A/N: I've been trying to think of a good plot for this setting for a very long time, and it finally came to me a few weeks ago when I was listening to the song "Sniper's Promise" (you can find it here: http://irelandsown.net/SniperSong.htm). I'm going to play a bit with the actuality of life in the SAS and as a member of the IRA, but I try to keep it factual until it messes with my plot. I'm not sure if anyone wants to see this continued, so please let me know if the idea intrigues you or if you hate it. Hope you enjoy.

"He went away from me
And he moved through the fair
And slowly I watched him
Move here and move there
He went his way homeward
with one star awake
As this swan in the evening
moves over the lake

I dreamed last night
that my own love came in
He came in so sweetly
his feet made no din
He came close beside me
And this he did say
"It will not be long Love
till our wedding day"
-He Went Through the Fair

***

Some days, Buffy Summers hated living in Belfast.

Okay, so most days she hated it. But she was here, and it was where she wanted to be more than any place. Well, any place that existed in the real world. She wanted to be in the South of France with the one person she could never have, raising a family that would never exist.

She sighed and sat up slowly. She only let her fantasies consume her thoughts just after she'd wake up. It was the only time she had to herself. She looked down on the bed next to her and smiled weakly at Liam's sleeping form. She loved him, she really did, and there was a time when she could have been in love with him, but then there was William, and after him she didn't think she'd ever love again.

Not like she had loved him anyway. It had consumed them both and they were slaves to it, but maybe God had seen a problem with that. Maybe love wasn't supposed to be all about each other and forgetting about the world around you. She'd learned only a few years ago that all her life she'd been ignoring, and even perpetuating oppression and violence. She thanked Willow everyday for bringing it all to light.

The minute she helped Willow get out of England and back to Belfast, she knew life as she'd known it was over. She'd been forced to leave everyone behind, Giles, Dawn, her mother, even William's memory. She consoled herself with the knowledge that this seemed to be the most likely path whatever higher powers there were had chosen for her. She was built to be in some military position, her whole life had been full of training of both the tactical and physical kind. She knew the inside of the British Army like the back of her hand, and now she was able to use that knowledge to the best advantage.

She'd learned so much of the terror and injustice of life for the non-Protestant, non-Anglo half in Belfast since she'd come, and now she knew there was no way she could go back to the life she'd once lived even if she wanted to. She couldn't walk away, not when there was so much work to be done and so few people to do it. She was needed and she liked it that way, she liked to be useful.

Particularly since her period of restlessness and loss. Without William and Xander around to work with, she wasn't sure what she wanted to do with her life, she hadn't felt the fervor for her work without her best friends there to share it with. She'd been discharged and she was happy about it in a way, because she hadn't needed to pretend to care anymore. But that had left her with nothing to do, and when Willow came along, life finally gained some semblance of meaning again.

She felt an arm wrap around her waist and pull her back down to the bed and against Liam's warm body.

"Morning," she whispered.

She felt him smile against the back of her neck and he pressed soft kisses there. "How long have you been up?"

"Just for a bit."

"Mmm... We have about an hour before anyone needs us."

She smiled and closed her eyes as his hands began a slow caress. "Yeah?"

"Yeah."

A sudden memory flashed in her mind and she tensed slightly before forcing herself to relax into Liam again.

"I love you, Buffy," he whispered against her skin.

"I know." She hated this. It wasn't fair, not to anyone, especially herself. William was dead, he was gone and he wasn't coming back.

***

***

Spike Giles hated having to wake up in Belfast.

This infernal city was the last place he'd wanted to be stationed. He hated the isolation of guerilla warfare. He couldn't even make limited friendly contact with those outside his fellow soldiers because anyone could be fighting on the other side.

He looked over in the bed next to him and smiled. At least Xander was there with him. After he lost Buffy, he'd needed a good friend, and as it turned out, a good shag.

He thought he'd been in love with Buffy, but now he wasn't so sure. What they had was passionate and crazy and intense. He couldn't see anything other than her and it had kept him blind from what he was capable of in his career. Even so, he knew that if she contacted him now he would crawl back to her with no regard for his dignity.

The least she could have done was tell him why. It was like she dropped off the face of the bloody planet. No letters, no calls, no form of communication whatsoever. At first he thought maybe she was trying to give him some space so that he could get done what needed to be done as he trained for the SAS, it was pretty brutal, but as he saw it, it was a time when he needed the connection to her the most.

After he finished with all that and he and Xander were now officially in one of the best military units in the world, he figured she would at least find some way to congratulate him, but there was nothing. And he noticed that his uncle's notes had stopped around the same time, and he wondered what if something had happened to them both, but his superiors had informed him that they were fine and that they'd both moved back to California.

It didn't make any sense, so he'd had to supply his own. Out of sight out of mind. They just didn't care about him anymore, he wasn't there and so they moved on. In a way he got it, this wasn't the life you lived if you had ties to the world outside, maybe they understood that and wanted to make it easier on everyone. Didn't change the fact that it hurt like hell.

He still thought of Buffy. Often. That's when Xander knew to leave him alone, or fuck his brains out, just depended, and he loved that Xander knew how to read him so well.

Sometimes he thought that he might even love Xander. Not in the way he cared for Buffy, he hadn't felt anything like that since he'd left four years ago, but maybe what he felt for Xander was the real thing. It was softer, safer, no less protective but he didn't feel wild and crazy when he wasn't with him. He didn't feel like he had to be constantly touching him else he'd go mad. He felt like they understood each other and it was enough for him then.

He wasn't sure he ever wanted that again. Losing Buffy had almost broke him. He only got through to SAS because he rationalized that if he was going to lose her, he best lose her for something that was going to happen.

He settled back down into bed with Xander and nuzzled the brunette's neck lightly. "Wakey, wakey, captain," he teased softly, his hand traveling down to grasp the growing length between his legs.

"Mmm, don't wanna." Spike squeezed gentle and Xander gasped. "Actually, it's looking more appealing."

Spiked smiled and leaned in to kiss him softly. "We don't have to be anywhere until tonight." Xander caressed Spike's sides and thrust gently into the hand fondling him. "But... we should probably be getting rest, gonna be a rough night." He stopped and rolled over feigning sleep.

Xander growled softly and forced Spike onto his stomach as he moved himself on top of him. "You know I love it when you play hard to get."

Spike smiled and opened his eyes. He looked back at Xander and was struck dumb by the love he felt for the man in that moment. Looking into his eyes he saw the loyalty and caring that was all directed solely at him.

Xander looked shy under the scrutiny and Spike just laughed softly and kissed him. They gasped into each other's mouths as Spike felt him push inside. Xander began to stroke his lover in time with his thrusts. It was slow and soft and when they came they didn't cry out, just sighed and rested against each other as they tried to catch their breath.

"I do love you, Xander."

"Yeah, I know, Spike," he said a little confused at the desperation in his friend's voice. "I love you too."

Spike just turned his head and closed his eyes trying to will away the images of Buffy that usually came when he was happiest. Xander just stroked his back and was silent.

A/N: Sorry about the long wait, had a bout of writer’s block and then dealt with other life issues. Buffy is American in this, I think this chapter might make things a bit more clear. This takes place in the 90s before the Good Friday agreement. Also, I’m not really trying to forward any political views here, it’s more of a backdrop and I think the ending will make that pretty obvious. So I hope everyone enjoys this, and thanks for all the reviews I’ve gotten so far, they make it much easier to write.

The pair on the bed stirred at the sound of a knock on the door. Xander groaned softly, kissed Spike and jumped into his own bed on the other side of the room as Spike rose and pulled on his uniform pants. He smiled at Xander who was doing a poor job of pretending to be asleep and opened the door.

"What have my naughty boys been up to?" Dru whispered as she stepped inside and shut the door behind her.

"Dru. To what do we owe this unbelievable pleasure?" Spike asked as he sidled up behind her and wrapped his arms around her waist.

She smiled coyly at Xander and then turned in Spike's arms to kiss him. "Do I need a reason, luv?"

"You know, we could all be in a lot of shit for this."

"What? Getting to know our fellow officers? Being so close to one another that in battle we know just how to aide the other."

Throughout her little speech she had been rubbing up against Spike in such a way that he really had a hard time staying standing. "Dru," he said, his voice thick with lust, "no one is even supposed to know you bloody exist, let alone get that close to you."

Dru ignored his comment and pulled him to the bed. She knew that they could all be in trouble with their superiors for carrying on the way they did, but she really didn't care. She wasn't all that interested in her work anyway. Being a spy had it's advantages, good money, fun weapons, and a lot of skills she could use to make herself disappear whenever she wanted. They would all come in handy, but she could give a rat's ass about politics.

Spike and Xander believed in what they did, and they carried it out because they thought it was the right thing to do. Dru was pretty much available to the highest bidder, and she'd been bought out. Of course, her boys didn't know that yet, and she was sad to see them go, but it wasn't as if they had any kind of real relationship besides the fucking. Xander belonged to Spike and Spike belonged to someone long gone. She liked them well enough, but she liked money and freedom more.

The whole spy gig was getting too tiresome, she wanted to settle down, have a house and do whatever she liked whenever she liked. Liam Angelus had her ticket, and she wasn't going to pass it up.

***

"So what's the big deal about tonight?"

"Well... I've managed to reconnect with an old friend, she's in with the Brits, and she's going to hand us two of their best officers brimming with some info we need."

"Who's the old friend, and should I be jealous?"

Liam smiled and leaned over to kiss Buffy on the nose. "She's in pretty deep, but she wants to get out, and I'm giving her a ticket to ride."

Buffy grabbed the files on the desk next to him and opened the first one. "We don't know these guys' names then?"

"Nah, one of 'em, I think someone said they heard he went by Spike, but I have a hard time believing that's what's on his passport."

"You'd be surprised, kids these days."

"Please, Ms. 'I can barely drink in my home town'." He stole another kiss but was interrupted by not-so-subtle coughing behind him.

"Hey, Anya, what took you so long?"

The brunette with an patch covering her left eye sat down across from the couple and pulled a file in front of her. "Unlike some people I have more important things to be doing than trying to catch a nooner."

Buffy smirked as Liam looked slightly uncomfortable and moved her attention back to the photo in front of her. "So, we don't even have clear pictures of these guys, how are we supposed to know if it's them?"

"Well, if Liam's contact does her job correctly, they should be the only ones in the warehouse. She'll lead them in, knock them out and catch a flight to Jamaica before you can say 'traitorous bitch'."

Liam sighed. "Listen, I know you have a certain... aversion to getting help from Dru, but she'll do her job. We knew each other as kids and if she hasn't changed, and it doesn't seem like she has, she'll go to whoever pays her the most, and we've got that for sure."

"Liam, I know you had a hard time in mathematics, but I just checked some of our books, not a whole lot to give out to backstabbers."

Buffy smiled at that. So that was Anya's more important thing.

"She doesn't need much money, just protection until she gets out of the country. She wants to disappear, we can help her, and her government's not about to let someone with that much information get out."

"Whatever, I just don't want this blowing up in our faces. Again."

Liam flinched at that and Buffy squeezed his hand to reassure him. He still felt guilty about Anya's injury even though it had happened the year before and it wasn't really his fault. She of course loved to bring it up whenever she was in an argument with him.

"Listen, I'm sure he's got this all worked out. It's not the first time we've made a deal. I don't understand why we need them both though, seems like a bit much."

"Yeah, maybe just the one, we'll have to kill the other then, it's too late to get one alone."

Buffy nodded. "It'll be more convenient in the long run. Two of them, it'll just be too hard to keep them in check, and they might feed off of each other. Strength-wise, I mean."

"Ok, here's our plan: we're taking all of us, Willow, Tara, and Gunn. Fred and Cordelia will stay with Andrew and watch things around here..."

As Liam detailed the logistics of the raid on the warehouse, Buffy stared silently at the blurry photograph in front of her. There was something about these two men that made the hair on the back of her neck stand up. I she didn't know better, she would say the dark haired one could have been Xander.

She squeezed her eyes shut and tried to block out the memories. Xander and William were dead, seeing them as the two soldiers she'd be capturing was only going to make things difficult. She focused back on Liam but her mind kept drifting to the image of her long gone two best friends.

***

***

It had been a long slow day of fucking and sleeping. Something was bothering both Xander and Spike. They could feel that something was off with Dru and it was making them more nervous than they cared to admit. Something about the mission she was having them sent on wasn't right. They rarely went on something this deep without a large number of men.

This kind of work was better left to people like Dru, who could blend in and make nice with the locals. Xander and Spike were ok at the undercover thing, but the one time they'd fucked up remained with them and made it that much harder to have faith in their abilities again. Xander still had nightmares about the girl with half her face nearly blown off and her eye clearly missing.

Spike paced around their small room as Xander checked over all of his gear. Spike couldn't stand to check his things one more time, he would go insane if he looked again.

"Bloody hell, Xand, you've got it all, yeah?!" Xander looked up and Spike felt a little guilty for taking out his stress on his friend. "Sorry, mate. Just nervous."

"You're nervous. You didn't fuck up last time we did something like this."

"We all fucked up. I told you that." Spike sighed and sat next to his friend. "Nothing's gonna happen tonight that shouldn't. I won't let it, alright?"

Xander nodded and tried to still his shaking hands. "I don't know why I'm so freaked. Just feel like something's off."

"You got that too?" Xander nodded and Spike stroked his cheek softly with his finger. "Something with Dru, she was weird today."

Xander leaned more into the caress and Spike ran his hand through the brunette's hair. "We'll be fine. Could be she's just nervous too."

"Dru? Nervous? I think not, my friend. Not her style at all."

Spike knew it was true but he didn't want to admit it.

"Think maybe she'd sell us out?"

Spike looked up sharply and dropped his hand to his side.. "Why the fuck would you say something like that?"

Xander looked a little sheepish but he just shrugged.

"She fucking cares about us, Xander. She wouldn't do that, she cares."

Xander knew his friend was just trying to convince himself, but he let it slide. If they were going to get set up by someone, better Dru than anyone else. At least that way the person would have at least given them a little before they screwed them over. He leaned over and kissed Spike softly on the temple before standing.

"Ready?"

Spike nodded silently and grabbed his stuff.

***

Spike knew something was wrong the second he looked into Dru's eyes when they arrived at the warehouse. She was saying goodbye to him. She was fucking saying goodbye to him and he hated her so much in that moment for putting him in danger, even more for doing it to Xander.

He wasn't sure how to play it. If he told Xander and they ran, chances were they'd be caught anyway, as they were now alone with no communications as Dru controlled that aspect. Bloody stupid to come out here when he knew something was up. He looked at Xander and wished he could make it up to him.

All he said was, "what now?"

Dru looked him over and was silent for a moment. She knew he knew, and she felt a pang of regret, but it was quickly covered with images of her sipping martinis on a beach in the Bahamas. "Just follow me boys, we've got to wait. Some weapons deal going down inside."

Spike tried to catch Xander's eye, but the dark haired man was too preoccupied with not fucking up to focus on anything but Dru's instructions, keeping silent, and not tripping over his own feet.

Dru signaled for them to split up and Spike cursed frantically inside his head and she lead Xander off. If he could set himself up somewhere, he could probably snipe a few out and get Xander out of there while they dealt with Dru. They'd probably assume that she'd set them up if he did that, and maybe they'd have a chance.

Of course, this plan only worked if whatever group was coming to get them was as small as all the other little cells they'd been dealing with in this manner. The fact that they had all the information they needed from Dru made him think that they probably wouldn't be stupid. Bringing a lot of manpower and a lot of powerful weapons was probably the least stupid thing they could do.

Spike cursed again and decided he'd try to find Xander and get them both out the old fashioned way: running.

He took a step in the direction he saw them head and then turned fast as he heard someone step behind him. His gun was knocked away and he was knocked to the ground with what he assumed was the butt of Xander's gun. He looked up blearily and could make out the Dru's outline in the darkness.

"I'm sorry, Spike."

He touched a hand to his head and it came away bloody. "No you're not."

She raised the gun again and he shut his eyes. "You're mostly right, pet."

Then everything was black.

***

***

Dru heard the car stop outside and she stepped out smiling at Liam.

"My pretty Angel, I've got some presents for you."

"Usually don't pay for presents, Dru. But then, you were always barmy."

He handed her an envelope and nodded to Willow and Tara. "These two will take you to the plane and make sure it gets out with no trouble. We don't want to see you again, Dru, not in my country anyway."

She kissed him on the cheek and whispered in his ear. "Won't keep her for long, luv, things are changing as we speak."

He pulled back and looked from her to Buffy and then nodded at Willow who opened the door. Dru smiled, not a little crazily and got into the car.

Buffy nodded to Gunn and they entered the warehouse with Liam close behind. She motioned for Gunn to check the right and she made her way toward the back left corner where she could see a booted foot poking out from behind a box. She came around the box and aimed quickly. His face was covered with blood and turned to the side, so she couldn't exactly make out his face. He did seem familiar though, and she wondered if maybe she had gone to school with him.

She heard Liam's voice behind her and she sighed in relief. It seemed that things were actually going to plan for once. He came up behind her and crouched down to see if the man was alive. He looked up and grinned.

"They're both fine. The other's coming to, but this one seems a little weaker. Maybe we should keep him."

Buffy nodded and moved to see their other prisoner. He was standing now with his back to her facing Gunn. His hair was bleached and short but whatever tussle he'd been in had it sticking up in short curls. She nodded at Gunn and he motioned for the man to kneel.

Buffy moved to look away but something stopped her. The man turned and faced her and her heart seemed to stop for a moment, she couldn't breathe and all the blood rushed from her face.

The man seemed to be having a similar reaction but he found his voice first.

"Oh, holy Jesus Christ.... Buffy?!"

A/N: Don't get too comfortable everyone, this story is far from coming to a close. Also, for anyone reading Blonde on Blonde, I hope to update that either tonight or tomorrow. Reviews are always loved, and thanks to all who've given them so far.

-Yeats, "The Rose Tree"

Buffy sat staring forward in the car on the ride back to base. She couldn't move, couldn't speak, she was surprised she'd been able to keep herself together long enough to tell Liam to bring them both back unharmed. The look on her face must have said enough, he didn't argue and he and Gunn had restrained the soldiers and put them in the back of the car while she walked over to sit next to Anya.

The final clue that she looked just like she felt was Anya's conspicuous silence. The woman she'd known well for years never kept her mouth shut unless it was something big.

This was the biggest of the big things.

For the first twenty minutes the only thought in her head was: He's not dead, thank God he's alive. This was followed by a shitload of questions she had no answers for. Why the hell was he alive, why was Xander alive? Why were they fighting on that side when she was on another? Why did he lie to her? How could he have lied to her? Did she mean nothing to him? How could he look at her like she was the most precious thing in the world still? Why the hell was his hair that color?

She sneaked a glance in the rearview mirror and wished she hadn't. He looked terrible, his face was swelling and there was blood all over, Xander looked worse, in face, Xander was still out. She worried about them, she wanted to care for him. What she really wanted to do was jump into Will's arms and have him swear he was never going to leave again.

She couldn't have that though. He was a right bastard for leaving her like that, letting her think he was dead. He couldn't even have the decency to tell her that he wanted to focus on work instead of a life with her. She would have been just fine with that.

Ok, so not just fine, but it wouldn't have left her the broken mess that she had been when she thought he was dead and never coming back.

Ok, so she might have still been a broken mess for a while, but she would have been able to move on maybe. Realize that it was just puppy love on his part. First love, first lay, it means something, and sometimes people think it means more than it does....

But God, she still loved him more than anything in the world. More than life, and she needed him to tell her that he felt the same way, it had all been a misunderstanding.

It couldn't have been just a simple misunderstanding, though. There was no way you could just forget to tell someone, "hey, guess what, I'm not dead." Didn't he notice the lack of mail, how it must have just stopped. Did he think she would leave without saying goodbye to him?

She'd gone back to California to try to live out what she figured his wishes would be. Tried to raise a family in Sunnydale, hang out at their old haunts, see their old friends. But without Will it was nothing, meaningless, and she hated it there more than in England.

She caught Liam staring at her and she looked away. She wasn't ready to face that yet. Things were totally different now, he must have sensed it. She loved Liam, but she was in love with William, and there wasn't a single time yet when she'd been willing to give up the love of her life. Not even when she thought he was dead.

***

Spike sat in the back of the car and stared at nothing. She was here? In Ireland? Fighting with these bastards?

It hurt him so much that she'd left him and all their dreams to rot so that she could fight with terrorists intent on killing innocent people. Had she forgotten everything they'd ever learned about the IRA? About how brutal and cold hearted they were, how they killed innocent children just to take some land from people that rightfully owned it?

Had she gone completely crazy?

Fuck it all, he still loved her more than anything. He ached for her so badly that he felt as if his heart was about to rip itself out of his chest to get closer to her. He wanted to hold her to him and smell her hair, taste her skin. God, he could still remember the little noises she made when he touched her just right. The way she moved when he was above her, the way her face radiated beauty and love when she came around him.

He hit his head on the seat behind him and grimaced. She'd been his everything. Who was he kidding, she still bloody was. Nothing could get him to forget her, not a single thing about her. Seeing her again made him realize how foolish he'd been to think he could be truly in love with Xander.

He looked over at his friend and his anxiety and guilt ratcheted up another notch. He'd sworn they'd get out of this safely, and now, unless Buffy had retained a little sanity, they'd be killed and by the woman they'd both loved, if not with the same intensity.

Silent tears made their way down his face as he thought of how fucked up everything he'd been playing at with Xander really was, and how fucked up Buffy had been to leave him like she had. Not even a fucking letter to let him know she was alright. Just packed it up and headed back to sunny Southern California and forgot all about the boy who loved her enough to die for her a million times over.

Maybe it was just a good time for her. Maybe it was just the fact he was the only one around who could even come close to challenging her. Maybe she just felt sorry for little William all her life and she couldn't bear to break his heart to his face.

He slammed his head back again and got a glare from the black guy. He returned it and then looked back out the window. He wanted to curl up next to Xander and pretend none of this had happened. Knowing what Buffy was now was worse than just imagining her with another man. She was with another man, and she was fighting a war he was on the other side of.

More than the comfort Xander could give, though, he wanted Buffy. To cuddle up with her in his old room at the base, or better yet, in her room in Sunnydale. Just the two of them, with their whole bloody lives ahead of them, talking about what they'd name their sodding children.

Looks like all that was a pile of shit she'd made pretty for William when he was around.

Guess what, bitch, William's dead.

***

If it weren't for the cargo being quite possibly the most painful pair of human beings for Buffy, she would have assumed that things were going too well. As it was, not getting stopped for a search seemed like just enough good to nearly balance out the overwhelming badness of this situation.

As soon as they were safely back she jumped out of the car and ran to her room. She ignored Liam's cries for her to wait and slammed the door. She stared at herself in the small mirror they had and all she could see was the girl who'd given up her whole life to follow her lover only to have him die.

Only he wasn't dead, he was just a liar, and as much as she wanted to hate him, she couldn't. She reached over and locked the door before she allowed herself to weep.

***

***

Spike slowly realized that as they hadn't been blindfolded for the ride to the base, they probably weren't meant to leave alive. Maybe if he played his cards right, they'd take him and let Xander go as he was out for the entire way. That was if he woke up any time soon.

He watched them take him out and carry him off somewhere where Spike was not to follow. He wanted to scream at them, fight them, do anything to keep them from hurting Xander. It was his bloody fault they'd been taken, he couldn't let his friend down.

Especially when he thought about how he'd been using the poor bastard for years to get over someone he would never get over. Buffy wasn't going to go away, no matter how much he tried to reinvent himself. He couldn't think he away, fuck her away, most of all he couldn't hate her away. He'd toyed with Xander and now he was going to get him killed.

He was in a daze as the big, dark haired, broody one pulled him out of the car and into the large compound. They weren't in the city so much as some farm looking place on the outskirts. He'd never been out this way before. It was strange. He looked up at the man dragging him through the place and knew that he must be the one Buffy was shacking up with.

He didn't like Spike, and it wasn't in the "get the fuck out of my country" kind of way. It was more of a "don't even think about touching my girl again" thing. Spike hoped to do more than touch. God, the grass was so pretty in here. Wait a minute, weren't they inside. He looked around and noticed the edges of his vision were blurry. He closed his eyes and shook his head, and nearly fell down.

Tall, dark and broody straightened him none too gently and they kept walking, though at this point Spike was really staggering. He could feel the warmth of his blood trickling down his back, it tickled. He giggled, and that's when he realized that he was losing a pretty good amount of blood, and he was probably suffering from a little shock, and he was about to pass out.

He turned to give his captor the most self-satisfied smirk he could muster before he fell to the floor.

***

Buffy heard the knocking at her door and she hurriedly washed her face and took a few deep breaths before answering.

"Buffy? Liam's asking for you downstairs."

Willow looked up and Buffy could see understanding flood her features. "Jesus Christ you're perceptive."

Willow smiled slightly and brought a hand up to cup Buffy's cheek. "You wanna talk for a minute?"

Buffy nodded and let the red head in before shutting the door behind her. "How did you know?"

"Well, Liam's pacing around looking more angry than I've seen him in quite a while, Anya's running her mouth off about how you freaked out about the hostages, you look like you've both seen a ghost and attended your lover's funeral, and I've seen a picture of him." She looked up at Buffy and smiled sympathetically. "His hair's different."

"Yeah, I noticed that." She was silent for a minute. "I think maybe... he's different too."

Willow pulled her friend in for a hug and Buffy let the last of her tears stain her shirt. "All these years... I thought he was gone.. dead... And now..."

Willow pulled back and brushed the hair out of Buffy's face. "He's hurt, Buffy. He lost a lot of blood, and the other one, we're not sure about him."

"What am I supposed to say.. or.. or do? I mean, they're the enemy, but they were also people I loved."

"Loved?"

Buffy looked down and closed her eyes. "Yeah, I know."

Willow stood and moved to the door. "Either way, we still need information. Convincing Liam to keep the dark haired one alive, that might be tough, but they are giving William blood. He'd going to be ok."

"For how long?"

"I think it's mostly your call, Buff. Liam would do anything for you?"

Buffy looked up and studied her friend for a moment. "Even give me up to a guy from the SAS who, if he hasn't changed, is pretty damn committed to his country?"

"Maybe not that, but giving you up to a guy from the SAS who was pretty damn committed to you, and might still be.... Liam just wants what's best."

"I do to, for this place, for your kids, Willow. You and Tara and Gunn and Fred, everyone. We've been fighting too long and hard, lost too much to give in because I'm in love with the enemy."

"What about you Buffy, your kids? You deserve something too."

Buffy looked away and squeezed back the tears that threatened. "Just talk to him, then decide. We can do this together. We'll always be here for you, Buffy, you've done so much to help already."

She nodded and Willow held out a hand to help her up from the bed. They stood and walked downstairs.

***

Willow took on the task of convincing Liam to care for Xander while Buffy went to find William. He was hooked up to an IV on a cot in a room they used for interrogations. She pulled up a chair next to him and watched his face as he slept.

For the first time she could really examine him again. It had been so long, but he still looked almost exactly the same. She didn't understand the hair, but it wasn't too bad. The scar was still there on his eyebrow from the accident when he'd climbed into her window after too much to drink. His skin was still smooth and a little pale, he'd never liked the sun too much. His cheekbones were prominent and made him more gorgeous than she remembered.

She avoided looking at his lips. She'd tasted their sweetness too many times, and they'd tasted her everywhere. She closed her eyes and tried to beat back the wave of love she felt sweep over her. God, it would feel so good t just touch him a little. She bet her body still fit against his perfectly, all her curves slipping in just right. He loved running his hands up and down her thighs when she rode him, loved to let her work him into a frenzy while she covered his hands with hers.

They were just so perfect together, she thought he'd loved her.

She put her face in her hands and tried not to feel so unbelievably weary. She didn't think she had many tears left, she was just so damn tired.

"This is him, then?"

She turned quickly and saw Liam standing in the doorway. She rose and walked toward him. Part of her wanted him to hold her and take her away, part of her felt guilty for being with him when William had been alive all this time. He didn't move to touch her at all and she felt cold.

"What do you mean?"

"Don't play stupid with me, you never talk about him, but I know. Someone can't love you and not know him. He's always there."

Buffy hurt for Liam. She didn't want him to think that she loved him any less because of it, and she didn't. It was just that she'd never really loved him at all, at least, she hadn't been in love with him.

"Liam, it's complicated."

He sighed and pinched the bridge of his nose. "No, it's not really. Are you going to leave us and go with him?"

"Are you letting him go?"

"Answer my question first."

She pulled him out into the hall and closed the door. "He's... I'm not going back to England if that's what you mean. I know too much and I care too much to ever fight on that side."

He let out a sigh of relief and pulled her to him, she didn't resist, though it felt wrong. "But you don't know about him yet?"

Buffy was hoping he'd missed that part. She didn't know what to say, so she pulled something out of her ass. "He's in my past, I don't l... I can't be with him again. What he did, I don't think I can forgive him. But, Liam, I can't kill him either, or Xander. We've got to figure something else out, because I can't do that to them. I've known William since I was five years old."

Liam nodded and kissed her head softly. "We'll figure something out, Buffy. Don't worry about that. But we still need any info they have, maybe now they'll give it to us with less of a fight."

Buffy doubted it but kept silent. Liam stepped back and brushed the hair from her face. "Go on and talk to him, I'm sure there are some things you need to say."

Either he was incredibly confident in his position in her life, or just really stupid. Buffy nodded and squeezed his hand before going back in and closing the door.

William was sitting up and awake when she turned around. They stared at each other for a long while before anyone moved. Before either of them realized what had happened they found each other huddled in the middle of the floor in each other's arms.

"God, Buffy I missed you so bloody much-"

"Will, I thought.. God, I thought-"

She pulled back from him and saw the tears in his eyes and she knew she'd never really be able to let him go. He tried to kiss her but she held him back and checked the bandages on his head making sure he was safe. His eyes were both swollen and his lips was cut. His nose looked a little swollen too, but she didn't think it was broken. Most of the damage was to the back of his head and his left temple. She pulled him close and kissed his wounds before she moved to kiss away his tears.

He closed his eyes and couldn't stop the sobs that racked his body and shook them both. He couldn't remember a time when he'd been so relieved and so depressed at the same time. He'd found her, but nothing was going to be the same. She'd left him and she'd switched sides, and he still didn't know why.

After they both began to calm a little and their grips on the other lessened a bit, he felt her begin to tense and pull away slightly. He sighed softly and let her go.

Neither knew what to say so they just sat, still touching, but it was almost subconscious, just reassurance this wasn't a half-terrible, half-wonderful dream.

"I thought.... Heard you and Giles went back to California."

Buffy wasn't sure whether she was relieved or enraged that he chose the safest topic available to them. "Umm.. Yeah.. I was, for a while. I couldn't," she sighed and looked up at him. "It was too hard there without you."

She was hoping she'd get an explanation after her admission. It had taken a lot to convince herself to be honest about her feelings for him, that they still existed. He just looked away.

"So.. How'd you get here?"

He didn't understand how she could say something about feeling for him when she'd left him with nothing all those years ago.

"I had to get out of there, so I came back to London, and I met a girl. Next thing I know I'm smuggling her into Belfast and joining up with Liam Angelus and his famous crew."

Spike had heard of Angelus, and his little band of fighters. In fact, now that he thought back on it, he remembered hearing about Buffy, though he hadn't known it was her. "The Slayer", they'd called her, he thought it brought up more bad hair images than terror. She was vicious and tough as hell, and no one had ever been able to take her or Angelus, they were the best at getting into and out of tough spots.

"You've made quite the name for yourself among us."

She didn't miss the bitterness in his voice. "Yeah well, 'when you ain't got nothin', you got nothin' to lose'. After you, I didn't have much fear of anything. I learned everything from you guys, I could fight pretty well that way."

He still didn't get why she kept talking about it like he'd left her. She'd gone without so much as a "Dear John" and it was like she was laying it all on him.

She sighed when he didn't respond to her last effort to draw out his story. "How'd you let this happen, Will?"

"It's Spike."

"What?"

"William, I don't use that. I'm Spike now."

She stared at him for a minute then sighed again. "I'm not calling you Spike, Will, now answer my question."

"Will," he said with a snarl, "doesn't bloody exist anymore." She turned away so that he wouldn't see the tears in her eyes. "Don't really think Buffy does either."

"Why are you doing this?" she yelled at him suddenly. He looked at her blankly and she covered her face in her hands. "Why are you treating me like I'm nothing to you? Dammit, Will, you're something to me."

He kissed her hard and without any warning. She responded without thought for a moment before pulling away, but he didn't let her get far. He pulled her to rest her head against his chest and stroked her hair. "I... Fuck, Buffy, you know I love you."

She clutched him harder and sobbed into his shirt. "God, Will, I love you too. I could never stop loving you."

Neither wanted to say anymore about it then. They knew each other well enough that they could sense that emotional share time was over. They got up and sat side by side on the bed holding the other's hand tight enough to grind the bones.

"I don't see how that crazy bitch got the better of you," she said after a few moments of silence.

Spike chuckled before his laugh turned into a choked sob. "Oh God..."

"Will?"

He shook his head and wiped his eyes with his free hand. Suddenly she understood. "Oh."

He looked over at her. "I did know, she'd been weird all day. Xand knew too, but..."

"You didn't want to believe it."

"Something like that."

They were silent for a while longer until Spike yawned. Buffy moved to the edge of the cot. "You should sleep. We haven't quite decided..." She didn't finish her thought and Spike grabbed her other hand.

"Don't go."

"Will."

"No, just.. I know we haven't figured..." he trailed off and just looked at her. "I just... just found you again."

Buffy knew she was playing with fire here. She didn't want to hurt Liam, but honestly, she couldn't leave William alone. She sat back down and he lay by the wall and pulled her against him. It wasn't long before she was crying softly again, but no matter how hard she tried he felt it.

"I know, baby. God, I know."

A/N: I know it's been forever, and I'm so sorry, but life got hectic there for a bit. I hope people are still reading this, let me know that I haven't lost you. Review and I'm sure I'll be compelled to write faster. This is the end of the Spander, and the beginning of the end Liam/Buffy. Even so, only Spuffy smut will be found here, I hope you enjoy.

-"N'ere Will I Roam"

Buffy had been trying to write her note to William for almost an hour now. She'd only slept for about an hour before she woke up and decided she needed to go to Liam and decide what to do with Will and Xander. She was pretty sure that she could convince him to keep them alive, she knew he loved her and would do just about anything for her. She hated using that to her advantage, but there was nothing she wouldn't do for William.

She turned and looked at him again, sighing. He looked so beautiful in sleep, just as he always had. She didn't want to leave him, she really didn't want him to wake up alone, but if Liam found them there, things could get difficult.

She sighed again and turned back to her note. She'd gone from sappy, to angry and bitter, to neutral, to so obviously still in love it hurt. She didn't want to be any of those things. She just wanted to let him know she cared without giving too much away. She didn't want to hurt him, she didn't want to give him hope.

Mostly, she didn't want to leave.

This was his thing, not hers. He was the poet, writing her verse that she still had to this day, hidden away with the rest of his things in her mother's house in California. She couldn't bear to look at his things anymore after a while. Apparently she should have just shipped it to him.

Now the bitterness returned.

She shook her head to clear it and put her pen to the paper again.

She thought over the lines for a few more minutes, wondering if it sounded too cold. After another twenty minutes she decided to screw it all and just write. He could think what he liked. He'd left her high and dry without a word for years, she could leave him for a few hours with an imperfect, although heartfelt, note.

***

Spike woke the next morning and immediately knew she wasn't there. He reached out anyway and imagined wrapping his arms around her again. She'd felt so perfect against him, his body ached to touch hers again. He rolled so that he could bury his face in the part of the pillow she'd used and inhaled.

She still smelled the same after all these years. He'd know it anywhere. He heard something crackle and looked down to see a scrap of paper under his arm. He pulled it up to his eyes and immediately recognized the handwriting.

"'Least you left a bloody note this time," he muttered with more anger than he felt.

He read it over a few times before he allowed that last bit to fully sink in. In spite of himself, he felt hope swell in his chest.

***

***

Buffy sneaked into Liam's room and crawled under the covers hoping he wouldn't wake and notice how late, rather early, it was. He stirred but didn't wake, and wrapped his arm around her waist. She flinched and then cursed herself for it.

She wasn't going to start anything new with Will, she couldn't. They may love each other, they may have a history, but he'd left her without so much as a goodbye, and she couldn't forgive him when he wouldn't even try to apologize.

She fell into a fitful sleep for a few hours until she awoke to Liam's kisses on her neck. He looked up and smiled and she tried to smile back but it was weak. He noticed and stopped.

"What is it?"

"I didn't get much sleep last night."

His expression darkened and he rolled onto his back. "You were with him for quite a while."

"Liam-"

"Don't, Buffy. Just don't. Did you fuck him?"

She was so angry that he could think something like that, that she forgot any guilt she had been feeling and sat up, pulling on her robe and cinching it tightly. "I can't believe you just said that."

Liam rubbed a hand over his face and sighed. "Look, I'm sorry... just... what do you expect me to feel? The love of your life walks back into it and you spend the first night he's here with him. Are you leaving me?"

He looked so dejected that she had to lean over and kiss his brow before reaching up a hand to caress his cheek. "Liam, he left me... he left me a long time ago, and I haven't forgiven him for that. He doesn't want me back. I love him, yeah, but Liam, I'm not in love with him anymore." She looked away and tried to keep her tears from falling. She could lie to everyone, but it was getting harder and harder to lie to herself.

"I still love you, I'm not leaving."

He smiled sadly and kissed her before sitting up. "Just as well anyway, I think he and the other one..." He turned to look at her. "You know."

Buffy stared at him for a moment, he couldn't possibly be saying what she thought he was saying. "What?"

"What's the other guy's name? Harris?"

Buffy nodded slowly.

"I'm pretty sure they're more than friends. That's what Anya thinks anyway. Harris kept asking for him and so this morning she's taking him in. She's never been wrong."

Buffy tried to hide her reaction. This was worse than just leaving her, he'd left her for they're best friend. Both of them had lied to her.

"I'm going to breakfast." Buffy kissed his cheek absentmindedly and walked in a daze out the door.

***

Xander looked up when he heard the door open. Anya stood there watching him as another woman with a gun brought Spike in. Cordelia, he thought that's what her name was. She didn't look like one you could fuck with.

Spike's eyes misted over when he saw Xander on the bed. His head was bandaged, he was hooked up to an IV and he was paler than Spike had ever seen him. Cordelia untied his hands and left.

"I'm going to be right outside the door. I'll leave you alone, but if you try anything funny, friends of Buffy or no, we'll kill you."

Anya walked out stiffly and locked the door.

Spike fell to his knees next to the bed and cupped Xander's face in his hands. "Xand, God, we knew.. I couldn't fucking admit it, but I knew and I let you down."

Xander brought up his hand that wasn't connected to an IV and stroked Spike's hair. "It wasn't your fault. I'm not that bad, I'll be fine. The girl..." he swallowed, "she was the one. Did you see her?"

Spike nodded. He'd recognized Anya the second he'd set his eyes on her. "She being good to you?"

Xander nodded slowly. "She's alive. She lost her eye, but she's alive."

"Does she recognize you?"

Xander shrugged. "I'm not sure, sometimes I think she does, but she's so kind to me sometimes, when she thinks I'm not awake. I don't see why they haven't killed us." Xander started and Spike looked frantic, trying to understand what had his friend upset. "Wait a minute, Buffy?!"

Spike shook his head. "Got a lot to fill you in on, mate."

***

"Holy... Holy fuck, Will."

Spike leaned back against his chair next to Xander's bed and nodded. "Yeah."

Xander looked up at his friend and his heart broke at the pain written across his face. Xander had been the only friend Spike had truly had during his time trying to get over Buffy. When her letters stopped coming, and they learned that she had moved back to California, Spike had gone into a depression so deep Xander wasn't sure he'd be able to get him out of it.

Seeing it happening all over again killed him. For some reason he couldn't seem to muster up as much anger at Buffy as he had been able to when she first left. Something here didn't fit, none of it made sense.

Most of all, Spike was still deeply in love with her, and unless she was playing him for information, which would be pretty foolish, she seemed to be just as in love with him as she always was.

He reached out his hand tentatively to Spike and was relieved when his friend grasped onto him, holding on tightly.

Spike turned suddenly and kissed Xander hard but both of them felt the desperation in it.

The weight of Buffy on his mind.

He broke it almost as quickly as he started and buried his face in his hands, sighing loudly. "I'm so sorry, Xander."

The brunette had always known this time would come. He could always feel Buffy whenever he and Spike were together. It was only a matter of time before he would lose him to her.

Knowing it all along made it easier to accept, easier to keep from getting bitter and blaming people. It didn't make it easier to take. He loved Spike, could have loved and taken care of him forever, but Buffy would always have a part of him that Xander couldn't touch.

"Hey, it's ok, man. I'm not... it's not like winning the lottery over here, but I'm ok."

Spike looked up and realized just how amazing his friend truly was. Xander had long ago accepted Buffy's role, her permanent role, in Spike's life, even if Spike hadn't. Fuck him if he wasn't a total bastard for not understanding that Xander had known all along.

Spike leaned over and kissed him softly this time. A goodbye.

"I'm gonna get us outta here, Xand. I swear."

"I know you will."

"Even if things won't-"

"I know, Spike."

Spike nodded and ran a hand through Xander's short hair. He turned to go but Xander's voice stopped him.

"It was good though? While it lasted anyway?"

Spike returned the sad smile Xander was giving him. "Bloody brilliant, pet, and I still meant it. I do love you."

Xander nodded and closed his eyes, trying to get some sleep. He wasn't sure what the next few days would bring. "What's not to love, bleachboy?"

Spike snorted and walked out to meet Anya.

***

Xander woke hours later when someone knocked on the door to his room. He thought it not a little odd that his captors would knock before entering. After muttering a sleepy "come in" and seeing who it was, he understood.

"Buffy."

"Xander."

They stood silently for a moment, unsure of what to say, where to begin, or if they should speak at all.

"Are you feeling ok?"

Xander nodded and gestured for her to sit in the chair near his bed. She sat and clasped her hands together in a nervous habit he thought she'd lost years ago.

"What's going to happen to us?"

Buffy closed her eyes and sighed softly. "I'm not sure yet. Liam and I have been talking about it all day and we're still trying to find a solution that doesn't end in two bodies being dumped." She looked at him suddenly, hard, and he remembered all the reasons he'd ever trusted her. "I won't let them hurt you anymore than you have been already, Xander. I swear."

He nodded and they sat in silence for a while longer.

Finally, Buffy found the courage to ask what was really on her mind. "You and Will?"

Xander started and looked at her with a mixture of shock, embarrassment, anger, and pride. "What of it?"

Buffy wrapped her arms around herself and cleared her throat. She really didn't have a right to question either of them about it, but she needed to know. "Xander... I'm not... I just want to know. It's not like I have any kind of claim on him anymore. I just... I want to know."

Xander understood that, and he still cared for Buffy, no matter how callously she'd treated them. There was still something inside her that drew him in. He loved her too he supposed.

"It's over, Buffy, you should have figured that."

There was a moment of joy, then grief, finally an odd numbness. "Did he leave for... Nevermind, I should go."

"Wait, Buffy, what are you-"

"Xander, I'll find a way to get you guys out of here. I'm sorry about all this, about everything and the way things have turned out."

She reached the door and turned the handle.

"He still loves you, more than anything, and that's the reason Buffy."

Her body stiffened and then she relaxed, leaning against the door. "How did we all get here, Xander?"

"I'm not sure, Buff. But for whatever reason, he's here, and so are you, and you guys both still love each other as much as you did when he left, so maybe you should take advantage of it."

Buffy took a deep breath and opened the door.

"Thanks."

She walked out in the direction of the room Spike was being held it.

Xander watched her go and hoped for both of their sakes that they could figure out what went wrong before it was too late for them.

"You're welcome."

A/N: Well, I guess it's been a while, but I was having a hard time deciding where I wanted to take this story. I finally decided, and I'm going to try to work hard and finish this one up before picking up a new one that's really been pushing it's way into my head. I hope you enjoy this, I'll probably have more up soon, this chapter is a bit of a two parter, so the wait should be shorter. Enjoy, and reviews are always deeply appreciated.

I had a true love if ever a girl had one
I had a true love a brave lad was he
One fine Easter Monday with his gallant comrades
He started away for to make Ireland free

For all around my hat I wear a tri-coloured ribbon, oh
All around my hat until death comes to me
And if anybody's asking me why do I wear it
It's all for my own true love I never more will see

He whispered "Goodbye love, old Ireland is calling
High over Dublin our Tri-colour flies
In the streets of the city the foe man is falling
And wee birds are whistling "Old Ireland arise"
-Peadar Kearney, "Tri-Coloured Ribbon"

Buffy paused before opening the door to Spike's room. She asked Cordelia to give them some privacy and ignored the look she received. Finally, she drew a deep breath and pushed the door open, closing it partially behind them.

"Will?"

He was sleeping on the cot but stirred at the sound of her voice. He sat up suddenly, ready to fight, but his eyes cleared and when their eyes met his softened and he managed a weak smile.

"Buffy, hey."

An awkward moment passed between them, both staring anywhere but at each other, the only sounds the shuffling of her feet and their breathing.

"Will-"

"Buffy-"

They both smiled and looked down. "Go ahead, pet."

She shuffled some more and Spike moved to the side of the cot, motioning for her to join him. She sat, her hands clasped on her knees.

Spike couldn't help but lean closer to her as she gathered her thoughts and tried to find a way to tell him what was on her mind. By the time she turned to speak to him his lips were close enough to hers that if she leaned forward just a bit they would be kissing. She remembered what it was like to kiss him, how at home she always felt when she was touching him.

By the time she'd decided to go for it, he was already on her. His lips moving slowly against hers, his tongue coaxing her lips open. She moaned into his mouth and he slid his hand from it's place on her knee to his waist. He pulled her closer, their kisses becoming more and more passionate.

Somehow she ended up in his lap, his tongue drawing intricate designs on her neck. It was too much, it had been too long. God she missed this. She felt his arousal pressing into her thigh and the thought of how far this was about to go brought her back to herself.

"Will, oh God, Will, please..."

He pulled her closer to him, his hips coming up to rub himself against her, attempting to ease the pressure building in him. "Buffy, yes, I missed you so much, oh yes pet-"

She cupped his face in her hands and he leaned forward to kiss her, she allowed him to for a moment before pulling away and closing her eyes, trying to regain control. "Will, we have to stop."

His hands ceased their exploration of her back and right breast, his hips stopped moving and the look in his eyes almost made her rethink her decision. "We've got to talk, we can't fall back into something that ended like it did."

Memories of the months spent waiting for Buffy to write to him, to return his calls, anything, rushed back and he looked away from her.

"You're right."

She didn't move off of his lap, and he didn't want her to. What had happened in the past hurt, but he couldn't deny any longer that he was still completely in love with her. He'd forgive her anything if she asked him to. He just wanted her back.

He buried his face in her neck and she held him to her tightly. She didn't understand how things had gotten so out of hand. Her talk with Xander had made it plain that denying her feelings for Spike was stupid and the fact that they'd been given a second chance was more than a sign to Buffy, it was like a command. Everything in her called out to him, and she couldn't ignore it.

"Will, I missed you too."

He turned his head to kiss her neck lightly and hold her closer. "You don't know how much that means to me, pet."

They sat like that for a while longer, just happy to be back in each other's arms after all the time apart.

"What are we gonna do, Will?"

"Lot of that depends on you, Xand and I aren't exactly free men at this point."

Buffy sighed. She hated this situation, it was cruel to bring them together again only to have everything conspire to break them apart again. Only this time, he would die if they didn't work out. This thought only made her more urgent to clear things up between them.

"Listen, Will, I don't know why this all happened, at this point I don't care. I can't care, I love you too much for it to matter. I forgive you for everything, I don't even want to think about it, I just want us to figure this out and start over."

Will nodded immediately against her. "I love you too, Buffy so much, and I. . ." he pulled back and looked at her. "Wait a minute, you forgive me?"

Buffy looked at him for a minute and nodded slowly. "What do you mean?"

"I didn't do anything wrong."

Buffy stood, confusion and burgeoning anger vying for dominance. "What do you mean you didn't do anything wrong. It's your fault we haven't talked in years, you lied to me!"

"I lied to you? I never lied to you, I never wanted you to go, and I never did a damn thing to make you think any of that!" Now Spike was yelling too. He didn't understand how she could blame any of this on him, he'd begged her to talk to him, sacrificed all of his pride to reach her, and nothing. Not a damn word from her, and now she expected him to apologize for it?

"You should be apologizing to me! I've given up everything for you, I'm willing to leave the life I've built, the life I sacrificed everything for to be with you! How the fuck can you say any of this to me?!"

"Yeah, you did sacrifice everything, including me! I must have been out of my mind to think that any of this had changed. I love you, yeah, and you love me, but sometimes that isn't enough."

All the blood drained from his face at her words. He was angry, yeah, but that didn't mean he could live without her. "Buffy, wait-"

"No, just... Just leave me alone, this time make it permanent!"

She ran out the door and slammed it behind him. By the time he reached it, he could hear it lock and he sank to the floor, more hopeless than he could ever remember being. None of this made any sense. Something was wrong here, and Spike was damned if he wasn't going to figure it out.

***

"So you're feeling better then?"

Xander nodded and sat up on his cot. "Thanks to you, I can't tell you what this has meant to me." He looked at his feet. "After what I've done, I'm so sorry."

Anya rolled her eyes. "Xander please, all's fair in love and war, and since we're done with the war part..."

Xander didn't know what hit him.

***

Liam heard that Buffy was going to see him again. He didn't like it, but he had faith in her. She'd been so broken when he'd first met her. So afraid to trust anyone, especially some Irish rebel who wanted her heart, but eventually he'd gotten through to her, and he wasn't about to lose her to the jerk who'd left her the lonely and angry woman he'd first met.

The door wasn't closed when he came to it, and he wanted to make sure she was ok. Who knew what these bastards were capable of at this point.

Liam felt his heart break, he could actually feel it happen. He saw her, in his arms, kissing him, touching him. She loved him. She fucking loved him and there wasn't a damn thing he could do about it.

He leaned against the wall and slid down until he could wrap his arms around his legs. He wasn't sure how long he sat there, but when he stood he knew what he had to do.

***

"So what's the deal with Buffy and Spike, I know what happened to break them up, but I don't see how she can take him back, I mean, she's all over him. I would have been moved to take some serious vengeance if someone did that to me."

Xander was still in a slight post-orgasmic haze, but the last part of what she said knocked him out of it.

"Wait a minute, what he did to her?"

"Yeah, hello, he told her he was dead. She mourned him for over a year."

Xander shot up in bed. "Oh fuck."

***

Buffy ran straight to her room and stood in the doorway refusing to cry. She wouldn't let him make her cry again. He wasn't worth it anymore. He obviously cared more about his job than her. He couldn't even admit what he'd done. Did he have no idea what that had done to her, how much it hurt when he was gone?

Buffy ran a hand over her face and thought back to his words. Of course it had meant a lot to him to hear she had missed him. He knew what kind of power he had over her, and he must get off on it.

She shook her head and looked over to her bed. There was an envelope sitting there. She picked it up and noticed Liam's messy script. "What the-"

Two sentences into his letter she was running.

***

Liam hadn't been to Mahoney's in a while. It was good to talk to some old friends. It was good to be drunk. It was good to try to forget about Buffy.

He loved her, he really really did. But she'd never really been there for him. Her heart had always belonged to that bleached Brit. He didn't really understand what she saw in him, but whatever it was, it was what she wanted.

He thought maybe she could have loved him if he'd had some more time with her.

He shook his head and shrugged, picking up another shot he called out a toast.

"To Freedom, in every damn sense of the word."

The bomb went off before the liquor touched his lips.

***

A/N: I need to say again that I’m not trying to press any particular political agenda, although I think my bias is fairly clear. This fic is about choices, believing in something, and the consequences of both, and this particular situation just happens to be one that interests me and I know something about. Oh yeah, and this is fiction. Reviews are appreciated and loved. Thanks to all who have reviewed so far.

“Oh Danny boy, the pipes, the pipes are calling

From glen to glen, and down the mountain side

The summer's gone, and all the flowers are dying

'tis you, 'tis you must go and I must bide.

But come you back when summer's in the meadow

Or when the valley's hushed and white with snow '

tis I'll be there in sunshine or in shadow

Oh Danny boy, oh Danny boy, I love you so.

And if you come, when all the flowers are dying

And I am dead, as dead I well may be

You'll come and find the place where I am lying

And kneel and say an "Ave" there for me.

And I shall hear, tho' soft you tread above me

And all my dreams will warm and sweeter be

If you'll not fail to tell me that you love me

I simply sleep in peace until you come to me.“

-”Danny Boy”

Willow and Tara watched with worried faces as Buffy ran past them and out the door. Something had happened with Spike, and now Liam was upset. Even though they loved Liam like a brother and hated to see him in pain, they couldn't help but be glad that Buffy had finally started to deal with her feelings for Spike.

Against Tara's better judgment, she allowed Willow to drag her into Buffy's room to see if they could find a clue as to why she ran out like she did. They nearly missed the letter lying on the floor. When they did read it, their hearts broke for Angel, but they could sense his relief at having finally been given some closure.

Willow looked at Tara and shook her head. “Have you ever, in all your life, heard Liam so calmly give something up?”

Tara took the letter from her and read it again. “He knew this was coming.” She met Willow’s eyes. “He knew before Spike showed up here that Buffy would never really be his. I think he’s relieved that he can stop worrying about when it’s finally going to happen.”

“I guess, he does sound really resigned to his fate. What do you think Buffy’s going to do?”

“Liam knew this was coming, but Buffy kept denying it. Something happened with Spike earlier, something she didn’t like. If I know her at all, she’ll try to get Liam back, just to prove to Spike that it’s what she really wants. Hopefully Liam doesn’t let her use him like that.”

Willow and Tara exchanged a look, then took off after Buffy.

***

Spike scrambled up from his place on the floor when he heard someone at the door. He wasn’t going to let Buffy get away this time without clearing up this whole mess.

“Buffy, listen, I-” He looked up and sighed. “Oh, it’s you.”

“Yeah, don’t get so excited, I only have the whole reason Buffy stopped writing to you.” Xander said, stepping into the room shakily with Anya holding his arm.

Spike grabbed his shoulders, looking from him to Anya and back again. “How, when... Wait, what did you find out?”

Xander chuckled softly and pushed Spike back so that he could sit on the cot. His sexcapades with Anya and the shock of finding out the truth about Buffy had left his newly healed body weak. Anya eased him onto the bed and when Spike moved toward him again she stepped forward and without words told him to back off.

Spike put up his hands slowly and backed away. Xander could tell his was chomping at the bit for information, and he toyed with the idea of making him wait, but decided he’d waited enough.

“Maybe you should sit too, man, I don’t think you’re gonna like this.”

Spike shook his head. “Can’t, mate, waited too bloody long for this.”

Xander took a deep breath and let it out quickly. “All right, well first off, I think someone was seriously fucking with you.” He looked over to Anya who nodded and took another breath. “They told Buffy that you’d died, they told your uncle the same thing. I think maybe they stopped letting your letters and calls through. Every time they told you that no one had answered, I’m guessing that was shit. Buffy stopped writing because she thought you were gone, she moved to California to mourn you and try to move on and she got caught up with these guys on a trip back to England. Spike, they wanted to split you guys up-”

“Those bloody bastards! They told her... oh fucking hell what she must have thought.” Spike did sink down onto the cot at this. His mind was racing and his heart beat a painfully quick staccato in his chest. He ran his hands through his hair and then stood abruptly. “Well I’ve got to bloody find her, explain. She thought this morning that I’d... Fuck, get me out of her!” he yelled at Anya who merely raised an eyebrow before standing to look him in the eye.

“And why would I do anything you asked?”

Spike sputtered for a moment before Xander stood and spared him having think up a decent answer. “Because he’s my friend, Ahn, and he’s waited long enough.”

She looked at Xander hard for a moment before her eyes softened and she smiled slightly at him. “I guess this is really helping Buffy too, and maybe if I do this, she’ll remember she owes me that money.”

Xander grinned at his.. he didn’t know what, lover, enemy, caretaker, friend? He shook his head and stood, wrapping his arm around her waist. “Let’s go find her.”

***

When Willow and Tara found Buffy, they knew that their prayers that the smoke was not coming from Mahoney’s had gone unanswered.

She stood back, far enough away that she wouldn’t draw attention to herself, she was well known enough by this crowd that it was dangerous to be close to the scene of such a crime. Even if it was obvious she could not have committed it.

They approached her quietly. Silent tears made their way down her face and her foot tapped impatiently. As they got closer they heard her whispering something barely audible. “Please not Liam, please God don’t let Liam be in there.”

“Buffy?”

She turned and stared at them with wide eyes. “Gunn said Mahoney’s, he said he came here, he said... How did this happen? Don’t we have people watching this place, don’t we...” She turned back to the one time building that was now reduced to a pile of smoking rubble. “God Willow, there were so many people in there... But not Liam, I know Liam couldn’t have been in there.”

Tara exchanged a glace with her partner before moving to Buffy a putting an arm around her. “Let’s go back, we can have someone find out where Liam is, ok? We should get out of here, Buffy, it’s too dangerous.”

Buffy shook her head and gripped the wall next to her. “Sean, he, umm, Sean O’Connor. He’s over there, he’s looking for Liam, he’s coming here when he finds...” Buffy pulled away from Tara and walked a little way from her hiding place.

A young man with dark hair and sad eyes approached her. Willow recognized her, though Tara did not and she turned to seek comfort in Tara’s arms. “He’s gone.”

Tara pulled her closer and watched as Buffy collapsed into the stranger’s arms.

***

Anya and Xander thought it best to leave Spike in his room while they fetched Buffy to avoid any problems with the rest of Liam’s crew.

Now that Spike had been left waiting for a few hours, he realized that it had been a bloody stupid idea. He had no idea what was happening outside his door, he had no clue if Buffy was refusing to see him or if they just hadn’t been able to find her.

He didn’t know which option frightened him more. If she didn’t want to speak with him, it may mean she may never want to speak with him again. If they could find her, it may spell more trouble for both of them. It could mean she’d been captured, it could mean she’d been killed, it could mean a million things and none of them were anywhere near good.

He’d paced, he’d tried to sleep, he’d banged on the door and screamed at them to let him out until his voice was rough and his fists were bloody.

Now he was sitting against the door, alternately sulking and banging his head against it. The sounds of a key in a lock didn’t penetrate his melancholy and when the door opened he spilled out into the hallway. He looked up to find a teary eyed Anya looking strangely apologetic.

“I didn’t mean to leave you in there all day. Something’s happened, Spike. It’s bad.”

Spike scrambled to his feet and gripped her shoulders. “Where’s Buffy, is she alright?”

Anya looked at her feet and Spike felt his heart clench painfully. “Oh, oh God.”

Anya’s eyes met his and she shook her head. “No, Spike, not that, she’s fine, physically. There was an attack today, someone bombed the pub down the road.”

Spike shook his head slightly. “I don’t... what does that mean for Buffy.. I mean, I know, that’s bloody awful, but-”

“Liam was inside.”

Spike swallowed hard and shook Anya to draw her out of daze she’d fallen into. “Anya, where is she?”

“I don’t think it’s a good id-”

“Where is she?”

***

Buffy didn’t stir when the door opened. She didn’t want to move for a long while. If she sat still enough, and concentrated hard enough she could be in a place that wasn’t so full of death.

She was tired of it, tired of doling out punishment and death, and tired of seeing good people die. Liam wasn’t perfect, she wasn’t under any delusions about it, and he’d been sure to die in this war. She had just figured he would have been fighting, he would have known what was coming, and she always thought it would be by her side.

She felt the tears begin again, they slid down her cheeks and irritated her by falling in her ears but she didn’t have the will to stop it. He was gone, and though logically she shouldn’t have felt guilty about him being the that pub, she did, and she hated both herself and Will for driving him there.

“Buffy?”

She closed her eyes. “Get out.”

She could hear him stepping closer to her until he stood right next to her. She knew he wanted to reach for her, but he was restraining himself. She was glad, she couldn’t bear the thought of him touching her now. She never wanted to see him again.

“Buffy, please, talk to me.”

She opened her eyes and stared at him with enough poison to make his blood freeze. “I don’t want to see you now, I don’t want to see you ever. You’re free to go, I don’t know how far you’ll get, but you can get going.”

“Look, I know you’re upset, and-”

She sat up abruptly and he saw the fire in her eyes. “You know I’m upset? Let me guess, you feel my pain? I should be used to this now, huh, Will? Liam probably isn’t even dead, just faking it until I’m finally getting over the pain, and then he’ll show up again.”

“Buffy, listen to me, that isn’t what happened, I didn’t do that, I don’t know who decided to make everyone believe I was dead, but it wasn’t me!”

Buffy stared at him for a minute, and he was sure that in her eyes he saw a glimmer of hope before she forced it down again. “Don’t fucking lie to me, not anymore.”

When she made to turn from him he grabbed her shoulders and forced her to look at him. “Buffy, I swear to you, I swear I’m not lying, I wouldn’t do that to you. You’ve got to believe me pet.”

She turned her head and refused to look at him, but she couldn’t the sobs that wracked her body or the tears that escaped her tightly closed eyes.

“Look, I know you’re upset, and I can’t say I know exactly what you’re feeling, but when I thought I’d lost you, when I thought you and Giles had stopped caring, I shut down. I couldn’t deal with it, Xander barely pulled me out. I know what it is to lose someone.”

“Will, please don’t-”

“Don’t what? I love you, Buffy, I do, and I’m furious that this happened, and my heart is breaking seeing you like this. I didn’t know Liam, I probably wouldn’t have liked him just on principle, but I know that you cared for him, and you know I can’t stand to see you cry. Buffy-”

“Why didn’t you try to find me?”

“What?”

“You didn’t think to find me and ask why I would just stop writing you? I thought you were dead, Will, you just thought I stopped caring. Why didn’t you fight for me?”

“Buffy, pet, c’mon-”

She wrenched herself out of his grasp and pushed him away from her. “Fuck you, Will, that’s the most pathetic lie I’ve ever heard. You would have tried, the old Will would have tr-”

“Shut-up!” He grabbed her again and held her tightly. “You don’t know a goddamn thing about it. I fucking fell apart without you, and I did try, but I couldn’t exactly leave could I? Couldn’t exactly fly off to California and track your ass down. Don’t try to cheapen what I felt, what I feel for you because you’re hurting!”

Buffy squeezed her eyes shut and covered her face. She’d been so fucking selfish, always worrying about she and William without a second thought to Liam. He was dead, he was fucking dead and she was crying because her ex-boyfriend wasn’t as big an asshole as she thought.

Spike felt her tense in his arms and he tried to soothe her, rubbing his hands up and down her arms. “Buffy, I’m sorry about Liam, I-”

“It’s our fucking fault!” she screamed at him suddenly, pounding her fists against his chest. “We’re always so concerned with ourselves and we couldn’t even think about what he might feel. If I hadn’t gone to you, if I had talked to Liam first, he would still be here! You son of a bitch! You don’t even care!”

He stilled her fists and held them against his chest, pulling her against him. “Shhh, Buffy, I care, I’m sorry, I’m so bloody sorry, but it’s not your fault. Blame me if you want, but it’s not your bloody fault, you didn’t plant the bomb, you couldn’t have known. This is not your fault.”

She stopped resisting him when he released her wrists and wrapped his arms around her, whispering words of comfort into her hair and planting soft kisses against her temple. “Shhh, so sorry, luv, so sorry...”

“God, Will, he didn’t deserve this, such a meaningless death.”

“No, luv, not meaningless. He believed in something, he fought for it, he did a lot, hell I’ve been hunting him down for years, people are going to remember what he did for his cause, yeah?”

Buffy clutched him to her tighter. “I thought I would be there, I thought-”

“Shh, Buffy you need to rest.” He couldn’t bear the thought of her death, not when it was so real to him right now. He pulled her toward the bed but she stopped him.

“Not here, I can’t be in his room.”

Spike nodded she led them into a room that they reserved for Doyle, Liam’s cousin, when he would visit. She allowed Spike to hold her as she drifted off into sleep. Even as guilt and despair over Liam’s death plagued her, being back in Will’s arms made it possible for her to find peace, if only in sleep.

***

A/N: I was wondering if people would fall for the mislead at the end of the last chapter, and I’m pretty glad that worked out.

A/N: I know it's been forever, but I hope someone is still with me. This story will be wrapped up in two or three more chapters, and they'll be coming very soon as I have the break to finish this and Professional Distance. Please, please review and let me know if this is a lost cause or not. Hope you enjoy.

-"Slievnamon"

Buffy woke first the next morning. Her eyes were itchy from crying herself to sleep and she was a little sore, perhaps from all the crying she'd been doing the day before. However, the arms around her, and the body pressed against her felt so perfect that she could almost forget the rest.

Her heart still ached where she felt Liam's loss, but a part of it, the part William's superiors had ripped apart was starting to heal. She could tell by his breathing that he was still asleep and she turned slowly and carefully in his arms so that she was facing him.

Even in his sleep he looked worried. The past few days must have taken an awful toll on him, they had on her. She reached up and touched his face. All the guilt she'd felt over Liam's death was still there, but William was right about the irrational nature of it.

It was inevitable that things would have ended with him, and according to his letter he was hurt but resigned. She didn't like to think of Liam that way. He was so strong, so amazing at her side. They were an amazing team, but that's all it had really ever been.

With William it was like half of her was missing without him. She'd known him, and loved him for most of her life, and when she'd thought he was gone a part of her died with him. Slowly it was coming back. The planning for the future, the way she actually started to wonder where she'd be in her personal life, not just how she'd be furthering a cause.

It changed so much. Especially as there was no way they would have it easy. He was their prisoner, though willing at the moment, but he couldn't walk away from the military anymore than she could walk away from her new family.

There was a time when she would have believed that love could conquer all. Somewhere along the line she'd lost that.

But she wanted so badly to believe in William again. She needed to believe in him again. It was all she had left of the old her.

Buffy leaned forward and kissed his lips softly. She felt him stir against her and he began to return the kiss. She pulled back before it could get too deep and smiled sadly at him.

"Did you get any sleep?" he whispered, his voice still rough with sleep.

Buffy nodded and snuggled deeper into his embrace. He kissed her temple softly and rubbed his hands up and down her back, entwining his legs with hers.

"Buffy?"

"Yeah?"

She felt him take a deep breath and pull her tighter to him. "Last night, when you asked me why I didn't come for you-"

"I know why, I'm sorry, I was just-"

"No... no, I should have. I should have just left, if I had loved you enough-"

She pulled back and covered his mouth with her hand. "Please don't apologize to me. If you do that... it will mean I'm just as guilty of Liam's death as you are for what they did to us."

She buried her face in his chest and let her first tears of the morning come.

"I'm sorry Buffy, God I'm so sorry."

"Shh... Will, just.. just..."

She brought her face up and allowed him to kiss her. It was soft and hesitant, their first real kiss since the air had been cleared. Their tongues met and the kiss grew in passion quickly.

William's hands trembled as he ran them up Buffy's sides up to her breasts. She moaned lightly at his first brief touch and he snaked them under her shirt to unclasp her bra and touched her for the first time in too long without any barrier between them.

"Oh, God, Will..."

He let his lips wander to her neck and sucked lightly at the pulse point as he gathered the hem of her shirt and pulled it up. They broke apart for a second as he removed her shirt and then allowed her to do the same to him.

Her nipples hardened painfully as they came into contact with his bare chest and they both groaned as he ground his erection between her thighs.

"I've missed you, this, so much," he whispered before kissing her again and taking her breath away.

They lost themselves in each other and didn't realize that someone had opened the door until they spoke.

"Interesting way to mourn him, Buffy."

Buffy's eyes shot open and she sat up suddenly, pulling the sheet up to cover her breasts, and dislodging William so quickly that he almost fell to the floor.

"Oh my God, Doyle?!"

The brunette looked grim as he regarded the two in the bed. "We're meeting downstairs. I guess I'll see you in a moment?"

Buffy's face flamed and she opened her mouth to explain but didn't know how. She just nodded and averted her eyes and he stepped out of the room.

The couple that remained were silent for a moment until Spike sighed and ran a hand through his hair before standing and grabbing his shirt.

"Liam's cousin?"

Buffy nodded and tried to blink back tears. "I've got to go, I'm sorr-"

Spike shook his head and pulled on his boots. "Don't worry about it. I'll go see about, Xander."

"Will, please-"

"I'll see you later, Buffy," he said curtly as he left the room.

Buffy buried her head in her hands for a moment before shaking her emotions off and got dressed.

***

"So we're not going to retaliate?"

"Don't you think that's what whoever's responsible wants us to do?" Willow asked. "We've got to find out who it was, specifically, and then maybe we can do something. Other than that, we wait."

Anya nodded and stood. "We all know that whenever something like this happens, if we go out and fight back right away with something large scale, we'll get the worst press. We're the bad guys in every scenario as far as the international, even the national community is concerned. We've got to lay low and try to let the police take care of this for now."

Gunn shook his head and walked out. Fred smiled apologetically. "He's still really upset, he knows what the right thing to do is, it just doesn't seem like enough right now."

Doyle, who had been silent throughout put a hand over hers and smiled back. "We're all hurting. Losing Liam is something that we'll never forget, but at a crucial time like this, when the peace process is heating up, we've got to keep our heads." He swallowed hard and pulled out flask, taking a swig before continuing. "I want to go out and find the bastards responsible. We won't be sure of which group until we get our contacts in or someone claims responsibility. After we find out, we'll go after individuals, and we'll do it quietly."

"What are we going to do with the two we've got?"

Buffy glanced at Doyle and found him staring back. "I'm not sure yet. I'll let you all know by tonight."

Willow and Tara looked for a moment at Buffy and tried to give her a reassuring smile. "For right now, I want Willow to go out and meet with some of our contacts in town, and Fred, you find out what the press have. Everyone else get some rest, we'll need to make some arrangements for Liam's burial later."

The group dispersed quietly, the sense of loss still hung heavy in the air. Only Anya, Doyle and Buffy remained.

"So what's the word about the prisoners?"

Buffy took a deep breath and looked up at the man she'd at one time considered as close an ally as Liam, and now there was so much pain separating them, it was no better than when he was away. "What you saw earlier-"

"None of my business. None of my concern really. I want to know why we have these two and what Liam's plans were."

"He was waiting for Buffy to decide," Anya said quietly. "And.. me as well, lately."

Doyle took another drink from his flask and sighed heavily. "Jesus Christ, not one but two sleeping with the enemy. This is priceless."

Buffy blushed and Anya chuckled. "You know he's the one that did this to me?" she said, gesturing to her eye patch.

Doyle stared at her for a moment. "Are you jokin'?"

She just shrugged. "Love's a funny thing."

"That what's going on here?"

Buffy looked unwilling to speak so Anya broke in. "I'm not sure about me, could be, but Buffy's got a much bigger story to tell."

Doyle's gaze shifted to her and she saw that it had softened some. "It's William, the man I thought was dead. There were some things done to keep us apart on the part of his superiors, we had no idea about each other, and now he's back."

"The plot thickens. And so you just said adios to Liam the second this asshole comes back?"

Buffy flinched at the coldness of his tone. "I wasn't sure about what I was going to do." She paused and looked back into his eyes. "Liam made the decision for me... This morning.. It was crazy, I just found out what had happened to Will and Liam was gone and I needed something to make things simpler for a moment."

Doyle was silent for a moment before he finally reached for Buffy and she went willingly into his arms. There were no words needed between them. Things would be ok, at least as far as they were concerned. Months before, she'd confided in Doyle the whole William story and how she didn't think she was able to really love. He knew how hard all of this was, and he knew that she was mourning Liam just as much as he was.

They remained together for a moment, silent tears coursing down their faces until they finally regained their composure. "What are you going to do, then?"

Buffy wiped her eyes and shook her head. "I don't have any idea. This is the worst mess I've ever been in. I can't give this up, he can't get away, and we're stuck. No matter what, our pasts are going to keep us apart, I can't live knowing he's out there and we're on opposite sides."

Doyle kept his arm around Buffy as he looked to Anya. "And you?"

"I don't want to kill him, I don't want to send him back. I want him to stay, but if he won't, I just want to let him go, but somewhere new, not back to the military."

Doyle thought for a moment before standing. "I'm going to make some calls. You two go get some rest. I'll come discuss this after I've figured out some more options."

Buffy stood and hugged him again, kissing his cheek. "Thank you for understanding."

He simply nodded and left, his pain too much for him at the moment.

***

"Will?"

Spike looked up from his cot and opened his arms when he saw Buffy standing there. "C'mere, pet."

She went, grateful that he seemed less angry now. "Are we ok?"

He nodded against her hair. "I'm sorry about earlier. Too much going through my head."

"Me too."

They lay together silently for a moment, enjoying the feel of each other without all the worry for a while.

"What do you want to do?"

"What do you mean?" he asked, propping his head up on his hand so that he could look down at her.

"Do you want to go back?"

"You think I could do that, knowing what they took from me?"

"What else can you do? You don't want to fight here."

He was quiet as he looked into her eyes. "No. I wish I could say that I believe in this just because you do, but I can't. This whole situation is insane. I don't want to have anything to do with either side."

Buffy swallowed hard and nodded. "What are we going to do?" she asked, tears forming for the hundredth time that day in her eyes.

William leaned down and kissed her before burying his face in her neck and holding her close as she cried for their doomed future.

***

Buffy walked into she and Liam's old bedroom and found Doyle and Anya already there.

"I think I've found something, but there are some choices. Are you both ready?"

Anya and Buffy exchanged a glance before nodding.

"First choice, you can try and convince them to stay."

"I can't ask Will to do that."

Doyle nodded, he'd suspected as much, and looked to Anya.

"That's a possibility. Xander and I have talked about it, what's the other choice?"

"Well, I talked with some people today. We can give them a new identity, or at least get rid of their records and give them altered ones. Problem is, we can only get them to one place safely, and then they're on their own as far as moving about goes."

Buffy's heart sank. She'd expected something like this, but she wanted to believe that there would be a way for William and she to be together without compromising anything. It was stupid, she knew it, but it was killing her.

"And there's more. I won't let them go back to England. They betray us and I'll kill them. I know you understand that that's not an idle threat."

They both nodded solemnly.

"But," he added reluctantly, "there is one more way for things to work out." He sighed. "I don't want to say this, but I believe in fate," he looked directly at Buffy then, "and there's a way, if you decide to do it, to send you with them."

Buffy stopped breathing. He couldn't be giving her that opportunity. How could she leave this, how could she leave William? It would be the most difficult and heartbreaking decision of her life. If she sent him away, it would be the end of them, for sure that time, and she would probably die sooner rather than later, but at least she would have died doing something for the greater good. But she would be without that part of herself that William held onto.

Doyle touched her hand and she looked up at him.

"Talk to him, Buffy, and let me know. But I've got to know by tonight."

He kissed her forehead lightly and led Anya out of the room. Buffy remained behind, unable to move.