’t pass judgement. I’m sorry, Spike. This is the way it has to be.”

She had stood and went to leave the room, he was tempted to move now, see if she would cry in her room again. He did so love those precious scenes, but then,

“Buffy I love you.”

And she had walked out, leaving the man with his pain and the unnoticed listener who was drinking it in. This was perfect, he had never been happier; with so much pain to enjoy he was sad that it would all be over soon. The perfect time was nearly here.

He had almost turned and left Angel’s brother to his drinking, but then she had walked back into the room and he paid closer attention.

“Spike…”

“Pet, I’m really not in the mood for anymore of this right now.”

“What is it with you two? Were you taught that alcohol is the solution to everything, in the cradle?”

So his Angel had a little drinking problem then, how nice for him. Maybe that was why he had hit his darling wife.

“S’not a solution pet, it’s a distraction. Are no solutions.”

“You and Angel! Both of you far too happy to reach for the bottle! God!”

“Did you want something else? Or did you just come back to berate me for my drinking habits?”

She nearly left then. He realized he was hoping she would stay, hoping that this would get more fun.

“Yes, I came back to tell you what happened to Angel. Spike please stop drinking.”

“Fair enough.”

He watched as Angel’s wife sat on the table, directly in front of the blonde man, Angel’s brother, he reminded himself again.

“Angel was working a case, a difficult one because it was two weeks and there had been no ransom demand, two beautiful little twins stolen from their home.”

Now he was interested, he very rarely got to see the reactions of other people to his little bit of fun, he listened intently.

“Anyway, Angel got called and he went to meet a man who claimed to be the kidnapper. I don’t know what happened, but he was missing for days and I was frantic. I found out later from Gunn, that’s Angel’s partner, that he had been knocked out and when he woke he found himself tied up with the children and a madman. The children were slaughtered, Spike, and Angel was forced to watch as he mutilated them before he killed them.”

It was wonderful; he decided seeing her sitting there crying. He should try to do this more often, get close to the families. He had never realized what a source of pain they could be.

He watched as they talked more, as Angel’s brother walked out of the room and she began to drink. He wondered why Angel hadn’t told her the full story, hadn’t told her that it was his fault that the children had been mutilated. Not that he had given Angel much option, but still he had to resist the urge to walk into the house and tell her exactly what happened, tell her exactly what Angel had chosen to do. He was sure that the result of that would be so wonderful, more wonderful than her sitting there drinking, her eyes full of pain and tears.

But he couldn’t. He was too close to his objective, too close to the pretty one to give it all up now.

The next morning Spike had gone before Katie had woken up and given that Katie was up by seven thirty every morning, that was some feat. It definitely confirmed Buffy’s fears that Spike would avoid her. Maybe he just needs time to think about it, she thought to herself as she went about her morning activities. She kept herself busy cleaning, leaving Katie in her baby walker to run around after her.

It wasn’t long before she was cursing the makers of baby walkers, as Katie had rammed her ankles for the fourth time in five minutes. She turned to her daughter, “Don’t you have anything better to do than chase mommy?” she asked with a ghost of a smile on her face as Katie babbled back at her in explanation.

“Mommy needs to make some decisions about what we are going to do baby,” she said to the little girl. “It’s important that we get this right and without daddy things are going to be hard.”

Katie babbled and continued to follow her mother throughout the morning, pausing just once to look at the telephone lead. It called to her and she positioned herself side on, leaning across a potted plant to reach it. She giggled triumphantly and tugged the wire to her mouth chewing on it thoughtfully whilst her eyes scanned for more mischief.

Katie’s eyes fell on some paperwork laying on the low coffee table; it looked like it would taste better than the telephone wire. She promptly dropped the wire, which was already forgotten and rushed towards the papers, leaving the now disconnected telephone wire to drop into the plant pot, hidden from view.

It was in that moment Buffy realized that her daughter had been far too quiet and rushed into the living room, just in time to rescue the post from her daughters mouth. “Not for you little one!” she admonished gently, her mind going back to mulling her problem of the two brothers.

She couldn’t rely on Giles forever. Life wasn’t that simple and she hadn’t meant for this to last as long as it had anyway. If only Angel would speak to her. He was still arranging for money to be put in her bank account, but she needed to take some steps towards being independent.

Spike would help her, she knew he would, but she was weary of becoming too reliant on him. She already cared about him too much and she needed to break away. But why? She asked herself angrily, why should she care about Angel’s feelings? He turned his back on her, not the other way round. Yes she had left him, but she wasn’t the one who had…

It was pointless; there was no answer. She needed to respect Angel, if only because he was Katie’s father and needed to be in her life. She didn’t know when, but he would come back into their lives and she needed to be ready and not make things harder than they could be.

*********************************************************************************

Angel was packing, his flight is later that day, and he was nervous about going back to Sunnydale. He packed and repacked his bag as many times as he had run through what he was going to say to Buffy when he sees her and he’s still not ready.

Possibly he will never be ready, but he doesn’t have any option. He loves her and he needs to see her, needs to make arrangements and to apologize for pushing her out of his life. He’s not expecting much. He’s hoping for a lot, but he’s not expecting Buffy to forgive him just like that. He’s done too much and pushed things too far for them to be saved now. But maybe, just maybe she would let them start again.

It was then that he thought about Cordy, he was confused by his feelings towards her. He liked her and she was an intelligent, beautiful woman who had helped him more than anyone would know but he was worried about getting too attached to her. Dinner had been a mistake. As enjoyable as it was to spend time with her outside of her therapist role he needed to be more careful. Looking back he didn’t see the meal as cheating on Buffy, he didn’t have any romantic intentions towards Cordy; he’s just drawn to her.

He sighed as he repacked the same shirt that he had just removed from his bag. The problem was that he had shared more of himself with Cordy than he had with anyone since Darla…

Well that was bound to come up given that he was going back, his thoughts dwelled on Darla for a while, before he suddenly wondered how Barb was. She had been Darla’s best friend and he hadn’t spoken to her since the funeral. Maybe it was time to start building back those bridges he had burned. But then, if he did he would need to see Spike.

His heart ached as it did every time he thought about his younger brother. Angel knew he was in the wrong, knew that he had lashed out. It was just that everything had gone so fast and they were both as stubborn as each other and nothing ever got cleared up. Maybe he could do that next he thought, his heart lightening in his chest. After he fixed his marriage he would see about reconciliation with Spike, Buffy would help him. Family was important to her.

He was distracted from his packing by the shrill ringing of the phone; he picked it up quickly glad of the distraction.

“Hello”

“Angel, man is that you?” The voice seemed very strained.

“Yeah, Gunn are you okay? You sound a little harassed.” Angel was used to Gunn sounding stressed, it was a regular occurrence.

“Angel, we’ve found him. Been told, no ordered not to tell you, but I couldn’t do it. We’ve found the bastard and I figured that you would want to be in on it.”

“I…” Angel was torn, to help take the fucker down would be a perfect way to get closure, but his flight was leaving and he had to put Buffy first. “Thanks for telling me, but I’m going to see my wife. Flights leaving tonight.”

“Okay. Glad you’re going to see Buffy, she’s a great girl, you don’t want to lose her.”

“Thanks, I’m going to try. Just out of curiosity, where did you find him?”

“Funny story, one of our most wanted pictures on the Internet. Man phoned, said he’d seen him about town. Sent a local cop to check out the story and he’s confirmed it, gonna go take care of it now. Little town called Sunnydale in California.”

Angel dropped the phone. Katie!

“Angel, you still there… ANGEL!”

He picked up the phone hurriedly, “Gunn, Buffy’s in Sunnydale! With Katie!”

“Fuck! We’ll be there as soon as possible. I’ll get everyone moving.”

“I have to go, I have to warn Buffy. I’ll be there by morning.”

“No problem, I’ll give you a call when my flight gets in and we can take it from there.”

They both put the phone down, neither one in the mood for goodbyes. Angel was frantic and immediately phoned his father’s number.

“Damn it!” He growled into the hand piece “Pick up the God damned phone!”

When he got no answer, he tried Buffy’s mobile, which was out of area and tried his fathers mobile, which was off. Not wanting to explain in a message he slammed the phone down and began to pace.

He needed to move, maybe if he got to the airport early enough, they would be able to get him on an earlier flight. Throwing his clothes haphazardly in his bag and grabbing his phone, he runs out the door to his car.

“Cheating Italian bastards!” he shouted at the television, grasping the side of the bar.

“Come on Tevez! Come on Reo-Coker!” Groaning as another shot went sailing over the bar Spike turned to his drink downing the shot and pouring himself another one, his eyes off the screen for the shortest possible time.

“Shit!” Palermo scored and Spike thumped his head down on the bar, tears in his eyes. That didn’t last long though and he was soon cheering on the boys in claret and blue again.

“Come on you Irons! Score a fucking goal! Bloody Hell!”

Staring at the screen as the ref blew his whistle he began his rant at Doyle.

Putting his hands up in the air, “I’m Irish Spike, have no interest in your London club.”

“London club, Bollocks! We won the world cup!” His voice rang with the pride of a true fan, one who would go through thick and thin to watch the games. “Thanks for letting me watch it here though; I’d wake up Katie at the house. Don’t think Buffy would like that.”

“Those Argentine’s are good though aren’t they? Have to say that I think Mascherano is playing slightly better tonight and Paul Konchesky thinks he’s playing for Man U!”

“Man U?” Doyle asked confused.

“Yeah, he keeps giving the ball away! Commonly known as Man-united-itus!”

Doyle laughed turning his attention to the bottle in front of Spike, “You drinking enough?” he asked sarcasm masking his concern.

“I’m fine, still a long way to go and we’re one-nil down, I’m gonna need a few more drinks before I can face the second half.” This wasn’t turning out to be a good night, but there was still forty five minutes to go and he turned to the second half, singing along with the fans at the stadium as a rousing rendition of “I’m forever blowing Bubbles”.

******************************************************************************

Spike staggered home during the early hours of the morning drunk and miserable. They had lost and now they had to win in Italy to stay in Europe. “Shit” he muttered angry with the players, the referee and strangely Doyle for letting him watch the game. Like all sports fans he was a little bitter and twisted in the immediate aftermath of a loss.

Walking into the house, he was surprised to see Buffy sitting on the sofa looking at him in anger.

“Where have you been?” she snapped at him, “It’s three am.”

“Worried pet?” he asked in return raising a questioning eyebrow. “I’ve been off drowning my sorrows!”

“Oh. Okay” She was deflated; he had been drinking because of her. How had she managed to fuck this up so badly?

“Yep. We lost, now we have to go to Italy and win! Damned hard it’s going to be too. And if we don’t…” He looked at her as if the world would end should it come to pass.

“You have to what?” she asked perplexed. “We’re going to Italy?”

“No you silly bint. The Hammers, they have to win the away leg to stay in Europe!” He realised then that she probably had no idea who West Ham even were. Americans! “Don’t worry luv, it doesn’t matter. Why are you still up?”

She looked at him, “I was worried about you.” I love you, she thought suddenly. I what! But exploring her feelings further, she found that the thought really didn’t worry, or even shock her, the love had built over the months she had known him. It was natural; she couldn’t imagine not feeling this way about him.

“Really?” he asked, looking at her. She was staring at him with a strange look in her eye.

Buffy made her decision, she knew she couldn’t keep him, knew that this was possibly giving him the wrong impression but didn’t she deserve a little happiness?

She kissed him, he was shocked and drunk and didn’t respond at first. But the feel of have Buffy kissing him soon had him reacting by hauling her closer to him and deepening the kiss, massaging her tongue with his.

Buffy moaned into his mouth, part desire and part relief. For a moment she had thought that he wasn’t going to kiss her back. She was unbelievably hot, just kissing him and the anticipation of what was going to happen was making her shake.

Spike, thinking that she was scared picked her up and held her in his arms, speaking softly to her, “I’m not going to hurt you baby. I love you.”

She didn’t answer him, but started to nibble at his neck as he carried her up the stairs towards his bedroom, pausing at the door he looked at her intently, “Are you sure this is what you want Buffy?”

“Spike make love to me, please”

He started to kiss her again, walking through his door to drop her on his bed, quickly shedding his jacket and boots and joining her on the soft sheets. He pulled off her top and stared at her encased breasts with undisguised longing, “Please,” Buffy moaned, reaching for him. Unable to resist her pleas Spike removed her bra and lowered his head to take one rosy nipple into his mouth and rolled it gently with his tongue.

Buffy wasn’t in the mood to be gentle. She pulled Spike up to her and started pulling at his clothes, ripping his shirt. It didn’t take long for her to strip him entirely and Jesus was he a good looking man. Her eyes dropping to his cock, she felt her mouth begin to water, he was big and she couldn’t wait to take it in her mouth.

As she moved down to engulf his cock in her hot mouth, Spike moaned unable to stop his hips jerking pushing him further into her mouth, his night was definitely improving.

Buffy looked up at him in surprise feeling a little hurt when he pushed her off. “I’m sorry baby,” he said in apology, “I’m not gonna last if you keep that up.”

She smiled evilly but decided against pushing his limits; she wanted his cock inside of her. They had all night to do other things. He pulled her up so that their faces were level and started to kiss her again, his hands moving to remove her jeans, slipping one hand inside her panties to stroke her clit.

Buffy gasped at the sensations running through her body and wriggled to remove her jeans completely, kicking them off the bed and never losing contact with Spikes mouth. She rolled, pulling Spike on top of her and reaching down to pump his already straining cock.

Groaning he slipped his fingers inside of her making sure that she was ready for him, before pulling her panties off and positioning himself at her entrance. He paused, looking at her, “Are you ready?”

Her body was screaming for him and she could no more deny herself this than she could stop breathing. “Please God, Spike, please…” she whimpered.

Slowly he slid into her, stopping when he was all the way in to look into her eyes. “I love you Buffy.”

Ignoring the stab of guilt that shot through her, she pulled his head down and kissed him deeply. Starting to move with him, she lost herself in the feelings of making love to the man she adored.

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A/N: So, yeah, sorry about the football references but the game was on while I was working and all the comments are ones that I made!

Kinda think that I made up for it later on though. So they finally got it on, do we think they are going to get their happily ever after?

Buffy woke with the unfamiliar sensation of safety. Spike had held on to her all night and even now his arms were around her waist, pulling her close to him. She had never woken with anyone this close to her before, Angel had needed his space and to be honest neither of the others had stayed that long. She was slowly becoming more aware and remembered exactly what had happened last night, what she had done and as she lay there she waited for the guilt to come. It never did though. She should feel guilty this was Spike! Angel’s brother! I just slept with my husband’s brother. She thought, she was trying very hard to feel some guilt, but she found she couldn’t, no guilt and no regret, what ever would be would be.

Sure they had no future, but honestly at this moment, with his arms around her, she couldn’t bring herself to care. She loved him and the pain could wait.

“You awake luv?” he asked, his voice husky with sleep, pulling her out of her thoughts.

Rolling over in his arms so that she was facing him, she smiled and kissed him gently. Speaking directly onto his lips, “Yeah, but I gotta go check on Katie, it’s about time for her to get up.”

He pulled her closer, kissing her hard, pulling her on top of him. Buffy enjoyed the sensations for a long moment before she broke free, and got up from the bed. Looking around, she spotted his robe and pulled it on, causing Spike to protest.

“Spike!” she scolded, trying to stop herself from laughing, “I refuse to give the neighbours a free show, just because you want to see me walk around naked!”

She left the room and walked across the hallway into the bedroom she shared with her daughter, her smile was still firmly in place and she wondered if maybe they could work something out. At least it would be a while yet before she had to leave.

At first her mind couldn’t process what she was seeing. She looked into the cot; her mind unable to accept what her eyes were telling her, Katie wasn’t there. She must have got out of her cot, she thought suddenly, climbed out. Yes, her daughter had woken up and gotten tired of waiting for her mom, so she had climbed out and was now hiding from her.

She wasn’t panicking, it was all very logical the door was closed, so she couldn’t have gotten out. She started searching the room, looking under the bed and the cot, in the wardrobes. Her searching was starting to get more frantic and her mind was offering her different scenarios. Spike had already taken her down for breakfast. But Spike would have said something, maybe she had done it herself, she had gotten out the room and made her way downstairs to get her own breakfast.

No that was also a ridiculous idea, she was too young to even get the door open, but whilst that idea was ridiculous, the truth was unthinkable. Katie was gone.

“Spike!” she screamed, “Spike please!” this cry was quieter but tinged with desperation. Spike would know were Katie was, he had to.

Hearing her scream, Spike ran out of his room to join the blonde across the hall, naked he grabbed her as she started to fall to the floor. “What is it? Buffy! Where is Katie?”

“Gone! Spike she’s gone!” she yelled at him. He had almost as much trouble with the concept as Buffy, but knew that it wouldn’t do any good for him to fall apart. He stood there holding Buffy to him tightly, allowing the frantic mother to cry and shout into his chest as her hands beat on his shoulders.

As he held her his eyes examined the room, looking for some idea for what had happened. It was then that he saw them, the muddy footprints leading from the window to the cot. Someone had stolen Katie. He clenched his fists tightly, trying to keep control. They needed to call the police, needed to get Katie back and they needed to kill the bastard that had done this. If Buffy had been looking in his eyes at that moment she would have been terrified. There was deadly resolve there, along with a great deal of anger. No matter what happened, the man who had done this would not see the sun set on the day Spike found out his identity.

Reigning himself in tighter he spoke to the sobbing woman, “Buffy, luv we have to call the police. I’m going to throw some clothes on. We will get her back. I promise you luv.”

She looked up at him, her hazel eyes filled with sorrow and confusion and nodded slowly. She walked to the wardrobe and pulled out a t shirt and a pair of jeans, which she slipped on, not bothering with any underwear.

Spike went back across the hall, pulling on his own clothes and opening his wardrobe door. Feeling inside for the hidden shelf at the top, he pulled out his gun, something he had hoped he wouldn’t have to do until he left. Tucking it behind his back he allowed his shirt to fall over it, disguising it from view. He walked with purpose, collecting Buffy from the bedroom where she had sat on the bed and was softly stroking a stuffed pig that had fallen out of Katie’s cot.

The pair went downstairs, Spike sat Buffy down on the sofa, still with the pig in her hands and moved to the phone. Realising quickly that there was no dial tone, he pulled the wire out of the plant pot and reconnected it. He couldn’t stop himself from smiling as he realised that it must have been the little bit, monster she was. Then he remembered the reason he needed the phone and blinked back tears.

Buffy listened to Spike without hearing the words. She was looking at Mr Gordo; he had been her toy, one that she had given to Katie when she was born. Her little baby, Angel hadn’t been there when she was born, she had been alone. He had apologised when he collected his wife and daughter from the hospital. She had forgiven him and gone on forgiving him, until she didn’t have anything left. But still he was Katie’s father.

Spike returned to her side with a mug of sweet tea. “The police are on their way. Drink this,” he ordered, the look of loss in her eyes was cutting him like a knife.

“Spike. We have to call Angel,” she said, taking a sip of the hot drink.

He sat beside her and closed his eyes tightly. She was right; he knew she was right but… But what? He asked himself silently, it’s not like he doesn’t deserve to know, he is her father. Shaking his head slightly he bit the bullet. “Yeah, did you want me to do it?”

“No. I need to speak to him.” She placed the stuffed toy on the arm of the seat before getting up to go to the phone.

Angel’s cell phone was switched off and she couldn’t leave a message. Staring at the phone, she wondered what to do next, she couldn’t leave a message, what the hell would she say? Thinking quickly she phoned a number that was almost as familiar to her as Angel’s, thankfully he answered.

“Gunn, it’s Buffy.”

“God Buffy, we’ve been trying to get hold of you!” Gunn exclaimed.

“I need to get hold of Angel. Are you with him?”

“No. He’s on a plane to Sunnydale; he should be there very soon. Are you alright?”

The concern in his voice made her cry again. “It’s Katie. Someone has taken Katie.” She sobbed into the phone. Spike came over and hugged her and she let him support her as she listened to her husband’s partner.

“Shit! It’s that fucker, Buffy. The one that trapped Angel. I’m on the next flight; I promise you we will get her back.”

Buffy thanked him and put the phone down, struggling to make sense of what she had been told. “Angel’s coming, that’s why his phone is off. He’s on a flight right now.”

Spike nodded and pulled Buffy closer to him, his eyes far away.

Angel was nervous, he didn’t want the plane journey to end but at the same time he knew that he needed to get to Sunnydale as quickly as possible. He spent most of the journey alternating between staring out the window, brooding and fidgeting and moaning that the airplane wasn’t going fast enough. It wasn’t a pleasant journey for him or the passenger sitting next to him wearing a business suit and trying to concentrate on a report whilst ignoring the man sitting beside him, who was clearly a little insane.

The dark and moody man was the first out of his seat the second the plane stopped and after looking at his face, no one got in his way. Biting his tongue to stop from yelling at the stewardess, he bounced on his heels waiting for the door to open. He all but ran through the airport and grabbed the first taxi he saw, jumping in and giving the address of the home he had grown up in, he reasoned that he could collect his luggage later. There would be time enough after he had warned Buffy of the possible danger.

The taxi driver wasn’t a big talker, for which Angel was eternally grateful. Small talk was beyond him right now. He looked blindly out of the window staring at the town he had spent a large part of his childhood living in; it was strange but very little had changed. They passed the park where he got his first kiss and drove over the bridge he and Spike had spent hours sitting on, discussing life, love and anything else they could come up with. He smiled a little then but it was a bittersweet smile as Angel realised for the first time that he missed his brother. They has been so close, shared everything, even girls on a number of occasions, how could Spike have ended up with Drusilla…

Angel laughed a little as he thought back to how the scene had played out. He had been sitting on the sofa at a slightly dull party, with his arm around a skinny brunette with dark eyes, when Spike walked through the door with the most beautiful blonde girl Angel had ever seen. He couldn’t take his eyes off of her. When he finally managed to glance at his brother, he could see Spike’s mouth open, his eyes on Drusilla. Neither of them said a word to the other, they hadn’t needed to they simply switched dates and that was that.

His smile fell from his face as he remembered Darla, his sweet and feisty Darla. That girl would try anything once and ultimately that was what killed her, him and Spike. They killed her…

Shaking away the bad thoughts he brought his mind back to the present just in time for the taxi to pull up in front of the familiar house and his heart lurched into his throat as he saw the police car sitting in front of the taxi. Quickly he paid the driver and ran to the door, unsure exactly what to expect, but certain that it wouldn’t be good.

The door was open and walking in the first thing he saw was Spike. Given the shock of seeing the brother he had avoided for so long, he could be forgiven for not recognising that the blonde that was clinging to Spike for dear life was in fact his wife.

“Spike!” he exclaimed in shock, “What is happening?”

Spike and Buffy turned suddenly.

“Angel, thank God!” Buffy began, loosening her hold on Spike, but not letting go. “Somebody has stolen Katie.” Her eyes were red raw from crying and her body shook with shock. There was no way on earth that she could stand on her own.

Angel noticed the clinging and waited for the feeling of jealousy to hit him. When it didn’t, he put it down to shock and quite firmly ignored the feeling that he was intruding on a private moment, that this tragedy was something that he didn’t get to share. He eyed Spike warily, he had heard strange things about his brother over the years, like that visit he had from the CIA…

“Angel, long time no see mate. Da’s in the Caribbean and we decided not to call him back just yet.”

Angel nodded, “Who’s in charge at the moment?” he asked. “Gunn’s flight is due in soon and I need to get the run down so that when I collect him from the airport we can start moving immediately.”

“Mrs Giles?” an old voice asked from the front door.

Both Angel and Spike turned quickly and spoke together, “Doctor Fand?”

The short white haired doctor looked at the two men with wise, but tired old eyes “Angel, I haven’t seen you in years my boy what have you been up to?”

Still in shock Angel isn’t really listening. “I thought you’d be retired by now!”

“Mostly I am,” the doctor replied, “but when we are busy, I still help out. My son Billy now runs the practice. Now let me get to this poor young woman. I think we need to give her something for the shock.” He bustled his way to Buffy and took her by the arm, “Let’s go have a look at you my dear.” He said whilst pulling her towards the stairs. Buffy looked at Spike with pleading eyes, she didn’t want to be alone. She needed him with her and her arm was outstretched towards him. Spike simply looked towards Angel, his eyes unreadable.

Angel seeing the exchange between the pair of blondes and Spike’s look he swallowed his pride. He couldn’t help Buffy, he didn’t have the right and she needed someone. He looked back at his brother, “Go with her, I need to talk to the police anyway. I’ll need to speak to you later though; police statements seem to be a little bare.”

Spike nodded and slowly followed Buffy and the doctor up the stairs. Angel with his trained eye spotted what appeared to be a concealed gun tucked under Spike’s shirt. He approved whole heartedly and he began to believe that possibly Spike was a spook. That would come in handy, whilst he was searching for Katie and the bastard who had taken her. He would at least know that Buffy was in safe hands.

After talking to the police and learning that Buffy had been sedated and was sleeping, Angel left for the airport in his Spike’s car to pick up Gunn and his luggage. He hadn’t learned a lot from the police, but he knew that some of the tracks found in the flowerbeds had been old, but that they matched those found in Buffy and Katie’s bedroom. It was very likely that whoever had done this had been watching the house for some time. Angel knew exactly who had done it and it fitted his MO perfectly and that this time he wasn’t looking to catch him. He was going to kill him.

When Angel finally returned to the almost empty house, Spike looked up from his seat on the sofa. Buffy’s head was resting in his lap and he didn’t dare move. It was late now and there had been no news. Buffy had taken that as a very bad sign and he’d only just gotten the hysterical mother back to sleep.

“Any news?” he asked his dark haired brother who was standing in the doorway staring at his wife.

Angel didn’t answer at first, thinking about how strange it was that Spike looked so normal caring for Buffy. It hurt to look, but there was no jealousy and as painful as it was, it was right.

“Angel?” Spike queried looking at him strangely, “Are you alright?” It had occurred to him that Angel would have problems with Buffy turning to him and not her husband, but honestly he didn’t expect Angel to make an issue of it right now. Too much was going on and Buffy needed all the support she could get.

Angel had obviously come to the same conclusion, or had decided to keep his mouth shut for some other reason, because he didn’t say a word about Buffy.

“Nothing yet, they are going to call me if they get something.”

“It’s not good is it?” Spike said unsure, “I mean I’m not really a big kidnapping expert, but isn’t there normally some sort of ransom demand or something?”

“She asleep?” Angel asked pointedly, staring at Buffy.

“Yeah, dead to the world, slipped a couple of the pills the doc left into her water. She should be good for a couple of hours.”

“Okay. I don’t want her to hear this, but this guy doesn’t ask for ransoms. He’s not looking for money; he takes pleasure in hurting people, normally through children.”

Spike’s eyes narrowed as he heard this, pain shot through his heart and he waited for Angel to continue.

“He likes to take the children and then find an adult to watch as he hurts them and finally kills them. One of the first families he kept locked up in their house for a week, a mother and three young children. When he finally killed the children he left the mother alive, she’s insane and kept almost comatose in a mental health hospital now.” He shook his head slightly, “He’s a monster and he needs to die.”

Spike nodded his agreement, his face grim.

“This time he is most likely going to want me or Buffy there, so I believe that we still have time, but we need to protect Buffy.”

“That’s my job, right?” Spike asked Angel.

“Yes.” He paused for a second before continuing, “A few years ago the CIA came to talk to me, they wanted to know if I still had anything to do with you.” He looked at Spike watching for a reaction, but he was disappointed.

“They said that they believed that you were a Spook, a member of MI6 and that even if it is a member of your own family the helping of spies is treason. It wasn’t a pleasant conversation and the Special Agent in charge at the time didn’t trust me for months afterwards.”

“What did you say to them?” Spike asked, his eyes intent.

“Just that I hadn’t seen you since I was eighteen, the truth. Look I love Buffy, very much and whilst I understand that it doesn’t look that way at the moment, considering what I have done to her, the mistakes I’ve made…” He trailed off his eyes full of regrets.

“Spike, I just need to know that she is in safe hands, that you can protect her, that you do have that kind of training.”

Spike looked at his brother thoughtfully and weighed up his words. He sounded sincere and God he loved Buffy too so they already had that in common. “Yes I have that kind of training. I’m not technically a member of MI6 and I’m retired, but yes the stories they have told you are probably true.”

Angel stared at his brother in shock. He wasn’t exactly ready for that answer, despite his hopes and desire to keep Buffy safe. He simply nodded and got up to leave.

“Angel…?”

He turned back to his platinum haired brother with a questioning look in his eye.

“Was it Darla?” Spike asked. He figured that since they were finally in the same room they might as well have it out once and for all. “Was it Darla that kept you from coming back?”

“Oh Jesus.” Angel said running his hands through his hair and returning to his seat. Spike was right to bring this up and maybe, if he was open and honest, he might just get his brother back.

“Spike, I’m sorry. To start with, it was too hard to come home and then as the years passed, well… I don’t know to be honest with you. I think that if I hadn’t gone to college so quickly afterwards it would have been alright.”

“You blamed me.” It wasn’t a question.

“Yes I did.” Angel’s answer drove a stake into Spike’s heart, “But I blamed myself more. It was a stupid accident; it shouldn’t have happened.”

“It wouldn’t have happened if I hadn’t brought those fucking pills with me,” Spike said bitterly.

“That was Dru,” Angel stated calmly. “The pills were Dru’s and we never had any business taking them, any of us.” He paused with tears in his eyes, if only I had stopped her taking it, if only I had talked her out of it…”

“But she was very determined to try anything she hadn’t tried before.” Spike defended his brother, “I should have known better than to tell her about the way they made sex feel so much better.”

“We all fell asleep, except Darla. If only I had stayed awake, I could have kept her away from the roof.”

“Angel, we were all wasted that night; there was no way on earth that you could have stopped anything. I knew you blamed me, I thought that if I left then you might come home.”

“That’s why you went to England with Dru? Because of me?”

“Partially. I don’t know that last year of high school was no picnic for me. I got out for my own reasons too.” Spike sighed and decided to change the subject; things were depressing enough without all their deepest darkest secrets coming out as well. “Angel, find the little nibblet… Please.”

Angel nodded and jumped as his phone began to ring.

Buffy stirred but didn’t waken as Angel quickly answered his phone. Spike absent-mindedly stroked her head, soothing her whilst his eyes never left Angel’s pacing form. Unfortunately he didn’t get much from Angel’s side of the conversation, as all he heard was the occasional “okay” and “alright then”.

This was horrendous, he thought, suddenly his body tensing with anger. Who would do something like this? Who would take the little bit? He had done some terrible things in his life, things he didn’t even like to think about, but to steal a child from her mother, from her family, he couldn’t think of many worse crimes. Blinking back tears, he swore that if anything happened to the little bit, his training in torture for information would be put to much better use. He would make this man suffer. Make him wish he could die, that he had never been born. His wandering mind returned to the present as Buffy started to move again. Forcing himself to relax, he concentrated on keeping the sleeping beauty at peace for the moment.

After a few minutes Angel closed his phone and looked at his brother. “They think that they have found him. A police officer has a sighting near the main street, close to the council buildings.”

Spike nodded, “So you’re off then?” He asked, knowing Angel well enough to know that he would need to be involved.

“No.” He replied to a shocked Spike. “I have a strange feeling that this isn’t right, the area isn’t the right place, and it doesn’t fit.”

“Okay. So what are you going to do?”

“I’m going to think and wait. I know this isn’t right, it doesn’t feel right you know?”

“Yeah.” Spike replied understanding exactly what he meant, gut feelings had saved his life more than once and he wasn’t going to argue with Angel. “So do you have any better ideas?”

“I don’t know, he’s always been fond of warehouses and empty storage areas when he doesn’t keep the victims at home. A shopping centre full of people just doesn’t sound like the somewhere he would be.”

“Okay, but Sunnydale isn’t that big. All you really have is the docks and the area around the Bronze, most of that is warehouses.”

“The Bronze is still there?” Angel asked incredulously “Jesus, I’d have thought they would have torn that place down years ago!”

“Nope, it’s still the only place for the high school kids to go around here. Not a nice area though, it’s lost a lot of business’s in the last few years. Hardly any of the warehouses are used anymore.” He paused as Angel suddenly stood very still.

“It’s got to be there!” He exclaimed looking at Spike, “I’m going over there now.”

“Going where?” Buffy suddenly said, pulling herself up to a sitting position and pushing away Spike’s attempts to keep her lying down.

Angel looked at his wife and seeing the determined look in her eye, knowing from years of experience that there was no way that he could argue with her when she was wearing that look, he sighed. “I think that I know where Katie is and I’m going there now.”

“Where is the FBI?” she asked, her mind taking time to process the information.

“They are following up another lead at the moment; I’ll call them on the way.”

She stood up quickly, looking around the living room, “I’m going with you,” she stated.

“No you’re not,” Spike exclaimed. The thought of Buffy being caught by this monster terrified him.

She turned to look at him, her eyes hard as ice. “Yes I am. I can’t stay here, I need to know what’s going on, and I need to be doing something. If I stay here I’m going to crawl out of my own skin.”

Spike and Angel looked at each other with identical looks of resignation across their faces. They both knew better than to continue to argue with her and whilst they both worried and wanted to keep her safe, they also both knew exactly how much this was effecting her and they could understand the need for action, to do something.

“Okay.” Angel began, “You can come, but you are not to leave Spikes side, not for any reason!”

Buffy nodded, knowing that she had won this battle and quickly grabbed her coat and boots, Spike and Angel not far behind her.

They all piled into Spike’s car and Buffy sat staring out of the window as the scenery flew passed, much quicker than the legal speed limit. Just before they reached the Bronze and the surrounding warehouses, Angel’s phone began to ring.

“Shit!” He exclaimed, “I forgot to call Gunn!”

Pulling his phone out of his pocket, he quickly answered it. It was clear from his conversation with Gunn that the shopping centre had been a false lead, just as he had thought. He gave Gunn the directions to the warehouse area as Spike stopped the car suddenly with a jerk. He was staring in horror as smoke poured out of the roof of the warehouse in front of the car.

Angel yelled into the phone, instructing Gunn to call the fire service before closing the phone and jumping out of the car, closely followed by Spike and Buffy.

“I’m going in,” Angel said, getting his gun out and heading towards the main warehouse doors. “Take the rear, make sure that if I miss him, he doesn’t escape,” he instructed Spike. There wasn’t any doubt in his mind that this was the right place and that Katie was inside that building, that his daughter might die. Whilst he didn’t feel close to his daughter, he knew that if Katie died it would destroy Buffy; he needed to get in there and get her out.

Spike grabbed Buffy by the arm as she went to follow Angel, “You’re staying with me pet,” he told her firmly.

“But Spike! Katie, she’s in there! Please.”

Ignoring the pleading look in her eyes, by refusing to meet them, he replied by dragging her around the corner. “Buffy, you need to leave the little bit to Angel, he can’t be distracted by you running in there after him, if you do it might get Katie killed!”

The pleading look left Buffy’s eyes to be replaced with tears which slowly trickled down her cheeks. It damn near broke Spike’s heart to see her so lost, hurting so much. “Spike, he will save her won’t he? Please tell me it will be okay.”

He gave her a quick hug, “Yes, it will be alright,” he whispered in her ear before pulling out his gun and heading towards the back of the building. “Stay behind me.”

Angel didn't fear death; it just wasn't something that frightened him. In fact, if it really was just like going to sleep, being at peace then there had been many times in his life he would have welcomed it. But then there had always been these people in the way, people he knew would be hurt if he died even when he didn't care about himself. There had always been someone there to help keep him alive even if they didn't know it at the time... or ever.

He was a brooder, he reflected to himself, as he wandered through the large building. He tended to internalise things far too much. Buffy was much the same and that was probably the reason their relationship would never be peaceful. He would have a problem and she would notice it and start to wonder if it was her fault and he would notice her getting stressed and wonder what was wrong, making him brood more... Then, it would all come out in a blazing row that would always end in her tears, something he couldn't bear to see.

He felt the doorway as he took the stairs two at a time and felt the wood carefully. It was cold so he entered the room and instantly smelled smoke. He moved towards the smell like a blood hound.

Spike had been different he thought suddenly. When he was younger you could always tell what Spike was thinking; he had lived on the outer edge of his skin and every emotion could be seen clearly on his face. Spike had been the one to pull him out of the house, drag him to parties and force him to have fun. That was the reason he had avoided him. He hadn't wanted to be cheered up, hadn't wanted to be happy and by the time he had come out of his depression it had seemed far too late to try to patch it up with the brother he had ignored for three years.

His fun loving brother had changed though. He could still read the play of emotions across Spike's face, but that wasn't because he was open anymore, it was because Angel could always read him and he had to admit Spike could read him just as well. He was hiding himself under layers and it made Angel sad to think that there was little left of the fun-loving teenager he had left behind. They had both changed, grown up and some changes weren’t always for the better.

He was getting closer, the air was getting warmer and he could hear the wood of the building creak in the heat. He hurried, going from room to room in the maze that was the upper level of the warehouse. Feeling each door, he worried that Katie might have already inhaled too much smoke, she only had little lungs and...

And those little lungs could make one hell of a lot of noise he realised as he opened the final door to reveal his daughter, much bigger than he remembered and standing up holding onto the edge of the play pen she had been left in. The fire had started in the next room, but smoke was quickly seeping under the door. He looked at his daughter. She was standing, he thought suddenly and she had features now, she didn’t look like a baby anymore. She was a little person. A little person, who could die if he didn’t get her out of there...

And suddenly, his problem of cosmic proportions shrank down to an adorable little blond girl, who was his. Looking into her eyes, which were so much like her mother’s, he felt his heart melt.

“Hello sweetie,” he said to his daughter walking to get her out of the playpen. “I’m your daddy.”

Angel, spending the last few seconds working through his issues and having them worked out for him quite simply could be forgiven for being a little distracted. Unfortunately though, it meant that he simply wasn’t on his game; he felt the impact on the back of his head and fell to the floor beside his daughter.

Pain exploded in his head once he hit the floor and before he sank into the darkness he heard a voice.

“Isn’t that sweet, daddy and daughter together again, isn't it a shame they are going to die together.”

***************************************************************************

Buffy was frantic, Angel had only been in the building for a few minutes, but to her it already felt like a lifetime. Please God let my baby be okay, she prayed silently. I’ll do anything, just don’t take her away from me.

She looked at Spike; he was watching the rear loading entrance intently, with his gun at the ready. Where did he learn to do that? She wondered, thinking that really she knew very little about him. She knew that he grew up here in Sunnydale and sure she knew silly things about him, like his obsession with black and red and that he had his steak barely cooked and still dripping in blood, but she didn’t really know him.

God he was sexy though and they had something. She wasn’t exactly clear what it was and she really didn’t have any idea what she was going to do, but she felt it deep inside.

Spike could feel her looking at him and he wished he knew what she was thinking. It was hard not to think of her lying under him, the look on her face as she came. He could feel the heat in his blood and he knew he needed to think about something else, anything else. God the little bit was in that building, he could hear sirens now though. The fire engines were on their way and hopefully, so was the FBI.

It happened so fast that looking back he was hardly sure how it happened; a tall, blonde man opened the door and calmly walked out. He moved funny, Spike thought later, like he wasn’t quite used to walking upright and he looked a little strange, the kind of person that you might cross the street to avoid. But then there was Buffy, she had gone for the man and was raking her fingernails across his face and kicking.

Her mind had gone blank; all she could think about, was that this man had stolen her Katie. The man fell to the floor, trying to fend off the enraged mother, unable to gather himself enough to muster any offensive. He was just trying to prevent any serious damage. Buffy however was intent on causing permanent damage to this… this monster.

Spike had been shocked at first, moving to help but seeing that Buffy had it all in hand, he just kept his gun trained on the pair, ready to get involved if necessary. He had always known that she was a firecracker, but this was something else. You really didn’t want to cross this woman.

He did pull her off him once she started to bash his head against the pavement. The man had to be unconscious and quite honestly, despite what he had done, he really didn’t think that Buffy could live with killing this piece of shit.

As he hugged Buffy to him muttering meaningless endearments to calm her down he wished he had some whiskey. A mouthful of that would do her the world of good. It was then that Gunn and two other FBI agents rounded the corner. Gunn stopped looking at the unconscious man on the floor in shock and looked at Spike.

“Did you do that?” he asked bluntly, with a slight smile on his face.

“Nope,” Spike replied with a grin. “Hell hath no fury like a mother scorned.”

Gunn returned his grin, “You’re the brother?”

Spike raised an eyebrow “Yeah”

“Then you know what to do.” He gave Spike a meaningful look, “I’ll take Buffy; we should get the paramedics to check her out.”

“Yeah,” was Spike’s only response as he relinquished Buffy to the agent and watched as they all walked away, none of them commenting on the man on the floor. They all knew what Angel had been through and a trial, well that could just make things worse.

Spike knew this as he looked at the unconscious man on the floor. He thought back to his brother and what this scum had done. He could read Angel just as well as Angel could read him and he knew exactly what his brother had gone through.

He pointed his gun. Enough was enough.

Angel came to slowly, wincing at the pain that felt like something had dug their teeth into his head. He gingerly opened his eyes wondering where the hell he was and found himself looking at a plain white wall. He was finding it hard to focus, blinking, he realised that he could hear crying and sat up and turned his head far too fast. His vision turned black again and his stomach rebelled expelling its contents onto the floor in front of him.

He didn’t pass out though and he sat for a couple of minutes with his eyes closed, breathing slowly through his mouth until he felt a little better. This time when he opened his eyes he looked directly into Katie’s and his memories came back in a wave. They needed to get out of here, but first he needed to stand up. Slowly staggering to his feet, he put a hand to his head, grimacing as sharp pain pulsed through his body and his stomach clenched, making him gag. Looking at his own blood on his hand made him realise how important it was for him to get Katie out of here now.

Katie was crying but not screaming anymore. She was terrified because the air was getting thicker with smoke and it was hard for her to breathe. Angel picked her up and sat her on his hip. Struggling to keep his balance, he slowly walked to the door. The fire had spread quickly and they had been very lucky that it hadn’t reached the room they were in, he realised as he walked past the flames in the next room. The heat was oppressive and they were both coughing and struggling for air by the time they reached the landing and then there were the stairs. All they needed was to get down the stairs. The smoke hadn’t reached the bottom of the warehouse and they would be able to breathe easily.

But there is no way I can walk down those stairs without dropping her, he thought to himself despairingly. He struggled to think past the pounding of his head and the rolling of his stomach. He set his daughter down on the floor and was sick over the protective railing. Feeling the blood trickle down his neck as he bent over, he knew he really needed to get down the stairs before he became even more light-headed.

Looking at Katie sitting on the floor he had a flash of inspiration. He sat next to her on the floor and pulled her onto his lap. Scooting along using his heels, he reached the top step. Carefully wrapping both arms around his daughter, he very slowly and with great care, bumped himself down the stairs. It occurred to him about half way down that he must look ridiculous and he laughed out loud unable to help himself. Katie looked round at him with trust and love shining in her eyes; she kissed him and giggled along with her father.

That small action by his daughter gave Angel the strength to carry on and get to the bottom of the stairs.

******************************************************************************

Buffy was furious. Gunn was having a stand up shouting match with the fireman in charge, who was refusing to allow anyone into the warehouse.

“My partner is in there with his daughter!” he exclaimed angrily. “Do you really expect me not to go in there and get him?”

The fireman was ruddy faced and from his eyebrows it was clear that he was red headed, with the fiery nature that was often associated with that colouring. “The fire started up the top of the building, the ceiling is going to collapse very soon. Nobody is going in there!” he shouted back.

Calming slightly, he said with more compassion, “Look, I realise how you feel and if I wasn’t convinced that you would die along with him, I would let you in there.”

Watching the fight, she wondered exactly who was watching her, looking around she realised that the paramedics were currently checking their equipment and that the firemen were busy watching the FBI agents to prevent any attempts to be heroic.

She bolted, running directly at the door Angel had entered and jerking it open. There was a cry of alarm from behind her as a number of the firemen saw her actions and gave chase. It wasn’t necessary though as the moment she opened the door Angel staggered out.

“Angel!” she exclaimed in shock looking with concern at his pallor.

Katie immediately reached out for her mother and as Buffy took her daughter Angel collapsed. The paramedics took him to a safe distance and started work on him; while Buffy hovered nervously. Their daughter was held protectively in her arms, whilst another paramedic placed an oxygen mask on the little girl and checked her over as best she could when Buffy wouldn’t let her go.

She spoke to the mother in gentle tones, “We need to get the little one to the hospital, get her checked out. It looks like she’s only had a little smoke inhalation, but to be safe…”

Buffy nodded. “We can go with Angel?” she asked.

“No problem. If you want to take a seat up there, I’ll make sure you go together.”

Smiling at the woman gratefully, she climbed up and took a seat in the ambulance.

******************************************************************************

Just as Buffy took her seat the building collapsed with an almighty crash, falling in on itself, dust and smoke mushrooming above the building, before settling to burn. The firemen finally went to work, now being able to reach the flames with their hoses.

The noise pulled Angel out of the dark place and he opened his eyes, not sure where he was he gazed down the street. There was no pain, but there wasn’t any other feelings either, he was numb and that explains why when he saw a familiar figure waving at him a smile on their face, he felt no anger, confusion or fear. He tried to raise his arm to wave back and simply said, muffled by the oxygen mask, “Hello Dru. That was some hit you gave me.”

Noticing that he had regained consciousness, the paramedics quickly wheeled him into the ambulance and sped away, taking the little family to the hospital.

******************************************************************************

Spike watched the hustle and bustle from his hiding place across the street, after what he had done, it would be a lot simpler if very few people saw him. He watched with a heavy heart as Buffy hovered around Angel, worried about him and never once looked round to see where he had gone. He realised that he was being irrational, but he couldn’t help it. He also knew that if Buffy and Angel could try again, he couldn’t stand in their way.

His phone jerked him out of his morbid thoughts. Pulling it from his pocket and flipping it open, he answered his eyes on Buffy and Katie sitting in the ambulance and being joined by Angel.

“Hello.”

“The operation has been moved up. We need you.” the voice said flatly.

“I’ll be on the next flight.” he answered, his eyes following the ambulance taking Buffy and the little bit out of his life.

Unfortunately the position did not allow him to see the figure of his psychotic ex-wife waving at his brother. Nor did he hear the words she spoke especially for him. “Well wasn’t that fun my prince? Maybe we could do it again sometime.”

It was two months later that Spike finally returned to his father’s house, quite a bit worse for the wear. He arrived in the middle of the day, to the empty house he had been expecting. All signs that Buffy and Katie had once lived there had been erased.

He had spent a month in a German hospital after suffering a stomach wound and he was still on very strong painkillers, but he knew that he had to see Buffy again so he had left as soon as he could, against the doctor’s advice.

He hadn’t spoken to anyone since he had left, but he knew from his contacts that the shooting of John Fletcher was considered an unsolved murder, one that wasn’t being seriously investigated, given that there had been no bullet or casings found at the scene. He clinically remembered waiting for the beaten man to regain consciousness, partly because he still had issues with shooting an unconscious man and partly because he wanted the Bastard to know exactly who was killing him and why.

No, none of Angel’s fellow agents would say anything and the formal report states that they found him dead, just outside the doorway. He hadn’t looked into it more than that, other than to be assured that his brother was fine and had been released after a night of observation.

His mission had been complicated and he had been shot whilst passing the stolen documents to his British liaison. He had been able to get to the extraction helicopter which had taken him to the closest British military base, in Germany where they had patched him up. Shaking off the memory he moved into the kitchen and started preparing chicken for dinner, his movements were restricted by the almost constant pain he suffered with every movement, but he carried on keeping himself active until six, when Giles entered the house to the welcoming smell of roast chicken.

Walking into the kitchen to see his white faced son popping painkillers dry he stopped unsure of what to say.

“Hi da, the chicken will be done in a few minutes if you wanted to get cleaned up.”

Giles was furious “You disappear without a trace after everything that happened and you just walk back in as if it’s all okay?” He shouted. “And what the hell have you done to yourself?” he added concerned.

Spike winced, “I’m… I got shot. Look they called, I had a job to do. You know that’s the way it’s always been. I’m sorry, but I couldn’t call.”

“You got shot?” His father asked stricken, “What the hell?”

“It’s okay, they patched me up, but it looks like I’m back on the books. Guess they were right, I’ll always have a job to do. But given the gunshot wound I have a few months off.”

Calming slowly Giles looked at his son carefully. “You really don’t look well.” And why haven’t you mentioned the absence of Buffy and Katie, he added to himself, but decided not to broach the subject. Buffy had been frantic when she realised that Spike had gone and had called him constantly over the last few months asking if he had heard from his son.

“I’m alright, just need a little rest that’s all. You going to get sorted for dinner?”

“Yes” Giles muttered as he left the room, I guess I shouldn’t get involved, he thought slowly, but I promised I would call as soon as I heard.

He hesitated before picking up the phone, but knew she would find out soon enough and better get this over with he thought with a grimace.

She picked up the phone on the second ring and not knowing what to say, he just blurted it out. “He’s home.”

“Oh.” There was a long pause and then “Thank you” Before the phone was put down gently. Well, he thought with a small amount of indignation, how about that!

He shrugged off Buffy’s strange behaviour and went downstairs to eat a meal with his injured son.

The following day, after roping Willow into looking after Katie, Buffy went to visit Spike. She used her key and entered the house; just a he was walking down the stairs. He stopped dead, just staring at her.

“Hi”

He continued to stare, slowly shaking his head, “You’re here?” he asked inanely, “Thought you and the little bit went back with Angel.”

She sighed sadly, “No, too much history there. We are getting divorced; I’m renting a little house, me and Katie just a few streets over. We’ll buy a house as soon as the house in Washington is sold, Angel doesn’t want to live there anymore and the money I’ll get from the sale will go a lot further here, I should be able to get a place with no mortgage.”

“Oh.” He was still trying to process the fact that she was actually here and he had just taken his painkillers, the world wasn’t making a great deal of sense to him at that point. “So you’re staying in Sunnydale then?” He asked, still standing on the stairs.

“Can we talk?” She asked nervously wringing her hands.

“We are talking.”

“Are you mad at me or something? You just seem really distant.”

He slowly made his way down the stairs, “I spent lot of time thinking while I was stuck in that hospital bed” He started

“You what?” She exclaimed worried. “Why were you in hospital? Why didn’t you call anyone?”

“I got shot…”

“You WHAT?”

“…but that’s really not important at the moment, I’m fine now.” He continued, ignoring her outburst. “As I said, I spent a lot of time thinking and I love you, you and the little bit.

She cut in, “And we love you Spike. I love you.” She stared at him, her eyes cutting into his soul making him close his own, willing away the pain.

“But the fact is, you will always be his wife. That will never go away, will it?” He asked ignoring the denial his own mind screamed at him.

Buffy looked at him carefully, her heart in her eyes. “No. It won’t go away, we can’t erase the past. What exactly are you saying?”

“I can’t do this, Buffy, I just can’t. I can’t wish that you had met me first, because then the little bit wouldn’t be around, but… I can’t… I just can’t do that to him.”

She dropped her head in defeat and turned towards the door. So that was it then, she thought guess it wasn’t meant to be. But then,

She suddenly turned her eyes flashing “So that’s it then?” She asked, her anger masking the fact that she was so close to tears. “You love me, I love you. Jesus! What the hell is going on in your head you idiot?!”

She walked closer to him. “You are a wanker.” She said calmly, her mood changing in a flash. She raised her hand to his face, cupping it gently. “Seriously you are going to give this up?” The question was followed by a gentle kiss to his mouth.

The light kiss made him tremble, he was trying so hard to be noble and self scarifying here and dammit she wasn’t helping. He couldn’t help himself; he deepened the kiss and pulled her to him. The pain from his abdomen, as she came into contact with his stitches caused him to gasp and stagger backwards, they fell and he once again ignored the pain losing himself in the feel of her all around him.

She finally released his lips, breathing heavily. “So?” she asked with a raised eyebrow.

He rolled them, until she was underneath him and supported himself on his elbows, “So what?” He asked with a smile.

She slapped him on the arm in frustration. “So are you leaving me?”

“Don’t be daft. Why would I do something as idiotic as that!” He laughed before swooping down to kiss her again, sure it wouldn’t be easy, but nothing worthwhile ever was.