Chapter Ten

A few days later…

His bedroom door opened and Spike looked up from the book in his hands.

"Hello," Drusilla said quietly, her lips curving up into a half smile. Spike froze and the book promptly dropped onto the bed with a muted thud.

"What are you doing here?" he clenched his teeth and sat up, stretching his sore back muscles. Drusilla faltered for a moment, then took a step towards the bed.

"I thought maybe we could - " her voice clipped off when she registered the annoyed look in Spike's eyes. Spike sighed, realizing what she thought.

"You're wasting your time."

He pushed up out of his lounging position and stood, flexing his shoulders, trying to work out the slight aching. Drusilla was silently staring at him with her head slightly tilted, as if trying to figure him out.

"But after the other night," she paused, glancing quickly at his lips, then continued, "I thought you wanted me back."

"Forget about that night, Dru," he muttered and brought his hand up to rub the back of his neck. "It was a mistake. A huge bloody mistake on my part."

"A mistake? "

"Yeah. You know, an accident. Shouldn't've happened."

Spike was getting tired of talking to her and giving her explanations that belonged to Buffy. But on the other hand - he did feel bad for using Drusilla.

She took another step closer and asked another question. "Do you love me?" she demanded to know.

He snorted, rolling his eyes at that notion. Yeah, for a while, he thought he did. For a few glorious months in high school, he had thought she was his entire world. Even after the accident, he'd always held her up on some vile, disgusting pedestal. But all of that changed the second Buffy stepped into his life.

"No," he replied, shortly. Drusilla widened her eyes, shocked. Spike shook his head and laughed out loud. "Oh, that's bloody priceless, pet. Did you really think I could still love you after everything?"

"Spike, I know you're angry with me for - "

"Angry is not a strong enough word for what I feel towards you. Hell, hate isn't even a strong enough word right now."

She squeezed her eyes shut for a moment, then opened them again, gazing at him sadly. "I thought you could forgive me. I realize now that I was wrong. I should have been there for you, William. Seeing you the other day… it made me realize what I had let go and - "

"Is there a point to this soddin' charade?"

"The point is that I love you. I always have, I just haven't seen it until now."

Her words struck him dumb and he just stared at her. A part of him was laughing at her audacity. How dare she walk up to him now, say some pretty words, and expect him to welcome her back in his arms? The other part was just … disappointed. Her words opened his eyes and for the first time, he saw her for what she really was.

"I just realized something," Spike spoke up. Drusilla took an eager step forward.

"Yes? What did you realize?"

"I just realized that all that time I spent rottin' away feeling sorry for myself was a complete waste, because really? I had everything I needed. You - I feel sorry for you. You stupid, miserable, superficial wench - "

"Stop it, William!" she hissed, but Spike was on a roll.

"You think just because all of a sudden, poor Spike is pretty again, you get to take me back and pretend nothing ever happened? Oh, you've always wanted me, is that it? You just couldn't see it? You think that I believe that for one second, you - "

Before he could register what was happening, she had leapt at him and attacked his lips with hers. Taken by surprise, he froze and the weight of her body made him fall backwards onto the bed. She was straddling him and clenching her thighs around his hips for all that she was worth and the moment his brain recovered from the shock, it was too late. There was a gasp at the doorway.

He recognized the sharp intake of breath. Buffy. Then he realized what Drusilla was doing. Shit.

"Get off me, you bitch," he pushed her away forcefully and she landed on the floor.

He looked up towards his door, but found it empty. At first, he looked around, confused, then he heard rapid footsteps flying down the hall and the front door slam.

"Stay. Away. From. Me," he bit out at the startled dark-haired girl sprawled out on the ground before taking off after Buffy. The one girl - the only girl - that still mattered.

…………

Buffy fought the streams of tears falling down her face as she tore through the trees, blindly letting her feet lead her to wherever she was going. And I believed him, she sobbed, doubling over to clutch at her sides.

It had been almost a week since their talk. He had asked for a chance and she had turned away, but apparently, being without him for too long made her physically start to ache, so much so, that she had decided that whatever anger and betrayal that was between them wasn't worth it. She had come to work things out, finally, only to be greeted with this.

Her stomach lurched forward as the image popped back up into her mind. Drusilla straddling Spike. Drusilla kissing Spike. On his bed.

"Buffy!" she heard him calling her and felt her heart jump. Damnit, Buffy closed her eyes and covered her face with her hands.

"Go away," she whispered to herself, not ready to face him. Everywhere he went, there was heartbreak. When he was with her, he broke her heart. When he was away, he still broke her heart. It was inevitable, this heartbreak.

"Buffy!"

His voice sounded much closer now and before she could move, two strong arms wrapped around her waist and she collided into a hard chest.

"No, Spike," Buffy struggled, but Spike held fast, tightening his arms.

"Buffy, listen to me," he spoke urgently, quietly trying to reason with her rage. "That wasn't what it looked like."

She scoffed and shoved him hard, finally breaking away. "Nothing ever is what it looks like with you, is it, Spike?" she spat out.

His face screwed up in a pained expression and he looked away.

"I deserve that," he murmured.

"You deserve so much more."

Spike was silent for a moment and when he looked into her eyes, they were burning, pleading.

"She kissed me, love," he tried again, "Not the other way around."

A tiny section of her anger chipped off, but the seed was already planted. The doubt was already buried deep.

"And you were just an unwilling participant," she raised an eyebrow. When he nodded she glared, "You didn't look so unwilling."

"That's because I was surprised! She jumped me the second you came in!"

"How convenient," Buffy grunted. Spike made a frustrated sound and threw his arms in the air.

"I swear it, Buffy. You have to believe me!"

She regarded him with a still gaze. "And why should I ever believe you?"

A few seconds passed with complete and utter silence between the two of them. When Spike finally spoke, it was tired and withdrawn. A statement that sounded so defeated, so hopeful, so full of sadness that it came out a whisper, almost inaudible in the wind.

"Because I love you," he said.


Author's Not: I've decided to actually finish all my stories. I'm getting back into the flow now, but updates will still be a little slow, what with college apps, interviews, and school being incredibly annoying.