Chapter 1: He’ll Never Let It Go

She slowly walked up the steps to her best friend’s door. The two had been friends since they could walk and they shared everything together.

Buffy stopped at the door, wiping her puffy eyes and cheeks free of fallen tears. Taking a deep breath, she knocked on the hard oak.

The door swung open, revealing her sleepy-looking friend dressed in a pair of baggy sweatpants.

“Buffy? What are you doing here, luv? It’s 3 o’clock in the bloody morning.” Spike ran his hand through his bleach-colored locks, in attempt to tame the unruly curls.

The moment words came out of his mouth, the tears started again. Spike pulled her into his house, and his embrace, already knowing what this was about, or more precisely who. Angel. It was always about Angel.

Buffy melted into his arms, letting him whisper words of comfort that always made her slip into a different world, where everything was perfect and safe. And where she had taken the right path…with Spike at the end instead of Angel. She made the wrong choice years ago, and now she felt like she suffered everyday for it.

It wasn’t that Angel was a bad boyfriend. He wasn’t. The couple just fought too much, and sometimes was taken too far. Usually, whatever they fought about morphed into another one. Something bigger. Something it always came to. Spike.

Angel was the one that continuously brought him up in all their fights. How Buffy was constantly measuring him to Spike. He was chronically the one she ran to after their fights, which added fuel to the fire. It pissed Angel off to high multitudes, and it farther pissed him off that the two had, and possibly still do, have strong feelings for each other.

Spike sat Buffy on his couch and went to his kitchen to get her a glass of water. When he came back, he placed it on the coffee table. Sitting beside her, he leaned forward resting his elbows on his knees, and with his hands clasped. He waited for her to speak. He knew that she would, she always did. But when she was ready.

“We got in a fight. Mom had to go out of town for the day, and she asked me to pick Dawn up from school, and stay with at her home until she got back.” Buffy took a deep breath before continuing. “Anyways, she didn’t get home till late last night, so I ended up falling asleep until she got there. I completely forgot that I had dinner plans with Angel, and he was pretty upset. We fought about practically everything, and then you came up. Again. That’s when I left. I didn’t want to get into it. And knowing Angel, he’ll never let it go.” Buffy ran her hands through her hair, mimicking the same pose as Spike.

“Well, I guess you can say it’s nice to know that I’m always on your mind.” Spike suggested with a bright grin.

Buffy shook her head and laughed silently. “Spike, you’re on my mind even when I’m not fighting with Angel. You know that.” She confirmed softly. Her face was filled with longing. Wishing that she didn’t have to put up with Angel, and just be with Spike.

“Do you ever just wish that, everything could be easy?” Buffy looked over to him. “That you’d never have to deal with fucked up relationships, and hard times?” Spike didn’t answer her, but gave her a look that told her that he understood. “Do you wish I wasn’t with Angel?” she asked so softly her voice was barely audible.

The question had caught Spike off guard. She had asked before if he ever thought they could try again, but it was in a jokingly manner. She sounded vulnerable. Like the answer would kill her if he didn’t give the right one.

“Buffy…I can’t answer that.” He looked away, hoping she wouldn’t press her big question on him again. But…no such luck.

“Spike. Please…tell me. Do you wish I wasn’t with Angel?” her eyes pleaded with him, as if hoping he gave her a reason to leave her boyfriend.

He wanted to say ‘Yes! I wish you weren’t with him, and you were with me.’ But he couldn’t. Problem one: Buffy loved Angel. And even if she did break up with Angel to be with him, she would still, and always love Angel, and he didn’t know if he could handle that. Problem 2: The only reason she’d do it in the first place is because she’s trying to find an easier route, an easier relationship. What if being with him only made things harder? And lastly, Problem 3: Angel was not only Buffy’s boyfriend, but one of Spike’s good friends since senior year of high school. If Buffy left him for Spike, that would mean Angel getting hurt. Not to mention, their friendship being damaged.

So all in all, Spike was in a big yucky situation.

Spike was just about to answer, when a voice sounded in the room.

“Spike? What’s going on is everything okay?” a soft and concerned figure said from the doorjamb.

“Um, Cordy…yeah, Buffy just needed to talk.” Spike said rubbing his eyes.

“Oh. Hey Buff. What’d that lunk-head do now?” she asked with a small smirked, and a raised brow. Cordy came into the room and sat on the coffee table in front of Buffy.

“Nothing…we just got in a fight is all.” Buffy replied uncomfortably. Cordelia was always someone good to talk to about fights with Angel. Of course she’d always leave out the parts with her boyfriend involved. But now being around her was awkward. Possibly because she almost walked in on a personal talk the two blondes were having. Buffy loved Cordelia. She was always really sweet to her, and not to mention that she had been a friend of Buffy’s family for years. Small world? Not small enough. Cordy was Buffy’s current boyfriend, Angel’s, sister.

“Another one!? My God, I know he’s my brother, and sometimes it really pains me to admit to that, but these fights have got to end. That’s all you two do.” Cordy flung her thick and wavy, chestnut-color hair to one shoulder and letting the long strands touch her thighs. “You know what you need!” she exclaimed proudly, and swatting Buffy’s knee to punctuate her words. She ignored her attempts to rub the pain away, and the dirty look Buffy was giving her. Causing Spike to chuckle. “You need a man like my Spike, here. Hey, honey?” Cordelia looped her arms around one of Spike’s and pulled him closer, giving him an affectionate kiss on the cheek.

Spike’s face immediately sobered up at his girlfriend’s words. And the look on Buffy’s face once she said them. He awkwardly, AND uncomfortably hugged her back, finding it weird to do so with Buffy sitting right there.

Buffy turned her eyes away from the show of affection, trying her hardest not to scoff in disgust, and scream out in envy.

“Yeah, well. Guess I’m just not lucky like you. There are no other Spike’s out there.” Buffy hid the bitter tone in her voice better than she expected. Buffy looked at Spike intently, knowing that he knew she meant it in a different way than she was presenting it to Cordy. “He’s a special one, and you’re lucky to have him.” Buffy stated finally tearing her gaze away from the intense blue eyes, to look at dancing brown ones. The two girls smiled at each other, Cordy cheerfully and Buffy, not so cheerfully.

And Spike noticed the fallen look on her face. He bowed his head, feeling horrible that she had to experience that, just cause he was a stupid git so long ago, by letting her go.

Needing to get away from the tense moment, Buffy stood on shaky legs. “I’m gunna head into the kitchen and grab a drink. I’ll…be right back.” she rubbed her sweaty palms on her jeans, and headed into the kitchen.

She noticed a half empty pack of cigarettes lying on the counter, and rushed over and stole one and the lighter before going outside and sitting on the back steps. She stuck between her lips, and ignited the tip with the Zippo Spike was so fond of. She took a long drag and relished in it.

It was been years since she had a smoke, high school in sophomore year. That’s when she had quit. She was quite the rebel once upon a time, and got herself in trouble a lot. She smoked as a way to calm her nerves, and reduce the stress. Now all that stress was coming back and after seeing the pack on the table she couldn’t resist.

Spike’s gunna kill me for this…oh well. She thought, closing her eyes as she took another puff.

She heard the door open behind her, and her eyes snapped open, as she let out a slow stream of smoke.

* * * * *
After Buffy left the room, Spike and Cordy sat in the room silently, not knowing what to say. Spike because he didn’t know if Cordelia caught onto the connection that was crackling between him and Buffy not 30 seconds ago, and Cordy because she had no idea what the hell had just happened.

Spike finally decided to say something before he died of the tension currently strangling him. “Look, Cordy, I’m just gunna go talk to her. She seems pretty upset about what happened with Angel so…” not Angel, YOU, you ponce! “Um-just give me a minute, and I’ll meet you back upstairs, alright?” Spike stood, and Cordy stood with him, nodding her approval.

“Okay. That’s cool. Just make sure she’s feeling better before she leaves, okay?” She leaned in and gave him a soft kiss and a smile before heading upstairs.

Spike took a deep breath. I need a bloody smoke. Spike walked into the kitchen and noticed Buffy wasn’t in there. He looked out the back door and noticed her golden locks shining from the porch lights. He snatched up a cigarette and walked out onto the back porch.

He sat down next to her and noticed the smoke in her hand. “Taking up smoking again I see. It’s a bad habit, you should quit.” He pulled the Zippo from her hand, and lit his smoke.

Buffy finally looked over at him. “Yeah, says the one who’s been smoking for majority of his life.” She stated pointedly. She turned away and looked out into the backyard. “Anyway, this is like my first smoke since sophomore year of high school. I deserve it.” Buffy took a long drag, and blew the gray smoke into the black night sky.

“I’m sorry.” Spike said quietly, looking down at his shoes. “About what happened in there. Must have been hard, listening to Cordy talk about ending you’re relationship with Angel.” He tapped the ash off the tip of the cigarette and took a short puff.

Buffy sighed loudly, as she angrily put out her smoke. “No, what was ‘hard’ was seeing her put her claim on you right in front of me.” She turned to him with sad eyes and her hands clasped in front of her. “But it’s always been like that, hasn’t it? We’ll be starting something, and then she’ll come in. Parading around, shoving how you two are an item in my face.” Buffy was about to continue when Spike jumped in.

“Buffy, it’s not like she knew. She was just being ‘Cordy’. It’s not like she intentionally meant to hurt you.”

“But does it make it any better? I mean here I am, in the middle of a relationship crisis-which, by the way, she did know about- and she’s hugging and kissing you, practically bragging that she has a boyfriend that would never do what Angel did to me.” Buffy looked back out into the backyard, and ran her hands through her hair, linking them at the back of her neck, and resting her forehead on her knees. “When did everything get so screwed up, Spike?” came her quiet, muffled words.

“Around the time we went our separate ways, I guess. Do you ever-” Spike started to ask as he put out her cigarette.

“Think about the day I left?” Buffy finished for him. She brought her head up to look him in the eye. “Everyday.” She finished. “I wonder how different things would be if I just stayed.”

Chapter 2: Give Me A Reason

4 Years earlier

19-year-old Buffy looked around her half empty dorm room. Her bed, dresser and nightstand were all cleared off, and packed away in her SUV in the parking lot of Sunnydale University.

Her roommate Willow walked up beside her. “Are you sure you wanna do this, Buffy? I mean why don’t you just stay, at least till the end of the year. Chicago will still be there.” She said cheerfully in hopes her best friend would stay longer.

“Yeah, but the question is, ‘will my dad still be there’? He’s always on the road, and if I can catch him here, then maybe he’ll let me travel with him for a while.” Buffy pulled her key out of her pocket, and handed it to Willow. “Take care, Wills.” She pulled her into a tight hug. “I promise I’ll call everyday.” Willow only hugged tighter. “Aww, its just gunna be for a few months, a year at most.” Willow, again, squeezed tighter. “Um, Will’s? Honey…finding it hard to breath here, and you’re not making it any easier.” Buffy choked out.

Willow pulled away quickly, and her friend’s declaration. “I’m sorry, Buff…it’s just-after living with you for so long, its gunna be hard with you not being around anymore. I’m just gunna miss you so much. And all the things you used to do…you know like, when you wake up before me, and leave little chocolates on my pillow before you go out…or how you always get a two tubs of Chunky Monkey, ‘Steel Magnolia’ and a box of Kleenex for our ‘Girl’s night in’, and what about when me, you and Xander play ‘Anywhere but here’ and you always chose Johnny Depp, on the beach just after sunset. And Xander would always say something about Cordelia Chase and make-out point, and I would always say, Quote: ‘I think I’m perfectly content with where I am right now.’ End quote. It’s was like-like our little routine, and it wouldn’t be a routine anymore if you weren’t in it.” Willow finished her tirade with a small pout.

“I know. But we’ll pick up right where we left off when I get back, I promise.” Buffy rubbed her friend’s arm reassuringly.

“Does Spike know you’re leaving yet?”

Buffy took a deep breath, before shaking her head. “No. If I tell him, he’ll try and stop me from leaving, and that’s not of the good.”

“He’s gunna wanna know, Buff. I mean I know some bad stuff happened between you two, but he still cares.” Willow said with a concerned look on her face. She knew that when Spike found out Buffy left, she was the first person he was going to run to, to find out where she was.

“And I still care about him, it’s just-I can’t be here right know, Wills. It’s too hard. We can’t be together, it just wasn’t meant to be, okay. Maybe one day…when we’re old n’ gray and walking with canes, maybe we’ll be together. But I’ll tell ya this: it’s not happening anytime soon.” That’s what she said, but she didn’t really think it. She wished it would happen soon.

Buffy picked up her purse and walked to the door. “I’ll see you, Wills. Tell everyone I said bye…except Spike!” she finished with a pointed finger and a stern look.

“Cross my heart.” She promised making a cross over her heart, as she crossed her fingers on her other hand, behind her back.

Buffy walked out the door, after giving her friend one more quick hug.

Once the door was closed behind her, Willow let out a sigh. “I gotta call Spike.”

* * * * *

About half an hour later Buffy waited at the airport. Her mom and sister had just dropped her off, with promises to keep in contact everyday.

Once she arrived, the flight information board had confirmed in bold red lights, that her flight was delayed…by an hour! She didn’t know what happened and she didn’t care, she just wanted to get on the damn plane.

Buffy already called her dad, telling him she was going to be coming in an hour later than usual, and that she would just call a cab to his place when she came in.

Not knowing what else to do with her hour, she walked over the coffee shop to get something to drink, and some food. No way in hell I’m eatin the food on the plane. She placed her bags down and sat at a little round table. Sighing she strummed her fingers on the table as she waited for the waitress to take her order.

* * * * *

“What do you mean, ‘Buffy’s leaving Sunnydale’?” Spike yelled as he paced the floor of Willow’s dorm room.

“Um, I think I was pretty clear with the Buffy and the leaving of Sunnydale. She’s going to Chicago, Spike, to see her dad. She didn’t want me to tell you but I couldn’t let her leave without you knowing.” Willow sat on the edge of her bed, watching Spike pace the floor.

“How long is she gone for? A week, two, maybe three?” Spike asked in a desperate voice, stopping his pacing to wait for Willow’s answer.

“A year.” She replied nonchalantly, hoping Spike wouldn’t catch onto how long that was in the midst of his freaking out.

“A YEAR?! She’s gunna be gone for a bloody year?!” Spike shouted out, causing Willow’s head to pop up and watch as he resumed his pacing. “Are you sure she said a year?”

“Yes! She said a few months, a year at most. So stop pacing, you’ll wear a hole in the floor. Plus you’re making me very dizzy! Look, she’s at the airport right now and her plane should be leaving in…” Willow leaned over and looked at the alarm clock on her nightstand. “…30 minutes. I just checked the flight schedule on the website, it said her flight was delayed an hour.”

The two stayed silent in the room. Neither moving.

“Well? What are you waiting for you butthead? Go!” Willow shooed him out of her room, and he ran out to his car, on his way to the airport.

“He better come back with a Buffy for me.” Willow mumbled as she sat back on her bed and started to flip through a magazine sitting on her nightstand.

* * * * *

Buffy looked at her watch. She had around 10 minutes until they started calling people for her flight. She stood up and pulled her bags with her to the waiting area for her flight.

She didn’t know what it was but something told her to look at the main room. When she did, she saw a flash of bleached hair and leather. Spike.

When the crowd cleared a little, she noticed it was, indeed, Spike. He looked down at a piece of paper in his hand, and then looked up at the sign above him. Confirming this was the place he was searching for; he walked further in its direction…and towards her.

Buffy eyes widened as he came to stand in front of her.

“When were you gonna tell me you were leaving?” Spike asked in an angry tone.

“Sometime between after I got off the plane and never.” Buffy retorted in all seriousness. She wasn’t joking. She was very serious about not telling Spike she left. If he were smart he’d figure it out eventually. Which brings me to… “How did you know I was here?” she asked with a sigh.

“Willow told me.”

“Damn it, Willow.” Buffy mumbled under her breath. She went to turn around but Spike grabbed her arm and stopped her.

“Why didn’t you tell me, Buffy?”

“Because I knew you would do this. You’d come here and try to stop me, and I couldn’t let that happen. Now let me go.”

“No! Buffy, I’m not letting you leave. You can’t…so things didn’t exactly work out well between us, but it doesn’t mean you have to leave.” Spike pleaded with her, still holding her arm.

“I can’t be here Spike. It’s hard to see you and know that I can’t have you. That someone else got there first.” Buffy gently pulled her arm out of his grasp.

“I’m not with Dru anymore. We’re over.”

“But you still love her!” she said with exasperation. “You still love her. And I don’t know if I can deal with that.” She finished in a more calm tone.

“FIRST CALL. NOW BOARDING PASSENGERS TO FLIGHT 546 TO CHICAGO AT GATE 4. PASSENGERS TO FLIGHT 546 TO CHICAGO AT GATE 4, PLEASE.” The intercom blared out.

“That’s me.” Her voice was quiet and sad. “I gotta go.”

“Please don’t leave.” Spike’s voice was just as quiet and sad. “Please.”

Buffy took a deep breath. “Give me a reason, Spike. Give me a reason to stay and I will.”

Spike looked at her with an intense gaze, but he couldn’t seem to say what was waiting to be let out from the barrier behind his lips.

The silence was killing her and she was waiting for something…anything to happen.

“LAST CALL FOR FLIGHT 546 TO CHICAGO. PLEASE GO TO GATE 4.”

Not the ‘something’ I wanted but I guess I have my answer. Tears filled her eyes, as she let out a deep breath. She managed a small smile. She leaned in and gave him a soft peck on the lips. She pulled back slightly her lips centimeters from his. “Goodbye, William.” Her voice was filled with emotion and sorrow.

She pulled away fully to look at his face. She placed a hand to his cheek. Smiled, and then walked away to her gate, bags in hand.

Spike watched her walk away with a stunned look on his face. She was leaving. Buffy was leaving. Buffy was leaving him. Once the truth hit him as hard as a bag of bricks, Spike couldn’t stop the tears that built up in his eyes.

Buffy handed the flight attendant her ticket, and walked on the stretch hallway to the plane. She wiped the tears that streaked her cheeks, and walked to her seat.

Buffy leaned her head back on the seat, and closed her eyes, letting the pain in her heart take over her, and the tears wash away all hope of ever being with Spike.

Chapter 3: Longing To Hold You

Present day

“I let you go.” Spike admitted quietly. Buffy looked towards him and waited for him to continue. “I had a chance to keep you with me and I just let you go.”

“Well it just wasn’t what you wanted then.” Buffy nervously played with her hands.

“Yes it was. But I just couldn’t bring myself to say it. I wanted to…but-God I dunno I just wasn’t thinking straight. I kinda lost my mind. I tend to get that way around you.” Spike ran his hand through his unruly curls.

“I make you lose you’re mind? Oh well that’s great. You’re going insane, and I’m to blame.” Buffy joked whole-heartedly.

“You know what I mean.” Spike chuckled out. “With you, all my resolve just goes out the window, and I’ll pretty much do anything you ask of me.” Spike stated shaking his head with a smile.

“Well, in that case: Wanna take me shopping tomorrow?” Buffy asked cheerfully, with her 100-watt smile.

“See? Right there!” Spike pointed at her. “It’s that smile of yours. Get away with murder with that smile, you can.” He noticed the blush that crept up her cheeks but decided not to call her on it.

* * * * *

Cordelia stood by the window, watching the blonde couple that sat on the porch. She had heard the two laughing while she was getting changed into her pajamas, she and walked over to the window and pulled up the blinds.

They seemed to be having such a good time together. And it was so natural. Cordy wished that her and Spike had a relationship like he had with Buffy. Of course with the sex, though cause…the sex was gooood. She knew about their history and how they almost got together. Buffy had told her when she came back from Chicago a year and a half later.

Cordy was happy that the two didn’t get together, because she had liked Spike since high school. But she knew that the blondes belonged with each other. She closed the blinds, and took one last look at the two still laughing outside.

* * * * *

“I should probably go home now.” Buffy said, her laughter dying down, after remembering some funny moments from high school. “Angel’s probably worried.” Buffy stood and brushed off her pants.

Spike stood with her, and they both walked inside. Buffy grabbed her purse, and put it on while Spike opened up the door for her.

“Thank you, for letting me stay here a while. I know that you have work in a couple hours, and I’m sorry I woke you.”

“Hey…don’t worry about it. You needed to talk and I’m here for you. You know that.” Spike said as he yawned.

Buffy giggled at how boyish he looked. “Yeah, but not when you need your beauty sleep.”

“Are you saying I’m not pretty?” the sleepy blonde asked with mock hurt; one of his hands over his heart. “That hurts, luv.”

“Aww, did I bwuise the big bad’s ego?” Buffy retorted in a baby voice. The two shared a laugh before Buffy continued. “Goodnight…or good morning. I’ll see you around.” She gave him a hug that was a little more than friendly, and he eagerly returned it. It was a hug that showed the longing the two had for each other, and knowing it would be a long time coming before they could get what they wanted from each other.

Buffy smiled, then walked out the door and to her car, to face an angry boyfriend. He wouldn’t be mad that she left. No, he can understand why she’d leave after their fights. He’d be mad because she ran to him. Again!

* * * * *

Buffy turned the key in the lock at hers and Angel’s apartment, and quietly stepped into the room. The lights were off and the place seemed silent. He’s asleep.

Buffy placed her purse on the glass table in the entryway, and shed her coat and shoes on her way to the bedroom. She opened the door, and flipped on the light on her side of the bed. She jumped in surprise when she saw Angel sitting up in the bed looking down at his hands.

“God, Angel you scared me.” Buffy gasped her hand over her chest, to calm her racing heart.

“Sorry.” Angel’s voice was monotone and quiet.

“Angel, what are you doing sitting in the dark?” Buffy asked changing into her pj’s.

“I was just thinking. Were you at Spike’s?” The question was asked so nonchalantly that Buffy didn’t know if she wanted to answer, afraid what his reaction might be.

“Um, yeah.” Might as well tell the truth. He’d get angrier if I lied. “Yeah, I was just talking to Cordy.” Okay, so I lied a little. But it’s okay to embellish, right?

“Oh, really?” that seemed to make him a little happier. His eyes were wide with surprise that it was Cordy she was talking to. He thought for sure that she was going to run to her knight with shining hair, and cry on his shoulder. Telling him what a bad boyfriend he was and making him look bad. He shook away his thoughts. “What’d she say?”

“Oh, she gave me a little advice.” Buffy climbed into the bed and curled into Angel’s side.

“And what kinda of advice did my sister give you? Something of the ‘get over it’ kind?” Angel lay down in the bed, smiling as Buffy playfully hit his arm.

“Nooo…she told me that: We can push past this. That its gunna take some work, but we can do it.” Buffy wrapped her arm around his waist, and placed a kiss on his bare chest. She didn’t want to tell him the truth this time. It would only make things worse. Her telling him that, his own sister suggested that she find a guy more like Spike. No. Angel would blow a blood vessel if she said that. So this was her way of telling him that everything was okay between them, and they would work it out.

I hope.

Chapter 4: Tied Up

The next few days were hard for Buffy than she ever thought they would be. She had purposely avoiding Spike, to avert herself from the pain she knew she’d get when she realized that he was with Cordy…and not her. But that was not going to work today, considering Spike would be coming to the gallery to help with some of the stocking.

Buffy was frequently forcing herself to stay in bed longer…forcing herself to finish her dreams that included Spike, and how they were happy together. Dealing with the fact that she was awake now, and that dream wasn’t going to come back, Buffy threw off the covers grudgingly, and stomped to the bathroom with a pout.

Buffy glanced over at the clock. ‘8:37’. She splashed water on her face, and combed out her hair quickly before pulling it into a ponytail. Knowing that she didn’t have to go into work for a while, Buffy looked forward to her morning coffee and an episode of ‘Sponge Bob Square pants’. Angel’s already left for work. Looks like I can have the morning to myself. Ahh, sweet solitude.

Walking around the corner, her hopes were getting sucked down the drain.

“Angel.” Buffy said surprise obvious in her voice. “I thought you were going into work today?” She walked towards the fridge and pulled out the milk, and instant coffee.

“Yeah, well…I thought I’d take the morning off. Spend it with you.” Angel sauntered over to her and wrapped his arms around her waste from behind, giving her a sweet kiss on her shoulder that was barely covered by the thin spaghetti strap of her pink tank top.

So much for Sponge Bob…Buffy thought turning around in his arms and giving him a quick kiss.

“Thank you.” The petite blonde replied with a happy smile. Part of her really loved having this. The comfort. The love. How natural they seemed to be at times. Angel leaned in and kissed her long and affectionately. When he pulled away Buffy smiled against his lips. “Mmm, good morning.” She grabbed both ends of his undone tie, and pulled him closer to her.

Angel wrapped his arms around her, and lifted her onto the counter, never breaking the kiss, which was getting quite heated. Their sex life was slightly waning the past few months, and right now both were ready to spice things up a bit.

They made quick work of losing their clothes and falling to the ground, with Buffy straddling him. Angel entered her, and for the first time in months, Buffy felt satisfied.

Angel flipped them over and stopped moving within her, causing Buffy to whimper with need. He reached over to where the clothes were, and pulled his tie out from the collar on the shirt. With a sexy smirk, he grabbed Buffy’s wrists and bounded them together, and placing them above her head.

Well this is different…I like it! Buffy thought to herself with a smirk. Getting kinky like this will really spice up the relationship. Just as they started feeling the telltale signs of their completion, a loud knock on the door ruined the moment.

“Ignore it.” Buffy whispered, bucking her hips up.

KNOCK KNOCK KNOCK!

They both sighed, and then laughed at the situation. Angel pulled out of her and untied the tie from her wrists. “Hold on a second!” he shouted out to whoever was behind the door.

The two giggled as Angel jumped back into his pants and Buffy pulled on his shirt, doing up the buttons. She ran her hands through her hair, only to have them pulled away by her boyfriend.

Without a word, he tied her wrists together again, and walked out of the kitchen, giving Buffy a wink before turning the corner, and heading to the door.

Buffy waited there for a good 10 minutes, before she got tired of waiting. Whoever it was that was at the door could wait. I wanna get laid, God damn it!

Buffy walked down the hallway, wrestling with the bonds, trying to get out of them. “Angel, can you please untie these, they’re starting to-” Buffy looked up and saw Spike standing in the doorway, Angel standing slightly off to the side. Buffy’s eyes widened as she tried desperately to pull the business shirt down to hide her thighs.

The look on Spike’s face was that of utter shock. It hurt him more than he’d like to admit seeing Angel and Buffy like that. He looked down, to hopefully hide from Angel his reaction. Last thing he needed was his buddy thinking he was all hot for his honey. Even if he was.

“Oh God…” She mumbled, quickly running out of the entrance when she felt her legs start to work again.

Angel’s cheeks flushed bright red, as he scratched the back of his neck.

Once Spike felt he could speak again, he gave his friend an evil smirk. “Barbequing, eh…first thing in the morning? That was a horrible lie.” He accused with a raised brow.

“Yeah, well I tried…”

“Well you do have a nice rack grillin’, if you don’t mind me saying.” Spike joked, with a chuckle, looking around Angel and down the hallway.

“I DO mind you saying.” Angel replied almost immediately after, closing the door and little more.

“Relax, Peaches…I’m just playin around. No need to get all riled up. Anyways I’ll leave you to it…have fun. Tell Buffy I say ‘hi’…when she’s fully clothed.” Spike added the last part bitterly as he walked away.

He came there to see if Buffy wanted to catch a ride with him to work at the gallery. Too bad she’s already getting one.

When Angel walked back into the living room he saw Buffy trying to pull her pants back on with her hand still tied. It was a funny site, but he liked it better without her pants on.

“What’s with the pants…we were doing so well without them before.” He quipped with a smirk.

“Yeah, well…having your best friend see me half naked, and seeing our kinky sexual acts kinda ruins the moment.” Buffy smiled and shook away the thoughts of how hurt Spike looked seeing her like that. She put her still-tied hands around Angel’s neck and gave him a sweet, loving kiss. “I told you not to answer it.” She whispered against his lips.

Angel lifted his hands behind his neck, and undid his tie from Buffy’s wrists. “Yeah that probably would have been the better decision.” Angel concluded, kissing Buffy on the forehead.

“Mmhm.” She agreed with a knowing smile and a nod. “So, what did ol’ Spikey want?” Buffy brought her hands down to do up the drawstrings on her pajama pants.

“He said something about picking you up for work. I thought you weren’t going in until later?” Angel asked suspiciously.

“I’m not…I guess I forgot to let him know that my mom told me not to bother coming in early. It’s hasn’t been all that busy this week.” Buffy explained running her hand through her hair.

“Okay well-” Angel was quickly cut off by the sound of his cell phone going off. He picked in up off the kitchen counter, and flipped in open. “Angel Chase…” a beat. “Are you sure?” During the slightly longer pause, Buffy realized that Angel was getting called into work and that their ‘morning together’ was going to have to be called off. Damn work. She thought angrily. No wonder we always fight…’cause every time we’re close to connecting, work always gets in the way. “Well I’m positive that those files have been put away, we closed that case two weeks ago…well if they’re not in the file Harmony then where did you put them?” Angel walked into the bedroom for a short period of time before he came out again with a new business shirt on, as he struggled to do up his tie with his cell phone held between his shoulder and ear. “Okay fine just-don’t touch anything.” He said with a frustrated huff, dropping his hand to his sides too angered to be bothered with the tie at the moment.

As if on queue Buffy walked over to him and fixed his tie and did it up with ease. “Okay, bye.” Angel hung up the phone and slipped it into his pocket. “God, I swear sometimes I could just kill her. Why did I even hire her?” he asked covering his face with his hands.

“Because she’s good at greeting clients.” Buffy commented

“Especially male ones.” Angel added with a chuckle.

Buffy giggled with him. “Look. Go to work…fix up whatever’s gone wrong. Do what you gotta do, okay? This morning can take a rain check.”

“I kinda love you, you know that?” Angel said with a grin.

“Yes. Very well actually…and I kinda love you too, so you better get going before things get too hectic, and result in a very angry you, which will in turn make a very pissed off me.” Buffy turned him around and slapped his ass, pushing him out the door.

After a quick kiss on the lips, and a goodbye, Buffy closed the door behind him and went into the kitchen to collect the clothes that were shed. After quickly jumping in the shower and fixing her hair and make-up, Buffy decided she might as well just go into work. So what? The gallery could always use some extra help. Plus, there’s nothing to do around here anyway…Sponge Bob’s already over. She thought with a pout.

* * * * *

Chapter 5: Just Like High School

When Buffy walked into the gallery about twenty minutes later, she said ‘hi’ to her mom and Anya as she walked to the back to put away her purse, grab her nametag and clock in.

She wasn’t surprised to see Spike in there as well, moving boxes checking inventory. “Hey Spike…sorry I didn’t tell you that I wasn’t coming in until later.” Buffy explained nonchalantly as if him seeing her earlier in her little situation never happened.

Spike dropped one of the boxes and wiped his palms on his black jeans. “Oh…don’t worry about it. Wasn’t that far out of my way anyway.” He replied in the same tone.

“Good…good.” She said pinning on her nametag. She started walking towards the door then stopped and turned back around as if she was going to say something. Pursing her lips, she shook her head and started towards the door again when she felt Spike’s hand on her forearm.

“I’m glad you two are doing better.” He claimed in a tone that clearly showed that he wasn’t.

“Thank you…me too.” forcing a smile on her face Buffy walked out the door, and into the showroom.

Spike stared after her for a second, then sighed loudly and went back to work.

* * * * *

“Hello Buffy…you’re not supposed to be here yet.” Anya greeted as Buffy walked back into the front.

“Yeah…um, I thought I’d come in early. Mom could always use extra help around here.” Buffy replied with a smile. After a few years of working around the other blonde, you learn to understand, and live with the way of her speech.

“Well…that’s great!” she commented with a large, face-splitting smile. “But you’re not taking my shifts, right? I’m still getting paid?” She asked bluntly.

“Yes. Technically I’m not here for another hour.” Buffy moved behind the counter and started to check the receipts.

“Good, because I’d hate to gypped out of a day’s pay, without my knowledge. I work very hard for it.” Anya moved to the table and started flipping through the wedding magazine that was lying there.

“I can see how hard.” Buffy said to herself, with a dry smile.

“Hello Buffy…there’s really not that much for you to do in the front.” Buffy’s mother stated, giving her daughter a kiss on the cheek. “Maybe you can go in the back and help Spike with inventory?”

“Um-no…you know I think he’s doing fine by himself. I’ll stay here and-” Buffy cut herself off when she realized that she really didn’t have anything to do here. “I’ll be in the back.”

Joyce smiled, and nodded her head in agreement.

* * * * *
When Buffy walked in Spike was squatting over a box on the bottom ledge of the stock shelf.

“Hey Spike…um-you need help with anything?” Buffy asked nervously, scratching her forehead.

“No, I’m fine, thanks.” He replied without looking up from the box he was searching through.

“Oh! Well, okay…you’re positive? I-I mean, there’s nothing, I can do?” she stuttered, while fidgeting with her hands.

“Yeah…” Spike glanced up at her quickly with a small smile. “I got it.” Then just as quickly went back to work.

Buffy nodded then walked over to a desk and pushed herself onto in, sitting on the surface. Leaning her palms on the edge she crossed her ankles and swung them back and forth, causing them to repeatedly hit the wood below her. She let her eyes travel around the room, trying her hardest to avoid looking at the muscles working in the bleach blonde’s back.

After a minute or so of it, Spike sighed dramatically and stood up brushing his dusty hands on his jeans. He stalked over to the desk, standing right in front of Buffy, and waited for her to look at him.

When Buffy suddenly got smacked back into reality and realized Spike was standing in front of her, she jumped in surprise. “What?” she asked in a small, childish voice.

“Do you have something to say?” he questioned with squinted eyes, wishing she’d just be out with it.

“No.”

“You’re sure?”

“Yeah.” She said defensively, crossing her arms over her chest as well. Spike raised his eyebrows, silently asking her again, knowing if he pried enough she’d say what was on her mind.

“Okay, look-” she caved to his satisfaction. “I just wanna say…I’m sorry, for earlier; this morning. You shouldn’t have had to see us like that.” Buffy bowed her head, all of a sudden very embarrassed.

Spike shifted from one foot to the other, and dropped his arms to his side. The uncomfortable look on his face, showed less than what he was feeling. “I can’t stop what you and Angel do together, Buffy. It’s not my place. You don’t have to say sorry for anything.” His voice lacked emotion, and proved to Buffy that he wished he hadn’t seen what he did.

“I know, but I know that-I know that if it were me, seeing you and Cordelia like that…I would be hurting.” She spoke with a soft sadness that cut Spike deep. Buffy looked up at him with tears in her bright green eyes. With a blink a droplet slid down her cheek.

Spike’s thumb quickly went to smudge it away, more by force of habit, but let his hand linger there, the pad of his thumb stroking her cheek tenderly.

Spike leaned in, glancing down at Buffy’s lips before lightly brushing his against them. Buffy closed her eyes as the familiarity of it hit her hard. She deepened the kiss by wrapping her arms around his neck, and running her tongue along his lips, begging for entrance. When he aloud it, she tangled her tongue with his, loving how he could make her go crazy with just one kiss.

Spike abruptly pulled away and pulled her arms away from his neck. “Buffy…we can’t. I’m sorry. But we can’t.” Spike mumbled with guilt.

Buffy looked down and licked her lips nervously, still tasting him. “You’re right. We can’t. I’m with Angel…and you’re with Cordelia. Nothing’s changed.” Buffy laughed bitterly. “God, is it just me or is this like high school all over again?”

Spike leaned on the desk beside her, with his palms resting on the edge. Taking a deep breath, he spoke. “Guess we missed our moment, huh?”

“Yup. Whenever an opportunity presented itself something always got in the way. Chicago, Angel…Cordy. You think someone’s trying to tell us something?” Buffy asked turning to look at Spike.

“Could be. But you never know…maybe our moment will come around again.” Spike declared with hope filling his eyes.

Buffy turned to him, her feelings reflecting his. “You think?” her voice was soft, and a little apprehensive.

“I don’t know what to think anymore…this whole situation is one big mess.” He mumbled. Spike looked down, as he fidgeted with his hands.

“Well, you and Cordelia are fine right?”

Spike laughed bitterly. “No…not even close. Everything looks like its fine from the outside, but on the inside…” he sighed loudly, and then continued. “We fight all the time; we can barely keep a conversation going without an argument being involved. But it’s like with other people around we put on a show. We’re a fake couple. I mean I love her…sort of.” Spike added on as an afterthought, which Buffy felt slightly relieved at. “She means a lot to me.” He corrected then continued. “It’s just a little too complicated, you know?”

“Yeah…I know.” Buffy coincided. She knew complicated a little too well. “At least Angel didn’t freak last night when I came home. He knew I was at your house but I said I was talking to Cordy, not you. He would have had blown a blood vessel if I did.” Buffy ran her hands through her golden tresses, and sighed audibly. “Things are still a little rocky between us.”

“Didn’t seem like it this morning.” Spike retorted bitterly, his jaw clenched, and eyes stone cold.

Buffy sighed again. “I knew you weren’t okay with it.”

“Well of course I’m not okay with it, Buffy! It killed me seeing you like that. But what am I suppose to say? ‘Stop! Don’t have sex with your girlfriend in your own home.’” Spike asked rhetorically. “Look, he’s your boyfriend, and I hate that he gets to be with you in ways that I can’t…in ways that I want to be, but I’m not going to try and break you two up. Angel’s my friend too, and I don’t want to hurt him.” Spike admitted in a sad, defeated tone that made Buffy want to cry with joy and pain.

“I know. I don’t want to hurt him either.” Buffy agreed, dropping her head. She really didn’t want to hurt him, but it was hurting her not being with Spike. God, I feel like I’m living in a soap opera.

Chapter 6: Bad Timing

Things between Spike and Buffy cooled a little bit. They decided that the best way to control themselves was to stay away from each other for a while. Buffy was sitting at home waiting for Angel to come home. For the past few weeks since that time in the kitchen, Angel had been getting called into work at crazy hours. He was going in early and coming home late, and Buffy barely got to spend any time with him anymore. It was already quarter to eleven, and he still wasn’t home. She was starting to get tired, and let her eyes shut, as she fell asleep on the couch.

Angel walked through the door about ten minutes after Buffy fell asleep. She started to awaken when she heard Angel close the door. Sitting up she combed her fingers through her hair, and rubbed her eyes.

Standing up she walked into the kitchen where her boyfriend had walked into to find something in the fridge. “You didn’t make dinner.” He stated without even looking at her.

Buffy frowned, taken back. “Nooo…because I was too worried about where the hell you were! Angel, you keep coming home later and later. What’s going on with you?” She asked, almost afraid of his answer.

“Nothing…I’m just working a lot lately. There’s this big case, and it’s my top priority.” Angel declared, pulling out a beer, and opening a cupboard to grab a bag of chips.

“Even over me? The lease you could do is call me to let me know you’ll be late. Most of the time, I’m asleep by the time you come home so I don’t even know what random hours you usually come home at. Maybe this is early for you!” Buffy was starting to get upset and a little hurt at how Angel walked right past her and sat on the couch, kicking his feet up onto the coffee table and munching away at the chips. Turning around towards him, tears forming in her eyes, she asked him the one thing that was floating through her head all night. “Is there someone else?”

Angel laughed. He actually laughed. “Come on, Buffy, are you serious? No…it’s just work.”

“Well, maybe it’s someone at work that’s keeping you there. Like that secretary of yours, for instance.” Buffy’s hurt was currently masked by anger, her attitude oozing out of her now. She placed her hands on her hips.

“Harmony?! Please, Buffy I can’t stand her!”

“You said it yourself, Angel. She’s good at attracting men…and maybe you’re one of them.”

He chuckled to himself. “Look who’s talking.”

“What! I have never cheated on you!” Buffy defended. Even as she said it, an image of her and Spike kissing in the storage room at the gallery popped into her head.

“Maybe not, but I know that you have thought about it…with Spike.” Angel’s eyes carried darkness in them that Buffy had never seen before. But she stood her ground.

“We are not getting into this thing with Spike again, Angel! I told you, there is nothing going on with me and him!” Buffy yelled, frustrated that with every fight between her and Angel, he always brought in Spike.

Angel stood up with the half full can of beer in his hand. “Whatever…I’m not gunna deal with this right now. I’m going to bed.” He started walking to the bedroom, but Buffy grabbed his arm and stopped him.

“Don’t walk away from this Angel; you brought it up so you can’t be the one to walk away! That’s what you always do!”

Angel threw the can of beer at the wall behind her and smashed the glass of Buffy’s favorite painting, causing her to gasp, and flinch away. Looking back at him she noticed he advanced on her, and the vein popping out of his neck. “No Buffy that’s what you do!” his voice was deep and almost menacing. “You run away when we get in a fight, and it’s always him you run to!”

Buffy’s eyes widened and she was starting to feel a little afraid of him right now. “He’s my friend…I just talk to him, that’s all. Angel, please calm down.” Her anger was lingering in the background as her nervousness took the front seat. Buffy’s voice was weak and wavering as she spoke.

“No Buffy I’m not gunna calm down! I’m sick and tired of all this fighting with you. Either we’re fighting or we’re not talking at all! I’m done with it Buffy…I think we need to take a break.” Angel walked into the bedroom, leaving Buffy to stand in the living room, staring into nothing, tears streaming down her cheeks. She heard him moving around in the other room, but her mind didn’t comprehend anything that was going on.

Angel walked back into the living room about five minutes later with a duffel bag. A full duffel bag. “I’m gunna go stay in a motel for a few days…I need to think about some things.” He walked forward, and stopped when he was standing right in front of Buffy. He looked down at her and sighed. “Goodbye.”

With that, he turned right back around and walked out the door. When the door closed behind him, everything clicked into place. He was leaving her. Buffy sobbed hard, not being able to hold them back any longer. She let her knees give out, and fell to the floor. Tears continued to descend from her eyes for another ten minutes. She became too tired to cry anymore, and let her eyes close.

The ringing of the phone jerked her awake, and she quickly answered it hoping it was Angel saying he made a mistake and he was coming back. “Angel?” Buffy asked desperately, her voice rough from sobbing but still weak.

“No, it’s Spike. What’s wrong you sound like you’re crying?” his voice was so filled with concern she could almost feel it.

“I’m fine.” Buffy took a deep breath, and cleared her throat. “What’s up?”

Spike didn’t sound convinced but he continued anyway. “Uh, well…Cordy’s out of town with a couple of her girlfriends from work, for about a week, so my house is kinda empty. I was wondering if maybe I could come over for a bit…and we can talk or something.”

Buffy frowned. Was that a good idea? She thought to herself. “I’m kinda tired Spike…maybe tomorrow.”

Spike noticed something different in her voice. Even from when she picked up the phone. “What’s wrong, Buffy? I can tell when something’s wrong…I can hear it in your voice.”

Buffy sighed, and tear slipped her closed eyelid. That’s what she loved so much about him. He knew everything about her. “I just got into a fight with Angel. I’m fine.”

“I’m coming over.” And before she could say something back, he had already hung up the phone.

* * * * *

About twenty minutes later, there was a knock on the door. When Buffy opened it she got a very pissed off Spike standing on the other side. “Is he here?”

Buffy opened the door more for him. “No.” Spike walked into the house, and embraced her in a warm hug. He rested his chin on her shoulder.

“I’m sorry that this keeps happening, Buffy.” When he pulled away, he gazed at her and wiped away her tears.

“It’s not your fault. Come in…sit down.” Buffy walked into the living room and sat down on the love seat.

Spike walked in behind her, and noticed the spilled beer, on the hardwood floor, on the wall, and the broken glass surrounding it. He noticed the painting was smashed, the wall had a big dent in it, and the canvas was ripped. “Did Angel do this?” he asked already knowing the answer.

“Yeah…I’m sorry I didn’t really get around to cleaning it.” Buffy stood up and quickly moved into the kitchen to grab a cloth, broomstick and dustpan. She dropped to her hands and knees, and soaked up the beer. She then swept up the glass with the broom and dustpan.

Buffy threw out the glass, and rinsed out the cloth then came back into the living room. The two were silent for a few seconds then Spike spoke up. “That was your favorite painting.”

“Yup.” Buffy ran her hands through her hair and sighed. Spike came to sit down next to her, and rubbed her back soothingly. “Everything just happened so fast. I was pissed cause he came home so late, and he pretty much just ignored me. Then I asked if there was someone else and he said that he was just busy with work. He suspected that I was cheating on him with you and then everything just went downhill from there. He said that even if I didn’t cheat on him, I was thinking about it.” Buffy sighed loudly. “He stood up to go to bed, and I told him not to walk away then he chucked his beer at the glass, and blew up at me. In the end it ended up with him saying that he was going to stay at a motel for a while, and that we needed a break.”

* * * * *

The two sat cuddled together on the love seat, listening to soft music and talking quietly to each other. “You know a part of me felt relieved when Angel walked out that door. Like I was free of him.” Buffy lifted her head off of his chest to look up at him. “Is that a horrible thing to say?” she asked.

“No, of course not. Things between you and Angel have been rough, and intense…you have every reason to feel that way.” Spike confirmed, running his fingers through her golden tresses repeatedly. The feeling was comforting for both of them.

Buffy smiled at him. “Thanks.” She tilted her head up and gave him a soft kiss on the lips, but pulled away too quick. “I’m sorry-I shouldn’t have done that- I mean we were doing so well before and then I…I’m sorry-”

Spike cut her off. “Buffy…shut up.” he smiled sexily making her blush, the leaned down at kissed her passionately, tangling his hand in her hair, and bringing her closer to him. Buffy sat up in a more comfortable position, and locked her arms around him, twirling the short curls at the base of his neck.

Spike groaned into Buffy’s mouth as she slipped her tongue in to tangle with his. Hearing this, Buffy smiled through the kiss. He moved both of his hands to her hips, and pulled her to straddle him. Buffy wiggled in his lap, making herself comfy. The two moaned in unison at the familiar sensation between them.

In seconds their clothing was shed, and Spike was carrying her into the bedroom. He lay her down gently, and then crawled up her body kissing her all the way up. Buffy’s body arched up while he was kissing along her abdomen and breasts. Staring her in the face, he smiled lovingly and tucked her hair behind her ear.

Buffy craned her neck up, and peppered kisses all along his face. Spike positioned himself at her sopping entrance and slowly slid in, moaning in pleasure at how tight and wet she was for him. Buffy’s eyes widened, and she gasped trying to catch the breath that he had stolen from her. She had remembered this feeling so well, and craved it millions of times before. Buffy let her hand roam his back, trailing her fingers up and down his spine, urging him to move within her.

Once he did, the two fell into the memorable dance; the only noise throughout the house being the symphony of moans and gasps of pleasure. Buffy never took her eyes off of Spike, and he never took his eyes off her. It was the perfect moment. The growing coil of pleasure in Buffy’s body exploded, sending her falling over the edge, with a silent cry. She arched off the bed, and clenched her muscles around Spike, causing him to speed up his thrusts, and climaxed with groan. Both were breathing hard, and Spike kissed her softly.

Spike pulled out of her, and slid down the bed some, to rest his head, on her bare stomach. He continued to pepper kisses all over her smooth belly.

“You gotta be kidding me?” Buffy looked down at him and giggled. “You tellin me that’s what I’ve been missing this whole time?” Buffy threw her head back onto the pillow, and sighed in satisfaction.

Spike chuckled, and smiled up at her. “It’s never been that good for me, Buffy. I’m still in love with you.” He stated completely serious now.

Buffy closed her eyes, and smiled at him. “I know…I still love you too. And I always will.” The realization of what just happened hit her hard. “Oh my God. Cordy…” she brought her hands up to cover her face. “I feel horrible. She’s gunna be so hurt.” Buffy whispered out.

Spike moved to lie beside her on the bed. “We’ll work this out, Buffy. I promise. I’ll talk to Cordelia. But right now it’s just us. You and me: just like it used to be.” He ghosted his hand over her body, sending tingles all over her. “Come ‘ere.” He pulled Buffy close to him, and the two fell asleep in each other’s arms.




please review! tell me what you think!

Author's note: okay this isn't a long chapter...it's just an interlude it you will. i'm posting the next chapter after this one...sorry for the wait..i was kinda busy with some things plus i've been really sick so anyways i just wanted to catch up a little bit and give you guys another chapter after this...mmk love ya!!!!

please review!

Chapter 7: Stopping You

Buffy woke up with her head nuzzled into Spike’s upper body. She felt the slight rise and fall of his chest, and a sense of calm washed over her. Being in his arms like this felt so natural and so familiar. Things were gunna get more complicated between them, but for now it’s just them…together.

“Hey gorgeous.” Spike rumbled out, with a sleepy smile on his face. Buffy looked up at him and smiled back. Spike brushed back a strand of her hair. “I missed this.”

“Me too.” Buffy looked back down, trying to hide the pained look that crossed her face. “But it can’t happen again, Spike.” Her voice choked up, as tears accumulated in her eyes.

“Why not? It’s what we both want right? To be together…what’s stopping us?” Spike asked stroking her golden locks lovingly.

The way he was touching her was breaking her apart inside. She had wanted this for so long, and now that she had the chance to have Spike; the love of her life, to herself, she couldn’t do it. “Because of our relationships with other people.”

“I told you I’d break it off with Cordelia, and you and Angel are on a break. What relationships?”

“I’m still friends with Cordy, and you’re still friends with Angel. I’d kill her if you broke up with her for me…and Angel wouldn’t be able to forgive you for that.” Buffy silently let the tears fall, not making a move to wipe them away incase he noticed.

“So that’s it then? It was just a one-night thing? Find you’re comfort in me, and then just brush it all off, and say it can’t happen again?” Spike’s voice was filled with anger and hurt. He thought she was using him.

“No! Spike, are you kidding?” Buffy sat up, clutching the white sheet to her chest and turned to him with tears streaked cheeks. “Do you think I was just using you to make myself feel better?! I would never do that. I told you that I still loved you, Spike…and you know that I wouldn’t have said it if I didn’t mean it.”

She reached over and grabbed his hand and held it in both of hers. “It hurts so much having to let you go again, and I told myself I wouldn’t put myself through that one more time. But you know that it’s only gonna make things worse this way.” Another tear made its way down her cheek, and Spike quickly reached up and wiped it away gently.

Spike sighed, and then looked deeply into her eyes, making sure that he had her attention. “I’m not letting you go this time, Buffy. I let you walk away before…but this time I’m stopping you. I’m not gonna let you end this.” Spike concluded, firmly but yet in a gentle tone.

Buffy sighed, and ran her hand through her hair. “Well, there’s a lot that we need to work out before we make this official.” She glanced up at him and smiled.

Spike smiled back and tackled her to the bed, peppering kisses all over her face, and neck. He growled against her neck, making her giggle, and squirm in his arms.

The two spent the rest of the night in each others arms. Spike could do nothing but stare at the beautiful woman nuzzling in his chest. He couldn't believe it. After all this time; after everything that happened between them and their relationships with other people, he finally had her.

Spike smiled, and stroked her hair softly.

"Spike?" he heard her say.

"Yeah, luv?"

"Please don't leave me." Her voice sounded so weak and sad. It made his heart hurt.

Spike lifted her chin, making her look up at him. "Buffy...I'll never leave you." his tone proved he was sincere and the look in his eyes eased her mind.

"Do you promise?" Buffy asked, letting her fingers walk along his chest.

"I promise. You mean the world to me. After everything, you're still my light." Spike ran his fingers through Buffy's golden locks.

A big smile lit up her face and she kissed him softly on the lips before snuggling into him more.

* * * * *

For the next few days, Spike and Buffy spent every chance that they could together. He had broken up with Cordelia the evening after their night together. She was pretty much okay with it, saying that she knew that something like this would happen eventually. She cried, and told him she hoped he’d be happy with Buffy.

She promised him that he’d have to get a doctor to surgically remove his head from his ass if he ever hurt her. A big smile lit up her face, as she hugged him goodbye. She said she would be staying with a friend, and she’d be moving her things out the following day.

She knew Buffy and Angel were on the outs for a while, and figured that Buffy ended things for sure. Angel had told her that he was going to be staying in a hotel for the time being if she ever needed to contact him.

The two sat in front of each other on the rumpled sheets and comforter of the bed; Buffy clothed in nothing but a black baggy t-shirt that fell just above her knees, and Spike in his black jeans, undone.

They had just ordered a pizza, neither wanting to cook dinner after a long exhausting time in bed. When there was a knock at the door. Buffy squealed and jumped up, running to the door to answer it.

Yanking the door open, the huge smile on her face, dropped and she stood motionless.

“Hi Buffy.” A deep voice answered on the other side.




oooooh cliffhanger.....well not really all you have to do is go to the next chapter soo

Chapter 8: I Wan't You Back

Buffy squealed and jumped up, running to the door to answer it.

Yanking the door open, the huge smile on her face, dropped and she stood motionless.

“Hi Buffy.” A deep voice answered on the other side.

“Angel…you came back.” Buffy’s heart started to race. She didn’t know what to do and she was sure that her face was red with anxiety.

“Yeah I realized that walking out like that doesn’t help anything, it just sets things back…so I came home so we could talk.” Angel replied while walking around Buffy and placing his duffel bag on the floor by the entrance. He sat down on the couch and waited for Buffy to come join him.

“Did you get the pizza?” Spike shouted from the other room. Buffy’s eyes widened and quickly looked over to Angel to gauge his reaction. Angel turned around to look down the hall which Spike was now walking down while pulling a t-shirt over his head, coming into the living room, and buckling up his pants. He stopped when he saw his best friend sitting on the couch. He was practically shitting his pants, but he didn’t let it show.

Angel turned back around to glance over at Buffy, who hastily hung her head in shame. He took two deep breaths, and stood calmly. He walked towards Spike who stood there, unmoving. Angel stopped a few feet in front of him, glaring at him with hard eyes. Cocking back his fist his punched Spike in the face, and watched as he stumbled back. Buffy gasped in surprise, not expecting that.

“Angel!” she scolded shocked.

Angel didn’t give his friend time to recover, and gripped Spike by his shirt, and slammed him into the wall, causing a loud thud, where the blonde’s head hit the hard surface. Spike’s head hung limply to the side for a second before he shook it out to look Angel in the eyes.

“Oh my God, Spike!” Buffy yelled running towards him. “What the hell is your problem, Angel? You almost knocked him out!” She tugged on his arm trying to free Spike of his grasp.

“Maybe I should have tried a little harder.” He returned looked at Spike pointedly. “Who the hell do you think you are?”

“Angel let him go! This is not helping!” Buffy barked, slipping under Angel’s arm and standing in between him and Spike, pushing at the angry brunette as hard as she could. He was barely giving.

“Really? You think so? ‘Cause it’s helping me…a lot.” His deep voice rumbled sending shivers down her spine, and not in a good way.

“He’s your friend-”

“Friends don’t sleep with their friend’s girlfriends, Buffy!” Angel countered, cutting her off.

“He’s not the only one to blame then.” Buffy returned calmly. Angel looked down at her with sad and confused eyes. She pushed lightly at him and he eased up, backing away from both of them. “I was upset after you left and then he called, and-”

“-and you ran to him like you always do.” Angel finished off for her.

“He came over to find out if I was okay! Or did you forget that you put a hole in the wall before you left? I was scared and I didn’t know what to do and then I kissed him-”

“You kissed him?!?” Angel bellowed out in anger.

“Yes and then one thing led to the other…and-”

“She couldn’t keep her hands off me.” Spike sputtered out, straightening himself out.

Buffy turned back to him. “Shut up, Spike you’re not making this any easier. Angel, you have to believe me…I didn’t mean for this to happen-” Buffy got cut off once again.

“But it did, Buffy, and you can’t change that now.” Angel said getting in her personal space, his face contorting in rage. “I can’t believe you’d do this to me Buffy…and you were the one that accused me of cheating?”

“We were on a break!” Buffy yelled back, tears forming in her eyes from the stress of all of it.

“Not even for a day! And you moved on that quickly. Spike is my best friend…and here I am blaming him, when I should be blaming you.” Angel turned to look at Spike then walked over to him. “And what about Cordelia, Spike? I’m not gonna tolerate you cheating on my sister.”

“I broke up with her…we were having problems anyway.” Spike stated, in a strong voice, standing his ground.

“Good. And she better be okay, otherwise I’m going to be finding it really hard to get your blood out of my carpet.” Angel returned in a deep, low voice…so low that Buffy couldn’t hear. He turned around and walked back towards Buffy. “We’re over, Buffy. I was thinking about working on our relationship while I was away, but now…I just can’t. Knowing that you and Spike…no.” Angel shook his head and picked up his duffel bag again. He walked towards the door, pulled his keys out of his pocket and dropped them on the table by the entrance. He walked out the door, and slammed it shut without a word, or a glance back.

Buffy flinched as the walls vibrated in his depart. A tear slipped down her cheek, and she quickly wiped it away. Turning to spike, and seeing him, wipe the blood from his lower lip, she ran to him, touching his face, and taking a look at the cut on his lip and the start of a bruise on his eye. Spike pulled away from her and walked around her to sit on the couch.

Buffy looked shocked, and a little hurt that he would do that. Turning around she sauntered over to sit down next to him. “How’s your head?” she asked, placing her hand on his knee.

“It’s fine.” He answered shortly, picking up her hand, and placing it back on her thigh.

“What’s wrong?”

“”What’s wrong? Buffy, you were pretty much begging Angel to take you back right in front of me! You told that you loved me; I broke up with Cordelia for you. And all you wanted was for him to take you back!” Spike yelled out standing up to look down at her.

Buffy stood up as well. “I wasn’t begging him to take me back! I just wanted him to understand. I admit it hurt watching him walk out that door, but it would kill me if you did.” Buffy had tears forming in her eyes. The truth was that she did still have feelings for Angel. They were together for a long time. But her feelings for Spike trumped any relationship she ever had. He was her first love; her first everything. He gave Buffy her first feelings of pleasure and feelings of pain. And those were feelings that she didn’t get over. They were always there.

Spike looked at her apprehensively. He scratched the back of his neck and sighed loudly. “I don’t know what to think right now Buffy. I really don’t.” Spike claimed, walking towards the door. He wanted to be with her, ever since that first time she left his arms. Now he had his chance and he didn’t know if he wanted to anymore. The fact that she might still love Angel pained him. If he was going to her, he had to have all of her…without any other guy still holding a piece of her heart.

“Spike please…” Buffy begged, tears flowing freely down her cheeks. “Don’t do this, just-stay. Please?” Buffy stopped him, pulling on his arm. The broken look on her face nearly made him give into her.

Taking a deep breath Spike spoke. “I think you need to figure out what you want before we jump into things. Cause I don’t know if I can take it if you leave or if you decided this was a mistake.”

“It’s not…I would never think that! I know what I want Spike; I want this to work. And I know you do too.” Buffy stepped closer to him, and cupped Spike’s cheek in her palm. “We’ve both wanted this for so long…” she started in a whisper. “Are you telling me that you can just walk away?” When Spike just looked down, Buffy guided his chin to look at her. “This is our moment, Spike. Let’s not waste it like last time.” Buffy’s voice held a sad, almost exhausted tone. When Spike said nothing, she continued. "You promised you wouldn't leave me." Tears slipped down her cheeks when Spike still said nothing. She dropped her hand from his face, and turned to walk away, when Spike grabbed her by the waist with one hand and pulled her closer to him. When she looked up he brushed that tear away with his other hand.

“Don’t cry, luv please. You know I hate to see you cry…even more when I’m the one that causes them.” Spike kissed her softly on the lips, and tucked her hair away from her face. “We’ll work through it alright? We will. I promise.” Spike pulled her into a hug, and tucked her head under his chin, stroking her hair and running his fingers through it.

Buffy sobbed happy tears into his chest, and held him tightly in her arms. This was it…this was the love she’d been waiting for. The love she had once upon a time, but lost. Now she had it back, and there was nothing in the world that was going to rip away her dreams this time.


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Chapter 9: The Way We Were

5 and a half Years earlier

Spike walked towards the high school from his car, all sex and swagger. He crushed his cigarette under his boot, and smirked at a girl that was clearly checking him out. I might like this town after all.

He walked into the school and through the halls, noticing all the girls look at him with a coy smile, and the guys glaring at him, putting their arms possessively around their girlfriends. He could do nothing but chuckle at that.

He got to his class at the end of the hall, and decided to make a big entrance. He opened the door, and slammed it shut, cutting off the teacher’s rambles and catching everyone’s attention.

“Sorry I’m late; got lost.” He lied insincerely.

The teacher looked him over before speaking. “Sure…find a seat. You must be William?” he asked with a raised brow.

“It’s Spike…but yeah.” Spike found a spot right in front of a little blonde, and he sat down. Realizing what was on the board Spike was automatically interested. Poetry. He was fascinated by it ever since he was a kid back in England. He never really let it show because it was bad for his image, but he always had respect for the art of words.

Spike noticed everyone around him jotting down notes from the board, and turned around the person behind him. “Do you have a piece of paper and a pencil I can borrow?” He asked looking at the top of a blonde head.

Buffy had been so consumed in her work she was slightly startled and snapped her head up at the sound of the rich accented words. She looked up to see the sexiest guy she’d ever seen. Buffy locked her gaze on his blue eyes.

“Yeah, sure.” Buffy bent down and pulled out her binder form her backpack, and pulled out a few pieces of paper and a pencil. “There you go.”

“Thanks.” Spike flashed a grin, and she couldn’t help but to smile back, trying her hardest to hide her blush. Spike then turned around, and continued his work.

After a few minutes, Spike felt somebody tap him on the shoulder. Thinking it was the cute blonde behind him, he was about to turn around when he noticed the enchanting brunette sitting on the other side of him to his left.

She had long raven colored hair, pale skin, and a thin frame. Her eyes were dark, and captivating. “Hello, I’m Drusilla. My friends and I were just wondering if you’d like to spend lunch with us?” she suggested, glancing back at her girl friends, which smiled and waved back at him.

“That would be great, luv.” Spike voiced in a low, sexy tone. He watched as the dark beauty went back to work, and soon did the same.

Buffy noticed the interaction between Drusilla, and this new guy Spike. She should have known that Dru and her little gang of skanks would pull him into their group. Buffy continued to silently do her work until the bell rang, and got up to leave when she felt a hand on her arm. She turned around to see the blonde guy, standing in front of her.

“Don’t forget your pencil, pet. Thanks again.” he added, handing it over to her.

“Oh, don’t worry about it. Thank you…” she said with a smile. At his confused look she continued. “You’re one of the few that actually gave back the thing you borrowed from me.” she finished with a laugh. Spike chuckled along with her, until he felt Drusilla, link her arm in his.

“Hello, Buffy.” She smiled sweetly at her, but her tone showed it was anything but sweet.

“Drusilla.” Buffy returned, trying hard to keep the annoyance out of her voice.

“How are things with Parker?” she asked feigning innocence. When Buffy looked down, and clenched her jaw, Dru continued. “Oh right…” she bit her lip in a false apology. “he broke up with you. I was so sorry to hear that. Oh well…him and Harmony will break up soon enough, and then you can go back to being the crying, annoying leach you were.” With a bright smile she tapped Buffy on the nose and walked out of the class room with Spike beside her and her group of tramps behind her.

Buffy looked up to see Spike looking back at her with a sorry expression. Gathering her things, she took a deep breath, and moved to the cafeteria to meet her friends. Walking in she saw Dru leading Spike to a table with all the sluts and man-whore’s of the school sitting around it.

Rolling her eyes, she moved to her usual table where he friend since childhood, Cordelia sat, along with Willow, Xander and Angel. She sat down with a huff, and started playing with the mush that the school liked to call food.

“What’s wrong Buffy…you look like someone just gutted you.” Angel asked, rubbing her back comfortingly.

“Well, pretty much. Dru brought up Parker…” Buffy told her friends, looking down into her food.

“Oh Buffy, I’m so sorry. If you want I can go over there and kick her ass. I’ve been waiting for a good reason for a long time.” Cordy suggested with raised brows.

“No there’s no point. It would have been fine if she didn’t say it in front of Spike and the band ‘o tramps.” Buffy stated while stabbing her food angrily.

Willow looked confused and glanced at Buffy. “Who’s Spike?”

“Oh that’s the new guy; William Pratt…came here all the way from London, England. He got kicked out of school there; his dad had enough and put him on the next flight to the good ol’ US of A to live with mom.” Xander recited for the group, with a proud smile.

“Wow…someone did their research. How did you find all this out? Did you steal his file from the office?” Willow asked giddily, bouncing in her chair.

“Naw…I overheard the secretary talking to the counselor about him this morning.” Xander admitted bashfully.

Cordy looked over at him, and looked at him with her arms crossed over her chest. “You’re an idiot.” Turning away from him, she looked over at Buffy. “So where is this Spike guy?”

Buffy nodded her head behind her, where two tables down Drusilla, Spike and the rest of her friends sat. “He’s sitting with Drusilla.”

“Damn…that sucks. He’s pretty hot.” Cordelia declared, looking at the blonde clearly hitting on the pale skinned brunette.

“Yeah I know…but it won’t be long before she’s turned him into her boy-toy. He looked like he just saw heaven when she spoke to him today.” Buffy sighed and pushed her un-touched food away from her.

“Why are you so upset, Buff? You don’t usually let Dru get to you like that.” Angel stated a frown set on his face.

“I don’t know, maybe because I kinda like him. I mean he seemed pretty nice, and I can tell he felt bad that Drusilla said that to me…it’s just-ugh I don’t know, I guess she just got on my last nerve.” Buffy said with frustration.

Last nerve was an understatement. Buffy was beyond pissed. She was just starting to get over the fact that Parker had dumped her for a ditzy blonde with bigger boobs, and legs that were open 24/7, and that bitch had to go and make her start the process all over again.

Drusilla had done a lot over the years to ruin her life, and break her down, and now Buffy was fighting back. If Dru wants to fight dirty, then I’ll fight dirty. You’re not the only one who can be a bitch.

Buffy grew a smile on her face, and got questioning looks from her friends due to her sudden change in attitude. “I have an idea guys…but I’m gonna need your help.”

The group leaned forward as Buffy described her plan, each loving it more and more.


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Chapter 10: Fighting Dirty

Buffy decided that, if she wanted to get back at Drusilla, her best bet would be to break down the people around her starting with her boyfriend. She and Lindsey had an open relationship. In other words: Dru could sleep with whoever she wanted, and Lindsey was limited to just his girlfriend.

Buffy knew this would be the easiest part of the plan. Lindsey had crushed hard on Buffy when he and Drusilla first started going out about a year ago. The raven haired girl had gotten pissed off, and that’s when the ‘limited to only me’ rule came in.

So the group had set the plan up for the next day, at school. Buffy walked up to Lindsey while he was standing with a couple of his guy friends. “Hey, Lindsey.” Buffy flashed him a bright smile.

Smiling back at her, he greeted her back. “Hi, Buffy. I heard about Parker…I’m sorry.” He said sincerely.

“Oh…I’m fine. Parker was an ass anyway. But actually I wanted to talk to you about something.” Buffy glanced over at the two guys standing beside her, and the Texan quickly got the hint.

“Can you give us a minute guys…I’ll catch up.” She added after they started walking off. “So what is it?” his voice was eager to here what she had to say. It wasn’t everyday that Buffy would talk to him. And if she did, it was mostly to bitch at him for what his girlfriend did to her this time.

Lindsey felt bad that Dru kept hurting this girl. Buffy had never done anything to his girlfriend, and yet she continued to harass the blonde.

“Well…I know you’re still with Drusilla, but I was thinking, maybe I don’t know…” Buffy looked down nervously. “Maybe we can do something…” she looked up at him coyly, biting her bottom lip. “Like go see a movie?”

Lindsey looked down at her, and thought she looked utterly adorable biting her lips like that. He had to admit, his feelings for her over that year hadn’t faded a bit, and what she was suggesting was like telling a fat kid to guard a cake. And even though he was with Drusilla, he couldn’t say no. She sleeps around all the time. One date with Buffy won’t change anything. He thought to himself. “Sure Buffy. That would be great! How about tonight?”

“I actually have plans tonight, but tomorrow’s good.” She claimed with a smile.

“Uhh…” I have plans with Drusilla tomorrow. Oh well, I’ll cancel. “Great! Does eight sound good?” Lindsey asked, almost not being able to contain his excitement.

“Perfect. You know where I live.” Buffy said with a wink before walking away to go to her first class.

The Texan smiled big, as he ran a hand through his long hair. He turned around and walked to meet his friends in the courtyard.

* * * * *

“I did it!” Buffy said bursting through Cordelia’s bedroom after school. Cordy had fifth block off so she got home before her blonde friend. She dropped her bag on the floor, and jumped up onto the bed beside her friend who was reading a magazine. “I have a ‘date’ with Lindsey for tomorrow.” Buffy said with air quotes. “My Gawd, Drusilla is going to freak out when she hears about it!” Buffy said excitedly.

Cordelia smiled, and closed her magazine. “This is going to be too easy. After this whole thing with Lindsey, she’ll break down like that.” She said accentuating it with a snap of her fingers.

“Oh I can’t wait! I’ve been dying to see Drusilla finally get what’s coming to her. The fact that I’m the one to do it makes it that much sweeter.” Buffy said with a toothy grin.

Cordelia eyed her blonde friend carefully. “Don’t get too carried away, Buff. You know Dru can always retaliate. Let’s just go through this in stages, okay…one at a time, not all at once. Everything after this thing with Lindsey is gonna be really hard, you know that right?” Cordy asked curiously.

Buffy looked down and nodded. “Yeah…but I’m going to try. I mean you never know it might work. I’m just gonna have to pull out the big guns with this one.”

“The really big guns. Buffy I hope you know what you’re jumping into, this could turn out really messy.” The brunette girl said with concern.

“I know what I’m getting myself into. And I’m aware of how messy it might get. But I know you’ll be there to collect my guts if things get a little out of control.” Buffy joked with a smile.

Cordy looked disgusted. “Nuh-uh! Xander maybe…Angel, hell even Willow. I am not jonesing to have my freshly manicured hands covered in Buffy-goo, thank you very much.” She claimed in a stuck-up voice while rolling her eyes. The two friends glanced at each other before bursting out laughing.

Cordy was never the type to be snobby or conceited, so when she tried to pull it off it just seemed funny.

* * * * *

The next day, Buffy sat down in the same desk as the day before, in hopes that maybe spike would sit in the same seat as well. When she saw him walk in, she felt the start of a smile on her face…until the brunette bitch came into view walking right behind him.

Not wanted it to look like she cared, Buffy looked back down, and doodled on her page. She subtly glanced up, and noticed Spike sitting in front of her again. She looked back down as Spike was turning around to her, then glancing up as if she just noticed him.

“Hey…can I ask you a favor, pet?” Spike whispered as the teacher began the lesson.

“Pen and paper again?” the petite blonde replied, reaching into her bag with a smile directed at him.

“Just paper.” He corrected, lifting up a blue pen. “I came semi-prepared today.” The two shared a laugh as she handed him a couple sheets of paper. “Thanks, sweets.” He said with a wink, before turning back around.

Buffy ducked her head down, trying to hide the blush and giddy smile that broke out on her cheeks. He called me pet…and sweets. And God a wink like that’s enough to melt a girl.

Buffy continued on with the rest of her work, and easily made it through the day with no interaction what-so-ever with Drusilla. Before her last class of the day, the blonde spotted Lindsey standing in the hallway collecting his books from his locker.

With a small smile Buffy made her way over, and gently squeezed his forearm that was holding the strap of his backpack. “I’m looking forward to tonight, Lindsey. I’m glad we’re doing this…I think it’s about time, don’t you?” she said softly looking up at the Texan through her thick lashes.

Lindsey looked over at her, and a big grin grew on his face. He ran his hand down her arm softly. “I’m glad too. You know I’ve always liked you Buffy, and I’m happy you feel the same way.” Giving her a quick peck on the cheek, Lindsey closed his locker and walked to class.

Buffy stood there, her smile falling from her face. She knew Lindsey liked her. But she didn’t think he like liked her, like a boyfriend like his girlfriend; liked her like ‘I wanna do her’ like her. This isn’t good.

Buffy stormed into Cordelia’s bedroom after her classes finished. “I can’t do it!” the blonde plopped down on the bed beside Cordy.

“Can’t do what Buffy?” the brunette asked with a furrowed brow.

“I can’t go on this date with Lindsey…he likes me.” Buffy pouted as she turned to look at her friend.

Cordelia’s brow grew closer together with confusion. “So? Isn’t that good? Doesn’t it make this whole this that much easier?” she asked perplexed.

“No!” Buffy threw herself back onto the bed, and flung her arm over her eyes. “It’s not good, Cor! This whole thing is to ruin Drusilla not Lindsey.” Buffy sat up again and looked at Cordy. “I just know that if I do this, and in the end he gets hurt…I know I’m gonna feel horrible about it.”

Letting out a sigh Cordy turned to Buffy. “Sweetie…this is the ultimate. You do this one thing, and already Drusilla will be feeling humiliated. You would be taking the one thing that she claimed off limits to every girl, and some guys in the school. And not to mention; he’d be going to you willingly…you be a legend.” Cordelia explained with bright eyes.

After a few seconds of processing what her friend was saying, Buffy nodded her head. “Okay…I’ll do it.” She replied with a smile. “And everything else.” She added as an afterthought.

“Okay girl! Let’s get you ready. You have a ‘date’ to go to!” With twin grins, the two girls got off the bed and started picking out clothes for Buffy to try on.


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A/N:WARNING PLEASE READ: just to let you know this is not-i repeat-not a L/B fanfic, i'm just using him...much like Buffy is in the story. this is not a Lindsey basher fic either i really like Lindsey as a character actually...*hides behind mommy* don't hurt me...lol

Chapter 11: Legendary

Lindsey led Buffy into the quaint restaurant in town, with his hand lightly guiding her by the small of her back. This had been something that he had been looking forward to for a while, and when the chance had finally come about, he had to make it special.

The restaurant was semi-romantic without being cheesy, and many teens that we out on dates went there. The hostess smiled at the couple, and led them towards a table in the back by a window. The brunette Texan took in the blonde’s outfit for the millionth time since he had picked her up. She had gone for classy, and wore a form-fitting knee-high black dress, with black strappy sandals. Her golden tresses were swept up from her face, and pulled into a French twist. She looked amazing.

As they were seated Buffy looked up at her fake date and smiled. God this is so weird. She thought as she looked back down to her menu. Just get through this and everything will be fine.

Buffy glanced around the restaurant and spotted a bleach head, sitting with a brunette. Spike and Dru. Spike was facing her, and like he felt her eyes on him, he looked up and caught her eyes. He frowned slightly when he noticed Lindsey sitting with the blonde. Buffy watched as he quickly looked away from her and back to Dru, being snapped out of his reverie.

Buffy realized that Lindsey was still talking looking down at his menu. Snapping out of her reverie, she joined in on his one-sided conversation.

* * * * *

After dinner, Lindsey dropped Buffy off at home. She narrowly avoided her “date’s” kiss, by turning her head and allowing his to kiss her of the cheek. She thanked him, with a smile and walked into her house.

Phase one of the plan completed. Buffy thought to herself as she changed out of her clothes and crawled into bed. She had told Lindsey he shouldn’t take all the crap Dru threw his way, and that instead of just accepting that she would be with other guys while still in a relationship with him, he should stand up to her and tell her he was sick of it. Lindsey had smiled, and committed himself to doing so tomorrow. She thought back to seeing Spike and Drusilla at the restaurant, and thanked her lucky stars that the brunette ho bag didn’t see her and Lindsey. It would have completely ruined the plan.

She didn’t know why it hurt so much to see Spike with Dru. She felt like he could do so much better than her…she would only use him, and Buffy wanted to prevent that from happening. She had to prove to Spike that Dru wasn’t who he thought she was.

With that thought, Buffy closed her eyes and went to sleep, planning to talk to Spike the next day.

* * * * *

Buffy, Angel and Cordelia sat in the courtyard on their lunch break, watching the huge fight between Drusilla and Lindsey. The Texan had walked up to Drusilla when he saw her give Spike a kiss on the cheek. He pulled her away from Spike and proceeded to yell at her.

She yelled back with just as much anger, telling him that he didn’t control her and she could do whatever she liked.

“If you can do whatever you like then so can I!” Lindsey threw back at her. “I’m seeing Buffy!” he said with a smug smile.

Buffy’s eyes widened. Blushing she tried to hide her face from the crowd. Drusilla looked over to the small blonde and laughed.

“You’re seeing Buffy. Well that’s classic! Just take Parker’s sloppy leftovers…it won’t be long before she’s clinging to you begging you love her.” Drusilla mocked Buffy.


“Shut up Drusilla…you don’t even know her. She’s a better person then you’ll ever be.” Lindsey argued.

“She may be a better person…but at least I know how to please a man.” Dru said spitefully.

Buffy gave her a hard glare, and then stood up to run back into the school. Spike watched her go, and had an urge to run after her. So he did. Spike chased her into the school, and found her crying in the empty stairwell of the other side of the school.

Spike sat down next to her, and waited until she faced him. “Are you okay?” he asked gently, placing a hand on her back.

Buffy sniffled, and wiped her tears. “As okay as I can be after being humiliated in front of the whole student body.”

Spike felt for the girl. She seemed so sweet, and so caring to others. Drusilla had no right to cut her down in front of everyone like that. After about a moment of silence, Spike turned to Buffy. “You’re not really seeing Lindsey are you? I mean I saw you two out for dinner last night, but it’s not serious or anything?” he asked timidly.

Buffy glanced over to him, shocked he’d ask that questions of all questions. “Why does it matter?”

“Well maybe cause I like you.”

“That I find very hard to believe. Probably one of Dru’s sneaky tricks to get me vulnerable so her and her friends can have a laugh.” Buffy said lightly, brushing the comment off.

“That’s not why I’m here. I happen to be quite fond of you actually.” He insisted with a smile.

Buffy smiled back, and thought to herself. He seems like an okay guy. I can like him, and still have him as part of the plan, right?

“Come on…let’s get out of here. We’ll go for a drive, luv.” Spike stood, holding out his hand for Buffy.

Grabbing it, she pushed herself to her feet, and gushed at the term of endearment that slipped from his lips. The two of them walked out of the stairwell and down the hall towards the parking lot.



A/N: the next chapter is going to be flashing back to present time, and I’ll be continuing their past throughout the rest of the story…there are still some things that I want to elaborate on. Again I’m soo sorry for the extremely late update, it started off as writer’s block and then I just got so busy with other things I had to push back my stories. Please review! I hope I didn’t lose any of you…I may put of my updating for a while, but I’ll always finish my stories…otherwise it just bugs the crap out of me…lol thanks for reading

Chapter 12: It Still Hurts

Cordelia smiled when she saw Buffy walk into the coffee shop. She seemed so much happier now after being with Spike for a couple of weeks then she did with her years with Angel. She loved Spike, but she wasn’t in love with him like Buffy was, and the history those two had overruled any moments she had with the British blonde.

Buffy caught her eye, and headed towards the table in the back of the shop by the window. She sat down and placed her purse on the table to the side. Buffy glanced at her friend awkwardly, not really knowing what to say.

“Hey…”Cordelia started. “It’s okay…I’m okay. I’m happy for you, and I knew that eventually it would come to this. You two had the forbidden love of all time.” The brunette took a sip of her coffee. “As long as he doesn’t break you’re heart, I won’t be mad.” She finished with a bright smile.

“Thanks…that means a lot. So where are you staying now? Spike never mentioned it.” Buffy asked feeling a lot more at ease.

“That’s because I didn’t tell him.” Cordy replied with a small laugh. “Tasha…she’s a friend from work. Her roommate moved out so she said I could stay with her until I find a more permanent place to stay. I’ve been apartment hunting all week and coming up with absolutely nothing.” She stated looking down at her napkin.

Buffy shot her an encouraging smile. “I’m sure something will come up.”

“I sure hope so…cause Tasha’s great and everything, but she really likes bringing her male friends home.” Cordy said with raised brows.

Buffy cringed in sympathy for her friend before her face lit up with an idea. “I can help you.” She quickly offered.

* * * * *

After staying at the coffee shop for another thirty minutes, Buffy headed back to Spike’s house that he now shared with her. She had been slowly moving her stuff into the house and making herself comfortable there. Part of her felt weird knowing that her friend had once lived here, made a home here…and the other part was ecstatic that she was finally going to be starting a life with Spike…the one that would always be on her mind even while she was going home to someone else.

She walked in and dropped her purse on the table beside the door and was about to head up the stairs when a knock sounded on her door. With a frown, she turned around and opened the door to find Angel standing there with a very neutral look on his face.

Without saying anything, Buffy stepped to the side to let him in. He deftly stepped around her, and into the living room to sit down on the couch. Buffy sat down on the other side of the couch and neither made a move to speak.

Buffy stared at her hands, fiddling with her fingers waiting nervously for Angel to say something. The brunette just sat there looking straight ahead of him, looking calm; thoughts circling his brain.

“Angel-” Buffy started only to be cut off from her ex-boyfriend.

“Are you living here now?” his voice was calm and quiet, full of hurt.

Buffy lowered her eyes to her lap and sighed. “Yes…I just started moving my things in last week.”

Angel nodded his head. “Where’s Spike?”

“Um…he went to the grocery store. How did you know I was here?” Buffy asked with a frown.

“I didn’t. I came here to see Spike. I need to talk to him.” All of his answers were short and fairly general.

“Oh…what-” Buffy was cut off yet again when Spike walked through the door with a few bags of groceries.

“Hey baby! I couldn’t find the ice cream you wanted so I got you your second favorite.” Spike called out from the entryway. He walked into the living room holding up chunky monkey ice cream. “Oh…hi Angel.” Spike greeted shifting his weight.

“Hi. Can I talk to you for a second?” Angel asked standing up and walking into the kitchen, expecting Spike to follow him in.

“Yeah sure…” Spike walked over to Buffy and gave her a quick kiss. “What did he say to you?” he whispered with a frown on his face.

“Nothing…he came here to see you. Barely even spoke to me.” Buffy whispered back, worried etched on her face. “He was acting so weird…he was so calm and equivocal.”

Spike gave her another quick kiss to reassure her. “I’ll talk him, okay?” Spike walked back into the kitchen, grabbed the bags and started filling the fridge and cupboards with the newly bought groceries. “So Angel…what brought you here? I thought you’d never want to speak to me again.” Spike declared turning around to lean on the fridge with his arms crossed.

“I may hate you Spike but you’re still my best friend. And I thought you should be the first one to know.” Angel mimicked Spike’s position, crossing his arms over his chest.

“First to know what?” the bleach blonde asked, with an eyebrow raised.

“I’m leaving…town. I think it would make things easier for everyone here if I did.”

Spike’s eyes widened in surprise. He dropped his arms to his side, and shifted his feet. He never expected that to happen. Maybe he’s taking this a lot harder than I thought. “What about work?” Spike asked. He really didn’t want Angel to just disappear, and not come back. Find a way to keep him here.

“The department can transfer me to another office.” Angel answered shortly.

“Where?”

“I’m thinking maybe New York. Business is good there.”

“That’s on the other side of the country.” Spike mentioned, upset that his best friend was going to be so far away. “Are you coming back?”

“I might…maybe to visit Cordy, my parents. I can’t be around you and Buffy right now, Spike. It still hurts.” Angel finally showed a little bit of facial expression, frowning with a bit if hurt etched on his face.

“I’m so sorry, Angel. But I love her. I always have and I couldn’t give her up this time.” Spike claimed feeling like shit for hurting him.

“No, I get it, Spike…I do. There’s just something about her that you can’t help but love. I think we all just need a bit of time…just to let it all blow over.” The tall brunette sighed and shoved his hands in the pockets of his jeans. “I’m leaving in two weeks…so uh…bye Spike.” The two stood there looking at each other not saying anything.

Within warning, Angel slowly walked over to Spike and gave him a tight manly hug. Spike hugged his friend, and gave him a pat on the back. The two let go, and gave a tight smile to the other.

Angel walked out of the room, and towards the door. On his way he gave a quick goodbye to Buffy, without even glancing in her direction. The door closed, and Spike walked into the living room to sit down next to Buffy.

“What did he say?” Buffy asked nervously.

“He’s leaving town. In two weeks.”

“What? Where’s he going?” the blonde wondered anxiously.

“New York.”

“New York!?! What the hell is in New York!?!” Buffy shrieked.

“Not us, apparently.” Spike concluded sadly.


A/n: sooooooooo sorry for the extremely late update. I know you hate me for leaving you guys stranded like that. Again, soo sorry. I was having a horrible case of writer’s block and my mind was in other places for a while…and I couldn’t find the place to lead the story. I re-did this chapter twice cause I was so unhappy with it. Please let me know what you think of it, and if third times the charm. Thanks for waiting! Please review!!

Chapter 13: Coming Home

6 Years Later

DING DONG

“Sweetie can you grab the door? Mommy’s getting ready.” Buffy called down to her daughter.

The little girl raced towards the door from the living room and pulled it open. She looked up at the person at the door with a small frown. “Who are you?” she asked bluntly, her voice sweet and soft.

“Uh…I think I might have the wrong house, sorry.” The man said about to turn around.

“Who’s at the door Maddi?” Buffy called out, before coming down the stairs to stand next to her daughter. “Angel...” She greeted with a stunned look. “Wow…it’s been a long time.”

“Yeah. It has.” Angel agreed taking in his ex’s appearance. She was wearing a white tank top and tight light blue denim jeans with a pair of black leather boots. Her hair was back to it’s original color now: a chestnut brown. It was down with soft, loose curls hanging to the middle of her back. Her skin was a glowing tan, and a little bump was formed on her stomach. She looked good…scratch that. She looked amazing!

Buffy glanced down at her little girl. “Maddi…why don’t you go back into the living room and watch some TV okay?” with a nod, Maddi ran back into the living room. Looking back up at Angel, Buffy smiled. He looked good. He was wearing a dark blue button-up shirt with a suit jacket over top and black slacks. His hair was a little shorter and his face was a little thinner. “Um…come inside.” She ushered him in with a smile, and the two walked into the kitchen.

“That your daughter?” Angel asked nodding his head towards the living room.

“Yeah…” She confirmed with pride. “She’s five. My pride and joy. I can’t get enough of her.” She said with a laugh.

“She’s beautiful. Looks like her mom.” Angel complimented with sincerity.

“Yeah but she has her dad’s eyes.”

“And who would that be?” the brunette asked with interest, leaning against the doorframe.

Just as the words left his mouth, said man walked through the door, and into the kitchen when he heard voices. “Hey baby…we have company?” Angel turned around to look at his best friend. “Angel…wow. Haven’t seen you in a while.” Spike welcomed with a smile.

“Yeah…I’ve been pretty busy with work so I decided to take a vacation. Come home and visit my family and friends.” Both Buffy and Spike smiled knowing that everything between Angel and the couple were okay again. “I got the pleasure of meeting your daughter Spike…she’s gorgeous.”

“Thank you.” Spike walked over to Buffy and put one arm around her, and rested the other one on her belly. “Got another one on the way too. Hoping for a boy this time.” Spike lovingly rubbed Buffy’s belly, which caused her to giggle. “I hate to cut this short but I’m suppose to be bringing Maddison to Joyce’s for the day. How long are you planning on staying in Sunnydale?” Spike asked.

“Well I’m thinking about staying for a week or so. Cordy’s putting me up so I don’t have to stay in a hotel.” Angel explained.

“Well don’t be a stranger, alright? Stop by…have dinner with us. It’s been too long, Angel.” Spike mentioned seriously. He had really missed his friend and was glad that he was back, even for a little while.

Angel smiled happily. “I will…there’s a lot we need to catch up on.” Spike walked over to Angel and gave him a friendly hug and a pat on the back.

When the two pulled away Spike said goodbye to his friend and gave his wife a kiss. “I’ll be back in a bit alright? I’ll bring something home for dinner, okay.”

Buffy waved her hand in dismissal. “You don’t have to…I’ll whip something up.” She moved towards the fridge but was stopped by Spike.

“Oh no you don’t. You…are going to rest and relax all day. You shouldn’t be up on your feet all day.” Spike commented seating her on the stool by the island.

His wife rolled her eyes at him and smiled at Angel. “Baby, I’m only three months pregnant, I won’t be immobile for another four more months. I’m fine…remember, I have done this before.” Buffy smiled lovingly at her husband. He was so sweet always making sure she was as comfortable as she could be.

“Okay, okay.” The platinum blonde put his hands in the air in a way of surrender. “Take care, I love you.” Another kiss.

“I love you too.” Spike went into the living room to get Maddi, and brought her into the kitchen, holding her in his arms. “Bye baby doll. I’ll see you later tonight okay?”

“Mmk.” Maddi gave her mother a kiss, and then reached down to touch her belly. “Bye-bye baby.” She said to the bump. Spike lowered her to the ground and the little girl gave her unborn sibling a kiss as well.

Angel watched as all this happened and couldn’t keep the happy smile off his face. Things worked out nicely. They looked like a happy family. Something he had always wanted Buffy to have. Mind you he was hoping he would have been in that picture but he was at a good part in his life right now. His career was going great…there was someone he was seeing back home and he finally got to reconcile with his friends.

As Spike and her daughter left, Buffy turned to Angel who was getting ready to head out himself. “You know you’re welcome to hang out here for a while. It could give us a chance to talk some more.” Buffy threw him that 100-watt smile that got him every time, and couldn’t say no.

“Thanks.” Angel smiled back and watched as Buffy hopped down off the stool and walked into the living room and motioning him to follow her in. He watched as she bent over to pick up Maddison’s toys, which were scattered on the floor. She placed them in a big trunk that was up against the far wall, and then plopped down on the couch. Angel sat down beside her much like they did the last time he was here telling them he was leaving. Only this time the tension was gone and not as far apart.

“So how’s New York?” she asked running a hand through her hair.

Angel sighed and turned to her. “It’s great! I mean it’s definitely not California, but I’m having a lot of fun there. Works great…I’m seeing someone now, and everything is going pretty good.”

“Well I’m happy for you. So who’s this girl? Wait it is a girl right…you haven’t changed that much since you left, did you?” Buffy asked with curious eyes.

Angel laughed; a little bit of red tingeing his cheeks. “No…not that much. Her name’s Darla. We’ve been together for a few months now.” Angel gave Buffy the once over and smiled. “You…you’ve changed. A lot since the last time I saw you.”

Buffy leaned over and playfully smacked his leg. “I have not!”

“Yes you have! You…I don’t know. You glow. I can see how happy you are with Spike. I’m glad that you two worked out. You two are perfect for each other.” Angel observed. “I know we had some hard times when we were together…and part of me knew that you and Spike deserved each other, but I didn’t want to let you go.” The brunette claimed bowing his head.

Buffy placed a hand on Angel’s knee in a comforting gesture. “Angel, I’m so sorry. I never meant to hurt you. You knew the past I had with Spike. He was my first love…he stole part of my heart, and when I left for Chicago I guess I never got it back. I never lied to you, Angel. I did love you.” Buffy said looking her ex boyfriend in the eye.

“But just not enough. Don’t try to deny it Buff…I’m not mad at you. Our relationship was pretty rocky, and Spike was always there for you. He made things better when I couldn’t.” Angel gave her a watery smile. He still loved her…of course he did. But he was ready to give her up…let her go finally. “I just have one question: If Spike wasn’t around like he was…do you think we could have worked?” he asked mainly out of curiosity.

“I don’t think so.” She said sadly. “I would have known that I belonged with him. I mean what we had was good. It was good enough for then…but-”

“You’re so much more than good enough, Buffy. And if Spike is the one for you then I’m happy…for both of you.” Angel smiled and the two hugged.

“Thank you. And I hope you find the happiness with Darla, or whoever it turns out to be, as I have with Spike. You deserve it.” Buffy said pulling back to look at Angel.

“You know…I’m kinda glad I’m home.” Angel stated with a bright smile.


A/N: soo what do you think? please leave a review!

Chapter 14: Thinking Back

It had been a week since Buffy was completely humiliated in front of the whole school, and a week since her and Spike started becoming friends. He made it easier for her to go to school by picking her up and walking through the doors with her while she got critical looks from the students around her. Drusilla hadn’t stopped her harassment there. She made sure to tell everyone that was known for gossiping about how she stole Lindsey from her, and how upset and heartbroken she was about it. And of course everyone took the side of the lying bitch and death glares were shot at the girl who just had her life ruined.

Spike and Buffy sat on the bleachers and watched the football practice that was taking place. Angel was playing and they both wanted to show their support. Spike had been hanging out with the small group of friends for a few days now and was really starting to like them.

He felt bad because even though he saw what Drusilla did to Buffy…he still liked her. She had this thing about her that made her seem too innocent to that big of a bitch. While he was in a class without Buffy Drusilla had sat beside him and explained how sorry she was about everything and that she really adored him.

“You still like her, don’t you?” Buffy asked him, her eyes still on the game.

Spike was shaken out his reverie with her words. “What?”

“It’s okay, Spike.” She finally looked over at him. “I get it…there’s just something about her.” She stated bitterly. “That’s how she stole Ford from me in freshman year. He started the year with me…and ended it with her.”

Spike took a deep breath. “I’m sorry Buffy…but I can’t help what I feel.” He hoped she wouldn’t hate him for this.

“I know…look it’s okay. I won’t hold it against you.” She sent him a smile that didn’t quite reach her eyes. “If you want to be with her, go.” She nodded in the direction of Drusilla, where she was standing on the other side of the field cheering on the football players with her pack of skanks. “There’s nothing I can do to stop you…” but I wish there was…

Spike stood giving Buffy one last look, and giving her a kiss on the cheek. He jogged down the bleachers and across the field towards the pale skinned brunette. Buffy watched him go, and watched as a bright smile lit up Drusilla’s face when he walked over. She threw her arms around his neck and kissed him passionately…giving Buffy a look of victory from across the playing field. Linking her hand with his she dragged him off of campus.

Cordy walked up the bleachers and parked herself next to her blonde friend. “Forget him. If he chose her over you…then he’s not even worth it.” She stated, trying to lighten her friend up.

“Yeah…I guess you’re right.” Buffy agreed without much belief in the words.

“C’mon.” Cordy stood up and pulled Buffy with her. “I think a night of pampering is in order. Sleepover? My house? Extra cheesy pizza?” Cordelia asked with enthusiasm.

That made Buffy smile. “Yeah…that’d be great.” The two walked back to the school and finished off the day before heading to Cordelia’s.


3 long months later

Things had gotten back to normal at school, Buffy, Cordy, Angel, Willow and Xander still as close as ever. Buffy and Spike spoke every once in a while: tried to become friends even though him and Drusilla had started a serious relationship. He claimed to be devoted to her, and even though it broken Buffy’s heart, since her little crush three months ago had turned into full on love for him, she tried to stay happy for him, and be the friend he needed.

While Buffy was lost in her feelings for Spike, she was completely oblivious of the signals that Angel had been sending her way.

She seemed to be the only one that didn’t see it. Cordy observed as Angel gazed at Buffy lovingly while she spoke about her weekend to the group during lunch. She kicked her brother under the table. When he jerked, and looked towards her, she mouthed: ‘obvious much?’ he just rolled his eyes and glanced down at his lunch.

Everyone’s eyes rose at the shrieking that echoed in the cafeteria. Drusilla stormed in, with Spike following her yelling about her being unfaithful, and he claiming it was his fault. Buffy felt for him…she knew it would come to this because it always did. Drusilla exited the cafeteria stating that she needed some air, and left Spike to stand there with the whole school looking at him. Buffy and him made eye contact for a moment before he stormed out of the school.

* * * * *

It was about 12:30 in the morning and Buffy was just tucking herself into bed. She had tried to sleep earlier but for some reason it wouldn’t come. She cuddled herself into the blanket, and closed her eyes only to have them shot open again seconds later when she heard the tapping on her window.

Frowning, she got out of bed and opened her window to find Spike on the other side. “Spike? What are you doing here…it’s past midnight.” She let him in and closed the window behind him.

He took a look around her room for the first time and smiled. It suited her. “You know I’ve never been here before.” He stated.

“Well…we don’t hang out all that much anymore.” Buffy said looking down at her hands.

Spike walked towards Buffy until he stood in front her. “I know and I’m sorry. I missed having you around, I just got so consumed with Drusilla I forgot about everything else.” He explained.
“I noticed.” Buffy walked around him and sat on her bed. “So why are you here?” the blonde asked again.

Spike came and sat down next to her. “Me and Dru are on the outs. I’m sure you saw all the bloody commotion at lunch…anyway I needed a friend. And you were the only one I wanted to talk to.” He looked at her with pleading eyes, hoping she wouldn’t turn him away.

Buffy smiled. “Well…you came to the right place.” Spike smiled wide and pulled her into a tight hug. The two talked for the next couple hours and fell asleep around three o’clock. It slipped their minds that they had school the next day and they had to wake up in a few more hours.

But Buffy didn’t care. Spike and her were talking again…and that gave her hope. She fell asleep with a smile on her face that night.



A/N: please review!!!!

Chapter 15: Fluttery Feelings

The next day at school was much better than usual. Buffy and Spike had walked in together, and had lunch with her and her friends. Spike spotted Drusilla from across the cafeteria and his heart clenched. She was hanging all over some oaf on the football team, rubbing salt into the wound. Spike knew that she was doing it just to piss him off…because she wanted to get under his skin. And it was working, but he was the one that said they needed a break so he shouldn’t let it bother him.

Last night when he spoke with Buffy, he felt something different…something he hadn’t felt since he first started dating Drusilla: happiness. She made him laugh and gave him this fluttery feeling in his stomach every time Buffy smiled at him.

He wasn’t going to lie to himself; she was beautiful! He glanced at her as she talked enthusiastically with her friends. There go those bloody butterflies again. He was shaken out of his reverie when he heard her voice.

“Spike? Hey…you okay? You kinda zoned out.” the blonde looked at him with concern in her eyes.

“Yeah…yeah, I’m fine. I was just doing some thinking, pet.” He replied, evasively.

Buffy felt her cheeks redden at his term of endearment. She found it getting harder and harder being around him, and trying to resist the urge to jump him. He was just so sexy with the swagger and the accent. Yummy!

“So anyway…” Cordelia piped up. “I’m having a party on Friday night and I’m expecting you all to be there. Pretty much the whole school is going.” When Buffy shot her a look, Cordy quickly added. “Except Drusilla…no offence Spike, but she’s just too much drama for us.” She gave the bleach blonde a sad smile.

“Hey, don’t worry about it. I wouldn’t want to see her there anyway. We’re kinda on a break right now.” Spike announced.

“That’s great!” Cordy exclaimed smiling brightly at Buffy. When her friend’s eyes widened in shock, she toned it down a bit. “I mean…I’m sorry.” She corrected without much conviction.

All he could do was laugh. “That’s fine. I know you all aren’t very fond of her.”

“That would be an understatement.” Angel commented. He was noticing the way Buffy was looking at Spike lately and it hurt. He had always had really strong feelings for Buffy but all she ever thought of him was as a friend. His sister was the only one that knew about his feelings, but reduced it down to nothing but a crush. But it was more than that…much more.

* * * * *

During their next class, Spike took his spot next to Buffy. “You’re gonna be going to Cordy’s party right?” Spike asked nonchalantly, but it came out a little nervous.

Buffy looked over at him curiously. “I don’t know…I might. I mean I know she wants me to go, but I don’t know if I want to deal with all the drama-rama that comes with high school parties. Why?”

Spike looked down shyly, “Well I don’t know I guess I was just wondering if you were going, because…well I kinda want to go, but I don’t really know your friends all that much and I have this weird feeling that Angel doesn’t like me, and I’d feel a little more comfortable if you were there.” Spike finished finally looking up at her.

A sly smile grew on Buffy’s face. “Are you trying to ask me to go to the party with you?”

“Well…yes. But only if you want to go, I mean I won’t force you to-”

“Okay.” She stated simply.

“Okay?” he repeated as if he didn’t hear her right.

“Yes, I’ll go with you.” The teacher walked through the door, and began the class. “Pick me up at eight.” She whispered as she leaned across the isle to Spike’s desk, not wanting to get caught by the teacher. The two smiled at each other and then got to work, sharing little glances every once in a while.

Drusilla saw this and inside steamed.

* * * * *

Friday came around fast, and now the nervousness was building up in Buffy. Spike was finally asking her out and her nerves were getting the best of her. After school, the blonde quickly made her way home and filtered through her closet for something to wear that night. After about thirty minutes of searching, she finally settled on a navy blue, quarter sleeve-length, off the shoulder sweater that clung to her frame, and a dark jean mini skirt. She let her golden locks hang about her shoulders in loose curls, and slipped on her 4-inch strappy black heels. Her make up was natural, and then she applied her clear lip-gloss. After looking over herself in the mirror quickly she headed down the stairs to wait for her date to arrive.

Spike sat inside his car, resting his hand on the steering wheel. He was parked in the driveway of Buffy’s house, and surely she was waiting for him to come pick her up, but he just couldn’t seem to get out of the car. He was nervous, plain and simple and that did not happen very often. There was something about Buffy that made him weak in the knees. Every time she smiled at him he felt his insides warm. Taking a deep breath, Spike got out of the car, and headed towards her door.

When Buffy heard the doorbell ring she felt her heart jump into her throat. Smoothing down her shirt and skirt, she walked to the door and opened it to find a God on the other side. Her date was dressed in black jeans, and instead of his usual black shirt, he opted for a dark blue button-up with the first few buttons undone so you could see the white beater underneath. He had also switched up his leather duster for a shorter black leather jacket that hung just past his waist. His hair was not slicked back, but instead let loose in unruly curls.

When Spike first caught a look of his date for the night he felt his knees buckle a little. And there go the warm tingly feelings. he said to himself. She looked beautiful; a vision he’d never forget with her golden hair cascading over her shoulders like a waterfall, the smile that seemed to light up the whole room, and the way her eyes shone with excitement.

“Hey, pet. You look gorgeous.” Ignoring his nervousness, he reached for her hand and placed a gently kiss on the back of it.

“Thank you…you look pretty good yourself.” She replied, blushing as her stomach fluttered with butterflies.

“You ready to go?” he asked.

“Yeah, just let me grab my purse.” Buffy grabbed the small black purse hanging on the banister at the end of the stairs.

Buffy closed the door behind her and locked it, before heading down the driveway to Spike’s car. Before Buffy could do it herself, Spike opened her door for her with a smile and got in on his side was she was seated and they were on their way to Cordelia’s party.




A/N: sooo sorry for the late update, but I’ve been doing a lot of play writing for my school and I barely have any time to myself anymore. Anyways I wanted to mention for those that haven’t caught on, I’m bringing this story back to the past just to explain some things…I think I’ll flash back and forth every few chapters just to tie up some loose ends. So the next chapter will be at Cordy's party, and I can promise you a confrontation *cough cough* ANGEL/SPIKE *cough cough* (obvious much?) I don’t know how much longer this fic will go on for but I hope you stick with me to the end. I love you all!!!! Thanks for all your support, and I’ll try and update again soon.

PREVIOUSLY IN GOOD ENOUGH


When Buffy heard the doorbell ring she felt her heart jump into her throat. Smoothing down her shirt and skirt, she walked to the door and opened it to find a God on the other side. Her date was dressed in black jeans, and instead of his usual black shirt, he opted for a dark blue button-up with the first few buttons undone so you could see the white beater underneath. He had also switched up his leather duster for a shorter black leather jacket that hung just past his waist. His hair was not slicked back, but instead let loose in unruly curls.

When Spike first caught a look of his date for the night he felt his knees buckle a little. And there go the warm tingly feelings. he said to himself. She looked beautiful; a vision he’d never forget with her golden hair cascading over her shoulders like a waterfall, the smile that seemed to light up the whole room, and the way her eyes shone with excitement.

“Hey, pet. You look gorgeous.” Ignoring his nervousness, he reached for her hand and placed a gently kiss on the back of it.

“Thank you…you look pretty good yourself.” She replied, blushing as her stomach fluttered with butterflies.

“You ready to go?” he asked.

“Yeah, just let me grab my purse.” Buffy grabbed the small black purse hanging on the banister at the end of the stairs.

Buffy closed the door behind her and locked it, before heading down the driveway to Spike’s car. Before Buffy could do it herself, Spike opened her door for her with a smile and got in on his side was she was seated and they were on their way to Cordelia’s party.


Chapter 16: The Party

Buffy and Spike entered the doors of Cordelia’s massive house, both of them with butterflies in their stomachs. Buffy told herself that there was nothing she should be worried about. Drusilla wasn’t going to be there and neither was her band of skanks. The blonde took a calming breath and led Spike further into the house.

“This place is huge.” Spike exclaimed, with his eyes roaming over the house flooded with teenagers.

“Yeah…Cordy’s parents are rich. I think they cheated on their taxes.” Buffy whispered in Spike’s ear. “Come on, Cordy and Willow said they’d be by the pool house.” She grabbed Spike’s hand and gently pulled him through the throng of people towards the back, to the large pool and pool house.

“There’s a pool house?” Spike asked incredulously.

“Yeah, she said that everyone was in the hot tub.” Buffy stated glancing back at him

“There’s a hot tub? Bloody hell I must be really far from home.” Spike joked with a straight look on his face. “I didn’t bring any trunks.”

“That’s fine…neither did I.” Spike stopped walking at that, causing Buffy to stop too. The blonde looked back with a frown and noticed her dates raised eyebrows and sly smirk. “Not what I meant.” She amended. “Cordy has a bunch of bathing suits in the pool house for guests, all brand new. We’ll take a look when we get in there.”

* * * * *

A few hours later Buffy, Spike and the rest of the gang finally decided to get out of the pool and move back into the house for some drinks and music. It wasn’t long before Buffy was past tipsy and starting to loosen up a little bit. Buffy and Spike were hanging out in the kitchen alone except for the few that came in and out for drinks. She was seated on the island counter, while Spike sat on a stool beside her.

“You know…when I first met you I thought you were the sexiest guy I’ve ever seen?” Buffy admitted with a little bit of a slur.

Spike, who was just as drunk if not more, chuckled like a little boy. “Is that so…well I thought you were a cute little thing too. Thought you were way out of my league but caught my attention all the same.”

She looked at him in disbelief. “How am I out of your league? It’s not like I’m anything special.” She claimed swinging her legs lazily.

“But you are…” Spike became more serious. “You don’t have to try and be beautiful like all those other girls out there.” Spike pointed in the general direction of the living room. “You just are. You’re you plain and simple, no fronts, no lies…just Buffy. You’re so unpretentious to the fact that there are so many men out there that want you…” Buffy snorted and turned her head away. “It’s true! Believe me I’m a guy I pick up on these things. And you don’t even notice just how gorgeous you are…not only physically…but inside too.”

Buffy took a long hard look at the man in front of her telling her all these beautiful things. Without another moment of thought, Buffy leaned down and captured his lips in a long sweet kiss. When she pulled away she saw Spike’s eyes still closed and shock written on his face. When he opened them and saw the blonde gazing down at him a smile, he rose to his feet and let his fingers dive into her golden locks and brought her face closer to his.

The second kiss was longer and more passionate, starting a fire that was burning in both of their hearts.

* * * * *

Angel was at the bottom of his sixth beer and he was ready for another. He hadn’t seen Buffy since the pool, and was starting to wonder where she was. His house was so big she could be anywhere. His plan was to talk to, finally get his feelings for the girl off his chest in the hopes that she’d give him a chance.

I’ll tell her after I get another beer. the brunette thought to himself as he stood up from the couch with a bit of a stumble and towards the kitchen. He froze in the doorway when he found Buffy. He found Spike too…and he was all over her lips.

Angel let his empty beer bottle smash on the floor, and stormed back through the living room intent on going to his room. On his way he bumped hard into his sister.

“Whoa Ang! What’s got you all bad moody?” His reply was a simple raise of the hand, his way of saying ‘just leave me alone’. Cordelia sighed and continued into the kitchen, where she caught the end of what seemed to be a pretty heated kiss.

Then it hit her. Angel witnessed the love of life making out with the one guy he couldn’t stand. She felt for her brother. When the two blondes greeted her she threw them a smile that didn’t quite reach her eyes, went into the fridge and grabbed a cooler for herself and a beer for her brother. He needed someone right know and she would see that he got that. Cordy left the kitchen and made her way through the mass of people to go up the stairs and to her brother’s room.

Angel let his empty beer bottle smash on the floor, and stormed back through the living room intent on going to his room. On his way he bumped hard into his sister.

“Whoa Ang! What’s got you all bad moody?” His reply was a simple raise of the hand, his way of saying ‘just leave me alone’. Cordelia sighed and continued into the kitchen, where she caught the end of what seemed to be a pretty heated kiss.

Then it hit her. Angel witnessed the love of his life making out with the one guy he couldn’t stand. She felt for her brother. When the two blondes greeted her she threw them a smile that didn’t quite reach her eyes, went into the fridge and grabbed a cooler for herself and a beer for her brother. He needed someone right know and she would see that he got that. Cordy left the kitchen and made her way through the mass of people to go up the stairs and to her brother’s room.


Chapter 17: Dear Brother

Cordelia knocked quietly on Angel’s bedroom door and sighed when he didn’t answer. “Angel…it’s me. Can you open the door, please?” She waited as he lethargically got up from his bed and opened the door for her. “Thank you…I brought you a beer!” Cordy stated with a bright smile.

He took it without a thank you and walked back to his bed. “I thought you’d appreciate it since something so obviously kept you from going into the kitchen.” She gave her brother a pointed look. When his head shot up to look at her she continued. “Look I know that must have hurt to see, but you can’t blame her…or him for that matter.” Cordelia came to sit next to her brother on the bed. “You’ve neglected to let her know of your feelings, maybe if you’d told her-”

“That’s what I was going to do.” Angel admitted softly. “I was looking for her all night. She doesn’t even see me like that Cor. This isn’t just some stupid high school crush…I love her…always have.” Angel hung his head and Cordy could tell a brooding session was coming up.

“Oh…dear Brother.” The brunette placed her hand on his knee. “You’ve got it bad. I had no idea that you felt that strongly for Buffy.” Cordy shook her head in amazement.

“Because I didn’t want to you to tell her. Please don’t tell her, the last thing I need is her feeling sorry for me.” Angel begged.

“I won’t tell her anything. You’re my brother after all. Come here.” Cordy pulled Angel into a tight hug, and kissed him on the cheek. “Now come downstairs, you don’t need to be locking yourself in your room all night.”

Grabbing him by the hand, Cordelia walked Angel out of his room and back down to the party.

* * * * *

Buffy and Spike stumbled their way back to the pool house laughing about something they couldn’t remember. They noted that people had started to leave the party now, and it was going on three in the morning.

“You can crash in here…” Buffy stated glancing back at Spike, and closing the door behind them. “You are way too drunk to drive home.” She continued as she tripped over the bed, and plopped her ass on the mattress.

“I’m drunk? You can’t even stay standing up.” Spike sat down next to her. He gazed at the blonde before him for a moment before he spoke again. “You going to be staying in here too then?” he asked with a bit of a leer.

The alcohol in Buffy brought out her flirtatious side. “Well I could, or I could stay in the guest bedroom in the house. You’re pretty hammered, you probably want the bed to yourself, right?” she smirked at him as she made to stand up.

Spike grabbed her arm. “Not necessarily. I might enjoy the company.” Buffy came to sit back down on the bed, a little closer to Spike this time. “Stay.” His hand reached up to graze her cheek lightly and all she could do was nod.

* * * * *

Drusilla glanced up at the house with an evil grin. She knew her Spike was inside, she could see his car parked on the street. If Buffy thought she could take him from her, the girl had another thing coming.

Drusilla walked up the driveway and walked through the door, she made her way through the big entrance way and moved into the living room where the party was still going strong even though it was already two o’clock in the morning. She weaved through the people, glancing around for her prince.

“What are you doing here?” Dru turned around to find both owners of the house; Cordy with her hands on her hips, and Angel with his arms crossed over his chest. “You weren’t invited.” Cordelia spat out with her eyebrow cocked.

“Well I came here to gather Spike…” Drusilla looked Angel up and down with lust in her eyes. “I might just take you instead.” She smirked while she ran her fingertips down his bare forearm.

Angel shook it off quickly. “Not gonna happen. Get out.” he was stone cold, not one emotion other than anger shown on his face. This bitch had cause way too much shit for Buffy for her to get any kindness at all.

The raven-haired beauty smiled. “As you wish.” She moved around them and headed towards the back door.

* * * * *

Buffy and Spike smiled at each other as the lay side by side on the bed. After Spike asked her to stay, Spike leaned in to kiss her again. The way her lips felt against his blew him away. He felt drunk off her and the poet in him was begging to be let out. They continued their passionate kiss for a good half an hour before they parted.

Spike blurted out the first thing that came to his mind without thinking much of it first. “Do you believe in love at first sight?” the seriousness in his tone and the inquisitive look on his face, caused Buffy to sober up as well.

“Sometimes, yeah.” At his questioning look she explained. “Sometimes people can mistake love for lust. And when a couple builds a relationship on lust, thinking its love…someone always gets hurt. Being in love is suppose to make you happy not cause you pain.” The blonde concluded.

“Haven’t you heard of the phrase ‘You always hurt the ones you love’?” Spike paused for a moment before continuing. “What about, falling in love with someone you’ve only known for a short period of time…do you believe in that?” Spike was softly stroking Buffy’s cheek as he spoke, noticing her breathing get ragged as he uttered those words.

“I don’t know.” She whispered. “Do you?”

Spike smiled…actually smiled brightly. “I do now.”

Chapter 18: World Without Her

Spike woke up in the morning to an arm resting across his chest and a body cuddled against his; an apparently naked body against his apparently naked body. He smiled. The events of the early morning flashed through his head and he couldn’t help but bring Buffy closer to him. He hadn’t expected it to happen so fast but this girl was quickly stealing his heart.

Buffy felt the arm around her tighten, and let her eyes flutter open. She had gotten drunk…hammered actually, and slept with Spike. And her heart fell. Buffy wasn’t upset because she slept with Spike…she was upset because she slept with Spike and was too drunk to remember exactly how beautiful it was. She had lost her virginity…and only a few blurs of what happened floated lightly in her mind.

Spike saw the change on her face and gently brushed loose strands of hair out of her face. “You alright, pet?”

Buffy quickly put on a big smile. “Everything’s fine, it’s just-ooh my head hurts.” She whined, placing her small hand to her right temple.

The blonde man chuckled. “Well, that’s what you get when you drink more than that petite body can handle.”

Buffy laughed along with him and pulled the sheet higher to cover her naked breasts. “Spike, about last night-” the blonde started nervously.

“It was amazing.” Spike claimed pulling her closer and gently running a hand over her cheek. “But why didn’t you tell me it was you’re first time? I would have been more gentle with you.” Spike couldn’t believe that she let him have one of those precious milestones in a young girl’s life.

“No, Spike. You didn’t do anything I didn’t want. I’m not glass, it’s okay to be a little rough with me.” she giggled at Spike’s semi-shocked expression.

Spike rolled on top of her again. “Baby likes it rough, does she?” he smirked. He leaned down to place a kiss on her lips when the alarm on his phone went off. “Shit…I gotta get outta here. I’m supposed to help my dad clear out the garage today. I’m sorry, pet.”

Spike crawled out of the bed, and started pulling on his clothes reluctantly. Buffy did the same eying Spike’s firm ass in the process. When he was done, he turned around to find Buffy in her underwear and reattaching her bra behind her back.

Spike strolled over and wrapped his arms around her. “I’ll call you later, alright pet?” she nodded her head, and he gave her a passionate kiss before smiling brightly at her and leaving the pool house.

Buffy continued to dress, throwing on something comfortable in Cordelia’s closet. She trudged her way over to the main house, the sunlight not doing anything to sooth the horrible hangover. She sat down at the table in the kitchen, joining Cordy and Angel who both seemed to be nursing hangovers.

Angel’s head was resting on the table, Cordy was massaging her temples, and Buffy had her elbows on the table and her head in her hands.

“Did you kid’s have fun last night?” Karen, the housekeeper asked with a smirk. She was more like part of the family instead of just the help. She came by in the mornings and fixed breakfast, did whatever needed to be done, fixed and ate dinner with them then retired to the guest house next door.

“Auuughh.” The three answered.

Karen chuckled. “Aspirin anyone?”

“Yes!”
“Please!”
“Thank God!” the three teens answered at the same time.

“There you guys go. Eat up.” Karen placed three plates of eggs, bacon, hash browns and toast in front of them along with the Aspirin, and then headed out of the kitchen.

“So how was your night, Buffy?” a groggy Cordy asked.

Buffy brightened. “Oh my god, Cordy…I can’t believe it hasn’t jumped out of my mouth yet! I spent the night with Spike last night!” she said excitedly.

Angel stood up and walked out of the kitchen mumbling. “I think I’m gonna puke.”

Buffy smiled shyly. “Sorry Angel!” she knew he never liked to hear any of their girl talk, little did she know it wasn’t the girl talk that bothered him, it’s what the girl talk was about. She didn’t notice the sad look on Cordy’s face as she watched her brother leave with an even more broken heart than last night. “So anyway…”

Cordy listened as Buffy relayed the events of last night, nodding and throwing in ‘uh huh’s’ when necessary. She was happy for her friend, but grieving for her poor brother.

* * * * * *

Two weeks Later

“I don’t understand, Cordelia!” Buffy sobbed in her friend’s lap in the girl’s room. “What did I do wrong that he would go back to her…after everything!?” Tears streaked the blonde’s cheeks, and fell onto Cordy’s lap.

The brunette ran her fingers soothingly through Buffy’s hair. “You didn’t do anything wrong, sweetie. He’s just a stupid boy. Don’t beat yourself up over him, he’s not worth it.” She consoled her best friend, with pain in her voice for the poor girl in front of her.

Buffy pulled her head up, and wiped away her tears. “But he was saying all these beautiful things, like how now he believes in love at first sight, and that I was gorgeous inside and out, what a bunch a bullshit.” She spat out roughly wiping away more tears.

Cordy tucked a lock of hair behind her ear. “Well he wasn’t wrong about that. But, honey you know guys will say anything to get what they want.” Buffy sniffed a couple of times and held back any tears she had left. “You know there are guys out there that aren’t all about what they want. Like-”

“Angel.” Buffy said cutting her off.

“Exactly!” the brunette exclaimed.

“No…Angel’s at the door.” Buffy nodded toward him.

Cordy turned around. “Um…I heard crying…I was just checking up on you guys. Everything okay?” Angel asked looking at Buffy.

Buffy smiled. “Yeah…just hating Spike right now that’s all.” She joked.

“Good. He’s an asshole for what he did to you. You just say the word and I’ll kick his ass for you.” Angel grinned at the beautiful blonde.

Buffy let out a short laugh. “Thanks but I think I wanna be the one to do that.”

“Kay. Let me know if you two need anything.” Both girls nodded, and angel left, closing the door behind him.

Cordy turned back to Buffy. “How about a sappy movie and some rocky road, huh?”

Buffy just smiled.

* * * * *

The next day at school Buffy wandered the halls with Cordy, trying her hardest to keep her mind off of Spike. She knew he usually spent his lunch in the café, so she’d forgo her lunch and walk around the school.

“Just don’t think about it…” Cordy pushed, her arm linked with her friend’s.

“But it’s so hard Cor. I mean I thought I loved him…maybe I still do, but I can’t just wash him from my mind, I wish it were that easy.” Buffy countered. “Right now, I think it’s best if I just kept him out of my sight.”

With that, Buffy bumped right into the hard chest of someone who was stepping out of the library. When she looked up she caught the eyes of Spike. With a wary smile, she turned to Cordelia. “Well that lasted long, now didn’t it?”

“Buffy…” Spike breathed out. He glanced toward the person beside the blonde and found two very angry, glaring eyes in his direction. Cordy stood there with her hand on her cocked hip, and one eyebrow rose in a challenge. “Can I talk to you for a moment Buffy…alone?”

Buffy looked at her friend and nodded her head in approval. Cordy scoffed as she turned around and walked away with a flip of her hair. “What do you want, Spike?” she spat out as if his name was poison in her mouth. “I’m pretty sure you said everything that needed to be said yesterday when you left me for that vapid ho, that likes to ruin my life on the daily.”

Spike stepped closer. “Don’t talk about Dru like that.” he snarled.

“Oh, but she can trash talk me all she wants? That’s not how it works.” Buffy growled. “Look why don’t you say what it is you want to say and leave me alone okay.”

Spike sighed. “I just wanted to say that I’m sorry for how everything happened. I never lied to you about my feelings I feel very strongly about you, but there’s something about Drusilla that just makes me forget about everything else but her. Maybe if things had been different…maybe in a world without her, we could have worked out.” Spike caressed her face, and wiped away the lone tear that his words caused. “That night with you at the pool house, it goes down as one of the best nights of my life…I’ll never forget it.” He whispered that last part in her ear. He placed a sweet kiss to her temple, and gave her a sad smile as he walked away…towards the café…towards her.

Chapter 19: Watching Him Slip Away

Buffy continued to watch Spike fall deeper and deeper into Drusilla’s trap and couldn’t help but miss him. As the weeks and months past, the blonde came to realize how much love she had for Spike, and it hurt to know that day-by-day he was drifting farther away from her.

It was just a few weeks till they were to walk across the stage, and accept their diplomas. Prom came and went. Spike, of course went with Drusilla, Xander had asked Cordelia to go with him as friends, and Willow, Buffy and Angel decided to go together as singles. The whole gang shared the limo and stopped to take pictures at the park on the way to the hotel the dance was being held at. Angel purposely set himself next to her in all the pictures, and sat down beside her at their table, which she thought nothing of.

Buffy had already applied and got accepted to Sunnydale University, along with Willow, who was to be her Dorm mate. Angel decided to go to UCLA with Cordelia, and Xander had planned to jump right into the working field. Everyone seemed to be getting on with they’re lives and soon her friend’s we’re starting to forget that their blonde member even cared for the to sexy blonde outsider. But she didn’t. Everyday was getting a little harder, and Buffy swore she caught Spike stealing a few longing glances at her during Prom. Every ten minutes or so, she would feel as if someone was watching her, and look up to catch his intense gaze.

Now here she sat, in one of the back row of chairs lined up in front of the school. The small stage was situated ahead of the rows, with the principal and vice principal shaking hands of their students as they collected their diplomas. Buffy conveniently was placed next to Willow, and the two girls watch as the P’s started to get called out.

“Jordan Patterson, Hillary Patsy, Camille Phisher, Liam Porter, William Pratt…” the Principal called out one by one.

Spike went up on stage and accepted his diploma. He gazed out into the crowd and caught her eyes for a brief moment, before walking back off the stage. Buffy smiled, and cheered on her other friend’s as they also accepted their diplomas they worked twelve years to get. “Yeah Willow!!!”

Finally school was over and real life began after today.

* * * * *

Buffy and her friends met up after the ceremony; hugging, taking pictures and talking about their first moments on this campus. Buffy was so caught up with her friends that she didn’t notice someone approaching her.

“Buffy?”

She whipped around to the familiar voice behind her. “Spike…what is it?” this was the first time Spike spoke to her since that day in the hallway when he chose Drusilla over her.

“Can I speak to you for a minute?” Spike spoke in soft tones, not really wanting his use-to-be friends to hear his words. He tried to ignore the death glares that he got from Angel and Willow.

Buffy gave them a look telling them she’d be back. And to her surprise, Spike grabbed her hand and guided her around the corner of the school: one of the quiet outside hallways. People had already left the school or in the front so there was no one in sight. “What is it Spike…what could you possibly have to say to me?” Buffy asked crossing her arms.

“This.” He grabbed her face in his palms, and his lips crashed down on hers, in a passionate caress. Buffy tried not to kiss him back but it was a lost cause. The blonde flung her arms around his neck and tangled her tongue with his. She didn’t think about the consequences or what was to come of this kiss, she just let her body succumb to his. When he pulled away, and brushed a few strands of hair out of her face, Buffy tried to let words form.

“Can you repeat that, please?” was the only thing that came out.

Spike chuckled, and caressed her cheek. “I couldn’t leave here without doing that.”

Buffy smiled softly. “So what are your plans after the summer break?”

Spike still held her face in his hand looking her right in the eyes. “Work, and school. I got accepted to UCLA. I know I’m taking a few courses with Cordelia…hope she doesn’t kill me.” he laughed out.

Buffy laughed with him, wrapping her arms tighter around his waist. “I’ll tell her to cut you a break. So you going to come and visit me here in good old Sunnydale? Or am I going to have to track you down?” the blonde joked; leaning in and placing a light kiss on Spike’s neck.

Spike nuzzled the side of her face. “You wouldn’t be able to keep me away for that long. But I can’t be in Sunnydale too often. We wouldn’t want Drusilla to get suspicious.” Spike spoke softly but it rang like a gong in Buffy’s ears.

Buffy pulled away from Spike, and pulled his hands off her face. “You’re still with Dru?” shock was evident in her voice.

“Well yeah, but I still want to be with you. You have something that Dru doesn’t…a shine, a glow that’s so blinding and fascinating that I can’t turn away.” Spike explained, tucking a lock of hair behind her ear.

Buffy couldn’t understand. “Then why don’t you just leave her? I’m not good enough alone…you need us both?” Buffy’s pain was clearly in her voice. The panic shone brighter than the tears in her eyes.

Spike sighed and turned his head away for a brief moment. “Buffy let’s not do this now. I hate seeing you cry, baby.” He went to brush a tear off her cheek but she slapped it away.

“Oh don’t baby me! I don’t get you! You want me then you don’t…and you kissed me but you’re still with her! What do you want from me, to be the other woman? Cause I won’t, Spike I will not lower myself to that!” the small blonde furiously wiped the tears from her face, and took a deep breath. “I think…I think it would be good for us to have some time apart. I need time to get over you, and you need to let me go.” She stated as calmly as she could.

Spike frowned and shook his head. “No…no I don’t want you to get over me…I don’t want to let you go.” He claimed with urgency, grabbing her upper arms.

“You’re going to have to. You go…be with Dru, because I can’t give you what you want right now.” The two stood in silence for a moment until Spike sighed his defeat. Buffy smiled sadly at him, and placed a goodbye kiss to his lips and headed back towards her friends, clearing her face of any tear tracks and mascara.

Spike watched her go, his heart heavy. He decided for now he would give her the space that she needed, and shuffled over to where Drusilla and his parents were waiting.

Chapter 20: Boy Does Time Fly

A few months later…

Buffy moved the rest of her boxes into her new dorm room, Willow right behind her with her belongings.

“We finally did it Buffy! We’re all moved in…Oooh this is so exciting!” Willow bounced up and down.

Buffy gave a small smirk. “Gee…I can’t wait to see you’re reaction when classes start.” she claimed sarcastically.

Willow jumped onto her bed on the left side of the room, and crossed her legs. “Oh come on Buff! You can’t tell me this isn’t any fun…We’re in college now, living on our own…free to do what we want.” the red head stated enthusiastically.

Buffy collapsed on her bed, her arms flailed to the sides. “I wonder what Spike’s doing now?” she asked herself.

“No!” Willow scowled. “Don’t think about him. He’s a waste of your time. We’re in college now…you’ve got hot college men to ogle. Forget about high school boys.” the red head stated with a wave of her hand.

Buffy pouted at her friend, ignoring her comment. “Maybe Cordy can give me the weekly update. Like when Spike and Dru get into fights…or-or if he catches her cheating on him?” the blonde asked a little too hopefully.

Willow frowned. Her friend was really having a hard time getting over this guy, and it hurt her to watch. “Get out.”

Buffy sat up, and raised an eyebrow to her friend. “Excuse me?”

Will smiled. “No I mean get out of the dorms, check the place out. Get your mind off some things.”

“Get my mind off Spike, you mean.” Buffy sighed and ran a hand through her golden locks. “You’re right. I can’t pine over him forever.” she got up off her bed and started collecting her jacket and her purse. “Maybe I’ll find Angel’s dorm, and we can find our way around campus together. You wanna come?” she asked as she slipped her jacket on.

“No…you go. I’ll set up around here.” Willow waved her off with a smile. When the door closed behind her friend she sighed. “Maybe this way you’ll get a clue.”


* * * * *

Buffy had found Angel’s dorm room about half an hour ago, and now the two of them were touring the huge campus.

“So I think it’s good.” Buffy claimed. “I need the time away from him you know, time to get over him, and move on.” She glanced up at Angel and noticed his expressionless face. “I’m talking about him too much, aren’t I?” she groaned. “The whole point of getting out of the dorms was to clear my mind and now I’m getting it all foggy!”

Angel stopped her from walking by gently grabbing her arm. “Hey, it’s okay. You had to get some things off your chest and you did. Feel better?” he smiled.

Buffy smiled back. “Yeah, you know, I do! Thanks.” They started strolling again. “So, how’s your roommate? Cool or Fool?” the blonde asked taking a sip of her coffee.

“Cool…I think.” Angel nodded. “Well he thinks he is anyway.”

“Oh…total fool then.” Buffy giggled. “He doesn’t write his name on his food, does he?” Angel furrowed a brow at her. “You know so that you know not to eat it?”

He winced a little. “Is that bad?”

Buffy chuckled. “Oh honey…get out while you still can.” she said with a little pat to his shoulder.

Buffy and Angel had continued on like this for a couple of months; hanging out on their spare blocks, and enjoying a few evenings out of the week sitting on the couch in the common room just chatting about every day life. It was always very friendly and innocent until that one night in the common room sitting by the fireplace.

Angel grabbed the wool blanket from the couch and threw it over his and Buffy’s laps where they sit in front of the fireplace. It was fairly cold for a California November.

“There…you feel warmer now?” Angel asked getting himself comfortable beside the blonde.

“Much better. I can’t believe the weather we’ve been having…snow in November! The world is ending.” she stated in resignation.

Angel chuckled at her joke, and subtly scooted closer to her. “I’m sure it’ll start with Canada. We’ve still got some time to prepare.” Buffy giggled, and Angel couldn’t help but smile at how beautiful she sounded when she laughed.

Buffy rotated her neck around in a circle, stretching her muscles. “God it feels so good to escape like this. My brain’s been filled with essays, professors and due dates for the past two weeks. Feels like I can finally relax now that it’s all done…for now anyway.” she sighed out a laughed and dropped her head, letting her blonde locks drape and hide her face.

Angel reached up and gently tucked her hair behind her left ear. Her head lifted up slowly to look at him, and she noticed how his fingers seems to be playing with the ends of her tresses. Angel was smiling at her and so were his eyes.

Buffy was so stunned that she didn’t see him leaning in until his lips were a hairsbreadth away from hers. “Angel?” she whispered.

“Yes?” he whispered back against her lips. His eyes opened and he frowned when he felt her delicate hand lightly pushing on his chest.

She frowned in apology and bit her lip. “I’m sorry but I’m just not ready for that right now.” she sighed when she saw him drop his head in defeat. “I still love him. I know it sounds crazy, but I do.”

Angel shook his head. “How does the asshole get all the love?” he said to himself.

“I’m sorry Angel. I’m working on it…I just need more time.” Buffy pleaded with her eyes.

Angel knew he’d wait for her. He’d wait forever if she asked him to. “Okay. I’ll wait for you.” he said with so much sincerity that her eyes welled up.

She had started to notice that Angel was falling for her. Buffy had tried to ignore it at first because it was weird. Angel was her best friend’s brother…he was such a good friend to her that she couldn’t think of him as anything other than that.

Willow had been giving her subtle hints about Angel’s feelings, and that Buffy should give things a shot with him. Buffy was slowly starting to believe that this was a step in the right direction, but like she said, she still needed some time to get over Spike…which she was finding out wasn’t as easy as she thought.

Buffy sighed. What she really needed was a getaway. Maybe a visit to her father was long overdue.

Chapter 21: Brave Like Soldiers

Buffy found herself looking out the window at the big city from her father’s penthouse apartment. This definitely wasn’t Sunnydale. She had been here for a month already, and her last encounter with Spike kept ringing in her ears. She would try to shake it off but to no avail she would dream of that meeting going differently. Like he would give her the reason she needed and sweep her up in his arms and take her home, her flight forgotten. But unfortunately life wasn’t how it is in the movies and story tales and she was left with the short end of the stick again.

She currently had the whole penthouse to herself. Hank had left town for a couple of days for business and Buffy was finding herself more lonely as the days went on. She was enjoying not having to deal with the outside world, but she missed her friends and family. Buffy sighed dramatically and left the wall sized window to throw herself on her king size bed.

Buffy almost fell asleep, then the shrill ringing of the phone woke her up and she answered it with a bored ‘hello’.

Her and Willow had been talking at least once or twice a week, Buffy knew the phone bill would suck but it was worth hearing a voice from home. The red head would update the blonde on all the new happenings around Sunnydale; and as Buffy requested, nothing about the ‘Bleached Bad-Boy, English Pest of Doom.’ She would once in a while hear from Angel too…he was still trying to prove himself to her apparently.

Only a few months left here before it was back to California and Buffy was wondering what things would be like once she got back. Would they be the same? Or totally different? Should she prepare herself for the worst? She didn’t know…the most she could do was wait, and hope there were no big surprises waiting for her when she got back.

* * * * *

Five long months later…

This was her last week in Chicago and Buffy began packing up the rest of her belongings. She went shopping a lot thanks to daddy’s no limit credit card, and was having a hard time fitting everything into her bags. Maybe I should buy another bag? she thought to herself.

Walking the main strip, bags in hand and a smile on her face, she headed back to the penthouse. Her phone rang so she pulled it out of her purse and answered it with cheer.

“Hello?” You could almost hear the smile on her face. Shopping always made her happy.

“Oh hey Cordy…I know it’s been a while, but I’m back in town in a week.” she waited as her friend started to speak.

“So how was the trip? Did it feel good to get away?” Cordelia asked as she filed her nails.

“Oh yeah!” Buffy let the doorman of the high-rise open the door for her and call the elevator for her. “Did some much needed shopping, some soul searching, and I definitely feel better.” she pushed the PH button and waited as the elevator took the long climb up to the top level.

“That’s good. Angel told me that he’s picking you up at the airport. How are things going with him?” the brunette asked excitedly.

Buffy sighed. “Okay…we’ve been talking lots. Don’t tell him but I’m ready now. I decided that I made him wait long enough. I’ve gotten over Spike and I’m ready to move on.” Buffy said proud of herself. It took her five months but she did it, and she was glad that she bounced back the way she did…not jaded and wiser than before.

Cordy’s eyes raised in surprise. “Really? You’re over him…like really over him?” she asked unsure.

The blonde on the other line laughed as she stepped out of the lift and into her living room. “Yes…I know it sounds funny me saying that, but I totally am and I couldn’t feel any better about it!” she stated cheerfully.

“Sooo…it wouldn’t bother you to see him with anyone then?”

“Nope! Not at all…that’s the best part. You could tell me that him and Drusilla were back together and having babies and I would be A-okay. Talk about major progress.” Buffy giggled.

“Well they aren’t. They are baby free. Drusilla ended up going back to England actually. Something about her parents wanting her to go to Oxford. Anyway UCLA has been much brighter since she left.” Cordelia paused for a minute, finding a way to say this to Buffy. “Um, I hope you don’t mind…but Spike has kind of turned into a good friend. You know since we both don’t know anyone at school. We’ve been hanging out a lot lately…does that bother you?” the brunette bit her lip waiting for her friend to say something.

Buffy frowned. “No…not at all that’s fine. Why would that bother me…over him remember?” she laughed, easing her friends worries. It did cross Buffy’s mind that maybe her friend had feelings for the bleached wonder…but the chances of it becoming anything more were slim. And if it did she could deal with it right?

Cordy sighed in relief. “Oh…well I was just checking. But listen I have to go…see you when you get back?” The two said their goodbyes, and hung up the phone. Cordelia picked up the phone after she hung up and dialed a local number. “Hey Spike…I was wondering if you maybe wanted to meet up for lunch tomorrow between classes?” she smiled. “Actually your right…dinner is better. I’ll see you tomorrow then.” she fell back onto her bed and sighed. I hope she doesn’t hate me. she thought to herself. Cordy always had a bit of a crush on Spike and now she could see if it could go anywhere. But she knew that if Buffy really had a problem with it she would back off. But she really hoped she didn’t have to.

* * * * *

As Buffy came to the Arrival section of LAX, she looked around for the familiar tall brunette. When she spotted him she ran over and dropped her bags at their feet and leaped into his arms. To say he was surprised was an understatement, but he held her tight. She smiled at him and gently placed a kiss on his lips.

After a few minutes he put her down, and he grabbed her bags for her…with her practically attached to his hip. Angel had changed in the few months she was gone. His chest was broader, like he had been hitting the gym more, and his eyes held a little more experience than before, but he was just as handsome as before if not more so.

She could see him sticking around…Angel was the long haul guy. A quick relationship formed between them, and Buffy found herself happier than she had been in a while. Angel had already told her of his love after a month and although he knew she couldn’t say it back yet, he needed her to know.

Also, Cordy and Spike had started a tentative relationship as well, and Buffy was finding herself okay with it. She was with Angel now and he was all she needed. After some time the four had even forgotten the almost-relationship between the blondes, and had even started a friendship again; hatchets buried.

* * * * *

The two couples gathered at the Bronze the night of their graduation. University finally done was cause for a celebration. They picked out their usual table and waited for their other friends to get there.

Being back at the Bronze brought back memories for everyone, making the little reunion even more fun. Cordy and Angel went up to the bar to go grab drinks while they waiting for everyone else, leaving Buffy and Spike at the table together. They were in the middle of a conversation about school when a familiar song came on.

FLASHBACK

Being on a break with Drusilla left Spike a lot more time to himself…except he would rather spend that time with Buffy. They were becoming good friends, and a trip to the Bronze would happen once a week at least.

They would dance and drink, talk about silly things and really enjoy themselves…and this time was no different. After a particularly fast song, the music blended into something a little slower. The bleat started up and the two blondes looked at each other awkwardly before coming together. Buffy put her arms around his neck, and he placed his gently on her waist.

We were drawn from the weeds
We were brave like soldiers
Falling down under the pale moonlight

END FLASHBACK

When the first few chords were played the two looked at each other and smiled.

Buffy was shocked when Spike stood up in front of her. “This was the first song we ever danced to…since we’re taking trips down memory lane it only seems fitting, doesn’t it?” he pulled Buffy up and towards the dance floor, falling into the familiar embrace, only this time they held each other a little closer.

You were holding to me
Like a someone broken
And I couldn't tell you but I'm telling you now
Just let me hold you while you're falling apart
Just let me hold you and we'll both fall down

Fall on me
Tell me everything you want me to be
Forever with you forever in me
Ever the same

It was hard to keep their emotions in check when they were this close. Spike couldn’t deny that some feelings were coming back now that she was in his arms…but he ignored them for the sake of Angel and Cordy.

We would stand in the wind
We were free like water
Flowing down
Under the warmth of the sun
Now it's cold and we're scared
And we've both been shaken
Hey, look at us
Man, this doesn't need to be the end

Angel and Cordy finally got their drinks. Because it was a Friday it was pretty busy. The siblings made their way back to the table both hands carrying drinks, when they noticed Buffy and spike missing.

“Where’d they go?” Angel asked. He put down the drinks and scanned the area.

“Um…Angel?” When she had his attention she pointed them out on the dance floor, slowly moving to the beat. Anyone else but them would think they were the cutest couple.

Angel tried to keep his anger in, and not pummel his friend to the ground. His sister’s voice shook him out of his daze.

“Angel…it’s okay. It’s just a dance.”

Just let me hold you while you're falling apart
Just let me hold you and we'll both fall down

But something told him this would be more than that. And he braced himself for what was ahead. Cordy suggested to just let them dance until the song was over, and not to make a big deal of something that was nothing. She was with him now…and that’s all that mattered.

Fall on me tell me everything you want me to be
Forever with you
Forever in me
Ever the same
Call on me
I'll be there for you and you'll be there for me
Forever it's you
Forever in me
Ever the same

You may need me there
To carry all your weight
But you're no burden I assure
You tide me over
With a warmth I'll not forget
But I can only give you love

Fall on me tell me everything you want me to be
Forever with you
Forever in me
Ever the same
Call on me
I'll be there for you and you'll be there for me
Forever it's you
Forever in me
Ever the same

Forever with you
Forever in me
Ever the same

Buffy and Spike were thinking the same thing. Maybe not today…maybe not tomorrow. Maybe not even in a year…but one day. Until then we have this…we have this song…we have these feelings…ever the same.

Chapter 21: Don't Tell Me I Haven't Been Good To You…


Buffy placed the utensils out on the dining table in front of each chair. It was a gang reunion at the Summers-Giles house. “When did Angel say he was getting here?” she asked waddling back into the kitchen. She was six months pregnant now, and now she remembered why she told Spike he could have the next one.

Spike grabbed her hand and led her to the chair in the kitchen, being the dotting hubby he was. “Here baby sit down. Angel will be here with Darla in about ten minutes, I just got off the phone with him, they just checked into a hotel. Cordelia said she’d be a while yet…something about being fashionably late.” Spike mumbled out. He used to hate going to their dinner parties late…made him feel like he was missing out on something.

“I don’t want to sit down…I’ve been sitting down for the past two months!” as she said this, Buffy plopped down on the chair almost relieved. She had been a little edge the past couple of weeks and while during the first pregnancy, Spike would get edgy as well…this time around he found it more endearing than anything. “I’m sorry, baby.” she said pulling Spike to stand between her legs, and wrapping her arms around his waist. “I know I need to relax a little; I’ve just been stressed, what with Madison going to school soon and I’m worried about how she’s going to get along. Maddi doesn’t even want to leave my side when I drop her off at dance for an hour…what about when she has to go to school without us for seven hours?”
Spike pulled away to look down at his wife. “I know you’re worried for her, but she has to get use to it. Now let’s finish getting everything set up and have a nice dinner with our friends. I’ll call Maddi down.” Spike left the kitchen to grab their daughter from her room upstairs.

Buffy finished setting the table and put the food on all the plates, before bringing them out two at a time. She placed them in front of each chair, and the doorbell rang just as Spike was coming down the stairs with Madison.

“I’ll get it!” Maddi cried out, rushing to the door and flinging it open. “Hi, Angel!” she screeched jumping into his arms. After the initial meeting, Angel made a point of stopping by a couple of times, and Maddi really took a liking to him. Of course she was very familiar with his sister, and called her Auntie Cordy.

“Hey kiddo!” Angel carried her inside, smiling at Spike as he entered. He put Maddi on the ground to introduce his girlfriend. “Spike this is my girlfriend Darla…baby this is Spike.”

Spike shook her hand, welcoming her into his home, and led them into the kitchen where Buffy was sitting with Madison who was rubbing her mommy’s tummy affectionately. He eyes lit up when she saw Angel. “Hey Angel! Good to see you again.” she gave him a hug as best she could with her swollen belly. “Sorry he’s getting in the way a lot these days.”

“So Spike was right!” he concluded smiling at his friend.

Buffy smiled, then turned to the blonde beside the tall brunette. “You must be Darla. So good to finally meet you…Angel’s talks the world of you.” Angel had never seen Buffy look so vibrant before. She was glowing in her face; her eyes, her smile, and skin.

Darla glanced up at her boyfriend, and wrapped an arm around his waist. “Really now?” she raised a brow questioningly. “The world, huh?” she asked playfully.

Angel gave her a kiss. “You know I love you.” After the rest of the introductions were made, they grabbed some drinks and chatted as they waited for Cordelia. About ten minutes later the door bell rang signaling her arrival.

Buffy waddled to the door, and opened it for her friend, who quickly wrapped her up in a warm hug. “Look at you! You grew since the last time I saw you which was what? A week ago?” she smiled brightly and made her way into the house. “Sorry I’m late I told Spike I was having a fashion disaster!” She made her rounds and said ‘hi’ to everyone, before picking up her ‘niece’ and bringing her to the dinner table.


They continued on, having a delicious meal, laughing and joking and talking about recent events. “So how did you guys all meet?” Darla asked looking at them.

The table burst out laughing. “You mean Angel didn’t tell you?” Buffy asked holding her stomach.

Darla smiled. “No…he said it was a story that you all had to tell.”

Cordy started. “Well…me, Angel and Buffy went to high school together, and Spike moved here halfway through the school year.” Everyone stopped eating as the story was told.

“Buffy had this adorable crush on me from the beginning…but I was too busy with Drusilla to notice.” Spike continued.

When Darla raised her brows in question, Buffy elaborated. “The Evil Bitch Monster from Hell that loved to do nothing more than ruin my life. I was so smitten as a kitten that I didn’t notice the crush that Angel had for me.” Angel shyly ducked his head, and Darla didn’t seemed bothered by hearing that at all. She knew all about his and Buffy’s relationship.

“It went on like that for a while.” Cordy jumped in. “There’s way too much drama-rama to filter through, but pretty much it turned out with Buffy and Angel together…”

“And my sister and Spike together.” Angel added. “But me and Cordy both knew that they had this forbidden love of all time, and pretty much let them have at it.” he joked, causing the table to laugh.

“Well there was definitely more to it than that…but I don’t think we’d ever have the time to tell it.” Buffy giggled, playing with the hair at the nape of Spike’s neck, while he rubbed her thigh with his thumb. Then something occurred to her. “Hey Cordy didn’t you have a date tonight?”

Cordy smiled, and looked down shyly. “Yes…he couldn’t make it for dinner, but he’ll stop by when he gets into town.” she said evasively.

Spike frowned. “Get’s into town…? Where did he go?”

“He was in Houston visiting family, but he’ll be here.” the brunette supplied.

They cleared the table and placed the dirty dishes in the dishwasher, before everyone moved into the living room for more drinks…except Buffy who had an Iced Tea. Spike tucked their daughter in bed since it was already after 8:30. After about twenty minutes of old tales, and filling Darla in on everything, the door bell rang.

Cordelia jumped up. “I’ll get it!” she disappeared for a few minutes. She heard her squeal and a man’s chuckle before she pulled him into the room. Buffy, Spike and Angel’s jaws all dropped to the floor in awe. “Guy’s you remember Lindsey, right?”

They all nodded in a daze. Lindsey chuckled again, bringing the front of his cowboy hat down in greeting. “Hey guys, good to see y’all again.”

Before anyone could say anything, Cordy continued. “We started dating a about a year ago…we didn’t want to tell you cause I was looking so forward to see the shocked looks on your faces went you saw him.” her eyes shone, as she looked back up at her boyfriend. Her head whipped back to look at Buffy. “Oh and you better hurry up with that baby, cause I need you to fit into the Maid of Honor dress I got you.”

She said it so nonchalantly that it took Buffy and the others a moment before it clicked in. Buffy screamed and hugged her best friend with excitement. “You’re getting married!” they jumped up and down and everyone congratulated them.

Angel got up and walked over to Lindsey. “Welcome to the whole Damn Family, man.” they shook hands, as Buffy, Darla and Cordy went on about wedding arrangements, and the perfect Bachelorette party.

They gang was back and with a couple extra members…no drama…no feuds…just happiness. Buffy was looking around at everyone, and how mature they were now. We finally grew up.


Don't tell me I haven't been good to you
Don't tell me I have never been there for you
Don't tell me why
Nothing is good enough

So just let me try
And I will be good to you
Just let me try
And I will be there for you
I'll show you why
You're so much more than good enough…