For William ‘Spike’ Atherton every day was a struggle. And he was not one to walk away from a fight. He’d grown up protecting himself and others with his fists and his wits. He bore the scars of his father’s cruelty and deeper scars of his heart’s mistakes. He was 5’10’’ with curly hair. Hated looking at himself in the mirror in the morning when his curls were a riot, had few friends, and tried to make a living as an actor. He loved the stage: it was the only place he felt free, it had been his refuge since third grade. The rest of his life was the illusion; on stage it was real, the other actors or musicians all working together towards a common goal. No egos on stage: they only appeared off it. When the bitching and the fights started.

His latest acting group were doing OK, but money was never easy to come by. His music was liked by some, but the big time seemed so far away, no lucky breaks for him. He looked at the bottle in his hand again. At least Jack was his friend. He liked Jack, Jack never let him down. Jack always stayed true.

Nothing in his personal life was as it should be: it was a total mess. His latest girlfriend had walked out on him after a week of late night rehearsals and early morning calls. Help if he could remember her name. Yep, that would be a help: Cecily, no that was the bitch before, on second thoughts Cecily, that was her name. Never mind everything else, yep at least Jack was still his friend, he thought as he drunkenly reached for the bottle again. His hands shaking as he drained the last of it and flopped back onto the worn out old sofa that dominated the dingy apartment he lived in. Sleep only came easily when he was drunk, or stoned. She had told William that he was ‘beneath her’ and left him in the gutter, literally. He thought back to the night when he’d taken her to dinner. It was the best restaurant he could afford and he had dressed to kill.

She had looked wonderful of course, but from the start nothing had been good enough for her, bitch. She wanted Michelin star, he could afford the local Italian; his job wasn’t good enough and he should give up his silliness in wanting to be an actor and get a real job. Daddy had a space at his office… It had taken him weeks, months to get over her, if he ever had.

He remembered her getting into the taxi and leaving him standing there, in the gutter, tears rolling down his face, unashamed of who saw him. Xander had picked up the pieces that time as well. He had made sure William ate, held him while he cried, taken him to the gym to work out his aggression, taken the booze and hidden it, every thing he could do Xander had done.

But it hadn’t been enough. William had fallen deeper and deeper into some really weird company. Then he’d met Dru and William had died and Spike had been born. Hard, tough with a nasty edge, bleached blond hair and black clothes.

She’d introduced Spike to her ‘family’: Darla and Angel, and to her world. Dark smoky night-clubs, blood play, S&M. They were perverted, they really enjoyed hurting others and Spike took all they could give. It was like he no longer valued himself, he wanted to be punished. They’d introduced him to drugs to dull the pain. Which he’d used occasionally; alcohol had dulled the pain regularly.

Xander grew more and more worried for his friend. Spike meant the world to the man, had since they were in school together. Xander hated seeing William like this, so totally dependant on someone else.

Spike’s sexual appetite had grown more and more extreme in their company, until he was on the verge of spiralling totally out of control. Angel and Dru talked about ‘doing it’ to someone outside their circle. Of finding a victim and ‘enjoying’ his or her company, tying her up and forcing whoever to do whatever they wanted, and they wanted Spike to join in. It would be fun, they said. It would be different. It would be a rush. Spike’s foot was on the slope and it was a long way down.

Then they stopped calling. Spike wouldn’t play so they left him, in the gutter again, with nothing, they just drove away. They had spiked his drink as a fare you well. That was where he was found. In the gutter, throwing up. Someone had called the cops, who had taken the barely conscious man to hospital, then brought him home to Xander. Good old Xander who had helped him into the shower, cleaned him up, and put him to bed. Then checked on the drunk during the night to make sure he was still breathing. William remembered that much, remembered Xander holding the bowl so he could be sick, remembered him trying to wash his face for him, remembered everything, he hoped. He loved Xander, Xander was his friend.

‘Oh God, I really am a mess, I could do with some help,’ he prayed as he fell asleep. He really meant it. Spike could see no way out of the pit of hell he was in.

Dreams were not something that Spike usually remembered but he remembered the man, English it seemed, asking him if he really wanted help or was he just talking for the sake of it.

‘I really need help.’

‘Yes you do, but I warn you it will be hard work; are you willing to work hard, Mr Rayne?’

‘It’s Atherton, I gave up the other name when I left home.’

‘My apologies, Mr Atherton, I will not make the same mistake again, however the question still stands. What are you willing to do to get better?’

‘Anything, I just don’t want to feel like this anymore.’

Maybe we can help. If you’re willing to pay the price. It could be worth it you know, you wouldn’t feel like this any more.’

The voice seemed to be fading, as the sunlight brightened.

Spike woke up with the mother of all hangovers. His head felt as though a jackhammer was being used on his brain, his mouth as though a dozen bears had pissed in it. The sun burnt his eyes and his stomach still wanted to empty itself all over his shoes. He could smell food; that was the last thing he needed, and using what little energy he had, he made it to the bathroom to throw up what was left in his stomach.

Xander looked up from the kitchen. It was always the same: Spike meets girl, Spike loves girl way too fast, Spike loses girl, Spike gets drunk and then some. That was a known pattern. But Dru had changed that. Xander hated Dru with a passion. He knew she was dangerous but couldn’t prove it, either to himself or Spike. He’d learnt to keep his mouth closed on that subject. The one time he’d spoken out Spike had hit him, he was sorry afterwards but it had caused a strain on their friendship for quite a while. Now maybe it would be over, until she phoned again, until she called Spike to be a good puppy and come and play. But Xander hoped this was the last time he had to pick up William from a hospital and nurse him through a night.

Poor Spike, the women in his life were always after too much from him, or not enough. Unlike Xander, Spike looked like a Greek God when he took off his shirt; Adonis himself would have been insecure. The abs were chiselled and Xander enjoyed the view. And that was the problem: not that he enjoyed the view but that was all that some people saw. A statue carved from alabaster, and like alabaster, light shone out of him. The weird and the wonderful were attracted to Spike like moths to a flame. But all they could see was the beautiful body. Women used him for sex, very few realised the sharp mind and keen wit hidden behind the facade.

Xander thought back to how they’d met. They had been friends since high school when Spike at 5’10” had protected Xander at 6’2” from a beating because the local jocks had discovered that Xander was gay. Having a number of black belts in various martial arts let Spike choose friends where he would, with little thought to others’ views. He wasn’t a man who listened to gossip or let others lead him, and for that Xander was grateful. They had been friends, nothing more. Spike was as straight as they came. It was funny really when you thought about it, Spike with the acting and poetry (he could quote Shakespeare or Victorian poetry drunk or sober) was straight and Xander, the construction worker who went to night school to become an architect, was gay. But they both enjoyed soccer, football, soccer, the argument continued about what to call the damn game. They both enjoyed pool and they both enjoyed a drink. And hey, both valued their friendship.

‘Feeling better?’ Xander smirked. He took one look at Spike’s pale face and grinned. ‘Come on dead-boy, let me fix you breakfast.’

‘Watch it, whelp,’ answered Spike, ‘I can still kick your ass.’

‘Oooh, yes please!’ Xander blew him a kiss and Spike burst out laughing. It was an old game between them.

‘I said kick, not kiss.’

‘Ah, shucks. Hey, are you out tonight?’ asked Xander. ‘Only I’ve got this lovely man coming over and I’d quite like the place to ourselves.’

‘Yeh, no problem, I’ve got a shift at the Sound Machine tonight but now I’ve got to get ready for a casting of the new production of ‘Much Ado About Nothing’. They want me to read the part of Benedict, and I’d love it, the part is so rich…’ He tailed off mainly due to the look on Xander’s face.

‘Great, shit, look at the time, I’m going to be late for work. I’ll see ya later then, bye.’ Anything to escape the lecture on Shakespeare. Xander vanished out of the small two-roomed apartment they shared in California. Spike managed to down some coffee without throwing it back up and when the caffeine had hit, felt so much better. He got ready and headed off to work.

It was late when Spike finally crawled into bed. The audition had gone reasonably well and they had called him back for a second reading, but he was so insecure about himself. He never felt that he was good enough. His F- head of a father had beaten into his son how worthless he was and it always stuck. There was always that edge of little boy lost about him, and it went deep. Spike, William always missed his mom, she’d died when he was fourteen and his Dad had never really stepped up to the duties of a father. Spike could really do with someone to talk to tonight but Xander had already hit the sack, so Spike had got himself a beer and headed for bed.

It was the bright sunshine in his eyes that woke William Atherton up but when he looked around he wasn’t in his dingy basement apartment, but what looked like a doctor’s waiting room.

‘Mr. Atherton?’ Spike looked up to see the same man he’d dreamt about walking towards him. ‘My name is Rupert Giles: do you remember me?’
Spike nodded.

‘I understood that you wanted some help and guidance with your life?’

‘What is this place?’

‘All in good time, I’ll answer as many of your questions as I can.’

Rupert Giles led the way into a small but comfortable library. Spike started looking at the books automatically. There were hundreds, and what looked like first editions: poetry, Shakespeare, plays, Wilde, Plato, almost any author Spike could think of… it was heaven. Then it struck him.

‘Am I dead? Did I die in the night and come up to somewhere?’

‘No, you’re not dead, although I suppose technically I am, and this is a sort of halfway house between your world and the next, a place to take stock of things, a place where the only things that can hurt you are the ones you bring with you. Now you wanted help and I’m here to offer it, but there is a price and I think we should discuss that first.

‘We will help you become all that you could be, help you control the drink and the drugs, give you someone to talk to who really will be on your side, but we need your silence. No discussing weird dreams with everyone. You will know whom to trust with this part of your life but we don’t want you to face ridicule and worse if you tell the wrong person. And there are rules. No suicide to get back here, it doesn’t work that way, and respect others whilst you’re here, and no looking for those in your family who have died. They are around, but the pain of seeing them would only open up old wounds and start the grieving all over again.’

‘Would you be doing the helping?’ Asked Spike.

‘No, I will ‘oversee’, if you like, your care, but I have a wonderful lady who is far more able than I in getting you to where you want to be.
If you agree to our terms I will introduce you, until then feel free to wander around. There are some lovely gardens, and some classes going on, just be aware some here are dead but don’t know it, so please be careful.’

‘What will this cost me?’

‘Not much: just when you are in a position to help others, please do so. Now and for the rest of your life, go out of your way to help when you can. It becomes habit after a while,’ Giles added.

‘Now please feel free to look around. Ask anyone if you need me, most people here know where to find me.’ He led Spike out of the main doors.

‘Man, this is one weird dream,’ Spike said to himself as he wandered around the magnificent gardens. He could hear the sounds of a martial arts class in progress and followed the noise to a wide, open lawn. The dappled shade offered refuge to small groups of what looked like college students sitting, talking, reading, but in the centre was a class of young people practising Karate. The Shensun seemed to be watching them all as he put them through their paces… a woman approached William as he watched. The sunlight shone through her hair and William thought she looked like an angel.

‘It’s useful exercise when the body has been stuck in a hospital bed for months or years. We build up the exercise gradually, allowing them to realise that they are no longer sick, then they ask us if they are dead and we can continue the guidance. I’m Buffy, I work here occasionally.’

‘Spike, William, it seems like I’m visiting.’

‘We get visitors sometimes, it is a lovely peaceful place when the mind is in chaos, allows one to think things through without any outside pressures. Do you fancy a coffee?’

‘They have caffeine in heaven? I’m going to love it here.’

‘I don’t know about heaven, I’ve never been there, but we have coffee, chocolate and beer, you know: the staple food groups.’

Spike burst out laughing and followed the pretty petite blond as she led the way back into the building.

Spike woke up to hear Xander singing quietly to himself in the kitchen, but no hangover, for the first time in what seemed years, no pain, no cringing from the sunlight, no stomach cramps, just hunger and a need for coffee.

‘Morning Xander, how are you this fine morning?’

‘Great, but what have you done with my friend, you know the one that doesn’t wake until about 10 and always has a hangover?’

‘He’s on holiday, so I thought I’d stay here for a while.’

‘OK: in fact great, prefer not being sworn at anyway.’

Xander handed over a cup of coffee and a plate of toast to the blond man standing at the counter. He took a good look at his friend. Spike’s eyes seemed alive for the first time in a long while.

‘Sleep well, did we?’ asked Xander.

Spike nodded. ‘Weird dreams, though, really weird.’

‘How’s day one clean?’ Xander asked.

‘Not as bad as I thought it would be. In fact I feel really really good.’

‘I’m glad, just remember I’m here if you need me.’

Spike nodded at his friend and started in on his coffee.


He thought back to how the mess started life had been hard and a case of fighting not to give in to the darkness around him. Money was tight and Spike worked all the hours he could to make ends meet. Xander had seen him spend more and more time with her, Dru; he neglected his friends, his writing, everything. Nothing mattered but Dru and Spike’s acting. Now she was gone and although it was a relief it left a huge hole in his life. A hole that drugs and drink had filled but now it was barren space.
Now that was over, he had a future to build.

Spike threw himself into his acting. Small parts seemed to come his way, enough to help pay the bills, to see food on the table as well, especially now the pushers weren’t getting hold of his wage packet. Regular gigs singing with his guitar paid for the extras but he wasn’t rich, just not poor anymore.


Spike’s dreams still haunted him. Dru introduced him to all sorts of things. Drugs, sex, wild passionate sex and weirdness. And they came back to him in his dreams, he hoped they were dreams, he hoped to God that he hadn’t done anything like that for real. He dreamed of girls screaming as he held them down, men swearing at him as they were violated. Please let them be nightmares, and not memories.

Although it had been a dream, Spike could remember every word that the strange Englishman, dressed in tweed, had told him. They would help; providing he respected the rules to the place, they would help. Spike wondered what they wanted from him, what the true price would be if he agreed. Selling his soul? Not that he believed people had souls. They didn’t, he was sure, you lived you died, that was it but before he went to sleep that night, Spike said, ‘I’d like to ask more questions if it’s allowed?’ and still sober for a change, he went to sleep.

William awoke with bright sunlight in his eyes again and the sound of birds in his ears. He sat up and looked around the Garden again; there was the cute blonde he’d seen last time. She seemed to be waiting for him.

‘I thought I’d show you the way to Giles’ library, it’s too easy to get lost here.’

‘Do I get to see you every time I come here, pet? ‘Cause if I do I think I might like to stay.’

‘No, no staying. And I’m just a temporary guide as far as I know. In here.’

‘Where exactly are we? I’m told it’s not heaven but it seems like it to me.’

It’s difficult to explain; it’s sort of a halfway house if you like. Not all the way to heaven, but nearer than earth. We can feel here, and eat and drink, but it’s more heavenly than down there.’

‘Right.’ Spike looked at her as though she were mad, but her explanation seemed right, crazy but right.

They had been talking all the way to the library. William hadn’t really noticed where they’d walked, he’d just seen the girl by the side of him. And she was gorgeous, green eyes flashing with laughter, they looked like dew on a spring leaf.

‘Ah, Mr. Atherton, you said you wanted to ask some more questions? Well fire away,’ Giles said.

‘Call me Spike, please. Mr. Atherton makes me sound so old.’

‘Very well then Spike, you said that you wanted to ask some more questions, work out the catch maybe?’

‘Yeh that’s it exactly, what’s the catch?’

‘Nothing: as I told you before, I really advise you not to tell all and sundry about your dreams, there are many who would think you mad, and we ask you to respect those here, no bursting into the hospital and announcing ‘YOU’RE ALL DEAD’ for instance, as it tends to upset the staff, but that’s it. No catch. We have been asked to intervene on your behalf by an eloquent lady who said you were worth the trouble, and we have agreed to offer help. We will assist your recovery, but you have to do the work yourself.’ Giles was kind as he explained.

‘What would it involve? I mean do I go into a coma for a year, or what?’

‘No nothing like that, although there are some here who… sorry, I will ramble sometimes, no nothing like that. Occasionally, when you need, you will come up here in your sleep and talk with friends, real friends who will listen, and buy you a coffee, and help get you off your, as my son puts it, ‘sorry ass’ and get you back on your feet again.’

The words ‘sorry ass’ coming from Giles’ mouth seemed very strange. They were incongruous with the face and demeanour of a middle aged librarian.

‘So long as I’m not selling my soul or expected to break any laws, I think I’ll take up your offer.’

‘Wonderful. I’ll take you to meet Elizabeth, she’s excellent at this sort of thing, but I’m always here if you need me.’

Giles stood up and made his way towards the huge French windows only to be distracted by the sight of a small boy running into his library.

‘Uncle Giles, Uncle Giles!’ He screeched.

‘Ah, Matthew, what can I do for you?’

‘I want to ask you…’ the boy saw Spike and started to gulp, ‘sorry I didn’t mean to interrupt.’

‘The time to answer your question is when you ask it, I’m sure Spike won’t mind me spending a couple of minutes on you. Now Matty, what was it you wanted?’

‘Well I’m dead, I know that, so I was wondering if it was possible for me to ride an elephant.’

‘How do you know you’re dead?’ inquired Giles.

‘I had cancer and couldn’t do anything, now I can run and swim and everything and I don’t feel ill any more, but Mum and Dad aren’t here, but Granny is and she died so I must have as well.’

‘Yes little one, you died, and yes I’m sure we can find an elephant for you to ride, shall we go and see? Do you mind if we take a small detour before I introduce you to your councillor?’

‘No that’s fine, you’re in charge of this dream so you lead the way.’

Giles went out of the library window and into the gardens. He took a path leading through a copse of trees and stopped by a fence that seemed to run for miles.

‘Ellepant, Ellepant,’ he called, his voice echoing over the grassland in front of them. The little boy was jumping up and down in excitement when an enormous elephant came out of the forest and towards them. It was the biggest bull elephant that Spike had ever seen. It must have been 14 foot high at the shoulder, if it wasn’t bigger. It charged towards them and Spike made a grab for the little boy to try and protect him, but Giles just stood there. The elephant slowed as it came up to the fence and gently laid his trunk on Giles’ shoulder. Giles searched his pockets and brought out some mints, which he held out for the great beast. The elephant gently searched the outstretched hand with his trunk and delicately lifted up the mints. Giles handed the rest of the packet over to Matthew, who was watching the whole scene open-mouthed.

‘Is this what you wanted?’ asked Giles. It was all Matty could do to nod.

‘This young man wants a ride, would you oblige?’ Asked Giles of the gentle giant.

Ellepant turned his body sideways to the fence to allow Matty to climb up and, aided by the giant trunk, Matty was soon riding high and screaming with delight. The last Spike saw was Mathew handing over mints to the trunk held over the giant’s head and them racing off into the distance.

Giles turned back and retraced his steps along the forest path.

‘Sorry about that but we’ve been waiting for a breakthrough with Matthew for nearly five years. He’ll be fine now.’

‘Five years? He’s been dead five years?’

‘Oh yes, but he was so ill, it took a while for his mind to be able to get over the shock. Now why don’t I take you for a nice drink and introduce you to the young lady who will be helping you.’

Their wanderings had led them to he door of a pub, the sort of place you would have seen in a British Movie of the 1950’s. Quaint, sweet, British. Old beams and small tables, a dartboard and a billiards table. People were sitting around drinking and chatting. It seemed quiet and civilised, a village pub on any evening of the week. Giles went up to the bar and came back with two pints of something dark and bitter. Real English ale, in a real village pub.

‘A drink: my life is dictated by alcohol and you offer to help me by buying me a drink?’

‘You’re not an alcoholic Mr Atherton, you simply abuse the substance at the moment. If you misused knives, would you refuse surgery because the surgeon has to use a knife on you? No, but here we don’t intend to teach you not to drink, after all one of our greatest teachers was known to love a good party but we want you to look at the reason you use it as a sedative. Now shall we go into the pub?’

‘Well you can’t get closer to heaven that this for me,’ said William.

‘Oh I bet we could, but for now this will have to do,’ Giles added. With a smile.

The men sat and enjoyed the atmosphere for a while, a group of musicians started playing quietly in the corner their laughter rang from the rafters and echoed around the bar. The sun was streaming in through the window, even the bees were buzzing lazily, as though it were time for a siesta.

The door opened again and Spike looked up to see who was entering this tranquil idyll. The sun was so bright it made it hard to see the face, but it was obviously a woman from the outline. She spotted Giles and waved, went to the bar and got herself a glass of something then headed over to join them. Giles stood up and pulled out a chair for the approaching woman.

‘Elizabeth, my dear, you look radiant.’

‘Rupert Giles, you always say the sweetest things.’ She turned to look at Spike and her face lit up with an inner beauty all its own.

‘Effulgent.’

‘Pardon?’

‘Sorry, hi again, Buffy, I never did get a chance to thank you for coffee the other day.’

‘You’re welcome, I enjoyed it as well. I didn’t realise you were to be my next project or I would have used my full name. Buffy’s what all my friends call me, but Giles has always used my Sunday name, Elizabeth. Now how about a game of pool? And we can talk as we play.’

Spike nodded and carrying both drinks, went over to the pool table and started to rack up.

Life started to feel different, very different. Spike started to look for opportunities instead of waiting for them to come to him.

Nights were filled with talks with a beautify blond. That helped.

He’d been offered a three month contract in Chicago, ‘doing Shakespeare for College kids, and helping to bring it into projects in the wrong side of town.’ It was brilliant experience. He had been torn on whether or not to go. He didn’t want to leave when there was a chance his dark princess might come back.

That night led to another dream. Buffy was there, sitting on a bench looking out over the lake when he joined her. She had an easel set up and was painting the boat on the lake.

‘It’s beautiful here, isn’t it?’ she asked him.

‘Yes, it is.’

They just sat and watched the water for a while, Buffy adding a stroke of paint now and then to the image appearing on her canvas.

‘I’ve been offered a job.’ Spike eventually said.

‘Brilliant; what sort of job is it?’ Buffy sounded delighted at the news.

‘Three months in Chicago performing Shakespeare to colleges and kids projects. We have to do all sorts: play Lear one day, Benedict the next.’

‘I’d love to see you as Benedict, Much Ado was always one of my favourite plays. That or Petruchio in The Taming Of The Shrew. I wanted to bitch slap Bianca, she always came across as spoilt to me. Couldn’t see why her father had her as the favourite, Kate had more fire.’

Spike laughed, this girl was perfect. She got Shakespeare!!

‘I’d have to leave the apartment, and Xander of course. That’s the problem. The job is fantastic but I’d have to leave any chance of getting back with Dru.’

‘90 days isn’t long. Do you think there’s a chance she’d come back in that time?’

‘I really don’t know.’

‘Would Xander understand? He loves you as well.’

‘Yes: he’d get it, but what do you think?’

‘It’s a fantastic opportunity, you never know where things like that lead. Do you want to go?’

‘Yes.’

‘Then what’s the problem?’

‘I don’t know: it’s new? It’s scary?’

‘So let’s get this straight, you’re willing to give up a great opportunity with a job you’d love, for a woman who doesn’t really love you and isn’t in your life at the moment anyway because it might be scary?’

‘God I’m an idiot!’

‘No, just a man,’ she laughed.

‘Thanks for that, pet.’

‘It’s what I’m here for.’

Spike lay back in the grass and watched the clouds go by.

‘Do you think you’ll ever fall in love, luv?’ he asked.

‘I really don’t know. I’d like to, I dream the dream you know: 2.4 kids, dog, white picket fence, husband who loves me and comes home from work every day, but I don’t think it’s for me. I’m too screwed up. Pike and I have split up, what we had was good but he needed more.’

‘I’m sorry, what happened, can I ask?’

‘He wanted to go to the next stage and I didn’t, so he told every one at school I was frigid. So I have a new nickname…the ice queen. Makes me want to burn the place down. So rather than get into trouble I come up here and paint.’

Spike felt sorry for this beautiful woman, man if she was his he’d wait a lifetime to hold her. How could that stupid boy hurt her like that?
What was he thinking: he had no right to Buffy, no right to defend her. She wasn’t his: Dru was his dream, not Buffy, she had her own life. Man, he didn’t even know where she lived or even if she lived.

He lay back and watched the world go by, loving being close to Buffy as she painted, and was at peace.

His decision was made. He’d take the job.

First thing the next morning Spike phoned to accept the job and packed his bags for three months in Chicago.

Dru tried phoning the apartment everyday when she found out that Spike had gone out of town, but Xander didn’t answer her calls. He knew that Spike had given Dru his cell number and the number of the rehearsal rooms they were using, but Dru kept pushing Xander for information. It gave him the creeps.

Something was up. He knew it. All his spider-senses were tingling. So Xander was shocked but not surprised at what happened next.

He, Xander, had been in bed when the police had broken into the apartment looking for Spike. Xander had found himself handcuffed and answering questions all night about Dru, Spike and their relationship.
‘Where were you between 10pm and 4am this morning?’ The rather large detective was asking him.

It was midnight now. Xander had to think, ten pm night before last…

‘I was cater/waitering at a convention.’

‘Can you prove it?’

‘Well yes, there must have been a hundred people who saw me, we finished about 2am then I came home.’

‘Alone?’

‘Well, yes, but I got a taxi here. I got in about quarter to three, and spent an hour on the computer.’ Xander pointed to the machine in the corner. ‘I had a bit more of a project to do.’

The police officer went to the machine.

‘We’ll need to get an expert onto this to confirm your usage.’

‘Fine, whatever. I use it for my college course.’

‘Where is William Rayne AKA Spike AKA William Atherton?’

‘Chicago, doing a play, he’s been there a month and due to stay for another two.’

‘Can you give us his address?’

‘Well, yeh. It’s in my address book.’

Xander nodded towards the black book sitting by the phone. He knew that Spike had had nothing to do with whatever had happened. He couldn’t have. After all, they had said something about the night before.

‘Can I ask what’s going on?’ Xander said.

‘We’ll ask the questions.’

‘Fine, only wanted to help.’

The police were searching the apartment. They had been through his room, and had started on Spike’s. Xander was grateful Spike had cleaned out all his stash before he’d left. There was nothing there. Just bookshelves full of poetry and classics and a wardrobe with a few shirts and trousers. Nothing illegal, certainly.

One of the searchers came back with a photo album opened at a page with pictures of Dru, Darla and Angel. They had been taken on a day out at the beach. The tattoo on Angel’s back was clearly visible.

‘Who’s this?’

‘Darla, Dru and a guy called Liam ‘Angel’ O’Connor, ex-friends of Wills.’

‘You said that like you don’t like ‘em?’

‘I don’t. I don’t trust them, they used Will, Spike, to get into places, used his contacts, treated him really badly. They took off way back, then he got the job in Chicago. And I haven’t seen them round for 3 months or so. But Dru keeps ringing, we’ve got caller ID and she just rings and rings. I don’t answer.’


The Detective seemed to relax a little. ‘If I tell you a few details you can fill in anything you know. Deal?’

‘Deal,’ agreed Xander.

‘Dru and Co. have finally bitten off more than they could chew. Done what they shouldn’t.’

And Xander had been grateful whatever they had done had landed them in deep with the police. Perhaps Xander could get their claws out of Spike.

‘If I can help take them down, I’d be glad to.’

‘Seems Dru and Darla had tempted some poor Frat boy back to their place. They had a male friend who was waiting for them. This Angel O’Connor. Between the three of them they had raped the poor boy time and time again, bit him, cut him. He’s in hospital now. He might or might not make it, it is touch and go. They ripped out his throat. We want to talk to them urgently.’

‘I bet you do.’ Xander’s voice trailed off. Bit out his throat. ‘There was a ‘Vampire’ club down town. Aurlius, or something. They went there quite often. It’s mostly want-to-be’s but there are some nasty elements around as well.’

‘Thanks, we’ll get right on it. Hopefully they won’t have skipped town.’

‘They also went to the Hyperion hotel a few times.’ Xander added.

Xander was really relieved that Spike had been working on a play in Chicago for a month, so his alibi was air-tight. He helped the police as much as he could, dreading the next day when he would have to tell Spike what had happened. If Spike believed him, that is.

The police seemed content with all the information. They put out a search on Dru, Darla and Angel, full descriptions and wanted for attempted murder, rape, drugs. The list seemed to go on forever. Xander wondered what the hell his friend had gotten himself into.

Xander looked at his friend as Spike slunk into the bathroom in the morning. He looked like crap, Xander had heard him come in from work about 3am and it was only 9 now so poor Spike hadn’t had much sleep, but his eyes were alive. Brilliant and shining with an inner light. Something that Xander hadn’t seen for far too many months. He poured Spike a cup of coffee and pushed it towards the man as he approached the breakfast bar.

Three months in Chicago had helped, but when Dru and Angel had been caught they’d fought back. And had been shot. Darla had been arrested and taken into custody, where she was found to be pregnant. Spike had fallen to pieces…what if the child was his? He couldn’t get himself together at all. His dreams helped then. Spike would go to sleep crying out, then settle as though someone were calming him. Xander watched as the nights got easier and easier.

A paternity test had proven it to be Angel’s and with Darla looking at life in jail the authorities had arranged to take the child from her and place it for adoption at birth. The letter in Spike’s hand confirmed everything. The nightmare was over. He put it down, relieved and looked up at Xander. His eyes no longer quite as haunted by the things he hand seen and done

‘More dreams?’

‘Yep, and I think they helped.’

‘Thought about keeping a diary? You know, writing down what they’re telling you and everything. Might be useful.’

‘Good idea, I might just do that. Now I’ve got to head out, extra shift at The Sound Machine: we’ve stock coming in this morning.’

Spike headed out of the door. He had a lot to think about. All the girl in his dreams had done was play pool. He thought about what Xander had said. Keeping a diary seemed a really great idea. One he would go with.

Xander pushed him to it. When Spike got up the next morning he found a ring binder on the breakfast bar with a note from Xander. ‘Thought this might help.’

Spike thanked who ever was listening for such a good friend as he started to write:


‘I have never kept a diary before so this is going to be fun. I keep having these weird dreams and Xander said I should write ‘em down, so here goes.

My life is a mess. I really got in with the wrong crowd but thankfully was away when they decided to go completely off the rails, seemed they had gotten hold of this old house and done one of the rooms up like some medieval torture chamber. They had then lured some poor College boy back there with promises of drink and sex. Dru had blown him in the car on the way back and then they spiked his drink. When he woke up he was tied to a table face down and Angel started on him. They raped that poor lad about twenty times over the next few days. He needed surgery to fix the damage. He was made to wear a cock ring and please the girls for hours. They beat him and burnt him all over. Hot irons on his legs, lash on his back. It was sick.

And it had all been meant for me, but I was away, I had gotten this job in Chicago. They had set all this up for me, they’d been programming me to accept what ever they did to me. It was sick, totally sick.

But the good stuff is I keep dreaming of this amazing garden. It looks like something you’d see in an English Movie.

And there’s this girl, I think we’re becoming friends, never thought about having a female friend before, not unless they were butt ugly or old, but she’s neither. She’s beautiful, inside and out.

I beat her at pool last night. She drinks white wine spritzer and says some crazy things. When I was surprised at there being coffee, she said what was it, oh yeh, they had ‘beer, coffee and chocolate, all the staple food groups’.

She and I just sat around and talked about our lives, seems she’s at college, couple of years younger than me, was dating some jock or other and living in the dorms with her best friend.

What can I say about her, she has the most amazing green eyes, they look straight at your soul, bypassing the outside body and looking at what is most important. When she laughs, the room lights up and she shares the laughter with everyone. She’s generous with her time you know, she makes you feel like you’re the only person in the world who matters.

So I gave my side, living in LA with my best mate Xander, working at a bar cum club place and trying to get a jobs in acting. I’ve had a couple of small parts but not hit the big time yet. I also crawl inside a bottle and try to forget about my childhood. Hers was nothing special either, her mum died just before she left for college and her dad loses himself in a bottle for months on end. She has nothing to do with him any more.

Well I guess I’ll add more when I remember it.’


There was a knock at the door and Spike was annoyed. Xander was out and Spike had hoped that he could get a lot of the writing done, but it wasn’t to be. Real life intervened in the shape of Warren, Xander’s boyfriend.

‘I’ve come to see Xander,’ he whined, ‘I’ve got the new Star Wars book: is he in?’

‘No he’s gone to college, there’s a lecture this morning. But you should know that, Warren, he said you’d be there’

‘Must have forgot; you on your own here?’

‘Yes, what do you want?’ Spike tried to control his dislike of the little toad.

Warren took another step forward. ‘Now we’re alone, surely its more a case of what would you like?’ he said, running his hands over William’s chest.

‘None of that, I’m straight and you’re going out with my best friend. I don’t cheat on any one and neither should you.’

‘What Xander doesn’t know about won’t hurt him…’ Warren took another step forward and tried to kiss Spike, but Spike pushed him away and quickly shut the door. Poor Xander, was all Spike could think, he was going to be so upset when he found out.

Spike didn’t have to wait long. Going back into the sitting room Spike saw Xander’s files on the table. His project that he had been working on all month, sitting there when it should have been handed in. He immediately phoned Xander’s cell and told him. All the time Warren was hammering on the door to be let in.

‘What’s the noise?’

‘Unexpected guests, now what do you want me to do about this file mate, you need it today don’t you?’

‘Yes, in about an hour. I’ll come back.’

‘No need, I’ll drop it off for you.’ Spike kept talking as he picked up his jacket and keys, along with Xander’s precious work and headed to the door. He could still hear Warren pounding on the door from the other side.

‘Who is that?’

‘Trust me, you don’t want to know.’

‘Tell me what’s happening Spike or so help me I’ll…’

‘You’ll what, whelp?’

‘I’ll kiss you in front of all your mates at work!’

‘Promises, promises! It’s Warren, seems he doesn’t believe I’m straight and wanted me to practise for a threesome with you.’ Spike waited for the hurt look in Xander’s voice but it never came.

‘Knew he wasn’t the one for me. Little Bastard, not you, him, as soon as my back is turned he’s off chasing my best mate!’ Xander ranted

‘You’re not angry with me?’

‘No, it’s fine, why would I be, you never hit on a guy. I was looking for an excuse to finish with him anyway; looks like I’ve got it, he threatened to tell the lads at work last week.’

‘Is that why you were so quiet?’

‘Yes. I wasn’t worried about him telling, most of ‘em know anyway, it was the fact that he used it, made me feel I don’t know, grubby sort of, I mean since high school I’ve not hid it, but he made me feel it was something to be ashamed of, like my dad did.’

‘None of them are worth that. Xander, if I was gay I would have you, but I’m not, very much not.’ he added with a grin.

Xander laughed. Spike’s way with women was well known: all he had to do was cast those blue eyes on some female and her panties dropped.
Spike continued, ‘you have nothing to be ashamed of and if the little snot doesn’t know that it’s his loss not yours. I’ll be here forever, or until I win the lottery anyway.’

‘When you win the lottery, I’ll take up with women.’

‘Deal,’ Spike agreed and headed for the door. Warren was still beating a tattoo on the other side and Spike was worried about complaints from the neighbours. Spike made sure the phone was still connected. He wanted Xander to have proof of the treachery.

‘Go away Warren, Xander’s not here and I’m not interested.’

‘I wonder how much Xander’s going to still like you when I tell him you made the pass at me,’ threatened the weed.

‘Bastard,’ Spike heard from the other end of the phone.

Spike just burst out laughing.

‘Never happen mate,’ answered Spike as he swept out of the apartment, locking the door behind him and away to drop off the folder to Xander. ‘Never happen,’ as he heard the phone disconnect. It would be beers and pool tonight for Xander, least he could do.

‘What was your first memory of childhood?’ Buffy asked. It was time to get on with the counselling; much as she’d enjoyed just chatting, she was here to work.

‘My red trike, I can remember playing on it when I was about 3 years old, just going round and round the pond in our garden.’

‘How did it make you feel?’ Buffy asked again.

‘Happy. I always remember the sun on my face and my mom laughing with me - not at me, but with me.’

‘What about your dad?’

‘He was different then. He laughed and joked, played around, that was before he started drinking: he drank a lot later. After she died. I supposed it deadened the pain.’

‘What was she like, your mom?’ She kept probing.

‘Beautiful, elegant, she always looked smart, and in every photo I have she’s laughing. She was always laughing. I remember that very well. Even when she was so sick she was cheerful.’

‘What happened to her?’

‘Cancer, the evil ‘C’, never smoked a day in her life, and got cancer. She fought hard every day, she would listen to me, talk about what I did in school, listen to me read, she loved to listen to me read. I suppose that’s where my love of Shakespeare came from. She loved the classics and I think I read the complete works to her three or four times before the end. She died when I was 14 and dad went off the rails. He ignored me for days. I ate what was in the house or the garbage. School was my refuge for a while ‘til it got hard and I acted because I could hide from being me. Like the drink I suppose, and the drugs, I could hide from being me.

Spike thought for a moment ‘How come I say it here, I mean I’ve had counselling before and I clam up, don’t say anything. Just give ‘em all a hard time’

‘Simple, I cheat. I’ve used a little bit of suggestion to get you to relax and talk, not a lot so you’re out of control, but enough so you feel like talking.’

‘Doesn’t telling me about it sort of negate the effect, pet?’

‘No, just means I don’t lie.’ Laughed Buffy.

‘OK then, if you say so.’

‘I’m not going to hurt you William, that’s not my job. Anyway, enough for today: you fancy a swim?’

‘Don’t have a costume, pet.’

‘Neither do I but the water’s not that clear, come on,’ and Buffy raced away laughing. She had made a breakthrough, but William had to work that out for himself. And they needed some fun. She ran all the way to the lake and hid behind a bush stripping down to bra and panties and quickly dived into the water. Spike arrived in time to see her resurface. Her hair was all over her face and she looked like a water nymph, golden and beautiful. He stripped off his tee shirt and jeans, and with just his boxers followed her in. Buffy thought she’d never seen anyone so beautiful in her life and watched as the water dripped down his alabaster torso. The rest of the evening was spent laughing and playing in the water. Just like a couple of kids, Spike thought. It became even more chaotic when that blasted elephant turned up, filled his trunk with water and showered the pair of them. Then Buffy climbed up onto his back and slid down the trunk.

Spike watched in amazement as the woman continued to use the elephant as an organic water toy. Up and down three or four times before he simply had to have a go as well. He cautiously swam over to the pair and found himself with a trunk wrapped securely around his waist as he started to climb up the offered leg, up onto the elephant’s head and down. It was the most amazing experience of his life. It was getting dark when they swam back to the shore to find their clothes. It was chilly and Buffy was shivering.

‘Come back to my place for cocoa, I’ve got marshmallows?’ Asked Buffy.

‘Your place?’

‘Mhm, I have a house here.’

‘Love to, pet.’

Spike followed her along a path to a small cottage where she opened the door and went in. Spike wasn’t sure what he was expecting, but this wasn’t it. It was modern, very modern inside. Plain white walls with terracotta velvet curtains at the windows. A music system, TV, books everywhere, and art stuff out in one corner.

‘These paintings are good,’ he noted as Buffy handed him his cocoa, complete with little marshmallows.

‘I do them as a stress reliever. You should take up something: you write poetry, don’t you?’

‘Badly…’

‘That doesn’t matter, practise makes perfect, especially here.’
Anyway, what about your childhood, then?’

‘Normal I suppose, ‘til my mum died: I must have been about ten when she got ill. I was a bit of an outsider, liked English and poetry, acting, all that in everything I wore, everything I said, the way I said it, It showed I didn’t belong. Dad hated me, I wasn’t good enough or man enough for him. Used his belt on me. I remember the beatings they went on for hours sometimes. He used to lock me a cupboard and open the door just to hit me. I actually became afraid of the light. Because the light meant he was coming back. He was a sick, abusive bastard. Aren’t you going to tell me I should love him and such, just because he’s my dad?’


‘No I’m not, I will never tell you what to do like that: life is choices. One day you will be strong enough to face him, then he’ll have to apologise to you, won’t he.’

Spike snorted: the thought of Ethan Rayne apologising to anyone was really funny. He thought about the man for the first time in years.
‘You know, I think he got off on hitting me, he really was sick in the head, that or evil.’

‘Where is he now?’

‘Prison, tried hitting someone else, they nearly died and he got 15 years.’

‘How does that make you feel?’

‘Safe, really safe, and guilty . Know he can’t get me, especially as he tried bullying the wrong person inside and now will never walk again.’

‘That must be hard for you to accept.’

‘In what way?’

‘That the nightmare is over in life, but not in your head. Until you let go you live it every day, but he’s not here to take the blame. Tough.’

‘Yeh, well, I feel guilty for not feeling guilty, you know? It’s hard, he’s my dad, but he’s horrid. You’re supposed to love your dad but I can’t love mine.’

‘I do understand but think of it this way, would you feel guilty if it hadn’t been your father that attacked you but a stranger and he’d ended up paying for his crime? I bet the real answer is no. He made his choices William, he follows his path, you must do the same.’

William looked into her eyes and felt the chains around his heart start snapping. He felt he could breathe freely for the first time in years.

‘Then what happened?’ asked Buffy.

‘Things went bad again for me when I met Cordelia. She went to my junior high. Met her in my senior year and was love struck, she was gorgeous. I’d follow her around quoting poetry at her, when I finally asked her out, I was such a ponce, and only 16, she told me I was beneath her and told everyone about it. So the jocks beat me up. Wasn’t safe at home, wasn’t safe at school. Spent the next couple of months hiding from everyone, then found a local gym that taught self defence, and I loved it, I was good at something. Got better and better, black-belts and everything.

By the time I left high school I was very good, but I was a bit of a troublemaker. Funny really, without her I wouldn’t have left home for New York and gone to Juliards. With her I damn near killed myself.
Without her I would have been stuck in a small town doing nothing, working at a garage fixing cars. With her I’m a working actor with stage success.

‘Met Dru, she was into the drugs and blood play, thought she was a vampire…’

‘So all in all meeting Cordelia was a good thing?’

‘Yes I suppose it was; I always blamed her for how things turned out but I guess without her I wouldn’t be me.’

‘Why the drink and drugs then, don’t you like the way the world looks when you’re clean and sober?’

‘It helped me cope. My Dad was an upstanding citizen. Ethan Rayne, he didn’t like his wimpy son, he did however like his belt, used it frequently. I still carry scars on my back and legs. He used to hit me with it what ever I did. If I failed to tidy my room, was out, came in at the wrong time, what ever I got hit. I was a real wimp’

‘I don’t think you’re wimpy, wimps don’t save strangers from a beating at school.’

‘You know about that?’

Buffy nodded.

‘I suppose Giles told you?’

‘No, I watched on the Akashic record, it’s like a video of your life and when Giles asked me help you, I went and looked up the incidents that were highlighted. I know a lot about you, Mr. Atherton,’ she said with a laugh.

‘Don’t know if I like that: my whole life laid out for someone to go and read whenever they want.’ Spike was worried, there were things in there he would prefer no-one saw, let alone Buffy.

‘It’s not like that, you have to have a special reason for going, I only went in for half an hour and asked to see the highlights about you. I needed to know those so I could remind you. It’s not like down there: there you’re protected a bit from any hurt you give, those bodies don’t always feel everything. Here there is no protection. If you hurt someone it really hurts, if you make them happy you can feel that happiness roll off of them, and I didn’t want to hurt you. Anything you want to share I’m here, but I didn’t want to go blundering in with foot in mouth disease if there was anything that would really hurt.’

‘That was kind of you, pet.’

‘Yep, well, I’m good like that,’ Buffy added with a smile. ‘Anyway, enough of the serious for tonight: fancy a drink?’

Spike started laughing, he was supposed to be getting help off the drinks and drugs, but they still seemed to end up in the pub.

Buffy gave him that look, the one that said she’d been reading his mind again. ‘You might end up in a pub but you only have one or two at most, you enjoy the drink, not abuse it. You don’t want to give it up forever do you?’

‘No way. I don’t think I could do that.’

‘Good, I enjoy a drink here, don’t drink down there, Buffy and alcohol are very unmixy, I go all blah and cave Buffy, you know: fire bad, tree good becomes a major sentence.’

Their laughter carried them all the way to the Bar and on into the night.

When he woke up Spike Atherton recorded everything he possibly could remember about his dream in his diary. He re-read it time after time.

‘You’re one hell of a woman Buffy, just wish I could meet you down here as well.’

‘How about a game of truth, we’ve been seeing each other for months and I don’t know anything about you.’ William suggested as they sat watching the fire. William’s arms were around Buffy’s shoulders and her head rested on his.

‘OK but no forfeits. I am not wandering around up here drunk, it’ll give the place a bad name.’ Buffy joked.

‘We’ll start with an easy one. Favourite colour?’ Asked William.

‘Blue, the colour of the sea and sky, or a rich deep burgundy, depending on how I feel. You?’ Buffy blushed, blue was also the colour of his eyes, eyes you could get lost in.

‘Green, the colour of mother earth, and black of course.’ Spike grinned. Yeh, green like your eyes, he thought to himself.

‘Black is not a colour,’ argued Buffy. ‘Dogs or cats?’

‘Cats, dogs seem to always be after your attention, cats always seem in charge somehow, you dogs or cats?’

‘Both, but what I really like are horses, the freedom to ride anywhere, with that much power. Horses are so big and yet so gentle.’

‘Favourite lesson in school?’ She added.

‘English and drama, liked music too, you?’

‘I liked English and gym, I was good at gym, even did cheerleading for a while.’

‘I would have paid good money to see you in one of those little outfits,’ Spike smirked.

Buffy ignored his comment good-naturedly. ‘Music,’ she continued. ‘What are your favourites and why?’

‘That’s hard, ‘cause I like all sorts, anything from Holtz to Ramones and everything in between. Mozart was a rebel in his day, I love Blues and early jazz as well,’ William answered honestly. ‘You?’

‘Eclectic as well, everything from classical, Peer Gynt, to middle of the road, I love Hendrix, well I get to see him play up here regularly.’

‘You do! I’d love to see him. I really liked the way he made his guitar sing, cry almost.’

‘We’ll arrange it if we can, when’s your birthday?’ Buffy asked with a grin.

‘August 20th. Harder ones now,’ William said, ‘who was the first boy you really kissed?’

‘Oh you!!!’ Buffy punched him on the arm. Spike pretended that she’d really hurt him and toppled over backwards, holding his arm in pretence of agony.

‘Spike, behave.’

‘Still have to answer, pet.’

‘Parker Abrahams kissed me in ninth grade, he did it for a bet, your turn.’

‘I’ve never kissed a boy.’ He answered with a grin, ‘but the first girl was Melissa Sanderson, when I was 13. How about Captain Forehead?’

‘He’s never got past second base, I can’t.’ Buffy gave herself a shake and looked pensive, her eyes troubled and clouded.

‘How old were you when you lost your virginity, cause I was fourteen and it was a threesome?’ William tried to think of something outrageous that would annoy Elizabeth even and put the fire back in her eyes. He loved it when they flashed at him. Instead she looked broken and whispered, ‘eight.’

William looked horrified. ‘You mean 18, love?’

‘I wish I did. I was 8, mom had a boyfriend who I hated, nothing I did was right, I wasn’t clever enough or pretty enough, anything went wrong he made it seem like it was always my fault. Well, mom was working at the gallery she owned and he was keeping an eye on me for her, when I was in the back yard swimming.’ Her voice broke and she started crying. Spike put his arms around her and hugged her in close. It was all he could think of to do.

‘You don’t have to say any more luv, no-one here is going to make you do a thing.’

‘I want to tell you. The more often I tell it the more I seem to heal.’ Buffy explained.

Spike lit up a cigarette. Buffy frowned at him. ‘I hope you don’t smoke down there. Those things give you cancer.’

‘Yes I do and stop nagging woman, and get on with your bleeding story.’

Buffy smiled despite of herself. Her Spike always seemed to know what to say. Where had that come from? Her Spike?

‘Well,’ she continued, ‘I didn’t know he was even there, thought Mrs Richards next door was watching me, and he raped me. Mom came home to find me crying, and Ted told her I wouldn’t do as I was told. She just shouted at me, told me I was wicked for disobeying Ted, wouldn’t listen to a word I said, wouldn’t let it go, I had to do what Ted told me. Mom told me that ever day, good girls did as they were told. He kept doing it. Raped me, made me suck him off, buggered me, everything you can think of. I got into more and more trouble at school, become sullen and disruptive. Mom got angrier and angrier at her ‘uncontrollable child’. All the normal symptoms of an abused child. No one took any notice.’

She snuggled into the safety of her friend’s arms. Nothing could get her in her home in the Garden, and nothing could get her when she was with Spike. She knew that in her soul.

‘I escaped by coming up here, thought it was all a dream at first. My safe place. I’d shut my eyes and be by the lake with Ellepant, I’d swim and climb trees or just lay on the grass and watch the clouds. All the things a child is supposed to do. Then I met Giles. I was terrified. I thought that all men were the same. I ran screaming from him; poor Giles, he wondered what he’d done wrong. Ellepant came and got me. Put me up high on his back and let me see that I was safe, let me know I was safe. For months Giles would just be there as we rode past. He wouldn’t even acknowledge me, just gave that elephant mints, he’d do anything for a peppermint. Then Ellepant slowly taught me that there were men you could trust here, couldn’t trust any down there.

‘Giles would then sit on a bench and start to read aloud from the book he had with him, Arabian Nights, he did a Scheherazade on me, kept leaving it at the good bit so I’d have to come back. Eventually I actually spoke to him, must have been after a year or so. Then he’d buy me ice cream. I’d do almost anything for ice cream, didn’t get much in the way of treats at home. Every night I’d come here, whether I was being used or not. Ted didn’t like to fuck me too often… loosened the goods, he said. But he’d make me do things to him nearly every night. Giles kept my mind safe. Nothing could protect my body.

‘My father was a violent drunk, my stepdad a paedophile. Giles kept giving me sanctuary. Every time it happened I hid up here. I spent a lot of time in The Garden during those years. What happened only happened to my body, not my soul. When I was about 13 I started getting my periods, I was terrified I’d get pregnant. I still didn’t say anything.’ The tears were beginning to build up in her eyes again. Spike wiped them away with his thumb. ‘It’s OK. I’ve got you. You’re safe,’ he whispered. ‘Was there no-one you could talk to?’

‘Not my Mom, not anyone, we had no family, and I thought it was normal. I really believed that’s what people did to kids, I couldn’t understand how others dealt with it, I thought it I was weak and stupid because I didn’t like it.’

Buffy was crying, the tears choking her, her head buried in his shoulder
‘Sorry, it’s getting heavy going; maybe you should go, you’ve been cried on enough.’

‘Not going anywhere while you need me pet, I’ll always be here for you.’
Spike felt nauseated, but he couldn’t let Buffy see his reaction. The thought that anyone could go through what she had and come out near sane was amazing. She was an amazing woman.

‘How did it stop?’

‘We’d been doing sex education at school, just the basics, and I realised what the games I’d been made to play really were. The teacher said that we should never be forced to do anything we didn’t like, that it was wrong; so I went and talked to her, Miss Calender, she was brilliant, she got social services in real quick, they called in my mom, I had to see a doctor, that was pretty awful, felt like it was happening all over again.’

Buffy reached for her drink and took a sip. ‘The nice thing about chocolate here is no calories. Eat as much as you want and not put on an ounce.’ She tried to break the despair that had settled over them both, a sad smile on her face.

Spike smiled back and gave her a little space to breathe. He fought the urge to wrap her in his arms for good, keep her safe forever.

‘Well you’re not completely fucked up so you must have got some help.’

‘I did eventually. I saw a counsellor for years, felt like damaged goods, Mom didn’t want to believe it, said I was making it all up, and ‘had I tried not being abused?’ All this going on around us and she asked if I tried not being abused!! I mean of all the stupid questions. And I was so angry. I don’t think I ever forgave her that comment. Not in my heart. It hurt too damn much.’

Buffy looked at the stars through the window. They shone brightly as though lighting the way for her soul. She didn’t want to talk but something was making her spill all those dark secrets. Giles, it had to be, a bit of the Guides’ mojo, helping her in his way again. She turned back to Spike and continued.

‘Went into foster care for a while, and when I wasn’t around Ted broke up with Mom, no little girl to get his jollies from. Mom blamed me of course; Dad just didn’t want to know me, kept calling me a whore and said I must have asked for it, so I was left to rot. I kept coming up here, and tried to explain that to the counsellor they sent me to about my special place. They said it was in my head and wanted me to go into a psychiatric hospital, so of course my mom agrees. She said the abuse was in my head and I needed to get over it, it was all my imagination. I just didn’t like Ted. I went there and it was dreadful. They shot me full of drugs ‘til I didn’t know which was day or night. So up I came again and Giles found someone for me to talk to, a counsellor who really listened, she was brilliant, well she would be working up here wouldn’t she? Her name is Tara McClay, she is so kind and gentle, she really helped me sort out my mind. That’s when I decided that’s what I wanted to be, a counsellor, and help others in my position, kids and adults going through the same crap as I had. You see Tara believed me from the start. She knew what had happened.

‘They decided at the hospital that I really needed to get out and away from Mom, ‘issues,’ they said, ‘teenage rebellion’, so found me yet another foster family, but this time someone finally listened and instead of believing mom, they checked with the police, there it all was in black and white, reports, medical examinations, everything. Then Giles must have pulled some real magic because who should walk in as my new foster mom but Tara; she’d traced me and offered to take over my care. Which she did. First thing she told me was that she believed my dreams and then set about proving that she knew Giles. With her help I got myself sorted, sort of; still hurts though.’

‘What happened with your Mom and Ted?’ William could hardly speak, he felt angry at what had happened, repulsed that anyone could hurt a child, and sickened at what poor Buffy had had to live through. His stomach was turning over and over, his fists were balling themselves up, he really wanted to hit someone. Buffy looked at him and smiled, gently laying her hands over his clenched fists.

‘Mom went to counselling, blaming me of course, then Ted got arrested. Tried the same thing on another family, only this time the mom listened to what the children were saying and set up a camera in the girl’s room. It was caught on tape, him going in there and touching her, and that mother damn near killed him. He’s in jail, there were over twenty of us he’d abused over the years. Mom finally had to believe me; she had to, seems he had video of me, me begging him to go away, not to hurt me any more. And him answering that ‘good girls did as they were told’; mommy had told me that. Everything. The police officer showed her it, made her sit through the videos. He’d even made one of me trying to tell my mom and her telling me off. She had a breakdown blaming herself for not believing me, not protecting me, but she wouldn’t talk about it, always seemed angry with me, as though it was all my fault. Mom went to counselling as well, but before we could really work through everything she died. There are times when things are good, but deep down I can’t really forgive her, my mom, and I’ll never forget it, so you see I really do understand that awful mix of guilt and anger you carry with you.’

Spike couldn’t believe the things she had told him; no that was wrong, he believed her, just couldn’t picture anyone surviving what she went through. She was a hell of a woman. Strong caring, gentle, amazing.
If Spike had been on earth at that point he would have been throwing up his dinner. He felt sick to his stomach. This beautiful woman who did so much good was so damaged. If he could help he would. He swore it there and then.

He heard her voice continuing; lost in his own thoughts he’d missed the first part of what she had said.

‘…so I can’t get beyond second base, every time it comes even close I freeze then throw up. Some abused kids start giving it away, you know, if I say yes then it’s not rape, they equate sex with friendship, love, everything; others just clam up, none of us are normal.’

Buffy had a sad smile on her face. She thought his silence was disgust at her, she was used to that reaction. The world blames the woman, always has, always will, never be any different even when the woman was a girl of eight when it started.

‘Sorry, but you asked and I can’t lie here, or hide; anyway we’re supposed to be talking about you, unless you want to go. I’ll understand if you don’t want to talk to me again; it’s a bit much to take in I suppose.’

Spike shook his head. ‘Not getting rid of me pet, not in a million years. I just didn’t know what to say, or who to hire for a hit on the bastard.’

Buffy smiled through her tears.

‘You know I could wring his neck or feed him to a dog. Or even better, how about a railroad spike through the skull?’

‘Ooh Spike, that’s nasty!’

‘So’s what he did to you pet, so’s what he did to you.’ He wrapped Buffy in his arms. Buffy relaxed and snuggled deeper into his arms. There they sat just watching the sparks from the fire climb into the night sky.

Spike couldn’t wait to fall asleep that night. He was buzzing. After two months he had been called back for a third, yes third, interview for a part in a new TV series: NEMO (Nomadic Environment for Marine Observation). It was to be about a submarine, set in the late twenty-first century, that travelled the globe sorting out environmental problems, helping undersea communities and being all around good guys. He was being asked to read the part of the captain, Lars Carlsson, a Norwegian with Degrees coming out of his ass and a very high IQ. A latter day hero type, who seemed to get the girl and save the day. His co-star was to be a dolphin that was supposed to be able to communicate with humans due to some implant or other. But they wanted him to do a couple of screen tests. One in a speedo in the pool for a couple of hours, and one on dry land - and could he scuba dive? Or was he willing to learn? William Atherton was amazed at how his luck was running. Angel and Dru dead and now buried, Darla was going away for years and now he was going to have a real chance at his own series. Life didn’t get any better. If only the groupies would leave him alone. Only today security had removed a couple of scantily clad females from his trailer before he’d even arrived for work.

He charged into Buffy’s place without even knocking. Little thinking anything of it. Giles was sitting on the sofa talking quietly with her when he burst in, lifting Buffy from the sofa and swinging her round and round.

‘Well I know something wonderful has happened, now to find out what,’ she said with a grin.

‘I got the part, I got the part! We start filming in about a month. It’s a huge, huge cast, lots of money and staring yours truly!’

‘Well I’m delighted for you, congratulations.’ Giles said, offering Spike his hand. ‘I’ll leave you to two celebrate, and Buffy we’ll talk again tomorrow.’

It finally sunk in that Giles had looked really serious when he’d burst in.

‘Didn’t interrupt anything, did I? I didn’t mean to, I was just so excited…’

‘It’s OK, you can drop the lost puppy look. Giles was just telling me that he needs some extra help at the clinic. We’ve a load of teenagers in, a bus crash, and he was wondering if I would spare him some time, and you don’t really need me professionally any more do you? We’ve been working for two years and you’re OK.’

‘No: I don’t want to lose you pet, I mean, he just looked cross with me, don’t send me away…’

‘Hey, I thought we dealt with those abandonment issues, and I’m not going anywhere! But a girl’s got to work, anyway that’s just Giles’ normal face, if anything he’s cross with me. Wants me to remember that I’d planned to get married in this life, but if I don’t start dating soon, it will be too late.’

Dating? Spike could feel the jealousy rise in him. She was his, not some other ponce’s.

‘Yes dating, you know, going out for a meal, getting to know someone, dating. I’m quite sure you understand the concept.’

Spike grinned. ‘I understand the concept all right luv, just not sure it should apply to you.’

Buffy’s face fell.

‘How about I date you? I can wine and dine you with the best of them.’

‘You are up here and we’re talking about down there,’ Buffy said with a false laugh. Buffy was a bit shocked, didn’t he think she was worth dating then? Probably not, ruined as she was. Oh well at least they were friends, she could give him that much: friends, loving friends. It was better than nothing.

‘Anyway, what’s this big news?’ She asked, making her face smile.

‘I’ve been offered a TV series.’

‘That’s wonderful news William, are you taking it?’

‘Too damn right I am! It’s the next big project for the fall season on Fox, they’re spending a fortune on it, marketing, everything. And I’m going to be the star!’

‘Congratulations, everything you worked for is coming together.’ Buffy said, her joy for him obvious in her eyes.

‘Hey.’ she added, ‘this means you’re going to be famous, I could get a picture of you.’

‘That’s not fair, I can’t have one of you.’

‘My luck, not yours.’

‘It’s been one hell of a day,’ continued Spike, ‘I have been passed from one set of hands to another, all after my body. I swear some of them were drooling.’

Buffy laughed at that. He looked like a lost schoolboy.

‘You enjoyed every minute of it, you big faker.’

‘Most of it I have to admit was fun, but the way they had their hands on my body when measuring me up for the costumes made me feel uncomfortable.’

‘What, the seamstresses?’

‘No, the assistant director was watching with undressing-me eyes.’

‘Nasty, I can appreciate that.’

‘Thought you might.’

They chatted on as they walked through the gardens.

‘I meant to ask,’ Buffy started, ‘how’s Xander? His exams must be coming up soon.’

‘Next week. He’s wandering around like a bear with a sore head, snapping at everything. Thing is he’ll sail them. He’s brilliant at the building stuff. He has a real flair for design. He’ll do great. There’s a company who liked one of his projects for college. They want to build it. It’s an art gallery come coffee shop. Xander’s delighted.’

‘I bet he is. I would be with something like that.’

It soon settled down to a lovely routine. William came through the door nightly with ‘a hi honey I’m home’, and they spent time talking, reading, playing games. Buffy went to the hospital, helping where she could, helping bring peace and closure to others.

Spike put his heart and his soul back together. They were at peace. The routine was restful and a complete contrast to the mayhem his earthly life had become.

August 19th, 11.30 pm before William Atherton finally managed to get to bed. He’d been aiming for an early night. The first part of the pilot had been shown to the producers the night before and the pre-publicity machine had started rolling. William Atherton was Hollywood’s latest hot property. His face was in magazines, on TV, everywhere you looked there were articles on him. Nothing was left out.

Spike had started to hide at home. Only his closest friends had his private number, read two people in the world. Anya Jenkins, and Xander Harris.

Anya was Xander’s new assistant cum PA at the office he’d managed to get a design job at. She terrified both men. Ruling poor Xander with a rod of iron, but she was good at her job. With Anya’s help Xander was getting more and more projects. The woman was a demon. No detail ever got overlooked, especially where it came to making money.

Spike wished he could visit the garden when he wanted to. Buffy had told him that she could go up when ever she wanted simply by meditating, but he had to get to sleep and hope he travelled. His diaries were getting fuller and fuller. He’d started writing poems again. He was getting a real sense of balance in his world.

Buffy looked at the latest magazine at the supermarket. Her William, all over the front cover of yet another magazine. Buffy was so glad his professional life was coming together.

She added the magazine to her trolley. A little indulgence, she thought to herself. She started her new job soon at the High School. Buffy Summers, counsellor.

That night Buffy was so pleased with herself. It was midnight before William appeared.

‘Happy Birthday,’ whispered Buffy and led William outside to the side of her house. Sitting there was a wonderful Harley.

‘For you,’ she said and undid the wrap-over dress she’d been wearing and slipped it off. Underneath she was dressed like a biker’s wet dream: tight black mini skirt and red halter neck. She looked wonderful.

‘Hop on,’ Buffy said.

‘Where to, Pet?’

‘That way,’ she pointed down the path. Spike swung his leg over the exquisite machine and fired her up. She purred like a tame kitten. Buffy climbed on the back and held on tight. She kept pointing the way as they wove through the pathways to a barn. The music coming from inside was thumping. The guards on the doors waved at Buffy and let them straight in.

‘Who’s playing, pet?’

‘Hendrix,’ Buffy replied. ‘Happy birthday. Oh, the bike is yours.’ Spike gave her a chaste kiss on the cheek and Buffy didn’t flinch.

They danced the night away, listening to some of the biggest (dead) names in music. It was one of the best nights that Spike could remember.
Sitting in Buffy’s sitting room later, he was still in a stupor, amazed at the evening he’d had, his hand rubbing up and down the neck of the guitar that JIMI HENDRIX had given him. He was even thinking it in capitals. Buffy smiled gently. She’d made him happy.

‘Good night luv,’ he whispered as his time came to leave and he softly brushed his lips against hers and she didn’t freeze.

They were walking through the Garden together. Just a gentle stroll in amongst the trees. In the three years they’d known each other they’d become close friends. Spike was dressed in his normal jeans and T shirt, Buffy in her favourite long skirt and white blouse. Spike, no William, thought she looked adorable.

‘William, can I ask you something?’

‘Yes love, anything,’ he replied.

‘Well Giles has asked me to see my mom, would you come with me?’

‘To see your Mum?’

‘Yes, to see my mom. Seems she’s having counselling here and has gotten to the stage where she needs to start making amends, so they’ve asked if I’ll go and visit.’

‘How do you feel about that, pet?’ Spike asked gently.

He looked around and saw a bench nearby. He placed an arm around Buffy’s waist and guided her towards it. Slipping off his jacket he wrapped it around her; Buffy was shivering and he didn’t think it was from cold, but he knew the jacket would make her feel better. Buffy snuggled into the leather. She loved the mix of smells: tobacco, leather, whiskey and the muskiness that was pure William.

‘How do you feel?’ He repeated.

‘Numb, scared, and numb,’ she answered. ‘Giles wouldn’t let me do this if he didn’t think I was strong enough, but I’m scared. I can protect myself from everyone in the world, but she has a way of slipping into my head, you know, a comment here, a snide remark there, and I’m a mess. She always made me feel like I was nothing, worthless, unimportant in her life and now she wants to see me. If we were on earth I don’t know if I could do it, but here, where words can really cut like knives, I’m scared. Least if she does hurt me here, she’ll feel it as well.’

‘I go with you luv, I’ll stay or leave as you want, but only as you want. No-one else is going to get me away from you.’

‘Thanks,’ she said. ‘I need your strength.’

Brushing her lips against his. William caught the back of her head in his hand and leant forward into the kiss. Tongues battled for supremacy, Buffy found herself wrapped around the man, literally, of her dreams and she felt no fear. Lust, love maybe, but not fear. William’s free hand circled her waist and pulled her in closer: he felt like he was on fire, Buffy seemed to be responding positively, she wrapped her arms around him and tasted him like a starving woman. Then froze. William felt the change and immediately let go.

‘Too fast pet?’ He asked gently.

Buffy nodded. ‘I don’t mean to tease, I really don’t, but I freak, you know. Am I ever going to be normal?’ Buffy started crying. Spike put his arms on her shoulders and pulled her in close.

‘You’re safe here pet, never going to hurt you. I know you’re not teasing and hey, I got a kiss.’ He smirked at her. They stood there quite a while, in silence, holding one another, taking strength from each other.

Giles was nervous. In five hundred years of helping others in the Garden, it was the first time he could ever remember being nervous. He had consulted his superiors – correction, he’d had orders from his superiors, that this was a good idea. Buffy thought that she was here for her mother’s sake but she wasn’t, it was for hers. His dearest Buffy needed closure. But firstly, William! Giles thought about Spike Atherton, William, a nice young man in sheep’s clothing, he was loud and obnoxious at times, but he had a soft spot for the youngster. Maybe in their next life Buffy and William could be together.

Giles waited until William Atherton fell asleep in his trailer. He was a huge star now, and he had all the perks, including his own luxury trailer, but William didn’t see it as a luxury. For him it was a necessity. He was on set by 6am and often didn’t leave until gone 8 in the evening. Grabbing a quick half hour’s sleep during the day was the only way he could keep going. Today was no exception. 5 hours solid in the tank with the dolphin had exhausted him, and all he needed was sleep. William slipped into the trailer and looked at his bed. It would normally be calling his name, but at the moment it was occupied but some dipsy brunette who obviously hadn’t got anything on. Spike put his head out of the door.

‘Security!’ he yelled at the top of his voice and some guy wandered over.

‘Would you please remove the trash and get the locks changed again?’

The guard looked at the woman and nodded. This was becoming far too common an occurrence and Spike just wished they’d do their job properly. Time for a temper tantrum, maybe that would sort it, was his last coherent thought as he flopped onto the bed.

‘William,’ a voice called.

Just what I bloody need, he thought. ‘What do you want?’ he said aloud.

‘Well not being sworn at would be nice, but I need to talk to you.’

That was when Spike Atherton realised who was talking.

‘Giles?’

‘Hello William.’

‘What are you doing here?’

‘Talking to you, obviously.’

‘Well besides that, you’re here.’

‘Yes. And although this is great fun, you’ll be woken early due to problems on set, so I will continue if I may?’

Spike just nodded.

‘Buffy is due to meet her mother tomorrow night, and I was wondering, if you will permit me, if you will allow me to organise a nice night out for her. In my day it would have been a feast and a dance, but I have been reliably informed a meal and dance is acceptable now.’

‘Why?’

‘I don’t know why a meal is acceptable but it seems it is.’
‘No, I mean why the night out,’ Spike clarified with a grin.

‘To give her a more pleasant time after the emotional upheaval of her interview.’

‘A picnic.’ Spike said.

‘A picnic, ah yes, a meal alfresco, splendid idea.’

‘Can you arrange a carriage ride for her?’

Spike and Giles settled down to organise a special night for Buffy. Giles pulled out a hip-flask, Spike gratefully accepted a swig of rather fine brandy. Everything was soon arranged and Giles went to leave. ‘Before I do go,’ he said, ‘a little gift.’

He put a hand on Spike as a blessing. ‘10 hours sleep in five minutes; you’re going to need it.’ He added with a smile.

Buffy was scared, it was the only word for it, she was she was scared. The day? Night? had come for her to see Joyce her mother. What she wanted to do was run, fast, and as far as possible, but that wasn’t possible. Not with William holding her hand in a death grip. Or was she holding his? From the pale shade he was turning, Buffy was the one with the superhuman strength.

‘I can’t go through with this,’ she said.

‘Yea you can pet, you’re strong, you can do anything.’ William opened the door that led into Giles’ study. He was sitting on the couch with a dark skinned woman, talking quietly.

‘Ah, Buffy, this is Olivia; she’s been working with Joyce for the last couple of years.’ William noticed that Giles hadn’t said ‘your mother’, but had named the woman.

‘Hello,’ Buffy managed to get out. If possible, Buffy’s grip got harder. Spike felt that his hand was going to be crushed, he tried to wriggle his fingers, but Buffy tightened her grip even more. He felt his fingers go white.

‘It’s OK pet, I’m right here,’ he whispered.


‘She’s not here,’ Olivia said. ‘She’s waiting down the hall until you’re ready.’

‘I’m as ready as I’ll ever be, I really hate the thought of seeing her here. This is the place I felt safe and having her even this close is making me feel sick.’

‘Why?’ Came the simple question. ‘You helped nurse her when she was dying. Why would you be so scared of meeting her here?’

‘I don’t know, because…’

‘Because?’

‘Because here she can really hurt me, here she can poison the few friends I have against me, just like she did the nurses, like she did my school friends. She told them that it was all my fault, and they believed her.’

‘What makes you think they believed her? Did you ever ask them?’

‘No, but she was the grown-up, the adult, and I was the child.’

‘The police officers believed you, the jury believed you, and Tara believed you; who else did you need to believe you?’

‘My mom, I needed my Mommy to believe me, and she never did, she always said it was my fault.’

‘I believe you now, if it’s not too late,’ came a voice from the doorway.

Buffy looked round, and ducked into a defensive position, almost ready to protect herself from a blow. It broke both Giles and Spike’s hearts to see the instinctive reaction that Buffy displayed.

‘Buffy?’ The woman at the door said again quietly. ‘May I come in?’

Buffy looked at Spike and then Giles. ‘Up to you, pet,’ Spike whispered, ‘but it is what we’re here for.’ He pointed out.

Buffy gave a small nod and the woman entered the room. Even if you hadn’t been told, you would have known that this was Buffy’s mother. She had the same look, the same green eyes, and the same ghosts in those eyes.

‘Hi Buffy,’ she said, quietly, shyly.

‘Hi mom,’ came the almost whispered reply.

Buffy looked at the woman who had caused her so much pain and was surprised at how small she looked. Buffy had been expecting an ogre, a giant: instead she saw a normal looking woman, average height, green, familiar eyes. No pointed teeth, no claws, no venom, just a normal, human woman. Buffy was surprised at that, she had been expecting a monster, a demon, she had been allowing this woman to dominate her life; even after her mother had died, she still dominated Buffy’s thoughts and behaviour.

That’s when Buffy realised that Giles had organised this for her benefit, not her mother’s. She needed closure, she needed an ending to the nightmare.

Joyce looked at Buffy, her heart was breaking. She knew that she was the cause of so much of her daughter’s nightmarish life.

‘I am sorry,’ she said, ‘I should have listened, I should have believed you. In some way I did believe you, but was scared to.’

‘Scared to? I don’t understand, how could you be scared to believe me about what he did?’

‘After Hank started drinking, I tried to keep everything as normal as possible for you. I needed to pretend it really wasn’t happening. Even when he hit me, I couldn’t face leaving him. The affairs he had meant that I had failed, not him. It was always my fault, you see: I wasn’t a good enough wife. I didn’t look after the house well enough, no matter what I did, I wasn’t good enough.

‘Then he left me, and in my heart I knew that everything he’d ever said was true.

‘I didn’t think that I could ever be loved again. When Ted came along, I didn’t think about what he was really like, I was vulnerable, and grateful for the attention. I was a typical victim’s mother and I was stupid, and desperate. I didn’t realise I was being groomed so he could get to you.’

Joyce started crying and Buffy was torn. Half of her wanted to hate the broken woman in front of her, but the other half of her wanted to show compassion for the broken figure. Buffy could feel that Joyce was telling the truth. It was the gift and the curse of this place. And Joyce was speaking the truth. Buffy looked again at the sobbing woman, and looked at the others in the room.

‘Can you give us some time?’ She asked quietly.

‘You sure pet?’ Asked Spike, looking her straight in the eye. Buffy nodded

‘I’m sure.’

Giles escorted Olivia out of the room and Spike watched as mother and daughter sat talking quietly.

‘I’ll be right outside,’ he said as he shut the door on them to give them the privacy they needed.

It was some hours later, and Spike had smoked his way through half a packet of cigarettes, that Buffy finally emerged. She looked red-eyed from crying, but was smiling broadly.

‘Feeling OK pet?’

She nodded. ‘I need to escape; come with me?’

‘All arranged,’ he said pointing at the Harley waiting for them. ‘Knew you’d want to run.’

Buffy smiled and climbed on. Spike kicked the powerful machine into life and roared off into the night. He rode as fast as he could, opening the machine up to maximum. If he’d been down below he would have been done for speeding, but Buffy needed the speed. The wind blew in her face, air-blasting away all the fears and pent up horrors from her mind. She felt free. If anything Buffy was disappointed when they started to slow down; she looked around to see where they were, noticing for the first time that they were out by the lake. A bonfire, just the right size for two, was lit and a blanket already spread on the ground.

Giles had already placed a picnic there, as well as an unlit bonfire. Spike helped her off the bike and wrapped an arm around her waist.

‘Safe here, pet.’ He whispered as he led her over to the blanket. Buffy was soon warmed up by the golden flames.

He started to unpack the picnic, his and Buffy’s favourites were amongst the goodies hidden in the basket. Spike picked up a strawberry and held it carefully by the leaves, he brushed it against her lips, tempting her to open her mouth. The smallest gap was taken advantage of and he slid the fruit into her mouth, brushing her tongue with it as he went.

She smiled up at him and made a lunge for the fruit, catching his fingers with her lips, her tongue tracing the line he made on the fruit. She bit down and let the juices run down her chin.

‘That must be the best thing I’ve ever had in my mouth,’ she gasped.
Spike grinned at her and raised an eyebrow.

He was just too sexy like that, she thought. Sexy? Where did that come from? Buffy thought back to what she’d said and blushed. The rose coming to her cheeks made her look all the more delightful.

Spike started kissing those same cheeks. Butterfly soft kisses along the line of her jaw, and down her neck. He let his tongue escape from his mouth and taste the wonderful skin along her pulse point. He nibbled it, feeling the rush of blood under her skin. His jeans were getting tight, his body wanted to take her, kiss, hold, invade her, but he knew he couldn’t touch her that way. She needed gentle loving, not wild passion; wild passion would destroy the little confidence she had built up with him. He reached her shoulders with his hands, his mouth still busy on her neck; he stroked down her breast, brushing quickly over the nipple and onto her ribs, his hands pulling her close. He broke off the kiss to look into her eyes: they were darkening with desire, needing him as much as he needed her. Spike pulled her close again and started kissing that wonderful mouth. Buffy felt the evidence of his need, his arousal against her thigh and wanted to surrender into his arms but it was too much for her to take. She froze, just for a second but Spike felt it and relaxed his grip, allowing her to feel her freedom. He softened his kiss and allowed Buffy to take the lead. She pushed him down so he was lying on his back and started exploring his muscled chest, skimming her hands over, teasing his nipples, before reaching up with her mouth to take his. She pushed against his lips, wanting, needing entrance into his mouth; when he took the smallest breath, opening his mouth allowing her access, her tongue invaded him. Their tongues battled for dominance until Spike allowed Buffy to win and she explored the inside of his mouth completely. They lay like that, gently exploring one another’s bodies until the sun started to show and both awoke wanting and needing more, in their own bodies, half a world apart.

Xander was enjoying working from home. His new apartment was everything he and Lorne could dream of. They had made the second Guest room into the most wonderful studio, the light flooding in over the building Xander was designing.

He was caught up in his work. Lorne had only just left for work himself, he had a fashion show that week and had been spending long hours over his latest creations. Lorne’s clothes line Caratris was becoming big news in Hollywood and he’d been asked to design a dress for one of the A-listers for the next academy awards. They were all making good.

Xander reached for his coffee, and continued to draw out the house he was working on.

The door slamming on its hinges was the first indication that he had company at all. It wasn’t burglars, he thought to himself as he went into the hall to find Spike. Spike Atherton, Hollywood pin-up for three years was drunk, Xander could work that out because Spike was lying on his back singing. Badly.

William only got like this when things were really bad and Xander wondered what had happened this time. He hauled up his best friend and half carried him into the main room, pouring him onto the sofa.

‘Ok what happened?’ he asked as he handed over the coffee.

‘Women, and men,’ mumbled Spike, ‘not one of them wants me for me.’

‘So you want a man?’

‘No!’ Spike got angry, ‘you’re gay, I’m not, you like William, you’re nice to William, I can be William when you’re there, don’t have to be Spike, Spike can leave the building.’

Before he could say anymore he started to throw up. Xander hauled him into the bathroom and left him holding the toilet while he went to clear up the mess. When it was safe to do so, Xander put William to bed in the spare room, undid his jeans, removed his boots and left him to sleep it off.

Next morning William was awoken by the smell of coffee and bacon. The coffee was wonderful but the bacon was making his stomach turn. He managed to make his way to the kitchen to find Xander.

‘You do remember we don’t actually share a house any more don’t you?’ Xander asked sarcastically.

‘Used my key,’ replied William, a little crestfallen.

‘I noticed that,’ Xander commented.

‘Couldn’t think where else to go.’

‘Is this about the new girl, Melody or whatever her name is?’

‘Harmony and yes, got to her place early yesterday, thought I’d take her to dinner and she had a friend there, boasting about how she was ‘doing’ Spike Atherton and how much money she could take me for…’

‘Oh I am sorry man, no one likes to hear that.’

‘I’m getting fed up of it!! I thought it would be wonderful, but the women I work with feel like skeletons in my arms, they are so thin, and when I do finally meet someone all they want is the action hero. One girl complained when I gave her oral I couldn’t hold my breath as long as Lars can underwater.’

Xander laughing was not the reaction he was expecting. Spike started to get angry. ‘You are an idiot,’ Xander told him, ‘not everyone just wants your body.’
‘No, but they’re the only ones I seem to meet.’

‘Your dream girl able to help you?’ Xander asked.

‘I’m not talking to her about this, it’s embarrassing. Most men would love to have woman fawning all over them. I would have thought it as well, thought I would really love it, finding naked women in my room and everyone knowing my face, but it’s not all it’s cracked up to be. Sorry about last night,’ he added.

‘It’s OK: that’s what friends are for,’ and the pair of them settled to quiet contemplation of their coffee.

It had been three months of heaven for Buffy, the stolen kisses had become deeper and more intense, and the long lingering looks more erotic. She felt safe and she felt loved. She felt ready for the next step.

‘Spike, can I ask a favour of you?’

‘Anything pet, you know that,’ Spike was surprised that she felt she had to ask.

‘Well this is hard, I want to ask and I’m not too sure how to, or if I do ask, I don’t want it to spoil our friendship.’

‘Ask away, I promise nothing will spoil what we have.’

‘Would you sleep with me, here in the Garden?’

Spike was dumbstruck. He wasn’t even sure if he’d heard correctly.

‘You want me to sleep with you? Why?’ He sounded defensive, unwilling almost to believe what she’d said.

‘I trust you, I trust you more than any other soul I’ve ever met. In the three years we’ve known each other you have been the only person never to hurt me - except Giles,’ she added with a smile, ‘and I’m not asking him!’

‘You’d trust me that much?’

‘Well, yes. But I need to know that I’m safe, you know. If I don’t do something about this phobia of mine I’m never going to be normal, and I so want to feel normal, to look at a man and not feel fear, so Tara and I were talking, and thought if I tried here, where I know I’m safe, perhaps I could managed to beat the fear here.’

Spike was terrified of saying the wrong thing, doing the wrong thing. He wasn’t sure what she was asking for, making love or sex. Either way he wasn’t sure he was ready, not with his goddess. Spike Atherton had girlfriends, lots of ‘em if you read the papers, but William only cared for one girl, but it felt as though she only wanted him for one thing now.
Then unfortunately he did what he was famous for and let his mouth be controlled by Spike instead of William.

‘So I’m just a hired stud, to make you feel better, all the help you gave me was just to get me in bed, so you can tell someone you’ve done the TV star? Not doing it princess, not going to let you use me like that. I’ll just be a dirty little secret, someone you can screw where your friends will never find out, you just want my body the same as all the rest… No way. I’m no whore, unlike some.’

And with that he turned and started walking away. Buffy tried to call out but her throat was frozen. She couldn’t say a word. She tried to reach him but he was too far out of her grasp.

Buffy looked white. She hadn’t meant it like that, she couldn’t touch a man down on earth, and she certainly wouldn’t go any further if she didn’t love, didn’t he get that? Obviously not from the way he was striding down the path away from her. Buffy took a step towards him, but her knees gave out. She hadn’t meant to hurt him but she had. How could he have just thought the worst of her like that? They had been working for over three years on getting rid of his demons.

He was well adjusted. He had girlfriends. She knew that, God she’d seen him in the tabloids with the latest catch. How could he believe that of her? She loved him. She had from the first moment she’d met him.

Buffy sank onto her knees, her hair covered her face and started to sob, the pain radiating out from her in waves. It disturbed the tranquil atmosphere of the garden, summoning those who could help, but Buffy didn’t notice them. She didn’t even notice when a comforting trunk wrapped itself around her.

She cried and cried for hours. She felt so stupid. She had ruined everything, and for what, nothing. In the one place she had always felt safe, someone had managed to break her heart.

It wasn’t even six hours later when Xander heard a hammering at his door. It was 5 am and someone wanted entrance. He struggled to wake and made his way to open it and found a drunk William on his doorstep.

‘Think I had too many,’ he giggled. ‘I’m drunk, for the first time in months, I’m drunk, and stoned, I livened up my drink!’

Xander managed to haul his friend to his feet. ‘Come on, sofa’s this way. You can sleep it off here.’

Next morning William felt dreadful, he hadn’t drunk so much in years. Here he was with a raging hangover and sleeping somewhere. Where was he? He opened an eye and tried to focus. He couldn’t. A face swam into view and back out again. The face had a hand, a hand holding a cup of coffee. Nice hand was all he could think. Nice hand had coffee his brain added.

William gratefully accepted the mug, still trying to see who was holding it. He looked up into eyes that he didn’t recognise in his befuddled state. Male eyes. Brown eyes. He tried to focus.

‘My sweet lips, but you had a skin full didn’t you?’

No, he didn’t know that voice, at least he didn’t think so.

‘Uh… where am I?’ Asked Spike.

‘Our flat.’

Oh: now he knew that voice. That was Xander, a pissed off Xander, but Xander wasn’t in front of him. Where was Xander? Spike tried to look around but was scared that if he moved his head would fall off.

Xander looked in disgust at his best friend.

‘OK what happened? You were going to some huge party last night to celebrate the new show and you show up here, stoned and drunk.’

‘Stoned?’

‘Yeh man, stoned, you were boasting about putting something in your drink to liven it up. William I love you like a brother, and you’ll always be welcome here, but I can’t live with a drunk, you know what my old man was like, hell yours was the same! I haven’t got the strength to go through that shit again.’

William nodded.

Then he remembered who the stranger was, Lorne, Xander’s boyfriend. Lorne looked back and forth between them and headed towards the bathroom.

‘I’m going to have a shower, I need one. Toodle-oo.’

‘He’s already had a shower, but he’s being sweet.’

‘He is?’

‘Yes he is, Spike you remember Lorne, met him a while back but things have been getting serious, we moved in together. I think I’m in love.’

‘I’m glad for you, really pleased.’

‘OK then you’re pleased, so what happened Spike, you haven’t been like this in years.’

‘Buffy.’

‘Your dream girl, right?’

‘Yeh.’

‘So what, she didn’t want to see you any more?’

‘No, worse.’

‘She’s married?’

‘No, she wanted to sleep with me, she only wanted me for one thing. I thought she was different, but she’s just like all the rest.’

‘Like the rest, only after your tight body?’

‘Right.’

‘The girl who arranged for you to see Hendrix for your birthday?’

‘Yes.’

‘And gave you a Harley to play with?’

‘Yes…’

‘So let me get this straight, your dream angel asks you to sleep with her after, what, three years? And you think she only wants a notch on the bedpost? Didn’t you tell me she’d been through hell when she was young?’

‘Well, yeh…’

‘So she turns round and asks you to sleep with her? Why?’

‘She says it’s because she trusts me not to hurt her,’ Spike sulked as he replied.

‘And you…?’

‘Yelled and walked away.’

‘Then got drunk,’ added Xander.

‘Yes!’ Spike yelled. ‘Then got drunk!!’

‘Are you sure you didn’t hit your head? And if you didn’t could I please hit it for you?’

William shot daggers at Xander. ‘Stop being reasonable.’

‘No,’ came the short reply. ‘I wonder how she’s feeling right now? She finally feels safe enough to go to the next stage with someone and that someone turns on her.’

‘She only wanted to because I’m famous, just like all the others.’

‘Yeh, right, from what you told me you’re real famous there, Xander said sarcastically didn’t you tell me that she knew Jimi Hedrix and had spoken to Shakespeare?’

‘Well, yes.’

‘And had introduced you to John Lennon and a whole host of really famous names?’

‘Yea.’

‘And where would you rank Spike Atherton on that list?’

‘I wouldn’t even go on that list, I’m no megastar!’

‘So if she wanted to do someone famous she’d have lots to choose from.’

‘Yes, suppose.’

‘So she asked you.’

‘Yes.’

‘So she really wanted you, William Atherton, the man she dragged out of the gutter and onto the cover of every teen magazine going.’

‘Ok OK I get it, I was a prat!!’

‘More than that, man, you’ve got some grovelling to do.’

William tried to get back, but instead of his nights being filled with green eyes and blond hair, he had nightmare after nightmare about the raven- haired harridan that had been one of his mistakes. Spike woke screaming as Dru came towards him for the fifth time with a knife, aimed straight at his manhood.

‘I’ll have you my pretty prince, I’ll have you and eat you.’ She seemed to be everywhere, blood dripping down from her mouth. Spike screamed again, begging for the spectre to leave him alone.

‘No my dark Prince, I’ll never leave you alone, you threw away the sunshine and now you’re all mine to play with. And I’m going to drink your blood!’

William woke up yet again in a cold sweat and screaming.





Buffy didn’t return to the Garden for weeks. She couldn’t: she knew that the pain she was feeling would radiate all round, hurting everyone there. So she stayed within her body and cried, cried all the tears she hadn’t as a child, cried for her lost innocence, cried for what could never be.

Everywhere she looked there were pictures of Spike magazines, posters for the new film, Spike accepting awards, Spike on TV, Spike getting another film deal, and she cried. Alone in the world and cut off from the only beings she called friends she threw herself into her college course and work. At least it meant she came out top in her exams, she thought. This life isn’t ever going to be one of happiness for me, so I’ll make it one of contentment, she thought to herself. So Buffy was content. Content with her job, content with her life and ready to settle down to a lifelong spinsterhood helping others get over the pain of their pasts. And if she couldn’t get through her pain, so be it, it wasn’t to be. Buffy didn’t need friends, she had Mr Gordo, her cat, and that was enough.

When Buffy finally made it back Giles took one look at her and simply wrapped her in his arms. Any thought he had about work was dismissed immediately and he knew he’d have to spend time putting his favourite girl back together again.

‘Oh my dear, I am so very sorry.’

‘It’s OK Giles, it’s my fault. Poor William will be in such a state. I came to ask you to take care of him for me, he still needs help, but I can’t do it. He wouldn’t want me anyway. He thinks I’m a whore, just like everybody else does… Giles, please make the pain stop, please make it stop.’ She started sobbing uncontrollably again, holding onto his arms just to keep from collapsing on the floor.

‘Of course I will find someone to care for him,’ he said gently,’ but first we need to see to you.’

‘No, I just got what I deserve.’

‘No my dear, you didn’t; no-one deserves to be treated like that. Can you tell me what happened?’

‘I asked him to sleep with me, to teach me to love, to help me get past all my demons and he refused, he couldn’t even look at me. I was so stupid as to think that a man like that, so wonderful, so kind and generous would want damaged goods like me. I really was stupid.’

She started hitting her head against the wall. ‘Just stupid, just stupid just stupid’ she said with every hit.

Giles could barely protect her. He put his hand on her head to stop the blows and gently picked her up and carried her bodily to the sofa and sat her down. Buffy didn’t even notice. She started rocking backwards and forwards like a scared child. Hardly able to hear what was being said to her, her mind echoing with Spike’s words.

‘I’m no whore, unlike some,’ his words kept going round and round her mind. ‘I’m no whore, unlike some; I’m no whore, unlike some; I’m no whore, unlike some…’

‘He’d just been being kind and I go and spoil it. I thought he liked me, I thought I was safe, but he’s just like every other male, if you don’t want what they want you’re the freak, the weirdo, the lunatic.’ She just couldn’t keep the tears in any more.

‘I’m not worthy of someone like him. How could I have been so stupid as to think he could fancy me, men like that want someone good and unsullied, they don’t want the likes of me, for God’s sake I’m not even beautiful, and he has the whole of Hollywood to choose from. I am such an idiot.’

She wiped the tears from her eyes. ‘Sorry for blubbering,’ she said. As she rubbed her sleeve across her face

‘It’s not a problem my dear. It’s what I do best. Give a shoulder to young girls crying.’

But Buffy hadn’t heard him, she fallen into an exhausted sleep.

Hours later, when it was time for her to wake up in her own bed, in her own world, Giles gently shook her.

‘I think I have just the case for you, take your mind off what has happened’ he said. ‘A 32 year-old, killed in a drugs related incident. Goes by the name of Jenny, she should respond to a friend.’

Buffy forced a smile. ‘I’ll go and see her tomorrow. I think I just need a day to myself.’

‘Anything you want my dear, anything you want. You take all the time you need.’

You promise you’ll find someone to look after him?
I promise some one will take care of him my dear.

After Buffy had left his office, Giles made his way through the building to one of the sitting rooms.

‘Jenny,’ he called. ‘Look, I know you wanted a rest after getting back from your latest assignment, but one of my very best, no, that’s not fair, my very best counsellor, needs support at the moment, her morale and ego has just been totally destroyed. I’ve volunteered you to help her get over it. I haven’t told her you’re one of us, just that you’ve recently died due to drugs.’

‘Oh Rupert Giles, it’s a good job I know you, of course I’ll help the girl. She must be in dreadful trouble if you’ve come looking for me.’

‘She is, she’s met her soul-mate here, completely by accident. She’s an abuse survivor who finally asked for help learning about physical love and now he has completely rejected her. I’m going to send Nikki in to deal with him, and to help him, but I need your gentleness to work with Buffy.’

William. He had craved alcohol and drugs like never before; luckily his filming schedule hadn’t allowed him to indulge too much. He realised that those like Giles who had promised to help him had been keeping the cravings away; now, with him shut off from the garden, they hit full force. He was sweating in his bed, waking screaming. Xander had taken one look at his friend and moved him into the apartment, Lorne understood. That was why Xander loved him so much, he got it all.
The three of them sharing, both lovers taking it in turns to keep an eye on Spike. Going to him when he awoke screaming in the night.

Xander was getting sick with worry. It had been about three years since he’d seen William this bad, and it was getting worse. Perhaps if he prayed, William might get help. He didn’t know what to say, he’d never been much good at this sort of thing.

‘Excuse me but if there’s anyone listening, please help him again, he’s a good guy really.’

Giles thought that the prayer was sweet, innocent, and heartfelt. And he allowed William to return. He arrived back in the garden after six very long and very hard weeks.

But not to the welcome he would have wished for.


‘Hello: I’m Nikki, your new liaison,’ the beautiful black woman in front of him said. Spike looked around. They were in rooms, offices and It was a formal waiting area.

‘If you’re looking for the cosiness that your other liaison had, forget it. I work by the rules. One hour sessions and that’s it. If you want more, you earn it. Now do you understand, you answer the questions as I ask them.’

Spike nodded slowly.

‘Well lets get started: how do you feel about…?’

William felt overwhelmed. This woman was all business, no softness in her at all. She bombarded him with questions constantly, hardly giving him time to answer one before asking the next, and she kept checking the clock. He felt intimidated by her. There was no softness, no gentle caring about this lady. She was all business, and she was freaking him out: if he tried to just talk she snapped at him to ‘answer the question I asked, not go rambling on.’

‘I’m sorry pet, I don’t think this is going to work. Could I speak to Giles please?’ He asked, almost shaking from his time with her.

‘I’ll see if I can make you an appointment, he’s very busy.’ Nikki snapped at him, ‘and we haven’t covered the reasons you felt it necessary to gain martial arts qualifications.’

‘I really don’t think I can do this today, I’d like to see Giles,’ William asked a little more forcefully managing to keep his temper.

‘Very well then, I will take you to his office and see when he has a free moment to see you. He is a very important man. He doesn’t just stop for everyone’

William got up and followed Nikki down the corridor. She stopped abruptly and he walked into the back of her.

‘He’s there, and just to let you know, I won’t be putting a buffer up between you and your addictions, you can fight them yourself, it takes far too much energy and the rules say its only to be done in exceptional circumstances.’ She added before turning and walking away from him.

William was visibly shaking when he knocked on the study door. Giles had never been anything but unfailingly polite and kind to him, but he had let them all down and he knew it.

‘He’s not there.’ Spike turned to see a man standing behind him dressed in eighteenth century clothes.

‘Pardon?’

‘Rupert Giles, the watcher, he’s not there, he’s over at the hospital. You got an appointment?’

‘Uh no, I was just hoping I could see him.’

‘I’ll show you across, it’s so easy to get lost and I’m going that way myself.’

William held out his hand. ‘William Atherton,’ he said.

‘Liam Angelus, but they call me Angel.’

‘You another of these guides and watchers?’

‘No, I’m a bad man who finally saw the error of his ways, I’ve spent 200 years here trying to help, to make up for my stupidity when I was alive.’

‘Huh?’

‘I was stupid enough to hurt my wife, I ended up killing her, and a load of others. So now I have to help. I’m just lucky I begged for a chance, otherwise I’d be burning down below.’


‘I don’t understand, and I mean I really don’t understand.’ William looked completely confused.

‘I was a drunken idiot who ended up killing his wife in a house fire, her and everyone else. I knocked over a candle and killed the lot of them, so I went off and became a drunk and a bore. When I died I should have burnt in hell, but my wife, Anne, begged for my soul, so I get to work my penance out here. Helping where I can.’ He continued to explain as they approached the low white building that was the hospital.

‘Why did you tell me that? Most people wouldn’t tell that much about themselves straight away.’

‘Part of my punishment, I have to answer all questions fully and truthfully; not easy, I can tell you.’

‘You regret what you did?’

‘Every day, she was beautiful my wife, inside and out, never was a kinder, more loving and giving woman, and I destroyed her. Vows say until death do us part: she kept hers, I never kept mine, every whore in town knew me and it destroyed her faith in herself. Blamed herself for not keeping me from wondering. Now she’s free to find a true love in her present life; I help where I can. Don’t think I’ll ever be lucky enough to have that sort of love again, and that really is a punishment, knowing what I threw away.’

Angel pointed to one corner. ‘You’ll find Giles’ other office in that area, anyone will help you.’
‘Thanks,’ Spike said and made his way in. He could hear laughter coming from one of the rooms, Buffy’s laughter. He couldn’t help himself and made his way to the doorway to look in. There were a group of children, all about 8 or 9 watching a magician doing tricks. Every time he tried a trick the rabbit puppet behind him messed it up. The laughter was jumping from one person to another, Buffy’s the most contagious.

Buffy glanced towards the doorway where he stood. When she saw him her face fell and the laughter died in her eyes. He’d killed it completely. Xander was right, he did have a lot of grovelling to do. Buffy turned her head away from him and Spike’s, no, William’s, heart felt like it was breaking all over again. He moved away from the doorway, to stop causing her pain. It was the least he could do, and he went to find Giles.

Knocking on Giles’ office door it felt like deja-vu. There was no reply but William settled in the chair outside to wait. It was only a few minutes before the man came down the corridor carrying a tray surmounted by a huge teapot and cups and saucers.

‘Ah you’ve found me indulging in my addiction,’ Giles smiled at William. ‘Afternoon tea.’

William opened the door for him and waited on the threshold.

‘Do come in William, I have an extra cup, although being an American I suppose you prefer coffee?’

‘No, tea’s fine, my mum was English and she got me used to it.’

Giles poured from the ornate silver pot and passed a cup over to William, who sat stirring it for a couple of minutes. The silence became more and more acute, William felt more and more uncomfortable.

‘What was it you wanted to talk to me about? Are you satisfied with your counsellor?’

‘She’s not as good as Buffy.’

‘Nikki is perfectly adequate but no, she doesn’t have Buffy’s flair. Elizabeth has had quite a few hard lives at her own request: she wanted to really experience things her clients had gone through, to give her greater understanding of the problems. She is a remarkable soul.’

‘Yes she is,’ William whispered. ‘Effulgent.’

‘A wonderfully old-fashioned word that describes her beautifully, she really does glow with an inner light doesn’t she - at least she did. You hurt her very badly, Mr Atherton, and it has been hard to find forgiveness in my heart. But she has asked that I do forgive you, because she believes completely that you only spoke the truth, and that can never be a sin. She believes that she is unworthy of love, that the things, the awful, cruel and sadistic things that were perpetrated towards her were her fault. She has prayed for forgiveness for her step-father and his friends, and is working towards actually meeting him here and speaking to him again. She sees it as her weakness that she isn’t strong enough to do that yet, so yes, she is a remarkable woman.’

‘And I hurt her.’

‘You hurt her very badly, but being Buffy she is more worried about you and how much she hurt you. That she made you uncomfortable here.’

‘She freaked me out, I just didn’t expect that. Not from her, I know we’d been getting closer, and God knows I wouldn’t have said no to her, but my mouth just ran away from me, I freaked!’

‘Well it’s over and done now. Buffy has requested, and I have granted the request, that she work in the hospital with the teenagers who come up, she has a flair in that area.

‘If you want counselling still and find Nikki a little abrasive for your sensibilities, I can find another counsellor for you. There is a gentleman by the name of Liam Angelus, known as Angel: he tries to be helpful,’ Giles said with a smile, ‘perhaps you would find his methods more to your taste. I will arrange a meeting for you.’

‘I think we’ve already met, he showed me the way here.’

‘Very well, now if you will excuse me I really must be going, I have an appointment with my superiors in a few minutes.’

Spike stood up to leave and turned back to Giles. ‘Do you think she’ll talk to me again?’

‘I’m sure she will. Buffy has a gentle heart, and has always been very forgiving, but she needs time. You said some very destructive things, Mr Atherton, and although I know you didn’t mean it, she took your comment about being a whore to heart and assumes the reason you said no was because she wasn’t good enough for you. She was unaware of what had happened with your most recent paramour and I suggest very strongly that you think about her and not yourself for a couple of months.
Good night, Mr Atherton.’

Giles turned his back as Spike faded back into his own world. Tears streaked down his face as he realised, if only shallowly, just what he’d done to Buffy.

As Spike completely faded, Angel and Nikki came through Giles’ door.

‘Did we do OK boss?’ Asked the woman.

‘Beautifully as always Nikki, you have a wonderful touch, beautifully judged.’

Angel looked at Giles. ‘I’m to counsel him after what he did to…?’

‘Yes, and to do a good job. Buffy deserves to be with her soul mate, but he needs to earn the reward and she needs putting back together again. Angel, you promised that you would be a good and loving friend to that soul after what you did: be grateful you are working here and not elsewhere. Elizabeth Anne is not yours, but you can be friends and believe me, it will be worth it.’

Buffy worked hard at her new job in the school. The principal was a toad of a man that gave little thought to the students’ pastoral care and few tears were shed when Mr. Snyder got bitten by a snake and died. Though Buffy had to laugh when one of the students sent a get-well card to the snake.

The new Principal was a much younger man, African American who excelled at everything he did. Robin Wood was the sort you could have taken home to mother, definitely. Buffy and he had a couple of dates, but as always she froze if it got any further than holding hands.

She knew she needed to go back to the garden. A 23-year-old should be able to kiss a guy goodnight without freaking out.

‘Back to the garden,’ she mumbled, well aware that she had been lax in her duties.

Buffy awoke to the smell of new-mown hay and flowers. Jenny, her new assignment, was waiting for her. Buffy smiled up at the woman.

‘Giles slipped on this one.’ Buffy grinned up at the smiling woman when she saw her.

‘What ever do you mean?’

‘I remember you from before you left; you’re one of the watchers aren’t you?’

‘I… I… I…’

‘It’s OK, I won’t tell if you won’t, he’s a sweetie trying to help.’


‘Well what do you expect? He hates seeing you suffer. And you weren’t supposed to carry the weight of your last life this time, always blaming yourself for others’ follies. It’s silly and the counsellor in you should know that.’


‘The counsellor does, unfortunately it’s the frightened immature child that goes running.’ Buffy said with a sad smile.

Jenny looked at Buffy. When you were away from her it was easy to think of her as some sort of superhero. No-one was as compassionate or loving. She would give her very life for a stranger, but the other Buffy, the quiet gentle woman in front of her, was so fragile.

‘Very well young Elizabeth, what would you like to do?’

‘Ride. I haven’t ridden for so long.’

‘Well I’m sure we can arrange that. Would you like me to sort it?’

‘Yes please.’

‘Then sort it I shall.’ Jenny smiled to herself; what ever else Liam Angelus was, he was a superb horseman. Time to start playing games with Master Atherton.

Spike Atherton appeared in the garden in the pub. Angel was waiting for him, ale in hand.

‘Thought you’d prefer to be talking to me and not that colleen,’ he said as he passed Spike a beer.

‘Thanks. God, I screwed up.’

‘That ye did, and with a pretty young lady and all.’

‘You know?’

‘I know a lot, but why don’t you do the talking instead of the listening?’

‘I find it difficult to trust someone by the name of Angel. Had problems with a guy by that name before.’

‘It’s an old family name, and I don’t intend changing it for you,’ came back the reply. ‘Now, let’s talk.’

Spike looked at the other man. He seemed determined to be of help but Spike wanted to be looking at green eyes, not brown.

‘I really hurt her, you know.’

‘Yes I do, and it was so unnecessary.’

‘I can’t believe I was so stupid. Is she alright?’

‘That is a dumbass question, isn’t it?’

‘Well, as alright as she can be?’

‘She’ll get over it. Buffy is strong, a lot stronger than any of us realise, but you aren’t really popular around here amongst the staff. I suggest you work really hard to show them you can be trusted with anything, let alone our Lady Buffy.’

‘Lady Buffy, good name for her, she always comes across as a lady doesn’t she?’

‘That she does, and she was one once, Lady Elizabeth, and known for her beauty and gentleness, but don’t make the mistake young man of thinking gentleness is weakness, that one has a heart and spine of steel.’

‘I hadn’t noticed, I just hurt her and ran.’

‘Well you’ll have to get over it. Now I suggest you finish that beer and head over to the hospital. I’m told that some of the new arrivals know your face, and you’re some kind of actor.’

‘I’m on TV…’

‘One of the new inventions: never seen it, but I understand it’s popular. Now come and do your duty and say hello.’

Spike followed the Irishman out of the pub and over to the hospital. Children were playing on the lawns and a couple of people were sitting out in wheelchairs enjoying the sun.

He could hear Buffy and so could Angel from the look on his face.
Her laughter always was contagious.

‘You love her,’ accused Spike.

‘Aye, that I do, but I wasted it, let the demon of jealousy burn in my heart and now we’re just friends; so no getting angry at me, boy.’

Spike flushed. It had been a long time since someone had called him boy.
Angel led them down a corridor and into a light and airy room.

‘They’ve all got cancer,’ he said, pointing at the rows of patients in bed, ‘and are having a treatment for it. The nurses will help you with any questions they have.’ Angel pointed out the three women dressed in white.

‘You’ll find your guitar and that long coat you wear on your show in there. Keep ‘em happy.’ he said as he turned to leave. William watched him go and turned to the teenagers.

‘Hi,’ and Spike Atherton was on show.

It wasn’t long before he heard the sound of horses outside the window and turned to watch as Angel galloped past with Buffy following on. The sound of her laughter tore at his heart.



William was pleasantly drunk and he knew it. It was often the only way to get through these meet the press do’s.

Anya had come with him, to try and pick up extra business. That and sex were all the woman ever thought about, Spike swore. But she was the ideal date for things like this. She wasn’t in the least shy and never thought that she was anything more than a friend. Her latest boyfriend had dumped her and she needed cheering up. Spike had sprung for the new dress and all the bits that went with it, and it had cost a bloody fortune, but it was worth it, knowing that there wouldn’t be any stories sold to the tabloids about what had happened afterwards. Spike was getting fed up of them, especially knowing Buffy saw them.

The party was a great success. The second season of NEMO was in the can and they had all been signed for a third with an option on a fourth. NEMO was a world-wide hit.

The first thing that Spike noticed was that he had a hangover and the second thing, he wasn’t alone in bed. Not that that was unusual but he had some memory of who was with him normally. Spike rolled over to see Anya there.

‘Morning lover,’ she said.

NOOO!!! Was all Spike could think, but he was at heart a gentleman.

‘Morning pet,’ shit shit shit, what do I do now? He thought to himself.
‘I know last night was fun,’ continued the blonde woman, ‘but that’s all it was, fun. I don’t want a relationship with you Spike, and I want us to stay friends. I loved the orgasms but you’re not my long haul guy.’

‘Oh, uh, right pet.’ Spike answered as he went to the bathroom. Well, he thought, that’s different it is normally me giving the brush off, not getting it.

Months continued, working with Angel in the Garden, seeing Buffy from afar. It always hurt, knowing what could have been. Work on earth was constant: conventions, recording studios. And the offer for a film. A huge blockbuster based on NEMO. Like Star Trek, it was making the move to the big screen for a summer release. Spike never seemed to have a moment, so it was quite a surprise when he found himself with a break over lunch one day.

His secretary had left it open deliberately. Anya needed to talk to him with no interruptions.

Spike answered the knock on his apartment door himself to find Anya there looking, astoundingly for her, nervous.

‘We need to talk, William.’

Spike tried to think what he’d done. He’d phoned her a couple of times and they’d met up for coffee, but Anya had made it plain she didn’t want anything else; he’d sent her flowers to say thanks for the evening they’d spent together, no, he couldn’t think what he had done.

‘Hi pet, come in,’ he said to the retreating back of his best friend’s right hand woman. ‘What’s up?’ He asked her as he put the pot on for coffee.

‘No coffee for me Spike, I have tea bags, they are caffeine free, as we have an issue to discuss.’

‘What would that be love? I know you, you don’t put the squeeze on people, so come on, out with it.’

‘I’m pregnant, and it’s yours, and I’m keeping it.’

Spike sat down quickly, missed the chair and ended up in a heap on the floor.

‘What? Pardon? Huh?’
Anya looked at the heap. And started to speak v-e-r-y slowly.

‘I’-m p-r-e-g-n-a-n-t, a-n-d I-t-‘s y-o-u-r-s a-n-d I’-m k-e-e-p-i-n-g i-t,’ she repeated.

William picked himself up.

‘Yeah, right, how?’

‘Immaculate conception!! How do you think? That drunken evening after the press launch, my pills didn’t work and we didn’t use anything else. So now we have to talk about what we are going to do.’

‘I’ll marry you, that’s the right thing to do, marry you and care for you.’

William didn’t expect the reaction his statement got. Anya burst out laughing.

‘What?’ he asked.

‘Marry me? Don’t be ridiculous, we simply need to organise things. William, we will be friends and I will continue to work for Xander. I like making money, but I am certainly not stopping my life to join yours because I’m expecting a child. We will get a nanny, which you will pay for, you earn more than me, and you will help me find a new, bigger apartment, and an allowance. In fact I suggest we go to see a lawyer and get this sorted.’

‘Is that all you want from me? Money?’

‘No of course not, but children are expensive and you will have to help pay.’

‘And what do I get then? Hey? All the bad publicity of being a deadbeat dad?’

‘Don’t be silly. I would never do that. We will arrange access and sleep-overs. I suggest we get a nanny we both like and have room in both our houses for her.’

‘Right, so you want it all arranged with a lawyer. This is a bit much for me to take in love, I need time to think.’
‘Well you have time, about six months according to the doctor. Now be good and fetch me some lunch, I think I can eat now.’

The garden was a welcome refuge that night. Spike managed to make it without drinking himself stupid first, to be greeted by the sight of Angel lifting Buffy down from a horse, and getting a kiss on his cheek for his trouble. She saw Spike and turned her head away for a second. Obviously screwing up her courage she managed to give him a small, half smile before heading off for her shift at the hospital.

‘How is she doing?’ It was always his first question.

‘Better, won’t let anyone close though.’

‘How come she kissed you? Been getting closer have you?’ the jealousy obvious in Spike’s voice.

‘You have got it so wrong, she’s working on forgiving me for what I did to her years ago, and riding fast and hard is her way of blowing away the cobwebs in her mind. Don’t you ride that bike of yours both up here and the one you bought down there, just ride and let the wind set you free?’

Spike nodded. He couldn’t deny the truth of what the man said to him.

‘Well it’s the same for Buffy, she needs the freedom. The lady works hard both here and down there, and she deserves her pleasures.’

‘One of them being you!!’

‘Oh, you couldn’t be more wrong if you tried,’ laughed Angel. ‘I threw away any chance of that years ago. She’s my Anne, you idiot, the woman I killed. It took over 150 years for her to forgive me, and to get to the point where she would be in my company. We are due to share another life, with her as my mother at some point, but I will never be her lover again. Only her soul mate will have that privilege.’ He explained, ‘she’s my Anne and I ruined it for us both. Believe me, you have nothing to fear from me: she sees me as a brother, nothing more. It’s just I’ve always been good with horses, so we ride safely. It’s either that mare or that damn elephant and he’s far to big to give the feeling of freedom when he runs.’

‘So you’re not trying to get in with her?’

‘No, I’m just a friend, so you can put your jealousy away, she doesn’t respond well to that emotion I can tell you. Now what on earth, or heaven, is your problem? You came up here very quickly tonight.’

‘I’ve been told I’m going to be a dad.’ Spike answered simply.

‘Well congratulations; I assume it’s good news?’

‘I’m not really sure at the moment, she doesn’t want any commitment from me, just money and the promise of time in the future.’

‘What do you want to do?’

‘I really don’t know: part of me says I should marry her, but I know that would be a mistake.’

‘A mistake how?’

‘We would drive each other to murder within a month.’

‘But you felt enough to sleep with her.’

‘That was a drunken mistake, but I’m man enough to admit it.’

‘So what are you planning on doing?’

‘Whatever it takes, I want my child in my life.’

‘So?’

‘Go along with what ever she wants.’

‘Good idea. Now I have a favour to ask. You have a lot of uh, fans up here.’

‘Yes?’

‘And we were wondering if you’d play a concert. You know a couple of the other members of the band already: John Lennon, Jimi Hendrix, but they were hoping you’d join them on stage at the end for a short while, then sign a couple of autographs, have a couple of drinks…’

‘He can’t,’ a voice said from behind them, ‘he’s supposed to be here to work through his problems, not pander to his ego.’

‘Hello Nikki,’ Angel said coolly, ‘I didn’t know you were helping me out.’

‘I’ve been asked to keep an eye on this one, and pandering to his ego isn’t helping him, he has enough of that on earth.’

‘We just want him to do a concert for the young ones, he can earn his rewards with a guitar.’

‘Better for him to earn it on his hands and knees scrubbing floors, get some humility in him, the way he treats women!’

‘Uh standing right here you know,’ Spike pointed out. He really didn’t like Nikki, and this was supposed to be on the way to heaven. How could you not like someone in heaven?

Nikki looked at him slowly, up and down. ‘You, young man, only see what you want to at the moment. Things are not always about you, and things are not always what they seem.’

‘Nikki, could I have a word please?’ Angel interrupted quietly.

‘Before you two get into it, Angel I would love to help; just tell me when and where.’

‘We will arrange it, Spike.’

William left them to it, not noticing the identical smiles on their faces, and headed off towards the hospital. If he chose the right tree to sit under he could see Buffy. He was too ashamed to talk to her, but he could watch and know that she was all right.

‘He just needed a push,’ Nikki said.

‘And you always push so well,’ Angel smiled.

‘Now what are we going to do about her?’ asked Nikki.

‘Don’t worry, Giles is organising a ‘night out’ for the long stay patients.’
‘Nice one,’ Nikki grinned. ‘Oh, Angel, I thought you might like to know your 8th generation grandson had turned up. He’s going to take a lot of work, if he manages to stay with us at all.’

‘Who’s taking care of his case?’

‘He and his friend Dru are being cared for by Wyndham.’

William put his heart and soul into the rehearsals, he had a feeling this was something very special.

Coming out of the auditorium he could see dawn breaking over the Garden. His nights were filled with music and his days with acting.
He knew he was a success on earth, but here he felt peace. No matter what he did he was judged on his actions and not on how much money he made, in fact there wasn’t any money.

He thought back to the day he’d had with the lawyers, trying to sort out all the problems with Anya. Of course he was going to have to put his hands in his pocket and pay, but every time things seemed sorted she asked for more. He was getting angrier and angrier at her, and it wasn’t helping the situation at all.

Xander and Lorne were busy with their own lives, and sometimes he felt he had no-one to talk to, Anya was working for Xander, so he couldn’t unload there. Of all the things he missed with Buffy - and he missed a lot - having her to talk to, having her common sense approach available to him, was the thing he missed the most, along with her smile, and her laugh, and the way she crinkled her nose when she was thinking.

He reached for a cigarette; thinking about Buffy always made him depressed. He was smoking more, and he knew that she would hate that. He was drinking more: God, he knew she’d shout at him for that one.
But no drugs, he couldn’t break his promise again.

William took a deep drag on the cigarette, filling his lungs with nicotine and steadying his nerves and took his normal walk over towards the hospital. He stood by his normal tree and watched.

‘You could be accused of stalking,’ a voice said by his side.

‘Morning Angel,’ Spike said.

‘Watching her again?’

‘Ye, just need to make sure she’s OK. Got a problem with that?’ answered William, watching as Buffy went from bed to bed.

‘No, as long as you don’t do anything stupid.’

‘Think I’ve done enough stupid for one lifetime, don’t you?’

Angel and Spike sat and watched as Buffy went from bed to bed, talking to the occupants. Everywhere she went there were smiles. She spread light in the darkness.

‘After being her lover, how could you stoop to being her friend?’ he blurted out.

‘What?’

‘O to part now, and parting now,
Never to meet again.
To have done for ever, I and thou,
With joy, and so with pain.

It is too hard, too hard to meet
As friends, and love no more,
Those other meetings were too sweet,
That went before.

And I would have, now love is over,
An end to all, an end;
I cannot, having been your lover,
stoop to become your friend.’

‘What was that?’

‘A poem, learnt it at school, but how could you ‘stoop to being her friend?’

‘Oh it wasn’t easy, and it felt like sheer hell when I came here. I hated her with a passion for the first hundred years up here, but problem is, hate is reflected back at you, it’s like living with a permanent looking glass into your heart, making it a living, or unliving, hell.
I hated the way she made me feel, hated the fact that she made me feel, hated the scars on her face every time I looked at her, but hate is the partner to love, and in hating, I still felt for her, that’s how Giles got to me. They, the powers, showed me what it could have been like if I’d learned to love properly, seems I’ve always had problems with loving, always been jealous.
So they showed me what could have been, then when I was ready to start accepting, they showed me where I should have been and what I should have been suffering. That hurt, really hurt. I should have been burning, suffering what I inflicted on others but I wasn’t; then they showed me why I wasn’t in some pit in hell for all eternity, because she begged for her husband, not because she loved me but because it was the right thing to do. Because she couldn’t see anything else happening, she is and always has been a good soul.’

‘And you became friends?’

‘And we became friends: it took a long time. She, didn’t want to see me, it hurt too much, she didn’t want to talk with me, I spent 40 years trying to prove myself worthy of her notice. I watched her grow and develop here, and she gave it all up to be reborn, into that awful family, in hope of leading them back to the light. In hope that as long as she was the only one really hurt, their souls would be saved.’

‘Couldn’t you have stopped that man from hurting her in the first place?’ Spike asked angrily.

‘I wish we could but that was his choice, and that is something we all have, free choice.’

They sat in silence and watched their angel.

Buffy looked out of the window. She could see the red glow from a cigarette and knew HE was there. She could feel him, and it made her feel warm: maybe he still did care. She went to the next bed and started reading a story to the young girl in it.


William could feel the day coming and could feel himself waking up. Like so often with tears on his pillow for the idiot he’d been and the stupid mistakes he’d made.

Buffy spent her days contentedly. And while Mr Gordo sat, or lay, enjoying the sun, she worked at the school day in and day out.
Her little office was frequented by the desperate, the helpless and the needy. And the bullies, sent there to try and get straight. She was getting the reputation as an excellent counsellor.

So it was little surprise when Robin called her into his office. ‘Buffy, glad you could spare me a few minutes,’ he said as she took a seat in the sunlit room.

‘I need to ask you to do me a favour. Would you consider taking on a private client? There’s a young girl in grade school, a lot younger than your normal clientele, but she needs someone to talk to. Her parents have been killed and she’s stuck in her grief.’

Buffy’s heart went out to the poor child. ‘Where and when do I meet her?’ She asked.

Robin smiled. ‘I thought McDonalds, this afternoon, if you can spare the time. Her name is Dawn Anne Doyle, and she’s six.’

Buffy looked at Robin. ‘And what do you get out of this?’

‘A date with that friend of yours, Faith? Or at least an introduction?’ He smiled at Buffy, he’d been trying to meet her friend for months.

‘She’ll eat you alive.’

‘Maybe, but what a way to go!!’ He grinned.

‘Ring Dawn’s folks and tell them 5pm, McDonalds, is fine.’

‘Thanks, Buffy.’

‘Now if you don’t mind, Mr. Wood, I’ve got a teenage pregnancy and a fight between two of the jocks to sort out.’

‘Very well Miss Summers, and Buffy?’

‘Yes?’ she said as she was leaving.

‘Thanks,’ he said quietly.

‘You’re welcome.’

Dawn was a sad child, huge brown eyes that showed they’d seen far too much of an adult’s pain: she had seen her parents murdered in a mugging, and had been hurt herself. Although her case was serious, and terrible for the child, it was relatively simple to deal with, standard almost. She needed time and space to grieve. It always amazed Buffy that adults tried to protect children from grief. They hid their own pain and expected a child to do the same. Dawn needed time to talk about what she’d seen, time to remember her parents, and to be angry with them for leaving her, all normal reactions to the tragedy that had happened.

Dawn was luckier than most. She was living with her much older brother, Doyle, in a lovely little house on Revello Drive. A brother who loved her and was willing to do anything to help his little angel. Francis Allen Doyle was the child of their father’s first marriage, Dawn being the child of his second. Doyle, as he was known, was a gentle loving man who worked as a vet in Sunnydale. His gentleness with animals was complimented by his gentleness with his distraught sister. He didn’t expect her to ‘get over it’, he didn’t remind her when she was crying that his father had died too. He just got her the best help he could.

Doyle had to admit that he hadn’t expected the help to appear in the guise of a stunning little blond with amazing green eyes. And she had completely stunned him when he first saw her, thinking that she’d been the assistant to Miss Summers; he’d made a couple of mistakes but they soon learned to get along. McDonalds being a good place to start any friendship. Dawn wanted a Happy Meal, and Doyle watched in amazement as Buffy put away a Big Mac, Fries and a huge drink. She had a good appetite. Dawn seemed to like her. Buffy didn’t push Dawn, didn’t question her, didn’t insist that Dawn talk, she was just ‘there’ supporting, loving, caring, understanding.

Buffy would collect Dawn on Tuesdays and Thursdays from her after-school club, and they would do things. Swim, go for walks, draw, anything to get through the wall the heartbroken child had created to protect herself. They drew pictures: Buffy was good at drawing and soon learned that that was the route in to allowing the little girl to express her grief, dark pictures full of demons, blood and the horrors that she’d seen, but Buffy worked her magic, slowly gaining the little girl’s trust. It only took two months before Dawn allowed her into her special space, a den made under the bed where she felt safe. And Buffy was content.

William rehearsed for his new film. He’d been offered the part of a psychiatrist trying to help abused kids, against a system that didn’t care. It was a supporting role, but it felt good. It was only a two week shoot, but he could slip it into the down time in NEMO. His career was taking off big style. The Powers in the studio had asked him to sing on some telethon, and he’d agreed. Wherever you looked there were publicity shots of Spike Atherton.

And when he was in the Garden he rehearsed like mad for the upcoming concert. It had to be perfect. His guide, Angel, had told him it was special and he felt that he’d let enough people down. He wasn’t letting these kids down as well. He made up for his stupidity wherever and whenever he could.

Home life was interesting. Anya was blooming, she was still demanding anything and everything, his lawyer had annoyed both Anya and William by asking for proof that the baby was his, the final contracts would become final after the baby was born and a DNA test was performed. But Spike paid for everything that was needed: Doctors appointments, new clothes, even food that she had cravings for. Help in the house was employed to keep Anya’s time as easy as possible. Things were acceptable, they would not be easy until every thing was settled, but at least they could be civilised about things now.

‘Good evening Buffy,’ Nikki said as she slipped quietly into the hall to watch Spike rehearse.

‘Hi Nikki, how are you doing?’

‘I’m fine, looking forward to the gig: you coming?’
‘I don’t think so,’ answered Buffy, ‘I don’t think he’ll want me here.’

Nikki gave her that look, the one that says you’re being a dope. ‘Don’t you think he’s suffered enough then?’

‘I didn’t want him to suffer, I don’t want him to suffer, I just think…’

‘No you don’t Buffy, you don’t do think, you want to hide. You take the hardest cases, the toughest jobs and you’re good; but think? No, you don’t do that. If you come and he sees you, you know you’ll get back together and then, shock horror, you’ll have to ‘let him in’, actually let a man into your heart. Now that is something to run from.’

‘You think I’ve been running?’

‘Girl, I know you’ve been running for about fifty lives; well, no more. I don’t do this often, but I’m pulling rank. You will not, under any circumstances, avoid this evening that has been planned. You will dress up and look your best and you will come and enjoy yourself; have I made myself clear?’

‘Yes mother…’

‘And don’t mother me, I haven’t been your mother in over a thousand years, I couldn’t take the strain!’ Nikki looked at Buffy. ‘You are one of the strongest women I know, just trust me on this.’

‘I will Nikki, I will, if it’s really that important.’

‘Oh it is, girl, it is,’ and they both sat back to enjoy the music.

Buffy didn’t wait long before she made her way to her own place and started to get ready. She had whatever clothes she could imagine, but still couldn’t find anything to wear. A knock on the door disturbed her as she dug down to the back of her wardrobe: if any one could see her they would have laughed. She was on her knees, in front of a massive old-fashioned wardrobe, trying to see if there were any other tops hidden on the floor. She was grateful for the interruption as she headed downstairs to see who was at the door.

She opened it to find Ellepant holding a bag in his trunk. He handed it (trunked it?) over to Buffy and caressed her cheek before turning and leaving, trumpeting as he went.

Buffy looked into the bag to see a simple halter neck top, held together at the back with gold chains and tight black leather pants.

Trying them on they fitted perfectly. She did her eyes up with the smoky effect she knew suited her best, and searched for her pale pink lip gloss. Even if she did say so herself, she looked hot. High heeled boots finished the look and she grabbed a black leather jacket to go over her shoulders. Before she knew it the bus was outside tooting, and she and a gaggle of teenagers were off for a night out.

The music was already pumping out of the doors when they arrived: the place was heaving and you could hardly hear yourself think. Buffy gave the group the last orders: don’t do anything stupid, don’t get drunk, and don’t go off somewhere without letting Giles know, speech before being carried on the tidal wave of teenagers into the club.

Giles opened up a good book and settled down for the evening. He didn’t normally do the driving on evenings like this but he wanted to be close to the action in case he was needed.

Buffy looked around her, she could hardly see anyone for the crowd. Whoever was due to play that night was definitely popular, she thought to herself, as she made her way to the bar.

Asking for a beer, and knowing she had to make it last, Buffy and booze being ‘unmixy’ at the best of times, she looked around for somewhere to sit. She wanted to be near the front so her charges could find her if they needed anything. Buffy wished again she was six foot one instead of five foot two, how was anyone supposed to see anything in here! Finally, losing it slightly, she climbed onto a table to get a good look around.

Spying Nikki, she made her way over to where the very brunette was sitting. Nikki had saved a table near the front and a drink was already waiting for her. Buffy looked at the beer on the table and the other in her hand. That would really be the limit for tonight, she thought as she sat down by one of her oldest friends.

‘You look good, girl,’ said Nikki. ‘Glad the clothes fitted.’

‘So you sent them? Why am I all dressed up?’

‘You’ll see,’ came the enigmatic reply.

Buffy was really enjoying herself. She knew that she was supposed to be on support duty that night, but it wasn’t often she really let her hair down. Nikki and Buffy were up and dancing, shimmying in such a way that they would be arrested for indecent something or other, but here, in the garden, they had nothing to fear. No man would take advantage, if they tried Buffy and Nikki could just vanish from their embrace and report the miscreants to the watchers. But that was a rarity. So Buffy and Nikki lived for the moment surrounded by their friends and taken by the music.

The concert had been going on for over an hour when Spike and the rest of the band took to the stage. Buffy had been taking a fresh air break, and had just made her way back in when she saw Spike on stage, just a few feet from where Nikki was sitting. She felt like she wanted to run, but she couldn’t and she knew it. She was the responsible adult and had to stay. She made her way back to the table where Nikki was waiting for her.

‘I’ll so get you for this,’ she hissed. Nikki just grinned and sat back into her chair to enjoy the show.


Spike looked around. Here he was, William ‘Spike’ Atherton, star of TV and film, about to throw up from nerves. Jimmi looked over at him and grinned.

‘It’ll be fine: just relax and sing like you meant it.’

Spike started to play, the guitar sang with all his pain and longing.

‘I wrote this for a very special lady. I hoe you like it’ he said

‘When this life turns and hurts
She’s there, My Angel

When this life turns and bites
She’s there, my Angel

When I fall, she picks me up.
Living in my dreams is heaven with the girl
She shines like the sun, gold in my eyes
She lightens my world
And I hurt her,

Shouldn’t hurt the girl
Should care for the girl

I would be on my knees
Begging the girl if I thought it would help
Would take blows from the girl
If it meant she touched me
Would take harsh words from the girl
If it meant she spoke to me
Would take hatred from the girl
If it meant she felt for me
Would take scorn from the girl
If it meant she’d see me

Shouldn’t hurt the girl
Should care for the girl

Would beg the girl
If I thought she heard me
I am beneath her and I should have
Loved the girl but I hurt her the girl
I deserve no forgiveness
I deserve no light
I hurt the girl
I should walk in the night
But I’m begging the girl to see me, begging the girl to hear me, begging the girl to forgive me

Shouldn’t hurt the girl
Should care for the girl, just want to love the girl’


He looked straight at Buffy. ‘Just want to love the girl,’ he repeated.
Buffy looked into the azure eyes staring at her, they were so filled with longing and need that she couldn’t keep her shields up any longer.

‘I love you,’ mouthed Spike.

‘I love you too,’ she mouthed back and then found herself swept into his arms and soundly kissed. Amidst the cheers and catcalls, all she could see was Spike, and he was kissing her, she wasn’t sure how he’d managed to move so quickly but she was so very glad that he could.

‘You don’t hate me?’ she whispered.
Spike’s heart broke. All this time, she thought he’d hated her, and all this time he’d believed she wouldn’t forgive him. How stupid could the pair of them be? What fools they had been, what a fool had he been?

‘Never going to hurt you again,’ he whispered in her ear, as he picked her up and carried her out of the hall.

Waiting outside was his beloved bike. He threw Buffy onto the back, climbed on and started the beast up. Buffy wrapped her arms around his waist and lay her head on his shoulder and they were off into the night.

The ride took them back to Buffy’s place. Giles had watched them leave and knew in his heart all would be well now, but was just slightly annoyed. He had to literally face the music, which was loud and raucous. Oh well, anything for Buffy he thought, as he headed into the heaving mass of humanity in the hall. Luckily he’d brought earplugs.

Spike wouldn’t let Buffy walk into the house. He swung her up into his arms and carried her in before placing her gently onto the sofa and turning to light the fire. His hands were shaking so much he couldn’t get the match to light. He couldn’t balls it up now, not with his angel here, talking to him.

He tried to light the match again, but again his hands were still shaking so much he dropped them all out of the box. Buffy slipped from her seat and knelt down by his side. She slid her hands over his and together they managed to light a single match.

‘Right Ponce aren’t I? Can’t even light the fire.’ Spike’s hands were still shaking.

‘It’s OK, I’m not going to run,’ she whispered.

Spike looked at Buffy, straight in the eyes; he was frightened he was going to do or say the wrong thing again. ‘I need to explain,’ was all he managed to say.

‘It’s OK, we can talk or just sit and watch the fire.’

‘I need to explain,’ he repeated.

‘It’s OK.’ She answered. ‘How about a hot chocolate?’

Spike smirked. ‘Got any of those little marshmallows?’ He asked.

‘For you, anything.’ She said with a smile.

Making the hot chocolate was a mundane thing to do with her hands whilst her brain worked over-time. What were they going to say to one another? The easy camaraderie they had shared had been destroyed by her asking for too much, and his reaction to that request.

Spike stirred the drink she’d given him. The marshmallows were floating on the top. They took all his attention: it was easier to look at them and not her, his angel Buffy. What was he supposed to say? How was he supposed to make it right? Her reaction when he’d kissed her had been natural, unforced. But here, now, now they’d both had time to think. Spike was scared.

‘Will you please stop attacking that drink as though it was some sort of monster planning to attack you?’ Buffy asked sweetly, trying to be patient with the man in front of her. It was the sheer ridiculousness of the question that made Spike look up.

‘I’ll start,’ she said. ‘I asked for too much from you. I thought, and honestly thought, things were heading that way, to us making love, and obviously I got the signals really wrong, so I’m sorry. The one thing I didn’t want to happen, happened. You left me, and it ruined our friendship, and I find it hard to forgive myself for that.’

‘It wasn’t you,’ Spike blurted out, ‘you didn’t read the signals wrong, we were headed that way, its just, I didn’t expect that, here. I didn’t think sex would be allowed here, and I felt safe.’ He explained, concentrating on the hot chocolate again.

‘Safe, what do you mean safe? I would never have hurt you. I’m sorry but I really don’t understand.’

‘Down there, on earth, that’s all people see, a body. I go out with a girl and she calls me Lars: they don’t see me, they see the TV actor. Do you know what its like, going back to my trailer and having to ask security to remove yet another bimbo that’s got past them and wound up in my bed? Then that day I overheard my girlfriend say she was only going out with me because I had money, was famous and could introduce her to the ‘right people’. I freaked. Then you…’

‘Then I asked, oh my poor love, you must have thought I was one of them…’

‘I don’t know what to do Buffy, to make it right. I just need to make it right.’ He sobbed.

‘Well you could try kissing me, that would help. All forgiven, all sorted out, and we love each other, so come here and kiss me if you want, but only if you really want to.’ She looked at him from under her eyelashes. It was enough to make a man forget everything.

Spike didn’t need to be asked twice. He put down his drink and wrapped his arms around his golden angel. He was back where he belonged: in her arms. They sat like that for hours, kissing gently. Holding one another, watching the fire. At peace again with the world.




It seemed forever before they started talking again, comfortable with each other, the fire seeming to take all their attention. The sparks flew up the chimney, dancing in the smoke. Sipping his chocolate, Spike started.

‘I’m sorry pet: I was an idiot.’

‘I suppose so.’

‘Hey, you don’t have to agree.’

‘Well I won’t when you say something I disagree with.’ She said with a smile.

‘I have something I have to tell you, and it’s important.’

‘What is it Spike? You’re not leaving me are you? The cold hand of fear gripped Buffy’s heart.

‘What?? No, its about Anya: I’ve told you about Anya?’
‘She’s Xander’s right hand woman, yeh? Does his paperwork, keeps him in coffee, makes him finish his work on time.’

‘That’s right.’

‘Well, what about her?’

‘She’s pregnant.’ He blurted out.

‘Oh that’s wonderful news, she must be very happy.’

‘She’s very something; you see Buffy, I’m the father.’

Buffy looked up at Spike to see if he was joking. ‘Oh,’ she said calmly, quietly. ‘Oh, I see. Do you love her?’

‘God, no.’

Buffy looked at him sharply. ‘You can’t lie here, William, it won’t work.’

‘Yes I suppose, then I do, but not in that way: she’s like Lorne, or Xander, or I don’t know, that stupid dolphin I swim with every month. It’s not love love, the kind that burns and makes you forget to breath. It’s familial love, not romantic. How stupid is English, we have a hundred words for types of rock and only one for how we feel about ice cream or the woman we want to spend the rest of our lives with!’

‘I will put up with most things William Atherton, but I will not have you disrespecting ice cream, especially in the one place it has NO calories!’

Spike started laughing at her statement, of all the things she was upset with him about, it was his disrespect of ice cream that had her eyes flashing at him.

Buffy looked at him. ‘I do understand. I may not be happy about it, and a part of me wishes it were me, being honoured with the privilege of carrying your child. But whatever happens down there, even if we marry someone else, we still have here. The marriage vows say ‘til death do us part, and here is where we go when we die. So here we are parted by death. Will you marry her?’

‘No, she doesn’t want me to, she just keeps demanding more and more from me financially.’

‘How’s that making you feel? What’s your heart say about that?’ The counsellor Buffy had reappeared.

‘Used: I know it sounds really stupid, because she and I often went out together, you know where I needed someone on my arm. There is no-one in my life to share things with, and she was a friend.’

‘But?’

‘But I wonder if she didn’t do it deliberately.’

‘Why would she, not anyone else but Anya, why would she do that?’

‘I don’t think she would, but there are always women throwing themselves at Spike Atherton, and William still can’t believe he’s even got a date. What do you think, pet?’

Buffy smiled at the use of the nickname, she’d missed all those little endearments.

‘I think if Anya had wanted to get pregnant by you she could have seduced you into taking the long road with her, she knows you well enough. I think that this really was an accident and she can’t face an abortion.’

‘And all the requests for money?’

‘Fear, pure and simple, just fear. She’s unmarried, unboyfriended, and pregnant with a friend’s child. If you make things awkward for her she could easily lose the job she loves. Can you really see Xander taking her side over yours?’

Spike shook his head. ‘Of course not,’ Buffy continued. ‘Anya, from what you told me, is a very straightforward person. She’s fixated on good sex and money, and she prefers to earn her own. Didn’t you say she was always coming up with ideas to make Xander more profit?’

Again Spike nodded.

‘Well then,’ said Buffy, ‘if she was only after your money she could sit back, put her feet up and let you pay for everything; instead she is trying to work, and only wants help from the richer parent with the added expenses. I think that’s only fair, and so do you or you would have kicked up a hell of a stink by now.’

Spike looked at Buffy, really looked at her. ‘You’re right, of course.’

‘Of course I’m right, it is my job,’ she said with a grin. ‘Sooner you realise that, Buster, the happier we will be.’

Spike grinned back at her. Although the romance had vanished in the serious conversation he felt comfortable, at home, as though he and Buffy could talk about anything, and God he wanted that, he needed that. He sipped at his hot chocolate again, his tongue catching one of the marshmallows and chasing it around the mug. Buffy started giggling, which turned into a full blown laugh.

‘What?’

‘You!’

‘What me?’ he asked with a cheeky grin.

‘You, chasing marshmallows, you do realise you’re going to have to grow up now you’re a dad?’

‘Never going to happen pet, never going to happen. What do you think I should do about Anya anyway? How can I help her feel safe?’

‘Firstly I think she needs reassurance that whatever happens you are still friends, that you still love her as a friend, and you’ll stick by her.’

‘She wants the baby to live with her of course,’ Spike said, ‘so there will have to be security.’

‘So, how about you ask Xander to design some sort of multi-unit mansion? She can have her own place, and you could have yours, but the staff, nanny, whatever, can live in the grounds. Keypad entry, you’d both be safe and junior would have Mom and Dad close by. You could have combined facilities: swimming pool, gym, whatever, but your own front door as well. It would make security easier, wouldn’t it?’

‘You, lady, are a genius.’

‘And to think you’ve only just noticed. I thought you were intelligent, Mr. Atherton.’

They finished their drinks and looked at one another. ‘I had better go,’ Spike said.

‘Would you stay here with me?’ Asked Buffy quietly. Spike looked around the room.

‘That good old torture device the comfy chair,’ he grinned.

‘No, not there, I meant in the bed, just hold me would you? You don’t have to if you don’t want to.’

‘It would be my honour, pet, my honour.’

Buffy went to stand up but William Atherton swept her up in his arms and carried her into the bedroom. Lowering her gently onto the bed, he lit a candle and then pulled the blanket over them both. Buffy curled into his side as though it were the most secure and natural place to be and fell asleep with her head cradled on his shoulder. Spike could smell her fragrance. Vanilla and musk, with that special added ingredient of Buffy. When he awoke in his own bed he could still smell her on him and he felt at peace for the first time in months.

Spike woke up the next morning feeling at peace. He couldn’t remember all of his dream, in fact he couldn’t remember much at all; he knew he’d been with his angel, but the bulk of the dream lay just out of reach. What he did remember was the feeling of peace, and the fact that he hadn’t been fair to Anya. He hadn’t talked to her in weeks without a lawyer being present and that was no way to treat a pregnant lady. No matter how pissed at her you were.

He tried to think of what he could do, but first things were first. He glanced at the clock beside him. Five-thirty in the morning: not a good time to be phoning anyone, and only half an hour before he had to leave for the studio. They were filming one l-o-n-g fight scene today and he needed to be awake and concentrating when the pyrotechnics went off. Last time he didn’t he got a sore ass when one of the explosions caught him. Good one for the blooper reel or youtube. Not so good for the old ego. And his ego needed stroking at the moment. He thought about his day ahead. Concentrate William, he told himself as he grabbed a cup of coffee and made his way to his beloved old Desoto. It had been his first ever car, and despite the Mercedes, Porsches and Humbers parked in the garage, he still preferred his dark lady. He took one last look around the apartment. Time to be getting something bigger, he said quietly to himself as he left for the studio, especially now the baby was on the way.

It was peaceful driving in so early. William always made a point to be on time and ready for his scenes: unlike some of the big Hollywood stars he thought about the rest of the cast and crew. Today, he managed to get in ahead of the makeup girls, but just behind the stunt director. Amy Allen, his infamous co-star, wouldn’t be in for hours, and everyone knew it. The cold politeness with which she was treated said more about the crew’s views of her behaviour than anything else could.

‘Morning Spike!’ Clem shouted across from where he was fixing the explosives for the big battle, his long hair dangling down to cover his face. Clem was the sweetest man you could hope to meet. He helped out at the animal shelters, supported charities, but didn’t go out in public much. A nasty accident had left him with scars all over his face and arms. The cause of the accident was coming on set soon, and although Clem loved working with Spike, he wanted to be away long before Ms Allen showed her perfectly sculpted (thanks to surgery) face. Plastic fantastic he called her in his own mind, that or silicon Barbie.

Spike was one of the good guys: charities were helped whereever and whenever he could. All his costumes were sold for charity when finished with. Spike had had that written into every contract, that along with time for fans, competitions and anything else he could do ‘to make the world a little sweeter’. The only thing he ever kept was the trademark leather bomber jacket he wore on NEMO. And that was his.

Fans knew they could ask him for autographs and they would normally be obliged. Even the paparazzi had problems digging up dirt on Spike Atherton: he dated rarely, but he didn’t sleep around; he drank, moderately, and he didn’t do drugs. He was becoming an all around nice guy.

Spike grinned and waved back. ‘Coffee?’ He shouted. Clem nodded and watched as Spike made his way over to the table set out with coffee and do-nuts for the early arrivals. Everyone was surprised when they met Spike Atherton for the first time. They expected a stuck-up Hollywood type, but what they got was a hard working actor who would go out of his way to be kind and helpful. It wasn’t unknown for him to get out of his car and go across the road to see fans, he always had time to speak to anyone who wanted to talk to him. Even the paparazzi respected the way he behaved, he didn’t court publicity but he wasn’t rude or nasty to anyone who approached him. Clem smiled as Spike made up a tray of coffees and do-nuts and was delivering them round to the early crew. One of the new girls was blushing like mad as Spike gave her that evil grin of his. Clem accepted his coffee gratefully, he had nearly finished setting up all the whiz bangs that would make the shot look far more dangerous than it really was; then he could leave.

‘Mr Atherton?’ a woman’s voice could be heard shouting. ‘Mr Atherton?’ Spike looked round to see a very harassed Winnifred ‘Fred’ Dalton was calling him over, she really looked upset.

‘What’s up pet?’ he asked.

‘Oh Mr Atherton…’ Fred started.

Spike gave her a look. ‘How many times have I told you pet, it’s Spike.’

‘OK then: Spike,’ she smiled, ‘I’m sorry about this but Ms Allen wants to redo the scene in front of the bedroom door, she is causing all sorts of, um, er…’

‘Disturbances?’

‘Yes, disturbances, says her hair wasn’t good enough or something, it should only take an hour or so, and we’re all set up inside, so if you wouldn’t mind?’

‘No problem pet, it’ll allow the boys out here to finish their work without anyone getting in the way.’ He smiled across at Clem, knowing how much the man disliked Amy Allen and with good reason. If the silly cow hadn’t run across the set from her dressing room because someone had put the wrong flowers in it, Clem would never have had to swerve his car and the accident would never have happened two years ago. Spike vowed to keep the actress really busy until the special effects crew was ready for the next scene, and made his way to make up.

Grabbing Amy by the shoulders he swung her into his arms and kissed her soundly on the lips, just grateful that she wasn’t telepathic, as her character was supposed to be. Her shoulders felt like a skeleton under his hands and her tongue sticking down his throat made him want to gag. She looked great on film but in the flesh she was plastic, bones and bad skin. But she could act when she wanted, he supposed.

As soon as the director shouted ‘cut’, Spike wiped his mouth.

‘I wish you wouldn’t do that Spike, it’s so rude.’ Amy moaned at him.

‘Wish you’d clean your teeth,’ Spike spat back, ‘and stop shoving your tongue down my throat, we’re acting, remember.’

‘Oh, but it could be so much more,’ Amy ran her hands up and down Spike’s chest, playing with the buttons on the dress shirt he was wearing.

‘Only in your dreams and my nightmares pet,’ Spike grinned and walked off, listening as Amy gave everyone around her a hard time.

The afternoon was far more pleasant, if you call getting blown up, punched, kicked and thrown off a moving car pleasant. Spike Atherton was very glad that the stuntmen took most of the knocks. He was there strictly for the close-ups and the easy fight scenes. He had no intention of even pretending he did his own stunts, and had little patience with the actors who did, it seemed disrespectful somehow of the guys like Dalton who put their lives and bodies on the line to make you look good.

As he watched, from a safe distance, as his psychiatrist character ran across the roof tops before being punched and kicked by the murderer, he tried to think about Anya. She was carrying his child and he’d behaved very badly: time to make things right, make her feel safe and secure. Every pregnant woman needed to feel safe, he was sure he’d read that somewhere. He just didn’t know how to go about it. The child was going to be loved. He wanted to be part of the baby’s life. He’d grown up without love since his mother had died, and he knew that Anya’s childhood wasn’t the sort they made into family friendly movies. He thought back to the night nearly seven months before hand. They’d both been lonely and lost and stupid, but it wasn’t the baby’s fault.

Then it hit him, how grateful he should be to Anya. So many women would have just gotten rid, and not thought about him: Anya wanted him to be part of their lives, and she was doing everything she could to make sure he was involved and he hadn’t even gone to a doctors appointment with her. Well, that was all about to change. Spike waited patiently until they called cut again and made his way to the director.

‘Could I ask a favour mate, any chance we could do my bit next? I really need to slip away early.’ Fred and the director looked at him open mouthed. They had never heard Spike Atherton ask for anything, in all the time they’d worked together.

‘Yes, sure, 45 minutes and you’ll be away.’

‘Thank you. I really need this.’

‘Xander, Xander,’ Spike shouted as he went through the big glass doors that led into Xander’s studio-cum-office. Anya poked her head out of the small office she used.

‘No use shouting, Spike, he’s not here.’ She said coldly.

Spike took a good long look at Anya. She looked exhausted, and worried. There was a haunted look in her eyes that seemed to conceal her normally bubbly personality.

Spike pulled her into his arms and swung her round. ‘How’s my second best friend today?’

‘Second best?’ She looked at him. What was he up to? In the last three months he’d hardly said a word to her face and here he was all smiles and cheeriness.

‘Well, no-one comes above Xander, well not until this little one comes along and completely steals my heart and soul.’ Spike put a hand on Anya’s swollen abdomen.
‘Have I told you how grateful I am for the gift you’re giving me?’ He asked, his heart and soul showing in his eyes.

She shook her slowly, ‘no.’

‘Well I am. You are a wonderful lady and I’m proud to know you. You’re brave and honest and I should have told you forever ago, and I’m sorry I didn’t. Now,’ he continued, ‘I have an idea. How about we buy a huge plot of land an hour or so out of the city, somewhere with fresh air and less traffic?’

‘I’m not moving in with you, we don’t love each other William, and I don’t want to spoil what we do have.’

‘No, I agree, we don’t love each other, but we DO love this little one.’ Spike put a proprietary hand on Anya’s swollen stomach again. ‘And we both know what it’s like to grow up without love, so I’m Dad, you’re Mom and we work out everything else from there. But only if it’s in niblet’s best interests. Agreed?’

‘Agreed…’ Anya said slowly, as if waiting for the catch.

‘Right. I’m thinking we buy a huge plot of land and build two wonderful houses, plus a guest house for the nanny. We each have our own lives, but it will be gated and safe for you, because security will be a problem once the baby is born.’

‘I hadn’t thought about security,’ Anya mumbled.

‘Its OK, that’s my job, taking care of you both, but you have your house, I have mine, niblet has his or her own room in both, we can have a gym, swimming pool, the works and live independent lives but still be close should the baby need us both. Well, what do you think?’

‘Give me a couple of days but yes, I can see it. William, what made you change? You seemed so angry at me.’

‘Yes, well, I’m an idiot, but I realised what was important today. And that’s you and the baby. Even if we‘re not a couple we are both parents, and that has to be my priority.’

‘Spike.’

‘Yes pet?’

‘Thanks.’

Spike shot her one of his famous grins and sat back in the chair.

‘What are you doing?’

‘Waiting for Xander and you to finish work, then taking the mother of my child out for a meal.’

‘Well you’re not hanging round here, you’ll put paying customers off! Go away and come back at 5.30. I’ve got a doctor’s appointment at five and you can see Xander in peace while I’m out.’

‘No.’ he said, quietly, firmly.

‘No? What do you mean no?’

‘I meant it when I said we’re in this together, now where’s this doctor’s I’m taking you to?’



William Spike Atherton looked at the small screen with tears in his eyes. Hollywood’s hard man, hero and all around good guy was crying over a tiny, blurred image on a monitor.

‘Everything’s OK?’ He managed to get out, his eyes still pinned to the figure on the screen.

‘Everything’s fine, now do you want to know the sex?’

‘Yes,’ said Anya, without thought, ‘that way I will save money by only buying what I need.’

Spike laughed. Anya would never change.

‘Whatever you say pet, whatever you say.’

The technician looked again and took some measurements. She pushed and pulled the probe over Anya.
‘First they tell you to drink lots, then they tell you not to pee, then they push hard on your bladder! It’s cruel,’ Anya complained.

Spike laughed even harder. The technician continued to look at the screen.

‘It’s a boy, you’re having a boy,’ she said.

‘I’ve got a son,’ Spike whispered quietly, ‘I’ve got a son!’

The tech handed over a couple of prints to Anya, ‘for you to keep.’

‘I want one,’ Spike pouted.

Anya laughed and carefully separated the two pictures. ‘There,’ she said, ‘one each.’

Spike put the picture into his wallet as though it were the most precious thing in the world. He watched as Anya wiped off the goo they had spread all over her and then helped her off the couch.

‘Just a few more checks on Mom and you’re free.’

Spike just nodded, his mind still full of the wonderful sight of HIS SON sucking his thumb.

Anya and Spike made their way up to the desk to fill out the last of the forms. The nurses on duty were obviously whispering about him. Anya smiled quietly to herself. She was enough of a woman to be really proud of the fact that everyone knew who Spike was.

The other mom’s were doing double-takes as they saw Spike help Anya into the elevator and head down stairs. Spike knew the news would be out within a day. He had to act fast to protect Anya.

‘Pet?’

‘Yes William?’

Spike loved it when she called him that, his real name; meant that she saw him, not the actor.

‘We need to get my publicist onto this straight away. Those damn mobiles with cameras in ‘em were being used: we’ll be all over the tabloids tomorrow. Better we break the news ourselves: then we can spin it.’

Anya looked at him, he was obviously trying to do his best for her, and it filled her with warmth. The friendship that had been missing was back.

‘Agreed, now you can handle that, and I’m going shopping.’

‘After food, you haven’t eaten yet.’

Spike flagged down a cab and headed out for the Bronze, it was a wonderful eatery used by those in the know. Paparazzi weren’t allowed in at all. They did Buffalo wings and flowering onions, and had a dance floor. His lady needed a night out. Friends they were and Friends they would stay.

Anya felt tired the next morning: she had had a wonderful night, and her feet hurt. They had sat and talked for hours about where they wanted the friendship to go, their priorities for the boy, names for their son. Then Spike had taken her shopping and she had done major damage to his credit card. The nursery furniture was bought and paid for, and due to be delivered in a week. Her wardrobe was full of wonderful maternity clothes, and the new apartment would be ready for her to move into in three days. Big enough for the new baby as well as the nanny they would need. The biggest surprise was when he guided her into the most wonderful jewellers and picked out a wonderful necklace for her. He would have bought a ring, but Anya didn’t want that, a ring was wrong for them on so many levels.

Today she had the task of finding a huge plot of land, at least ten acres, for Spike to build the estate. William was already in with Xander explaining what he wanted. Lorne had come in this morning as well and both men were looking at the designs. From the sounds coming from the office Lorne was correcting all the designs for artistic reasons.

‘The way you’re going you should move in as well,’ Spike joked.

Lorne looked at Xander and Xander looked at Lorne. They were doing the communicating without speaking bit again, it was creepy but it showed just how close they really were. Xander turned back to Spike.

‘If you’re serious man, we’ll think about it.’

‘We’ll all think about it, Harrison deserves a family.’

‘Harrison?’ Lorne asked.

‘Yeh, he’s a boy and Anya liked Harrison. Harrison William Atherton, poor child.’ Answered Spike with a grin.

Fred was holding onto Spike’s cell phone for grim death. They were filming the last scene of the movie, only a week late and Amy was being a bitch. She was deliberately messing up her lines, and missing her spots. Today of all days. The director was really beginning to lose his temper and everyone was staying out of his way if at all possible. How hard could it be, thought Fred, walk over to Spike, kiss him gently on the lips and thank him for finding your brother’s killer, then walk out the office. It wasn’t rocket science by any stretch of the imagination, but Amy was being difficult. She’d been like this since the news was announced about the baby.

The newspapers and TV had been full of stories about Spike’s secret girlfriend and their love child. Spike had spun it as best he could and it had soon settled down. Ted, the director, had thought the timing was brilliant, just the sort of publicity he needed for the film.

Fred was very grateful to be out of the firing line. She had the most important job in the place according to the crew (except Amy of course, according to Amy) and that was to hold Spike’s phone, which was switched to silent, and wait for it to vibrate in her hand. Only three people in the world had the number for this phone: Lorne, Xander and Anya. If it rang it meant Anya was in labour and the fast motorbike and rider waiting outside were to race through the LA traffic to the hospital.

Everyone had been really surprised when Spike had announced the pregnancy just nine weeks ago, and the baby was already a week late in arriving. ‘Didn’t want to leave his mom,’ was Spike’s more polite comment.

‘And Cut!’ screamed Ted, the director. ‘What the hell do you think you’re doing Amy?’ He yelled. ‘It can’t be that hard, just walk over to the desk, give him a gentle kiss and thank him for his services, no smirking, no improvising, just do it!’

The look on Amy’s face made it clear that she realised she’d gone too far.
‘Action!’ was yelled again. Spike had looked thoroughly fed up at doing this simple scene for the eleventh time!

Amy strolled over and managed to just brush Spike’s lips and say her line. Spike looked into her eyes. The pupils were like pinpricks. So that was the problem, Amy was high on something. Most probably the coke she used to stay thin. Spike’s pet hate, holding onto the walking skeletons that inhabited the film industry. His dreams were filled by real women, who had hips and curves and boobs that were all natures own and nothing to do with a surgeon’s skill. He did his job though and made out he liked bones digging into him. He shuddered at how close he’d come to being the drugged up idiot who couldn’t do their job properly.

Fred was disturbed by the phone vibrating in her hand…

‘Cut: that’s a wrap!’ shouted Ted with relief. Fred jumped up from where she had been sitting and ran across the set waving the phone.

‘Spike, Spike!’ she yelled, her Texan drawl loud and clear above the noise on set. Spike looked round to see Fred charging at him like a lunatic.

‘Message has come through, time to leave!’ she shouted.

The cheering was started by one of the cameramen and continued around the set as Spike Atherton, still in his tweedy costume, ran to the door and was whisked away by the rider waiting for him. It only took him seventeen minutes to weave through the traffic, taking every shortcut known to man and messenger, to make it to the hospital. They were so quick that they arrived a couple of minutes ahead of Lorne and Xander who had driven Anya in from home.


Xander arrived at the hospital the next morning with a huge bouquet of flowers and the finished drawings for the new houses; he had been showing them to Anya when her pains had started. It was so funny seeing him run round her apartment like a lunatic. He had forgotten her case the first time out of the door, which is why Spike had made it to the hospital before them. Lorne was besotted by the baby, he and Xander had never thought it possible to have a family of their own, but this was definitely the next best thing.

Anya was delighted with the plans. She had been correcting them during her hospital stay: now there were four houses with a range of staff quarters in an annexe, swimming pool, Jacuzzi and gym. They would hopefully be finished by Harri’s first birthday. Anya had found the perfect site, high in the hills, over twenty acres and with amazing views. Work was due to start the following month.

The reporters surrounded the hospital day and night until Spike and Anya were seen leaving three days later with Harrison William Atherton, 7lb 4 oz. He had his daddy’s eyes and his mom’s chin according to the proud Papa.

That night Spike found himself up in the garden again. Giles was waiting for him in his office.

‘Congratulations on your son,’ he said, handing Spike a glass of champagne. ‘How are you feeling tonight?’

‘Amazing. Watching Harri come into the world was probably the best moment of my life. He’s beautiful and cute and tiny. I didn’t realise that they came so small!!’ Spike said, accepting the glass from the older man.

‘And how are you and Elizabeth doing, may I ask?’

‘Better. I really love the lady, and I know I messed up but she’s forgiven me, and I am so grateful for the second chance.’

‘As long as you appreciate her and it. Now I have to talk to you about something else. I realise that you and she do really love one another, but you were not meant to meet in this lifetime. Now you are a new father, you should really concentrate on earthly matters. You no longer need Buffy’s help.’

Spike went to interrupt but Giles held up a hand. ‘Let me finish, please.’
Spike settled back down into his chair.

‘I can truly understand that you want to stay with Buffy, but if you spend all your energy here there will be none left for your son or his mother, nor for the lessons you were supposed to learn on earth. You have been given a truly heavenly gift, you have a child and you should really spend all your time and energy on him. So I am allowing you and Buffy this night, then you will not see each other for at least a year.’

‘No: I can’t!’

‘You must. Buffy needs to move on with her life too. She has to live, and the hardest thing to do in life sometimes is to live it. It is all too easy to forget to live down there, then all the lessons you should have learnt will have to be taught again. Is that what you want?’

Spike shook his head.

‘I will allow one more night together, then that’s it, for at least a year,’ he repeated. ‘But because of the love you share, the Powers have said that you may spend the whole of your next lives together, as lovers. You can meet young and never part. This is quite an offer: normally we are working between seven and ten lives ahead, but there are those in power that have a very soft spot for Buffy and you have impressed them as well, so they have agreed. One good life together, then we’ll see what happens next.’

Spike looked at the champagne; he put the glass down on the table. ‘I have no choice, do I?’

‘Not really. If you continue to see her here she won’t live on earth: she will merely exist. You have good friends and a child who is healthy. Please allow Buffy to live her life as well.’

‘I do love her, you know…’

‘I know. If you didn’t, you wouldn’t even think of our offer, you would simply reject it and keep seeing her here, no matter how much she needs the separation from you. You are all she thinks about. There is a chance of a good life for her and she can’t even see it, a life full of love and happiness as well as challenges, but she has to let go of the intimacy you have created. Can you do that, for Buffy?’

‘I can do anything for Buffy,’ he whispered.

‘I know, and that year will fly by, these dreams will fade and before you know it you will be back. Now and go see her and say goodbye for now: and both of you LIVE. Oh and Spike, if you really need us one of us will answer your prayers.’

Giles sat down at his desk and watched as Spike left through the French Windows and made his way out into the garden. He held his head in his hands and felt like crying. He felt as though he had betrayed Buffy and his heart was heavy.

‘It was needed my son,’ said a gentle voice. ‘If they are true soul mates they need this time apart to discover themselves.’

‘I know Father,’ Giles said, ‘but why do I feel such a cad for doing this to them?’

‘No parent likes watching their child suffer, and you truly love Buffy like a daughter. But that isn’t enough for Buffy, she cannot be protected from every ill wind. She is one of the Golden Ones, she needs a soul mate as strong as she is or they will never reach the heights they were intended to. Let William become all that he can be. He is still relying on this place and our darling Elizabeth for his strength. He has to find it within himself. Give him this year: you may be surprised at the results.’

The voice and the light faded, leaving Giles at peace.

Buffy knew what was coming before even Giles did: the white light that had visited Giles had also come to visit her. He had explained that Spike needed to live, to see who he really was on Earth and not just in the sanctified air of the garden. It seemed that Spike had had many lives that had been wasted. He had made many bad judgement calls and he needed this time to grow into the man he could be. So Buffy knew this was the last night she and Spike would have together for at least a year and she was determined to make it special. It had been hard, but Buffy had the maturity of many, many lives to help her. She wasn’t just a twenty-two year old who worked as a counsellor, she was also a Guardian, one of the counsellors who helped lost souls. She drew on those memories to gain the wisdom she knew she needed for the next year.

Buffy had seen what happened when people only lived for their dreams. They became lost souls, unable to function on earth. It was where the addicts and wastrels came from and she wasn’t having that happen to William, not while she had anything to say about it. Yes, a year without him would be hard, but it was only a year out of the thousands of years they might have together; it was a small price to pay for him to truly become all he could be. Buffy knew he was a good man, but he had to earn his wings and polish his soul like everyone else, he had to know who and what he truly was. Her mission for the night was making sure this was the best night of this life or any other for the both of them. The voice had reassured her that Spike wouldn’t run from her this time, that all would be well. So she made her plans very carefully. The seduction of a Hollywood heart-throb.

Stage one: A bath with vanilla bubbles, and the best cream a girl could dream of, and couldn’t afford at home.

Stage two: Fire lit and champagne on ice: well, that had to celebrate Harri’s birth as well.

Stage three: Roses everywhere!

Stage four: Soft and romantic music.

Stage five: A nice meal, and for once she hadn’t destroyed the kitchen at the same time. Even if it was only lasagne and salad.

Stage six: A nice slinky black dress that hugged her hips and flowed over her legs; the spaghetti straps made wearing a bra impossible. And she hadn’t put any panties on either. They spoiled the flow of the dress - at least that was what she told herself.

Buffy was just lighting the last candle when Spike came in through the door. He was carrying a perfect peach rose in his hand. It was the same colour as Buffy’s cheeks and he just had to bring it to her.
Spike looked around at the room, lit exclusively by candles and firelight and knew what she had planned. He wasn’t going to let her down again. This night would be incredible for both of them; all they could dream of and more to keep them going through the long year ahead.

‘Buffy,’ His voice should be outlawed, when he growled like that she could feel the moisture pooling between her legs.

‘Spike…’ she whispered back and handed him a glass of wine.
‘A wonderful day for you.’

‘Bloody brilliant pet,’ he grinned at the thought of little Harri.

‘I bet he’s gorgeous.’

‘That he is, going to break a few hearts when he’s older.’ Spike ran his hand over Buffy’s bare shoulder.

‘Mind you, you break those hearts now, don’t you pet?’

‘I don’t know what you mean,’ she whispered, shivering from the slight touch he was giving her.

Buffy turned to look at Spike.

‘We don’t have to do anything you don’t want to,’ she said, almost afraid to look into his eyes.

Spike smiled. ‘Isn’t that supposed to be my line? Anyway: I want,’ he whispered, ‘I want so very much.’

He reached down slowly and gently took her lips with his. The kiss deepened and Buffy reached up and wrapped her hands around the back of his neck. She had forgotten about the glass she held, and spilled the champagne all down his back. The cold brought Spike back to where he actually was. He stopped kissing Buffy for long enough to shrug off his wet shirt. Buffy looked in amazement at the chiselled abs and almost marble skin he was displaying.

She put down the glass with a quiet ‘sorry,’ then started to run her hands over William’s chest. He gasped as her fingers came into contact with his nipples. Buffy responded to the noise by rubbing a little more firmly. She then slipped her hand lower. Spike looked into her eyes.
‘You’re in the driving seat pet, we don’t do anything you don’t want to.’

‘Thank you,’ Buffy replied and kissed Spike hard on the mouth. Her tongue fighting past his lips and exploring the inside of his mouth before breaking off and peppering kisses down his strong jaw and along his neck.

She moved over his shoulders, skimming her hands down his hard-muscled flanks. Her hands felt every tremor he made, he was so responsive to her touch. William placed his hands gently onto her shoulders, his fingers playing with the straps of her dress. They slipped over her tanned shoulders and down her arms. Buffy turned slightly to show William the zipper and he gently undid it.

Buffy felt the silk dress pool at her feet, covering her strappy sandals. She was left in just her stockings. William looked at her bare breasts. He wanted to kiss them, but was scared of frightening her, he remembered her terrible childhood and wanted to take things at her speed. Buffy felt him holding back.

‘I trust you,’ she whispered.

It was all too much for William. He picked her up and carried her into the bedroom, laying her down on the crisp linen sheets. Buffy looked up at him with total trust and love in her eyes. And William looked down at her with adoration. This woman loved both sides of his personality. She loved the brash actor and the quiet poet; she saw the whole of him and was looking at the whole of him with adoration and trust in her eyes. He bent in to kiss her hungrily. Taking control of her mouth, forcing his tongue between her lips. Buffy accepted all he could give.

She was wet: his hand brushed her mound; she was very wet. He slid a finger between her nether lips and slowly started rubbing her nub.

‘God you are so beautiful, luv…’

‘So are you,’

‘I am not beautiful,’ he complained, ‘I’m sexy and manly, I’ll even accept handsome, but not beautiful!’

‘You are beautiful, inside and out,’ she told him before reaching up for another kiss. When they broke apart she noticed her was still wearing his jeans.

‘Someone has far too many clothes on,’ she pouted.

Spike pulled away from her and slipped off the offending article. He stood there in all his glory, unashamed of his nakedness, his member proud and erect. Buffy had never seen such an example of pure masculinity. He oozed sex. Spike could commit indecency through pheromones alone, sitting quietly in the corner of a darkened room.

Buffy reached out a tentative hand and drew back, scared of what she was about to do. Spike, William, noticed her hesitation.

‘Hey,’ he said, putting a finger under her chin to lift her eyes to his, ‘nothing we do here is shameful or wrong as long as we both want it. You want to touch, that’s fine; you want to taste, go ahead. But remember I want to touch, I want to taste and before this night is out we will both do what we want and it will be good,’ he smirked, ‘very good.’

He kissed her gently and lay on the bed beside her. Spike stretched out his hands above his head.

‘You explore love, do what ever you want.’

He loved that mix of innocence and experience in her, it was such a turn on.

Buffy ran her hands over his chest. She couldn’t believe how solid flesh could feel. She ran her hands all over the planes of his abdomen and chest, sliding her hand lower and lower towards his legs. She stroked the fine hairs leading down towards his engorged cock. Buffy could feel herself getting wetter and wetter. Her hand went to the junction between his thighs and stroked the soft skin found there. His cock seemed heavy and hard in her hands. She was nervous, frightened. She’d never been this close to any man willingly.

Buffy looked back up at Spike, his eyes were gentle and full of love.

‘If you want to stop, we can at any time…’

‘I don’t want to stop,’ she whispered, ‘I just don’t know what to do and I don’t want to disappoint you.’

William burst out laughing.

Buffy looked affronted. ‘There’s no need to laugh at me,’ she pouted again.

‘I’m not laughing at you luv, just think about what you’ve said! My dream girl, wearing a very sexy pair of stockings, looking like that and worried I won’t be happy? Pet, all you have to do is lie there and I would be ecstatic, anything else is a bonus! Understand, Buffy: I love you, all of you and I want to love you tonight. I know we only have tonight, but it’s going to be the best night either of us ever have.’

He leant forward and kissed her hard on the lips, pushing her over onto her back. He ghosted his hands over that amazing body. William kissed his way down her body, his tongue playing with her nipples until they were rock hard; he kept his fingers playing with them as he kissed down to her belly button. His tongue played in and out of there until Buffy was writhing under his ministrations.

‘William…’ she moaned. He grinned and carried on kissing down her body until he reached the centre of her womanhood. He sat back on his heels and looked at the amazing woman below him. She was beautiful; in fact to William the gentle poet, she was the most beautiful woman in the world. He gently started to kiss the curls between her legs. He slid his hands over her stocking-covered legs and pulled them off, throwing them into the corner of the room. He looked down at Buffy, her eyes wild and filled with arousal.

‘Are you sure about this pet? Last chance to say no.’

In his heart he was praying that she wouldn’t change her mind.

Buffy reached up and pulled him down into a soul-searing kiss, her hands running up and down his back. William returned the kiss with fervour. He wanted this more than anything else in his life.

He continued stroking her mound, reaching his finger into her tight feminine sheath. The finger hit a barrier: she was a virgin. The thought hit his lust filled mind like a hammer.

‘Pet?’

‘Hmm?’

‘Luv, look at me.’

William’s voice had gone all serious on her. It filtered through to Buffy’s mind that he’d stopped doing what he had been doing that felt soooo good…

‘Why did you stop?’ she queried.

‘I hit your virginity, luv: you’re a virgin here.’ Buffy looked at him in astonishment.

No wonder she’d been so tight, here in their secret heaven she’d never been through all those dreadful things; she was a virgin.

‘Are you going to do something about it then?’ She asked with a coquettish smile.

‘Only if you’re really sure.’

‘Oh I’m sure,’ and Buffy lifted her hips to rub against his cock. William reached down between her legs again and started rubbing her womanhood. Her lips were getting wetter and wetter. He could smell her arousal and it was making him even harder, if that were even possible. He gently moved her legs apart and settled against the cradle of her hips. They fitted together like two pieces of a jigsaw. His shaft rubbed up and down her nether lips hitting her clit time after time. Buffy wriggled and writhed under him, wanting, needing more.

‘It’s going to hurt for a moment pet,’ he whispered as he positioned himself at her entrance.

Buffy just nodded and lifted her hips slightly. She was sopping wet with need. Spike pushed in a short way, and stopped moving. She was so tight he thought he’d come there and then. Buffy looked up at him with those huge green eyes. Spike leant forward and captured her mouth as he pushed deep inside her body. The gasp from Buffy was captured by the kiss as he burst through her innocence.

Buffy couldn’t believe that pain could feel so good, but she loved the feeling of being so filled by him. It felt wonderful and natural. Neither of them moved for a minute or two, as they adjusted to one another’s body. William was tightly gripped within Buffy and she was filled to perfection by him. Then they set about the ancient dance, the ancient rhythm sending them higher and higher, until the only sounds were their moans and their hearts beating as one.

Buffy screamed her first orgasm straight in to his mouth, coming fast and hard, her sheath spasming and causing William to shoot his cum into her waiting body. He rested his head against her. Buffy was whispering how much she loved him and he managed to tell her he loved her before they both fell asleep with his cock still buried inside of her.

When Buffy awoke she found a single peach rose on her pillow beside her and her alarm clock going off, telling her it was time for work.
When Spike awoke he was alone, in his apartment. He tried to remember his dream, but all he could remember was emerald green eyes and a feeling of wonder; that and the fact that his sheets needed changing after a wonderful wet dream. That was all he recorded in his dream book for a year.


Giles sat in his study with a really nice glass of scotch. He was reading the latest Shakespeare work, and thoroughly enjoying the quiet. The White Light appeared by his side.

‘It’s done, they will be apart for a year.’

‘Yes, it’s done,’ Giles said, trying to ignore the knowledge in his head about what the lovers were doing that night.

‘You won’t regret it,’ The Light said. It settled into the shape of a woman. ‘May I join you?’

‘Certainly,’ Giles said gallantly. He lifted his glass in offer of a drink.

‘Madeira please,’ she said, and they sat in companionable silence for a while.

‘I left the rose on her pillow,’ the woman said. ‘She works so hard for us; it will do her good to have a physical reminder.’

‘And him?’ Giles enquired.

‘A lovely, but fading, dream is his memento. That way he will live with his heart and soul.’

‘Ahh, um?’

‘Is there something else?’ The woman enquired.

‘Well it’s… um… difficult.’

‘Yes?’

‘Why the uh, maidenhead?’ Giles managed to blurt out.

‘Every girl, every woman deserves the memory of a loving first time,’ she whispered as she faded from sight.

‘Happy birthday to you,’ was still running around Spike’s head as he put Harri to bed. It didn’t seem possible that he was a year old already. The little boy had grown and grown. He was the centre of Spike’s world, and he loved him.

Spike had agreed to move into Harri’s house for the week while Anya got ready for her wedding. Xander had come up with the most brilliant idea. Instead of Harri moving in and out of his and Anya’s places, they each had a room in his house. Of course he had rooms in theirs as well, but Anya and William took it in turns to sleep over at Harri’s: that way the child had stability and didn’t have to keep getting uprooted.

Anya had met the security contractor, Riley Finn, and despite her outspokeness and his farmboy style they had hit it off, and they were dating a week after meeting. Six months later he had proposed, only to be told by Anya it was ‘about time’, and in three days they were going to be married.

Finn was moving into Sanctuary as well. They were becoming quite the commune. Six houses built so far: Harri’s, his, Anya’s. And one for Xander and Lorne, the staff one and a guest house. There was a huge pool and gym complex (including dance studio), stables, and amazing gardens; a jungle gym big enough for all the boys to play on (and I do mean the grown up boys). Anya thought there was something quite hilarious about seeing Xander and Spike chase each other around it. Finn had recently taken to joining them in their follow-my-leader game, Harri in a rucksack on his dad’s back squealing with laughter, his piercing blue eyes taking in every detail of what was going on around him. Anya loved her son very much, in fact although their family was highly unusual she loved them all very much.

Spike had to go out tomorrow night. It was the Academy awards and he was up for best supporting actor in the psychological thriller ‘Who’s Face?’ So today was a day for Harri, not that Harri would be alone of course. His nanny would be there, Xander and Lorne were going to be babysitting and even Riley had said he would do bed time tales. But it was one of the few occasions in his life when neither Mom or Dad would be with him. Anya was planning the absence of parents like a military operation. The list of numbers on the fridge was huge, a telephone directory would have been easier, but it was Anya’s way and they all loved her for it.

Spike’s most recent girlfriend had vanished as quickly as she had arrived when she realised that Spike put no-one in front of Harri in his life, and she didn’t like playing second fiddle to a one year old. At one time in his life William would have been heartbroken but now he thought it was the biggest joke out. Harri seemed mature compared to the twenty-something female sulking because he wouldn’t go shopping and wanted to take his son to the beach for the day.


Spike had tried to keep the promises his soul had made. He might not remember them, but he always tried to do good. His date for the academy awards was a young lady by the name of Susan Heddle who had won the Pride Of Britain award for bravery. Despite being dreadfully injured herself, she had pulled three children out of a burning car. Spike Atherton had been honoured when he’d been asked to present her with her award, seems she was a fan of NEMO and had always wanted to swim with a dolphin. Spike had added a trip to America on a family holiday as well as a visit to the set while they were filming the last scenes of the NEMO movie to her presentation. She had her swim with a dolphin, in fact she was one of the children swimming off the sub with the dolphin caring for them in the latest episode they had filmed. Lorne had designed a special dress that covered her burns scars for her, and tomorrow she was going to be Spike’s date on the red carpet.

Fred had taken over as his publicist and had thought it was a lovely idea, but Spike wouldn’t use Susan like that. This was a reward for her bravery, not a publicity stunt, so she was down as a family friend. Spike hoped her next round of physio would be a little easier after all the happy memories he had given her.

He looked down at his son. Although there was no lady in his life at the moment, life was very good to him.


Buffy looked across at her date. After the six months that she and Francis Doyle had been going steady, they were seriously thinking about taking the next step. Dawn had come through a lot of the grieving process, thanks to Buffy, and Doyle was exceptionally grateful to the beautiful young woman in front of him.

‘So do you fancy it? A weekend away, just the two of us. Dawn has been invited to Janice's for the weekend, so we could drive north and find a pretty little inn somewhere.’

‘I would love to,’ Buffy replied.

Buffy was watching TV as she packed her case for the weekend. The academy awards were on. She loved all the red carpet stuff, looking at the wonderful dresses as the super-thin actresses swept down the carpet, surrounded by banks and banks of photographers.

I wonder how long it takes them to look that good? She mused as she slipped the silk nightie into her bag. It wasn't her preferred nightwear: that was a black tee shirt, man's size medium that covered to mid thigh, but tonight and tomorrow would be silk and lace.

Buffy thought about Doyle. He was a gentle soul and had been very good to her. He was the first person to ever understand what her life had been like. He put no pressure on her for anything. If you had met them together you would have thought them married for years. There was no burning passion but there was love, steady, gentle, caring love.

Doyle, Buffy and Dawn. A sweet, caring family. Buffy thought about Doyle's life. He worked as a vet and had an excellent reputation, and in his free time cared for Dawn and her. They had recently been looking at getting a bigger house, he and Dawn.

Dawn was growing up fast and his small apartment wouldn't, couldn't, cope with a teenager. Next weekend they planned to go visiting houses. Something with three bedrooms and a study.

The sight of Spike Atherton coming down the carpet caught her eye. Buffy thought he was looking well despite their year apart. No one would ever love her the way he did. The passion burned between them, it was a fire so bright it blinded, but they wouldn't be together this time. She accepted that. Her heart accepted it. Their secret love was what kept her getting up in the mornings and supported her when the world felt bad.

Spike had a pretty girl on his arm: she couldn't be more than 16. Buffy turned up the volume on the TV so she could hear his voice, it really should be outlawed, the deep masculine tones sent shivers down her spine.

‘May I introduce Susan, who kindly agreed to be my date for tonight?’ he was saying. ‘She won the Pride of Britain award for bravery last year after she rescued three small children from a burning car. I know I am a lucky man to have met her: I might do stunts on camera, but this lady does them for real.’

The girl beside him went red with embarrassment and pride. She looked at Spike with adoration in her eyes. Buffy knew that look. She'd seen it a hundred times in the hospital when Spike had hit upon just the right thing to say.

The interviewer turned to the girl in question. ‘Hi, are you enjoying yourself?’

‘Very much thank you,’ came a soft English voice.

‘Who made your lovely dress?’

‘Lorne at Caritris, he designed it to cover my arms and shoulders especially, and I just loved the colour.’

It was a burnt orange creation; when the girl held up her hand to brush her hair out of her eyes, Buffy caught a glimpse of scarring on her hand.

‘What else have you been doing?’

‘I got to see the set where they film NEMO and to swim with Cousteau, the dolphin!’

‘I think she's a bigger fan of his than of mine,’ joked Spike.

‘Spike, what do you think of your chances for the Oscar this year?’

‘This year it would be very hard to say: I think the film has a really good chance at Best Picture, and Ted did an amazing job of directing. The script was fantastic thanks to Andrew and Jonathan, Amy is a dedicated actress, but there have been excellent performances in other films by lead actors, so we'll wait and see.’

‘Thank you very much.’

‘Thank you,’ replied Spike, and he and his date wandered off.

Spike was keeping his promises. The thought of that warmed her heart.

Buffy looked back at the TV, she was woman enough to wonder who the other woman was, and although she shouldn't she Googled ‘Pride of Britain'.

She had been right. Susan was only 16, but when she read of the girl's bravery, she stopped her nonsense and quickly finished her packing.



The weekend had been brilliant. She and Doyle had shared some real quality time, and to Buffy's joy, she hadn't frozen and done a poor impersonation of an ice maiden when he touched her. Things were settling down nicely between them. Life was good.

Buffy was exhausted when she finally got home from school on the Monday night. She lazily rang for takeout while finishing her paperwork, had long luxurious bath, and then an early night with a good book. She was reading Tanya Huff's ‘Blood Price’ and had completely fallen in love with the werewolf family, especially the cubs. She quickly fell asleep that night.


Buffy woke to being tickled under the chin by a stalk of grass: she looked up expecting to see blue eyes and a stunning smile. Instead she saw grey wrinkled skin and a trunk.

When he was sure she was awake, Ellepant gently stroked her cheek with his trunk and then held it out as a support for her as she stood up. He then lifted a bent leg and looked at her. The instruction was obvious...climb on board.
At a very sedate pace they set off across the Garden.

Buffy climbed down off of the Elephant’s back and gave his trunk a hug. That same trunk hugged back then started patting her down, searching for mints.

Buffy laughed as she found a packet and, unwrapping them, handed them over to the pachyderm as he headed off in the direction of a group of children playing in a small swimming pool.
The air was soon full of squeals of laughter as the elephant sucked up trunkfuls of water and squirted the swimmers. He looked most put out when the children started splashing him back. Laughter dominated the noises in the air around her, laughter and birdsong and the sound of falling water.

Buffy took a look around. She was outside the hospital. She knew she’d been up regularly, but her ‘downstairs’ memories had not been as complete in the last year.

She knew she had been working with a few kids that had been murdered in shootouts and a couple that had been killed in car crashes, just allowing them to come to terms with what was happening, but that was all. It was as though her mind had protected itself from the longing for Spike, the loneliness she would have felt without him. Instead she had lived in the real world, with her living friends, and worked in the real world with the kids that had needed her there.

As she entered the hospital she could hear music coming from one of the side rooms. She felt drawn to it and saw Spike playing the guitar whilst a couple of her charges joined in. Her heart leapt at the sight of him. He hadn’t changed. He looked wonderful.

Spike felt eyes on him and looked up at the glass doorway. There stood Buffy. The sun shining through her hair, lighting it up like a halo.

He nearly dropped the guitar in his hurry to put it down and sprinted to the door: he snatched it open and grabbed her round the waist and swung her round and round. He nuzzled his face into her hair and whispered sweet nothings in her ear, before nibbling at said ear and kissing down her neck.

‘Fancy a coffee, pet?’ He grinned at her. His heart was pounding in his chest so loudly it was astonishing that no-one else heard it. She looked amazing, beautiful, wonderful. His Angel was back with him and he was truly in heaven again.

Buffy just nodded, delighted to be with him again. Her heart felt like it was filling her completely. She drank in his face, his eyes, his body like a starving woman at a feast. Her William, he looked amazing, and Buffy felt tears well up in her eyes. Spike noticed Buffy’s eyes fill with tears and his heart fell.

‘You OK pet? Buffy, you OK?’

Buffy still didn’t answer.

William took a step back and put his hand out to touch her. Buffy leant into the palm and stroked it along her cheek. The tears then spilled out completely and she stepped forward into his arms, burying her head in his chest and let the emotion fall from her. The dam broke and she cried out loud.

‘Pet what’s the matter?’ His voice held all the worry from his heart. Had he done something to upset her? Was she angry about their time apart?
‘I’ve missed you so much, and I can’t believe its already been a year, I wasn’t sure Giles would let us see each other and I’ve missed you…’

‘You already said that bit pet, and I’ve missed you too, but what are the tears for?’

‘I’ve missed you, you jerk!’

Spike started to laugh. Only Buffy could blubber her way through that many sentences and still insult him at the end of it. How he loved this woman in front of him. He revelled in the feeling of her in his arms again, just holding her was a miracle.

‘Coffee?’ He repeated and Buffy nodded, took his hand and led the way to the café in the hospital.

Coffee was wonderful. Not so wonderful was the look on Spike’s face when Buffy told him about Doyle.

‘Is he good to you?’

‘Very.’

‘And are you happy?’

‘As I can be.’

‘Good.’

The conversation then turned to other less painful topics, William and Buffy happy just to be with one another again.

‘How’s Dawn?’

‘Sleeping at last, she’s getting over the shock of losing her parents. She’s turning into a real little pickle. Into everything, and up to mischief, which is totally normal behaviour for an eight year old.’


They continued to talk for hours. Drinking coffee and catching up on the last year.

‘Congratulations on the Oscar, I was really proud of you when I saw you on the red carpet.’

‘Thanks pet, did you like the film?’

‘Loved it, thought you sounded a bit like Giles when you were making the long speeches, and I know I shouldn’t but it made me giggle at the thought of you taking him off like that.’

William grinned at her. It was wonderful just to be with her again.

William didn’t go back to Buffy’s house and she didn’t ask him.


Christmas was wonderful. William watched in awe as the church in The Garden was filled with a pure white light. ‘Oh Come All Ye Faithful’ took on a different meaning when used as a call to the faithful to fill the church. The first notes seemed to hover, then float away rounding up the latecomers. The church was filled with candlelight and song. Christmas eve took on a special meaning here. It seemed to have a holy feeling throughout the place that radiated everywhere.

Coming out from the church he and Buffy watched as men and women stepped forward to where a bright light descended from above. They entered the light and emerged brighter, efflugent.

‘What’s happening?’ Whispered William, not wanting to break the moment.

‘A blessing from on high: they are the ones who will walk the earth this night spreading Heaven’s blessings amongst those who hold this day special. The same thing happens in other parts of the Garden at other festivals. They may walk in a hospital where the surgeons are fighting for a life, or bring a family back together. Miracles happen at Christmas and this is how.’

Later that same afternoon he was amazed to see a flying sleigh, pulled by reindeer, land outside the hospital and be filled with small children. ‘Where are they going?’ he wondered out loud.

‘Father Christmas’s place for tea, it’s the least we can do for them. It’s their first year without their parents.’ Buffy explained.

The children were laughing and calling to one another as the sleigh took off into the evening sky. The magic filled the hearts of every adult who had been privileged to see it.


It hurt Spike a little when Buffy told him she had married, but he was happy for her: she had her family. His life went from strength to strength; Blockbuster followed Blockbuster, award followed award and his greatest joy was still watching his son grow into a fine young man. His note- books contained flashes of memory, a photograph taken by the heart, the sound of Buffy laughing as that dammed elephant soaked him with water, or stole a cream bun from the table when they were sharing tea with Giles.


Giles watched as they grew closer and closer, becoming true soul-mates. And he was glad for them.

Spike felt the joy in Buffy’s heart when she had her child on earth. He hadn’t even realised that she was pregnant, and it was when she didn’t show for three months that he questioned Giles, only to be told she was concentrating on her new daughter. Spike was surprised that he felt no jealousy; he just felt happiness for the woman who meant so much to him. That she finally had her own family to love was a dream come true for her.

*

Francesca Anne Summers Doyle had been alive barely three years when her father was killed in a car crash. Buffy had collapsed at the hospital, and wound up in the Garden, distraught. Spike Atherton had been filming when he collapsed on set. The doctor at the studio couldn’t find anything wrong, but sent him home to sleep, diagnosing ‘flu. William’s sleep diary was filled with images of a crying woman.

He helped her pick up the pieces of her life; because of him, she managed to hold it together for both Dawn and Fran. She had been widowed at 27; Doyle was only 35. The drunk driver got charged with vehicular manslaughter. He was let out on bail, got drunk again and killed himself by wrapping his car around a tree. Buffy found it hard to feel sorry for him; something she’d have to work through later, she thought to herself. Dawn was 11 years old when she was left with no family other than Buffy and Fran. No parents, no brother, nothing. But Buffy kept her promises to Doyle, picked up the threads of her life and raised both girls together. Doyle had left her well cared for financially: no burger joint for her. In fact there was enough from the sale of his practise for Buffy to indulge a little in her love of painting. She helped out when she was needed in a little art gallery, she continued to work at the school, a school that had turned completely around under the headship of Robin Wood, it had gone from one of the worst schools in the area to one of the best. The counselling systems that she had set up were used as models for other establishments and Buffy started lecturing on her methods.

William and Buffy continued their friendship, sharing wonderful dreams, dancing to wonderful bands, riding his bike fast and getting shouted at by some old lady. Their days were filled with laughter and love.

*

The years just flew by. They shared picnics and dances, painting lessons and swimming. They brought children and young adults through their first difficult months and grew closer and closer.

After a year of widowhood, Buffy made the first move towards changing the relationship with William, inviting him home for coffee at her place in the garden. He was reluctant to agree. Their relationship had become so much more, but then he looked into her eyes and was lost all over again. Buffy was his and he was Buffy’s.

*

Spike was fixing coffee in the house they shared in the garden. In the last six years it had become their house, and Spike loved pottering. He loved the way Buffy had shifted a couple of chairs and put in a lovely winged seat so he could snuggle up and read his poetry. He loved the davenport desk tucked in amongst the guitars and the piano where he wrote the lyrics to songs. He polished the songs for hours on end then learned them off by heart. He was lucky enough to take the lyrics back with him in the mornings.
Spike Atherton was getting the reputation as a really good singer.

He was one of the few film stars to successfully make the transition from film to CD, from TV to stage. He was a success all over again. Spike looked at his cup of coffee and carried the second cup over to where Buffy was sitting in front of another canvas, painting another picture. This one showed Ellepant, with a couple of children on his back, playing in the lake. His trunk held high and a spray of water showering down over the children. Matt was clearly one of the models.

A flash of light from outside caught his attention. Spike looked out of the picture window and gazed in amazement as the sky filled with what appeared to be fireworks. Buffy put down her brush, and taking the second cup of coffee went outside to get a clearer view.

‘What is it?’ Asked Spike.

‘Soulmates meeting up after death for the first time in seventy or eighty years,’ replied Buffy. ‘This place, the Garden itself, puts on a celebration when they return.’

Spike felt warmed by the thought that somewhere in this fantastical place, someone else shared a love like his and Buffy’s. He put his arm around her and led her back inside. Kissing her as he did so.
Spike and Buffy wrapped the comforter around themselves and fell asleep together again.

They never spent another night apart and always fell asleep wrapped in each others’ arms, only to wake in their own beds in the morning.

‘Happy Birthday Sis,’ Dawn said as she came in and threw her bag onto the sofa. ‘Still watching Spike Atherton on ‘youtube’? You are sad, do you know that?’

‘Thank you Dawn, yes I know, but I enjoy it, now why don’t you go and do something useful like order the Chinese takeaway for tonight?’ Buffy answered.

Buffy had had the whole day to herself, and had thoroughly enjoyed it. Dawn had stayed over at Janice’s house the night before and gone straight to work from there. Fran was on a field trip with her school and Buffy had treated herself to a morning at the spa, come home and simply put her feet up. A whole day for herself. A real luxury. Buffy loved her job working with troubled teenagers and running the gallery; she loved caring for Dawnie and Fran, but some days it was nice to forget you were a grown-up and play hookie from all the jobs, especially on your birthday.



Dawn looked at Buffy still watching some clip or other on the computer, it was one where Spike was losing a play fight with the dolphin from his TV show. Buffy looked a lot younger than her 42 years when she laughed. Dawn was glad that she’d had Buffy. Buffy who kept the bitter winds of life from harming her little family. She had worked hard and kept them together, supported Dawn throughout her childhood. Dawn loved Buffy as though she were her real sister and she loved little Fran too. Doyle had always teased Buffy about her infatuation with Spike Atherton, had offered to pay for Buffy to go to one of his concerts, but she had always refused. It seemed wrong to her to drool over one man in the company of another. Doyle had known everything about Buffy’s life, had known and understood about the Garden. It helped that he had dreams as well. Everyone does; what they don’t realise, but Buffy and Doyle knew, was that this was a part of everyone’s life, they were just lucky to remember it.

Dawn had a secret. Buried in the bottom of her bag were three tickets to the Spike Atherton concert here in Sunnydale at the beginning of April. Dawn and Fran had worked hard all over Christmas and had bought them with their own money. Buffy thought Fran was working for college cash, but this was the big ‘thank you for being there’ present she had been saving for. Dawn was getting nervous: $200 was a lot for tickets and she’d paid for every extra going, including drinks afterwards in the bar.

‘Happy Birthday,’ she whispered again to Buffy as the three of them sat down to the takeaway. Fran grinned up at her mom. Eighteen years had turned Fran into a beautiful young lady: she was able to wear figure-hugging jeans and always had something with an elephant on it. She dreamed of them often, riding with one, swimming with one. It was her secret place.

Buffy opened the envelope carefully. She couldn’t believe her eyes when she saw what was inside three tickets to see Spike Atherton in concert in just two and a bit months time.

‘How, what, how?’ Was all she managed to say.

Fran and Dawn caught each others’ eye and started laughing. It wasn’t often they managed to make Buffy speechless.

‘Tickets for Spike Atherton!!’
‘Yep, not only that, I’ve booked us in to a hotel as well. It’s not a brilliant hotel, but it’s close to the theatre.’

‘How can I thank you?’

‘Enjoy, mom,’ Fran said and Dawn just grinned.

THAT day came round very quickly. Buffy felt like a young girl on her first date. She had gone through the whole of her wardrobe to find the perfect outfit. It had to be just right.

She was worried, three separate thoughts kept flying through her brain. What if he didn’t recognise her? That would hurt, but what if he did know her, and he didn’t want to see her? What if he did want to see her, what would that do to their lives? It was all very well to live in a fantasy of being swept off ones’ feet but when faced with the reality she felt like running away. It was only the thought of how much the girls were looking forward to seeing the concert that kept her in the room and concentrating on putting on her boots. Boots she could understand. Buffy got up and looked at herself in the hotel mirror. Her girls had done her proud and Buffy was so very proud of her two girls. Dawn had finished college and was studying law. She had a real gift for languages, and her sharp brain, honed for years with arguing with her sister, could see the points in a legal argument quickly and precisely.

Fran was developing into a wonderful young lady, a senior, she was ready to start college in September. Buffy couldn’t believe that eighteen years had gone by since Fran had been born. It only seemed like yesterday.

The knock on the door brought her round from her memories. ‘Are you ready mom?’ Fran shouted.

‘Ready and here I come!’

Buffy opened the door and Fran took a deep breath.

‘Wow, you look amazing.’ She said. And Buffy did. Jeans and a white blouse topped off with a silk jacket made her look a lot younger than her 42 years. Buffy felt wonderful.

‘Wouldn’t Doyle being giving you hell about now?’ Dawn said with a grin. ‘He always loved to tease you about Spike Atherton.’

‘Spike Atherton has a very special place in my heart,’ laughed Buffy, ‘a place that you save for whoever was the pin-up in your room when you were 17.’

‘That would have been Orlando Bloom,’ Fran pointed out helpfully.

The three of them made their way down and into the taxi that would whisk them away to the small theatre where the performance would be held. Outside, every surface was covered with posters of Spike Atherton. ‘Tony and Oscar winner Spike Atherton, star of Stage and screen, Hero from Vampire Chronicles, here for two nights only.’

The queue was huge. Hordes of people waiting, hoping for a returned ticket.

Fran was excited. She was nearly eighteen and feeling like she was eight and at Disneyland for the first time. It was her first proper concert.

The theatre was heaving. People of all ages and types crowded in to hear and see one of the Hollywood greats sing and perform from his most recent book of poetry.

Buffy and the girls took their seat in the centre front row of the auditorium. Dawn had managed to get really good tickets.

The announcer started with the warnings: ‘Please turn off cell phones, no photography, no touching the star, no kissing the star…’ The list of rules went on and on.

Xander and Lorne listened in from the wings. They had come with him for the first time in years. There were art galleries and furniture shops they wanted to visit, and this had been the perfect opportunity.

Fred ran around checking all the last minute details. Her husband, Wesley Price, had driven all of them to the theatre earlier and was now waiting in the backstage area. He liked to oversee security whereever they were, especially when his wife was involved. Lorne and Xander had kept well out of the way as Fred bustled in and out of the room.

‘3 minutes, Spike,’ she shouted through the door to the bathroom where he was fixing his hair. He appeared looking every inch the star. Lorne gave a wolf whistle and Spike just grinned. He looked amazing. Ripped jeans, while tee shirt, red dress shirt and his black leather jacket. He looked around the room and picked up his guitar and went out towards the stage. The roar of the crowd was fantastic. It always made him high. Spike loved doing these concerts, and it was really great when he could raise money for a good cause at the same time.

The concert was everything that Buffy could dream of. Seeing Spike so close was the culmination of a dream. The girls thoroughly enjoyed it as well. No teasing for Buffy about her infatuation: Fran had bought her a programme and Buffy held it tight in her arms. The spotlight hit Spike and the concert started. Buffy screamed herself hoarse, along with the three hundred others in the audience. Buffy’s heart flew high, she felt as though she were drugged as she danced through the night

It was over all too quickly. Buffy picked up her jacket and headed towards the exit, ready to leave when Dawn started laughing. She took Buffy by the arm and led her towards the bar.

‘What’s going on?’ Buffy asked the two grinning girls.

‘We paid extra for the after-show drinks party, you even get your picture taken with Spike Atherton. Happy birthday, again.’

There were tears in Buffy’s eyes as she made her way through the crowds and into the heaving bar.

The announcer started again with the ‘don’t touch the star’ bit. Buffy couldn’t hear what was being said: she was far too nervous. Her hands were shaking so much that Dawn offered to buy her a drink to calm her down. The queue at the bar was deep and Dawn had to wait for quite a few minutes before it was her turn. She was standing next to a lovely man, chatting, when the barman finally came for her order.

‘Beer, coffee and coke,’ she said.

Lorne looked at her. She didn’t seem the type to normally come to these shows.

‘Big fan, are you?’

‘No, that would be my sister, she’s over there with my niece waiting for Spike Atherton to turn up.’

‘He normally has a shower first, says he smells like a demon if he doesn’t.’

Dawn laughed and went to pick up her drinks. Lorne offered to carry the soda for her as they made their way back to where Buffy and Fran were waiting.

‘I’ve got coffee for me and beer for you, Buffy,’ she said before nodding towards Fran to show where the soda belonged.

‘Two of the major food groups,’ Buffy smiled.

‘What’s the third?’

‘Chocolate!’ all the girls chorused together.

Lorne smiled and then was submerged in the crowd as they surged forward to get a glimpse of Spike as he came into the room.

Buffy, Dawn and Fran waited their turn for their five minutes with the star. He was everything Buffy could have dreamt of. Of course he didn’t recognise her, but an arm went around her and Dawn, and a photo was taken of the four of them, Fran snuggled against her mom. Spike gave Buffy a kiss on the cheek and just for a moment caught the look of familiar green eyes shining up at him. He tried to remember where he had seen her before but Lorne called him from the other side of the room and the memory was fleeting.

Buffy and Dawn and Fran were exhausted. It was late and they had had a busy, exciting evening. Dawn left her name and address to have the photo’s sent on after they were processed, collected their coats and went out to find a taxi.

Spike felt unsettled, as though he’d missed something important.
Lorne was laughing and joking as he cleared up the room of their personal stuff, chatting to Xander the whole time. They had been together over fifteen years, the clothes designer and the architect. Fred collected their stuff and was loading the car with Wesley’s help. All was normal.

Back at the hotel Lorne and Xander were watching the pre-recorded football game while they waited for a late supper to be sent up. The photographer brought in the pile of photos that had been taken in the evening. Spike began idly flicking through them. He picked up the one of him with Buffy, Fran and Dawn. Looking closely he was still mesmerised by the green eyes. He threw the photo back down on the table just as Lorne went to put a beer down for him.

‘Hey, that was the pretty girl who used your phrase about beer, coffee and chocolate being the three staple food groups.’ Pointing to the brunette, ‘must be her sister she’s with.’ The other woman looked typically middle-aged housewife. Youngish for that he supposed, but definitely older than those Spike usually went for.

Spike stopped dead. Green eyes; beer, coffee and chocolate, and here. No: it couldn’t be.

That night as Spike fell asleep in the hotel, he kept thinking about green eyes and laughing girls. The concert had been brilliant. He’d come in on a great high, but had quickly made it to bed and into the arms of Morpheus.

‘Hi William, how are you today?’ Elizabeth’s voice brought him to his senses. He could smell the coffee and opened his eyes to see the familiar green ones looking back at him. Spike sat up from the couch where he had awoken and took a good look around the apartment they had shared for so long. There were countless photos on the shelves near Buffy’s art stuff. Spike wandered over to them, his silence disturbing Buffy a little; Spike picked up one of a dark haired girl with piercing blue eyes.

‘I never really looked at this properly before, but Dawn is beautiful. And she’s quite the young lady. And Fran has grown so much: do you remember the first time the pair of them rode Ellepant? And their faces when we took them to see Father Christmas off on his flight? How old are you really, Buffy?’

‘Well past 40, just like you, only we don’t age up here, not that you don’t look fantastic down there as well.’

‘How would you know what I really looked like? The camera often lies.’

‘Saw you tonight in concert. I was less that twenty feet from you most of the evening, and you had your arm around me at one point. I always said we would meet one day, and today we did.’

‘The Sunnydale gig, there were only a few hundred there and less than seventy five in the bar afterwards.’

‘I know. I liked Lorne, he was sweet to Dawnie.’

‘You really were there, weren’t you? You and Dawn and Fran, I didn’t recognise you, you were that close and I didn’t know you.’ Spike was getting upset. Buffy hated to see him like this.

‘It’s alright: I didn’t expect you to. I’m hardly a size 6 there, with blonde hair and no wrinkles. I’m 42 years old, with a daughter approaching 18, I came and saw you, and we touched, you kissed me. It was enough.’

‘Would you take more if you could?’

‘Oh William, you are my soul mate, it wasn’t supposed to happen but it did: we fell in love totally, we have been together for twenty years. You taught me to be a real woman again, in many ways I wouldn’t have Fran if it hadn’t been for you. Dawn would have grown up in care… of course I would love to be with you there as well, feel you hold me the way you do here, but you’re a huge star and it would be hard. I’d have to remember who and what you are, no hugging old friends like Robin because the publicity would kill you, and I’d have to get used to some very catty things in the papers. I’d do it for you, but you’d get bored with me soon enough. You’ve had a parade of beautiful, wonderful women in your life; would you be happy to settle for a middle aged housewife with a grown up daughter? And Dawn’s near the age now when you date ‘em. If we met it would be her you would fancy, not me. William might enjoy us being together but Spike Atherton would always feel there was something missing. Red carpets and high heels aren’t my style.’

‘Do you really think I’m that shallow? That I would pass you over for a newer model just because you actually eat food, have curves and enjoy life? No Buffy, Elizabeth, if I had realised that you were there, you would be in my bed now and I would never let you escape if I had to keep you handcuffed for the rest of your life. Why do you think I have never settled properly? Because none of them were you. I couldn’t give myself totally to a woman who wasn’t Buffy Summers Doyle and now you’re so close I am going to find you and keep you with me always. When you wake up down there tomorrow lady, go looking for a wedding dress, ‘cause you’re so going to need one.’

William left the apartment and tried to wake up, desperate to take the memories with him, but before he could Giles was with him.

‘Would you give up things, not people, so you could have her down there as well? Would you care for her properly? Love her, cherish her? Care for Dawn and Fran as though they were your own blood?’

‘Yes: happily, willingly, to have Buffy in my life, to know that incredible spirit in the real world and not just here, of course I would.’

‘Then I give a gift, if you really mean it you will take this memory with you when you wake.’

Giles gently laid his hand on William’s head, and for one moment Spike could see what Buffy really looked like in the world. Her worldly face was in his mind. No, she wasn’t glamorous, but when you looked into the eyes, the eyes hadn’t changed in the twenty plus years they had known each other.

‘Thank you Giles, you won’t regret this.’

‘I hope not. Elizabeth has suffered so much in her life, it’s time she had true joy.’

Giles hoped he had done the right thing. It seemed as though he were breaking the rules: they were supposed to be apart in this life, but it seemed totally unfair. Giles prayed that his choice was right.

‘We were waiting for you to act,’ said a voice behind him. Giles turned to see the bright light settle into a woman.

‘Pardon?’

‘We were waiting for you to act. Of course they should be together when it was time, but you had to learn that rules aren’t always to be obeyed totally. They are there for guidance, not blind obedience. Be proud, Giles: you have passed the test and nothing bad will come from it. In fact it will be necessary.’


William forced himself awake, it might be three O’clock in the morning but Xander and Lorne would just have to like it. He ran out of his bedroom and across to theirs, banging hard on the door.

‘Wake up, wake up the pair of you! I need you in the sitting room now!’

Xander and Lorne looked half awake as they staggered into the seating area. ‘What’s up, sugar plum?’ asked a very sleepy Lorne.

‘You two are going to think I am mad, but if you really care for me I want forty-eight hours where you trust me totally.’

‘Have you been drinking or smoking something?’

‘No, stone cold sober.’

Xander and Lorne looked at each other and nodded at Spike.
‘Go on man,’ said Xander.

‘Xander, we’ve known each other for nearly thirty years and you were the one who told me to keep a track of my dreams. Well you know I did, and you know how often the advice has helped us both. Got you away from creepy Andrew, helped with Dru, kept me close to Harrison, got me away from relying on the drink, everything.’

‘Yeeess…’

‘Dreams?’ came a Texan voice from another of the rooms. Fred looked cute in her jammies, but Wesley looked annoyed at being woken up.

‘Dreams,’ answered Spike. ‘Have you never had a problem that you can’t see a way through and after a good night’s sleep you come up with a solution? Well I dream, and remember the dream about the place where we all go when we have those kinds of dreams. You bring back the advice and the love, you really bring back the love,’ he explained.

‘Well last night I had another of ‘Those Dreams’: she’s here, the girl from them, she was at the concert last night with her daughter, and now I’ve got the chance to really meet her, be with her, everything. I just need your help.’

Xander looked pensive. ‘She is only a dream.’

‘A dream I’ve been having for half my life. She’s as real as you and I, and I need her, I want her, I really love her and so will you. All I’m asking for is 48 hours, just two days, then if it’s a bust I’ll go and see a psychiatrist like a good boy. Please…’ Spike begged.

‘48 hours, we trust you completely, then if it comes to nothing you will leave it?’

‘Yes.’

‘Ok, sugar plum, you’ve got your two days.’

Fred and Wesley looked at one another. They weren’t used to Spike being flighty.

‘Two days?’ Spike begged.

‘I know she was with her sister and daughter, and I know she had her photo taken with me in the bar.’

‘Well that limits it to one of about 100 people. Before we blindly trust that she was a paying member of the public, we need to check staff as well, were there any sister/sister combos in amongst them? Did you have your picture taken with any of the staff?’ Fred started searching through the proofs.

‘Only the manager and the bar staff.’

‘Ok, lets get those shots in here and start looking through them…’
Lorne started to slow down. ‘Staple food groups, beer, coffee and chocolate; the little hottie at the bar said she was with her sister.’
He started frantically searching through the huge pile of photos on the table. ‘Is this her? Is this your Elizabeth?’ he asked, holding out the picture of Dawn and Buffy and Fran.

Spike looked down at the photo, his hand shaking so much he could hardly focus on the faces. From behind tears he looked into the eyes of Elizabeth, older, greyer, certainly cuddlier, but his Elizabeth.

‘Can we find out who she is? Where she is?’

‘We could say she’s won an extra prize, you dedicate the photo to her and ask her to pick it up at the theatre; we have her contact phone number, well if not hers, then her sister’s,’ suggested Xander.

‘Brilliant,’ Spike planted a big sloppy kiss on the brunette.

‘Hey sweet lips, that’s my job!’ exclaimed Lorne, giving Xander a kiss.

And that was what they did. As soon as it was open Lorne telephoned the photographers and got them to contact the number they had been left. Dawn answered and was surprised to hear that she and her sister had won another prize, this really was her lucky day. The photo they’d had taken with Spike Atherton was to be dedicated to them by him, and could the photographer please have their full names.

‘Dawn Doyle, Francesca Doyle and Buffy Summers Doyle.’

‘Many thanks Ms Doyle, would it be possible for you to collect the photo yourself? We want to make sure you get this one and it has to be signed for.’ Dawn was stuck, she was in college all day, but the photographer reassured her that Mrs Summers Doyle was welcome to collect it as well.

A couple of calls later and Buffy was on her way back to the theatre to collect the photo.

It was a lovely day so she decided to walk, taking in all the shops surrounding the old building. There were antique and art shops that would be well worth a visit at some time, she thought as she entered the theatre.

‘Mrs Summers Doyle to collect a photo.’ Buffy said to the girl behind the counter. The girl was busy reading a fanzine and just handed over the envelope, forgetting she was supposed to phone through to Lorne as soon as anyone arrived for it, and Buffy walked out.




Xander was heading into the Theatre and held open the door for a nice looking woman about the same age as himself. ‘I know I’ve seen her somewhere before,’ he thought before heading into the theatre.

‘Thanks,’ she said as she started to phone for a taxi to get her home.

‘Ms Buffy Doyle at the Theatre in Sunnydale to go to my hotel and then the airport,’ he overheard.

It wasn’t until he was well inside the theatre that Xander realised that the name sounded familiar. He went across to the Box Office.

‘Did anyone collect that envelope we left yet?’ He asked.

‘Wha? Oh yeh, she’s just left. That’s her.’ Xander couldn’t control his anger properly. ‘Weren’t you supposed to call someone when she turned up?’

‘Oh; forgot,’ the assistant didn’t even sound sorry. Xander was livid, but he didn’t have time to argue.

‘Well call him now!’ he shouted as he hurried out only to see the woman getting into the taxi that had arrived. He heard her say ‘Marriott Hotel,’ before it pulled away and Xander went back in to find Spike.

‘Spike, she’s gone, she was heading for the Marriott Hotel, I’ve got a taxi on its way, I suggest you hurry.’ Xander yelled. Spike grabbed the nearest shirt and ran for the door, and into the taxi, handing the driver a $50. ‘Another one if you get to the Marriott in the next five minutes.’

Spike literally fell out of the taxi. Handing the driver the promised money, he started scanning the crowds.

‘Elizabeth, Buffy!’ he shouted.

One woman stopped dead, looking for who had called her, then continued getting into a taxi. ‘Elizabeth!’ he called again, more gently this time, and sped towards her, grabbing hold of the door.

‘Elizabeth, it is you, luv, isn’t it?’ He gasped, staring at the angel in front of him and opened the door, preventing the taxi from pulling away, startling Buffy.

‘It is you?’

‘Yes William, it’s me, older greyer, but it’s me.’
And stood there before him smiling, her green eyes as bright as emeralds.

William couldn’t believe it: he reached out his hand, terrified that the vision in front of him would vanish. Spike eventually touched her cheek and Buffy nuzzled into his hand. The warmth and the touch so familiar and yet so new. Buffy climbed out of the car.

‘It’s really you,’ Spike whispered then shouted again, ‘it’s really you!’ He grabbed hold of Buffy by the waist and spun her round and round laughing all the time. People stopped to watch Spike Atherton and a stranger just laughing; Spike suddenly realised they were in full display of the public and, lowering Buffy to her feet, reached for her hand and grabbed it like a drowning man and led the way back into the hotel.

‘I want your best available suite for at least two nights,’ he demanded of the receptionist.

The girl handed over the keys and William Atherton led the way to the elevators, fearing to let go of Buffy’s hand in case she vanished.

‘Do you know what I get to do, Princess?’ Asked William as they entered the elevator.

‘No, what?’

‘I get to wake up by your side for the rest of my life. I’ve fallen asleep with you before, but I’ve always woken up alone, in an empty bed; now I get to wake up with you.’ and with that Spike kissed Buffy in a way that melted her knees.

‘You’re taking a lot for granted, aren’t you? I haven’t said I’ll stay yet. You might not even get so much as a good night kiss.’

‘Oh, I will. It might take a day, or a year, but I’ll get my kiss and everything else, and I’m not sure of me but I am so sure of you.’

‘You listen to me. I've been alive a bit longer than you. I've seen things you couldn't imagine, and done things I prefer you didn't. I don't exactly have a reputation for being a thinker. I follow my blood, which doesn't exactly rush in the direction of my brain. So I make a lot of mistakes, a lot of wrong bloody calls. In 45 years, there's only one thing I've ever been sure of: you. Hey, look at me. I'm not asking you for anything. When I say, "I love you," it's not because I want you or because I can't have you. It has nothing to do with me. I love what you are, what you do, how you try. I may not have seen your kindness or your strength that much, but I want to. I want to see the best and the worst of you. And I understand with perfect clarity exactly what you are. You're a hell of a woman. You're the one, Buffy.’

Spike kissed her hard as he opened the door to their room. He pushed her against the wall so she could feel the hardness of his body against her softness. The kiss melted her, here she was, Buffy Summers Doyle in Spike Atherton’s room in a knee-weakening kiss. Spike shrugged off his coat and grabbed her wrists, holding them above her head hard against the wall as he peppered kisses down her neck to her shoulder. As he got closer to her breast he stopped and looked Buffy straight in the eye.

‘Tell me to stop and I will. Tell me you don’t want this and you’ll be perfectly safe staying or going, but give me any clue you want this as much as I do and I won’t be able to stop.’

Buffy just reached up with her mouth and kissed him hard, passionately on his lips and Spike Atherton was lost. He picked her up easily and threw her on the bed. ‘Wow those muscles are real’ was her last coherent thought as William Atherton, pin-up in a million homes, covered her body with his.

His hands were gentle at first, feeling down the side of her arm to her wrist, then across to her stomach. Buffy felt him slip his hand underneath her shirt and stroke her belly. To Spike it felt wonderful, rounded like a woman should be, no bones digging into his flesh like a knife but soft and welcoming. He slipped his hand higher cradling her breast and playing with the nipple through the lace of her bra. With his free hand he started on her thigh, going higher and higher to her womanhood.


Buffy couldn’t think straight, her hands were on his back pulling at his shirt wanting to feel his skin beneath her palms. She pulled up the shirt, loosening it from his jeans. Spike pulled back long enough to slip the shirt off his body. On his knees with her below him, her hair spread out like a halo, he felt in heaven. His angel was finally here where she belonged, in his bed. He started to undo the small pearl buttons on her blouse, slipping them out one at a time from their confinement, watching her face the whole time he saw the shadow of worry pass over her eyes.

‘I will stop if you want me to, pet. I’ll never do anything you don’t want.’

‘It’s not that, I haven’t … with anyone since Doyle died, and it’s been 15 years, I’m not very experienced. I don’t want to disappoint you.’

‘Buffy, you could never disappoint me. I promise. You’re too special for that: just let me love you.’

Buffy gave the smallest nod and Spike resumed his task of undoing her buttons. The fact that she hadn’t been with anyone in years excited him in ways that he couldn’t have explained if his life depended on it. She was going to be near-virginally tight and he knew he was big. He was going to have to take this real slow.

He looked down at her exposed breasts. They looked amazing to his eyes. Slowly lowering his head he caught one of the rosy buds in his mouth and through the lace started suckling at her. Nipping gently until he had her writhing below him from that simple act. If the lady has waited 15 years, it’s going to be gentle tonight, he thought to himself as he slid his hand higher and higher up her thigh. He felt her panties and started stroking her mound. Buffy writhed more, he was making her body ache in ways she had forgotten. She wanted more; she needed more. She pushed her hips up, trying to get a release from the hand playing with her, riding his hand her body started to shake, with Spike sucking at her breast and playing with her mound. He hadn’t even invaded her body and she was cumming.

‘That’s it baby, cum for me,’ he whispered as he moved higher up her. His mouth captured hers in a soul splitting kiss as she jerked into her first orgasm in over a decade.

Once Buffy could move again she reached down to rub the hard shaft still encased in denim. He felt huge. She undid the button and started on the zip. The shaft broke free of its restraint and came to rest in her hand. It was huge. It could hardly fit in her palm, ten inches of manhood rested in the centre of her hand. Buffy gave a small squeeze and Spike groaned. She moved onto her side and pushed Spike onto his back.

‘Your turn,’ she smiled and started to stroke his cock. A small drop of precum oozed from the slit and Buffy rubbed her thumb over it and started spreading it down the shaft. Spike could hardly think straight. The feel of her hand on him after so many years of dreams was too much.

He couldn’t wait. He pushed her off him and onto her back. Buffy thought she’d done something wrong, but he growled when she tried to move away.

‘I need to be inside you.’

He undid her skirt by breaking the zipper, and pulled skirt and panties off together. The bra and blouse were disposed of equally as quickly and she lay there completely open to him. He pulled off his boots and jeans and stood above her. Buffy was scared and excited at the same time. Scared because she knew she didn’t have the greatest body in the world, excited because he most certainly did.
She tried to cover herself with her arms but William pulled them away from her body.

‘Don’t ever hide yourself from me luv, you are perfect,’ and he bent down and attacked her mouth and neck with his lips. Fast and furious he kissed and nuzzled at her. Covering her body with his he used a muscled thigh to push open her knees and slipped into the natural cradle of her hips. His shaft was stroking up and down her nether lips as he tried to ready her body for his invasion. Buffy lifted her hips up and the head of his shaft seemed to find her opening by itself. Spike looked deep into the emerald pools of her eyes.

‘Last chance to say no,’ he told her but Buffy just lifted her mouth to his and gave him a searing kiss. Spike wanted to take it slowly. No-one had been where he was going for a long time and he had no intention of hurting the girl, but nature had other ideas. He pushed in slightly harder as Buffy lifted her hips again and he was in, up to the hilt. She had taken all of him, but she was tight, virgin tight. It burned, her body held him tight inside her, there was no escape. He willed his body still for a moment, allowing her to adjust to his girth then set about the age old pace. Each thrust seemed to send him deeper into that welcoming feminine channel. He had never felt anything like this before. He was trying desperately to last but knew that if Buffy even moved slightly he would shoot off like some teenage boy on his first go, but luck wasn’t with him. Buffy soon picked up the rhythm and copied it, raising her hips to meet every stroke and within minutes they were both screaming each others names as Spike filled Buffy’s womb with his seed and Buffy milked his cock for every last drop… he flopped down on top of her, trying to keep his weight supported on his arms but Buffy knocked that support away. He was totally resting on her and his softening cock was still inside her when they both fell asleep.

Three hours later Spike was awoken by the sound of his cellphone ringing. He looked around, trying to remember where he was and realised Buffy was there, and he was still inside her, his cock hardening again at the sight and smell of his one true love. She was still asleep but ignoring the ringing, he started to move his hips and his cock quickly hardened inside her body. She was tight. It felt like a vice around him and he just wanted to fill her with his cum time and time again. He started kissing her neck and she responded still in her sleep.

‘William,’

‘Yes pet?’

‘If I open my eyes will you still be there? Or is this all a dream, ‘cause if it’s a dream I haven’t acted like a slut and jumped into bed with you the first chance I got, but if it is a dream don’t wake me up yet please?’

Half asleep and their first true night together and she knew his touch. Spike’s heart sang, William’s heart sang and for the first time in years he was at peace with himself.

‘It’s no dream: I’m really here, but I’m not letting you go, not now, not ever, never.’

Buffy slowly opened her eyes and stared into his cerulean blue ones.

‘I love you William, I have for years, I don’t really want this to be a once only thing; but if it is, thank you for everything.’

Spike pushed harder into her body. He set a bruising pace. Once only? Was she thinking of leaving him?

As if she read his mind, Buffy smiled. ‘Personally I’d like this to last for ever, but don’t want you to feel any pressure. You must decide for yourself.’ She began to lose any thought processes she had as he pummelled her body, nowhere near as gentle as the night before, this was a man working out his demons. Buffy relaxed and let him do as he would.

‘You’re mine do you hear, mine and I’m never letting you go, never,’ he said, pounding into her. He gripped her wrists tightly and held them above her head.

‘I’m yours William, Spike, yours and never want to leave you, but I didn’t want you to feel tied down. I love you,’ Buffy screamed his name as she came hard on his cock.

Spike shot his load inside her and then realised what she’d said, she was giving him the freedom, not trying to run from him. She wanted him, she loved him, everything else could be worked out.

Spike woke again to the sound of his cell phone ringing. It sounded loud in his ears. He couldn’t think of where he was for a moment. It wasn’t his normal hotel room. He looked around for his jacket, his phone was still ringing. It stopped for a second as it went onto voice mail, then started again. Buffy was nowhere to be seen. It had all been a dream. Spike flopped down onto the bed. His heart felt heavy. He had been so sure it had been real, and it had been another dream. How cruel could life be? He felt tears well up in his eyes and spill down his cheeks. He didn’t think he could continue like this, it was easier when he didn’t remember the dreams and just brought back the memories of love. He could even smell Buffy in the room. Life was callous and brutal.

The bathroom door opened and Buffy stepped back into the room. She couldn’t understand why Spike looked so miserable. Tears were running down his face.

‘Spike? William?’ She whispered. She felt terrified. Was he regretting the previous night? Spike took no notice of her: it was as though he hadn’t heard her at all. His cell rang again. Spike grabbed his jacket and got the mobile out and threw it across the room in temper, swearing as it hit the wall.

‘William!’ she shouted this time.

Spike turned round, to face the light from the bathroom. Backlit like some cheesy Hollywood effect stood Buffy, no dream, no vision. She really was there. Spike leapt up from the bed and grabbed her, burying his head in her hair.

‘I thought it was a dream, I didn’t think you were really here. I thought, I don’t know what I thought…’

‘I don’t think you did think,’ she smiled. ‘I think you panicked, just because I had to go pee!!’

William looked at her and grinned. She knew him so well. Buffy looked at him properly. He was standing there, naked, and shaking, holding her like she was his lifeline.

The room phone started ringing. disturbing both of them. Buffy took a small step back, but kept hold of her love.

‘You answer the phone, I’m going to have a shower, then ring my sister and ask her very nicely to bring me some fresh clothes as mine seem to have been ripped to shreds last night,’ she said with a grin. Spike refused to let go of her hand but reached across the bed to answer the still ringing phone.

‘Spike?’ said the voice, ‘are you OK? We’ve been worried,’ said Xander’s familiar tones.

‘I’m fine whelp, in fact, we’re both fine.’ He answered with a grin.

‘Both? You found her?’

‘Yes, I’ve found her, she’s everything I could have ever dreamt of.’

‘I’m glad; now get your arse back here, its only six hours till the concert, and you’ve got to eat and do a sound check.’

‘Six hours? What time is it?’

‘Two in the afternoon: now get moving!’

‘Will do. Could you send Wesley to the Marriott in an hour to collect us and tell Fred to have a meal waiting for us when we get there? Oh, and can you send some clothes? What size are you pet?’ he mouthed at her.

‘10-12,’ she answered, bemused at the speed things were happening.

‘Size 10-12, tell Fred; actually, ask Lorne, and tell him I want something really special. Thanks Xander.’

‘You didn’t need your 48 hours…’

‘No, just needed 12 of them,’ he grinned.
‘48 hours?’ Questioned Buffy as Spike put the phone down. She had managed to get her hand free for a couple of seconds, but Spike re-grabbed it.

‘I got a picture of what you really looked like, and managed to persuade Xander and the others to give me 48 hours to find you. If I hadn’t I was going to stop looking and get some help to come to terms with my dreams.’

‘Oh! Would you really have stopped looking after just two days?’

‘No, never but it seemed the best way to get them to help me,’ he explained, ‘would never have stopped looking, ever. Now pet, didn’t you say you’ve got some girls to call?’

Buffy looked stunned as she started dialling.

‘Tell them to come to the theatre tonight, I’ll leave passes at the Box Office for them.’

Buffy nodded on automatic. She had a feeling her life was about to change dramatically, and all she could do was hope to keep her head above the water as she was rushed along.


‘Hi Dawn? No I’m fine, yes, I met someone, no I’m sorry I didn’t call, I didn’t mean to worry you; no, I left my cell in my room. My luggage is downstairs, no I’m still at the Marriott, just a different room. DAWN!! I’m not telling you!! Look, I’ll explain everything later, can you meet me at the theatre tonight, be there at about 6 pm, there’ll be passes for back stage. I promise I’ll explain everything. Yes, you and Fran. I love you both and I’m sorry I didn’t call. Yes, I’m a bad woman. See you tonight.’

Buffy put the phone down and started giggling. ‘You’d think she was the big sister and I was the younger,’ then she went pale.

‘Oh my God, we didn’t use protection!! I’m sorry William, I didn’t think; we always, we never had to in the Garden, and I didn’t think…’

William looked slightly amused, then realised what she said. ‘The Garden, you remember the Garden?’

‘I remember everything, yes.’

‘I’m glad, delighted…’

‘Spike!’ She near shouted at him. ‘We didn’t use protection!’

‘And I’m clean so you don’t have to worry about that,’ he answered.

‘What about pregnancy?’ Buffy worried.

‘Brilliant idea, let me get you pregnant immediately, we can start now!’ He grinned. The thought of Buffy pregnant with his child was wonderful. He gently rubbed her belly, that wonderful rounded mound that filled him with warmth and joy, and pictured his child hiding safe below her heart.

‘Yes,’ he said, ‘we’ll start right now.’

‘Don’t I get a say in this?’ Asked Buffy with a smile on her face.

‘No, none at all, but if you’re really good you get to choose a name,’ he said and picked her up and threw her on the bed again.
As she landed on the pillow Buffy’s last coherent thought was that she could get used to this.

Their loving was slow and gentle. Exploring one another’s bodies with love and care. The look in William’s eyes was one of adoration as he filled her body with his, loving the feeling of her feminine sheath grabbing and milking every drop from him. They fell asleep again, and again with William’s softening cock still buried deep inside of Buffy.



They were awoken by a knocking on the door. Spike had his arms securely wrapped around Buffy and she couldn’t move. He could feel his cock hardening again, just because he was near her, where he could smell her.

The knocking came again.

‘Sugar plum it’s me.’ said Lorne’s voice muffled by the door.

‘I’m coming.’ Spike said and gently moved a sleepy Buffy off of him and covered her with a sheet. She looked even more amazing in real life than in his dreams. Spike shrugged on his jeans and opened the door to see Lorne and Wesley in the hallway, Wesley carrying an overnight case that Spike didn’t recognise.

‘Miss Doyle’s case,’ he said, handing it over to Spike.

‘And fresh clothes for the pair of you,’ added Lorne. ‘Now where is this delicious piece of womanhood?’

‘In bed, and waking up. You two can wait downstairs.’ came the short answer.
Lorne and Wes laughed at each other and made their way back to the elevators. ‘We’ll be waiting the lobby, don’t be too long.’ Lorne called.

‘Lorne, wait.’ Spike hurried after them, ignoring the looks he was getting from other guests, running half dressed down the hall. ‘Do me a favour, can you find a florist? I need roses, as many as you can get, peach coloured ones, it’s important.’

Lorne looked at his friend. He seemed so vulnerable standing there with his jeans undone, no shoes on and asking for a favour.

‘Of course,’ came the gentle reply. ‘The room will be filled with them when you get to the theatre.’

‘Thanks mate. I owe you.’

Buffy was nervous, it was the only word for it. No, she was terrified. She was being driven, in a luxury car back to the theatre where she’d begun what was probably the best night of her life. Waiting for her were Spike’s, no, William’s best friends. Xander and Lorne and Fred. Wesley had been very sweet when he collected them from the hotel, he’d paid the bills, sorted out any and all problems, opened car doors and driven through town back towards the theatre where this whirlwind had started.

The theatre was quiet when they arrived at the stage door. Spike sensed her nervousness and gave her a wonderful smile, which changed into his trademark smirk as his eyes raked her body from top to bottom.

‘You pregnant yet Goldilocks?’

‘William!!’ Smacking him on the arm Buffy exclaimed, highly embarrassed in front of Wes.

‘Well if you’re not we can try again tonight.’ He curled his tongue behind his teeth and Buffy felt her knees give way. A relationship with William Atherton was going to be tough. Every time she wanted to argue with him, he gave her that look and her brain melted. This was going to be fun.

Wes just smiled as he opened the door. Spike and Buffy made their way into the theatre together, and into their future, together at last.

The radio was blaring with Spike Atherton’s newest release as Fran started unpacking her stuff. Most of it vanished into the closet and onto the shelves. The other side of the room was already full of another person’s belongings.

I thought love was only true in fairy tales,
Meant for someone else, but not for me
Love was out to get me,
That’s they way it seemed,
Disappointment haunted all my dreams

Then I saw her face,
Now I’m a believer
Not a trace of doubt in my mind,
I’m in love
I’m a believer I couldn’t leave her if I tried

I thought love was more or less a giving thing
Seems the more I gave the less I got
What’s the use in trying?
All you get is pain
When I needed sunshine
I got rain

Then I saw her face
Now I’m a believer
Not a trace of doubt in my mind
I’m in love
I’m a believer I couldn’t leave her if I tried

Ahh love was out to get me that’s the way it seemed
Disappointment haunted all my dreams
Then I saw her face
Now I’m a believer
Not a trace of doubt in my mind
I’m in love
I’m a believer I couldn’t leave her if I tried
Yes I saw her face
Not a trace of doubt in my mind ahh I’m a believer

It was nice to hear his voice. It was a connection to home. Spike had recorded the old Monkees single soon after he and Buffy had gotten together.

Fran looked around her room at college. First day, there were people running all over and as a freshman she felt weird and out of place.

Unpacking she put the photo of her Mom and Dad on her desk. It was the one that had been taken just before she was born, and she loved it. She hung the signed poster of Nicholas Marsters and Spike Atherton over her bed and started putting away the clothes in the closet. Books on the shelf, shoes and more shoes in the closet, and new laptop on the desk.

‘Hi! I’m Willow, your room mate,’ a cute little red head came into the room.

‘Francesca – Fran - Doyle, majoring in sciences, pre-vet.’

‘Computer geek,’ laughed Willow, holding out her hand to shake Fran’s.

‘Ooh Nick Marsters, he’s gorgeous. I saw him guesting in Vampire Chronicles. Hey: that poster is signed, where did you get it?’

‘My step-father, he works in LA and met him and asked for the autographs.’

Well it was true, the fact that her step-father was Spike Atherton, star of the Vampire Chronicles (he plays the vampire cop going after the bad guys in a world where vamps are a part of society).

‘Wow, you’re lucky. Hey, I’ve already got milk for the fridge and looked around the campus, I got here yesterday. The cheerleading squad are downstairs, not like there’s anything wrong with cheerleaders if you’re one: sorry, rambling, I do that when I’m nervous.’

Fran giggled; she knew that Willow was going to be great.

‘No don’t cheerlead, I read and study, do a bit of amateur dramatics, and listen to music. And I can cook…’

‘I do the computer thing and watch DVD’s. I eat but don’t cook so well.’

Fran laughed again, as the phone rang. Willow picked it up and heard a really sexy male voice ask, ‘Is Fran there please?’

Handing over the phone she mouthed, ‘he sounds nice,’ and smiled.

‘Hello?’

‘Hi Nibblet, all OK?’

‘Hi William, yes everything is fine, that was Willow, my roomy,’ and mouthed ‘step dad,’ to Willow.

‘I just rang to make sure you got there alright, and I’m so sorry I couldn’t come with you, but we’re still filming and I really can’t get away.’

‘What’re you filming?’

Willow heard that and got curious. ‘Filming?’ as she left the room.
Oh well, Fran will tell her, hopefully, and off she went to meet some more freshmen.

‘Mom left about half an hour ago, she wanted to be home in time to cook dinner for you.’ It had only been five months since Spike and Buffy had met, months that had changed their lives completely. Fran had loved Spike from the moment they’d met and she had become his niblet. Harrison had fitted right in and it wasn’t long before they were ganging up on the ‘rents.

‘I really am the luckiest man in the world. Now if you need anything you just ring.’

‘I’ll be fine William, must go, there’s a freshers’ gathering soon.’

‘You sure you’re mom was Ok when she left?’

Yes William, she was fine, no problems with swollen feet or anything else, and she said she’d see you at home.’
Fran smiled to herself. Since Buffy had found out she was pregnant Spike had been the very over attentive, over protective father. He hovered constantly, and Xander and Lorne were no better as far as Buffy was concerned. Hence her insistence on taking Fran to college by herself.

‘Bye Nibblet.’

‘Bye William.’

Fran thought about William and her Mom for a moment: they were so good together. He was always William at home, unless he’d really upset Mom, when she’d just say Spike and he’d melt. He treated her Mom as though she were made of spun glass. Always trying to think of nice things to do for them all. Life had definitely changed since he came into their lives, and for the better. He’d spoilt them all rotten, buying her a little car for college, buying her mom everything she wanted, or looked at, helping Dawn buy her own place. They were even building an extra place at Sanctuary for the girls to have their freedom when they were in LA.

Lorne was busy designing a whole new line of clothes for the more mature woman, and she and Dawn had full and total rights to raid his shop whenever they wanted. Her prom dress had been a Caritas original, which had been wonderful.

They were all so very happy.

The wedding had been spectacular. A private jet had whisked them all over to The Grand Canyon where a celebrant had been waiting. Harri, Anya, Riley and their kids had joined them. Dawn had been flown in by helicopter and with Lorne and Xander, Fred and Wesley in attendance, Buffy and William had shared their vows at sunrise.

They even managed to escape the paparazzi.

Buffy looked amazing in a soft flowing green dress. Her head was crowned with flowers and she carried peach roses; one of the roses was dried. Buffy had had it for a long time, it was one of her most prized possessions.

Afterwards the helicopters took them all on a wonderful flight and then down to a waiting picnic, champagne and strawberries, then home before anyone caught them. It was very romantic.


The girls soon settled into a good routine. Fran got a phone call at six pm every Friday from Buffy, and Willow made herself scarce. Fran vanished when Willow got her calls from her sister, who was studying in LA. They shared everything and were getting on just as well as Fran hoped.

The other member of their unusual group was Cordelia Chase. She looked like a prom queen but studied hard and worked to pay for tuition. She had teamed up with Willow and Fran when she’d met them at the coffee shop. Fran had assumed that she was another rich bitch, but when Cordy had protected Fran from some cheerleader want-to-be’s they had become friends. Cordy was nothing like the other two. She was interested in boys, fashion, shopping and more fashion. She was studying fashion and design and always had her head in the latest magazines. But they got on great.

Fran had let them in on most of her life. Her mom’s pregnancy, her new step-father, her life in general, everything. The one thing Fran hadn’t done was tell anyone who her stepfather was.
She had money, Spike saw to that, her allowance was stupidly high, and there was always the emergency credit card and the accounts at the bookshop and the pizza place, and the Chinese and the limo service and about anything else he could think of.

She hadn’t wanted to boast and after keeping quiet for a month didn’t know how to broach the subject, so she hadn’t. She had a photo of her dad, and she’d told Willow and Cordy one night that he’d died when she was little; she said her Mom had remarried a wonderful, amazing man called William, who spoiled her rotten and was good to her. She’d had to spend ages reassuring Cordy that no, he hadn’t made a pass at her, and eeww, and he really was a nice guy and not like that at all. He was besotted with her mom and treated her just like he treated her stepbrother, who was at MIT. Cordy was still worried by it, so over ice-cream one night Fran explained that her Mom was an abuse survivor and now worked as a counsellor. So there really was no need to worry. She had two great step uncles, who also spoilt her rotten but as they were both more likely to fancy RJ the quarterback than any of the girls, her virtue was safe.

It was nearing midterms when Willow stormed into the room slamming the door. She threw herself onto her bed and hugged her pillow. ‘Melody?’ asked Fran.

‘Melody,’ answered Willow. Although neither of them had done anything to her Melody had made their lives as difficult as possible. She had pointed and laughed at clothes, hair and everything else she possibly could.

Melody had a car, of course. Melody went out with the Star Quarterback, Melody was a cheerleader, Melody had a rich daddy who paid for everything, and although Fran had a rich step dad, Melody made sure everyone knew how rich her Dad was. Melody’s dad had had to pay for a new wing for the library just to get his girl a place at UC Sunnydale, whereas Willow, Cordy and Fran had all earned theirs the hard way with good grades. Melody was a spoilt little girl who had never grown up.

Melody wanted to be a model, but having seen how hard the models worked Fran thought that Queen M would never make it, she was pretty enough but didn’t work anywhere near as hard as she’d have to.

Fran smiled to herself at the thought of Queen M getting a 5am wake up call to be on set for 6, as William had to be sometimes. Fran had met some of the biggest names in Hollywood but none were as selfish or self-centred as Melody. She just wished she were evil enough to bring her down a couple of pegs. Queen M’s daddy was a middle level lawyer somewhere. But from what Queen M told every one you would have thought he was as powerful as you could get.

Queen M went to big parties, where all the big stars fawned over her, if you believed her stories. Fran didn’t. When she met the big stars it was at her place for dinner with her mother cooking and them all relaxing, being who they really were. And the only fawning that was done was over her mother, who had become a little mother to so many. Harrison adored her, Anya was just happy that William had someone to share his life, although she put it a little more bluntly than that. Anya’s and Riley’s other kids thought of her as the ‘cool aunt’ and most of the younger members of the cast saw Buffy as some sort of Den mother. She always had a mug of cocoa and a sympathetic ear.

It was Friday and when the phone rang at six Willow got up to leave but Fran shook her head. ‘Stay,’ she whispered to the upset Willow, Fran felt she couldn’t chase her out of the room when she was still crying. Fran picked up the phone.

‘Hi Mom.’

‘It’s not Mom, Niblet, its me,’ came that damn sexy voice. ‘She’s late home from shopping and asked me to phone to let you know, didn’t want you worrying or staying in when you should be partying.’

‘Not much chance of that: Queen M has blackballed us from the campus parties. Geeks don’t get to go.’

‘Giving you a hard time, Princess? You want me to come up there and sort her out?’

‘Part of me says yes, but it’s a no, got to do this myself.’

‘Want to come down to LA this week? We’re having a bar-b-queue at the house for the cast of Vampire Chronicles: Nick Marsters will be here.’

‘I would love to but don’t want to leave Willow alone.’

‘Bring her with you: in fact ask the other girl, Cordy, as well. Look, you’re only two hours away: I’ll send a car, don’t tell your Mom, and you can come for the weekend.’

‘Willow, do you fancy a weekend in LA? My step dad has offered to have us picked up and he’s having a barbeque for his work, both of us and Cordy.’

‘You sure it won’t be a problem?’

‘No, he’s got plenty of room,’ she answered with a smile, then turned her attention back to the phone.

‘Yes please, three of us for the weekend, could we go shopping tomorrow?’

‘I’ll even lend you my credit card.’

‘You’re the best William, thanks.’

‘Nibblet, what time does Queen M head off for her parties?’ William asked casually.

‘About half seven.’

‘Car will be there at half seven then, poppet,’ with a smile on his face. No one upset his Niblet and got away with it. And with that, William Atherton put down the phone.

Fran sprung into action. She grabbed what books she needed for her assignments and loaded a bag with clothes, hurrying to pack everything she needed.

‘Are you taking the laptop?’ Asked Willow.

‘No, I’ll take the discs and use my step-dad’s; he’s cool about things like that.’

‘Are you sure its ok me coming? I don’t want to intrude on a family thing.’

‘No, he’s got work colleagues coming over so we’ll most probably end up in a pool party, so don’t forget your costume and some good walking shoes: he’s offered us a shopping trip as well.’

She tried ringing Cordy’s phone but it went straight to answer. Damn.

‘We’ll have to hunt Cordy when we’re ready.’

With that they soon had everything packed.

‘I’m starved, forgot lunch today,’ said Fran. Looking in the fridge, she grabbed a couple of microwave meals and put them on to heat.
They were just finishing when there was a knock on the door. Willow got up to answer it only to find Cordelia there in tears.

‘We were just about to ring you again,’ said Willow. ‘We’ve been invited to Fran’s folk’s place for the weekend; do you want to come?’

‘God, yes please, I’ve just had about enough of Queen M and the rest of her gang. I’ve finished work for the weekend, I just have some artwork to finish on my project; I was working in the library when some asshole from the football team started making trouble. Queen M didn’t want me around it seems.’

‘Bring it with you,’ shouted Fran, ‘there’s plenty of room at William’s place, there’s a party tomorrow but he’s sending a car so pack quick.’

It took just fifteen minutes for Cordy to be back with a huge portfolio case and a weekend bag and a suitcase.

Melody was in the hall as Fran started to take out the bags.

‘As you three losers aren’t doing anything this weekend, I know you haven’t been invited to any of the frat house parties, I thought you might like to earn some extra money and do my homework for me.’

‘No can do, we’re going to my step dads,’ answered Fran, picking up her case and sports bag.

‘Oh yeh, what’s he like, short, fat, bald and broke?’

‘Something like that,’ replied Fran, with a grin.

She grabbed her bags and led the way downstairs to where a Limo had pulled up.

Fran looked at the driver and recognised Wesley, her Stepfather’s driver/ bodyguard. He looked as dangerous as a kitten but it was a false impression. He was ex special forces and deadly.

‘Hi Fran, you all packed ready?’

‘Yep, this is us.’ Melody watched as the good-looking guy lifted the bags as though they weighed nothing and put them in the trunk of the car. He held open the door for Fran and Willow then ran round to hold open Cordy’s door as well. Cordy gave him a dazzling smile, which Wesley returned with a grin.

‘Mrs Atherton was just getting home when I left, Ms Doyle, and said she’d wait dinner on you lot arriving. She’s put you all in the pool house, thought you’d like the freedom.’

‘Pool house?’ asked Willow, looking at Fran. ‘Just how big is your place?’

‘You know I said my Dad died, and I got a step dad, well I think I better tell you his name.’

‘William,’ said Cordy.

‘Well that’s true, but I don’t know how you’re going to take this so I’m not saying anything till Wesley pulls away and you can’t escape.’

Wesley grinned again and put the car into gear and headed for LA.

‘We’re moving so spill, lady, what’s the big secret?’

‘William has another name he uses for work, and I wanted to be liked, or hated, for me, not because people wanted to meet my step-dad. If Melody had found out who he was I’d never have been rid of her.’

‘So what, he’s like a producer or a movie star or something?’ joked Cordy. Fran hung her head and looked worried.

‘Come on sweetie, we’re not going to stop being friends with you because he’s a mobster; hey, we could get a good Italian meal!’

‘He’s not in the mob, or anything else. HisName’sSpikeAtherton,’ she mumbled.

‘You’re going to have to say that slower sweetie,’ Willow tried to see Fran’s face but it was hidden under hair.

‘His name’s Spike Atherton, please don’t hate me!’

‘SPIKE ATHERTON????’ Screamed Cordy. ‘You mean to tell me the Hottie I’ve got posters of all over my room is your stepfather, and you never said anything?’

‘I can sort of understand it, but why tell us now?’ asked Willow.

‘Cause you’re my friends, and I trust you.’

‘I had so better get his autograph, but I promise I won’t tell Melody where I got it from. Can you picture her face if she ever found out? Girl you were right: you would never be rid of her, it would be like teenage zits, you treat them and they keep coming back.’ Cordy exclaimed.

All three girls started laughing at the same thought. Melody Baker finding out the ‘short, fat, bald and broke’ man was in fact the one of the biggest names in Hollywood.

‘So who on earth are we going to meet this weekend?’ Willow eventually asked.

‘Don’t know, other than Nicholas Marsters, he’s coming over…’

Willow started squeaking, he was her idol. ‘I am going to be so embarrassed.’

‘No you won’t, if you want to upset him ask how his computer’s doing, he’ll go all geeky on you and show you his latest games, then swear at the machine when it jams. Wes, who else is coming?’

‘I can’t give you the full list Ms Doyle.’

‘Wesley will you please call me Fran, when you say Ms Doyle like that I think I’m in trouble.’

‘OK Fran: Lorne’s coming, and I think Oz is going to try and be there. Charisma and her husband.’

‘Oz?’ asked Willow.

‘Daniel Osbourne from the Dingoe’s, William met him when they were doing a talk show together.’ Answered Fran.

‘Is that Charisma Carpenter, the girl who plays the DA in ‘Vampire Chronicles?’ asked Cordy.

‘Yes that’s her, well, she’s coming, and quite a few others. It’s always like this at Sanctuary since Mrs Atherton moved in.’

‘Lorne and Xander will be there as well,’ explained Fran. ‘Cordy, you’ll love Lorne, he’s chief designer at Caritas’.

The girls settled back in the limo and relaxed as it sped towards LA. Each happy that they had good, true friends around them. They caught each others eye and the same thought occurred to them. What would Melody say on Monday!!!