Something Sad and Blue

”Spike lips! Lips of Spike!” Buffy wiped her mouth in disgust. She was horrified by the thought that she’d not only spent the better part of the day locking lips with her mortal enemy, but that she had been totally, completely, and undeniably head over heels in love with the bleached menace. She expected the insults to start flying any second.

Casting a surreptitious glance in the direction of the unnaturally quiet blond, Buffy was stunned to see him standing quietly, his head down and his posture screaming submission. It looked to her like the vampire was shaking.

Dismissing the bizarre behaviour as being brought on by his own disgust at being magically forced to love someone he hated, Buffy was momentarily concerned that he’d have a reaction similar to the one that Angelus had when he’d been forced to feel love for his mortal enemy. She shrugged away her concerns when she reminded herself that Spike had a chip. ‘What can he do? It’s not like he can hurt us anymore.’

Grabbing the shaking vampire by the arm, Buffy snapped her orders out to the rest of the group. “We need to get back to Giles’.”

Even though Spike gave her no resistance, she roughly pushed him into motion. She wasn’t about to admit that the shaking and his failure to say anything was completely wigging her out and that was causing her to be even harsher in her treatment of him that usual. Her anticipation for the meltdown that she was expecting increasing the longer he remained silent. She didn’t care if he blew up; she just hated waiting for his explosion. Why should she care that the idiot wasn’t acting like his normal, annoying self?

It was a subdued group that re-entered the watcher’s apartment. However, the Slayer was slowly getting majorly pissed at the unresponsive blond at her side. She hated the anticipation. She hated knowing that there was a mother of all verbal sparing sessions coming. Actually, truth be told, she was looking forward to the actual fighting bit because Spike was really good at it and he was the only vampire that had ever really challenged her verbally. What she really hated was the waiting. It was times like this that made her totally get why Spike had been unable to wait for St. Virtuous day, or whatever that damn thing had been called.

Buffy was shocked when the bleached blond walked quietly over to the dining room chair he had been tied to earlier, picked up the ropes from the floor and sat with the bindings in his lap, clearly waiting to be secured again.

Xander wasted no time. Moving swiftly to the vampire, he snatched up the ties and cruelly tied them as tightly as he could, snarling out his vitriolic words. “I hope you enjoyed your little jaunt of freedom, fangless. It won’t be happening again. Maybe we should just stake you now for even thinking that you could touch Buffy.”

Spike didn’t even acknowledge that the boy had spoken, just kept his head submissively lowered.

Angered that his spiteful words had received no reaction from the incarcerated and usually combative vampire, Xander poked him in the side as he asked his question, “You in there, blood breath?”

Spike grimaced in pain as the vicious brunette touched an injury.

Happy to get a reaction, Xander maliciously poked him again. And again.

Giles was horrified by the vindictive nature of the brunette. Watching Xander behave in such a manner was definitely unsettling and caused the watcher to re-evaluate his own treatment of the defenceless vampire. He didn’t like what he found. However, before he had a chance to intervene, someone else stepped in.

“Alexander Harris, you stop that right now!” Anya firmly ordered her boyfriend as she grabbed his arm and pulled him away from the bound blond. “I thought the good guys weren’t meant to be mean and cruel?”

Before Xander could protest, Giles stepped in. Moving cautiously to the vampire’s side, he placed a gentle hand on Spike’s shoulder. “Spike, are you hurt?”

“One of the demons that tried to attack Miss Summers was a Lyaliac demon. When I intervened, he managed to scratch me with his claws,” the vampire stated quietly, still not raising his head. They couldn’t help but notice that his voice was cultured and refined, his manner meek.

Something was very wrong here.

Anya’s sharp intake of breath was the only indication of just how wrong things really were.

“May I see the wound, Spike?” Giles continued to speak to him in quiet tones, unconcerned with anyone else in the room at present. At the vampire’s nod of accedence, the watcher carefully lifted the captive’s t-shirt.

The wound was red and ragged, and a cloudy pus seeped from the edges. “We’ll need to clean this, Spike,” Giles calmly informed the pliant vampire. Casting a quick glace over his shoulder at his slayer, the watcher gave his order. “Buffy, please get my first aid kit from the bathroom.” While his words were polite, his tone brooked no argument, and Buffy moved quickly to follow his instructions.

“Willow.” Giles looked to the witch. “There’s some blood in the refrigerator, please heat it.”

Anya walked to the bookcase and quickly found the book she wanted. Removing the heavy tome she moved to place it on the dining table and opened it to the index page. Scanning the page till she found what she was looking for, she identified the section she needed and turned to it.

Buffy returned from the bathroom with the requested first aid kit and wordlessly kneeled at the vampire’s side to begin cleaning his wound. His whispered words shocked her. “Please milady, this is beneath you. If you would untie me I can attend to the wound myself.”

“You got this wound protecting me; let me do this for you?” Buffy asked just as quietly.

The gentle tone the vampire was using was having a strange effect on the normally abrupt slayer. Buffy was feeling a little protective towards this new side of the vampire she thought she knew and for some reason it wasn’t freaking her out.

“Here you go, Spike.” Willow held out a mug to the restrained vampire. She was really glad that whatever it was that was going on with Spike, it had taken the spotlight off her little mistake with the spell. With a little bit of luck, the mystery of the mope-y vampire could keep everybody distracted.

His quiet ‘thank you’ brought Willow out of her reverie and she smiled at his bowed head.

“It says here that the claws of a Lyaliac demon have a specific effect on a vampire,” Anya informed the group. “The rest of the information is incorrect. I swear, I don’t know how you people do your jobs when you have to rely on the rubbish in these Council approved books,” she sniped in disgust.

Giles looked over at the ex-demon, seeing her in a new light. He had never before considered that his books might be less than completely accurate. His animosity towards the Council grew with each new insight he discovered. He didn’t doubt Anya’s knowledge for a minute. First-hand knowledge was supposed to be the source of these books as it was, if a thousand year old former vengeance demon said they were inaccurate, then he was willing to bet that she was right.

“Are there source materials you can suggest, or are you knowledgeable enough on the subject yourself?” Giles asked her.

“I can give you the basics, but we really need Bozniac’s Guide to Demons,” she told him. “I can probably show Willow where to look for it online.”

“Excellent. Willow?” Giles indicated that he wanted the redhead to work with the ex-demon.

“I can give you a list of more accurate books if you want, Giles,” Anya tentatively offered as the young witch grabbed her laptop and moved to join Anya at the dining table.

Giles smiled at the girl in appreciation.

Turning back to his slayer, Giles made a suggestion, “Maybe we should untie him. He’ll be more comfortable on the couch.”

Buffy nodded in agreement. As she moved to loosen the tight bindings, Xander made his presence felt.

“What the hell are you doing?” he yelled at Buffy. “He’s a filthy, disgusting vampire. Who cares if he’s comfortable?”

Buffy pursed her lips in irritation when Xander’s words started the calming vampire to begin shaking again.

Giles glared at the brunette. “Don’t presume to make decisions relating to the guests in my home, young man.”

“Guest?” Xander exploded angrily. “He’s a vampire! Am I the only one having a problem with this?”

“Well, you’re the only one shouting about it,” Anya muttered angrily. She was truly sick to death of Xander’s need for superiority. She was still having so much trouble fitting in with humans again, but she honestly didn’t remember it being necessary to settle for someone who was only with you because they couldn’t be with the person they wanted. She was sure she remembered there being more choice than that. Maybe if she could get Giles alone she could ask him.

“Please, I don’t wish to be the cause of any discontent. I am quiet comfortable here,” Spike spoke with quiet dignity.

“Okay, this is getting totally wiggy. Anya, tell us what you know,” Buffy demanded, getting more fretful by the minute.

“The claws of a Lyaliac demon contain venom that is fatal to most vampires. It kills their demons. There are only two vampires that I know of that might have the ability to survive, and one more that is a possibility. All three are of the Aurelian line. Angel, Spike, and one other. Lawson, I think his name is.” Anya firmly stated.

“What makes those three different?” Giles was intrigued enough to ask.

“Their souls,” Anya told them, totally unprepared for the reaction that followed.

“What?” Buffy stood and looked at the ex-demon in shock.

“But I thought Angel was the only vampire with a soul?” Willow asked, confused.

Giles looked at the young woman intently. “Anya, it might be best if you further explained that statement.”

“You mean about the souls and how they got them, don’t you?” she confirmed.

“Yes, dear,” Giles assured her.

She shrugged in compliance and began to speak, “Well Angel is the one that I suggested as a possibility. That’s because his is a curse. It might be enough to save him, but I’m not sure. Both Spike and um…Lawson were turned with their souls intact. Spike because Drusilla was insane and Lawson because he was turned by Angel. It happened that way because Angel had his soul when he turned Lawson.”

Buffy just stared at Anya as she tried to get her mind around what the girl had just told them. “Anya, I need to know how you know this.”

“You mean other than the fact that I can see them?” Anya asked innocently.

“You can see souls?” Giles asked, stunned.

“Of course,” Anya was surprised the watcher didn’t know this. “You only broke my amulet, Giles. Yes, I’m stuck in human form, but I still have abilities that weren’t encompassed by the necklace.”

“What sort of abilities?” the curious watcher asked.

“I can see souls and humanity. I have heightened senses and I have all the magical abilities I had as the human that I once was,” she cautiously told the watcher. Her caution was caused by the look of horror on Xander’s face.

“You told me you were a human,” Xander accused.

Anya looked at him coldly. “I am human, Xander.”

“You’ve got demon abilities,” he spat out angrily.

“So has Buffy,” Anya flatly replied. “You told me that the reason you couldn’t be with Buffy had nothing to do with her abilities…”

“That’s enough, Anya,” Xander hastily interrupted the ex-demon. But the damage had been done.

Buffy faced the red faced young man, her expression cold. “Xander, you and I are going to have a little conversation about reality in the face of hyena possessed rape attempts, but for now we have something more important to deal with than your delusions.” Turning back to Anya and effectively dismissing the brunette, Buffy asked, “Tell us what else you know about these souls.”

“Okay, Buffy.” Anya was beginning to understand that she had something to offer the group. Maybe it wasn’t the way Xander said it was. Maybe the others really did like her and she could be accepted on her own. “Angel was cursed with a soul that would subject his demon to massive amounts of guilt. Now, I could be wrong on this, but I think the soul that was used was his human father’s soul. Spike was turned with his own soul intact. From what I’ve heard, Drusilla wasn’t allowed to turn anybody and the only reason Angelus let her that night was because he wanted William too. Angelus, Darla, and Drusilla raped and tortured him for twenty years, and his soul retreated into itself for protection.

“Lawson was different, also. He was turned sometime during the war in the forties by Angel. He kept his soul because he was turned by a vampire with a soul,” Anya informed them.

“If I’m remembering correctly, the venom kills the demon that’s animating the body. But the soul can protect the demon until he can be given the antidote. I won’t be easy, but it is possible. Oh, and at the moment you’re dealing with William rather than Spike.”

“Do you know what the cure is, Anya?” Giles asked quietly.

“No, I’m sorry, I don’t remember,” Anya replied. “But we’ve found the book with that information and ordered it. It shouldn’t take too long to get here.”

Buffy was reeling from what she had learned; it was going to take her some time to process it all. Turning to the silent vampire Buffy got down on her knees in front of him. Reaching up a hand to his chin, she lifted it so that she could look him in the eye. “Why didn’t you tell us you were William?” she asked gently.

“I apologise, Miss Summers. I was unsure of what to tell you,” William shyly told her.

“Well why don’t you start by calling me Buffy and we can move on from there.”

William’s Tale

Anya moved to Spike’s side. “Can you contact Spike, William?”

“He is very weak but he is still paying attention to what we are saying.” Giving a slightly self-deprecating smile, William made a suggestion, “I believe he is a tad concerned with what I might say.”

“Does Spike know the cure?” Buffy asked urgently. She needed to get Spike back. William was seriously messing with her mind. If she could get back the irritating pain in her butt, maybe she wouldn’t have to think about the whole Angel turned someone when he had a soul deal. Or the Spike has a soul, but it’s been in hiding after existing through twenty years of Angelus abuse and ewww…did she say that Angelus wanted him too?

William shook his head apologetically. “No, I’m sorry, Miss Buffy, but all he knows is that the cure is not blood.” Looking down at the untouched mug in his hands, he shyly admitted his predicament, “I appreciate Miss Rosenberg’s efforts, but I can’t drink this, I’m sorry.”

“Blood can’t help? What about Slayer’s blood?” Buffy asked, shocked into speaking before thinking of all the ramifications her questions might incur.

“Blood is not the cure, regardless of where it comes from, Miss Summers.” William firmly informed the young woman. His use of her surname was deliberate. As far as William was concerned, even if slayer’s blood had been the cure, he would not drink. He was shocked that she had even broached the subject. Very unbecoming.

“But I thought Slayer blood was like the miracle cure all for vampires?” Buffy asked confused.

“In normal circumstances it would be. However, Lyaliac demons in this dimension are far from normal,” William quietly informed her.

“I would like to know what you know about them and your…er…unusual predicament. Is there something I can get you before we discuss the situation, William?” Giles asked calmly, reaching for the untouched cup of blood. He refused to believe that his slayer seemed to be offering her blood to a vampire.

“Would a cup of tea be too much trouble?” William asked shyly as he relinquished his hold on the cup.

“Not at all,” the ever correct Englishman replied as he moved towards the kitchenette.

As Giles prepared the tea, the occupants in the living room sat silently, all lost in there own private musings.

Anya knew there was something she was forgetting. She tried desperately to call forward all her memories on the type of demon that had slashed the vampire. She kept glancing at William, hoping that she would notice something that would trigger the knowledge that she knew was tantalizingly out of reach of her normally agile mind.

Willow was thankful that whatever was up with the not-so-scary vampire had succeeded in taking the limelight away from her. The longer everyone stayed focused on him, the longer she had to come up with a good reason for doing the spell. She didn’t think they would be too sympathetic about the truth. ‘It’s not my fault they don’t understand what sort of pain I’m in,’ she thought petulantly. She was convinced that no one before her had experienced the depth of pain that she was going through.

Xander fumed. While he was angry that Buffy hadn’t staked the bleached menace, he was far more incensed that Spike had gotten further with Buffy than he ever had. He was also furious that not only had Anya not told him that was she still part demon, but then she had to go an open her big mouth about what he’d said about the blond slayer. Now he was going to have to do a whole lot of fancy explaining for something he never wanted Buffy to know. It wasn’t fair. He liked his fantasy life. Now, because of his girlfriend- who might still be a demon- and her lack of ability to keep her big mouth shut, he might have to let go of a long cherished dream and that was something he had no intention of doing without a fight.

Buffy couldn’t get over the information from Anya. She tried. She really did. It didn’t matter how she twisted or turned it, it was freaking her out. What else had Angel kept from her? How badly had she been betrayed by the council? Did Giles know? She knew it wasn’t reasonable, but she so wanted everything to be Spike’s fault.

As Giles prepared the tea, he let his mind drift to the ridiculous descriptions his books gave of William the Bloody prior to his turning. The William he was meeting now was a far cry from the ruffian highwayman that was depicted in the supposedly well researched tomes. This William was far closer to the way Giles had always suspected he had been. The council didn’t seem to be aware that there were ways other than their books to study subjects of interest. Giles would never have admitted it to the group in his living room, but the Slayer of Slayers was someone he had a great deal of interest in.

Once the tea was served and Giles was seated comfortably, he turned to Anya and asked her to elaborate on what she had said earlier about the three vampires with souls.

“I know the least about Lawson, so I’ll start with him,” Anya told them, decisively.

“This is just what I’ve heard through the demon grapevine, but that’s usually fairly accurate,” she warned them. “Lawson was a sailor on a submarine during WWII. Angel was on the submarine too. I don’t know why, but Angel turned him. All I know is that there was some reason and it had something to do with the American Government. Spike could tell you more about it. He was there, too. I know that Angel’s soul was in place and it’s common knowledge that souled beings create souled beings, so that’s why Lawson kept his soul.”

Turning to the reticent blond, Giles asked, “Can you give us anymore information about this, William?”

“I wish that I could. But the demon is most insistent that I say nothing that will cause Miss Summers any emotional pain,” William replied sadly.

“What? Wait…the demon doesn’t want to cause me pain?” Buffy asked incredulously. She wondered briefly if she had been sucked accidentally into an alternate reality, because the idea that Spike didn’t want to cause her pain was sooo not happening.

“I have tried to explain to him that his feelings for you are inappropriate, but unfortunately he can be rather stubborn.” William suddenly cringed and moved a shaking hand to his head. “My apologies, it appears that the demon did not wish Miss Summers to know that he is in love with her.”

Giles tried to solve the evolving problem. “Surely he realises that the emotions he thinks he is feeling are a result of the spell that Willow did?”

“Mr Giles, Spike is a combination of the demon and I. I am William. Because I exist, the demon has learned how to feel all the emotions that humans feel. He doesn’t think he is feeling love, he knows he is. Miss Rosenberg suggested marriage in her spell, not love. Surely you’re aware that the two are not mutually inclusive,” William quietly informed the watcher.

“So you’re saying that it’s only the demon part of Spike that love’s Buffy? You don’t love her?” Willow asked quickly, trying to move the conversation away from the subject of spells.

“Perhaps this is a subject for a later time,” Giles intervened, decisively. The pain on the features of the blond vampire had urged him to take back control of the conversation. “Anya, I believe you had more to tell us?”

Anya nodded before continuing. “William was turned by Drusilla. Because she was driven insane by Angelus before she was turned, her humanity and soul were forced to remain. She’s considered totally innocent, but unless she’s dusted she’s never going to be free of the curse Angelus has inflicted on her. Her soul is trapped inside the insane mind of a monster. Angelus knew that she still had her soul because vampires can smell them. He ordered her to never sire a childe and Drusilla was incapable of defying his order. When they came across William, Angelus let Drusilla turn him.

“Angelus wanted to break him. He wanted William to be as dependent on him as Drusilla was. According to the grapevine, if Angelus hadn’t been cursed he was planning on dusting William because after twenty years of rape and torture, he still hadn’t managed to break William and Angelus was beginning to look like a joke.” After this revelation, Anya paused. She still had to tell them about Angel, but they all looked like they needed a minute to digest the information about William.

“You all know that Angel was cursed, but the fact that the soul he was cursed with wasn’t his original soul is something that not many people know about. I only know what I know because I saw it when I saw him at the prom. The soul is older than he is, but it’s definitely related. That’s why I assumed it was his father’s. There was never any question about who Angelus had been in life. Liam O’Conner was a selfish bastard who was lucky he was turned when he was. The vengeance spells that he would have faced had he lived wouldn’t have been pretty. His father was an unloving and pious man who thought he had the right to sit in judgement of everyone around him. I wouldn’t be surprised to find out that his soul being used for Angelus’ curse was deliberate,” Anya pronounced her judgement.

“Who cares?” Xander shouted as he stood. “What does all this matter? He’s a vampire!”

“Not anymore he isn’t,” Anya yelled back. ‘That’s it’, she thought. That was what she’d forgotten. Forgetting her anger at the blustering brunette, and excitedly turned back to Giles and Buffy. “The Lyaliac demon is closely related to the Mohra demon in that both return mortality to a vampire. So William is actually a human with a dangerously ill demon. He has a soul and a heartbeat.”

Buffy’s eyes widened comically.

Willow tried to make herself as small as possible she so didn’t want to be blamed for this by Xander.

Giles removed his glasses to clean them, his mind racing.

“He'll still dust if we stake him, though, won't he?” Xander pleaded with Anya.

“No Xander. He wouldn’t dust. He would bleed and probably die,” she replied flatly.

“So we cure him, turn him back into a vampire, and then dust him,” the brunette suggested desperately.

“Well, obviously I didn’t make myself clear. He won’t ever be a vampire again, Xander. He will either be a human with a dead demon or a human with a live demon. The loss of the demon could turn him insane. Cured, he will have all the abilities of the demon with the exception of needing blood to survive. As a human, William was a good man. If he joined your team, Buffy would have a powerful ally,” Anya bluntly explained.

William, who had remained stoically silent during Anya’s unveiling of some of his darkest and most shameful secrets, suddenly wavered and dropped to his knees. He grasped his head between both hands, his expression one of intense, agonizing pain. With a superhuman effort, he turned his head to the slayer and gasped out, “Buffy, pet, I’m sorry.”

Buffy knew with absolute certainty that it was Spike who was speaking to her now. “Talk to me, Spike,” she urged the sweating blonde, her hands moving of their own volition to stroke his shivering back.

“Peaches is on his way, luv. He’s gonna try and take me out.” Spike groaned as he collapsed the rest of the way to the floor.

“Excellent!” Xander chortled gleefully.

“Xander!” yelled every female in the room.

“Get out, Xander,” Ripper snarled at the unrepentant boy.

“What?” Xander responded, his eyes bugging out in shock. “You’re picking the walking dead over me?”

“Listen carefully you insufferable little prat. I will no longer allow you to sully the Slayer’s calling by using it for your personal vendetta’s and bully boy tactics. We both know that the only reason you help at all is because you have some misguided belief that one day Buffy will come to her senses and realise that it is you that she wants. Personally, I would prefer that Buffy date an unchipped William the Bloody than you any day. Thankfully, she is smart enough not to have any interest in you at all.” Ripper repeated his earlier order, “Now, get out of my home.”

Xander glared at the watcher with seething hatred. Turning abruptly towards the unconscious blond on the floor, he swung his foot back in preparation to kick. He stumbled slightly when Buffy moved swiftly in front of Spike.

“Guess that hyena spirit was just showing us what was already there, huh, Xan?” the slayer asked rhetorically, her voice hard.

Stomping angrily towards the front door, Xander didn’t even glance at Anya as he ordered her to leave with him.

“William needs my help. I’m staying.” Her determination was unwavering in the strength of the venomous look he shot at her.

Xander didn’t say a word as he left, slamming the door behind him.

Nothing was said as Buffy and Giles moved Spike back on the couch.

Willow fought back tears as she watched. She knew deep down that this was all her fault and felt an overwhelming sense of guilt. She had to fix this.

She just had to.

Is that an Angel at the door?

After ensuring that William was as comfortable as possible, Giles moved to his bookcase and retrieved the tome he wanted before turning to Buffy. “I’m going to perform a disinvite spell. I’ll not allow Angel to harm William.”

He had not spoken harshly, but with an authority and determination that Buffy hadn’t heard him use in a long time. While she might be of the opinion that Angel would never harm a human, regardless of what Spike had said, she certainly respected Giles’ right to make decisions regarding his own apartment.

“It’s your home,” Buffy assured him.

“Oooh, I can help. Let me do it, Giles,” Willow gushed excitedly, completely forgetting that her magic was responsible for their mess of a day and that she was trying to keep a low profile.

“I think not, Willow,” Giles said stiffly before turning to a trunk next to the bookcase to retrieve what he needed to complete the spell.

Once the watcher had turned away, a humiliated Willow hastily said her goodnights to the group. She desperately wanted to get back to her dorm room to think things through. She so didn’t want to have to put up with any more of Giles’ disapproval.

Anya waited for Willow to leave before marching purposely over to the bookcase and searching the titles till she found the one she wanted. Flicking through the pages, she looked for the spell she knew was there. It had been a long time since she’d used it- over eleven hundred years- so it was understandable that she might need to refresh her memory.

After reading over the spell, she looked in Giles’ trunk and was pleased to see that he had all of the item’s she would need. It wasn’t a complicated spell, but then; she wasn’t a complicated girl, so that worked out nicely.

She was setting up the spell when Giles cleared his throat. Anya was slightly annoyed at being interrupted. Didn’t they realise she was doing all of this for them and that she was on a time table? “You can damage your throat that way, Giles. I need to get this done. What do you want?” she asked bluntly.

“What is it that you’re doing, Anya?” Giles calmly inquired.

“Protection spell,” she informed him succinctly, turning back to her preparations.

“I see, and exactly what is it that you’re protecting, Anya?” Giles patiently forged ahead.

Anya stared at the man in disbelief. He couldn’t be serious. “You do know that she’s rushing back to her dorm room to look for a spell to ‘fix’ this situation, don’t you? I have no intention of letting her cause William or any of the rest of us more harm. This spell is simply protection against magic directed at anyone here.” Pointing to the Quartz crystal, she continued. “The crystal will focus the protection on just us and will warn us when a spell is preformed.”

“How did you know about that spell?” the shocked watcher asked, his mind reeling. He’d watched her go directly to the correct book. She hadn’t needed to search at all.

“I know where all my spells are recorded,” she shrugged indifferently as she continued to work.

“Your spells?” Giles queried, flabbergasted.

“Giles,” she said, condescendingly. “These spells didn’t write themselves.” Turning her back on the group, Anya went back to work. “Now, let me finish this before she turns us all into newts or something equally abominable. Then I can answer all your silly questions.”

Buffy didn’t say a word. She knew what Anya was doing and while she would never admit it out loud, she suspected that the ex-demon had a better than average chance of being right. Willow probably was looking for some sort of spell to fix this.

A soft moan from the couch alerted Buffy to William’s waking state. As his eye’s fluttered open, she smiled at him. “We need to be quiet, Anya’s doing a spell,” she whispered. His shy nod told her that William was back in control.

It didn’t take the ex-demon long to complete the spell. Picking up the fully charged crystal, she moved to the coffee table and placed it in the centre. Making herself comfortable in the second armchair, she smiled perkily and waited for the questions she knew would come.

Giles looked at the girl that sat patiently waiting for him to speak. He didn’t know where to start. To say he was stunned about her revelations would have been a gross understatement.

“Anya,” he said helplessly. “You have completely astounded me. There is so much…the spell, you said it was yours? You wrote it?”

“That’s what we did when I was human the first time, Giles. There wasn’t the access to already written spells that there is today, so if we wanted to perform a spell, we had to create it. It’s a lost art,” she replied, nodding sagely at her own wisdom.

“How does it work?” Buffy asked curiously, indicating the pulsating crystal.

“The pink edges tell us that there is a residual effect lingering because of Willow’s earlier spell. If another spell is cast, the crystal will turn red as a warning to us, but the spell won’t actually be able to affect anyone in this room.” Anya happily explained. She couldn’t believe that they were still being nice to her now that Xander had gone.

“Thank you, Anya. I shudder to think what could have happened had you not intervened.” Giles smiled at her. “Can you tell us how long it will last?”

Anya shrugged. “If I recharge it every two days, it could last indefinitely.” She would certainly have the time. As angry as Xander had been when he’d left her here, she had a suspicion that her support of William was going to have a serious dampening effect on any future orgasms with the brunette construction worker.

“Wow! Go you,” Buffy grinned happily at the other girl. After the particularly unsettling day she’d had, the idea that she could be protected from magical attacks was certainly something she appreciated.

Turning her attention back to William, she saw that he had moved to a sitting position. She joined him on the couch. “William, can I ask you some questions?” Buffy quietly queried.

“I will endeavour to answer your questions, miss.” William nodded in acquiescence.

“You said that Spike, or the demon, could hear me right?” Buffy started cautiously.

“Yes, Miss Buffy.”

“And you can hear his answers, right?”

William nodded again, his curiosity piqued.

“I need him to understand that the questions I want to ask are so I can understand things better. I can be hurt more by not knowing and understanding than I can by knowing the truth. I need him to allow you to answer me. If I find out now, surrounded by understanding people, it will be easier on me than finding out later and being shocked. Spike should know me well enough to know that I don’t react well to surprises,” she said in an attempt to make the demon understand that by protecting her feelings, he was potentially causing her more harm than good.

William seemed to argue internally for a few moments. The demon was finally persuaded, against his better judgement. Looking at Buffy with relief in his eyes, William informed her that the demon had agreed.

Buffy looked at her hands, trying to work out what she wanted to know first. When she finally decided, she looked up at the ex-vampire and asked her question, “I thought demons hated emotions like love?”

The demon cringed. He knew that she was not going to like the answer and he hated the thought that he might be responsible for making her eyes lose their fire. But he had agreed and he was a man of his word.

“Are you talking about demons in general or just vampire demons, Buffy” Anya asked her to clarify.

“Um…there’s a difference?” Buffy asked, confused.

“Oh, yes. Demons in general feel all the same emotions as humans. They mate for eternity when they find true love. Like humans, some are evil, some are good, some are violent and some aren’t,” Anya hastily assured the shocked Slayer and Watcher. “Vampires are half-breeds. They develop into the type of vampire they will be by the influence of the human they were before their turning and the family they are turned by.”

“But Angel and Spike were turned by the same family. Why are they so different from each other?” Buffy still didn’t understand.

“That’s because of the difference between Liam and William. The humans they were influenced their demons differently,” Anya clarified. “William taught his demon love, honour, and loyalty, while Liam showed his selfishness, ego, and dishonesty.” The ex-demon spoke with her characteristic bluntness. “William could probably give you a better comparison, having spent so much time around the both of them”

Buffy, Giles and Anya all turned to the silent blonde. It was time for William to take centre stage. Both he and his demon were in agreement that this was the best possible way to introduce them to the true Spike and the true Angel. William believed absolutely that warriors for the Powers of Good would not place him second to Angel if the truth were known.

William allowed himself to hope. All he needed now was a place to start. Clearly uncomfortable at being the centre of attention, William started slowly but soon lost himself in his tale.

“I was a good man; a poet and a scholar. I adored my mother, sister and one other woman. I was lonely and faced much ridicule from my peers, because I have always felt things strongly. The other woman that I loved rejected my attentions and my reaction was something that I deeply regret. It happened at a party, you see. I was more than a little distraught when I left, and it was in this state that Drusilla found me and I allowed myself to be turned.” William’s breath hitched as he remembered his painful past.

“I was a fool. At first it felt marvellous. I was the same with the exception of being strong and I was no longer required to endure the bullying tactics of my peers. Drusilla was captivating. Not surprisingly, she was the first woman I was intimate with.” He took a deep breath in an effort to calm himself. Speaking of the events that had forced him into hiding in the first place would be a harrowing experience.

“The actual details are for only me to know. Suffice to say I was raped and tortured mentally and physically for twenty years. It was only through the intervention of my demon that we survived with our sanity intact. I was unable to cope, but the demon protected me. He developed a façade- a personality, if you will- designed to encourage a certain wariness in others. The person that you know as Spike is a character developed by the demon. The real Spike is a combination of the demon and I. He is quite a bit more refined than the er…‘big bad’ that he pretends to be.” William lightly chucked at the posturing he remembered seeing Spike come up with. Sometimes the act was far more entertaining than the audience.

“And Angel?” Buffy asked, in a small voice.

“I never knew Liam, but if even half the stories Angelus told were true, he was not a gentleman. The Angelus that I knew could be considered benevolent in comparison to the Angelus that you knew here in Sunnydale. The Angelus that I knew would never have attempted to destroy the world. He much preferred to do it on a more personal level,” William pursed his lips in disapproval. Having been a victim of psychological torture, he had more than a little disdain towards individuals who practiced the ‘art’.

“The main difference that I noticed between Angel and Angelus was that other than drinking animal or human blood from Willy’s, Angel was far more subtle in his manipulations. He was still cryptic rather than straight forward. He still did all he could to stay out of a fight where the outcome was not completely in his favour, and he rarely used his own money. He still managed to make others take responsibility for his mistakes. He will not admit fault with or without the soul.”

Turning to Buffy, William spoke earnestly. “I don’t mean to hurt you, Miss Buffy, but Angel had one hundred years to discover all the facts of his curse. He did nothing at all to ensure that he was safe. He then allowed you, an innocent child, to blame yourself for the loss of his soul and all the bad that came with it. I really don’t mean to be crude, but was he not in the bed with you?”

Who’s That Knocking at My Door?

Buffy spluttered incoherently while she turned a becoming shade of crimson.

“Kinda the whole point,” Buffy mumbled, embarrassed.

“Then why don’t you place equal- if not more- blame on him?” William persevered. His demon was desperate to understand her reasoning in this matter.

Buffy took a deep breath. There was something about William that encouraged her to speak gently to him, to be patient and to answer all his questions. “I instigated it. If I hadn’t pushed it, none of it would have happened. I‘m responsible for Angel losing his soul.”

“No, you’re not,” Anya announced with finality.

“Huh?” Buffy looked at the outspoken ex-vengeance demon in confusion.

“Well you got it wrong. You keep talking about his soul as if it’s this miraculous thing, but it’s not. It’s a curse. It was a form of punishment for the rape, torture, and murder of a potential slayer,” Anya enlightened them all.

“What’s that you say?” Giles demanded, shocked.

Anya graced the watcher with a confused look. “Why do you think she was so special to the gypsies?”

“Did Angelus know that?” Buffy broke in, suspicion making her voice hard.

“Drusilla informed him,” William answered quietly.

“It’s not really important,” Anya dismissed the matter to return to her earlier subject. “You have to get it in perspective, Buffy. I’ve seen this sort of thing too many times. Women who’ve done nothing wrong are forced to go through life with unrealistic views on one man that no other man can compete with. It just leads to the woman having a miserable life.

“You didn’t do anything to him. He didn’t lose his soul, he broke his curse. In any other circumstance, a slayer would have called that a good thing.” Anya was really beginning to warm up to the subject. All her years at being a vengeance demon had given her an insight into the ways woman can allow themselves to be manipulated by clever men. It was always the very young that were the hardest to re-educate.

“Your problem, Buffy, is that you had this unrealistic view of Angel. You looked at him with the eyes of a very inexperienced child and you mistook the idea of being in love with actually being in love. I’m not saying that you didn’t love him. You did. But it was as a child loves, not as an adult loves, and because of all the bad that happened, you never got the chance to discover that on your own. You’ve packed it away with a pretty bow in your memories and have refused to look at it again too deeply. If you were really honest with yourself, you’d take a good long look at the relationship, from an adult’s point of view. You might discover it isn’t what you thought.” Anya spoke emotionally, with an air of compassion that was uncharacteristic of her.

“You act as if Angel is the real person and Angelus is the façade. It’s the other way around. Angelus is the reality and Angel is the act. Angelus is always there. Angel is just a by-product of Angelus’ curse. The Angel that you have locked safe and sound in your heart never existed.”

“Buffy, you cannot continue to blame yourself for the actions of another. A combination of factors led to Jenny’s death, not the very least was Jenny herself. William is quiet right in saying that Angel had a hundred years to research the curse. We found all the information in a matter of weeks. Had he looked, he would have found it also.” Giles paused for a moment. He had something he felt needed to be said but didn’t want to hurt the girl more that she already was. “I have always wondered why an innocent soul required redemption. The information that Anya has provided us with tells us that the soul was not as innocent as Angel always led us to believe.”

An unvoiced suspicion formed in all their minds, ‘What else had Angel failed to mention?’

Buffy suggested they get something for dinner. She needed time to consider what Anya had told her and food always helped her think. As they waited for the pizza to arrive, Buffy decided to broach another subject that had sparked her curiosity with the blonde vampire-no-more. “Um, William?” she started hesitantly, waiting for his full attention. “Will the demon let you tell me why he loves me, why he didn’t want me to know, and why you don’t approve?”

Watching William’s face, Buffy was struck with the thought that it looked like there was a lot going on inside his mind and it would probably be a pretty confusing place to be.

“The way you were treated today is the way the real Spike would treat you. From my point of view; Miss Rosenberg’s spell was fortuitous. You were given the chance to see the man behind the mask. What you need to understand is that the demon loves all aspects of you. He loves the Slayer, her power, her skills, and especially the sense of humour she displays. He adores fighting with her as her equal and would never have dreamed of taking the upper hand had he ever gained it.” William chortled a little at the internal pouting of the demon that was upset at not being able to even spar with the lady anymore.

“The girl has also captured his heart. Your gentle nature, your soft heart; the way you try and never give up. He watches you and it makes him very cross that others seem to take advantage of you. You give of yourself selflessly. He loves the parts of you that show you are a Summer’s woman and he would willingly dust himself to protect both you and your mother.”

Smiling shyly at her, William continued. “He didn’t want you to know, because he was afraid that one of your friends or your watcher would dust him for daring to love you. He didn’t want Angelus to know, because he knew that Angelus would take it as a personal threat to his claim on you. He would be forced to accept staking because he knew that you would never forgive him for harming Angelus.”

“You keep calling him Angelus?” Giles asked, curious.

“The demon makes the claim, Mr. Giles,” William informed the watcher.

“Are you saying he claimed her?” the Watcher demanded, incensed at the thought.

“Oh! I do apologize. I thought you knew.”

Buffy was confused again. “What does that mean?”

“It means that Angel believes you are his property.” Ripper snarled. As far as he was concerned the brunette vampire was a dusting waiting to happen. He prayed that Buffy would feel the same way. “It means that he can control you, coerce you into doing whatever he wants you to do. Luckily, we can get Angel to reverse the claim when he gets here.”

“And if he orders Buffy to kill William?” Anya demanded. She knew exactly how a claim worked. Buffy wouldn’t stand a chance against an order from him. “I say we break the controlling aspect of the claim before he gets here.”

“I wasn’t aware that could be done,” Giles admitted in pleased surprise.

Anya nodded happily. “Oh, yes. Of course, the easiest way would be if Spike counter-claimed her, but it would cause him a great deal of pain. A family claim wouldn’t work because they’re the same family. So, unfortunately it’s going to mean more magic. I’m going to have to adjust the protection spell to include the claim. Please know that I will not resort to magic every time you have a problem, I don’t believe in using magic just because I can.”

“He could do that?” Buffy asked in a small voice. The slayer side of her was screaming at the idea of being claimed by the evil that was Angelus. The Buffy side of her just wanted to curl up in a ball and cry. She felt so betrayed. That he could claim her and then leave her anyway brought home everything Anya had said. She thought that he loved her; she was starting to doubt that he ever had.

William patted her hand in an attempt to appease the demon inside him that was screaming at him to comfort the precious girl.

Buffy, the girl, grabbed on to the attention he was offering with both hands. A combination of the wonderfully sweet things William had said about her and the truth about Angel made the insecure girl desperate for some affection.

“I’m sorry, Miss Buffy, but unfortunately the fact is that he could do that and a great deal more besides. I wish I could offer you more. My demon is enraged, he also thought you knew. It is unheard of to make a claim on someone and not inform them. And then to have the unmitigated gall to just walk away from you? The beast should be flogged.” William spat in disgust.

Desperate to think of something else while Anya and Giles worked together to change the parameters of the spell, Buffy returned to her earlier question. “Why don’t you approve of your demon loving me?” she asked with innocent guile.

“He is beneath you; unworthy of your affection. His love may be pure, but he is not,” William explained his reasoning.

“Okay, but I don’t understand how he can love me but you don’t?”

“Miss Summers, I never said that I didn’t love you, but my feelings are irrelevant. If the demon is not worthy of you, then neither am I,” he told her gently. He didn’t tell her that he was also extremely reluctant to have his heart broken yet again.

Before Buffy had the opportunity to address William’s little revelation, Anya announced that the spell was ready. As soon as she completed it, a knock at the door heralded the arrival of the food. Soon all four were enjoying various types of pizza and William’s heart-warming reactions to it.

“Anya, when you said that Spike, Angel, and the other one might survive the venom because of their souls, why didn’t you also say Dru? Didn’t you say she has her soul too?” Buffy asked, curiously.

“Yes she has her soul, but she isn’t mentally stable enough to survive the attack,” the ex-demon explained.

“Makes sense. You also called the group ‘your’ team, which would kinda indicate that you don’t think you’re part of the scoobies?”

“That’s alright, Buffy. I understand that you wouldn’t want an ex-demon on the team of the Slayer,” Anya said sadly, obviously hurting at the thought.

Buffy ignored her distress and waved her hand dismissively. “You were right in suggesting that I should ask Spike to join the team, and as soon as we’ve got him all fixed up, I will. But, you’ve been on the team for a while, you should know that. Shouldn’t she know that, Giles?” Buffy batted her eyelashes at her amused watcher.

“Quite right!” he smiled as he spoke.

“May I ask a question?” William asked hesitantly, still unsure as to his place.

“Shoot,” Buffy said.

“Miss…Oh I do apologise, I don’t know your surname.” William looked highly embarrassed.

Anya preened delightedly. It had been a very long time since someone had addressed her so formally. “It’s Jenkins.”

“Miss Jenkins,” William smiled and bobbed his head in acknowledgement. “I have noticed a certain…er…reticence on your part when it comes to refraining from private matters.”

Anya noticed the look of confusion on Buffy’s face and smiled at the girl. “He’s saying I talk about sex too much.”

“My demon has a suggestion,” William offered cautiously.

Anya grinned at Buffy’s look of trepidation. “What’s the suggestion?” she asked.

“Do you remember what it was like when you were first discovering your own…ah…sexuality?” William said as he blushed at his own boldness.

“Of course, I was embarrassed when anyone mentioned anything about sex in front of me,” she replied, shrugging.

“Perhaps if you consider that everyone you associate with is at that point in their sexuality, it might make it easier for you to understand their reactions.” William struggled to get out his point without breaking out in a nervous sweat.

Anya took a moment to think about what he had said and then did something she had not done for a very long time – she blushed. “Oh, well, yes, I’ll…er…remember that.”

A loud pounding on the door saved the embarrassed ex-demon from the spotlight. With a firm nod from Buffy telling him it was the vampire they had been expecting, Ripper opened the door.

“You have two minutes to relinquish the claim you hold over my slayer or I will dust you,” Ripper snarled at the brunette before he had a chance to speak.

Two things happened simultaneously; Anya noticed the crystal turning red and Angel was suddenly surrounded by a smoky haze before he collapsed.

When Angel came to a few moments later, it was to see a bored looking watcher regarding him stoically. “Um, Giles, why am I on the ground outside your apartment?”

“What’s that last thing you remember, Angel?” Giles asked him coldly.

“You telling me about the prophecy,” Angel replied carefully, unsure how to act given the watcher’s obvious displeasure.

Giles knew with absolute certainty what prophecy Angel was talking about. It had to be the prophecy that had ended in the momentary death of his slayer. Turning back to the others, Giles let them know. “It appears she believes we would all be better off forgetting the last three years.”

“Giles, she has to be taught control or have her powers bound. She can’t be allowed to play with people’s memories.” Anya was furious that the little witch had tried to play god. Willow was so lucky that she was no longer a vengeance demon.

The phone rang and Buffy moved swiftly to answer it. After a hurried conversation, she hung up and then made a call of her own. Returning to the group she updated them. “That was mom; Willow called her panicking because she didn’t recognise the room she was in. I called her and told her you’d go get her Giles, that way you can pick up the spell too.”

Giles picked up his keys and headed out.

Angel watched him go then moved to the door. “Someone want to tell me what’s going on?”

In t he Face of Memories

Anya walked to the door and faced the confused brunette vampire. “Your memories have been temporarily tampered with. We should be able to reverse the spell as soon as we know what it is.”

“Who are you?” Angel asked, still trying to get a handle on things.

“I’m Anya, but that doesn’t matter, since you don’t know me even with your memories. There is something you can do while we wait,” she offered. Anya wanted any and all threats to William gone and she wasn’t above a little manipulation of her own to get what she wanted. She didn’t feel the least bit guilty using his loss of memory against him. “You were about to release Buffy from the claim your demon put on her. Why don’t you do that while we wait?”

“I would never have claimed Buffy!” Angel was shocked at the thought. He knew his demon hated her, there was no way it would bond itself to a slayer.

“It’s a controlling claim, Angel. I’ve put a protection shield around her so you won’t be able to order her around,” Anya replied as Buffy walked up to join her at the door.

Moving her collar slightly, Buffy showed Angel his bite marks. He could not deny his own mark.

“Break the claim, Angel.” Buffy was in no mood to argue. She had other matters of far more importance to deal with.

“Ego solvo vos,” Angel spoke the words solemnly.

“I release you,” Anya translated. Letting the vampire know that she at least knew exactly what he was doing.

“Reus ut mihi haud magis.”

“Bound to me no more.”

“Vos es vacuus meus dominion.”

“You are free from my domination.”

“Haud vindicatum operor ego.”

“No claim do I have.” Anya nodded her head at the vampire, acknowledging her acceptance of his ritual.

Buffy felt a slow burning tingle in her bite marks, a sharp pain caused her to gasp in surprise. Relief followed. She actually felt the connection between her and Angel break. Everything that she had felt for him seemed to lessen, as if the pedestal she had placed him on was shrinking before her eyes. She felt like she was seeing him for the first time, and she didn’t particularly like what it was. She still cared for him, but the all encompassing love she had felt seemed to be fading away. She definitely had to talk to Anya about that later.

Turning her gaze to the vampire that had been such a big part of her life, Buffy thanked him then walked back to the couch and William. She felt free for the first time in a long while and suddenly what lay ahead didn’t seem so hard at all.

Sad brown eyes followed her progress, noting the other human in the room for the first time. There was something about the man that seemed familiar, but it was difficult to tell from the doorway. The man had yet to turn and face him. Surreptitiously sniffing to see if he could recognise the scent, Angel was assaulted by a plethora of emotions and forgotten memories. “William,” Angel whispered huskily.

Turning his head slowly, William faced his hated tormentor. His expression held disdain, but his shaking hands belied his calm demeanour. Buffy reached over to take his shaking hand in hers, lending him her silent support.

“You’re human?” Angel asked that what his senses were telling him be confirmed. Another realisation hit him, and without waiting for a reply to his question, he continued. “No, not quite. You still have your demon, but he’s ill. I can smell the sickness on you. What’s happened? Tell me, boy, so I can fix it. Let me take care of you.” Angel was jumping with joy inside. He couldn’t have Buffy, but he could have his boy back. His boy had a soul. There would be nothing to keep them apart now. He hated the fact that he’d obviously never been given an invitation into the watcher’s home. He was desperate to get to William’s side.

William stiffened at Angel’s caring voice. His inner demon raged. He couldn’t believe that this monster seemed to have conveniently forgotten that he had used, abused, and tortured William into hiding. He couldn’t speak, he felt frozen. Terror at being under the ‘caring’ hands of Angelus made him mute.

Anya’s voice broke through William’s internal panic attack.

“We know how you care for others, Angel.”

“He’s mine,” Angel growled at the insolent girl that seemed to be questioning his right to care for his own family.

“Actually, Angel, he’s mine,” Giles announced coldly as he ushered a very frightened Willow into his apartment. Ignoring the spluttering vampire, Giles placed the books and notes he was carrying on the dining room table and turned to the memory impaired witch. “Willow, please show Anya the pages that were open when you woke.”

Willow nodded shyly at the girl she didn’t remember and quickly moved to comply with Giles’ direction.

As Anya joined Willow at the table, she informed the watcher that the claim had been successfully broken.

Ripper turned back to the vampire at his door.

“William Arthur Pratt was my great great uncle, the younger brother to my great grandmother. He was a part of my family and was stolen by yours. You have no claim on him. He is human again, he is my family, and I will destroy you if you even look at him the wrong way. Are we clear?”

Angel’s eyes widened in surprise, it might end up being a little harder than he had originally thought to get to his boy.

“How did you know?” William asked, shocked. He had endeavoured to ensure that his human family never had to face the stigma of being associated with his deeds as a demon.

Smiling at the trembling young man, Giles gently addressed his question. “The family has always known, William.”

“Shouldn’t you be calling him ‘uncle’?” Buffy joked, in an attempt to bring some levity to the conversation.

“When I arrange his paper work, he’ll be calling me ‘Da’,” Giles quipped back smugly; grinning at their shocked expressions.

“I found it, Giles,” Anya quietly informed the joking watcher. She hated interrupting the fun they seemed to be having, but this was far more serious that she had anticipated.

Anya’s concern was evident in her voice, Giles reacted immediately. Moving to her side, he asked her to tell him what she had found.

“She’s really messed it up, Giles. She’s changed the original spell and she’s done it badly. She hasn’t offered even a word of thanks to the Goddess that she invoked, and as a consequence every person she named in the spell would have been affected. By the look of things, she wanted to protect her memories, but Cynatra, the Goddess of Mind that she called, didn’t allow it. The people she named she just bunched together by saying the original scoobies. So that’s why Angel was included. I would guess that the others have been too. We need to get this reversed before anyone is hurt.”

“Can you reverse it?” Giles asked.

“Yes, but I’ll need Buffy as an anchor,” she answered calmly.

“What’s that?” Buffy asked in confusion.

Anya faced the slayer as she answered her, “You’re protected by the crystal, so it will ground you. I need to perform a general reversal spell with a special benediction to Cynatra. By using you to protect me, I can break the spell on the others through Angel and Willow, but you have to be aware of one thing.”

“What?” Buffy asked with a great deal of trepidation.

“You need to be in physical contact with both of them, which means there might be a backlash effect.”

“Backlash? Why am I not liking the sound of that?”

“You might see their memories,” Anya explained.

“That’s it? Just a little reality TV in my head?” Buffy thought that the backlash didn’t sound that bad at all.

Anya and Giles shared a look; both silently agreeing that perhaps a little trip into the memories of the scoobies would bring Buffy out of the land of denial once and for all.

Placing two chairs by the front door, Anya suggested that Angel might want to grab one of the chairs from the patio.

“I’ll be fine, thank you,” Angel assured the girl. He wasn’t concerned by what Buffy might see in his memories. He was positive that he would have done nothing to upset her. If he cooperated with them now, he might be able to find a way to convince them all that William would be best left in his capable hands.

Anya wasn’t surprised to find that she was of the opinion that the vampire was an idiot. She was certain she would enjoy the look on his face when he landed on his ass.

After making sure her preparations were perfect, Anya asked Willow and Buffy to take a seat, then asked Buffy to take Willow’s and Angel’s hands.

Buffy felt suspended in time. Pictures from the past seem to flicker all around her. Oz's memories zipped past her consciousness. She smiled as she realized how much she missed the stoic werewolf. Cordelia’s memories seemed to prance past her eyes much like the girl herself used to do.

Willow appeared as the shy young girl that Buffy had first met, Buffy smiled in remembrance. She saw Willow struggling to feel a part of the group, her discontent at what she saw as her inability to offer any real help, she clearly didn’t realise that the emotional support she offered Buffy was far more important to the Slayer than physical help.

Buffy watched as Xander tried to hide his growing obsession with her, she was horrified to see that he daydreamed regularly about the time he had almost raped her. She watched as his jealousy of Angel grew and poisoned him.

Angel’s memories intertwined with Willow’s and Xander’s, surprisingly his memories seemed to slightly mirror Xander’s. His obsession, his watching her when she was unaware, when she slept. All of the knowledge he had kept from the group when Spike and Drusilla came to town and his callous treatment of a terrified Xander when they met Spike at the school. His meetings with Drusilla, his treatment of Spike; it all gave her a new insight into his character and it was totally freaking her out.

Memories were blending. She saw the same events from each of their different perspectives. She saw things from Angelus’ perspective and was shocked that the behaviour of the vampire she hated above all others was not so very different from the vampire she thought she had known and loved.

She saw Xander’s glee at being able to say ‘I told you so’ with punishing regularity. She saw him use Jenny’s death to his own advantage, pushing to have Angelus dusted rather than re-souled. She watched, horrified, as Willow asked Xander to pass on a message to ‘stall’ and then as Xander changed the message to ‘Willow said – kick his ass’.

She saw Angel’s memories of hell, and Willow’s and Xander’s summer while she was in L.A. She saw their anger at her for leaving, but saw no sign of sympathy for what she had been through.

Xander’s obsessive nature became even more obvious when his jealousy of Willow’s attachment to Oz and his loss of the central position in her life led him to pursue Willow.

Willow’s reliance on magic showed itself when she resorted to magic and lying about it to try and ‘solve’ the attraction she had to Xander.

Buffy watched as Willow and Xander were taken by Spike. She could see that the image each of them held of the event was different. It was as if their memories were coloured by their own perceptions of the blonde vampire. She could see how their ideas differed from each other as well as what she knew of the vampire herself. She filtered the images and saw that the most damage done that day was that which Willow and Xander had created by their lack of self control and not by Spike at all.

She watched as Angel came back from hell, his mind twisted by his obsession with her. She saw him watching and stalking and judging. She saw his conversations with the First, the Mayor, and her mother. She watched him give up every time things got difficult. She watched him walk away and then immediately move on to a blond police officer in L.A.

She watched Spike having Angel tortured for the gem that she’d sent him. She saw Spike as he attempted to comfort Willow over Oz’s departure and Willow’s repayment for his attempted kindness.

She watched Willow cast spells.

She saw Xander’s mental abuse of Anya.

She learned about the day that Angel had the Powers take back.

Buffy blinked her eyes as the living room came back into focus. With tears streaming down her face she stood, walked back to the couch, and into the comforting arms of her watcher.

She cried for them all.

Let the Games Begin

As Buffy sobbed in Giles’ arms, William got Anya’s attention and assistance in making his way to the kitchen.

“Why didn’t you just ask me to make the tea, William?” Anya asked curiously.

“I felt that we at least could give Miss Buffy the privacy she deserves,” William replied shyly.

When Willow joined them in the small kitchenette, Anya responded to William’s remark. “Looks like Willow agrees.” Much as Anya would have loved to read Willow the riot act, she was of the opinion that the would-be witch wouldn’t listen to anything she had to say.

Willow had no idea what she was doing back at Giles’ apartment. The last thing she remembered was doing the spell to renew the friendship between her, Xander, and Buffy. She couldn’t work out how she’d gotten from her dorm to a place she had left hours before. Maybe if she could ask the right questions of the two she was in the kitchen with, she’d be able to work out the problem and fix it. It wasn’t like they were overly bright, and she so didn’t want to go back into the living room and listen to Buffy go on about Angel again. She didn’t know what the brooding vampire had said to her, but judging from the tear-fest that was going on out there it had to be something bad.

Sheesh, couldn’t she just get over him already!

“So,” Willow began chirpily. “What’s been happening?”

William and Anya shared a look. William turned back to the tea. “I believe this is ready now. Miss Rosenberg. If you could carry the tray, Miss Jenkins would be free to assist me. I am afraid it is difficult for me to walk unassisted at the moment.”

Neither William nor Anya was under any illusion that Willow was interested in them personally, she only wanted information and they both knew it.

Leaning heavily on Anya’s arm, William made his way slowly back to the living room.

Buffy had finally stopped crying, but it didn’t look like she’d be moving from Giles’ embrace anytime soon.

Angel still hovered by the front door.

Anya helped William to sit down on the couch and Willow placed the tray on the coffee table. “We have tea,” she announced perkily.

Buffy turned to William and gave him a teary smile. “Thank you, that was very thoughtful of you and Anya.”

“Hello?” Angel called sarcastically from the door. “Does someone want to tell me what’s going on?”

Buffy stood almost regally and walked to the door with her head held high. With one swift, definitive gesture, she slammed the door shut in the broody vampire’s face. “How’s that for a big honking pile of no!”

Feeling immeasurably better, the Slayer turned back to address the group. “Anya, I need to ask you a few things but it can wait till we’ve dealt with other matters first. Giles, thanks for the hug-age while I was totally Breakdown Buffy. William, you need to forget about everything but taking care of the demon. We’ll do the rest. And Willow...”

Buffy started to move back to the couch when a loud pounding on the door interrupted her. Rolling her eye’s she walked back to the door and opened it.

Angel rushed to get out what he had to say before she could slam the door on him again. “It’s a spell!” he blurted. “I worked it out. You’re under the influence of some spell. I can help. Let me fix this for you.”

“You know you’re delusional, right?” Buffy informed the looming brunette. “It was a spell. You were the one affected, but it’s been fixed.”

“But Buffy, you’re not acting yourself.” Angel looked bewildered.

“You mean she’s not acting like a simpering fool just because you’re here?” Anya called pleasantly from her seat in the living room. “That’s probably because the claim’s been broken.”

Angel looked like a thief caught in the act. “Claim?” he squeaked. He cleared his throat and tried again. “Um…what claim?”

Buffy just looked at him, outraged at his duplicity.

Giles walked up behind Buffy, placed his hands on her shoulders, and gently urged her out of his way. Facing the vampire at his door, Giles asked his question in a deceptively mild voice. “There was a reason you came back to Sunnydale, Angel. What was it?”

“What?” Angel snapped his eyes away from the retreating blonde slayer and back to the watcher. “Oh, I er, needed to talk to Spike. Privately.”

“We have no secrets here, Angel. If you wish to speak to Spike, then please feel free.” Giles smiled pleasantly, his eyes cold.

“It’s private, Giles,” Angel growled, not used to having his motives questioned, especially when it came to his childer.

“William, does Spike wish to speak privately with Angel?” Giles asked the seriously ill blond on the couch.

“Actually, Rupert, Spike can’t imagine any scenario in which anything Angelus had to say would be of interest to him,” William replied with quiet dignity.

Angel snarled and slammed a fist against the barrier. “Get out here, Spike. I’m not playing around.”

William turned to grace the furious vampire with a look of complete disdain. “I think you will find that the use of sire’s voice on this master vampire has no actual affect.”

“You can’t stay inside all the time, Spike. We will talk.” Angel spat out as he spun away from the door and stalked into the darkness.

Giles gently closed the door. It had suffered more than its fair share of abuse during the course of the day. Turning to face the group in his living room, Giles focused his attention on the little red-headed witch.

Willow squirmed under his unforgiving glare. “What? Giles...”

“Do you have any idea what you've done? The forces you've harnessed, the lines you've crossed?” Giles was angrier than at any other time he could remember, with the possible exception of that terrible time just after Jenny’s death.

“I didn’t think anything bad would happen,” the young girl whined miserably, wringing her hands together in frustration.

“That’s just the problem, Willow. You didn’t think. We had only just managed to reverse your last disastrous mistake. Did you learn nothing? You were the one I trusted most to respect the forces of nature,” he lashed out.

“Are you saying you don't trust me?” Willow demanded indignantly.

“Do you have even an inkling of the havoc your irresponsible behaviour has created? What effect your actions have had on the people you’ve be-spelled? Good Lord, girl, look what you've done to Buffy.” Giles could not believe the gall of the girl. She’d done two disastrous spells in less than twenty four hours and was shocked to think they didn’t trust her anymore!

Willow had no clue what the fuss was all about. She still didn’t know how they found out about it in the first place. “What? I only wanted to fix the problem between Xander, Buffy, and me.”

“And created a larger one!” Giles raised his voice to respond. “You took an incredible risk!”

“Risk? Of what? I was trying to help!” Willow yelled back. She was getting more and more agitated. He kept talking about it being bad but she wasn’t hearing any actual bad.

“Of killing us all. Perhaps unleashing hell on Earth. Shall I go on?” Giles spat out in fury.

“That's not what I did, Giles,” Willow whispered, tears forming in her eyes.

“You were lucky. The magicks you channelled are more ferocious and primal than anything you can hope to understand, and you are lucky to be alive, you rank, arrogant amateur!”

Willow stood straight at his insult. Blind fury wiped the tears from her eyes. “You're right. The magicks I used are very powerful. I'm very powerful, and maybe it's not such a good idea for you to piss me off!” she ranted, her eyes flickering ominously.

Giles lifted an eyebrow and chortled dismissively. Even if Anya’s spell couldn’t withstand an attack from the redhead, Ripper was not without his own skills.

Anya started to chuckle quietly. She knew exactly what the backlash would be if anyone tried to go up against one of her protection spells with a direct attack. She hoped the silly girl would try it; she really did.
Willow felt humiliated, angry, and resentful. She needed to think. Standing abruptly, she walked to the door and left without a word.

Buffy shook her head sadly and asked a question that she hoped she wouldn’t regret later. “Can you bind someone’s powers, Anya?”

“Yes, Buffy, but it will have to wait till tomorrow. I’ll need to be refreshed and Giles’ stores are low.” Anya responded quietly. This would require the blessing of Gaia, but it was something that really needed to be done.

“Was it the claim that made my love for Angel so…all-consuming?” Buffy asked the ex-demon, tilting her head to the side in curiosity.

Anya studied the girl for a moment. “The claim was a controlling claim, Buffy. If you felt all-consuming love for Angel and it disappeared when the claim broke, then it was the results of an order he gave you. I’m sorry.”

Buffy just nodded. She had suspected as much. She was comforted when William hesitantly placed his hand over hers and gave it a gentle squeeze.

“I saw all their memories. Cordy, Oz, Willow, Angel and Xander,” she spat out the last name. It would be a long time before she would be able to even look at the young man that she thought had been her friend without wanting to rip his head off.

Looking Anya directly in the eye, Buffy spoke with absolute conviction. “You don’t have to accept being second choice. You deserve to be first choice and don’t you ever let anyone tell you differently. I saw all of Xander’s memories for the last three years, Anya. Nobody deserves to be treated the way he’s been treating you. I’m your friend. You’re a member of my team and Xander no longer is. If you need anything; you let me know and we’ll come up with something.”

Anya just stared at the young blonde, jaw gaping and tears streaming down her face. No one had ever spoken to her like that before. She’d never had a true friend. She was touched beyond measure.

“Oh, look, you’ve made me all puffy.” Anya dabbed at her eyes as she smiled through her tears, hoping to break the seriousness of the conversation and thereby the weird, squishy feeling she was experiencing. “We need to talk about something else now.”

“Good idea. We can Gone-With-the-Wind it till tomorrow. Let’s talk about the skeletons or should I say vampires in Giles’ closet.” Buffy grinned at her watcher cheekily.

“This is precisely what I was trying to protect my human family from when I hid all evidence of our relationship. They don’t deserve to be ridiculed or blamed in any way for my actions,” William said sadly from his place on the couch.

Giles regarded the saddened features of the man he thought he would never meet. “And the family appreciated it too, William, but Buffy is also family and she has earned the right to tease me,” he assured the concerned blonde with a smile. “It isn’t her intention to ridicule.”

“Ooooh, may I tease you too, Giles?” Anya bounced happily as she asked her question.

Laughter cleared away the last vestiges of drama that tainted the air.

“Before we get carried away and begin our rousing game of mock-the-librarian, there is something we should discuss.” Giles gently brought the group back to the point. When he was sure that he everyone’s attention, he continued. “William is already in a great deal of danger from the poison. We should also be concerned about attacks from Xander, Angel, and perhaps even Willow. That does not take into account the commandoes that caused Spike’s problem in the first place. I will not allow him to be harmed.”

“I agree, Giles. We also have to worry about what happens after we get him cured. He can’t defend himself.” Buffy gripped Williams hand as she spoke. She wanted him to understand that they weren’t speaking about him as if he wasn’t there- she knew he was very much there. In fact, she was so aware of him that it was starting to scare her a little.

She wondered if it wasn’t a small side effect from the removal of the claim and the overwhelming power Angel had held over her. The slight attraction she had always denied feeling for the bad boy blond was developing into something a great deal more.

“I could always magically disable whatever it is they did to him,” Anya offered. “I just need find out what it is.”

When The Chips Are Down

“You could do that?” Buffy asked, intrigued. She would never have considered it had the last couple of hours not happened.

“I suspect I know what they did to him. I also have a suspicion about who it is ‘they’ are. If I’m right, the actual problem is easily fixed. I will not make any promises, though. I need to be very sure of my facts before I can do anything.”

The Anya that they were finally meeting was honest, intelligent, knowledgeable and willing to help. She didn’t pull any punches and she was straight to the point. She was blossoming before their eyes. It was wonderful to watch. “You need to know…if I’m right…we’re really up against it this time.”

A few moments of silence followed her ominous statement.

“What can you tell us, Anya,” Giles asked with a heavy sigh. Apparently, it was too much to ask to have enough time to adjust to one situation before they were thrown into the next.

“I can’t be positive, but it all seems to fit. I know there’s a lot to deal with right now, but it’s better to have some idea about what might be going on now than to be hit by a surprise attack later.” Anya would have dearly loved to remove the looks of tired resignation on their faces, but this could be important later. Surprisingly, it seemed that all those noisy little boy scouts did have a point - it was good to be prepared.

“William, you have to help me out here. I know you have more details than I do, so I might need you to fill in the blanks,” Anya informed the fading demon gently before continuing. “During the second world war, the German high command decided to perform some experiments on demons. They were apparently trying to find a way to use demons as cannon fodder.”

William nodded his head in agreement. “It is why Spike was captured and placed on the submarine in the first place. The Germans were planning on using some form of technology in a vampire’s brain to somehow control them. They wanted to train an army of vampires.”

“Why was Angel there?” Giles asked. His dislike for the vampire made his voice harsh.

“From what Spike heard on the boat, from Lawson and later on through the demon grapevine, Angel was forcibly recruited by the American government to help in the capture of a German submarine. It has been suggested that the Americans were hoping to also retrieve the materials relating to the testing and technology that the Germans were already working on,” William told them quietly. He shuddered in distaste.

“Wait…are you saying that the American government not only knew about vampires, but that they also wanted to try the German’s sick-o plan?” Buffy asked, outraged.

“So it would seem,” William answered thoughtfully. His mind leapt to the present situation and he was suddenly very afraid that he knew what Anya was trying to theorize.

“I think that the American government is continuing the German’s experimentation right here in Sunnydale,” Anya firmly stated her opinion. “If it is, then Spike has some sort of mechanical device in his head. If he has, I can either disable or remove it.”

“It’s a sound theory, Anya, although it does leave us open to a number situation’s where we would be vulnerable.” Giles removed is glasses and tiredly rubbed his eyes. Could they afford to put this situation off until the next day? After being blind for most of the day, living through the aftermath of two disastrous spells, being gifted with a family member long thought dead- only to discover that without help his long lost uncle could go insane- dealing with an hysterical slayer, and a rather nasty confrontation with an out of control witch; Giles was feeling a little worse for wear.

“How can you tell if it’s what you think it is?” Buffy asked as she gave William’s hand a reassuring squeeze of support. She wouldn’t allow him to be hurt further.

“A simple discovery spell. Don’t worry, it won’t harm William in any way,” Anya assured them all. Unlike Willow, Anya was well aware of consequences and who would pay them. Catching sight of something out of the corner of her eye, Anya snorted her observation, “it seems some people just won’t learn.”

All eyes turned to the glowing red crystal on the coffee table.

“Come on, Giles. Let’s do some research,” the ex-demon said as she grabbed the watcher by the hand and unceremoniously hauled him to his feet. “I’ll let you make lists.”

As the beautiful girl led him to the dining table, Giles resigned himself to a night with the books. At least her engaging company helped ease his pain.

“Are you alright, Miss Buffy?” William’s quietly worded question was addressed to a very thoughtful slayer.

She smiled softly at him. “Surprisingly, yes. I’m not really worried about what Willow might do to us, just the innocent’s that might accidentally get caught up in her wonky spells. Hopefully after tomorrow that won’t be a problem anymore anyway. Xander…well, after what happened earlier and what I just learned from his memories, I don’t think I’m gonna be missing the Xan-man too much.” Buffy scrunched up her nose in distaste.

“And the unpleasant vampire?” William asked with deceptive humour. His demon was on pins and needles in relation to her attitude towards the individual that had played such an important part in her life.

“Oh, he is so on the short list for dusting. I wouldn’t have willingly given him Spike before all this happened, so there’s no way I’m letting him get his big grubby mitts on you now. I might wait on the dusting, though. Just until we get Spike all healthy again. He might come in handy for something.” She grinned at the gentle blonde seated next to her.

“What if we can’t get Spike ‘all healthy’ again?” he whispered his fear. He did not want his demon to die and he certainly did not want to loose himself to insanity.

Impulsively, Buffy gathered the terrified man into her arms. “We will. You should know by now that I don’t give up till I’ve beaten the enemy.” She joked in an effort to reassure him. She would beat this. She would find the cure. She would get Spike back. Much as she’d come to care for William, she kinda missed her snarky vamp. “But you better let Spike know, he and I have a big time conversation coming up about what he said to me the last time we fought.”

“Oh, Miss Buffy,” William scrambled away from her, his demon filled with remorse. “Please believe me; he is genuinely sorry for all that he said. He has no excuse. He was angry and jealous,” he hurried to explain.

Buffy chuckled. “Don’t worry about it, William. No offence, but it’ll be more amusing coming from Spike.”

William’s colouring seemed to improve with her comment, and he didn’t appear to be in quite so much pain.

“You look better. Do you feel better?” She tilted her head to the side as she asked her question.

“The pain recedes when the demon relaxes. You have a soothing affect on him,” William shyly admitted.

Buffy appeared to think about what he had said. “Okay, you might wanna consider not telling a slayer that a demon is soothed by her presence.”

Buffy was delighted to see the first genuine smile of amusement that she could ever remember seeing on the face of the seriously ill blond. She wanted to do a little happy dance of joy. All she had to do was sooth a demon until she could cure him…oh yeah, that was a job for super slayer. She was all over that.

“Buffy?” Giles called to get the girl’s attention. “Perhaps it would be best if you and Anya were to stay the night. I can set up the spare room for you both. That is, if you don’t mind sharing?”

Buffy shrugged. “Fine by me. I’ll probably be up and down all night, though. I have a feeling we might get a visit from our favourite midnight stalker, and I’m not having that overgrown bat upset William.”

“I’m happy just to be asked.” Anya responded brightly. She was completely unaware of how her simple words could affect those listening.

Giles felt his normally reserved posture strongly tempted to take the guileless girl into his arms and protect her from the fools that had so terribly wronged her. She needed to know real love, real friendship, real relationships, and then she wouldn’t ever have to make a comment that screamed of loneliness again.

In some ways Anya’s innocent honesty reminded Buffy of the Willow that the slayer had first met. The young redhead had been lonely too, but Buffy felt that teaching the ex-demon about friendship would have a very different outcome than the relationship that Buffy now had with Willow. She honestly hoped that she could salvage that relationship, but when the witch found out that her powers had been bound, that might not be possible. Whatever Willow’s reaction, Buffy silently vowed to be a good friend to Anya.

William felt his heart go out to the young woman. The thing that made him most sad also made him most relieved. She had no idea that she had been treated so abysmally. He sometimes wished he didn’t know either.

“I wouldn’t mind taking turns, Buffy. There are some things I’d like to say to a vampire that makes a claim and then abandons it. I still have some contacts in the vengeance world. I could make him very uncomfortable. It’s damn near impossible to get rid of a vampire crab infestation. He certainly wouldn’t ever be getting happy again.” Anya informed them, her smug grin anticipating a very fitting revenge. Noting the look of absolute terror on Williams face, Anya quickly reassured him, “You have nothing to worry about. I like you.”

Giles looked at the girl with awe. His level of respect for this wonderful girl just seemed to be skyrocketing. “What an amazing woman you are, Anya Jenkins.”

Buffy nodded her agreement and grabbed the blushing woman in a solid hug. “You really are.”

After making sure William was comfortable, Buffy softly kissed his cheek as she said goodnight.

William held his cheek long after he’d fallen asleep.

Buffy sat on the edge of the bed as Anya was getting settled in. It was clear from the furtive little glances that the ex-demon had something to ask, so Buffy waited patiently for the girl to build up her courage.

“Would it upset you if I decided to date Giles?” Anya finally asked. Her voice was filled with equal amounts of hope and fear.

“You want to date, Giles?” Buffy repeated blankly.

“Yes,” Anya replied, meekly.

“Giles. My watcher, Giles?” Buffy was having a really hard time grasping that simple little fact.

Anya looked crestfallen. “You hate the idea.”

“What? No! I just…um…why?” Buffy shook her head in confusion and disbelief.

“He’s a gentle, distinguished looking man who would probably be very good in…oh…um, that place you don’t like me to talk about.”

“Did he say something?” Buffy was still trying to get her mind around the possibilities that her watcher had a bed, let alone did anything in it.

“Well, no, but I’m young and beautiful, why would he turn me down?”

Buffy giggled. “Anya, go for it. I’m sure you’ll brighten his days right up. But a word of caution, take it slow - you don’t want to scare him.”

Before the ingenuous girl had a chance to respond both girls stiffened with the realisation that they were being watched.

Buffy had never before noticed that her companion had heightened senses, too. She mentally acknowledged that they would come in handy and hoped that Spikes stayed as sharp. Letting her senses out, she located their silent observer. She shook her head ruefully. She really should have known. He was outside the bedroom window, of course. Allowing Anya to see her wicked grin, Buffy spoke loudly enough to be heard by their intruder but not loudly enough to raise suspicion. “Well, Anya, if you’re all set, I need to get back to Spike. He has a terrible time sleeping without me.”

Anya’s eyes sparkled in amusement when she heard the low growl from outside. “Of course, Buffy, but please try to keep the noise down. The last time the two of you were together, I had to use earplugs.”

Buffy managed to make it out the door before collapsing in silent giggles. The growl-fest had given her all sorts of happies.

Slowly and quietly making her way to Williams’s side once she’d gained control of her laughter, Buffy looked down on the peaceful expression of the slumbering blond. The sharp cheekbones seemed to have softened, giving him a more youthful appearance. He looked so innocent.

He seemed to be mumbling something in his sleep. When she leaned closer to hear him, the arms that snaked around her waist were unexpected. As he held her close in a firm but gentle embrace, she was finally able to hear his whispered words.

“Buffy…Slayer…my love.”

The Little Witch That Could…But Shouldn’t

Buffy didn’t resist as the weakened demon scented her, inhaling deeply in an effort to either commit her scent to memory or confirming the fragrance that he already knew. He seemed so weak and his faint gasps of pain kept her still and pliant

The moment she’d heard his whispered words, she knew she was dealing with Spike rather than William. Buffy couldn’t help but smile when he snuggled into her, purring in contentment.

“Spike?” she whispered gently not wanting to wake him if he were truly sleeping.

“Mmmmm…” he sleepily responded as he half opened his eyes. “Buffy, luv?”

She lifted a hand to gently brush the side of his face. “My word, Spike. You have my word that I’ll do everything in my power to help you.”

His eyes filled with sad resignation. “And after, Pet? If it works?”

“I take the time to get to know the person that’s been hiding from me,” she assured him firmly.

“William’s only part of me, Buffy,” Spike whispered. He was terrified that the only reason she was being this nice to him was because she liked William, not him.

“And I’m glad I met him, but he’s not you, and I kinda miss the whole package. He’s sweet and wonderful, but it’s really hard to argue with someone that calls you ‘Miss’ all the time,” she gently teased.

Spike looked up at the Slayer as she gently moved away from his comforting embrace. The fear in his eye’s made her think that William had returned. “I’m scared, Slayer,” the demon admitted so softly that Buffy had to strain to hear.

“Don’t be. You have me,” she whispered quietly back.

Anya quietly closed the door to the spare bedroom before making her own vow. “And me, Spike. And me.”

When William woke the next morning, it was to the most intoxicating aroma he could ever remember smelling. As he lifted his head, he noticed the article of clothing he had been sleeping on. He stared in confusion, positive that it hadn’t been there the night before.

“It’s Buffy’s,” Anya explained from the hallway entrance. “The demon was restless and Buffy was the only thing that seemed to calm him down. The top was my idea.”

“I must a-apologize,” William’s stuttered, embarrassed.

“Why?” Anya asked. She really hoped that her new relationship with them would mean that someone would take the time to explain things to her

“For being such a bother,” he gave her a little self deprecating smile.

“You are family, William; you are not being a bother at all,” Giles reassured him as he entered the living room and started placing all manner of food on the dinning room table. “I believe it has been a while since you’ve partaken of a true English breakfast,” the Brit suggested as he proudly indicated the well stocked table.

William rose on slightly shaky legs and began slowly making his way to the table, his stomach gurgling with anticipation. The smells may not have been as enticing as that of the beautiful young slayer, but at least they would sate one of his hungers.

Anya lightly clutched his arm and offered her assistance in his trek to the dining table. Once the well bred English gentleman had ushered the ex-demon into her seat, he paused. “Is Miss Buffy not joining us?”

“She needed to go back to her dorm room for some things. She promised not to be long,” Giles informed him.

William’s mouth watered at the sight before him, but his sense of propriety made him hesitate. “Should we not wait for her?”

“We could, but then I would have to explain to an irate slayer why you haven’t been fed.” Giles lifted a challenging eyebrow in amusement.

William smiled. “Well, we can’t have that now, can we?”

“This is really good, Giles,” Anya announced happily. Both men smiled indulgently when they saw that the blasé ex-demon had started without them.

Joining her, the three were soon enjoying a wonderful breakfast, and when Buffy entered the apartment moments later, she was quick to join them and the swiftly disappearing food.

“Did you see Willow?” Anya asked Buffy the question they all wanted to know.

Buffy ducked her head in guilt. How could she have forgotten that? When had food become more important than a human? Reaching down to her bag, Buffy quickly located what she wanted. Grimacing slightly, she placed the object on the table.

Giles and William sat in shock, unable to take their eyes away from the small statuette. Only Anya broke the silence, her heavy sigh filling the room.

“This only happens when you really piss off a benevolent deity,” she told them. “It’s the goddess’ way of teaching the offender what it feels like to be under the control of another individual. This is the direct result of Willow trying to place us under her control and the protection spell rebounding on her.”

“Can you reverse it?” William quietly asked. It saddened him that the little witch was handling her guilt in such a destructive way. He wished her no harm.

“No,” Anya admitted as she looked through the notes that Buffy had brought with her. “She petitioned Gaia. That means that only a pure, or ‘white’ witch, can reverse it. Until we can find one, maybe we can make her understand about magic and consequences.”

“She can see and hear us?” Giles asked.

“Oh, yes,” Anya assured them confidently.

After a bit of discussion the group got themselves organized. Anya would go to the magic shop to get supplies while Giles would help William bathe and Buffy would statue-sit Willow. Buffy wasn’t particularly happy with her job, but as her ‘bad Buffy’ voice was making all sorts of suggestions and she didn’t want to remain a permanent shade of puce, she decided to go with the flow.

Sitting in the living room, she silently contemplated the statue in front of her. There was so much she wanted to say to Willow and knowing that the redhead had no choice but to listen was opening up possibilities that Buffy had never dreamed of. Maybe now would be the perfect time to get it all off her chest. She really didn’t think Willow would be in a listening mood after her powers were bound.

“I could have gotten over the first spell, but the second one makes that kinda hard, Wills. You said you were trying to renew our friendship- and Xander’s as well- but you missed something. Our friendship, yours and mine, was fine. I mean, sure, there’s been changes and everything, but a little time and a nice long talk would have fixed that. You didn’t need magic. As for Xander…well, I’ll get back to that.” Buffy moved down on the floor so that she could be eye level with the statue.

“You messed up big time with that second spell, Will. Thanks to the protection spell we had set up here, we were fine, but you took away three years of memories from yourself- not to mention Cordy, Oz, Xander and Angel. To get them back, I had to act as anchor, which means I got to see them, too. All of your memories in surround sound? Not so fun. I saw everything Willow. Everything. But I didn’t see anything that we couldn’t work out, other than you seriously needing to learn that you don’t get to have control of every situation. You have to get a handle on that, ‘cause if you don’t learn to deal with the pain, you kinda lose with the pleasure too.

“That third spell was the clincher, Wills. We no longer have a choice; you’re not thinking straight and look what happened to you because of it. We have to bind your powers. Maybe someday we can reverse that, but you need to deal with all your issues first.” Buffy sighed heavily. “And one of those issues is Xander.” This was not something she relished going through at all.

“When Xander was possessed by the spirit of that Hyena, he tried to rape me. Denial Buffy let me push it away and not think about it. When I got his memories, I learned that Xander was daydreaming about raping me. He fantasized about it all the time. And then there’s the time when you were re-souling Angel. You asked him to tell me to stall, but he told me that you said to kick Angel’s ass. He’s been telling Anya that she has to stay with him, because as an ex-demon no one else would accept her. He told her that the only reason they were together was because my calling kept us apart. Anya hasn’t said anything. I got it all from Xander’s memories.

“You need to totally understand that there is no way I will ever let him back in my life, Willow, not with everything I learned. There is nothing you can say to change my mind. I can’t be friends with someone who daydreams about raping me. What you need to decide is if you can still be friends with me knowing that. I don’t want to lose you and I’ll help you get through this in anyway that I can, but you can’t fix it, Will. It’s not a problem that can be fixed, magically or otherwise. It’s something you have to live through and deal with.

“All of this started because you were missing Oz. I get that, but he left to learn how to control his inner wolf. His memories are nothing but good about you and he plans on coming back. You didn’t need to do any of this. You just had to be patient.” Buffy stopped speaking and lstared at the small figurine on the coffee table.

The statue was crying.

The Truth Is A Double Edged Sword

Anya stepped out of the magic shop and into the bright morning sun. She loved the feel of its warmth on her face.

She was feeling particularly pleased with herself at the moment. No only had she managed to sort out Giles’ storage of magic supplies, but she had been able to get everything on her list to completely restock it at a fraction of what it should have cost. If that wasn’t enough to give her a happy, then the discovery of the three books was. A quick glance through them had confirmed what she remembered. These weren’t council approved books and the information in them would be invaluable to team Slayer.

Adjusting her load, she prepared to make her way back to the ex-Watcher’s apartment.

“I knew it was a spell,” a voice snarled out from the darkness of the alley. “I will find a way to stop you.”

Anya turned towards the gravelly voice. Peering into the darkness, she recognized the hulking form of the vampire that claimed people and then ran away.

And Anya got pissed.

“I was having a perfectly lovely morning and now you’ve ruined it for me,” she chided. “Do you know what an idiot you are? I’m picking up supplies to re-stock Giles’ magic stores. There is no spell, but I promise you this; if you don’t stop trying to get to William, Giles will need to be quick indeed to get to you before I do. You have caused enough damage to the people I care about. I will not allow it to continue.” Anya gave him one last disdainful glare before marching away.

~~~~~~~

When the ex-demon entered the apartment, she saw that the other three had congregated around the small statue of Willow. Placing her purchases on the table, she brought them up to date.

“I got everything on the list, including some books that you will find very helpful, Giles. I also told off Angel, and why is everyone looking at Willow?”

Giles found himself smiling at the delightfully abrupt subject changes that the ex-demon seemed to excel at. Without a word, he moved to the side so that the girl could see the statue in question. His eyes narrowed when she gasped.

“What is it, Anya?”

The ex-demon raced forward, scanning the statue carefully from all angles. “It’s changed. Her whole aura has changed.”

“How is that possible?” Giles asked.

“Is this of the good or of the ‘I-so-don’t-want-to-know’ variety?” Buffy interjected her own concerns.

“Well, it seems someone said something that got through to her. All the darkness that was starting to form has completely gone. I don’t think I’ve ever seen her aura this pure. We should still bind her, just to be safe, but the binding doesn’t need to be permanent, now. The changes show that she’s willing to learn,” Anya told them. She knew that the little witch had only tolerated her because she was dating Xander, so there was a possibility that when Willow was made human again she would try to shut her out. Anya was taking a huge leap of faith that her newfound friendship with Buffy, Giles, and William would be strong enough to allow her to stay.

“Buffy?” Giles was extremely curious to know what his slayer had said to the wayward witch. He’d never known Buffy to be eloquent enough to be able to use words as a problem solving tool. She usually preferred a far more physical approach.

Buffy looked uncomfortable. Speaking to a statue was one thing, but actual conversation…with talking and answers, possibly explanations…so not something she enjoyed. “There was talking…it was a thing,” she mumbled as she uncomfortably shifted from one foot to the other.

Giles smiled at the fidgeting girl. “Then I’m glad we were able to leave you alone so that you could do your ‘thing’, Buffy.”

The binding spell did not take long as Willow was not under the umbrella of the protection spell. The Discovery Spell would take longer.

“I don’t believe I am familiar with this spell, Anya. Can you explain it?” Giles asked eagerly.

Anya tilted her head to the side, obviously trying to think of the best way to explain it. “Well it’s kind of a combination between a location spell and Cloutier’s Tirer la Couture spell.”

“Rotate many foodstuffs?” Buffy showed her complete lack of French.

William smiled indulgently as he gently corrected her, “Pull the curtain back.”

“It’s a spell to see spells. Well, a trance to see spells, actually, but you get the idea. In this case, I’ll be looking for a specific thing, though, not a spell but something unnatural,” Anya explained.

“What do you mean ‘see’ spells?” Buffy wanted to know all the details on this one. She was a little nonplussed by her terror at the thought of anything happening to William and therefore Spike. They had never had that kind of relationship before. So why was she virtually shaking in her stylish yet affordable boots at the mere thought of endangering him further by mystical means?

“Every thing leaves a trace signature. It's just imperceptible to the human eye. In this case, it could be a bright light surrounding William’s head,” Giles offered a simplistic description.

“Or a cloud of mist around him,” Anya added with an admiring glance at the watcher.

“Okay, so you'll do what the French guy did and then you should be able to see what the commandos did to Spike, right?” Buffy asked anxiously.

“I’ll be able to see if what I suspect is right. If they put something in his head, I’ll know.” Anya corrected firmly. She didn’t want Buffy thinking the wrong thing.

“We’ll be able to see,” Giles firmly announced. He had no intention of not participating. William was family after all.

Buffy sat next to William and held his hand. She hid a smile when the demon immediately began to purr, much to William’s embarrassment.

Giles and Anya moved the coffee table and positioned themselves on the floor in front of them. With the use of candles, incense, and carefully regulated breathing, the pair of them slipped into a trancelike state with surprising ease.

‘Giles? Can you hear me?’ Anya’s voice resonated clearly through his mind.

‘Yes,’ he responded.

Both looked to the couple in front of them. Giles was immediately relieved to see the pulsating red glow emanating from the back of William’s head. ‘You were right. It’s an unnatural device of some sort.’

‘Giles? Why didn’t you tell me that Buffy was immortal?’ Anya asked, her voice laced with innocent curiosity.

‘What are you taking about?’ Giles had no idea what the ex-demon was referring to. His slayer was human, not immortal.

‘You didn’t know,’ she murmured to herself. Making a snap decision, Anya decided to explain to the watcher what it was they were seeing. ‘If you look at me you’ll see that I’m surrounded in a faint green light. Now, look at your hand. Do you see it?’

Giles followed her direction. A clear green light did indeed seem to encompass the girl, and the same light surrounded his hand. ‘What does this mean?’ he asked, intrigued.

‘Green is the colour of earth. It means that we are both bound by the laws of earth’s nature. We live and then we die. Blue is the colour of the immortal sky. It’s the colour that we’d see surrounding that broody, claim abandoning vampire. But both Buffy and William are a mixture of both, which means that they are both immortal, but they can die like a mortal.’ Anya pondered for a moment, her agile mind trying to come up with a plausible reason for Buffy’s unexpected immortality. ‘Buffy died, didn’t she?’ she asked after a moment. She mentally berated herself for not paying closer attention to Xander’s Buffy stories.

‘Well yes, but it was only for a few moments,’ Giles responded uncomfortably. The death of his slayer would always be a difficult subject for him.

‘But another slayer was called, right?’ Anya mentally bounced in excitement. She felt rather that heard Giles’ agreement. ‘Then that’s when it happened. There should be more information in those books I got today, we can look at them and find the answers.’

Both came out of their trances filled with a sense of purpose and excitement. There was a lot of work ahead.

By silent but mutual agreement, neither Giles nor Anya mentioned Buffy’s immortality. All focus was on the object in William’s brain. The problem with removing the object- or at the very least deactivating it- was that to do so the protection spell had to be removed. Neither of them wanted to risk being without the protection spell for very long while Angel was still lurking about.

“Can you not remove just my protection from the spell? That way at least the rest of you would be protected,” William tentatively offered his opinion.

“No, it’s all linked. Look, removing the protection spell doesn’t take any time at all, and if we have everything set up and ready to go, I can remove the object and then redo the protection spell straight away. It will mean we are only without protection for about thirty minutes,” Anya said decisively.

“But won’t that be too much for you, Anya?” Giles asked, greatly concerned.

“As long as I get a good night’s sleep and properly prepare myself before I do the spell tomorrow, all I’ll probably need after is a little nap. I’ll be fine, Giles,” she assured him.

After they had all eaten, they settled down for a quite evening. William was getting weaker by the hour and they had all insisted that he lay down on the couch and rest. A sharp rap on the door had Buffy on her feet and hovering protectively at his side.

Sharing a speculative glance, Anya and Giles both moved towards the door, with Giles reaching to open it.

“Oh joy, Angel is back and look, he’s brought a friend,” Giles drawled sardonically.

“You’re very good at sarcasm, Giles. I’ve always thought so,” Anya complemented the watcher pleasantly.

“Thank you, Anya,” Giles replied as he gave the ex-vengeance demon a little bow.

Turning back to the two slack-jawed visitors, Giles playful expression changed to that expression of utter boredom that only the British excelled at. “What do you want?”

“I just want to know what’s going on. Can we come in so we can talk about it?” Angel struggled to be polite to the other man.

“What would be the point of doing the disinvite spell if he invited you in?” Anya’s tone indicated that she thought the vampire was incredibly stupid for even making such a suggestion. She totally ignored the other visitor. “Why is it any of your business anyway? Didn’t Buffy tell you to leave?” Turning to Giles and not waiting for a reply, she asked her next question, “Doesn’t leaving here imply actually going someplace that’s not here?”

Giles repressed the urge to smile at her antics. “Yes, it does, Anya,” he assured her.

“Well, that’s good. So you should go now. Goodbye.” Anya reached for the door.

“Wait!” Angel shouted angrily.

“Enough already, Ahn!” Xander snarled as he moved to push past the dour vampire, only to be stopped by the invisible barrier at the front door. “What the hell?” he sputtered.

“Giles,” Anya chortled as she clapped her hands in delight. “You used the new spell I found!”

Giles smiled proudly. “Yes, I thought it prudent. It’s a wonderful spell, keeps out all manner of degenerates and monsters.”

“HEY! What’s with the name calling?” Xander asked, shocked at their callous treatment of him.

“Tell me, Xander, do you have any missing time yesterday?” Giles asked with deceptive mildness.

“How did you know about that?” Xander hadn’t said a word to anyone, so he was shocked that the watcher knew.

“Yesterday evening Willow did another spell. Those of us that were here were protected, but you, Cordelia, Oz, Angel, and Willow were not. The spell caused you all to lose three years of your memories. To get those memories back a reversal spell was performed with Buffy acting as anchor. As all of your memories returned, Buffy experienced them. All of them.” Giles stressed the ‘all’ and watched in disgust as the two individuals paled and then blustered.

“What’s that got to do with me? I didn’t do the spell,” Xander snapped indignantly.

“It’s not my fault, Giles. I’m a victim too,” Angel whined.

Buffy walked to the door, turning first to Angel. “The day you had the Oracles to take back.” When he blanched even further, she turned to Xander. “Hyena possession and fantasies.” She gave him a small, bitter smile when his brown eyes bugged out and his mouth dropped open.

With barely restrained violence, Buffy closed the door in their faces.

Which Witch Is Which?

When William woke, he was unable to make his body move at first. A mammoth effort on his part was required before he could even pull himself into a sitting position. He was so much weaker than the day before, but he did not want to worry the wonderful people that were helping him so he covered his weakness as best he could.

He was however, concerned about his demon. He had heard barely a peep from him since he’d purred at the object of his desires the day before. Even if William concentrated very hard he could barely touch onto the edges of his beast’s consciousness. He fervently hoped that the book they were waiting on would arrive soon.

“How are you feeling today, William?” Anya asked as she entered the living room.

“Actually, Miss Jenkins, I’m feeling a little curious,” he smiled shyly at the young woman.

“What has you curious, William,” Giles asked as he came down the stairs.

“I just wondered why we were doing the removal spell now. Would it not be more prudent to wait until after we’ve discovered if I can be cured? It would be wiser to spend the time searching for the white witch and helping Miss Rosenberg,” William suggested selflessly.

“Okay, for the record, William, negativity is just gonna piss me off. I agree that the spell can wait. We can start looking for this white witch person today, but there will be no more talk about ‘if’ you can be cured. I will not let Spike be taken out by poison. It’s so not happening,” the Slayer announced firmly.

“So…any idea’s how we find a white witch?” Buffy asked the group in general.

~~~~~~~

“Are you sure we’re in the right place?” Buffy asked Anya, as she looked around the university common room.

“I know it doesn’t seem very likely, but this is where the location spell pinpointed her.” Anya replied quietly, her own visual search well under way. “There,” she announced, pointing to a group of young women in the very corner of the room. She headed purposefully in that direction, the Slayer following in her wake.

The young girl that Anya was focusing on seemed to radiate purity. Her glow illuminated the room. She would be perfect. Hesitating on the outside of the group, she waited for Buffy to join her. As she waited, she watched. The group seemed to dismiss the young witch completely, ignoring her potential. Anya was incensed at the injustice of it. Especially when one considered the fact that she was probably the only girl in the group with any real magical ability at all.

Buffy saw the girl that held her friend’s attention and she was reminded of Willow when they had first met. Buffy liked the way the girl was being treated even less than Anya.

“Excuse me, we need to speak with the actual witch,” Anya interrupted the group, before turning to the girl in question. “We need your help.”

Buffy stepped forward, adding her own plea, “Please?”

The young girl seemed to shrink in the face of all the attention she was receiving. “I-I-I’m s-sure you have the w-w-wrong person,” she stuttered uncomfortably.

“The crystal doesn’t lie,” Anya said as she lifted the glowing item in her hand.

“We only want to talk to you. We really do need help,” Buffy tried to soften the ex-demon’s blunt approach. She could see that the young witch was obviously shy, very insecure and skittish. She had the feeling that she’d soon be adding yet another underdog to her pack.

The young witch nodded her acceptance. She stood and quietly left the group of slack-jawed Wicca wannabes.

When they arrived back at the watcher’s apartment, Buffy immediately introduced the two Brit’s to their new acquaintance. “Giles, William, I’d like you to meet Tara Maclay. She’s agreed to try and help us.”

Giles offered the witch his hand and his thanks.

William struggled to stand. His frustration at his inability to show the young woman the proper respect was agitating his demon. Crossly, he mentally responded to the fretful beast, ‘Well, it’s alright for you, but I was raised a gentleman.’ He wasn’t completely sure, but he thought he heard the word ‘pillock’ whispering through his mind.

Tara looked over at the struggling young man attempting to get up from the couch and gave a little gasp before quickly moving to his aid. “P-please, don’t try to get up, y-you n-need to rest.” She gently pressed him to seat himself again, her gentle ministrations causing William to blush.

“How can I help him?” she softly asked.

“Actually, William’s not the one we need you for,” Anya informed her. She pointed to the small statue on the coffee table behind Tara. “Willow is.”

“OH!” Tara exclaimed, surprised. She hadn’t expected that at all.

It took the Watcher, the Slayer, the ex-demon, and the half demon a little over an hour to bring Tara up to speed. She looked over the needed reversal spell and benediction to Gaia and was pleased to see that it appeared to be well within her abilities. It wasn’t a spell as such, more like a prayer and request for leniency. She could do this. She could help.

Anya’s forethought in having Giles’ magic paraphernalia updated, organized, and re-stocked saved them a lot of time. Anya got the candles and incense ready while Tara focused her centre.

Tara felt drawn to these people. She didn’t know why. She couldn’t believe that they had so easily proven her father wrong. She’d felt the need to be honest with them as soon as she realized that they were calling her a pure witch. Their reaction to her admission to being part demon had shocked her. Buffy, Anya, and William had all immediately corrected her. When the whole story had come out, William had been incensed. It had taken all of them to calm him down. He apparently had issues with authority figures that abused their position and when that was coupled with his unquestioning loyalty to family, Tara discovered a knight that was willing to fight for her in the face of her father’s perfidy.

The statue intrigued her. She could clearly see the beautifully sweet aura that surrounded it. She wondered about the girl that had clearly abused her powers, faced the consequences and learned her lesson. What made her most curious was the fact that the figurine’s aura seemed to be gravitating towards hers and that her own was echoing the attraction.

The benediction to the Goddess did not take very long and everyone in the room felt her arrival. A peace settled over the group, and even William’s demon was blessed with a respite from pain for the duration of her visit.

Mists of swirling coloured lights surrounded the statue on the floor within the circle, pulsating and growing as the statue did. Just as birth is painful, so is rebirth. Willow’s transformation was no exception.

Tears streamed down the redhead’s face as she accepted her punishment and blessings. She was responsible for this situation and she fully accepted that. As the statue had grown, Willow had grown up. She felt the love of the Goddess surround her, embracing her. She felt Buffy’s sisterly love, while the love of a father came from Giles. She felt friendship and acceptance from William and Anya and a deep connection between souls from Tara.

As the lights dissipated and the presence of the Goddess drifted away, Willow addressed the group with gentle sincerity. “I’m sorry, please forgive me.”

She was embraced.

~~~~~~~

William drank the surprisingly pleasant concoction that Tara had given him. She had been quite insistent, telling him that it would help him relax. In all honesty, he really did need to start concentrating on his demon. It was so difficult, though. He wasn’t used to all the attention he was receiving and he was rather overwhelmed by all the pampering and spoiling.

Buffy’s treatment of him was perhaps the most startling of all. She often sat next to him, taking his hand for no apparent reason, or touching him to gain his attention. She talked to him about her life and asked him about his. She had even become a little cross when Giles had demanded his attention for a while. William refused to speculate over the meaning behind her behaviour. He wouldn’t allow himself to hope. He didn’t believe his heart could stand yet another rejection.

Buffy was worried. Spike hadn’t made an appearance in nearly two days and William was clearly weaker, even though he was trying very hard to hide it. They needed to find the cure and quickly. She didn’t understand these new feelings towards her former nemesis, but she sure as hell wanted the opportunity to find out what it meant. She wasn’t sure what it was she was feeling, but she knew she didn’t want him gone. She didn’t want him hurting and she didn’t want to see him shift his eyes away from her in an effort to hide his own emotions. She wanted to know what he was feeling, but William was so damn skittish that it was impossible to tell. At least with Spike, she could be assured of some direct eye contact. She liked William, but she wanted Spike back. She missed the demon.

Tara had been asked to stay. She couldn’t believe that these people had taken her in until she heard their stories. Apparently, Buffy had a habit of taking in strays.

The conversation soon turned to the fading demon on the couch. When Tara asked when they could expect the book they were waiting for to arrive, Willow looked thoughtful. “It should have arrived yesterday or today at the latest.”

Anya turned to the ex-watcher. “Giles, did you check your mail today?”

The embarrassed man mumbled something about ‘just being about to do that’ as he hurried out the front door in the direction of his mail box.

Giles re-entered the apartment a short time later. “I need to run down to the post office. Does anyone feel like Chinese for dinner?” he asked in an unsuccessful attempt trying to distract them from the fact that the book might have been waiting for him to check his mail for some time.

“I’ll go with you,” Anya informed him. This was too important, and if the day before had been any indication, she didn’t want Giles laden down with Chinese food and the book if Angel or anyone else should attempt to stop him.

After the dinner orders had been taken Buffy, Willow, Tara, and William watched them go. Each of them had a different reason for wanting the answers that the book should hold.

Willow prayed to the Goddess that the cure would be found. She knew that she would feel it deeply if anything were to happen to William, and thus Spike. She never would have admitted it to Buffy before, but she kind of liked Spike in a he’s-a-sweet-but-scary-vampire sort of way. This whole thing was ultimately her fault and from the looks she’d seen her friend giving the injured blonde, she didn’t think Buffy would find it easy getting over this, not easy at all.

Tara prayed to the Goddess that the gentle soul that she could see within the shy man that was so ill and so unwilling to think of himself would be spared any further turmoil. She had rarely seen an individual with such a beautiful aura. The fact that his demon’s aura was just as pure in some aspects as the rest of him made him truly a unique individual. She thought he would be someone she would like the chance to get to know.

Buffy fretted. It was close. The answer was close. What if the cure was something totally weird? What if it was something so rare that it was like impossible to find or in some remote location like the Amazon or some other freaky human’s-never-visit-there place? What if the cure wasn’t even in the book and they needed some other book for the cure? What if something happened to the book? Maybe she should have gone with Anya and Giles, because what if they ran out of time?

For the demon was dying and William was saying goodbye.

When a Slayer Cries

“If the Bringer of Death on the demon shall weep
Healing begins while the fading one sleeps
Take heed that rare do these precious tears fall
For death never loves the ones on which she calls.”

“Huh?” Buffy stared at Anya, completely lost.

“It’s the cure,” the ex-demon explained as she studied the text again.

Buffy shared a glance with an equally confused Willow. “What do you mean; it’s the cure? It’s a funky poem!” Turning to her Watcher, she demanded, “Tell her it’s a poem, Giles.”

“It’s a message, Buffy. We need to decipher it to understand what the cure is,” Giles tried to explain calmly. He could certainly understand her frustrations; his own level of anguish had certainly reached new heights.

Willow tried to be logical. “Anya, can you repeat the first line again.”

“If the Bringer of Death on the demon shall weep,” the ex-demon recited stoically. She was desperately trying to keep calm, but she could feel the tendrils of panic beginning to grip her.

“Well, Spike’s demon is sick because of the demon that slashed him, right? So wouldn’t that demon be the ‘Bringer of Death’ and couldn’t that mean that we just have to find that demon and make him cry on Spike?” Willow offered hopefully.

“Actually Willow, that’s a very good interpretation.” Giles gave the witch a relieved smile.

“So…What? I go find the Lilac demon and drag him back here and then make him cry?” Buffy asked, needing the action that this plan called for. Frankly, the idea of making a demon cry was really appealing to her at this point in time.

“Lyaliac demon,” Giles automatically corrected.

William softly spoke from the couch. When Buffy couldn’t hear him she moved to his side and asked him to repeat what he had said.

“Not from this dimension, pet. You’d need to open a portal,” Spike whispered.

Buffy dropped to her knees and brushed her hand lightly over his cheek. “Welcome back, cutie,” she whispered in return.

The soft look in her eye’s momentarily took his unneeded breath away. His own expression softened in return. “I need to tell you, Buffy. Just once. I lov…” A gentle finger pressed firmly against his lips and cut off his declaration.

“Not the time, blue eyes. Need you to hold on a little bit longer for me, okay? If you do, I promise you a sparring session as soon as the thingy in your head is gone and you can say anything you want to me. Show me I’m not wrong, Spike, show me you don’t quit,” Buffy pleaded with him.

“Bloody hell, Slayer, you could have at least offered a kiss after a speech like that,” Spike grumbled good naturedly.

Swiftly leaning in, she kissed him and nipped at his bottom lip. “Now shut up and stop complaining.” She smirked at the gob-smacked invalid.

“You kissed me,” Spike spoke in wide eyed awe.

“Yeah, and I also told you shut up.” Buffy grinned at him. She was feeling all girly at his reaction. No one had ever before reacted to a kiss from her like Spike was.

“But you kissed me,” he insisted, apparently very shocked by her action.

“Yes, Spike, Buffy kissed you. Now, could we get back to the problem at hand?” Giles chided playfully. He probably should have been upset, but Buffy getting involved with his relative didn’t seem anywhere near as worrisome as Buffy getting involved with another vampire. Actually, it showed that her taste was improving as far a he was concerned.

“I don’t mean to be all doom-y voice, but how are we going to find the demon that did this to him and is now in another dimension when we have no clue how to pinpoint it?” Willow hesitantly asked. This was so not of the good as far as she was concerned. She was all out of ideas. Finding a specific demon in an unknown dimension seemed an impossible task.

The sweet little moment they’d just witnessed between Buffy and William/Spike had elevated her panic levels. She had a sinking feeling that should anything happen to the seriously ill vampire-no-more, Buffy would react badly. Really badly. Willow so did not want to be responsible for that.

“We can use the poison to find him. We’ve changed the bandages frequently, so we’ve got plenty of samples to use.” Anya hated pressure, she really did, but in all honesty, it tended to bring out the best in her. Granted, it was usually about her, but not this time.

She felt an affinity to Spike. She knew how difficult it was to make the transition from the demon to human world, but having the added problem of a life threatening illness thrown into the mix must be terrifying. So Anya did what she did best; she found solutions to problems.

Once she’d made the suggestion, the group moved to the books as one. It was time to find an inter-dimensional location spell with punch.

Buffy stayed right where she was. She really sucked at research, but she could hold a hand with the best of them. Tara had left a bowl of cold water and a cloth, so Buffy used it to cool the perspiring invalid. Memories of all their meetings flittered through her mind and as she tended to him, she talked.

“I remember the first time I saw you. You were so smooth and confident. I thought you were the most gorgeous man I’d ever seen. Well, until you threatened to kill me, that is. Then it was like ‘damn, what a waste!’”

She smiled at her memories. “Did you know you’re the only one to ever make me afraid? Even Angelus didn’t scare me like you did. He just sorta pissed me off a lot. You terrified me, but I was always relieved when you’d come back into town. In some totally weird way, the slayer part of me sees you as my vampire; my equal. So you see, you have to get better, ‘cause you seriously don’t want to piss off the Slayer. She’s really possessive of her property.” Buffy had no idea of the impact her words would have on the ailing man.

Spike’s demon rushed forward, intermittently purring and softly mewing in pain, absolutely elated to have been claimed by his slayer. His growled but possessive ‘mine’ was barely a whisper.

William struggled to the surface, his own weakness hampering him. “Oh, Miss Buffy! What have you done?” he almost sobbed in defeat. His fragile heart was now completely owned by the young and clueless girl who held his hand. He knew he would not survive when she changed her mind. Perhaps it was better to give in to the poison now and save himself the pain of another failed romance, because this failure would surely end him. Death might be his only relief.

Buffy was shocked at his reaction. She didn’t understand what she was supposed to have done wrong, but she knew without a doubt that she had to fix it and quickly.

“Spike, what did I do? Please, you have to tell me so I can make it better,” she begged him quietly. She was near tears and her voice shook as she spoke.

Spike looked at her with sad eyes. He hoped he had the energy left to tell her.

“Matings are taken seriously in the demon world, pet. The mating ritual starts with a verbal declaration and you basically did just that. The demon wants to be your mate more than it wants anything else, so when you called him yours, he responded,” he said softly.

Buffy took in his words. “And William?”

“William thinks you’re going to break his heart and refute the claim. He wants to let the poison finish him off.”

Buffy felt her heart clench and for the first time ever felt the Slayer rising within her.

And the Slayer was pissed.

“He will not give up,” she snarled. “You are mine. You’ve always been mine.”

As the Slayer receded, Buffy and Spike shared identically shocked expressions. She had certainly sounded like she meant what she was saying, but the two blondes were at a loss to explain exactly what that was.

“Um, Giles?” Buffy called for her watcher’s attention. “Seriously wiggy slayer moment over here.”

“Perhaps a little more information would be helpful, dear,” Giles countered, unconcerned as he continued to scan the book in front of him.

“The Slayer made a command performance, Watcher,” Spike offered tiredly. He didn’t have much time left. He wished he could be spending it in a more constructive way. Like snogging the Slayer, but something told him she might take issue with his reasoning.

“I beg your pardon?” Giles lifted his shocked gaze to study their features, positive that this was some sort of pointless joke on their part.

“What Spike means is that the Slayer took over for a minute and made me all possessed Buffy.” Buffy replied with a wigginess factor of ten.

Giles looked at them blankly. The only movement was the rapid blinking of his eyes. This shouldn’t be possible, but Buffy’s reaction at least told him that it was not only possible, it was a fact that he should have known. He didn’t have the answers his slayer needed. He looked at her helplessly.

“You haven’t had time to read the books I bought, Giles. The answers are in there. Actually, all the information that the council kept from the slayers is in there, but I thought William was more important so I didn’t mention it,” Anya offered, worried that she’d done the wrong thing.

“You were right, Anya. William is more important. I can wait for the answers,” Buffy told the ex-demon. She tried to reassure Anya, but something told her the information was more important then they thought. Dismissing her inner concerns as being selfish, Buffy turned he attention back to Spike, who was now fading fast.

Anya had over a thousand years of experience. During that time when her intuition pointed her in a direction, she had learned to follow. Her hand hovered over the book that she had barely glanced through the day before. Time was so short. They needed to find the right location spell. She didn’t really have time to follow her intuitions. Not this time. She looked at the book again. It was definitely calling her, so she opened it.

“The first time I saw you, you were sitting at the Bronze doing your French homework. You know, pet, you were really bad at French.” Spike smiled as he teased her. “Then you got up and started dancing with Red and the Whelp. God, Buffy…you were bloody poetry in motion.” He was struggling for breath, but he needed to breathe in order to talk to her. There was so much he needed to say and so little time in which to say it.

“I had you video taped when you were fighting so I could study your style. I tried to tell myself that it was research so I could learn how to defeat you, but I took the tapes with me when I left Sunnydale the first time. Dru told me I was falling for you. It’s why she left me. I couldn’t believe it, you know? Me; in love with a slayer. No bleedin’ way. I fought it so hard, pet.”

Spike lifted a shaky hand to caress Buffy’s cheek and his thumb moved to wipe away her tears. “I’m not fighting it anymore, Slayer. I love you,” he whispered as his demon took its final breath.

On With the Show

Buffy was in shock. It all happened too quickly. Her tears refused to stop. She didn’t hear Anya yelling at her. All she could hear was her heart breaking. It wasn’t until Anya grabbed her and shook her shoulders that Buffy registered her shouted words.

“Your tears! Your tears are the cure, Buffy. Hurry! Hurry,” the ex-demon begged loudly.

Buffy didn’t ask any questions, she just leaned over the unconscious man and wept. Her tears drenched him, and as she cried, she prayed.

~~~~~~~

“How long?” Buffy asked for the tenth time, her voice roughened from crying. Anya had tried to explain what had happened, but Buffy was having none of it. She would listen to nothing until they knew one way or the other if it had been successful. She didn’t need explanations for failure, she just wanted Spike to wake up. Then and only then would she willingly listen to any and all information they wanted to give her.

“Four hours,” Willow quietly replied. They had all joined Buffy in her silent vigil over the demon that had clearly captured her heart. Her hands shook from fatigue as lifted one to rub the back of her neck.

Like a repetitive record, Buffy once again told them in an emotionless voice that they didn’t need to stay if they had other things to do. Once again they all assured her that they wanted to stay. They wanted to be there, not only for Buffy, but for Spike too.

And the silence returned.

~~~~~~~

Buffy stretched and snuggled more deeply into her warm cocoon, keeping her eye’s firmly shut all the while. Leather surrounded her and the strong scent of cigarettes and alcohol with an earthy undertone tempted her senses. It felt and smelt like Spike.

Wait a minute.

Buffy was afraid to open her eyes. She used her senses to get a better idea of her situation. The leather she felt was his duster. The Spike-scent that permeated her surroundings was clearly coming from that. She felt no arms embracing her, but she was obviously on the couch. So she was covered with his duster, laying on what had basically been his bed for the last couple of days, but he wasn’t there.

‘Oh God,’ she silently begged ‘don’t let him be gone’.

“Does she do that a lot?” Anya asked, curious.

“What? You mean the whole if-I-keep-my-eyes-closed-it-will-all-just-go-away thing she’s doing?” Willow responded, amused. “Yeah. Pretty much.”

“Why?” Tara thought it was probably the cutest and yet strangest thing she’d ever seen.

“Spike. She hasn’t worked out where he is yet,” Willow offered her opinion based on her wealth of Buffy knowledge.

“But everyone except Spike is in here, and the shower is clearly audible so where else…Good heavens! I didn’t know slayers moved that fast.” Anya grinned as she watched her friend fly towards the bathroom.

~~~~~~~

Spike felt the water cascade over him, symbolically washing away his sins. He could no longer separate his demon from his inner William. For the first time since his turning he was truly balanced and felt no need to keep up the façade that he’d developed over the decades.

He felt reborn, revitalised, and warm for the first time in over a hundred years. His heart was beating, pumping his blood strongly through his veins, but the strength and speed of his demon were fused to him. His senses remained as enhanced as they’d previously been. The main difference was that even though he was still capable of going into game-face, the thought of ingesting blood disgusted him. Okay, maybe disgust was too strong a word because he really wanted the blood play that came with a true claiming and that of course required a little partaking of blood. Other than that, no thank you.

He had to smile to himself when he remembered waking up earlier. Almost every one of his fears had been addressed. Almost. There was still Buffy.

He chuckled softly when he thought about the golden goddess of his dreams. She’d been so sweet and kittenish when he moved her. He’d had to do something when he saw how bloody uncomfortable she had looked curled up on the floor. Putting her in his place on the couch without waking her had been relatively easy and she’d snuggled right into his duster when he placed it over her.

He had moved as quietly as he could from the living room into the small kitchenette, not wanting to wake the group of sleeping people. He knew Rupert would be the first to wake and started the tea brewing, knowing the older man would enjoy it. It hadn’t taken long for the retired librarian to join him. In a perfect example or British reserve, both men held there emotions and shook hands in greeting. The slight shaking of both men was the only indication of the emotional impact the meeting had on both of them. A family reunited.

Willow and Tara had joined them and Spike had been shocked and touched when the little redhead hugged him and whispered that she was sorry he’d had to go through the illness, but was glad of the outcome. He’d told her that he was too. Tara had been re-introduced to him and her sweet and nurturing nature had come to the fore when she insisted he add some herbs to his tea to ensure his continued health.

When Anya had quietly stepped into the room, she was crying. She had been so overjoyed to see him up and about. His presence made her feel not so alone in the once-were-a-minion-of-evil club. Turning human after so long as a demon could be daunting unless you had someone to share it with. She had hoped they could help each other.

As Spike washed his hair, he finally allowed his thoughts to return to Buffy. Here in the relative safety of the bathroom, he could admit his fear. He felt the tears prick at the back of his eyes. What if she didn’t want him? What if it had all just been empty platitudes? How would he live without her and did he even want to?

Spike was so lost in his thoughts that he didn’t notice the bathroom door inch open, so when the voice that filled his waking dreams spoke, he almost slipped and landed on his arse in shock.

“I’m not peeking,” her voice assured him. “But can you stick your head out so I can see you with my own eyes? I really need to see you, Spike.” Her voice shook with the depth of her emotions.

He felt frozen in place, his fears overwhelming him. Reaching a shaky hand to the tap, he turned the shower off.

Time seemed to stop for a moment. Both of them were so scared. They could face demons by the truckloads, but heartbreak could destroy them both.

“Can you pass me a towel, please,” he asked as he tried to come to terms with the new sensation of a racing heart.

Buffy felt her heart clutched and squeezed tightly as if in a vice grip. She continued to function in automation handing the man in the shower the requested towel.

She’d thought by the reactions of her friends that Spike was fully recovered. But that request had not come from her Spike. She allowed her tears to flow freely as she mourned her loss, deaf, dumb and blind to her surroundings.

When Spike pulled back the shower curtain he was confronted with the sight of the woman of his dreams projecting a picture of misery, her tears streaming down her face. Forgetting that he was only wearing a towel, Spike rushed to climb out of the bath and pull the weeping slayer into his arms. “Luv? What is it? Please, Buffy, I can’t bear to see you cry.”

Buffy froze within his embrace. Her eye’s narrowed dangerously. That had sounded suspiciously like her Spike. Not William. Spike.

“Spike?” her voice was muffled by his naked chest.

“What is it, Kitten?”

“YOU IDIOT!” she yelled as she shot out of his arms, slapping his chest repeatedly as she continued to assault him with both hands and words. “Don’t you ever do that to me again! I thought you were dead, you big stupid…”

Spike halted her rant the only way he knew how.

Grabbing her upper arms, he pulled her to him, his lips silencing her words. Her ineffectual beating on his chest slowed then stopped and her arms snaked up to encircle his neck. Spike gentled the kiss in response to her hesitant exploration of the hair on the nape of his neck. Lightly caressing her bottom lip with his tongue, he silently requested entrance. She parted her lips in supplication and melted further into his embrace.

“I’d really prefer that you didn’t do that in there,” Giles’ amused voice drifted through the door. “There are those of us that still need to use that room.”

Slowly separating their lips, adding a few last minute nibbles, two foreheads met and both sighed with contentment.

~~~~~~~

“Can you tell us the poem again please, Anya,” Buffy asked once Anya had completed filling them all in.

Discovering that the explanation for the poem was in one of the books that Anya had purchased had been a gift from the Powers as far as Anya was concerned. When she thought about what could have happened had she ignored her intuition, she shuddered. “If the Bringer of Death on the demon shall weep, healing begins while the fading one sleeps. Take heed that rare do these precious tears fall, for death never loves the ones on which she calls.”

“So Buffy’s the ‘Bringer of Death’?” Spike asked, not really sure if he was getting it right.

“Seriously not loving that little l'homme de plume!” Buffy huffed.

“The man of letters? There’s a degree for slaying?” Anya asked blankly. Sometimes she wondered if she would ever understand these humans.

“She means nom de plume,” Spike chuckled as he explained to the ex-demon. Turning to Buffy, he flashed a cheeky grin. “We’ve talked about your French, pet. And while I’m all for you butchering the bloody frogs’ language, it might make actual communication a bit problematic.”

Giggling girlishly she responded, “shut up, Spike.”

“Yes, Spike. Buffy is known to several species of demon as the ‘Bringer of Death’. The cure required the tears of a slayer, but not just any slayer. What makes the cure so rare is that the slayer in question must be in love with the injured demon,” Giles explained.

“How did you get ‘round that then, Rupes?” Spike asked with genuine curiosity.

With the exception of Buffy everyone there looked him as if he had completely lost his mind. Buffy, the oblivious Vampire Slayer mirrored his curiosity.

Spike looked from face to face; awe dawning on his features after going through the gamut of other emotions. Turning to his slayer he failed to notice her expression. “You love me?” he whispered, almost accusingly.

“Huh?”

Turning to Giles and then Willow, she was shocked to see them both nodding affirmatively. “You knew this?” she squeaked. When they grinned and nodded again, clearly thinking the entire situation was extremely funny, she made her displeasure known. “Why didn’t you tell me? I should know this. This is one of those important things that the slayer should know.”

Grinning widely, Spike captured the slayer in his arms. “Shut up, slayer,” he said as he brought his lips down on hers.

Fin