Just a Thing by Suzee
Summary: Ever wonder what would happen if James Marsters got sent to Sunnydale? Would he even believe it was happening? Would the Spuffyness of seasons six and seven change? (A present for dasjessy)
Categories: General Fics Characters: None
Genres: Romance, Angst
Warnings: Adult Language, Sexual Situations
Challenges:
Series: None
Chapters: 8 Completed: Yes Word count: 10714 Read: 9050 Published: 05/18/2006 Updated: 07/20/2006

1. Chapter One by Suzee

2. Chapter Two by Suzee

3. Chapter Three by Suzee

4. Chapter 4 by Suzee

5. Chapter 4: Part II by Suzee

6. Chapter Five by Suzee

7. Chapter Six by Suzee

8. Chapter Seven by Suzee

Chapter One by Suzee
Author's Notes:
I hope this is allowed on this site...having JM in a fic

Should have said this before...I'm personally not very big on RPF stuff and ddin't think I'd ever write it....for this fic just that little bit of JM in it helped the story along. I'm not pretending to know him or his character enough to write him--I'm making up a fictional character and trying to be as true as possible...I don't think I'm ever anything but kind and respectful...and don't mention anyone else in his life--except for maybe a sentence or two. I hope you can enjoy this story and know that I don't mean any disrespect to James Marsters in any way. (repeated at the end of the chapter as well)
Just a Thing




Chapter One


He had to be drunk.

He just had to be; there was no other way to explain it.

I mean, sure he hadn’t been drunk since he was…well for a long, long time, but how else did one explain how he, James Marsters, was currently in Sunnydale. And actual Sunnydale--not the sound stages, but the actual fucking town? the streets continued on for blocks and blocks, which he guessed was easy enough to fake with smoke and mirrors.

But what had convinced him that this was the town of Sunnydale was the cemeteries. There were ten of them--and they were huge, with real tombstones and multiple crypts and everything. It was something that didn’t make any sense at all, but he couldn't figure out how it was anything other than real.

Which led back to his original conclusion that he was obviously drunk out of his mind.

If he was lucky this would be just some bad dream...or maybe even a fevered hallucination; if he wasn't....Well, let's just say he wasn't going to think about that just now.

Maybe this was some dream and he was supposed to work out his insecurities or some crap like that by talking to 'Spike'. Then he could get back to his regularly scheduled dream--the one involving him and that hot girl from down the block and certain....instruments.

Right, he'd done enough episodes to figure his way around this 'town'. Just had to think a bit first is all. He was in Shady Hill cemetery, he could tell as much from--well, from the huge iron sign proclaiming 'Shady Hill Cemetery' welded across the gates not five feet in front of him, which meant that if he would just go five streets down, four to the left, then around that one corner...He'd be at Spike's cemetery.


*~*~*~*


Funny how playing a character who lived in a town, for five years didn't exactly prepare you quite as much you'd think for finding your way around set town when the situation became literal. Either he'd taken a few wrong turns or he hadn't exactly been paying close attention when he was 'pretending' to go from one cemetery to the other all those years.

Whatever it was, he was now standing outside Spike's crypt--something much harder to find when the cemetery was real and full of crypts and headstones that all looked incredibly similar.

Now the next step was…to talk to Spike. And fucking hell he had to be insane. He was about to go talk to his fictional alter ego…and couldn’t figure out how to tell you it wasn’t all as real as real could be.

Deciding that there truly was no time like the present, James knocked on the door, not one hundred percent sure why he was knocking in the first place, after all, it was him on the other side of that door.

“Whoever it is better just bugger off; a bloke’s got things to do.” It was weirder than he could have imagined to hear that voice—his voice—answering him.

Deciding that if he knew Spike—and if he didn’t then who the hell did? He was Spike—that if he knew Spike, the vampire wouldn’t be changing his mind if he asked politely, James decided to give up and just go in.

“You know, might want to look into being a might more hospitable; it’s been my experience that girl’s like it, too.” James wasn’t all that surprised when Spike didn’t get up from his seat. What did surprise him—at least a little—was how quickly he jumped up when he saw just who was talking to him.

“Oi! Who the bloody hell are you!” Spike didn’t know what the hell was going on, but he didn’t like some demon being able to pass themselves off as…What the…?! “You’re human?” He hadn’t been this confused since…well he couldn’t remember when but he was sure the Slayer was somehow involved. Probably involved in this too, he figured.

“That’s where things get a bit tricky, actually—“

“So, Slayer finally called up Geek-Boy then, did she?”

“What?” So maybe he’d played Spike and Spike was Spike because of choices he’d made, but James had no fucking clue what Spike was talking about.

“Slayer finally gave in got herself a Spike toy…made herself a bit of a robot there, did she? Figured give it all the shaggable Spike qualities without all those pesky vampire attributes? Gotta say though, she really missed it wit the hair.”

“Buffy didn’t—“ How was he going to explain this? “Listen, man, this is all a dream of mine. I’m James Marsters and you’re Spike-“

“Know who the bloody hell I am, mate,” Spike interrupted.

“And I played you on Buffy for five years.”

“You played me on Buffy? What’s that supposed to mean? No one—‘sides maybe they Slayer—has ‘played’ me. Not even Dru.”

“What I mean,” No wonder Buffy had gotten so exasperated with Spike, he was a trying person—character, character, trying character. “What I mean is that I, James Marsters, portrayed the fictional character of Spike aka William the Bloody, Slayer of Slayers on the television show Buffy the Vampire Slayer for five seasons.”

“Bint can’t even go about making a bot right, ends up with one off its bird.”

“I am not a fucking robot, alright? I’m James Marsters and you’re a character I played on TV—this is some sort of dream of mine and I have to talk to you to figure out why I’m having this dream. Then I can wake up.”

“You. Are. Insane.”

“Fine, we’ll go a round of 20 questions and then see if you’ll believe me.” Logically any question Spike came up with James should know the answer to given that Spike was a creation of his…he only hoped that logic came into play in this dream or whatever it was.


*~*~*~*


“So, clearly I’m the insane one because I think I just might believe you.” Over the past two and a half hours Spike had asked this James person every obscure question he could think of—things only he’d know, things only he or Buffy would know—and the man had known every answer. The questions Buffy would know the answers to were gotten out of the way first, the more private inquiries coming only when Spike had to know for absolute certainty if this doppelganger of his was telling the truth.

James had no idea why he wanted to reassure Spike, but for some reason he didn’t like seeing that confused look on what was, essentially, his face, “Don’t worry this is just a dream of mine anyway—nothing to worry yourself about.”

“Oh, that right Jimmy boy? I’m supposed to feel better because in your little world I don’t even really exist? Excuse me while I stay a little perplexed.”

“Err,” Quickly he realized how insensitive he had sounded, “What I meant was…We’ll get this figured out soon.”

“Course we will. Get Red and Glinda on it soon as the sun’s up; get you on your way.”

“Okay, so we’ll find Al—Willow and Tara in the morning….what should we do til then?”

“Been my experience that knowing too much ‘bout alternate dimensions and all that can through the world for a loop so I say we sit tight and watch some telly.”

“Yeah, that’ll work,” James then decided that this had to be the strangest—and longest—dream he’d ever had. “Got cable?”

“Shouldn’t you know? Seem to think you created me and all. Awfully narcissistic if you ask me,” Spike grumbled. “But yeah, I’ve got cable; hooked it up a few months back.”

“Good.”

“Good.”


*~*~*~*



TBC.........Please review

Should have said this before...I'm personally not very big on RPF stuff and ddin't think I'd ever write it....for this fic just that little bit of JM in it helped the story along. I'm not pretending to know him or his character enough to write him--I'm making up a fictional character and trying to be as true as possible...I don't think I'm ever anything but kind and respectful...and don't mention anyone else in his life--except for maybe a sentence or two.

I hope you can enjoy this story and know that I don't mean any disrespect to James Marsters in any way.
Chapter Two by Suzee
Author's Notes:
I can't believe how many reviews the first chapter got.....THANK YOU......and this chapter is for my lovely Jess....
Chapter Two


“Buggering fuck!” Apparently sometime during the fourth taped episode of “Passions” James had fallen asleep…Could you even fall asleep in your dreams?!…but was now wide awake due to the loud outburst from Spike.

“Can’t you let a man get some sleep? Not everyone in the room’s a vampire, you know?”

“Right, whatever—just shut your gob,” Spike obviously wasn’t paying attention to what was being said to him. “What is that?!” He was pointing animatedly at the television screen.

It took James a few seconds of waking up and studying the television before he could provide an answer, “Looks to be some sort of special—that,” he pointed much more calmly to the screen, “Is D—Angel and I on the UK version of TRL.”

“Yeah, I got that,” Spike explained, sounding more than a little annoyed. “What I mean was—“

“You took it baby and you liked it!” A loud voice from the television interrupted Spike.

“You said that about Buffy!? I would never—“ Spike was starting to think that maybe this man was evil…maybe it was some sort of evil that knew everything about them and came in their form to stir up trouble. Maybe he should just kill this…thing?

“Alright so maybe it wasn’t the smartest—or nicest,” he admitted begrudgingly, looking ashamed of himself…kind of like his on screen persona was by now, “thing to say, but it was just a joke. Told Sa—Buffy that after she yelled at me for it. She knows I was just being an ass, okay?”

“Just don’t go saying anything like that to Buffy—this Buffy.”

James would have laughed at how chivalrous the vampire was acting if it wouldn’t have been really the same as laughing at himself.

“Alright, fine, I’ll be a perfect gentlemen to Buffy, now could we possible refrain from any loud outbursts until its time to go find Willow?”

“Sure; soon as you answer my question, that is.”

“What question?” James was quickly getting tired of Spike and thinking that perhaps it was good he’d never had a twin brother. He’d have probably sent him to live with the Circus or whatever it was kids did.

What,” he asked, “Is that?”

“What was what?” The vampire really needed some more comfortable furniture; this chair that he’d pulled from the cobwebs of the lower level just wasn’t cutting it.

“You and the…Going to sound far too much like the bit here I’m sure, but: what’s with the shirt?”

“It’s a great shirt—suede from Italy,” he knew he was getting defensive but he was tired of people ragging on that shirt.

“Right,” Spike said disbelievingly.

“Like you’re an expert in fashion; you wear one fucking color all but every day.”

“You forget I’ve seen you—maybe just a few clips here and there, but you’re not exactly a fashionista, mate.”

“Fashionista? Are you a fifteen-year-old girl?!”

“No, but I know—listen I told you I was going to sound like the bit, doesn’t make my point any less valid. There is something wrong with your choice in clothing and whatever world it is, I’m not going to stand for someone making me look like a ponce or….You look like a bloody mobster pimp!”

“I do not!”

“Yeah sure you don’t. Listen here, mate. I may be a bit into the monochromatic look—“ No, he was not going to admit that he’d read some of the Slayer and Dawn’s fashion magazines the previous summer; he just wasn’t. “—But even I…You see Jimmy boy, shirts have these things called buttons, yeah? And even in suede shirts from Italy,” the tone he used let James know just what he thought of the shirt, “Generally have them going all the way up. Makes you look…like an actual, law abiding person when you choose to use some of those buttons.”

“I don’t believe this! I’m getting fucking fashion advice from a fictional character….that I played! I have clearly gone off the deep end.”

“Yeah, yeah, say whatever you want. You know I’m right.”

“I’ll think about it,” James said, hoping that he’d now figured out the point of the dream and would finally be able to wake up.


*~*~*~*


“You look pretty good in those t-shirts you know; maybe you should give them a try more often.”

“What?” Obviously he wasn’t going to get any sleep tonight; his vampire alter-ego was a little too talkative for that.

“You should stick with the whole t-shirt and jeans thing more often, suits you and all.”

“What are you, my wardrobe consultant? And why are you still watching that? Thought you said knowing things about the other worlds would throw this one for a loop.” James still didn’t recognize the television channel Spike was watching but figured with everything else going on not only did that make sense, but it should really have been the least of his worries.

“Hey, hundred twenty years without a reflection and a bloke gets curious what he looks like; have to take it while I can get it.”

“Still doesn’t explain your goal to be my personal shopper.”

“Just thought I’d give you some advice is all.”

“Yeah, well save the advice for how to get me back home.”

“Please tell me I’m not this much of an ass.”

“I am not—“

“Oh save it cowboy. I’m just trying to help and you’re over there snapping my head off.”

“Well maybe I just don’t like the idea that I’ve quite possible gone literally insane and am now going to be delusional for the rest of my life. And am, apparently, never going to get a wink of sleep either.”

“Relax, mate, there’re worse places to be. Could be in….well, you…” Spike tried quickly to think of somewhere worse than the Hellmouth but when he got to thinking about it, once you took Buffy out of the picture, the town didn’t have much going for it if you weren’t of the evil, possibly undead variety. “Let’s just say there are worse places you could be.”

James didn’t answer for a minute but when he did Spike could see the pain on his face and knew there was something the man wasn’t telling him, “Yeah, sure…Let’s just focus on getting me home, okay?”

“Sun’ll be up soon, you sleep till then. Then we can go see Red and Glinda,” Spike finally caught on that maybe this wasn’t as easy for the man as he’d originally thought and took a bit of pity on him. “I’ll keep quiet; make sure I remember what I look like and all—got to say though, think I’m gonna keep the hair.”

“You should. And thanks.”

“No worries, mate.”


*~*~*~*

TBC.......please review...I coudl do with some niceness today ;-)

and this site was down (at least for me) quite a bit on Tuesday...and I updated late so if anyone missed the update of Silently Broken...well, go un-miss it :-)
Chapter Three by Suzee
Author's Notes:
sorry my updates are becoming sporadic...I don't think I've ever gone out of town this much....ever, really.

I'll try to update while I'm gone...sorry for missing this past week's update
Chapter Three


The two had started, just after nine o’clock, to head off to see Willow and Tara; started to that is because after a few seconds they both came to the same conclusion.

“We need some sort of explanation.”

“What you mean they might kind of wonder at there sort of being two of us?”

“It’s a thought,” there was no way the two of them would be able to spend any amount of time together—they’d kill each other before the week was over.

“We’ll just tell them the truth,” Spike decided.

“That this is all a fictional world?”

“Well, we would; if that were the truth. We’ll tell them you got zapped here somehow from some alternate dimension and we need to send you back before you being here mucks things up. Birds’ll suss it out, ‘m sure.”

“No mentioning TV shows—“

“—or pimp shirts,” Spike smirked.

“—Either.”

“Fine by me. Ready to go?”


*~*~*~*


“H-how did you get here?” Tara had mostly gotten over her stuttering problem but something about seeing Spike and this almost Spike had her a little nervous for some reason. So did the fact that they were currently hiding this from Buffy.

“Are you sure this is something we should keep from Buffy?” Willow was having the same problems as her ex-girlfriend, who she was actually kind of surprised had offered to come help; maybe it was because it was Spike and Tara had seemed to have a bit of a soft spot for him ever since that incident with her family. Whatever the reason it got them back in the same room again.

“If I—if we thought it would be good for Buffy to know about this, don’t you think we’d be meeting at the Slayer’s house? Much easier place to get to after all.”

“But what if it’s a part of some…some evil thing that she needs to know about?” Willow wasn’t giving up yet…and not only to prolong her time with Tara, she wasn’t sure she should be helping Spike keep secrets from Buffy.

“Slayer’s not going to find out ‘less you tell her. And you’re not going to tell her are you?”

“No,” Willow gave in, sounding very much like a little child who’d just been reprimanded.

“Good, now let’s see ‘bout getting the bloke on home.”

“Well, first we’ll need to now where he’s from…and if he possible knows the name of his dimension.”

“I’m from L.A. and unless you’re counting Earth, then nope, I don’t know….ooh, maybe reality?”

“Ignore him,” Spike told the worried looking girls—he’s getting a little sick of a world that has a handsomer version of himself in it. “What I managed to figure out was that he’s from a world that’s pretty much the same as this one except in it there’s no Sunnydale and all the beaties aren’t actually real.”

“So, kind of like a world like everyone thinks this one is—minus Sunnydale and the ugly, demon underbelly?”

“Exactly.”

“We’ll look into it and see what we can find out.”

“Think you could hurry? Don’t like keeping this from the Slayer and a few things from his dimension are starting to bleed over into this one…and since I don’t feel like finding out if the two merge….” he trailed off, the look he gave the girls making his intent clear.

“Should we come by your crypt if we find anything?”

“Good a place as any, I suppose.”

“I guess we’ll be off then,” James said, “Thank you ladies.”

“Of course—I just hope we can find a way to get you home soon,” Willow sympathized.

“Me too, Al—Willow, me too.”


*~*~*~*


“Going to tell me why it is you’re so gung ho on getting back home?”

“Can’t a guy just want to get back to his own damn world? Literally?”

“Sure, but you seem mighty pressed for time…day or two couldn’t hurt much could it?”

“Not unless my son needs an adult in the house, no,” James snapped.

”You’ve got a kid?”

“Yeah,” was the only answer but Spike could tell it was from not wanting to get upset rather than from lack of caring.

“Always wanted to have a son….then with Buffy I thought it might be nice—“

“Nice to what?” He wasn’t sure how, but some how James didn’t know what Spike was about to say.

“Thought it’d be nice to have a daughter with her. Little girl to look just like her,” for a second Spike got a far away look in his eyes before realizing what he was doing. “But that’s stupid…besides it not even being physically possible, there’s no way the Slayer’d ever wanna have my brat.”

“Spike, could I tell you a few things? I know telling you things could change the course of events and all that…but maybe it wouldn’t be such a bad thing?”

“Why? Is what’s going to happen bad?”

“Depends on who you ask I guess,” he answered cryptically.

“Is it bad for Buffy? Or the bit?” Spike asked what was of the utmost concern to him.

“Some of it is, yeah.”

“Then you’d best tell me those parts. Need to protect m’ girls as best I can. Not going to fail her again.”

At some point during the conversation James had stopped seeing Spike as a fictionalized character portrayed by himself and started to see him as an individual—an individual he wanted to help.

“Buffy’s going to end things between you two,” he began, “Soon.”

“Guessed as much.”

“But…you need to let her. Just…just don’t give up on her when it happens, okay? Because…well you, in the version of things I know, you get desperate and….and just don’t do anything to hurt her, okay?” He looked so serious that Spike wracked his mind for what the other man could possibly be implying.

“I wouldn’t’ ever hurt her…What are…What?”

‘Yeah, but those damned scriptwriters thought it was a nifty plan!’ How was he supposed to explain to the vampire why he was going to do something that from the day he’d read the script for the first time until that very day he was still trying to understand. “Remember that you can love her without your soul. But…if it’s what she needs, if it’s necessary—don’t let your hatred of Angel stand in your way.”

“Could you be any more cryptic?”

“Probably, but let’s not try,” James joked. “Just remember that you love Buffy and that you’re a good man—don’t ever forget those two things.”

“I can probably remember two things.”

“I hope so,” was the muttered response. “And, uh, find that Warren bloke and kill him or something—just, uh, give Willow this not here and she’ll make it okay with Buffy.” He took the piece of paper that he’d written on earlier and folded it up before setting it on the table. “Figured it’d be best to spread the knowledge around.”

“I’ll make sure Red gets it.”


*~*~*~*

TBC.......pretty please review?

(Silently Broken will be updated at about 1 EST)

and since my updates will be coming at weird times, I thought this might help (if anyone's still reading this):



Click to join dark_seductions_


(it's my mailng list so you'll get an email letting you know when I update)
Chapter 4 by Suzee
Author's Notes:
so I'm finally, finally back and posting.....hope some are still interested in this fic.....and please let me know as for some reason I got super nervous about this fic...
Chapter Four


“Spike! We’ve got it. Tara and I had to stay up all night looking through these old books that we sort of stole from the Magic Box because Anya said we had to buy them but Giles said they weren’t for sale and I’m missing my history exam right now,” Willow finally caught her breath after barging into the crypt, “But we found…it?” The last word was made into a question as she finally got a look around the crypt.

“Yeah, guess he buggered off some time during the night,” Spike explained. “Left his coat, might want to do a locator on it just to see if he got zapped back from his end or if he’s off doing some evil…doing,” he finished somewhat lamely.

“That’s probably a good idea. Tara had to get a few ingredients—that I guess we don’t so much need now. But she should be here in a few minutes and we can do the locator spell then.”

“Sounds good—ooh, he left this for you,” Spike handed Willow the folded piece of paper that he had actually refrained from reading.

I hope Spike doesn’t actually read this; he’s probably right about none of you needing to know too much about what’s going to happen…But this was just something I couldn’t keep to myself. In a few days—or maybe weeks, I’m not sure of today’s date actually—Tara’s going to come by the house to talk to you and Buffy’s going to be in the yard with Xander. Warren is going to shoot at Buffy and another shot is going to hit Tara as well.

Buffy will end up in the hospital but you’ll use some sort of magic to get the bullet out…But Tara, well, Tara’s going to die, Willow. She gets shot through your bedroom window. She’s going to die and you’re going to become completely evil in your quest to go after Warren and his friends. You’ll end up almost ending the world….

I’ve probably told you too much already, but…I’ve told Spike that you need to, somehow, get rid of Warren. I don’t’ think it matters how, just do it or you’ll all be worse for the wear….Or just have Tara and Buffy wear bullet proof vests…Just do something.

If Spike listens to me the whole situation probably won’t even happen, but…Just to be sure.

And if Spike ends up killing him—which he just might—don’t’ let Buffy stake him for it. It’s what needs to be done. Good luck to you and Tara, by the way; I hope you two work things out.


“Did you read this Spike?”

Spike, who had become concerned as Willow grew more and more ashen as she read the note, didn’t answer her at first.

“No,” he finally answered, “I, uh, thought that what he was saying ‘bout keeping things spread out was smart…Should I have?” He was worried that there might have been something hurtful towards Willow in the note and he’d made her read it.

He wasn’t going to examine why he cared, either.

“It’s probably really good that you didn’t actually. But—you’re going to have to help me keep Tara and Buffy safe from Warren, okay?” Willow figured that if the man had done enough to get Spike to believe he was who he said he was, then they needed to believe this as well.

Besides, if they didn’t listen then there was possibly world ending trouble that could result and if they did…well maybe they killed Warren and really how many times had he tried to kill them already? It wasn’t as if he was innocent in the slightest.

“You and Glinda can do the locator, make sure the bloke’s gone as it looks then we’ll work on a plan, yeah?”

“Just, uh…don’t forget whatever it is he told you, okay?”

“It say that?” Spike pointed to the paper.

“Yeah.”

“Got it. I’ll remember. Now, you and Glinda make up any?”


*~*~*~*


Willow and Spike had talked for the fifteen minutes it took Tara to show up and both found that, surprisingly, they could have a rather pleasant conversation and decided they needed to be open to doing so again.

Once Tara got there, they used James’ jacket to do a locator spell and the two witches determined that he was no longer in their dimension and assumed someone in his dimension had been quicker than they.

Spike and Willow made plans then, without Tara’s knowledge, to meet up the next day; that was when they came up with their plan—a plan that primarily consisted of not killing Warren but doing everything else to minimize contact, installing bullet proof windows in the house (without Buffy’s knowledge) using some of Spike’s money, and mainly, of Spike listening to what he had been told.


*~*~*~*


He’d known it was coming for weeks—had sensed it’s approach for the past four days. Still it didn’t hurt any less when Buffy finally said those words.

“I’m sorry, William.” It didn’t hurt any less and it didn’t make it any easier to watch her turn her back on him and walk out that door. He knew it was what he had to do, but it still shattered his heart into a million pieces when she vanished from sight.

Apparently, knowing the future didn’t make it feel any less real when it finally got around to becoming the present.

It was only the knowledge that it was what had to...Sod that, Spike muttered, It still fucking broke him…didn’t matter if he had to happen or not.


*~*~*~*


For the first time since the studio had given them to him, James actually watched his Buffy DVDs. He’d been just too curious to see if his time in Sunnydale had changed anything not to.

He watched As You Were first, knowing that was the episode where he would first—possibly—see the effects of his being in Sunnydale.

As the events of the episode progressed, though, he began to lose hope. Everything seemed to be happening the exact same way he’d done it years ago, without even the slightest change.

And up until that crucial scene in Seeing Red he’d thought that it had all been a dream—vivid as fuck but still only a dream—and that nothing was going to change. But suddenly….

Suddenly everything was different.


TBC......please review
Chapter 4: Part II by Suzee
Author's Notes:
next chapter will be up on Thursday--sorry for the odd timing of this post, couldn't get TSR to work quite right yesterday....SB and a drabble collection will be posted soon as well :) Please review? (I'm all sick and I'd love it extra today)
A few lines are borrowed :) from Seeing Red and its writer(s), those lines are property of their creators and are absolutely not mine, I' am just using them for purposes of the story....



Chapter 4 Part 2



“You were going to use a spell on me?” There was so much anger in her voice.

“It wasn’t for you. I wanted something—anything to make this feeling stop…I just wanted it to stop. But then…” How did he explain to her but that it was then that he finally realized that maybe this was what that James person had been talking about? He’d been drunk when he’d slept with Anya—it wasn’t the right thing, by far, to do, but it was done now and there was no going back. No matter how much he might wish there were.

“I was drunk, luv. Not a good explanation I know, but suffice to say it’s the only one I can give you. You left me and it hurt and she was hurt and…I’d go back and change it if I could. Never meant to hurt you like that.”

“You think I’m hurt?” Buffy tried for some sort of outrage, some sort of disbelief but she wasn’t fooling either of them.

“Aren’t you?” Spike asked softly, not giving in to her wish to turn this into something ugly and violent and loud.

“Spike, I don’t love you.”

”Wasn’t saying you did. But why is it you want me to think you don’t?”

”I don’t,” Buffy insisted.

“Alright, fine, why do you
think you don’t?”

“Spike, I could never trust you enough to love you.”

“Trust is for old marrieds, Buffy. Great love is wild and passionate and dangerous. It burns and consumes.”

“Until there’s nothing left,” she quietly finished for him. “That kind of love doesn’t last,” this part she said with more feeling, her voice full of conviction.

“Not everything dies, Buffy. What do I have to do for you to see that I love you and that’s not going to end?”

“Sure, you say that now…But what’s to stop you from growing tired of me in a year? Two years? There are going to be other Slayer, Spike; other girls. What’s to say you won’t want them as much—if not more than you want me?”

“You really think that’s even po—“ But from the look on her face he could tell that it was. “I’ve never been one to give up on love, pet. Loved Cecily even as she egged on all those sods mocking my poetry. Was a right tragedy and all….Loved Dru from the minute she sired me till…well, till you.

”I don’t fall in love easily, Buffy and I fall out of it even less easily. The only reason I quit loving them was because I saw them for what they were and knew it wasn’t who I wanted to be…I love you
because I see who you really are. And that’s who I want to be, luv. I love you as you are, I love each and every bit of you, Buffy. Love who you’ve made me, too.”

“I haven’t
made you anything, Spike.”

“You’ve made me
everything, kitten. Can’t you see that? I’ve learned to be the man over the demon instead of the man behind the demon…and all because of you. So that maybe some day you’d see I was worth loving.”

“And when I don’t love you? When there’s nothing between us…not even what there was? What happens then? Huh, Spike? Do you go back to what you were? Back to killing innocent people just because you can? I know you’ll find a way to stop that chip from working…and what happens then?”

”Nothing happens then, pet.” Spike reached down to turn off the bath before continuing. “No matter what, I love you…and this is me now. I’m not going to just go back because you don’t want me. Haven’t so far and never will.”

“Spike…” Buffy didn’t think he was seeing it, didn’t think he realized there wasn’t going to be a ‘them’.

“Is it the soul?” he asked almost pleadingly. “Because I can be good without it, Buffy. I can…but if that’s what you need…I’ll get it, I will. For you.”

“Spike—“

”Would it help?” he pushed.

“I don’t know,” Buffy answered honestly, “I really don’t know.”

“But it might?” he sounded so hopeful.

“Or it might not,” Buffy didn’t want to hurt him anymore—for whatever reason.

“But it might,” he repeated, this time not as a question. “I’ll do I then. Don’t worry, pet,” he said as he started to leave, “I’ll make sure things are squared away here first,” he didn’t let her know he was talking about the situation with Warren,” “And then I’ll do it.”

“Spike,” Buffy tried to keep her voice calming, “You can’t just go ‘get’ a soul. It doesn’t work like that.”

”I’ll make it work like that,” he vowed.

“How do I know you’ll be back?” It was as close to admitting that she wanted him to come back as she was going to get.

“I promise you, Buffy, I’ll be back. I promise.”

And that was all it took for her to believe him.


And that was all it took for James to see that he had made a difference, that he really had been in Sunnydale and things really had changed.

The next few episodes were entirely different than he remembered. Willow never went off the deep end because Tara never died, Buffy did get shot but the bullet only just grazed her leg and she was out of the hospital and back to normal in just a few days. Spike, of course, beat himself up over not being able to protect Buffy enough, heedless to the fact that he was why she hadn’t gotten shot anymore than she had.



TBC..........and please, please, please review? (apparently I get beg-y when I'm sick--hmm, that gives me something to think about, I guess--anwyay, thank you for all the reviews I've goten for this fic...I was a bit worried about it--having JM as a character and all--but aside from a very frew you have all been great about it, thank you!)
Chapter Five by Suzee
Author's Notes:
just a few more chapters to go......please review :)
Chapter Five


Buffy, though, didn’t blame Spike, in fact she felt quite indebted to him. Things had changed a lot between them ever since that night in her bathroom. She still was not sure if him getting his soul for her—or for any other reason—would change things for her, but she also knew that she couldn’t’ say it wouldn’t.

Angel had been so glad to get rid of his soul that she hadn’t ever imagined that Spike would willingly get one. And now that the idea had been presented…her whole ‘vampires are evil’, ‘souls are good’ world had been turned on its end. If Spike could be good, truly good—which hadn’t he proven that to her already?—without a soul, why couldn’t Angel? And what did that mean about Spike and his feelings for her compared to Angel and his.

And what did that mean about her feelings for the both of them?

‘Excellent questions all,’ she thought. ‘The problem isn’t the questions,’ she knew, ‘It’s the answers—or lack thereof that are the problem.’

Maybe if Spike did get his soul then she would be able to stop telling herself that he wasn’t as good as Angel because Angel had his soul…most of the time at least.

But then…Buffy sat down heavily on her bed as she came to a startling conclusion.

“Spike!” she yelled as loudly as she could, uncaring of the other people currently inhabiting the house.

It wasn’t even fifteen seconds later when she heard Spike’s boot covered feet thumping up the stairs heavily.

“You alright, Slayer?” he asked as he appeared in her doorway, drawing in deep, ragged, unneeded breaths of air.

“I’m fine…I just, uh….You’re better than Angel,” she hadn’t looked at him as she said any of it and sounded almost like she was in a daze.

“Buffy?” Spike asked, sounding concerned. He walked towards her slowly, hoping that nothing bad had happened. He didn’t think he could stand to fail her again. “Are you okay, luv?”

“I was just thinking,” she began, looking at him a little bit. “Can you sit down maybe?” she asked.

”Of course, pet,” Spike gingerly sat down a few inches away from her, surprised when she turned sideways so she was looking right at him.

“I was thinking about what you said—about getting your soul,” Spike had never heard her sound this serious before, except for maybe when they’d been talking about Glory and the bit. “I was trying to figure out if it’d change things if you got it…your soul. But…I can’t tell that it would because, see, I know that with or without it, you’re still you. You’re still Spike—William.

“And then I started wondering why it was Angel was always so glad to get rid of his soul and he was cursed with it while you’re willing to try to get it.”

“Not to ‘try’, Buffy,” he corrected her. “When I go, I’m getting it.”

“Okay, so you’re willing to get it…but why isn’t Angel? There have to be ways to get a permanent soul. Angel’s had his for like a hundred years or whatever, right? So why hasn’t he tried to?

And that’s what I realized; he’s never tried because he doesn’t want it. He doesn’t want it to be permanent, he likes the possibility of losing it and being evil again for a while. It keeps him from ever being truly caged in.

But with you…with Angel there’s Angel and there’s Angelus. Angelus could never be good…he doesn’t have the willpower or the control…or the plain desire. But Spike…you’re as good as Angel, if not better….I mean he didn’t take care of Dawn like you did and he isn’t here for it all like you are…You’re that good without a soul. Take away Angel’s soul and he’s just a ruthless monster again.

Angel’s good because of his soul, a soul he never chose to have.

You’re good, Spike, William, because you’re a good man…because you want to be.

And I think that’s why I’ve been so hard on you…it hurt that without your soul you could love me and take care of me and my family and my friends and…and that Angel couldn’t. If we—Dawn and the rest of them—are going to hold you up to Angel…well we can’t be comparing you to Angel, can we? We’d have to compare you to Angelus if we want to be fair…

If we did that…well, then…

Whether he’s Liam or Angel or Angelus, you, Spike, are a better man. And I think I’ve finally realized that. You’ve done so much without your soul that Angel wouldn’t even with his.

It’s not a soul that makes you a good man or not…it’s just you.”

“It’s because of you, pet,” Spike tried to reason.

“Not completely it’s not. Even with Dru…you’re a good person, William. Always have been and always will be. Whether or not you have a soul will always be just a side note…The only difference it’ll make is what prophecies apply to you.”

“Like the Shanshu.” Buffy just looked at him questioningly so he filled her in quickly on what he knew, “Says that the vampire with a soul who plays a major role in saving the world will be rewarded with his humanity…or something similar.”

”Then I guess it’s up to you. Nothing’s going to change for me. Not after now.”

“And what exactly….where…what do we have now, Buffy?” Spike had learned a while ago that sometimes it was necessary to push the Slayer a little.

“I’m pretty sure I’m in love with you,” Buffy admitted quietly.

“Thought you couldn’t trust me to love me,” he was mentally kicking himself as soon as the words had left his mouth.

“And I thought I didn’t have to trust you to love you?”

It was what he said so there was no way that he could tell her that hearing she didn’t trust him hurt.

“You don’t, luv, you don’t.”

“But I do,” Buffy said lightly, surprising him. “I was just being stupid—you were right, I wasn’t letting myself love you. And not trusting you? That was just…I’d say it was stupid but really I was just hurt that you’d slept with Anya and….But we weren’t together, so…

I’m never going to like that you had sex with her…and I’m never going to forget it…but I think I can move past it.”

“So you…” Spike prompted, needing to hear her say it.

“I trust you, Spike,” she knew it wasn’t what he wanted to hear—at least not most—but she couldn’t resist teasing him just a little.

“And?” he pushed.

“And I love you, Spike.”


*~*~*~*


Okay, now James knew that the show got pretty porntastic during that sixth season, but…he sincerely hoped that this was just some…thing’s way of showing him what had happened and that this hadn’t actually been shown on television. As it was, he couldn’t even watch it…it was too much like watching himself have sex with Sarah and….and yeah, he really needed to turn the TV off already.

When he realized that the camera was not going to cut away, James jumped up and shut off the TV…and went to take a very cold shower.


*~*~*~*



TBC
Chapter Six by Suzee
Author's Notes:
sorry I didn't update this one for a while...and apparently there's only one more chapter after this (yes, it is bad when I think my stories are longer than they actually are).

Once this one is done next week I'll try to get a new story posted soon but I have a rule of finishing fics before I post them and lately (as in this summer) I've been a whole lot better at starting fics than I have been at finishing the ones I have going....so it might be a little while...sorry. I will try to finish one up, though--and there's about a 95% chance it will be AU this time.....till then you could just read Silently Broken ;)

Also, with verything going on it took me until, oh...yesterday to realise I needed to have written a 4th of July fic for the 113 series....I'm working on it :)
Chapter Six


Spike couldn’t help but kiss her then. And anyone who expected differently? Anyone who expected him to just sit there after the woman he’d been in love with for years finally acknowledged her love for him? Well they were just absolutely bug shagging crazy and of no consequence to him.

“Buffy, pet, luv,” he murmured against her neck, “God I love you—so, so much.”

“I love you too William,” she said it with so much conviction that he couldn’t have doubted her even if he’d wanted to. Which he didn’t.

“Please, luv, let me….Please, kitten; let me love you?” It took Buffy just a second to realize that he meant in the physical sense of the word, not the metaphysical sense; then just a second more for her to make her decision.

Her fingers shook slightly as she reached down to pull the hem of Spike’s t-shirt from his jeans.

“This time’ll be different,” Spike said and Buffy thought it was statement, not a question, until he repeated it again—more forcefully this time. “This time’s going to be different.”

“It is,” she agreed quietly, “Better.”

Buffy wasn’t ever one to say much, at all, during their….well whenever they were intimate and this time wasn’t any different. She remained silent even as she pulled Spike’s shirt over his head and began to undo his belt buckle.

Spike, himself, didn’t make any noise—didn’t even breathe until she was unbuttoning his jeans. Even then he just drew in a quick, deep breath and all but hissed, “Luv.”

“Let me do this, Spike. Please?” She needed him to see that, after all the times she’d been so violent and hateful when he tried to love her the way he wanted, that she could do sweet and loving, too.

Buffy helped Spike divest himself of his pants and pushed him, now naked, back onto the bed before realizing that her door was still open and there were other people in the house.

“Probably should close that, kitten,” Spike told her when he saw what had caught her attention.

“Be right back,” Buffy closed the door firmly before locking it and checking three times that it had in fact locked properly. “Don’t want any interruptions,” she explained.

Buffy tried to ignore the flippy feeling in the pit of her stomach—the one that told her she hadn’t been this ‘honest’ with herself or Spike ever before, as she slowly undressed herself and made her way back to the bed.

Spike of course, sensed her nervousness. “Come on, luv; we’ll go slow this time, yeah? Do it right.”

“Yeah,” Buffy agreed, glad for him and his patience. Wanting this to be different, gentler, than any other time, Buffy laid down carefully next to Spike, the both of them completely nude.

“I love you, Spike,” she said as she reached out to caress his cheek.

“Love you too, Buffy,” Spike replied, sliding his hand onto her hip and pulling her closer to him as she leaned in to kiss him.

They kissed languidly for several more minutes, her hands sliding behind his neck to hold him to her as he held more tightly to her hips, the passion growing between them with the second.

Buffy, mindlessly, slid a leg over his hip and Spike guided himself into her quim, drawing a gasp from her.

“Love you, pet,” he murmured again and again as he began to move slowly, sensuously in and out of her.

Soon they were both gasping, in desperate need of release. With a hand across his neck, Buffy gently pulled Spike’s face to her neck, just as she felt her orgasm approaching.

“Please,” she whispered.

“Are you sure?” Spike wanted to bite her for sure—more than almost anything, but only if she was sure she wanted him to.

“Please,” she repeated and felt Spike’s face shift into his demon guise as she finished the word.

He’d only bitten he one other time…and she’d thought that had been Heaven, but…God, if accepting that she loved him and he loved her made everything this much better? Well then Buffy was the stupidest woman in the world for having not done so sooner.

“Love you!”

Spike could feel her walls fluttering around him as her blood pooled in his mouth and down his throat, it was divine.

Taking one last pull of her blood as he came, Spike withdrew his fangs and licked the wound carefully, not wanting to hurt her anymore than the obvious-hey-you-just-had-fangs-in-your-neck part.

“Love you so much, Buffy,” he breathed against her neck, the cool air against the bite marks making her feel all tingly.

“Have anywhere to be anytime soon?” Buffy asked, her meaning clear to the both of them.

“Not a one,” Spike answered, already flipping them so that Buffy lay under him, his cock still inside her.

“Want to keep my company for a while….my love?” It sounded strange to her, to hear herself saying it, but she knew that Spike would appreciate it.

Spike, in fact, more than ‘appreciated’ it; his face broke into a huge grin as he heard the endearment. “Never going anywhere else as long as I can help it.”

And neither of them did go anywhere for much, much longer…not even when Dawn tried to get them to come eat dinner and eventually gave up with a loud, very disgusted sounding, “Ewww!”


*~*~*~*


“Watcher boy have a Slayer history lesson with you or something?” Spike didn’t know why all of a sudden the Slayer wanted to know about vampires and claims and mating.

“If you don’t want to…God, Spike, just tell me. I was just wondering why if you love me so much you haven’t even brought up this thing that’s supposed to be like the end all and be all for vampires…the ultimate in protection and/or love…”

“You said it yourself, kitten, ‘for vampires’. You’re a Slayer, no saying for sure what a claim’d do to you.”

“So you’re not even willing to find out?” Buffy was beginning to get more than just a bit angry.

“I told you,” Spike insisted, vehemently, “I’m not going to hurt you.”

“And what if I told you that a vampire claimed a Slayer before? What would you say then?”

“What happened to her?” Spike asked, wondering why he’d never heard of this.

“Same as every other Slayer,” Buffy explained, “Some vamp got the better of her and she died.”

“And her mate didn’t protect her?”

”Apparently he claimed her after some witches got mad and did some sort of spell to make the two of them think they were in love. She staked him when the spell was reversed,” Buffy explained, her voice dropping to a near inaudible level by the time she’d finished.

“But!” She continued when she saw Spike’s apprehension, “The point is that her being the Slayer and getting claimed didn’t result in anything bad. So, see? Nothing bad will happen to me.”

“You sure you want this, pet? Not going to stake me afterwards are you?” he asked it lightly but she could tell he was genuinely concerned.

“Spike—“

“No, Buffy, what if that wasn’t just her reacting to the end of the spell…what if it was some sort of Slayer based reaction? One that you’ll have too?”

“I’m not going to stake you, Spike.”


*~*~*~*

TBC...........pretty please review? I dare you :P


oh, this you can tell me in email (suzeefic@gmail.com--which I will eventually read) or in a review (which I will even more eventually--or however you'd say later than eventualy) read, but I was toying around with the idea of having an email group for a few pople where I could let people see what I'm working on and see if anyone else thinks they're good ideas........does that idea sound good? (btw, I apparently can't ask questions coherently)
Chapter Seven by Suzee
Author's Notes:
nothing I can think of...other than to tell you I'm working on getting a new story u soon so that people who don't want something as dark as SB can read something of mine :)
Chapter Seven


James prepared himself for more porntastic-ness when it became obvious that Buffy and Spike were going to claim each other, but things happened differently than he’d expected.

”This doesn’t involve sex?” Buffy asked, not believing what he’d told her. “I mean it’s a vampire thing so…”

“Yeah, it’s a ‘vampire thing’,” Spike explained, “But it’s about love and protection—not about death and lust; so no, sex isn’t involved.”

“Won’t it hurt then?” the only times she’d been bitten where it hadn’t hurt had been while having sex with Spike---and that time Dracula had her under his thrall of course.

“Not with…I don’t know how to explain it but when two people—or vampires—decide to claim each other there has to be a certain level of respect and usually love there. That, that caring and my demon recognizing my intention is what stops it from hurting. I can’t promise it won’t hurt you some, luv because you don’t have a demon in you to know what’s happening….”

“That’s okay,” Buffy assured him, knowing that it really was. The outcome was more than worth a few possible moments of pain.

“I’d like to tell you it’ll be painless—feel good even, but I don’t know for sure and I wouldn’t lie to you, luv.”

“So, uh, how do we do this?”



*~*~*~*


James watched in fascination as Spike leaned forward and kissed Buffy sweetly for several seconds before pulling back.

”Now?” he asked.

Buffy just nodded, making no audible reply, just continued to gaze at him.

Spike kissed along her neck, truly worried that this was going to cause Buffy pain, before slowly sliding his fangs into the smooth skin of her neck.

Buffy flinched just slightly in pain before relaxing and finding that it hurt much when she wasn’t tensing up. It wasn’t an altogether pleasant experience, but it wasn’t an altogether painful one either.

“You’re mine now, Buffy. Mine to love and protect, ‘til the end of the world.”


And then, just as if it were the most natural response—which perhaps it was—Buffy leaned in and bit into Spike’s neck hard enough to draw blood and repeated her own variation of those same words.

It wasn’t as big of a to do as movies and books that he’d seen and read usually made it out to be, but it was….more sensual than any of those had been. This ritual was truly about love and trust, not some misguided sense of possessiveness during sex.


*~*~*~*


Things between he and Buffy had been going great and Spike didn’t think he wanted to leave her long enough to go in search of his soul. But at the same time….he knew that some day, sooner or later, he was going to do it.

He hadn’t given much—some but not much—thought to children since he’d become a vampire. It was just one of those things that was never going to happen for him and he’d accepted it. Or at least he thought he had.

But hearing James talk about his son had changed everything for him. Now it, once again, felt like something he was missing out on. Something great and joyous that he was missing out on.

Having his soul, of course, wouldn’t guarantee that anything would happen, he knew that. But what it would do was make him eligible for that Shanshu prophecy and the way Spike saw it, when you were in the position he was in, you ought to do anything and everything you could to increase you chances.

He hadn’t told Buffy any of this of course, scared that either it wouldn’t work out…or that she wouldn’t like the idea—but today he was going to tell her that he was leaving.

For his soul.


*~*~*~*


“I thought…I thought you said you wouldn’t leave me,” Buffy reminded him.

“Not leaving exactly…well, I am, but I’m coming back. I promised you, kitten, you remember?”

“Yes, I remember. I just didn’t think you were going to leave is all.”

“I’ll be back. You know that. This is just something I have to do. Evil’s been leaving us alone for a bit and you’ve got Red and Glinda here…You’ll be okay, sweets.”

“Well, yeah, but I’ll miss you,” she explained. “Do you have to go?”

“Fraid so, pet.”

“When are you leaving?” Buffy asked, resigning herself to the fact that he was going to go.

“Day after tomorrow. First time I could find transport.”

“And you’ve made sure this is all safe? I don’t want you turning into dust halfway there,” she said it simply but her could tell it was a real fear.

“Checked and double checked. If you think I’m leaving you now…I’ll be back, luv. Promise.”


*~*~*~*


James couldn’t believe it, even without those traumatic events, Spike was still going to get his soul. He wondered why.


*~*~*~*


“So you'll give me what I want? Make me what I was? So Buffy can get what she deserves.” Spike tried to get up from the floor, to face the demon head on but as far as he could get was to his knees.

“Very well,” Bumpy, as Spike had taken to thinking of him, replied.

Spike looked, out of his one good eye, at the demon, nervously.

“We will return….your humanity.”

Spike screamed in agony and surprise as the demon held its hand against his chest and the life burned itself back into him.



*~*~*~*


Well wasn’t that just…something? Apparently just a few actions really could change everything.

James sat back and watched the rest of the episodes in fascination.


*~*~*~*


Spike came back during the middle of the night on a Thursday, three and a half weeks after he left.

“You came back,” Buffy tried, poorly, to hide her surprise.

“I promised you I would, di—“ But Buffy interrupted him before he could continue.

“Spike?” she questioned, a look of outright awe on her face.

She’d grown so accustomed to her ‘vampire’ sense going off whenever he was near—and to ignoring the feeling when it came to him—that it took her several moments to realize that there wasn’t anything there for her to ignore.

“Figured it out then, have you?”

“But I thought…”

“That I was going for my soul? Yeah, so did I. Apparently Bumpy there had other intentions though. Do feel like I got it a little easy though. No world saving involved.”

“Not this time, but you have saved the world before…So, are you one hundred percent human or…?” Buffy trailed off, not completely sure what she was asking.

“Still stronger than I ever was as William…not sure if I’m as strong as I was, though. Think I am, but I guess time’ll tell with that one. Full aversion to sunlight and fire—or I guess not fire since I can still burn and it’ll still hurt like hell and all, but—“

Buffy’s giggling cut him off, “You’re human. And you can still help me fight evil?”

“From what I can tell, yeah.”

“The world so loves me!” Buffy squealed before jumping on Spike, her legs around his waist and her arms around her neck. “See? I still get you to help me fight all the nasties and hey, can’t kill you with sex, but…”

“But we can go out in the sunlight, have dinner together and both require the food…”

“Have kids,” she finally said what they were both afraid to be the one to say. “I mean…well maybe not because I’m the Slayer and all and there are all those things that want to kill—“

‘Faith’s the Slayer, too,” he reminded her.

“She’s in jail.”

“Gets out sooner or later, yeah? Plus, Council of Wankers could probably figure out springing her for ya.”

“You really want to…”

“To have you have my child? Are you insane? Dreamt of it since the day I met you…granted at first they weren’t very welcome dreams and I managed to banish them most of the time…but I still…Yeah I want to pet, long as you do.”

“I do,” Buffy assured him, still wrapped around him, “I didn’t used to think I did…but I think that was just because I was so sure I couldn’t that I made myself think I didn’t want to…’Don’t want to’ is easier to deal with than ‘can’t’, you know?”

“I know, pet…more than you can imagine; I know.”

“So, we get Giles to get Faith out of jail, then…”

“Well, first we get married and get ourselves a place that’s just ours—maybe even here without the witches, then we get Giles to spring the other Slayer.”

“You want to marry me?”

“Are you ever going to stop being surprised that I want a life with you?”

“I don’t know….But it’s good surprise; really, really good surprise,” Buffy assured him before kissing him, a kiss filled with all her hopes for the future and their life together.


*~*~*~*


THE END….at least til I decide to write more ;)



So we got what, Spike’s soul, human Spike, Buffy loving Spike, claiming, marriage, a baby…yeah I covered it all, oops.



a/n: I did think of something....I'm probably starting a little 'fic preview' group and I'll need some of my fluffy fic loving people too if I do...uhmmm either email me at suzeefic@gmail.com and I'll let you know when it's up or leave me your email in a review :-)
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