“Angel, it’s your little sister Buffy here. Just wanted to reconfirm that you are picking me up tomorrow. My flight lands at 2:30, see ya then.”

William ‘Spike’ Giles rolled his eyes as he listened to the message. To say he had just had a bad day was an understatement. To say it had just gotten worse, after listening to the answering machine, was just rubbing salt into his wounds.

Spike clicked off the answering machine and turned to glare at his best friend come roommate.

“Something you forgot to tell me, mate?” he asked, making no attempt to hide his anger.

“Yeah well, it was sort of a last minute thing. I was going to tell you, I swear it just slipped my mind.”

Spike was not buying it.
Angel and Spike had been best friends since high school. They’d gone to separate colleges but both shared the dream of moving to New York to pursue their respective careers, Spike’s in finance and Angel’s in IT. At first they’d shared a rent control apartment to cut down on costs. The more successful the pair became, the higher up the rental scale they rose, but they had not moved out on their own. It was as though they needed each other to keep them grounded and not loose sight of where they had come from.

Spike did not share the same affection for the voice on the answering machine as his roommate did. Buffy was Angel’s younger sister. In the same way that Angel and Spike’s friendship had been instantaneous, with Spike and Buffy they had started fighting on the day they first met, back during in the boys’ freshman year. And the animosity had never stopped.

“And the fact I hate your sister with the heat of a thousand suns has absolutely nothing to do with this selective amnesia?” Spike asked as he raised his eyebrows.

Maybe it was time to move out; at twenty-nine he was making more than enough to live on his own. However there was something great about still living with Angel, no matter how high up the corporate ladder the two of them climbed they still had a certain college mentality. It was as though they were still teenagers at heart.

“Look, I was going to tell you, I’ve just had a lot on my plate. What with the merger and all.” Angels small IT company was in the middle of being bought out by a larger one, and while he stood to gain a lot from it in the meantime it seemed to be taking its toll on him.

“Why is little Miss Priss coming to the New York anyway? Got some last minute wedding gifts she wants to add to her bridal registry?” How Buffy had found someone to marry her was beyond him. Some poor sod named Riley had drawn the short straw. An army man as well, you would think a disciplined man would know better than to marry someone as flighty as Buffy.

“More like return them. She and Riley broke up last week. Apparently serving his country wasn’t enough for Riley, he wanted to serve one of the women in his platoon as well.” Angel’s jaw ticked in anger.

As much as Spike didn’t like Buffy he couldn’t help but feel for her. He knew only too well what it was like to be cheated on.

“Look, Spike. I know you love nothing more than pissing Buffy off, but I am asking you, for her sake, can you take it easy on her? Talking to her on the phone… I’ve never heard her so broken,” Angel explained, his eyes clouding over with sadness. Turning away he got himself and Spike a beer each from the fridge.

Spike sat back on the couch and took a large swig. It was hard to imagine Buffy as Angel had described her, broken. As much as her strength and conviction pissed him off, he equally admired it. She was a spitfire. Half the time he picked a fight with her was because he enjoyed their verbal sparing. It made him feel alive, and though they had never spoken of it he suspected she felt the same way. It pissed him off to know that some git had taken that from her, all for the sake of a quick tumble in the back of a tank.

“Alright, I’ll cut her some slack, but only because you asked me too. I wouldn’t do her any favours.”

****

It was the worst idea that she had ever had. As the plane circled over JFK airport, waiting for landing clearance, she was starting to regret her decision to visit Angel. Sure, she needed to get out of town, leave Sunnydale and all the craziness that was her broken engagement. Riley never had a good sense of timing and cancelling the wedding so close to the date was no exception. One month before the ceremony not only made her look like a pathetic fool but it had also given her a lot of work to do in a short space of time.

But it wasn’t the calling and cancelling that she hated, after the fourth of fifth one she had gotten the spiel down pat. It was the looks, the stares, and the hushed whispers as she walked into a room that had driven her to make the trip to see her brother. Unfortunately, that also meant seeing Spike.

The prospect of seeing him was not a pleasant one. It wasn’t one thing that drove her crazy about Spike. It was everything. He always had some snappy comeback or unflattering nickname to call her. She didn’t even want to think about the field day he was going to have with the news of her broken engagement. She closed her eyes fighting back the tears. One of the reasons New York had been a good idea was that she could blend in. No longer be the town outcast. No longer be that girl who was left at the alter. Buffy laughed half-heartedly at that, she didn’t even get to the alter. And now she probably never would.

“Miss, you need to put your tray table up,” the hostess advised as she walked past.

“Thank you.” Buffy lifted the table as she prepared for landing.

“Business or pleasure?” the hostess asked.

“Neither,” Buffy paused as she looked at the city below her. “A new life.”

AN: Here is the next chapter of the newie don't worry i haven't left WSC out in the cold just running with my muse on this one.
Big thanks to Amy and Brat who helped out on this one
Enjoy

Chapter 2

“Spike, I’m stuck in this meeting for at least another two hours. I promised Buff I would pick her up from the airport. I going to need you to do it for me. Her flight lands at 2:30. Thanks man, I owe you one.”

‘You owe me more than one, mate…’ Spike thought to himself as he waited at the arrival gate. Why couldn’t Buffy catch a cab like every other normal person? No, princess Buffy had to have someone pick her up. He felt his frustration—which felt quite similar to nervousness—grow with each passing minute.

Finally the plane pulled into the gate, and shortly after the passengers started to disembark. It had been ten years, almost too many to count, since he had seen her last. Of course he’d seen a picture here and there, but it had been a decade since he’d seen her in the flesh. Ten blissful years of zero face-to-face contact.

Until now.

She emerged from the plane, looking every part the princess. Her hair was longer, and a little blonder, than he remembered. She’d also grown into her figure. But there was something missing. The fire behind her eyes, something that he’d both hated and admired all those years before, had been extinguished. Doused by her broken heart. But even still, she looked like a princess.

“What the hell are you doing here?” Buffy demanded as she stood in front of him with her hands on her hips.

A very stuck up and spoiled princess.

“Angel rang, he got stuck in a merger meeting. Sorry pet, the world doesn’t stop just because you decided to grace us with your presence,” he spat back. Spike turned and made his way to the baggage claim, not bothering to see if she followed.

Oh yes, this was going to be a long two weeks.

****

‘So much for avoiding Spike…’ Buffy thought to herself as she waited by the baggage claim for her bags.

The first thing she’d noticed was that he’d grown up, not that she had expected him not to of course. But now, now he was the very picture of an adult. It was more than that somehow. He’d been twenty when they’d last seen each other. Back then she’d seen glimpses of the man standing behind her, but all the boyish characteristics had seemed to have vanished. The hair was still chemically enhanced, sure it wasn’t the shocking Billy Idol blonde that was his trademark ten years ago, but she could tell he still had a few tips here and there. But the clothes had totally changed. For one, he wasn’t wearing black or leather or any combination of the two. He looked every inch the New York businessman. He was wearing a dark blue suit. The cut looked expensive with a white shirt and a dark purple tie. The purple brought out the blue of his eyes. In all her years she’d never seen another blue quite the same as his eyes. Eyes that were currently glaring at her. She looked away and tried to focus on finding her bags, and getting as far away as she could from Spike.

This was a bad idea. The whole thing was a bad idea. She should have done what everyone told her and take the honeymoon she and Riley were supposed to go on. After all wasn’t that her right as the jilted bride. But she didn’t see the logic in doing that. How was going to Tahiti for ten days and doing all the things alone she was supposed to do with Riley going to make her feel better? As a way of showing her the life that she would have had if her cheating fiancé had not left her at the altar. Although as she turned to see Spike grimacing at her she decided the face of mars would’ve been better than here.

Finally her bag came around. She went to grab it and forgot how heavy it was. She tried to pull it off the carousel again, and still it didn’t budge. On the third attempt another hand came from behind her to pull it off.

“Let me. I haven’t got all day, some of us have work to do pet.”

Buffy’s tears fell freely as Spike lifted her bag off and started making his way towards the car park.

It should have made her feel better, Spike helping her with her bags, but it only served to make her feel worse. Ever since Riley had called the wedding off her emotions had been on some kind of see-saw. One minute she was fine and then the smallest thing, like Spike helping her, set her off. It had no rhyme or reason to it either. Sure you would expect her to lose it at the sight of a wedding dress but not when someone helped her out of the kindness of their…

“I don’t have all day, princess. Unless you want to pay another twenty bucks for parking I suggest you hurry up,”

Heart.

She wiped her tears and followed Spike to his car. She tried to focus on the positives in coming here to New York. Spike aside, she was glad to be here and away from prying eyes and thoughtless questions.

“So, solider boy left you high and dry then?” Spike asked as they made their way to the car.

So much for hoping. She took a deep breath and readied herself for the onslaught of ‘I told you so’s’. Buffy was stunned with what she got instead.

“If you crawl up and die inside he wins. You’re better than that, Buffy. Better than some two timing GI Joe wannabe.” Spike’s voice was firm but sincere and it knocked her for six. She stood rooted to the spot in shock.

“Do I need to repeat the cost of parking, princess? Lets get in the car and go,” Spike yelled over the roar of the engine as he waited for her to get into the car.

And with that Buffy was back to reality.

“Hey mom, it’s me, Buffy. Just calling in to tell you that I’ve landed, safe and sound. Haven’t seen Angel yet, he’s busy off playing big corporate business man. Hopefully I’ll see him sometime tonight. Call me when you get a chance.

Buffy sighed as she snapped her cell phone shut and threw it on the bed. Spike had dropped her off half an hour ago. He’d had to get back to work, some sort of emergency with the London markets.

She looked around the guest room the boys had clearly never used for guests in the whole time they’d lived here. The burgundy quilt cover still showed the tell tale signs of being folded in the packet recently been purchased from bed bath and beyond. Still, she didn’t have to pay for the privilege of staying here so she couldn’t be too picky.

She picked her suitcase up off the floor and placed it on the bed, opened it and started to unpack her things.

She should’ve felt better, freer somehow. Wasn’t that the appeal of moving away from Sunnydale? Nothing was supposed to help solve a problem better than running away from it.

As she continued to unpack she caught sight of herself in the wardrobe mirror. She looked a mess. She’d lost weight, and not from your normal ‘must fit into my wedding dress’ diet. It was more like ‘my life is falling apart and I am too distressed to eat’ diet. The dark circles under her eyes gave away how many sleepless nights she’d spent assessing and reassessing where her and Riley’s relationship had gone so wrong.

In the end she always came up with the same conclusion. It didn’t matter. In the end who did what to whom and when wasn’t important. When you boiled it all down she had failed. When she looked in the mirror all she could see was failure.

No wonder Spike had taken pity on her today. The failure rolled off her in waves plain for the whole world to see. Spike’s kindness to her confirmed it. He would no sooner pee on her if she was on fire, let alone carry her bags to the car. Blind hatred, that was what their relationship was based on. Not helping her carry her bags and going all Dr Phil with the motivational speeches. It threw her off base, made her feel uncomfortable. She seriously started to question her sanity when she was more comfortable fighting with Spike rather than being friends with him.

“No wonder Riley left me at the altar.”

Buffy felt the tears come again, but she was too exhausted to cry. Rather than give into them she did the next best thing, she lay down back on the bed and closed her eyes for a quick rest.

*****

“Buffy, Spike? Anyone home?” Angel’s voice broke Buffy from her slumber. She blinked as her eyes adjusted to the dark. Apparently her fifteen-minute catnap had stretched out into a three-hour power snooze.

“In here.” She’d just hopped off the bed as Angel appeared in the doorway.

“Little sis.” He held his arms out as Buffy threw herself into the comfort of his embrace.

They stayed that way for a little while, Buffy savouring the comfort and support her brother was offering with a simple hug. Finally Buffy broke away, the tears she’d not realised she had shed running down her cheeks

“You think I would be done with that by now,” she remarked as she wiped them from her cheeks.

“Maybe that could be my new career. I could go to drought-affected areas and cry my eyes out. It seems I have a never ending supply,” she joked half-heartedly.

Angel laughed as he wrapped his arm around her shoulders and led her into the lounge room.

“No good, tears are too salty. Where’s Spike?”

“He left after he dropped me off, had to get back to work, some kind of emergency on the London market.”

Angel looked puzzled. “The London markets are closed today, that’s why I asked him to pick you up. He had the day off.”

***

‘Now this is more like it…’ Spike thought as he downed another shot of whiskey. ‘This is how you are supposed to spend your day off, getting blind drunk in a dingy bar not picking up people’s stupid sisters.’

“Another please barkeep.”

Willie just rolled his eyes as he poured, as far as he was concerned, was his last shot of the night.

Spike closed his eyes, savouring the liquor as it slid down his throat. They remained closed as he went through the days events in his head.

“Sodding wanker.” Spike opened them to see a very annoyed bar patron sitting next to him looking ready to punch him out. “Not you mate, him.” He pointed to his own reflection in the back of the bar.

What had possessed him today? Helping Buffy Summers of all people, something must be seriously wrong with the world in order for him to help her. He should have been relishing in the sight he’d seen at the airport today. A broken woman whose heart had been smashed. He’d surprised himself, and by the look on her face Buffy as well, with his kindness. He’d wanted to help, he took no comfort in her misery at all. In fact if he was to be honest with himself he felt for her, felt something other than blind hatred.

It was that realisation that had sent him straight to Willies Bar, even though he was supposed to stay and make sure Buffy had settled in okay. But he couldn’t do it. Any longer around her and he would be going out to hire chick flicks and buying ice cream so they could sit on the couch and share their feelings. Anything to take the look of utter despair off her face.

He was not going to share feelings with her, let alone anything else. Except the same flat for the next two weeks. He rolled his eyes and let his head fall against the bar top.

“That’s it Spike, I am cutting you off. Time to go home.”

Thanks to everyone who reviewed and enjoyed the fic i am enjoying writing it. Thanks to Amy for her beta work and a big thanks to Brat for being my sounding board.
Enjoy and let me know what you think

Chapter 4 - Oh, it’s you

“Spike, can you pick up some milk and some more ice-cream on the way home. Buffy seems to have eaten and drunk us out of house and home. Speaking of drunk where are you man?”

Buffy closed her eyes as she savoured the flavour and feeling of the ice-cream as it slid into her mouth. She had always thought 2am was the best time to eat ice-cream. The afternoon nap had meant sleeping tonight was out of the question. Rather than fight it she gave in to the inevitable. The heartbreak cliché. PJ’s, a box of tissues, ice-cream and a chick flick marathon. With all things in tow she settled in for the night.

She was two films into the heartache-movie-marathon when she heard someone trying to open the front door. Her momentary panic gave way to relief when she realised the person trying to get in had keys to do so. Relief then gave away to dread when she realised the only person with keys was Spike.

“Oh, it’s you,” he slurred as he fumbled his way into the lounge room.

A very drunk Spike it turned out. So much for going to work. This was going to be fun.

“So how was work? Did you sort everything out with the London markets?” she asked, knowing full well from his state of inebriation he had not been at work but working some bar top downtown.

“Huh?” he clearly had no idea what she was on about.

“Wasn’t that the reason you had to run out today?” she asked knowingly as she crossed her arms over her chest, defences’ up.

“London… Yeah right the London markets. It was a nightmare, but you know me all work no play. I got it sorted.” Watching him squirm under her line of questioning was too much fun. He was too easy to tease. She got up from the lounge and made her way over to him.

“Although from the look and smell of you I would say it was more like the Scottish markets are a problem.” She was right up in his face now. The smell of scotch whiskey rolling off him in waves. She ignored her quickening heartbeat as she looked directly into his eyes. Though blood shot they were still the same blue they were always, it had always annoyed her that she could never quite place the exact colour of them. In her mind she was screaming ‘what am I doing’ but something within her wouldn’t let her stop.

Spike squirmed under her gaze. If he wasn’t so out of his mind drunk he could have sworn Buffy was flirting with him, or at the very least checking him out. She was so close he could smell her vanilla shampoo, she had used the same one since high school and whenever he smelt it he thought of her. The aroma muddled his brain more than the alcohol it seemed. There was no way she was flirting with him, rather than tempting that thought he did the next best thing.

“Have you gone completely off you bird woman?” Thankfully Buffy backed down immediately, and now he could think straight. “There is no such thing as a Scottish market.” He snuck a peak down her pyjama top as he made his way past her to get to his room. Her voice stopped him in his tracks.

“London was closed today, Spike.”

He turned around to see Buffy standing there all smug hands on hips. “How did you …”

“Angel told me. And as for the drinking part, I have eyes and a nose so it didn’t take much to put that puzzle together. What I don’t see is why you felt like you had to lie. I don’t care what you do or where you go. I mean look at yourself Spike you’re pathetic,” she laughed.

Her laughter was like breaking glass in his ears. How dare she laugh at him. With a speed that surprised even himself he was up in Buffy’s face.

“Me? I am pathetic? Look at you, with your ice-cream, and your pyjamas. And the movies… Sixteen Candles, Sleepless in Seattle. Gee Buffy, all you need is Four Weddings and a Funeral and the cliché would be complete.” He could tell by the look in her eyes he was hitting a little too close to the bone.

Buffy cringed as the DVD kicked in and the credits for Four Weddings appeared on the screen. She winced when Spikes uncontrollable laughter hit her ears.

“Look, I know my pain brings you untold pleasure. But can you tone the mirth down a couple of notches?” She backed away and closed her eyes. Buffy knew he would be able to see the pleading within their depths, and she didn’t want to give him the satisfaction of seeing her true feelings. She opened them when she heard the laughter had stopped. Instead of seeing Spikes uncaring gaze she was met with nothing.

Spike was gone.


****

Spike was grasping for air as he pressed his body against his bedroom door. Trying to keep his body from doing what his mind wanted him to. He needed distance between himself and Buffy.

His state of drunkenness had not only caused him to be kicked out of Willies bar but it had almost made him do the unthinkable to Buffy. He had almost kissed her, felt something other than loathing for Buffy Summers.

She had reached out almost to the point of pleading to him, asking for him to go easy on her. Did she really think he was some kind of monster? That he would kick her while she was down?

He thought over the conversation they had just had. What kind of monster was he? First of all he inflicted the pain onto her and then in an instant he wanted to wrap her in his arms and take it all away.

“Of course she thinks you’re a monster, you git,” he said to himself as he passed out on his bed.

Chapter 5

“Angel, it’s Spike. Look… can you do me a huge favour? I’ve left the Henderson file at home. Could you drop it into the office for me? Thanks mate.”

“So this is Central Park,” Buffy remarked as she took in her surrounds.

She was four days into her trip and Angel had finally taken some time off work to show her the sights, sounds and, at times, the smells New York City has to offer.

“For some unknown reason I was expecting more gangs and crime,” she half-joked.

Angel laughed. “Sorry to disappoint. Maybe after we’re done here I could take you to the bad side of the tracks for a mugging.”

“Gee thanks, you really now how to make your sister feel welcome,” she said with a roll of her eyes. “It’s just that when I picture New York it has a bit more… action and danger to it,” Buffy admitted, sounding genuinely disappointed.

“You do realise that life isn’t what you see on TV, right?”

“Intimately so some days. I wish everything could go back to normal after the half hour finishes,” she sighed as she stopped and looked out over the lake. “That and I wish I could bump into Carrie and the girls having cosmos at some hip bar downtown.”

They fell into an easy silence as they continued to walk around the park. Buffy let herself relax as she watched life pass her by. Lunchtime joggers working off the previous night’s over indulgences. Others at hot dog stands partaking in similar over extravagance. Owners walking their dogs, or in some cases vice versa. It felt safe being on the outside looking in. Her detachment helped her relax. She had been so involved back in Sunnydale, the talk of the town, it had taken its toll on her. Her hope was that in coming to New York she would be able to relax and wind down some. However, she had forgotten to factor Spike into the equation, sharing a living space with him had made her more on edge than ever. It wasn’t anything in particular that he was doing, in fact they had successfully avoided each other since the night of her arrival. But she was felt as though she was walking on eggshells, senses heightened trying to avoid him. And it would seem he was doing the same.

“How are you doing?” Angel asked, shaking her from her thoughts.

“Peachy with a side of keen,” she replied on auto pilot.

“Okay, and which shower do you think I just came down in Buffy? I’m your brother, I know when something is going on with you. Besides, with all the stuff that has gone on with you the past few months you would have to be some kind of robot to have it not affect you,” he pointed out, eyebrow arched in suspicion.

That was the thing with family, you could always count on them to state the glaringly obvious when all you wanted to do was sweep it under the carpet and never think about it again.

“Thanks big bro, you sure know how to make a girl feel better,” she replied sarcastically. She tried to collect her thoughts. How did she feel it changed from minute to minute?

“Well?” He was not giving up on this.

“I honestly don’t know Angel,” she sighed. “Sometimes it feels as though Riley ripped my heart out and put back in, but all upside down wrong way up, so its still there but I don’t know how to use it anymore. Other times I’m grateful to Riley that he told me now, before we got married, and saved me all that heartache and grief. And then I get pissed off at myself for being grateful and… well it just goes into a tail spin from there,” Buffy finished as she calmed herself back down.

“Right, so you are doing okay then?” Angel seemed unsure of what to do with her outburst. Buffy laughed at her brother’s inability to handle her response.

“Its okay, Angel I don’t understand it either,” Buffy replied as she linked her arm in his and continued walking. “But I am hoping one day it will become a little less foggy.”

“Oh by the way, we have to stop off somewhere on the way home I need to drop something off.”

*****

“Cordelia, can you please let me know when Angel gets here, he has something I need ASAP,” Spike asked as he watched his assistant get hot under the collar. It was one of the worst kept secrets that Cordelia Chase had a thing for his best friend.

“Oh, really which one is Angel again?” Cordelia asked as she tried to sound nonchalant.

“You know the one Cordy, tall dark and forehead, my roommate.” He had to bite his lip to keep from laughing at the wanna-be actress. Surprisingly she made a really good assistant.

“Oh Angel… I know the one now, I’ll keep an eye out. I just need to pop out to the ladies room for a moment.” And with that she gathered her bag and raced off.

This time Spike did not contain his laughter as he made his way back into the office. Why women felt the need to make themselves presentable for a guy was beyond him. Did women not know that nine times out of ten all they had to do was pay them some kind of attention and they would be interested? Except for Buffy, she would have to do a lot more than that to interest anyone. If she thought her shiny blonde hair and cherry red lips were enough to entice a man then she was very mistaken. And the smell of vanilla that seemed to follow her wherever she went was not at all alluring, if anything it was downright annoying. It was the reason he had been avoiding her since her arrival, he didn’t need her all up in his face clouding his thoughts with how annoying she truly was.

“Spike, Angel is here,” Cordy’s voice came across the phones loud speaker, cutting short his internal rantings.

“About bloody,” Spike opened the door and was stopped in his tracks not by Angel but by the cause of his said rants. “Time”

“What are we doing here at his office?” Buffy asked, her distain dripping from her words.

“I told you I had to drop something off before we went home,” Angel replied.

Spike saw Cordy’s face drop as she jumped to the wrong conclusion. “Buffy, this is my assistant Cordelia Chase, and Cordy this is Angel’s sister Buffy,”

Cordy outstretched her hand as soon as she realised that Buffy was not encroaching on her turf. “So pleased to meet you, Angel’s sister Buffy.”

The relief on her face was evident. An awkward pause followed rather than stand it Spike threw his friend a bone.

“Buffy, can I see you in my office for a moment?”

“Huh?”

Spike could tell she wouldn’t have been more shocked if he’d turned to stone that very moment.

“Yes, I need to talk to you about something very important,” he said, trying to make subtle gestures to indicate what he was trying to do.

“Me, are you sure you don’t mean, anyone else other than me?”

This girl was going to be the death of him, he knew it. He took matters into his own hands literally. He took her hand and dragged her into his office.

“No I meant you. Excuse us, we have some important business to attend to.” And with that he left Angel and Cordy staring into each others eyes.

Chapter 6

“Miss Summers it Kate from Sweet Art wedding cakes just confirming your booking for this weekend. Call me at your earliest convenience,”

“Have you completely lost your mind?” Buffy asked as she shook her hand from his grasp.

“I don’t know, aren’t you women supposed to have some sixth sense when it comes to each other ?” Spike stated as he made his way back to his desk.

Buffy looked around the office. It seemed as though Spike had done well for himself, he even had a window with a view. Sure his ficus plant had seen better days, but overall it was pretty impressive. Seeing him behind the desk all dressed up in a charcoal suit, he looked every inch the powerful businessman, not the annoying pain in the arse she was used to. The walls were lined with various degrees and awards she guessed he had won over the years; well either that or he had been very busy at kinko’s. One picture on the wall caught her eye. It was of Spike and Angel’s graduation day. She remembered it well because her mother had dragged her there under extreme protest. She remembered taking the photo with them and for some unknown reason her mother had made her stand in the middle. And for even more baffling reasons it seemed Spike had kept the photo and hung it up in his office.

“It’s the only photo I have of graduation,” Spike replied reading her baffled expression. “And try as I might I can’t Photoshop you out.”

“Oh okay.” Buffy was surprised at the feeling of hurt his words brought her. “So can you tell me again what the hell I am doing in here?”

“Throwing your brother a bone, god know’s he needs one,” Spike replied as he continued to work at his computer, barely looking up to speak to her.

“He needs what?” Spike had clearly lost his mind.

“A good boning,” he smirked.

It took her a while but then she got it. “ Eww gross much. So my brother and… that women ?”

“Cordy,” he corrected. “They have been crushing on each other for months, it’s like watching paint dry. I swear if it takes any longer I’ll have to lock them in a room and bump their heads together.”

“If you think that’s the way its done Spike then it’s really no surprise you are single,” she mocked.

“And if you knew how it was done you would be walking down the aisle” he checked his watch. “Right about now.”

From the look on her face he knew he’d crossed a line. She said nothing using all her energy to keep from crying. She was just about to storm out on him again. What was it about this women that brought out the worst in him? He could bring her to tears in less than ten seconds.

“Buffy… wait,” he pleaded. She paused, her hand still on the door handle. “I was out of line,” he apologised. When she turned around she was clearly more surprised at his admission of guilt than his harsh outburst. The thought of that alone twisted him inside.

“What Riley did to you was wrong, no question. A real man doesn’t treat a women he loves that way.”

“Like you could do better?” she replied bracing herself for the next round, arms folding over her chest. She took a couple steps toward the desk.

“Please, Kevin Federline could do better than that piece of trash,” he rolled his eyes.

Buffy tried to stop the smile from forming on her lips.

“He was weak Buffy, to cheat is bad enough but to leave a woman such as yourself, well that’s beyond stupid,” he said softly.

The smile on her face faded as was replaced but utter disbelief.

“Sometimes you can’t see what’s right in front of you, no matter how hard you look,” he finished. His voice was cracking with emotion. What was it about this women that sent him ten shades of crazy?

“Maybe he was looking so hard he didn’t see me slip away,” Buffy replied. It was an admission she hadn’t yet been able to voice, but something about the conversation told her it was okay.

“He still could have held onto you, held on and not let go, that’s what a real man would have done,” he replied then looked away, unable to meet her gaze.

Buffy had no words for all the emotions coursing through her. He was insufferable one minute, the bain of her existence, and then in the next rapid heartbeat he was telling her what every woman wanted to hear. She had to get out, out of this office, out of this conversation. She was stepping into unknown territory, territory in which she would have to define her relationship with Spike in terms other than blind hatred.

“What game are you playing here Spike?” she asked.

“No game Buffy, really. I am sorry I hurt you, I truly am. I don’t know what it is about you and me, we seem to bring out the worst in each other,” he said wryly.

Buffy nodded in agreement.

“It’s one of the reasons I’ve kept way.”

His confession surprised her, but before she could question it he continued.

“I think it’s for the best, I have a ton of work to do here so I’ll be late home most nights. Keep out of you hair and what not.”

“Thanks, I appreciate it,” she replied.

“Well it’s only a couple more days, no big deal. It’s the least I can do.”

“Well I guess I’ll see you round,” she said. Buffy made her way to the closed office door and started in surprise when it opened for her.

“So guys, I’ve invited Cordy to go ice skating with us tonight.” Angel appeared all smiles on the other side of the door. Apparently Spike’s attempt at playing Cupid had been successful.

“Oh, well I don’t want to be the third wheel, I’ll just stay at home,” Buffy replied, dying to get out of Spike’s office.

“What third wheel Buffy? When I say ‘we’ I mean the four of us,” Angel explained.

“Four?”

“Yes, me and Cordy and you and Spike. I figure it’s a public place so you two won’t try to attack each other with the skates,” Angel beamed. Buffy could tell he had wanted this date with Cordy for some time.

“Sounds great, I guess it’s the four of us then,” she replied sounding anything but enthused.

So much for keeping their distance.

Chapter 7 - Are we having fun yet?

“Buffy, its mom. Just checking in to see how things are going. Give me a call when you get a chance. Hope you are having some fun with your brother.”

“Are you having fun yet?” Buffy asked as she skated to a stop at Spike’s feet, after he fell over, yet again. Unable to resist the temptation she also accidentally-on-purpose sprayed him with ice as she did so.

“Umm let me think,” he answered sarcastically whilst trying to get himself upright again. “No.”

“Poor little Spikey, ice skating not your thing?” she sing-songed as she swept by him with style and grace that five years of skating lessons had brought her. She went to make her way around the rink but something stopped her dead in her tracks.

Angel and Cordy.

They were in the middle of the rink together, and try as she might Buffy couldn’t help but smile. They were so cute together. There was something about watching a relationship form in front of you, like watching a baby discover the world for the first time. The simplest things were turned into magical events. Like a baby tyring to walk and feeling their way through, stumbling over obstacles but in the end learning together to love and care for each other.

“Until it all falls in a heap,” Buffy mubbled to herself as she watched Cordy and Angel do the same. However unlike Buffy they were not wallowing in their failures. They were picking themselves up and dusting themselves off to try again.

‘Easy to do when you have someone to lend you a hand’, Buffy thought bitterly. ‘What if the person lending you a hand has run off to help someone else?’

“Hello, I could use a hand please.”

Buffy looked around to find Spike flat on his back, yet again. He looked so helpless failing about on the ice and the situation was made all the more endearing because he hadn’t changed from the office; he was skating in his suit and overcoat. He looked like a human penguin. For reasons she did not want to acknowledge Buffy took pity on him and skated over to lend him a hand.

He hadn’t expected her to help him. Truth be told he saw her looking over at the blossoming relationship between Angel and Cordy and had wanted to distract her from the heartache it would bring. His original plan was to skate over and make some smart remark. However he quickly reverted to plan B when he tripped over his own feet.

“You know with the amount of time you spend on your back you should take up luge,” Buffy joked. She extended her hand to help him up and he ignored the tingle that shot though his own as they touched. She pulled him to a standing position and at the same time into her arms. She looked like an ice princess with her hair all windswept, her cheeks flushed from the cold weather. A moment later he realised that he had been staring for a little too long.

“Thanks, I always knew something good would come from me lying on my back,” he commented, his smiled broadening when her eyes widened at his suggestion.

“Eww, lewd much?” She went to push him away, momentarily forgetting that they were on solid ice, not solid ground. Spike however, did not forget and desperately grabbed her arms for support. Instead of support he brought her crashing down onto the ice and on top of him. It was the last thing he remembered as everything went black.

“Spike.”

He could hear his name but all he could see was stars. He could feel the cool of the ice on his back chilling him to the bone; however he could also feel a warmth, comforting him.

“Spike, wake up.”

He tried to open his eyes, why were his lids so heavy? He tried to piece together the events that had brought him to be lying on the ground.

“Spike,” called the voice, a voice of an ice princess.

“Spike.” The siren was calling him out of the darkness and into the light.

“Spike if you don’t open your eyes and get you ass off this ice I swear I will kick it from here to Sunnydale.”

His eyes snapped open and stared directly into... not the eyes of an ice princess, or even an Angel, but of Angel’s sister.

“Ice Princess?” He looked around him. That’s right... damned ice skating. He knew why he was flat on his back, but why was Buffy lying on his front and stirring things in his anatomy that should be shrinking in the cold.

“If you wanted me flat on my back love, all you had to do was ask,” he teased, raising his eyebrows as he watched a horrified Buffy scramble to her feet.

“I don’t think so Spike. I just didn’t want to have to carry your sorry and cold ass home tonight.” She started to skate off.

“You could try to be a little nicer to me. I was just trying to help.”

That stopped her in her tracks.

“Help me, how in the hell do you think that calling me an ice princess is helping me?”

“Not that, you don’t want to stay here and watch love blossom.” He looked over at Angel and Cordy. “Anymore than I do.” He watched her face change as sadness washed over it.

“Come on Summers, do yourself a favour. Let’s get out of here. They won’t know or care if we leave. I think there’s a Meg Ryan marathon on the telly tonight.” He could see her resolve crumbling.

“Will you shout the ice cream?” she asked with a pout. He knew he was in trouble. What was she trying to do to him with that bottom lip?

“Only if you help me and make sure I make it off the rink in one piece.”

“Deal,” she agreed as she took his hand. The shock of that action alone almost caused another trip to the rinks icy floor. He didn’t question it, he was too preoccupied with how good her hand felt in his.

AN: Sorry for the delay but i am back :) Did you miss me? Here is another chapter for you to enjoy. I am loving writing this one i hope you are enjoying reading it too. Would love to know peoples thoughts on it. I know its a short chapter but i will make it up to you all i promise perhaps with another chapter that you dont have to wait 3 months for lol.

Thanks

Chapter 8 - Sleeping Beauty

“Spike, Lorne here sweetcakes. I need to reschedule our meeting tomorrow. Can’t do 9am, can we make it 11 at your apartment? You know how that office of yours gives me the creeps. Ta Ta.”

Spike was busy trying to rub the pain out of his arse, he had fallen another three times before making it to the side of the rink safely. Buffy swore she was trying to help him from falling but her laughter at each fall somewhat negated her words.

He gingerly sat himself down in the cab and checked his phone messages as Buffy gave the driver the address.

“Bollocks,” he cursed.

“Problem Spike?”

“Yeah, I have to swing by work and pick up the Henderson file. I have a meeting with Lorne tomorrow and due to our own version of ice capades I have to pull an all nighter to be ready for it.” He sighed with frustration.

“Wait a second, your client it Lorne Henderson?”

He caught a look of recognition in her eyes at the mention of his flamboyant client’s name. He had seen the same look in Cordy’s the first time also. He suspected that was the real reason Lorne avoided his office.

“Don’t tell me you are going to loose it like Cordy did?” he said and rolled his eyes as he watched the city pass him by.

“Why would I do that?” Buffy asked, trying to sound nonchalant and failing miserably.

“Because he makes dresses or something like that,” Spike replied flippantly.

“Lorne Henderson is one of the leading fashion designers in New York!” Buffy corrected. “His last collection was one of the highlights of New York fashion week. He had three gowns featured at the Golden Globes and his men’s collection…”

“Yet you have no reason to loose it?” he asked as he raised his eyebrows.

“No, what I mean is I didn’t study fashion design for three years at college and not listen, Spike.”

He had forgotten that. He knew she had studied something girly at college. Come to think of it, he had some vague recollection of Angel mentioning something about her coming top of her class. But when it came to all things Buffy he chose to tune out.

“Let me tell you there is nothing fashionable about his finances. He may know how to balance a print with a plain colour but the man cannot balance a cheque book.”

The sound of Buffy’s laughter filled the cab, and try as he might to fight it soon he was laughing along with Buffy all the way to his office.

~~~~

Buffy looked over at the clock 2am and she was still tossing and turning. She had gone straight to her room after coming home, wanting to give Spike his space so he could get his work done.

It was no mean feat; she had wanted to ask him so many questions about Lorne Henderson. The biggest one being, can he give me a job? She had studied fashion design for three long years as USC, and if her mark—and the fact she topped her class—was anything to go by she had some talent. At least that’s what everyone told her.

She wasn’t so sure.

It was one of the hang ups she had picked up from her relationship with Riley, her lack of belief in her designs. He never supported her career. The fact he called it a dream was the first in a very long list of reasons why she doubted she could make it as a designer. He used to introduce her to his friends as a dressmaker. He had also tried unsuccessfully to talk her out of designing her own wedding dress. Let a professional do it he had insisted, why run the risk of ruining her big day? Imagine if she got a job with Lorne Henderson, that would show Riley just how much of a dressmaker she was.

However in order to get the job it would mean she had to do two things she had been dreading ever since she had arrived in New York. One was telling Angel that this stay was no vacation. And the other asking Spike for a favour, and she was sure last time she checked the weather channel hell had not frozen over.

Ice cream, ice cream would make this all better. She got herself up out of bed and made her way to the kitchen. She stopped in her tracks as she got to the dining room. Spike looking more like William than she had seen him in a long time. He had fallen asleep at the table, his glasses askew with a slight snore passing his lips. She giggled at the sight. Gone was the bad ass rocker he tried to be, as well has the hard nosed banker he was. He looked at peace, she hadn’t seen that look on his face for a very long time not since… She shook the bad memories from her mind as she passed him and made her way into the kitchen.

Half a tub of Ben and Jerry’s later she made her way back to bed. Spike had not moved an inch. She rubbed her bare shoulders as a chill passed through the air. She looked back over at Spike and took more pity on him than she should. Wrapping the spare blanket around his shoulders she froze as he stirred and sighed an unspoken thank you. Unable to stop herself she ran her fingers through his hair. It was still as soft as she had remembered. She pulled her hand away, as though she had been burned at the sound of his murmurs. That was all she needed, him waking up and being all pissed at her.

She hurried off to bed, trying not to think about the thoughts and feeling that Spike had stirred within her.

Chapter 9

“Angel, what happened to you last night? Just tell Cordy not to be late this morning and that I should be in about 11. Also, if Buffy asks you came home last night. Long story.”


As Spike awoke the crick in his neck and the bank statement that was stuck to his face, made him acutely aware that he had fallen asleep when least expected. Not in his bed like a normal person, but at the dining room table whilst trying to finish his work—like crazed workaholics with no life do.

He sat up and stretched, trying to work the knots out of his back, the blanket around his shoulders falling to the floor without him even noticing. Checking his Rolex he cursed under his breath. He was running late. It was already 8am; Lorne would be here in under an hour. He would have to motor if he was going to get himself—let alone his work—ready for the meeting.

So focused he was on not being late that he didn’t registerer the sound of the running shower in the bathroom as he started to brush his teeth.

“Angel?” Buffy’s voice startled him and caused his toothpaste to drip down his chest instead of into his mouth.

Should he answer back? She knew someone was in the bathroom and he knew enough to know that world war three would break out if she figured out it was him instead of…

“Angel, can you pass me the razor? I forgot the grab it.”

He could see from the reflection in the mirror her silhouette behind the shower curtain. She had stuck her hand out from behind it, moving it ever so slightly so it revealed more than just her hand.

Great now he needed a cold shower as well. Was this women born to be a pain is his ass?

He shoved the razor into her hand with more force than he meant to.

“Gee thanks Hulk, by the way you need to try to keep it down. Spike pulled an all-nighter. He looks pretty wiped.”

Spike smiled in spite of himself, maybe she wasn’t such a bitch after all.

“That and the fact he turns into the worlds biggest asshole if you wake him up.”

Or not.

****

“Where is Angel?”

Spike tried hard not to choke on his coffee as Buffy stepped out of the bathroom in her baby pink robe, hair wrapped up in a towel. Cold shower, check.

“Listen... this is an apartment, not a day spa. I have a meeting here in half an hour and unless you want my client to see your goodies I suggest you get changed.” He stepped back into the kitchen and poured himself another coffee.

“Did he wake you up as he left?” Buffy asked.

Spike felt the crick in his neck tighten even further.

“No, he didn’t,” he replied stiffly, glaring at her as she plodded around the kitchen to make breakfast. Her robe opening slightly as she reached up on tip toes to reach the captain crunch. Was she deliberately driving him crazy?

“Here let me,” he offered as he leant over and grabbed the cereal from the top shelf. She stood back, seemingly a little shocked at his helping her, and it kicked his mind back into gear. He had several things he needed to do before Lorne arrived.

“I have to have a shower,” he stated.

“Um about that... I might have used all the hot water,” Buffy replied as she bent over to get the milk out of the refrigerator.

Screw the hot water he needed to calm down, and now.

“I’m a big boy I think I can handle it.”

****

It had been over an hour since Spike’s meeting had started and Buffy had all but painted the walls in her room. She wanted to go out there so badly, just to meet Lorne of course. Not to ask for a job, honest. Any thoughts of her being able to do that were swept away on the tide of Spike’s cranky mood. He was not a morning person that was for sure.

Maybe if she just went out to get a glass of water she mused. There was no harm in getting water. She checked her reflection in the mirror; she didn’t want to look shabby for a potential employer... I mean, Spikes client, she thought.

“I tell you Lorne, you have to find something, otherwise the IRS is going to have a field day with you.” Spike sounded every part the hard nosed business man and as she rounded the corner she saw he looked the part too. His suit jacket was off and he had wound the sleeves of his crimson business shirt up the revel his forearms. When did he find time to work out?

“I know sweets, but all those charities are so passé. I don’t want to give my money to just anything. I want to contribute make the world a better place and by that I mean...”

She had seen pictures of Lorne in Vouge and had thought they might have been photoshoped to exaggerate the colours he wore. But now she knew there was no touch ups needed. He was larger than life sitting at the table. His trademark was a green scarf wrapped around his neck, which really brought out the bright purple of his silk shirt. The man not only knew how to design with bold colours but how to wear them as well.

“Find a legal way to reduce your taxable income.” Spike sighed as he ruffled back through his papers.

Maybe the water could wait.

“Anyway I am a trendsetter, I design what people must have. I don’t follow Spike I lead,” Lorne reminded.

“I know that Lorne, but do you have any idea how hard it is to set up a charity, let alone one that isn’t already established? There are only so many coloured ribbons to go around.”

“What about a silk factory?” Buffy was surprised by her own voice and scared by the looks that Spike was throwing her way. She used the stunned silence to continue.

“In Thailand many uneducated women can only become waitresses or much worse. The line between a life on the street and a paying job is a fine one. You could set up a silk factory and employ and educate those women. Then use the fabrics in your designs, in turn making you more money.”

“I love it, Spike where have you been hiding this little ray of sunshine?” Lorne gushed as he moved to shake her hand.

“In the spare room,” he grumbled under his breath.

“Well I suggest you get her out of there and introduce us,” Lorne insisted.

“This is Buffy Summers my roommate’s sister,” Spike said unenthusiastically.

“Pleased to meet you, Buffy,” Lorne greeted warmly.

“Likewise,” Buffy smiled.

“I like the way you think. You know what, you’re just what I didn’t know I was looking for. A smart little cookie like you, who obviously knows fashion and has some business nous to boot, you’ll fit right it. And aren’t you just as cute as a button! You’re perfect, exactly what I need.”

Buffy’s head was spinning, he couldn’t seriously be going where she thought he was going. Could he?

“I insist you come work for. Wanna job?”)

“No,” Spike shook his vehemently.

Buffy felt like she was about to explode with excitement. Lorne was offering her a job. She hadn’t meant to speak up like that. All she wanted to do was to be introduced to the man, being offered a job was almost the last thing on her mind. A job that would take her away from Sunnydale, show Riley that her designing was more than a hobby and...

“She doesn’t want the job,” Spike insisted.

A job that Spike was currently turning down on her behalf.

“Actually,” Buffy interrupted. “I would love a job. I’ve only been here a few days. I wasn’t going to start looking for another week or so, but this is perfect.”

“You are going home in a week.” It was more of an order than a statement from Spike.

“See here’s the thing, Spike,” Buffy corrected forcefully. “I was planning to stay a little longer.” She knew he wouldn’t be happy to hear that and she shifted under his gaze. She had really wanted to discuss this with Angel first. But as she avoided Spike’s eye she knew she couldn’t avoid the topic now.

“How much longer? A few more weeks, months?” Spike ran his hands threw his hair in frustration, seemingly having forgotten his client’s presence.

This was not going to go well.

“I was thinking more like forever.”

Chapter 10

“Lorne, Spike here again I just wanted apologise for the disruption in our meeting today. If you could call me back as soon as you get this message that would be great,”

“Why do you hate me?” Spike asked as he stormed and huffed about packing his briefcase.

Lorne had bid a hasty retreat as he watched the tension crackle between them, but not before passing Buffy his card with a note on the back that said.

When world war lll finishes call me!

Buffy watched Spike storm around the apartment swearing and cursing her very existence. Oh how she loved it when people spoke like she wasn’t in the room.

“Me? Hate you? That’s rich.” Buffy could not believe the nerve of Spike. Where did he get off?

“You must hate me, no other reason why you would go out of your way to ruin my life,”

Crazy town, apparently. From where she stood, he should be thanking her for helping him out.

“How exactly have I ruined it Spike? I saved your butt back there,”

“Unlikely ,” he spat back.

“You had nothing before I showed up.” She put her hands on her hips. There was no way she was going to back down. His eyes were back with anger, she paused for a moment, taking in the intensity of his stare.

“Nothing?! I had it great before you waltzed in here like you owned the place. With your shiny hair and vanilla perfume and that sad puppy look on your face.”

“Spike, what are you talking about?”

“I’m talking about before you came here I had a place to work, warm showers and no peep shows in the kitchen. I had peace and sanity. I had a world in which you didn’t exist.”

“Oh,” the harshness of his words took her by surprise

“I thought I could stand it if I kept out of your way. It wouldn’t be so bad. But you come here for a holiday and forget to mention to anyone your plans to stay permanently?!” She bit her lip as she kept the tears at bay. He was not going to break her.

“I meant for the meeting but I see you had more on your mind,”

“The meeting?” Spike asked pausing to actually listen to what she was saying.

“My idea for Lorne’s money problems. I didn’t realise that my whole existence offended you.”

Buffy had heard enough. She had come too far to put up with this from Spike, of all people.

“I always wondered if you were a selfish, self-centred bastard or if it was just me that brought out the worst in you, but to see it up close and personal like this confirms it.”

“Me? Selfish? I don’t think so,”

“When have you ever put anyone but yourself first, Spike?”

“What about the other night? I set up Angel and Cordy.”

“Don’t act all Mother Teresa about that. You did that so Angel would stop moping around all the time,” Buffy argued. “Name me one time where you have done something for someone else with no self-serving intentions.”

Spike searched his brain. He was a good person, he sat on the boards of several high profile community projects, he helped little old ladies across the street. He was a good person she just seemed to bring out the worst in him.

With a shake of her head, Buffy sighed, “Then you reap what you sow, Spike. Look at you, alone in the world. No friends, no family, it’s pathetic.”

“At least I don’t run halfway across the country when I get my heart broken.”

“At least I lay my heart on the line to get it broken. I don’t run out in the middle of the night.”

That comment threw Spike for a loop and from the look on Buffy’s face it had taken her by surprise as well.

“What do you mean by that Buffy?”

“Don’t play me Spike you know exactly what I mean. That night when we…that you…” The memories flooded back as she struggled to find the right definition. “The night your mom died.”
~
10 years earlier….


“I don’t see why he has to be here,” Buffy grumbled to her mom as she snuck a cookie off the baking sheet.

There was something about Christmas and having the whole family back together that turned her mother into Betty home maker. In the days leading up to the big event it seemed as though the oven was on 24/7. Usually she loved the lead up and the yummy treats that also came her way. But this year something had put a big dent in the mirth. A big, annoying Spike-shaped something.

Angel had rung last week to break the news something about his parents going away for Christmas and not wanting him to stay alone in the dorm. Let him rot in hell for all she cared.

“Now now Buffy you know Christmas is all about showing love to your fellow man,” Spike sing-songed as he took the cookie from her hand.

“Hey that’s mine,” she went to take the cookie back but Spike had held it up over his head. Buffy jumped up and tried to take it from him. With each jump she could see his amusement grow and by the fourth attempt she could feel something else grow as well.

“Ew gross much,” she pushed him away.

“What?” Spike feigned innocence but she knew better. Hand on hips she stared him down. “Ok as much as I can’t stand you I am still a man, there is only so much rubbing I can handle.”

“Again with the gross, See this is why I wish you would leave,” Buffy huffed as she stormed out of the kitchen.

*****

Later that night Buffy came back down into the kitchen to sneak some more food. Sure it being Christmas Eve she only had to wait a few more hours before the feast began but she was hungry.

She opened the fridge grabbed a handful of cookies and looked for the egg nog that her mom had made earlier that day. She moved a few things around but still couldn’t find it.

“Looking for something love?”

She spun around to find Spike holding the pitcher of nog, “Spike! Ugh, you scared me. Why aren’t you bronzing with Angel?”

“Wanted to call ma wish her a merry Christmas and all that rot,” he replied as he took another glass from the cupboard and poured her a glass.

“Trust you to have something that I want. Were you born this much of a pain in the ass?”

“You wish. Hey, cut a bloke some slack, at least I poured you a glass .Come on, love, you know you want to.” He passed the glass to her, their hands touching briefly. Buffy chose to ignore the tingle his touch had caused.

“Thanks.” She took the glass and drank its contents. Or at least tried to. The slow burning of the brandy that Spike had added made the task a little harder.

“You spiked it!” Buffy coughed as she spat the rest out of her mouth.

“Well yeah, what else were you expecting?” Spike took the glass from her hand all smug. One day she was going to wipe that smug right off his face.

“Where did you get the booze? You’re not twenty-one for another year,”

“Oh please, like a little miss prissy like you has never used a fake ID before?”

“Don’t need it unlike someone else in this room. I have other assets that can open doors for me,” To prove her point Buffy stuck out her chest and felt strangely proud of the reaction it caused in Spike.

“You better bloody not be shaking it around town. No seventeen-year old girl should be shaking her bits around in order to get into a club.” She could see his eyes darken in anger. It had to be anger and certainly not any other kind of emotion, that was for sure.

“Eighteen,” she corrected and swore she saw his eyes go darker still.

“What?!”

“I’m eighteen now Spike a senior and everything,”

“Right. I must have lost count of the years,”

“Or just losing your memory in your old age,”

“Very funny love,” He took another swig of the nog “Can I pour you another?”

“Don’t think so. Why did you have to spike it in the first place?”

“Got a name to uphold,” Buffy looked at him questioningly “Spike, as in spike the drink,”

“Oh please I’ve read the back of the bathroom doors, Spike, I know the reason you have that name, It has nothing to do with alcohol unless you have to plie your conquests with it to get them into bed.”

“Hey I’ll have you know that any girl at Sunnydale high would be glad to sleep with me,”

“That’s where you are wrong, I go to Sunnydale and would never sleep with you not in a million years,”

And with that she took her midnight snack and went to bed.

***

It was the sound of breaking glass that woke Buffy. At first she thought she was dreaming but the sobs that followed were real. And they were coming from Spike.
She found him on the kitchen slumped on the floor, telephone in one hand and shattered glass at his feet.

“Spike,” he raised his head knowing someone was calling him but too caught in his own grief to comprehend its origin. Buffy knelt down on the ground in front of him careful of the glass. “Spike what happened? Are you ok?”

He looked up but his eyes were unfocused and looking straight through her. Something had broken him, she could tell the life behind his eyes had left. As much as she couldn’t stand Spike she would never wish this kind of devastation onto him.

“She’s dead,” he murmured “I called to say Merry Christmas but the nurse picked up the phone. I didn’t even know she was sick,” The tears flowed and she reached out and wiped them from his cheek. His hand caught hers. Holding her there, his body and soul aching for some kind of connection to replace the one he had lost.
“I’m alone, she’s gone. I don’t have anyone”

Buffy didn’t need to hear anymore. She took Spike into her arms offering what comfort she could. In all her life, no one had ever clung to her as Spike did that night.

“It’s okay Spike,” he raised his head and looked her straight in the eye finally realising where and who he was with. He laughed a sick and twisted laugh.

“No Buffy it’s not okay. Its not going to be okay,” His stare, hard and cold, sent shivers up her spine “This is about as far away from okay as you can get,”

She always wondered what he had meant by that. Of course on one level she knew he was talking about her mother. But in the moments and hours that followed she always wondered if he was talking about her. The two of them together giving comfort, support and a glimpse that life would move on.

For in that instant everything changed. If Buffy could have seen the clock she could time it to the second. The second that the universe shifted the second that Spike took her in his arms and kissed her.

She knew it wasn’t about her, he didn’t want her. He wanted some respite, a refuge from real life if only for a moment.

The kiss was, well it physically was one of the best she had ever had. His lips were soft against hers but there was an urgency, a sense of need that fuelled it. Emotionally there was something more to it. She knew she could have stopped it any time, that there was no advantage being taken by Spike. No, she wanted this. As his hands made their way into her hair and pulled her further into his embrace, she thought all their nit picking, fighting and snide remarks were just marking time until this moment.

He pulled away stopping to take in the moment, he searched her eyes hell maybe even her heart for an escape, a place away from reality

“Buffy,” her name on his lips asked the question that she knew the answer to. In some place in the recesses of her mind the answer she had always known.

“Can we rest now?”

As they made their way up to her room and made love later that night she gave him a place to rest.

10 years ago...

“Spike its Angel sorry I didn’t get to see you before you left for home. I am sorry about your mom give me a call when you get a chance.”

“I’m sorry,” Buffy whispered into Spikes ear as they lay side by side..

They were both coming down from their mutual highs. He was busy enjoying the afterglow when reality came crashing in.

“Buffy I thought this was something you wanted…” Spike started to get out of the bed. This was bad he hadn’t wanted to take advantage of her. She kissed him he asked her she said yes called his name as she came. God he didn’t …..

“Spike stop it.” He looked down with out realising it he had scrambled out of bed and looking for his clothes.

Buffy’s hand on his arm stopped him.

“Don’t wig on me,” she pulled him back down onto the bed.“I did, I mean, I liked it.”

Did she even know how beautiful she was? Even when she was turning red with embarrassment she looked radiant. He took her in his arms and kissed her. He laid her back onto the bed and smiled to himself as she moaned into his mouth.

“I knew, I knew the only thing better than fighting with you would be….” He could see the moment that the reality of the situation dawned on her. She pushed him off her

“Spike don’t try and cheapen this,” She sat up “I am sorry about your mom,” and he stopped as though he had been doused with cold water.

“Yeah my mom,” his tears came unbidden.

The grief gripped his heart all over again. The grief that had sent him running into Buffy’s bed. He had forgotten all about his mom. Way to go if there was an award for asshole of the year he was a front runner for it. She was the reason they were in bed together.

Her hands on his face wiping away the tears took him by surprise. Oh hell, what about tonight hadn’t taken him by surprise?

“It’s ok Spike you can let it go,”

He cried and Buffy provided the comfort again. She took him in her arms and held him. Not saying a word, not having to.

“Why are you doing this Buffy?” He needed to know. Was this some kind of sick and twisted joke that she would use against him later?

“I honestly don’t know Spike.” He could see the confusion play on her face. “I don’t usually hop into bed with every guy I see.”

She bit her bottom lip and god how he wanted to take that lip into his mouth.

“Me neither love,” he replied, half surprised at himself that he could still joke in the midst of everything going on.

She giggled as it dawned on him what he had really said. “You know I always wondered about you and Angel,”

“Oi I resent that. We are just good friends” he ran his hand along her cheek “Anyway now you know for sure,”

But they didn’t know. Spike had never been so unsure of everything in his whole life. One minute he had a family and was looking forward to celebrating Christmas with his best friend and his family. Then in the blink of an eye it all changed. His family had gone and he had sought comfort in the arms of the last person he’d have expected to give it to him.

Buffy.

Fearing he would break the spell that was dancing between them, he had to know, had to ask.

“What is this Buffy? What is happening here?”

Her response could not have surprised him more than the fact that they were already in bed together. He had expected her to flee virtue all aflutter but then…

She leaned in and kissed him, fuelling the desire again.

“All I know is that I want it to happen again,” Buffy whispered.

Her words took a moment to register. He had a choice. He could have stopped it all then, but he didn’t want to. He could think of nothing more he wanted to do than to take Buffy in his arms and find the comfort in her body once again. He knew it was the most complicated option but in that moment as he wound his hands in her hair and pulled her in for a searing kiss. It seemed like the simplest thing in the world to do.

“So do I Buffy, so do I,”

*****

He wanted to stay.

That was something that he had wanted to tell Buffy in the days, months and years that followed, as he lay there that morning in her arms watching her sleep.

He never wanted to leave.

Spike had never meant for it to happen and at the same time he didn’t regret it either. The sex was a surprise to him yet at the same time he felt as though a missing piece had been put back inside of him. If he was being honest with himself he had always wondered whilst they were fighting whether she had as much passion and exuberance for all of her other actions as well.

And now he knew.

More intimately than anyone else. How her skin felt against his. The swell of her breast in his hand. The sound of her moans in his ears. The look of desire and completion in her eyes as she came. He knew where she lived now, He’d tasted it and he never wanted to let it go. However he also lived in the real world. He knew how this was going to end.

Badly.

He and Buffy never saw eye to eye on anything half the time they argued for the sport of it but somehow he knew that this argument would not be that way. He didn’t want to fight. He had enough drama waiting for him in England. His mother, he had to go back and sort out all that mess. He didn’t want to make another one here. He took a moment to snuggle down into the covers savouring the feel of her body against his. She sighed and he could not help but smile and wonder if he stayed would she want him to stay forever because now in this moment.

He never wanted to leave.
~~
Buffy awoke the next morning wondering if last night had been a dream or a nightmare. Spike’s mom had passed away and Spike…..

She reached out for him but her hand only felt her cold sheets. Sure she hadn’t expected him to be all flowers and sonnets but she thought he would at least leave a note.

She was broken from her thoughts by Angel storming into her room and for an instant she was glad that --

“Spikes gone,” Angel announced as Buffy sat up in bed trying to look like she had not had sex the night before.

“Oh, maybe he is in the shower?” but the knot in her stomach and the cold sheets beside her, knew better.

“No I am telling you he’s gone. He left a note this morning, gone back to England, his mom--”

“Died,” Buffy finished his sentence.

“How did you? Did you talk to him before he left?”

Buffy closed her eyes and bit back the tears that were forming.

“No. No, I didn’t”

“Sorry I can’t come to the phone right now leave a message after the beep”

“Buffy, I…” Spike searched for the words. Words he should have spoken all those years before.

“Don’t Spike. Just leave it, okay?” She gathered her bag and started to put on her coat.

“I owe you an explanation,” he ran his hands through his hair wondering where he would begin.

“No, you owe me nothing, Spike. I don’t want to talk about this. I don’t want to talk, period.”

She really didn’t want to hear it. She had worked very hard to put it all behind her. Made her own reasons why it happened and was happy with them. She didn’t need to hear it from Spike and have him mess it all up with annoying things like the truth.

“Buffy, listen, I know you’re angry at me, what I did was wrong.”

See, that’s what she didn’t want to hear. She had figured, at the time, she had done the wrong thing and Spike had regretted it. So did she, of course. I mean, if she didn’t regret it, what was she left with?

“Oh,” she tried not to voice the disappointment she felt.

“No, not the sex, just well, yes the sex, in a way. I wanted to sleep with you. no question, but I should’ve been stronger and not given into what I wanted.”

“You wanted me?” She had often wondered if it was her or the comfort she offered that had led them into bed that night. She wanted to be more than a warm body to him.

“Of course I did Buffy, what we did, what you gave me even for the briefest moment, helped me more than you could ever know.” He hoped she could hear the truth in his words.

Watching the pain flash across Buffy’s face made him feel like the world’s biggest prick. He hadn’t meant to hurt her. For all the fighting and annoying they had shared, he had never wanted to hurt her.

But he had.

Looking at Spike, Buffy knew it was time, time for some closure. At first, she figured it was Spike’s fault that he left, easier to blame him than look at herself. But after Riley had left too, she had started to think that maybe she was doing something to make them leave

“Why didn’t you call me?” Buffy asked, not quite able to look him in the eye.

A good question, one that Spike knew had more than one answer. When he stopped to analyse what had been shared between the two of them, the question of why he had run from it always weighed on him heavily.

“And say what? I wanted to call, but when I got back to London, I had so much I had to organise. It was all a whirlwind. The funeral, meeting relatives I never knew existed. It never stopped. By the time it all passed I thought it was too late to call. Better to leave things as they were.” He looked sincere. He looked like the boy he was all those years previous.

“I guess it was for the best.” It was, she knew it was for the best. She was far more comfortable fighting with him than … not fighting.

“When I got back to the States, I wanted to call but Angel said you were doing so well and excited about going to college. I didn’t want to upset it all again.”

He knew coming back into her life would lead to badness and he didn’t want that for her. She deserved so much better, better than him and certainly better than Riley.

“Well it’s not like I’m going to tell my brother my deepest darkest feelings over sleeping with his best friend,” she tried to laugh but it didn’t come. There was no making light of what they had shared.

“You had feelings?” He couldn’t hide his shock. He just assumed that she had written him off as an arsehole and not looked back.

“Yes, Spike, I had feelings. God, what kind of bitch do you think I am?” He was impossible. What had she done to make him think she was made of stone?

“No, I just meant feelings for me? Besides that night, all we have ever done is fight, then and since.” He dared not contemplate the full implications of her statement.

“I just meant, it was all new for me. I didn’t know what to do or say and what it all meant for us. It would have been nice to at least have a goodbye from you.”

All new? What did she mean by that? She didn’t mean…? Shit, he thought, he really was a git. He had been her first. The first to make love to her and the first to ditch her without so much as a goodbye

“I’m sorry, Buffy. I…I didn’t realise ,” the apology seemed feeble even to his own ears.

“Well, it’s not the kind of thing you advertise,” Buffy mumbled. She couldn’t believe she had let that slip.

“If I could do it over again, I’d have done things differently.” He meant it, more than he had meant anything he had ever said to her. Looking at her now, seeing the pain and regret all over her face, he would have done anything to take that away and replace it with the love and affection she deserved.

“You mean you wouldn’t have done anything at all,” the words flew out before she had time to censor them. She really didn’t want to know the answer to that.

“No,” he said firmly, though quickly softened his voice again. “I just would have done things differently,”

“Oh.”

They both looked at each other nervously, not liking where this conversation was heading. The fighting they could handle, but actual mature conversation? Now that was something they weren’t used to.

“Look, I am sorry about before. I didn’t mean to yell like that. I’ve had alot on my plate lately and I took it out on you. It wasn’t fair,” Spike said, quick to change the subject. Thinking about what he would have changed about that night would only lead to thoughts, thoughts he should not be having about her.

“Thanks. For the apology, I mean, not for the ranting and raving. I know it’s hard, me being here. Once I get a job, I fully intend to find a place of my own,”

“Don’t leave. Not on my account, at least. You should stay here with Angel. He is family after all. If any one should move, it’s me. Bout time I grew up,” he told her, continuing to pack the briefcase he had abandoned.

“You don’t have to go. It’s like you said about family. Angel is like a brother to you and well, you are more annoying than a brother could ever be,”

“Thanks ever so,”

“Maybe if I stayed, I could help with the rent and bills and stuff. I could save you some money.”

“That would be helpful, I guess.”

“I will talk to Angel about it when he gets home from work,”

“Speaking of which, I had better get to the office. They’ll be starting to think I’m slacking off,” he said as he headed towards the front door, briefcase hooked over his shoulder

“Thanks Spike, for today. I don’t just mean for letting me stay, but for helping me move on. Get some of that closure everyone says I need. After Riley left, I started to think that I …”

Spike paused, standing in the open door, and caught Buffy’s eyes with a firm look. “Don’t ever think you did something wrong. What I did, leaving you without so much as a goodbye? That was wrong. And Riley? What he did, I don’t even have the words. Me, I don’t know what I missed out on, but him? To have you, your love and to throw it away? He will regret it. Trust me. Every day, he will regret it.”

"Cordy, Spike here can you please push back Monday's meeting. I am not going to have the reports done till Tuesday"

Something was off.

Buffy couldn’t quite put her finger on it, but something just didn’t feel right. As she stood in the kitchen on another Saturday morning she should have been over the moon. She had spoken to Angel about staying on permanently in New York and he was fine with it. She had rung Lorne and had a job interview in two days time. Even Spike was being nice to her. Everything was falling into place. She had a future, something to keep her moving forward and not looking backward. She hadn’t even thought about Riley in days. In short, everything was just fine.

But something was off, something she felt was missing, something she couldn’t quite define.

“Are you finished with the milk?” Spike asked. He had just returned from his morning jog and from the look and smell of him, it had been a long one. His dark grey sweats hung low on his hips and the white NYU t-shirt clung to his abs.

“Sure,” she placed it on the counter rushing to get out of the small kitchen for reasons she did not know.

“Where’s the fire?” Spike asked as he made his way past her.

“No where. I just want to get into the shower before you,”

“No need to rush love, I am a gentleman after all. Ladies first,” his stare unnerved her. See this, this was the problem. Gone was their usual sparring and somehow it had been replaced with what?

“So what are your plans for today Buffy?”

Polite conversation?

“Umm I don’t know I was thinking of maybe taking a walk later,” she picked the lint off her robe. “Or maybe seeing a movie.”

“All alone?” she looked up to see Spike looking at her oddly.

“Yeah well all my friends are kind of, you know, in Sunnydale. So yeah all alone,” Did he always have to make her feel like such a loser. What did he think she was doing day after day here in the apartment? Making friends and influencing people.

“Okay, well have a good time. I hear the new Tom Cruise film is ok,”

“Great I might try to catch it then.”

“I could come with you if you wanted some company.”

Buffy could not be more shocked if it started raining frogs. “Its ok you don’t have to do me any favours.”

“No favour. I don’t have anything better to do except work and that can wait,”

Buffy stood still unable to fathom the words coming out of Spikes mouth. Work could wait?

“Are you feeling ok?” she asked before thinking.

“I’m fine Buffy. Now, hurry up and get ready before I change my mind and decide that my monthly reports are more exciting,”

****

“So who won?” Buffy asked as she and Spike made their way out of the cinema.

“What. are you kidding love?” Spike knew Buffy was no dummy and the movies plot was very very simple. “The good guys won, like always.”

Buffy giggled and it warmed his heart just a little. “I meant between work and the movie which was better?”

“The movie was average so if I had to put them up against each other work would have edged ahead but add in the company factor and the movie wins hands down,” He was surprised by his own words and more so that he meant them.

The impromptu trip to the movies had been both great and confusing at the same time. He had no motive in asking her, it wasn’t a date. Sure he paid for her ticket despite her protests, but she still didn’t have a job and movies were expensive.

More surprising to him was the good time they had had. No fights other than what size popcorn they were going to share. The silence between them was awkward yes but those moments were few and far between. He was not expecting it but he was having a really good time.

Not that he didn’t enjoy Buffy’s company before, but that was more the fighting and snapping at each other he was enjoying. This was different, this spending time with her and doing something other that fighting each other. He liked it.

He looked back not realising that Buffy had stopped a few feet before she seemed rooted to the spot and looking at him as though he had sprouted a second head.

“Buffy are you coming or not. I am hungry and the diner round the corner does a killer cheeseburger. Best in town,”

****

“So are you ready for the big interview on Monday?” Spike asked before he took a huge bite out of his cheeseburger. Buffy smiled as she watched the sauce spill out and dribble down his chin. Spike had always been the messiest eater she had ever seen.

“I think so, I don’t have much to show Lorne. All my books are back in Sunnydale,” she frowned as she remembered exactly where they were.

“So call your mom. I’m sure she can FedEx them here. They may not make it for Monday but you can try.”

“They’re not at Mom’s anymore. They’re at home with Riley,” a look of shame fell upon her.

“So ask the pillock for them back,” Spike replied as if that was the easiest thing in the world to do.

“I don’t think I can. At least not right now. I don’t want to hear his voice, you know? I’m trying to forget it all happened.” She picked at her fries, her appetite leaving her. “And I don’t want to call and have her pick up the phone. It would be too hard. I have cried too many tears over him. I don’t want to do that anymore,” she added quietly, concentrating on keeping those very tears at bay.

“Buffy you didn’t do anything wrong, you have every right to call him and ask for your stuff back,”

“But I must have done something wrong Spike. He left me, not at the altar but pretty close to it. He chose someone else over me. Men don’t plan a life with me they practise what their life is going to be like then move on. Riley did it with Sam, you did it too.”

The look on both their faces was one of shock and pain. Spike knew she didn’t mean to say those things to hurt him but he could tell it had weighed heavily on her mind.

“Buffy, please…” he reached over the table for her hand but she pulled it away and stood up.

“No, please I don’t want to get into this not now. Not with you. Thanks for the movie but I have to go now,”

Spike didn’t see her leave as he was too busy banging his head on the dinner table cursing himself for being such a bastard.

Hold the Line by wattie76
Chapter 14 - Can you keep it down to three?

“Buffy, it’s Riley, just calling to see if you got your stuff ok. If you have the books can you call your lawyer and let him know? It’s not that I’m scared of him. It’s just that it’s your lawyer and you probably need to speak to him about stuff.”


Buffy woke up late the next morning. She had successfully avoided Spike since running out of the diner the day before. As she made her way to the kitchen for her morning heart starter coffee, something caught her eye that stopped her dead in her tracks.

Her books. Her design books that she needed for tomorrow’s interview. Books that had been at Riley’s house. Books that Spike must have gotten for her. The realization filled her with mixed emotions. She was grateful on the one hand that she had the books, making tomorrow’s interview with Lorne that much easier. Instead of talking about her designs, the designs could do the talking for her. It increased her chances of getting a job. She needed to work, she could only mooch of Angel for so long, moreover she wanted to work in the fashion industry because she loved it and because Riley never believed she had the talent to do so.

The best revenge was living well, after all.

But on the other hand, Spike sticking his nose in also pissed her off. Did he think she was unable to look after herself? Too weak to face up to or speak to Riley? Why else would he have taken the liberty of calling Riley and asking for the books back? She stormed towards his room not bothering to knock as she opened the door. She was surprised by what she found.

Spike was not in his bed and his room was not all painted black as she had imagined.

“He’s not here.” Angel’s voice sounded behind her

“Thanks Sherlock but I kinda figured that out from the empty bed,” Buffy replied as she left Spike’s room.

“He’s at the office today, catching up on some monthly reports,” Angel explained as he started to make the coffee. “He’ll be there all day.”

“Oh,”

“So we can all get some peace and quiet. Look I know the two of you have never seen eye to eye about anything, but can you at least be civil to each other?” Angel asked as he poured the milk into the coffee cups.

“He started it.”

“Ok, I would take that excuse if you were, I don’t know, twelve? But seriously, Buff, you need to tone the tension down a notch. Spike’s a good guy. I wouldn’t be friends with him if he was the asshole you think he is.” He sat the coffee down on the table in front of Buffy. She wrapped her hands around the cup warming her hands with it.

“You don’t know him like I do,” she replied.

“No, Buffy you don’t know him. You remember when you were graduating from High School and I couldn’t fly back because I had, like, zero money?” Angel asked as he sat down across from her.

“Yeah. But then you got some extra shifts at the sports store and you were able to come.” Buffy remembered feeling devastated when Angel had rung her to say he was unable to make her graduation.

“I didn’t get extra shifts Buffy. Spike gave me the money to fly to see you. The only condition was that I couldn’t tell you he had given me the money. He knew how pissed of you would be if you knew he helped me,” Buffy looked at her design books and her heart softened for a moment. He must have rung Riley and got the books back. She could only imagine how that conversation had played out. Now she had a real chance at this job interview, an interview that Spike had set up for her.

This would not do. Spike was an asshole, had always been one to her, and would always be one to her. He had to be because if he started being nice, even civil towards her, it opened a whole box of emotions she had closed a lid on a long time ago.

“Look I’m not asking you to be best friends or anything, it’s just if we are all going to be living together. Can I at least set the daily argument quota to three? Can you keep it down to three?”

“I think I can try,” Buffy replied as she sipped her coffee and tried not to think about Spike being nice to her.

****

Spike slammed down the phone for the twentieth time that morning. He was not going to call Buffy and apologize no. He just wanted to see if she had gotten the stuff she needed from Riley.

He had called the git from the diner yesterday. Sometimes having an English accent was a plus when attempting to convince someone that you were, say, a lawyer. Much easier when you sounded like one of the gentry.

He hadn’t done it for her. It was just he knew Lorne and he would not have been happy if Buffy didn’t have her books and that was part of his job. Keeping Lorne happy. Buffy would make a great addition to his team he knew it. Not that he had seen her designs but he knew her strength of character and no nonsense attitude towards things. Qualities that Lorne insisted his employees had. Not to mention smart. That idea about the silk factory, not that he would ever admit it to her ever, was pure genius. If Lorne had good people working around him then sales would increase and Lorne would be happy and his job would be easier to do. And that’s all it was about, keeping Lorne happy.

Not Buffy. This had nothing to do with her at all.

He sighed as he looked back over his reports. He just couldn’t grasp the numbers today for some reason. He wasn’t distracted. He had come in today, a Sunday no less, to get caught up on his work, free of the distractions of home. Like the X box or the TV.

Not Buffy. This had nothing to do with her at all.

Hold the Line Chapter 15 - Typing skills not essential


“Mom, it’s Buffy. Just calling to tell you some big news. Not bad big but good big. Anyways call me on my cell when you get a chance”



“Impressive.”



Buffy let out the breath she had been holding since Lorne had first picked up her design book. She didn’t realize that she needed to show her design talents in order to apply for an admin job but she didn’t want to question his methods. She needed a job, any job at this point in time. The fact that she had a chance to have one in her chosen field was a bonus.



A bonus that Spike had given her. She chose not to analyze that or the fact he was giving her pointers on how to handle Lorne this morning as she prepared for the interview that morning.



“Just be yourself, Summers,” he advised as he flipped through the financial pages of the newspaper sipping his coffee.



“Ok,” Buffy fidgeted nervously with her dark grey skirt as she waited for her toast to pop up from the toaster. Her stomach was tied in knots but she knew she had to eat something otherwise the only lasting impression would be how loud her stomach rumbled.



“Listen to what he has to say, people think you are thoughtful if you listen to them. Don’t mumble and be confident. Lorne hates people being coy,”



Buffy felt like she should be taking notes.



“Listen check, no mumbling check, confidence check. Anything else?”




“Don’t pick a fight with him like you do me,” She just rolled her eyes as she took the toast and started spreading the cream cheese onto it.



“I saw that, you know,” Spike sing-songed as he made his way back into the kitchen for more coffee.



“Listen Spike I’m a big girl. I know what to do in an interview. I don’t need your help,” she could see a glimpse of hurt in his eyes as she passed him and sat down to eat her breakfast.



“I know you can do it Buffy. I saw how you handled yourself the other day. I was just trying to give you some pointers. I mean I have been working with Lorne for the past two years. I know him better than most but if you don’t need my help then fine,” He left the kitchen and made his way to his room.



Buffy considered letting him just leave, not wanting to give him the satisfaction of actually taking his help. But she needed this job, wanted it more than she had wanted anything else in a long time, and swallowing some pride was worth it.



“Wait,” he stopped mid-stride and Buffy didn’t need to see his face to know it had a smirk on it.



“Yes?” He didn’t turn around.



“Ok,”



“Ok what?” Spike asked as he turned and made his way towards her. Of course he was going to make this hard for her. When had he ever made things easy?



“I need…” she didn’t want to say the words.



“What do you need Buffy?” he continued to advance on her. She must have been nervous about the interview because her stomach dropped just at the sound of her name.



“Help, I need your help,” A smile crept on his lips as she spoke.



“There, now, was that so hard?” He replied as he set about to help her prepare for the interview.



“I love what you have done here with the blues in the dress.” She couldn’t help but blush at Lorne’s compliment. Buffy had never been comfortable with praise. Not to mention that Riley’s insistence that her designing remain a hobby of sorts had certainly knocked her confidence in her abilities.



“And the detail on the sash is outstanding,” Lorne gushed as he shut the book. “Well I think I have seen all I need to,”



“Don’t you want to know my typing speed?” Buffy asked, confused.



“No why would I want to know that? You don’t need to type your designs, do you?” Lorne replied with a laugh as he handed her books back.



“Excuse me?” Buffy didn’t want to get her hopes up but is sounded like Lorne was offering her a …



“We would love to have you as a part of our design team. Fresh ideas and designs like yours will help our Spring collection be the best yet,” Buffy almost fell of her chair in shock.



“You want me to design for you? I thought this was an office job?” she asked



“Well I would prefer you to design but if you want to work behind the desk in inventory I think I can arrange that. But it would be a waste of your talent,” Lorne laughed



“No I want to design I just thought…” Buffy was at a loss for words never in her wildest dreams did she think that she would be designing let alone for Lorne.



“I love your work, you’ve got sass which I love and Spike can’t speak highly enough of you. These are all ticks in my book so when do you want to start?”



***



Buffy still couldn’t believe it. She had not been able to wipe the smile off her face since leaving Lorne’s office hours ago. She had tried to call her mom and tell her the news but all she had got was the machine forgetting that there were people who already had jobs working at this time of day.



So she did what she usually did when she wanted to celebrate: she shopped. Countless stores and shopping bags later she ended up in the last place she wanted to be, but she knew she had to thank him. Without him she would not be in this position.



She didn’t set out to buy him a gift but she couldn’t think of any other way to show her appreciation and giving a gift was way easier than actually saying thank you.



She walked through the glass doors to the front desk.



“Hello, William Giles please. It’s Buffy Summers to see him.”

Chapter 15 It all ends here.

“It’s mom sorry I missed your call. You got the job that’s great, You must be so happy. Give me a call and tell me all the details”

It was a bad idea. She knew it from the moment she had stepped into the foyer of Spike’s office. At least the universe had given her an out by having Spike in a meeting. She didn’t leave him a message. She just wanted to leave. It meant that no one had to know about her moment of insanity. She could just hop in the elevator and it would be like it had never-

“Buffy?”

So much for the universe giving her an out. When did elevators take so long?

“I thought it was you,” she turned around not to see Spike but his assistant, or more importantly her brother’s new girlfriend, Cordelia Chase, standing in front of her.

“Hi, Cordelia,” Buffy replied

“Please call me Cordy, everyone does. Are you here to see William?”

“Umm not really?” Buffy sounded lame even to herself. why else would she be here?

“Wow, you’ve been busy,” Cordy exclaimed as she looked at the shopping bags that Buffy was holding. “Somebody had a big pay day.”

“Not so much having a big pay day but spending the money I am about to earn. I got a job today.” The smile crept up on Buffy’s face. It was the first time since the interview she had voiced those words.

“Congratulations! That’s great. We should celebrate,”

“I don’t think so. It’s really no big deal…”

“Cordy, where are those copies I asked for? You’ve been gone…” Spike strode out to the reception area, his dark charcoal suit and deep purple shirt striking a commanding figure. He stopped in his tracks when he saw her.

“Buffy are you ok? What are you doing here? Did something happen with Lorne this morning?” He looked genuinely concerned, though he was probably more concerned that she had pissed off his largest client or something.

“Your job is with Lorne – as in Lorne Henderson Designs? Oh my god that’s huge!” Cordy squealed as she hugged Buffy.

“Yeah, I got the job,” she declared, looking Spike in the eye and instead of seeing the mocking that she was used to she saw something else. If she didn’t know him better she would have sworn it was pride.

“Congrats love, that’s great. My tutelage must have paid off.”

He had given her a compliment – plain and simple – she heard It. It registered in her brain and any normal person would have said ‘thanks’ and moved on, but no, she had this bitch switch inside of her and it seemed as though only Spike knew how to flick it.


“Of course, because I can’t do anything on my own merit,” Buffy snapped back.

“That’s not what I meant. It was a joke, pet. I was just saying…”

“I know what you were saying Spike, poor little Buffy can’t do a thing without Spike’s help. Gee, to think I came here to say thank you,”

“Because I helped you.” Again with the nice and the logic – gee where did he get off?

“Yeah helped me get the interview. Unless you swapped the designs out of my book and put in your own, I’m pretty sure that I got the job on my own”

“Hey, guys, time out. What’s the bad here? Buffy got a job, isn’t that a good thing?” Cordy asked.

“Buffy always has to be right, can never admit she needs anyone or anything. Heaven help her if she needs anyone’s help. No, Buffy has to do it all on her own,” Spike stepped forward, seeming to forget where he was as he argued with Buffy

“Me? That’s rich coming from Mr. There-are-two-ways-of-doing-things-my-way-and-the-wrong-way. And as for asking for help, I seem to recall helping you out once a long time ago and what kind of thanks did I get for that?” Buffy was beyond angry, all she wanted to do was get out of here.

Spike paled at her words. How did they go from friendly banter to all out fighting in less than a minute? Easy, it’s all they ever did.

“Thanks, Spike. Leave it to you to take one of the best days I have had in a long time and reduce it to less than crap. To think I came here to say thank you and to give you this,” She threw the Tiffany box at him before stepping into the elevator that had finally arrived.

“Buffy wait…” was all she heard as the doors closed and tears sprang into her eyes.

The tears had clouded her vision because it was only when he spoke did she realize that he had followed her into the elevator.

“Okay, so this is it, Buffy, I am giving you one last chance to have at me about that night, because frankly, I am over feeling shitty about it. I did the wrong thing, no question. But me beating myself up over it and you bringing it up like some kind of get out of any argument free card, it all ends here,” he had started off calmly but as he spoke all the anger, shame, and resentment came flooding out.

“You don’t get to choose when you stop hurting me, Spike,”

“Yeah, well, I just figured that out. I don’t know what else to do but – what I can do is stop hurting myself over it. I hurt you, Buffy, there is no excuse. But I was hurting, first because of my mom and then you. I couldn’t, I didn’t know what I wanted to do. I knew what I had to do which was leave. Not leave you, leave to see mother, pay respects.” For so many reasons he had kept his emotions from that day and the weeks following it under lock and key but he knew to be released from it he had to let it go first.

“My life changed that day forever things in ways that can never be reversed. I grew up that day. No longer a child, can’t be a child without a parent, can you? In growing up I hurt you and while I never meant to, I did. I am sorry Buffy for everything I did.”

“Spike…”

“Let me finish this, okay? This ends here for me – the guilt, the pain and torment over what I did to you. You can choose to do the same. But it’s exactly your choice – nothing I can say or do can help you anymore,” The lift opened and he stepped out before she could respond.


****

Spike sat at his desk staring at the open box in front of him and sighed.

“I’m an asshole.”

Cufflinks. Two silver, round cufflinks with a red stone in the middle.

He loved them and hated them at the same time and surprised himself that he could do that at the same time. Could you truly love and hate something or someone at the same time?

He loved them, they were beautiful he couldn’t have picked a better pair for himself. It was as though she knew his tastes better than he did. It must have been the designer in her.

He hated them because he had been given them out of contempt and anger. He hated them because he knew he didn’t deserve them.

He never meant to hurt her. He was proud of her, prouder than he had ever been. Not only had she got her dream job but she had stuck it to Riley at the same time. He wanted to tell her that, the words were on the tip of his tongue. Those words never came, as per usual. Instead, it came out as judgment not compliment. But somehow it always came back to the same thing. He had treated her badly once a long time ago and now she never expected anything less than hurt and pain from him. He had to stop the cycle somewhere – cutting it off from the source he had chosen to forgive himself and move on. Would Buffy do the same?

“Well, that was dramatic,” Cordy said, as she walked into his office setting the copies of the brief that was now long forgotten on his desk.

“Thanks ever so,” Spike replied, not looking up from the cufflinks because if he looked away they would disappear.

“They’re beautiful,” Cordy remarked as she looked at the box.

“Yeah she is,” Spike answered, not realizing he wasn’t talking about the present but the person who had given it.

“Spike can you do me a huge favor? I’m stuck in this meeting till late like sunrise late. I’m supposed to be meeting Buffy at Tetusya’s at 8pm to celebrate getting her job today. Can you meet her there for me? For some reason her cell is turned off.”

Crap.

Spike slammed his phone shut and looked at his watch. It was already seven. He couldn’t call Buffy because he knew the reason why her phone was turned off. He had tried to call her all afternoon just to make sure she was ok and after the sixth hang up she had turned the phone off.

“Cordy,” he called through the intercom.

“I’m not here.”

“Which is why I can hear your voice so clearly. I need you to call Mike. I need to tickets.”

“To anything in particular?” she asked.

“Whatever is popular and has seats for tonight.” Spike rose from his chair and gathered his things and left the office.

“Call me when you have the details,” he said as he walked out leaving a frazzled and annoyed Cordy in his wake.

*****

Buffy loved her brother. He was strong, dependable, and always there when she needed him…eventually. Cause really, the guy couldn’t be on time to save his life.

“Another drink, miss?” The waiter asked as he took her fourth empty glass from the table.

“Yes please. I’m celebrating,” The first two drinks had been to forget about the fight. The next two were to celebrate her new job and this one well, why not?

“Yes I believe you told me that two drinks ago. Would you like some bread before you start?”

“No my brother should be here any minute. We’re celebrating my new job,” Buffy practically bounced in her chair.

“Ok then,” the waiter started to walk off before he was stopped by Spike.

“I will also have a scotch on the rocks,”

“Oh no you won’t. He is not with me. In fact he is not even here, he’s leaving. Right now.” Buffy crossed her arms over her chest.

“And I think it will be the last one for the lady too,” Spike told the waiter as he sat down.

“Don’t tell me what to do, I’m not a little kid,” Spike could have sworn he saw her start to poke out her tongue at him.

“Angel rang. Looks like his meeting might be an all-nighter and since your phone was turned off…”

“Gee I wonder why that was?” Buffy asked, raising an eyebrow in his direction.

“Look Buffy, I don’t know how things got so out of hand today.”

“Really? You don’t know how things got out of hand? I’ll tell you how it got out of hand. You and I spent more than three minutes together. That’s how it got out of hand,”

“Yeah we seem to have that effect on each other. I don’t mean to,” She looked up and into his eyes, seeing the truth of his words.

“Yet somehow you do, I mean we both do, whatever. Look, let’s go. I don’t feel like celebrating anymore.” Buffy went to grab her bag when she felt Spike’s hand on her arm.

“No let’s not leave. What you have done today all on your own. Getting a job is a great achievement, one that deserves to be celebrated. I know I’m a poor second to but I would feel like a right pillock if we didn’t have this dinner tonight.”

“Spike I don’t know.” She also didn’t know if it was his hand on her arm that was making her thoughts fuzzy or the four cocktails she already had.

“I won’t even speak unless I am spoken to. I promise I will be good,”

“Okay but just dinner no dessert. The quicker this is over the better,”

****

“Please Spike just one more club please,” Buffy pouted as Spike pulled her out of the 5th nightclub of the night.

Cordy had not been able to wrangle theatre tickets at the last minute but had been able to put their name on the door at some of New York’s finest clubs. He sighed as he looked down at his watch. It was 4am and while Buffy didn’t have to get up at any respectable hour, he did.

“Love, I hate to sound like your mum but it’s getting kinda late for a school night,” he raised his hand to hail a taxi.

“But I don’t wanna,” Spike suddenly felt a warm body wrap itself around him as Buffy’s arms slid around him and she slipped around to face him. “Please Spike don’t you wanna play?”

She was drunk, he knew it. He knew it 3 bars ago and had been trying to slow her consumption but that hadn’t been easy considering the line of guys that were buying her drinks. He looked down at her glazed eyes and knew he couldn’t take advantage.

“Buffy we need to get home,” he grabbed her arms and pulled her away from him but not completely letting go, before he lost his resolve.

“No you need to get home. I don’t start till Monday. I think it’s about time I let my hair down. I might go back to the bar. That guy Parker seemed to be pretty interested,” she tried to twist herself from his grip.

“Interested in what?” Spike demanded. There was no way he was going to let her go alone drunk to some bar to meet up with some random guy.

“Me,” she pouted and it took everything good and noble inside of him not to take that bottom lip and suck it into his own mouth.

“I don’t think so Buffy.” He pulled her back and started to hail a taxi.

“Why? Just because Riley left me doesn’t mean every guy in the world thinks I’m hideous.” He could see the hurt behind her eyes the alcohol unmasking her true emotions.

“Is that what you want? Someone to find you attractive, desirable, wanted?” he was treading on dangerous ground he knew it.

“Yes is that such a bad thing?”

“No I guess not but you don’t need to throw yourself at some random guy to feel that.” He was getting annoyed. All he wanted was to get in the taxi and go home away from the temptation of a drunk lonely Buffy.

“Really?” she asked

He should have been stronger but there was only so much a guy could take. He grabbed her by the arms and kissed her. Kissing her hard enough to show her exactly how desirable she already was and that she didn’t need to prove it. Really that was the only reason.

The honk of the horn broke them from their embrace. Buffy startled as he picked her up and placed her in the taxi.

“Really,” were his only words on the trip back to the apartment.

Chapter 17
“This is Lorne Henderson office confirming your 11am appointment. Lorne also asked if you could wear the indigo tie with the red stripe.”

2 weeks 14 days.

That’s how long it had been since Spike had kissed her. It was also the last time she had spoken to Spike . It wasn’t really by choice that they hadn’t spoken, it was more circumstance. Circumstance that she had made sure meant she wouldn’t have to speak to Spike.

That night had been easy, due to the fact that she had passed out in the cab. Of course, she hadn’t passed out to avoid him, it had more to do with the countless cocktails she had consumed. She woke up the next morning in her bed fully clothed, with a bad Hangover and a feeling that she had done something very stupid. As she placed the fuzzy facts back together, she remembered.

The kiss.

She had the choice to get all angry and confront him, or to ignore it altogether. If she had taken the high and mighty road and confronted him, she knew how it would end. Badly. As much as he had kissed her, she hadn’t shied away from it either, and she didn’t want to be questioned on why.

So she ignored the kiss, the feelings and the man who had given her both. Which was easy to do, seeing as he was doing the same.

She had awoken late in the afternoon to be greeted by Angel sitting on the couch watching the football game.

“Hello Sleeping Beauty, you decided to join us?” Angel asked, trying to hide his mirth from her.

“Us?” Buffy asked. She wasn’t sure she wanted to face Spike just yet.

“Well, just me and the TV really. Spike left early this morning , looking worse for wear. What did were you guys up to last night?” he asked, the innuendo dripping from his voice.

“Eww, nothing, Angel. Spike is like a brother to me. In fact, less than a brother. He is gross, lewd and rude to the point of Neanderthal standards. The fact that he can stand upright and use his opposable thumbs is a major miracle,” Buffy ranted, as she made her way into the kitchen to wake herself up with some much needed caffeine.

“Thanks ever so.” She turned and paled as she saw Spike standing in the doorway.

“Spike.” She could see the pain in his eyes, and it shouldn’t have unlevered her as much as it did. She knew for a fact he had said similar things about her.

“Don’t. I know where I stand, Summers. Don’t have to say anymore.”

And he hadn’t. They had not spoken a single word since. It should have made her happy to have one less pain in her arse .

But it didn’t.

Instead, she threw herself into her new job. She had started a week ago and had not had time to stop and think about Spike, or anything else outside the world of Lorne Designs.

She loved it, living the dream of being a designer. A dream that had begun so many years ago, whilst playing dress up with her Barbie dolls. Now, she got to dress real people. She couldn’t hide her smile or enthusiasm as she started work each day .

And now, as she started yet another day at work, she stared at her sketchpad , waiting for inspiration to strike.

“And of course, you know our latest designer …”

Buffy looked up and saw Lorne at her desk, and with him the man she had been avoiding for the past two weeks.

Spike.

*****

Buffy.

Spike had not been looking forward to Lorne’s meeting today. For some unknown reason, Lorne had insisted that the meeting had to be at his office. Which meant only one thing. He would have to see Buffy.

He knew the irony in of his fear, considering the fact they lived together and the likelihood of them running into each other there was more than here. But no, he had spent the last two weeks leaving early and getting home late, so she didn’t have to see him.

The kiss they had shared that night had shaken him more that it should. He had kissed random girls before, mainly in college, so he knew what it felt like to kiss someone with no feelings involved. He didn’t feel that when he kissed Buffy, which was strange, because he didn’t have feelings for Buffy.

He didn’t. Really.

And, if by some strange turn of events, he did have some, he knew his place the morning after when she had made her own feelings known. He was nothing to her. Less than nothing. And he was fine with that, he really was.

But now that he was face to face, he couldn’t avoid her anymore.

“Hello, Summers.” He could tell she was shocked to see him.

“Spike.”

“Working hard, I see.” He gestured towards her blank notepad.

“Well, I think I’ll leave you two kids to it. I have to look at the latest pocket book designs. Unless you want to come with, Spike?” Lorne asked.

“I think I’ll be right mate. I will send those papers across to you this afternoon.” Spike held out his hand for Lorne to shake.

“Thanks, sweetums. Have fun.” Lorne winked at Buffy as he walked away.

“So…” Spike started, not quite knowing where to begin.

“A needle pulling thread,” Buffy finished.

“Huh?”

“It’s a Sound of Music thing. Working hard?”

“Yeah I have a ton of work to do with this new charity thing for Lorne. Thanks to you,” he teased.

“Sorry about that.” Buffy went back to her work in an effort to make Spike leave.

“I’m kidding Buffy. “I’m” really enjoying working on this. Its work I haven’t done before and don’t tell Lorne, but he is one of my favorite clients.”

“Yeah, like that ego needs more stroking.” Buffy laughed.

“How is work going?”

“Its great. I love it here, finally doing what I’ve always wanted. Everyone has been so friendly, its great.”

“You said that already. I have been kinda busy, haven’t been home..” Spike guessed it was time to get it all out in the open.

“I noticed.”

“You did?” Spike sounded surprised.

“How could I not? I haven’t yelled at you for at least two weeks. I’m starting to have withdrawals. Just kidding.”

“Buffy, about that...”

“Don’t, Spike, its okay. I shouldn’t make you feel uncomfortable in your own home. I am, after all, a guest,”

“You’re not a guest, Buffy. You are family, well, Angel’s family, and you should-”

“I’m moving out,” Buffy blurted out.

“What?” Spike felt as though he had been sucker punched.

“I move out in two weeks.”

Chapter 18
“Um Hi this is Buffy Summers I am calling about the room you have to rent, If you could call me back when you get a chance that would be great,”

“What?” Spike asked.

“I’m moving out,” Buffy replied, as though it was the easiest thing in the world to do.

“When? where? Why?” Spike couldn’t believe what he was hearing.

“Spike, I’m at work. Can you please not make a scene?”

He could see she was embarrassed by his outburst.

“I’m not making a scene, Buffy; I’m just trying to figure what the hell is going on!” Buffy grabbed his arm and pulled him out of her cubicle, into the office hallway.

“Spike, I have only just started here. Please don’t make me known as the girl with the crazy yelling friend!”

“Have you had lunch?” he asked.

“No, not really, but I’m trying to appear-

“Great.” He walked over to Lorne, who was trying to decide which shade of black was in this season.

“Lorne, Buffy and I need to discuss some of the charity details. Do you mind if I take her for a coffee?”

“Sure, no problem,” Lorne answered, as Spike dragged Buffy out of the office.

“Spike, I can’t leave!”

“Sure you can. You don’t want to argue with your new boss, do you?”

***

Buffy was still fuming as she sat across from Spike, in the café downstairs from her office. Not even the hot chocolate and fudge brownie he had bought her could lift her dark mood.

“So, where are you moving to?” Spike asked, as he poured sugar into his coffee.

“Umm, well, I’m not sure yet. One of the guys at work knows someone who needs a roommate and I mentioned I was looking. They said they would put a good word in for me.” Buffy tried hard to make it sound as legitimate as possible.

“So, you don’t know where you’re going, or who you’re staying with. Do you know how many kinds of stupid that is, Buffy?”

“I’m not stupid!”

“No? Then what do you call moving out?”

“My only option, I can’t do it any more, Spike. Living with you and Angel is too hard.” She avoided his gaze, hoping he wouldn’t question her further.

“Angel is your brother. Surely you are used to living with him by now?”

Buffy didn’t answer the question. She couldn’t find the words to speak and in that moment, Spike got all the answers that he needed. It wasn’t Angel she wanted to get away from.

It was him.

He would give her what she wanted, he always did. Sure, most times he did it kicking and screaming, but he was powerless to say no to this girl who was currently picking the marshmallows’ out of her hot chocolate.

“My mum, she used to make the best hot chocolates with the tiny marshmallows. God, I miss them sometimes. When it’s really cold, I like to try and make it like she did.” He looked at Buffy, trying to figure out what she was thinking. “Never can. I miss her.”

“I know.” Her expression softened.

“Don’t move out, Buffy, at least not with some stranger, in some flea bitten apartment.”

“Gee, Spike, you almost sound like you care.” Her sarcasm didn’t sound quite right. She knew in the back of her mind that some part of him did care, and she didn’t want to hear that.

“I don’t,” he lied. “But, I know how important it is to have family to love and support you, and you have that.”

“I do?” Her heart picked up in pace. What was Spike trying to say?

“Yes, Buffy you have that, with Angel.”

***

“You’re back early.”

Buffy looked up from her desk to see Lorne peaking over the partition. She had left the café quickly more confused than when she had left the office. What was Spike up to? One minute he was scolding her like a child for moving out and the next, pouring his heart out to her about his mom.

“I was just out for a coffee,”

“Oh, I just assumed that you were off having a quickie, young love, and all that.” Buffy’s eyes widened.

“Spike and I are not in love, or having quickies, Lorne,” she spat out

“Oh please! I see him look at you, the same way I look at the new range of Milano Blaniks. And lord knows I have been trying to get him to look at me that way for years.”

“Lorne, Spike is straight.”

“I know, but you can’t knock a guy for trying. I mean, have you seen the cheekbones on that boy?” Lorne asked.

She had seen them, touched them, even kissed them.

“No never noticed.” Buffy tried to get back to her work.

“I mean, he needs your help setting up that charity in the same way I need his help picking out the fall line.”

“I’m sorry, Lorne, I know it was bad skipping out for a coffee in my first week. It’s just, if I didn’t get him out of the office, he was going to make a scene and I don’t really want to be known in the office as the girl with the crazy friends.”

“He was going to make a scene? Mr. Cool and Calm Under Pressure?” Lorne seemed genuinely surprised. “I have seen him take over two companies at the same time and not break a sweat. Mores the pity. What in heavens name did you do?”

“I told him I was moving out.”

“Okay, so let me get this straight. Mr. Cool As Ice goes ballistic, because you say you are going to move out and yet, there is nothing going on between you two?”

“It’s not like that. He wasn’t upset because I was leaving. It was more where I was leaving too. I don’t have many details, because it’s all last minute. We are not like that, Lorne. Trust me; it’s never going to happen.” Buffy went back to her sketchpad.

“You know what they say! Never say never,” Lorne singsonged.

“Trust me, Lorne. It’s never going to happen again.” The look of shock on Lorne’s face made her realize the mistake she had just made.

“Sweetcakes, it’s Lorne. Look, I hate to mix business with pleasure, but have you seen Buffy today? She hasn’t come in and she’s not answering her cell. I thought you might have the 411. Call me!”

Spike should have known something bad was about to happen when he first saw the calligraphy on the envelope. But it was addressed to Buffy, and he hadn’t given it a second thought as he placed it on the dining room table.

It had been three weeks since their discussion in the café, and he had done his best to keep the peace and his distance. The two of them had developed a civil tolerance for each other. It was working well.

That was, until the message Lorne left on his phone. He ran home from work to find Buffy in her pajamas, sitting on the floor surrounded by tiny pieces of ripped paper, more specifically envelope paper, and he could guess whatever was inside.

“Buffy, love, are you sick?” She looked up startled as if she had been a thousand miles away.

“Spike.” She subconsciously wiped the tears from her eyes. Her bloodshot eyes. She looked as if she had been crying a lot.

“I was just getting ready for work.” After smoothing out her clearly uncombed hair, she started to get up from the floor, when Spike stopped her and sat down beside her.

“Love, do you have any idea what time it is?” he asked softly, as he felt her forehead for a fever. She looked as if one wrong word would break her apart.

“No, I kinda lost track.” Buffy looked around at the mess, as though seeing it for the first time.

“Did you ring Lorne?” he asked, trying to get some details from her

“Why would I do that?” She looked confused.

“Because its 12:30 in the pm and he’s worried sick about you. He called me at work to see if you were okay.”

“I am. It’s just…” She searched for the words.

Spike reached down and picked up the pieces of paper on the ground. He tried to piece them together but Buffy’s hand on his own stilled his movements.

“Don’t.” She wrapped her fingers around his and didn’t let go.

“What’s the matter, love, have something against fancy handwriting?”

“Riley,” was all she could get out.

“He wrote you a Dear John letter? That heartless-”

“It’s an invitation to his wedding,” Buffy cut in.

“Bastard,” he finished.

“I was going for tactless, but heartless fits too.” Buffy broke free from his touch and held her head in her hands.

“I could handle the pain, I didn’t enjoy it, but it was manageable. It was manageable when I thought he just wasn’t ready for marriage, that it wasn’t me, it was just the constitution of marriage he couldn’t stand. But this…” She picked up the pieces and threw them away from her.

“It hurts.” Spike wished he could take away that pain. He knew that she wasn’t completely over her break up with Riley. Some days, he could see glimpses of the heartache. But seeing it here, up close and personal… it was tearing at his own heart.

“How can he love her? They’ve been together for, like, five minutes. We dated for two years before he even mentioned getting married.” He knew she wasn’t really asking him the question, more like throwing it out into the universe to see what they would say.

“Sometimes, you know in an instant if you love someone,” Spike said, as he slipped his arm around her shoulders, trying to give her some comfort.

“Then why does it take two days before your wedding, to figure out you don’t?” She turned to face him and what he saw almost took his breath away. Such beauty within sadness, such vulnerability within betrayal.

“Tell me, Spike, tell me what it would have been like if you had stayed. I want to know what it’s like to have someone stay with me.” He wiped a tear from her cheek.

“That night, you gave me so much more than I knew I needed. I wanted to call, but the time wasn’t right and I had no words.” He shifted suddenly, her proximity making him feel uncomfortable.

“God, the passion and fire. I’ve had nothing like it since. I still see flashes of it when we fight.”

“Is that why we fight so much?” Buffy asked

“I think it might be.”

They sat with their backs against the wall, holding each other for the longest time. Buffy rested her head on his shoulder. Spike was lost in his own thoughts when he felt Buffy move, more specifically, onto his lap. She started to kiss his neck.

“Can you touch me, please.”

“Buffy, I don’t think-” He stilled her hand that was trying to make its way under his shirt and he could feel the warmth of her fingers. It was distracting him from doing the right thing, because he knew at that moment that was what he had to do.

The right thing. It was just that, at that moment, looking into her eyes, he didn’t know what the right thing was.

“I don’t want the last person who touched me to be marrying someone else. I know it makes no sense, but I don’t want to give him that satisfaction. Touch me.” She took his hand and placed it on her breast. He closed his eyes as he felt the rush of desire run through him. They had done this before, he knew how this was going to end. But he still wanted it, and it wasn’t only his head that agreed with him.

“Buffy.” He looked into her eyes and could not deny her or himself anymore. “Are you sure?”

She leaned in and kissed him, as if it were the most natural thing in the world. She shifted in his lap and felt how much he wanted this. As if to make her point, she moaned, letting him know exactly what she wanted.

“Spike, I want to forget all about him. Make me forget.”

Chapter 21


"Hi Riley its Buffy look thanks for the invite and all but I don’t think I will be able to make it to the wedding but I just wanted to say to you both. GO TO HELL"

As Buffy awoke, she became acutely aware of three things: she ached in places that hadn’t ached for a very long time, she felt as though she had had the best sleep she hadn’t had in a very long time and she had had sex with Spike for the first time in a very long time.

Not just had sex, but practically begged him for it. Great, that was just great. She would never be able to live this down with him. Was it not bad enough that she had fuelled his ego with her cries of ‘harder’ and her moans of enjoyment?

She looked over at his sleeping form. He looked peaceful, sated and handsome. She was not blind; he was beautiful and even if she couldn’t see it, she knew exactly what his body felt like.

Intimately.

No, it wasn’t intimate. It had been sex, just sex. His touch did not feel familiar or safe. Not intimate either, when he had looked at her as she came undone beneath him. She did not see softness and vulnerability within his face, didn’t feel care and affection in his touch. She saw nothing and felt nothing, just as she suspected he felt and saw the same. Spike felt nothing for her; she knew that, had known it for a long time. Hell, the only reason they had had sex was that she had begged him to do it. You had to be either dead or as gay as Lorne to turn down a vulnerable woman. Even more so, one who wants to use sex to forget her hurt feelings. Yes, the more she thought about what happened between them, she realized it was nothing. Nothing more than a lapse of judgment on her part and a taking advantage on his.

Would Spike take advantage of her like that?

As much as she would have liked to ask Spike that question, she didn’t think Angel would like to know the answer. As she heard his keys jiggle into the front door lock, she made a hasty retreat from Spike’s bed into her own.

***

“Spike, Spike.”

Spike was having one of the best dreams of his life; he was lying on the beach, warming himself under the suns rays. He looked up to see Buffy in the water, playing in the waves.

She opened her mouth and said:

“Spike, if you don’t wake up in the next three seconds, I’ll pour this water over your head.” Suddenly, his vision of Buffy turned into...

“Angel, what the hell are you doing in my room?” He sat upright as he spoke trying both to hide Buffy in his bed and cover up his own nakedness. He moved the covers to shield her, but he needn’t have bothered as the space beside him was bare and cold. Buffy had left and he ignored what that thought did to his insides. Turnabout was fair play, he guessed. He had done it to her once before and now it was time to get him back.

“What’re you doing asleep at four in the afternoon, naked, with Fiona Apple on the stereo?” A fair enough question to ask, but somehow Spike didn’t think “shagging your sister into next week” was the answer he was after.

“I’m tired. Big take over and all that rot; anyways, great that we had this chat but I really need to take a shower.” He started to get up from the bed.

“Take a number. Buffy is already in there,” Angel said, as he walked out of his room. “What the hell is all this mess in the lounge room?”

But Spike wasn’t paying attention to the mess; he was trying to figure out the mess that was his relationship with Buffy.

****
An hour later, when he had emerged from the shower, he was still no closer to figuring it out. He grabbed a towel and wrapped it around his waist. He ran his hands through his hair, ridding himself of the excess water in it as he tried to collect his thoughts.

Thoughts that had been jumbled from the moment Angel had woken him up. Buffy had been no help straightening them out, as she stepped out of the bathroom and right into him.

“Bathroom’s free,” she murmured, as she walked past him, head down, not daring to look him in the eye.

“Thanks, love.” That seemed to get her attention as her head snapped up and she looked at him as though she was trying to figure out what he was on about.

Good luck with that one, because the truth of the matter was he had no clue. He could tell you for sure that when he had walked into the apartment this afternoon, sleeping with Buffy was the furthest thing from his mind. Well, that wasn’t entirely true; it wasn’t like, say, climbing Everest, which, in the scheme of things, was the furthest thing from his mind.

He was a man, after all, and he would be betraying his race if he didn’t come clean about wanting to sleep with Buffy. He had done it once a long time ago and ever since she had stormed back into his life, snippets of their time together in the years previous would come to him. He was annoyed by it, not because she was annoying, although she was. It was more that the feelings of longing and regret the memories brought bothered him more than they should.

And not that he was taking notes or anything, but the sex between them was better than he remembered, and he had remembered plenty in the past few years. There had been many women in his life but it seemed that it always came back to Buffy.

Maybe that was what today was about. She was finding in him what he had found in her all those years ago. A touchstone, a way of knowing, that there was something else in life besides the pain that they were feeling. They were helping each other to understand that things would be okay.

Spike sighed as he walked back into his room; his room still smelled of her perfume. Her perfume and sex. The sex that they had had all afternoon. Sex that he would very much like to have again but he knew that was never...

“Spike.”

He looked up and saw Buffy sitting crossed legged on his bed.

“We need to talk.”

...ever going to happen again.