Bittersweet by Madame
Summary: Buffy and Spike were a couple until Buffy did something unforgivable. Where do they go from here?
Categories: General Fics Characters: None
Genres: Romance, Angst
Warnings: Adult Language, Sexual Situations, Buffy/Other, Spike/Other
Challenges:
Series: None
Chapters: 1 Completed: Yes Word count: 2699 Read: 1662 Published: 09/22/2006 Updated: 09/22/2006

1. Bittersweet by Madame

Bittersweet by Madame
Author's Notes:
This was a subplot to one of my Faith/Angel stories, but it semed a shame not to share it with you.
Buffy groaned and sank further into the deep armchair she was sitting in, trying to hide as she noticed Spike and his latest slut of the week wandering into the coffee shop. "Faith you have about two seconds to get here!" she muttered under her breath, whilst glaring daggers at the blonde bimbo hanging onto Spike's arm.

She couldn't help it, it didn't matter how long they had been apart, Spike was hers and nothing would ever change that. She loved him and her heart broke in her chest every time she saw him with a random skank. Sure she had broken his heart in the worst possible way and managed to kill any feelings he had for her, but still she couldn't be rational while turning green with jealousy.

Spike glanced over and saw her in the seat. Smirking at her, he pulled the barely dressed blonde tighter to his side and headed towards the tills to order his drinks, leaving Buffy fuming in his wake. If looks could kill the poor blonde wouldn't have stood a chance.

Waiting for Faith to turn up Buffy remembered when he would never have looked at another woman, when he was hers and hers alone. Her face dropped and tears pricked the back of her eyes and she blinked harshly, forcing them back.

She had, had him and she had thrown it all away and now sitting there watching him with that skanky ho on his lap all she wanted to do was rip all her hair out and tell her to stay away from her Spike. Only problem was, he wasn’t hers anymore. There wasn’t any hope and she had finally realized that she loved him.

It had been in her first year of college when she had first met Spike and he had gone all out from their first meeting to get her. At first she had thought it had been a sex thing, but as the months had passed, she realized that no normal guy would put this much effort into just having sex, not when he was getting offers left and right.

He did get offers all the time and not just from skank-bags like Harmony Kendall. Normal pretty girls would come up to him and he would let them all down gently, always looking at her. They would get the hint, even though it wasn’t official yet, he was taken.

He had always been the most gorgeous man she had ever set eyes on, but that wasn’t the problem. He had been so cocky, so full of himself that she had turned him down again and again, until that night…

“Christ Summers, what’s a man got to do to convince you he’s alright?” He had spat at her as she rejected him once again. He ran his hands through his bleached blond hair, dislodging the gel and letting his hair settle into the cutest little curls.

She groaned. It wasn’t that she didn’t want to, just that she wasn’t good enough. Angel had made that perfectly clear when he had left her, she wasn’t worth sticking around for. “Spike, please can we not do this now?”

“Bloody hell, give a bloke an answer. What is it that makes you refuse to give me a chance?”

“Why can’t you just take no for an answer? Fuck! Do you like rejection?” She snapped back at him angry that he hadn’t let this drop.

He stalked towards her, a predatory look in his eye that made her squirm, pushing her up against a wall, pinning her with his body and causing her to gasp for breath as her body reacted to his closeness. She could feel the evidence of his arousal pressed against her stomach and God help her it felt good.

He spoke with a growl in his voice, making her shiver, “Do you think I like this?” he questioned her angrily. “You think that I like getting shot down every second? But I can’t stay away, I’m drowning in you Summers and God help me, I don’t want to be saved.”

He raised a hand to her face before realizing that he was going too far, He struggled to get himself back under control and stepped back. Looking into her eyes he didn’t know what to say, “I’m sorry. I didn’t…” He turned to leave. God he had fucked this up completely.

“Spike! Wait.”

He turned quickly looking at her questioningly and it was then that she saw it, a flash of fear? Hope? What was he looking for?

“Okay. You win, one date.” Had he meant it when he said he couldn’t stay away? Well she guessed she would find out.

And she had found out, she realized bringing herself back to the present. She had discovered that he was warm and loving and loyal to a fault. Her mother loved him and she had lost him. Looking across the coffee shop as she waited for Faith to show up, she wondered why she had reacted so badly to those three little words. Why when it was what every girl wanted to hear, was she petrified when he told her that he loved her?

This was what she wanted, she reminded herself angrily, and this was why you did it. Why you slept with Rileyl! It wasn't so much the sleeping with Riley that had ruined the relationship it was her cold and calculated plan to have Spike catch them in the act. Well, it had worked. Spike hated her and she still loved him, way to be miserable.

She hadn't trusted him, hadn't believed him when he told her that he loved her, told her that he wanted to marry her. All she had left were her memories and they were bittersweet. I guess you never really know what you've got until it's gone she thought with a deep sigh. As it wasn't until after she lost Spike that she realized how much she loved him and needed him. She had been scared and had panicked when Spike brought out the ring. They where at party held at a LA Hotel to celebrate the launch of his latest book. She had told him to meet her upstairs in their room in twenty minutes. It had given her just enough time to grab Riley and start fucking him, before Spike...

She closed her eyes as if she could block out the memory of Spike’s face as he walked into the room. She had killed him in that moment. He had loved her with every part of himself and she had thrown it all back at him in the cruelest way possible. She has no idea what made her do it. No explanation for her behavior and her and Spike were not the only ones to suffer for her actions.

Riley and Faith had been together at the time and Buffy's actions had broken up that relationship as well and worse, two weeks later Faith discovered that she was pregnant. It was strange but when all the dust settled and all the arguments faded to stony silence Faith and Buffy were best of friends.

She really has no idea how it happened, but she saw a heavily pregnant Faith struggling at the grocery store and went over to help. They ended up talking back at Faith's apartment and had been firm friends ever since.

"Speak of the Devil!" Buffy murmured as Faith pushed a buggy through the large doors, heading for their usual table. Nursing her coffee she watched as her friend wheeled the buggy round and stopped it beside her. Smiling at the sleeping baby, she greeted her friend.

"Hey B, sorry I'm late. I'll just go and get a drink and say hello to that strange brother of mine. I'll be back in a minute." Faith smiled back at Buffy before wandering over to speak to Spike.

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Yes, it was strange that that after being the cause of both her own heartache and that of her brother’s, Faith was now friends with Buffy. It was a source of many arguments between her and Spike, but Faith refused to back down. She liked Buffy and knew that she hadn’t meant to hurt anyone. She was just running scared from the one person she should never have to fear. She didn’t hold a grudge, her view point was that if Riley was going to cheat on her then it would have happened anyway. She was just happy that she and her little Jimmy were all right.

She worried about her brother’s choice in women since Buffy though. None lasted longer than a month and he didn’t give a shit about any of them. It had screwed him up pretty badly and the one thing the brunette kept in mind as she greeted her brother, and pointedly ignored the bit of trash on his arm, was that he had never stopped loving Buffy.

“Hey Sis.” Spike gave her a hug. He didn’t bother introducing the woman beside him, didn’t want to give the impression she mattered. “Dad wants to see you. How come you haven’t been to see him?”

“It’s that nutcase he married; she keeps trying to give me child care advice! She’s only a year older than us you know and has never had a child. Pisses me off! But I’ll try to get over there and say hello,” she added quickly seeing the determined glint in his eye.

Wanting to get away without any further nagging from him she gestured over to Buffy, “I’m just getting a drink and then me and Buffy are going to catch up. Wanna join us?” she asked mischievously.

“Don’t think so pet,” he responded quickly. “But I’ll come over and say hello to the little bit before I leave, don’t want him to forget his uncle.”

“Sure, see you later.” Faith sashayed over to the counter to order, a secretive smile on her face.

***************************************************************************************************************

Why not, Spike thought, I can see my nephew if I want. Doesn’t matter that she’s over there. Can’t run my life around her.

“Spiky…” the blonde started, unhappy that she had lost his attention.

“Pet, I’m sorry; I’ve got things to do. Beat it.” Spike had made his decision and he wanted to rid himself of any distractions.

“What?” She huffed, nobody ever told her to leave.

“Look I’m busy and to be honest you’re not worth the effort.” He was blunt and finally the woman turned on her heel and left clearly very upset.

Dismissing that mistake from his mind, he looked into his coffee cup considering what he was going to do. Buffy was over there and he had an invite to join them. He really wasn’t sure how she felt about him. What she had done had torn his heart out of his chest, but really he had never stopped loving her. He had hated her for a very long time, but at the end of the day, she was still all he thought about, still all he wanted.

Fuck! He thought you are one sad bastard! How clear does a girl have to make it that she doesn’t want to be with you? Because honestly, reacting to your proposal by fucking your sister’s boyfriend is about as far as you can get from a declaration of love.

He remembers that night as if it were yesterday. His excitement that Buffy wanted to respond to his proposal privately had visions of very few clothes and possibly a long sex celebration. Boy was he the dumbest fuck in the world. He had opened the door to see Buffy, his Buffy, withering about underneath the great poof. He couldn’t believe his eyes and stood staring at the two of them until Buffy looked over Riley’s shoulder and into his eyes. It was what he saw there that had broken his heart. She had set it all up. Why hadn’t she just told him it was over? Why did she feel this sadistic need to rub it in his face?

So yeah, as much as he loved Buffy, she had thrown it back in his face and made him impossibly miserable. Taking a risk on her would be like walking into a tiger’s cage, a very hungry tiger’s cage. But then she hadn’t been with anyone else, she hadn’t moved on and neither had he.

He wasn’t stupid; he’s seen the way she looked at him, with that wistful melancholy look on her face and the way she looked at his girlfriends. He chuckled lightly, if looks could kill. Trust though, that was another matter, that and forgiveness, that would take longer and it may never come. At the very least though, maybe they could talk and get some closure.

None of that would ever come if he didn’t speak to her though and unlike the woman he had just sent packing, he knew that Buffy was worth the effort.

***************************************************************************************************************

Buffy’s heart had soared when she saw the argument between Spike and the blonde, and she had been unable to stop herself from smiling when the woman left alone.

“What’s cheered you up B?” Faith asked, before noticing that Spike was now sitting alone. “Oh! Good, got rid of that one,” she smiled, “I asked him to join us.”

“You what!” Buffy exclaimed, feeling her palms get sweaty and her heart beat become erratic. Please don’t let him come over here; she prayed desperately, I couldn’t bear it, to be so close and yet…

“B, he’s my brother and you are going to have to deal with him sometime.”

“He hates me.” She pouted, staring at the object of their discussion, who appeared to be staring into his coffee cup.

“He should. But I don’t think he does. Don’t you think you owe him an explanation though?” Faith was sharp with her words. “If he has the guts to come over here and talk to you after what you put him through, he deserves a little something back don’t you think?”

Buffy was shamefaced. “I know.” Tears glittered in her hazel eyes as she looked at her friend. “I’m so ashamed. I…”

“I know, dry your eyes, he’s coming over.”

Spike had evidently made his decision and he came over and kissed his sister and nephew before taking a seat across from Buffy. She looked at him fearfully before making the first move. “Hi Spike”

“Buffy” he nodded at her, unsure of exactly what to do, how to play this. She shivered as she heard her name fall from his lips. God she had missed him but she was scared.

Faith decided to take the initiative and spoke, “Jimmy’s asleep Spike and I’ve got shopping to do. Why don’t you come round later to see him. I’ve got to go.” She stood, not giving the pair at the table a chance to object. “I’ll see you both later.”

They both watched Faith’s departure with dismay, before turning to each other.

“So,” they said in unison, before laughing at the ridiculousness of the situation.

“Spike...” Buffy started her voice barely audible, “I owe you an apology and an explanation.”

“Yes,” he replied looking into her eyes, “I think maybe you do.”

She shifted uncomfortably, “Do you think we could do this somewhere else?” she asked, not wanting to bare her soul in public.

Taking pity on her, Spike agreed and they walked out of the coffee shop unsure of what the future held, but both willing, finally, to talk things out and maybe, just maybe life would be easier for them from here on out.
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