Buffy sluggishly carried the box in and set it down in her new room. It was so white. So stark. So new. She could still smell the fresh paint, and feel the plushness of the new carpet beneath her feet. She tried to tell herself that new was good. New equals good. Old equals bad. Because with old comes pain. The pain of remembering. And Buffy desperately wanted to forget. So gone were the pink frilly things, and the boy band posters. The Buffy that had that stuff was still a child. This Buffy was not a child any longer. She wanted to look to the future. Not to the past and a child hood that had been violently ripped away from her.


*Flashback*

Buffy danced shimmied and shook to the bubble gum pop music that was pouring from the radio as she chopped carrots for her salad. Her mom and step-dad Giles were out having dinner at a fancy restaurant. It was their five year anniversary, and they had reservations at the nicest place in town. Buffy didn’t mind staying at home by herself, it gave her time to let loose.


Buffy turned the radio down as she heard the phone ring.

“Hello? Oh hey Wills, what’s up? Nope they’re out. But--wait hold on, there’s someone at the door.”

Buffy set the phone down and flounced to the door and swung it open. On the other side were two male police officers.

“Oh officer, I’m sorry, did I have my music to loud?” Buffy asked mortified. That stodgy old lady next door probably called the cops. “I promise I’ll keep it down.”

“Are you Buffy Summers?”

“Yeah-huh. What’s wrong?”

“I’m sorry, but your mother and step-father have been in an accident.”

Buffy dropped the phone, her best friend forgotten.

“But they’re okay right?”

The officer gave his partner a pointed look. “You’re going to have to come with us.”

“Are they OKAY?” Buffy yelled, feet planted.

The officer sighed. He hated this part. She was so young. “I’m sorry miss. They didn’t make it.”

“No. No. Nonononononono. This can’t be happening, THIS CAN’T BE HAPPENING!”

*End Flashback*


A couple of kids had stolen a car and decided they’d be okay running a red light. They hit them from the side and pushed them into the car beside them. They didn’t have a chance. The paramedics pronounced at the scene. Buffy closed her eyes and tried to block out the memories but they just kept coming.


*Flashback*

Buffy walked slowly down the hall of the hospital. Then she saw it. The door with the big letters MOURGE on it. Buffy took a deep breath and walked in. She saw all the cold steel gleaming at her. A woman in a white coat walked up to her.

“Hi I’m Fred. You must be Buffy Summers.”

Buffy nodded, numb.

“Right this way. We’ll try and make this quick and painless.” Buffy followed her over to a wall that had doors. Fred opened two and pulled the stretchers out. Buffy swallowed the lump in her throat. Fred pulled back the first to reveal the face of the person she had considered her father for the past five years. He looked so peaceful. Buffy nodded to Fred and she pulled the sheet back over his face. She went to the next one and pulled it down. It was her mother. She looked so cold. Nothing like Giles.

“Mommy…” Buffy said, trying to hold back a sob. She reached out and touched her face. It didn’t feel like skin anymore. Buffy promptly turned around and emptied the contents of her stomach on the cold metal floor.


*End Flashback*

Buffy sighed and started pulling things out of boxes. It was only a month ago, but it seemed like ages. Social Services had tried to get a hold of her real father, but he couldn’t be bothered with a teenager. Him and his new wife were in Spain, living it up. He didn’t even come to her funeral.

Buffy turned around to the sounds of swearing coming from the living room. Spike.

“Christ pet what did you put in here, rocks?” Spike yelled.

Buffy smiled a sad smile. If it weren’t for Spike she didn’t know where she’d be now. Off in some foster home or orphanage. Buffy walked out into the living room, and saw Spike struggling with a massive suitcase.

“It’s only my shoes,” Buffy said.

“How many pairs of shoes do you own? You could prolly start your own department store judging by the weight of this.” Spike set it down in the middle of the room, wiping sweat from his brow. He still had to lug her furniture in here.

Spike looked at Buffy. She looked old. To old for sixteen. But fate didn’t ask an age. It didn’t discriminate. Just because Buffy was to young, to innocent, that didn’t stop her parents from being violently torn from her.

“Hey where should I put this?” Xander asked, holding Buffy’s desk chair.

“Just put it over there mate, we gotta get the desk in still.” Xander was a good kid. Bad family.

The three of them managed to get all of Buffy’s stuff in her room without a hitch. Spike sent Xander off and asked Buffy if she’d like some dinner.

“No thanks,” Buffy said. “I think I’ll just get some stuff unpacked. I’m not really hungry anyways.”

“Are you sure pet? I could whip something up real quick.”

“No that’s okay. When is Cecily coming?” Buffy said, asking about his wife.

“She’s getting things wrapped up in LA still. She should be here next week.”

Buffy nodded. “I’m just gonna go and get unpacked then.”

Spike watched her go, defeated. There wasn’t much he could do. Spike dropped down on the couch and stared at the black TV screen. He didn’t have the energy to turn it on. Spike could still remember the first day he met Buffy two years ago. He’d been twenty-six then and would’ve sworn on his dead mother’s grave that Buffy was at least seventeen. But she wasn’t. She’d been only fourteen.


*Flashback*

Spike knocked nervously on the door of 1630 Revello Drive. He was meeting his half-brother’s family for the first time. They were just recently reacquainted after being estranged for so many years. They shared a father and nothing else. Spike being the illegitimate second child, with a woman that wasn’t Rupert’s mother. Needless to say, they weren’t exactly close.

That’s when Buffy opened the door, and Spike’s heart stopped. Golden blond hair, California tan, shiny pink lips was all he could think about. “You must be Spike,” Buffy said, flashing her 1000 watt smile. “I’m Buffy, Joyce’s daughter.”

Spike gave her a devilish smirk. “Yeah that’s me pet.” He turned on the charm. There was no way he wasn’t gonna flirt with this goddess before him. He looked her up and down with a leer. She had to be at least seventeen.

Buffy blushed prettily and stepped back allowing him to enter. She turned around and let him to the living room, and took his coat. “So Giles tells me you just got out of law school,” Buffy said.

“Yeah pet. Just graduated.” Spike sat down and watched her cute little behind and she leaned over to hang his jacket up.

“That’s cool,” Buffy said.

“So… where’s that brother of mine?”

“Oh mom sent him to the store. He should be back in a minute.” She looked down at the carpet barely glancing up at him through her lashes.

“Well then.” He had this blonde beauty to himself for a few minutes at least. “What are you going to school for then?”

“Uhh… I go to high school.”

Damn. “When you graduate?” Please be soon.

“Uhh… three more years.”

Spike’s jaw dropped. This girl was in bleedin’ 9th grade? She was a freshman? In HIGH SCHOOL??!

“William! You made it!”

Spike looked up to see his half-brother standing there. The half-brother whose step-daughter looked like she could be in college. The step-daughter that he’d been having lude thoughts about ever since he stepped in the door. Who was probably fourteen.

He didn’t look at her the rest of the night.

*End Flashback*

Spike shook himself out of his reverie. He got up to go get himself a beer, but paused outside Buffy’s room. He could hear her soft sobs coming from inside. Spike sank down to the floor, back to her door. He wanted to run in and comfort her, wrap her up in his arms and tell her it was all going to be okay. But it wasn’t going to be okay. He couldn’t giver her, her parents back. So he sat there and listened until the sobs got quieter and eventually tapered off into nothingness.

Buffy sat in front of the blaring TV not really watching. She flicked through the channels without actually thinking. Right about now Giles would be getting home from his job as a professor for UC Sunnydale. He’d come in and ask her how her day had gone. He’d been everything to her that her real father hadn’t.

Buffy was so lost in her thoughts she didn’t hear the front door open and Spike come in.

“Hey pet, whatcha watchin?”

Buffy jumped about three inches in the air, spinning around to see Spike standing behind her. “Don’t ever do that to me again!”

Spike chuckled quietly. “Sorry.” He even managed to look a little sheepish. “So… what were you watchin?”

Buffy turned back to stare at the TV. She had no idea what was on. “Uhh… I’m not sure. I wasn’t really watching it anyways. I was just thinking.”

Spike nodded. “Thinkin’ about your mum?”

“Giles actually. He’d be coming home about now. We’d sit down at the table and talk. He’d ask about my day, and then he’d tell me some story about his students. It was nice.”

“You two were close weren’t you?”

“Yeah.” Buffy hung her head trying to fight back the tears that came when she thought about her surrogate father.

“So I’m gonna cook some dinner,” Spike said. “Anything special you want?”

“No.”

When they sat down to a dinner of spaghetti an awkward silence fell over them. Spike grasped at straws trying to draw her out and get her to talk to him.

“So when do you think you’ll be heading back to school? No rush.”
Buffy shrugged. “Probably pretty soon. I can’t sit around here forever. Besides, Snyder probably already wants to expel me. I don’t need to give him any more reasons.” She poked her noodles with her fork, not really hungry.

Spike snorted. “You let me take care of that little troll.” Snyder had already called threatening that exact thing but with a few well placed threats, he shut up. “You just go back when you feel ready. And if you need anyone to talk to I’m here pet. And Cecily will be here next week.”

Buffy looked up at the mention of Cecily. She never really liked her. She seemed so stuck up. “Why did you marry Cecily?”

Spike’s eyes shot open wide. That he wasn’t expecting. “Because I loved her.”

“Oh.” Buffy’s eyes darted back down to her plate. Wait. Loved? As in did? “But you never seemed to.” Buffy dared a glance up through her lashes.

Spike cleared his throat. “Well we do. Love each other. We just don’t show it sometimes. Why do you ask?” Because we love each other. Who was he kidding. It’s because he was lusting after a certain teenager that he knew to keep his hands off.

Because you should be mine, but I can’t have you. And I have to convince myself of that. “Just wondering.” She pushed her spaghetti around a little more and then set her fork down.

God she’s beautiful. “So is there anything you need? Clothes? School stuff?”

“Nope,” Buffy said. “I’m gonna go lay down. I’m kind of tired.”

Spike nodded and she got up and went to her room. With a sigh he grabbed the dishes and set about cleaning up. Who was he kidding? Love? That’s not what him and Cecily had. Maybe once upon a time he might have been able to. But his heart belonged to a certain blond teenager that was sitting in the next room. He met Cecily six months after he met Buffy. Cecily didn’t stand a chance. Maybe if he’d met her first, then their marriage would be better. Then he wouldn’t spend his nights wishing it was Buffy in his bed instead of her. Wishing it was blond hair laid out across his pillows, tan skin against his sheets, her pert little body laid bare for his eyes only. I’m such a monster. Lusting after a sixteen year old. Watching her grow older and more beautiful. But he had to keep his hands off. She didn’t think of him like that and never would. She probably thought of him like a uncle since Rupert was like a father to her. God that makes me even that much more sick.


* * *

Buffy walked silently through the halls of Sunnydale High. Everything looked different even though she knew it was the same. Its funny how your out look on things can change so drastically in such a short time. Things that had seemed incredibly crucial before, now seemed trivial. She didn’t care that she wasn’t the most popular girl in school. There were things far more important than how high she was on the high school social ladder.

Buffy entered her English class and sat down next to her best friend Willow.

“Hey Buff you coming to the Bronze tonight?”

“Oh I don’t know Wills. I don’t know if I’m ready.” Buffy sighed. She just didn’t feel like being around people anymore.

“Well I think it will be good for you Buffy. You can’t stay cooped up forever.”

“Oh I’m not sure Wills. . .”

“Look. Resolve face.” Willow pointed to the determined look on her face. “You need to get out. And Bronzing it is just the thing you need.”

“All right,” Buffy relented. “But I can’t promise to have fun.”

Later that night Buffy walked into the Bronze dressed to kill in a shirt black mini skirt, red halter top and strappy black sandals. She figured she should at least try. Spike had nearly fallen all over himself trying to get her out the door to socialize again. He thought it would be good for her. Get back on the proverbial horse and all that. She was about to go sit with Willow and Xander when Angel, her crush since 8th grade, cut in front of her.

“God, rude much?” Buffy asked scowling at him.

“Hey Buffy,” he said.

“Yeah?” Buffy tapped her foot impatiently.

“Umm… do you want to dance?”

Buffy’s eyebrows practically shot off her face. That she was not expecting. “Umm… okay.”

When they got out to the dance floor he awkwardly wrapped his arms around her and pulled her to him. He was so big and hulking. What did she ever see in him. When the dance stopped she untangled herself from him and spared a glance over at Willow who gave her the thumbs up.

“Do you want a drink?” Angel asked.

God did she ever.

* * *

Spike sat in his office trying his hardest to work on the case that was going to trial here in the next couple of weeks, but he kept thinking about Buffy out there probably with some other bloke. He nearly fell over himself when he saw what she was dressed in. He practically shoved her out the door and ran to go wank off. God he was acting like a bloody teenager.

Spike was just giving up for the night when he heard the knock on the door. He rushed over and flung it open. Standing there was some big hulking teenager with an armful of Buffy.

“What the fuck happened?” Spike yelled.

“She’s a little drunk,” Angel said. He stepped in and set her down on her own two feet.

“What the bloody hell do you think you’re doing drinking?” Spike yelled at her.

“Uhh… I’m just gonna go.” Angel stepped through the door and closed it behind him, completely forgotten before he even left.

“I can drink if I want to,” Buffy said swaying slightly on her feet.

“No you bloody well cannot. You’re sixteen!”

“Oh well. Don’t care.” Buffy took a few unsteady steps toward her room but had to stop and grab a hold of the couch.

“Look at you! You’re sloshed!”

“I said I. Don’t. Care.”

Spike sighed. “This isn’t the way to handle things Buffy.”

“Well its my way of handling things.”

“You can’t do this to yourself. Its not healthy.”

Buffy spun around angrily, nearly losing her balance. “I said I don’t care. I want it all to go away. Don’t you understand that? I just want to forget everything. Forget that when I come home they’re not going to be here waiting for me. They’re gone. And its not fair!” Sobs tore out of her mouth and wracked her body. Spike ran over and gathered her up in his arms. He slowly pulled them down to the floor and held her there until her sobs slowly tapered off.

Buffy wiped at her eyes and looked up at him, embarrassed. “You must think I’m a total wreck.”

Spike snorted. “You wouldn’t be the first person to try and drown their sorrow in alcohol luv.” Spike got up and helped her to her feet. “C’mon lets get you cleaned up. He took her to the bathroom and instructed her to clean her face and brush her teeth. He went to her room and grabbed some of her pajamas and handed them to her. When she was finished he helped her back to her room.

“Night pet,” Spike said after helping her under the covers.

“Spike?”

“Yeah pet?”

“Stay with me tonight?” Buffy looked at him innocently.

Oh god. “Oh I don’t know Buffy.”

Buffy’s face fell. “Right. Sorry. Shouldn’t have asked. Night.” Buffy turned on her side, face away from him.

Spike sighed. He was so going to hell for this. He climbed in bed and pulled her up against him. “Just for tonight.” He inhaled the scent of her hair. Strawberries and vanilla. Bloody best scent in the world. Buffy nodded against him and snuggled closer. If he was going to hell he might as well have fun getting there. He listened to Buffy’s breathing until her breaths were the slow deliberate kind of sleep. He knew he should get up now that she was asleep. But he just couldn’t make himself do it. So he slowly slipped into the best sleep he’d had in a long time, Buffy’s warm body spooned against him.

Buffy woke slowly feeling comforted and warm. Then she noticed the pair of arms around her and the hard muscled chest she was spooned up against. Oh, arms of Spike. Nice arms too. Then she noticed something else hard nestled up against her back side and her eyes widened. Holy. Shit. She slowly tried to untangle herself from Spike’s arms, but the more she struggled the harder he held on. He pulled her flush against him and ground his erection into her ass. Buffy shuddered involuntarily at the rush of warmth to her nether regions. This is so wrong. Buffy pulled his arm up and slid out, not caring if she woke him up anymore. She just needed to get away from the reaction her body was having to his.

He barely stirred. Buffy let out the breathe she didn’t know she was holding. Okay don’t wake him up. She turned and fled the room.

* * *


Buffy stared at Spike as he sped down the road towards their destination. She had never known a guy to be beautiful, but Spike sure fit the bill. And if that morning were any indication, he was nice and muscled and hard in all the right places.

Spike noticed her staring at him. He caught he eye for a second and she looked down, blushing. Funny. She’d been doing that since he woke up this morning. Probably regrets asking him to stay with her and is embarrassed about it. But then why was she staring?

“You’ll like this place I’m taking you to pet.” They were on their way to dinner.

“What is it?” There she goes blushing again. She really liked all his little nicknames.

“This nice little French restaurant. You’ll like it.”

That’s not the only thing she liked. She liked the way his body pressed up against her in all the right ways, just the way it had this morning.

They were silent up until they got to the restaurant and had been shown to their table.

“Spike this place is really nice,” Buffy said.

“Well I wanted to treat you pet. You deserve it.”

“Yeah I totally deserve it for going out and getting drunk.”

Spike smirked. “It was understandable. Granted I’m not letting you near Captain Forehead ever again.”

Buffy shrugged and took a sip of her water.

“What did you see in that pillock anyways?”

Again, Buffy shrugged. “Captain of the football team, one of the most popular guys in school. What’s not to like. But… I’m not quite sure what I saw in him.”

“Meaning you don’t see it anymore?” Spike asked. At least he didn’t have to worry about this drooling idiot. One down, hundreds more to go.

“He just seems so… boring now. Just like everyone else. I want someone different.” Someone that has striking cheekbones, bleach blond hair and a sexy accent.

Before Spike could ask what kind of guy she was looking for, Buffy excused herself and left to go to the restroom. Spike sat idly tapping his fingers.

“Would you like some wine sir?”

Spike looked up to see the waiter standing next to the table. “Oh no thanks.”

The waiter glanced down at his wedding band. The girl probably wasn’t his wife. “Would your girlfriend like some wine?”

Spike raised his eyebrows at that. And chose not to correct him. “No.”

The waiter nodded and walked off.

Girlfriend huh? Spike smiled to himself. That had a nice ring to it. Spike shook his head. *Best not let that go to your head mate, its never going to happen. She’s sixteen and you’re married for Christ’s sake!*

When Buffy got back, Spike did his best to keep his thoughts from wondering to them together. Spike asked her about everything from school, to her friends, to her likes and dislikes, steering it away from himself. Spike told himself it was just because he didn’t like talking about himself, but he knew he wasn‘t fooling anyone. He really wanted to know about her. Get to know her. Get in her brain and underneath her skin. He wanted to know what made her tick. And as the evening progressed and he learned about her more and more, he found the more he liked her. As harrowing as her mother’s and Rupert’s deaths had been on her, it gave her a more mature outlook on life. And he found he liked it.

“So how did you and Cecily meet?”

Spike looked up from his dessert, startled. “Uh, why do you ask?”

Buffy shrugged. “Just curious.”

Spike sighed. “Her father introduced us. I started work at one of his firms and he took me under his wing. He helped me. Even introduced me to his daughter. “

“And then you two started dating?”

*Flashback*

Spike grabbed a flute of champagne as the waitress walked by. He’d just come from the Summers-Giles residence, silently drooling over Buffy whilst trying to appear unconcerned. As the months went by he found himself there more and more if only to get a glimpse of her smiling face.

He hated these fancy Christmas parties Adams & Goldstern insisted on throwing. Spike slowly made his way over to Mr. Adams.

“William! So glad you could make it.”

As if he really had a choice. “Wouldn’t miss it for the world, sir.”

“William how many times have I told you to call me Herbert? Please.”

“Of course.”

“Come William, I’d like you to meet my daughter.” He gestured at someone in the crowd, and soon a pretty woman sidled up next to him.

“Hi daddy,” she said kissing his cheek.

“Cecily, this is William. He’s new at the firm and I’m showing him the ropes.”

Cecily looked her nose down at him. She held out her hand daintily.

Well might as well charm the boss’s daughter. Spike pulled her hand up and placed a delicate kiss on her knuckles. “Delighted to meet you pet,” Spike purred.

Cecily faltered a little. “Yes, delighted.”

Her father smiled at them. “Now you be nice to William, and show him around for me will you? I’d like him to know who everyone is. I‘ve decided to put him as third chair in the O‘Brian case.”

“But Daddy, that was going to be mine!”

“Now, now, pumpkin, you know they’ll be more cases for you. This will be a great case for William to get his hands dirty with.”

Cecily sighed and practically dragged him away. Once she was a safe distance away from her father, she turned to Spike, furious.

“Now you listen here. I won’t have you stealing my cases and trying to make nice with my father.”

She kept going on but Spike wasn’t really listening. This was the kind of woman he should be dating, not lusting after almost 15 year-olds.

Spike cut her off. “ Would you like to go out sometime luv?”

Cecily blinked, completely caught off guard. “Umm, well… I guess so.”

*End Flashback*

“And that’s the story. I thought you knew all this pet?”

“Oh no you never told me.” *That and I didn’t care to hear about you with another woman.*

“Well you ready to go?”

Buffy nodded, lost in thought.

As they made their way out, they each thought about the other, each wishing it was a little more than what they had.

Buffy unlocked the door to Spike’s apartment and dropped her book bag inside, slamming the door behind her. She knew she’d be the only one home. Spike was working, and Cecily hadn’t come back from LA yet. She’d called Spike the night before and told him that she’d taken another case up there and wouldn’t be back for another couple weeks. Spike had taken the conversation into another room, but she could hear him arguing with her over the phone. Buffy did a mental Snoopy dance, wanting him to herself for just a little while longer.

Buffy knew she wasn’t suppose to be attracted to Spike, but she was. She’d been attracted to him since she’d opened the door for him two years ago. And each time he came over to visit Giles, she found herself staring at him, silently urging him to make a move, but knowing it would never happen.

*Flashback*

“Okay Wills. I’ll come over tomorrow.” Pause. “Yeah Giles’s brother is coming over. You know the whole family dinner thing.” Buffy yeah-huhed a few more times, and hung up. Finally. Okay so lying to best friend so you could ogle your step-father’s sexy half brother probably wasn’t high on the good friend list, but oh well. What was a girl to do?

Just then the doorbell rang and a smile broke out on Buffy’s face. She went to her window to look down, and sure enough his ugly black Desoto was parked in the driveway. She took a minute to brush her hair out and apply more lip gloss before heading down stairs. She of course wanted to look her best.

“Hey Spike,” Buffy said. God he’s so hot.

“Hey pet.” Spike smiled at her. He has the best smile. Permission to swoon please? “How’s school going?”

“Uhg. Me and school are unmixy things.”

Oh. The smirk. Swooning now!

Spike sat down on the couch and Buffy sat on the other end. Buffy was just about to ask him about work when Giles came in.

“So William, tell me about this new girl you’re seeing?”

Girl? There was a girl? Buffy’s face fell as she tried her best not to listen to what Spike was telling Giles about this chick. She quietly left the room. Okay so who was she kidding. She had just turned 15 and he was a lawyer now at some big time law firm. She trudged up the stairs and sat on her bed.

Who was she kidding. It was just some stupid crush anyways. She might as well put it out of her mind, because he’ll never see her that way. He was probably dating some other lawyer. Someone smart and pretty, and more his age.

Buffy sighed as a single tear rolled down her cheek. That didn’t mean it didn’t hurt.

*End Flashback*


Buffy sat down and tried her best to concentrate on her Algebra homework, but she couldn’t. All she could think of was Spike. She finally had him to herself for a while, without any interruptions. Cecily wasn’t here, wouldn’t be here for few weeks, and there was no one else. Just her and Spike. The way it should be. Before she had pushed him to the back of her mind, thinking that they could never be together. But that was all going to change.

Buffy needed a plan. A plan to make Spike hers. After all she’d seen him first hadn’t she? She was positive that when Spike thought she wasn’t looking, he looked at her like THAT. The way she wanted him to look at her. Like a woman that was wanted and desirable. She might not have much experience, or any experience, but she knew that look. It’d been directed at her before, but never with such intensity. Before she’d shoved her feelings for Spike way down, because she didn’t think that anything could ever happen between them. But now she had a chance. There was no one else around.

* * *

Spike shut the door behind him as he stepped into his apartment. “Buffy luv, you home?” He didn’t hear anything. He saw her school books scattered all over the living room table, so she had to be home. Spike walked down the hall, hearing the shower running in the bathroom. He turned the corner to find the bathroom door wide open. And the shower doors were completely translucent.

Spike stopped in his tracks, mouth agape. His cock instantly hardened as he stared at the goddess before him, just waiting to be worshipped. Water trickled down her narrow back, to the soft curve of her ass, going on to her shapely legs. She turned slightly and Spike could see the outline of her breasts. He could also see that her hand was caressing the juncture between her thighs, her head thrown back in ecstasy, eyes closed. A soft throaty moan escaped Buffy’s mouth and that’s all Spike could handle. He slowly backed up and tore down the hall to his room, ripping his pants off along the way. He yanked his boxers down and grabbed his dick with a ferociousness that he hadn’t had in ages. Seeing Buffy doing THAT was the biggest turn on he’d ever seen. Spike slid his hand up and down his shaft, picturing in his head Buffy kneeling down before him, her pretty pink lips wrapped around his cock, sucking him into her mouth. Spike’s hand sped up as he his fantasy continued. Buffy turned around with her back to him, her pert little ass up in the air. Him slipping his cock into her waiting pussy. Buffy writhing underneath him, his name tumbling from her lips. Spike came with a shout of her name, come spilling all over his hand.

Down the hall, Buffy smiled.

Mission accomplished.


* * *

Spike sat in his study alone, nursing a beer. He had been trying to concentrate on a will for a very wealthy client but he just couldn’t get his mind off what had happened that afternoon. After he’d cleaned himself up, he’d tiptoed back past the bathroom careful not to look so he would not repeat everything all over again, and pretended to just be getting home. He could barely look at her, so he gave her some bullshit story about forgetting something at the office and tore out of there like there were hell hounds nipping at his heels. He hadn’t come back until late and Buffy seemed to already be in bed. Spike knew nothing could ever come from his fantasies, that’s why he’d had to leave. Before he’d thrown her down and had his way with her right on the living room couch, sixteen years old or not. He had to practice restraint when he was around her. No more climbing into bed with her even though that had been one of the best nights of sleep he’d gotten in years. Who knew that the person you slept next to could have influence over your quality of sleep?

Spike lit his cigarette and took a deep long drag. What the hell had he gotten himself into?


Author's Note: Okay so what do you guys think? It was my first quasi sex scene... so is it okay, or should I delete it, scrap it, and never try and write smut again? I'd really like to know.

Buffy stood in front of her full length mirror inspecting her naked body. It’d been three days since Spike had walked in on her in the bathroom, and he’d barely looked at her since. She knew she’d affected him because of what she heard right afterwards. Buffy pushed her breasts together, wishing they were just a little bit bigger. Her eyes trailed down to the juncture between her thighs and the trimmed dark blond curls that rested there. Maybe she should wax. Would Spike like it better?

Buffy pulled her hair up from around her shoulders and decided she needed a change. Something more… sophisticated. Buffy grabbed the phone and dialed a number she knew would help her. She needed some advice.

“Faith? Hey it’s Buffy.”

* * *

Buffy reached up to touch the now jagged edges of her hair, with the new highlights. “I don’t know if I like it.”

“Trust me B, it’s the bomb. You won’t regret it.”

Buffy and Faith strolled through the food court, Buffy laden with bags from various stores. They each grabbed some Chinese food and sat down to enjoy it.

“So B, who’s this new makeover for? Can’t be Angel. Word is you completely blew him off.”

Buffy shrugged. “He’s just so… uninteresting. And the hair… what was I thinking?”

Faith laughed around her egg roll. “That he’s a gorgeous hunk of man meat, that you would love to jump?”

Buffy rolled her eyes. “Yeah but then he opened him mouth within hearing range.”

She gave her a pointed look. “That never bothered you before.” Faith’s eyes widened. “This is so totally for someone else. Spill.”

Buffy shook her head. She knew she couldn’t tell anyone. Especially if her plan didn’t work out. She’d be mortified. “No one. I just… wanted a new look.” And a new look she got. Leather pants, short skirts, sophisticated tops… and the new hair. “Especially with everything that’s happened, I feel different somehow, and I feel I should look it.”

Faith nodded, understanding. “Don’t worry, you’ll feel different in these clothes B. I promise. So are you coming to the Bronze tonight?”

“I guess so. I could use a night out.” Spike had been avoiding her lately anyways. There was no reason she couldn’t enjoy a night out on the town.

* * *

Spike came home to a note taped to the fridge from Buffy saying she’d went shopping then she was going over to Faith’s. There was a number scrolled on the bottom in case he needed to get a hold of her. Spike sighed. Even though he knew he shouldn’t, he missed her. He’d been trying not to be around her so his raging libido wouldn’t drive him crazy with need. He knew he couldn’t avoid her forever, but every time he looked at her his mind went to the day he saw her in the shower. Then his mind went on overdrive, concocting sexual fantasies of the two of them together in various positions.

Spike plopped himself in front of the TV, knowing he wouldn’t be getting any work done. Lately he just couldn’t concentrate. All he could think about was Buffy. He knew she was way to young. Not to mention was his brother’s step daughter. What would Rupert think, were he still alive.

“He bloody well would tear me to bits, that’s what he’d do,” Spike said aloud to himself. He lit a cigarette and sat down to wait.

At eleven o‘clock, he heard keys jingle in the lock, and Buffy’s voice on the other side. The door opened.

“Yeah, I’ll see you later Faith.”

Buffy came in and sat her shopping bags down she had left in Faith’s car since she hadn’t dropped them off earlier. Spike turned to face her and his eyes widened at her ensemble. Tight black leather pants, black slinky shirt with a neckline that plunged all the way down to her tight stomach. Black spike heeled boots with a pointed toe.

“Your hair,” Spike finally managed to choke out. “You changed it.”

“Yeah,” Buffy said twirling a piece of it around her finger. “You like?”

Spike nodded. “Looks good.” Spike swallowed. His cock had hardened the second he’d seen her and was now painfully biting into the zipper of his jeans. He prayed she wouldn’t notice the effect she was having on him. He was acting like a sodding teenager who’d never seen a beautiful woman before.

“Well I’m not tired,” Buffy said. “Do you want to watch a movie?”

“Uhh sure.” Damn it, why did he say yes? He was going to have to sit with a pillow over his lap.

Buffy smiled that smile again. Oh yeah. That was why he said yes. “Great. Just let me get changed.”

Buffy snatched her bags and walked into her room. She smiled to herself. She’d seen his little predicament and decided to make it worse. She pulled out her Victoria’s Secret bag and grabbed the black lace nightie she’d purchased. It covered everything, but Faith had assured her it would be a hit to anyone who saw her in it. She put on her matching silk robe and tied it.

When Buffy walked out of her room, Spike could feel practically feel the blood rushing southwards. He stopped in his tracks, hand halfway to his mouth to take a drag off his cigarette.

Nonchalantly, Buffy came and sat down on the couch, seemingly oblivious to Spike’s reaction to her. “So what movie are we watching?”

Spike shook his head and tried to clear his lust filled head. God he needed a bloody cold shower. “I don’t care kitten, whatever you pick.”

Buffy smiled. She got up to look at the movies, and bent over, show casing her exceptionally curvaceous behind. Spike stifled a groan, and sat down on the couch, adjusting himself. *Get control of yourself, mate. Don’t scare the poor girl.*

Buffy smirked triumphantly to herself as she browsed through the movies. Ahh, comedy. This will do. She popped the DVD in the player, and hit play. Buffy sat back down on the couch and arranged her robe so her legs peeked out.

Spike dared a look over to Buffy and saw her long tan legs peeking out her robe. He slowly pulled one of the couch cushions into his lap, trying to remain inconspicuous. As the movie started up Spike kept glancing over at her since she was seemingly engrossed in the movie.

Spike did his best to concentrate on the movie, and about halfway through managed to be able to slide the cushion off his lap. When the credits started rolling, Spike jumped up and shut the movie off. He couldn’t spend another moment in her presence if he wanted to not act like a caveman. Everything in him was screaming at him to grab her and make her his. Caveman Spike was screaming ‘mine!’

“Well pet, I’m right knackered, so I’ll see you in the morning.” Spike hurried off to his bedroom barely glancing at her. He knew who would be starring in his fantasies tonight. And what she would be wearing.

Later Buffy lay in bed pouting. Spike still hadn’t made a move yet. Maybe she’d have to be more bold with him. She was ready for this. She wanted Spike. She was tired of being a girl. She was ready to become a woman already. Buffy sighed, and got up. She silently padded down the hall to Spike’s room, and stuck her ear to the door. Spike’s throaty moans filtered through. “Buffy.”

Buffy’s eyes widened. Then a slow smile spread across her face. This was just the bold move she’d been waiting for. Buffy squared her shoulders, and grabbed the doorknob. She slowly turned it. She pushed the door open. There on the bed, was Spike in all his naked glory. His eyes were closed, his head thrown back a little. Buffy licked her lips and her eyes trailed down his sleek muscled chest, his washboard abs, to a trail of light hair that started at the belly button, and traveled down to where his curls housed his larger than average engorged cock. Spike was slowly stroking himself, oblivious to Buffy’s presence in the room.

Buffy moved closer to the bed and watched as Spike’s hand sped up, and a groan escaped his mouth. A gush of liquid wet her panties.

All of a sudden Spike felt a depression on the bed next to him. His eyes jerked open and he saw Buffy next to him, a hungry look in her eyes. Spike jerked back, his eyes wide.

“Buffy! What the hell are you doing?”

“I know you want me Spike. I can tell by the way you look at me.”

Spike shook his head. “This can’t happen Buffy.”

“I don’t care if it’s wrong.” Buffy inched forward on the bed and ran her hand up his bare leg. “I know you want this.” Buffy grasped his cock in her hand and gave an experimental tug. Spike let out an involuntary moan. Up. Down. Up. Down.

Spike knew he should stop her, but it felt so good. “Oh god Buffy, we shouldn’t.” But he didn’t make a move to stop her. He lay there and let her hands stroke him halfway to heaven. Or maybe to hell, he didn’t care.

Buffy suddenly straddled him, letting go of his erection with her hand, and rubbing her sodden core against it. Spike’s traitorous hands shot up to grab her hips and pull her down harder on him. Buffy threw her head back at the bolt of pleasure that went through her at his motions. She started grinding herself up against him, swirling her hips in way that felt fabulous. She grabbed one of Spike’s hands and positioned it over her breast.

Spike knew he shouldn’t, knew he was probably going to hell, but he couldn’t get his hands to stop. His other hand reached up and pulled the top of her nightie down, exposing her perfect, pert breasts to his hungry gaze. He leaned over and captured a pink nipple in his mouth. Her hips kept swirling on his cock, eliciting small groans from him.

“Bloody perfect you are,” Spike muttered.

“Oh god, Spppiiikkkeee,” Buffy moaned. A tightening in her belly caused her to speed up, racing for completion. A few more swirls of her hips against his erection, and she was careening over the edge. Buffy crashed her lips to Spike’s to muffle her scream as her body convulsed in orgasm.

Hearing Buffy say his name as her orgasm hit her caused Spike to immediately empty his load all over Buffy and himself. He shuddered at the intensity of it. Then jerked his head up. Oh god. What had he done?

Buffy closed her eyes in contentment only to be unceremoniously pushed off the bed to land with a thump on the floor. Indignant, Buffy sputtered her outrage. “What the hell?”

“This was wrong. This should never have happened. Oh god.” Spike closed his eyes and rubbed his hand across his face, as if willing it all to go away.

“Relax,” Buffy said. “You just came everywhere. We didn’t even have sex. Yet.” Buffy smiled at him and stood up.

“No.”

Buffy frowned. “What do you mean no?”

“No, we can’t ever do this, or anything like this again. It was a mistake.”

Buffy glared at him. “You sure don’t look like you think it was a mistake.” Buffy gestured to his still hard erection that was jutting proudly away from his body, despite the fact that he just came.

“I don’t care. Its wrong.” He grabbed her arm and led her to the door shoving her through it and shutting her behind her. Buffy heard the distinct click of the lock.

Oh my god. He actually threw her out. Tears welled in Buffy’s eyes as a sob tore out of her throat. She was a mistake. That’s all she was to him. A mistake.

Spike heard her sobs on the other side of a door for the second time since she moved in. And for the second time he sank down on the other side of it. He wanted nothing more than to grab her and tell her it wasn’t a mistake, that it felt better than anything he’d ever felt in his life. And they hadn’t even had sex!

God he was a monster.




**A.N.: I know, I'm evil. I hope everyone likes. Remember, reviews feed my muse!**

AN: I’m very sorry this has taken so long to get out, but RL has been very crazy lately. Unfortunately, it’s going to be a couple weeks before I can update again. My husband is flying in from Iraq to have surgery on his throat. I’m going to take our two month old down there so they can meet for the first time and we’re going to stay with him in the hospital.

Thank you to everyone who reviewed the last chapter. I don’t have time to respond individually like I would like to, and I’m very sorry. But everyone’s reviews were wonderful, and I would love it if everyone would keep reviewing.

I will update, it just might be a while, so please don’t give up on this story!

Much love, Pyro



Chapter 6

Buffy unlocked the door to the apartment and walked inside. Empty. Again. Spike had been staying away increasingly more and more since their encounter a week ago. Buffy came to where she dreaded coming home, and spent most of her time in her room. Being there just reminded her what happened between her and Spike. Buffy sighed as she went to her room and fell on her bed. He had thrown her out of his room after he’d come and then ignored her. Told her she was a mistake. Buffy fought back tears for what seemed like the hundredth time. He didn’t want her. She just caught him while he was horny and missing his wife probably. Now he just wanted her to forget about it.

Buffy knew she shouldn’t want him, but she did. Even now when he had thrown her out, she still wanted him. He evoked feeling in her she hadn’t felt since her mother died. Most of the time she just felt numb. When he had touched her, she felt alive. Loved, wanted. And the way he had looked at her. Like she was the most beautiful woman in the world. But it was all a lie.

Buffy heard the door open and close, and didn’t move from her spot on her bed. She didn’t want him to see her, and he didn’t seem to want to see her.

Buffy heard him move around, and the TV come on. Then she heard him move to the kitchen and bang around in there. Buffy sighed and got up and turned on her radio.

Buffy heard him knock on her door. She ignored it.

“C’mon luv. You can’t stay in there forever.”

Buffy snorted, but didn’t answer. Spike kept banging on her door. “Buffy, get your ass up and open this door.”

When the door didn’t open Spike decided to take matters in his own hands. He left and came back with a knife, slipping it in the crevice between the door and frame, and unlocked it. He pushed it open and saw Buffy laying on her bed, staring at her ceiling.

“Buffy, luv, you can’t stay in here forever.”

“Watch me.”

Spike ran his hand through his hair, releasing a few curls from the gel that held them in place. “We need to talk.”

“No we don’t. I heard everything I needed to hear from you. I’m your dirty little mistake. Got it.”

“Buffy,” Spike said exasperated. “You know it’s not like that.”

Buffy turned to look at him. “Then come prove to me that it’s not.”

“I’m married for Christ’s sake!”

“That didn’t stop you before now did it?”

“Buffy you know that was-”

“Yeah, a mistake,” she cut him off. “I get it, you don’t have to say it again.”

“Would stop acting like a spoiled brat?”

“I’m not a spoiled brat. You’re just an inconsiderate asshole!” She jumped up to stand toe to toe with him. “You throw me out and then expect me to be nice to you! Well fuck you!”

“Buffy we can’t do anything. I’m twelve years older that you! It’s wrong!”

“You and your stupid moral high horse. What about me huh? What about what I want? Does that not matter?”

“Look Buffy-”

“Don’t ‘Look Buffy’ me you inconsiderate prick!”

Her eyes were blazing and her chest was heaving from the exertion of yelling. And damn him if she wasn’t the most beautiful thing he had ever seen. She kept yelling obscenities at him, but he wasn’t particularly listening to anything.

“Are you listening to me?”

“What luv?” Spike asked dazed. He was mesmerized by the way her chest heaved up and down, and her flushed face.

“You asshole! You don’t even-”

That’s when Spike grabbed her and pulled her flush against him, crashing his lips to hers. Buffy was so stunned she gasped, and Spike’s tongue entered her mouth. After a few seconds Buffy finally kissed him back, letting his tongue invade her mouth.

Spike moaned slightly as he felt her tongue start to duel with his. She tasted so good. Buffy’s hands came up to wrap around his neck, her hands playing with the curls at the nape of his neck. He grabbed her hips and whirled them around, shoving her against the wall. He pushed his erection against her, desperate for some sort of friction to ease the ache. She responded back, thrusting herself up against him, and Spike had to fight to keep from coming in his pants. God she was bloody beautiful.

Spike pulled away from the kiss to gasp for much needed oxygen. He looked at her, knowing that she wanted this too. She knew what she was getting herself into. Even though this was wrong.

“Don’t you even dare,” Buffy said, and reached up to grab him, crushing his lips to her, trying to eliminate any thoughts of stopping. She reached down and cupped his erection through his pants, eliciting a strained moan from Spike. She pushed him off her, and directed him towards the bed, pushing him down. She straddled him, and reached down to un-tuck his shirt from his pants, her hands snaking up to feel the rock hard abs that lay beneath.

Spike grabbed her shirt and pulled it over her head, baring her breasts to his gaze. “Perfect,” Spike murmured to himself. He flicked her pretty pick nipples with his thumbs, causing them to harden.

“Oh god, Spike,” Buffy said in a throaty moan that drove him crazy.

Spike trailed open mouthed kisses down her neck, to her collarbone, to her breasts. He took one perfect nipple in his mouth and sucked lightly, eliciting the sexiest sounds he had ever heard. Oh god she was so responsive.

*Oh god I can’t believe this is actually happening!* Buffy thought to herself. She was about to leave her childhood behind forever. Leave behind the part of her life that she didn’t want anymore. God she’d wanted this for so long. She mentally catalogued every movement, every sensation for later use. Just in case.

Spike stopped worshipping her stunning chest long enough to let her pull his shirt up over his head. He flipped them over so he was on top. His hands snaked down to undo the zipper on her jeans and gently pulled them down. Buffy slightly lifted her hips, letting him take her jeans and panties down.

Spike looked at the breathtaking sight before him, as her beautiful pussy came into view. He pushed her legs open and stared at the glistening view. He saw Buffy blush a little, and try and close her legs, embarrassed by his scrutiny.

“Don’t ever be embarrassed luv. You’re beautiful.” He slowly opened her legs once more, and tentatively reached out to stroke her moist folds. She was so wet, waiting for him.

Buffy’s breath hitched as she felt him touch her. It was like nothing she had ever experienced before. Pleasure exploded and a warm feeling started in the pit of her stomach. She reached up and grabbed his belt, fumbling to get it off. She finally succeeded and pulled his pants halfway down his legs, his cock springing out. He was so beautiful. Buffy’s hand reached out to stroke him, her thumb swirling the dribbles of pre cum over the head of his cock.

“Christ luv,” Spike gasped out. He kicked his pants off the rest of the way, and lay down beside her. “Are you sure about this kitten?”

Buffy nodded. “I want you.”

She didn’t have to tell him twice. He leaned over her, her legs coming up to wrap around him. He slowly pushed the head of his dick inside. Spike’s eyes nearly crossed at how tight she was. He pushed in until he felt a barrier.

His eyes widened. “Oh god Buffy.” She was a virgin. He’d never thought in a million years with the way she’d been acting that she’d be a virgin. He started to pull out.

“No, don’t. I want this. I want you.”

“Are you sure?”

She nodded.

“This is gonna hurt baby,” Spike said. When she nodded he pushed himself back in slowly until he felt her barrier, then pushed through in one swift thrust.

Buffy cried out at the white hot lance of pain shooting through her.

“Shh, it’s okay kitten. The pain will be over soon.” Spike stood still even though he wasn’t sure how long he could do it. Her pussy was gripping him like a vice, just begging him to start pumping in and out of her.

Slowly the pain subsided and Buffy experimentally started to move her hips. Spike groaned out loud. He pulled back just a little and thrust back in. When Buffy gave a slight mewl of pleasure he took that as the okay. He pulled back and thrust into her again. She was so bloody tight. Spike kept moving in and out of her, slightly angling his hips to hit the spongy bundle of nerves deep within her.

“Oh god, Spike,” Buffy gasped out. She had no idea it could feel this good. There was a slight amount of pain but it was covered up by the intense pleasure of him filling her to the brim. Buffy wrapped her legs around his waist and started pushing up to meet his thrusts.

Spike growled when her hips started to come up to meet his. He wasn’t sure how much longer he could last, not with the way she was responding to him. He reached between them and flicked her clit.

Lights exploded behind Buffy’s eyes as her inner muscles gripped Spike’s cock like a vise. “Ohgodohgodohgod Ssspppiikkkee!!!”

He came with a roar of her name, spilling his seed deep within her. He rolled over to the side, not wanting to crush her. He pulled her to him, and pulled the covers up over their sweat slicked bodies. Sated, they both fell into a deep sleep, limbs intertwined.

Spike slowly woke surrounded by a plush comforter that wasn’t his own. Buffy’s. And that’d be Buffy’s body that was spooned up against his back. And Buffy’s slow steady breathing that was tickling his neck.

Oh God.

Spike closed his eyes and tried not to think about the monumental mistake that he just made. There was no going back now. He was in deep. He took a deep breath and released it. He cleared his mind of all the reasons why he should just get up out of his step-niece’s bed and concentrated instead on the feel of Buffy’s body against his. Spike sighed. It did feel delectable.

He heard a silent gasp behind him, as Buffy because fully conscience. Spike rolled over to face her and as soon as he did, Buffy put a hand up in front of his face and a stern expression on.

“Don’t say it. I don’t want to hear that this was a mistake too. If you want to say it, then just get up and leave, but don’t ruin everything.”

Spike remained where he was, looking silently at her. True it was a mistake. But he didn’t plan on saying anything of the sort to her. It was a mistake that he knew he wouldn’t be able to help repeating.

“So you’re not going to say anything?”

Spike smirked at her, and then leaned in for a kiss.

Buffy smiled at him as he pulled back. “Good. Because I don’t want to hear it.” Buffy pushed him over onto his back and promptly straddled him. She grinded her already dripping pussy into his semi-hard cock.

Spike unconsciously thrust himself up against her. Then his eyes widened almost comically. “We didn’t use protection!”

Buffy laughed. “I’m on the pill. Faith made me do it.”

Spike’s whole body practically sagged with relief. Well not his *whole* body.

“We really should get up you know,” Spike said as Buffy slid herself down on him.

“Yeah we should.”

An hour and an a half later, they finally got out of bed.


* * *

“So when is Cecily coming home?” Buffy asked through her mouthful of turkey sandwich.

“Tomorrow I think.” Spike replied. God he really didn’t want her to bring this up right now.

“Okay.”

“Buffy,” Spike sighed. “You can’t tell anyone about this. Not even Faith. I could get in a lot of trouble if you do. And you could be taken away.” He couldn’t stand that. Her being in some foster home.

“I won’t breath a word.”

Spike nodded. “I have to go into the office for a little bit today.”

“But it’s Saturday,” Buffy whined.

“I’ll only be a little while. I swear.”

Buffy stuck her lower lip out. “Fine. Go. So you can hurry back.”

Spike nodded and went to get his briefcase.

He gave Buffy a quick kiss and jumped in his car. He headed to his office so he could have some time to think and get his head on straight. What the bloody hell was he suppose to do now? He was married for Christ’s sake. He’d just had sex with Buffy. Buffy. Who was sixteen years old. He was her guardian.

And Cecily. If she ever found out he would never see Buffy again. Ever.

But he had never really loved her. Yes, there had been some passion there in the beginning, but it had dwindled over time. It was nothing like what he felt with Buffy. When he was inside her, he felt like he’d never been more alive. When she touched him, he felt like he was on fire. He was drawn to her, even from the beginning. He’d lusted after her even when she was barely into high school. It made him feel dirty to think that he had lusted after a her when she was so young (HA, like she wasn’t young now) but he couldn’t help the way his body responded to her. He wanted to touch her all the time. To surrender to her and make her his at the same time.

And yes, she had grown up a little bit since her mum and Rupert passed. Nothing like tragedy to make you grow up. Was she doing this just because of what happened to her parents? Is that all she wanted? Some comfort for the dark nights?

Spike didn’t have any answers. When he neared his office he kept on driving. The answers weren’t waiting there for him either.


* * *

Buffy knew he hadn’t gone to the office. He’d left his briefcase by the door. He left just so he could get away from her. But he’d been gone for over four hours now. That was enough time to be away from her. It was past dinner time and Buffy didn’t want to be alone.

She considered calling Faith and going out just to spite him, but knew that wasn’t the best way to handle things. If she wanted Spike to take her seriously she couldn’t throw little girl hissy fits when things didn’t go her way.

She went to go draw herself a bubble bath. Then smiled to herself, and decided to surprise him.

When Spike walked in, all the lights were off. He was immediately assaulted with the smell of vanilla. There was a trail of candles leading down the hallway, casting flickers on the wall. Spike followed the path, leading him into the bathroom.

And there was Buffy, completely covered in bubbles and nothing else.

Spike smirked. “What is this luv?”

Buffy just smiled at him and crooked her finger for him to join her.

Spike pulled his shirt over his head and silently chuckled as he watched her eyes darken when his flesh became visible. He took his time with his pants. He could see her gulp when he let his now erect penis spring from his pants.

He finally joined her, sitting behind her and pulling her body flush up against his, pressing his erection into her ass.

“Where did you go?” Buffy asked.

Well she obviously knew that he hadn’t been at the office. “Around. Needed to get my head on straight.”

Buffy rubbed herself up against him and ran her hands up his thighs.

Spike groaned loudly. “What we’re doing is wrong Buffy.”

“Don’t think about it. Just feel. It feels good. It feels right.”

“But it’s not right Buffy. I’m over ten years older than you.”

Buffy sighed out loud. “Then why did you get in the tub with me?”

“I’m not sure.”

“I know what I’m doing.” She reached behind her to grab his erection and he softly groaned against her. He snaked his hand around play with her breast slowly weighing it in his hands. He flicked her nipple until it was hard, listening to her gasp.

“And I know this feels good Spike,” Buffy said. “And I know that I don’t care about anything else. Isn’t that enough.”

Spike nodded. He didn’t want to talk anymore. He couldn’t stop his hands from touching her, couldn’t stop her from touching him. It’s like his hands were possessed, but he just didn’t care. He didn’t want to stop touching her. He skin was soft, and inviting.

He pushed her forward and stood up, stepping out, then holding out her hand to help her up. He grabbed some towels, and slowly patted her dry, then led her down the hall to her room blowing out the candles as they went.

He slowly laid her down on her bed, and just looked at her body.

“You’re beautiful Buffy.” He slowly crawled up her and gently laid himself on her, trying his best not to put all his weight on her, afraid he was crush her small body beneath his.

He kissed her gently, letting his passion slowly seep into the kiss. He broke it off only when he felt the need to gasp for breath. He slowly kissed his way down her neck, then peppered soft kisses along her collar bone. He skin was so soft to the touch. He felt her hands run up and down his back, softly caressing, and gently urging him on.

“Jesus Buffy, I could get lost in you.”

Buffy looked into his eyes, piercing her down to her very soul. And she knew that she could get lost in him too. She raised her hips to rub against his erection. All she wanted was to be filled by him.

Spike poised himself at her entrance then slowly sunk himself in, conscientious of the fact that she was probably sore from their lovemaking.

Lights exploded behind Buffy’s eyes as she was slowly stretched. Nothing in her entire life compared to this and she didn’t think anything ever would. This is what all those songs and sonnets were written about. He slowly started to move his hips, his lazy thrusts eliciting moans and mewls to escape from her mouth unbidden.

Spike knew that this was wrong. What he was doing. But this wasn’t about thinking, as Buffy said, this was about feeling. And damn it he wanted to feel something. He promised himself that as soon as this was about anything real, he’d stop it. But right now he couldn’t stop. Not when she was making sounds that would drive any sane man stark raving mad.

The slight swivel of his hips was starting to cause that familiar ache deep in her stomach. She wrapped her legs around him, and dug her nails into his back as he her orgasm ripped through her. “Sssppiikkee!”

Spike squeezed his eyes shut and tried with all his might not to come. He wasn’t finished with her yet. He lifted himself off her and then rolled her over, pulled her ass up so it was sticking up in the air, promptly shoving himself back into her drenched pussy.

Buffy’s eyes widened at the feel of being filled from behind for the very first time. And found she liked it. “Harder.” She wanted more. As much as he could give her. Spike complied. He pounded into her, shoving her into the headboard. This was what she wanted. It was raw, real. She hadn’t felt so alive since her parents had died.

Spike leaned over until his chest rested on her back, and reached down with his hand to flick her clit. He knew he couldn’t last long, her delicious pussy swallowing his cock like it was made for him. “Come for me Buffy. Come all over my cock.”

The wonderful feel of him sliding roughly in and out of her, and his hands on her clit had her near coming, but the throaty voice in her ear pushed her over the edge. Her vaginal walls clamped down on his cock, milking him as he exploded inside her. He gave a few more spastic thrusts before turning and collapsing on the bed, pulling Buffy with him.

Buffy turned over and stared at him. “So you hungry?”

Spike opened the case file he had in front of him. The past week since Cecily had been home, he’d been burying himself in his work. He’d gotten away from Cecily, but it also meant that he had no time for Buffy. And Buffy hadn’t gotten a good reception with Cecily. She told her she was a no good lay about that needed to get a job. Buffy had held her tongue but he knew that there were biting retorts just waiting to slip out. And Spike knew if he defended her Cecily would push that much harder. So he kept out of it, stayed away from Cecily, and told Buffy to do the same.

Since Cecily had been back, she’d taken over cases, scared the interns, and pretty much made everyone’s working life a living hell. So Spike was staying firmly tucked away in his office.

“Nancy boy,” Spike said to himself.

Spike tried to concentrate on this file. He was suppose to be writing a closing argument for one of the partners in the firm. But his thoughts as of late were drifting more and more to Buffy. He couldn’t think of anything but her. She made him feel so alive, made him burn with it. It didn’t matter that they hadn’t had a moment alone since the night before Cecily had gotten home. They’d spent most of the night in bed together, and what they didn’t spend there, they spent bantering back and forth. Buffy had a quick wit and a sharp tongue. And when he looked at her now, he didn’t see that darkness in her eyes after Giles and her mum died. There was light there. She was laughing, playful even. And there was something in her eyes when she looked at him, that he knew he always dismissed to easily.

Was it him? Did he do that to her? He knew that when she touched him, he’d felt something. Something he hadn’t felt in long time. A feeling that wasn’t there when he was with Cecily, had never been there.

Spike shook his head. He had writing to do.



* * *

Buffy wrapped her coat around her a little tighter as a gust of wind tried to blow it open. It was freakishly chilly for southern California even though the end of October grew near. Halloween was in a few days, and Buffy was on her way to meet Willow so they could buy a costume. The annual Halloween party at the new ’adult’ club in town ’Wicked’ was suppose to be a bash this year and her and Willow had decided to sneak in this year. A couple guys asked Buffy to parties, but she just wasn’t interested. They were so… young. So… not Spike. And since when did she start comparing everyone to Spike?

Buffy shook her head. They hadn’t had any time together since Cecily had gotten home. Spike had spent most of his time at the office, and when he was home, Cecily was also there. And that equaled no Spike and Buffy time. She wanted his touch again. She craved it like a drug. And she also wasn’t happy that they had spent time together in the same bed. She didn’t know if they’d had sex, and she didn’t really want to think about whether they had or not.

Buffy took a deep breath, plastered a smile on her face, and strolled into the Halloween shop. There was Willow looking at the costumes.

“So Wills, looking for something that will make Xander drool?” Buffy asked as she sauntered up. Everyone but Xander knew of the long time crush that Willow had on him. And it was so painfully obvious that lately Buffy just wanted to hit them over the head with something and lock them in a room together until they figured it all out.

Willow looked up and blushed profusely. “I don’t know Buffy. How about the ghost?” Willow held up what looked like a bed sheet with eye holes cut out.

“Willow, that’s a bed sheet.” She steered her towards the more provocative costumes. She picked one up and held it out to Willow. “French maid?”

Willow blushed again, this time brighter. “Uhh, Buffy, I don’t think so. I wouldn’t look good in something like that.”

“Nonsense. Nothing says, ‘Jump my bones!’ like the good ol’ French maid costume.”

“J-j-jumping?” Willow stuttered. “There will be no jumping of my bones. Or any bones. No bone jumping at all.”

Buffy just raised here eyebrows.

Willow sighed. “Its not like he’ll notice me anyway. He’s busy drooling all over Cordelia’s shoes.”

“Well don’t worry, we’ll find you the right costume.” Buffy picked up another one. “Here’s a belly dancer. Ooh, or a hooker.”

“I don’t think so Buffy.”

“C’mon Wills. Halloween is the one night a year we can dress up in skanky costumes and not have to worry about it. Take these and try and it on.” Buffy shoved her towards the dressing room and turned to look at the costumes. She needed something sexy that would catch Spike’s eye.

Didn’t Giles say once he went through some punk biker phase?

* * *

Buffy walked into Willow’s house, not even bothering to knock. Her parents were away, like they always were. “Willow!” Buffy shouted out into the almost empty house. She caught sight of herself in the full length mirror that was hanging in the entry way.

In the end she decided to go for the costume which she already had most of the pieces. She did look like a cool biker chick. She’d bought some temporary blood red hair dye and streaked big chunky pieces of her hair. She also bought the black mesh shirt she had on over her red tube top. She already had the black leather skirt, black leather jacket and chunky knee high boots. All in all, she looked pretty good. Silently she hoped that Spike thought she looked hot too. Maybe it would remind him of his rebel punk days.

Willow walked out of her room in the sexy witch costume Buffy finally coaxed her into buying. Long and billowy sleeves, with definite cleavage, short skirt, and of course, the witch hat.

“Wills, you look awesome!”

Willow pulled her shirt up slightly, trying to hide some cleavage. “I don’t know Buffy, I’m just not comfortable.”

“It’s Halloween. The one night a year, we can dress completely different and not have to worry about it. Besides, you look hot.”

Willow shrugged. “Okay.”

“So lets head out.” Buffy slung her arm through Willow’s and headed towards the Bronze. Where hopefully Spike would see her and start to drool.

* * *

Spike sighed to himself as he looked in the mirror again. He didn’t really feel like going to this party at Wicked, but he promised his friend Gunn he would. It was suppose to be a bash.

Plus he knew Buffy would be there. He’d overhead her talking to Willow on the phone about sneaking in. He knew as a parental figure he should be outraged, but he really wanted to see her when Cecily wasn’t around.

Spike sighed as he look in the mirror again. His hair was gelled into spikes. He’d pulled out his old leather duster, put on his ripped band concert shirt, a bunch of silver jewelry, his heavy chain with padlock, torn faded blue jeans, and some Doc Martens. With a few more well placed safety pins he was done.

He knew he shouldn’t be doing this. He should be at the company Halloween party, playing nice with his wife and her father, but he just couldn’t stay away from Buffy for much longer. He sighed to himself again, and left.

When Spike got to the club, the party was already in full swing. He made his way to the table he saw his friend Gunn, and his wife Fred at, dressed in matching pirate outfits.

“Hey mate,” Spike said as he slipped into his seat. “Nice costume.” He signaled the waitress to come take his order. “Where’s Wes?”

“Not here yet man,” Gunn took a sip of his beer. “Cecily isn’t gonna be here with you is she?” Gunn was another lawyer that worked with them at the law firm. He knew of Cecily’s recent reign of terror and wasn’t in the mood to take her shit outside of work.

“Nah mate, she went to the company party.” He and Gunn had both opted for the party that had live music, and no Cecily or Mr. Addams to ruin the mood.

As Spike waited for his drink, Buffy stepped in, eyes slowly scanning until she found Spike sitting with his friends. Buffy grabbed a table close enough to Spike she could keep an eye on him, but he wouldn’t be able to see her.

“Hey you want anything to drink?” Buffy asked.

“Coke?” Willow asked.

Buffy nodded and headed up to the bar. She ordered herself a beer and after the bartender eyed her like he knew she shouldn’t be here, finally handed it over.

“Hey man,” Gunn said. “Isn’t that Buffy over there with a beer?”

Spike looked over at Buffy and almost fell out of his chair. He smiled at her choice of attire. She had dressed for him. And later tonight he would let her know how much he appreciated it.

Buffy had dragged Willow out to the dance floor as the were currently gyrating up against each other. They had attracted a rather large crowd of males around them. Spike stopped himself from running to her and pulling her out of the crowd and staking his claim to her. But that would be of the not good.

“God I’m even thinking like her now,” Spike muttered to himself. He watched as she swayed to the music, getting lost in it. The song called to him.

how can you see into my eyes like open doors
leading you down into my core
where I’ve become so numb without a soul my spirit sleeping somewhere cold
until you find it there and lead it back home


Buffy knew he was looking at her and reveled in the jealousy she could see radiating off his face.


(Wake me up)
Wake me up inside
(I can’t wake up)
Wake me up inside
(Save me)
call my name and save me from the dark
(Wake me up)
bid my blood to run
(I can’t wake up)
before I come undone
(Save me)
save me from the nothing I’ve become


Well good. Now he knew how she felt when she saw him going into the same room with Cecily every night. Not knowing what they were doing behind closed doors. Seeing him in her mind, touching her, loving her, doing things to Cecily that she wanted him to do to her own body.


now that I know what I’m without
you can't just leave me
breathe into me and make me real
bring me to life


Wishing he was sleeping next her, cuddled up to her like after the night they’d spent together.

But she couldn’t think like that. Because he wasn’t about soft caresses or cuddling. It was about the things he could do to her, the reaction her body had to his. It was about pleasure. And she knew when she seduced him into her bed that he was a married man and therefore emotionally unavailable.


(Wake me up)
Wake me up inside
(I can’t wake up)
Wake me up inside
(Save me)
call my name and save me from the dark
(Wake me up)
bid my blood to run
(I can’t wake up)
before I come undone
(Save me)
save me from the nothing I’ve become


But that didn’t keep her from wanting it.


Bring me to life
(I've been living a lie, there's nothing inside)
Bring me to life

frozen inside without your touch
without your love darling only you are the life among the dead

all this time I can't believe I couldn't see
kept in the dark but you were there in front of me
I’ve been sleeping a thousand years it seems
got to open my eyes to everything
without a thought without a voice without a soul
don't let me die here
there must be something more
bring me to life


Buffy locked eyes with him, and she knew he heard the lyrics too. Felt them in his bones.


(Wake me up)
Wake me up inside
(I can’t wake up)
Wake me up inside
(Save me)
call my name and save me from the dark
(Wake me up)
bid my blood to run
(I can’t wake up)
before I come undone
(Save me)
save me from the nothing I’ve become

(Bring me to life)
I’ve been living a lie, there’s nothing inside
(Bring me to life)


Buffy dragged herself off the dance floor and ordered another beer. She chugged the first half before she’d even made it back to her table to sit down, where Faith was currently occupying a seat.

“Hey B. Shakin’ your money maker?”

Buffy plastered on a fake smile. At least she knew she’d caught one red-blooded male’s attention. “Yup. This is way better than the Bronze.”

“Yeah plus that sexy hunk of man meat that’s your legal guardian wouldn’t be here,” Faith said with a smirk.

Buffy tried to stop herself from looking like a fish out of water, but knew she wasn’t pulling it off. “I- uh- um, yeah. Damn.”

Faith nodded. “The sexual tension could be cut with butter.” In an uncharacteristically affectionate display, Faith put her hand on Buffy’s. “Just be careful okay B? You could be in for a world of hurt. And me, I know a thing or two about fucked up relationships. It’s not easy getting out of.”

Buffy sighed and nodded her head. “Just don’t say anything all right?”

“I don’t know a thing. Now why don’t we go gyrate our hot little bodies up against each other and see how many stiffs we can get to drool all over our hot bodies?” Faith asked, strutting her skin tight barely there cheerleader’s uniform.

Buffy broke out into a smile and skipped back to the dance floor with Faith.

* * *

Finally. She was leaving. Spike could barely stand it anymore. She’d been dancing with the other bird long enough to drive him bonkers. He was hard as nails, and was using all his self control not to pull her into the men’s room and fuck her ‘til she was screamin’ his name. Moments after she said her good night to her friends, Spike barked his goodbye’s and was gone. He found her out in the parking lot sitting on the hood of his DeSoto, waiting for him.

Spike didn’t so much as look around as he pulled Buffy to him and crashed his lips to hers Her legs immediately went around his waist and she kissed him back.

“Been to long,” Spike gasped out between kisses. He reveled in the taste of her on his tongue. He ground his rock hard erection into her already sodden core. He could feel her heat through the denim of his blue jeans, driving him wild.

Spike picked her up and carried her over to the back door, fumbling with the handle. He finally got it unlocked, pushing her back on the seat. Not even bothering to shut the door, he pushed her skirt up to her hips, and pulled her underwear aside. He unzipped, freeing his hard cock. He slammed into her before she could protest.

Buffy sighed at the feeling of being filled up. This is what she had been waiting for. When they were like this, there was nothing else in the world. Nothing else mattered except the two of them. Her parents’ deaths, her loneliness, just melted away. She was complete.

“Oh God, Spike, yes…”

Spike started to move within her, and reveled in the feel of her around his cock, squeezing him. “So bloody tight. Squeezing me. Love the feel of your pussy on my cock.”

Buffy brain couldn’t make words form as his dirty talk drove her crazier with lust. “Unngg…”

Spike rumbled a little laugh. “Yeah you love it when I talk to ya like that? Can feel you drenchin’ me with your juices.” Spike thrust a little harder into her, angling it so he hit the small spongy bundle of nerves. He knew this wasn’t going to last very long, it’d been to long since he’d been inside her delectable pussy.

“Come for me kitten, m’not gonna last very long.” He reached down between them to flick her clit, hoping it would help push her along. When he felt Buffy’s muscles tighten around him he thrust into her harder, and let himself spill inside her with a strangled moan of her name.

Buffy giggled.

“You know laughin’ like that just might make a bloke feel a little self- conscious,” Spike said as he inhaled her scent. It was all around them.

“Uh, well the door isn’t even shut.”

“Bloody hell!” Spike pulled all of himself into the back seat and finally shut the door. He turned to look at her.

“Just been to long I guess, huh sweetling?”

Buffy smiled at the new nickname. “Yeah. Let’s not go that long again, like, ever okay?”

Spike smiled.

Yup, he was truly, completely buggered.




**A.N. Lyrics are Evanescence, Bring Me To Life (feat. Paul McCoy)**

“So is she gone?” Buffy asked Spike as he peeked out the blinds to look in the parking lot.

Since Halloween, Spike had been making a point to spend more time at home. When Cecily wasn’t there. Which led to lots of naughty goodness.

Spike watched as Cecily finished pulling out of the driveway, then gave her a few moments just to make sure.

“So?” Buffy asked expectantly.

Spike let the blinds drop, and turned to her with a devilish smirk on his face. “So kitten. What are you up for?”

“Uh… what do you mean?”

Spike smirked. Oh he had an idea alright. He pulled her up off the couch and led her to the room he shared with Cecily. He noticed the irritated look on her face, but chose to ignore it. He sat her down on the bed and went over to the dresser and pulled out a couple of silk scarves he knew Cecily kept stored in the top drawer.

“Buffy,” he said turning to her. “Do you trust me?”

“Of course,” she said without hesitation.

“Take your clothes off,” he demanded.

Buffy looked at him confused but obliged anyway. “What’s going on?”

He smirked at her. “Don’t worry kitten, I think you’re gonna love it.”

When she was fully undressed, he appraised her body blatantly, sending tiny little shocks all through Buffy’s body, landing straight at her already wet pussy. And all he did was look at her. She might not be very experienced, but she knew that was good.

*God she’s beautiful.*

Spike instructed her to lay back on the bed with her hands against the wrought iron head board. He tied one scarf around each wrist.

“Are you sure you’re okay with this Buffy?”


Buffy nodded. Even though she did feel a small amount of fear the newness of it, she trusted him, and she told him so.

“Spike it’s okay. I trust you. You haven’t steered me wrong yet, have you?”

Spike nodded and put the scarf on her as a blind fold. He reached into the beside table and pulled out a bottle of massage oil. He dripped it on Buffy’s stomach, causing her to gasp at the sensation. He slowly rubbed it into her skin, his hands skimming up to her breasts paying special attention to each one. Then he ran his hands down to her legs, rubbing each calf muscle until he knew that she was completely relaxed. He paid attention to each muscle until he felt her completely relax.

Buffy sighed in contentment. When his hands stopped, she waited for him to touch another part of her body, but it never came. When she felt Spike’s weight lift from the bed, she called out softly for him.

“Spike? Where are you?”

Only a few moments later, she felt something incredibly cold circle her left nipple. “Eeeee! Spike!” She squeaked out. She heard Spike’s low rumbling chuckle. Then she felt his tongue bath her nipple and she let out a soft moan. Then he repeated the same process with the other nipple, and Buffy tried to stifle her soft mewls of pleasure.

Spike smiled at her obvious appreciation of his new game. He ran the ice cube down her stomach, letting it slowly dip into her belly button. He stopped and licked up the new trail, before grabbing another ice cube and slowly letting it drop down to the apex of her thighs.

Buffy gasped out loud as he ran the ice cube along her swollen clit. As soon as he was done, he again licked in it’s waked. Buffy’s body was going crazy with sensory overload. Her hips shot up, silently begging him to continue what he started. His smile grew wider.

“Tell me what you want kitten,” Spike said.

Buffy’s face flushed. “I want you to… you know.” If it was possible, her face got even redder.

“Nuh-uh kitten. You’re gonna have to do better than that.”

“I want your tongue. On my pussy.” Buffy turned to the side, embarrassed.

Spike reached up and ran his hand along her face. “Never be afraid to say what you want.” With that he dived down and started to lap at her pussy in earnest.

Buffy gasped and arched her hips up. She desperately wished that she could see him with his head between her thighs, but she would have to settle for just the feeling. And god was it a glorious feeling. Buffy didn’t even try and stop the mewling sounds coming out of her mouth as Spike alternated between sucking on her clit and shoving his tongue inside her hole.

As soon as Spike felt her start to spasm he stopped before she could go over the edge.

Buffy whimpered helplessly and tugged relentlessly on the scarves that held her to the bed. “Not fair! Get back down there mister!”

Spike’s rumbling laughter mocked at her. “Hey meanie, you stop that! And finish what you started!”

“Nope, not gonna let you come like that kitten. Wanna feel you comin’ around my cock.” Spike slowly undressed and then crawled up her body, letting his cock nudge at her silken folds. He chuckled as her hips surged up, desperately seeking what she needed.

“Tell me what you want kitten,” Spike said as he ran the head of his cock along her moist opening.

“You. I want your cock. Inside me. Now.” Buffy panted at the sheer need that was filling her body. She didn’t care how desperate she sounded. She needed him inside her, quenching these feelings.

“That’s my good lil’ girl,” Spike said smirking as he surged forward impaling her with his cock in hard thrust.

Buffy cried out as she felt him filling her. There was nothing like this. Nothing in the world could ever compare to this. Buffy wrapped her legs around him, effectively trapping him against her.

Spike groaned as he started to move within her. She was so tight, like warm velvet wrapped around his cock, squeezing it. Spike leaned down and kissed Buffy, his tongue probing past her lips to dance with her, giving her a taste of herself. Spike reached up and pulled the blindfold off. He wanted to look at her, watch her as he pleasured her.

Spike’s thrusts hurried up as Buffy’s hips went up to meet his. He wanted to make this last, but he wasn’t sure he could. The feel of her around him, surrounding him, was making him wild. Making him lose control. And that wasn’t good.

Buffy attacked Spike’s mouth again. Ahh, lips of Spike. Body of Spike. Cock of Spike. Buffy tore away from his lips to assail his neck with little nips and bites, knowing deep down that she shouldn’t leave a mark but wanting to anyways. She wanted him for herself. She wanted him all for herself.

And right then she knew that she was getting herself in to deep.

And the thing was.

She didn’t care.

Buffy quietly got up out of bed to go the bathroom. And that’s when she heard it.

Cecily had been actually showing Spike some attention tonight and as much Buffy hated to admit it, he looked pleased by it. Buffy had carefully hidden her jealousy while the whole time she’d wanted to scream, “He’s MINE, stay AWAY!”

But she didn’t. She’d sat there, and let Cecily pretend to be interested in her school work, and the things that were going on in her life. She’s sat there silently fuming while Cecily doted on Spike, pretending to care. She knew she didn’t. She just wanted some attention.

So Buffy when heard the noise, she walked over to the door and saw that it was opened a crack. She peeked in, hoping she wouldn’t find what she knew she would.

And there they were. Having sex. Spike was on top of her thrusting in with abandon. And he looked like he was enjoying it.

Buffy felt like going in there and ripping them apart. Staking her claim. But she couldn’t.

Because he wasn’t really hers. He was borrowed.

So Buffy trudged back to her room. She looked at her bed, but knew she couldn’t stand to stay here while they were off in the next room. She just couldn’t.

So Buffy grabbed some jeans, pulled a shirt over her head, grabbed her coat, keys and left. She didn’t know where she was going. She just knew she had to leave.

Buffy walked around the darkened streets of Sunnydale, her head down. When she neared the cemetery she went in without thinking. She sat down in the middle of her mother’s and Giles’s graves. She hadn’t been at the cemetery since the funeral.

“Hi mommy, hi Giles. I know it’s been a long time since I’ve been here and I’m sorry for that. I’d say I’d been busy, but really, I’ve just been trying to forget.” Buffy sighed. “I’m so confused. I know you probably wouldn’t approve, but… there’s this thing, with Spike. And I think I’ve got feelings for him. I didn’t want to feel this way, but I just wanted to forget ya know? I feel so different. And he makes me feel wanted and special. He makes me feel like a woman. Is that so bad? But he’s still married. And that’s where he is right now. With HER. And I can’t stand her mommy, she’s so mean to him. And then when she does pay attention to her, he acts like her little puppy. I don’t understand. I know I could be so much better for him. I could be everything for him that she is.”

Buffy pulled a couple strands of grass out of the ground and started to tear them to shreds. “I guess it’s my fault huh? What did you always say Giles? I made my bed now I have to lie in it.” Buffy stood up. “Good bye. I love you.”

Buffy turned and left, but she didn’t head back to the apartment. She couldn’t go back there. Instead she headed over to Faith’s. The only person who would understand.

When Faith opened the door and saw Buffy standing there with tears in her eyes, she motioned her in without asking. She knew Buffy would talk when she was ready. And it was only after a couple shots of Faith’s secret stash that Buffy was ready to talk.

“He was having sex. With her.” Buffy made a face.

Faith sighed. She knew this was going to happen sooner or later. “Buffy, he’s a married man. And your guardian. You knew he was married when you had sex with him. And let me guess, you made the first move?”

Buffy nodded.

“He probably wouldn’t have done anything if you wouldn’t have.”

And Buffy knew that was true.

“Do you care about him?” Faith asked. She knew the answer before she even asked it, but she needed Buffy to say it herself.

“Yes.”

Faith sighed. “He’s not the happy ending kind of guy B. He’s the wham bam thank you ma’am kind of guy. The one to scratch your itch. You’re not going to ride off into the sunset. He’s not the white picket fence and two point five kids B.”

“Okay I get it,” Buffy said irritably. “We’re not gonna live happily ever after.”

“Do you? I mean really?” Faith’s voice softened. “I know you care about him. So take what you can get now, even if it’s not what you want. Because a little bit is better than nothing.”

Buffy nodded. “Can I have some more to drink?”

Faith laughed. “Of course. As long as you’re stayin’ here.”

“I’m definitely not going home.”

* * *

Buffy knew she was going to be in trouble when she got home, but she couldn’t find it in herself to care that much. She had a massive hangover, and the sun was beating down brightly on her overly sensitive eyes.

Her and Faith had spend the night drinking, and had slept most of the day away, skipping school. Which really wasn’t a good idea, since she’d already missed so much school this year. They’d even left Faith’s phone off the hook so no one could get a hold of them. She knew Spike would be furious when she got home.

Buffy walked in the door, and as soon as she’d shut the door behind her, Buffy was whirled around and smashed against it.

“Where the bloody hell have you been??!!” Spike had a hold of her arms, and she could see that he’d been worried. He had no hair gel in, his eyes were blood shot, and she could see a physical path in the carpet where he’d been pacing.

“Around,” Buffy answered nonchalantly. She pushed his arms off her and made a move to head for her room. But Spike grabbed her and twisted her so she was facing him.

“No don’t give me that bloody shit.” Spike sniffed at her. “You’ve been drinkin’. You smell like a fuckin’ brewery.”

“Do not!” Buffy said petulantly. But she knew she probably didn’t smell very good. Whatever they’d been drinking had gotten spilled all over her jeans after she’d not so coordinately fell off the couch. Which at the time had been hilarious.

“Don’t start the with me Buffy, now where were you?”

“Oh don’t pretend to care.” Buffy narrowed her eyes at him, and jerked her arm out of his grasp. “I saw you. As soon as she pays you the tiniest bit of attention, you’re her lap dog. It’s pathetic. When mommy calls, puppy comes running.”

“You’re jealous,” Spike said disbelievingly.

Buffy huffed. “Whatever.” She dodged past him and ran to her room, slamming the door behind you.

Spike couldn’t believe it. She’d been jealous of just seeing Cecily flirting with him. Spike sighed. Cecily had been attentive and considerate. For the first time in a long time she’d actually seemed to care. She’d come onto him, wanted him. And Spike didn’t turn her down.

Spike hoped she hadn’t known about that, but somehow knew she did.

A.N.: There was quite a response to the last chapter, and while some of you were supportive and said you liked the update, others… *sighs* I liked the response that the chapter got, not so much the reviews where you said you can’t read the story any more. If you don’t like my story, fine, stop reading. But this story has a little angst so just stick with it. Spike will see the error of his ways. And yes, Spike shouldn’t have slept with Buffy in the first place. But she is a little more mature than you’re average sixteen year old. She’s lost her parents and that tends to make you grow up pretty fast.

But if you’ll stick with me, I promise a Spuffy ending. Thank you.

Pyro


Chapter 11

It’s been three weeks since the blow out he’d had with Buffy, and he was starting to go crazy. They had barely spoken, and hadn’t touched. She wouldn’t even look him in the eyes anymore. Over dinner she would barely speak when he asked her about school work or how things were going with her friends. She’d lock herself in her room. When she was even there. More often than not she’d make excuses to not even be there. And Spike could hear her from the bed he shared with Cecily, coming in at all hours of the night. But he couldn’t bring himself to reprimand her. Not when she was hurting. When he’d hurt her.

He knew what he’d done was wrong. Bloody hell, the whole situation was all buggered up. He just wanted a little attention from the woman he’d spend the last couple years with. Okay so he’d never loved her…

He’d never should’ve slept with Buffy in the first place. But it’s like he couldn’t help himself, he was drawn to her. Drawn to who she was. He knew he should stop it, but he also knew that if Buffy came to him, he couldn’t turn her down. He wouldn’t.

But he also couldn’t keep cheating on Cecily like this. It wasn’t right. Cecily was his wife, he felt like he owed her that much.

Buffy saw him from her room, sitting there smoking, watching TV. Buffy hadn’t had the chance to look at him in weeks. She’d avoided him. But she knew that couldn’t last forever. She’d could barely stop herself from throwing herself into his arms. Faith’s words echoed in her head.

Take what you can get, even if it’s not what you want.

Buffy pushed down whatever jealousy and insecurity she felt and walked out of her room. She had to have him back. Even if it was only in her bed, and only if for a little while. She went and stood in front of him at the TV.

“Buffy?” Spike asked, confused.

Buffy didn’t answer him, just straddled his lap. She ground herself against his crotch, and pulled his hands up to cover her breasts.

Spike could barely believe his eyes. Buffy was on top of him, attempting to seduce him. And she was doing a pretty damn good job of it, if the growing erection in his pants was any indication. He rubbed her nipples through her thin top, watching in fascination as they grew hard beneath his ministrations.

Buffy pulled his shirt out of his jeans, and ran her fingers along his rock hard abs. Oh god how she had missed the feel of him. She needed him so bad.

“Need you,” Buffy gasped out. She pulled his shirt up over his head, and threw it on the ground. She reached for the buckle on his pants only to be stopped by a growl from Spike. She looked up to see his eyes dark with desire and his face twisted with the want of her. He picked her up and carried her to her own room. He laid her out on the bed beneath him and proceeded to slowly undress her. When he finally had her naked beneath him he knew that she was the most beautiful thing he had ever seen.

Spike dropped his pants, letting his cock spring forth. He grabbed with his hand, unabashedly giving it a few pulls. He watched as Buffy’s eyes glazed over with lust and he knew that he could never let her out of his bed again. This is right where he wanted her. He knew he was being selfish, but bloody hell if he was going to let anyone else touch what was his.

Spike covered her body with his, and not wanting to wait a moment longer pushed himself into her. He knew that he needed this. They both needed this.

Buffy cried at the feel of him filling her so completely. She loved this feeling. She wrapped her legs around his waist, holding him to her tightly. She needed this. Maybe he couldn’t be hers completely but he could be hers like this. He’d always come back to her even if he was with Cecily.

Spike loved the feel of her around him. Like warm velvet wrapped around his cock, squeezing it in time with his thrusts. There was nothing like this.

“Oh god…” Buffy moaned out as she dug her fingernails into his back, not even thinking about the eventual marks she would leave.

“Oh, Buffy, luv,” Spike said as he felt her nails rake down his back. The little bit of pain mixed with the pleasure had him thrusting into her with abandon.

Buffy couldn’t think past the sensations that were traveling through her body. Every nerve ending felt like it was on over drive. She couldn’t believe she’d tried to give this up. This was rapture. Pure and simple.

Spike moaned into her ear loving the little sounds she made as he thrust into her. Her body welcomed him like it was made just for him. The little pants and mewls that came out of her body, were delightful. She drew him in further with everything she did. The way she gave herself completely to him, trusted him. Snug inside her body, he knew he never wanted to leave.

Spike sped his thrusts up even more as he felt her walls beginning to contract around him. Buffy’s orgasm hit her full force causing her to spasm uncontrollably. Spike thrust into her one, two, more times and shot his load deep into her core.

Buffy lay there panting, sweat trickling off her brow, as she looked into Spike’s eyes. There was something there… something different she couldn’t define. There was lust, yes, but something… was it, dare she say, longing?

“That was…” a bloody revelation.

Buffy nodded. “Yeah its been to long. Again.”

Spike rolled over slipping out of her, suddenly feeling bereft. Buffy turned over, resting her head on his shoulder as her fingers drew a pattern on his chest.

“Buffy I-”

“Lets not talk about it okay? Lets talk about something else.”

Spike nodded. “Okay. What did you have in mind?”

Buffy smiled wickedly. “Giles said once you went through some rebellious stage where you were all punk rock. You know like you were at Wicked the other night.”

Spike groaned. “Why’d the old man have to talk about that.”

Buffy‘s smile grew. “So tell me. What were you like?”

“Well to begin with I was a right poncey git, fancied myself some kind of poet. Until Dru came along and saved me.”

“Saved you?”

“Yeah, s’ what I thought. That she saved me. She turned nancy boy William, into Spike. Changed everything about me, made me a man.”

“She made you a man huh?” Buffy asked, eyebrows up as she grinned at him. She liked this. The way they were talking to each other. She wanted to know more about him. Hell, she wanted to know everything.

“Oi, not talkin’ ‘bout that. She said she heard the pixies telling her how I would become her Spike and join her in the blackness. Said she was my Dark Princess.”

“And you believed this crazy ho-bag?”

“Yeah she was a little off her bird.”

“What happened to her?”

“She eventually was committed to some asylum the last I heard after she killed some chit. Said her doll Miss Edith told her to do it.” Spike sighed and looked down at Buffy, still perched on his shoulder. “So what do you say we run out and grab a bite to eat?”

Buffy smiled and extricated herself from his side. “If we’re going anywhere, I need a shower.”

“Really a shower you say?” Scenes of the time he saw her in the shower, pleasurin’ herself, water dripping down her body, flashed before his eyes and his cock started to stir all over again.

“No, uh-uh mister. I need to get clean.” Buffy could feel their combined fluids starting to leak out of her.

Spike jumped out of bed. “Not if I get there first!” He pushed past her and ran down the hall.

“Hey! No fair!”

“Hey kitten,” Spike said as he slowly slid into bed.

Buffy looked up, rubbing her sleep filled eyes, a little baffled.

“Spike what are you doing here. Cecily is home.”

“Couldn’t stay away kitten. Had to feel you.” Spike slid his hands up her bare thighs and hooked his fingers in her panties to pull them down. He reached around to slide his hand up the front of her shirt, his hand finding her breast and giving it a gentle squeeze.

Buffy moaned and thrust her ass into his already swelling erection. This felt so naughty, him sneaking into her room because he couldn’t stay away. A smile lit up her face at that. He couldn’t stay away. It’s been two weeks since they’d made up, and Spike had come home early almost every day to spend time with her. They’d tore at each other’s clothes until he was seated deep inside her. Then he’d make love to her with reverence. Afterwards they’d talk about anything that suited them at the time. Spike would tell her stories about himself as a little boy, and she’d tell him about her memories of Giles and her mother.

But this was the first time he’d snuck into her room at night.

Spike knew he was playing with fire, sneaking into her room like this, when Cecily was just down the hall, sleeping in the bed they’d shared together. She’d come onto him, wanting him.

But he’d turned her down. He couldn’t. He’d begged off pretending to be exhausted. Then he’d waited for Cecily to fall asleep, and snuck his way down to Buffy’s room. He needed to feel her against him after Cecily had tried touching him.

Buffy pulled her shirt over her head and threw it haphazardly on the floor. She wanted to feel his skin against hers. His cool fingers rubbed her nipple causing it to stand at attention for him. His mouth descended on her neck, placing open mouthed kissed all the way to her shoulder.

He knew what to do. What she liked. She was already so wet for him. She turned over to face him, watching as he devoured her with his eyes. His hand reached down to play with her already drenched pussy lips. Buffy gasped as he pushed a finger into her hole. He slowly pumped it in and out, saturated with her fluids. He brought it to his mouth and sucked it in, moaning as her taste hit his tongue.

Buffy leaned over and bit down slightly on his collar bone. She pushed him onto his back and started working her way down his chest, licking and sucking at his nipples, abs, sticking her tongue in his belly button. She knew what she wanted. She wanted to taste him. She’d always thought going down a guy was degrading, especially the way guys talked about it at school. But she knew it wouldn’t be that way with Spike. She pulled the his sweatpants down and his erection popped out. She took a deep breath. She wrapped her hand around it and started to pump like she knew he liked. The she tentatively licked the head and heard him hiss.

“Buffy, luv, you don’t have to do this,” Spike said. She didn’t have to, but god how he wanted her to. He’d been fantasizing about her pretty pink lips wrapped around his cock, but he didn’t want her to do anything she didn’t want to do.

“I want to,” she said. She wrapped her lips around the head and sucked lightly, flicking her tongue across his slit. When he groaned and lifted his hips, she took it as a hint she was doing the right thing.

“Christ, luv,” Spike hissed out.

“Tell me what you want.” She wanted to get this right. Spike was always so sweet with her, never pushing her for anything. He’d done this for her, now she wanted to do it for him.

“Take me in your mouth. Yeah that’s it,” Spike hissed out as she slid her mouth over the top of his cock. “And use your hand. Unnn, Buffy.”

Buffy smiled around his cock, and started to bob her head, taking a little more of him in at a time. What she couldn’t fit in, she pumped with her hand. Spike reached down and ran his hand into her golden locks, and let his hand rest lightly on her head not wanting to push her.

“Yeah that’s it luv, god, you feel so good, like your pretty lips wrapped around my cock.”

Buffy felt a rush of wetness between her thighs and unconsciously let her free hand drift down to flick at her incredibly wet pussy. She groaned around him and started to suck in earnest.

Spike looked down to see her hand in between her thighs and nearly came right then.

“Oh God Buffy, luv. Use your tongue. Yeah like that. Oh god.” Spike thrust up inside her mouth without thinking. “You like that? Fingering your tight little quim while you suck me off.”

Buffy dredged up every thing Faith had ever told her, her dirty detail she’d ever read in Cosmo. She desperately tried to relax her throat muscles and took him down as far as she could go until she felt his head hit the back of her throat, and started to swallow around him.

Spike felt his balls tighten and knew he was done for. Oh god. “Oh god, BUFFY, ugn-” And then he could feel himself spilling down her throat and her drinking down every drop of it.

When he was finished, Buffy let his softening cock slip out of her mouth with a small kiss to the tip. She pulled his sweat pants back up around his hips.

“Was that okay?” Buffy asked nervously.

Spike looked at her incredulously. “That was fantastic!”

“Really?”

“Really.” Spike smirked at her, and grabbed her arm, throwing her down to the bed beside him.

“Time to return the favor luv.” He smirked at her.

He quickly ducked down to place his head between her thighs. He licked a long line up her center, watching as she squirmed. He took her clit in between his lips and sucked it in.

Buffy moaned loudly, but Spike peeked his head up, and put a finger to his lips. Buffy nodded and bit down on her lip when he shoved his tongue inside her drenched hole.

Spike looked up at her as he pleasured her with his tongue. She was always so beautiful like this, her head thrown back, her eyes squeezed shut, a look of pure ecstasy on her face. Spike pushed his thumb up against her sensitive pearl and felt the first fluttering of an orgasm. He pushed his tongue in as far as it could go, and felt the rush of fluid drench his face.

Buffy bit down on her hand to keep from crying out. When she came down she looked down at Spike to see him resting his head on her thigh.

“What?” she asked.

Spike shrugged. “You’re beautiful.” He started to get up out of bed.

“Wait. Stay with me.” Buffy looked at him pleading with her eyes.

“Oh sweetheart you know I can’t do that.”

“Just until I go to sleep?”

Spike looked at her and nodded. He crawled into bed with her and pulled her up against him. She felt so good like this. If only he could go to bed like this every night.

But no, he couldn’t think like that. Buffy was to young and to good for the likes of him. But that didn’t stop his mind from racing. Buffy and him in a house together, just the two of them. Buffy swollen with his child.

But that would never happen. He would eventually have to let Buffy go. She wouldn’t want to stay here with him. She’d have a life, go off to college.

And he would be left here.

Alone.

So he had to enjoy these moments while they lasted. He pulled her closer to him, determined to hold on as long as he could.

Buffy sat looking down at her English Literature book with contempt. Buffy threw her pencil down on her blank notebook. There was no way she was going to get this done in time. Stupid teacher, with her stupid homework assignments.

“Spike!” Buffy yelled. Surely he would be able to help her. He actually graduated.

A few moments later he showed up at her door. “What is it pet?”

“My homework. I don’t understand it.” Buffy glared at her English book, hoping it would go up in flames.

“What is it?” Spike asked as he came further into her room.

“I have to analyze this poem.”

“The Sick Rose, by William Blake. Good poem. Why’d you choose it?”

“Cause it was short.” Buffy said, as if it were obvious.

Spike chuckled. “Doesn’t make it easy luv.”

Buffy huffed, folding her arms across her chest. “Stupid poetry, with it’s stupid language. Who needs it anyway.”

“Oh it’s not so bad. Let’s see your book.” When Buffy handed it over, Spike scanned over the page, then in a deep timber voice, with an accent that sounded decidedly more like Giles’s accent, he recited the poem.

“Oh Rose, thou art sick!
The invisible worm
That flies in the night,
In the howling storm,

Has found out thy bed
Of crimson joy,
And his dark secret love
Does they life destroy.”

Buffy gazed at him in wonder. “Okay, so I take it back. Poetry is awesome.” He could read poetry to her anytime. Especially with that voice. Buffy didn’t even have to check to know her panties were wet. And he’d just recited some old poem to her.

Spike smirked at her.

“But what does it all mean? Flowers and worms? Why would someone write about that?”

“He’s speaking figuratively luv. He doesn’t actually mean a flower and worm, but other things.” Spike set her book down on her desk and stood beside her. “What could a rose mean?”

“Love?” Buffy asked.

“Yes. And lust. But it also suggests a woman, and the invisible worm her lover.”

Buffy looked down at the poem. “And his secret love will destroy them. So they have a secret affair that destroys them.”

Spike smiled. “See you’re getting it. You just have to look below the surface sometimes. Keep going, and I’ll look at it after I get finished writing this brief. You okay with Chinese for dinner?”

Cecily sat next door in the office as she listened to the exchange. There was definitely something in Buffy’s voice that shouldn’t be there. So little Buffy Summers had a crush did she? Cecily’s face darkened. No one touched what was hers. She couldn’t believe that she was still actually living there. Stupid spoiled brat. She was moving in on what was hers. She didn’t need a teenager around complicating things for her.

Cecily got up and went into Buffy’s room, shutting the door behind her.

Buffy looked up from her paper, that she was scribbling away at, a big smile on her face. Her smile crumbled when she saw that it was in fact, Cecily.

Buffy rolled her eyes and turned back to her paper, completely disregarding her presence.

Cecily narrowed her eyes as she saw Buffy ignoring her. She sat herself down on Buffy’s bed, making herself comfortable. “I see you’ve settled in quite nicely Buffy. Getting acquainted.”

Buffy turned around to gaze at Cecily incredulously. “Is this your idea of bonding or something? Because if is, spare me.”

“You seem to be getting along well with Spike.”

“I could’ve sworn I said spare me. It means leave.”

Cecily ignored her impertinent comment. “You know Spike doesn’t really want you here. He’s only taken you in because he feel the needs to fulfill some family obligation to Rupert. You’re just a pity case to him. He‘s told me so himself.” She might as well nip this stupid little crush of Buffy’s in the butt. Spike was hers and would always be hers.

Buffy’s eyes filled with tears at the unexpected barb. “You’re just annoyed cause you’re a frigid bitch. And hello, jealous much? And of me and Spike. In how many ways can I say eww? Spike is like my uncle. So why don’t you and your incredibly ugly shoes, get the hell off my bed, and out of my room. And don’t let the door hit you on the ass on your way out.” Buffy turned around and started scribbling on her paper again as if Cecily wasn’t even there.

Cecily sputtered, trying to come out with a good comeback, but nothing come. She narrowed her eyes at the back of Buffy’s head as she got up and left.

That stupid little bitch! Cecily fumed as she went back to her office. Buffy would pay for those comments. She just wasn’t sure how yet.

* * *

“You ready to go yet luv?” Spike asked.

“Yup, just let me grab another blanket. You can never have to many.” Buffy smiled at him. It was Saturday and Buffy had convinced him to take her on a picnic in the country, where no one would see them.

Buffy shoved all their food and blankets in the back seat of the DeSoto and they left. Spike turned the radio on and the Sex Pistols blared out.

Buffy reached over and took his hand, their fingers intertwining. She went to stare out the window at the passing scenery, then glanced back at Spike. His head was slightly bobbing to the punk music and he was singing the words softly under his breath. Buffy smiled, delighted at the domesticity of it all. Like a normal couple, going for a picnic in the cool winter air.

What she wouldn’t give to have this all the time.

After twenty minutes Spike came to a small dirt road and pulled off onto it. He parked the car off to the side and got out.

“Here?” Buffy asked, confused.

Spike smirked at her. “Nope, kitten. Gotta walk the rest ‘f the way. You up for it?”

“Well of course.” Buffy grabbed their stuff from the back and handed some over to Spike.

Spike looked down at her next to him as they walked to his spot in silence. He hadn’t taken anyone else here. This spot was special to him. So when Buffy suggested that he take her on a picnic, this was the first place that had come to mind. He’d never even harbored a thought of bringing Cecily here, or any of the other women he’d dated. It hadn’t seemed right. But here he was, leading Buffy to the spot that his mum had brought him to when he was just a boy after they had moved to the States. He hadn’t been back much since his mum had died.

Spike led her onto a worn down trail off the side of the road, and kept going, following it like a man possessed.

“Spike, where are we going?” Buffy asked.

Spike turned around to look at her, not stopping the brisk pace he’d set. “You’ll see in a minute, pet, don’t get your knickers in a bunch.”

Spike led her down the trail for ten minutes until they came to a clearing, wildflowers spread across each corner, still hanging on to life in the cool November air. The trees circled around it, shielding it from any wind. A small stream weaved it way down one side, filling the air with the soothing sounds of running water.

“Oh wow, Spike, this is awesome!” Buffy said when her eyes finally took it all in. “Where did you find this?”

“My mother brought me here when we first moved to the States to live with my Aunt Jenny. She was sick a lot, but she loved to just sit out here and take in the sights ’n sounds. I haven’t been here a lot since she died.” He looked at Buffy as she took in everything around them.

Buffy smiled at him, trying to will away the tears that had come to her eyes. The fact that he’d brought her to someplace that was special to him, was not lost on her. “Well, it’s beautiful, I can see why she loved it so much.” Buffy spread out one of the blankets on the ground, sitting down.

Spike laid out their basket of goodies, and sat down beside her. He pulled out everything she had packed to take with him. “What’d you do luv, pack the whole soddin’ fridge?” Spike pulled out container after container of food.

Buffy shrugged. “Wasn’t sure what you’d want. So I grabbed a bunch.” Buffy snaked her hand over and grabbed a grape from the bag, popping it in her mouth. After Spike had grabbed the sandwiches and they were munching silently Buffy asked a question.

“Why did you move to the States?”

Spike looked down at his sandwich, contemplating. “Mum was sick. Needed some help, so she moved over here to be with her sister. Aunt Jenny had been living here for a while, and convinced mum to come over. She had cancer and she was sick a lot with the chemo. She fought it for years until it finally just took her right before I graduated high school.”

Buffy nodded. She heard the pang of loss in his voice. She’d felt the complete devastation that he’d felt, first hand. She knew exactly what face he was making, and why he was. And now the fact that he’d brought her to a spot his mother had brought him to, when he obviously thought very highly of her, meant a lot.

Buffy allowed her self to hope, that maybe, just maybe, he felt a sliver of the feelings she knew were growing inside here with frightening intensity every day.

“When mom and Giles died, I thought everything was over. I was so numb. Nothing seemed to make sense in my head, the whole world seemed just like a great big blur. I wanted nothing more than to just sit, and never get up.”

Spike looked up from his sandwich. She was so strong. She’d over come so much. And he didn’t deserve her. But bugger it all if he was going to let her go.

Buffy smiled at him, and reached for the strawberries, holding one out to his face, waiting for him to taste it. “Strawberry?”

Spike smirked at her light-hearted attempt to change the subject. He opened his mouth and waited for her to feed it to him.

When they’d finished eating, Spike opened the bottle of champagne he’d brought and poured them both a glass.

“Why Mr. Giles. Are you trying to corrupt me?” Buffy said, smiling as she took a sip from her glass. Buffy shuddered when he leered at her and did that thing where he tucked his tongue behind his teeth. She felt a flood of moisture hit her panties.

Spike smirked when he saw her reaction. “Getting cold luv?” He teased.

Buffy stuck her tongue out at him and grabbed the extra blanket. She threw it around both of them and snuggled close, feeling his warm body pressed up against hers. Buffy sighed in contentment. This is the way it should be. It was perfect. Even though they weren’t talking, or having sex, Buffy was content to just sit here and enjoy the scenery with him, feel him pressed up against her side. And while the proximity of his body was doing wacky things to her hormones, she didn’t feel the pressing need to jump his sexy bones. Although that is a fun thought.

Spike’s thoughts were also taking a similar turn. This wasn’t something he wanted to give up. And maybe he shouldn’t. Maybe he could keep it. It’s not like him and Cecily were in love. Their marriage was never about that. Maybe him and Buffy could make it work. He pulled Buffy closer to him and inhaled her scent. She smelled like strawberries and vanilla scented shampoo.

“You know I’ll always be there for you don’t you?” Spike asked.

Buffy looked up at him quizzically. “Always?”

Spike nodded. “Always.”

Buffy seemed content with his answer and went back to cuddling against his shoulder.

Now he had to figure out how to keep it this way.

Buffy sat idly trying to pay attention to her history teacher, Mr. Anderson, but her thoughts kept drifting back to Spike and their cozy little picnic in the woods. Buffy knew that their conversation had been a turning point in their relationship. The significance of the place was not lost on her. Even if that was her only clue, she would know that he felt something. Buffy knew Spike, and she knew he wouldn’t take something like that lightly.

“Buffy are you okay?” Willow whispered over the aisle between their desks. “You’ve seemed a little distracted lately.”

Buffy shook her head slightly. “Nah, I’m fine Wills. Hey you wanna go Christmas shopping after school?”

Willow nodded. They hadn’t had much time to hang out lately, since Buffy always seemed busy, or never felt like going anywhere. She wasn’t stupid. She knew something had been going on with her, and maybe this was her chance to see what had been up with her best friend these past few weeks.

“Sure, you wanna head there after school?”

Buffy knew that Spike would be working tonight. He’d been reneging on his work lately to spend time with her, so he had to make up for it by kissing some major corporate butt. There were some big shots in town looking to do some joint business with the law firm, so Spike was stuck at the office playing at being a studious worker.

Buffy was about to answer when Mr. Anderson shot them disapproving looks. Instead she just nodded, and sent her a smile. It would be fun to hang out with Willow. Even if she couldn’t tell her the biggest secret of her life.

* * *

Buffy dragged Willow to what seemed like the hundredth store in the past hour that they had been at the mall.

“Well what kind of thing are you looking for?” Willow asked. She’d asked this before, but Buffy always gave the same answer.

“I’ll know when I see it. It has to be perfect Wills. He’s done so much for me, and been so nice to me. Spike deserves something really special.”

Willow sighed. “I’m sure he’ll love whatever you give him.” Willow knew that there was more to it than just showing her gratitude. Willow’s eyes narrowed. Maybe he was taking advantage of her, and Buffy was suffering from some weird Stockholm syndrome or something.

“Buffy is there something going on between you and Spike?”

Buffy stopped dead in her tracks and looked at Willow and laughed. “Of course not Wills, why would you say that?”

“You’ve just been a little strange. You haven’t been hanging out at the Bronze lately, and you’ve completely blown me and Xander off a couple times. Look Buffy, see resolve face.” Willow pointed. “Buffy you can talk to me.”

Again, Buffy laughed but to Willow it seemed a little forced. “There is nothing going on between me and Spike. He’s taken me in and treated me like family. I want to show my gratitude by finding him a really awesome Christmas present. Okay?”

Buffy had been Willow’s best friend since they had met in 7th grade. So she knew when Buffy was lying. And right now, she was lying.

* * *

Buffy walked through the door and set her packages down on the floor. She’d finally found what she’d been looking for, and while Willow kept giving her strange looks, she didn’t particularly care. Willow was her friend and wouldn’t do anything to harm her.

Buffy looked around, but didn’t see any signs of life coming from anywhere in the apartment, so she walked into the kitchen to grab something to drink.

Suddenly she felt strong arms encircle her waist and Buffy shrieked at the sudden invasion.

“Shh, luv, I’ve got you.”

Buffy smiled as he nuzzled her neck, inhaling loudly. “Didn’t think you were home, or I would have went right in there to you.”

“Finally got outta the office.”

“Cecily working late?”

“Be there for a while, goin’ over briefs and motions to be filed. Got all bloody night.”

Buffy turned around to face him, and grabbed his tie. “Then lets make it count.” Buffy pulled him towards her and smashed her mouth to his, shoving her tongue past his lips to duel with his.

Spike threaded his fingers through her hair. It’d only been a few days, but it still felt like to long. He longed to be inside her, touching every inch of her skin. Spike shoved her up against the kitchen counter and moaned as she un-tucked his shirt and her fingertips ran across his abs. Spike pulled away to gasp for breath and yanked her shirt over her head, smiling when he saw she wasn’t wearing a bra.

“Ready for me luv?”

“Always,” Buffy said. She loosened his tie, and pulled it over his shirt. Then she stuck it on herself and let it fall between her bare breasts. “What do you think? Is it me?”

“Bloody brilliant luv.” He reached up and fondled her breasts, his thumbs grazing over her hardened nipples. She reached between them and undid his belt and slacks, letting them fall to the floor in a heap.

“Mmm,” Buffy murmured as her hand enveloped his cock. “Ready for me?” Buffy smiled at him.

“Always,” he said, mimicking her earlier words.

Spike hissed as her hand started to move on his cock, her thumb coming up to flick at the pre-cum that had dribbled out.

Buffy looked at him, his eyes closed in bliss, as her hand moved along his cock. Buffy loved him when he was like this. Buffy looked down at his cock, and thought he looked beautiful. As another bead of pre-cum dripped out, Buffy decided she wanted to taste him. Buffy quickly dropped to her knees and enveloped the head of his dick with her mouth, swiping her tongue along the head, getting a taste of the saltyness that was him.

Spike’s eyes flew open and saw Buffy on his knees before him. He moaned out loud and reached down to thread a hand through her hair. He resisted the urge to just pound mercilessly into her warm, waiting mouth and let her do what she wanted. She sucked him into her mouth as far she could go and used one of her hands to envelop the rest of him. She worked on him in earnest, letting her hand take what her mouth couldn’t.

When he felt her pull him all the way into her mouth and swallow around him, he knew if he didn’t stop her was done for.

“Oh, god, Buffy, stop.” He pushed her away and pulled her up.

Buffy looked at him, eyebrows drawn together. “Did I do something wrong?”

“Oh, god no. It was perfect. I just didn’t want to come that way.”

Buffy nodded.

“You are wearing entirely to many clothes.” Spike smirked at her and undid the buttons on her pants and pulled them down along with her panties.

When he stuck his fingers between her pussy lips, he could feel she was drenched.

“Oh baby, you’re wet.” Spike stuck the fingers up to his mouth and sucked her juices off them. “Suckin’ on me get you all drenched?”

Buffy nodded honestly. “Talk later, fuck now.”

Spike smirked at her. “Yes ma’am.”

Spike lifted her up onto the kitchen counter and spread her legs open. Before she could protest, he slammed into her all the way up to the hilt. He could feel her walls flutter around him. God she was so bloody tight. Spike didn’t give her any time to get adjusted before he was pulling out and slamming back into her. He set a brutal pace, and Buffy didn’t protest one bit.

She looked so hot, his navy colored tie sitting in between her bouncing tits, as little beads of sweat ran down her forehead. She was making the sexiest sounds as his cock slammed into her welcoming pussy. Spike rolled a nipple in between two fingers and leaned down to bite lightly on her shoulder. Spike pushed his fingers underneath the cheeks of her ass and pulled her off the counter a bit, speeding up his thrusts.

Buffy couldn’t form a coherent thought as he slammed into her, ferociously. Buffy knew she was about to come and reached between them to rub at her clit, when Spike growled at her almost inhumanely in warning, and rammed into her even harder. Buffy realized that she liked this, a lot.

Spike picked her up, still inside her, grunting as he tried to maintain his pace of thrusting inside her. He walked towards the living room, teetered, and ended up shoving her up against the fridge. Buffy wrapped her legs around his waist and pulled his head down for a kiss. She nibbled on his lower lip, pulling it in between her teeth.

Spike knew he was acting like an animal, but right now he didn’t have a care in the world. Buffy seemed to like it. Her walls were squeezing his cock, damn near strangling it, and he knew she was close. He moved his hips slightly, angling them so he would hit her spongy bundle of nerves. Two more thrusts and her orgasm hit her, milking his cock until he spilled himself inside her.

Seconds after he spent himself, he felt his legs give way and he fell back on the cold tile floor. Buffy landed on top of him, straddling him. She fell against him, her head laying in the crook of his neck.

“Wow.”

Spike chuckled. “I’ll say luv.”

Buffy sat up. “So up for round two?”

Spike looked at her incredulously. “Give a bloke a minute two to recover, yeah?”

Buffy stuck out her lower lips. “C’mon,” she said bouncing. “Hurry up.”

“Look at that lip. Gonna get it.” He leaned in and sucked her lower lip in between his teeth. Which led to a make out session. And groping.

“Well luv, I think I’m ready for round two.” He looked pointedly down at his very erect member.

“Really?”

Spike smiled.

“Well you’re gonna have to catch me first!” Buffy jumped up and ran out of the kitchen.

Will I ever get tired of this? Spike smirked, jumped up and gave chase.

Not bloody likely.

Spike sat in his office making phone calls, trying to track down the witness they had scheduled to appear in court the next day, but they hadn’t been able to reach him to go over his testimony. Spike sighed as he slammed the phone down on another dead end. This was getting him no where, and it was already 7:30. He knew Buffy would be waiting for him at home, but he couldn’t cut out of here early today, not with the case they had going. He’d been doing well keeping Cecily away so he and Buffy could get plenty of quality time together. Spike smirked to himself as he thought of the little spit fire that was waiting at home for him. She was sure something.


A.N.: Reviews please?? Tell me what you think. And remember, major angst coming up, so don't say i didn't warn you.

“What’s that shit eatin’ grin for?” Gunn said from the doorway.

Spike immediately wiped the smile off his face. “Nothin’. Jus’ thinking.”

“C’mon man,” Gunn said walking into the room. “What’s been up with you lately? You leave work early, been shirking on your responsibilities. That’s not like you.”

“Nothin,’ just things been goin’ on is all.”

Eyebrows up, Gunn turned around and shut the door. “Are you getting a little something’ on the side? Steppin’ out on Cecily?”

Spike shook his head, maybe a little too violently. “No of course not. Why would I do that?”

“Because she’s a bitch from hell, and you can’t stand her? Look, man, I wouldn’t blame you if you were. Now c’mon with the details.” Gunn went over and sat down in the chair in front of his desk, determined to not leave until he got what he’d come for.

“There’s nothin goin’ on.” Spike stared at Gunn, refusing to spill his secrets.

“Why is it that I don’t believe you. C’mon man, it’s me, your friend. Remember me? You can talk to me.”

Spike sighed. “Yes, there’s someone else.”

Gunn face broke out in a grin. “Great! Who is it?”

Spike slowly contemplated his options. “I can’t tell you that.”

Gunn’s face fell. “Aww, why not?”

“I just can’t. Okay.” Spike looked down at his work. “Now I have a lot of work to do, so if-”

“Uh-uh. No. Don’t think you’re gettin’ off that easy. Just because you won’t tell me who it is, doesn’t mean that you can’t tell me anything else. So… tell me about her.”

Spike relented. There wasn’t any harm in talking a little was there? Its not like Gunn would know who he was talking about. He’d only met Buffy once before and they’d barely shared two words.

“She’s somethin’ special.” Spike smiled and leaned back in his chair, stretching his arms over his head and resting his hands behind it. “She has this way about her. Makes me feel like I’m on top ’f the world. She’s beautiful, amazin‘, intelligent. She‘s bloody perfect.”

Gunn sighed. “Well that’s not what I was expecting to hear.”

Spike quirked his eyebrows up. “Well what was it you wanted to hear?”

Gunn shook his head. “How she sucks dick like a pro, and fucks your brains out six ways from Sunday. You’re in love with her.” Gunn stood up. “You’re in deep man. Remember you’re married. So either get divorced, or cut it off with this chick. Because if you don’t, you’re gonna get sloppy. That’s what people in love do.”

Spike opened his mouth to say that he wasn’t in love with her, but at that moment he knew it would be a lie. He clamped his mouth shut and watched Gunn walk out of his office, shutting the door behind him.

Spike sighed, and reached over to pick up his phone. He needed to hear her voice, even if it was just for a minute.

Spike dialed the number, and listened to it ring.

“Hello?”

“Hey luv.”

“Spike! Working late again?”

“Yeah pet, I’m stuck here trying to finish up with this witness we have tomorrow. As soon as I finally find the pillock, I have to get him in here and debrief him on his testimony.”

“That sucks. So you’re gonna be really late?”

“Yeah I’m sorry, pet. I’d get home if I could, but with the corporates sniffin‘ around I gotta mind my p‘s and q‘s.”

On the other end of the line, Buffy nodded, a plan forming in her head. “Okay. I’ll see you tomorrow then.”

Spike said good-bye and hung up. He dialed another number, and let it ring. Hopefully he could get home soon and at least steal a few kisses from Buffy before she had to get in bed.

* * *

Buffy slipped the extra key into her purse as she quietly tiptoed down the corridor towards Spike’s office. She’d waited patiently outside until the last person had went home for the night. That left Spike. He was still working diligently away in his office, completely engrossed in his work. Cecily had come home as Buffy was walking out, and Buffy didn’t give her a second glance. She’d left a note, addressing it to Spike, but knowing that Cecily would read it. She didn’t want her to get suspicious.

Spike’s door was open slightly, and he seemed to still be working, hunched over his desk, reading something Buffy couldn’t make out. Buffy smiled, and gave her hair a quick flip. She quietly opened the door and walked towards the desk, waiting for Spike to notice her.

Spike looked up with a start when he noticed Buffy there, dressed in a skimpy black halter dress and killer spike heels. Her hair fell around her shoulders in a golden halo of curls, and her eyes were done in a smoky gray, giving her the look of a vixen.

“Buffy, luv, what the hell are you doin’ here?”

Buffy smiled and walked coquettishly towards him. “What you aren’t happy to see me?” Buffy walked over behind his desk and twirled his chair around so he was facing her. Placing her arms on the chair, and leaning down so he got a clear view of her cleavage, she practically purred in his ear. “Don’t say you don’t want me.”

Spike closed his eyes tight as she ran her hand up his inner thigh to cup his growing erection. She’d be the death of him, he knew it.

“Buffy you can’t be here, my co-workers-”

“Are all gone for the night.” Buffy said. “You’re here very, very, late.”

“Yeah I suppose I am.”

Buffy bit down on his neck and nibbled on his earlobe. “So you… up for a little playtime?”

Spike smirked at her, then smashed his lips to hers, and hauled her into his lap. Her legs went to either side of him, and she crushed her welcoming heat into his burgeoning erection.

“Oh god, Buffy,” Spike moaned out after they separated to breath. Spike reached up and untied the top of her dress, letting her breasts spill out into his waiting hands. “You’re so beautiful, such a pretty lil‘ peach.”

Buffy blushed despite the fact that she was the one who came to seduce him. “Well you’re not so bad looking yourself.” And he did look quite sexy in his wrinkled dress shirt, sleeves rolled up, with his hair all mussed into spikes from hours of running hands through it.

“Your hair looks sexy this way. Don’t know why you slick it back.”

Spike smiled, and decided to wear it this way more often. “Ya think so?”

“I know so.” Buffy leaned down and kissed him again, unbuttoning his shirt as she went. When she finally got it open, she ran her hands all over his delectable chest and abs. “When do you have time to work out? Because you look kinda like Adonis.”

“S’ natural,” Spike said, smirking. He snaked his hand up her dress, surprised when he only came in contact with skin. No underwear.

“Now who’s been a naughty girl?” Coming here to seduce him in only a dress and high heels. Spike ran his finger in circles around her labia, not giving her the contact where she wanted it.

Buffy moaned and bucked into his hand, trying to get him to touch her where she wanted. Buffy grabbed his head and directed him to her breasts. Spike chuckled softly to himself, but did as she wished. He sucked on nipple into his mouth, moving it around with his tongue.

Buffy reached down to unzip his fly, not wanting to wait any longer. She felt like she would explode if he wasn’t filling her right now. Buffy pumped him a few times, then pushed Spike’s hands away from her pussy, and directed him into herself, sinking down on him.

“Unnngg,” Spike moaned.

Buffy slowly started to move, setting a steady rhythm. She braced herself with her hands on his chest.

“God, baby, you feel so good. Love feelin’ your quim slidin’ around my cock. Jus’ like that pet.”

Buffy bit her bottom lip as the words tumbled out of his mouth, the things he was saying making her even hotter.

“Mmmm, Spike…” Buffy said in a breathy moan, her head thrown back.

Spike knew he would never get tired of this. The way her pussy gripped his cock, and the breathy little whimpers she let out, saying his name when she was to far gone to even notice. She kept the steady rhythm and Spike could already feel her walls fluttering around him.

Buffy’s orgasm crashed into her and she could feel the waves wash over her, causing her to tremble.

Spike picked slowly pushed her off, and took her over to the leather couch that sat in the far corner of his office. Spike laid Buffy down on it, and pulled her dress off, leaving only the heals on her feet.

“Beautiful,” Spike mumbled to himself as he ghosted his hands over her body. He covered her body with his, leaning his head into the crook of her neck. He lifted her hips up and directed himself back inside her, groaning as he did. Spike set a steady rhythm, placing kisses along her neck and jaw-line. He looked at her flushed face, the way she bit her lip when he swiveled his hips, just so. And he knew that Gunn was right. He was irrevocably, completely, head-over-heels in love with this woman.

Buffy knew there was no one else in the world that could make her feel like this. Even though Spike was her only lover, she didn’t think there was another man that could bring her to such heights, could love her body as much as he did. Because that’s what he was doing. Making love to her. With every gesture, every kiss, he told her. Buffy looked him in the eyes and tried to convey her feelings with just a look. They couldn’t say it. But they could show it.

Two Days Ago

Willow slipped into the office on corner of Main and 7th Avenue. Her eyes darted around the room as if looking for a way to escape. This was the first time Willow had ever cut class, and she felt like someone was going to jump out of the corner at her. Her nerves were on edge and she jumped at every sound that reverberated through the massive lobby. She went up to the receptionist that was giving her a patronizing look.

“Umm, Cecily Addams, please?”

The receptionist raised her eyebrows. “Do you have an appointment?”

“No,” Willow said slowly.

“Then I’m afraid you’ll have to come back at another time. Ms. Addams is very busy and would not like to be disturbed. If you’ll leave your name and number she’ll get back to you.” The look in the receptionists eyes told her she most certainly would not.

“But it’s an emergency!” Willow squeaked out. “Please… just ask her?”

The receptionist gave her a disdainful look, picked up her phone, and dialed the extension for Cecily. “Yes, Ms. Addams there’s a…”

“Willow Rosenburg.”

“Willow Rosenburg here to see you. She says it’s urgent.”

The receptionist nodded and ‘mmm-hmmmed’ a couple times before she turned the phone away from her mouth. “Ms. Addams is very busy. Now if you’d-”

“Tell her it’s about Buffy!” Willow said quickly. She knew she would have a chance to do this again, and if Spike caught her here she was busted. There was no way she could get away with doing this twice. Buffy was already going to ask questions about why she wasn’t there for their History class together.

The receptionist relayed the information, then raised her eyebrows at the answer she got. She nodded a few times and hung up.

“Ms. Addams says she’ll see you.” The receptionist pointed to the hallways on Willow’s right. “Go all the way down this hallway, and take a right. Her office is on the right side. You can’t miss it.”

Willow nodded and headed towards her office like a person being led to their death.

She made it to Cecily’s office and just stared at the door. Should she knock? Or just walk in? Before she could contemplate it, out of the corner of her eye, she saw Spike step out of a door. Willow let out a “Eep!” and practically jumped into the room, slamming the door behind her.

When she turned around, Cecily was sitting at a massive desk in the middle of the room, with huge windows that looked out to what appeared to be a courtyard.

“Wow,” Willow said slightly stunned. The office itself was also quite large, with floor to ceiling bookshelves that lined the walls, all filled with law books.

“Ms. Rosenburg I presume?” Cecily said.

Willow nodded and looked up at Cecily. The way she looked at her was worse than the way the receptionist had. The receptionist looked at her like a roach to be stomped. Cecily was looking at her like she was a germ under a microscope.

“So what is it you wanted to tell me about Buffy?”

Willow noticeably swallowed, and mentally crossed her fingers that she was doing the right thing.

“I think there’s something going on between Spike and Buffy.”

Cecily’s eyebrows practically shot up to her hairline. “There’s… what?!”

“S-s-something going on between Spike and Buffy,” Willow stuttered out. “I just know it.”

Cecily’s eyes seemed to glower. “And pray tell, how did you come by this information.”

“I don’t have proof or anything. I just know there is.”

“How?” Cecily demanded.

“I’ve known Buffy since 7th grade. I can tell when she’s lying to me.”

Cecily nodded. Despite the way the girl dressed and carried herself, Cecily could tell she was not a stupid girl. She was quiet and that meant she listened, so Cecily was inclined to agree with her.

“Very well. Thank you for coming to me with this. I trust you won’t tell Buffy or Spike we talked?”

Willow nodded. “Just do me a favor? Don’t do anything to hurt Buffy, okay? I’m sure this was all Spike’s doing. Buffy’s really a good person.

Cecily nodded putting on her best sympathy face. “It’s all right dear, I’ll make sure Buffy’s taken care of. My battle is with Spike.”

Willow nodded and left Cecily’s office.

Cecily sat behind her desk, fuming. How dare he make a fool of her like this? Fucking a teenager? This must be the reason behind his rejection of her advances. And to think that she’d actually believed him when he said he was stressed out, or to tired. Cecily sighed. Oh he would pay.

Cecily picked up the phone, and dialed a much used number.

“Francis Doyle.”

“Yes, Doyle, this is Cecily. I need a favor.”

“Anythin’ for you lass,” the private investigator said. Cecily had sent many clients his way, padding his pockets ’til they were near to bursting.

“I need you to follow someone.”

“Who?”

“Spike Giles.”

On the other end, Doyle nodded, knowing not to ask questions. “Car type?”

“Black 1959 DeSoto.”

Doyle wrote it down. He already knew what he looked like. “Got it dear. I’ll call you back when I have something.”

Cecily hung up. Oh yes they would both pay. Dearly.

* * *

Present Time

Buffy sighed as she flipped through her magazine. She was increasingly bored, and she couldn’t find anything to occupy her time. It was Saturday, yet Buffy didn’t feel like doing anything. Spike was at the office, working. He’d picked her up from school the day before and taken her home. He’d had to get back to work, but he’d spent at least half an hour fucking her into her the living room carpet. Buffy still had carpet burns on her back.

Their relationship really was starting to get more intimate. The way that he looked at her, Buffy could tell he felt something for her. Buffy knew she was in love with him. There was no doubt about it. She was head over heels. She’d contemplated telling him so many times, she couldn’t count. But how did you tell a married man that you loved him? Would he want to leave Cecily? Their relationship wasn’t exactly stellar, but he’d was married to her. And if he did leave Cecily, would he want to stay with someone as young as her? Buffy knew she was ready for him, ready to be the woman Spike needed, but that didn’t mean he wanted her to be that woman. Buffy still had the rest of high school left and college after that. They would have to keep their relationship a secret until Buffy turned eighteen, probably until she graduated from high school, which was more than a year and a half away. All these questions swirled around in her head, causing her to not notice when the front opened and closed.

“Hello, Buffy,” Cecily said from Buffy’s doorway.

Buffy jumped up, startled.

“Oh my god, you scared me.”

Cecily stood there, a malevolent smile plastered on her face.

“What do you want?”

“I’ve got you, little girl.”

“Got me? Got what?”

Cecily just kept on smiling and pulled a manilla envelop from her side, that Buffy hadn’t seen. She opened up the top and dumped the contents on Buffy’s bed.

“Go ahead. Look at them.” Cecily sneered maliciously at her.

Buffy picked up what appeared to be a picture.

Oh God.

It was a picture of her and Spike from that night in his office. She was on top of him, kissing him, and the top of her dress was down, and his hands were on her breasts. Buffy grabbed the next picture. Another from that night. Spike’s head at her breasts. Another picture of that night, this time she knew it was when they were having sex. Buffy gulped. More pictures of them. From yesterday, embracing passionately, kissing. Another one of him, on his knees, pleasuring her with his mouth. Buffy felt tears start to form in her eyes.

She looked up and saw Cecily smiling triumphantly at her.

Buffy threw the pictures down on the bed, and wiped at the tears that were starting to fall. She would not cry in front of her. She wouldn’t give her the satisfaction.

“Keep them. I have plenty of copies.”

Buffy looked up at her, her eyes narrowing defiantly. “Does Spike know that you know?”

Cecily kept her smile in place. “I’ll be asking the questions. How long has this been going on?”

“I don’t have to tell you a damn thing.”

Buffy didn’t think she’d even seen a more evil smile twist someone’s face than right then.

“Oh well that’s where you’re wrong, dear little Buffy. You have to do everything I say, or your precious Spike will go to jail for a very long, long, time. So I ask again, Buffy, how long has this been going on?”

Buffy‘s eyes widened. Cecily wasn‘t joking. She would destroy Spike. “Since right before you got back on your trip from LA.”

Cecily’s face darkened. “That long.”

Buffy nodded.

Cecily’s face formed into a smile. “Okay so here’s what you’re going to do.” Cecily outlined her plan to Buffy in great detail.

Buffy gaped. “But I can’t do that to him. I love him!”

“Oh but you will Buffy. You will. Or I will take these pictures to the police, and not only will Spike rot away in jail forever, I’ll make sure you’re put in the worst foster hell imaginable. Spike is mine, and he will always be mine. Do I make myself clear?”

Buffy dropped her head, miserable. She couldn’t let Spike go to jail, not for what she did. This was all her fault, all her fault.

“And you do it tonight.”

Cecily turned and left the room, triumphant. Her Spike would return to her soon enough, he always did. And when he did, she would make sure he was hers forever.


* * *

Spike sat on the couch, beer in hand. He’d gotten home, and found the house empty. There was anote on the fridge from Buffy, saying she’d gone out with some friends and she’d be home around midnight. It was now 1:30 and Buffy was no where to be seen.

Spike knew Buffy could handle herself, but damnit, he was worried. She was never this late. Plus, he’d been hoping they could spend some time together, since Cecily had gone to bed early tonight, saying she didn’t feel good.

Spike sat in staring at the blank TV for fifteen more minutes before he heard a set of footsteps walking up to the door. Spike was about to jump up and open the door when he heard Buffy’s voice practically purr.

“I had a great time Angel. We’ll do it again sometime.”

Spike’s eyes widened in surprise. What the bloody hell was she doing with that poncey git? Spike ran over and opened the door, only to be greeted by the sight of Buffy with her lips locked on Angel’s, and the pillock had his hand on her ass!

Spike grabbed Buffy by the arm and hauled her away from Angel before they could even pulled apart. He looked at Angel, deadly intent in his eyes. “Stay the fuck away from her mate, or I’ll pull your arms off and beat you with them.”

Spike shut the door and hauled Buffy around until she was facing him. “What the fucking hell was that Buffy?” He sniffed at her. “Have you been drinking?”

Buffy shrugged, trying to act nonchalantly. She knew Cecily would be listening down the hall. And Spike’s future depended on how well she acted tonight. She knew she would hurt Spike, but at least he wouldn’t be spending his days in jail.

“What Spike? You actually expected me to stay with only you?” Buffy laughed. “Like you would ever be enough for that long.”

Spike couldn’t believe his ears. He opened his mouth to say something, to plead with her, but he couldn’t get the words out. He felt like he couldn’t breath. His lungs burned and he felt tears prick at his eyes, but he still couldn’t get any words out.

“What? You thought I was going to give up my youth to stay here with you?” Buffy laughed, long and hard.

Please let him believe this, Buffy silently prayed.

“Buffy…please.” Spike stared at her, as a tear silently fell down his cheek.

“It was just a matter of time before I got bored with you,” Buffy said. She yawned. “I’m pretty tired. Think I’m gonna go to bed. See ya later, baby.”

Spike flinched at her use of the endearment, tainting it with her voice. Spike sat himself down on the couch, a blank look on his face.

Buffy walked to her room, and shut the door behind her, shoulders slumping in defeat. He bought it. Deep down she’d hoped he’d seen right past her fake laugh and lies, but she knew he wouldn’t. She’d played on fears, and now she’d left him heartbroken.

It was bittersweet, knowing in her heart that he loved her, but knowing that they would never be.

* * *

Spike shut the door to the apartment behind him. He was alone.

Two days after Buffy had so clearly pointed out that he was wasn’t enough for her, Cecily had suggested that they send her to a boarding school in upstate California. Cecily had went on and on about the prestige of the school and how Buffy would have the best chance of getting into college there. Spike just nodded and let her do it. Cecily said that Buffy conceded without a fight, and she was gone a few days after that. Spike just let it happen.

Spike walked into Buffy’s room, her bed still there, but the drawers and closet empty, her pictures gone. Everything that had made the room hers, was gone. Spike ran his hands over the bed that he had made love to Buffy on time after time. Spike spotted something sitting on bottom shelf of her nightstand. He walked over to see a box with a note under it. Spike opened up the small note, and read it to himself.

Merry Christmas Spike

Love Always,

Buffy

When he opened the box, he saw a white gold engraved ring. Spike pulled it out and looked at the words. Amor Vincit Omnia

"What the bloody hell?" Spike mumbled to himself.

Spike practically ran into his room, and found his Latin to English dictionary from college, and looked it up.

Love Conquers All

* * *

Buffy looked out the window from her new room at St. Catherine’s Prepatory School, clutching a picture of her and Spike to her chest. It was the only thing she had left of the two of them. Because he would surely hate her forever. She hoped that he got his Christmas present and Cecily hadn’t found it.

Buffy knew she would probably never see Spike again. She couldn’t if she wanted him to stay out of jail. Everything was over for them. It was her fault to begin with, so she had to make it right. Spike would get over her eventually and he would return to being Cecily’s husband, as much as it pained her. But he would be free. Buffy shoved the picture deep into one of her drawers. At least she still had her memories.

Because they would have to be enough.





A.N.: Don't hate me??

When we two parted
In silence and tears,
Half broken hearted,
To sever for years,
Pale grew they cheek and cold,
Colder they kiss;
Truly that hour foretold,
Sorrow to this:


The dew of the morning
Sunk chill on my brow—
It felt like a warning
Of what I feel now.
Thy vows are all broken
And light is they fame;
I hear thy name spoken,
And share in it’s shame.


They name thee before me,
A knell to mine ear;
A shudder comes o’er me—
Why wert thou so dear?
They knew not I knew thee,
Who knew thee to well—
Long, long shall I rue thee,
To deeply to tell,

In secret me wet—
In silence I grieve,
That thy heart could forget,
Thy spirit deceive.
If I should meet thee
After long years,
How should I greet thee?
With silence and tears.

*~*~*~*~*~*

Two Years Later

Spike sat playing with the a string that hung from the cuff of his shirt, waiting for his bitch of a soon-to-be ex-wife to finally make it to the appointment they had set with their lawyers and the judge presiding of their divorce. Spike knew that her and her lawyer, Lilah Morgan, were late on purpose. Cecily always liked to make and entrance, and make a point.

Spike finally pulled the string off, and let it fall to the floor. He glanced over at his lawyer, Wesley. Wesley was part of Cecily’s father’s firm, and was risking a lot by being here representing him. Cecily’s father had already let Spike go, telling him that he couldn’t have Spike working near Cecily when things between them were now over. Herbert had, of course, given him recommendations, but that didn’t negate the fact that he’d already lost his job because of the stupid bint. Spike wasn’t going to let her intimidate him, powerful father or not.

Cecily swept into the room, her lawyer, steps behind her.

“Took you long enough,” Wesley mumbled beside him. He stood up to go tell the judge that they were ready to begin.

Cecily looked over at him, a sadistic smile on her face.

Spike ignored her. He wasn’t going to let her get to him, when he was finally away from her.

Spike stood up as Judge Quentin Travers, sans robes, entered his office where the meeting was to take place, and then took his seat.

Spike sat back down, and Wesley sat beside him.

Judge Travers pulled his glasses out of his shirt pocket, and started flipping through papers. “Now I see that you haven’t yet appeared in court. I find it’s easier to settle these issues outside of the courtroom, so whey haven’t we tried that yet.”

“Your honor,” Wesley started. “My client and I have tried time and time again to enter into negotiations for the place of residence, but Ms. Morgan and her client have declined every offer of a compromise.”

Judge Travers looked over at Cecily and Lilah. “Is this true?”

“Your honor,” Lilah said, shooting Wesley a haughty look. “My client and I feel we are owed our day in court.”

Judge Travers raised his eyebrows and looked at her over his glasses. “Really? And why is that?”

“Well your honor, we have concrete evidence that Mr. Giles has in fact committed unlawful sexual intercourse with a minor under 261.5 under California law.”

Spike felt all the blood drain away from his face as his eyebrows shot up into his hair line. Wesley looked over at Spike, asking with is eyes if what they were saying is true.

Spike looked over at Cecily to see her smiling triumphantly at him.

I won, she was saying.

Spike looked over at Wesley, not knowing what to say.

“Your honor, as you can see, my client is as surprised by these preposterous allegations as I am. And may I ask you why she is putting this before your honor, and hasn’t turned this evidence she says she has over to the proper authorities?”

Judge Travers looked over to Cecily and Lilah. “He has you there. Although I would like to see this evidence.”

Lilah handed the judge and Wesley a legal folder with the pictures inside. Wesley looked through them, letting Spike watch as he flipped through each picture of him with Buffy in a new compromising position. Wesley looked at Spike in the eyes.

“Spike I have to know. Is this real?” Wesley whispered low enough so only Spike could hear.

The look Spike gave him was enough. “Did you force her?”

Spike’s eyes filled with anger at the hint that Wesley thought he could do that. “Are you daft?! You think I could actually do something like that?”

Wesley nodded. “I had to ask.” He turned and looked at the judge.

“Your honor, how are we to know the validity of these pictures? These days anyone with a computer and PhotoShop could make these kinds of pictures. And if they are real, why is Ms. Addams only coming forth with them now? My client hasn’t seen Ms. Summers in over two years when she failed to adapt to living a new lifestyle with them. She was sent to a prestigious school in upstate to finish her high school.”

The judge looked at Ms. Addams. “Yes, I will be looking into it. Ms. Addams these pictures will not sway my thinking against Mr. Giles if that is what you are after. They have no standing in my courtroom and I will not tolerate this kind of low handedness.” He sighed. “But Mr. Giles, they will have to be turned over to the proper authorities.”

Spike nodded. He turned to look at Cecily, murder in his eyes. She’d known all along about him and Buffy. A day hadn’t gone by that Spike hadn’t thought about her. Thought about her golden hair, fanned out on the pillow beneath him, her lips, swollen from his kisses. They way she teased him and her gentle, lilting laugh. For the short time they had shared, she had quickly become his everything and her betrayal of him had cut deeper than a knife. In the beginning he had thought that the pain was to much to bare, but as months passed he had slowly tried to pick his life up again and that included his marriage to Cecily. It hadn’t been a marriage of love, but it was all he had and he had clung to it like a man lost. Because he was lost, lost without Buffy. And what had hurt the most was he knew that Buffy was right. He hadn’t been able to give her what she wanted. She had needed more than he could give, and so she left.

Like a flash of light, clarity hit Spike like a punch in the face.

After two years it finally made sense.

Cecily.

Oh God.

It was all her fault.

Oh God.

The ring. She was trying to tell me something.

Cecily’s words echoed to him the night she had convinced him to send her to boarding school.
“…and since she doesn’t seem to be getting along with you anymore, and you two had a fight the other night, I thought she could be sent somewhere that would curb her more rebellious tendencies…”

The thing was, Spike had never told her they’d had a fight. He’d stayed at the office most of the time, or was out drowning his sorrows in good bottle of Jack. And he was sure as hell that Buffy hadn’t told her. Which meant she’d had to have been listening. She’d known there was going to be a fight.

Oh God. Buffy.

He’d figured it out.

But he’d figured it out two years too late.

“All rise for Honorable Judge Maggie Walsh.”

Spike stood up, Wesley at his side. In the weeks since the pictures had been turned over to the police, Spike had been arraigned and the prosecutor was now trying to bring him up on criminal charges of statutory rape, or ‘unlawful sexual intercourse with a minor.’ He’d posted the $20,000 bail, and now they were at the preliminary hearing. Wesley had counseled him on what was going to happen. But he was lawyer, he knew what was going to happen.

They had enough incriminating evidence to put him away for a while.

Wesley had suggested that they call Buffy and get her into the courtroom, but Spike wouldn’t allow it. He’d hurt her enough. Cecily had blackmailed her with those photos, Spike just knew it. That’s why she had left. To protect him. She’d tried to tell him, but he was to bloody daft to get the message until it was already to late. Buffy had already moved on with her life, was probably happy with some other bloke. He couldn’t interfere with her life.

The judge had finally finalized his divorce to Cecily, saying that the apartment was to be sold, but it was a bittersweet victory as he was in the courtroom trying to not get put away for years.

“Please be seated.” Judge Maggie Walsh sat down and looked down at the papers in front of her.

Spike and Wesley sat down, but the prosecutor Anya Jenkins stayed standing. Spike knew her from law school. She was a right vindictive bird, liked to pass vengeance onto who she deemed guilty.

“Your honor, I think the pictures we have are sufficient evidence to convince a jury of the defendant’s guilt. We also have a statement from the defendant’s ex-wife saying that she heard Mr. Giles and the girl, Buffy Summers, having a lover’s quarrel. The defendant took advantage of a sixteen year old girl, that was under his care, and trusted him. This should be enough evidence to convince your honor to let us take this to trial.”

“May I have a copy of these pictures Ms. Jenkins?”

Anya approached the bench and handed the pictures to the judge. The judge flipped through the pictures, eyeing each one. “And who is it that took these pictures Ms. Jenkins?”

“A private investigator by the name of Francis Doyle your honor.”

“I would like a statement from him as to the validity of these pictures.”

“I’m afraid that we haven’t been able to locate the P.I., but we feel these pictures speak for themselves, along with Ms. Addams’s testimony.”

Wesley stood up, “Your honor, Ms. Addams’s is merely a vindictive lover, who is trying to drag her ex-husband’s name through the mud out of spite. She would say anything that would cause my client difficulty. Also, if they can’t produce the person that took these pictures, how are we to know that Ms. Addams didn’t just fabricate this pictures on her home computer? “

Judge Walsh looked over her glasses at Wesley. “While true, I’m inclined to agree with Ms. Jenkins.” She sighed. “Where is this girl, Buffy? Why don’t we get her in here?”

“We are still-”

Just then the doors to the courtroom burst open, and in strode Buffy.

Spike’s breath caught in his throat as he looked at her. She was even more beautiful than he remembered. Her long hair hung in waves around her face, framing it. She walked with a stride that said she commanded the room. She spared a glance in Cecily’s direction, but didn’t let her eyes linger long.

“I’m right here your honor. Sorry to be late, traffic was a bitch.”

In the back of the courtroom, Cecily glowered.

Judge Walsh sighed. “Ms. Summers I presume.”

“Yes your honor.”

“Well Ms. Jenkins, would you like to call Ms. Summers as your witness?”

Anya Jenkins looked a little flustered but took it in stride. “Yes, of course. The prosecution calls Buffy Summers.”

Spike shook his head. What is she doing here?

Buffy walked up to the witness stand and put her right hand on the bible the baliff provided. “Do you swear to tell the truth, the whole truth and nothing but the truth, so help you God?”

“Yup,” Buffy answered, popping her ‘p.’

“Now Ms. Summers have you seen the pictures in question?”

“Not quite sure what pictures you’re talking about. I just heard that Spike was being brought up on charges and I had to come.”

“Well Ms. Summers,” Anya said as she picked up another folder with copies of the pictures in them. “Here you are.”

Buffy opened the folder and stared at each picture intently before shutting the folder and handing it back to Anya. “That’s totally not me.”

Spike’s eyes widened slightly.

“Are you sure Ms. Summers?”

“Yeah, I think I woulda remembered that. Besides my boobs are way bigger than that.”

Spike smirked to himself. She was right, they were bigger now.

“Ms. Summers, these pictures were taken when you were sixteen. I’m sure you’ve grown since then.”

“I’m sure I have to, but that one of me and Spike in that chair? Can I see it again?”

“Of course.” Anya grabbed the folder and handed it back to her. Buffy pulled out the picture she mentioned.

“Yeah right here. That’s how I know they’re not real.”

“What do you mean Ms. Summers?”

“Well you see for my birthday when I was eleven, my father took me to see Cinderella On Ice, and I just fell in love with ice skating. After that I begged and begged my father to take me to a rink so I could learn to skate. I had all these delusions of becoming an Olympic skater. When he finally took me-”

“Is there a point to this story Ms. Summers?” Anya interrupted.

“Yes,” Buffy said glaring at her for the interruption. She sighed and continued. “Anyway, when we finally got there and he let me go the first thing I did was plow right into a group of people skating and caused a pile up. In all the mayhem I got cut with someone’s skate, and I have a scar on my right hip which should be visible in the picture.”

“Can we see this scar, Ms. Summers?” Judge Walsh asked.

“Of course.” Buffy stood up and pulled down the right side of her jeans, and sure enough, there was a scar there. Buffy sat back down. “Oh I almost forgot. Here’s a copy of my hospital records from the day I was admitted. Had to have twelve stitches.”

Buffy leaned down and grabbed her purse, and pulled a few pieces of paper out of it. “I don’t care that you look at it.”

The judge nodded to her and looked over the papers, then handed them to Anya. Anya looked them over, then looked up at Buffy, scowling.

“How old are you now Ms. Summers?”

“Just turned nineteen.”

“How long has it been since you saw the defendant?”

Buffy looked over at Spike briefly, meeting his eyes for the first time since she’d walked through the doors. The jolt of electricity that went through him at the connection took his breath away, again.

Buffy swiftly directed her eyes back to Anya. “A little over two years. Just before Christmas, when I was sixteen.”

“And why has it been so long?”

“I was a little rebellious when I was younger after my parents died. I was having trouble coping with it. Spike sent me to a good school so that I could get into a good college, which I did. I go to UCLA now. I just didn’t know what to say to him. I guess I was a little ashamed at how things ended between us, and the more time that went by, the harder it was to open up lines of communication again.”

“What exactly happened between you two?”

Buffy took a deep breath, prepared to answer.

“Your honor,” Wesley said, standing. “Ms. Summers has said what she came here to say. I feel the evidence that she has produced shows that the prosecution’s allegations are unfounded. With Ms. Summer’s testimony and the prosecution’s inability to produce the P.I. that took the pictures, I call for a full dismissal of the case.”

Judge Walsh nodded. “I agree with you. Considering the evidence and the testimony of Ms. Summers, I feel the pictures are invalid. Case dismissed.” Judge Walsh’s gavel came down with a resounding knock that reverberated throughout the courtroom.

Spike’s face broke out into a smile and he looked back at Cecily who had been watching the proceedings. She had a furious look on her face. She stood up and stomped over to Anya Jenkins, barely containing her rage. Spike shook Wesley’s hand. “Thank god its over mate.”

Spike looked up to find Buffy, but she was no where to be seen.

* * *

Buffy collapsed into her dorm room at UCLA. Seeing Spike after two years had been harder than she thought it would be. She’d tried so hard to exude an air of confidence and nonchalance around her that she was exhausted. She’d foolishly convinced herself that she was over him, but looking him into the eyes today had nearly broken her all over again. He hadn’t wanted her, was probably glad to have been rid of her.

On her eighteenth birthday, Buffy had sat by her window in her room at Saint Catherine’s waiting for Spike to come for her. Buffy had thought that since she was eighteen, it would be okay for them to be together. She was positive that he loved her, and wanted to be with her. But she had just been a piece of ass to him. When he had never come, Buffy had finally accepted that it was over between the two of them, and he was never coming for her.

While Buffy had been at Saint Catherine’s she hadn’t really made any friends, so she’d studied the whole time she was there, and it had paid off. She had gotten a full paid scholarship to UCLA, where she now shared a dorm room with Faith of all people.

Her and Willow were the only people that Buffy had stayed in touch with. When Faith had heard that Buffy was going to UCLA, Faith had come and signed up for classes and her and Faith became room mates. She had laughed when Buffy asked her why she was there and said she didn’t have anything better to do, and besides Buffy needed her. Faith was right. She had been her rock when she thought she wasn’t going to make it. Because she hadn’t really gotten over Spike. She was still in love with him, and knew that she always would be. That was why she had gone to help him, had purgered herself for him, broken the law by lying under oath. She had to. She couldn’t let Cecily ruin his life, she couldn’t let her win again. She’d already ruined enough.

So when Buffy had gotten wind of what date the trial was she’d driven down there as fast as she could, after she’d concocted the story about the scar. The scar she’d gotten soon after she was at Saint Catherine’s. She had been sneaking out her window into the tree outside and had fallen down. Buffy had gotten a med student friend of hers, Ben, to grab her medical record from the hospital, and change the year, and reason for the accident, before printing it out again. She was just lucky that the hospital was the same as the one she’d been to years before, when the actual accident had happened, sans stitches.

Buffy stood up and pulled her shoes off, rubbing her feet as she went. She’d righted the wrongs that Cecily had created. Maybe now she could move on with her life. Maybe Spike wouldn’t plague her every dream, and when she met guys, she wouldn’t instantly compare them to Spike. Maybe she wouldn’t be waiting for him anymore.

“Who am I kidding?” Buffy asked herself. She’d always be waiting for him. That was the single constant in her life these past two years, waiting for Spike.

Buffy sighed as she looked at the clock. It was 6:30. It had taken her a couple hours to get back to LA from Sunnydale, and she’d had to stop by her mother’s and Giles’s graves before she left again, because she didn’t know when she’d have enough time to come back. Buffy knew she needed to get up and get ready for work.

Buffy took a shower and then went to her closet to grab her work clothes. Before Buffy could get dressed she heard a knock on the door.

Buffy’s eyebrows scrunched together as she wondered who would be at her door. Probably just Willow.

Buffy walked over to the door and flung it open to the last person she expected to see standing on the other side.

“Hello cutie.”

Every time I look upon your face,
I wonder what happened to us.
What happened to push us so far apart?
Out of our mouths spewed vile, hurtful things.
Straight from hell they came, it seemed.
Some one took us apart with razor blades,
Cutting us right down the center,
Spewing blood that was never red, always black.
Hurting us in the places it hurt most,
Twisting us until we turned on each other.
Diminishing what we once had inside.
Knives pushed through the heart,
Pulling out emotions better left unsaid.
Spraying our blood-like animosity,
But always reaching for each other,
Never fully letting go.
Holding on until the bitter end,
Until the breaking kills us both,
And still we'll never let it go.

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*


“Spike!” Buffy said breathlessly. “What are you doing here?”

Spike looked down at the robe she had tied around her. “Well luv, nice to see you were expectin’ me. Gonna invite me in or not?”

Buffy stood staring at him, not quite believing that he was there. When his words finally penetrated her hazy brain, her face formed into a scowl, as she saw his eyes roving over her robe clad body. “Hey, eyes up here mister! What do you want?”

The smile slipped from Spike’s face. “Just wanted to thank you luv.”

“Fine. Your welcome. And I’m not your luv. How did you fine me?”

“Wasn’t that hard.” Spike stared at the hallway on either side of him. “Look, pet, can we take this inside, so we can talk?”

Buffy sighed. She knew him, and he wouldn’t give up until he got what he wanted. Buffy stepped back from the doorway, allowing him to enter.

“Hey pet.”

Buffy raised her eyebrows, waiting.

Spike looked at the floor sheepishly, at a loss for words. He’d waited two years to finally see her again, but now that she was in front of him, he couldn’t get his mouth to actually work. There were so many things that he wanted to say to her, but where did he start?

“I’m sorry Buffy.”

Buffy sighed. “Sorry for what?”

Spike looked at her incredulously. “You know for what. For not knowing.”

Buffy shrugged. “It’s not like you could’ve stopped it. Cecily would’ve ruined you. And then I didn’t have the handy little scar to get you outta trouble, did I?”

Spike smiled sadly. “How did you get that scar?”

“Sneaking outta St. Catherine’s one night. Out my window.”

Spike‘s face fell. “I really am sorry pet. I keep wondering if you’d just told me what was going on-”

“But I couldn’t,” Buffy cut in angrily. “She would have torn you apart, and put you in the deepest, darkest, hole she could find and you’d have never gotten out. You’re lucky I pulled that shit outta my ass to bail you out.”

“So it was all an act?” Spike asked hopefully, referring to her tryst with Angel.

Buffy looked at him, her face the picture of astonishment. “Of course it was an act! Do you think I’d actually let Angel touch me if I didn’t have to?”

“Why did you have to act?”

“Because your wife said I had to make it hurt,” Buffy ground out. “Or she would’ve take the pictures to the police. Haven’t we already been over this?”

“What’s got your knickers in a knot?”

“You! Barging back into my life like this. Yes I came to your rescue, your welcome. Now go.” Buffy schooled her face in the perfect mask of indifference. She couldn’t handle this again. He’d used her for sex the first time, she wouldn’t let it happen again. Sure she’d been sure that he’d loved her then, but Buffy had convinced herself that she’d imagined everything she’d ever seen in his expressive blue eyes. Buffy didn’t think she could handle it if he hurt her again.

“Why are you bein’ like this?”

“Because I can’t handle this!”

“Handle what?”

“This!” Buffy said gesturing between the two of them. “I can’t handle it again. I can’t do this.”

“Do what? Buffy, what are you talking about.”

“I waited and waited, but you never came. You left me there, and stayed with your whore. And now you what? Wanna start fucking again, now that I got you off?”

Buffy turned around and grabbed some clothes from the closet, stomping towards the bathroom. “I have to get ready for work. I’m sure you can find your way out.” With that Buffy slammed the door behind her.

Spike stood there, his mouth slightly open as looked at the closed bathroom door. What the hell had just happened? He’d spent the last two years, barring the past couple weeks, thinking that she’d cheated on him because he wasn’t good enough to satisfy her needs. He could still feel the sting of that rejection close to his heart. He’d loved her then, and he still loved her now. Determination filled Spike.

He wasn’t letting her get away again. No matter what she said.

Spike sat down on what appeared to be Buffy’s side of the room. Spike briefly wondered who the bird was that Buffy shared her dorm with, but quickly dismissed the thought. Spike sat on her bed for close to hour before Buffy finally came out of the bathroom.

“What the hell are you still doing here?” Buffy asked. She’d spent the entire time, thinking she’d come out to an empty room that she was astounded he was still here. Buffy stomped her foot petulantly. “You’re suppose to be gone.”

Spike smirked at her. “You’re not gettin’ out of this so easy pet. I’m not leavin.” Spike looked her up and down, noticing the low cut black shirt and short black skirt. “What the hell are you wearin?”

“My work clothes.” Buffy said. She rummaged around looking for where she’d thrown her purse.

“You’re not goin’ anywhere in that.”

Buffy rolled her eyes, still searching for her purse. Where the hell is it? “I totally don’t have time for this.”

Buffy spotted the strap hanging out from the edge of the closet. “Ah-hah!” She ran over and grabbed it. Buffy looked at the time. “Shit!”

Buffy ran to the door, Spike hot on her heels. Buffy locked the door behind her and briskly walked through the corridors. “Spike, I have to get to work. We’ll have to do this at another time.”

Spike didn’t answer simply followed her out to the student parking lot to a modest economy car. “This your car luv?”

“Yup,” she said, getting into the car.

Buffy sighed when the passenger door opened and Spike climbed in. Buffy closed her eyes, wishing he would just go away. She couldn’t deal with this right now.

“Spike, please, just go away.”

Spike shook his head. “Not going anywhere. Not this time.”

Buffy just started the car, and started driving.

Spike stayed silent the whole drive, noting the course for later drives. When Buffy pulled up to the popular night club ‘Image’ Spike turned and looked at her. “You work ‘ere?”

Buffy nodded, not saying anything. She got out of the car, walking up to the entrance. The bouncer smiled at her warmly, and let her through.

“Hey Buffy,” the tall blonde said.

“Hey Riley, it looks crazy in there tonight.” Buffy strolled through the ropes.

Spike walked right behind her, but Riley held an arm in his way. “Hey mate, I’m with Buffy.” Spike looked to see if Buffy would back him up but she was already inside.

“Sorry, but you’ll have to wait in line.”

Spike glared at the hulking Iowa boy, and pulled a $50 bill out of his pocket, waving the Grant in his face. “This take care of it, mate?”

Riley grabbed the money, and let his arm down. “This way sir.”

Spike ambled in, immediately searching the darkly lit club for Buffy, but coming up short. Spike sighed and found himself a table alone. He immediately found a waitress, clad in the same uniform as Buffy. “Hey sweet, can I ask where Buffy is?”

The dark haired girl smiled at the hottie. “Yeah that’s her section over there. She’s swamped tonight, but I can tell her you’re looking for her.”

Spike shook his head. “No that’s fine pet, I’ll wait ‘til she’s got ‘er a break.” Spike ordered a beer and sat back. This was going to be a long night.

* * *

Buffy sighed as she sat in one of the empty tables. It was nearly 4 in the morning, and the manager had finally ushered the last people out. Buffy groaned as she stood up on her aching feet to help clean up. Buffy started wiping down tables when Amy came up to her.

“Hey Buff, there’s a really hot British guy waiting for you. He’s been here all night.”

Buffy looked at Amy, astonished. He’d been waiting all night for her? What the hell?

“Get outta here. I’ll finish up.”

“You sure?”

“Yeah, go get that hunk of goodness.” Amy winked at her.

Buffy sighed. “It’s not like that you know.”

“Whatever.”

Buffy rolled her eyes, and went to grab her purse from behind the bar. She turned around to see Spike waiting for her by the door.

“What the hell are you still doing here?”

“Well if you remember correctly pet, I don’t have a car. It’s back at your dorms.”

“You could’ve called a cab.” Buffy stormed out, knowing Spike would follow. When she got to her car she opened the door, and shoved her purse in. Spike climbed into the passenger seat, and reached for his cigarettes.

“Don’t even think you’re smoking that in here,” Buffy hissed angrily at him. What the hell did he think he was doing? She made it perfectly clear she couldn’t do this again. Buffy glanced over at him. Now that she wasn’t in shock at seeing him, she could tell that he’d lost weight. At least he’d finally divorced Cecily. Buffy had heard that he’d stayed with her, but Buffy didn’t expect anything different, not after the fight they’d had.

“You know, you’re not gettin’ away that easy pet,” Spike said tucking the cigarettes back into his jacket pocket.

Buffy ignored him and kept driving.

When she got to UCLA, Buffy parked and jumped out of the car.

“Shit, Buffy, wait!”

“What do you want?” Buffy said turning around.

“Just talk to me, for Christ Sakes!”

“Talk then.” Buffy folded her arms over her chest, shivering slightly in the cool night air.

“I’m sorry okay? I’m sorry things turned out the way they did. I wish I could say that I wished it never happened, but I can’t do that.”

Buffy glared at him. “You left me there, alone. I didn’t have anyone. I waited for you to come, but you never did. On my eighteenth birthday, I waited thinking you’d come for me. But you never came. That’s been the only constant in my life, waiting for you. But I’m tired of waiting.” Buffy turned to go.

“I didn’t know! I didn’t figure it out ‘til it was to late. Buffy if I would have known…” Spike trailed off, tears filling his eyes.

Buffy turned her head around to look at him.

“For two bloody years I thought that I just wasn’t enough. That you didn’t want me. And this was here mocking me, but I couldn’t make myself take it off.” Spike pulled a chain out from beneath his shirt and then pulled, snapping the chain. He held it out for Buffy to see.

It was the ring she’d given him, dangling from the end.

“Please Buffy, just give me another chance.”

Buffy looked at him. He looked so heart broken. “What about Cecily and the charges? If they find out that we’re seeing each other again, they’re gonna know I lied.”

“Sod that bitch and her fuckin’ charges. I just want you Buffy. I want to make it up to you. Hell I’ll spend the rest of my life makin’ it up to you if that’s what it takes.”

Buffy looked down at the ground contemplating. He seemed sincere. Buffy let a little sliver of hope in.

“We have to take this slow.”

Spike nodded. “Slow. Okay. I can do slow.” The truth was he didn’t know if he could. Just seeing her standing in front of him made his fingers itch to grab her and kiss her senseless, then drag her back to her bed, and shag her until they both couldn’t walk straight. But he would take this however she wanted him to.

“A date.”

“A date?”

“Yeah like normal people.”

Spike nodded. “I can do that pet. Just tell me when an’ where an’ I’ll be there.”

“I’m off Wednesday.”

Spike nodded. “I can do Wednesday.” He didn’t have a job anymore anyways. Besides, something told him he’d be spending a lot more time up here in LA.

“Pick me up here. Eight o’clock?”

“Sounds good, luv.” Spike knew he had to let her lead on this. She was too scared, too wary of him.

“Good night Spike.”

“G’night luv.”

Spike smiled to himself.

Yup, things were looking up.




A.N.: Reviews are appreciated. And again, Happy Holidays! Love you guys!!

The days coming up to Wednesday seemed to drag by for Spike. He couldn’t stop thinking about Buffy. It was Wednesday and Spike kept staring at the clock. It was still an hour before he could even leave to pick Buffy up for their date. He’d made reservations at a lovely, but cozy little Italian restaurant. Spike could feel his nerves getting to him already. It had been a long time since he’d been out on an actual date, and he didn’t want to mess this up. Because if he did he knew that he’d lose Buffy forever. She was skittish around him, and for good reason. He had left her to fend for herself for two years, when he’d promised her once that he’d always be there for her.

Spike rubbed the ring that had taken up residence around his neck since the day she had left it for him. He knew the contours of each word by heart. His fingers subconsciously sought it out every time that he’d thought about Buffy over the past two years. And that had been a lot.

Spike heard a knock on his apartment door. He’d since had to find a whole new flat, since the one he’d shared with Cecily was on the market.

Confused as to who it could be, Spike went to open the door, only to find Cecily staring at him from the other side.

“What the bloody hell do you want?”

Cecily wormed her way past him, into the apartment.

Spike scowled at her, but shut the door behind him.

“Nice place you got here.”

Spike scowled at her. “I know you’re not here to discuss m’ living arrangements. What do you want?”

“I wanted to congratulate you on a job well done at the trial. You won.”

Spike tried not to let his surprise show. There was no way that she had come over here just to congratulate him on his win. Knowing Cecily, she had a completely ulterior motive.

“You look nice. Going somewhere?”

“No. What do you want?”

“Oh just checking up on my favorite husband.”

“Ex-husband.” Spike corrected. “Now that you’ve checked up on me, you can leave.”

“I just want to know one thing. How did you change those medical records? Because I know they’re fake.”

Spike smiled at her smugly. “I didn’t have a thing to do with that.”

“So it was Buffy.”

Spike shrugged. “I’m not answerin’ either way.”

Cecily shrugged. “You know I’ll figure this out William. I’ll know how you did it, but I will make sure you pay for it.”

Spike rolled his eyes. “Get over yourself, you bloody bint. You’re just pissed off ‘cause I’m not you’re soddin’ lap dog anymore.”

Cecily huffed and turned to leave the apartment. But before she made it to the door, she stopped and turned around to look at Spike. “Oh and just to let Buffy know. Her friend Willow isn’t so friendly after all. The little birdie told me a secret.” Cecily chuckled and left Spike staring at the closed door.

* * *

Buffy paced her room, checking the clock for what seemed the fiftieth time. It was only two minutes past the time it was when she last looked. Buffy shuffled through her closet looking for the perfect dress to wear. Wait. Should she even wear a dress? Where was he taking her? What if she was to dressed up?

Faith chuckled at her from across the room, staring at her magazine. “I can see the gears turning in your head right now. And wear the dark red dress.”

Buffy turned around to look at Faith, biting her lip out of nervousness. “You think so?”

Faith nodded, looking up at her. “It’s hot.”

Buffy turned back around to pull the dress out of her closet and threw it on her bed. She didn’t want to put it on yet it would get all wrinkled. Buffy took several deep breaths trying to calm her nerves. Over the course of the day she had gotten increasingly more nervous as the day went on, and now that it was so close to the time that, the butterflies in her stomach seemed to be doing jumping jacks.

“I don’t know if this is a good idea. I mean, its been two years, what if I’m not what he’s expecting? And I can’t just jump back in bed with him, because that would make me even more confused than I already am, and I don’t know if I can handle being that confused. And what about-”

“Whoa, whoa, slow down, B. Everything will turn out fine.”

Buffy let out a breath. “I know I’ve just been waiting for this for so long…”

Faith nodded, and went over and hugged Buffy. “It’s okay. Everything will be fine. You’ve waited for this for a long time. And believe me you’ve passed up plenty hunks of salty goodness waiting for it. So stop worrying and get finished getting ready so you can knock his socks off. Kay?”

Buffy smiled. “What would I do with out you?”

“Wither and die probably.”

Buffy smiled. “Probably.”

Buffy hurried to go get ready for her date, finishing up in the bathroom when she heard a knock at the door.

“Don’t worry B, I got it!”

Faith opened the door to a very nervous Spike. Faith smiled at him ruthlessly. “Hello Spike. Buffy will be right out, she’s just finishing up.”

Spike nodded to Faith nervously, and entered. So Faith was Buffy’s roommate.

Faith stared at him as she shut the door behind them. “I just want you to know that if you hurt her again, I’ll cut your spleen out with a plastic spoon. Got it?”

Spike’s eyes widened slightly as he saw the menacing look on Faith’s face. “Don’t worry, pet, I don’t plan on hurtin’ her again, ever.”

Faith nodded, satisfied with his answer.

Spike’s eyes turned to the bathroom as Buffy stepped out and his breath caught in his throat. Her halter top, dark red dress fell just above her knees and flared out, swaying as she moved. Her long tan legs ended in strappy black heels that as soon as Spike saw them, his mind imagined them wrapped around his waist. Her long golden hair was perfectly curled to frame her face, nothing adorning it’s perfection.

Spike pulled out the bouquet of yellow tulips he had hidden behind his back. “These are for you luv,” Spike managed to get out.

Buffy smiled her hundred watt smile. “They’re beautiful.”

“Here, I’ll put them on water, you two crazy kids get outta here,” Faith said, taking the flowers from Buffy.

Buffy smiled at Faith and grabbed her clutch.

“Thanks.”

Spike led Buffy down to the parking lot and to his DeSoto.

“You still haven’t gotten rid of this hunk of junk?”

“Hey, don’t insult the car! ‘Sides she’s a classic beauty.”

Buffy just smirked at him as she got in the car. The inside did seem to have been refurbished. The leather seats looked new.

“Nice.”

Spike just smiled at her.

The drive to the restaurant was made in silence. Spike kept glancing over at Buffy, trying to gage her mood, but her face wasn’t telling him anything. What should he talk to her about? Should he avoid talking about the past, or should he come out and ask questions?

Meanwhile, Buffy was busy trying to calm her nervous stomach, but the butterflies had elevated from jumping jacks to flips flops. There was just no taming them. She hoped she wasn’t the only one that was nervous about this. Because she had some real fears. She’d changed in the two years since she’d seen Spike. She’d had to face reality even more than when her mom and Giles had died. She’d actually been alone while she was at school, and that had hardened her to the world, made her a little more weary of everything. She wasn’t the naïve little girl that she had been.

When they arrived at the restaurant, Spike hurried around to the passenger side to help Buffy out. Buffy graciously took his hand and let him lead her inside.

When the hostess led them to a table in the back, Buffy felt her stomach go into overdrive. Oh god, what was I thinking, I can’t do this, we’re gonna be practically alone!

Buffy swallowed convulsively and let Spike order a bottle of wine. Maybe a little alcohol would calm her nerves.

“So pet, have you picked a major yet?”

Buffy took a deep breath. She could do this. This was just Spike. She’d talked to him a million times about stuff like this. Except that was before. Before her whole life went to hell.

Buffy shook her head. “I’m still not sure what I’m going to do. I’m leaning towards art though.”

Spike smiled. “Like your mum, huh?”

Buffy nodded. “When she managed the art gallery she used to bring me in and have me help her unload shipments. As we were unloading the pieces she’d tell me about each piece and where it came from, and asked me what I thought it meant.”

“Do you like your professors?”

“They’re nice. Well except my Art History teacher, he’s actually pretty heinous. He started the class out telling everyone they were going to fail. Gave us a syllabus as long as my arm, and said he expected us to already know half of it.”

“You doin’ okay in there?”

Buffy smiled, her nerves starting to ease. “Only A in the class.”

Spike smirked. “That’s my girl.”

Buffy raised her eyebrow. “Your girl huh? Since when did I become your girl?” Buffy picked up her menu and pretended to be perusing it.

“You’ve always been my girl,” Spike said softly.

Buffy dropped her menu on the table, her ire rising. “Really? I was always your girl? Even when you were fucking us both?” Buffy didn’t have to say who the other person was for Spike to get it. “Because if I remember correctly you decided you’d rather have her.”

Spike’s jaw clenched, as he looked at her with stormy eyes. “I only did that once. After that it was only you.”

“Until I got conveniently shipped off to some school in the middle of nowhere.”

“I thought that was what you wanted. At the time I thought you hadn’t cared for me at all.”

Buffy huffed. “Well all you wanted me for was a fresh young piece of ass, so I guess we’re even.”

Spike’s mouth dropped open slightly. “Are you bloody daft?!”

“Look Spike, I’m not the same girl you saw two years ago. I’ve changed.”

“I can see that.” She was different. A little more world weary. She’d been taking care of herself for the past two years, bought her own car, held down a job, and went to school.

Buffy sighed. “I’m sorry okay? I’m just really nervous, and I didn’t mean to snap.”

Spike laid his hand lightly on top of hers, a slight shock going through him at the contact.

He understood, her being nervous. He was too. “You don’t have to be nervous pet. We’ll get these things worked out.”

Just then the waiter came to take their orders, and to fill the wine glasses sitting on the table.

Buffy wasn’t sure whether this was going to work or not. Half of her brain was telling her that she should just cut it short, and run now to avoid the inevitable heartache. Okay so it was more than half her brain, but Buffy refused to listen. She’d waited for this, daydreamed about it, wished it for two years, and now it was finally here. He was sitting in front of her, wanting to be with her. Maybe she couldn’t dive in head first, but she could sure dip her toes in the water to check out how it was.

Buffy took a sip of her wine. “We have to go slow.”

Spike nodded at her. “I can do slow.”

“Trust has to be built. On both sides.”

Spike nodded. Then he smiled. “I’ve missed you.”

“I’ve missed you too.” Oh god, how she had missed him.

“This isn’t gonna be easy pet.”

Buffy smiled softly. “It never was easy. I don’t expect it.”

“But I promise you it’ll be worth it luv.”

“I know.”

They sat in silence for a moment, contemplating the things each other had said, and the long road ahead.

When the waiter arrived with their food, each sat in a companionable silence, enjoying the first few bites.

“So pet, tell me about the last two years.”

“Well, lets see… what do you want to know?”

“UCLA?”

Buffy smiled. “Yeah. It’s a great. I really threw myself into my home work and other non-Buffy stuff while I was at St. Catherine’s, and then got a great score on my SAT’s. So all I had to do was apply. It really wasn’t that hard.”

Buffy’s knee brushed Spike underneath the table and she felt another shock course through her body. There was no denying the fact that her body was responding to him, just as it always was. The room suddenly felt a little warmer and the heat went right to the juncture between her thighs.

Buffy wondered briefly if he would always have this effect on her. She really hoped so.

“So enough about me,” Buffy chirped, trying to swerve her thoughts away from that dangerous path. No use going there yet since she'd decided not to stick her hand in the preverbial cookie jar. Because, confusing much?

Spike brightened and kept asking her questions, about the last two years, and in turn related some lawyer things he'd been working on.

By the time they check came, they were so engrossed in each other, they didn’t even notice. In fact they didn’t notice anything but each other until the manager poliitely informed them that they would be closing up for night.

Buffy looked at her watch, noticing that it was near midnight. “Oh wow, I guess we better go.”

Spike nodded and led her out to the car. After they got in, Buffy silently grabbed his hand, lacing her fingers through his, smiling her perfect smile.

Spike looked down at their enter twined hands.

He could do slow. He would wait as long as it takes, as long as he got to see her smile like that every day for the rest of their lives.

I love you
with every breath I take.
I feel you inside
Burning
Acid flowing through my veins
Fire smoldering on every surface.
It can be quenched by no other,
Like poisen but oh, so much sweeter
Hunger for you grows every second.
Sometimes you're so close I can taste you
I can feel you on my lips,
Feel your skin beneath my fingertips.
Your image burned behind closed eyes
Loving you is in my blood.

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*


Buffy got a sense of déjà vu as she tried uselessly to listen to her College Algebra professor. Who needed Algebra anyway? Buffy’s thoughts swirled around her date with Spike, and the small kiss they’d shared outside her dorm room. It had been nothing really, just lips brushing before Spike begged off, saying she needed to get her sleep for class the next day. Phone numbers had been exchanged, and that had been it.

He had since called to ask when he could see her next. Buffy had suggested they head to the beach on Saturday before she had to go to work. It was Friday now, and Buffy’s stomach was already doing flip flops.

Buffy was so lost in her thoughts she didn’t even notice when the her professor dismissed the class. When people started leaving Buffy was wrenched from her reverie. Buffy looked around wide eyed as the rest of the class filed out.

“Hey Buffy!”

Buffy looked up from where she was gathering her things and smiled when she saw who it was.

“Hey Wills, what are you up to?”

“Saw you didn’t come out and figured that I would see what you were doing.”

Buffy sighed. “Trying to pay attention.”

Willow frowned. “You’ve been really distracted lately Buff, what’s been up?”

Buffy’s eyebrows drew together. “It’s complicated, and I’m just not ready to talk about it okay?” For some reason, Buffy didn’t want to share with Willow her budding relationship with her ex-guardian. She didn’t think Willow would understand. Because if she told him about her relationship with him, she’d have to tell her about her earlier relationship with him. And she just wasn’t ready to go into that.

Willow nodded, as they walked towards the courtyard for some lunch.

“So Buffy, you want to do something tomorrow?”

Buffy worried her bottom lip with her teeth. “I’ve got plans.”

“Really? With who?” Willow’s eyes brightened. “It’s with that cute bouncer from the club isn’t it? Riley right?”

Buffy inwardly shuddered. Why Willow kept pushing her towards that big hulking piece of meat, Buffy had no idea. He was sweet, but about as interesting as banging your head against a brick wall.

“Oh god no.”

“Aww, Buffy why not? He’s sweet.”

“He’s just not my type okay?”

“Okay, Buff, but I think you should give him a chance. I can tell he really likes you.”

“I’ll think about it,” Buffy said, knowing that she’d do anything but. She had no interest in Riley, and never would. Buffy wanted to tell her to but out of her life, but knew that would just start a whole new set of problems she just didn’t want to deal with right now. Willow had a tendency to try and steer her where she didn’t want to go. Willow was with Oz so its like she felt obligated to make sure that Buffy wasn’t relegated to permanent third wheel status. The problem was, all the guys she’d pushed her towards were decidedly not Spike.

Buffy and Willow found a table at their favorite deli on campus, and sat down.

“So how’s Oz doing? I haven’t seen him around in a while," Buffy said, steering the conversation in a direction that was no herself.

“He’s been super crazy with his band and stuff. Oh and Xander wanted to come up next weekend and hang out.”

Buffy nodded. Xander had opted out of going to college and had instead stayed in Sunnydale and got a job in construction. They hadn’t hung out much during her last year at Sunnydale except during school hours. She hadn’t really kept in touch with him while she was at St. Catherine’s, but they’d reconnected after Buffy had gotten accepted to UCLA.

“That’s fine with me.”

Willow started talking about Oz’s band and where’d they be playing next weekend. Buffy tuned her out, her thoughts on things much… blonder…

* * *

“So are you sure these are legit?” Spike asked, talking into the phone.

Spike nodded as the person on the other end of the line confirmed everything in the folder Spike was currently leafing through.

“Did you start on the case I asked you ‘bout the other day? You said you’d have ‘em today, and that’s when I expected 'em. Good. I expect things to go smoothly then.” Spike hung up the phone and lit a cigarette, smirking as he did so.

Spike relaxed for the first time since Cecily visited him the other day. He had a few things in store for her. The folder contained surveillance pictures from the law firm, taken over two years ago. What he saw had made his blood boil, but there was nothing he could do right now. He had to let Buffy have them, and do what she would.

He’d thought Cecily had just gotten suspicious, but no, she’d been tipped off.

Spike shook his head, and went through his papers. There was still a lot to get finished before he talked to Buffy tomorrow.

* * *

Buffy sat anxiously on her bed, waiting for Spike to get there. She’d thrown on a denim skirt and tank over her bathing suit, and was trying to read one of Faith’s magazines she had laying around, but she couldn’t get her mind to wrap around what she was reading.

Buffy was nervous, but she was also, excited. Happily excited. Her thoughts had been going miles to minutes since their date, and she had finally decided that she was just going to let nature take it’s course. She was scared. More than scared. Terrified is more like it. But she still loved him. She’d done the alone thing. Two whole years of the alone thing, and that was even worse. So what would alone be like if she knew that she’d had a second chance and let him slip through her grasp because she’d run off scared?

Definitely worse than trying.

Buffy nearly jumped out of her skin when she heard the knock at the door. Smiling she jumped up and opened the door.

“Hey,” Buffy said, opening the door for him to enter.

Spike stepped in the door, a somber look on his face, and definitely not in beach attire.

“What’s with the doom and gloom?”

Spike sighed. “I really wished that there was another way to tell you this, but there isn’t. I just wanted to say that I’m sorry. I wish things hadn’t worked out this way.”

Buffy’s eyes filled with tears. He was breaking up with her? What happened? Was it Cecily had she found out?

“Spike, I don’t understand.”

“Here look at these,” Spike said, pushing a legal folder at her, that Buffy hadn’t seen until then. Buffy opened the folder.

Spike watched the play of emotions go across her face. First surprise, then confusion, then realization.

“These are of Willow, at, at, Cecily’s firm…”

“Yeah, pet.”

“Why would she…” Buffy started to ask, not believing what her mind was trying to tell her. It couldn’t be. Willow wouldn’t do that to her. Not ever. They’d known each other since 7th grade.

“I had a hunch that I followed up on. The firm keeps 24 hour surveillance, and I had someone check back a couple years to around before Cecily must have found out about us. Imagine my surprise when these came to me. I’m sorry pet, but I thought you should know.”

Buffy nodded, her mind completely numb. She sat down on the bed, not knowing if she could keep standing.

“How could she? Why would she?” Buffy asked, dumbfounded.

Spike sat down next to her on the bed. “I’ve no idea pet. Only she can tell you that. Maybe she thought it was for the best. Thought I was taken advantage of you or somethin.’ Although I gotta say we would’ve been found out sooner or later.”

Buffy nodded.

Spike knew this wouldn’t be easy. “Do you want anything?”

“Could you just… give me some time alone?” Buffy asked, a tear rolling down her cheek.

Spike reached out with his thumb and wiped it away. “Okay sweetheart, but if you need me I won’t be too far. Just give me a ring, yeah?”

Buffy nodded, her thoughts already a thousand miles away. She didn’t even notice when Spike got up and let himself out.

How could Willow do this to her? Why would she just go to Cecily without even talking to her about it first? She just assumed that Cecily had gotten suspicious and taken matters into her own hands. But apparently that wasn’t the case. Buffy looked at the photos in her hand again. The evidence was right here, and it all pointed glaringly at Willow.

Buffy let herself cry, let the tears pour down her cheeks. Her best friend had betrayed her. But as she looked at the photos for the third time, she felt herself getting angrier.

How could she?! Why?!

Buffy threw her shoes on, not bothering with fixing her ruined make-up and stormed over to Willow’s dorm, before she gave it a second thought, the photos clutched in her hands.

Buffy sincerely hoped that she was there, because Buffy to angry to let it go now. She’d hunt her down to any public place she was at, and make a scene. When Buffy got to Willow’s dorm room, she banged on the door as hard as she could and didn’t stop banging until Willow opened the door.

“Sheesh, what’s- oh Buffy, I thought you were-”

Before Willow could say anymore, Buffy’s hand lifted up and slapped her across the face, causing Willow’s head to thrust to the side. Willow’s hand moved up to cover her stinging cheek that was rapidly turning red.

“Buffy what was that for?”

“Oh don’t even start with me,” Buffy said, her voice full with undisguised malice. “I can’t believe you were butting into my life even then.”

“What do you mean?” Willow asked, confused.

“I mean this,” Buffy said flinging the pictures at her, causing them to fall all around her to the floor. When she leaned down to pick them up, recognition flit across her face.

“Oh Buffy it was for the best,” Willow said soothingly, trying to calm her down.

“For the best? For the BEST?! Are you that fucking delusional?!”

“Spike was taking advantage of you-”

“He was not taking advantage of me. What we had was very consensual on both sides. So don’t you pull that shit with me. I bet you didn’t even have proof that anything was going on, did you? Because you couldn’t have. You got some fucking nerve you know that? I loved him. Love him. I love him. And you know what? It’s Spike, that’s who I’m seeing today. I’m seeing him, and I will be seeing him and there’s nothing you or anyone can do about it. Don‘t even try and get in my way this time Willow, or I swear to god…” Buffy left the threat hanging.

Willow stared at her dumbfounded. “Buffy I’m so sorry-”

Buffy held her hand up. “Don’t even try and apologize. I’m not ready, and I don’t know when I will be.”

Willow nodded, tears spilling down her cheeks.

Buffy continued glaring at her, not moved in the slightest by her tears. “Don’t come near me. At least for a while. I’ll talk to you when I’m ready.”

Buffy walked away, her anger finally deflating. There was nothing she could do now, the damage had already been done long ago. She couldn’t change the past, and maybe she didn’t want to.

Sure things hadn’t been stellar for her thus far, but she’d gotten out on her own, lived life by herself, and saw how it was. And now that she did, she knew more than ever what she wanted.

Buffy practically ran back to her room and called Spike to come back over.

When he got there, Buffy leaped into his arms and hugged him fiercely, letting her face rest on his chest. His arms reached up and enveloped her, holding her close to him. Buffy inhaled his scent, reveling in it. She’d always loved that about him. It was always the same. Cigarettes, cologne and the faint smell of leather. It was comforting, and welcoming.

Buffy stood back and looked at him. He looked better than he did when she’d seen him again for the first time. He looked like he’d put some weight back on, and his eyes weren’t as bloodshot, or underlined with dark circles.

“Thank you.”

“For what pet?”

“For being there. For going away so I could go slap Willow.”

Spike’s eyebrows shot up. “You slapped her?”

Buffy smirked. “She totally deserved it.”

Spike smiled at her. “That she did pet. That she did.”

“This thing between us…” Buffy started.

Spike looked down at the ground, then glanced back up at her face before looking down at the ground again. “Yeah pet?”

“There’s just so much to work through. Trust has to be built again, on both sides. We have to learn if we’re even the same people we were. If we can fit in each other’s lives. It’s a long and important process and… Can we just skip it?”

Spike looked up hopeful.

“Can you just be kissing me now?”

“Can you just be kissing me now?”

Spike looked at her dumbfounded. “Are you sure luv?”

Buffy nodded her head vigorously. “I’ve never been more sure of anything in my life.”

Spike grabbed her and crushed her lips to his in the kiss he’d been dying to give her since the day he saw her walk into the courtroom. Spike poured out every emotion into the kiss, pulling away only when it was necessary that they actually breath.

Buffy panted, her chest heaving, and her cheeks red. She reached for Spike, and pulled him down him into another bone melting kiss.

Spike broke away from her mouth to trail kisses down her jaw and neck, then farther as he feathered them lightly over her collar bone. Buffy moaned, and threaded her fingers through the hair at the back of his neck.

Spike’s hands roamed, running down her arms, brushing the swell of her breasts, dropping lower to sneak beneath her tank and run his fingers lightly over her taunt stomach. Spike felt Buffy shiver, and he stood back and pulled her tank over her head, barely even registering the flush of her cheeks as he let his eyes roam over the tanned skin he’d dreamed about every night for the past two years.

“God Buffy, you’re so beautiful,” Spike mumbled, barely loud enough for Buffy to even notice. He ran his fingers over the swell of her breast, brushing his fingers over her swim suit covered nipple. Spike smirked when Buffy let out a breathy little sigh at the contact. Spike untied the top of her swimsuit, letting it fall down to reveal her perfectly shaped globes.

Buffy untied the back string and let it fall to the floor, and then reached over to un-tuck Spike’s shirt from his jeans. “Someone is wearing entirely to many clothes mister.”

Spike chuckled then pulled the shirt over his head, throwing it somewhere over his shoulder.

Buffy gasped at the sight of his very muscled chest, and washboard abs. She didn’t think she could ever get tired of looking at it. Buffy reached for his belt buckle so she could see the rest, when Spike stopped her.

Buffy looked up, pouting.

“No need to take this fast kitten.”

Buffy’s lip stuck out farther. “But… to many clothes.”

“Oh look at that lip. Gonna get it…” Spike sucked her lip into his mouth. His hand reached up to palm a breast, then let his fingers dance across the nipple until it was hard and angry. He did the same to the other, leaving Buffy panting for more.

He slowly led her to the bed, laying her down on it and leaning down to remove his boots. He laid down next to her, his fingers deftly unsnapping her shorts and pulling them down her legs, leaving her clad in only her bikini bottoms. Those joined the growing pile of clothes on the floor. Spike felt like he couldn’t breath. Here she was, laid out before him like a goddess, waiting for him. He’d waited two years for this, and now here they were together again.

Finally, Spike thought ruefully.

Spike’s fingers strayed down to the soft thatch of curls at the apex of her sex, and let one fingers lip past her delicate lips, slowly dancing but not entering.

Buffy arched into his finger, trying for more. The soft subtle contact was slowly driving her insane. He’d barely touched her and she knew she was dripping wet, just from anticipation.

Spike slowly let his finger slip inside, surprised at how she strangled his finger. He couldn’t wait to slip his cock in, and feel her pussy walls enveloping him. Spike slid down her body until his face was level with her pussy, and started dropping soft kisses across her pelvis, his finger still slowly moving inside her. He traveled down to her clit, and placed a tentative lick. She tasted just like he remembered, like honey and sunshine. Spike chuckled when her hips lifted off the bed, trying desperately to get him to continue.

“Please, Spike, can’t take much more,” Buffy said, her hands fisting the covers beneath her. She didn’t think she could tolerate much more of this exquisite torture.

Spike nodded, and latched onto her clit, sucking it into his mouth, while curling his finger upward to find the spongy bundle of nerves he knew was hiding there, rubbing it vigorously. There wasn’t time to make this last, although later he’d have to

Buffy’s head thrashed violently on the bed, and she knew she wasn’t going to last long. Just looking down and seeing his head positioned between her thighs was almost enough to get off on. But the way his finger was moving and the way his tongue hit her clit just so as he sucked it into his mouth, made her explode almost to quickly.

Buffy slumped back to the bed like a limp noodle. She looked down at Spike, resting his face on her thigh, watching her.

“Get up here mister.” Buffy hauled him up to her, crushing her mouth to his, the taste of her juices on his tongue only making her more excited. She reached to his belt buckled, determined to undo it this time. She pushed the jeans down as far as her arms could reach then pushed them the rest of the way down with her feet. She felt his erection brush against her thigh as she unconsciously thrust up against him, earning a groan from Spike. She reached between them and grasped his cock in her hand, barely able to wrap her fingers all the way around it. She gave a few experimental tugs, before she positioned him at her opening.

She looked up into his eyes, and saw her own emotions reflected back. Fear, anxiety, awe, and maybe… love? They both knew this would change everything. There was no going back, no just dating after this. There wouldn’t be any of that.

Buffy nodded, and Spike slowly pushed into her, his eyes nearly crossing at how tight she was. She was damn near virginal. Spike seated himself all the way in and stopped, trying to keep from coming.

“God Buffy, feel so good, so tight,” Spike said against her neck.

Buffy moaned at the delightful feeling of being stretched and filled. She could feel a little pain, but that was pushed to the back of her mind.

Spike pulled nearly all the way out and then thrust back in, thrilled when Buffy’s hips came up to meet his. He kept the same rhythm, slowly pulling all the way out before thrusting back in, prolonging the intense sensations.

Buffy felt like she was exploding from the inside out. She could already feel that familiar warm feeling in her belly that indicated she was close, but she didn’t care. Her hips went up to meet his, and her hands went around to his ass, trying to get him to speed up. All she cared about were the sensations spilling through her, she wanted this to last forever. Nonsense words spilled out of her mouth, but she didn’t notice.

“God yes, Spike, oh god, don’t stop, never stop, Spike, yesyesyesyes…”

Spike complied to her silent wishes and thrust into her faster, feeling her walls starting to quiver around him. Spike bit lightly on her neck and tweaked her nipples with one of his hands, sending bolts of pleasure straight to her pussy, as her walls clamped around his cock.

Lights exploded behind Buffy’s eyes, and she shouted out. “God yes Spike! Love you! Love you so much!”

Spike came immediately coating her walls with his cum. He looked up at her wondering if she even noticed she’d said it. The sheepish look on her face said it all.

“Buffy do… do you mean it?”

Buffy looked at him dumbfounded. “Of course I mean it! That’s not exactly how I planned on telling you, I wanted it to be special and for everything to be right, and that was stupid, and I’m sorry-”

Spike shut her up with a kiss. As far as kisses go, it wasn’t spectacular or mind-blowing, but he poured every ounce of love he possessed in his body into it, and Buffy felt it.

Spike pulled away, his forehead resting against hers, still buried deep inside her. “Been waitin’ so long to hear you say that luv. To bloody long. I love you so much Buffy.”

“Seriously?” Buffy asked, still a little scared even though she could see it in his eyes.

“As a bloody heart attack luv.”

Spike pulled out of her, and situated them so she was resting her head on his chest and pulled the covers over their naked bodies. Buffy sighed contentedly as her fingers traced patterns on his chest. “This is just about perfect.”

“Just about huh?” Spike asked teasingly.

“Yeah we could’ve been in a luxury suite at the Hilton.”

Spike chuckled. “God I love you.”

“Mmmm,” Buffy mumbled. “Love you too.”

“When do you have to be at work luv?”

“Not ’til nine.”

Spike eyed the clock. “Take a nap, I’ll wake you luv.”

Buffy nodded, and snuggled closer, feeling completely safe.

Her last thought as she drifted off to sleep was, I’m never letting this go.

Spike pulled Buffy into the courtroom and took a seat at the back. Spike looked over at Buffy’s confused face and smiled with barely controlled glee. She was in for the biggest surprise of her life. Spike could barely contain himself, he was so excited.

Wesley slid into the seat beside him, holding his briefcase. He had since quit Addams & Goldstern, and him and Wesley had decided to go into their own private practice. They both loved the idea of getting out from underneath the corporate fist after all these years.

“No sign yet?” Wesley whispered beside him.

“No not yet,” Spike said.

“I wish you guys would tell me what the hell is going on,” Buffy said pouting.

“You’ll see soon enough pet.” Spike felt like he was going to burst with barely contained energy.

Buffy huffed and folded her arms across her chest. “You drag me all the way back to Sunnydale, in the middle of one of my favorite classes no less, and won’t even tell me what it’s for.”

Spike turned to face her. “Believe me pet, you wouldn’t miss this for the world.”

And he was not mistaken. “All rise for Honorable Judge Maggie Walsh.”

Spike pulled Buffy to her feet, and sat her down when the judge ordered everyone to be seated and looked at the bailiff. “Forrest, please bring in the first one.”

Buffy’s eyes widened and a small gasp escaped her mouth as none other than Cecily Addams, and her father, Herbert Addams, were brought into the court room, the bailiff by their side. They both looked sweaty and their thousand dollar suit, disheveled.

“Well, well, well. Who do I have here?” Judge Walsh said.

Spike watched Anya swagger up to the podium designated for the prosecutor. She looked a might miffed.

Judge Walsh smirked at them maliciously, and went on to read the charges. “Quite the laundry list here. Grand larceny, bribery, fraud. And one more for Ms. Addams for Obstruction of justice. What do you plead?”

“They plead not guilty your honor,” their lawyer, Alfred Goldstern, said beside them.

“Bail Ms. Jenkins?”

“We ask remand your honor. They were both caught fleeing our jurisdiction, and they not only have countless amounts of money on hand, but their law firm Addams and Goldstern has a company plane that they can escape on.”

The judge nodded. “Remand,” and brought down her gavel. “Next.”

Both Herbert and Cecily were shuffled from the courtroom without a second thought.

Buffy turned to look at Spike, who was watching her reaction with a wide smile. Her face broke out in a smile and she hugged him fiercely. “What the hell did they do?”

Spike threaded his hands through her hair. “Embezzled a bunch of money from the law firm. They were also bribing court officials to get their cases with a certain judge, and were paying her off for her leniency on certain cases.”

Buffy shook her head. “Bitch is finally getting what she deserves.”

* * *


“I don’t know why I have to wear this thing,” Buffy complained, reaching up to adjust the blindfold around her eyes.

“Don’t want you peekin’ is why,” Spike practically growled. “Now leave it alone.”

Buffy huffed, and crossed her arms, her bottom lip coming out in a pout. Spike loved that bottom lip. It was very tempting to just lean over and take it between his teeth, but he was driving. Driving, focus on the driving.

After a few minutes, Buffy felt the car slow down and pull over.

“Can I take this off yet?”

“Not yet.”

Buffy scowled in his general direction as she heard him open his car door. Showed him for making her wear this stupid thing around her eyes. Buffy had half a mind to rip it away, but she knew he would be really disappointed if she saw his surprise before he wanted her to.

Buffy heard her car door open, and a hand rested on her elbow, slowly guiding her out of the car.

“Easy now, pet, wouldn’t want to trip, would ya?”

Buffy rolled her eyes beneath the blind fold, but didn’t say anything.

Spike situated her so she was facing where he wanted her. “You ready pet?”

Buffy nodded her head.

“Do you have any idea?”

“A car?” Buffy asked hopefully.

“No.”

“A pony?”

Spike chuckled. “Nope.”

“Well if you would take this damn thing off me, I’d know, now wouldn’t I?” Buffy asked, crossing her arms.

“Alright luv.” Spike reached up and pulled the blindfold from her eyes.

Buffy’s face went from confusion to shock to awe as she stared at the modest two story Victorian in front of her, with a big red bow on the front door.

“Is… is… this…”

“I know it’s not much, and we can get a bigger on later if you want, or if you don’t like it we can find somethin’ else-”

Buffy jumped into his arms, her legs immediately wrapping around his waist as she peppered his face with kisses.

“How did you do this? You’re just starting your new business with Wesley…”

Spike shrugged. “Turns out Gunn knows a few people in the real estate business. He was able to pull a few strings for me. You wanna see it?”

Buffy’s feet dropped to the ground as she nodded eagerly. Spike grabbed her hand and pulled her into the house. “A few things need fixin’ before we can move in, but I want you to pick out colors and such, and do whatever you want with everythin’, okay?”

Buffy nodded, ecstatic that he would do this for them. For the both of them.

Spike showed her each room of the house, Buffy getting ideas with what she wanted to do with each one.

“So is this our room?” Buffy asked, when they reached the last room, which also happened to be the master bedroom.

“Yeah pet, this is our room.”

Buffy smirked, and then jumped on him. “Good we can break it in then.”

* * *

3 Months Later

Buffy followed behind Spike as he led her down the same trail he’d led her down nearly three years before. At least this time it was warmer.

After the slow leisurely walk down to the clearing, Buffy spread their blanket out and put the basket of goodies she’d brought with them down next to it. “You ready to eat?”

“Starvin’ luv, what’d ya bring?” Buffy smiled as she pulled out strawberries and the champagne she’d plucked from its place in the back of the cabinet, reserved for special occasions.

Spike frowned, “What did you bring that for luv?”

Buffy shrugged. “Actually getting to spend some free time with you. With your firm now up and running, and me trying to sell my paintings. I thought we could splurge a little.”

Spike smiled. “Of course luv.”

Spike pulled her against his chest, and relaxed as they watched the sun set. Buffy felt Spike’s body tense under hers.

“Is something wrong?”

Spike shook his head. “You know Buffy we’ve been through a lot since we’ve been together. The time I’ve spent with you has been the happiest ‘f my life. I don’t rightly know what I’d do without you pet. I can’t promise that everythin’ will be perfect, or that we’ll never fight. But I can promise that I’ll do my best to make you happy.”

Buffy turned her head to look up and him, a confused look on her face.

Spike pulled a small velvet box from his pocket and opened it, presenting a fiery princess cut diamond nestled inside.

“Buffy Summers, will you do me the honor of being my wife?”

Tears sprang to Buffy’s eyes and she tried mightily to blink them away. “Oh Spike, I don’t know what to say.”

“Just say yes and make me the happiest man on earth.”

“Oh god Spike, of course it’s yes!”

Buffy grabbed him and pulled him down for a bone melting, kiss, pulling away only when she felt the need pressing need to breath. “I love you so much.”

Spike smiled a slow lazy smile. “I love you too kitten.”

Buffy held out her left hand. “Put it on me?”

Spike slipped it onto the appropriate finger, and then leaned down to give her another kiss, which escalated quickly.

Spike pulled away, panting. “Luv, unless you fancy doin’ it right here on this blanket, I suggest you slow down.”

Buffy grinned maliciously. “And who says I don’t want to?”

Spike leered at her, and snaked his hand up her shirt, to find she wasn’t wearing a bra. Spike smiled appreciatively as he flicked her nipple with his thumb, causing it rise, and ringing a low moan from her. Buffy reached down and tore the shirt off over her head, already needing to feel him inside her again.

“Slow later. Want you now.”

There wasn’t much Spike could say to argue with that, so he helped Buffy shed his clothes, then the rest of hers. He laid her out in the fading sunlight, the golden hues playing across her skin.

“You’re so beautiful, Buffy,” Spike said, his voice choked with emotion.

“So are you.”

Spike had long ago given up the argument that he was beautiful especially when he’d heard her explanation.

“I’m not bleedin’, beautiful. Guys can’t be beautiful Buffy.”

“You are beautiful. Not in just the way you look. In the way you touch me, how your fingers dance across my skin. And the way your eyes look at me, like I‘m the best thing that has ever happened to you. In the way you love me. That’s beautiful. You‘re beautiful.”

There wasn’t much he could say to argue with that.

Spike stroked her folds that were already moist and waiting for him, like they always were. Spike guided himself inside her and pushed in to the hilt.

“God Buffy, feel so good.”

Spike set a steady rhythm, loving her with his body, laying kisses over her face and neck, his hands roaming over her body, and finally finding her hands and intertwining them together.

“Love you so much, Spike. Can’t live without you. Need you, need you so much.” Buffy thrashed her head slightly from side to side, feeling her orgasm nearing.

Spike’s thrusts slowly got faster as he neared his release. He could feel Buffy’s walls start to shutter as he leaned down and whispered in her ear. “That’s it baby, let it go, cum for me.”

Spike felt Buffy’s walls clamp down, strangling his cock. He thrust in once, twice more, and spilled himself inside her. Spike pulled out, immediately feeling bereft, and rolled them so she was positioned in the crook of his arm.

Spike sighed, and pulled her closer. “You’re bleedin’ perfect luv.”

Buffy shrugged. “Yeah I know.”

Spike leaned over and tickled her, her giggles echoing through the clearing.



A.N.: Have I told you lately how awesome you guys are? I mean really really awesome? Cause you are. Sorry for the late update, but I sprained my wrist, and I haven't wanted to do anything remotely like moving it.

Anyways... Just the Epilogue to go, which I'm going to post tomorrow night. I could drag this fic out a little more, but I'm not going to. I'm sad to see this go, but I'm ready to devote my attention to my new fics. Even though the update will be up tomorrow, I'd LOVE it if you guys would leave a review for this chapter. Thanks ya'll.